December 12, 2015: Saturday ONAIRprep

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PRINTER FRIENDLY VERSION: 20151212

 

 

WELCOME TO THE SHOW!

Good morning and welcome to (THE JOCK SHOW) – the absolute ultimate radio show.  And, much like everything else around Christmastime – some assembly required.

 

I just read that over 70% of Americans have insufficient math skills. How pathetic. That’s almost half of our country!

 

 

BIBLE VERSE OF THE DAY

“I have no greater joy than to hear that my children are walking in the truth.” –3 John 1:4

 

Psalm 25:4-5 = Show me your ways, Lord, teach me your paths.  Guide me in your truth and teach me, for you are God my Savior, and my hope is in you all day long.

 

 

HEARTLIGHT DAILY VERSE, PRAYER & THOUGHT

(From VerseOfTheDay.com)

In him was life, and that life was the light of men. The light shines in the darkness, but the darkness has not overcome it. — John 1:4-5

 

Thought: Life! Not just living, but true, genuine life. Life that gives us light that darkness cannot steal away. That’s why God sent Jesus! Thankfully that light still shines and all of Satan’s horses and all of Satan’s men cannot put their deepest darkest darkness together again! Hallelujah!

 

Prayer: For every good and perfect gift, for the light I have even in my moments of deepest darkness, for the hope I have of living with you in glorious and unapproachable light, I thank you and praise you with eternal joy, now and forevermore. In Jesus’ name. Amen.

 

The Thoughts and Prayers for Today’s Verse are written by Phil Ware. You can email questions or comments to phil@heartlight.org.

 

 

BIRTHDAY VERSE” OF THE DAY

The chapter and verse corresponds to the month and the day!

Romans 12:12 NIV Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.

 

 

TODAY IS SATURDAY – DECEMBER 12, 2015

(NOTE: Some holidays may be duplicated due to various calendars reporting conflicting dates)
WEIRD, WACKY, STRANGE, ZANY, ODD, BIZARRE, QUIRKY, UNUSUAL HOLIDAYS!
THERE ARE ONLY 13 SHOPPING DAYS UNTIL CHRISTMAS.  

 

Today is NATIONAL AMBROSIA DAY. ***MARLAR: Had to look this one up. Apparently this is a fruit dessert made of oranges and shredded coconut and sometimes pineapple. I’ve always known that as a five-cup salad – just add marshmallows. The dictionary also says that, according to Classical Mythology, it’s “the food of the gods”.

 

Today is POINSETTIA DAY, marking the 1799 birth of Dr. Joel Poinsett, who brought the poinsettia plant north from Mexico. He was a U.S. congressman and Secretary of War. ***MARLAR: Who made the stupid suggestion to use poinsettias during the holidays, anyway?  Sure – it’s red and green and looks pretty, but if it gets COLD it dies.  Gee, that’s Christmassy.

 

Today is GINGERBREAD HOUSE DAY.  ***MARLAR: I’ve yet to see an authentic one in real life.  The only gingerbread houses I’ve seen in the past were ones my friends and I made out of graham crackers.  But hey, they still looked great!  Eating them wasn’t such a great idea though – not after being out on display for two weeks.

 

Today is DING-A-LING DAY. Always on Frank Sinatra’s birthday. ***MARLAR: I’m sure the family loves that.

 

 

TODAY IS ALSO. . .

Day Of The Horse

Gingerbread Decorating Day

International Shareware Day

National 12-Hour Fresh Breath Day

National Cocoa Day

National Wreaths Across America Day

Our Lady of Guadalupe Day

Poinsettia Day

 

 

COMING UP NEXT

SUNDAY, DECEMER 13

Pick a Pathologist Pal Day

Worldwide Candle Lighting Day

World Choral Day

 

MONDAY, DECEMER 14

Green Monday

Monkey Day

 

TUESDAY, DECEMBER 15

Bill of Rights Day

Cat Herders Day

 

WEDNESDAY, DECEMBER 16

Barbie and Barney Backlash Day

National Chocolate-covered Anything Day

Zionism Day

 

THURSDAY, DECEMBER 17

Clean Air Day

Free Shipping Day

National Re-gifting Day

Wright Brothers Day

 

FRIDAY, DECEMBER 18

Answer The Telephone Like Buddy The Elf Day

Arabic Language Day

International Migrants Day

National Ugly Sweater Day

Underdog Day

 

SATURDAY, DECEMBER 19

(None today)

 

SUNDAY, DECEMBER 20

International Human Solidarity Day

Games Day

Mudd Day

National Sangria Day

Poet Laureat Day

World Day of Prayer and Action for Children

 

MONDAY, DECEMBER 21

Ann & Samantha Day

Celebrate Short Fiction Day

Crossword Puzzle Day

National Flashlight Day

Forefathers Day

Humbug Day

International Dalek Remembrance Day

National Homeless Person’s Remembrance Day

Phileas Fogg Wins a Wager Day

Short Girl Appreciation Day

World Peace Day/Winter Solstice (11:48pm)

Yalda

Yule

 

TUESDAY, DECEMBER 22

(None today)

 

 

ON THIS DAY

1899: The U.S. Patent Office issued patent #638,920 to George F. Grant of Boston for his invention of the golf tee. Before that, golfers placed the ball on a small mound of dirt, called a “tee.”

