***DAILY DOSE OF WEIRD NEWS – FREE TO AIR! (Need to receive this earlier than when it’s posted? Get FTP access and receive a fully-produced version FREE with a customized tag specifically for your station or show! Contact me with your ONAIRprep username for details!)
AND NOW… ON WITH THE SHOW!
PRINTER FRIENDLY VERSION: 20161203
WELCOME TO THE SHOW!
It’s (THE JOCK SHOW) – rising to the highest levels of incompetence!
BIBLE VERSE OF THE DAY
Behold, a virgin shall be with child, and shall bring forth a son, and they shall call his name Emmanuel, which being interpreted is, God with us. –Matthew 1:23
Lamentations 5:19 = You, Lord, reign forever; your throne endures from generation to generation.
In the past God spoke to our forefathers through the prophets at many times and in various ways, but in these last days he has spoken to us by his Son, whom he appointed heir of all things, and through whom he made the universe. — Hebrews 1:1-2
HEARTLIGHT DAILY VERSE, PRAYER & THOUGHT
Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him. — James 1:12
Thought: I don’t know about you, but it is hard for me to appreciate our need to go through trials. In fact, trials in life are just plain hard to tolerate! This is especially true when we are in the middle of them. But as believers in Jesus, we have some key spiritual reasons to persevere under trials. One of the very best reasons to hang in there when things are tough spiritually is God’s promise to give us the crown of life that can’t be taken away from us.
Prayer: Gracious God, thank you for promising the victor’s crown of life to me. Empower me to persevere through the power of your Holy Spirit. In Jesus’ name I pray. Amen.
“BIRTHDAY VERSE” OF THE DAY (The chapter and verse corresponds to the month and the day!)
Romans 12:3 NIV = For by the grace given me I say to every one of you: Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the measure of faith God has given you.
TODAY IS SATURDAY – DECEMBER 03, 2016
(NOTE: Some holidays may be duplicated due to various calendars reporting conflicting dates)
WEIRD, WACKY, STRANGE, ZANY, ODD, BIZARRE, QUIRKY, UNUSUAL HOLIDAYS!
THERE ARE ONLY 22 SHOPPING DAYS UNTIL CHRISTMAS.
Today is REINVIGORATE YOUR BRAIN BY READING SOMETHING DAY. ***Well, I do have that Uncle John’s Bathroom Reader…
CALL YOUR FAVORITE RADIO STATION AND TELL THE HOW AWESOME THEY ARE DAY. ***Okay, so we made this one up – but we’re insecure.
TODAY IS ALSO…
COMING UP NEXT (Just a list, we are not endorsing the holidays posted below.)
SUNDAY, DECEMBER 04
MONDAY, DECEMBER 05
TUESDAY, DECEMBER 06
National Pawnbrokers Day
St. Nicholas Day
WEDNESDAY, DECEMBER 07
THURSDAY, DECEMBER 08
Pretend To Be A Time Traveler Day
FRIDAY, DECEMBER 09
International Anti-corruption Day
Official Lost & Found Day
Weary Willie Day
SATURDAY, DECEMBER 10
SUNDAY, DECEMBER 11
International Mountain Day
Mawlid Al Nabi
Worldwide Candle Lighting Day (The Compassionate Friends)
World Choral Day
MONDAY, DECEMBER 12
ON THIS DAY
1929: Ford Motor Company raised the pay of its employees 40 percent despite the collapse of the U.S. stock market. Ford wages went from $5 to $7 a day.
1947: The Tennessee Williams play “A Streetcar Named Desire” opened on Broadway starring Jessica Tandy as Blanche and Marlon Brando as Stanley.
1966: In his first varsity game at UCLA, center Lew Alcindor scored 56 points. As Kareem Abdul-Jabbar he became one of basketball’s greatest players.
1976: A 40-foot-tall inflated pink pig floated all day over London. It was originally being photographed for a rock group’s album cover, but broke loose. ***The day finally came, “when pigs fly.”
1950: Newscaster Paul Harvey made his first national broadcast from Chicago.
1960: The musical “Camelot” opened on Broadway.
