December 27, 2016: Tuesday ONAIRprep

PRINT VERSION OF TODAY’S PREP: 20161227

***DAILY DOSE OF WEIRD NEWS! (As an ONAIRprep subscriber, you can gain access to all of the work parts for the Daily Dose of Weird News, allowing you to edit for length and content – and also receive a custom tag specifically for your station or show which you can have updated at any time… ABSOLUTELY FREE! It’s part of your subscription now! Email me to get FTP access and your free customized tag!)

WELCOME TO THE SHOW!

The boss always decorates at Christmas. This year he had a huge neon sign on the door to his office, flashing on and off: “Bah Humbug! Bah Humbug! Bah Humbug!”

BIBLE VERSE OF THE DAY

“The LORD is for me among those who help me; therefore I will look with satisfaction on those who hate me.” –Psalm 118:7

“Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace to men on whom his favor rests.” — Luke 2:14

In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. — John 1:1

HEARTLIGHT DAILY VERSE, PRAYER & THOUGHT

(From VerseOfTheDay.com)

Whoever serves me must follow me; and where I am, my servant also will be. My Father will honor the one who serves me. John 12:26

Thought: We can’t out serve, out love, or out give Jesus. He longs to bless us. He longs to pour out heaven’s riches and grace upon us. Even more incredibly, he longs to honor us. When our lives are over, God the Father, LORD of the entire universe, will honor all who have served his Son and blessed others in Jesus’ name! Unbelievable? No, just another example of God’s incredible grace!

Prayer: Loving Father and Holy God, please help me follow the will of Jesus and serve others in his name. Father, I know that I cannot earn your grace, but I want to serve others in Jesus’ name and help them find your grace. In the name of the Lord Jesus I pray. Amen.

The Thoughts and Prayers for Today’s Verse are written by Phil Ware. You can email questions or comments to phil@heartlight.org.

BIRTHDAY VERSE” OF THE DAY (The chapter and verse corresponds to the month and the day!)

1 Corinthians 12:27 NIV = Now you are the body of Christ, and each one of you is a part of it.

TODAY IS TUESDAY – DECEMBER 27, 2016

(NOTE: Some holidays may be duplicated due to various calendars reporting conflicting dates)
WEIRD, WACKY, STRANGE, ZANY, ODD, BIZARRE, QUIRKY, UNUSUAL HOLIDAYS!
THERE ARE ONLY
364 SHOPPING DAYS UNTIL CHRISTMAS.

Today is WATCH THE CHILDREN DAY. ***And maybe you’d like to watch them freezing their little booties off at the zoo. . .

Today is NATIONAL VISIT THE ZOO DAY.  ***n late December? Really? Do they give out free Snuggies with every admission?

Today is DOODY DAY, marking the premier of television’s first successful children’s show in 1947, “Howdy Doody.” ***I include it in the holidays today only because it’s an excuse to use the word “doody” without risk of being fired.

Today is NATIONAL FRUITCAKE DAY.  ***Meaning it will go to the back of the closet to be re-gifted next year.

USES FOR THAT HOLIDAY FRUITCAKE YOU RECEIVED

  • Put it in your yard to scare away the squirrels.

  • Use it as a colorful Yule log.

  • Drop it on Iran as a warning.

  • Make a festive doorstop.

  • Cut it up and make hockey pucks.

  • Use instead of sandbags during a flood.

  • Nice for target practice.

  • One word: Regift

TODAY IS ALSO…
Free Balloon Day Link  (SpongeBob Squarepants)
Visit The Zoo Day Link

COMING UP NEXT (Just a list, we are not endorsing the holidays posted below.)

WEDNESDAY, DECEMBER 28

Holy Innocents Day
Endangered Species Act Day
National Chocolate Da  Link

Pledge of Allegiance Day

THURSDAY, DECEMBER 29

Tick Tock Day
YMCA Day

FRIDAY, DECEMBER 30

Bacon Day Link
Falling Needles Family Fest Day
No Interruptions Day

SATURDAY, DECEMBER 31

First Nights
Global Champagne Day  Link
Leap Second Time Adjustment Day
Look On The Bright Side Day Link
Make Up Your Mind Day
New Years Eve
New Year’s Eve Banished Words List
New Year’s Dishonor List
Universal Hour of Peace Day
World Peace Meditation Day

SUNDAY, JANUARY 01

Copyright Law Day
Commitment Day Link
Ellis Island Day
Euro Day
First Foot Day Link Link
Global Family Day Link
Mummer’s Parade
New Years Day
New Year’s Dishonor List Day
Polar Bear Plunge or Swim Day Link
World Day of Peace Link
Z Day

MONDAY, JANUARY 02

55-MPH Speed Limit Day
Blue Monday Link
Divorce Monday Link
Happy Mew Year for Cats Day
National Buffet Day Link
National Motivation and Inspiration Day Link
National Personal Trainer Awareness Day Link
National Science Fiction Day Link
National Weigh-In Day
Pet Travel and Safety Day Link
Rose Bowl Game
Thank God It’s Monday” Day
Tournament of Roses Parade Day

TUESDAY, JANUARY 03

Drinking Straw Day
J.R.R. Tolkien Day
Memento Mori “Remember You Die” Day
National Chocolate Covered Cherry Day Link

ON THIS DAY

1900: Prohibitionist Carry Nation smashed her first bar, at the Carey Hotel in Wichita, Kansas.