 

1938: Adrian College set a Division-2 NCAA basketball scoring record for field goals in a game with none. They missed all 28 shots. They did make four free throws and lost to Albion 76-4.

 

1946: After 20 years of research, Cincinnati’s Procter & Gamble introduced Tide, a detergent with a complex chemical compound that actually pulled oil and grease out of clothes and dissolved dirt into the wash water. The company soon became the biggest advertiser and the biggest detergent producer in America.

 

1957: Deejay Al Priddy of KEX in Portland, Oregon, was fired for violating the radio station’s ban against playing Elvis Presley’s “White Christmas.” Conservative religious groups didn’t think Elvis was righteous enough to sing Christmas songs.

 

1963: Miss World 1963, Catharina Lodders of Holland, married American singer Chubby Checker.

 

1963: John Fitzgerald Kennedy – A Memorial Album became the fastest-selling record up to that time when 4 million copies sold between December 7-12. The memorial tribute was recorded November 22, the day President Kennedy was assassinated in Dallas.

 

1968: Passengers on a plane hijacked to Cuba included singer-actor Tex Ritter. No one was injured.

 

1968: The Rolling Stones filmed their “Rock & Roll Circus” in London with guests John Lennon, Yoko Ono, Eric Clapton, the Who, Jethro Tull, Mitch Mitchell, Marianne Faithful, and Mia Farrow. The show was finally released 28 years later in 1996.

 

1989: History’s heaviest turkey sold for $7,480 in London. Tyler the turkey weighed 86 pounds, according to the Guinness Book of World Records. ***MARLAR: If you spend $8,000 on a bird, aren’t YOU the real turkey?

 

1992: A Norway court ruled that Oslo University did not have to re-admit a 39-year-old student until he bathed. The astrophysics major, who had lived in a cave for 14 years, sued the university for a half-million dollars after he was expelled for stinking.

 

2000: A divided U.S. Supreme Court reversed a state court decision for recounts in Florida’s contested election, transforming George W. Bush into the president-elect.

 

2000: A team of developmental pediatricians in Canada released a report declaring Winnie the Pooh and his friends belonged in a child development clinic. The doctors said Pooh was obsessive-compulsive, Eeyore was chronically depressed, Piglet needed medication, Roo was a juvenile delinquent in-the-making, and Christopher Robin had gender issues. They even speculated Christopher Robin might be to blame for Pooh being a Bear of Very Little Brain, saying he may suffer from “Shaken Bear Syndrome” because of years of Christopher dragging Pooh down the stairs on the back of his head.

 

2003: Rolling Stones frontman Mick Jagger was knighted by Great Britain.

 

2003: Keiko, the killer whale made famous by the “Free Willy” movies, died in the Norwegian fjord that he’d made his home.

 

 

TODAY IN CHRISTIAN HISTORY

1189: King Richard I “the Lion Hearted” leaves England on the Third Crusade to retake Jerusalem, which has fallen to Muslim general Saladin in 1187. He negotiated a treaty allowing Christians access to the holy places.

 

1533: Juan Diego said he saw the Virgin Mary on a hill near Mexico City; Our Lady of Guadalupe became the patron saint of all Latin America by 1910.

 

1582: Spanish General Fernando Alvarez de Toledo (also known as the Duke of Alva) dies. The duke had been sent, along with 10,000 troops, by King Philip II of Spain to quell the Reformation in Holland. The duke’s “Council of Blood” was responsible for some 18,000 deaths.

 

1667: The Council of Moscow deposes Russian Orthodox Patriarch Nikon. A “man of great ability and sincerity but of autocratic temper,” according to one historian, his calls for liturgical reform grew into a fight over the relationship between church and state. Though deposed at the council, banished, and imprisoned for 14 years, his liturgical reforms were sanctioned. In 1681, he was recalled to Moscow by the new tzar, but he died on the way. He was buried with patriarchal honors and all decrees against him were revoked.

 

1712: The colony of South Carolina requires “all persons whatsoever” to attend church each Sunday and refrain from skilled labor and travel. Violators of the “Sunday Law” could be fined 10 shillings or locked in the stocks for two hours.

 

1888: The American Sabbath Union is formed to preserve the Sabbath as a day of rest and worship.

 

 

HOLLYWOOD, SPORTS AND CELEBRITY FIGURE BIRTHDAYS

  • actress (“Blossom”, “Big Bang Theory”) Mayim Bialik 40 (
    )
  • actor (“ER’s” Dr. Gregory Pratt) Mekhi Phifer, 40 (
    )
  • actress (Dark Water, The Rocketeer, Labyrinth, House of Shadow & Fog, A Beautiful Mind, The Day the Earth Stood Still) Jennifer Connelly 45
  • actress (“Dallas”, “Walker: Texas Ranger”) Sheree J. Wilson 57 (
    )
  • gymnast/actress Cathy Rigby 63
  • TV host (Formerly of “The Price is Right” and “Truth or Consequences”) Bob Barker 92

 

 

BEE-BOP BIRTHDAYS

(Music Artist Birthdays From SongFacts.com)

1915 : Frank Sinatra; Born Francis Albert Sinatra

1918 : Joe Williams

1938 : Connie Francis; Born Concetta Rosa Maria Franconero

1940 : Dionne Warwick

1941 : Terry Kirkman (The Association)

1942 : Mike Pinder (The Moody Blues)

1942 : Mike Heron (Incredible String Band)

1943 : Dickey Betts (The Allman Brothers Band)

1943 : Grover Washington Jr.

