December 15, 2016: Thursday ONAIRprep

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PRINTER FRIENDLY VERSION: 20161215

WELCOME TO THE SHOW!

Welcome to (THE JOCK SHOW) – the most fun you can have without paying sales tax!

BIBLE VERSE OF THE DAY

“Children’s children are a crown to the aged, and parents are the pride of their children.” — Proverbs 17:6

Mark 14:38 = Watch and pray so that you will not fall into temptation. The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak.”

HEARTLIGHT DAILY VERSE, PRAYER & THOUGHT

(From VerseOfTheDay.com)

When the time had fully come, God sent his Son, born of a woman, born under law, that we might receive the full rights of sons. — Galatians 4:4-5

Thought: God waited till history reached his appointed time and sent Jesus. Just the right time — Roman rule, Jewish subordination, good roads, freedom, a degree of safety, a common trading language, cruel and barbaric punishment accompanied by religious infighting. In times such as these, he sent his Son to be a woman’s son. He emptied his home so he could send a redeemer to our home. He did it so we could be his children — not pretend children, but real children, with full rights. So he could not only be God, but so he could be Abba.

Prayer: Abba Father, even your name is precious to me. I gasp at how much it cost you to let me call you Abba. I don’t understand such extravagant love, but I thank you for it. I know I don’t deserve to call you Abba, but it sounds so right. Something inside resonates at the sound of Abba — Holy, Righteous, Almighty, Abba! While I know that I will never be a perfect child, I rest today in the confidence that I am your child and you claim me. Thank you in Jesus’ name. Amen.

The Thoughts and Prayers for Today’s Verse are written by Phil Ware. You can email questions or comments to phil@heartlight.org.

BIRTHDAY VERSE” OF THE DAY (The chapter and verse corresponds to the month and the day!)

Hebrews 12:15 NIV = See to it that no one misses the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many.

TODAY IS THURSDAY – DECEMBER 15, 2016

(NOTE: Some holidays may be duplicated due to various calendars reporting conflicting dates)
WEIRD, WACKY, STRANGE, ZANY, ODD, BIZARRE, QUIRKY, UNUSUAL HOLIDAYS!
THERE ARE ONLY
10 SHOPPING DAYS UNTIL CHRISTMAS.

Today is CAT HERDERS DAY. If you can say that your job, or even your life, is like trying to herd cats, then this day is for you, with our sympathy.

Today is UNDERDOG DAY, saluting the number two people who contribute to the success and fame of the number one people. ***In other words, “I’d like to think the little people…” (audio clip)

HALCYON DAYS begin today, a two-week period of calm and tranquility, dating to ancient times when the fabled halcyon bird calmed the wind and waves. ***Two weeks beginning now of calm and tranquility? Obviously people in ancient times didn’t do any Christmas shopping at the mall.

TODAY IS ALSO…

Bill of Rights Day
Free Shipping Day 
Link  (3rd Thursday at Participating Retailers)
National Cupcake Day 
Link

COMING UP NEXT (Just a list, we are not endorsing the holidays posted below.)

FRIDAY, DECEMBER 16

Barbie and Barney Backlash Day
National Chocolate-covered Anything Day  
Link
National Ugly Christmas Sweater Day
Link (Friday of second full week)
Underdog Day (3rd Friday)
Zionism Day

SATURDAY, DECEMBER 17

Clean Air Day
National Re-gifting Day (3d Thursday)
Link
Wright Brothers Day

SUNDAY, DECEMBER 18

Answer The Telephone Like Buddy The Elf Day Link
Arabic Language Day Link
Give A Wine Club Day
 Link
International Migrants Day

MONDAY, DECEMBER 19

(None Today)

TUESDAY, DECEMBER 20

International Human Solidarity Day
Games Day
Link
Mudd Day
National Sangria Day 
Link
Poet Laureat Day

World Day of Prayer and Action for Children Link

WEDNESDAY, DECEMBER 21

Ann & Samantha Day  Link
Celebrate Short Fiction Day
Crossword Puzzle Day
Forefathers Day
Humbug Day
International Dalek Remembrance Day
Link
National Flashlight Day (Shortest Day of The Year)
National Homeless Persons’ Remembrance Day
Link
Phileas Fogg Win A Wager Day
Short Girl Appreciation Day (Shortest day of the year)
World Peace Day/Winter Solstice
Winter (Winter Solstice) 5:44 AM EST
Yalda
Yule

THURSDAY, DECEMBER 22

(None today)

ON THIS DAY

1791: The U.S. Bill of Rights went into effect following ratification by Virginia.

1941: Singer Lena Horne recorded her classic “Stormy Weather” for Victor Records.

1944: A small plane carrying band leader Glenn Miller disappeared on a flight from England to Paris. Forty years later a British bomber crew admitted they had accidentally dropped bombs onto Miller’s plane over the English Channel.

1950: A 221-foot Douglas fir, the tallest cut Christmas tree on record, was hoisted at the Northgate Shopping Center in Seattle.

1959: The Everly Brothers recorded “Let It Be Me” in New York City, their first session outside Nashville and the first with violins.

