December 11, 2015: Friday ONAIRprep

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PRINTER FRIENDLY VERSION: 20151211

 

 

WELCOME TO THE SHOW!

Welcome to (THE JOCK SHOW)! We’re here to have fun–although some restrictions may apply.

 

 

BIBLE VERSE OF THE DAY

For unto us a child is born, unto us a son is given: and the government shall be upon his shoulder: and his name shall be called Wonderful, Counselor, The mighty God, The everlasting Father, The Prince of Peace. Of the increase of [his] government and peace [there shall be] no end, upon the throne of David, and upon his kingdom, to order it, and to establish it with judgment and with justice from henceforth even for ever. The zeal of the Lord of hosts will perform this. –Isaiah 9:6-7

 

Mark 9:41 = “Truly I tell you, anyone who gives you a cup of water in my name because you belong to the Messiah will certainly not lose their reward.”

 

Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good. His love endures forever. Give thanks to the God of heaven. His love endures forever. — Psalm 136:1 and 26

 

 

HEARTLIGHT DAILY VERSE, PRAYER & THOUGHT

(From VerseOfTheDay.com)

We who are strong ought to bear with the failings of the weak and not to please ourselves. — Romans 15:1

 

Thought: Dear friend of Jesus, have patience with those around you who are not yet what God intends for them to be — remembering that we are not yet what God intends for us to be. In the process of “bearing with” their failings, you may just find that others are more patient with your failings and more thankful for your faithfulness. Of course, the goal of our being patient isn’t to benefit ourselves. Instead, we do it to bless others, knowing that many of our brothers and sisters in Christ are hanging on to their faith, hope, and love by the thinnest of threads. Let’s never let them go and never cause them to stumble!

 

Prayer: Tender Shepherd, give me more patience with those who are struggling and who need your strength and my encouragement. Forgive me for not noticing their struggles the way that you do. Help me show them how patient you are as you perfect them in your holiness. Thank you, O Lord, for your help in this area of my heart as I seek to be a blessing to my brothers and sisters in grace. In Jesus’ name I pray. Amen.

 

The Thoughts and Prayers for Today’s Verse are written by Phil Ware. You can email questions or comments to phil@heartlight.org.

 

 

BIRTHDAY VERSE” OF THE DAY

The chapter and verse corresponds to the month and the day!

Romans 12:11 NIV = Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord.

 

 

TODAY IS FRIDAY – DECEMBER 11, 2015

(NOTE: Some holidays may be duplicated due to various calendars reporting conflicting dates)
WEIRD, WACKY, STRANGE, ZANY, ODD, BIZARRE, QUIRKY, UNUSUAL HOLIDAYS!
THERE ARE ONLY 14 SHOPPING DAYS UNTIL CHRISTMAS.  

 

Today is HALLMARK TV COMMERCIALS APPRECIATION DAY. ***MARLAR: Loved by women, loathed by men.

 

JACK FROST DAY. In “The Christmas Song,” what is Jack Frost doing to your nose?” (“Nipping!”)

 

Today is INDIANA ADMISSION DAY. ***MARLAR: Not sure what it admitted to – probably had something to do with how it got the nickname “Hoosier”. (Actually, Indiana became the 19th U.S. state on this day in 1816 – but there’s just nothing funny in that.)

 

Today Is BIG MAMA DAY. ***MARLAR: Although calling your mama “big” isn’t going to help you when it comes to her Christmas list.

 

Today is NATIONAL NOODLE RING DAY. ***MARLAR: You know it’s the right size when you throw it at your finger and it sticks.

 

 

TODAY IS ALSO. . .

International Mountain Day

Official Lost & Found Day

UNICEF Birthday

 

 

COMING UP NEXT

SATURDAY, DECEMBER 12

Day Of The Horse

Gingerbread Decorating Day

International Shareware Day

National 12-Hour Fresh Breath Day

National Cocoa Day

National Wreaths Across America Day

Our Lady of Guadalupe Day

Poinsettia Day

 

SUNDAY, DECEMER 13

Pick a Pathologist Pal Day

Worldwide Candle Lighting Day

World Choral Day

 

MONDAY, DECEMER 14

Green Monday

Monkey Day

 

TUESDAY, DECEMBER 15

Bill of Rights Day

Cat Herders Day

 

WEDNESDAY, DECEMBER 16

Barbie and Barney Backlash Day

National Chocolate-covered Anything Day

Zionism Day

 

THURSDAY, DECEMBER 17

Clean Air Day

Free Shipping Day

National Re-gifting Day

Wright Brothers Day

 

FRIDAY, DECEMBER 18

Answer The Telephone Like Buddy The Elf Day

Arabic Language Day

International Migrants Day

National Ugly Sweater Day

Underdog Day

 

SATURDAY, DECEMBER 19

(None today)

 

SUNDAY, DECEMBER 20

International Human Solidarity Day

Games Day

Mudd Day

National Sangria Day

Poet Laureat Day

World Day of Prayer and Action for Children

 

MONDAY, DECEMBER 21

Ann & Samantha Day

Celebrate Short Fiction Day

Crossword Puzzle Day

National Flashlight Day

Forefathers Day

Humbug Day

International Dalek Remembrance Day

National Homeless Person’s Remembrance Day

Phileas Fogg Wins a Wager Day

Short Girl Appreciation Day

World Peace Day/Winter Solstice (11:48pm)

Yalda

Yule

 

TUESDAY, DECEMBER 22

(None today)

 

 

ON THIS DAY

1872: America’s first black governor took office as Pinckney Benton Stewart Pinchback became acting governor of Louisiana.

 

1946: The United Nations International Children’s Emergency Fund (UNICEF) was established.