1945 : Tony Williams

1946 : Clive Bunker (Jethro Tull)

1947 : Ralph Scala (Blues Magoos)

1949 : Paul Rodgers (Free, Bad Company)

1959 : Sheila E.

1963 : Eric Schenkman (Spin Doctors)

1967 : Nick Dimichino (Nine Days)

1968 : Danny Boy (House Of Pain)

1977 : Dino Meneghin (The Calling)

 

 

SECRETS OF THE UNIVERSE

What’s the best-known Christmas carol?

Perhaps the best known Christmas carol is Silent Night, written in 1818 by an Austrian assistant priest Joseph Mohr. He was told the day before Christmas that the church organ was broken and would not be repaired in time for Christmas Day. Saddened, he sat down to write three stanzas that could be sung by choir to guitar music. “Stille Nacht, Heilige Nacht” was heard for the first time at that Midnight Mass in St. Nicholas Church in Oberndorf, Austria. The congregation listened as the voices of the Fr. Joseph Mohr and the choir director, Franz Xaver Gruber, rang through the church to the accompaniment of Fr. Mohr’s guitar. Today, Silent Night, Holy Night is sung in more than 180 languages by millions of people.

 

 

CHRISTIAN ARTIST NEWS

Do you like the Christian Artist News you see below? It’s just a tiny sample of the 5-6 pages of material you could be receive every weekday… and it’s FREE! Become one of their subscribers at ChristianRadioShowPrepServices.com!

 

Rush of Fools Wes Willis: Nothing and I mean NOTHING brings out the sinfulness in me faster than hitting my head on something. NOTHING.

 

Danny Gokey uses four different faces during the holidays. Danny shared all four with Billboard this week, including his face after paying four all the gifts, his face when he opens his own gifts, his face when he’s stuffed it with food, and his face when Elf comes on TV. Check them out…

http://twitter.com/billboard/status/673981590100398080/photo/1

 

Casting Crowns Megan Garrett had a unique form of discipline after her 9 year old daughter sassed Megan just as she was handing her the cake pop she ordered at Starbucks. Megan said: I licked it first.

 

Moriah Peters will be trying something new in 2016. She plays the lead in her first feature film, titled Gracia. Earlier this week Moriah shared a number of behind the scenes videos on her twitter page as she gears up for her acting debut.

https://twitter.com/MoriahPeters

 

Feeling a little stressed during the holidays? Natalie Grant has a suggestion. She told CCM Magazine: I promise, if you dance for just 30-seconds, you can’t help but smile and feel just a little better about your life.” “Whenever we have a lot of stress in our family—we’re tired, overwhelmed, and it’s just piling on—we say, ‘It’s time for a 30-second dance break!’ My three girls even get their Daddy into it, and we dance our heads off!”

http://bit.ly/Dec1-NGfeat

 

Moriah Peters says weddings are very special for she and her husband Joel Smallbone, from the band for King and Country. She shared: We met at one, had one and celebrated one last night…weddings are our favorite. Joel and Moriah also shared some “photo booth shenanigans” from the wedding.

http://twitter.com/MoriahPeters/status/673687855940538368/photo/1

 

Josh Wilson and his tour were using more Christmas colors than they wanted over the weekend. When their Red touring bus broke down they had to be rescued by a Green church bus. It wasn’t fancy transportation but Jason tweeted: The show must go on!

https://www.instagram.com/p/-9kJhxhkai/

 

Audio Adrenaline’s Brandon Bagby was doing double duty this week. He tweeted that he was playing a ukulele and electric guitar on the same song at church Sunday morning.

 

The members of Building 429 didn’t let Michael’s birthday go unnoticed simply because they were on the road. Fellow member Jesse Garcia tweeted: Totally sang happy birthday to Michael on the plane over the intercom. The band was flying from Portland to Los Angeles.

 

Colton Dixon made the best of a bad situation over the weekend. He tweeted: Well Arkansas, you just heard us completely track free. Colton was forced to depend solely on live instruments due to tech issues but he added: God doesn’t need tracks.

 

 

NEWS KICKERS

(No news on the weekends. Audio clips are only valid for a few days before being removed from our servers.)

 

NEW NEWS KICKERS…

 

 

NEWS KICKER EVERGREENS…

 

 

WONDER WOMAN

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… “Sign-Maker Strike”

 

 

DAILY COMEDY CLIP

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… Tim Hawkins, “Cosco”

 

 

AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – WEEKDAY VERSION

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD MONDAY’S EPISODE
CHRISTMAS EPISODE!

 

OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns! When last we left the jungle island of Razzleflabbin, Marvy Snuffleson was confused about some Christmas gift-giving. Olaf sold his race track to buy Karl some bicycle tires. But Karl sold his bicycle in order to purchase racing cars for Olaf! Yet, they’re both happy…

 

CLOSE: From all of us at (Station Call Letters), (Show Name), and from everyone at FancyMonkey.com – have a very Merry Christmas!

 

 

AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – SATURDAY/SUNDAY VERSION

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD THE EPISODE FOR THE WEEKEND OF DECEMBER 12/13

 

OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns! Last time, all of the jungle animals, not being able to figure out what to do with their day, decided to leave the decision up to a new animal… a small lion. And because lions are known as “the king of the jungle” they left the decision up to the little lion as to what to do… and he wanted lunch!

