December 02, 2016: Friday ONAIRprep

***DAILY DOSE OF WEIRD NEWS – FREE TO AIR! (Need to receive this earlier than when it’s posted? Get FTP access and receive a fully-produced version FREE with a customized tag specifically for your station or show! Contact me with your ONAIRprep username for details!)

AND NOW… ON WITH THE SHOW!

PRINTER FRIENDLY VERSION: 20161202

WELCOME TO THE SHOW!

Went out Black Friday shopping… ended up with a Black And Blue Saturday.

Christmas is coming fast, best we call the ACLU to see what decorations we can use this year. 1-800-BAH-HUMBUG.

BIBLE VERSE OF THE DAY

“I, even I, am the one who wipes out your transgressions for My own sake, and I will not remember your sins.” –Isaiah 43:25

Ecclesiastes 9:10 = Whatever your hand finds to do, do it with all your might, for in the realm of the dead, where you are going, there is neither working nor planning nor knowledge nor wisdom.

In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. He was with God in the beginning. The Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us. We have seen his glory, the glory of the One and Only, who came from the Father, full of grace and truth. — John 1:1-2 and 14

HEARTLIGHT DAILY VERSE, PRAYER & THOUGHT

(From VerseOfTheDay.com)

Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God — this is your spiritual act of worship. — Romans 12:1

Thought: Our worship isn’t confined to Sunday! Each day that we offer ourselves to Jesus as his servants, we also are offering him our worship. Every time that we consciously resist evil and choose good, we are offering pleasing and acceptable worship to God. Isn’t it exciting that worship doesn’t happen just in a church building! Isn’t it incredible that each day our decisions and actions are a crucial part of our worship to God!

Prayer: Holy LORD, God Almighty, please accept the offering of my thoughts, my words, and my actions today, and each day that follows, as my loving worship to you. In Jesus’ name I pray. Amen.

The Thoughts and Prayers for Today’s Verse are written by Phil Ware. You can email questions or comments to phil@heartlight.org.

BIRTHDAY VERSE” OF THE DAY (The chapter and verse corresponds to the month and the day!)

Hebrews 12:2 NIV = Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and Perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.

TODAY IS FRIDAY – DECEMBER 02, 2016

(NOTE: Some holidays may be duplicated due to various calendars reporting conflicting dates)
WEIRD, WACKY, STRANGE, ZANY, ODD, BIZARRE, QUIRKY, UNUSUAL HOLIDAYS!
THERE ARE ONLY
23 SHOPPING DAYS UNTIL CHRISTMAS.

Today is NATIONAL FRITTERS DAY.  ***By the way, fritters (according to Dictionary.com) are small cakes made of batter, often containing fruit, vegetables, or fish, sautéed or deep-fried.  I wouldn’t want you frittering away your day wondering what fritters are.

Today is INVENT YOUR OWN RECIPE DAY.  ***Mine is the pizza omelet.  Here’s how to do it: you begin by making a three-egg omelet as normal.  Beat three eggs and place them in a flat skillet on the stove to set under warm heat.  While the eggs cook on the stove, take a large slice of leftover pizza, warm it for a few seconds in the microwave, and then remove the toppings from the crust.  Discard the crust (or eat it separately).  Once the eggs have set, place the pizza toppings in the center of the eggs, and then fold the eggs over the top of the pizza ingredients.  Add a little mozzarella to the top of the omelet and you’re done!

Today is SAFETY RAZOR DAY. King Gillette patented the first razor with disposable blades on this date in 1901.  ***Nowadays the safety razor isn’t one blade… it’s two, no three… wait a minute… it’s FOUR blades now… sure enough, we’ll end up getting a ten-blade razor in the future called the “Decathalon”.

POPPING CORN DAY.   A recent study shows popcorn eaters are three times more romantic at the movies than those who don’t eat popcorn. And they’re three times more likely to cry, according a study by ScreenVisions Cinema Promotions. ***MARLAR: And they are ten times more likely to make a greasy butter-covered mess when holding your hand.

TODAY IS ALSO…

Faux Fur Friday
International Day for the Abolition of Slavery Day
National Mutt Day
National Salesperson Day
Safety Razor Day
Special Education Day

COMING UP NEXT (Just a list, we are not endorsing the holidays posted below.)