1965: Keith Richards was electrocuted and knocked unconscious during a Rolling Stones concert in Sacramento.
1984: Harry Stevens and Thelma Lucas were married at the Caravilla Retirement Home in Wisconsin. Harry was 103, Thelma was 84, making them the oldest bride and groom in history. ***The honeymoon had to be postponed when both Harry and Thelma decided they were too tired from walking back down the aisle.
1984: Former Miss America and wife of the governor of Kentucky, Phyllis George, signed to co-anchor the “CBS Morning News.”
1990: ABC’s “Nightline” aired Madonna’s “Justify My Love” video a week after MTV had banned it.
1991: 26 Soviet sailors got passes to tour Gulfport, Mississippi. The first place they asked to see was Wal-Mart.
1993: Britain’s Princess Diana announced she would limit public appearances because of media’s intrusions into her life.
1995: Two parking meter clerks were sentenced to two-and-a-half years in prison for stealing the equivalent of $540-thousand from parking meters in Wellington, New Zealand.
1998: A London woman who had been abducted by a phony cab driver sprayed an aerosol at his face when he lit a cigarette and set his hair on fire. While the kidnapper dealt with his bad hair day, the victim escaped.
1999: Tori Murden became the first woman to row across the Atlantic Ocean alone. The trip from the Canary Islands to the French Caribbean island of Guadeloupe took 81 days.
2000: Space shuttle Endeavour’s astronauts attached the world’s largest, most powerful set of solar panels to the international space station. ***Can you still use the term “world’s largest” when you’re not technically on the world?
2003: A man who stole a red Salvation Army kettle was knocked down by a car as he tried to get away. Police said as the man pretended to make a donation in Tucson, he grabbed the kettle, containing about $70. Seconds later he was hit by a car and arrested at the scene. The police investigator called it “poetic justice.”
2005: A Vietnamese doctor with experience in treating bird flu said Tamiflu, the drug being stockpiled for treatment, was useless against the virus.
TODAY IN CHRISTIAN HISTORY
1552: Jesuit missionary Francis Xavier, one of the founding members of his order and one of the greatest missionaries ever, dies awaiting admission to China. Before that, he had converted 700,000 people in Portugal, India, Indonesia, Japan, and elsewhere.
1833: Ohio’s Oberlin College, the first coeducational college in the United States and one of the first to offer education to blacks, opens. Its unique character was formed as a result of the revival movement of Charles Finney, who later served as president of the school.
1846: Presbyterian widow Leslie Prentice leads a pro-life rally outside the home of New York City’s foremost abortionist, Anna Lohman, a.k.a. Madame Restell.
HOLLYWOOD, SPORTS AND CELEBRITY FIGURE BIRTHDAYS
- actor (Blank Check, Father Hood, he played Alexander Rozhenko on “Star Trek: The Next Generation”) Brian Bonsall 35 (audio clip)
- actress (Josie on “Cupid”, My Girl, My Girl 2) Anna Chlumsky 36
- actor (Journey to the Center of the Earth, Loony Tunes Back in Action, The Mummy, The Mummy Returns, The Mummy Tomb of the Dragon Emporer) Brendan Fraser 48
- skater Katarina Witt 51actress (Attack of the 50 Foot Woman, Steel Magnolias, Splash) Daryl Hannah 57
(Music Artist Birthdays From SongFacts.com)
1907 : Connee Boswell
1927 : Andy Williams; Born Howard Andrew Williams
1927 : Ferlin Husky
1931 : Jaye P. Morgan
1940 : John Cale (Velvet Underground)
1945 : Paul Nicholas
1948 : Ozzy Osbourne is born John Michael Osbourne
1949 : Mickey Thomas (Jefferson Starship)
1951 : Nicky Stevens (Brotherhood of Man)
1952 : Duane Roland (Molly Hatchet)
1971 : Montell Jordan
1979 : Daniel Bedingfield
SECRETS OF THE UNIVERSE
How has society evolved since the introduction of evolution as an answer to our origins?