 

CLOSE: I know it’s good to be the king, and the animals think that they need a king to make decisions, but it doesn’t look as if the little lion has much of an idea on what to do with his royal position! Find out what happens next time, As the Jungle Turns!

 

***You may simulcast “As the Jungle Turns” on the Internet stream of your live broadcast only. Any other Internet use of As the Jungle Turns in whole or part including podcasting of your live broadcast is a violation of copyright law. Thank you for your cooperation on this vitally important issue. If you have any questions, please e-mail us.

 

 

MOMENT OF DUH

Want to rob a finance company? Choose one with a wimp for a security guard!

It’s a hold-up – and the guard faints. So much for awing them with tight security. A security guard on his second day on the job at a finance company in Malaysia, fainted when he encountered robbers armed with a pistol, saving the robbers the trouble of disarming him.

 

 

TOP TEN

TOP TEN GIFTS HUSBANDS DON’T WANT FOR CHRISTMAS

 

  1. Anne of Avonlea/Anne of Green Gables Collectors Edition with 74 minutes of extra footage

 

  1. Any knick-knack

 

  1. Tickets to the ballet

 

  1. Another new tie

 

  1. A Bath and Body Works Soap Basket

 

  1. New teddy bear pajamas

 

  1. Vacuum cleaner

 

  1. A weekend seminar on “Getting in Touch With Your Feelings”

 

  1. Pair of fuzzy bunny slippers

 

  1. A nose and ear hair trimmer

 

 

THE FILES OF LAW & DISORDER

A man of the cloth turns out not to be – and lands in the files of Law & Disorder!

 

FILE #1: In Pittston, Pennsylvania, a man of the cloth was pulling the wool over some people’s eyes. Brian Rush was a regular customer at Gerrity’s Supermarket, although he never bought anything there. Brian would go in dressed in black and wearing crosses and told clerks to charge his groceries to St. Rocco’s Roman Catholic Church. However, when his groceries began to include things like cigarettes, the store got suspicious. Brian did attend a seminary in 2006, but he wasn’t a priest. He’s now an inmate after he was busted on his last trip to the store.

 

FILE #2: A federal court upheld Wisconsin prison officials’ ban on letting a convicted murderer put a poster of Jennifer Aniston on his cell wall. He said the photo was not offensive, and claimed that a rule allowing inmates to display only photos of family members and non-celebrities violated his First Amendment rights. The court disagreed and told him if he wants to see pictures of Jennifer Aniston, he can just subscribe to some magazines.

 

FILE #3: Here’s a new Holidays LOW.  In Anderson, Indiana, a Salvation Army bell ringer was caught shoplifting Christmas ornaments, even as he was singing “The First Noel.” Police say 33-year-old Sean M. Sayers was on break from his Salvation Army gig at a local Wal-Mart when he went inside the store and pocketed holiday ornaments totaling $19.82. The ornaments were hidden in his jacket. He’s currently being held without bond, as his misdemeanor violated his terms of probation from a previous case.

 

STRANGE LAW: In Logan County, Colorado, it is illegal for a man to kiss a woman while she is asleep. ***MARLAR: You’d better not tell that to the people working at the Disney store.

 

 

THIS IS YOUR BRAIN ON DRUGS

It’s a drug bust – plus! Pot plus an alligator!

U.S. Border Patrol agents in Yuma, Arizona, found a gator stashed in the suitcase of a man stopped on I-Eight. Officials report a drug dog at a checkpoint became alert near the man’s car. Inside the man’s bags, agents say they found 13 grams of marijuana and a four-foot cayman alligator. Now, the man faces charges for possessing marijuana and restricted wildlife. ***MARLAR: Do I make the obvious alligator bag joke here or not? Too late… just did.

 

 

PHONER PHUN

My wife and I talked recently about not getting each other Christmas gifts. The problem is that every single year we agree on this, she gets me something anyway… so in anticipation of that, I have to get her something in advance too. Suddenly, we’re both breaking the rules because we’re both breaking the rules. What’s the solution?

 

 

BIBLE BRAIN BUSTER!

QUESTION: What happened to the lame man when Peter took him by the hand and lifted him up?
ANSWER: Immediately his feet and ankle bones received strength (Acts 3:7)

 

 

QUESTION IMPOSSIBLE

QUESTION: It’s said that a pack-a-day smoker will lose two of these every ten years. What are they?

ANSWER: Teeth

 

 

TRUE OR FALSE

Pay attention! If our next player doesn’t answer all ten T/F questions correctly we start all over from question #1! First person to answer question #10 correctly is our winner!

  1. In China, the day a child is born it is considered one year old. (True)

 

  1. The U.S. has more violent weather than any other country in the world. (True)

 

  1. Judy Garland’s false eyelashes were sold at auction in 1979 for U.S. $125. (True)

 

  1. The Aerosmith hit, “Dude Looks Like A Lady” was actually written about Richard Simmons. (False… it was written about Vince Neil, the lead singer of Motley Crue)

 

  1. Mickey Mouse has four fingers on each hand. (True)

 

  1. T.S. Eliot’s favorite gift to critics was a bag of dog poop. (False… it was exploding cigars!)

 

  1. The Pilgrims refused to eat lobster because they thought they were really giant insects. (True)

 

  1. Jackie Kennedy Onasis has appeared on the cover of Life magazine more than any other woman. (False… it was Elizabeth Taylor)

 

  1. Donald Duck has a sister named Dumbella. (True)

 

  1. Men are twice as likely as women to ask for a divorce and file for one. (False… it’s the other way around)

 

 

TABLOID MATCH GAME

You have to match the blank in the tabloid headline with the word or phrase that has been removed!

