December 17, 2017: Sunday ONAIRprep

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WELCOME TO THE SHOW!

Gee, it’s time for me again?!?  Well, deck my hall!  Good morning, (CITY)!  Time to rise and shine and blow the mistletoe out of your ears! –HaLife

PRESIDENTIAL WIT & WISDOM (click here to buy the book)

(None on the weekends.)

BIBLE VERSE OF THE DAY

For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him. –John 3:17

Mark 14:38 = Watch and pray so that you will not fall into temptation. The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak.”

Mary said, “My soul glorifies the Lord and my spirit rejoices in God my Savior…. The Mighty One has done great things for me – holy is his name.” — Luke 1:46

HEARTLIGHT DAILY VERSE, PRAYER & THOUGHT

(From VerseOfTheDay.com)

God made him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God. — 2 Corinthians 5:21

Thought: When was the last time you thought of yourself as “the righteousness of God”? What does that mean anyway? It means that we have the best of qualities, found in the best of beings! But we know we are not god-like! We know our fallibility and flaws! We know our imperfections and our inconsistencies! How can we be “the righteousness of God”? Jesus, the perfect and sinless Righteous One of God, became our sin for us so we could be his righteousness. More than grace, that’s a miracle! And a miracle, dear friend of Jesus, is exactly what you are!!

Prayer: Thank you, gracious and loving Father, for saving me and making me perfect through your sacrificial gift of your Son. Please use me to communicate your grace and your salvation with someone around me who hasn’t accepted your grace. In the name of Jesus, my older brother and Savior, I pray. Amen.

The Thoughts and Prayers for Today’s Verse are written by Phil Ware. You can email questions or comments to phil@heartlight.org.

BIRTHDAY VERSE” OF THE DAY (The chapter and verse correspond to the month and day!)

Romans 12:17 NIV = Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everybody.

TODAY IS SUNDAY – DECEMBER 17, 2017

(NOTE: Some holidays may be duplicated due to various calendars reporting conflicting dates)
WEIRD, WACKY, STRANGE, ZANY, ODD, BIZARRE, QUIRKY, UNUSUAL HOLIDAYS!
THERE ARE ONLY
07 SHOPPING DAYS UNTIL CHRISTMAS.

Tonight is DOUBLE PARENT TRAP NIGHT. Watch both Parent Trap movies back-to-back. ***After all, you have no social life, right?

Today is TRY TO REMEMBER WHERE YOU HID THE CHRISTMAS GIFTS DAY.  ***People buy gifts and then hide them so the kids and loved ones won’t find them… but we’ve actually lost a couple of gifts through the years because we hid them so well we forgot where they ended up!  We still can’t find a crystal train we purchased for my wife’s dad back in 2004.

Today is WRIGHT BROTHERS DAY. In 1903 the Wright Brothers made their first flights at Kitty Hawk, North Carolina. Orville flew 120 feet in 12 seconds; Wilbur flew 852 feet in 59 seconds. ***Not even long enough to get their complimentary peanuts.

TODAY IS ALSO…

A Christmas Carol Day (Story)
Clean Air Day
Wright Brothers Day

COMING UP NEXT (Just a list, we are not endorsing the holidays posted below. Find more holidays and link to their websites at BrownieLocks.com)

MONDAY, DECEMBER 18

Answer The Telephone Like Buddy The Elf Day
Arabic Language Day
Give A Wine Club Day
International Migrants Day

TUESDAY, DECEMBER 19

NONE TODAY

WEDNESDAY, DECEMBER 20

International Human Solidarity Day
Games Day
Mudd Day
National Sangria Day
Poet Laureat Day
World Day of Prayer and Action for Children

THURSDAY, DECEMBER 21

Ann & Samantha Day (Summer & Winter Solstices. Also June  21)

Celebrate Short Fiction Day (Always on Winter Solstice)
Crossword Puzzle Day
Forefathers Day
Free Shipping Day (3rd Thursday at Participating Retailers)
Humbug Day
International Dalek Remembrance Day
National Flashlight Day (Shortest Day of The Year)
National Homeless Persons’ Remembrance Day
National Re-gifting Day (3d Thursday)
Phileas Fogg Win A Wager Day
Short Girl Appreciation Day (Shortest day of the year)
World Peace Day/Winter Solstice
Winter (Winter Solstice) 11:28 AM EST
Yalda
Yule

FRIDAY, DECEMBER 22

Be A Lover of Silence Day

SATURDAY, DECEMBER 23

Festivus
Human Light Celebration

SUNDAY, DECEMBER 24

Christmas Eve
Egg Nog Day

MONDAY, DECEMBER 25

A’Phabet Day or No “L” Day
Christmas
Christmas Pudding Day

ON THIS DAY

63 AD: Jesus’ friend, Lazarus, died for the second time. ***If at first you don’t succeed…

1849: Thomas and William Bowler sold the first “bowler” hat in London. William Coke ordered it for hunting. ***He also used to wear his hunting cap while bowling.

1903: The Wright Brothers made their first flights at Kitty Hawk, North Carolina. Orville flew 120 feet in 12 seconds; Wilbur flew 852 feet in 59 seconds.

1925: Army Gen. William “Billy” Mitchell, outspoken advocate of a separate U.S. Air Force, was found guilty of conduct prejudicial to the good of the armed services. Twenty years after his death, he was awarded the Medal of Honor.

1933: In the first world championship football game, the Chicago Bears defeated the New York Giants, 23-21.