SATURDAY, DECEMBER 03

Bartender Appreciation Day
Earmuff Day or Chester Greenwood Day
International Day of Persons With Disabilitie
s
National Rhubarb Vodka Day
Skywarn Recognition Day

SUNDAY, DECEMBER 04

National Cookie Day
National Dice Day
World Wildlife Conservation Day

XTERRA Trail Running Championship

MONDAY, DECEMBER 05

AFL-CIO Day
Bathtub Party Day
Columbian International Day of The Reef
International Ninja Day
International Volunteer Day for Economic & Social Development
Sachertorte Day
World Soil Day

TUESDAY, DECEMBER 06

Miners’ Day
National Pawnbrokers Day
St. Nicholas Day

WEDNESDAY, DECEMBER 07

National Pearl Harbor Remembrance Day
International Civil Aviation Day
National Cotton Candy Day
Special Kids Day

THURSDAY, DECEMBER 08

Pretend To Be A Time Traveler Day

FRIDAY, DECEMBER 09

Cremation Day
International Anti-corruption Day
Official Lost & Found Day
Weary Willie Day

ON THIS DAY

1933: Bertil Clason in Detroit married Sigrid Carlson in Stockholm, Sweden, in the first wedding by transatlantic telephone. The call was relayed via shortwave radio through Maine and Scotland. ***And being radio, the ceremony had to stop every fifteen minutes for a commercial break. (This ring is brought to you by Kay’s Jewelers…)

1949: Gene Autry hit the charts with “Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer.” The song had evolved from a 1939 Montgomery Ward Christmas catalog featuring a red-nosed reindeer.

1966: Members of the Roman Catholic church no longer had to abstain from eating meat on Fridays.

1967: The Billboard country chart debuted a new duet’s first single: “The Last Thing on My Mind” by Porter Wagoner and Dolly Parton.

1969: On NBC’s “I Dream of Jeannie,” genie Jeannie married her master, Capt. Tony Nelson. Barbara Eden played Jeannie, Larry Hagman was Capt. Nelson. The show ran six years.

1971: Award-winning, sometimes controversial, always cantankerous radio personality Don Imus signed on at WNBC in New York City.

1972: Tom T. Hall’s “(Old Dogs, Children, and) Watermelon Wine” entered the country music charts. He got the line from an old man who started talking to him in a Miami cocktail lounge.

1978: At a double wedding in Jeddah, Saudi Arabia, a confused father gave his two veiled daughters in marriage to the wrong grooms. Days later, when dad discovered the mistake, both girls said it was okay; they were quite happy with the wrong husbands. ***This really isn’t big news though. I mean, how many women do you know that find out after the wedding that they’ve also married the wrong man?

1982: In the first operation of its kind, doctors at the University of Utah Medical Center implanted a permanent artificial heart in the chest of retired dentist Dr. Barney Clark. He lived 112 days.

1992: The official China newspaper reported that consumers were buying millions of English-language Christmas cards even though they had no idea what the holiday messages meant. ***My father-in-law uses this same method. He once sent my wife (his daughter) a birthday card that said, “Happy Birthday SON.” (True story.)

2001: A New Zealand motorist told police he was driving with his lights off at night because he was looking for a black hole in space. The 35-year-old amateur astronomer lost his driver’s license for 15 months after pleading guilty to dangerous driving.

2001: Enron Corporation filed for Chapter 11 reorganization five days after Dynegy walked away from a $8.4 billion buyout. It was the largest bankruptcy in U.S. history.

2003: The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that after knocking, police don’t have to wait longer than 20 seconds before breaking into the home of a drug suspect.

2005: The U.S. Transportation Security Administration decided to allow passengers to carry scissors and some tools on planes.

2007: A 3.3-pound truffle discovered by a dog in Italy brought a record-breaking $330,000 at auction. Luciano Savini said his truffle dog, Rocco, discovered the highly prized fungus near Pisa. Billionaire Stanley Ho, a Chinese casino tycoon from Macau, outbid British artist Damien Hirst and Sheikh Mansour Bin Zayed of Abu Dhabi to win the fungal delicacy, the BBC reported. Savini who donated the proceeds to charity.

TODAY IN CHRISTIAN HISTORY

1697: St Paul’s Cathedral in London, designed by Christopher Wren, is dedicated. It replaced a medieval cathedral at the site that had burned in the Great Fire of 1666.

1859: Militant messianic abolitionist John Brown is hanged at Charles Town, (West) Virginia, for his attack on Harper’s Ferry. He was convinced that only violent action could end the horrors of slavery.

1980: Three American nuns and a lay churchwoman are killed by death squads in El Salvador. Some 70,000 Salvadorans are estimated to have died because of terrorists or civil war during the 1980s, including many Catholic clergy.