1978: Vincent Pilkington of Cavan, Ireland, killed and plucked 100 turkeys in 7 hours 32 minutes, fastest turkey plucking in history.

1991: A 26-year-old Laotion man was charged with “spousal abuse” in Sacramento after hitting his 28-year-old wife with six frozen squirrels from the family freezer. Squirrels are a Laotian delicacy.

1993: Two robbery suspects dug through a police station wall and hailed a taxi in Sao Paulo, Brazil. The cab driver, moonlighting on his day off, was one of their jailers.

1993: Two months after its release, Reba McEntire’s Greatest Hits, Volume II was certified double-platinum: that’s two million albums.

2002: When a man tried to rob a lottery ticket shop in Munich, Germany, the shop owner’s wife sprayed the thief with Christmas glitter spray. He was so stunned he ran out and left his wallet on the counter. Still covered in glitter, he reported the theft of his wallet at a nearby police station. Police immediately arrested him.

TODAY IN CHRISTIAN HISTORY

1418: English pre-Reformer John Oldcastle is burned alive for his efforts to preserve and promote the cause of the Lollards (preachers who spread John Wycliffe’s views). Shakespeare reportedly based his character Falstaff on Oldcastle.

1900: Count Leo Tolstoy writes to the tsar asking him to end religious persecution in Russia.

HOLLYWOOD, SPORTS AND CELEBRITY FIGURE BIRTHDAYS

  • Actress (City Slickers, Supergirl) Helen Slater, 53

  • Actor (“Miami Vice”, “Nash Bridges”) Don Johnson, 67 (audio clip)

  • Actor/comedian (“Carol Burnett Show”) Tim Conway, 83 (audio clip)

BEE-BOP BIRTHDAYS

(Music Artist Birthdays From SongFacts.com)

1911 : Stan Kenton

1916 : Buddy Cole

1922 : Alan Freed

1928 : Ernest Ashworth

1932 : Jesse Belvin

1932 : Clyde McPhatter (The Dominoes, The Drifters)

1934 : Raina Kabaivanska

1939 : Cindy Birdsong (Patti LaBelle and the Blue Belles, The Supremes)

1942 : Dave Clark (The Dave Clark Five)

1946 : Carmine Appice (Vanilla Fudge)

1946 : Harry Ray (The Moments)

1956 : Paul Simonon (The Clash)

SECRETS OF THE UNIVERSE

What is myrrh, anyway?

Myrrh is an aromatic gum resin which oozes from gashes cut in the bark of a small desert tree known as Commifera Myrrha or the dindin tree. The myrrh hardens into tear-dropped shaped chunks and is then powdered or made into ointments or perfumes. This tree is about 5-15 feet tall and 1 foot in diameter. Legend says Caspar brought the gift of myrrh from Europe or Tarsus and placed it before the Christ Child. Myrrh was an extremely valuable commodity during biblical times and was imported from India and Arabia.

Myrrh was also used as a preservative, to keep food from rotting. ***MARLAR: What’s a baby gonna do with myrrh? It’s a preservative? It’s just a guess, but if you show up to the Son of God’s baby shower with a bottle of monosodium glutamate, you probably lose all rights to the term “wise man”.

CHRISTIAN ARTIST NEWS

This is just a tiny sample of the 5-6 pages of material you could be receiving three days a week from ChristianRadioShowPrepServices.com!

A bit of trivia about Big Daddy Weave Guitarist Jeremy Redmon. Jeremy was born and raised in England. He is also the brother of worship leader Matt Redman.

 

Advice from Casting Crowns Megan Garrett: If you are a believer, you are a light, and a light projects onto others and illuminates their surroundings. You should be a cheerleader for all those around you. You should compliment people. You should strive to see people as Jesus does-and He thinks they’re beautiful and important and worthy. 

https://www.instagram.com/p/BNuCjRmBk3M/

 

Jonny Diaz is working on his Building 429 music. He posted a video clip this week as he covered their song Glory Defined. Jonny is gearing up to join Building 429 for their Christmas in the Round tour this month. 

https://www.instagram.com/p/BNpMYDuB-_P/

 

Lauren Daigle this week shared another example of God’s love even in the little things. Lauren says she was desperate to find something to fill her creative bank and added: Little did I know as I opened my shade this morning, God had this waiting for me. Attached was a short video of the view outside Lauren’s window, a long stretch of artwork painted on the walls along her route. Lauren posted: He knows what we need. It doesn’t have to be grand. It’s personal. That’s all the grandeur desired.

https://www.instagram.com/p/BNmtlI9jAKI/

 

Third Day’s Mac Powell may just be addicted. He posted a picture of a bag of chocolate and peanut butter Muddy Buddies and added: must stop eating!

https://www.instagram.com/p/BNpoOOHja-v/

 

Jonny Diaz says his daughter is learning that life is tough. He posted: This morning, my 18 month old brought me the TV remote and said “football?”

Jonny says: It was a great chance to explain that life isn’t fair.

