WELCOME TO THE SHOW!
Welcome to (THE JOCK SHOW) – the most fun you can have without paying sales tax!
PRESIDENTIAL WIT & WISDOM (click here to buy the book)
(None on the weekends.)
“It is easier to do a job right than to explain why you didn’t.” – Martin Van Buren
BIBLE VERSE OF THE DAY
“Children’s children are a crown to the aged, and parents are the pride of their children.” — Proverbs 17:6
Mark 14:38 = Watch and pray so that you will not fall into temptation. The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak.”
HEARTLIGHT DAILY VERSE, PRAYER & THOUGHT
When the time had fully come, God sent his Son, born of a woman, born under law, that we might receive the full rights of sons. — Galatians 4:4-5
Thought: God waited till history reached his appointed time and sent Jesus. Just the right time — Roman rule, Jewish subordination, good roads, freedom, a degree of safety, a common trading language, cruel and barbaric punishment accompanied by religious infighting. In times such as these, he sent his Son to be a woman’s son. He emptied his home so he could send a redeemer to our home. He did it so we could be his children — not pretend children, but real children, with full rights. So he could not only be God, but so he could be Abba.
Prayer: Abba Father, even your name is precious to me. I gasp at how much it cost you to let me call you Abba. I don’t understand such extravagant love, but I thank you for it. I know I don’t deserve to call you Abba, but it sounds so right. Something inside resonates at the sound of Abba — Holy, Righteous, Almighty, Abba! While I know that I will never be a perfect child, I rest today in the confidence that I am your child and you claim me. Thank you in Jesus’ name. Amen.
“BIRTHDAY VERSE” OF THE DAY (The chapter and verse correspond to the month and day!)
Hebrews 12:15 NIV = See to it that no one misses the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many.
TODAY IS FRIDAY – DECEMBER 15, 2017
(NOTE: Some holidays may be duplicated due to various calendars reporting conflicting dates)
WEIRD, WACKY, STRANGE, ZANY, ODD, BIZARRE, QUIRKY, UNUSUAL HOLIDAYS!
THERE ARE ONLY 09 SHOPPING DAYS UNTIL CHRISTMAS.
Today is CAT HERDERS DAY. If you can say that your job, or even your life, is like trying to herd cats, then this day is for you, with our sympathy.
Today is UNDERDOG DAY, saluting the number two people who contribute to the success and fame of the number one people. ***In other words, “I’d like to think the little people…” (audio clip)
HALCYON DAYS begin today, a two-week period of calm and tranquility, dating to ancient times when the fabled halcyon bird calmed the wind and waves. ***Two weeks beginning now of calm and tranquility? Obviously people in ancient times didn’t do any Christmas shopping at the mall.
TODAY IS ALSO…
Bill of Rights Day
Cat Herders Day
Free Shipping Day
International Tea Day
National Cupcake Day
National Ugly Christmas Sweater Day (Friday of second full week)
National Wear Your Pearls Day
COMING UP NEXT (Just a list, we are not endorsing the holidays posted below. Find more holidays and link to their websites at BrownieLocks.com)
SATURDAY, DECEMBER 16
SUNDAY, DECEMBER 17
MONDAY, DECEMBER 18
TUESDAY, DECEMBER 19
WEDNESDAY, DECEMBER 20
THURSDAY, DECEMBER 21
Ann & Samantha Day (Summer & Winter Solstices. Also June 21)
Celebrate Short Fiction Day (Always on Winter Solstice)
Crossword Puzzle Day
Free Shipping Day (3rd Thursday at Participating Retailers)
International Dalek Remembrance Day
National Flashlight Day (Shortest Day of The Year)
National Homeless Persons’ Remembrance Day
National Re-gifting Day (3d Thursday)
Phileas Fogg Win A Wager Day
Short Girl Appreciation Day (Shortest day of the year)
World Peace Day/Winter Solstice
Winter (Winter Solstice) 11:28 AM EST
FRIDAY, DECEMBER 22
Be A Lover of Silence Day
ON THIS DAY
1791: The U.S. Bill of Rights went into effect. ***Although nowadays it’s kinda hard to tell if they actually “took”.
1877: Thomas Edison patented the phonograph. ***Finally, he had something to do with all his records.
1941: Singer Lena Horne recorded her classic “Stormy Weather” for Victor Records.
1944: A small plane carrying band leader Glenn Miller disappeared on a flight from England to Paris. Forty years later a British bomber crew admitted they had accidentally dropped bombs onto Miller’s plane over the English Channel.
1950: A 221-foot Douglas fir, the tallest cut Christmas tree on record, was hoisted at the Northgate Shopping Center in Seattle.
1954: Davy Crockett premiered on television. The show — which aired in five segments — is considered TV’s first mini-series. The show spawned the famous coonskin cap, although Crockett never wore one.
1959: The Everly Brothers recorded “Let It Be Me” in New York City, their first session outside Nashville and the first with violins.
1978: Vincent Pilkington of Cavan, Ireland, killed and plucked 100 turkeys in 7 hours 32 minutes, fastest turkey plucking in history.