ARK OF THE COVENANT TO BE ___________ (REVEALED)

ETHIOPIA –  A leaky church roof is about to give the world a glimpse of the legendary Ark of the Covenant.

The home of the iconic relic – a small chapel in Ethiopia – has sprung a leak and so the Ark will now be on the move.

The Ark – which The Bible says holds God’s Ten Commandments given to Moses on Mount Sinai – is said to have been kept in Aksum, in the Chapel of the Tablet, adjacent to St Mary of Zion Church, since the 1960s.

According to the Old Testament, it was first kept in the Temple of Solomon in Jerusalem for centuries until a Babylonian invasion in the 6th century BC.

Since then it’s been the goal of many adventurers and archaeologists to find it. Most-famously, but also fictitiously, Indiana Jones was shown in the 1981 Steven Spielberg film Raiders of the Lost Ark.

There has also been a long-running claim from the Orthodox Christians of Ethiopia that they have had the Ark for centuries, and since the 1960s it has apparently been kept in the chapel.

This small building is surrounded by spiked iron railings, and situated between two churches, the old and new, of St Mary of Zion in central Aksum.

No one has been allowed to see the holy object, described in scripture as being made from acacia wood, plated with gold and topped with two golden angels, except one solitary elderly monk, who must watch over the Ark for the remainder of his life, and is never allowed to leave the chapel grounds.

But now the chapel – which was designed by the Ethiopian leader Emperor Hailie Selassie – has had to be covered in a tarpaulin to stop rain getting in.

 

 

THE WAY TOO EARLY IN THE MORNING TO UNDERSTAND THE PUNCHLINE EVEN AFTER TWO CUPS OF COFFEE JOKE OF THE DAY

JOKE #1

A Texan was taking a taxi tour of London and was in a hurry.  As they went by the Tower of London the cabbie explained what it was and that construction of it started in 1346 and was completed in 1412. The Texan replied, “Shoot, a little ol’ tower like that?  In Houston we’d have that thing up in two weeks!”

Next they passed the House of Parliament – started in 1544 and completed in 1618. “Well boy, we put up a bigger one than that in Dallas and it only took a year!” said the Texan.

The cabbie had just about enough of the Texan’s bragging, so as they passed Westminister Abbey the cabbie was silent.  “Whoah!  What’s that over there?” asked the Texan.

The cabbie replied, “I don’t know, it wasn’t there yesterday.”

 

JOKE #2

Doug was describing a 30 pound bass he’d caught recently after fighting it for three hours. Bill interrupted the story saying, “I saw the picture you took of that fish. You’re lucky if it even weighed 10 pounds.”

Doug replied, “Well . . . a fish can lose an awful lot of weight during three hours of fighting.”

 

JOKE #3

A fellow took his girlfriend to the movies. During the previews, she asked him if he would go and buy her some M & Ms.

When he returned with her candy, she opened the bag, picked out all the brown ones and threw them away.

“What did you do that for?” he asked her.

“I’m allergic to chocolate!” she replied

 

 

USELESS FACTS

The National Science Society has announced that 70 percent of Americans do not understand science. ***MARLAR: The remaining 80% don’t understand math.

 

There’s such a worldwide shortage of trained butlers that a good one can now command up to $500,000 a year.  ***MARLAR: Unless you work for Paris Hilton… at which point you are WAY underpaid.

 

 

FEATURED FUNNIES

THE BEST GUIDE

A local hunting guide got himself into a big problem. His party became hopelessly lost in the mountains and they blamed him for leading them astray.
“You told us you were the best guide in Colorado!” they asserted.
“I am,” he said, “but I think we’re in Wyoming now.”

 

 

IT MUST BE TRUE BECAUSE I HEARD IT ON THE RADIO!

YOUR MONEY OR YOUR FOLIAGE

In Germany there’s a new trend in hostage taking . . . but they’re not taking people!

A gang in Germany are holding trees ‘hostage’ by threatening to chop them down if their owners don’t hand over hundreds of pounds. Police say adverts in Hanover claim the gang will take on every kind of garden work at a reasonable price. But when they show up as arranged, the men take out chainsaws and threaten to cut down trees if they aren’t given money. One woman has already lost two trees for failing to find the money in time. ***MARLAR: Wait a minute – YOU call THEM, and then THEY take advantage of YOU.  That’s like phone soliciting in reverse!

 

 

INSPIRATIONAL INSPIRATION

QUILT OF HOLES

As I faced my Maker at the last judgment, I knelt before the Lord along with all the other souls.

Before each of us laid our lives like the squares of a quilt in many piles; an angel sat before each of us sewing our quilt squares together into a tapestry that is our life.

But as my angel took each piece of cloth off the pile, I noticed how ragged and empty each of my squares was. They were filled with giant holes. Each square was labeled with a part of my life that had been difficult, the challenges and temptations I was faced with in everyday life. I saw hardships that I endured, which were the largest holes of all.

I glanced around me. Nobody else had such squares. Other than a tiny hole here and there, the other tapestries were filled with rich color and the bright hues of worldly fortune. I gazed upon my own life and was disheartened.