 

We all have one of those days occasionally.  Hawk Nelson front man Jon Steingard was having a tough time getting home this week. He says his first flight was delayed due to the snow, causing him to miss his connection. When he finally got on his next fight mechanical problems kept him on the tarmac. Jon posted: 10 hours after my alarm went off, I’ve made it 200 miles…In the wrong direction.

 

You might be able to relate to Danny Gokey’s struggles this week. He posted: That moment when you almost have the perfect family picture, but one kid decides they’re not gonna smile no matter how much you bribe them! 

https://twitter.com/dannygokey/status/808128516705439749/photo/1

 

Lauren Daigle will wrap up the new year with another television appearance. ABC News announced this week that Lauren is scheduled to perform on Good Morning America on Thursday, December 29.

 

Big Daddy Weave guitarist Jeremy Redmon was doing some apologizing this week. He posted a picture of his daughter this week with one of her front teeth missing and added: So…I accidentally kicked Irabelle in the mouth when she was playing under a bed and knocked out a tooth that wasn’t really even loose yet.

https://www.instagram.com/p/BN5iKq9ggL_/

NEWS KICKERS

(No news on the weekends. As on ONAIRprep subscriber, you can get a fully-produced, customized version of the Daily Dose of Weird News FREE with a station or show specific tag! Email darren@onairprep.com for details!)

NEW NEWS KICKERS…

A new service in Washington, DC, offers the weary a chance to pay $15 to take a 20 minute nap.  ***Or you can do what I do – drive your car to a WalMart parking lot and snooze as long as you want for free.

Driven by a declining population, a trend for developing robotic babies has emerged in Japan as a means of encouraging couples to become “parents.” According to Time, The issue stems from the disproportionate number of older people. Predictions from the U.N. suggest that by 2050 there will be about double the number of people living in Japan in the 70-plus age range compared to those aged 15-30. While hoping to encourage more babies, researchers are also aiming to prepare young couples for the longer term needs of a child as it grows.  ***Robotic babies?  Isn’t this how horror movies start?  http://ti.me/2egGboT

People are bombarded with pictures of their friends’ dinners on Facebook and Instagram, but users of Twitter don’t tweet much about their food and talk most about coffee. A new study shows only about 5 percent of tweets even mention food. Among the top 10 tweeted food and drink items are coffee, pizza, Starbucks, chicken and ice cream.  ***Sounds like I need to change my privacy settings on Twitter – that sounds exactly my profile.

A mall Santa Claus in North Carolina is in trouble for fat-shaming a nine-year-old. While sitting on Santa’s lap, the boy said that Santa decided to dispense diet advice, suggesting he lay off the hamburgers and french fries.  ***Seriously?  This from a 300 pound guy who passes out candy canes and survives on milk and cookies every year?

In California, Kevin Lee Co has pleaded guilty to embezzling $4.8 million from his heavy-equipment-dealer employer. But it’s not the crime itself that’s getting Kevin the big headlines- it’s what he did with the cash. The revelation came as part of his guilty plea and is causing more than a few eyebrows to raise. It seems that from about May 2008 to March 2015, Co made hundreds of unauthorized transactions through Holt of California’s commercial credit account; then used that money for personal purchases. That included plastic surgery, San Francisco 49ers and Sacramento Kings season tickets, a golf club membership, luxury cars, and, most notably, $1 million in Game of War purchases! No kidding. While the cell phone game app is free to download and play, Game of War players fork over an average $550 bucks apiece to ready themselves for battle. If you should falter in battle, reupping takes months — or money. Apparently a whole lot of money if you’re Kevin Lee Co. He now faces 20 years in prison and will be sentenced in May.  ***Kevin’s gonna wish he had money to armor-up before heading into prison, especially once the other prisoners find out why he’s been sent there.

AND NOW A MOMENT OF AWESOME: A New Zealand girl has given an unusual gift this Christmas. Eleven-year-old Meadow Bodkin-Allen has gifted her hair to Freedom Wigs for children who have lost their hair because of cancer treatments. Fellow students at her school gathered around Meadow to show support as a her hair was cut off and put into bundles and plastic bags on Monday.  ***So what have YOU done in the Christmas spirit this year?

NEWS KICKER EVERGREENS…

Turns out all of those Christmas reindeer stories you’ve been told are WRONG! 

According to the Alaska Department of Fish and Game, while both male and female reindeer grow antlers in the summer each year, male reindeer drop their antlers at the beginning of winter, usually late November to mid-December.   Female reindeer retain their antlers till after they give birth in the spring.  ***Therefore, according to EVERY historical rendition depicting Santa’s reindeer, EVERY one of them, from Rudolph to Blitzen, had to be a female.  We should’ve known… ONLY women would be able to drag an overweight man in a red velvet suit all around the world in one night and not get lost!!!

Astronomers are puzzled by a blank spot in the universe they say is 600 million trillion miles of nothing.  ***They’ve decided to name it “Kansas.”

A national poll indicates four in ten Americans say they are willing to give up some civil liberties to fight terrorism.  ***I say we reinstate the draft and toss those people into the army first.