1991: A 26-year-old Laotion man was charged with “spousal abuse” in Sacramento after hitting his 28-year-old wife with six frozen squirrels from the family freezer. Squirrels are a Laotian delicacy.
1993: Two robbery suspects dug through a police station wall and hailed a taxi in Sao Paulo, Brazil. The cab driver, moonlighting on his day off, was one of their jailers.
1993: Two months after its release, Reba McEntire’s Greatest Hits, Volume II was certified double-platinum: that’s two million albums.
2002: When a man tried to rob a lottery ticket shop in Munich, Germany, the shop owner’s wife sprayed the thief with Christmas glitter spray. He was so stunned he ran out and left his wallet on the counter. Still covered in glitter, he reported the theft of his wallet at a nearby police station. Police immediately arrested him.
TODAY IN CHRISTIAN HISTORY
1418: English pre-Reformer John Oldcastle is burned alive for his efforts to preserve and promote the cause of the Lollards (preachers who spread John Wycliffe’s views). Shakespeare reportedly based his character Falstaff on Oldcastle.
1900: Count Leo Tolstoy writes to the tsar asking him to end religious persecution in Russia.
HOLLYWOOD, SPORTS AND CELEBRITY FIGURE BIRTHDAYS
Actress (City Slickers, Supergirl) Helen Slater, 54
Actor (“Miami Vice”, “Nash Bridges”) Don Johnson, 68 (audio clip)
Actor/comedian (“Carol Burnett Show”) Tim Conway, 84 (audio clip)
(Music Artist Birthdays From SongFacts.com)
1911 : Stan Kenton
1916 : Buddy Cole
1922 : Alan Freed
1928 : Ernest Ashworth
1932 : Jesse Belvin
1934 : Raina Kabaivanska
1939 : Cindy Birdsong (Patti LaBelle and the Blue Belles, The Supremes)
1942 : Dave Clark (The Dave Clark Five)
1946 : Carmine Appice (Vanilla Fudge)
1946 : Harry Ray (The Moments)
1956 : Paul Simonon (The Clash)
SECRETS OF THE UNIVERSE (Answering questions that have plagued mankind for minutes!)
What is myrrh, anyway?
Myrrh is an aromatic gum resin which oozes from gashes cut in the bark of a small desert tree known as Commifera Myrrha or the dindin tree. The myrrh hardens into tear-dropped shaped chunks and is then powdered or made into ointments or perfumes. This tree is about 5-15 feet tall and 1 foot in diameter. Legend says Caspar brought the gift of myrrh from Europe or Tarsus and placed it before the Christ Child. Myrrh was an extremely valuable commodity during biblical times and was imported from India and Arabia.
Myrrh was also used as a preservative, to keep food from rotting. ***MARLAR: What’s a baby gonna do with myrrh? It’s a preservative? It’s just a guess, but if you show up to the Son of God’s baby shower with a bottle of monosodium glutamate, you probably lose all rights to the term “wise man”.
(None on weekends. Want a customizable version with your specific station tag, FREE? Email me for more information! )
NEW NEWS KICKERS…
(Not posted on weekends and U.S. holidays.)
Flying from New York to Los Angeles can be boring, nerve-wracking and uncomfortable. But that’s no reason to get violent. With your mouth. A recent flight from LA to New York was forced to land in Las Vegas because a passenger had started biting the people around him. ***When asked later why he did it, he said it was the fastest way to get the taste of airline food out of his mouth.
What would you pay to skip seeing the in-laws over the holidays? The average person says they’d pay $158. ***That sounds low to me.
A new study finds that kids dressed as characters like Batman perform better when asked to complete boring tasks. ***Ya see, Mom? If you’d let me go to school in my Spiderman onesie like I wanted to, I would’ve gotten better grades!
The absolutely best age to be is 46. Why? It’s considered the gateway to a golden age when you have everything you want: a loving spouse, a beautiful home, a career and children. While most people dread turning 40, that milestone is actually on the cusp of the best part of life, according to researchers from the British insurance company More Than. The late 40s also mark the time when people have acquired the most stuff, such as household gadgets and valued personal possessions. And that’s because they have the most money. The average wealth for this age group is 40% higher than that of 20-year-olds and 35% higher than those in their 70s, who have retired and are living on savings. ***So, according to this, I missed my best age three years ago. If three years ago was the best I could do, I’m in biiiiiiiig trouble.
The guy who stabbed a man in Portland Sunday claimed that he was married to Taylor Swift and that she told him to do it. ***That sounds perfectly reasonable to me.
Alec Baldwin is looking at doing a solo Broadway show. ***Actually, with his personality, he could do a solo version of “12 Angry Men”.
NEWS KICKER EVERGREENS…
(Not posted on weekends and U.S. holidays.)
(PERENNIAL) Turns out all of those Christmas reindeer stories you’ve been told are WRONG! According to the Alaska Department of Fish and Game, while both male and female reindeer grow antlers in the summer each year, male reindeer drop their antlers at the beginning of winter, usually late November to mid-December. Female reindeer retain their antlers till after they give birth in the spring. ***Therefore, according to EVERY historical rendition depicting Santa’s reindeer, EVERY one of them, from Rudolph to Blitzen, had to be a female. We should’ve known… ONLY women would be able to drag an overweight man in a red velvet suit all around the world in one night and not get lost!!!