There are many things that have come out of the anti-God religion of evolution. One of the most shocking is the evidence that’s come to light concerning the Aborigines in Australia. Decades ago, many scientists–on the basis of Darwin’s ideas about evolution–believed that the Australian Aborigines were very primitive. In fact, they were even considered to be the missing link between man and his so-called ‘ape-like’ ancestor. Incredibly, specimens of Aborigines were sought-after by museums and for evolutionary research. Some scientists even coaxed people to come to Australia to hunt down Aborigines so they could take their skulls and skins back to museums. Something like 10,000 Aborigine specimens were obtained for this! There are many shocking stories about hunters who shot Aborigines to collect them for museums. For another example of the evil fruit of evolution, think about a man who had millions killed because he believed in evolution. His name? Adolf Hitler. These examples should stand as a warning to our culture. That’s why we need to get our society to return to getting answers from Genesis, and not from evolution.
(Edited from Answers in Genesis and Creation Tips)
CHRISTIAN ARTIST NEWS
This is just a tiny sample of the 5-6 pages of material you could be receiving three days a week from ChristianRadioShowPrepServices.com!
MercyMe’s Bart Millard says his search for the most awkward waiting room of all it’s finally over. He posted a picture Of the waiting room in question. It had a real, full sized, stuffed deer staring at the people sitting in the waiting room. To make matters worse, looking over his shoulder was a life size, stuffed black bear.
Worship leader Chris Tomlin recently shared his philosophy on music: “I try and stay true to my music and hope the end result is that people ultimately worship the Lord.”
Matthew West say his buddy Trevor is the true rockstar. Matthew shared a picture as Trevor joined him on stage and added: Although he was diagnosed with cancer when he was just 4 years old, he’s confident and assured that God has a good plan for his life. He even started the nonprofit called Team Trevor to help raise funds for other children with cancer. Matthew said: I’m inspired by his faith and bravery! Get involved at team-trevor.org.
Moriah Peters says her parents make her laugh. She posted a recent conversation between her mom and dad. Her dad said: “Nobody knows our daughter is Mexican.” Her mom replied: “How could they not know? She eats hot cheetos!”
A tough day for Hawk Nelson front man Jon Steingard. The drone flying, vlog writing resident of California shared earlier this fall that his wife was expecting. Over the weekend Jon admitted: I think I’m about to buy a minivan.
Ryan Stevenson hasn’t always been a musician. In fact, he spent time as a paramedic before hitting the road as a Christian artist. Ryan recently found an old folder full of medical awards. His favorite: setting the record time from in-field to cath-lab.
Hawk Nelson frontman Jon Steingard was having some fun with the lady he was sharing an Uber ride with. He was picked up at a hair salon and the other rider assumed that he worked there. John said: I’m giving her lipstick advice right now. His advice: Go matte girl.
(No news on the weekends. As on ONAIRprep subscriber, you can get a fully-produced, customized version of the Daily Dose of Weird News FREE with a station or show specific tag! Email firstname.lastname@example.org for details!)
NEW NEWS KICKERS…
NEWS KICKER EVERGREENS…
Despite what you may think, studies show that most Americans pack on no more than one pound around the holidays. It’s just the fact that most of us have trouble losing that pound in the New Year, then put another one on the next year and the year after which causes the problem. ***I would suggest we maybe switch to fasting for the holidays rather than feasting, but honestly, my idea of “fasting” is simply not going back to the buffet table for “thirds”…
WONDER WOMAN (This feature will be disappearing in 2017)
CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… “Killing Time”
DAILY COMEDY CLIP (This feature will be disappearing in 2017)
CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… Gordon Douglas, “White House Brother”
AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – WEEKDAY VERSION
CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD MONDAY’S EPISODE
OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns! Last time, Millard the Monkey had tried everything to be better than Steve Mozart. Unfortunately, that landed him in the hospital… with Steve Mozart. And now everyone is more concerned about Steve getting well in time for his concert than with their friend Millard the Monkey.
CLOSE: How much can one monkey take? To be honest, I’m getting a little annoyed that Millard’s friends aren’t paying him much attention at all. Sure, Steve Mozart is a great guy and all, and Millard has taken his competition against Mozart a bit too far, but they’re all still friends, right? Tune in again next time for As the Jungle Turns!
AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – SATURDAY/SUNDAY VERSION (This feature will be disappearing in 2017)
CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD THE EPISODE FOR THE WEEKEND OF DECEMBER 03/04
OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns! Last time, the jungle animals were finally tired of running away from a giant-footed creature. Actually they weren’t running away from it, because nobody had ever really even seen it. In fact, this could all be just a big joke! There’s only one way to find out though… and it’s scary…
CLOSE: Oh no… it really IS a monster leaving those giant footprints! It’s a giant gorilla! What will happen to Millard? Will he really be eaten? And will the words salsa and Cheeze Whiz play a large part in our next episode? Find out next time… As the Jungle Turns!
***You may simulcast “As the Jungle Turns” on the Internet stream of your live broadcast only. Any other Internet use of “As the Jungle Turns” in whole or part including podcasting of your live broadcast is a violation of copyright law. Thank you for your cooperation on this vitally important issue. If you have any questions, please e-mail us and ask about “Jungle Jam & Friends the Radio Show” usage.
MOMENT OF DUH
A government-subsidized Moment of Duh!
A bureaucrat from Kerala, India (a government in great financial trouble right now), took his wife and the Livestock Development Board Manager to Australia. They flew there, at their financially troubled government’s expense, to buy a goat. The goat, by the way, cost twice in Australia what it would have cost in India. The Livestock Development Board Manager said this was a special goat needed for research, but she couldn’t explain why it was special.
TOP TEN CONTRADICTORY LINES I’M TIRED OF HEARING, PART ONE
Help stamp out violence.
I can’t stand intolerant people.
I’m lucky I won.
I don’t have time for impatient people.
I think we should line up all the murderers and shoot them.
White people like to stereotype.
An exaggeration is the worst abomination of mankind.
You’re just another one of those people who puts everyone in a box.
Can I ask you a question?
Statistics show that 87% of all surveys are totally inaccurate and misleading.
THE FILES OF LAW & DISORDER
The spirit of Christmas is beginning to get into everyone – even armed robbers!
FILE #1: A gang who robbed an Italian supermarket and held its employees hostage actually left some money for the hostages before escaping. The seven robbers had coffee and even chatted a while with the staff while gathering the goods they were stealing. They then took cash out of their own pockets and handed it to the staff of the store! After an hour, they thanked all the employees “for their co-operation” and paid them for the trouble. An unnamed employee says: “They apologized for having scared us, and told us to share the money without saying anything to the police.” The gang escaped before anyone could alert the police. They have not yet been traced.
FILE #2: Police in Annapolis, Md., are looking for a few ugly women. The band of thieves are “very unattractive and obviously male,” a police detective says. The men wear tight skirts and high heels, and the distraction they cause allows accomplices to steal money, credit cards and checks from stores. “They might look kind of silly when they dress up, but they’re really good at what they do,” the detective added. It’s a good ploy by the crime boss: he knows the gang won’t brag about the scheme to their friends.
FILE #3: Police in the western German town of Herne said they had caught a 33-year-old man stealing bath robes and bikinis from a public swimming pool. After the man admitted stealing the four robes and 14 bikini bottoms from the Herne pool, police checked his apartment and found another 600 robes. The man, who was not named, escaped jail after promising to donate his haul to charity, and to find a new hobby.
STRANGE LAW: In Lang, Kansas it is illegal to ride a mule down Main Street in August, unless the animal is wearing a straw hat.
THIS IS YOUR BRAIN ON DRUGS
It didn’t exactly take Crockett and Tubbs to bring down one Brazilian drug cartel.
Police in Sao Paulo arrested a group of men and searched them after a tip, but didn’t find enough marijuana and cocaine on them to charge them with drug dealing. Luckily for cops, the gang was thoughtful enough to use their cell phones to take pictures of themselves with kilos of cocaine and a large amount of marijuana. A police spokesperson said: “We’re glad they are such show-offs. They helped us by registering their criminal actions.”
