December 19, 2015: Saturday ONAIRprep

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PRINTER FRIENDLY VERSION: 20151219

 

 

WELCOME TO THE SHOW!

Good news! My Dad called last night. He just finished assembling my new bike from Christmas 1978.

 

 

BIBLE VERSE OF THE DAY

And there were shepherds living out in the fields nearby, keeping watch over their flocks at night.  An angel of the Lord appeared to them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them, and they were terrified.  But the angel said to them, “Do not be afraid.  I bring you good news of great joy that will be for all the people.  Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; he is Christ the Lord.” —Luke 2:8-11

 

Matthew 19:26 = Jesus looked at them and said, “With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.”

 

[Zechariah said,] “Praise be to the Lord, God of Israel, because he has come and has redeemed his people. He has raised up a horn of salvation for us in the house of his servant David, as he said through his holy prophets long ago.” — Luke 1:68-70

 

 

HEARTLIGHT DAILY VERSE, PRAYER & THOUGHT

(From VerseOfTheDay.com)

He had to be made like his brothers in every way, in order that he might become a merciful and faithful high priest in service to God, and that he might make atonement for the sins of the people. — Hebrews 2:17

 

Thought: There are not many things the Bible says Jesus “had” to do. This is a key one. Jesus had to be one of us. Notice that he did this so he could be like us, his brothers (and sisters) in every way. The reason? So he could be the perfect and faithful high priest who not only made atonement for our sins, but was also the atoning sacrifice for those sins. Incredible!

 

Prayer: Thank you, Lord Jesus, for the incredible sacrifice you made so I could be adopted into our Father’s family and become your younger sibling in our eternal family. Thank you for this grace that was motivated out of your love and carried out by your loving faithfulness. Through your name, Lord Jesus, I offer my praise and thanks to our Father. Amen.

 

The Thoughts and Prayers for Today’s Verse are written by Phil Ware. You can email questions or comments to phil@heartlight.org.

 

 

BIRTHDAY VERSE” OF THE DAY

The chapter and verse corresponds to the month and the day!

Romans 12:19 NIV = Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,” says the Lord.

 

 

TODAY IS SATURDAY – DECEMBER 19, 2015

(NOTE: Some holidays may be duplicated due to various calendars reporting conflicting dates)
WEIRD, WACKY, STRANGE, ZANY, ODD, BIZARRE, QUIRKY, UNUSUAL HOLIDAYS!
THERE ARE ONLY 06 SHOPPING DAYS UNTIL CHRISTMAS.  

 

Today is NATIONAL OATMEAL MUFFIN DAY. ***MARLAR: Do you know the muffin man? The muffin man? The muffin man? Do you know the muffin man? He lives on Drury Lane! (

)

 

Today is CHOCOLATE PIZZA DAY.

 

Today is NATIONAL BUILD A SNOWMAN DAY.

 

Today is E-MAIL SANTA CLAUS JUST IN CASE HE DIDN’T GET YOUR LETTER DAY.

 

 

TODAY IS ALSO. . .

(None today)

 

 

COMING UP NEXT

SUNDAY, DECEMBER 20

International Human Solidarity Day

Games Day

Mudd Day

National Sangria Day

Poet Laureat Day

World Day of Prayer and Action for Children

 

MONDAY, DECEMBER 21

Ann & Samantha Day

Celebrate Short Fiction Day

Crossword Puzzle Day

National Flashlight Day

Forefathers Day

Humbug Day

International Dalek Remembrance Day

National Homeless Person’s Remembrance Day

Phileas Fogg Wins a Wager Day

Short Girl Appreciation Day

World Peace Day/Winter Solstice (11:48pm)

Yalda

Yule

 

TUESDAY, DECEMBER 22

(None today)

 

WEDNESDAY, DECEMBER 23

Human Light Celebration

 

THURSDAY, DECEMBER 24

Christmas Eve

Egg Nog Day

 

FRIDAY, DECEMBER 25

A’Phabet Day (No “L” Day)

Christmas

Christmas Pudding Day

 

SATURDAY, DECEMBER 26

Boxing Day

National Candy Cane Day

National Thank-You Note Day

National Whiner’s Day

 

SUNDAY, DECEMBER 27

Howdy Doody Day

Visit The Zoo Day

 

MONDAY, DECEMBER 28

Holy Innocents Day

Endangered Species Act Day

National Chocolate Day

Pledge Of Allegiance Day

 

 

ON THIS DAY

45 B.C.: Julius Caesar popped in unannounced with 2,000 men for dinner at Cicero’s country villa. Cicero wrote his friend Atticus that he entertained the group “in style,” but that Caesar was not the sort of guest to whom you’d say, “Do please come again on your way back.”

 

1776: Thomas Paine published his first ”American Crisis” essay. He wrote, ‘These are the times that try men’s souls.”

 

1843: “A Christmas Carol,” by Charles Dickens, was first published in England.

 

1922: 24-year-old Theresa Vaughn was tried for bigamy in England. In five years she had accumulated 62 husbands.

 

1927: George Scott and Frank Elliot became the only drivers ever to travel by car 4,200 miles across Canada without gasoline. They talked 168 passing motorists into towing their car, which did not have a motor.

 

1944: American Christian songwriter Andrew Robert Culverwell was born. He wrote “Born Again” and “Come On, Ring Those Bells.”

 

1955: At Sun Records in Memphis, Carl Perkins recorded his original million seller “Blue Suede Shoes.”

 

1957: Meredith Wilson’s musical play “The Music Man” opened on Broadway.

 

1960: Frank Sinatra recorded “Ring-A-Ding-Ding” and “Let’s Fall in Love” in his first session with his own record company, Reprise Records.

 

1973: Comedian Johnny Carson created a minor crisis when he mentioned during a Tonight Show monologue a news item that said toilet paper was disappearing from store shelves. Within a few days toilet paper actually became scarce in some areas.

 

1975: Advertising executive and storyteller C.W. McCall earned a gold record for his novelty hit “Convoy,” a single about truck drivers and their run-ins with the law. It reached #1 on both the country and pop charts.

 

1980: Santa Claus robbed a bank in Berkeley, California, by threatening to blow it up. A short time later, police arrested a hefty 50-year-old man with a sack full of money, still wearing his Santa outfit.

 

1985: ABC Sports announced that it was severing ties with Howard Cosell and released him from all TV commitments. “The Mouth” continued on ABC Radio for another five years.

 

1989: The U.S. issued a patent (#4,887,552) to James Hayden of Cincinnati for his Electrically Lighted Dog Leash and Collar. Powered by a 9-volt battery, the leash device contributes to dog-walking safety after dark.

 

1995: Two bandits tried to rob Z’s Sports Tap bar in Chicago where a police retirement party was underway. The 100 off-duty police officers arrested the suspects at the scene without a fight.

 

1997: ”Titanic,” the highest-grossing movie in history, opened in North American theaters.

 

1998: U.S. President Bill Clinton became only the second U.S. president to be impeached when the House of Representatives approved two articles of impeachment, charging him with perjury and obstruction of justice. In the subsequent trial, however, he was acquitted.

 

2001: Research by the Reno Gazette-Journal in Nevada determined the most effective way to get rid of a fruitcake is to drive over it with an SUV or kick it like a football. Dropping a fruitcake from the roof of a two-story building or shooting it with a submachine gun was not effective at all.

 

2003: Image designs for the new design for the Freedom Tower at the World Trade Center revealed a sloping spire to reach 1,776 feet.

 

 

TODAY IN CHRISTIAN HISTORY

1734: Count Nicholaus von Zinzendorf, founder of the modern Moravian church and a pioneer in ecumenism and missions, is recognized as a minister by the theology faculty of Tubigen, Germany.