Burning the candle at both ends might impress your boss, but you could be sacrificing your health in the process. A study published in The Lancet finds a strong connection between people who work 55 or more hours per week and cardiovascular disease. Those who work such long hours were found to have a 33% increased risk of stroke and 13% greater chance of developing coronary heart disease compared to people who work the standard 35- to 40-hour work week. *** Which is exactly why I do as little work as possible each day for my employer. It’s for my health!
Dictionary.com announced that four out of five adults claim to be good spellers. Females are the most confident (87 percent) in their spelling abilities. *** Meanwhile, only 8 percent of respondents used two L’s in the word “spelled.”
The University of Otago in New Zealand says women trying to lose weight should toss their diets and grueling exercise programs and just learn to relax, new research has discovered. In the two-year study, women who practiced the soothing art of yoga and meditation lost weight and kept it off while those who dieted and exercised did not. ***Does this apply to men too? I’d be happy to mediate on a large pepperoni pizza.
A new study says that binge watching brings couples closer. ***That’s because neither one has the energy left to get off the couch.
University researchers in Rome believe that the moon’s gravity is slowly pulling all the continents westward. ***No wonder our country keeps moving to the left… it’s because we’re moving to the left!
AS THE JUNGLE TURNS
(Not updated on weekends and U.S. holidays.)
CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD FRIDAY’S EPISODE
OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns! Last time, Marvy Snuffleson, after escaping from the hospital to avoid getting his tonsils taken out, found that because of his cowardice, most of his friends, family, and even children in the future will all suffer cowardice as well – getting sick and dying from following Marvy’s example!
CLOSE: Tune in next time, as FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you another exciting episode in the never-ending deep-jungle saga that is As The Jungle Turns!
***You may simulcast “As the Jungle Turns” on the Internet stream of your live broadcast only. Any other Internet use of “As the Jungle Turns” in whole or part including podcasting of your live broadcast is a violation of copyright law. Thank you for your cooperation on this vitally important issue. If you have any questions, please e-mail us and ask about “Jungle Jam & Friends the Radio Show” usage.
MOMENT OF DUH
Planning on going deer hunting? Just be sure you know what a deer looks like!
A farmer in Kentucky has been driving around town, proudly showing off the “enormous” deer that he shot. Now this same farmer faces more than $8,000 in fines and a year in jail because, in actuality, he bagged one of the 1,300 elks that wildlife officials have been trying to restore. He pleaded “not guilty” to the charge of possessing an elk, mainly because he didn’t intend to shoot an elk. So, in other words, he’s pleading to being ignorant.
TOP TEN THINGS NOT TO GET YOUR DOG FOR CHRISTMAS
10. A CD of cats meowing popular Christmas songs.
9. A chew toy shaped like a shoe which he is immediately going to confuse with the right sneaker of your favorite pair.
8. Anything Garfield.
7. A remote control for the refrigerator door.
6. A knitted pink sweater that makes your macho doberman look like a poodle.
5. Doggie antlers when your near-sighted hunting relatives will be spending the holidays with you.
4. A deluxe pre-packaged treat-filled Christmas stocking that’s large enough for you to use as a sleeping bag.
3. A stuffed toy dog with an angel’s halo as a hint as to what he has to do to get more presents next year.
2. A piece of jewelry featuring a ceramic dog of his breed for you to wear.
1. A cat.
THE FILES OF LAW & DISORDER
A child’s video game brings criminals to justice!
FILE #1: In Santa Fe, Texas, Sandy Wilson was taking care of her three grandsons when a group of men attempted to burglarize her home, pointing a gun at the kids. Fortunately for them, the kids just happened to be playing the video game Grand Theft Auto on their Playstation. The game has dozens of random police scanner messages which blare out things like, “This is the police! You’re surrounded!” Believe it or not, when the small time crooks heard it, they thought real police were outside the door waiting for them. They panicked and all ran out a back door. Police later found and arrested all four.
FILE #2: In England, a woman parked her car near her house. When she returned, she discovered workmen had painted a “disabled'” zone around it. To make matters worse, a parking officer gave her a ticket for supposedly parking in a disabled space.
FILE #3: Contributing to the problem of overcrowded jails is Florida’s Michael Carl Lindsey. He’s accused of burglarizing two trailers in Panama City Beach and police know it was Lindsey because on one of his break-ins he helped himself to a bite to eat, watched some TV, took a shower and had a nap. He finally left, but forgot to take his wallet, which contained his Social Security Card and other ID.
STRANGE LAW: Sunshine is legally guaranteed to the masses in California.
THIS IS YOUR BRAIN ON DRUGS
“This Is Your Brain On Drugs” is about people doing dumb things under the influence, but addiction is no laughing matter. If you or someone you know needs help, there’s a toll free number you can call 1-800-438-0380. That’s the Addiction Hope and Help Line at 1-800-438-0380.
A Florida woman gives herself up to the authorities only after asking for another beer.
