December 09, 2017: Saturday ONAIRprep

PRINT VERSIONS OF TODAY’S PREP:
ODT: 20171209
PDF: 20171209

**********

WELCOME TO THE SHOW!

Welcome to (THE JOCK SHOW)! Batteries not included.

PRESIDENTIAL WIT & WISDOM (click here to buy the book)

(None on the weekends.)

BIBLE VERSE OF THE DAY

And when they were come into the house, they saw the young child with Mary his mother, and fell down, and worshipped him: and when they had opened their treasures, they presented unto him gifts; gold, and frankincense and myrrh. –Matthew 2:11

All this took place to fulfill what the Lord had said through the prophet: “The virgin will be with child and will give birth to a son, and they will call him Immanuel” — which means, “God with us.” — Matthew 1:22-23

Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom, and as you sing psalms, hymns and spiritual songs with gratitude in your hearts to God. — Colossians 3:16

HEARTLIGHT DAILY VERSE, PRAYER & THOUGHT

(From VerseOfTheDay.com)

Thanks be to God, who always leads us in triumphal procession in Christ and through us spreads everywhere the fragrance of the knowledge of him. — 2 Corinthians 2:14

Thought: What do you smell like today? Is that question too personal? Not to God! Paul says we are warriors returning from conquest with the smell of victory incense permeating our presence. To those who see us and know us, this aroma points them to God and his victory over our wills and his victory for us over death. We are God’s conquest and conquerors. Let’s live surrendered to his will, displaying his grace and victory in our lives.

Prayer: Thank you, O LORD God Almighty, for your incredible victory over sin and death. Thank you even more for conquering my rebellious heart and for blessing me with your incomparable grace. Despite the challenges, difficulties, and pains in life, dear LORD, please help me live my life as a victory march as I journey home to you. In Jesus’ mighty and holy name I pray. Amen.

The Thoughts and Prayers for Today’s Verse are written by Phil Ware. You can email questions or comments to phil@heartlight.org.

BIRTHDAY VERSE” OF THE DAY (The chapter and verse correspond to the month and day!)

2 Corinthians 12:9 NIV = But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.

TODAY IS SATURDAY – DECEMBER 09, 2017

(NOTE: Some holidays may be duplicated due to various calendars reporting conflicting dates)
WEIRD, WACKY, STRANGE, ZANY, ODD, BIZARRE, QUIRKY, UNUSUAL HOLIDAYS!
THERE ARE ONLY
15 SHOPPING DAYS UNTIL CHRISTMAS.

Today is CHRISTMAS GIFT MEMORY DAY, a time to remember the all-time favorite Christmas gift you received and what happened to it. ***Saaaay… what DID I do with those Rock-Em Sock-Em Robots anyway?

Today is NATIONAL NIGHT GOWN DAY.

Today is HOMEMADE GIFT DAY. ***Although nightgowns probably shouldn’t fall into this category.

Today is SEARCH HIGH AND LOW FOR YOUR GINGERBREAD RECIPE DAY. ***It’s tough to find something when you only use it once a year. In fact, I have NO idea where my elliptical machine is.

TODAY IS ALSO…

Cremation Day
International Anti-corruption Day
Weary Willie Day
Worldwide Candle Lighting Day (The 2nd Sunday)
World Choral Day

COMING UP NEXT (Just a list, we are not endorsing the holidays posted below. Find more holidays and link to their websites at BrownieLocks.com)

SUNDAY, DECEMBER 10

Dewey Decimal System Day
Green Monday (2nd Monday)
Human Rights Day
International Animal Rights Day
Jane Addams Day
*Nobel Prize Day

MONDAY, DECEMBER 11

International Mountain Day
Kaleidoscope Day
UNICEF Birthday

TUESDAY, DECEMBER 12

Gingerbread House Day
National 12-hour Fresh Breath Day
National Ding-a-Ling Day
National Cocoa Day
National Lost Day
Our Lady of Guadelupe
Poinsettia Day

WEDNESDAY, DECEMBER 13

Twelve Nightmares of Christmas begins at WeirdDarkness.com

National Day of The Horse
Pick A Pathologist Pal Day

THURSDAY, DECEMBER 14

Monkey Day
Yoga Day

FRIDAY, DECEMBER 15

Bill of Rights Day
Cat Herders Day
Free Shipping Day
International Tea Day
National Cupcake Day
National Ugly Christmas Sweater Day (Friday of second full week)
National Wear Your Pearls Day
Underdog Day