 

1790: An interdenominational meeting opens in Philadelphia to create the First Day Society to strengthen Sunday observance.

 

1808: Death of Horatius Bonar a leading Scottish minister of his day and author of many hymns, such as “I Heard the Voice of Jesus Say.”

 

1904: Sundar Singh sees a vision of Christ three days after burning a Bible, an act that left him so miserable he was preparing to throw himself under a train. The teenager immediately began to preach the gospel to others at great risk to himself. ³When we have left this life, we shall not have a second chance of bearing the cross for Christ.²

 

1947: The Dead Sea scrolls are discovered, and soon are recognized as one of the greatest archaeological finds of the twentieth century for the light they cast on scripture, and especially on the times of Christ.

 

1950: Bill Wallace, missionary surgeon to China, is taken captive in a pre-dawn raid by the Communists and placed in a cell where he is brutally interrogated as an American spy and finally murdered.

 

 

HOLLYWOOD, SPORTS AND CELEBRITY FIGURE BIRTHDAYS

  • actress (Jody Lynch on “Party of Five”, Lucy Hatcher on “The Practice”) Marla Sokoloff 35 (
    )
  • actor (Jarhead, Proof, The Day After Tomorrow) Jake Gyllenhall 35
  • actress (Commando, “Who’s the Boss”, “Melrose Place”, “Charmed”) Alyssa Milano 43 (
    )
  • actress (Dude Where’s My Car, Big Daddy, The Phantom, Buffy The Vampire Slayer) Christy Swanson 46
  • actress (Bette Porter on “The L Word”, The Grudge 2, Runaway Jury, Flashdance, “The Chicago Code”) Jennifer Beals 52
  • actor (William Barnett on “That 70’s Show”, Ray Campbell on “Sister Sister”, Venus Flytrap on “WKRP in Cincinnati”) Tim Reid 71 (
    )
  • actress (Because of Winn Dixie, Diary of a Mad Black Woman, Fried Green Tomatoes, The Help) Cicely Tyson 82

 

 

BEE-BOP BIRTHDAYS

(Music Artist Birthdays From SongFacts.com)

1894 : Paul Dessau

1915 : Charlie Ryan

1941 : Maurice White (Earth, Wind & Fire)

1944 : Zal Yanovsky (The Lovin’ Spoonful)

1944 : Alvin Lee (Ten Years After)

1945 : John McEuen (Nitty Gritty Dirt Band)

1957 : Doug Johnson (Loverboy)

1958 : Limahl (Kajagoogoo)

1968 : Kevin Shepard (Tonic)

 

 

SECRETS OF THE UNIVERSE

THE MEANING OF THE CANDY CANE?

Was the candy cane made as a representation of the story of Christ?

According to legend there was a candy maker who wanted to invent a candy that would tell the story of Jesus. First of all, he used a hard candy because Christ is the rock of ages. The flavor of the cane is peppermint, which is similar to hyssop. Hyssop is in the mint family and was used in the Old Testament for purification and sacrifice. Jesus is the pure Lamb of God, come to be a sacrifice for the sins of the world. The color white was used to represent the perfect purity of the spotless and sinless Son of God. A large red stripe was used to represent the blood that He shed upon the cross to cleanse us from our sins. Three thin red stripes were added to remind us of the stripes He received Finally, the candy was made in the shape of a shepherd’s staff to remind us that Jesus is the Good Shepherd. (Book, Nashville: Abingdon Press, 1996)

This story is FALSE. Read the truth here.

 

 

CHRISTIAN ARTIST NEWS

Do you like the Christian Artist News you see below? It’s just a tiny sample of the 5-6 pages of material you could be receive every weekday… and it’s FREE! Become one of their subscribers at ChristianRadioShowPrepServices.com!

 

Did you know that the band Citizen Way was originally named The Least Of These?

 

Just in time for Christmas Joni is sharing 1 Cor 13, Christmas Style. It starts like this: “If I decorate my house perfectly with plaid bows, strands of twinkling lights and shiny balls, but do not show love to my family, I’m just another decorator. If I slave away in the kitchen, baking dozens of Christmas cookies, preparing gourmet meals and arranging a beautifully adorned table at mealtime, but do not show love to my family, I’m just another cook.

Read the entire passage here: http://ow.ly/VRuS3

 

A little insight into Casting Crowns Jaun Devevo: I’m a full grown man who eagerly awaits seeing Kung Fu Panda 3

 

Mac Powell this week: Wait a second! You mean to tell me there’s a new @starwars movie coming out!?! How come nobody told me?

 

Being on tour with Jeremy Camp has it’s advantages. Jamie Grace wanted to hear Jeremy sing her favorite song so, during a recent question and answer time before their concert together, Jamie says she just kept begging. And it worked, Jamie shared a video of Jeremy singing her favorite song in the Q&A line.

https://www.instagram.com/p/_QXY1yTSyB/

 

 

ODD NEWS

Oregon man sentenced to prison for beheading mother’s cat
SALEM, Ore. (AP) — A Salem man who beheaded his mother’s cat was sentenced to more than four years in prison after pleading guilty to animal abuse and drug charges. Rudy Espinoza was arrested in June after neighbors called 911. Deputies found him scratched and covered in blood. Asked why he…

 

Nebraska deputy jumps into moving truck; driver passed out
NORFOLK, Neb. (AP) — A Nebraska sheriff’s deputy jumped into the cab of a runaway semitrailer after the driver apparently passed out at the wheel, stopping the vehicle from possibly crashing off a busy viaduct bridge. Deputies responding to a 911 call about a reckless semi on U.S. Highway 81…
Minnesota mom sinks half-court shot, wins half off tuition
BLOOMINGTON, Minn. (AP) — A Minnesota mom says she said a little prayer before hoisting a basketball half-court and sinking her shot to win thousands of dollars off her daughter’s private school tuition. Angela Ramey and her daughter, Grace raised the most money in a school fundraiser at…
Donor leaves $50,000 check under baby Jesus figure in Texas
AMARILLO, Texas (AP) — A Texas group that helps children has received a surprise $50,000 donation left under a baby Jesus figure. Officials with The Children’s Home in Amarillo found the check Wednesday after a caller advised staff to check the Nativity scene outside the building. A…
Catholic Diocese finds Utah ‘bleeding host’ wasn’t a miracle
SALT LAKE CITY (AP) — The Catholic Diocese of Salt Lake City says a bleeding host reported after a communion wafer turned water red was caused by bread mold, not a miracle. Officials said Wednesday that a scientist found the conclusive natural explanation for the wafer that turned water in an…
Probationers found in car with alleged theft ‘to-do’ list
ENCINITAS, Calif. (AP) — They were making a list but police say it was more naughty than nice. HASH(0x141d8f0) On it were the words: “steal mail and shoplift.” Their Dodge Charger was stopped after an Amazon.com delivery driver reported someone following his truck and picking up packages he…
Tiny kitten rescued from conveyor belt at recycling plant    photo
GALT, Calif. (AP) — A worker at a Northern California recycling center saved a tiny kitten from certain death when he spotted the animal heading down a conveyor belt. HASH(0x14192a0) It’s not clear how the kitten got in with the trash, but it may have survived a ride in a dump truck before a…
TV station reporting live when Minnesota bank robbed again
ROCHESTER, Minn. (AP) — An Iowa television station was doing a live update on a Minnesota bank robbery when police say the suspect returned to rob it a second time. KIMT-TV of Mason City, Iowa, was outside Sterling State Bank in Rochester on Tuesday when a bank employee ran out and pointed…
Donor pays off $106K in shoppers’ layaways at 2 Ohio stores
CLEVELAND (AP) — A man has paid off more than $106,000 in shoppers’ layaways at two Wal-Mart stores in northeast Ohio. HASH(0x1418030) The donor paid off a total of nearly $70,000 for the layaway items at the Steelyard Commons store in Cleveland and about $36,000 for items in Lorain. Items on…
‘Motherfunder’: Samuel L. Jackson stars in Kangol video
LANCASTER, Pa. (AP) — Actor Samuel L. Jackson is starring in a crowdfunding campaign video for the Pennsylvania company that makes the Kangol hats he’s known for wearing. In the video, the famously foul-mouthed actor wears a T-shirt that says, “Motherfunder.” HASH(0x1400240) The move could…
Defendant bolts from courtroom, lawyers tackle him in hall    photo
OKLAHOMA CITY (AP) — An armed robbery suspect who fled a courtroom during trial and escaped the grasp of deputies is back in custody after lawyers tackled him in the courthouse hallway. Surveillance cameras at the Oklahoma County courthouse captured candid video of Israel Pointer’s attempt to…