1932: Radio City Music Hall opened in New York City.

1939: “The Glenn Miller Show,” also called “Music that Satisfies,” debuted on CBS Radio.

1941: Puppets Howdy and Double Doody were born in Doodyville, Texas. They made their TV debut in 1947 on their 6th birthday.

1968: Don McNeil’s final “Breakfast Club” aired on ABC Radio. The show lasted 35 years.

1970: ”Hello, Dolly!” closed on Broadway after 2,844 performances.

1971: Sonny & Cher were given a regular variety show on CBS-TV after their summer replacement show was a big success. “The Sonny & Cher Show” lasted four seasons.

1989: Lucky the dog won the raffle for a free gourmet turkey dinner at a posh restaurant in Shanklin, England. Lucky was very well behaved and growled only once when they tried to put a party hat on him.

1989: The album “Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer” by Elmo and Patsy was certified gold.

1992: In the Philippines, Manila police arrested 18 members of The Reserved Manpower of the Good Wisdom for All Nations Church for letting the air out of hundreds of automobile tires. They said God “ordered” them to do it, and that deflating tires would solve all the nation’s problems.

1998: Officials of Connecticut’s Metro-North Commuter Railroad announced that 120 extra employees would make up their New Year’s Eve “Puke Patrol” to assist amateur drinkers and pass out motion sickness bags.

2000: A Milwaukee man who tuned into a police scanner was surprised to hear traffic officers chasing his wife. The woman was arrested. Her husband showed up at the police station to claim the car keys, but refused to bail out his wife.

2002: Clonaid, a company founded by a group that believed in space aliens, announced it had produced the world’s first cloned baby. Scientists dismissed the claim when the group supplied no corroborating evidence.

TODAY IN CHRISTIAN HISTORY

1518: Zwingli arrives in Zurich. He will begin preaching scripture the following January 1st, leading to revival.

1784: Francis Asbury is ordained superintendent of the Methodist Church in America. He later took the title “bishop,” against the wishes of John Wesley.

HOLLYWOOD, SPORTS AND CELEBRITY FIGURE BIRTHDAYS

  • actress (The Living Daylights) Maryam D’Abo 56
  • actor (the dad on “Good Times,” Mayor Ethan Baker on “The District”, Percy Fitzwallace on “West Wing”) John Amos 75 (audio clip)

BEE-BOP BIRTHDAYS

(Music Artist Birthdays From SongFacts.com)

1906 : Oscar Levant

1931 : Walter Norris

1931 : Scotty Moore

1931 : John “Buddy” Bailey (The Clovers)

1931 : Scotty Moore (Elvis Presley‘s original guitarist)

1941 : Les Maguire (Gerry and the Pacemakers)

1941 : Mike Pinder (The Moody Blues)

1943 : Pete Quaife (The Kinks)

1943 : Peter Sinfield (King Crimson)

1944 : Mick Jones (Foreigner)

1948 : Larry Byrom (Steppenwolf)

1950 : Terry Bozzio (Missing Persons, Captain Beefheart)

1951 : David Knopfler (Dire Straits)

1952 : Karla Bonoff

1972 : Matt Slocum (Sixpence None the Richer)

SECRETS OF THE UNIVERSE

Ever wonder why a thing that is no longer considered good is said to have “gone to pot”?

When a leftover dish is no longer suitable to be served alone, as an entree, it is often tossed into a pot for stew. Thus, such a dish has “gone to pot.”

CHRISTIAN ARTIST NEWS

This is just a tiny sample of the 5-6 pages of material you could be receiving three days a week from ChristianRadioShowPrepServices.com!

Mark Schultz was having some holiday fun with his boys while they’re on their Christmas break. He was giving them race car driving lessons at Home Depot using the shopping carts that are configured like race cars. Mark said there were a lot of hit and runs that day.  https://www.instagram.com/p/BOTsoOljhHO/

How many ways can you fold a bandana? Moriah Peters says there’s quite a few and she has a video to show you a number of them. https://www.instagram.com/p/BOVp6nVgY90/

Michael W Smith was recently honored for his amazing career. Earlier this year Smith received his 16th Gold record, certifying that at least a half million copies of each album have been sold. This month the RIAA presented Smith with a plaque commemorating the accomplishment. https://twitter.com/RIAA/status/811981170087002112/photo/1

Big Daddy Weave member Jeremy Redmon was at the skating rink with his family this week but it sounds like things weren’t going so well. He posted: I feel like a one day old giraffe.

Jamie Grace this week shared a picture of their family from years ago when they still lived in California. She used the picture to announce that she and her family will soon be moving back to California to seek better healthcare for her mom. Jamie’s dad and mom currently serve as pastors of a church in Georgia. https://www.instagram.com/p/BOQ6p6MBpV1/

It may go down in history as Plumbs shortest tour ever. She posted a picture as they prepared to fly out for the first and last show in her Christmas tour. Plumb posted: Christmas tour show one of one. https://www.instagram.com/p/BOR93GRDfww/

Natalie Grant celebrated her birthday last week and says she received one of the most amazing gifts ever. She posted: I woke up on my birthday to a special delivery outside my front door…a beautiful silver box. I’ve heard of a “treasure chest” before. But I received the true definition of one today. The box contained letters from my family and friends…life-giving, affirming words – beautiful sentiments I will treasure for the rest of my life. 