A Fort Pierce, Florida man called police after he came home from work and spotted an intoxicated woman drinking a beer on the roof of his home. The 28-year-old woman was taken into custody after she refused to get down and leave. The police report said the woman agreed to leave only if the man agreed to give her more beer. The woman, who faces a disorderly intoxication charge, has been in trouble before. A police report shows that she was suspected of stealing money from her sister to buy alcohol in October. And last week an officer who went to her apartment on a disturbance report reported that Smith was intoxicated and wouldn’t quiet down.
65% of Americans would prefer to receive $100 in cash, instead of a specific present or a gift card of the same value. Is giving cash okay as a gift, or is it just too easy?
BIBLE BRAIN BUSTER!
QUESTION: Who took Paul’s belt and bound his own feet and hands to symbolize how the Jews would bind Paul and deliver him to the gentiles?
ANSWER: Agabus (Acts 21:10-11)
QUESTION: How many clues were in the first newspaper crossword puzzle ever published?
ANSWER: 32. Published in the “New York World” in 1913
TRUE OR FALSE
Pay attention! If our next player doesn’t answer all ten T/F questions correctly we start all over from question #1! First person to answer question #10 correctly is our winner!
1. The water moccasin, the most poisonous snake in North America, is also called the “Poisonmouth”. (False… it’s the “Cottonmouth”)
2. Lake Huron is the only one of the Great Lakes that is entirely in the U.S. (False… Lake Michigan is the only one.)
3. On “Sesame Street,” Big Bird is 6’2″ tall. (False… 8’2″)
4. George Lucas directed “Plan 9 From Outer Space,” widely considered the worst movie of all time. (False… that was Ed Wood)
5. U.S. President George Washington was born 1685. (False… 1732)
6. John Ford has won the most Oscars in the Best Director category. (True)
7. Alvy Singer is a Woody Allen character from his Annie Hall film. (True)
8. Mama Cass was eating an egg salad sandwich when she died. (False… it was a ham sandwich)
9. Peter Rabbit’s three siblings were Flopsy, Mopsy and Cottontail. (True)
10. St. Charles Place belongs to the Bright Red color on a standard U.S. Monopoly board. (False… it’s light purple)
TABLOID MATCH GAME
You have to match the blank in the tabloid headline with the word or phrase that has been removed!
SATURN READY TO ________ (EXPLODE)
A 2,000-mile high pillar of cloud has formed on Saturn and scientists believe the planet may explode in the near future.
At first scientists believed that the fog near Saturn was coming from Saturn’s moon Titan, but on closer examination it appears that Saturn is undergoing a cataclysm and it could destroy itself in the next ten months.
NASA scientists are puzzling over the orbiting Cassini probe’s images of Saturn. “We’re not sure what’s going on up there,” said lead astrophysicist, Dr. Robert Comito of NASA. ”But Saturn’s atmosphere seems to be imploding. The planet appears to be heating up and is releasing enormous amounts of energy.”
“It’s almost releasing as much energy as a ex-galactic sun,” Comito went on to say. ”This may actually explain the extreme weather we’ve been having on earth.”
THE WAY TOO EARLY IN THE MORNING TO UNDERSTAND THE PUNCHLINE EVEN AFTER TWO CUPS OF COFFEE JOKE OF THE DAY
It was Christmas shopping season, and a woman walked up to the manager of a department store. “Are you hiring any help?” she asked.
“No,” he said, “We already have all the staff we need.”
“Then would you mind getting someone to wait on me?” she asked.
Little Johnny’s new baby brother was screaming up a storm. He asked his mom, “Where’d we get him?”
His mother replied, “He came from heaven, Johnny.”
Johnny says, “WOW! I can see why they threw him out!”
Every time the man next door headed toward Robinson’s house, Robinson knew he was coming to borrow something. “He won’t get away with it this time,” muttered Robinson to his wife. “Watch this.”
“Er, I wonder if you’d be using your power-saw this morning,” the neighbor began.
“Gee, I’m awfully sorry,” said Robinson with a smug look, “but the fact of the matter is, I’ll be using it all day.”
“In that case,” said the neighbor, “you won’t be using your golf clubs, mind if I borrow them?”
Todd Grannis of Grants Pass, Oregon, proposed to his girlfriend by soaking his cape in gasoline, setting it on fire, jumping into a swimming pool, then climbing out to say, “I’m on fire for you.” ***His girlfriend was a little shaken by his stunt, but she did say yes – mostly for the upcoming life insurance jackpot.
In Eastern Turkey 450 sheep died after nearly 1,500 leapt off a cliff. Investigators are trying to determine what could have caused such strange behavior. ***So far the only clue they have is the odd coincidence that every one of the sheep was named either Thelma or Louise.
A SNOWBALL POEM…
I made myself a snowball, as perfect as could be,
I thought I’d keep it as a pet, and let it sleep with me.
I made it some pajamas, and a pillow for its head,
Then last night it ran away, but first it wet the bed.
IT MUST BE TRUE BECAUSE I HEARD IT ON THE RADIO!
A shopping mall Santa in Virginia wasn’t a jolly old fellow, that’s because Santa wasn’t a “fellow” at all. And certainly wasn’t too jolly after being fired!