What movie or TV special do you absolutely have to watch every year in order for it to feel like Christmas? For me, it’s the movie, “It’s a Wonderful Life” starring Jimmy Stewart. What about you?
BIBLE BRAIN BUSTER!
QUESTION: Which Psalm is the shortest in the Bible?
ANSWER: Psalm 117
QUESTION: On the children’s television show “Sesame Street,” how many actors and puppeteers are required in order for Big Bird and Oscar the Grouch to have a conversation?
ANSWER: Three. One man, Carroll Spinney, plays Big Bird AND Oscar the Grouch. From within the 8′ 2″ yellow feathered suit, Spinney watches a small monitor with the same view as the audience. He operates Big Bird’s head with one hand while working the bird’s hand with his other. When Oscar and Big Bird are in the same scene, Spinney speaks for both Muppets, while another puppeteer operates Oscar.
TRUE OR FALSE
Pay attention! If our next player doesn’t answer all ten T/F questions correctly we start all over from question #1! First person to answer question #10 correctly is our winner!
1. Stuffed eggs are called “deviled eggs” because they originally were so spicy hot that they reminded you of the fires of Hell. (True… when stuffed eggs were first introduced, they were covered with incredibly hot pepper… so hot that one bite brought to mind the fires of hell.)
2. Instead of wedding rings, Amish men use facial hair to show if they are married or not. (True… Amish men grow a beard to show that they are married, they shave while they are single.)
3. The average butterfly has a lifespan of two years. (False… it’s less than one month)
4. Playing video games can burn as many calories as brisk walking or cycling. (True… at least according to one recent study)
5. Grand Island, Nebraska was the first city in the U.S. to put fluoride in their water. (False… Grand Rapids, Michigan was first.)
6. While Timothy McVeigh was in prison, he received four proposals for marriage from women. (True… sickos.)
7. 4 out of 10 guys will end a relationship over the phone. (False… it’s only 2 out of 10. See, we’re not as bad as you thought ladies!)
8. Before becoming a famous actor, Harrison Ford’s biggest claim to fame was being the voice for the famous TV ad line — “Secret, strong enough for a man but made for a woman.” (False… that line was actually done by William H. Macy who starred in “Fargo” and “Jurassic Park III”)
9. Green has become the most popular car color in America. (False… it’s white, and has been for a long time.)
10. When Congress was first created, the first Congressmen were paid only $1 a day. (False… but it wasn’t all that much better… it was 6 dollars per day – and they didn’t get a pay raise until 1814!)
TABLOID MATCH GAME
You have to match the blank in the tabloid headline with the word or phrase that has been removed!
“New _______ Just For Muslims!” (CAR)
Malaysian automaker Proton has announced plans to develop the world’s first “Islamic car,” intended for Muslim motorists. The unique vehicle will have a compass that continually points to Mecca and a dedicated space to keep a copy of the Koran and a headscarf.
THE WAY TOO EARLY IN THE MORNING TO UNDERSTAND THE PUNCHLINE EVEN AFTER TWO CUPS OF COFFEE JOKE OF THE DAY
The head of a small industrial company posted DO IT NOW signs all around his office and plant in hopes of getting better results from his workers. Some weeks later, when asked why he was removing the slogans, he said, “It worked too well: the bookkeeper skipped with $20,000; the chief clerk eloped with the best secretary I’ve ever had; three salesmen asked for raises; and the workers in the factory joined the union and are out on strike.”
Little Johnny and his friend Billy were on their very first train ride, with Billy’s mother.
A vendor came down the corridor selling a candy bar that neither had ever seen before. Billy’s mom bought each one of them a bar.
Little Johnny eagerly tore open the wrapper and bit a bit off into his mouth just as the train went into a tunnel. When the train emerged from the tunnel, he looked across at Billy and said: “I wouldn’t eat that if I were you.”
“Why not?” asked Billy.
Little Johnny replied, “I took one bite and went blind for half a minute.”
A salesman, tired of his job, gave it up to become a policeman. Several months later, a friend asked him how he liked his new role.
“Well,” he replied, “the pay is good and the hours aren’t bad, but what I like best is that the customer is always wrong.”