In late 2015 Tim Foreman, bass player for the band Switchfoot, wrote a Christmas story about the Grinch, puppy dogs and thoughts about the heart. The band posted this week that they thought it was so good that they wanted to share it again. Check out Tim’s thoughts… http://switchfoot.com/the-grinch-puppy-dogs-and-thoughts-about-the-heart/

Kerrie Roberts has an annual Christmas tradition. She posted last week: It’s time for the annual viewing of “Little Women” and cry fest. What is your family’s tradition?

NEWS KICKERS

(No news on the weekends. Want a customized audio version, FREE? Email me for more information! )

NEW NEWS KICKERS…

One person in every five on the planet is convinced aliens disguised as humans live among us and in the U.S., 25% are true believers.  ***Of course we believe in aliens – why do you think we keep talking about building a wall?

Two men were arrested last week for fighting over a samurai sword at a train station in Newark, New Jersey.  ***It didn’t take but a few seconds before everybody was Kung-Fu fighting…

Donald Trump is said to be considering arriving at his Inauguration next month by helicopter.  ***The plan is to get sworn in and then immediately toss all of Obama’s executive orders into the spinning blades.

Snow fell on the Sahara Desert for the first time in 37 years last week. ***But global warming is real… right.

Take away California and New York and Donald Trump won the popular vote by over 3 million votes. However, Hillary Clinton did receive more votes than any other losing candidate in presidential election history. ***So yeah, that clears it up.

NEWS KICKER EVERGREENS…

New research finds that giraffes hum, but only at night.  *** And only if you kiss ’em on their neck.

 

According to a report, the obesity rate in the United States could hit 42% by 2030.  ***So nearly half of all fliers will need to buy TWO SEATS on airplanes…one for the left cheek, another for the right…

Do you have a hard time keeping plants and flowers alive? Help could be on the way! Researchers at Edinburgh University have pioneered a genetically modified “super potato” that glows when it needs water and the same could be done in your plants a few years down the road. Scientists apparently injected potato plants with a fluorescence gene borrowed from the luminous jellyfish, which causes their leaves to glow green when dehydrated.  ***That’s pretty cool – couch potatoes could become their own night-lights. 

 

A group of 60,000 pediatricians said that U.S. tanning salons should close their doors to minors to protect them from skin cancer.  Research shows people who start going to tanning salons before age 35 have a 75 percent increase in their chances of developing melanoma, the deadliest type of skin cancer.  ***Up next, they plan to block out the sun because it’s just too dangerous. 

WONDER WOMAN (This feature will be disappearing in 2017)

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… “Tarzan’s Beard”

DAILY COMEDY CLIP (This feature will be disappearing in 2017)

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… Chonda Pierce, “Security”

AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – WEEKDAY VERSION

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TUESDAY’S EPISODE

CHRISTMAS 07 of 09

OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns! When last we left the jungle island of Razzleflabbin, Marvy Snuffleson discovered that Olaf’s most prized possession is a race track with no cars… and Karl’s most prized possession is a bicycle with no tires! Strange possessions – and things are about to get even more strange!

CLOSE: But if he sells the race track, what will happen on Christmas Day when Karl gives him race cars? Find out next time, As the Jungle Turns!

***You may simulcast “As the Jungle Turns” on the Internet stream of your live broadcast only. Any other Internet use of “As the Jungle Turns” in whole or part including podcasting of your live broadcast is a violation of copyright law. Thank you for your cooperation on this vitally important issue. If you have any questions, please e-mail us and ask about “Jungle Jam & Friends the Radio Show” usage.

MOMENT OF DUH

The Christmas that almost wasn’t?

Marcus McCoy and Tanya White decided to trail UPS trucks in Indiana and Illinois for one reason… to snatch packages off doorsteps once they were delivered. They collected thousands of dollars in boxed-up Christmas gifts. When the police finally caught up to them in East Chicago, the booty included notes from grandmothers wishing the intended recipients a merry Christmas and mounds of shredded wrapping paper. Charges against the two Scrooges are expected to include theft, burglary, forgery and unlawful use of a credit card. According to Lake County Sheriff Roy Dominguez, “We’re happy to arrest a grinch anytime.”

TOP TEN

TOP TEN SIGNS IT IS TIME TO UPGRADE YOUR COMPUTER

10. Your graphics accelerator card is connected to the treadmill in your hamster’s cage.

9. The smoke and fumes from your CPU are beginning to affect your health.

8. The only sound you get from your sound card is “cough, cough…wheeze.”

7. The magnifying glass in front of your tiny monitor is starting to melt the plastic casing.

6. You attempt to connect to a site with graphics and you receive a pop-up window saying, “You’re kidding, right?”

5. The start button on your taskbar says, “Give it your best shot.”

4. You find yourself drilling holes in your floor or desktop to hold your ‘puter in place while it’s running.

3. Your idea of multimedia is turning on the stereo in the next room.

2. Your email comes back with postage due.

1. You have to “crankstart” it like an old model “T”.

THE FILES OF LAW & DISORDER

A man without legs steals 10 pairs of pants!

FILE #1: Police in a Vancouver suburb were on the lookout for a legless man wanted for allegedly stealing 10 pairs of pants. The wheelchair-bound man was one of two suspects who witnesses said fled a Gap Inc store in a West Vancouver shopping mall two days before Christmas, carrying trousers and jackets worth $1,600. The men escaped from the crowded mall in a car that had previously been reported stolen.