Donna Underwood’s version of Santa just wasn’t cutting it with the kids. After a few hours on the job, shoppers began complaining about Santa’s squeaky voice saying it was confusing their children. The kids started reportedly started yelling, “He’s a woman, he’s a woman”. The management of the mall then fired the woman and replaced her with a man. She was immediately offered alternative employment as one of Santa’s Christmas elves, but resigned after a day. She is now suing the mall for sexual discrimination. ***MARLAR: Santa filing a lawsuit. Remember the good old days when he’d just put coal in your stocking?
57 CENTS THAT MADE HISTORY
A sobbing little girl stood near a small church from which she had been turned away because it ‘was too crowded’. “I can’t go to Sunday School,” she sobbed to the pastor as he walked by. Seeing her shabby, unkempt appearance, the pastor guessed the reason and, taking her by the hand, took her inside and found a place for her in the Sunday School class. The child was so touched that she went to bed that night thinking of the children who have no place to worship Jesus.
Some two years later, this child lay dead in one of the poor tenement buildings and the parents called for the kind-hearted pastor, who had befriended their daughter, to handle the final arrangements. As her poor little body was being moved, a worn and crumpled purse was found which seemed to have been rummaged from some trash dump. Inside was found 57 cents and a note scribble in childish handwriting which read, “This is to help build the little church bigger so more children can go to Sunday school.”
For two years she had saved for this offering of love. When the pastor tearfully read that note, he knew instantly what he would do. Carrying this note and the cracked, red pocketbook to the pulpit, he told the story of her unselfish love and devotion. He challenged his deacons to get busy and raise enough money for the larger building. But the story does not end there!
A newspaper learned of the story and published it. It was read by a realtor who offered them a parcel of land worth many thousands. When told that the church could not pay so much, he offered it for a 57 cent payment.
Church members made large subscriptions. Checks came from far and wide. Within five years the little girl’s gift had increased to $250,000.00 a huge sum for that time (near the turn of the century). Her unselfish love had paid large dividends.
When you are in the city of Philadelphia, look up Temple Baptist Church, with a seating capacity of 3,300, and Temple University, where hundreds of students are trained. Have a look, too, at the Good Samaritan Hospital and at a Sunday School building which houses hundreds of Sunday scholars, so that no child in the area will ever need to be left outside at Sunday school time.
In one of the rooms of this building may be seen the picture of the sweet face of the little girl whose 57 cents, so sacrificially saved, made such remarkable history. Alongside of it is a portrait of her kind pastor, Dr. Russel H. Conwell.
– a true story contributed by Kay McCrary
DRIVE TIME DEVOTIONAL
The grass withers and the flowers fall, but the Word of our God stands forever. –Isaiah 40:8
The oldest man or woman in the world! Every now and then, some television reporter interviews a 130-year-old who claims to have been alive during the Age of Innocence, the late 19th century.
Long life is quite an accomplishment. But it can have its drawbacks. Most very elderly people are weak and frail–the natural result of living for so many years.
Now consider the oldest bestseller in the world–the Bible. Have the years been kind to it? You bet!
Even after thousands of years, the Bible still has the power to change lives, to cut deep within the human heart. Its refreshing wisdom is relevant to a world struggling with the effects of violence and immorality. Its poetry continues to inspire readers.
The Bible’s long life is impressive. But the ability to retain vitality throughout the centuries, to “stand forever” (Isaiah 40:8), is supernatural. The Bible is just as strong today as when it was written.
Critics have tried to bury the Bible for years. They have branded the book irrelevant, outmoded, a relic of a long-past culture.
But they are wrong. The Bible is not dead! It continues to be the living Word of God (Hebrews 4:12).
As you tell your friends about your faith, don’t be shy about using the Bible. And don’t be surprised if your non-Christian friends come to understand and believe the gospel by reading the Bible for themselves.
Several decades on earth can do a number on the human body–just ask your grandparents. But the Word of God still stands, an ageless instrument of the Holy Spirit, in bringing life and encouragement to those who read it and believe.
WHERE DOES THE TIME GO?
Here’s what the average person spends their time…
7 years in the bathroom
6 years eating
5 years waiting in line
3 years sitting in meetings
2 years playing telephone tag
1 year searching through clutter
8 months opening junk mail
6 months sitting at red lights
LIFE… LIVE IT
Downsized staffs paired with increased workloads may be causing a rise in stress levels around the workplace.
…according to a CareerBuilder.com survey of more than 7,600 workers nationwide, 78% reported feeling burned out at work. Forty-six percent said their workload has increased over the last six months, and 45% describe their current workload as heavy or too heavy; 23% are dissatisfied with their current work/life balance. More than half (54%) of workers said their companies offer some sort of flexible work arrangements to help manage stress levels and two-thirds said they take advantage of at least one of the programs offered. When asked which benefits they take part in the most, workers said:
1. Alternative schedules (72%)
2. Compressed work weeks (24%)
3. Telecommuting (15%)
4. Summer hours (14%)
5. Job sharing (6%)
JUST FOR FUN
NOW YOU’RE COOKING!