My angel was sewing the ragged pieces of cloth together, threadbare and empty, like binding air.

Finally the time came when each life was to be displayed, held up to the light, the scrutiny of truth. The others rose; each in turn, holding up their tapestries. So filled their lives had been. My angel looked upon me, and nodded for me to rise.

My gaze dropped to the ground in shame. I hadn’t had all the earthly fortunes. I had love in my life, and laughter. But there had also been trials of illness, and wealth, and false accusations that took from me my world, as I knew it. I had to start over many times. I often struggled with the temptation to quit, only to somehow muster the strength to pick up and begin again. I spent many nights on my knees in prayer, asking for help and guidance in my life. I had often been held up to ridicule, which I endured painfully, each time offering it up to the Father in hopes that I would not  melt within my skin beneath the judgmental gaze of those who unfairly judged me.

And now, I had to face the truth. My life was what it was, and I had to accept it for what it was.  I rose and slowly lifted the combined squares of my life to the light.

An awe-filled gasp filled the air. I gazed around at the others who stared at me with wide eyes.

Then, I looked upon the tapestry before me. Light flooded the many holes, creating an image, the face of Christ. Then our Lord stood before me, with warmth and love in His eyes. He said, ‘Every time you gave over your life to Me, it became My life, My hardships, and My struggles.

Each point of light in your life is when you stepped aside and let Me shine through, until there was more of Me than there was of you.’

May all our quilts be threadbare and worn, allowing Christ to shine through!

 

 

DRIVE TIME DEVOTIONAL

SILENT SERMON

Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly in all wisdom, teaching and admonishing one another. —Colossians 3:16

How important is our fellowship in the local church? Let me answer that question by telling a story.

A minister was concerned about the absence of a man who had normally attended services. After a few weeks, he decided to visit him. When the pastor arrived at the man’s home, he found him all alone, sitting in front of a fireplace. The minister pulled up a chair and sat next to him. But after his initial greeting he said nothing more.

The two sat in silence for a few minutes while the minister stared at the flames in the fireplace. Then he took the tongs and carefully picked up one burning ember from the flames and placed it on the hearth. He sat back in his chair, still silent. His host watched in quiet reflection as the ember flickered and faded. Before long it was cold and dead.

The minister glanced at his watch and said he had to leave, but first he picked up the cold ember and placed it back in the fire. Immediately it began to glow again with the light and warmth of the burning coals around it.

As the minister rose to leave, his host stood with him and shook his hand. Then, with a smile on his face, the man said, “Thanks for the sermon, pastor. I’ll see you in church on Sunday.” —David Roper

 

 

LEFTOVERS

STEP BY STEP

More people are turning to the old fashioned pedometer to get them motivated to walk off the pounds.

…If you’re not in the know, pedometers are little devices that count the steps you take. Studies have shown that people walk more and gain more health benefits when given a pedometer and a steps-per-day goal than when simply told to exercise. Keep in mind that you get what you pay for. Pedometers that are cheap or free tend to be inaccurate. Models in the $15-to-$30 price range tend to be good, but you should check a new pedometer for accuracy by counting off 50 or 100 steps when you first try it.

 

 

LIFE… LIVE IT

THE MOST HATED CHRISTMAS SONG OF ALL TIMES

The honor of the most hated Christmas song of all time goes to “Jingle Bells,” as performed by the Singing Dogs, a 1955 Danish record that was reedited and released in 1971. That’s the word from Edison Media Research and Pinnacle Media Worldwide who independently of each other surveyed radio listeners to find out the holiday songs they most loved and hated–and came up with the same answer. The songs we love the most are:

  • Bing Crosby’s “White Christmas” (1942)
  • Nat King Cole’s “The Christmas Song (Chestnuts Roasting on an Open Fire)” (1946)
  • Burl Ives’s “A Holly Jolly Christmas” (1965)
  • “Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree” (Brenda Lee, 1958)
  • “Jingle Bell Rock” (Bobby Helms, 1957)
  • “Happy Xmas (War Is Over)” (John Lennon and Yoko Ono, 1971)

 

 

JUST FOR FUN

HOT SEAT

Coming up, a sure-fire way to keep sales people away from your office!

Some people might put a sign in the window, others might use a scary dog. A man in Tennessee does something different to intimidate would-be sales people. Wayne Tabor’s office has a full-size replica of an electric chair. The heavy, black chair is complete with leather bindings for legs, chest and arms and has an ample seat and very straight back. Tabor even has a thick electric cord going from the bottom of the chair to under his desk to give the impression he has a hidden switch. The chair, which he found on the Internet, was installed in Tabor’s office after his boss said he had to sit in a similar chair when he was a young salesman. Tabor, who is a principal of the Resource Label Group, claims the chair works on getting him better deals from salespeople, calling it “the price adjuster”. ***MARLAR: It’s also good for fathers who want to leave a first impression on the dates their daughters bring home.

 

 

FUN LIST

HOW TO PICK THE PERFECT CHRISTMAS TREE

Everybody wants a tree that looks like the ones on the Christmas movies like White Christmas, or Home Alone. But the truth is we usually get one that looks like Charlie Brown chose it.  Whether you choose a live or cut Christmas tree, there are a few things to keep in mind as you shop.