 

1949: At Mercury Studios in Cincinnati, guitarist Lester Flatt and banjo wizard Earl Scruggs recorded “Foggy Mountain Breakdown,” the classic country instrumental that became the chase theme song in the 1967 movie “Bonnie & Clyde.”

 

1951: Joe DiMaggio announced his retirement from baseball. Playing 13 years only for the New York Yankees, Joltin’ Joe’s lifetime batting average was .325. His 56-game hitting streak still stands as a record. Joe’s brothers, Vince and Dom, also were major-league players.

 

1957: Singer Jerry Lee Lewis married his 13-year-old cousin, Myra.

 

1958: The Coasters recorded “Charlie Brown.”

 

1964: Singer Sam Cooke was shot to death at the Hacienda Motel in Los Angeles.

 

1972: Genesis debuted in the U.S. at Brandeis University in Massachusetts. The group included Peter Gabriel, Phil Collins, Steve Hackett, Mike Rutherford, and Tony Banks.

 

1977: The Tampa Bay Buccaneers finally won an NFL game by defeating New Orleans 33-14. The Bucs had lost their first 26 regular season games, 11 by shutout.

 

1994: A burglar in Brede, Holland, hammered through a factory roof and four inches of concrete, then drilled into the safe. It was empty. The factory had been closed for ten years.

 

1995: Reuter news service reported that Santa Claus was being flown from the U.S. to teach British Father Christmases to be more jolly. The 130-store Index chain had imported a U.S. Santa teacher to help British Father Christmases to get the “ho-ho-hos” right. ***MARLAR: Have you ever tried doing a hearty “ho ho ho” in an English accent?

 

1997: More than 150 countries agreed at a conference in Kyoto, Japan, to control the Earth’s greenhouse gases and slow global warming. The U.S. did not ratify the Kyoto agreement. ***MARLAR: Ironically, it was the people who blew the hottest air in the world that were asked to make the decision.

 

2000: A Romanian man, paralyzed from the waist down, called out the fire department four times in eight hours because he could not reach his cigarette lighter. The 63-year-old man said he was desperate for a cigarette and was so nervous he kept dropping the lighter on the floor.

 

2001: Federal agents seized computers in 27 U.S. cities to gain evidence against an international software piracy ring.

 

2005: Britain’s Prince Charles was formally interviewed by Scotland Yard detectives investigating the death of Princess Diana, his former wife. A letter left by Diana allegedly accused Charles of plotting against her.

 

 

TODAY IN CHRISTIAN HISTORY

1518: Swiss Reformer Ulrich Zwingli becomes “people’s priest” at the Old Minster Church in Zurich, a position he held for the remaining 13 years of his life. After nearly dying from the plague, he began his reforming program almost immediately, persuading the city council to judge religious issues by Scripture alone.

 

1520: Luther says no man can be saved unless he renounces the rule of the pope.

 

1640: English Puritans introduced a petition with 15,000 signatures to Parliament, seeking to abolish the church episcopacy, “with all its dependencies, roots and branches.” The House of Commons accepted what has become known as the “Roots and Branch Petition,” but the House of Lords (many of whom were bishops) rejected it, and the episcopal organization of the Church of England remained.

 

1792: Jacob Mohr, author of the poem “Silent Night,” is born.

 

1918: Russian author Alexandr Solzhenitsyn, an Orthodox believer whose works include One Day in the Life of Ivan Denisovich and The Gulag Archipelago, is born. His books are credited by many scholars with “helping to bring down the last empire on earth.”

 

1983: Pope John Paul II visits a Lutheran church in Rome in a preliminary effort to reconcile the estranged church to the Catholic faith.

 

1984: The White House, under President Ronald Reagan, displays a nativity scene for the first time since the courts ordered it removed in 1973.

 

 

HOLLYWOOD, SPORTS AND CELEBRITY FIGURE BIRTHDAYS

  • actor (Shawn Hunter on “Boy Meets World”) Rider Strong 36 (
    )
  • actor (Shazza Zulu on “A Different World”, Warrick Brown on “CSI”) Gary Dourdan 49 (
    )
  • actress (Close Encounters of the Third Kind, Young Frankenstein, Mr. Mom, Tootsie, Dumb & Dumber) Teri Garr is 67
  • U.S. Senator and former 2004 Presidential candidate John Kerry 72
  • actress (Abby Fairgate on “Knots Landing”, Play Misty For Me) Donna Mills 73 (
    )
  • actress (Sister Peter Marie Reimondo on HBO’s prison drama “Oz”, Carmela/The Director/Pandora the Little Girl/Millie the Helper on “The Electric Company”, Anita in West Side Story) Rita Moreno 84 (
    )

 

 

BEE-BOP BIRTHDAYS

(Music Artist Birthdays From SongFacts.com)

1803 : Louis-Hector Berlioz

1916 : Perez Prado

1926 : Willie Mae “Big Mama” Thornton

1931 : Rita Moreno

1934 : Curtis Williams (The Penguins)

1935 : Tom Brumley (Buck Owens and the Buckaroos, Stone Canyon Band)

1940 : David Gates (Bread)

1941 : J. Frank Wilson

1944 : Brenda Lee; Born Brenda Mae Tarpley

1944 : Booker T. Jones (Booker T. & the MG’s)

1946 : Tony Brown

1954 : Jermaine Jackson

1957 : Mike Mesaros (The Smithereens)

1958 : Nikki Sixx (Mötley Crüe)

1964 : Justin Currie (Del Amitri)

 

 

SECRETS OF THE UNIVERSE

Where did the Christmas Yule Log come from?

During the ancient 12-day Christmas celebration, the log burned was called the “Yule log.” Sometimes a piece of the Yule log would be kept to kindle the fire the following winter, to ensure that the good luck carried on from year to year. The Yule log custom was handed down from the Druids.