FILE #2: While an Iowa couple was robbing a convenience store, the woman noticed a contest entry form while waiting for her boyfriend to finish getting the money. Thinking it would be cool to win, she filled out the form complete with her name, address, and phone number. A few hours later the police were at the couple’s house to arrest them.

FILE #3: Sales assistants stopped a robbery in a supermarket by pelting the thieves with tins of chocolate spread. Four masked robbers threatened staff and demanded money in the raid on an Italian store. They gave up though, and fled after staff started throwing tins at them. The gang demanded money from the tills of the supermarket in Italy, and when staff refused, they kidnapped two customers. But they gave up when two sales assistants and the manager, who were hiding behind a display of chocolate and hazelnut spread, started throwing the tins at them. The burglars, reportedly wounded by the tins and bleeding, left the customers and fled the shop. They have not been caught and their identity is unknown. ***But hey, they did get free chocolate!

STRANGE LAW: In Maryland, clotheslines are forbidden, but you are allowed to hang your clothes on a fence.

THIS IS YOUR BRAIN ON DRUGS

Parents are supposed to teach their children… but they’re not supposed to teach them EVERYTHING.

In Minden, Nevada, a 39-year-old woman was arrested on suspicion of smoking marijuana with her two teenage children. Douglas County sheriff’s deputies said the woman was detained after they responded to a report of a suspicious vehicle. Deputies said the woman told them that she was teaching her son to drive, but they smelled marijuana emanating from the vehicle. The woman’s teenage son and daughter – both in the car and smoking with their mother –confirmed the suspicions of police. The woman was booked on charges of child endangerment, contributing to the delinquency of a minor and possession of a drug. The 14-year-old was released to Child and Protective Services, while the boy was placed in juvenile detention.

PHONER PHUN

So, what DO you do with fruitcake?

BIBLE BRAIN BUSTER!

QUESTION: Who took Paul’s belt and bound his own feet and hands to symbolize how the Jews would bind Paul and deliver him to the gentiles?
ANSWER: Agabus (Acts 21:10-11)

QUESTION IMPOSSIBLE

QUESTION: It’s actually possible… frozen fog. What’s the term for that phenomenon?

ANSWER? Pogonip. The term was coined by Native Americans to describe the frozen fog of fine ice needles that occur in the mountain valleys of the western United States. According to Indian tradition, breathing the fog is injurious to the lungs.

TRUE OR FALSE

Pay attention! If our next player doesn’t answer all ten T/F questions correctly we start all over from question #1! First person to answer question #10 correctly is our winner!

1. The word “O.K.” actually comes from the state of Oklahoma as an early way of saying “hello” to someone passing by. (False… O.K. was popularized in 1840, from a club in former President Martin van Buren’s honor “The O.K. Club.” “O.K.” stands for van Buren’s nickname “Old Kinderhook.”)

2. Pierre Michelin, inventor of safe car tires, died in an automobile accident. (True)

3. Tootsie Roll creator Leo Hirschfield got the “Tootsie” from the name of his Dachshund dog. (False… it was actually his daughter’s nickname.)

4. India has a Bill of Rights for cows. (True)

5. Three men who portrayed the Marlboro Man (the company’s mascot/spokesman) have died of lung cancer. (True)

6. Potatoes can turn green and become poisonous if exposed to the sun. (True – if exposed to too much light)

7. Even dead, Elvis Presley still earned $2-million dollars in the year 2000. (False… it was closer to $35 million)

8. John F. Kennedy, Lee Harvey Oswald, and Jack Ruby all died in the same hospital. (True… they all died at Parkland Hospital in Dallas)

9. When the comic strip Peanuts first debuted, Snoopy stood on two legs instead of four. (True)

10. Back in the 1920s, the word “flipper” was slang for pocketwatch. (False… but the word “turnip” was)

TABLOID MATCH GAME

You have to match the blank in the tabloid headline with the word or phrase that has been removed!

EARTH’S SECOND ______ APPEARS (MOON)

BUSBY, AUSTRALIA –  Residents of this small Australian town were shocked to see two full moons in sky!

Tonight, there’s a full moon in Busby, Australia.  Many residents were admiring it when at 1:20 a.m., local time, a second moon rose in the night sky.  Residents couldn’t believe what they were seeing!

Astronomers across the world were alerted to this sighting and have confirmed the existence of a second earth moon.  “We have never seen anything like this before,” said researcher Rich Montano at the University of California, Los Angeles. “There had been some rumors that a second moon was seen over Hong Son, Thailand  in 1967, but it was only seen for a few hours and only in that one location, but now everyone across Australia can see the second moon.  It’s awe-inspiring.”

Residents of Los Angeles, and the rest of the world, will be able to see the second moon with the naked eye as night falls.  Busby residents are out in the streets staring up in wonder at the second moon. “It’s exciting, but also frightening,” said Carol McNulty of Busby. “It’s so beautiful, but what does it mean?  Why did the second moon appear tonight?  Why?”

“End of times” fanatics are already saying that the appearance of a s second moon is signaling that the world will end.

THE WAY TOO EARLY IN THE MORNING TO UNDERSTAND THE PUNCHLINE EVEN AFTER TWO CUPS OF COFFEE JOKE OF THE DAY 

JOKE #1

A young man was on holiday in Kenya after graduating from college.  While he was walking through the bush, he came across a young bull elephant standing with one leg raised in the air.

