Darren’s Daily Dose of Weird News – September 02, 2010

Fish, shrimp and other catches from the Gulf of Mexico are being ground up to hunt for minute traces of oil in what’s considered unprecedented safety testing – sort of a “CSI” for seafood that’s far more reassuring than the sniff test that made all the headlines.  ***MARLAR: Can we really trust David Caruso to decide what’s right for America?  He couldn’t even be trusted to decide what was right for his own career.

Back to school supplies have new items on their lists!- 1st graders in Moody, Ala., had the following on their list: two double rolls of paper towels, three packages of Clorox wipes, three boxes of baby wipes, two boxes of garbage bags, liquid soap, Kleenex and Ziplocs. Schools across the country are beginning the new school year with shrinking budgets and outsize demands for basic supplies.   On the list for pre-kindergartners at McClendon Elementary in Nevada, Tex.: a package of cotton balls, two containers of facial tissue, rolls of paper towels, sheaves of manila and construction paper, and a package of paper sandwich bags. And at Pauoa Elementary School in Honolulu, every student must show up with a four-pack of toilet paper.  ***MARLAR: If you don’t bring toilet paper you can still use the bathroom though… you’re just not allowed to wipe.

An unidentified speed-demon is going to pay the price for his 180 mile-per-hour cruise through Switzerland; he was arrested after a police chase and may now face a $835,000 fine. That’s not a typo.   Swiss police have also impounded his car and relieved him of his driver’s license.   Switzerland has highway laws that determine speeding fines based on two factors: the driver’s speed, and their income.   Police have not identified the man, apart from saying he is a Swedish national, nor revealed his stated income, but they did give him credit where credit is due: a police spokesperson said, “We have no record of anyone being caught traveling faster in the country.”.  ***MARLAR: At 180mph, I’m surprised he was caught in the first place.

A judge has denied a Pittsburgh-area man’s petition to legally change his name to Boomer the Dog.  Forty-four-year-old Green Tree resident Gary Guy Mathews says he filed for the name change in June because he’s a fan of a short-lived 1980s NBC television series called “Here’s Boomer,” which featured a dog that rescued people.  Judge Ronald Folino denied the request late saying the name could confuse an emergency dispatcher during a crisis.  ***MARLAR: So Mr. Matthews bit him.

Ricky Ellison was driving his tractor-trailer down Interstate 70 in Pennsylvania, when his rig veered into the median while on a curve. The impact caused his cargo — 1,000 bottles of “Downy” fabric softener to spill all over the road. The spill caused traffic to be backed up for 11 miles and it took workers 5 hours to hose off the bright blue liquid off the highway.  ***MARLAR: On the upside, the road now smells April Fresh, soft to the touch, and is completely static free.

Scientists at the University of Tokyo have invented a pair of glasses that they say will end the problem of “senior moments,” when you mislay your car keys, iPod, purse, cell phone and other things. Smart Goggles have a built-in camera, computer and display screen. You put them on, and wander around looking at various things you might want to find later and saying the names out loud. Later, when you can’t find, say, your keys, you just say, “Keys,” and the glasses recall the last time they saw them and show you where they were.  ***MARLAR: Okay, what happens when you can’t remember where you put your glasses?

Are you ready for some Fantasy Football?  You might be — but your boss might like to call you for a penalty for wasting the company’s time. The employment consulting firm Challenger, Gray and Christmas estimates companies lose up to 435 million dollars a week because of workers distracted by their virtual teams. ***MARLAR: Of course, keeping people from playing at the office is also a fantasy.

Are you hot?  If you don’t rate an eight on the hottie scale, you won’t make it on to the Hot Enough-dot-org Web site.  Co-founder Jason Pellegrino says other Internet dating sites just don’t have enough hotties. Prospective hot guys and gals must submit three pictures, including one full-body shot. Their hot-ness rating is assigned by registered members of Hot Enough.  Pellegrino, who says he rates an eight-point-two, says that once you’re in you’re part of the party. The New Jersey businessman says at first only about eight percent of applicants made it.  Now, it’s about 25 percent. Even if you are hot enough, you still have to pay about ten dollars a month to e-mail other hotties.  ***MARLAR: Would you really want to date only people who are so shallow that you have to be rated as a “hottie” before they’ll even speak to you?

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