Driving with your pets can be a dangerous business. -In a survey by the AAA Foundation for Traffic Safety and Kurgo, a pet product company, an overwhelming 80 percent of respondents said they’ve driven with their pets on a variety of car trips including day trips, local errands and leisure trips, the pet store, dog parks and to work.   But only 17 percent said they use any form of pet restraint system when driving with their dog, causing a distraction AAA says is equal to talking on a cell phone or texting while driving.  ***Even if you’re using your Pointer as a GPS.

A new study shows that Los Angeles has the worst traffic in the nation.  ***I’m guessing mostly on the roads heading out of the state.

WONDER WOMAN (This feature will be disappearing in 2017)

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… “Zero in Roman Numerals”

DAILY COMEDY CLIP (This feature will be disappearing in 2017)

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… Kerri Pomarolli, “Christmas Bargains”

AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – WEEKDAY VERSION

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD THURSDAY’S EPISODE

OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns! Last time, Millard the Monkey, after trying hundreds of different ways to beat Steve Mozart, finally gave up. He even decided at the last moment not to sabotage Steve Mozart’s concert – even though Mozart’s latest hit song was exactly like the one Millard wrote. Millard, sadly, went home…

CLOSE: Could it be true? Could all of Steve Mozart’s original ideas actually be MILLARD’S original ideas? Could it be that Millard is the true genius, and Steve Mozart is nothing but a low-life, paper-rifling thief? Find out next time, As the Jungle Turns!

AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – SATURDAY/SUNDAY VERSION (This feature will be disappearing in 2017)

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD THE EPISODE FOR THE WEEKEND OF DECEMBER 17/18

OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns! When last we left the jungle, all of the animals found out the source of the giant footprints… there were from a giant gorilla! Somehow, all of the animals were able to run away and hide from the gorilla in a giant, scary cave… and now Cheetah Bonita is thinking the gorilla might not be so mean.

CLOSE: Here we go again! Will Millard be able to escape the gorilla’s grip? Will the gorilla try and eat the other animals too? Find out next time, As the Jungle Turns!

***You may simulcast “As the Jungle Turns” on the Internet stream of your live broadcast only. Any other Internet use of “As the Jungle Turns” in whole or part including podcasting of your live broadcast is a violation of copyright law. Thank you for your cooperation on this vitally important issue. If you have any questions, please e-mail us and ask about “Jungle Jam & Friends the Radio Show” usage.

MOMENT OF DUH

Planning on going deer hunting? Just be sure you know what a deer looks like!

A farmer in Kentucky has been driving around town, proudly showing off the “enormous” deer that he shot. Now this same farmer faces more than $8,000 in fines and a year in jail because, in actuality, he bagged one of the 1,300 elks that wildlife officials have been trying to restore. He pleaded “not guilty” to the charge of possessing an elk, mainly because he didn’t intend to shoot an elk. So, in other words, he’s pleading to being ignorant.

TOP TEN

TOP TEN THINGS NOT TO GET YOUR DOG FOR CHRISTMAS

10. A CD of cats meowing popular Christmas songs.

9. A chew toy shaped like a shoe which he is immediately going to confuse with the right sneaker of your favorite pair.

8. Anything Garfield.

7. A remote control for the refrigerator door.

6. A knitted pink sweater that makes your macho doberman look like a poodle.

5. Doggie antlers when your near-sighted hunting relatives will be spending the holidays with you.

4. A deluxe pre-packaged treat-filled Christmas stocking that’s large enough for you to use as a sleeping bag.

3. A stuffed toy dog with an angel’s halo as a hint as to what he has to do to get more presents next year.

2. A piece of jewelry featuring a ceramic dog of his breed for you to wear.

1. A cat.

THE FILES OF LAW & DISORDER

A child’s video game brings criminals to justice!

FILE #1: In Santa Fe, Texas, Sandy Wilson was taking care of her three grandsons when a group of men attempted to burglarize her home, pointing a gun at the kids. Fortunately for them, the kids just happened to be playing the video game Grand Theft Auto on their Playstation. The game has dozens of random police scanner messages which blare out things like, “This is the police! You’re surrounded!” Believe it or not, when the small time crooks heard it, they thought real police were outside the door waiting for them. They panicked and all ran out a back door. Police later found and arrested all four.

FILE #2: In England, a woman parked her car near her house. When she returned, she discovered workmen had painted a “disabled'” zone around it. To make matters worse, a parking officer gave her a ticket for supposedly parking in a disabled space.

FILE #3: Contributing to the problem of overcrowded jails is Florida’s Michael Carl Lindsey. He’s accused of burglarizing two trailers in Panama City Beach and police know it was Lindsey because on one of his break-ins he helped himself to a bite to eat, watched some TV, took a shower and had a nap. He finally left, but forgot to take his wallet, which contained his Social Security Card and other ID.

STRANGE LAW: Sunshine is legally guaranteed to the masses in California.

THIS IS YOUR BRAIN ON DRUGS

A Florida woman gives herself up to the authorities only after asking for another beer.