 

 

CHRISTIAN ARTIST NEWS

Do you like the Christian Artist News you see below? It’s just a tiny sample of the 5-6 pages of material you could be receive every weekday… and it’s FREE! Become one of their subscribers at ChristianRadioShowPrepServices.com!

 

Rush of Fools Wes Willis: Nothing and I mean NOTHING brings out the sinfulness in me faster than hitting my head on something. NOTHING.

 

Danny Gokey uses four different faces during the holidays. Danny shared all four with Billboard this week, including his face after paying four all the gifts, his face when he opens his own gifts, his face when he’s stuffed it with food, and his face when Elf comes on TV. Check them out…

http://twitter.com/billboard/status/673981590100398080/photo/1

 

Casting Crowns Megan Garrett had a unique form of discipline after her 9 year old daughter sassed Megan just as she was handing her the cake pop she ordered at Starbucks. Megan said: I licked it first.

 

Moriah Peters will be trying something new in 2016. She plays the lead in her first feature film, titled Gracia. Earlier this week Moriah shared a number of behind the scenes videos on her twitter page as she gears up for her acting debut.

https://twitter.com/MoriahPeters

 

Feeling a little stressed during the holidays? Natalie Grant has a suggestion. She told CCM Magazine: I promise, if you dance for just 30-seconds, you can’t help but smile and feel just a little better about your life.” “Whenever we have a lot of stress in our family—we’re tired, overwhelmed, and it’s just piling on—we say, ‘It’s time for a 30-second dance break!’ My three girls even get their Daddy into it, and we dance our heads off!”

http://bit.ly/Dec1-NGfeat

 

Moriah Peters says weddings are very special for she and her husband Joel Smallbone, from the band for King and Country. She shared: We met at one, had one and celebrated one last night…weddings are our favorite. Joel and Moriah also shared some “photo booth shenanigans” from the wedding.

http://twitter.com/MoriahPeters/status/673687855940538368/photo/1

 

Josh Wilson and his tour were using more Christmas colors than they wanted over the weekend. When their Red touring bus broke down they had to be rescued by a Green church bus. It wasn’t fancy transportation but Jason tweeted: The show must go on!

https://www.instagram.com/p/-9kJhxhkai/

 

Audio Adrenaline’s Brandon Bagby was doing double duty this week. He tweeted that he was playing a ukulele and electric guitar on the same song at church Sunday morning.

 

The members of Building 429 didn’t let Michael’s birthday go unnoticed simply because they were on the road. Fellow member Jesse Garcia tweeted: Totally sang happy birthday to Michael on the plane over the intercom. The band was flying from Portland to Los Angeles.

 

Colton Dixon made the best of a bad situation over the weekend. He tweeted: Well Arkansas, you just heard us completely track free. Colton was forced to depend solely on live instruments due to tech issues but he added: God doesn’t need tracks.

 

 

NEWS KICKERS

(No news on the weekends. Audio clips are only valid for a few days before being removed from our servers.)

 

NEW NEWS KICKERS…

A British man reportedly called in a threat to cops recently because an area pizzeria he ordered from didn’t have any ham for his pie.  *** What made him think calling the pigs was going to help him get ham?

 

A Connecticut (Middleton) woman was arrested for repeatedly abusing 911 after she called to report that she had misplaced her cell phone.  *** “Try looking on the side of your head next to the ear you’re hearing me with… is it there?”

 

Most Americans put on seven to ten pounds over the holidays.  *** But then, we’re all doing it so if we’re grading on the curve we’re all thin.

 

At a recent “Walking Dead” convention in New Jersey, one fan was so excited to meet actor Norman Reedus, who plays crossbow shooting Daryl Dixon, that she bit him. The woman wrote on Instagram: “Finally meet the love of my life, and get banned from the rest of the CON because I lost my mind. Got so excited standing beside him & just turned my head and bit him! I don’t know what came over me. It wasn’t my intention to hurt him. I’m sorry Norman!”  *** The rest of the cast is watching Norman closely to make sure he doesn’t die and then rise again as a ComicCon freak.

 

 

NEWS KICKER EVERGREENS…

We may say we hate Mondays, but research suggests Tuesdays, Wednesdays and Thursdays are equally despised. Researchers who looked at a poll of 340,000 people found moods were no worse on Mondays than other working days, except Friday.  ***MARLAR: So the 2016 Presidential Election should be based around this single issue – banning all days of the week except for Fridays, Saturdays, and Sundays.

 

Although global temperatures have been steady since 1999, climate scientists are calling it a “pause” in global warming.  ***My guess is they’re starting to get panicky there’ll be a “pause” in their funding.

 

When it comes to shopping for gifts, men are the worst. Men push the deadline, bargain less, and spend too much. Ten percent of guys plan to wrap up their Christmas shopping on Christmas Eve.  ***MARLAR: And ten percent of THOSE men do it at a convenience store.

 

How much money do you have to have before you are actually “wealthy”? According to a survey of rich folk, when you have $5 million in the bank you can life with “no constraints.” ***Sounds good, but remember, over $250,000/year means that you’re in the “Top 1%” and some politicians and liberal pansies will routinely call you evil.

 

 

WONDER WOMAN

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… “Nations In Debt”

 

 

DAILY COMEDY CLIP

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… Darren Marlar, “Related Redheads”

 

 

AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – WEEKDAY VERSION

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD THURSDAY’S EPISODE
CHRISTMAS EPISODE!

 

OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns! Last time, Marvy Snuffelson was on Razzleflabbin Island, and he suggested that Karl get his best friend Olaf some race cars for his toy race track. Now Marvy is with Olaf looking for the perfect gift for Karl – bicycle tires! Unfortunately, tires don’t come cheap – and Olaf has no money.