 

 

HEALTH NEWS

High schools listening to scientists, letting teens sleep    photo
SEATTLE (AP) — More school districts around the U.S. are heeding the advice of scientists who have long said that expecting teens to show up to class before 8 a.m. isn’t good for their health or their report cards. The Seattle school board voted last month to adopt an 8:45 a.m. start time…

 

VA sets national policy for robotic legs for paralyzed vets    photo
SAN DIEGO (AP) — Paralyzed Army veteran Gene Laureano cried when he first walked again with robotic legs at a New York clinic as part of research sponsored by the Department of Veterans Affairs. But when the study ended, so did his ability to walk. Now he may get the chance to walk everyday:…
Wearable heart device cleared for children with cardiac risk
WASHINGTON (AP) — Federal health officials have cleared a wearable heart-zapping device for children who are at risk of deadly irregular heartbeats. The LifeVest is intended for children who need round-the-clock heart monitoring but cannot receive an implantable device, due to health problems…
Exec who jacked up price of a lifesaving drug is arrested    photo
NEW YORK (AP) — A boyish-looking entrepreneur who became the new face of corporate greed when he jacked up the price of a lifesaving drug fiftyfold was led away in handcuffs by the FBI on unrelated fraud charges Thursday in a scene that left more than a few Americans positively gleeful….
Workers unlikely to see relief from delay of health plan tax    photo
WASHINGTON (AP) — Don’t expect to see much relief from rising costs for workplace health coverage under a federal budget deal that postpones a widely feared tax on generous insurance plans, experts say. The so-called Cadillac tax, the last major piece of President Barack Obama’s health care…
Kaiser Permanente plans Southern California medical school
LOS ANGELES (AP) — A major health care company on Thursday announced plans to open a medical school somewhere in Southern California, with the goal of enrolling the first class in 2019. Kaiser Permanente, based in Oakland, California, said a site has not been selected for the facility, which…
Judge: Northern Ireland abortion law undermines human rights
BELFAST, Northern Ireland (AP) — A Belfast judge has ruled that Northern Ireland’s government should ease restrictions on abortion because the prevailing law denies women the right to end pregnancies caused by rape or incest. High Court Justice Mark Horner said politicians should pass a law…
Crunch time again for health law; Tuesday sign-up deadline
WASHINGTON (AP) — It’s crunch time to sign up for coverage under President Barack Obama’s health care law. The website works much better now, but rising premiums and shaken faith among insurers have cast new shadows. Tuesday is the deadline for millions of uninsured procrastinators to sign up…
Who’s too old for major treatment? Age not always a barrier    photo
CHICAGO (AP) — Irwin Weiner felt so good after heart surgery a few weeks before turning 90 that he stopped for a pastrami sandwich on the way home from the hospital. Dorothy Lipkin danced after getting a new hip at age 91. And at 94, William Gandin drives himself to the hospital for cancer…
Biden bid on cancer research gets boost in spending deal
WASHINGTON (AP) — Vice President Joe Biden’s self-described “moonshot” to cure cancer is getting a modest boost from a congressional deal on federal spending. The spending-and-taxes package moving through Congress includes a $2 billion increase for the National Institutes of Health. There’s…
FACT CHECK: Rubio’s single-handed ‘Obamacare’ win questioned    photo
WASHINGTON (AP) — Florida Sen. Marco Rubio says he’s the only Republican running for president who’s actually notched a win against President Barack Obama’s health care law, widely loathed on the political right. “Last year, I stopped an Obamacare bailout and saved taxpayers $2.5 billion,”…

 

 

NEWS KICKERS

(No news on the weekends. Audio clips are only valid for a few days before being removed from our servers.)

 

NEW NEWS KICKERS…

 

 

NEWS KICKER EVERGREENS…

Several hundred Americans are hospitalized annually from injuries resulting from eating Christmas ornaments.  ***MARLAR: So people are so desperate to get away from Thanksgiving leftovers, they’ll eat anything.

 

Seven out of ten Americans will resolve to lose weight in the coming new year. ***So seven out of ten Americans won’t lose weight in the coming new year.

 

 

WONDER WOMAN

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… “Hi Hi, Bye Bye”

 

 

DAILY COMEDY CLIP

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… Kenn Kington, “Paid To Do Whatever You Want”

 

 

AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – WEEKDAY VERSION

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD MONDAY’S EPISODE
CHRISTMAS EPISODE – REPLAY!

 

OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you another inspiringly inspiring inspirational story in the never-ending deep-jungle soap-opera saga that is As the Jungle Turns!

 

CLOSE: You have to admit that Marvy does have a point regarding the stores displaying Christmas merchandise in September! Tune in again next time, for As the Jungle Turns!

 

 

AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – SATURDAY/SUNDAY VERSION

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD THE EPISODE FOR THE WEEKEND OF DECEMBER 19/20

 

OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns! When last we left the jungle, all of the jungle animals had pretty much stopped making all of their own decisions in what to do during the day, because they had a new friend in the jungle – a small lion. And lions are king of the jungle, so now all decisions, big and small, are being decided by the little guy…

 

CLOSE: Uh oh, looks like the jungle animals might be thinking about changing their mind about their new king! Will they plan an animal coup? We’ll find out next time, As the Jungle Turns!

 

***You may simulcast “As the Jungle Turns” on the Internet stream of your live broadcast only. Any other Internet use of As the Jungle Turns in whole or part including podcasting of your live broadcast is a violation of copyright law. Thank you for your cooperation on this vitally important issue. If you have any questions, please e-mail us.

 

 

MOMENT OF DUH

Job hunting becomes a colossal Moment of Duh for one man!

Juan Rivera left his home in Juarez, Mexico, last week. He slipped into El Paso, Texas, and went to Riverside, California, to look for a temporary job. When he couldn’t find work, he asked someone which train headed back to El Paso. But the train went to the wrong city. So he got on another train, then another. Somehow he ended up in Mankato, Minnesota, in the middle of the night. Wearing only jeans and three shirts, Rivera walked to a convenience store and crawled into a trash bin to stay warm. But at about 5:30am Monday, a garbage truck dumped the contents of the trash bin, including Rivera, into the truck. When the truck got to its next stop, Rivera crawled out the back and the driver called 911. He was treated at a local hospital for minor injuries. Although he entered the country illegally, the Bureau of Immigration and Customs Enforcement had no interest in him. Having broken no local laws, and considering his harrowing experience, Rivera was free to go. He spent the night at a Salvation Army before being put on a bus for home.

 

 

TOP TEN

TOP HOLIDAY MOVIE RENTALS (from Blockbuster.com)

A Blockbuster.com survey found that 61% of families watch a particular holiday movie every year as a key part of their holiday celebrations. Here are the top 10:

  • “The Santa Clause 2”
  • “National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation”
  • “A Christmas Story”
  • “It’s A Wonderful Life”
  • “Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer”
  • “Dr. Seuss’ How the Grinch Stole Christmas (The 1966 cartoon version)”
  • “White Christmas”
  • “A Charlie Brown Christmas”
  • “Dr. Seuss’ How the Grinch Stole Christmas (The 2000 live-action version)”
  • And at the top of the list… “The Santa Clause”

 

 

THE FILES OF LAW & DISORDER

A Christmas story – in the files of Law & Disorder!

