December 03, 2015: Thursday ONAIRprep

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PRINTER FRIENDLY VERSION: 20151203

 

 

WELCOME TO THE SHOW!

It’s (THE JOCK SHOW) – rising to the highest levels of incompetence!

 

 

BIBLE VERSE OF THE DAY

Behold, a virgin shall be with child, and shall bring forth a son, and they shall call his name Emmanuel, which being interpreted is, God with us. –Matthew 1:23

 

Lamentations 5:19 =
You, Lord, reign forever; 
your throne endures from generation to generation.

 

In the past God spoke to our forefathers through the prophets at many times and in various ways, but in these last days he has spoken to us by his Son, whom he appointed heir of all things, and through whom he made the universe. — Hebrews 1:1-2

 

 

HEARTLIGHT DAILY VERSE, PRAYER & THOUGHT

(From VerseOfTheDay.com)

Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him. — James 1:12

 

Thought: I don’t know about you, but it is hard for me to appreciate our need to go through trials. In fact, trials in life are just plain hard to tolerate! This is especially true when we are in the middle of them. But as believers in Jesus, we have some key spiritual reasons to persevere under trials. One of the very best reasons to hang in there when things are tough spiritually is God’s promise to give us the crown of life that can’t be taken away from us.

 

Prayer: Gracious God, thank you for promising the victor’s crown of life to me. Empower me to persevere through the power of your Holy Spirit. In Jesus’ name I pray. Amen.

 

The Thoughts and Prayers for Today’s Verse are written by Phil Ware. You can email questions or comments to phil@heartlight.org.

 

 

BIRTHDAY VERSE” OF THE DAY

The chapter and verse corresponds to the month and the day!

Romans 12:3 NIV = For by the grace given me I say to every one of you: Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the measure of faith God has given you.

 

 

TODAY IS THURSDAY – DECEMBER 03, 2015

(NOTE: Some holidays may be duplicated due to various calendars reporting conflicting dates)
WEIRD, WACKY, STRANGE, ZANY, ODD, BIZARRE, QUIRKY, UNUSUAL HOLIDAYS!
THERE ARE ONLY 22 SHOPPING DAYS UNTIL CHRISTMAS.  

 

Today is REINVIGORATE YOUR BRAIN BY READING SOMETHING DAY. ***MARLAR: Well, I do have that Uncle John’s Bathroom Reader. . .

 

CALL YOUR FAVORITE RADIO STATION AND TELL THE HOW AWESOME THEY ARE DAY. ***MARLAR: Okay, so we made this one up – but we’re insecure.

 

 

TODAY IS ALSO. . .

National Christmas Tree Lighting (Washington D.C.)

 

 

COMING UP NEXT

FRIDAY, DECEMBER 04

Faux Fur Friday

National Cookie Day

National Dice Day

National Salesperson Day

World Wildlife Conservation Day

 

SATURDAY, DECEMBER 05

AFL-CIO Day

Bartender Appreciation Day

Bathtub Party Day

Columbian International Day of the Reef

Earmuff Day/Chester Greenwood Day

International Ninja Day

International Volunteer Day for Economic & Social Development

Sachertorte Day

Skywarn Recognition Day

World Soil Day

 

SUNDAY, DECMEBER 06

Miner’s Day

National Pawnbrokers Day

St Nicholas Day

XTERRA Trail Running Championship

 

MONDAY, DECEMBER 07

National Pearl Harbor Remembrance Day

International Civil Aviation Day

National Cotton Candy Day

 

TUESDAY, DECEMBER 08

Pretend To Be a Time-Traveler Day

 

WEDNESDAY, DECEMBER 09

Cremation Day

International Anti-Corruption Day

Weary Willie Day

 

THURSDAY, DECEMBER 10

Dewey Decimal System Day

Human Rights Day

Jane Addams Day

Nobel Prize Day

 

 

ON THIS DAY

1929: Ford Motor Company raised the pay of its employees 40 percent despite the collapse of the U.S. stock market. Ford wages went from $5 to $7 a day.

 

1947: The Tennessee Williams play “A Streetcar Named Desire” opened on Broadway starring Jessica Tandy as Blanche and Marlon Brando as Stanley.

 

1966: In his first varsity game at UCLA, center Lew Alcindor scored 56 points. As Kareem Abdul-Jabbar he became one of basketball’s greatest players.

 

1976: A 40-foot-tall inflated pink pig floated all day over London. It was originally being photographed for a rock group’s album cover, but broke loose. ***MARLAR: The day finally came, “when pigs fly.”

 

1950: Newscaster Paul Harvey made his first national broadcast from Chicago.

 

1960: The musical “Camelot” opened on Broadway.

 

1965: Keith Richards was electrocuted and knocked unconscious during a Rolling Stones concert in Sacramento.

 

1984: Harry Stevens and Thelma Lucas were married at the Caravilla Retirement Home in Wisconsin. Harry was 103, Thelma was 84, making them the oldest bride and groom in history. ***MARLAR: The honeymoon had to be postponed when both Harry and Thelma decided they were too tired from walking back down the aisle.

 

1984: Former Miss America and wife of the governor of Kentucky, Phyllis George, signed to co-anchor the “CBS Morning News.”

 

1990: ABC’s “Nightline” aired Madonna’s “Justify My Love” video a week after MTV had banned it.

 

1991: 26 Soviet sailors got passes to tour Gulfport, Mississippi. The first place they asked to see was Wal-Mart.

 

1993: Britain’s Princess Diana announced she would limit public appearances because of media’s intrusions into her life.

 

1995: Two parking meter clerks were sentenced to two-and-a-half years in prison for stealing the equivalent of $540-thousand from parking meters in Wellington, New Zealand.

 

1998: A London woman who had been abducted by a phony cab driver sprayed an aerosol at his face when he lit a cigarette and set his hair on fire. While the kidnapper dealt with his bad hair day, the victim escaped.

 

1999: Tori Murden became the first woman to row across the Atlantic Ocean alone. The trip from the Canary Islands to the French Caribbean island of Guadeloupe took 81 days.

 

2000: Space shuttle Endeavour’s astronauts attached the world’s largest, most powerful set of solar panels to the international space station. ***MARLAR: Can you still use the term “world’s largest” when you’re not technically on the world?

