This crime takes the cake. Wichita, Kansas police say whoever stole a Little Debbie delivery truck left a trail of empty boxes and snack cake wrappers after abandoning the vehicle. The truck was taken from outside a Walmart store. The vehicle was driven into a shallow canal – but not before the thieves apparently pulled out some of the thousands of dollars worth of Little Debbie snacks. Police are still looking for the thieves. ***MARLAR: Their first stop to look for the thieves… Weight Watchers.
The FBI says it has made an arrest in an Oregon bank robbery after Ryan Homsley posted a claim of responsibility on Facebook. A posting on Homsley’s Facebook page said “im doing this to pay for my medical expenses. … live for today!” His brother has said Homsley has a serious drug problem and is a diabetic. He was dubbed the “Where’s Waldo” bandit, based on his appearance in surveillance photos. ***MARLAR: Apparently Waldo is a lot smarter though, because he never went to his Facebook profile and posted, “Hey, look – I’m over here!”
A man in northeastern Brazil is recovering after surgeons removed a 4-inch (10-centimeter) blade that had been stuck in his head for three years following a bar fight. Edeilson Nascimento, a 29-year-old tire repairman, tells reporters he is feeling great after the three-hour surgery. Nascimento says he got into a bar fight in 2007 and was attacked by assailants when he returned home. At the time, doctors only removed the knife handle, fearing that pulling the blade from his head would cause brain damage. But three years of intense headaches led Nascimento to take a chance on the surgery. ***MARLAR: The man said his greatest surprise is finding out that even after removing the knife from his brain, going through airport security is still the same headache.
HEADLINE: Number of fat people in US to grow, report says. ***MARLAR: Gee, that’s kinda of insensitive.
The National Zoo’s popular panda cub Tai Shan (ty shawn) will be sticking around for a while. The Chinese government is allowing the panda to stay an additional two years at the Smithsonian Institution park with his parents. The ambassador even presented the zoo with a giant green laminated passport to extend Tai Shan’s stay. ***MARLAR: Yep – even foreign Pandas need a green card.
British scientists have found a new fat gene, but they have no idea what it does. This gene is called “FTO” and researchers say people who have two copies of a variation of the gene are, on average, seven pounds heavier than people who don’t have it. Still, while other genes are thought to be involved with appetite or calorie burning, researchers don’t know how this new gene works. ***MARLAR: That’s easy – if people with this gene are seven pounds heavier, the gene must weigh seven pounds!
Greg Jaqua is an Elvis impersonator. He’s also an ordained minister who performs weddings in Detroit as Elvis Presley. Jaqua says he started doing weddings last year when he heard about a couple who wanted an Elvis-themed wedding is Vegas but couldn’t afford the trip. He’s done three Elvis weddings so far. ***MARLAR: And, as a minister, he’s preaching next week, telling the life of Christ using Elvis’ songs, including, “My Way,” “Love Me Tender,” and “Don’t Be Cruel.”
Just as women always suspected, men really do have “selective hearing.” A communications professor at the University of California-Davis found that when a woman says something to a man, he interprets it to mean what it would mean if he said it. For instance, when the woman says, “It’s getting late,” men hear, “It’s time to speed things up.” To prevent confusion, the professor advises women to be more direct and blunt in their phrasing, and men to ask more questions. ***MARLAR: I hear that as meaning, “Men should stop and ask directions, like a little girl.”