 

FILE #1: James Craig Wilson planned to spend the afternoon decorating for the holidays. Instead, upset by mishaps with his outdoor Christmas lights, he grabbed his .45-caliber pistol and began firing into the ground behind his suburban home. He ended up in the Clark County Jail for investigation of reckless endangerment. Wilson told sheriff’s deputies he started getting angry when he found the lights were tangled. His wife had balled them up and tossed them in the garage after last Christmas, he said. As he tried to unroll the string of lights in his driveway, his daughter returned home and drove over the lights. Wilson told his wife not to be alarmed while he shot off some rounds in the back yard to let off steam. He sent his daughter across the street to tell a reserve deputy who lives there that no one had been hurt. Soon after, five deputies arrived and arrested him. “I thought discharging my gun would help me discharge my anger,” Wilson said. “I guess I’m going to lose my concealed weapons permit.”

 

FILE #2: There was caroling in the court in Nashville, Tennessee! A traffic court judge was in the holiday spirit and decided to let some drivers off without a fine if they’d sing “Jingle Bells.” Judge Mark Fishburn says his singing alternative was a spur-of-the-moment thing and notes that dropping traffic charges is common this time of year.

 

FILE #3: Police arrested 43 year old Ray Nugent on attempted murder charges, and bank robbery, only to realize that it wasn’t him at all. After having him spend 13 days in the slammer, police realized that they had mistaken him for his fugitive twin brother. Ray has filed a $13 million dollar lawsuit against the County. And says his little brother won’t be getting a Christmas present this year!

 

STRANGE LAW: In Britain, it is illegal to consume a mince pie on Christmas Day.

 

 

THIS IS YOUR BRAIN ON DRUGS

A man steals a refrigerator in order to get the urine samples!

Authorities say a man was arrested for stealing a small refrigerator from a probation office used to store urine samples, including his own. The Alachua County Sheriff’s Office said a 26-year-old man stole the fridge after testing positive for drug use. Police said he went to the office Sunday, shot out a window to get inside and removed the locked refrigerator. Probation officers gave investigators a list of names of those whose drug samples were stored in the stolen fridge. Investigators tracked down the suspect at his home where they found shards of glass with blood on them. The fridge is still missing, but the man was being held at the Alachua County jail. He’s charged with arson, destroying evidence, burglary and larceny.

 

 

PHONER PHUN

How about these jewelry store commercials that try to make you think if you don’t get her a piece of their overpriced glitter for Christmas you’re a loser and she’ll never love you? Drives me crazy. Ladies, is jewelry really the number on thing that you want for the holidays? And if not, what IS the number one thing you want for Christmas?

 

 

BIBLE BRAIN BUSTER!

QUESTION: Who said ,”We are troubled on every side, yet not distressed;”?

ANSWER: Paul (Corinthians 4)

 

 

QUESTION IMPOSSIBLE

QUESTION: Before 1863 this was free in the U.S. After 1863 we had to start paying for it. What is it?

ANSWER: Mailing letters – using the U.S. Postal Service

 

 

TRUE OR FALSE

Pay attention! If our next player doesn’t answer all ten T/F questions correctly we start all over from question #1! First person to answer question #10 correctly is our winner!

 

  1. Frosty the Snowman had a carrot for his nose. (False – it was a button.)

 

  1. Frosty came to life when a hat was placed on his head. (True – a “magic” top hat.)

 

  1. The original title of the poem, “‘Twas The Night Before Christmas?” is actually “A Visit With Saint Nickolas.” (True – written by Clement Clark Moore in 1822.)

 

  1. Cutting down fir trees and decorating them began in Sweden. (False – it began in Medieval Germany.)

 

  1. Santa has seven reindeer… eight including Rudolph. (False – it’s NINE reindeer including Rudolph. The others are Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donner <or Donder> and Blitzen.)

 

  1. Myrrh, one of the gifts presented to the infant Jesus, is a perfume. (True – it’s a perfume made from gum resin of trees in Eastern Africa, India and Arabia.)

 

  1. Frankincense, another one of the gifts presented to Jesus at his birth, is a flower. (False – it’s another aromatic tree resin used as incense.)

 

  1. Every snowflake is different, but they all have the same number of sides. (True – they all have six sides.)

 

  1. In the story, “The Grinch Who Stole Christmas?”, the dog’s name was “Ebeneezer”. (False – it was Max.)

 

  1. The average length of sitting in Santa’s lap at Macy’s Department Store is 63 seconds. (False – it’s only 37 seconds.)

 

 

TABLOID MATCH GAME

You have to match the blank in the tabloid headline with the word or phrase that has been removed!

KIM JONG-UN _________ MINNIE MOUSE (MARRIES)

PYONGYANG, North Korea — Mickey Mouse and North Korea’s new leader, Kim Jong Un, married on state TV.

Kim Jong-un has long been a fan of Disney.  When he was a little boy, his father, Kim Jon II, had him watch Disney cartoons for hours every day.  Some say this was to distract his son, others say it was a way to keep his son entertained.

Kim Jong-un fell in love with Minnie Mouse at age 12 and finally his dream has come true.  On Saturday, the new leader of North Korea married Minnie Mouse on State TV.

The state-run Korean Central News Agency said Kim was “happier than anyone had ever seen any leader of North Korea in over fifty years.”

Nobody dare tell Kim Jong-un that there was a woman in the Minnie Mouse costume.  ”To do so would mean death,” said an unnamed source in North Korea.

 

 

THE WAY TOO EARLY IN THE MORNING TO UNDERSTAND THE PUNCHLINE EVEN AFTER TWO CUPS OF COFFEE JOKE OF THE DAY

JOKE #1

A woman went to the Post Office to buy stamps for her Christmas cards. “What denomination?” asked the clerk.

“Oh, good heavens! Have we come to this?” said the woman. “Fine . . . give me 50 Catholic ones and 50 Baptist ones.”

 

JOKE #2

When the driver of a huge trailer lost control of his rig, he plowed into an empty tollbooth and smashed it to pieces. 

He climbed down from his truck to survey the wreckage and within a matter of minutes, a truck pulled up and discharged a crew of state department of transportation workers. 

The men picked up each broken piece of the former tollbooth and spread some kind of creamy substance on it. Then they began fitting the pieces together. 

In less than a half hour, they had the entire tollbooth reconstructed and looking good as new.

“Astonishing!” the truck driver said to the crew chief. 

”What was the white stuff you used to get all the pieces together?”

The crew chief said, “Oh, that was tollgate booth paste.”

 

JOKE #3

One day, a man walks into a dentist’s office and asks how much it will cost to extract wisdom teeth.  “Eighty dollars,” the dentist says.

“That’s a ridiculous amount,” the man says. “Isn’t there a cheaper way?”

“Well,” the dentist says, “if you don’t use an anesthetic, I can knock it down to $60.”

“That’s still too expensive,” the man says.

“Okay,” says the dentist. “If I save on anesthesia and simply rip the teeth out with a pair of pliers, I could get away with charging $20.”

“Nope,” moans the man, “it’s still too much.”

“Hmm,” says the dentist, scratching his head. “If I let one of my students do it for the experience, I suppose I could charge you just $10.”

“Marvelous,” says the man, “book my wife for next Tuesday!”

 

 

USELESS FACTS

A worker digging in Peru found a fossilized glyptodon, a prehistoric armadillo the size of a small car.  ***MARLAR: Experts believe it was run over by a prehistoric Humvee.

