DARREN’S DAILY DOSE OF WEIRD NEWS…

darrensdailydoseofnews12A new study estimates 30 out of every (m) million 100-dollar bills is a fake. So to overcome those increasingly creative counterfeiters, the National Research Council has some suggestions.  They’re calling on the government to use plastic for low-denomination notes. They also recommend using complex starburst patterns that copiers can’t reproduce.  Other ideas include using inks that change color according to temperature, and varying the feel of the paper or other material that notes are printed on.  The Council’s report warns that within ten years, even low-skill amateurs will be able to duplicate almost any two-dimensional image.  ***MARLAR: Just like Hollywood!

A new study says garlic stinks at reducing cholesterol.  Almost 200 adults given the equivalent of an average clove of garlic a day, six days a week for six months, saw no reduction in their cholesterol level.  ***MARLAR: But garlic-eaters did see a massive reduction in their number of friends.

Ed O’Neill admits he’s the lucky idiot. He’s claimed an 800-thousand dollar Powerball jackpot, after a co-worker told him about some idiot who hadn’t turned in the winning ticket. O’Neill says the woman’s comment prompted him to check his lottery numbers. Then the Clinton Chamber of Commerce employee and his wife presented their winning ticket at Iowa lottery headquarters. O’Neill says when he told his wife they were winners, she thought he was kidding. Now, they’ll be getting a check for more than a-half (m) million dollars, after taxes.  ***MARLAR: It’s true… ignorance is bliss!

“Rent-a-Wife” Dawn Haney says there’s nothing dirty about her cleaning service. The Grants Pass, Oregon, woman does those chores single guys can’t or won’t do for themselves. The “Rent-a-Wife” will take care of everything from the laundry to hosting a party. She says she’s not interested in cleaning for women, either. Haney says she likes working for single men because females are too picky.  ***MARLAR: While men are just happy to be informed that their apartment has carpeting.

Can’t get illegals to help out? How about criminals instead? Colorado farmers are complaining the crackdown on illegal immigrants has left them short-handed in the fields.  So, state officials are considering a proposal to allow prison inmates to pick crops. Officials of the Colorado Department of Corrections say the details still need to be worked out, but a pilot program will likely begin by the time the growing season starts in the spring. Prison officials say aside from giving farmers a hand, the program could also teach the inmates new skills.  ***MARLAR: There was a huge interest from the inmates until they were informed they would be picking CROPS… not LOCKS.

At the Consumer Electronics Show in Vegas, someone introduced a handheld gadget called Accufat that tells you how much fat is in your body.  ***MARLAR: I already have a handheld gadget that tells people I’m fat – it’s called a remote control.

The western Japanese city of Kobe has been invaded by rampaging wild boars. ***MARLAR: I didn’t know Regis & Kelly had moved their show to Japan.

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