 

2003: A man who stole a red Salvation Army kettle was knocked down by a car as he tried to get away. Police said as the man pretended to make a donation in Tucson, he grabbed the kettle, containing about $70. Seconds later he was hit by a car and arrested at the scene. The police investigator called it “poetic justice.”

 

2005: A Vietnamese doctor with experience in treating bird flu said Tamiflu, the drug being stockpiled for treatment, was useless against the virus.

 

 

TODAY IN CHRISTIAN HISTORY

1552: Jesuit missionary Francis Xavier, one of the founding members of his order and one of the greatest missionaries ever, dies awaiting admission to China. Before that, he had converted 700,000 people in Portugal, India, Indonesia, Japan, and elsewhere.

 

1833: Ohio’s Oberlin College, the first coeducational college in the United States and one of the first to offer education to blacks, opens. Its unique character was formed as a result of the revival movement of Charles Finney, who later served as president of the school.

 

1846: Presbyterian widow Leslie Prentice leads a pro-life rally outside the home of New York City’s foremost abortionist, Anna Lohman, a.k.a. Madame Restell.

 

 

HOLLYWOOD, SPORTS AND CELEBRITY FIGURE BIRTHDAYS

  • actor (Blank Check, Father Hood, he played Alexander Rozhenko on “Star Trek: The Next Generation”) Brian Bonsall 34 (
    )
  • actress (Josie on “Cupid”, My Girl, My Girl 2) Anna Chlumsky 35
  • actor (Journey to the Center of the Earth, Loony Tunes Back in Action, The Mummy, The Mummy Returns, The Mummy Tomb of the Dragon Emporer) Brendan Fraser 47
  • skater Katarina Witt 50
  • actress (Attack of the 50 Foot Woman, Steel Magnolias, Splash) Daryl Hannah 56

 

 

BEE-BOP BIRTHDAYS

(Music Artist Birthdays From SongFacts.com)

1907 : Connee Boswell

1927 : Andy Williams; Born Howard Andrew Williams

1927 : Ferlin Husky

1931 : Jaye P. Morgan

1940 : John Cale (Velvet Underground)

1945 : Paul Nicholas

1948 : Ozzy Osbourne is born John Michael Osbourne

1949 : Mickey Thomas (Jefferson Starship)

1951 : Nicky Stevens (Brotherhood of Man)

1952 : Duane Roland (Molly Hatchet)

1971 : Montell Jordan

1979 : Daniel Bedingfield

 

 

SECRETS OF THE UNIVERSE

How has society evolved since the introduction of evolution as an answer to our origins? 

There are many things that have come out of the anti-God religion of evolution. One of the most shocking is the evidence that’s come to light concerning the Aborigines in Australia.  Decades ago, many scientists–on the basis of Darwin’s ideas about evolution–believed that the Australian Aborigines were very primitive. In fact, they were even considered to be the missing link between man and his so-called ‘ape-like’ ancestor.  Incredibly, specimens of Aborigines were sought-after by museums and for evolutionary research. Some scientists even coaxed people to come to Australia to hunt down Aborigines so they could take their skulls and skins back to museums. Something like 10,000 Aborigine specimens were obtained for this!  There are many shocking stories about hunters who shot Aborigines to collect them for museums.  For another example of the evil fruit of evolution, think about a man who had millions killed because he believed in evolution. His name? Adolf Hitler. These examples should stand as a warning to our culture. That’s why we need to get our society to return to getting answers from Genesis, and not from evolution.

(Edited from Answers in Genesis and Creation Tips)

 

 

CHRISTIAN ARTIST NEWS

Do you like the Christian Artist News you see below? It’s just a tiny sample of the 5-6 pages of material you could be receive every weekday… and it’s FREE! Become one of their subscribers at ChristianRadioShowPrepServices.com!

 

7eventh Time Down is turning to their fans to raise the money needed for a new van. After touring in the same van for ten years, replacing two engines and three transmissions, and covering over 400,000 miles, the band says the van has quite for the last time. In response, 7eventh Time Down has created a Go Fund Me page in hopes or raising $45,000 for a used sprinter van. They recently released a video talking about the project.

https://www.gofundme.com/7eventhtimedown

 

Hawk Nelson front man Jon Steingard says he is putting together a new video series. It’s called 24 in 15 and consists of 15 seconds of video taken from each day.

 

NEEDTOBREATHE this week released an update on their sixth studio album. According to Jesus Freak Hideout, the members of the band are sifting through new material as they start the recording process. NeedToBreath added: we are just scratching the surface of the record, but we are more excited than ever about the direction this thing is headed. We don’t have a title or a release date just yet, but we’ll make sure you’re the very first to know.”

http://tinyurl.com/ngtk7k6

 

In September, the band All Sons and Daughters wrote a prayer for their new record. It was titled Paris. Now they are giving the song away as an encouragement to pray for Paris. Those downloading the song can leave a donation if they would like. The band says: all donations go to La Fonderie, an organization in the heart of Paris that seeks to provide a community for artists who are seeking to explore the connections between art, culture and faith.

http://noisetrade.com/sonsanddaughters/paris

 

Jamie Grace says she loves singing “I Love the Way You Hold Me” but she’s ready to drop some new music. She recently tweeted: anybody ready for a new Jamie Grace album? I know I am. Raise your hand if you’re ready! 😉

 

It was a rough night for Phil Wickham. He was scheduled to be up at 5:00am for a 10K Thanksgiving morning. But he was still wide awake after midnight Wednesday night because his baby was up with her first cold.

 

 

Switchfoot’s Jon Foreman is bringing back vinyl versions of his four EPs. Jon said they just completed the 3rd pressing of the seasonal EPs this week. They include a total of 24 songs.

https://store2.bandfarm.com/jonforeman/product/?catID=&prodID=2209

 

A new devotional is available from Chris Tomlin. The well known worship leader teamed up with The Overflow for a series of Adore devotions on YouVersion Bible app.

http://tomlin.cta.gs/0dp

 

The members of Tenth Avenue North need your prayers. They started rehearsals for their Christmas tour this week but their sound man, Andy, isn’t there. Instead he is in the hospital and they say it looks like he may need his gall bladder removed. They ask that you lift Andy up in prayer. Also keep Tenth Avenue North in your prayers as they prepare for the tour and fill in the gap.