  • Step back 5 to 8 feet and check the tree from several angles.  ***MARLAR: It will look even better if you step back 30 to 45 feet and squint.
  • Bend a branch slightly; it should bend easily and not crack or break.  ***MARLAR: If it does break or crack, threaten to turn the lot manager into the fire marshall’s office unless he sells you a tree for five bucks.
  • Grab a handful of needles and pull gently. Few, if any, needles should come loose. Shake the tree and avoid a specimen that drops a lot of needles.  ***MARLAR: To make sure you get the best deal, bring a pocketful of needles to scatter around the tree of your choice and then shake the tree.

 

 

MORE SHOW PREP STUFF…

BABY, BABY

Now here’s a promotion that you’ll NEVER hear on a Christian radio station in the United States… but I can see Amy Grant singing her hit, “Baby, Baby” as part of the promotion. A Christian radio station in Berlin is urging its listeners to get pregnant. It’s even going so far as to play soft music to get listeners in the mood – and the pregnant DJ repeatedly appeals to her audience to join her in the pregnancy. It’s a radio promotion, so there has to be a prize, right? Well, the first 1000 babies born receive prizes and get a place on the kindergarten waiting list. The Christian radio station wants its listeners to recognize the importance of having children for the future. Today only one in five Berlin households includes kids.

 

 

OTHER STUFF I WANT TO CRAM INTO TODAY’S PREP

A billionaire businessman named Shlomo Rechnitz was so moved by the sight of 400 American military service members traveling through an airport in Ireland that he decided to do something to show is appreciation. According to Relevant Magazine, He paid $50 for each of the soldiers to get a good dinner before the next leg of their trip.

http://relm.ag/ECUVkHC

 

Some elements of Christmas are certainly more appealing than others, but there is one part few of us do without: the tree. Yet new research suggests that rather than enhancing the festive feel, the traditional Christmas pine tree may actually be making some people ill. Christmas Tree Syndrome — as it is known — is caused by a number of different molds that grow on these trees. They are found on the trees naturally but they flourish and rapidly increase in number once inside our snug, centrally heated homes. In fact, a team found 53 different kinds of mould present on 23 samples taken from trees in their colleagues homes.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-2077843/Could-YOU-allergic-Christmas-tree-Pines-haven-moulds.html

 

The Bible app YouVersion is out with their listing of the most popular Bible verses and translations of 2015. According to Christianity Today, This year, the favorite verse of the United States and Brazil was Romans 12:2. The study also found that American users preferred the New International Version. Mexico, the United Kingdom, and South Korea engaged the most with Isaiah 41:10. Nigeria, South Africa, and the Philippines all engaged the most with Jeremiah 29:11. Users in Canada and China both preferred verses using the NLT translation. But Canadians engaged most with Ephesians 1:23. Meanwhile, Chinese engaged most with 1 Corinthians 10:13. YouVersion has now topped 200 million installs. The app now offers the Bible in more than 1,200 versions and 900 languages.

http://bit.ly/1QcK6y5

 

CHRISTIAN PHRASES WE SHOULD STOP SAYING

God won’t give you anything you can’t handle.

Everything happens for a reason.

Take 60 seconds and say hi to your neighbor.

Will the visitors please stand.

I covet your prayers.

You must be blessed with the “gift of singleness.”

I like to “love on kids.” (Awkward)

“I’ll pray about it” to avoid saying no to a request.

Jesus is my co-pilot. (Borderline heresy – Jesus should be the one in the pilot seat!)

God helps those who help themselves.

You just need to forgive yourself.

***See the video for an explanation!

 

 

AND I LEAVE YOU WITH THIS THOUGHT

Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me, either, just leave me alone.

 

 

THE WAY WE WORK

(Updated as it comes available. The Way WE Work is written by Mark Elfstrand from 1160Hope.com in Chicago.)

 

Who IS This Guy?

 

Occasionally you meet people, read an article, or hear a speaker, and you think, “I’d like to spend some time with this person.” One on one. You know, to get inside their head a little deeper.

Recently, I came across the name of M.S. Rao from India. Rao identifies himself in his blogs, his Wikipedia contribution, and his publicity material as Professor M.S. Rao. He is the founder of MSR Leadership Consultants. From India, he’s highly respected within a number of business circles.

Rao has written a number of interesting blogs, has spoken at many leadership events, and apparently has written some 30 books in this field. Along with that, certain web pages feature solid testimonials as to his abilities. He has video presentations, too.

Professor Rao loves leadership ideas, techniques, and visionary ideas. He identifies his own vision as “to build one million students as global leaders by the year 2030.” I like big picture guys.

One of his blogs relates to one of my personal favorite topics: mindset. This is the embedded way we process any number of things, holding dear to a set of beliefs that shape the way we respond. To influence or change a person’s mindset is quite difficult, yet that is the business in which I am engaged (talk radio).

Professor Rao’s areas of interest and expertise include Leadership, Executive Coaching, and Executive Education. He reportedly has conducted training programs for various corporations and educational institutions. Rao is equipped with 34 years of experience in leadership development.

A few things intrigued me about Professor Rao. One raises a bit of yellow flag. Before I get to that, here are two items that caught my attention.

The first is his writing on the subject of his term “soft leadership” — of which he is described as the “father” of this topic. From an interview, Professor Rao states, “Soft leadership emphasizes the significance of precious human resources. It helps in managing the emotions, egos, and feelings of the people successfully. It focuses on the personality, attitude, and behavior of the people, and calls for making others feel more important.” I like that.