HOLLYWOOD, SPORTS AND CELEBRITY FIGURE BIRTHDAYS

  • singer / actress (and I use both of those terms loosely) Britney Spears 35
  • Actress (“General Hospital”, “Melrose Place”) Rena Sofer, 48 (audio clip)
  • actress (Charlie’s Angels) Lucy Liu 49
  • TV newsman Stone Phillips 62
  • TV’s (“That’s Incredible”, Wonder Woman TV movie, before the series starring Lynda Carter) Cathy Lee Crosby 68

BEE-BOP BIRTHDAYS

(Music Artist Birthdays From SongFacts.com)

1914 : Eddie Sauter (Benny Goodman Orchestra)

1916 : Charlie Ventura

1917 : Sylvia Syms

1918 : Milton DeLugg

1941 : Tom McGuinness (Manfred Mann)

1942 : Ted Bluechel Jr. (The Association)

1950 : John Wesley Ryles

1952 : Michael McDonald

1960 : Rick Savage (Def Leppard)

1968 : Nate Mendel (Foo Fighters)

1970 : Treach (Naughty By Nature)

1970 : Jay-Z

1978 : Nelly Furtado

1981 : Britney Spears

SECRETS OF THE UNIVERSE

Why do we hang stockings by the fireplace for Christmas?

Hanging the Christmas stocking on the hearth on Christmas Eve in the hope that it will be filled with presents the next morning is a custom that goes back about 400 years. It derived from the custom in Holland of children placing wooden shoes next to the hearth the night before the arrival of St. Nicholas. The children would fill their shoes with straw and food for St Nicholas’s for the donkey that carried the gifts. In exchange he would leave them a small gift such as small cakes, fruits and other gifts. Stockings were substituted for the shoes in Britain, most of Europe and in North America.

CHRISTIAN ARTIST NEWS

This is just a tiny sample of the 5-6 pages of material you could be receiving three days a week from ChristianRadioShowPrepServices.com!

MercyMe’s Bart Millard says his search for the most awkward waiting room of all it’s finally over. He posted a picture Of the waiting room in question. It had a real, full sized, stuffed deer staring at the people sitting in the waiting room. To make matters worse, looking over his shoulder was a life size, stuffed black bear.

https://www.instagram.com/p/BNZ0cLfj_hK/

 

Worship leader Chris Tomlin recently shared his philosophy on music: “I try and stay true to my music and hope the end result is that people ultimately worship the Lord.”

 

Matthew West say his buddy Trevor is the true rockstar. Matthew shared a picture as Trevor joined him on stage and added: Although he was diagnosed with cancer when he was just 4 years old, he’s confident and assured that God has a good plan for his life. He even started the nonprofit called Team Trevor to help raise funds for other children with cancer. Matthew said: I’m inspired by his faith and bravery! Get involved at team-trevor.org.

 

 

Moriah Peters says her parents make her laugh. She posted a recent conversation between her mom and dad. Her dad said: “Nobody knows our daughter is Mexican.” Her mom replied: “How could they not know? She eats hot cheetos!”

 

A tough day for Hawk Nelson front man Jon Steingard. The drone flying, vlog writing resident of California shared earlier this fall that his wife was expecting. Over the weekend Jon admitted: I think I’m about to buy a minivan.

 

Ryan Stevenson hasn’t always been a musician. In fact, he spent time as a paramedic before hitting the road as a Christian artist. Ryan recently found an old folder full of medical awards. His favorite: setting the record time from in-field to cath-lab.

 

Hawk Nelson frontman Jon Steingard was having some fun with the lady he was sharing an Uber ride with. He was picked up at a hair salon and the other rider assumed that he worked there. John said: I’m giving her lipstick advice right now. His advice: Go matte girl.

NEWS KICKERS

(No news on the weekends. As on ONAIRprep subscriber, you can get a fully-produced, customized version of the Daily Dose of Weird News FREE with a station or show specific tag! Email darren@onairprep.com for details!)

NEW NEWS KICKERS…

The inventor of the McDonald’s iconic Big Mac, Michael James “Jim” Delligatti, has died. He was 98. Delligatti was a longtime Pennsylvania McDonald’s franchisee who created the Big Mac about 50 years ago. ***Out of respect, Jim’s body will be placed under a warmer for several hours before being tossed out. 

Canadian police in a small Prince Edward Island town have come up with a most interesting way to deter drunk drivers. In a Facebook post, the Kensington police force warns that they’ll be out this holiday season “looking for those dumb enough to feel they can drink and drive.” The post goes to say: “When we catch you, and we will catch you, on top of a hefty fine, a criminal charge, and a year’s driving suspension, we will also provide you with a bonus gift of playing the office’s copy of Nickelback in the cruiser on the way to jail!” Constable Robb Hartlen said Nickelback was chosen partly because lead singer Chad Kroeger was arrested for drunk driving in 2006. ***Probably because he had to constantly listen to Nickelback. 

 

Scotland has proudly announced that their new money is completely vegan — no animal products were used in the making of it. ***Great news for any Scotts that regularly stuff cash into their gullets instead of food. 

Michelle Obama will never run for public office. At least, according to President Obama in an interview with “Rolling Stone.” ***And people say God doesn’t answer prayers.

Police in northeastern Pennsylvania are searching for two people they say stole a dump truck then used it to drag an automatic teller machine out of a grocery store. ***Some people just can’t handle the frustration of forgetting their bank card’s pin number. 