 

CLOSE: So now there are racing cars with no track to race them on… and bicycle tires with no bike on which to attach them! What kind of Christmas IS this? Find out next time… As the Jungle Turns!

 

 

AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – SATURDAY/SUNDAY VERSION

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD THE EPISODE FOR THE WEEKEND OF DECEMBER 12/13

 

OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns! Last time, all of the jungle animals, not being able to figure out what to do with their day, decided to leave the decision up to a new animal… a small lion. And because lions are known as “the king of the jungle” they left the decision up to the little lion as to what to do… and he wanted lunch!

 

CLOSE: I know it’s good to be the king, and the animals think that they need a king to make decisions, but it doesn’t look as if the little lion has much of an idea on what to do with his royal position! Find out what happens next time, As the Jungle Turns!

 

***You may simulcast “As the Jungle Turns” on the Internet stream of your live broadcast only. Any other Internet use of As the Jungle Turns in whole or part including podcasting of your live broadcast is a violation of copyright law. Thank you for your cooperation on this vitally important issue. If you have any questions, please e-mail us.

 

 

MOMENT OF DUH

Today’s Moment of Duh includes a pack of beef jerky and some cancer causing cigarettes, but not in the way you might think.

Richard Rodriguez held up a convenience store, getting away with a pack of cigarettes and about $60. You have to wonder why he didn’t steal some beef jerky and peanuts while he was at it because that’s exactly what he purchased when he returned to the store a couple of weeks later. And he bought the items from the same clerk he had robbed earlier. This time she took note of his license number, called the cops and Mr. Rodriguez was arrested.

 

 

TOP TEN

TOP TEN EXCUSES THE INNKEEPER HAD

10. Roman’s “Stay Free” promotion a bit too successful

9. Wife said he couldn’t accept wood carvings as payment anymore

8. Too busy getting new “Motel One” franchise going

7. Last pregnant lady riding a donkey took all their towels

6. Filled up for the “Caesar Impersonators'” convention

5. Didn’t accept the Judean Express Card

4. Last room left was by the ice machine

3. Nazareth Shriners tore up the place the night before

2. Old Testament Gideons had not been by to re-stock the rooms

1. No last names, no service

 

 

THE FILES OF LAW & DISORDER

It was the Christmas that almost wasn’t.

 

FILE #1: Marcus McCoy and Tanya White decided to trail UPS trucks in Indiana and Illinois for one reason… to snatch packages off doorsteps once they were delivered.  They collected thousands of dollars in boxed-up Christmas gifts.  When the police finally caught up to them in East Chicago, the booty included notes from grandmothers wishing the intended recipients a merry Christmas and mounds of shredded wrapping paper.  Charges against the two Scrooges are expected to include theft, burglary, forgery and unlawful use of a credit card. McCoy and White are in custody and face arraignment this weekend.  According to Lake County Sheriff Roy Dominguez, “We’re happy to arrest a grinch anytime.”

 

FILE #2: Here’s something new – a man giving himself up to police, over the Internet! A man accused of sending harassing emails to a Texas police department has been sent an email telling him to give himself up. Rowlett police informed John Germer that a warrant had been issued for his arrest on a misdemeanor harassment charge. They said an attorney representing the 38-year-old called them a short time later asking how and when Germer could surrender. Police have agreed not to prosecute if Germer undergoes counseling and agrees in writing to use his real name in any more communications with them.

 

FIILE #3: Irene Hess was on the run from the law on charges that she had destroyed property at her employer’s home while she was serving as a nanny. When an article appeared in the New York Post detailing what she had allegedly done, she became very upset. So upset that she grabbed a copy of the Post, stopped a New York police officer on the street, showed him the article and asked if he thought she could sue for slander. The officer wasn’t sure what course of legal action she should take but he was sure what action he should take. He arrested her.

 

STRANGE LAW: Rhode Island: In Providence, it is illegal to sell toothpaste and a toothbrush to the same customer on a Sunday.

 

 

THIS IS YOUR BRAIN ON DRUGS

A man runs away from a cop but is taken down by a washing machine.

A Crystal River, Florida man apparently just wanted to finish a beer before going to jail, but that didn’t sit well with the arresting officer who eventually used his Taser on the man. Lemark Daniels, was driving a along northeast Eighth Street when he was pulled over for running a stop sign. The sheriff’s deputy saw an open beer container in the car and asked Daniels to step out of the car. As he was being patted down, the report states, Daniels slapped the officer’s hand away, turned around and yelled at him. Then he picked up the beer and finished drinking it, while the officer was pointing his Taser and commanding him to stop and put his hands on the car. The arrest report states Daniels finished the beer and threw the can on the ground, continuing to berate the deputy. Daniels then ran away, and eventually was stopped after he ran into a washing machine in a person’s yard. The officer then used his Taser to temporarily stun him. Daniels has been charged with resisting arrest, consumption of alcohol in a public place and possession of drug paraphernalia, after a homemade pipe was found in his pocket.

 

 

PHONER PHUN

What TV commercial makes you cry?

 

 

BIBLE BRAIN BUSTER!

QUESTION: According to Jesus, what would not fall to the ground apart from God’s will?
ANSWER: A sparrow (Matthew 10:29 = “Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground apart from the will of your Father.”)

 

 

QUESTION IMPOSSIBLE

QUESTION: In 1945, World War II rationing ended in the United States on all foods except for what?
ANSWER: In 1945, World War II rationing ended in the United States on all foods except sugar.

 

 

TRUE OR FALSE

Pay attention! If our next player doesn’t answer all ten T/F questions correctly we start all over from question #1! First person to answer question #10 correctly is our winner!

 

  1. The longest recorded flight of a chicken is thirty seconds. (False… it’s only thirteen seconds)

 

  1. The Eisenhower interstate system requires that one mile in every five must be straight. (True! And do you know why? These straight sections are usable as airstrips in times of war or other emergencies!)