 

Ready to have a little fun? Throughout December Danny Gokey will be creating his own Advent Calendar. Through December 25th Danny will be posting a new surprise at 2:00pm each day on Danny’s twitter page..

http://twitter.com/dannygokey/status/671678724715188225/photo/1

 

 

ODD & STRANGE NEWS…

(THIS WILL BE DISAPPEARING SOON DUE TO MYNEWS SHUTTING DOWN.)

 

Oklahoma officer drives miniature donkey to safety    photo
NORMAN, Okla. (AP) — A suburban Oklahoma City police officer picked up an unusual subject found wandering along a rural road. Norman police Officer Kyle Canaan says it took a little pushing, pulling and some animal feed, but he got the miniature donkey nicknamed “Squishy” into the back of his…

 

Cop pays thief’s tab for stolen birthday cake ingredients
PORTSMOUTH, N.H. (AP) — A New Hampshire police officer dispatched to the scene of a shoplifting incident paid the thief’s tab after learning a woman stole the items to bake her child’s birthday cake. HASH(0x13d5850) After investigating the theft and learning the woman’s identity, Kotsonis…
Modesto man wins $10M lottery minutes after winning $1K
MODESTO, Calif. (AP) — A Modesto man’s lucky hunch paid off when he won a $1,000 lottery prize and immediately bought more tickets — winning $10 million with one of them. California lottery officials say Rodney Meadows was out running errands Nov. 23 when he decided to pick up some $30…
Tallest American chestnut tree found in southwestern Maine
LOVELL, Maine (AP) — The American Chestnut Foundation says the tallest known American chestnut tree in North America has been found in a forest in southwestern Maine. The Portland Press Herald reports (http://bit.ly/1PuF2oR ) the nonprofit conservation group said Tuesday that foresters with…
Canadian smuggler with turtles in pants pleads guilty in US
ANN ARBOR, Mich. (AP) — A Canadian man caught at a border crossing with 51 turtles taped to his body pleaded guilty Tuesday to smuggling or attempting to smuggle more than 1,000 of the reptiles out of southeastern Michigan. Kai Xu, 27, would order turtles online and travel to the U.S. to pick…
Stolen tortoise returned home safely in Albuquerque    photo
ALBUQUERQUE, N.M. (AP) — A pet tortoise stolen during a home invasion got to ride shotgun when Albuquerque police returned the reptile to its owner. Officers responding to the Sunday evening home invasion were able to get a description of the car in which three suspects drove off with the…
Corgi ends up in Honolulu instead of Mississippi
HONOLULU (AP) — A dog bound for its new owner in Mississippi ended up in Honolulu instead. The Pembroke Welsh corgi was headed from Seattle to her new owner in Mississippi on Saturday when she made a wrong connection in Dallas, American Airlines spokeswoman Andrea Huguely said. American…
Former lottery worker sentenced for stealing instant tickets
YOUNGSTOWN, Ohio (AP) — A former Ohio Lottery Commission employee has been sentenced to probation for stealing $115,000 in instant lottery tickets and cashing in winners. WFMJ-TV (http://bit.ly/1Q9n1uJ) in Youngstown reports a judge in Mahoning County ordered David Dragelevich…
Maine woman tapes free coats to light poles for the needy
PORTLAND, Maine (AP) — A woman in Portland, Maine, is starting a campaign to encourage people to tape free coats to light poles to help the needy this winter. HASH(0x13ebc20) Kaper says she got the jackets for a dollar each at Goodwill. She is using social media to ask people to do the same….
Man injured inside polar bear enclosure in Copenhagen
COPENHAGEN, Denmark (AP) — Copenhagen Zoo says a man has jumped inside a polar bear’s enclosure, forcing zookeepers to fire rubber bullets at the animal while he was rescued. Zoo spokesman Jacob Munkholm Hoeck said Wednesday the man, who was not identified, was “pulled out and was able to…
Cops: Man took ambulance for joy ride, strands patient, EMTs
YORK, Pa. (AP) — Emergency workers in Pennsylvania got an unpleasant surprise when they wheeled a patient out of a home to their ambulance, only to find it wasn’t there. HASH(0x13e3050) Jim Arvin, president and CEO of White Rose Ambulance, says the video shows Smith “having a good time”…

 

 

HEALTH & FITNESS NEWS…

(THIS WILL BE DISAPPEARING SOON DUE TO MYNEWS SHUTTING DOWN.)

 

Zafgen reports second death in key drug study
NEW YORK (AP) — Zafgen Inc. on Wednesday reported a second patient death in an ongoing study of its potential treatment for a rare genetic disorder linked to obesity. The Boston-based company’s shares plunged 56 percent in premarket trading Wednesday. The biotechnology company said the…

 

Planned Parenthood shooting: Domestic terrorism? It’s knotty    photo
WASHINGTON (AP) — The man accused of killing three people at a Colorado Planned Parenthood clinic brought several guns, ammunition and propane tanks that officials say he assembled around a car. For hours, he holed up inside the clinic, unleashing a fusillade that wounded nine others,…
CDC: New diabetes cases in US adults are dropping
NEW YORK (AP) — Fewer cases of diabetes are being diagnosed in U.S. adults, according to startling new federal statistics released Tuesday. Diabetes had been climbing for decades, driven by surging obesity rates. In 2009, the number of new cases reached 1.7 million. By last year, it had…
Report: Drug maker was focused on profits, not patients    photo
WASHINGTON (AP) — The makers of a breakthrough hepatitis drug put profits before patients in pricing the $1,000 pill that’s become a symbol of the excessive cost of medications, Senate investigators said Tuesday. A bipartisan report from the Senate Finance Committee concluded that…
UN: Polio outbreak in Ukraine is a state of emergency
KIEV, Ukraine (AP) — The World Health Organization is urging Ukraine’s health ministry to declare a state of emergency due to a polio outbreak, a move meant to prompt more action from the government in Kiev. In September, Ukraine announced two polio cases — the first in Europe since…
Cuba imposes travel permit for doctors to limit brain drain    photo
HAVANA (AP) — The Cuban government announced Tuesday that it is re-imposing a hated travel permit requirement on many doctors, requiring them to get permission to leave the country in an attempt to counter a brain drain that it blames on the United States. It is the first major retreat in…
Scientists, ethicists tackle gene editing’s ethics, promise    photo
WASHINGTON (AP) — A hot new tool to edit the human genetic code has a big wow factor: the promise of long-sought cures for intractable diseases. But depending on how it’s used, that same tool could also alter human heredity. The debate has brought hundreds of scientists and ethicists from 20…
Rising cigarette taxes tied to lower infant deaths: Study
CHICAGO (AP) — When it costs more to smoke, fewer babies die, according to a new study that links rising cigarette taxes with declines in infant mortality, especially among blacks. With nearly 4 million annual births nationwide, the results suggest that a $1 increase in cigarette taxes would…
Express Scripts offers low-cost alternative to Turing drug    photo
The nation’s biggest pharmacy benefits manager is muscling back into the debate over soaring drug costs by promoting a less-expensive alternative to a life-saving medicine with a list price of $750 per pill. Express Scripts Holding Co. said Tuesday that it will make a treatment for the rare…
Artist sucks up Beijing air to draw attention to air quality    photo
BEIJING (AP) — For four hours every day, for 100 days, Chinese artist Wang Renzheng held up the attachment of an industrial vacuum cleaner to suck in Beijing’s notoriously polluted air at various landmarks. Passers-by were intrigued, inquiring if he was an air sanitation worker, or if he was…
Top carbon culprits US, China, India debate nuances of roles    photo
LE BOURGET, France (AP) — Call them the culprits of carbon. Leaders of the United States, China and India — the world’s top three carbon polluters — engaged in some private diplomacy Monday on the sidelines of the international climate change conference. And while each spoke of a…