A Fort Pierce, Florida man called police after he came home from work and spotted an intoxicated woman drinking a beer on the roof of his home. The 28-year-old woman was taken into custody after she refused to get down and leave. The police report said the woman agreed to leave only if the man agreed to give her more beer. The woman, who faces a disorderly intoxication charge, has been in trouble before. A police report shows that she was suspected of stealing money from her sister to buy alcohol in October. And last week an officer who went to her apartment on a disturbance report reported that Smith was intoxicated and wouldn’t quiet down.

PHONER PHUN

65% of Americans would prefer to receive $100 in cash, instead of a specific present or a gift card of the same value. Is giving cash okay as a gift, or is it just too easy?

BIBLE BRAIN BUSTER!

QUESTION: Who took Paul’s belt and bound his own feet and hands to symbolize how the Jews would bind Paul and deliver him to the gentiles?
ANSWER: Agabus (Acts 21:10-11)

QUESTION IMPOSSIBLE

QUESTION: How many clues were in the first newspaper crossword puzzle ever published?
ANSWER: 32. Published in the “New York World” in 1913

TRUE OR FALSE

Pay attention! If our next player doesn’t answer all ten T/F questions correctly we start all over from question #1! First person to answer question #10 correctly is our winner!

1. The water moccasin, the most poisonous snake in North America, is also called the “Poisonmouth”. (False… it’s the “Cottonmouth”)

2. Lake Huron is the only one of the Great Lakes that is entirely in the U.S. (False… Lake Michigan is the only one.)

3. On “Sesame Street,” Big Bird is 6’2″ tall. (False… 8’2″)

4. George Lucas directed “Plan 9 From Outer Space,” widely considered the worst movie of all time. (False… that was Ed Wood)

5. U.S. President George Washington was born 1685. (False… 1732)

6. John Ford has won the most Oscars in the Best Director category. (True)

7. Alvy Singer is a Woody Allen character from his Annie Hall film. (True)

8. Mama Cass was eating an egg salad sandwich when she died. (False… it was a ham sandwich)

9. Peter Rabbit’s three siblings were Flopsy, Mopsy and Cottontail. (True)

10. St. Charles Place belongs to the Bright Red color on a standard U.S. Monopoly board. (False… it’s light purple)

TABLOID MATCH GAME

You have to match the blank in the tabloid headline with the word or phrase that has been removed!

SATURN READY TO ________ (EXPLODE)

A 2,000-mile high pillar of cloud has formed on Saturn and scientists believe the planet may explode in the near future.

At first scientists believed that the fog near Saturn was coming from Saturn’s moon Titan, but on closer examination it appears that Saturn is undergoing a cataclysm and it could destroy itself in the next ten months.

NASA scientists are puzzling over the orbiting Cassini probe’s images of Saturn. “We’re not sure what’s going on up there,” said lead astrophysicist, Dr. Robert Comito of NASA.  ”But Saturn’s atmosphere seems to be imploding.  The planet appears to be heating up and is releasing enormous amounts of energy.”

“It’s almost releasing as much energy as a ex-galactic sun,” Comito went on to say.  ”This may actually explain the extreme weather we’ve been having on earth.”

THE WAY TOO EARLY IN THE MORNING TO UNDERSTAND THE PUNCHLINE EVEN AFTER TWO CUPS OF COFFEE JOKE OF THE DAY 

JOKE #1

It was Christmas shopping season, and a woman walked up to the manager of a department store. “Are you hiring any help?” she asked.
“No,” he said, “We already have all the staff we need.”
“Then would you mind getting someone to wait on me?” she asked.

JOKE #2

Little Johnny’s new baby brother was screaming up a storm. He asked his mom, “Where’d we get him?”

His mother replied, “He came from heaven, Johnny.”

Johnny says, “WOW! I can see why they threw him out!”

JOKE #3

Every time the man next door headed toward Robinson’s house, Robinson knew he was coming to borrow something. “He won’t get away with it this time,” muttered Robinson to his wife. “Watch this.”

“Er, I wonder if you’d be using your power-saw this morning,” the neighbor began.

“Gee, I’m awfully sorry,” said Robinson with a smug look, “but the fact of the matter is, I’ll be using it all day.”

“In that case,” said the neighbor, “you won’t be using your golf clubs, mind if I borrow them?”

USELESS FACTS

Todd Grannis of Grants Pass, Oregon, proposed to his girlfriend by soaking his cape in gasoline, setting it on fire, jumping into a swimming pool, then climbing out to say, “I’m on fire for you.”  ***His girlfriend was a little shaken by his stunt, but she did say yes – mostly for the upcoming life insurance jackpot.

In Eastern Turkey 450 sheep died after nearly 1,500 leapt off a cliff.  Investigators are trying to determine what could have caused such strange behavior.  ***So far the only clue they have is the odd coincidence that every one of the sheep was named either Thelma or Louise.

FEATURED FUNNIES

A SNOWBALL POEM…

I made myself a snowball, as perfect as could be,
I thought I’d keep it as a pet, and let it sleep with me.

I made it some pajamas, and a pillow for its head,
Then last night it ran away, but first it wet the bed.