1934: Contemporary Christian songwriter Kurt Kaiser was born. He wrote “Oh How He Loves You and Me,” “Pass It On,” and “Master Designer.”

1936: Ventriloquist Edgar Bergen appeared for the first time on radio with his wooden friend Charlie McCarthy on The Rudy Vallee Show and became one of radio’s hottest acts. Bergen’s daughter Candice was television’s Murphy Brown. ***Did anyone not realize that the dummy was completely unnecessary? IT WAS RADIO!!!

1955: Unable to sleep, guitarist Carl Perkins got up and wrote a song on a paper bag. Less than 48 hours later, he recorded it at Sun Records in Memphis. It would become the first song ever to reach #1 on the pop, country & western, and rhythm & blues music charts: “Blue Suede Shoes.”

1969: An estimated 50 million viewers watched singer Tiny Tim (Herbert Buchingham Khaury) marry Miss Vicky (Victoria Budinger) on NBC’s ”Tonight Show.” The tiptoed through stuff together until 1977. Tim collapsed during a benefit in Minneapolis in November 1996 and never regained consciousness.

1975: Lynette “Squeakie” Fromme was sentenced in a Sacramento, California, federal court to life in prison for her attempt on the life of President Ford.

1979: Stan Barrett broke the sound barrier, reaching 739.67 miles per hour ON LAND at Edward Air Force Base in California. His rocket was powered by a 48-thousand horsepower engine and a side-winder missile. ***They also discovered quite by accident that if you scream while traveling at the speed of sound everyone can still hear you.

1989: “The Simpsons” debuted on the Fox television network.

1992: Actor Dana Andrews died at age 83. He made 64 films, including Tobacco Road, Laura, State Fair, Best Years of Our Lives, and The Ox Bow Incident.

1993: Fox Television outbid CBS for the rights to televise games of the National Football Conference.

1994: A Boston man was arrested at a hospital after taking two live lobsters from a supermarket tank and stuffing them down his pants. Police called it shoplifting. Doctors called it “a do-it-yourself vasectomy.”

2003: A bank robber in Tularosa, New Mexico, lost a bid to overturn his conviction by arguing the stupidity of the crime proved he was too drunk to be responsible. The defendant argued his attempt to rob the same bank teller who moments before had refused to cash his check was stupid enough to show he was inebriated. A compelling argument, but the court didn’t buy it.

2005: President George W. Bush acknowledged personally authorizing a secret eavesdropping program in the U.S. following Sept. 11th, 2001.

TODAY IN CHRISTIAN HISTORY

63 AD: Jesus’ friend, Lazarus, died for the second time.

1912: Yale-educated Chicago native Bill Borden, heir to a fortune in real estate and milk production, boards a ship to China via Egypt. Converted to Christ as a young man, Borden had given his inheritance and his life to the cause of world evangelism. Only a month after arriving in Egypt, he contracted spinal meningitis and died. However, publication of his story prompted many young people to enter the mission field.

1917: Bolsheviks confiscate all property of the Russian Orthodox Church and abolish religious instruction in the schools. Within two decades, at least 45,000 priests were reportedly martyred in the country.

HOLLYWOOD, SPORTS AND CELEBRITY FIGURE BIRTHDAYS

  • TV character Bart Simpson, 38 (audio clip)
  • Actress (Resident Evil, Zoolander, The Fifth Element) Milla Jovovich, 42
  • actor (Gone in 60 Seconds, Saving Private Ryan, Flight of the Phoenix, Avatar) Giovanni Ribisi 43
  • actress (100 Girls, True Crime, Pleasantville) Marissa Ribisi 43
  • actor (“The District”, Barbershop, Save the Last Dance) Sean Patrick Thomas 47
  • actor (“The Closer”, “Get Real”) Jon Tenny is 56
  • Actor (Ernie Douglas on “My Three Sons”) Barry Livingston 64 (audio clip)
  • Actor (Independence Day, While You Were Sleeping, A League of Their Own) Bill Pullman, 64
  • Actor (A Mighty Wind, “SCTV”) Eugene Levy, 71
  • Actor (Ghostbusters, Miss Congeniality) Ernie Hudson, 72

BEE-BOP BIRTHDAYS

(Music Artist Birthdays From SongFacts.com)

1910 : Sy Oliver

1934 : Karl Denver

1936 : Tommy Steele

1937 : Art Neville (The Neville Brothers)

1937 : Nat Stuckey

1938 : Carlo Little (first Rolling Stones drummer)

1939 : Eddie Kendricks (the Temptations)

1942 : Paul Butterfield (Paul Butterfield Blues Band)

1943 : Dave Dee (Dave Dee, Dozy, Beaky, Mick and Tich)

1948 : Jim Bonfanti (The Raspberries)

1949 : Paul Rodgers (Free, Bad Company)

1950 : Carlie Barrett (The Wailers)

1951 : Wanda Huntchinson (The Emotions)

1958 : Mike Mills (R.E.M.)

1961 : Sarah Dallin (Bananarama)

1972 : Craig “DJ Homicide” Bullock (Sugar Ray)

SECRETS OF THE UNIVERSE (Answering questions that have plagued mankind for minutes!)

What is the body’s largest organ? The heart? The kidney? The liver?

Organs are any grouped tissues that form a functional unit. The large intestine sounds like a good choice, until we remember that at 5 feet it’s actually shorter than the 20-foot small intestine. The answer is something that few people realize is an organ: the skin. If the skin of a 150-pound person were spread out flat, it would cover approximately 20 square feet. So stop worrying about those extra pounds at your waistline – what’s a few inches out of 20 square feet?