The Technical University of Denmark found that the smell given off by old carpets in an office can make workers dizzy, nauseous and cause some headaches. ***Their control group suffered the same ill effects just from going to the office.
About 3.5 million texts are sent every minute in America. ***About half of which come from my teenage niece.
A man answered his doorbell and greeted a friend who walked in followed by a very large dog. The dog immediately jumped up on the sofa with his muddy feet and proceeded to knock over a lamp and chew on the cushions. The outraged householder began to scold his friend, “Don’t you think you should train your dog a little better?”
“My dog?” exclaimed the friend, “I thought it was your dog!”
IT MUST BE TRUE BECAUSE I HEARD IT ON THE RADIO!
THE HUMAN PIGGY BANK
Sometimes you just don’t know where to store your spare change.
Doctors performing emergency surgery on a man who was rushed to a Thailand hospital writhing in pain were stunned when more than 4.2 pounds of loose change spilled out of his stomach. 37-year-old Sanguan Pongsawat had apparently been swallowing the coins for a long time. Doctors say the man will need to stay hospitalized for a while because of side effects of the coins being in his body for a long time. ***MARLAR: The good news though is that he’s doing fine and has already paid his hospital bill in loose change.
PAINTING YOUR LIFE
By: Joseph J. Mazzella
I love art. I take so much joy in looking at beautiful paintings and wondrous sculptures. Although I could never draw or paint very well myself I have always taken great pleasure in admiring the work of others. I think that one of the reasons I love sunrises and sunsets so much is that they are works of art created by the very hand of God. Each is different and yet each reaches right down to your very soul with its beauty. I think the greatest works of art that God gives us, however, are the very lives we live. Each of us is given a potential masterpiece. God leaves it up to us to paint it, though. Nikos Kazantzakis says “You have your brush, you have your colors, you paint paradise, then in you go.” You can paint a picture of Heaven on Earth: full of love, full of joy, full of glory, goodness, and God or you can paint a picture of Hell: full of hate, full of misery, full of pessimism, problems, and pain. The choice is yours.
What kind of artist do you want to be? What kind of painting do you want your life to be? Do you want to settle for a dull, lifeless picture of unhappiness and despair or do you want to paint the paradise of love and joy you were meant for?
Start painting that paradise today. Fill it with brilliant smiles, positive thoughts, and joyous feelings. Splash on some fun and friendship. Brush in a lot of laughter and delight. Use every color of kindness, beauty, compassion and caring that you can find. Don’t forget to throw on buckets of love and gallons of goodness and God as well. Work on your painting each and every day. Make it the most spectacular work of art imaginable then step into it and share it with the world.
DRIVE TIME DEVOTIONAL
A LITTLE KINDER
The kindness and the love of God our Savior toward man appeared. —Titus 3:4
Aldous Huxley (1894-1963), one of the world’s leading intellects, was visiting with Houston Smith, a well-known professor of philosophy and religion. As they were driving to an engagement, Huxley said, “You know, Houston, it’s rather embarrassing to have spent one’s entire lifetime pondering the human condition and . . . find that I really don’t have anything more profound to pass on by way of advice than, ‘Try to be a little kinder.'”
The apostle Paul saw kindness in a different light. In Ephesians 4:32, he linked being kind, tenderhearted, and forgiving with the way God has treated us. In Titus 3:4, he said that it was “the kindness and the love of God” that provided eternal salvation.
In a world where callous thoughtlessness and selfish indifference are all too common, kindness can make our lives fruitful when motivated by Christlike love. When our walk harmonizes with our words of witness, it will make a compelling impact on others by pointing them to the kind of love God has for them in Jesus Christ. If Huxley had learned what Paul had learned, he would have seen that trying to be a little kinder is one of the most profound truths of all.
What motivates us to try? There’s no better reason than the love of God as shown to us by Jesus.
He saw me ruined by the fall,
Yet loved me notwithstanding all;
He saved me from my lost estate,
His loving kindness, oh, how great!
Kindness is treating others the way God treats you.