SATURDAY, DECEMBER 16

Barbie and Barney Backlash Day
National Chocolate-covered Anything Day
National Wreaths Across America Day
Zionism Day

SUNDAY, DECEMBER 17

A Christmas Carol Day (Story)
Clean Air Day
Wright Brothers Day

MONDAY, DECEMBER 18

Answer The Telephone Like Buddy The Elf Day
Arabic Language Day
Give A Wine Club Day
International Migrants Day

ON THIS DAY

1854: Alfred Lord Tennyson’s noted poem, “The Charge of the Light Brigade,” was published in England.

1907: The first Christmas Seals went on sale at the Post Office in Wilmington, Delaware. Funds from the sale went to fight tuberculosis.

1956: At Sun Records in Memphis a quartet of Elvis Presley, Johnny Cash, Carl Perkins, and Jerry Lee Lewis recorded “Big Boss Man,” “Blueberry Hill,” “Peace in the Valley,” “That Old Rugged Cross,” “Isle of Golden Dreams,” and “I Won’t Have to Cross Jordan Alone.”

1960: In St. Paul, Sperry-Rand introduced its Univac-1107, a state-of-the-art computer that used “thin-film memory.”

1965: The “Peanuts” character Clara debuted on television. She gave Snoopy his first ball.

1984: The Jacksons played their last show together in Los Angeles.

1987: Larry Bird missed a free throw after making 59 in a row.

1992: The assistant manager of a fast-food restaurant in Yorkshire, England, chased off a masked bandit by throwing hot French fries at him.

1995: Canadian postal officials in Toronto announced that Santa Claus had been given his own postal code. Some 10,000 Canada Post volunteers answer children’s letters addressed to Santa at the North Pole, Canada H0H-0H0.

1998: With home-field advantage, Nepal’s Tiger Tops Tuskers beat Britain’s Gurkha Gladiators 11-3 to win the 17th World Elephant Polo Association Championship in Katmandu. Yep, they play polo on elephants.

2002: When Madison, Wisconsin police tallied up their donated teddy bears to console children at crime and accident scenes, they realized 2,000 of the 3,000 bears were paid for with donations from the Fox Lake Correctional Institution. Inmates had donated $626, enough to purchase 2,000 surplus bears with the help of a Wisconsin marketing company.

2002: United Airlines filed for Chapter 11 bankruptcy after losing $4 billion in the previous two years.

2005: An Ecuadorian woman, believed to be the world’s oldest person at 116, revealed she drank donkey’s milk as a girl. Maria Esther Heredia Lecaro. was named by the Guinness Book as the world’s oldest person, male or female. Her 80-year-old daughter said her mother had no health problems, she played piano, never drank or smoked, took care of herself and was not dependent on anyone.

TODAY IN CHRISTIAN HISTORY

1608: English poet John Milton is born in London. Though most famous for his epic Paradise Lost, he also penned an exposition of Christian doctrine, a plan for Christian education, and various political writings.

1835: George Müller of Bristol publicly presents his plan for an orphanage. It opens the following year.

1840: Unable to go to China, David Livingstone sets sail from London as a missionary to southern Africa.

1843: The first Christmas cards—actually more like postcards—are created and sold for a shilling.

1968: Death of the influential German theologian, Karl Barth, best known for his commentary on Paul’s letter to the Romans.

HOLLYWOOD, SPORTS AND CELEBRITY FIGURE BIRTHDAYS

  • actress (“Kate & Allie”, “The West Wing”) Allison Smith 48 (audio clip)
  • actor (Being John Malkovich, Con-Air, The Man in the Iron Mask, In the Line of Fire) John Malkovich 64
  • football’s Dick Butkis 75
  • actor (The Fabulous Baker Boys, “Stargate SG-1”, “My Name is Earl”) Beau Bridges 77

BEE-BOP BIRTHDAYS

(Music Artist Birthdays From SongFacts.com)

1906 : Freddy Martin

1934 : Junior Wells

1938 : David Houston

1940 : Sam Strain (Little Anthony & The Imperials, The O’Jays)

1941 : Dan Hicks

1943 : Rick Danko (The Band)