The elephant seemed distressed so the man approached it very carefully.  He got down on one knee and inspected the elephant’s foot.  There was a large thorn deeply embedded in the bottom of the foot.  As carefully and as gently as he could he worked the thorn out with his hunting knife, after which the elephant gingerly put down its foot.  The elephant turned to face the man and with a rather stern look on its face, stared at him.  For a good ten minutes the man stood frozen — thinking of nothing else but being trampled.  Eventually the elephant trumpeted loudly, turned and walked away. The man never forgot that elephant or the events of that day.

Twenty years later the man was walking through the zoo with his teenaged son.  As they approached the elephant enclosure, one of the creatures turned and walked over to where they were standing at the rail.  The large bull elephant stared at him and lifted its front foot off the ground then put it down.  The elephant did that several times, all the while staring at the man.  The man couldn’t help wondering if this was the same elephant.  After a while it trumpeted loudly; then it continued to stare at him.

The man summoned up his courage, climbed over the railing and made his way into the enclosure.  He walked right up to the elephant and stared back in wonder.  Suddenly the elephant trumpeted again, wrapped its trunk around one of the man’s legs and swung him wildly back and forth along the railing, killing him.

Probably wasn’t the same elephant.

JOKE #2

A pastor and two of his deacons are out on the river fishing in their rowboat. Twelve o’clock rolls around, and one of the deacons notices a nice spot on the bank to have lunch. He turns to the others and says, “That looks like a nice spot for lunch. What do you say we have lunch over there?”

The other deacon agrees, and so does the pastor. The deacon stands up in the boat, steps out onto the river and walks over to the bank.

The pastor looks on with amazement, and thinks to himself, if his deacon is holy enough to walk on water, surely he can. The other deacon stands up, picks up the picnic basket, steps out of the boat, and walks over to the bank and sits with the first deacon.

Again, to his amazement, the pastor thinks again, if his second deacon is holy enough to walk on water, surely he can. The pastor stands up, steps out of the boat, and sinks into the water.

The first deacon turns to the second and says, “Think we should have told him where the rocks are?”

JOKE #3

A motorcycle patrolman was rushed to the hospital with an inflamed appendix. The doctors operated and advised him that all was well.  However, the patrolman kept feeling something pulling at the hairs on his chest. Worried that it might be a second surgery the doctors hadn’t told him about, he finally got enough energy to pull his hospital gown down enough so he could look at what was making him so uncomfortable.  Taped firmly across his hairy chest were three wide strips of adhesive tape, the kind that doesn’t come off easily. Written in large black letters was the sentence.  “Get well quick ….. from the nurse you gave a ticket to last week.”

USELESS FACTS

A new dating service in Florida says it will find you someone that is biologically perfect for you, with DNA match-making.  ***Why would I want someone that matches my DNA?  One person in the house with male-pattern baldness is enough.

You share your birthday with at least 9 other million people in the world.  ***Really?  Then why do none of them ever come to my parties?

FEATURED FUNNIES

GIVING

The priest said to the poor farmer, “If you had a horse, would you give it to the Lord?”
“Yes.”

“And if you had a cow?”
“Absolutely.”

“And a goat?”
“Sure.”

“A pig?”
“Now, that’s not fair!” protested the farmer. “You know I have a pig!”

IT MUST BE TRUE BECAUSE I HEARD IT ON THE RADIO!

Imagine living next door to the man who served time in prison for killing your mother!

The Department of Corrections in Hamilton, New Zealand has got some ‘splaing to do! They’ve offered up an apology and said they’re “extremely sorry” that a convicted killer ended up living NEXT DOOR TO THE DAUGHTER OF THE WOMAN HE STABBED TO DEATH! The murder victim’s daughter has apparently had recurring nightmares of seeing her mother stabbed to death by the man 15-years ago when she was only six. The Department says it looks at the Victims’ Notification Register to check where victims of crime are living, but if those details are not kept up to date, there is not much it can do. They did move him and a department spokesperson said the killer is no longer living anywhere near the victim’s daughter.

INSPIRATIONAL INSPIRATION

Hezekiah commanded the people on the wall not to answer the taunting insults of the field commander of Sennacherib, king of Assyria. Our flesh, or sinful nature, is always talking to us, trying to convince us to give up and give in to our impulses. For the rest of our lives, we will have to listen to the voice of temptation that is the “opposite from what the Holy Spirit wants” (Galatians 5:17).
The discipline of godliness enables us to refuse to answer that voice, to simply ignore it through the power of the Holy Spirit. The people on the wall were totally submitted to the will of Hezekiah and refused even to acknowledge the field commander. Instead, they continued to think on Hezekiah’s encouraging promise that the Lord would deliver them (Isaiah 36:18).
Which voice in Galatians 5:19-23 will you listen to: the voice of the flesh (immorality, hatred, jealousy, rage, envy, drunkenness) or the voice of the Spirit (love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness)? You must learn to completely ignore and turn your back on the flesh, for “the Lord is our judge, our lawgiver, and our king. He will care for us and save us” (Isaiah 33:22).

–By Larry Stockstill

DRIVE TIME DEVOTIONAL

EMERGENCY PRAYERS

Read: Daniel 6:10-23

He knelt down on his knees three times that day, and prayed and gave thanks before his God, as was his custom. –Daniel 6:10

Many people turn to the Lord only when they are in a crisis. Of course, praying in an emergency is better than not praying at all. But whether things are going against us or for us should make no difference. Prayer should be such a natural part of our lives that we engage in it no matter what the circumstances.