In contrast to servant leadership, Rao notes: “Soft leadership takes support of soft skills, persuasive, and negotiation skills to get the tasks executed effectively. In contrast, servant leadership is about serving others.” His teaching on this contains 11 characteristics I’ve yet to review.

A second Rao item of interest to me was his very good review of the book, The Top Ten Mistakes Leaders Make by Hans Finzel. I have interviewed Finzel on a couple of occasions. It’s good material from an openly Christian perspective. (Rao’s summary can be found at at http://profmsr.blogspot.com/2010/05/book-review-by-profmsrao-top-10.html)

So what’s my “yellow flag of caution” on Rao? I ask…who IS this guy? I can’t find any educational background. Or where he teaches…outside of perhaps his own organization. He earned his “PhD in Soft Leadership,” which seems to be something HE’S developed.

If I didn’t think it so unlikely, I’d believe he’s raised himself up as a leadership guru (his term) and built a fine reputation by creating his own educational world. There’s no law against doing this. Nor does a lack of a PhD from a highly respected school (or a bachelor’s degree or a masters) deny you the right to call yourself “guru.” Or doctor…I suppose.

Let me clearly state that Professor Rao may have some educational credentials that for some reason don’t appear on his Facebook page, Linked In, or his own Wikipedia write up. But one has to admit…that is strange. Maybe guru schools are hard to come by.

But to my point, I would really enjoy some personal time with this fellow. He seems to have a tender heart, very good motives in what he is doing, and is a clear thinker. All things I like.

Another small mystery is where Rao’s spiritual beliefs are centered. Various faith traditions teach respect and honor for our fellow man — good to apply in all of business. The fact the Rao covered a Christian leadership book by Finzel also favorably impressed me. Spiritual foundations tell a lot.

Jesus of Nazareth had no earthly teaching credentials as well. He was the son of a carpenter. His family offered no pedigree.

But He amazed people with His teaching. The Gospel of John records it this way:
“…Jesus went up to the Temple and began teaching. The Jews were amazed and remarked, “How does this man know all this—he has never been taught?” Jesus replied to them, “My teaching is not really mine but comes from the one who sent me. If anyone wants to do God’s will, he will know whether my teaching is from God or whether I merely speak on my own authority. A man who speaks on his own authority has an eye for his own reputation. But the man who is considering the glory of God who sent him is a true man. There can be no dishonesty about him.” (John 7:17-18, Phillips)

Elsewhere, it says Jesus spoke as one who had authority.

My friend, read His words. Listen to His message. Observe His wisdom.

You might find yourself asking, “Who IS this guy??”

That’s The Way WE Work. Click on the link to the right to connect via Facebook.

 

Catch “Let’s Talk with Mark Elfstrand” weekday afternoons from 4-6pm on AM 1160 Hope for Your Life. To listen to the live broadcast or a podcast of previous shows click here.

 

 

THE TICKET Movie Reviews with MARIE ASNER

Marie Asner has been reviewing films for over 30 years. Her outlets include radio, print and Internet. For more in-depth movie reviews of the following films, visit www.Tollbooth.org. Ratings from 1 (Low) to 5 (High).

 

DECEMBER 11, 2015…

 

In The Heart Of The Sea—Just like Russell Crowe’s film of a few years back, “Master and Commander,” the sea film footage is spectacular with special effects, too.  Men are like a speck on the ocean and no communication when the whale attacks. This isn’t the entire story, though. Chris Hemsworth stars as one of the officers. “In The Heart Of The Sea” is rated R. Rating of 4.

 

Lady In The Van (opening in select cities)—Maggie Smith (“Downton Abbey”) stars as Miss Mary Shepherd, who “kind of “ parked her van in someone’s driveway and proceeded to live there 15 years.  Talk about unwanted guests. This film is adapted from the play by Alan Bennett and Smith played this role on the stage, too. “Lady In The Van” is rated PG 13. No rating.

 

Bleeding Heart (opening in select cities)—Jessica Biel stars as a woman who discovers she has a sister (Zosia Mamet) and that sister is in trouble with an abusive boyfriend.  What to do? Also in the cast is Kate Burton. “Bleeding Heart” is rated R. No rating.

 

DECEMBER 18, 2015…

 

Alvin And The Chipmunks: The Road Chip and fans (you know who you are) get ready for further adventures of  the animated Chipmunks. Need I say more?  Voices of Justin Long, Matthew Gray Gubler and Jesse McCartney.

 

Sisters stars Tina Fey and Amy Poehler in a love/hate sister relationship.

 

The best until last: STAR WARS: THE FORCE AWAKENS and fans will be sleeping on sidewalks by movie theaters to get tickets. New stars Daisy Ridley, John Boyega work with mature stars, such as Harrison Ford and Carrie Fisher. The Force is here!

 

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WARNING:  Don’t believe anything you read on the Internet or email (including stuff you read here) unless you can confirm it with another source, and/or it is consistent with what you already know to be true. The opinions in this publication are not necessarily those of Darren Marlar, Marlar House Entertainment, OnAirPrep.com, or any company or organization affiliated with aforementioned. (Regardless of how stupid you may think those opinions are. So there – nyah!)

Darren Marlar credits all non-original material to the author whenever possible. All other material is original, used with permission, or author unknown. We welcome all comments, questions, and suggestions. Darren can be reached via his website at www.DarrenMarlar.com.