1944 : George Baker

1944 : Shirley Brickley (The Orlons)

1944 : Neil Innes (The Bonzo Dog Doo-Dah Band, The Rutles)

1946 : Walter Orange (The Commodores)

1950 : Joan Armatrading

1955 : Randy Murray (Bachman-Turner Overdrive)

1957 : Donny Osmond

1958 : Nick Seymour (Crowded House)

1968 : Brian Bell (Weezer)

1970 : Jakob Dylan (The Wallflowers)

1971 : Geoff Barrow (Portishead)

1972 : Tre Cool (Green Day)

1974 : Canibus

SECRETS OF THE UNIVERSE (Answering questions that have plagued mankind for minutes!)

What’s the difference between “partly sunny” and “partly cloudy?”
I always guessed that this was a matter of the glass being half full or half empty: what you called it depended on your outlook. I was half right. They do have similar meanings. But one of them is a standard scientific term while the other is a function of, well, your outlook. Can you guess which is mood, which meteorology? Smile: a partly sunny day is all in your head. Partly cloudy, a technical term, is when the cloud cover is between 31 and 70 percent. In aviation, the similar term, describing a cloud cover of 10 to 50 percent, is “scattered clouds.” So if the weather person says it’s going to be “partly sunny,” that simply means that he or she is relieved that the weekend barbecue is going to happen after all.

NEWS KICKERS

(None on weekends. Want a customizable version with your specific station tag, FREE? Email me for more information! )

NEW NEWS KICKERS…

(Not posted on weekends and U.S. holidays.)

NEWS KICKER EVERGREENS…

(Not posted on weekends and U.S. holidays.)

(PERENNIAL) Bad news – your Christmas lights might be a fire hazard! A random check by the European Safety Commission revealed that 30 percent of Christmas tree lighting sets were so poorly constructed they could give out an electric shock or cause a fire. Many of the lights failed several of 20 different regulations on wiring, insulation, plugs and other issues. Half of the lights tested were made in China. A small portion of home fires are caused by faulty wiring and other electrical problems but one-tenth of those fires happen in the run-up to Christmas.  ***So this year, toss out those dangerous China-made Christmas lights, and revert back to using lit candles on your tree.

AS THE JUNGLE TURNS

(Not updated on weekends and U.S. holidays.)

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD MONDAY’S EPISODE

OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns! Last time, we learned that Marvy Snuffleson had a sore throat. A really sore throat. So sore, in fact, that his dad decided it would be best to take Marvy in to see the doctor. Unfortunately, the doctor had some bad news for Marvy… his tonsils were infected and he’d have to have surgery!

CLOSE: Marvy was able to escape from the hospital – but what about his tonsils? Tune in next time to find out – as FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns!

***You may simulcast “As the Jungle Turns” on the Internet stream of your live broadcast only. Any other Internet use of “As the Jungle Turns” in whole or part including podcasting of your live broadcast is a violation of copyright law. Thank you for your cooperation on this vitally important issue. If you have any questions, please e-mail us and ask about “Jungle Jam & Friends the Radio Show” usage.

MOMENT OF DUH
Authorities still don’t know the motive behind the motel room grease job.

Robert Chamberlain has pleaded guilty to smearing Vaseline all over a room at a Motel Six near Binghamton, New York. Police say he used 14 jars of the greasy stuff to coat every inch of the room and everything in it, too. The motel manager says it took almost a month to clean or replace everything that was damaged. Chamberlain hasn’t offered an explanation as to why he did it. He was ordered to pay about 39-hundred dollars for the damage and was sentenced to three years probation.

TOP TEN

DOG PROPERTY RULES

1. If I like it, it’s mine.
2. If its in my mouth, it’s mine.
3. If I can take it from you, it’s mine.
4. If I had it a little while ago, it’s mine.
5. If I’m chewing something up, all the pieces are mine.
6. If its mine, it must never appear to be yours anyway.
7. If it just looks like mine, it’s mine.
8. If I saw it first, it’s mine.
9. If its broken, it’s yours.

10. If you are playing with something and you put it down, it automatically becomes mine.

THE FILES OF LAW & DISORDER

If you’re going to pick people to rob, it’s probably not a good idea to choose an Alaska commercial fisherman and an amateur hockey player.