NEWS KICKERS

(None on weekends. Want a customizable version with your specific station tag, FREE? Email me for more information! )

NEW NEWS KICKERS…

(Not posted on weekends and U.S. holidays.)

NEWS KICKER EVERGREENS…

(Not posted on weekends and U.S. holidays.)

(PERENNIAL) According to a British survey, one in four house-hunters are put off buying a home because of the neighbor’s garish Christmas decorations.  ***Even worse, this survey was taken back in July.

(PERENNIAL) Are you getting your pet a gift this Christmas?  Fifty-six percent of dog owners say they’ll buy their pets a gift this Christmas, but only 48 percent of cat owners plan a gift according to an Associated Press-Petside poll.  A majority of all pet owners-53 percent-plan to get their animals a present this holiday season.  ***It’s the least we can do, since they’ve been leaving little gifts on the carpet for us the rest of the year.

AS THE JUNGLE TURNS

(Not updated on weekends and U.S. holidays.)

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD MONDAY’S EPISODE

OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you another inspiringly inspiring inspirational story in the never-ending deep-jungle soap-opera saga that is As the Jungle Turns!

CLOSE: And you thought YOU were busy! Tune in again next time – if you have time, that is – to see what the jungle animals do about their own time problems! As the Jungle Turns!

***You may simulcast “As the Jungle Turns” on the Internet stream of your live broadcast only. Any other Internet use of “As the Jungle Turns” in whole or part including podcasting of your live broadcast is a violation of copyright law. Thank you for your cooperation on this vitally important issue. If you have any questions, please e-mail us and ask about “Jungle Jam & Friends the Radio Show” usage.

MOMENT OF DUH
A Christmas Scrooge appears in Cape Town in the form of a women’s protest group.

In Cape Town, the Women’s Media Watch complained to the town council that a local billboard pronouncing “peace on earth and goodwill to all men” was sexist. The billboard was subsequently removed, and replaced with a Christmas tree picture. The group’s program director Lene Overland says, “Either you say goodwill to all, or goodwill to men and women.”

TOP TEN

TV GUIDE’S TOP 10 HOLIDAY EPISODES OF ALL TIME

TV Guide listed its choices for the best Christmas episodes of all time. While you can’t argue with picks like “M*A*S*H,” “The Dick Van Dyke Show” and “The Simpsons,” you have to wonder why the authors felt compelled to include an episode from “thirtysomething.” It was probably guilt, which, if we’re not mistaken, was the theme of the entire show.

10. “The Dick Van Dyke Show” – December 18, 1963 – Dick and the gang perform a special holiday show for “The Alan Brady Show.”

9. “M*A*S*H” – December 18, 1978 – Father Mulcahy writes a letter home to his sister.

8. “The Simpsons” – December 17, 1989 – Homer loses what little Christmas money he has at the dog track, but brings home the losing dog: Santa’s Little Helper.

7. “The Wonder Years” – December 14, 1988 – Kevin can’t decide what to get Winnie for Christmas.

6. “All In The Family” – December 22, 1973 – Edith may have breast cancer.

5. “Northern Exposure” – December 16, 1991 – Former astronaut Maurice Minnifield discovers he has a Korean son.

4. “The Twilight Zone” – December 23, 1960 – Art Carney is an unlikely Santa.

3. “The Mary Tyler Moore Show” – December 19, 1970 – Mary has to work on Christmas Eve.

2. “The Honeymooners” – December 24, 1955 – Ralph thinks he has the perfect gift for Alice.

1. “thirtysomething” – December 20, 1988 – Michael Steadman daydreams that he’s Rob in “The Dick Van Dyke Show.”

THE FILES OF LAW & DISORDER

A man’s car was taken away from him by the police simply because he gave a friend a ride to work! That story and more coming up in the files of Law & Disorder!

FILE #1: Burglar Robert Martin was having a pretty good evening. He had hit a home that was full of highly collectable Hummel figurines and had packed his car with them, about $15,000 worth. And that’s when he should have quit. But instead he broke into another residence. And then our poor burglar’s heart gave out. The homeowner returned home to find our bozo thief dead on the living room floor, apparently of a heart attack.

FILE #2: Nathan Robinson says it was like something out of the “Twilight Zone.”  He’s the music director of a Baptist church in Southern California. Robinson had gone to a La Mesa music store to replace an electric piano and a soundboard that had been stolen from his church. At that very moment, a young man walked in carrying the church’s Yamaha keyboard, hoping to sell it to the store. Store employees stalled, while they called police. When officers arrived, the suspect ran. But police say he left behind the church’s stolen audio equipment and a driver’s license.

FILE #3: A South African man’s car was confiscated AND he was fined about $100 for giving his friends, none of whom owned a car, a lift to work. HUH?!?! Well, apparently it is illegal in South Africa to have a carpool unless all passengers own a car or the other passengers do not pay anything toward the gasoline. Recap… you can’t be in a carpool, unless you own a car – which of course would mean that you wouldn’t need the carpool, right? Or, you can be in a carpool as long as you’re not a nice person by helping the guy out with gas money. That’s illegal too. Okay. And, since this man’s friends helped him pay for the gasoline, he becomes classified as operating a taxi without a license. He’s riding a taxi to work pending his vehicle’s release. And what says the Transport Department deputy director about this? ”That’s the laws of our country. Unfortunately it is like that.”