NEWS KICKER EVERGREENS…

A recent survey found 68% of Americans prefer stores with signs that say “Merry Christmas” over “Happy Holidays.”  ***Can we move on now?

There’s controversy over a new version of the poem Twas the Night Before Christmas where mention of Santa Claus smoking a pipe has been removed. The editor said she wanted Santa to set a better example.  ***Right.  Because horking down a million cookies a night with 30,000 tons of milk and eggnog, keeping you a morbidly obese bulk who forces poor reindeer in the freezing cold to haul your bloated butt hundreds of thousands of miles in a single night is NOT setting a bad example.

Preventing obesity and smoking can save lives, but it doesn’t save money, according to researchers. It costs more to care for healthy people who live years longer. The researchers found that from age 20 to 56, obese people racked up the most expensive health costs. But because both the smokers and the obese people died sooner than the healthy group, it cost less to treat them in the long run. ***And there’s your solution to the health care crisis. Encourage smoking and cake-eating in the 1st grade.

In case you haven’t heard, those funny-looking swirly fluorescent light bulbs may not be as environmentally friendly as everyone thought. They do last longer and use less energy but they also contain enough mercury to contaminate up to 6,000 gallons of water beyond safe drinking levels – which could cause kidney and brain damage.  However, experts say fluorescent bulbs are still better for the environment as they are more energy efficient.  ***Sure, you may die of mercury poisoning – but that’s good for the planet.

WONDER WOMAN (This feature will be disappearing in 2017)

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… “Down Under”

DAILY COMEDY CLIP (This feature will be disappearing in 2017)

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… Mark Lowry, “Exit Row”

AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – WEEKDAY VERSION

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD FRIDAY’S EPISODE

OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns! When last we left the jungle, Millard the Monkey had tried everything he could think of to somehow be better than Steve Mozart. But the more he tried, the worse things got… and now he’s in the hospital. But he couldn’t even do that better than Steve Mozart, because HE’S in the hospital too – and in worse condition!

CLOSE: Is it true, will Steve Mozart really live? Will Millard still live? Will Steve be okay in time for his concert – and will Millard still be angry about Steve being better than him? Find out next time, As the Jungle Turns!

AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – SATURDAY/SUNDAY VERSION (This feature will be disappearing in 2017)

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD THE EPISODE FOR THE WEEKEND OF DECEMBER 03/04

OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns! Last time, the jungle animals were finally tired of running away from a giant-footed creature. Actually they weren’t running away from it, because nobody had ever really even seen it. In fact, this could all be just a big joke! There’s only one way to find out though… and it’s scary…

CLOSE: Oh no… it really IS a monster leaving those giant footprints! It’s a giant gorilla! What will happen to Millard? Will he really be eaten? And will the words salsa and Cheeze Whiz play a large part in our next episode? Find out next time… As the Jungle Turns!

***You may simulcast “As the Jungle Turns” on the Internet stream of your live broadcast only. Any other Internet use of “As the Jungle Turns” in whole or part including podcasting of your live broadcast is a violation of copyright law. Thank you for your cooperation on this vitally important issue. If you have any questions, please e-mail us and ask about “Jungle Jam & Friends the Radio Show” usage.

MOMENT OF DUH

Decorating for Christmas leaves a family homeless!

A family in Newport Beach, California, suffered $2.3 million in damage to their home after they tried an old Scandinavian tradition of putting lit candles on their Christmas tree.  They’re now enjoying the old Scandinavian tradition of sleeping with livestock to keep warm.

TOP TEN

TOP 10 ‘FRACTURED’ CHRISTMAS CAROLS

No one can fracture a Christmas carol better than a kid. Sing along with these new takes on old favorites:

10. Deck the Halls with Buddy Holly

9. Later on we’ll perspire, as we dream by the fire.

8. Noel. Noel, Barney’s the king of Israel.

7. Olive, the other reindeer.

6. Frosty the Snowman is a ferret elf, I say

5. You’ll go down in Listerine

4. Oh, what fun it is to ride with one horse, soap and hay

3. O come, froggy faithful

2. You’ll tell Carol, “Be a skunk, I require”

1. Good tidings we bring to you and your kid

THE FILES OF LAW & DISORDER

God has spoken through people, angels, a burning bush, and has even given wisdom through a donkey… but can God speak through a vegetable?

FILE #1: Prison inmates in Romania are now promising to behave after finding a cross-shaped turnip. It was discovered by one of the prisoners working on the jail’s farm. According to a local newspaper, the priest at the jail thinks the vegetable is proof that God exists. The inmates are reported to now believe, after finding the cross-shaped turnip, that God is telling them to be good.