 

  1. The highest point in Pennsylvania is lower than the lowest point in Colorado. (True.)

 

  1. You can have $1.19 in change in your pocket and still not be able to make change for a dollar. (True… if you have three quarters, four dimes, and four pennies.)

 

  1. No NFL team which plays its home games in a domed stadium has ever won a Superbowl. (False)

 

  1. The first toilet ever seen on television was on “The Munsters”. (False… it was on “Leave It To Beaver”.)

 

  1. Wendy, the book “Peter Pan” was named after the author’s daughter. (False… the name never existed before. The name Wendy was made up for the book “Peter Pan.”)

 

  1. First published in June 2004, Bill Clinton’s autobiography was called, “My Regret”. (False… it was called “My Life”)

 

  1. In the original book series, super-sleuth Sherlock Holmes was addicted to Cocaine. (True)

 

  1. The Three Mile Island nuclear facility is located in Nebraska. (False… Pennsylvania)

 

 

TABLOID MATCH GAME

You have to match the blank in the tabloid headline with the word or phrase that has been removed!

MICHAEL VICK NEW _____ (DOG)

PHILADELPHIA – Michael Vick bought a new dog – a beagle!

NFL star and current starting quarterback for the Philadelphia Eagles, Michael Vick, made headlines three years ago when he was convicted of dogfighting.  Well,  now he’s bought a new dog – it’s a beagle for the Eagle!

As part of Vick’s dogfighting sentence, a judge banned Vick from owning a dog ever again.  But there are three reasons the judged changes his mind and rescinded the ban:  1)  Though injured, Vick is doingwell as an NFL quarterback, thrilling NFL fans with his play; 2) Vick has won over the hearts and minds of the citizens of The City of Brotherly Love;  and 3) Vick’s daughters really want a dog.   “Ah, come on, we can’t deny the girls a dog,” said Judge Herman Wilton of  West Virginia.

After the judge announced his decision, Vick immediately went out and bought a cute, little beagle.  He named the dog, HutHut.

 

 

THE WAY TOO EARLY IN THE MORNING TO UNDERSTAND THE PUNCHLINE EVEN AFTER TWO CUPS OF COFFEE JOKE OF THE DAY

JOKE #1

Polly was in the supermarket a week or so before Christmas. As she was bending over the freezer cabinet to pick up a heavish turkey, she ricked her back. Instantly she froze and let out a shriek of pain; whereupon another shopper leaned towards her knowingly . “If you think turkeys are bad,” she said, “you should see the price of fillet steak!”

 

JOKE #2

The farmer’s son was returning from the market with a crate of chickens his father had entrusted to him, when all of a sudden the box fell and broke open.

Chickens scurried off in different directions, but the determined boy walked all over the neighborhood scooping up the wayward birds and returning them to the repaired crate. Hoping he had found them all, the boy reluctantly returned home, expecting the worst.

“Pa, the chickens got loose,” the boy confessed sadly, “but I managed to find all twelve of them.”

“Well, you done a good job, son,” the farmer beamed.

“You left with seven.”

 

JOKE #3

For months he had been her devoted admirer. Now, at long last, he had collected up sufficient courage to ask her the most momentous of all questions:

“There are quite a lot of advantages to being a bachelor,” he began, “but there comes a time when one longs for the companionship of another being — a being who will regard one as perfect, as an idol; whom one can treat as one’s absolute own; who will be kind and faithful when times are hard; who will share one’s joys and sorrows.”

To his delight he saw a sympathetic gleam in her eyes. Then she nodded in agreement.

Finally, she responded, “I think its a great idea! Can I help you choose which puppy to buy?”

 

 

USELESS FACTS

The Census Bureau reports that the average American commutes for more than an hour to get to work, and that it seems to be getting longer.  ***MARLAR: And they can’t quit their jobs, because they need the money to buy gas to get to work.

 

Eating milk chocolate can improve your brain activity. Scientists now say you should eat some milk chocolate before your next exam or big work project. ***MARLAR: I use chocolate in my coffee every single morning… and if this is how I am when my brain activity is improved, imagine what kind of an idiot I am before that first cup of java!

 

 

FEATURED FUNNIES

WIRE GUARD

Gale-force winds and frigid temperatures had taken their toll. Snapped electric wires were sparking and snaking about the snowdrifts. As a foot patrolman, I was assigned to a desolate intersection to provide security at the scene of a downed wire.

It was 12:40 a.m. and -19 degrees when I relieved the initial guardian of this dangerous area. He pointed out the thin line swinging ferociously from the main electric circuit, as he entered the squad car for his return to warmth. I pulled my coat collar up to my earmuffs and took up my position to protect the public.

Finally, at 5:40 a.m., a utility truck arrived. The linemen checked the wires, then, laughing, descended toward me.

“Well, Officer,” one of them said, “congratulations. You’ve successfully guarded a frozen kite string all night.”

 

 

IT MUST BE TRUE BECAUSE I HEARD IT ON THE RADIO!

FUN FACTS ABOUTKISSING

  • Two out of every three couples turn their heads to the right when they kiss.
  • A simple peck uses two muscles; a passionate kiss, on the other hand, uses all 34 muscles in your face.
  • Like fingerprints or snowflakes, no two lip impressions are alike.
  • Kissing is good for what ails you. Research shows that the act of smooching improves our skin, helps circulation, prevents tooth decay, and can even relieve headaches.
  • The average person spends 336 hours of his or her life kissing.
  • Ever wonder how an “X,” as in xoxo, came to represent a kiss? Starting in the Middle Ages, people who could not read used an X as a signature. They would kiss this mark as a sign of sincerity. Eventually, the X came to represent the kiss itself.
  • Talk about a rush! Kissing releases the same neurotransmitters in our brains as parachuting, bungee jumping, and running.
  • The average woman kisses 29 men before she gets married.
  • Men who kiss their partners before leaving for work average higher incomes than those who don’t.
  • The longest kiss in movie history was between Jane Wyman and Regis Tommey in the 1941 film, “You’re in the Army Now.”  It lasted 3 minutes and 5 seconds.