STRANGE LAW: West Virginia: It is illegal to sneeze on a train.

THIS IS YOUR BRAIN ON DRUGS

This Is Your Brain On Drugs” is about people doing dumb things under the influence, but addiction is no laughing matter. If you or someone you know needs help, there’s a toll free number you can call 1-800-438-0380. That’s the Addiction Hope and Help Line at 1-800-438-0380.

It was the worst possible place to try to sell some drugs – right in front of the sheriff’s house.

Phil Steen says he was sitting on his front porch enjoying the evening air the other night but some suspicious activity was blocking his view. The sheriff-elect of Lewis County, Idaho, says one of the men told him to mind his own business. But Steen wasn’t intimidated, he ran the suspects’ plates instead. The investigation led to the bust of James MacArthur, who’s now facing a number of charges including possession of marijuana with intent to deliver. Steen adds the investigation continues.

PHONER PHUN

What was the worst or strangest Christmas bonus you ever received from an employer?

What is your favorite Christmas memory?

BIBLE BRAIN BUSTER!

QUESTION: What did Paul say would increase in the last days: gossip, disobedience to parents, lovers of money, lovers of pleasure or all of the above?

ANSWER: All of the above (Timothy 3:1-4)

QUESTION IMPOSSIBLE

QUESTION: From 1941 until 1950, violet was part of the color mix for M&M’s Plain Chocolate Candies. In 1950, it was replaced with what color?

ANSWER: Tan.

TRUE OR FALSE

Pay attention! If our next player doesn’t answer all ten T/F questions correctly we start all over from question #1! First person to answer question #10 correctly is our winner!

1. Formally called Kiritimati, Christmas Island in the Indian Ocean is only 10 square miles. (False, it’s 52 square miles.)

2. It is a British Christmas tradition that a wish made while mixing the Christmas pudding will come true only if the ingredients are stirred in a counter-clockwise direction. (False – it must be stirred clockwise.)

3. It is estimated that four million people become sick each year from eating tainted Christmas leftovers. (False, it’s more like 400,000.)

4. More diamonds are purchased at Christmas-time (31 percent) than during any other holiday or occasion during the year. (True)

5. New York City’s Empire State Building’s world famous tower lights are turned off every night at midnight. (False… they exception is New Year’s Eve, New Year’s Day, Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, and St. Patrick’s Day, when they are illuminated until 3 a.m.)

6. Easter Europe was disallowed from celebrating Christmas for several decades up until 1989. (True – on Christmas Day, 1989, Eastern Europe was permitted to celebrate Christmas freely and openly for the first time in decades. It was such big news that church masses were broadcast live for the first time in history.)

7. St. Nicholas was bishop of the Turkish town of Myra in the early fourth century. (True. It was the Dutch who first made him into a Christmas gift-giver, and Dutch settlers brought him to America where his name eventually became the familiar Santa Claus.)

8. The Canadian province of Nova Scotia leads the world in exporting lobster, wild blueberries, and Christmas trees. (True)

9. There were three ghosts in Charles Dickens’s “A Christmas Carol”. (False – there were FOUR. The ghosts of Christmas Past, Christmas Present, Christmas Yet to Come, and the ghost of Jacob Marley.)

10. The movie “How the Grinch Stole Christmas” (2000) features more than 52,000 Christmas lights, about 8,200 Christmas ornaments, and nearly 2,000 candy canes. (True)

TABLOID MATCH GAME

You have to match the blank in the tabloid headline with the word or phrase that has been removed!

“Canadian Police Threaten Drunk Drivers With _____” (Nickleback)
Canadian police in a small Prince Edward Island posted the warning on Facebook which read: “When we catch you, and we will catch you, on top of a hefty fine, a criminal charge, and a year’s driving suspension, we will also provide you with a bonus gift of playing the office’s copy of Nickelback in the cruiser on the way to jail!” The post shows a photo of an unopened cassette copy of the Canadian band’s 2001 “Silver Side Up” album.

THE WAY TOO EARLY IN THE MORNING TO UNDERSTAND THE PUNCHLINE EVEN AFTER TWO CUPS OF COFFEE JOKE OF THE DAY 

JOKE #1

It was the day after Christmas at a church in San Francisco. The pastor of the church was looking over the cradle when he noticed that the baby Jesus was missing from among the figures. Immediately he turned and went outside and saw a little boy with a red wagon, and in the wagon was the figure of the little infant, Jesus.

So he walked up to the boy and said, “Well, where did you get Him, my fine friend?”

The little boy replied, “I got him from the church.”

“And why did you take him?”

The boy said, “Well, about a week before Christmas I prayed to the little Lord Jesus and I told him if he would bring me a red wagon for Christmas I would give him a ride around the block in it.”

JOKE #2

During a field exercise at Camp Lejeune, N.C., my squad was on a night patrol through some thick brush. Halfway through, we realized we’d lost our map.

The patrol navigator informed us, “Our odds are 1 in 360 that we’ll get out of here.”

“How did you come up with that?” someone asked.

“Well,” he replied, “one of the degrees on the compass has to be right.

JOKE #3

The Easterner had always dreamed of owning his own cattle ranch, and finally made enough money to buy himself the spread of his dreams in Wyoming.

“So, what did you name the ranch?” asked his best friend when he flew out to visit.