IT MUST BE TRUE BECAUSE I HEARD IT ON THE RADIO!

SANTA SUES

A shopping mall Santa in Virginia wasn’t a jolly old fellow, that’s because Santa wasn’t a “fellow” at all. And certainly wasn’t too jolly after being fired!

Donna Underwood’s version of Santa just wasn’t cutting it with the kids. After a few hours on the job, shoppers began complaining about Santa’s squeaky voice saying it was confusing their children. The kids started reportedly started yelling, “He’s a woman, he’s a woman”. The management of the mall then fired the woman and replaced her with a man. She was immediately offered alternative employment as one of Santa’s Christmas elves, but resigned after a day. She is now suing the mall for sexual discrimination. ***MARLAR: Santa filing a lawsuit. Remember the good old days when he’d just put coal in your stocking?

INSPIRATIONAL INSPIRATION

57 CENTS THAT MADE HISTORY

A sobbing little girl stood near a small church from which she had been turned away because it ‘was too crowded’. “I can’t go to Sunday School,” she sobbed to the pastor as he walked by. Seeing her shabby, unkempt appearance, the pastor guessed the reason and, taking her by the hand, took her inside and found a place for her in the Sunday School class. The child was so touched that she went to bed that night thinking of the children who have no place to worship Jesus.

Some two years later, this child lay dead in one of the poor tenement buildings and the parents called for the kind-hearted pastor, who had befriended their daughter, to handle the final arrangements. As her poor little body was being moved, a worn and crumpled purse was found which seemed to have been rummaged from some trash dump. Inside was found 57 cents and a note scribble in childish handwriting which read, “This is to help build the little church bigger so more children can go to Sunday school.”

For two years she had saved for this offering of love. When the pastor tearfully read that note, he knew instantly what he would do. Carrying this note and the cracked, red pocketbook to the pulpit, he told the story of her unselfish love and devotion. He challenged his deacons to get busy and raise enough money for the larger building. But the story does not end there!

A newspaper learned of the story and published it. It was read by a realtor who offered them a parcel of land worth many thousands. When told that the church could not pay so much, he offered it for a 57 cent payment.

Church members made large subscriptions. Checks came from far and wide. Within five years the little girl’s gift had increased to $250,000.00 a huge sum for that time (near the turn of the century). Her unselfish love had paid large dividends.

When you are in the city of Philadelphia, look up Temple Baptist Church, with a seating capacity of 3,300, and Temple University, where hundreds of students are trained. Have a look, too, at the Good Samaritan Hospital and at a Sunday School building which houses hundreds of Sunday scholars, so that no child in the area will ever need to be left outside at Sunday school time.

In one of the rooms of this building may be seen the picture of the sweet face of the little girl whose 57 cents, so sacrificially saved, made such remarkable history. Alongside of it is a portrait of her kind pastor, Dr. Russel H. Conwell.

– a true story contributed by Kay McCrary

DRIVE TIME DEVOTIONAL

STILL STRONG

The grass withers and the flowers fall, but the Word of our God stands forever. –Isaiah 40:8

The oldest man or woman in the world! Every now and then, some television reporter interviews a 130-year-old who claims to have been alive during the Age of Innocence, the late 19th century.

Long life is quite an accomplishment. But it can have its drawbacks. Most very elderly people are weak and frail–the natural result of living for so many years.

Now consider the oldest bestseller in the world–the Bible. Have the years been kind to it? You bet!

Even after thousands of years, the Bible still has the power to change lives, to cut deep within the human heart. Its refreshing wisdom is relevant to a world struggling with the effects of violence and immorality. Its poetry continues to inspire readers.

The Bible’s long life is impressive. But the ability to retain vitality throughout the centuries, to “stand forever” (Isaiah 40:8), is supernatural. The Bible is just as strong today as when it was written.

Critics have tried to bury the Bible for years. They have branded the book irrelevant, outmoded, a relic of a long-past culture.

But they are wrong. The Bible is not dead! It continues to be the living Word of God (Hebrews 4:12).

As you tell your friends about your faith, don’t be shy about using the Bible. And don’t be surprised if your non-Christian friends come to understand and believe the gospel by reading the Bible for themselves.

Several decades on earth can do a number on the human body–just ask your grandparents. But the Word of God still stands, an ageless instrument of the Holy Spirit, in bringing life and encouragement to those who read it and believe.

–JC

LEFTOVERS

WHERE DOES THE TIME GO?

Here’s what the average person spends their time…

  • 7 years in the bathroom

  • 6 years eating

  • 5 years waiting in line

  • 3 years sitting in meetings

  • 2 years playing telephone tag

  • 1 year searching through clutter

  • 8 months opening junk mail

  • 6 months sitting at red lights

LIFE… LIVE IT

BURNED OUT

Downsized staffs paired with increased workloads may be causing a rise in stress levels around the workplace.