 

 

NEWS KICKERS

(No news on the weekends. Audio clips are only valid for a few days before being removed from our servers.)

 

NEW NEWS KICKERS…

According to a survey, one in four Europeans has fallen asleep in the workplace.  *** Only one in four? Amateurs.

 

The cost of 10 lords a-leaping increased 3 percent over last year, but nine of the other 12 gifts listed in the carol “The Twelve Days of Christmas” stayed the same price as last year. The Associated Press report on the 32nd annual PNC Wealth Management Christmas Price Index found that a set of gifts spelled out in the final verse of the song would cost $34,131 this year, or 0.6 percent more than the adjusted 2014 price of $33,933. *** I’m so glad they do this list every year – because I can’t tell you how often I find myself suddenly in need of a Lord-a-Leaping or a partridge in a pear tree and have no idea if they’ll fit in my budget.  (AUDIO: 12 Days of Christmas Music Bed)

http://yhoo.it/1RgFiqI

 

Just in time for Christmas, Oscar Mayer is selling a miniature version of their iconic hotdog-shaped vehicle. The remote control Wienermobile is now available for $25.  *** Are kids suddenly clamoring for toys from the 1950’s?  Do I need to start shopping for one of those spinning metal tops that had a crank on the top to keep it going? (AUDIO: Oscar Meyer Weiner song from 1965)

 

The heavy metal band Twisted Sister has approved Donald Trump using their ’80 hit “We’re Not Gonna Take It” at his campaign appearances.  *** Maybe they can demand $5-million from CNN too if Donald takes the stage with his theme music.  (AUDIO: “What do you want to do with your life?” from the Twisted Sister video)

 

 

NEWS KICKER EVERGREENS…

Despite what you may think, studies show that most Americans pack on no more than one pound around the holidays. It’s just the fact that most of us have trouble losing that pound in the New Year, then put another one on the next year and the year after which causes the problem.  ***MARLAR: I would suggest we maybe switch to fasting for the holidays rather than feasting, but honestly, my idea of “fasting” is simply not going back to the buffet table for “thirds”…

 

Researchers say that brain scans can help identify prison inmates who are likely to reoffend.  ***For example – if the computer the brain scan is stored on gets stolen.

 

While your social media profile can be a great asset in your job search, a CareerBuilder study shows it can also end up costing you the job. More than two in five (43%) hiring managers who currently research candidates using social media said they have found information that has caused them not to hire a candidate. ***I guess that means I should delete that Facebook photo from last year’s company Christmas party that caught me watching “It’s A Wonderful Life” on company time while sitting de-pantsed on the copy machine.  That might affect my future employment.

 

Very obese older men hoping to live longer may be let down by a long-term study that found weight-loss surgery didn’t increase survival for people like them – at least during the first seven years.  ***MARLAR: In other words, the older you get, the more it makes sense to just stay fat and happy.  I’m good to go.

 

 

WONDER WOMAN

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… “Two-Percent Milk”

 

 

DAILY COMEDY CLIP

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… Bob Smiley, “Umbilical Cord”

 

 

AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – WEEKDAY VERSION

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD THURSDAY’S EPISODE
CHRISTMAS EPISODE!

 

OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns! When last we left the jungle, Gruffy Bear was really excited about his new idea to create a holiday to celebrate the birth of Jesus. But since he sleeps all winter, he doesn’t know that it already exists – it’s called Christmas! And now he’s getting ready for the long hibernation!

 

CLOSE: Don’t you just hate it when you wake up in the middle of the winter and someone’s making a lot of noise? And we still don’t know yet what this story has to do with Christmas – but we’ll find out, As the Jungle Turns!

 

 

AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – SATURDAY/SUNDAY VERSION

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD THE EPISODE FOR THE WEEKEND OF DECEMBER 05/06

 

OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns! When last we left the jungle, all of the animals could not figure out what day it was… fort building day, badminton day, story-telling day, they just didn’t know! But fortunately, along came some help in the form of the king of the jungle… a small lion! What could be better…?

 

CLOSE: A royal taste tester for the king! If I ever decide to change careers… Anyway, tune in again next time for another episode of As the Jungle Turns!

 

***You may simulcast “As the Jungle Turns” on the Internet stream of your live broadcast only. Any other Internet use of As the Jungle Turns in whole or part including podcasting of your live broadcast is a violation of copyright law. Thank you for your cooperation on this vitally important issue. If you have any questions, please e-mail us.

 

 

MOMENT OF DUH

A government-subsidized Moment of Duh!

A bureaucrat from Kerala, India (a government in great financial trouble right now), took his wife and the Livestock Development Board Manager to Australia. They flew there, at their financially troubled government’s expense, to buy a goat. The goat, by the way, cost twice in Australia what it would have cost in India. The Livestock Development Board Manager said this was a special goat needed for research, but she couldn’t explain why it was special.