 

Virginia’s tourism agency is ditching some hand gestures that appear in some of its ad campaigns. The images are of people making heart symbols with their hands. Virginia’s official tourism slogan is “Virginia is for Lovers.” But it turns out the gesture is also used by a violent street gang in Chicago.  ***MARLAR: So you are either telling someone you love them, or you’re saying, “I’m gonna put a cap in you, Sucka!”

 

 

FEATURED FUNNIES

WORRIED ABOUT SANTA CLAUS

Dear Santa,

We’re worried about you. From your rosy red cheeks to your legendary girth to your all-night sleigh ride around the world, you may be at risk for diseases, maladies, mishaps and lawsuits that send chills through our Santa-loving hearts. The latest warning comes from the National Rosacea Society in Barrington, Illinois. Dermatologist Dr. Jerome Litt says you have “a clear-cut case of rosacea,” a skin condition that also affects millions of Americans, particularly at middle age. Unable to examine you personally, the good doctor based his finding on a well-circulated report that your “cheeks were like roses, (your) nose like a cherry.” And rosacea can be aggravated by holiday stress, hot chocolate and overexertion…all things you may encounter this time of year. The one bright note in Dr. Litt’s message is that certain antibiotics can help, and he advises you to see a North Pole dermatologist. But the news about your facial tint is only our latest source of concern. A careful examination of what we know about you and your lifestyle raises a host of other trouble signs –

  • OBESITY: Frankly, Santa, this may be your biggest area of concern. Studies show overweight men have more than double the normal risk of heart attacks and increased chances of many other diseases. We’ve seen the pictures; we’ve noticed you in the malls. And we’ve heard that your tummy shakes “like a bowl full of jelly” when you chuckle. On this, we’ll take part of the blame. All these years, we’ve set out milk and cookies on Christmas Eve. With 102 million homes in the U.S. alone, even if 1 in 100 homes put out two cookies and a cup of milk, that would make an overnight snack of 2,000,000 cookies and 63,750 gallons of milk. Maybe it’s time for Mrs. Claus to get you a BoFlex. But be sure to consult a physician before beginning any exercise regimen.
  • PIPE SMOKING: You’ve been pictured with a pipe, and even though an apologist in The New York Times once claimed it’s only a prop, a witness who encountered you in his home said “the smoke it encircled his head like a wreath.” According to the Fred Hutchinson Cancer Research Center, pipe and cigar smokers have twice a nonsmoker’s risk for lung cancer, four times the risk for larynx cancer and two to three times the risk for cancers of the mouth and esophagus. Even if the pipe’s just a prop, it might be a good idea to lose it. Remember, you’re not just a saint, you’re a role model.
  • STRESS: Dealing with Christmas wishes from millions of kiddies could certainly put one on the emotional hot seat. And anxiety can surpass even smoking as a risk for certain heart problems. On this point, though, we have some good news A medical news service says laughter–as evidenced by your trademark “Ho, ho, ho”–is one of the best stress-busters going.
  • SOOT: We admire your ability to slip up and down the average chimney, an opening about 12 inches by 16 inches. But creosote flakes on the chimney walls are toxic and can lead to respiratory problems. Brent Rigby of Emerald City Chimney Sweeps in Kirkland, WA, said his people never actually go into a chimney, and wear protective masks when they reach up through the fireplace to vacuum the soot.
  • RSI (REPETITIVE STRAIN INJURY): Cards and letters by the bagful arrive on your doorstep through regular mail, but this year we’ve noticed you’re also receiving, and answering, e-mail through numerous Internet addresses. We applaud that you’ve moved forward onto the information superhighway, but we caution you: Too much keyboard work can result in painful injuries to the hands, wrists and arms.
  • DEER MITES: Close, continuous contact with your trusty reindeer means if they get mites, so might you, says Dr. David DuClos, a veterinary dermatologist in Lynnwood, WA. Watch out for itchy rashes, and keep the deer out of your bed.
  • FROSTBITE, HYPOTHERMIA: You usually bundle up, and that’s good. A Weather Service satellite recently showed the temperature at the North Pole was 13 below zero, and high winds are common. Exposure to such conditions can cause frostbite in minutes.
  • MALL THUGS: You spend a lot of time in shopping malls, so you already know things are getting a little tough out there. Try not to walk back to your sleigh at night alone.
  • MEMORY TROUBLE: It’s been said that you make a list, then check it twice. Are you just being careful, or are you developing a little memory problem?
  • SAD (SEASONAL AFFECTIVE DISORDER): This time of year, there is virtually no daylight at the North Pole, and a lack of sunlight can trigger depression in some people. Maybe a full-spectrum light would help keep you jolly.
  • VIRAL INFECTIONS: A young witness saw you kissing Mommy underneath the mistletoe last night. You know this is cold and flu season, don’t you?
  • JET LAG: Fatigue, dizziness and insomnia are all dangers that travelers face when they cross through several times zones. And few travelers cross all 24 of them in one night, like you do.
  • SLEIGH ACCIDENTS: We’ve seen plenty of pictures of you in that sleigh, but never with a seat belt, and we’d sure hate to see you get hurt. By the way, when you cruise through metropolitan areas, be sure to cover the load. You wouldn’t want to have an accident that would boost your insurance rates would you? Which reminds us: You DO have insurance, don’t you?

 

 

IT MUST BE TRUE BECAUSE I HEARD IT ON THE RADIO!

WE MYTH YOU A MERRY CHRISTMAS

I don’t want to frighten you, but you may have been giving your children some misinformation when telling them the Christmas story!

You may not know it, but there are a lot of myths surrounding Christmas… and some of those myths are within the story of Jesus’ birth! In fact, you may have been telling your own children some falsehoods! Let’s take a look at some commonly held but inaccurate beliefs about the Christmas story.

  • Myth No.1: “There were three wise men.” In fact, the Bible does not give any number of wise men at all.
  • Myth No.2: “Christ was born on December 25.” It is generally agreed that shepherds would not be
  • watching their flocks by night on December 25 because of the frosts at that time of year. December 25 has been celebrated as the date of Christ’s birth only since the 4th century, when Christians used this to supplant a Roman festival. His date of birth is actually unknown.
  • Myth No.3: “The wise men visited Christ in the stable.” Despite all those nativity scenes you see with the wise men in a manger with Jesus, the Bible says they visited Him in a “house” (Matthew 2:11). The family had obviously long left the stable in Bethlehem. This is reinforced by Herod’s attempt to kill Jesus by decreeing that all babies in the area who were “two years old and under” were to be killed. There would be no need to include 2-year-olds if Jesus was a new-born.

Now, go forth and continue telling the Christmas story armed now with the truth!

 

 

INSPIRATIONAL INSPIRATION

AN ANGEL IN THE DESERT

Sharon and I were finally ready to start on our first vacation/honeymoon. Sharon had never had a vacation in her life, she usually just visited relatives. She and I were looking forward to our first trip together though we were tight on money.  Our goals was to head west from Oklahoma City to see northern New Mexico, the Grand Canyon, to Silverton and Durango in Colorado, to Leadville, up to Yellowstone National Park, then meander home.

The plans were nice on paper, but reality hit us in Amarillo when her 1986 Cougar started chugging and we barely made it to the gas station.  I thought perhaps she had some bad gas and as the tank was fairly empty, I felt confident a full tank would cure the ill.  So off we went again.  However, just outside of Tucumcari, New Mexico, the car would barely do 20 mph.  The car had a serious problem.  We would have to change our vacation plans in all likelihood.

The only repair shop open on Saturday gave us grim news.  The catalytic converter was bad and it needed to be replaced.  The cost was about 250 (1988) dollars. Also, to add injury to insult, we would have to wait until Monday for the part.