…according to a CareerBuilder.com survey of more than 7,600 workers nationwide, 78% reported feeling burned out at work. Forty-six percent said their workload has increased over the last six months, and 45% describe their current workload as heavy or too heavy; 23% are dissatisfied with their current work/life balance. More than half (54%) of workers said their companies offer some sort of flexible work arrangements to help manage stress levels and two-thirds said they take advantage of at least one of the programs offered. When asked which benefits they take part in the most, workers said:

1. Alternative schedules (72%)

2. Compressed work weeks (24%)

3. Telecommuting (15%)

4. Summer hours (14%)

5. Job sharing (6%)

JUST FOR FUN

NOW YOU’RE COOKING!

Have you ever had the alarm go off while you’re cooking? No… not the smoke alarm… the CAR alarm! That’s what was happening every time Dean Johnson’s family tried to make dinner! At first they thought it was a neighborhood cat jumping onto their car – coincidentally at mealtime. But the high-pitched alarm was driving them crazy – and they figured that a cat would learn the lesson after a couple of times of setting it off… it must be something else. Well, after a bit of trial and error work at the house, it turns out that the car alarm was being set off by Mr. Johnson’s mother’s microwave! Apparently, the car alarm was working on the same frequency as the microwave. Dean now parks the car away from his house every time his mother is cooking. ***MARLAR: How bad is it when your mother-in-law’s cooking sets off the car alarm?

FUN LIST

REASONS NOT TO SHOP UNTIL CHRISTMAS EVE

  • Whatever toy you buy, your kid will outgrow by Christmas.

  • Whatever outfit you buy now won’t fit by Christmas.

  • Whatever gift you buy now won’t even be on your kid’s list by Christmas.

  • Whatever computer you buy now will be obsolete by Christmas.

  • Whatever CD you buy now won’t be liked anymore by Christmas.

  • Whatever car you buy now will go on sale by Christmas.

  • Whatever computer program you buy now will be upgraded by Christmas.

  • Whatever candy you buy now will be eaten by Christmas.

MORE SHOW PREP STUFF…

DON’T WANT YOUR BABY? DROP IT OFF AT THE BABY BANK!

Social workers in Hamburg, Germany, have opened a controversial “baby bank” where mothers can leave their unwanted newborns. The center, which is near the red light district, was set up to reduce the number of newborns abandoned on the streets of the city. Now a woman can anonymously pass her child through a “letter box” and into a crib. An alarm alerts staff that a new child has been left. Heidi Rosenfeld, the project’s leader said, “Every baby whose life we save justifies our work.” She adds a woman has eight weeks to come back for her child before the baby is considered for adoption.

LOOKING MORE CLOSELY AT THOSE CHRISTMAS CAROLS

The carols of Christmas are a holiday tradition. But have you ever stopped to listen to the words of some of the songs you are singing. The staff of Relevant magazine did and found that, if you think about it, a lot of traditional Christmas songs are really strange. Here are several of the most confusing.

1. Jingle Bells: This holiday classic is pretty fun for the first couple of verses, but as you listen further, the ride on the “one horse open sleigh” turns into a wintertime nightmare. First, the rider and the unfortunate “Miss Fannie Bright” get stuck in a snow bank. Then, the poor songwriter, slips on the ice and hurts his back, only to have passers-by laugh and leave him injured in the snow.

2. 12 Days of Christmas: The writer’s “true love” may have had good intentions, but it seems like receiving 184 birds (counting up all the days) would be grounds for breaking up.

3. Santa Claus is Coming to Town: this song is one, big, noisy Yuletide threat to children, in which Santa comes across like the NSA. “Be good for goodness’ sake” carries an ominous, unspoken “or else.”

4. Do You Hear What I Hear?: If you think the night wind and a little lamb are talking to you, chances are you’re the only one hearing what you’re hearing.

5. We Wish You a Merry Christmas: This classic carol starts off happily enough—it’s a group of carolers wishing everyone a merry Christmas. Then they suddenly get demanding: “Bring us some figgy pudding.” The song eventually turns into an angry mob, as their true motives are revealed: “We won’t go until we get some!”

6. Carol of the Bells: The lyrics to this dramatic carol are relatively tame. The head-scratching part is how a song that sounds like it should be played at the terrifying climax of a horror movie became a Christmas classic.

7. Little Drummer Boy: When this Christmas staple is actually using words, it’s a pretty touching carol. But it’s hard to take any song seriously when the performer is singing “pa rum pum pum pum” for 80 percent of the lines.

OTHER STUFF I WANT TO CRAM INTO TODAY’S PREP

Office snacks from candy dishes to doughnuts may boost morale, but they can wreck your waistline and sabotage your health. It has been shown that just the sight or smell of candy, cookies, donuts and other sugary sweet concoctions triggers a desire to eat some. Since most of us are lugging around excess body fat, this kind of morale booster is not helping our diet efforts and may inadvertently contribute to increasing sick days and perhaps anxiety, listlessness or moodiness when the resulting sugar rush wears off. Think you can work off that piece of candy by just exercising more? Chances are, you can’t. If you eat just two pieces of candy each workday, it totals about 480 calories.