 

 

TOP TEN

TOP TEN CONTRADICTORY LINES I’M TIRED OF HEARING, PART ONE

  1. Help stamp out violence.
  2. I can’t stand intolerant people.
  3. I’m lucky I won.
  4. I don’t have time for impatient people.
  5. I think we should line up all the murderers and shoot them.
  6. White people like to stereotype.
  7. An exaggeration is the worst abomination of mankind.
  8. You’re just another one of those people who puts everyone in a box.
  9. Can I ask you a question?
  10. Statistics show that 87% of all surveys are totally inaccurate and misleading.

 

 

THE FILES OF LAW & DISORDER

The spirit of Christmas is beginning to get into everyone – even armed robbers!

 

FILE #1: A gang who robbed an Italian supermarket and held its employees hostage actually left some money for the hostages before escaping. The seven robbers had coffee and even chatted a while with the staff while gathering the goods they were stealing. They then took cash out of their own pockets and handed it to the staff of the store! After an hour, they thanked all the employees “for their co-operation” and paid them for the trouble. An unnamed employee says: “They apologized for having scared us, and told us to share the money without saying anything to the police.” The gang escaped before anyone could alert the police. They have not yet been traced.

 

FILE #2: Police in Annapolis, Md., are looking for a few ugly women. The band of thieves are “very unattractive and obviously male,” a police detective says. The men wear tight skirts and high heels, and the distraction they cause allows accomplices to steal money, credit cards and checks from stores. “They might look kind of silly when they dress up, but they’re really good at what they do,” the detective added. It’s a good ploy by the crime boss: he knows the gang won’t brag about the scheme to their friends.

 

FILE #3: Police in the western German town of Herne said they had caught a 33-year-old man stealing bath robes and bikinis from a public swimming pool. After the man admitted stealing the four robes and 14 bikini bottoms from the Herne pool, police checked his apartment and found another 600 robes. The man, who was not named, escaped jail after promising to donate his haul to charity, and to find a new hobby.

 

STRANGE LAW: In Lang, Kansas it is illegal to ride a mule down Main Street in August, unless the animal is wearing a straw hat.

 

 

THIS IS YOUR BRAIN ON DRUGS

It didn’t exactly take Crockett and Tubbs to bring down one Brazilian drug cartel.

Police in Sao Paulo arrested a group of men and searched them after a tip, but didn’t find enough marijuana and cocaine on them to charge them with drug dealing. Luckily for cops, the gang was thoughtful enough to use their cell phones to take pictures of themselves with kilos of cocaine and a large amount of marijuana. A police spokesperson said: “We’re glad they are such show-offs. They helped us by registering their criminal actions.”

 

 

PHONER PHUN

What movie or TV special do you absolutely have to watch every year in order for it to feel like Christmas? For me, it’s the movie, “It’s a Wonderful Life” starring Jimmy Stewart. What about you?

 

 

BIBLE BRAIN BUSTER!

QUESTION: Which Psalm is the shortest in the Bible?

ANSWER: Psalm 117

 

 

QUESTION IMPOSSIBLE

QUESTION: On the children’s television show “Sesame Street,” how many actors and puppeteers are required in order for Big Bird and Oscar the Grouch to have a conversation?

ANSWER: Three. One man, Carroll Spinney, plays Big Bird AND Oscar the Grouch. From within the 8′ 2″ yellow feathered suit, Spinney watches a small monitor with the same view as the audience. He operates Big Bird’s head with one hand while working the bird’s hand with his other. When Oscar and Big Bird are in the same scene, Spinney speaks for both Muppets, while another puppeteer operates Oscar.

 

 

TRUE OR FALSE

Pay attention! If our next player doesn’t answer all ten T/F questions correctly we start all over from question #1! First person to answer question #10 correctly is our winner!

 

  1. Stuffed eggs are called “deviled eggs” because they originally were so spicy hot that they reminded you of the fires of Hell. (True… when stuffed eggs were first introduced, they were covered with incredibly hot pepper… so hot that one bite brought to mind the fires of hell.)
  2. Instead of wedding rings, Amish men use facial hair to show if they are married or not. (True… Amish men grow a beard to show that they are married, they shave while they are single.)

 

  1. The average butterfly has a lifespan of two years. (False… it’s less than one month)

 

  1. Playing video games can burn as many calories as brisk walking or cycling. (True… at least according to one recent study)

 

  1. Grand Island, Nebraska was the first city in the U.S. to put fluoride in their water. (False… Grand Rapids, Michigan was first.)

 

  1. While Timothy McVeigh was in prison, he received four proposals for marriage from women. (True… sickos.)

 

  1. 4 out of 10 guys will end a relationship over the phone. (False… it’s only 2 out of 10. See, we’re not as bad as you thought ladies!)

 

  1. Before becoming a famous actor, Harrison Ford’s biggest claim to fame was being the voice for the famous TV ad line — “Secret, strong enough for a man but made for a woman.” (False… that line was actually done by William H. Macy who starred in “Fargo” and “Jurassic Park III”)

 

  1. Green has become the most popular car color in America. (False… it’s white, and has been for a long time.)

 

  1. When Congress was first created, the first Congressmen were paid only $1 a day. (False… but it wasn’t all that much better… it was 6 dollars per day – and they didn’t get a pay raise until 1814!)

 

 

TABLOID MATCH GAME

You have to match the blank in the tabloid headline with the word or phrase that has been removed!

“New _______ Just For Muslims!”  (CAR)

Malaysian automaker Proton has announced plans to develop the world’s first “Islamic car,” intended for Muslim motorists. The unique vehicle will have a compass that continually points to Mecca and a dedicated space to keep a copy of the Koran and a headscarf.

 

 

THE WAY TOO EARLY IN THE MORNING TO UNDERSTAND THE PUNCHLINE EVEN AFTER TWO CUPS OF COFFEE JOKE OF THE DAY

JOKE #1

The head of a small industrial company posted DO IT NOW signs all around his office and plant in hopes of getting better results from his workers.  Some weeks later, when asked why he was removing the slogans, he said, “It worked too well: the bookkeeper skipped with $20,000; the chief clerk eloped with the best secretary I’ve ever had; three salesmen asked for raises; and the workers in the factory joined the union and are out on strike.”

 

JOKE #2

Little Johnny and his friend Billy were on their very first train ride, with Billy’s mother.

A vendor came down the corridor selling a candy bar that neither had ever seen before. Billy’s mom bought each one of them a bar.