“We had a heck of a time,” admitted the new cowboy. “Couldn’t agree on anything. We finally settled on the Double R Lazy L Triple Horseshoe Bar-7 Lucky Diamond Ranch.”

“Wow!” his friend was impressed. “That’s a really long name! By the way, I don’t see any cattle on your ranch… where are they?”

The rancher looked down at the ground, “None of ’em survived the branding.”

USELESS FACTS

The average American child eats 1,500 peanut butter sandwiches by the end of high school.  ***Which explains why teenagers mumble all the time.

During the sweltering summer in Tokyo, Japan’s Ice Cream Association was trying to get publicity by introducing a number of non-traditional flavors. They included soybean, kelp, strawberry and spinach, garlic, potato and lettuce, cactus, seaweed, and perhaps oddest of all, horse meat-flavored ice cream.  ***That Atkins diet has just destroyed all joy in life, hasn’t it?

FEATURED FUNNIES

OH CHRISTMAS TREE, JUST YOU AND ME…

I know that Christmas can be tough… especially on those that are single. But if you think about it, if the only person you’re hanging out with this Christmas is your Christmas tree, you may be one of the fortunate ones!

  • Your Christmas Tree never complains when you want to change its appearance.
  • You never have to sit there and wait 20-minutes while you Christmas Tree finishes getting ready for the big company Christmas Party!
  • You can choose a Christmas Tree on outward looks alone and still be politically correct.
  • Your Christmas Tree won’t complain that all you do on Christmas is lie-around all day watching football.
  • If you get tired of your Christmas Tree (the only guest you have for the holidays), all you have to do is drag it out in to the woods, or toss it on the curb to have it hauled away.
  • Your Christmas Tree never orders the lobster bisk and Champaign. All it wants is water!
  • A Christmas Tree won’t return any gift that you give.
  • It doesn’t matter what a Christmas Tree wears, they always look fat in it, so who cares?

IT MUST BE TRUE BECAUSE I HEARD IT ON THE RADIO!

ZERO INTELLIGENCE POLICY STRIKES AGAIN

A girl is kicked out of school for drinking grape juice!

The scene is Five Forks Middle School in Georgia. Amanda Williams has been suspended from school for NINE days for violating the schools zero-tolerance policy on drinking alcohol. “Good,” you might think. “The last thing we need is school is alcohol… she deserves to be suspended, and more!” Well… let’s get a little more information on this alleged infringement of school policy. Did Amanda sneak a shooter into school in her Britney Spears lunchbox? Did she pilfer a beer from her parents’ house and share it with her friends during lunch? Was she chugging Nyquil? Nope. Get this… Amanda was drinking grape juice. That’s right… grape juice. And she got it from the school cafeteria! Yet she was suspended for breaking the school’s no-tolerance policy on alcohol! Oh, so the grape juice must have been fermented, right? Wrong. So, how could Amanda be suspended for violating the school’s zero tolerance policy on alcohol? I hope you’re sitting down. Amanda was suspended because she joked with her friends that she was drinking wine. That’s it. We all know how young girls like to act grownup – so Amanda is trying to act grown up by joking that she’s drinking wine. Suspended — nine days. Mandatory. No exceptions. The school also has a zero-tolerance policy on smoking. What if some kid puts a pencil in his mouth and pretends to be taking a drag on a cigarette? Suspended? Apparently, yes… so don’t try it.  Mandatory, you know. No exceptions. George Orwell would call these “Thought Crimes.”

INSPIRATIONAL INSPIRATION

‘Twas the night before Jesus came and all through the house,

Not a creature was praying, not one in the house.

Their Bibles were laid on the shelf without care,

In hopes that Jesus would not come there.

The children were dressing to crawl into bed,

Not once ever kneeling or bowing a head.

And Mom in her rocker with baby on her lap,

Was watching the Late Show while I took a nap.

When out of the East there arose such a clatter,

I sprang to my feet to see what was the matter.

Away to the window I flew like a flash,

Tore open the shutters and threw up the sash!

When what to my wondering eyes should appear?

But angels proclaiming that Jesus was here!

With a light like the sun sending forth a bright ray,

I knew in a moment this must be THE DAY!

The light of His face made me cover my head,

It was Jesus returning just like He had said.

And though I possessed worldly wisdom and wealth,

I cried when I saw Him, in spite of myself.

In the Book of Life which He held in His hand

Was written the name of every saved man.

He spoke not a word as He searched for my name;

When He said, “it’s not there,” my head hung in shame.

The people whose names had been written with love,

He gathered to take to his Father above.

With those who were ready He rose without a sound,

While all the rest were left standing around.

I fell to my knees, but it was too late;

I had waited too long and thus sealed my fate.

I stood and I cried as they rose out of sight;

Oh, if only I had been ready tonight.

In the words of this poem the meaning is clear:

The coming of Jesus is drawing near.

There’s only one life and when comes the last call,

We’ll find that the Bible was true after all!

DRIVE TIME DEVOTIONAL

A CHRIST VACATION? (GOOD ONE FOR STUDENTS TODAY)

When you get some time off from school, do you turn your break into a “Christ vacation”? Here’s what I mean. We all know what can go on during vacation breaks from school. Those southern trips away from college to the sunny climes of some beachfront hotel may not exactly be events you want your parents to attend. The group dynamics can turn ugly if the people you are hanging with don’t share your faith in Christ.

Christmas vacation getaways are often one big, raucous, God’s-not-invited party. And when a person of faith goes on one of those away-from-school functions, it could very easily become a “Christ vacation”—a time when you take a vacation from Jesus.