Here’s something else for pessimists to grumble about optimists live longer, healthier lives, says University of Pittsburgh researchers. They found that women with a negative attitude had more health problems and were more likely to have high blood pressure, diabetes or smoke cigarettes. Cynically hostile gals were 23% more likely to die from cancer, while women with a positive attitude were 30% less likely to die from heart disease.

When you sleep, your brain goes into a cleaning frenzy, mopping up gunk and junk that builds up while you’re awake and has the potential to cause Alzheimer’s disease. When you dream, something remarkable happens to your brain. At least, it happens in mice. And the scientists from the University of Rochester Medical Center who led the study, think there is good reason to believe it happens in humans, too, which could provide new clues to treating Alzheimer’s disease, dementia and other mind disorders. In addition, they discovered that brain cells tend to shrink during sleep, which widens the space between the cells — and that allows waste to pass through that space more easily. Lead researcher Dr. Maiken Nedergaard explained that this same type of plumbing system also exists in dogs and baboons, which means it’s logical to think it also exists in the human brain. Why does the “cleaning” only happen during sleep? The brain uses a lot of energy to flush out the junk and gunk, so it’s easier and more efficient to do this task during sleep when the brain isn’t being used for so many other functions.

Everybody has “traditional” Christmas ornaments. But what would a truly traditional-as in historical-Christmas tree look like?  The person more commonly credited with bedecking the first Christmas tree is Martin Luther. Supposedly he cut down a tree and decorated it with candles to recreate the stars in the night sky. Two more ornaments can be traced to the Middle Ages. Medieval plays often featured “paradise trees” decorated with apples and unconsecrated Communion wafers, representing the antidote to the forbidden fruit.  ***A traditional Christmas tree would be unrecognizable to us today… and extremely flammable!

http://www.christianitytoday.com/history/2008/august/o-christmas-tree.html

AND I LEAVE YOU WITH THIS THOUGHT

I have absolutely nothing to do after the show today.  Anybody want to meet at (LOCAL GROCERY STORE) and alphabetize the cereals?

THE TICKET Movie Reviews with MARIE ASNER

Marie Asner has been reviewing films for over 30 years. Her outlets include radio, print and Internet. For more in-depth movie reviews of the following films, visit www.Tollbooth.org. Ratings from 1 (Low) to 5 (High).

DECEMBER 09, 2016…

Miss Sloane—Jessica Chastain takes on the role of a woman lobbyist in a business that has a glass ceiling. She wants to get a bill through Congress for tighter background checks on gun sales.  Good luck. Also in the cast are Mark Strong and Gugu Mbatha-Raw. “Miss Sloane” is rated R. Rating of 2 for fans.

Office Christmas Party—This is what happens when one person in a firm tries to impress a prospective client with the party-to-end-all-parties. Does anything go right?  The cast includes Jennifer Lawrence, Jason Bateman and T. J. Miller. “Office Christmas Party” is rated R. Rating of 2 for fans.

DECEMBER 16, 2016 thru JANUARY 01, 2017…

Jackie—Natalie Portman takes on the role of Jacqueline Kennedy. Bring hanky.

Sing—an animated film for the family about an animal vocal contest.

The Space Between Us—New date for opening and about a boy born on Mars.

Gold—Matthew McConaughey stars as a hustler who will do anything to win.

Why Him?—James Franco is the son-in-law no one wants.

Paterson—Adam Driver stars as a bus driver who is reticent and his wife who loves life.

A Monster Calls—new opening for this movie about a boy coping with grief who has a monster as a friend.

Live By Night—directed and stars Ben Affleck and concerns the life of gangsters.

Manchester By The Sea—new opening and stars Casey Affleck (Ben’s brother) who takes care of his nephew during a tragedy.

Hidden Figures—True story of African-American women mathematicians who helped put the astronauts in orbit.

20th Century Women—concerns three generations of woman coping with life. Stars Annette Bening.

Julieta—a Spanish language film of trying to find a lost daughter.

Collateral Beauty—Will Smith’s friends help him cope with tragedy.

Fences—Denzel Washington in a screen adaptation of the Broadway play.

The Founder—Michael Keaton plays Ray Kroc, who turned McDonalds’ into a fortune.

A Kind of Murder—Patrick Wilson stars in a tangled thriller.

Neruda—story of the South American poet.

Rogue One: A Star Wars Story—Felicity Jones stars in this saga that should take“Star Wars” fans over the holidays.

Assassins Creed—Michael Fassbinder in an adaptation of the video game.

Passengers—Jennifer Lawrence as a person who awakens during a space flight to another planet and has to help others.

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WARNING: Don’t believe anything you read on the Internet or email (including stuff you read here) unless you can confirm it with another source, and/or it is consistent with what you already know to be true. The opinions in this publication are not necessarily those of Darren Marlar, Marlar House Entertainment, OnAirPrep.com, or any company or organization affiliated with aforementioned. (Regardless of how stupid you may think those opinions are. So there – nyah!)

Darren Marlar credits all non-original material to the author whenever possible. All other material is original, used with permission, or author unknown. We welcome all comments, questions, and suggestions. Darren can be reached via his website at www.DarrenMarlar.com.