o Today is TURN A CARTWHEEL IN PUBLIC DAY. ***MARLAR: My boss already did when I told him earlier that I was tendering my resignation. When I told him I was just joking he stopped the cartwheels and became a sourpuss again.
o Today is NATIONAL FEEL THE LOVE DAY. ***MARLAR: You pansy.
o Today is NEITHER SNOW NOR RAIN DAY. ***MARLAR: Which either has something to do with the U.S. Postal Service deliverymen, or the expected weather here heading into Fall.
o Today is GOOGLE COMMEMORATION DAY. ***MARLAR: Ironically, I wasn’t exactly sure how to spell “Commemoration” so I had to Google it.
o This is INTERNATIONAL HOUSEKEEPERS WEEK (September 4-10). ***MARLAR: Which reminds me of how I never received my allowance when I was a kid. My parents added an “addendum” and whenever I left something out that my mom had to pick up for me, a quarter was deducted from my five-dollar-a-week allowance. She had to pick up my shirt off the floor? Twenty-five cents. GI Joe doll left out of the toy box? Twenty-five cents. A pair of underwear – fifty cents, because underwear is considered a pair.
Forget banning chocolate, chips and bad-for-you snacks from your cupboards when you’re trying to eat better. A recent study says that keeping junk food around may actually help people maintain self-control. Researchers argue that putting tempting treats directly in front of you will help you better control your desire for them. People feel empowered knowing that they’ve successfully resisted a food, versus just feeling like they’re depriving themselves. ***MARLAR: I dunno… when the Cheetos are in the house I can’t help but eat the whole bag. That can’t be good for the diet.
Sorry Russia — you’ve just been named the country with the world’s worst tourists! The survey was done by the web site “Real Holiday Reports” and completed by more than 1,000 of our British friends who vacationed abroad this summer in Spain, France, Cyprus, Malta, Italy, Turkey, Greece and Portugal. A whopping one third gave the pesky Russians– now dubbed “the new Germans”–the thumbs down. Germany had held the title for several years. According to the poll Russians are notorious for hogging those precious sun-loungers around the pool, eat “almost everything” at all-inclusive vacation spots, belch in public, and dress like obnoxious teenagers. (Ananova) ***MARLAR: Sounds like the perfect vacation to me!
An unnamed police officer in Minneapolis is being investigated for his bad habit of breaking into the Como Zoo so he can feed Pop-Tarts to the gorillas. Three gorillas, Schroeder, Gordy and Togo, were all fed the Kellogg’s breakfast food. Security guards spotted the officer on surveillance cameras. The zoo says the animals have not suffered any ill effects from the experience, but have never eaten the sugary treat before. (Ananova) ***MARLAR: And I understand the chimpanzees are cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs.
In Niceville, Florida, a woman has been arrested after attacking another woman who was smoking a cigarette. And the attacker’s weapon of choice — a 9 ounce can of Glade Potpourri Air Freshener. Police were called to an apartment complex where they found the suspect spraying the air freshener around another woman’s head. She allegedly sprayed the contents of the can continuously for nearly a minute. The police report quoted the sprayer as saying she’ll continue to spray the air freshener and threatened she’d take the case all the way to the Supreme Court, maintaining her right to breathe fresh air. In the meantime, she now faces battery charges. (Northwest Florida Daily News) ***MARLAR: Stories don’t get much better than this. A woman is charged with battery for using air freshener, and takes place in NICEVILLE, Florida.
Listen up Bigfoot believers — 27-year-old Piotr Kowalski is the latest to join your club. He says he filmed the “monstrous, hairy creature” — known as a Yeti, or “Abominable Snowman”– while walking in Poland’s Tatra Mountains. Piotr was busy taping a wild mountain goat when the giant creature ran into the frame. He said, “I saw this huge ape-like form hiding behind the rocks. When I saw it, it was like being struck by a thunderbolt. I never really believed the local stories of a wild mountain ape-man. But now I do.” The Nautilus Foundation in Warsaw, which probes unexplained phenomena, now has the film and is examining it. President Robert Bernatowicz said, “It shows something that moves on two legs and is bigger than a normal man, but because the camera shakes so much it is difficult to say what it is. We plan to go to the site and see what traces, if any, are left.” (The Sun) ***MARLAR: If you do find the Abominable Snowman, you’ll know he’s the real thing if he offers to make you snow cones.
A lightning bolt embodies as much as 30,000 amps of electricity, reaches a temperature of 54,000 F., give or take a few degrees, and may be anywhere from 300 yards to 4 miles long. ***MARLAR: That’s a huge charge – almost as much as what you’re charged to fill your gas tank.
There’s such a worldwide shortage of trained butlers that a good one can now command up to $500,000 a year. ***MARLAR: Unless you work for Paris Hilton… at which point you are WAY underpaid.