FILE #1: …Police report the fisherman and hockey player were held up by an armed man, while they returned to the Anchorage Sheraton. Authorities say the suspect took them inside their hotel room, pointed the gun at their heads and demanded money. But it was the robber who ended up unconscious, as the intended victims took away his gun. Police say suspect Terry Butler woke up in a closet, with a security guard standing over him.  Butler’s now charged with assault and two counts of robbery.

FILE #2: David Pace wanted a fire engine. The problem was he didn’t work for the fire department. So the man from Washington State decided to invent his own fire department — the Kettle River Fire Department. Naming himself chief of this fictional firehouse, Pace responded to an ad for a used 100-foot fire truck that another fire department was selling for $20,000. However since there were no takers, the Cornwall Borough Fire Department of Pennsylvania agreed to donate the fire truck to Pace. But before Pace could get the truck, he was arrested for fraud. Authorities became suspicious of the fire department when Pace refused to pay the shipping charges to get the fire truck from Pennsylvania to Washington.

FILE #3: French police have finally arrested a burglar who broke into over 140 pet stores and ate more than three thousand canaries. Cops call the guy the “Birdman of Paris.” He was arrested as he left the “Shampooed Cat” Pet Store leaving behind the heads, bones and feet of 31 canaries.

STRANGE LAW: In England, any person found breaking a boiled egg at the sharp end will be sentenced to 24 hours in the village stocks.

THIS IS YOUR BRAIN ON DRUGS

This Is Your Brain On Drugs” is about people doing dumb things under the influence, but addiction is no laughing matter. If you or someone you know needs help, there’s a toll free number you can call 1-800-438-0380. That’s the Addiction Hope and Help Line at 1-800-438-0380.

Sometimes you don’t have to be taking drugs to act as if you are.

When police in Alexandria, Alabama found hundreds of dollars in a truck driven by 35-year-old Traci Doss and accused her of stealing the money from a youth baseball park concession stand, she knew she needed an alibi and needed it fast. The quick thinking, but not-so-bright Traci told the cops she didn’t steal the money – she earned it selling drugs. Doss later set the record straight and was charged with second-degree theft of property.

PHONER PHUN

What was the absolute best gift you ever received at Christmas, and why? (Do you still have it?)

BIBLE BRAIN BUSTER!

QUESTION: To the nearest thousand, how many words are in the Bible?
ANSWER: There are approximately 774,000 words in all, depending on the translation you are reading.

QUESTION IMPOSSIBLE

QUESTION: According to Family Circle, the average American consumes nearly 55 gallons of this a year. What?

ANSWER: Soft drinks!

TRUE OR FALSE

Pay attention! If our next player doesn’t answer all ten T/F questions correctly we start all over from question #1! First person to answer question #10 correctly is our winner!

1. Over 40% of men tailgate to get the person in front of them to speed up. (True – 44%)

2. 25% of people drive after they’ve been drinking. (True – sad as it is)

3. The average person will spend $20,000 in their lifetime on vending machines. (False – it’s $7,000)

4. The first and longest American sporting event is yachting. (True – the Yale-Harvard crew races)

5. There are 225 squares on a Scrabble board. (True)

6. Only 53% of drivers know how to drive a stick shift. (False – it’s 71% that don’t know how!)

7. 12% of male drivers never use their turn signals. (True)

8. 4 out of 5 people sing in the car. (True – but I’m guessing that 5th person is lying about it)

9. 21% of American women would like to change their nose. (True)

10. Eight signers of the Declaration of Independence went on to serve as president of the U.S.. (False – only two did. John Adams and Thomas Jefferson)

TABLOID MATCH GAME

You have to match the blank in the tabloid headline with the word or phrase that has been removed!

___________-AMERICAN AIRLINES (AFRICAN)

DALLAS –   Tyler Perry made an offer to buy the now bankrupt American Airlines.  They accepted.  The new airline:  African-American Airlines.

The Texas-based AMR Corporation, the parent company of American Airlines and American Eagle, announced that the company a filed voluntary petitions for Chapter 11 reorganization in the U.S. Bankruptcy Court for the Southern District of New York, “in order to achieve a cost and debt structure that is industry competitive and thereby assure its long-term viability and ability to continue delivering a world-class travel experience for its customers.”

Wealthy actor-director Tyler Perry has made an attractive offer for American Airlines.  The offer, said to be near $5 billion dollars, was quickly accepted by the airline.