No one would suggest that a dedicated Christian like you would purposely abandon what you believe and head out on a sin-filled week of debauchery. But sometimes what starts out as some fun in the sun becomes instead a time for shunning the Son. In other words, it’s easy to get caught up in the unsavory elements of these congregations of college students.

Before you pack the suntan lotion and the Oakleys, it might be wise to set up some unbreakable guidelines for yourself—based on the unchangeable principles of Scripture. Here are some examples:

Avoid sexual sin: Read Colossians 3:5. Purity is an important part of the Christian life, and any immoral sexual behavior is wrong.

Practice modesty: Read 1 Timothy 2:9. Modesty is vital, just like the caution not to dress extravagantly. Guys, this applies to you too.

Keep under the control of the Spirit; not spirits: Read Ephesians 5:18. Be controlled by God’s Spirit, not by alcohol.

Keep your heart soft toward God: Read Ephesians 4:17-19. A hardened heart can lead to sensuality.

The next time you and a tropical beach get together, take those passages of Scripture along with you. Let them remind you not to allow the lure of wild parties and unfettered freedom to cause you to leave your Savior behind. He’s going to be there anyway through the Holy Spirit. You may as well let Him keep you from having a vacation that you can’t forget—no matter how hard you try. —DB

LEFTOVERS

PLEASE DON’T DRIVE

Not using your car in Seattle could not only save you some money, but also make you some money.

Seattle has begun a unique experiment where it’s paying some families to not use their second car. The two-dozen families participating in the research will receive 85-dollars a week during the six-week project. In return they are just asking the participants to keep a journal of how they got around without the use of their car. The information will be used in an education campaign to limit driving.  ***MARLAR: They’ve already figured out how to keep us from driving – gas prices.

LIFE… LIVE IT

KEEPING THE HOLIDAYS SIMPLE

Emilie Barnes, author of  “Keep It Simple,” has some holiday ideas you might want to try:

  • Let your family pick one or two Christmas events they want to do, instead of something every week.
  • Combine your tree decorating, with a small potluck Christmas party.  The guests can help decorate the tree and you’ve combined two holiday functions.
  • Draw names for gift giving instead of trying to buy everyone a gift.
  • Give gift cards; put them in a miniature stocking as a fun way to present the gift.

Now instead of planning another day of shopping, cleaning or cooking, make a cup of tea and put your feet up.  Relax, and enjoy the season of our Savior’s birth.

JUST FOR FUN

CHANGES TO THE 12 DAYS OF CHRISTMAS SONG

Effective immediately, the following economy measures are to take place in the “Twelve Days of Christmas” subsidiary:

  • The partridge will be retained, but the pear tree never turned out to be the cash crop forecasted. It will be replaced by a plastic hanging plant, providing considerable savings in maintenance;
  • The two turtle doves represent a redundancy that is simply not cost effective. In addition, their romance during working hours could not be condoned. The positions are therefore eliminated;
  • The three French hens will remain intact. After all, everyone loves the French;
  • The four calling birds were replaced by an automated voice mail system, with a call waiting option. An analysis is underway to determine who the birds have been calling, how often and how long they talked;
  • The five golden rings have been put on hold by the Board of Directors. Maintaining a portfolio based on one commodity could have negative implications for institutional investors. Diversification into other precious metals as well as a mix of T-bills and high technology stocks appear to be in order;
  • The six geese-a-laying constitutes a luxury which can no longer be afforded. It has long been felt that the production rate of one egg per goose per day is an example of the decline in productivity. Three geese will be let go, and an upgrading in the selection procedure by personnel will assure management that from now on every goose it gets will be a good one;
  • The seven swans-a-swimming is obviously a number chosen in better times. The function is primarily decorative. Mechanical swans are on order. The current swans will be retrained to learn some new strokes and therefore enhance their outplacement;
  • As you know, the eight maids-a-milking concept has been under heavy scrutiny by the EEOC. A male/female balance in the workforce is being sought. The more militant maids consider this a dead-end job with no upward mobility. Automation of the process may permit the maids to try a-mending, a-mentoring or a-mulching;
  • Nine ladies dancing has always been an odd number. This function will be phased out as these individuals grow older and can no longer do the steps;
  • Ten Lords-a-leaping is overkill. The high cost of Lords plus the expense of international air travel prompted the Compensation Committee to suggest replacing this group with ten out-of-work congressmen. While leaping ability may be somewhat sacrificed, the savings are significant because we expect an oversupply of unemployed congressmen this year;
  • Eleven pipers piping and twelve drummers drumming is a simple case of the band getting too big. A substitution with a string quartet, a cutback on new music and no uniforms will produce savings which will drop right down to the bottom line;

We can expect a substantial reduction in assorted people, fowl, animals, and other expenses. Though incomplete, studies indicate that stretching deliveries over twelve days is inefficient. If we can drop ship in one day, service levels will be improved. Regarding the lawsuit filed by the attorney’s association seeking expansion to include the legal profession, the action is pending. If successful, the action would add one more set of gifts the song… “thirteen lawyers-a-suing.”