Have you ever had the alarm go off while you’re cooking? No… not the smoke alarm… the CAR alarm! That’s what was happening every time Dean Johnson’s family tried to make dinner! At first they thought it was a neighborhood cat jumping onto their car – coincidentally at mealtime. But the high-pitched alarm was driving them crazy – and they figured that a cat would learn the lesson after a couple of times of setting it off… it must be something else. Well, after a bit of trial and error work at the house, it turns out that the car alarm was being set off by Mr. Johnson’s mother’s microwave! Apparently, the car alarm was working on the same frequency as the microwave. Dean now parks the car away from his house every time his mother is cooking. ***MARLAR: How bad is it when your mother-in-law’s cooking sets off the car alarm?
REASONS NOT TO SHOP UNTIL CHRISTMAS EVE
Whatever toy you buy, your kid will outgrow by Christmas.
Whatever outfit you buy now won’t fit by Christmas.
Whatever gift you buy now won’t even be on your kid’s list by Christmas.
Whatever computer you buy now will be obsolete by Christmas.
Whatever CD you buy now won’t be liked anymore by Christmas.
Whatever car you buy now will go on sale by Christmas.
Whatever computer program you buy now will be upgraded by Christmas.
Whatever candy you buy now will be eaten by Christmas.
MORE SHOW PREP STUFF…
DON’T WANT YOUR BABY? DROP IT OFF AT THE BABY BANK!
Social workers in Hamburg, Germany, have opened a controversial “baby bank” where mothers can leave their unwanted newborns. The center, which is near the red light district, was set up to reduce the number of newborns abandoned on the streets of the city. Now a woman can anonymously pass her child through a “letter box” and into a crib. An alarm alerts staff that a new child has been left. Heidi Rosenfeld, the project’s leader said, “Every baby whose life we save justifies our work.” She adds a woman has eight weeks to come back for her child before the baby is considered for adoption.
LOOKING MORE CLOSELY AT THOSE CHRISTMAS CAROLS
The carols of Christmas are a holiday tradition. But have you ever stopped to listen to the words of some of the songs you are singing. The staff of Relevant magazine did and found that, if you think about it, a lot of traditional Christmas songs are really strange. Here are several of the most confusing.
1. Jingle Bells: This holiday classic is pretty fun for the first couple of verses, but as you listen further, the ride on the “one horse open sleigh” turns into a wintertime nightmare. First, the rider and the unfortunate “Miss Fannie Bright” get stuck in a snow bank. Then, the poor songwriter, slips on the ice and hurts his back, only to have passers-by laugh and leave him injured in the snow.
2. 12 Days of Christmas: The writer’s “true love” may have had good intentions, but it seems like receiving 184 birds (counting up all the days) would be grounds for breaking up.
3. Santa Claus is Coming to Town: this song is one, big, noisy Yuletide threat to children, in which Santa comes across like the NSA. “Be good for goodness’ sake” carries an ominous, unspoken “or else.”
4. Do You Hear What I Hear?: If you think the night wind and a little lamb are talking to you, chances are you’re the only one hearing what you’re hearing.
5. We Wish You a Merry Christmas: This classic carol starts off happily enough—it’s a group of carolers wishing everyone a merry Christmas. Then they suddenly get demanding: “Bring us some figgy pudding.” The song eventually turns into an angry mob, as their true motives are revealed: “We won’t go until we get some!”
6. Carol of the Bells: The lyrics to this dramatic carol are relatively tame. The head-scratching part is how a song that sounds like it should be played at the terrifying climax of a horror movie became a Christmas classic.
7. Little Drummer Boy: When this Christmas staple is actually using words, it’s a pretty touching carol. But it’s hard to take any song seriously when the performer is singing “pa rum pum pum pum” for 80 percent of the lines.
OTHER STUFF I WANT TO CRAM INTO TODAY’S PREP
(Not posted on weekends and U.S. holidays.)
(PERENNIAL) Everybody has “traditional” Christmas ornaments. But what would a truly traditional-as in historical-Christmas tree look like? The person more commonly credited with bedecking the first Christmas tree is Martin Luther. Supposedly he cut down a tree and decorated it with candles to recreate the stars in the night sky. Two more ornaments can be traced to the Middle Ages. Medieval plays often featured “paradise trees” decorated with apples and unconsecrated Communion wafers, representing the antidote to the forbidden fruit. ***A traditional Christmas tree would be unrecognizable to us today… and extremely flammable!
(Feel-good stories! Only posted as new stories come available. Not posted on weekends and U.S. holidays.)
When Nolan Adams was just 7-years-old, he took matters into his own hands when he discovered that children in hospitals are not as fortunate as him during the holidays. His father, Jason Adams, said that his son wanted to get a couple presents for the children so they could have them on Christmas. Together, they went to a store and bought a toy truck and a stuffed frog, which they dropped off at the hospital. But Nolan didn’t stop there. Over the years he’s continued his acts of kindness and the now 11 year old managed to donate 176 gifts this holiday season.
(Only posted as stories come available. Not posted on weekends and U.S. holidays.)