 

 

INSPIRATIONAL INSPIRATION

THE PENNY

Several years ago, a friend of mine and her husband were invited to spend the weekend at the husband’s employer’s home. My friend, Arlene, was nervous about the weekend. The boss was very wealthy, with a fine home on the water-way, and cars costing more than her house. The first day and evening went well, and Arlene was delighted to have this rare glimpse into how the very wealthy live.

The husband’s employer was quite generous as a host, and took them to the finest restaurants. Arlene knew she would never have the opportunity to indulge in this kind of extravagance again, so was enjoying herself immensely.

As the three of them were about to enter an exclusive restaurant that evening, the boss was walking slightly ahead of Arlene and her husband. He stopped suddenly, looking down on the pavement for a long, silent moment. Arlene wondered if she was supposed to pass him. There was nothing on the ground except a single darkened penny that someone had dropped, and a few cigarette butts.

Still silent, the man reached down and picked up the penny. He held it up and smiled, then put it in his pocket as if he had found a great treasure. How absurd! What need did this man have for a single penny? Why would he even take the time to stop and pick it up?

Throughout dinner, the entire scene nagged at her. Finally, she could stand it no longer. She causally mentioned that her daughter once had a coin collection, and asked if the penny he had found had been of some valuable. A smile crept across the man’s face as he reached into his pocket for the penny and held it out for her to see.

She had seen many pennies before! What was the point of this? “Look at it.” He said. “Read what it says.” She read the words “United States of America.” “No, not that; read further.” “One cent?” “No, keep reading.” “In God we Trust?” “Yes!” “And?” “And if I trust in God, the name of God is holy, even on a coin. Whenever I find a coin I see that inscription. It is written on every single United States coin, but we never seem to notice it! God drops a message right in front of me telling me to trust Him? Who am I to pass it by? When I see a coin, I pray, I stop to see if my trust IS in God at that moment. I pick the coin up as a response to God; that I do trust in Him..

For a short time, at least, I cherish it as if it were gold. I think it is God’s way of starting a conversation with me. Lucky for me, God is patient and pennies are plentiful!

When I was out shopping today, I found a penny on the sidewalk. I stopped and picked it up, and realized that I had been worrying and fretting in my mind about things I can not change. I read the words, “In God We Trust,” and had to laugh. Yes, God, I get the message. It seems that I have been finding an inordinate number of pennies in the last few months, but then, pennies are plentiful! And God is patient…

 

 

DRIVE TIME DEVOTIONAL

SUFFERING FOR THE SALVATION OF ANOTHER

Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of Me. –Matthew 5:11

Recently, a friend told a true story about one of his closest friends who experienced great suffering for the soul of his persecutor. This man worked on a cargo ship. His boss was the captain. This friend was a committed Christian who shared his faith with others and was a good worker. One day the friend led the sea captain’s girlfriend to Christ. The sea captain already hated and ridiculed the Christian worker because of his faith in Christ. When his girlfriend came to Christ, she stopped sleeping with the captain.

The captain blamed the Christian man for the change in his girlfriend. One day he entered the restaurant where the Christian man was having lunch. He walked over to his table and began hurling obscenities and began beating him. The Christian man simply tried to defend himself but did not fight back. The captain kept beating him until eventually the man lay on the floor bleeding.

Two men entered the restaurant and saw what was taking place. They jumped the sea captain and took him outside and began beating him. The sea captain was beaten so badly that he needed immediate medical attention. The Christian worker saw the condition of the sea captain, came to his aid, and began helping him. The sea captain was so moved that this man could do this after he had literally beaten him bloody that he began to weep, not understanding what could move a man to have such love in the face of being beaten. The sea captain accepted Jesus at that moment.

The Bible tells us that while we were yet sinners Christ came and paid our penalty so that we might live eternally. Many in the marketplace have never known the love of Christ. You might be the only one they ever meet who can introduce them to this love.

Ask God to show you how to love the unlovable in your workplace today.

 

 

LEFTOVERS

TUTOR BE OR NOT TUTOR BE

If your child is left behind in school despite no child left behind, chances are you’ve considered a tutor. That is until you’ve seen the price tags ranging anywhere from $25 to $100 an hour. But, what if you could get a tutor for $2.50 an hour?

…Thanks to outsourcing, you can have just such a tutor. Bangalore, India, based TutorVista has a staff of 150 “e-tutors,” mostly in India, with a fee of $100 a month for unlimited hours. If you think it sounds crazy, keep in mind that while our education system struggles, China and India are turning out the world’s largest number of science and engineering graduates. TutorVista offers subjects ranging from grammar to geometry for children as young as 6 years old all the way to adults in college. Plus, many of the tutors have masters degrees in their subjects. Each tutor undergoes 60 hours of training, including lessons on how to speak in a U.S. accent and how to decipher American slang.

 

 

LIFE… LIVE IT

THE WINTER WORKOUT

It’s the holidays… which means you’re going to pack on the pounds, right? Here are a few tips on how to keep the calorie count down by doing a little winter exercising!

Just because it’s the holidays doesn’t mean you can get away from all of your chores around the house. But the good news is, some of those chores may offset the giant amounts of food you’ll be inhaling the next few weeks.