Perry, the creator of the “Madea” character and “House of Payne” sitcom, plans t0 rename American Airlines – “African-American Airlines”.  The new Perry run airline will be targeted to African-American passengers, but industry experts say that many white passengers will want to fly the airline – “just to be cool.”

THE WAY TOO EARLY IN THE MORNING TO UNDERSTAND THE PUNCHLINE EVEN AFTER TWO CUPS OF COFFEE JOKE OF THE DAY 

JOKE #1

Early one evening a gentleman scuttled out to his garage and pulled the lawn furniture out onto the driveway. Shortly after followed the lawnmower, a few gardening tools and a bicycle. A curious neighbor wandered over and asked if he was going to have a garage sale.

“No,” replied the gentleman, “my son just bought his first car and right now he’s getting ready for a big date.”

“So what’s with all the stuff?” asked the neighbor.

“Well, after years of moving tricycles, toys and sports equipment out of the way every time I came home from work I wanted to make sure the driveway was ready for him.”

JOKE #2

One day God was looking down at Earth and saw all of the rascally behavior that was going on. He decided to send an angel down to Earth to check it out. So he called one of His angels and sent the angel to Earth for a time. When she returned, she told God, “Yes, it is bad on Earth; 95% are misbehaving and 5% are not.” He thought for a moment and said, “Maybe I had better send down a second angel to get another opinion.”

So God called another angel and sent her to Earth for a time, too. When the angel returned she went to God and said, “Yes, the Earth is in decline; 95% are misbehaving and 5% are being good.” God was not pleased. So He decided to E-mail the 5% that were good because He wanted to encourage them…. give them a little something to help them keep going. Do you know what that E-mail said……. ? .

You didn’t get one either, huh?

JOKE #3

A priest was walking along the cliffs at Dover when he came upon two locals pulling another man ashore on the end of a rope. “That’s what I like to see”, said the priest, “A man helping his fellow man”. As he was walking away, one local remarked to the other, “Well, he sure doesn’t know the first thing about shark fishing.”

USELESS FACTS

According to results compiled by the Education Department, more than half of America’s high school seniors do not have even the most basic grasp of U.S. history. ***There is no excuse for this – none whatsoever. During the War of 1812, President Jimmy Carter, standing on the battleground of Gettysburg, said, “I Have a Dream”.  And I’m sure his dream didn’t include students failing history.

The alarm clock was not invented by the Marquis de Sade, as some suspect, but rather by a man named Levi Hutchins of Concord, New Hampshire, in 1787. Perversity, though, characterized his invention from the beginning. The alarm on his clock could ring only at 4 am.  ***Rumor has it that Hutchins’ wife murdered him on a very dark and deeply cold New England morning at 4:05.

Humans have the ability to recognize attractive faces at the age of 2 months old.  ***My mother didn’t recognize me until I was 36.

FEATURED FUNNIES

AGE QUESTION

A college professor asked his class a question.

“If Philadelphia is 100 miles from New York and Chicago is 1000 miles from Philadelphia and Los Angles is 2000 miles from Chicago, how old am I?”

One student in the back of the class raised his hand and when Called upon said, “Professor you’re 44..”

The Professor said, “You’re absolutely correct, but tell me, how did you arrive at the answer so quickly?”

The student said, “You see professor, I have a brother; he’s 22, and he’s only half crazy.”

IT MUST BE TRUE BECAUSE I HEARD IT ON THE RADIO!

THE WORD, WORD FOR WORD

Do you like really long movies? Movies that require an intermission because they’re so long? Well hang on… how about a movie that is over 2000 hours long?!?

When a book is made into a movie, it’s usually done by a screenwriter who takes the essence of the plot and some of the dialogue to produce a script. A Nashville film company has decided to take a different approach and are making a movie using a book’s text word for word! And it’s not just any book, either. It’s the Bible.  The filming for the projected 2,000-hour film has already begun and its makers believe modern day audiences will actually want the entire Bible, word for word, on video. The project has already produced the Gospels and the Acts of the Apostles on video. As new chapters are produced, they will be made available at Christian bookstores, online and through direct-mail advertising.  ***If you were to watch the whole video series non-stop, it would take you over 83 days! You might want to use the restroom BEFORE the film begins.