The Texas Department of Public Safety has released a new list of 248,281 approved books and 10,073 banned books for Texas prisons. And frankly it has a lot of people scratching their heads. Prisoners in Texas can no longer read the Pulitzer Prize-winning The Color Purple or the best-selling Freakonomics. Also banned are some of the works of Hunter S. Thompson, a collection of Shakespearean sonnets, the Where’s Waldo series, The Simpsons, and Monty Python. However, they can read Hitler’s Mein Kampf, along with On National Socialism and World Relations – two books written by former KKK grand wizard David Duke-and something called The Holy Book of Adolf Hitler, which is often described as “the Bible of neo-Nazism.” State guidelines say books can be banned for having instructions on making weapons or drugs, information on rioting or striking in prison, “graphic presentations” of illegal sex acts, sexually explicit images, instructions for committing crimes, or the capacity for hiding contraband. So it’s kind of weird that The Count of Monte Cristo and Escape From Alcatraz are approved despite depicting prison escapes – both fictional and real – but Freakonomics is out for discussing crack dealing. (Dallas Morning News)
AND I LEAVE YOU WITH THIS THOUGHT
I have absolutely nothing to do after the show today. Anybody want to meet at (LOCAL GROCERY STORE) and alphabetize the cereals?
THE TICKET Movie Reviews with MARIE ASNER
Marie Asner has been reviewing films for over 35 years. Her outlets include radio, print and Internet. For more in-depth movie reviews of the following films, visit www.Tollbooth.org. Ratings from 1 (Low) to 5 (High).
DECEMBER 15, 2017…
Star Wars: The Last Jedi-— This holiday season at the movie box-office has special treats for fans, from “The Shape Of Water” to the animated “Ferdinand” to the new version of “Jumanji.” The biggest treat may be the new “Star Wars” film about The Last Jedi. It begins right at the end of the first “Star Wars” (2015) where Rey (Daisy Ridley) finds Luke Skywalker (Mark Hamill) and that was that. Now, we see what will happen, and the familiar characters are there from R2D2 to C P30 to Princess Leia (the late Carrie Fisher) and how that is handled. Also, Chewbacca has a new actor, Joonas Suotamo has replaced Peter Mayhew. Onboard is also John Boyega as Finn and Adam Driver, all dressed in black. Planning ahead to the holiday season of 2019, will come Episode 9. “Star Wars: The Last Jedi” is rated PG 13 and a rating of 4 and the fans know who they are. May the Force be with them all.
I, Tonya—The world of sports can be knife sharp in competition, down to .001 at times, and one of the most competitive is figure skating. This wasn’t always the case, but with years of media coverage, the sport has taken on almost a fashion look as well as an athletic one. Rivalry is intense and none more so that in women’s figure skating. “I, Tonya” (played by Margot Robbie) presents Tonya Harding’s side of the story in which she allegedly hired someone to injure her rival, Nancy Kerrigan. Talk about front page news. Harding’s ex-husband, Jeff Gillooly (played by Sebastian Stan) was the villain, with Harding’s mother, LaVona (played by Allison Janney) as a hard-hearted stage mother. Several aspects of that particular situation are presented by director Craig Gillespie. The idea of trying to harm/maim your rival is a harsh one and the press had a field day. “Tonya” is rated R. Rating of 2 for fans.
Ferdinand—This charming animated film is about a Spanish fighting bull, but he doesn’t have fight in him. Instead, he likes flowers. Adapted from the story of “Ferdinand,” by Munro Leaf and Robert Lawson, we see what happens when Ferdinand is accidentally taken into a bull ring. What to do? He has friends, though, a horse, dog and hedgehog. Voices are of John Cena as Ferdinand, and Kate McKinnon and Anthony Anderson. “Ferdinand” is rated PG. Rating of 3 for fans.
Gotti—John Gotti was a famous mobster in New York City. He ruled the town and in this film, John Travolta takes on the role of Gotti, with Kelly Preston as his wife and Spencer Lofranco as his son, John Gotti, Jr. Violence follows the life of someone in crime. Also in the cast are Stacy Keach and Leo Rossi. “Gotti” is rated R. No rating.
The Shape Of Water—Sally Hawkins is making a name for herself as an actress this year. Not only did she do a splendid job as Maud Davis in”Maudie,” playing a woman with disabilities who overcomes great difficulty to become an artist, but now in “The Shape Of Water,” she does it again. A mute. This film is a science fiction/fantasy film of wanting to communicate and not being able to do so. Facial expression and body language do the acting instead of vocal expression. This is a Guillermo del Toro film, so expect the unexpected. The storyline is in the mid 1960’s, the Cold War, and an experiment that is Top Secret. Hawkins and her friend, Octavia Spencer, are janitors in this special lab, but they do a bit of investigating and find something quite, quite unexpected and what an experiment, it is. Human? “The Shape Of Water” mixes science with compassion and, of course, the government that is just a step behind everyone who is curious. Also in the film are Doug Jones, Michael Shannon as the villain, and Richard Jenkins. Terrific soundtrack. “The Shape Of Water” is rated PG 13. Rating of 3 for science fiction fans.