THE BREAK OF YAWN
Andy Taylor (yes, that’s his real name Andy Griffith fans!) won’t be going back to his job too soon… all because he yawned!
Andy Taylor works at a bakery – and he won’t be going back for two weeks after he dislocated his shoulder. Nothing odd about that, except the fact that he dislocated the shoulder while yawning! Taylor pulled his right arm out of its socket while he stretched in the staff break room at the bakery he works at in England. His fellow coworkers originally thought he was joking and therefore he spent 20 minutes doubled over in pain before an ambulance crew arrived to take him to hospital.
LIFE… LIVE IT
EXACTLY HOW LONG IS ETERNITY?
They say time is relative… and boy are they right! Time seems to come to a standstill in some situations.
Keeping a smile on your face until the flash goes off.
Waiting for the tow truck to show up.
Awaiting the results of a pregnancy test.
The second hour of Monopoly.
The day before vacation
The wait after your wife says, “I’ll be ready in a minute.”
The red light at (busy local) intersection.
4:55 p.m. Friday.
JUST FOR FUN
NOT SO BEAUTIFUL MUSIC
If at first you don’t succeed, get worse. That’s the philosophy of recording artist Chris Wintle.
…After two unsuccessful selling albums, Wintle decided that maybe he was taking the wrong approach to his work. He came to the conclusion that his piano playing needed to get worse! Wintle is hoping to become a success with a CD of out-of-tune Christmas carols featuring him hammering out bad notes on the piano. His record company bosses believes that the tracks on “Walking In A Wintle Wonderland” are so awful, they could go be huge seller on the Christmas novelty market. Record producer Bob King said, “It’s absolute garbage – and that’s the highest compliment I can find. There’s a skill in playing as badly as this, and Chris has done a top job. He’s going to be a big star.” ***MARLAR: I’ve taken that same approach to my job for years, but my boss is not real supportive.
IMPORTANT CHRISTMAS LIGHT DISCOVERIES I MADE LAST NIGHT
- There is no such thing as having too many extension cords.
- If you try to replace a missing bulb with one from an old string of lights, they won’t match.
- If you plug more than 7 strands of big outdoor lights into one extension cord, you will burn up those little fuses on the plugs.
- ALWAYS test a string of lights before you spend 30 minutes untangling it.
- After you have tested and retested your strands of lights, climbed up on a ladder and hung them on your roof, they will stop working as soon as you put the ladder away.
- The outlet where you need to plug the lights in will always be on the other side of the house.
- Christmas lights only blink when you don’t want them to.
- On the box of lights it says, “Steady illuminating bulbs remain lit even if ONE bulb burns out.” They don’t tell you that when 2 bulbs burn out, they all go out.
- Never, ever try to reuse your Christmas lights from last year. They just don’t work that way. It’s easier to buy new ones.
MORE SHOW PREP STUFF…
What’s the hottest new fashion trend for women in Japan? Painted armpits!! The TBC chain of Japanese beauty parlors is offering an armpit painting service including various artistic designs and glitter sprinkling. Their parlors offer a hair removal service for 10,000 yen with the painting costing an extra 3,600 yen. This includes powder and gels in gold, blue and pink. Glittery sealants which protect the artwork will cost the customer another 2,000 yen. ***MARLAR: And for those of you who don’t have a lot of money, there’s always the cheap, chalky white deodorant look!
ASK NEIGHBORS TO WATCH FOR PORCH THIEVES
Buying online is easy. Click, pay, and it’s delivered to your front porch. And then it’s stolen by thieves. Wait, what? Yep, police are seeing a huge spike in front porch package thefts this year. Although electronics are the most attractive items, thieves are grabbing everything from clothing to children’s bicycles. Advice: If you’re not going to be home, have a neighbor watch out for your package.