INSPIRATIONAL INSPIRATION

CAR TROUBLE

Fighting rush-hour traffic from suburban Maryland to Washington D.C., can cause its share of near misses and irritating moments. One morning, a young lady darted her compact car from a side street into the stream of traffic immediately in front of a driver just a few car lengths ahead of me, forcing him to brake sharply. He avoided hitting her by inches and was obviously furious. Within seconds, traffic stopped at a red light, and I watched him pull up behind the offender, leap from his car, and stride angrily toward hers. Clearly, he intended to give her a royal bawling out.
Seeing him coming, the very attractive young lady jumped from her car and ran to meet him—a big smile on her face! Before he could say one word or know what was happening, she had thrown her arms around him, hugged him tightly, and planted a passionate kiss on his lips! Then she was back in her car and driving away, leaving her antagonist standing in the middle of the street still speechless and looking somewhat confused and embarrassed—but no longer angry!

B.R. Holt, Caldwell

DRIVE TIME DEVOTIONAL

As I sped toward the station, I saw the young boy standing in the convenience store driveway. But he didn’t see me; he was watching for cars coming the other way. You guessed it–he walked directly into my car’s path.

Thank God, I had come to a virtual stop even before he started crossing the street (Hey, it looks like Driver’s Ed did paid off!). I didn’t want to blow my horn, because he was carrying a bag of groceries. When he turned and saw how close my car was, his wide eyes betrayed his shock.

I just smiled and said, “Bet you’re glad someone like me was driving. Another person might not have stopped.” He was embarrassed, but he just smiled and kept walking.

In Luke 10:25-37, Jesus told the parable of the Good Samaritan who came along at the right time. A priest and a Levite just kept motoring past the bruised and broken victim, but the Samaritan stopped and helped. That, Jesus pointed out, is true compassion.

How many times have you been just the right person to come along? How many situations have you happened upon, offering your own much-needed help in a way no one else could? Maybe you were the one walking past that young woman sitting alone on a bench. Only you asked what was wrong, so she could tell you about the relationship she just lost, or the job she’d been fired from, or the school exam she just blew. Maybe you were the one sitting in the church, listening to the pastor talk about the need for volunteer help at the local homeless shelter, and only you stepped forward to lend a hand. Or maybe you were the one who was willing to share the gospel of Jesus Christ with that person whose heart was at just the right point. Only you could be used by God to finish the work He had prepared.

Are you praying that God would use you? Maybe only you will be the right person to come along.

LEFTOVERS

DOUBLE-TAKE

Twin sisters were just hired to teach the same class at an England University.

Twin sisters are sharing the same job because their new bosses couldn’t choose which of them to employ. Bosses at the University of Northumbria couldn’t choose between Sarah and Liz Partington, who have the same qualifications. The twins decided they should share the lecturing job they both applied for. Their nine GCSE results and four A-levels are identical. They got 2:1 degrees in psychology, Masters degrees in sports psychology. They then went on to gain PhDs from Exeter University. Sarah says, “We applied for the job hoping one of us might have a chance. We never expected both of us to get it. We’ve always been interested in the same things. We thought once we started looking for lecturing jobs it would all come to an end.” The twins live together in Newcastle and teach sports science. Their boss Prof John Lyle said: “They were the best people for the job and we decided to offer the job to them both.”

LIFE… LIVE IT

DOING DISHES DEEMED DANGEROUS

Good news men! Next time your wife tries to get you to do housework, tell them that it’s bad for your health!

Whoo hoo! It’s official… housework is bad for you! Okay, granted, we got this information from a tabloid newspaper called The National Examiner, but hey, any excuse to get out of doing chores, right? The report shows that taking a walk in the fresh air is better for you than doing housework. Dr. Debbie Lawlor, who leads a research team at Bristol University in England, surveyed 2,300 women ages 60 to 79 and found that those who regularly take a 2-hour stroll are less likely to become overweight and suffer the physical ailments that go with obesity than women stuck inside with the vacuum and broom.

JUST FOR FUN

Imagine being a janitor – and getting an all expense paid trip to Paris to train for that position!

Two cleaners from a natural history museum in Sweden are being sent on an all-expense paid trip to Paris in order for them to study. So what are they going to study? Well, they’re cleaners… so they’re going to study cleaning! The women are expected to visit several museums and see how the French cleaners work. ***MARLAR: After all… you have to have training, otherwise you may end up using something like brooms, rags, and mops incorrectly!