Our Bible reading for today illustrates this truth. The enemies of Daniel had gone to Darius, king of Babylon, with a devious plan. They managed to get him to sign a document which, according to the law of the Medes and Persians, could not be changed. The decree stated that for 30 days anyone who asked a petition of any god or man other than the king himself would be thrown into a den of lions. Even though Daniel knew this, “he knelt down on his knees three times that day, and prayed and gave thanks before his God, as was his custom” (Dan. 6:10). Those last four words tell it all. Daniel’s emergency praying reflected his consistent devotion to the Lord.

Although the Father welcomes your petitions in a crisis, He also takes great delight in your thankful prayers when all is going well. Whatever your circumstances, therefore, whether this is a good day or a bad day, make prayer a vital part of your life. Have you talked with God today?

LEFTOVERS

BEAM OVER MY HOMEWORK, SCOTTY

They haven’t beamed anybody up, but physicists in Denmark have gotten closer!

…the scientists have teleported information from light to matter, bringing quantum communication and computing closer to reality. Until now scientists have only been able to teleport similar objects such as light or single atoms over short distances from one spot to another in a split second. However, the scientists at Copenhagen University in Denmark have made a breakthrough by using both light and matter. While they say that no one is likely to be beamed anywhere soon, they say it could mean big advancements in computers and transmitting data.

LIFE… LIVE IT

HOW TO STOP A DRUNK FRIEND FROM DRIVING

(Cosmopolitan) Lisa M. Najavies PH.D. Associate professor in psychiatry at Harvard Medical School, and author of “A Woman’s Addiction Workbook” offers these tips to stop a friend from driving drunk:

  • Be cool and calm. When people are under the influence, their emotional response is heightened, so they’re far more likely to overreact and get defensive if you take an accusatory tone. When talking to them, it’s critical to stay steady, not raise your voice, and maintain eye contact.

  • Come up with plan B. Make it easy for your drunken friend not to drive. Suggest an alternative, rather than just telling them no. Offer them a ride (and a promise to drive them back to pick up their wheels tomorrow) or call a cab.

  • Use delay tactics. If your pal insists she is not drunk and is absolutely fine to drive, then ask her to sit with you — no drink in hand — while you have a cup of coffee. The effect of alcohol diminishes with time, so the longer she can be prevented from getting behind the wheel, the better. And you can use this window to talk her out of driving.

  • Next time, plan ahead. One of the smartest ways to avoid this dilemma is to name a designated driver before you head out. Alternatively, eliminate all temptation to drive drunk by leaving the car at home. Instead, catch a cab, take public transportation, or organize a pickup.

JUST FOR FUN

Lawyer trading cards?

In New England, a law firm hands out attorney trading cards. Each lawyer’s stats are on the back– showing how many clients he’s handled, how many cases he’s won, etc. Here at (STATION) we’re debating doing the same thing with disk jockey trading cards, with each DJ’s stats on the back. I have my personal stats right here.

  • Number of shows: 870

  • Number of shows I’ve spilled coffee into studio equipment: 186

  • Number of times not in the studio when song ended: 38

  • Number of times finger stuck in CD machine: 171

  • Number of times finger stuck in hole in middle of CD: 171

  • Number of times burped during a commercial: 19

  • Number of times fell asleep during the news: 3

  • Number of shows without insulting the boss: 2

  • Number of times accidentally locked in men’s room: 1

FUN LIST

STILL CLEANING UP THE CHRISTMAS MESS IN THE LIVING ROOM?

As you’re cleaning up your house, there is probably plenty of wrapping paper lying around. If you’re like Martha Stewart, you’ll carefully fold it up to use next year. But if not, there are still plenty of ways to reuse it.

  • Give it to guests when you run out of toilet paper and tissue.

  • Wrap leftovers in it.

  • Use it as a sun shield for your car.

  • Cover dull rooms with it – it’s cheaper than wallpaper.

  • Wrap up that fruitcake to make a festive holiday doorstop.

  • Sled down a hill on it.

  • Have the kids do their holiday homework on it.

  • Rewrap a gift you plan to re-gift next year.

  • Use it to make your bird cage lining more festive during the holidays.

MORE SHOW PREP STUFF…

BUT-FIRST” SYNDROME

This odd syndrome seems to be prevalent in mother’s… but I’ve heard it can happen anywhere. You Might call it the “But-First” Syndrome. YOU know. It’s when you decide to do the laundry. So you start down the stairs with the laundry, but then see the newspapers on the table. OK, you’ll do the laundry… BUT FIRST you decide to put the newspapers away. So on your way in to put the newspapers away, you notice the mail on the table. OK, you’ll put the newspapers away… BUT FIRST you’ll pay that bill that needs to be paid. So you look for the checkbook. Oops…there’s the baby’s bottle from yesterday on the floor. OK, you’ll pay the bill… BUT FIRST you need to put the bottle in the sink. You head for the kitchen. Oops, there’s the remote for the TV. What’s it doing here? Okay, you’ll put the bottle in the sink… BUT FIRST you need to put the remote away. Head for the TV room. Aaagh! Stepped on the cat. Cat needs to be fed. Okay, you’ll put the remote away… BUT FIRST you need to feed the cat.  So, here’s what happens at the end of the day: laundry not done, newspapers on the floor, bottle on the table, bills unpaid, checkbook still lost, cat ate the remote control, and, when you try to figure out how come nothing got done all day, you are baffled because, well, you KNOW you were BUSY ALL DAY!! That’s the “BUT-FIRST” Syndrome.