  • Shoveling snow burns 60 calories for every 10 minutes
  • Sweeping snow off a porch burns 40 calories for every 10 minutes
  • Splitting Wood burns 60 calories for every 10 minutes
  • Carrying and tossing wood burns 50 calories for every 10 minutes
  • Cleaning snow off the car burns 45 calories for every 10 minutes
  • ***MARLAR: And, reading a list out loud of how many calories are burned for various activities… that burns 20 calories every 10 minutes!

 

 

JUST FOR FUN

DO YOU TAKE THIS PIN NUMBER TO BE YOUR…

Can an ATM machine result in a wedding? It did for Laurence and Lesa!

Laurence Etcheberry was making a transaction last year at an ATM just north of San Francisco when Lesa McGill literally bumped into him. Embarrassed, she apologized and headed for her car as they smiled and nodded at one another. As fate would have it, they passed each other later on Main Street in St. Helena. She waved, he made a U-turn, and they were married over the weekend at the Bank of America ATM machine in St. Helena, California. The groom wore a black tux, the bride wore a white gown, the ATM machine was draped in a floral arrangement, and the bank allowed the bride and groom 3 minutes to withdraw as much cash as possible from the ATM. They managed to get $840 for additional honeymoon cash.  ***MARLAR: I guess you could say they both married for money.

 

 

FUN LIST

LEAST POPULAR TOYS SOLD THE FIRST WEEKEND OF THE CHRISTMAS SHOPPING SEASON

  • Upper GI Joe
  • Jack In The Box 360
  • The Laugh And Learn Nitrous Tank
  • Overstock Dot Com’s Empty Milk Crates
  • Barrel Full Of Dead Monkeys
  • Thomas The Exploding Tank Engine
  • Un-sanded Wooden Blocks With Splinters Hanging Out
  • I Don’t Care Bears
  • Lettuce Patch Kids
  • Winnie The Pooh-Pooh
  • Little Tikes’ Totally Tubular Technological Tongue Twister Tooth Training Taffy-Time Talker

 

 

MORE SHOW PREP STUFF…

MUZAK MAY SOON BE ILLEGAL! WHOO HOO!

A British member of parliament is waging war on piped-in music, saying it is a health hazard and demanding it be banned from public places. Conservative MP Robert Key said piped-in music, also known as “muzak,” raises blood pressure, depresses the immune system, and devalues music into mere “acoustic wallpaper.” In a letter to fellow MPs, Key said he was proposing a bill which would ban the playing of piped-in music in hospitals, doctors surgeries, swimming pools, bus and rail stations and airports.  ***MARLAR: I would also like to add to that list: supermarkets, elevators, and on-hold messages.

 

 

OTHER STUFF I WANT TO CRAM INTO TODAY’S PREP

A billionaire businessman named Shlomo Rechnitz was so moved by the sight of 400 American military service members traveling through an airport in Ireland that he decided to do something to show is appreciation. According to Relevant Magazine, He paid $50 for each of the soldiers to get a good dinner before the next leg of their trip.

http://relm.ag/ECUVkHC

 

Some elements of Christmas are certainly more appealing than others, but there is one part few of us do without: the tree. Yet new research suggests that rather than enhancing the festive feel, the traditional Christmas pine tree may actually be making some people ill. Christmas Tree Syndrome — as it is known — is caused by a number of different molds that grow on these trees. They are found on the trees naturally but they flourish and rapidly increase in number once inside our snug, centrally heated homes. In fact, a team found 53 different kinds of mould present on 23 samples taken from trees in their colleagues homes.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-2077843/Could-YOU-allergic-Christmas-tree-Pines-haven-moulds.html

 

The Bible app YouVersion is out with their listing of the most popular Bible verses and translations of 2015. According to Christianity Today, This year, the favorite verse of the United States and Brazil was Romans 12:2. The study also found that American users preferred the New International Version. Mexico, the United Kingdom, and South Korea engaged the most with Isaiah 41:10. Nigeria, South Africa, and the Philippines all engaged the most with Jeremiah 29:11. Users in Canada and China both preferred verses using the NLT translation. But Canadians engaged most with Ephesians 1:23. Meanwhile, Chinese engaged most with 1 Corinthians 10:13. YouVersion has now topped 200 million installs. The app now offers the Bible in more than 1,200 versions and 900 languages.

http://bit.ly/1QcK6y5

 

 

AND I LEAVE YOU WITH THIS THOUGHT

Transportation for today’s program was provided by Budget Rent-a-Sled, where no matter what size sled you rent, you still pay the same low price, only $60 a dog.

 

 

THE WAY WE WORK

(Updated as it comes available. The Way WE Work is written by Mark Elfstrand from 1160Hope.com in Chicago.)

 

Who IS This Guy?

 

Occasionally you meet people, read an article, or hear a speaker, and you think, “I’d like to spend some time with this person.” One on one. You know, to get inside their head a little deeper.

Recently, I came across the name of M.S. Rao from India. Rao identifies himself in his blogs, his Wikipedia contribution, and his publicity material as Professor M.S. Rao. He is the founder of MSR Leadership Consultants. From India, he’s highly respected within a number of business circles.

Rao has written a number of interesting blogs, has spoken at many leadership events, and apparently has written some 30 books in this field. Along with that, certain web pages feature solid testimonials as to his abilities. He has video presentations, too.

Professor Rao loves leadership ideas, techniques, and visionary ideas. He identifies his own vision as “to build one million students as global leaders by the year 2030.” I like big picture guys.

One of his blogs relates to one of my personal favorite topics: mindset. This is the embedded way we process any number of things, holding dear to a set of beliefs that shape the way we respond. To influence or change a person’s mindset is quite difficult, yet that is the business in which I am engaged (talk radio).

Professor Rao’s areas of interest and expertise include Leadership, Executive Coaching, and Executive Education. He reportedly has conducted training programs for various corporations and educational institutions. Rao is equipped with 34 years of experience in leadership development.