I told the man about my wife, who had terminal cancer, about this being our honeymoon, but to fix it and we would adjust our venue.  He looked at me in the eye and said, “If you buy me breakfast and get an oil change, this car will be ready in an hour.”

I fed him breakfast and paid him 19.95 for an oil change.  What he had done was illegal, he removed the converter and then told us the car would run much better and we could use either leaded or unleaded gas.

This man saved our vacation and ensured we had many memories of our trip. I thank this angel in the desert.

B.J. Cassady, Guthrie, Okla

 

 

DRIVE TIME DEVOTIONAL

Everybody has a good excuse for not attending church. If you take those excuses and apply them to other things we do (or don’t do), like eating, they might look like this list: I don’t eat any more because:
1. I was forced to eat as a child.
2. People who eat all the time are hypocrites; they aren’t really hungry.
3. There are so many different kinds of food, I can’t decide what to eat.
4. I used to eat, but I got bored and stopped.
5. I only eat on special occasions, like Christmas and Easter.
6. None of my friends will eat with me.
7. I’ll start eating when I get older.
8. I don’t really have time to eat.
9. I don’t believe that eating does anybody any good. It’s just a crutch.
10. Restaurants and grocery stores are only after your money.
Giving a lame excuse for not attending church or for not getting involved in ministry is just as silly as giving up eating. Church attendance for the Christian is as important as regular, balanced meals. Without spiritual food, we will die. (1 Peter 2:2).

 

 

LEFTOVERS

SANTA TREATS

No wonder Santa is fat – do you have any ideas how many calories the guy consumes every Christmas Eve?

According to The American Dietetic Association (ADA), if Santa drinks a glass of whole milk and eats two butter cookies at every American household he visits, he will consume a shocking 14 billion calories and 6.1 billion grams of fat in one night alone!

  • Try skim milk instead of whole, saving 64 calories and eight grams of fat for each glass he drinks.
  • Offer Santa “skinny nog” — a mixture of skim milk and low fat egg nog or use dry egg nog mix with skim milk to save 145 calories and 18 grams of fat per serving.
  • Leave Santa gingersnaps or graham crackers in place of higher fat cookies conserving 169 calories and eight grams of fat per serving.
  • Opt to give non-food gifts, like food and nutrition books, subscriptions to health newsletters, exercise tapes or equipment and gift certificates.
  • And, according to Zanecosky, carrots, celery, apples and pears are great treats for Santa as well as his reindeer. “With a little planning, it will be easy to expand Santa’s food choices without expanding his waistline.”

 

 

LIFE… LIVE IT

CHRISTMAS CARDS

The type of Christmas card you buy reveals your true personality according to Dr. Ellnor Kinarthy. The expert tells what each type of card says about you:

  • Family photos: You’re a busy person who likes new and different experiences, like living in different places, eating at new restaurants and tasting different foods. But Christmas gives you time to pause and reflect on how much family and friends mean to you.
  • Humorous: You’re a fun-loving optimist who can see the humor in even bad situations, but you’re also very sensitive to other people. You’re a good listener who gives friends a shoulder to cry on. In addition, you love animals and are inclined to have pets.
  • Santa cards: You’re a people-oriented person who likes going to big parties and enjoys making new friends. You consider all those tasty Christmas foods the best part of the season, and like Santa, you have a tendency to put on a little weight.
  • Christmas trees: You take pride in your personal appearance and your home. You have an artistic nature and are very creative. Your strong sense of beauty shows through in your home, which probably looks like it was professionally decorated.
  • Current themes (like Santa compiling his list on a computer): You are very future-oriented and want to be ready for what tomorrow brings. You like video games, new car shows and all the latest gadgets. You may also be well-informed about investments.
  • Religious scenes: You spend lots of time deep in thought and you value the true meaning of Christmas. You like to help others and often donate time and money to charity. You value the traditional family in which the wife stays home while the husband goes off to work.
  • Winter scenes: You’re very competitive and throw yourself into everything, even your hobbies. But you enjoy pictures of winter because they remind you that it’s also important to relax and enjoy the tranquility of the season.

 

 

JUST FOR FUN

DIARY OF A SNOW SHOVELER

  • December 8 at 6:00 P.M. It started to snow. The first snow of the season and the wife and I sat for hours watching the huge soft flakes drift down from heaven. It looked like a Grandma Moses print. So romantic we felt like newlyweds again. I love snow.
  • December 9: We woke to a beautiful blanket of crystal white snow covering every inch of the landscape. What a fantastic sight! Can there be a lovelier place in the whole world? Moving here was the best idea I’ve ever had. Shoveled for the first time in years and felt like a boy again. I did both our driveway and the sidewalks. This afternoon the snowplow came along and covered up the sidewalks and closed the driveway, so I got to shovel again. What a perfect time.
  • December 12: The sun has melted all our lovely snow. What a disappointment. My neighbor tells me not to worry and that we’ll definitely have a white Christmas. No snow on Christmas would be awful. Bob says we’ll have so much snow by the end of winter that we’ll never want to see snow again. I don’t think that’s possible. Bob is such a nice man. I’m glad he’s our neighbor.
  • December 14: Snow, lovely snow! Got 8 inches last night. The temperature dropped to minus 20F. The cold makes everything sparkle so. The wind took my breath away, but I warmed up by shoveling the driveway and sidewalks. This is the life! The snowplow came back this afternoon and buried everything again. I didn’t realize I would have to do quite this much shoveling, but I’ll certainly get back in shape this way. I wish I wouldn’t huff and puff so.
  • December 15: Twenty inches more are forecast. Sold my van and bought a 4×4 Blazer. Bought snow tires for the wife’s car and two extra shovels. Stocked up on milk and bread and extra food for the freezer. The wife wants a wood stove in case the electricity goes out. I think that’s silly. We aren’t in Alaska after all.
  • December 16: We were hit with an ice storm this morning. I fell on my rear on the ice in the driveway putting down salt. Man that hurt. The wife laughed for an hour and I thought this was very cruel.
  • December 17: Temperature still way below freezing. Roads are too icy to go anywhere. Power was off for 5 hours. I had to pile on the blankets to stay warm. I had nothing to do but stare at the wife and try not to irritate her. Guess I should have bought a wood stove, but I won’t admit it to her. I hate it when she’s right. I can’t believe I’m freezing to death in my own living room.
  • December20: The power came back on., but we had another 14 inches of that stupid snow last night. More shoveling. Took all day. Doggone snowplow came by twice. Called the only hardware store around to see about buying a snow blower but, they’re out. Might have another shipment in sometime in March. I think they’re lying. Bob says I have to shovel or the city will have it done and bill me. I think he’s lying.
  • December 22: Bob was right about a white Christmas because 13 more inches of the white stuff fell today and it’s so cold it probably won’t melt until August. Took me 45 minutes to get all dressed up to go out and shovel and then I had to go to the bathroom. By the time I got undressed, went to the bathroom and dressed again, I was too tired to shovel. Tried to hire Bob who has a plow on his truck for the rest of the winter; but he says he’s too busy. I think the jerk is lying.
  • December 23: Only 2″ of snow today. And it did warm up to 0. The wife wanted me to decorate the front of the house this morning. What is she? Nuts??? Why didn’t she tell me to do that a month ago? She said she did but, I think she’s lying.
  • December 24: Another 6″ snow. Packed so hard by the snowplow I broke the shovel. Thought I was having a heart attack. If I ever catch that jerk who drives that snowplow, I’ll drag him through this snow by his frozen nose. I know he hides around the corner and waits for me to finish shoveling and then he comes down the street at 100 miles an hour and throws snow all over where I’ve just been! Tonight the wife wanted me to sing Christmas carols with her and open presents, but I was busy watching for that evil snowplow.
  • December 25: Guess what? Twenty more inches of that white…YOU KNOW WHAT tonight. Snowed in! The idea of shoveling makes my blood boil. I hate snow! Then the snowplow driver came by asking for a donation and I hit him over the head with my shovel. The wife says I have a bad attitude. I think she’s insane. If I have to watch “It’s A Wonderful Life” one more time, I’m going to kill her.
  • December 26: Still snowed in. Why the devil did I ever move here? It was all HER idea. She’s really getting on my nerves.
  • December 27: Temperature dropped to 30-below and the pipes froze.
  • December 28: Warmed up to a high of 15-below. Still snowed in. It’s driving me crazy.
  • December 29: Ten more inches. Bob says I have to shovel the roof or it could cave in. That’s the silliest thing I ever heard. How dumb does he think I am?
  • December 30: Roof caved in. The snowplow driver is suing me for a million dollars for the bump on his head. The wife went home to her mother. Nine inches predicted.
  • December31: Set fire to what’s left of the house. No more shoveling.
  • January 8: I feel so good. I just love those little white pills they keep giving me. Why am I tied to the bed?