FUN LIST

REASONS SANTA MIGHT BE LATE THIS YEAR

  • He forgot to gas up before he left home.
  • He used Yahoo maps for directions.
  • He stopped off for a Big Gulp before he left the North Pole and now he’s having to take a LOT of extra bathroom breaks.
  • He converted his sled over to a hybrid and while it gets better mileage, if just doesn’t have the speed that it used to.

MORE SHOW PREP STUFF…

CUTS LIKE A KNIFE

There are lots of jobs one could do in the circus… but having knives thrown at you? Personally, I think it’d be safer to clean the tiger cages! Around 20 people have applied for the position after an advertisement appeared in a Brighton Job Center. Paul Webb of Cottle and Austen Circus says the ideal candidate must have nerves of steel (not to mention armor plating!). He doesn’t really care who gets the job… there’s no age limit and it can be a man or a woman in the position of “knife thrower’s assistant.” They need to fill the position soon, as the previous target wants to work on different acts with the circus. ***MARLAR: So if you’re already being stabbed in the back at your current job…

OTHER STUFF I WANT TO CRAM INTO TODAY’S PREP

(Not posted on weekends and U.S. holidays.)

SOUL-GLO

(Feel-good stories! Only posted as new stories come available. Not posted on weekends and U.S. holidays.)

TOTALLY OUTRAGEOUS!

(Only posted as stories come available. Not posted on weekends and U.S. holidays.)

AND I LEAVE YOU WITH THIS THOUGHT

We have a group of school kids touring the station. The teacher just used me as an example of how they might wind up if they don’t get an education.

THE TICKET Movie Reviews with MARIE ASNER

Marie Asner has been reviewing films for over 35 years. Her outlets include radio, print and Internet. For more in-depth movie reviews of the following films, visit www.Tollbooth.org. Ratings from 1 (Low) to 5 (High).

DECEMBER 08, 2017…

*Please Note: The weeks of December 15, December 22 and December 29, 2017 will feature many films that open during this time period. They will open on various dates and in various cities through the U.S. Films opening in 2018 will begin on January 5, 2018.  Enjoy.

All The Money In The World—Remember the headlines when J. Paul Getty’s grandson was kidnapped? All the money in the world, and the ransom was late in coming due to Getty’s hesitancy. Getty is played by Christopher Plummer who replaced Kevin Spacey. Michelle Williams is the boy’s mother, who asks a former law officer (Mark Wahlberg) to help her. “All The Money In The World” is rated R. No rating.

Villa Capri and also known as Just Getting Started—Sit back, relax and watch Tommy Lee Jones and Morgan Freeman do their thing in this comedy about life in a retirement community. Freeman has the place at his fingertips until Jones comes along and the two can’t get along. What to do? Tommy Lee Jones and his deadpan humor steal his scenes. Mayhem, for sure. Also in the cast is Rene Russo. “Villa Capri” (or “Just Getting Started” ) is rated PG 13. Rating of 2 for fans.

DECEMBER 15, 2017…

Ferdinand is an animated film about the little bull who loves flowers. Voice of John Cena.

Film Stars Don’t Die In Liverpool has Annette Bening as Hollywood actress Gloria Grahame.

Gotti, also known as the “Teflon Don” is here played by John Travolta in a story about crime.

Star Wars: The Last Jedi and get ready for holiday entertainment as the Jedi are here along with Mark Hamill and Daisy Ridley. The Force is almost here.

The Shape Of Water is now opening December 15 and stars Sally Hawkins and Octavia Spencer.

The Darkest Hour now opening December 15 stars Gary Oldman (unrecognizable) as Winston Churchill in the early years of WWII.

# # # # #

WARNING: Don’t believe anything you read on the Internet or email (including stuff you read here) unless you can confirm it with another source, and/or it is consistent with what you already know to be true. The opinions in this publication are not necessarily those of Darren Marlar, Marlar House Entertainment, OnAirPrep.com, or any company or organization affiliated with aforementioned. (Regardless of how stupid you may think those opinions are. So there – nyah!)

Darren Marlar credits all non-original material to the author whenever possible. All other material is original, used with permission, or author unknown. We welcome all comments, questions, and suggestions. Darren can be reached via his website at www.DarrenMarlar.com.