FILE #2: Jack Slater held up a branch of the Chase Manhattan Bank, getting away with over $7,000. Now, he must have thought the baseball cap he had on during the heist was a sufficient disguise because he returned to the same bank later that same week and attempted to open a savings and a checking account with some of the cash. A teller recognized him and called the cops who stopped by and arrested him.

FILE #3: Four men robbed a Chinese food delivery driver, striking him over the head with a package of prawn crackers and getting away with a large order of Chinese takeout. Police were called and upon arrival they found the trail was still warm. Hot in fact. It seems one of the bags of food had sprung a leak, leaving a trail of curry sauce that led directly to our culprits’ flat nearby. They were arrested before they had a chance to enjoy their fortune cookies.

STRANGE LAW: In New Jersey, it’s against the law to slurp your soup!

THIS IS YOUR BRAIN ON DRUGS

Today’s Brain on Drugs story could set Father-Daughter Day back a few years.

Newark, New Jersey’s Kevin Winston recently attempted to teach his daughter a lesson about drinking by calling the police on her when the 16-year-old girl came home drunk and unruly. However, when police arrived, the obviously angry daughter told police she feared for her safety because her father stored drugs and weapons in the home. Unfortunately for dad, she wasn’t kidding and when she led the cops to a crawl space above the ceiling where they found four semiautomatic guns and more than 600 vials of cocaine, he was promptly arrested.

PHONER PHUN

If you had a million dollars to give away, who would you give it to?

Share the most embarrassing moment you’ve ever had with your kids!

BIBLE BRAIN BUSTER!

QUESTION: After Samson was captured and blinded, what job did the Philistines give him at Gaza?
ANSWER: Grinding grain at the prison mill. (Judges 16:21)

QUESTION IMPOSSIBLE

QUESTION: What was the name of the horse ridden by comic book cowboy Golden Arrow? (BONUS POINTS: When he mounted the horse he’d always yell one particular phrase – what is that phrase?)

ANSWER: The horse was named “White Wind” and whenever he mounted the horse he’d cry, “Let’s scratch gravel!”

TRUE OR FALSE

Pay attention! If our next player doesn’t answer all ten T/F questions correctly we start all over from question #1! First person to answer question #10 correctly is our winner!

1. Transmission fluid is green. (False – it’s red)

2. A hummingbird weighs less than a penny. (True)

3. The sun is just over 300 times larger than earth. (False… it’s 330,000 times larger!)

4. Charles Lindbergh was the first to cross the Atlantic Ocean in an airplane. (False – sixty six people did it before him; however, he was the first to do it alone.)

5. As many as 10 pearls can be found in a single oyster. (False… you can find as many as 100 – though it is extremely rare)

6. Alexander Graham Bell, inventor of the telephone, was originally an instructor for deaf children and invented the telephone to help his deaf wife and mother to hear. (True)

7. Astronauts on the moon weigh only half of what they do on earth. (False – they weigh only one-sixth of what they do on earth.)

8. In China, a bride wears black at her wedding. (False – the bride wears red.)

9. A cow can give about 100 quarts of milk per week. (True)

10. 60% of all Sony PlayStation users are over the age of 18. (False… but 40% are)

TABLOID MATCH GAME

You have to match the blank in the tabloid headline with the word or phrase that has been removed!

CEMENT ___ IMPLANT (BUTT)

MIAMI  – A woman who paid for cheap plastic surgery had cement injected into her butt.

She wanted to work  at a nightclub, so she searched for someone who could make her butt look better, give her a curvier body – for a lot less.

She found a doctor – and he injected cement into her butt!

Police arrested the doctor.   And the suspect is a transgendered plastic surgeon!

The suspect was born a man, but identifies as a woman.  S/he  performed the cement surgery on herself, and felt it went so well that s/he started performing the operation on others.

Oneal Ron Morris, 30, was arrested Friday after a year on the lam and has been charged with practicing medicine without a license with serious bodily injury.

THE WAY TOO EARLY IN THE MORNING TO UNDERSTAND THE PUNCHLINE EVEN AFTER TWO CUPS OF COFFEE JOKE OF THE DAY 

JOKE #1

The winner has been named in the world wide search for the perfect man. After careful consideration and endless debate, the Perfect Man has been named.  MR. POTATO HEAD.  He’s tan.  He’s cute.  He knows the importance of accessorizing.  And if he looks at another girl, you can rearrange his face.

JOKE #2

Teresa pulled into a crowded parking lot and rolled down the car windows to make sure her Labrador retriever had fresh air. The dog was stretched out on the back seat, and Teresa wanted to impress upon her pet that she must remain there.

As Teresa walked to the curb backward, she was pointing her finger at the car and saying emphatically, “Now you stay. Do you hear me? Stay!”

The driver of a nearby car gave a startled look. “I don’t know about you, lady,” he said incredulously. “But I usually just put my car in park.”