FUN LIST

TOP FIVE ELF COMPLAINTS

  • Bells on clothing draw jeers at truck stops
  • Incredible markup at North Pole 7-Eleven
  • Workman’s comp doesn’t cover “mistletoe lung”
  • Santa only invites favorites to join him in the Jacuzzi
  • The Colonel practically runs my life (Oops, sorry… that’s not an elf complaint, that’s an “Elvis” complaint)

MORE SHOW PREP STUFF…

SHAME, SHAME

Want to stop unauthorized people from parking in handicapped spaces? Embarrass them! In one English town, people who park without a permit in handicapped parking spaces will be asked to move their cars or face the consequences of getting a ticket. But it won’t be a person telling them to do it… it will be the parking meter! It’s a special parking meter that senses when a car has arrived in the space. Once you’ve parked in the handicapped space and open your door, you’ll hear: “Welcome to Stockport Town Hall. Please note that you are parked in a disabled parking space and must be able to display a relevant badge. If you do not display a relevant badge, you will receive a parking ticket. These conditions apply 24 hours a day, seven days a week.” The idea is to make the person parking there feel really uncomfortable if they’re not handicapped. ***MARLAR: We need one of these things at the grocery store in the “Ten Items or Less” line!

OTHER STUFF I WANT TO CRAM INTO TODAY’S PREP

(Not posted on weekends and U.S. holidays.)

SOUL-GLO

(Feel-good stories! Only posted as new stories come available. Not posted on weekends and U.S. holidays.)

TOTALLY OUTRAGEOUS!

(Only posted as stories come available. Not posted on weekends and U.S. holidays.)

AND I LEAVE YOU WITH THIS THOUGHT

Did you ever wonder how many gangsta rap guys do Christmas albums? Me neither.

THE TICKET Movie Reviews with MARIE ASNER

Marie Asner has been reviewing films for over 35 years. Her outlets include radio, print and Internet. For more in-depth movie reviews of the following films, visit www.Tollbooth.org. Ratings from 1 (Low) to 5 (High).

DECEMBER 15, 2017…

Star Wars: The Last Jedi-— This holiday season at the movie box-office has special treats for fans, from “The Shape Of Water” to the animated “Ferdinand” to the new version of “Jumanji.”  The biggest treat may be the new “Star Wars” film about The Last Jedi. It begins right at the end of the first “Star Wars” (2015) where Rey (Daisy Ridley) finds Luke Skywalker (Mark Hamill) and that was that. Now, we see what will happen, and the familiar characters are there from R2D2 to C P30 to Princess Leia (the late Carrie Fisher) and how that is handled. Also, Chewbacca has a new actor, Joonas Suotamo has replaced Peter Mayhew.  Onboard is also John Boyega as Finn and Adam Driver, all dressed in black. Planning ahead to the holiday season of 2019, will come Episode 9. “Star Wars: The Last Jedi” is rated PG 13 and a rating of 4 and the fans know who they are. May the Force be with them all.

I, Tonya—The world of sports can be knife sharp in competition, down to .001 at times, and one of the most competitive is figure skating. This wasn’t always the case, but with years of media coverage, the sport has taken on almost a fashion look as well as an athletic one. Rivalry is intense and none more so that in women’s figure skating. “I, Tonya” (played by Margot Robbie) presents Tonya Harding’s side of the story in which she allegedly hired someone to injure her rival, Nancy Kerrigan. Talk about front page news. Harding’s ex-husband, Jeff Gillooly (played by Sebastian Stan) was the villain, with Harding’s mother, LaVona (played by Allison Janney) as a hard-hearted stage mother. Several aspects of that particular situation are presented by director Craig Gillespie. The idea of trying to harm/maim your rival is a harsh one and the press had a field day. “Tonya” is rated R. Rating of 2 for fans.

Ferdinand—This charming animated film is about a Spanish fighting bull, but he doesn’t have fight in him. Instead, he likes flowers. Adapted from the story of “Ferdinand,” by Munro Leaf and Robert Lawson, we see what happens when Ferdinand is accidentally taken into a bull ring. What to do?  He has friends, though, a horse, dog and hedgehog. Voices are of John Cena as Ferdinand, and Kate McKinnon and Anthony Anderson. “Ferdinand” is rated PG. Rating of 3 for fans.

Gotti—John Gotti was a famous mobster in New York City. He ruled the town and in this film, John  Travolta takes on the role of Gotti, with Kelly Preston as his wife and Spencer Lofranco as his son, John Gotti, Jr. Violence follows the life of someone in crime. Also in the cast are Stacy Keach and Leo Rossi. “Gotti” is rated R. No rating.

The Shape Of Water—Sally Hawkins is making a name for herself as an actress this year. Not only did she do a splendid job as Maud Davis in”Maudie,” playing a woman with disabilities who overcomes great difficulty to become an artist, but now in “The Shape Of Water,” she does it again. A mute. This film is a science fiction/fantasy film of wanting to communicate and not being able to do so. Facial expression and body language do the acting instead of vocal expression.  This is a Guillermo del Toro film, so expect the unexpected. The storyline is in the mid 1960’s, the Cold War, and an experiment that is Top Secret. Hawkins and her friend, Octavia Spencer, are janitors in this special lab, but they do a bit of investigating and find something quite, quite unexpected and what an experiment, it is. Human?  “The Shape Of Water” mixes science with compassion and, of course, the government that is just a step behind everyone who is curious. Also in the film are Doug Jones, Michael Shannon as the villain, and Richard Jenkins.  Terrific soundtrack. “The Shape Of Water” is rated PG 13. Rating of 3 for science fiction fans.