OTHER STUFF I WANT TO CRAM INTO TODAY’S PREP

Feeling stressed? Look out the nearest window. Research from the University of Washington concludes that looking at nature out of a window is far more soothing than watching television. There’s just one catch. It has to be a view of nature. If your window view isn’t trees gently swaying in the breeze or butterflies dancing in brightly colored flowers but instead a cityscape with busses belching dark fumes, this won’t work for you. It’s only when people spent time looking out the window at the natural scene, that their heart rates tended to decrease.

“Do what I say and not what I do” isn’t the best parenting role model for toddlers or teens. And teens have noticed that while their parents tell them not to talk on their phones or text while driving, their parents are doing just that when they’re behind the wheel — even though it’s illegal in many states. According to a State Farm survey of 517 pairs of new teen drivers and their parents, more than half of teens say their parents’ use of a phone while driving is nothing new. In fact, it’s been happening for years. In the survey, 54% of teens say they’ve seen their parents use a phone while driving either “sometimes, often or all the time.” In addition, 43% of parents admit they’ve done just that either “sometimes, often or all the time” when they’ve been the driver with teenage passengers in the car.

Your movie choice may give you a hankering for a buttered popcorn binge. In a recent study, thrillers and horror flicks were more likely than romances and comedies to bring on viewers’ cravings for salty, fatty snakes. Blame the stress triggered by action packed films: It causes the release of cortisol, which increases the desire for these types of foods, explains Aner Tal, Ph.D. of Cornell University’s Food and Brand Lab. So if you must munch, buy the child-size popcorn: Small portions of a snack can be just as satisfying as servings with seven times the calories, according to research from Cornell University. (Men’s Health)

Macy’s department store is no longer giving funds to Planned Parenthood. The watchdog group Stream.org has confirmed that the company no longer financially support Planned Parenthood. They add that other companies, including AT&T, Coca-Cola, Ford, and Xerox also recently decided to no longer financially support the abortion provider.  http://dlvr.it/MrY5ds

3 ways God uses tough times to make us better.

Conflict creates vulnerability.

Conflict jumpstarts transformation.

Conflict brings renewal.

http://relm.ag/cogLCnJ

10 Life Skills Your Teen Needs Before Leaving Home from iMom:

1. Basic cooking skills.

2. Budgeting and money management skills.

3. Personal healthcare knowledge.

4. Good social skills and manners.

5. Auto maintenance skills.

6. Essential domestic skills.

7. Being a good judge of character.

8. Work skills and basic responsibility.

9. The ability to discern between love and infatuation.

10. The ability to admit fault and start over.

http://bit.ly/2fnwOll

AND I LEAVE YOU WITH THIS THOUGHT

If you have any leftover Christmas fudge, remember, there are starving disc jockeys all over this studio.

THE TICKET Movie Reviews with MARIE ASNER

Marie Asner has been reviewing films for over 30 years. Her outlets include radio, print and Internet. For more in-depth movie reviews of the following films, visit www.Tollbooth.org. Ratings from 1 (Low) to 5 (High).

DECEMBER 16, 2016 thru JANUARY 01, 2017…

 Why Him?—James Franco takes on the role of the son-in-law from Hades. Who would want him?  The daughter of Bryan Cranston, that’s who. The daughter is played by Zoey Deutch. Franco has lots of money, but acts and dresses like a scarecrow. “Why Him?” is rated R. No rating.

A Monster Calls—(now opening from an earlier date) A young boy (Lewis MacDougall) finds that his mother is quite ill.  He doesn’t know how to cope and it doesn’t help that his grandmother (Sigourney Weaver) is not a sympathetic person. What to do? Here comes a “monster” in the shape of a large tree (voice of Liam Neeson) to help the boy. “A Monster Calls” is rated PG. Rating of 3 and bring hanky. 

Manchester By The Sea—A story of grief, several times over, loss and trying to cope are all in this film that suits actor Casey Affleck fine. He plays Lee, who suddenly finds himself guardian to a teenage nephew when Lee’s brother (Kyle Chandler) and the boy’s father dies. What to do? Face up to life or keep trudging along. “Manchester By The Sea” is rated R. Rating of 3. Bring hanky.

Neruda—Luis Gnecco stars as the famed Spanish poet who finds his past membership in the early Communist party comes back to haunt him.  Also in the cast are Gael Garcia Bernal, Alfredo Castro and Mercedes Morau. “Neruda” is rated R. Subtitles. No rating.

Passengers—A science fiction film of trying to help humanity…in a big way. Jennifer Lawrence and Chris Pratt star as two people, among many, who are traveling in deep sleep to another planet.  When something awakens the two, they realize something is very wrong and they have to help…and fight. “Passengers” is rated R. Rating of 2 for fans.

Sing—This animated film concerns a singing contest…with animals.  Yes, there is a mother pig (voice of Reese Witherspoon), the theater owner, a koala bear (voice of Matthew McConaughey) and a rockin’ porcupine (Scarlett Johansson). You can imagine what happens during the contest. Also lending their voices are Seth MacFarlane, Tori Kelly, Taron Egerton and Nick Kroll.  “Sing” is rated PG. Rating of 3 for fans.