Little Johnny eagerly tore open the wrapper and bit a bit off into his mouth just as the train went into a tunnel. When the train emerged from the tunnel, he looked across at Billy and said: “I wouldn’t eat that if I were you.”

“Why not?” asked Billy.

Little Johnny replied, “I took one bite and went blind for half a minute.”

 

JOKE #3

A salesman, tired of his job, gave it up to become a policeman. Several months later, a friend asked him how he liked his new role.

“Well,” he replied, “the pay is good and the hours aren’t bad, but what I like best is that the customer is always wrong.”

 

 

USELESS FACTS

The Technical University of Denmark found that the smell given off by old carpets in an office can make workers dizzy, nauseous and cause some headaches. ***MARLAR: Their control group suffered the same ill effects just from going to the office.

 

About 3.5 million texts are sent every minute in America. ***MARLAR: About half of which come from my teenaged niece.

 

 

FEATURED FUNNIES

BAD DOG!
A man answered his doorbell and greeted a friend who walked in followed by a very large dog. The dog immediately jumped up on the sofa with his muddy feet and proceeded to knock over a lamp and chew on the cushions. The outraged householder began to scold his friend, “Don’t you think you should train your dog a little better?”
“My dog?” exclaimed the friend, “I thought it was your dog!”

 

 

IT MUST BE TRUE BECAUSE I HEARD IT ON THE RADIO!

THE HUMAN PIGGY BANK

Sometimes you just don’t know where to store your spare change.

Doctors performing emergency surgery on a man who was rushed to a Thailand hospital writhing in pain were stunned when more than 4.2 pounds of loose change spilled out of his stomach.  37-year-old Sanguan Pongsawat had apparently been swallowing the coins for a long time.   Doctors say the man will need to stay hospitalized for a while because of side effects of the coins being in his body for a long time.  ***MARLAR: The good news though is that he’s doing fine and has already paid his hospital bill in loose change.

 

 

INSPIRATIONAL INSPIRATION

PAINTING YOUR LIFE
By: Joseph J. Mazzella
I love art. I take so much joy in looking at beautiful paintings and wondrous sculptures. Although I could never draw or paint very well myself I have always taken great pleasure in admiring the work of others. I think that one of the reasons I love sunrises and sunsets so much is that they are works of art created by the very hand of God. Each is different and yet each reaches right down to your very soul with its beauty. I think the greatest works of art that God gives us, however, are the very lives we live. Each of us is given a potential masterpiece. God leaves it up to us to paint it, though. Nikos Kazantzakis says “You have your brush, you have your colors, you paint paradise, then in you go.” You can paint a picture of Heaven on Earth: full of love, full of joy, full of glory, goodness, and God or you can paint a picture of Hell: full of hate, full of misery, full of pessimism, problems, and pain. The choice is yours.
What kind of artist do you want to be? What kind of painting do you want your life to be? Do you want to settle for a dull, lifeless picture of unhappiness and despair or do you want to paint the paradise of love and joy you were meant for?
Start painting that paradise today. Fill it with brilliant smiles, positive thoughts, and joyous feelings. Splash on some fun and friendship. Brush in a lot of laughter and delight. Use every color of kindness, beauty, compassion and caring that you can find. Don’t forget to throw on buckets of love and gallons of goodness and God as well. Work on your painting each and every day. Make it the most spectacular work of art imaginable then step into it and share it with the world.

 

 

DRIVE TIME DEVOTIONAL

A LITTLE KINDER

The kindness and the love of God our Savior toward man appeared. —Titus 3:4

Aldous Huxley (1894-1963), one of the world’s leading intellects, was visiting with Houston Smith, a well-known professor of philosophy and religion. As they were driving to an engagement, Huxley said, “You know, Houston, it’s rather embarrassing to have spent one’s entire lifetime pondering the human condition and . . . find that I really don’t have anything more profound to pass on by way of advice than, ‘Try to be a little kinder.'”

The apostle Paul saw kindness in a different light. In Ephesians 4:32, he linked being kind, tenderhearted, and forgiving with the way God has treated us. In Titus 3:4, he said that it was “the kindness and the love of God” that provided eternal salvation.

In a world where callous thoughtlessness and selfish indifference are all too common, kindness can make our lives fruitful when motivated by Christlike love. When our walk harmonizes with our words of witness, it will make a compelling impact on others by pointing them to the kind of love God has for them in Jesus Christ. If Huxley had learned what Paul had learned, he would have seen that trying to be a little kinder is one of the most profound truths of all.

What motivates us to try? There’s no better reason than the love of God as shown to us by Jesus.

—Vernon Grounds

 

He saw me ruined by the fall,
Yet loved me notwithstanding all;
He saved me from my lost estate,
His loving kindness, oh, how great!

 

Kindness is treating others the way God treats you.

 

 

LEFTOVERS

THE BREAK OF YAWN

Andy Taylor (yes, that’s his real name Andy Griffith fans!) won’t be going back to his job too soon… all because he yawned!

Andy Taylor works at a bakery – and he won’t be going back for two weeks after he dislocated his shoulder. Nothing odd about that, except the fact that he dislocated the shoulder while yawning! Taylor pulled his right arm out of its socket while he stretched in the staff break room at the bakery he works at in England. His fellow coworkers originally thought he was joking and therefore he spent 20 minutes doubled over in pain before an ambulance crew arrived to take him to hospital.

 

 

LIFE… LIVE IT

EXACTLY HOW LONG IS ETERNITY?

They say time is relative… and boy are they right!  Time seems to come to a standstill in some situations.

  • Keeping a smile on your face until the flash goes off.
  • Waiting for the tow truck to show up.
  • Awaiting the results of a pregnancy test.
  • The second hour of Monopoly.
  • The day before vacation
  • Christmas Eve.
  • The wait after your wife says, “I’ll be ready in a minute.”
  • The red light at (busy local) intersection.
  • 4:55 p.m. Friday.

 

 

JUST FOR FUN

NOT SO BEAUTIFUL MUSIC

If at first you don’t succeed, get worse. That’s the philosophy of recording artist Chris Wintle.