DECEMBER 20, 2017…
Jumanji: Welcome To The Jungle
—The first “Jumanji” came out in 1995, starring Robin Williams,  and was a hit with its special effects. This update version of a game board that doesn’t want to give up, The updated version has four people who get caught up in a video game and find themselves in another world and in other bodies. The stars are Dwayne Johnson, Kevin Hart, Karen Gillan and Jack Black. The names of some of the characters they portray are colorful including Dr. Smolder Bravestone and Ruby Roundhouse. Set in Hawaii,  there are jungle animals. Slapstick humor, too, whereas the first film, was kid-minded, this one is gadget minded. That all said, “The Rock” has gone from one action movie to another and more planned for the future. Kevin Hart is a comic who blends in with any actor. Beware, jungle. As far as “The Rock,” what a career for a man who began as a professional wrestler. We will see how this new version of the board game works. “Jumanji: Welcome To The Jungle” is rated PG 13. Rating of 2 for fans.

DECEMBER 22-25, 2017…

Bright—How about living in a fantasy world where humans and fantasy creatures have co-existed for eons. This is an alternate Earth, and policeman Will Smith and his Orc partner, Joel Edgerton, are on duty. However, there is evil afoot and they have to find a magic wand before anyone else. Also in the cast are Noomi Repace and Lucy Fry. “Bright” is rated PG 13. No rating.

Downsizing—Bet you thought this term mean problems in the work force. Think again. In this film, it concerns shrinking people (shades of “The Incredible Shrinking Man.” ) There is a purpose in this movie, though, and that is if you want to control populations and have the environment last, make the people smaller. Hmm, does that mean family pets, too? One swipe of that paw and….!  To begin the experiment, a group of people are purposely shrunk to four inches and live together, but then problems come forth. Stars are Matt Damon, Christoph Waltz, Udo Kier  and Kristen Wiig. “Downsizing” is rated PG 13. Rating of 2 for fans.

Happy End—This is a depressing film about a family with poisoning and suicides in their past. The story centers on a teenage girl named Eve (Fantine Hardoin) with a troubled past and uncertain future. She eventually lives with her aunt (Isabelle Huppert) and still has problems. Others in the cast are Toby Jones and Jean-Louis Trintignant. French language film. “Happy End” is rated R. No rating.

Father Figures (also called “Bastards”)—This film stars Owen Wilson and Ed Helms as fraternal twins. Their Mom is Glenn Close and they, as adult, find she doesn’t know who their biological father(s) are. What to do? The search is on. Also in the cast are Christopher Walken and J. K. Simmons. “Father Figures” is rated PG 13. No rating.

Hostiles—Christian Bale stars in this western as an army officer in 1892, who agrees to escort a Native American tribal chief and his family back to their family ground. Of course, there are problems along the way with outsiders and weather. The cast includes Wes Studi, Adam Beach and Rosamund Pike. “Hostiles” is rated R. No rating.

Pitch Perfect 3—This is supposed to be the last film in the series, but then everyone says that. The group goes separate ways after winning their championship. Trouble is, they are bored, so along comes a chance to join the USO and entertain troops abroad. But, of course, they get into trouble. The  stars include Hailee Steinfeld,  Anna Kendrick, Rebel Wilson, Ruby Rose and Elizabeth Banks. ”Pitch Perfect 3” is rated PG 13. No rating.

The Greatest Showman—Hugh Jackman is quite the performer, from “Wolverine” to Broadway. Here he takes on the role of P. T. Barnun and how he put together his wonderful circus. There are animals, clowns and trapeze artists, which brings us to singer, Zendaya, who plays Anne Wheeler. She is a trapeze artist who falls for P. T. Barnum’s partner, played by Zac Efron. Zandaya did most of her own stunts in this film.Also in the cast are Rebecca Ferguson and Michelle Williams. Music by John Debney and Justin Paul.  How to put a show together? The Big Top has it all. “The Greatest Showman” is rated PG. Rating of 2 for fans. For children over age ten.

The Phantom Thread—Daniel Day Lewis submerses himself in his acting roles. From “My Right Foot” to “The Last of the Mohicans” and now a fashion designer in “The Phantom Thread.”  Lewis has said that this is his final film and then he will retire from acting.  However, sometimes a tempting role does come along…  A phantom thread is a part of fabric/design in which, if you have the right thread, can unravel the garment. Much like a government, in which one small detail can bring the house down. In this film, set in the 1950’s in London, Daniel Day-Lewis is a couture fashion designer to nobility, along with his sister (Lesley Manville) and they have a structured life. Enter the outspoken, Alma (Vicky Krieps) who gives new fashion inspiration to Daniel, but his sister begins to see the facade crack and doesn’t know how her brother will handle, perhaps, love? Jonny Greenwood composed the score and the film was written and directed by Paul Thomas Anderson. “The Phantom Thread” is rated PG-13. Rating of 3 for fans of fashion and the stars.

DECEMBER 29, 2017…
Film Stars Don’t Die In Liverpool—
An odd title for a movie, but then this film isn’t about your usual actress.  It is about Gloria Grahame, an actress in the 1950’s who won a Best Supporting Actress Award for “The Bad and the Beautiful.” Other memorable roles were in “Oklahoma,“ “Sudden Fear” and “It’s A Wonderful Life.“ Annette Bening takes on the role of Gloria Grahame, whose regular life was more colorful than her screen life. She had several husbands and married her step-son, here played by Jamie Bell. Also in the cast are Vanessa Redgrave and Julie Waters. “Film Stars Don’t Die In Liverpool” is rated R. Rating of 2 for fans.

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