(Opening moved ahead from an earlier date) The Space Between Us—On a colonization voyage to Mars, it is discovered that one of the female astronauts is pregnant.  This results in the first child, a boy, being born on Mars, but in that atmosphere, gravity, etc. Fast forward to teen years, and the kid (Asa Butterfield) knows about Earth and even has a girl friend, Britt Robertson (Skype) he communes with.  However, something happens and Asa ends up on Earth. “The Space Between Us” is rated PG 13. Rating of 2 for fans.

Gold—Try, just try to recognize Matthew McConaughey in the role of Kenny Wells who goes to Borneo to find gold. You read that right.  His girlfriend, Bryce Dallas Howard, faithfully follows him.  People will do just about anything to get rich in a hurry.  Also in the cast are Edgar Ramirez and Corey Stoll. “Gold” is rated R. Rating of 2 for fans.

Hidden Figures—This is an unusual title for a film and another might have better explained the film’s content.  It is about three black women who are top mathematicians and work to put the first space flights and astronauts into earth orbit and beyond. Prejudice is prevalent here. Stars include Taraji P. Henson, Octavia Spencer and Janelle Monae. “Hidden Figures” is rated PG 13. Rating of 3.

Paterson—Adam Driver (“Star Wars”) is a bus driver whose name is Paterson and he lives in Paterson, N. J. The film concerns a week in his life and how he and his wife (Golshiften Farahani) handle problems. “Paterson” is rated R. No rating.

Jackie—Now opening from an earlier date, Natalie Portman stars as Jackie Kennedy in the few days before the funeral of President Kennedy. Portman takes the role and goes with it to bring you into that era of assassination of a  president and the aftermath in the country and his family. Also in the cast are Peter Sarsgaard and Billy Crudup. “Jackie” is rated R. Rating of 3 for fans. Bring hanky.

Live By Night—Ben Affleck stars and directs this movie about gangsters and their rise to the top in Boston.  Based on a Dennis Lehane novel and set in the 1920’s. There is back-stabbing, love and the rest of crimes included. Also starring in the film are Sienna Miller, Elle Fanning and Zoe Saldana. “Live By Night” is rated R. Rating of 2 for fans.

20th Century Women—Annette Bening shines in this film of three generations of women in the mid-1970’s and how they cope with changing times. The cast includes Elle Fanning (great work), and Greta Gerwig. Wonderful soundtrack, too.  “20th Century Women” is rated R for sexual content. Rating of 2.

A Kind Of Murder—Here is another adaptation of a Patricia Highsmith novel. The film stars Patrick Wilson and Jessica Biel who are not happy in their marriage. Along comes Eddie Marsan, whose wife has passed away and they become friends.  However, suspicion lurks here.  “A Kind Of Murder” is rated R. No rating.

Julieta—This is a Spanish language film directed by Pedro Almodovar. It concerns a mother’s (Emma Svarez)  search for a missing daughter. Also in the cast are Daniel Grao and Adriana Ugarte. “Julieta” is rated R. No rating.

Collateral Beauty—Will Smith plays a man who has suffered a tragedy in his life. His friends worry about him and decide to help, though in unconventional ways. Also in the cast are Helen Mirren and Edward Norton. “Collateral Beauty” is rated PG 13. Rating of 2 for fans.

Fences—The stars of this film, Denzel Washington and Viola Davis, already have Tony’s for their roles in the Broadway version.  Now, Washington stars and directs this film that is set in the middle 1960’s and tells how working class African-Americans cope with problems. August Wilson wrote the play. “Fences” is rated R. Rating of 3 for fans.

The Founder—Ray Kroc made McDonalds a global name with unique marketing. However, the real founders were the McDonald brothers (played by Nick Offerman and John Carroll).  Kroc is played by Michael Keaton. This is a study in how to build a business, ruthless though it may be. “The Founder” is rated R. Rating of 2 for fans.

Rogue One: A Star Wars Story—Felicity Jones is the female lead in this “stand alone” story in the “Star Wars” saga. The story is about when the Death Star was being built and the Rebels were trying to get the plans. Also in the cast are Ben Mendelssohn and Riz Ahmed. Get your light sabers ready. “Rogue One: A Star Wars Story” is rated PG 13. Rating of 3 for fans.

Assassins Creed—This film is yet another adaptation of a game board.  Here, Michael Fassbinder takes on the role of a man in the 15th century Aguilar) and at the same time, in this century (Callum). Those fighting outfits are reminiscent of “The Arrow.” Also in the cast are Marion Cotilliard and Jeremy Irons. “Assassins Creed” is rated R. Rating of 2 for fans.

Note: ”Patriots’s Day” and “Silence” are now set to open the middle of January, 2017.

Happy New Year 2017. – Marie Asner

# # # # #

WARNING: Don’t believe anything you read on the Internet or email (including stuff you read here) unless you can confirm it with another source, and/or it is consistent with what you already know to be true. The opinions in this publication are not necessarily those of Darren Marlar, Marlar House Entertainment, OnAirPrep.com, or any company or organization affiliated with aforementioned. (Regardless of how stupid you may think those opinions are. So there – nyah!)

Darren Marlar credits all non-original material to the author whenever possible. All other material is original, used with permission, or author unknown. We welcome all comments, questions, and suggestions. Darren can be reached via his website at www.DarrenMarlar.com.