JOKE #3

In the frozen foods department of our local grocery store, I noticed a man shopping with his son.  As I walked by, he checked something off his list, and I heard him whisper conspiratorially to the child,  “You know, if we really mess this up, we’ll never have to do it again.”

USELESS FACTS

Because food prices are rising, more people are turning to Spam. Hormel says Spam sales are up!  ***Okay, that’s it.  Someone has GOT to do something about the economy.  Really – we’re resorting to eating Spam?!?  (audio clip #1, audio clip #2, audio clip #3)

The cartoon character Bugs Bunny was given the rank of honorary master sergeant in the U.S. Marine Corps at the end of World War II.  ***But it all ended tragically when he mistook his AK-47 for a carrot.

FEATURED FUNNIES

TOOTH FAIRY

A woman was playing tooth fairy when her daughter suddenly woke up. Seeing the money in her mother’s hand, she cried out, “I caught you!”  Her mother froze and tried to think of an explanation for why she, and not the tooth fairy, was putting the money under her pillow but her next words let mama off the hook. “You put that money back!” she said indignantly. “The tooth fairy left that for me!”

IT MUST BE TRUE BECAUSE I HEARD IT ON THE RADIO!

37-year-old Peng Shuilin has shocked his own doctors and the medical community at large after surviving having the entire lower half of his body amputated!

…This after a horrible accident where he was run over by a truck. Peng spent nearly two years in hospital in Shenzhen, southern China, undergoing a series of operations to re-route nearly every major organ or system inside his body. And what an amazing outlook this guy has. He’s now opened his own discount supermarket called the Half Man-Half Price Store. Now, just 2-feet 7-inches tall, he gets around in a wheelchair and gives lectures to inspire others recovering from disabilities. Bujie Hospital vice president Lin Liu said, “He had good care but his secret is his cheerfulness. Nothing ever gets him down!” (Ananova)

INSPIRATIONAL INSPIRATION

I WEPT

Every journey has to begin with a first step;
mine was the day I recognized myself as a sinner and I wept.

I wept because I saw the filthy sin abiding in me;
I wept because I saw that Jesus desired to set me free.

I wept because I’d never known unadulterated love;
I wept because I was being given an eternal home above.

I wept to wash away the filth by which I’d once been stained;
I wept since recognizing the new status in life I’d attained.

Attained not through any work I’d ever done,
no I attained it because of that loving act of God’s own Son.

You see Jesus lovingly gave up His life for me,
so that I too could abide in Heaven throughout eternity.

I wept then for the joy that filled my soul,
and sometimes I weep when I think I may not reach the goal.

The goal my Heavenly Father had in mind as He created me,
the goal that He still intends to be my destiny.

The goal He pictured when He created the Great Master Plan,
the destiny he sees while molding me in His hand.

I weep when I neglect to surrender at the start of any new day,
because I realize I can’t on my own live it His way.

I weep as I apologize for the mistakes I often make;
I weep when I accept the mercy offered for my sake.

I weep because I’m so blessed to know my Heavenly Savior,
and to have been forgiven my sinful behavior.

I weep for those who haven’t had that opportunity yet,
as I ask God to help me their undivided attention to get.

To get their attention by sharing the salvation story,
so they too may choose to take part in Heaven’s Glory.

I’ll weep once more as I enter Heaven’s Gate,
as I see again all of my loved ones who’ve gone ahead to wait.

But the most heart-rending weeping I’ll ever do,
will be that first time Dear Jesus that I stand before You!

DRIVE TIME DEVOTIONAL

So, what gets you up in the morning?
If you are anything like me, certain projects and activities put your limp body and mind in gear and cause you to move with unbridled energy.  Knowing I get to come in and do the show really gets me motivated… I love doing it.
Some people’s palms get sweaty and their heart rate increases at the thought of the Chicago Cubs.  (This is still a mystery to me, but “to each his own.”)
And others’ voice-pitch rises as they talk about their work, their dreams, their careers, their hobbies, their family, or their investments.
Thinking about some of these activities stimulates and pushes us to give our best and be our best.
What motivates us to serve God week after week? What stimulates us to give Him our best in every activity? Well, the Bible gives us a wonderful motivation to serve—grace.  Grace means God giving us a gift we didn’t deserve, eternal life (Ephesians 2:5), so that He could make us into His own people—examples of the incredible wealth of His favor and kindness through Jesus Christ (Ephesians 2:7-9).
We were dead in our sins. We once followed the alluring but deadly music of the world’s system. Our minds were blind to what Jesus did for us.  We lurked and lived in the dark alleys of religious curiosity, self-deception, and gross immorality. Can you believe we lived like that?  Yes! Because we lived like that, by nature we were objects of God’s wrath and judgment.
Fortunately (and I am so glad for this) the story doesn’t end there. In Ephesians 2:4, Paul said that God’s rich mercy made us alive with Christ. God released His wrath on Jesus when Christ was on the cross so that we wouldn’t have to experience God’s wrath ourselves.  We are saved and set free from our sins by God’s wonderful grace through Jesus Christ. We owe Him our lives.
We are His masterpieces in the world, created in Christ to do good works that God prepared in advance for us to do (v.10). Our life should be a walking “thank you letter” to God for His immeasurable love toward us.  As you serve Christ by serving others, remember how God has liberated you from sin, and let grace motivate you. —Marvin Williams

(From Campus Journal)

LEFTOVERS

I, I, I CAN SEE!