OTHER STUFF I WANT TO CRAM INTO TODAY’S PREP
Feeling a bit low right now? Straighten up! Slouching when you sit can send you into a funk. That is the conclusion of researchers who found that slumping sitters are more likely to be depressed than those with ramrod straight spines. Slouching when walking also promotes the blues, say the San Francisco State University scientists. These findings go along with previous studies that claim movement and exercise can keep you from getting down. The conclusions were based on a simple study. Researchers had 110 students walk down a corridor in a slouched pose, and then do it again except this time they were told to skip down the hallway. Afterward, they were asked to rate their energy levels. They reported feeling a drop in energy when slouching, while skipping gave them an energy boost. Also, the students who felt depressed reported lower energy levels following a slouched walk. Health Education Professor Erik Peper believes assuming a better body posture can actually boost mood. “It is very similar to the principle of ‘Fake it till you make it,'” he explains. “You can convince your body to have more energy.”
Think you can’t make a difference for persecuted Christians? The voice of the Martyers says that, if 9 year old Cole from South Carolina can, so can you. Cole was introduced to VOM’s letters to prisoners campaign and has already written six letters to persecuted Christians. He also prays for them using VOM’s Prisoner Alert. Find out more about Cole and the VOM programs at http://bit.ly/2fS6Llq
Over in England, Davy Moakes is 86 and his new bride, Helen Andre is 82 – and they say they feel like a couple of teenagers again. In fact they were teenagers when they first met and fell in love in art school. They actually got engaged in 1951 when he was 21 and she was 16 but Andre’s mother did not approve of a son-in-law artist and demanded they break it off. They reunited after Andre found a sculpture by Moakes’ 57-year-old son, Adrian, in the small town where they’d first met. Moakes’ second wife passed away 18 months ago, and Andre had recently become widowed for a third time. She says, “I’ve loved him all my life.” Neither too old to marry nor too old to travel, the newlyweds opted for a two-week honeymoon in Cyprus. (The Sun)
Getting along with your co-workers dramatically boosts your lifespan. A 20 year study concluded that workers who do not get along with their fellow employees on the job have a whopping 140 percent greater chance of dying over the next two decades than those who get plenty of social support. The study underlines the importance having friends and a good social life are to health. And since so much time is spent on the job, having a supportive social network at the office is a key to better health. According to study head Dr. Sharon Toker at Israel’s Tel Aviv University, “We spend most of our waking hours at work, and we don’t have much time to meet our friends during the weekdays… Work should be a place where people get the necessary emotional support.”
If you’re an adult who is at risk of developing high blood pressure, here’s an easy and fast way to nix that in the bud: Take a 10-minute walk. It turns out that four 10-minute walks spaced an hour apart are far more effective at keeping blood pressure lower throughout the day than a continuous 40 minutes on a treadmill, conclude researchers from Indiana University in Bloomington. Reuters Health reports that these short bursts of activity keep blood pressure low for three to four hours longer than a more time-consuming workout. ***Now if only I could find a way to bring my computer and microphone with me while walking…
AND I LEAVE YOU WITH THIS THOUGHT
A new survey shows that Americans are buying guns at a record pace. ***Apparently, they want to protect themselves from all the people who are buying guns.
THE TICKET Movie Reviews with MARIE ASNER
Marie Asner has been reviewing films for over 30 years. Her outlets include radio, print and Internet. For more in-depth movie reviews of the following films, visit www.Tollbooth.org. Ratings from 1 (Low) to 5 (High).
DECEMBER 02, 2016…
La La Land—Would you believe that Ryan Gosling and Emma Stone could dance…and sing? Well, they do in this old-fashioned Hollywood musical love story that reminds one of the early Gene Kelly dance days. The story is set in Los Angeles. Damien Chazelle (“Whiplash”) directs. “La La Land” is rated PG 13. Rating of 2 for music fans.
The Eyes Of My Mother (opening in select cities)—This thriller in English and Portuguese, concerns a young woman (Kika Maghalhaes), who was raised on a farm with just her parents for company. Her mother was a former surgeon who teaches her daughter the basics of anatomy. Enter the traveling stranger (Will Brill) and then strange things happen. Also in the cast is Diane Agostini. “The Eyes Of My Mother” is rated R. No rating.
DECEMBER 09, 2016…
Miss Sloane has Jessica Chastain as a Washington D. C. lobbyist.
Office Christmas Party stars Jennifer Aniston and yes, it is about the annual Christmas party. Toss manners out the window.
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