December 29, 2016: Thursday ONAIRprep


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Christmas Tree Disposal Tip: Heck, just leave the tree there for a few more days. It’ll be a lot easier to vacuum up than to take down.

Women go to after-Christmas sales to get their shopping done early for next year. Men go to get gifts for the people they forgot.


Mark 12:29 NIV = “The most important one,” answered Jesus, “is this: ‘Hear, O Israel, the Lord our God, the Lord is one.

[Jesus said,] “I am the resurrection and the life. He who believes in me will live, even though he dies; and whoever lives and believes in me will never die. Do you believe this?” — John 11:25

The Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us. We have seen his glory, the glory of the One and Only, who came from the Father, full of grace and truth. — John 1:14



Now you are the body of Christ, and each one of you is a part of it. 1 Corinthians 12:27

Thought: What part of the Body are you? What’s your function, your purpose? How are you blessing others in the Body of Christ? Who is someone in the Body who does a great deal of service to others who needs your encouragement and praise? Who is someone who feels neglected and lonely who needs your love to be shown to him or her?

Prayer: Father, thank you for making me a part of something so precious, so awesome, as the bodily presence of the Lord. Please help each person in our church family to find his or her gifts of service and to use those gifts in ways that touch others with your grace and that bring you glory. In Jesus’ name. Amen.

The Thoughts and Prayers for Today’s Verse are written by Phil Ware. You can email questions or comments to

BIRTHDAY VERSE” OF THE DAY (The chapter and verse corresponds to the month and the day!)

Mark 12:29 NIV = “The most important one,” answered Jesus, “is this: ‘Hear, O Israel, the Lord our God, the Lord is one.


(NOTE: Some holidays may be duplicated due to various calendars reporting conflicting dates)

Today is NO INTERRUPTIONS DAY. ***Good luck with that.

Today is NATIONAL YODEL IN THE SHOWER DAY. ***I started doing that very thing this morning, until the cat puked. Everyone’s a critic.

Today is TICK TOCK DAY. ***You know all that stuff you wanted to accomplish over the past year? Well, you’ve got three days left!

Today is ICE SKATING DAY. ***Also known at my house as Fall And Break Your Arm Day.

Today is ILLEGAL PANTS DAY, commemorating this date in 1852 when Emma Snodgrass was arrested in Boston for wearing pants (rather than a dress). ***Of course, it’s the 21st Century now… where the only pants that should be outlawed are parachute pants and those with waistbands below the buttocks.


COMING UP NEXT (Just a list, we are not endorsing the holidays posted below.)


Bacon Day Link
Falling Needles Family Fest Day
No Interruptions Day


First Nights
Global Champagne Day  Link
Leap Second Time Adjustment Day
Look On The Bright Side Day Link
Make Up Your Mind Day
New Years Eve
New Year’s Eve Banished Words List
New Year’s Dishonor List
Universal Hour of Peace Day
World Peace Meditation Day


Copyright Law Day
Commitment Day Link
Ellis Island Day
Euro Day
First Foot Day Link Link
Global Family Day Link
Mummer’s Parade
New Years Day
New Year’s Dishonor List Day
Polar Bear Plunge or Swim Day Link
World Day of Peace Link
Z Day


55-MPH Speed Limit Day
Blue Monday Link
Divorce Monday Link
Happy Mew Year for Cats Day
National Buffet Day Link
National Motivation and Inspiration Day Link
National Personal Trainer Awareness Day Link
National Science Fiction Day Link
National Weigh-In Day
Pet Travel and Safety Day Link
Rose Bowl Game
Thank God It’s Monday” Day
Tournament of Roses Parade Day


Drinking Straw Day
J.R.R. Tolkien Day
Memento Mori “Remember You Die” Day
National Chocolate Covered Cherry Day Link


Dimpled Chad Day
Earth at Perihelion
Pop Music Chart Day
Tom Thumb Day

Trivia Day
World Braille Day Link
World Hypnotism Day Link


Bird Day Link


1876: American hymn writer Philip Bliss died in a train wreck at age 38. He wrote, “Wonderful Words of Life,” “Let the Lower Lights Be Burning,” “I Will Sing of My Redeemer,” and “I Gave My Life for Thee.”

1945: Sheb Wooley recorded the first commercial recordings in Nashville, four songs at the WSM studios for Bullet Records. Wooley’s biggest hit came in 1958 with “Purple People Eater.” He recorded dozens of novelty songs under the name Ben Colder, and he wrote the theme song for TV’s “Hee Haw.”

1952: In London Dr. Humphrey Arthure removed history largest gallstone from an 80-year-old woman. The stone weighed 13 pounds 14 ounces.

1955: Thirteen-year-old Barbara Joan Streisand recorded “You’ll Never Know” in Brooklyn. She would be appearing on Broadway and misspelling her name within five years.