DECEMBER 20, 2017…
Jumanji: Welcome To The Jungle—The first “Jumanji” came out in 1995, starring Robin Williams, and was a hit with its special effects. This update version of a game board that doesn’t want to give up, The updated version has four people who get caught up in a video game and find themselves in another world and in other bodies. The stars are Dwayne Johnson, Kevin Hart, Karen Gillan and Jack Black. The names of some of the characters they portray are colorful including Dr. Smolder Bravestone and Ruby Roundhouse. Set in Hawaii, there are jungle animals. Slapstick humor, too, whereas the first film, was kid-minded, this one is gadget minded. That all said, “The Rock” has gone from one action movie to another and more planned for the future. Kevin Hart is a comic who blends in with any actor. Beware, jungle. As far as “The Rock,” what a career for a man who began as a professional wrestler. We will see how this new version of the board game works. “Jumanji: Welcome To The Jungle” is rated PG 13. Rating of 2 for fans.
DECEMBER 22-25, 2017…
Bright—How about living in a fantasy world where humans and fantasy creatures have co-existed for eons. This is an alternate Earth, and policeman Will Smith and his Orc partner, Joel Edgerton, are on duty. However, there is evil afoot and they have to find a magic wand before anyone else. Also in the cast are Noomi Repace and Lucy Fry. “Bright” is rated PG 13. No rating.
Downsizing—Bet you thought this term mean problems in the work force. Think again. In this film, it concerns shrinking people (shades of “The Incredible Shrinking Man.” ) There is a purpose in this movie, though, and that is if you want to control populations and have the environment last, make the people smaller. Hmm, does that mean family pets, too? One swipe of that paw and….! To begin the experiment, a group of people are purposely shrunk to four inches and live together, but then problems come forth. Stars are Matt Damon, Christoph Waltz, Udo Kier and Kristen Wiig. “Downsizing” is rated PG 13. Rating of 2 for fans.
Happy End—This is a depressing film about a family with poisoning and suicides in their past. The story centers on a teenage girl named Eve (Fantine Hardoin) with a troubled past and uncertain future. She eventually lives with her aunt (Isabelle Huppert) and still has problems. Others in the cast are Toby Jones and Jean-Louis Trintignant. French language film. “Happy End” is rated R. No rating.
Father Figures (also called “Bastards”)—This film stars Owen Wilson and Ed Helms as fraternal twins. Their Mom is Glenn Close and they, as adult, find she doesn’t know who their biological father(s) are. What to do? The search is on. Also in the cast are Christopher Walken and J. K. Simmons. “Father Figures” is rated PG 13. No rating.
Hostiles—Christian Bale stars in this western as an army officer in 1892, who agrees to escort a Native American tribal chief and his family back to their family ground. Of course, there are problems along the way with outsiders and weather. The cast includes Wes Studi, Adam Beach and Rosamund Pike. “Hostiles” is rated R. No rating.
Pitch Perfect 3—This is supposed to be the last film in the series, but then everyone says that. The group goes separate ways after winning their championship. Trouble is, they are bored, so along comes a chance to join the USO and entertain troops abroad. But, of course, they get into trouble. The stars include Hailee Steinfeld, Anna Kendrick, Rebel Wilson, Ruby Rose and Elizabeth Banks. ”Pitch Perfect 3” is rated PG 13. No rating.
The Greatest Showman—Hugh Jackman is quite the performer, from “Wolverine” to Broadway. Here he takes on the role of P. T. Barnun and how he put together his wonderful circus. There are animals, clowns and trapeze artists, which brings us to singer, Zendaya, who plays Anne Wheeler. She is a trapeze artist who falls for P. T. Barnum’s partner, played by Zac Efron. Zandaya did most of her own stunts in this film.Also in the cast are Rebecca Ferguson and Michelle Williams. Music by John Debney and Justin Paul. How to put a show together? The Big Top has it all. “The Greatest Showman” is rated PG. Rating of 2 for fans. For children over age ten.
The Phantom Thread—Daniel Day Lewis submerses himself in his acting roles. From “My Right Foot” to “The Last of the Mohicans” and now a fashion designer in “The Phantom Thread.” Lewis has said that this is his final film and then he will retire from acting. However, sometimes a tempting role does come along… A phantom thread is a part of fabric/design in which, if you have the right thread, can unravel the garment. Much like a government, in which one small detail can bring the house down. In this film, set in the 1950’s in London, Daniel Day-Lewis is a couture fashion designer to nobility, along with his sister (Lesley Manville) and they have a structured life. Enter the outspoken, Alma (Vicky Krieps) who gives new fashion inspiration to Daniel, but his sister begins to see the facade crack and doesn’t know how her brother will handle, perhaps, love? Jonny Greenwood composed the score and the film was written and directed by Paul Thomas Anderson. “The Phantom Thread” is rated PG-13. Rating of 3 for fans of fashion and the stars.
DECEMBER 29, 2017…
Film Stars Don’t Die In Liverpool—An odd title for a movie, but then this film isn’t about your usual actress. It is about Gloria Grahame, an actress in the 1950’s who won a Best Supporting Actress Award for “The Bad and the Beautiful.” Other memorable roles were in “Oklahoma,“ “Sudden Fear” and “It’s A Wonderful Life.“ Annette Bening takes on the role of Gloria Grahame, whose regular life was more colorful than her screen life. She had several husbands and married her step-son, here played by Jamie Bell. Also in the cast are Vanessa Redgrave and Julie Waters. “Film Stars Don’t Die In Liverpool” is rated R. Rating of 2 for fans.
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