…After two unsuccessful selling albums, Wintle decided that maybe he was taking the wrong approach to his work. He came to the conclusion that his piano playing needed to get worse! Wintle is hoping to become a success with a CD of out-of-tune Christmas carols featuring him hammering out bad notes on the piano. His record company bosses believes that the tracks on “Walking In A Wintle Wonderland” are so awful, they could go be huge seller on the Christmas novelty market. Record producer Bob King said, “It’s absolute garbage – and that’s the highest compliment I can find. There’s a skill in playing as badly as this, and Chris has done a top job. He’s going to be a big star.” ***MARLAR: I’ve taken that same approach to my job for years, but my boss is not real supportive.

 

 

FUN LIST

IMPORTANT CHRISTMAS LIGHT DISCOVERIES I MADE LAST NIGHT

  1. There is no such thing as having too many extension cords.
  2. If you try to replace a missing bulb with one from an old string of lights, they won’t match.
  3. If you plug more than 7 strands of big outdoor lights into one extension cord, you will burn up those little fuses on the plugs.
  4. ALWAYS test a string of lights before you spend 30 minutes untangling it.
  5. After you have tested and retested your strands of lights, climbed up on a ladder and hung them on your roof, they will stop working as soon as you put the ladder away.
  6. The outlet where you need to plug the lights in will always be on the other side of the house.
  7. Christmas lights only blink when you don’t want them to.
  8. On the box of lights it says, “Steady illuminating bulbs remain lit even if ONE bulb burns out.” They don’t tell you that when 2 bulbs burn out, they all go out.
  9. Never, ever try to reuse your Christmas lights from last year. They just don’t work that way. It’s easier to buy new ones.

 

 

MORE SHOW PREP STUFF…

HAIR TODAY


What’s the hottest new fashion trend for women in Japan? Painted armpits!! The TBC chain of Japanese beauty parlors is offering an armpit painting service including various artistic designs and glitter sprinkling. Their parlors offer a hair removal service for 10,000 yen with the painting costing an extra 3,600 yen. This includes powder and gels in gold, blue and pink. Glittery sealants which protect the artwork will cost the customer another 2,000 yen.  ***MARLAR: And for those of you who don’t have a lot of money, there’s always the cheap, chalky white deodorant look!

 

ASK NEIGHBORS TO WATCH FOR PORCH THIEVES

Buying online is easy. Click, pay, and it’s delivered to your front porch. And then it’s stolen by thieves. Wait, what? Yep, police are seeing a huge spike in front porch package thefts this year. Although electronics are the most attractive items, thieves are grabbing everything from clothing to children’s bicycles. Advice: If you’re not going to be home, have a neighbor watch out for your package.

 

 

TOTALLY OUTRAGEOUS!

(Mondays Only)

 

 

OTHER STUFF I WANT TO CRAM INTO TODAY’S PREP

Over 200 years ago, after much thought and prayer, fully knowing their lives would be at risk, the great men of our country issued a declaration for independence. The result was the opportunity for us to enjoy a freedom that has allowed our country to prosper as no other country before it. Now iMom is suggesting you consider another declaration for your family. As the founding fathers gathered in the Continental Congress long ago, gather your family. Discuss and list the freedoms, people, opportunities for which your family is grateful. Use the Declaration of Gratefulness to form your list.

http://bit.ly/1MPHVOr

 

After Jaden Newman sunk two deep threes and a running floater, Downey Christian High School’s season opener was stopped to honor its star’s latest feat: At just 11 years old, Newman had just notched her 1000th varsity point. That’s right, the latest basketball phenom out of Orlando, Florida, is a sixth-grader. Newman has played on her school’s varsity team since the third grade. Last year, at 10 years of age, the point guard averaged 30.5 points and 9.2 assists a game.

http://huff.to/1T51gw7

 

An 8-year-old girl is tapping into her creativity in trying to keep police officers safe across the country.  Arianna Nichols, of Illinois, started making crosses out of Perler beads she received for her birthday in August and has since made it her mission to distribute these crosses to police officers in every U.S. state. The first police department that Arianna provided her crosses to was the Madison County Sheriff’s Department in Illinois at the end of September. Since then, the little girl who wants to “spread God’s word” has sent 6,087 crosses to 90 departments in 30 states.

http://abcn.ws/1NdI0xv

 

 

AND I LEAVE YOU WITH THIS THOUGHT

A new survey shows that Americans are buying guns at a record pace. ***Apparently, they want to protect themselves from all the people who are buying guns.

 

 

THE WAY WE WORK

(Updated as it comes available. The Way WE Work is written by Mark Elfstrand from 1160Hope.com in Chicago.)

 

In the Throes of Airline Woes

 

Today completes the main travel days of the Thanksgiving cycle. Thus, another busy day at airports. Last week, I noted that airlines are continually finding ways to scrunch customers on their planes. We need to do better.

My blog today is a follow up to my thoughts on the unfortunate “adventure” that air travel often becomes. Let’s begin with some real adventure!

Landing at Midway Airport in Chicago has always been exciting. Five relatively short runways, the longest of which is 6,522 feet in length. The adventure of flying into Midway is always to see how close you are to those to someone’s rooftop. A simple Google search of “plane skids off runway at Midway” yields stories of several incidents. It’s a little awkward when you slide into Midway and the Captain comes on and says, “Safe!”

Nonetheless, it’s my preferred airport in Chicago. Generally easy access. Rarely do you wait for other airplanes to take off. Tasty eats. All good. Except for one thing. Well, maybe two. Baggage claim and security screening.

Recent visitors we picked up at Midway arrived on a Saturday evening. It took almost a full hour from the time they exited the plane to when their luggage arrived. Sure there had been a snowstorm. Sure there were lots of people at the airport. Both of these factors were known in advance!

Simple solution: get more people! I have had the benefit of having a friend who managed an airport at one of America’s larger cities. I toured the airport on a couple of occasions with him and was amazed at the sophistication of the baggage claim process. I’m not so amazed in Chicago.

My son travels a lot on business. He purchased the privilege of TSA PreCheck that allows you to avoid the normally long lines of security checks. This works well except when it doesn’t work at all! My son noted that on a few more recent occasions, the airport decided not to open those lanes.

 

Another travel adventure.

His second airline adventure came when flying a “no frills airline.” He needed more space so he arranged for a second seat. He’s a big man and wanted room to work comfortably. A gate attendant knew of his second seat and embarrassed him into yielding it (with no refund) to a passenger on their overbooked airline. Smiling cooly she asked, “Do you really need that seat?” I don’t know, do you really need to overbook your airline?