When the rest of us need an eye doctor to diagnose such things, one man has discovered his own future eye problems without a doctor’s help!

An engineer saved his own sight when he ran a check on an optical scanner he was installing. After testing the device on himself, Eric Manzie discovered he had a torn retina. Mr Manzie said a routine check involved taking an image of his own eye to ensure all the equipment’s settings were correct. “Normally, my retinal image is healthy,” he said. “But on this occasion, I noticed an area of discoloration had appeared. I had no visual disturbances and was not aware of any injury to my eye. But I do have a great deal of experience in looking at normal images and had a feeling this was suspicious.” Experts looked at the image taken by the machine and the picture of the tear in the eye – which could have caused his retina to detach and lead to blindness. He underwent laser surgery.

LIFE… LIVE IT

TOP TIPS TO AVOID PACKING ON HOLIDAY POUNDS

(National Examiner) Packing on pounds is easy to do during the holidays. So here are 10 suggestions to help you keep the weight off from nutrition and health expert Dr. James D. Krystosik:

  • Get plenty of sleep. Being tired often triggers eating pangs.

  • Drink plenty of water. If you don’t take in liquid, the body retains it, increasing body weight by 10 to 15 pounds.

  • Limit your intake of proteins.

  • Keep stress levels down by walking, exercising and meditation. Stress can spark the appetite.

  • Curb appetite by loading up on “good carbs” – high fiber veggies like beans, whole grains such as oats and brown rice and fruits.

  • Avoid “bad carbs” like high-starch potatoes, breads and desserts.

  • Vinegar reduces the body’s absorption of “bad carbs” so use a variety of vinegar with olive oil for salad dressings.

  • Stay away from foods with hydrogenated oils and the sweetener aspartame. These substances do not aid in weight loss.

  • Choose foods with “good fats” like soy beans, avocado, nuts and seeds, fish like salmon, tuna and halibut and leafy green veggies.

  • Keep in touch with a pal who has similar diet and health goals to boost your willpower during the holiday food feast.

JUST FOR FUN

ECSQUEEZE ME

A Pennsylvania man — recently convicted of manhandling baked goods has avoided jail time — but the whole affair is going to cost him a good deal of dough.

…Samuel Feldman has an infatuation squeezing bread loaves and poking holes in cookie wrappers at supermarkets, and he was convicted in September of two counts of criminal mischief after a video surveillance tape was presented as evidence. Judge David Heckler has placed Feldman on 6 months probation and ordered him to pay $1,000 restitution to stores where he’d damaged packages. Feldman acknowledged having touched too many bundles but said he had not meant to hurt them.  ***MARLAR: Well, at least he didn’t squeeze the Charmin!

FUN LIST

THINGS I LEARNED WHILE SHOPPING ON BLACK FRIDAY

  • Sure, $100 for a brand new refrigerator is a great deal, but how do you get it home when you drive a Prius?

  • Even if the DVD players are 2 for $25, store security still doesn’t want you to push elderly women out of your way to get to them.

  • If you bring a small can of pepper spray, you can take pretty much any “door buster” item you want.

  • The people who camp out overnight in front of stores like Wal-Mart tend to smell exactly like you would imagine they do.

MORE SHOW PREP STUFF…

MESSAGE IN A BOTTLE

A letter sent more than two decades earlier has finally been answered. But don’t blame the post office for the slow delivery — the message was in a bottle. Two Connecticut girls tossed the bottle into Nantucket Sound from a ferry boat twenty years ago. Fisherman Michael Wall found it on a beach in Ireland while walking his dog. He responded to the note with letters of his own addressed to Amy Turano-Thurber and Valerie Wozniak. They’ve long since moved away from their childhood homes, but their parents still live at the same addresses. Wozniak says she was shocked when her mother called and read her the fisherman’s letter. She says someday they hope to meet the man who found their message in a bottle.