 

 

FUN LIST

TOYS REMOVED FROM STORE SHELVES THIS YEAR

  • Upper GI Joe
  • Jack In The Box 360
  • The Laugh And Learn Nitrous Tank
  • Overstock Dot Com’s Empty Milk Crates
  • Barrel Full Of Dead Monkeys
  • Playschool’s Poisonous Dart Shooter
  • Thomas The Exploding Tank Engine
  • Un-sanded Wooden Blocks With Splinters Hanging Out
  • Little Tikes’ Totally Tubular Technological Tongue Twister Tooth Training Taffy-Time Talker
  • I Don’t Care Bears
  • Lettuce Patch Kids
  • Winnie The Pooh-Pooh
  • The Playdoh “Tastes Like Candy” play set
  • The “My First Worm Farm” pet kit
  • Skinby, the prematurely-balding Furby
  • G.I. Joe with Wet, Hacking Cough
  • Do-It-Yourself Jigsaw Puzzle (jigsaw included)
  • The Moldable-Face Michael Jackson Doll
  • Torro’s Lil’ Tyke Tiller with real blades
  • Tummy Tuck, Child’s Interactive Playset
  • Baby’s First Crossbow
  • Pete The Speech Impediment Parrot
  • The Exact-O Juggling Razor Blade Set
  • Lick The Light Socket Home Perm Kit
  • Mattel’s Box Of Broken Glass
  • Box O’ Badgers
  • Sparky The Paper-Clip Eatin’ Electrical Outlet
  • Lil’ Traffic Dodger Kiddie Scooter
  • Junior Jumper Cables
  • I Can Do It Myself! Jr. Credit Card Counterfeiting Kit
  • Wacky Acid
  • Ooooh I Bet That Hurts! The Pain Tolerance Game
  • Mr. Stumpy The Junior Chainsaw
  • Mr. Stick’s Assault On The Bees Nest Game!
  • Squash-O The Faulty Car Jack
  • Baby’s Backseat Megaphone
  • Ronco’s Really Sharp Eyestick
  • Etch-a-Scratch
  • Little Arson Annie
  • Whammo’s Pit Bull Teasing stick
  • Hasbro’s Slippery Steps
  • Black & Decker Silly Driller
  • Roof Hanger Paratrooper Outfit
  • Remco’s Pocket Hive
  • Traffic Tag
  • Will It Burn? From Parker Brothers
  • Chimney Explorer
  • My First Ferret Farm
  • Ooh – You’re Blue! – the Hold-Your-Breath Game
  • Shreddy The Garbage Disposer
  • Hooked On Litigation
  • Baby Boom The Lil’ Tykes TNT Game
  • Lil’ Sharpshooter ‘Eye-Dotter’ BB Gun!
  • My Very Own Atom Smasher

 

 

MORE SHOW PREP STUFF…

YOU GOTTA LOVE IT!

(From 2001 – one of my favorite stories of all time.) You may have heard that the State of Missouri didn’t want to allow the KKK to ”adopt” part of a highway (a section of Interstate 55). Unfortunately, the Klan took the case to the Supreme Court and won their right to do so. So free speech wins… even though it’s the KKK that is victorious. Or are they? Missouri retaliated in a very ingenious move. They still honored the U.S. Supreme court’s decision to allow the KKK to ”adopt” the highway and post their sign attesting to their adoption, but… get this… Missouri renamed that particular section of the highway, ”Rosa Parks Freeway. Now the KKK has essentially agreed to be responsible for a highway named after a well-known civil rights activist. (I’ll give you a moment to regain your composure here…) So what does the KKK have to say about all of this? Ironically, they say it’s a “hate crime and it’s wrong”!  Takes one to know one.

 

 

OTHER STUFF I WANT TO CRAM INTO TODAY’S PREP

A northern Indiana high school used mannequins instead of student actors after a federal judge banned a live Nativity scene that has been performed for decades. According to Fox news, The Freedom From Religion Foundation and the American Civil Liberties Union had sued the district on behalf of a Concord High School student and his father, arguing that a Nativity scene conveyed an endorsement of religion. School officials say the injunction only applied to a live scene and that they complied with the judge’s order.

http://www.foxnews.com/us/2015/12/14/indiana-school-uses-mannequins-for-nativity-scene-after-ban-audience-moved-to/

 

This holiday season A Charlie Brown Christmas aired on national prime time television for the 50th time. However, it wasn’t until recently that a special fact was noticed. Throughout the story of Peanuts, Lucy, Snoopy, Sally and others all work to no avail to separate Linus from his blanket. And even though his security blanket remains a major source of ridicule for the otherwise mature and thoughtful Linus, he simply refuses to give it up. That is, until the climactic scene when Linus shares “what Christmas is all about”. When he utters the words, “fear not” he drops his security blanket. According to at least one blogger, it is pretty clear what Charles Schultz was saying, and it’s so simple it’s brilliant; the birth of Jesus separates us from our fears.

http://www.crosswalk.com/special-coverage/christmas-and-advent/just-drop-the-blanket-the-moment-you-never-noticed-in-a-charlie-brown-christmas.html

 

Need some Christmas Activities to keep your kids busy during the holiday break? Joni and Friends is out with a complete page of Christmas Activities for Kids that includes a Christmas checklist, coloring pages, the name that Carol game, and Christmas bingo! Access all of them…

http://ow.ly/VRYw9

 

Looking for the perfect drink to rehydrate after your workout; milk might be the answer. According to a time report, researchers have found that Milk and milk alternatives—thanks to their natural balance of sodium, carbohydrate and protein—help the body retain fluid, making it an effective recovery drink for exercisers. The researchers tested cow’s milk, soy milk, a milk-based meal supplement and Powerade and found that drinking a milk-based meal supplement after exercise led to better fluid retention than the other drinks, but all of the milk-based products were superior to Powerade in terms of rehydrating the body post-exercise.

http://ti.me/1Rv5XAr

 

A graduate student at a northern New Jersey university says he found a rare first edition of the King James Bible while looking through the library’s rare-book shelves. According to Yahoo News, Brian Shetler is a doctoral candidate in book history at Drew University. He stumbled upon the Bible sitting in a box in October while collecting a sample of 17th-century books that were printed in England. The 1611 Bible is one of less than 200 versions thought to still exist.

http://yhoo.it/1YP4UND

 

Four Memphis, Tennessee, police officers surprised an 11-year-old boy with a new Xbox after his home was burglarized the same day. According to ABC News, The young boy and his mother returned home from church Sunday to discover his Xbox, all his games and some of his mother’s items had been stolen. The four officers who responded to the burglary realized “he didn’t have a whole lot” and “this game system, handed down from someone else, was everything to him.” The four cops then surprised the boy, explaining that despite not finding his old Xbox, the new one was his now.

http://abcn.ws/1NpPR4N

 

5 ways to instantly connect with anyone you meet 

  1. When listening to someone, your eyes should never look away for longer than a few seconds.
  2. Don’t relate everything to you. If you are in a conversation and someone is talking, let them have the stage.
  3. Watch for filler comments such as “yeah,” “oh cool,” “gotcha,” “interesting,” etc.
  4. Don’t pretend like you know everything
  5. If you are someone who gets nervous or freezes up during conversations, plan your questions in advance.

http://ti.me/1XCfLxq

 

 

AND I LEAVE YOU WITH THIS THOUGHT

When I’m feeling down, I like to whistle. It makes the neighbor’s dog run to the end of his chain and gag himself.