And here’s one for you. Why in the world of amazing Bose speakers do we have airline on-board instructions that can’t be heard or understood? It happened to us on recent flights to Israel. The safety instructions could not be heard because the system kept breaking up! During the flight, the captain came on the overhead speakers and was indiscernible.

Am I the only one thinking we need some air travel “miracle makeovers”? I don’t think so. Wired magazine recently popped out a story titled, “Here’s What Makes Flying Suck and How Designers Would Fix It.” That gets to the point! http://www.wired.com/2015/11/heres-what-makes-flying-suck-and-how-designers-would-fix-it/?mbid=nl_112515

Some of them were borderline humorous. One designer would like moon roofs built in to have a cabin flooded with daylight or to watch the evening constellations. Another offered he would trade watching movies to have a “quiet place” in the airplane for like, well, meditation.

More to my preferences was a designer from Ustwo (a digital product studio), Avalon Hu. He observed that tray tables rarely get adequately cleaned between stopovers. He suggests detachable tray tables that can be interchanged quickly. You could then dispose of the dirty ones or send them to be cleaned. (Or how about a warm disinfectant towel before we depart?)

Others would design an armrest that offered a pop up vertical divider for more privacy…and to keep the sleeping passenger next to you from putting their head on your shoulder. Another suggests personalizing when flyers can eat or sleep on longer flights.

But Jeff Salazar’s overall observation rang truest with me. Jeff is the VP of design at Lunar, now a part of McKinsey. He writes, “Iconic companies like Disney and Apple have dedicated their organizations to expertly crafting and weaving together the many micro-experiences of the physicality of space into truly magical moments. They anticipate our needs, from the trivial to the nuanced and complex. These brands simultaneously streamline and enhance our relationship to space and experience. It’s the most mundane of experiences that deserve the delight of design.”
You got it, Jeff.

To the passenger side, Jesus of Nazareth was not a burdened down traveler. We often are. Maybe we should heed the advice He gave in sending out His disciples. To them “He said, ‘Don’t load yourselves up with equipment. Keep it simple; you are the equipment. And no luxury inns—get a modest place and be content there until you leave. If you’re not welcomed, leave town. Don’t make a scene. Shrug your shoulders and move on.’” (Luke 9:2-5, MSG)

Travel light. Show hospitality. Be a witness.

Even passengers could use a miracle makeover.

That’s The Way WE Work. Click on the link to the right to connect via Facebook.

 

Catch “Let’s Talk with Mark Elfstrand” weekday afternoons from 4-6pm on AM 1160 Hope for Your Life. To listen to the live broadcast or a podcast of previous shows click here.

 

 

THE TICKET Movie Reviews with MARIE ASNER

Marie Asner has been reviewing films for over 30 years. Her outlets include radio, print and Internet. For more in-depth movie reviews of the following films, visit www.Tollbooth.org. Ratings from 1 (Low) to 5 (High).

 

NOVEMBER 25, 2015…

 

Creed—Sylvester Stallone just can’t keep away from boxing.  In this film, he is coaching a young boxer, Creed (Michael B. Jordan), who is the son of Creed (Carl Weathers) from previous “Rocky” films.  Did the original have daughters for a boxing film? Just asking…”Creed” is rated PG 13. No rating.

 

The Good Dinosaur—An animated family movie with a different view of life. Here, the dinosaurs lived and are the dominant species, while humans are their pets. So the dinosaur, Arlo (voice of Raymond Ochoa) has the human, Spot (voice of Jack Bright) as his pet. There are life problems in this age, too.  “The Good Dinosaur” is rated PG. Rating of 2 for animation fans.

 

The Night Before—Childhood, sometimes it doesn’t end.  In this film, three guys (Seth Rogen, Joseph Gordon-Levitt and Anthony Mackie) have spent Christmas Eve together since children.  Now, they are adults and responsibilities are pulling them in different directions.  What to do?  “The Night Before” is rated PG 13. Rating of 2 for fans.

 

Victor Frankenstein—So, were the doctor Frankenstein and his assistant, Igor, friends or not?  This film explores the relationship between the two. Victor Frankenstein is played by James McAvoy and Igor is none other than Daniel Radcliffe from “Harry Potter.”  Interesting premise. “Victor Frankenstein” is rated R. No rating.

 

NOVEMBER 27, 2015…

 

The Danish Girl (opening in select cities)—Eddie Redmayne takes on the role of one of the first transgender persons to come into the public, Lili Elbe.  Also in the cast is Alicia Vikander who plays Gerda Wegener, once married to Redmayne’s character. This happened in the mid-1920’s.  “The Danish Girl” is rated R. No rating.

 

DECEMBER 04, 2015…

 

Macbeth (opening in select cities)—Michael Fassbender (“Steve Jobs”) now takes on Shakespeare to portray Macbeth with Marion Cotillard as Lady Macbeth. Here we are in Scotland of the 11th century and there is murder, intrigue and back-stabbing (excuse the pun) everywhere. “Macbeth” is rated R. No rating.

 

Krampus—a holiday horror film, dark comedy starring Toni Collette and Adam Scott about a horrible demon. His targets are people who don’t help people during the holidays. Your guess is as good as mine. “Krampus” is rated R. No rating.

 

DECEMBER 11, 2015…

 

*Note: Legend, starring Tom Hardy as two gangster brothers who rule London, is now due to open this week.  Here’s hoping.

 

In The Heart Of The Sea with Chris Hemsworth as part of the crew of a 1820 whaling ship decimated by a white whale, is opening this week.  Based on a true story.

 

The Big Short has Brad Pitt and Ryan Gosling as two guys who bet against banks. Shades of financial maneuvering.

 

The Lady In The Van (opening in select cities) and based on the true story of a woman who parked her van in a driveway and lived there for years. Stars Maggie Smith.

 

# # # # #

 

 

WARNING:  Don’t believe anything you read on the Internet or email (including stuff you read here) unless you can confirm it with another source, and/or it is consistent with what you already know to be true. The opinions in this publication are not necessarily those of Darren Marlar, Marlar House Entertainment, OnAirPrep.com, or any company or organization affiliated with aforementioned. (Regardless of how stupid you may think those opinions are. So there – nyah!)

Darren Marlar credits all non-original material to the author whenever possible. All other material is original, used with permission, or author unknown. We welcome all comments, questions, and suggestions. Darren can be reached via his website at www.DarrenMarlar.com.