A few things intrigued me about Professor Rao. One raises a bit of yellow flag. Before I get to that, here are two items that caught my attention.

The first is his writing on the subject of his term “soft leadership” — of which he is described as the “father” of this topic. From an interview, Professor Rao states, “Soft leadership emphasizes the significance of precious human resources. It helps in managing the emotions, egos, and feelings of the people successfully. It focuses on the personality, attitude, and behavior of the people, and calls for making others feel more important.” I like that.

In contrast to servant leadership, Rao notes: “Soft leadership takes support of soft skills, persuasive, and negotiation skills to get the tasks executed effectively. In contrast, servant leadership is about serving others.” His teaching on this contains 11 characteristics I’ve yet to review.

A second Rao item of interest to me was his very good review of the book, The Top Ten Mistakes Leaders Make by Hans Finzel. I have interviewed Finzel on a couple of occasions. It’s good material from an openly Christian perspective. (Rao’s summary can be found at at http://profmsr.blogspot.com/2010/05/book-review-by-profmsrao-top-10.html)

So what’s my “yellow flag of caution” on Rao? I ask…who IS this guy? I can’t find any educational background. Or where he teaches…outside of perhaps his own organization. He earned his “PhD in Soft Leadership,” which seems to be something HE’S developed.

If I didn’t think it so unlikely, I’d believe he’s raised himself up as a leadership guru (his term) and built a fine reputation by creating his own educational world. There’s no law against doing this. Nor does a lack of a PhD from a highly respected school (or a bachelor’s degree or a masters) deny you the right to call yourself “guru.” Or doctor…I suppose.

Let me clearly state that Professor Rao may have some educational credentials that for some reason don’t appear on his Facebook page, Linked In, or his own Wikipedia write up. But one has to admit…that is strange. Maybe guru schools are hard to come by.

But to my point, I would really enjoy some personal time with this fellow. He seems to have a tender heart, very good motives in what he is doing, and is a clear thinker. All things I like.

Another small mystery is where Rao’s spiritual beliefs are centered. Various faith traditions teach respect and honor for our fellow man — good to apply in all of business. The fact the Rao covered a Christian leadership book by Finzel also favorably impressed me. Spiritual foundations tell a lot.

Jesus of Nazareth had no earthly teaching credentials as well. He was the son of a carpenter. His family offered no pedigree.

But He amazed people with His teaching. The Gospel of John records it this way:
“…Jesus went up to the Temple and began teaching. The Jews were amazed and remarked, “How does this man know all this—he has never been taught?” Jesus replied to them, “My teaching is not really mine but comes from the one who sent me. If anyone wants to do God’s will, he will know whether my teaching is from God or whether I merely speak on my own authority. A man who speaks on his own authority has an eye for his own reputation. But the man who is considering the glory of God who sent him is a true man. There can be no dishonesty about him.” (John 7:17-18, Phillips)

Elsewhere, it says Jesus spoke as one who had authority.

My friend, read His words. Listen to His message. Observe His wisdom.

You might find yourself asking, “Who IS this guy??”

That’s The Way WE Work. Click on the link to the right to connect via Facebook.

 

Catch “Let’s Talk with Mark Elfstrand” weekday afternoons from 4-6pm on AM 1160 Hope for Your Life. To listen to the live broadcast or a podcast of previous shows click here.

 

 

THE TICKET Movie Reviews with MARIE ASNER

Marie Asner has been reviewing films for over 30 years. Her outlets include radio, print and Internet. For more in-depth movie reviews of the following films, visit www.Tollbooth.org. Ratings from 1 (Low) to 5 (High).

 

DECEMBER 11, 2015…

 

In The Heart Of The Sea—Just like Russell Crowe’s film of a few years back, “Master and Commander,” the sea film footage is spectacular with special effects, too.  Men are like a speck on the ocean and no communication when the whale attacks. This isn’t the entire story, though. Chris Hemsworth stars as one of the officers. “In The Heart Of The Sea” is rated R. Rating of 4.

 

Lady In The Van (opening in select cities)—Maggie Smith (“Downton Abbey”) stars as Miss Mary Shepherd, who “kind of “ parked her van in someone’s driveway and proceeded to live there 15 years.  Talk about unwanted guests. This film is adapted from the play by Alan Bennett and Smith played this role on the stage, too. “Lady In The Van” is rated PG 13. No rating.

 

Bleeding Heart (opening in select cities)—Jessica Biel stars as a woman who discovers she has a sister (Zosia Mamet) and that sister is in trouble with an abusive boyfriend.  What to do? Also in the cast is Kate Burton. “Bleeding Heart” is rated R. No rating.

 

DECEMBER 18, 2015…

 

Alvin And The Chipmunks: The Road Chip and fans (you know who you are) get ready for further adventures of  the animated Chipmunks. Need I say more?  Voices of Justin Long, Matthew Gray Gubler and Jesse McCartney.

 

Sisters stars Tina Fey and Amy Poehler in a love/hate sister relationship.

 

The best until last: STAR WARS: THE FORCE AWAKENS and fans will be sleeping on sidewalks by movie theaters to get tickets. New stars Daisy Ridley, John Boyega work with mature stars, such as Harrison Ford and Carrie Fisher. The Force is here!

 

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WARNING:  Don’t believe anything you read on the Internet or email (including stuff you read here) unless you can confirm it with another source, and/or it is consistent with what you already know to be true. The opinions in this publication are not necessarily those of Darren Marlar, Marlar House Entertainment, OnAirPrep.com, or any company or organization affiliated with aforementioned. (Regardless of how stupid you may think those opinions are. So there – nyah!)

Darren Marlar credits all non-original material to the author whenever possible. All other material is original, used with permission, or author unknown. We welcome all comments, questions, and suggestions. Darren can be reached via his website at www.DarrenMarlar.com.