 

 

THE WAY WE WORK

(Updated as it comes available. The Way WE Work is written by Mark Elfstrand from 1160Hope.com in Chicago.)

 

Don’t Volunteer Me

 

One of those early maxims you learn in the military is “Don’t volunteer for ANYTHING!” If you have to ask why, you haven’t been there. Those who miss this lesson early on will learn.

One chap shared that he was at Army basic at Ft. Oklahoma back in the 1980s. A drill sergeant asked if anyone could drive a truck. A few raised their hands. Those who responded “spent the next two days building a gravel parking lot using a pile of gravel, a garbage can, and two entrenching tools.” Enough said. Lesson complete.

A few weeks ago, I read an item from Jeff Haden, a writer and contributor to Inc.com. He is also the author of Transformed: Dramatically Improve Your Career, Business, Relationships, and Life…One Simple Step at a Time. Jeff blogs as well.

Jeff’s article was titled, “Why You Should Sometimes Work for Free.” It’s more than just the idea of volunteering. He’s advocating pro bono work as well.

One friend of Jeff’s has a policy against anyone working for free. His reasoning? “I don’t think anyone should give away their profession.”

Okay…that’s one person’s perspective, albeit a wrong one in my view. The reason it’s wrong is that this poor soul must believe that the ability to do his professional work comes of his own will. In other words, no creator or support team (teachers, mentors, etc) were involved in providing or in first giving him the abilities he has and then helping him develop those talents.

I see it differently. My work is in broadcasting. Frequently I have been told I have a “wonderful radio voice.” While grateful for the compliment, I quickly admit that I had very little to do with it. Close to nothing. I was born with the voice I have. There is training and technique involved to develop the use of a voice, but the product itself is not mine for which to take credit.

Whatever your skills and abilities, you would be well advised to realize much of what enables your success is a gift from God. Stroke victims come to realize how vulnerable we are in the human body. I have some blockage in my carotid artery. A very small amount of junk accumulating there could put an end to any number of functions I depend on daily. My very existence—apart from any abilities—is a gift from God.

With that in mind, how can one not offer themselves in some form of service because of a grateful heart? Christmas time is a season when we see volunteers of many stripes take action. Even the Grinch must take off his hat and salute the sweetness of human compassion expressed by volunteering.

And kudos to those who offer pro bono services of any kind throughout the year. Some do legal work. Others provide financial services. Some do creative work of writing. Even speaking activities of various kinds.

Jeff Haden’s article offered several reasons why “working for free” offered the giver personal benefits. His ideas included:

  • You get to stretch a little
  • You get to be more creative
  • You get to flex a few atrophied muscles… and lastly…
  • You get to do the right thing

Staying on that last point, it brings up the issue of heart motivation. Doing any kind of charitable activity out of corporate or personal self interest has a measure of defeat involved. Sure, the work may be beneficial. But the heart of the giver is not in it; it’s giving out of selfish ambition. Usually for recognition or some tax write-off.

This brings me to an important personal policy of mine. I try to contribute my time and abilities to the causes to which I’m most drawn. Aggressive fund raisers or charity organizers tend to ask and almost obligate one to service. It’s a gentle form (usually) of guilt motivation. Also, a lousy reason to serve others. So please, don’t volunteer me.

This Christmas season, I hope you can see added beauty in the One who lived a human life totally out of love and sacrifice. His entire life was pro bono. From the earliest recorded days of the “ministry” life of Jesus of Nazareth, He was a giver.

He gave His wisdom through His teaching. He gave His power to heal every kind of disease. Jesus made an offer only He could make: to forgive sins. Not cover them up…forgive them. Blot them out. A free gift. Just believe.

Let’s add one more. He brings us peace, not as the world gives. Jesus said it this way, “I give you peace, the kind of peace that only I can give. It isn’t like the peace that this world can give. So don’t be worried or afraid.” (John 14:27, CEV)

Oh…and as far as volunteering for show, Jesus also said this: “When you do good deeds, don’t try to show off. If you do, you won’t get a reward from your Father in heaven. (Matthew 6:1, CEV)

Friend, Jesus’s call to His disciples 2000 years ago is the same call He makes to you today: “Follow me.”

Any volunteers?

That’s The Way WE Work. Click on the link to the right to connect via Facebook.

 

Catch “Let’s Talk with Mark Elfstrand” weekday afternoons from 4-6pm on AM 1160 Hope for Your Life. To listen to the live broadcast or a podcast of previous shows click here.

 

 

THE TICKET Movie Reviews with MARIE ASNER

Marie Asner has been reviewing films for over 30 years. Her outlets include radio, print and Internet. For more in-depth movie reviews of the following films, visit www.Tollbooth.org. Ratings from 1 (Low) to 5 (High).

 

DECEMBER 18, 2015…

 

Star Wars: The Force Awakens—Fans have waited so long and it is here.  Your favorites are in the film including Harrison Ford and Carrie Fisher, and new actors such as Adam Driver, Gwendoline Christie and Daisy Ridley.  The storm troopers don’t always do what they are told (rebellion in the ranks?) and the bad guys are the First Order. It is war in the galaxy far, far away, so buckle on your light saber and away we go.  “Star Wars: The Force Awakens” is rated PG 13. Rating of 4 for fans and that includes just about everyone.  Enjoy.

 

Sisters—Amy Poehler and Tina Fey star as just that…two sisters…who don’t always get along. They decide they want to have the rowdiest party ever.  I mean ever.  Of course, this means the audience envies what they do because if you tried it, the police would be there.  “Sisters” is rated R. No rating.

 

Son Of Saul (opening in select cities)—This is a film about the Holocaust and a man who works in a crematorium and still tries to honor the dead. Subtitles. Stars Gaza Rohrig and Levente Molnar. “Son Of Saul” is rated R. No rating.

 

DECEMBER 23-25, 2015…

 

Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Road Chip has the guys on the road again. Fans know who they are.

 

Concussion stars Will Smith as the pathologist who begins to study the effect of concussions in football.

 

Daddy’s Home comedy has Will Ferrell trying to be a good step-father while Mark Wahlberg is the trouble-making Dad.

 

Joy has Jennifer Lawrence taking on the role of the woman who invited the Miracle Mop.

 

Point Break is a remake of the classic crime film that starred Patrick Swayze. This time, Luke Bracey stars.

 

Snowden (opening in select cities) stars Joseph Gordon-Levitt as the person who passed secrets.

 

Macbeth (opening in select cities) has Michael Fassbender in the title role with Marion Cotillard as Lady Macbeth.

 

The Big Short has Ryan Gosling and Brad Pitt as guys who enjoy the betting game.

 

Youth (opening in select cities) is a beautifully photographed film about aging and stars Michael Caine and Harvey Keitel.

 

Legend (opening in select cities) is finally opening widely and stars Tom Hardy in two roles, as the Kray Brothers who ran organized crime in London in the 1960’s.

 

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