 

OTHER STUFF I WANT TO CRAM INTO TODAY’S PREP

Feeling a bit low right now?  Straighten up!  Slouching when you sit can send you into a funk. That is the conclusion of researchers who found that slumping sitters are more likely to be depressed than those with ramrod straight spines. Slouching when walking also promotes the blues, say the San Francisco State University scientists. These findings go along with previous studies that claim movement and exercise can keep you from getting down. The conclusions were based on a simple study. Researchers had 110 students walk down a corridor in a slouched pose, and then do it again except this time they were told to skip down the hallway. Afterward, they were asked to rate their energy levels. They reported feeling a drop in energy when slouching, while skipping gave them an energy boost. Also, the students who felt depressed reported lower energy levels following a slouched walk. Health Education Professor Erik Peper believes assuming a better body posture can actually boost mood. “It is very similar to the principle of ‘Fake it till you make it,'” he explains. “You can convince your body to have more energy.”

Think you can’t make a difference for persecuted Christians? The voice of the Martyers says that, if 9 year old Cole from South Carolina can, so can you. Cole was introduced to VOM’s letters to prisoners campaign and has already written six letters to persecuted Christians. He also prays for them using VOM’s Prisoner Alert. Find out more about Cole and the VOM programs at http://bit.ly/2fS6Llq

Over in England, Davy Moakes is 86 and his new bride, Helen Andre is 82 – and they say they feel like a couple of teenagers again. In fact they were teenagers when they first met and fell in love in art school. They actually got engaged in 1951 when he was 21 and she was 16 but Andre’s mother did not approve of a son-in-law artist and demanded they break it off. They reunited after Andre found a sculpture by Moakes’ 57-year-old son, Adrian, in the small town where they’d first met. Moakes’ second wife passed away 18 months ago, and Andre had recently become widowed for a third time. She says, “I’ve loved him all my life.” Neither too old to marry nor too old to travel, the newlyweds opted for a two-week honeymoon in Cyprus. (The Sun)

Getting along with your co-workers dramatically boosts your lifespan. A 20 year study concluded that workers who do not get along with their fellow employees on the job have a whopping 140 percent greater chance of dying over the next two decades than those who get plenty of social support. The study underlines the importance having friends and a good social life are to health. And since so much time is spent on the job, having a supportive social network at the office is a key to better health. According to study head Dr. Sharon Toker at Israel’s Tel Aviv University, “We spend most of our waking hours at work, and we don’t have much time to meet our friends during the weekdays… Work should be a place where people get the necessary emotional support.”

If you’re an adult who is at risk of developing high blood pressure, here’s an easy and fast way to nix that in the bud: Take a 10-minute walk. It turns out that four 10-minute walks spaced an hour apart are far more effective at keeping blood pressure lower throughout the day than a continuous 40 minutes on a treadmill, conclude researchers from Indiana University in Bloomington. Reuters Health reports that these short bursts of activity keep blood pressure low for three to four hours longer than a more time-consuming workout. ***Now if only I could find a way to bring my computer and microphone with me while walking…

AND I LEAVE YOU WITH THIS THOUGHT

Be sure to tune in for my next show where I’ll read you my latest dissertation entitled, “Why People with Multiple-Pierced Ears Have A Holier Than Thou Attitude.”

THE TICKET Movie Reviews with MARIE ASNER

Marie Asner has been reviewing films for over 30 years. Her outlets include radio, print and Internet. For more in-depth movie reviews of the following films, visit www.Tollbooth.org. Ratings from 1 (Low) to 5 (High).

DECEMBER 02, 2016…

 

La La Land—Would you believe that Ryan Gosling and Emma Stone could dance…and sing?  Well, they do in this old-fashioned Hollywood musical love story  that reminds one of the early Gene Kelly dance days. The story is set in Los Angeles. Damien Chazelle (“Whiplash”) directs. “La La Land” is rated PG 13. Rating of 2 for music fans.

 

The Eyes Of My Mother (opening in select cities)—This thriller in English and Portuguese, concerns a young woman (Kika Maghalhaes), who was raised on a farm with just her parents for company. Her mother was a former surgeon who teaches her daughter the basics of anatomy. Enter the traveling stranger (Will Brill) and then strange things happen. Also in the cast is Diane Agostini. “The Eyes Of My Mother” is rated R. No rating.

 

DECEMBER 09, 2016…

 

Miss Sloane has Jessica Chastain as a Washington D. C. lobbyist.

 

Office Christmas Party stars Jennifer Aniston and yes, it is about the annual Christmas party. Toss manners out the window.

 

# # # # #

WARNING: Don’t believe anything you read on the Internet or email (including stuff you read here) unless you can confirm it with another source, and/or it is consistent with what you already know to be true. The opinions in this publication are not necessarily those of Darren Marlar, Marlar House Entertainment, OnAirPrep.com, or any company or organization affiliated with aforementioned. (Regardless of how stupid you may think those opinions are. So there – nyah!)

Darren Marlar credits all non-original material to the author whenever possible. All other material is original, used with permission, or author unknown. We welcome all comments, questions, and suggestions. Darren can be reached via his website at www.DarrenMarlar.com.