1957: Singers Steve Lawrence and Eydie Gorme were married in Las Vegas.

1978: French bandits dressed as Kermit the Frog and Fozzie Bear, who had just robbed patients at a Nancy sanatorium of $25-thousand worth of possessions, were cheered by passersby and waved through traffic in their stolen car by amused police officers.

1986: Dick Rutan and Jeana Yeager landed in California after completing history’s first flight around the world without refueling.

1990: Perky Olympic gymnast Mary Lou Retton married Shannon Kelley.

1997: Hong Kong began killing its entire chicken population of 1.25 million birds, fearing spread of “bird flu.”

1997: During a loss to the Chicago Bulls, Dallas Maverick Bubba Wells set an NBA record by committing six fouls in three minutes. Bubba fouled out two minutes faster than the previous record holder, Syracuse’s Dick Farley, who had held the dubious record since 1956.

1997: The last shot of the Civil War may have been fired when police exploded a live shell unearthed in Winchester, Virginia. Two boys found the shell, using a metal detector they got for Christmas. The explosion left a 4-by-5-foot crater in the yard of the boys’ grandfather.

2002: A defendant who ran from a courtroom in Olathe, Kansas, was chased and caught by his own lawyer. Defense attorney Carl Cornwell said his client’s decision to run made him mad. He caught the defendant a short distance away from the court building. ***Ah yeah – that’s my hometown!

2005: Wind-driven grass fires in Texas and Oklahoma destroyed thousands of acres, hundreds of buildings and cattle. The entire Texas farming community of Cross Plains was destroyed.


1849: The carol “It Came Upon a Midnight Clear,” by pastor Edmund H. Sears, appears for the first time in The Christian Register.

1851: The first Y.M.C.A. in the United States is organized in Boston.

1876: Hymnwriter Philip P. Bliss and his family fall to their deaths when a bridge collapses under the train they were riding. Bliss’s compositions include “Man of Sorrows—What a Name!”; “Jesus Loves Even Me”; “Almost Persuaded”; the music to “It Is Well with My Soul”; and one hymn discovered in his trunk, which was on a different train that night: “I Will Sing of My Redeemer.”


  • actor (Gregory Pratt on “ER”) Mekhi Phifer 42 (


  • actor (The Holiday, Alfie, Cold Mountain Artificial Intelligence: AI, Sherlock Holmes) Jude Law 44

  • comedienne Paula Poundstone 57

  • actor (“Cheers”, “Becker”, “CSI”) Ted Danson 69 (


  • actor (Four Christmases, National Treasure, National Treasure II, Mission Impossible) Jon Voight is 78

  • actress (“The Mary Tyler Moore Show”, “The Dick Van Dyke Show”) Mary Tyler Moore 79 (



(Music Artist Birthdays From

1940 : Ed Bruce

1941 : Ray Thomas (The Moody Blues)

1942 : Rick Danko (The Band)

1946 : Marianne Faithfull

1947 : Cozy Powell (Rainbow, Whitesnake, Black Sabbath)

1948 : Charlie Spinosa (John Fred and His Playboy Band)

1951 : Yvonne Elliman

1970 : Glen Phillips (Toad The Wet Sprocket)


Why are paper cuts so painful?

By contrast, a cut with a razor blade can be almost painless. Why is that? A cut with a razor causes little collateral damage, as NATO would say, and leaves little foreign matter behind because it is so smooth and clean. The cut can also bleed quite freely, helping to wash away anything that might cause infection. By contrast, a cut with a piece of paper not only parts the flesh but it also tears up the flesh on either side of the wound because of the paper’s rough and fibrous surface. In addition, fibers from the paper will be left behind, snagged in the wound, and the chemicals used in the manufacture of the paper are probably responsible for the immediate sting after the cut is inflicted. These fibers are unlikely to be washed away once the bleeding process begins and, indeed, they may actually hinder this process, preventing any infectious agents from being washed away as well, resulting in longer-term soreness.


This is just a tiny sample of the 5-6 pages of material you could be receiving three days a week from!



(No news on the weekends. Want a customized audio version, FREE? Email me for more information! )


It appears AT&T is buying HBO and Time-Warner for $85.4 billion. ***If that means I have to watch TV through a glorified phone cable again, they can forget it.

Kodak is entering the Smartphone market, introducing a new phone first overseas.  ***Sadly, to get your phone’s pictures you still have to buy Kodak film.

A Massachusetts woman went to the doctor because of stomach pains and while undergoing an exam, her water broke and she delivered a baby. She claims she had no idea she was pregnant. ***You’d think her sudden craving for chocolate covered pickles and ice cream would’ve been a big clue.

Girl Scout cookies are coming to the breakfast table. General Mills is releasing Girl Scout cookie cereal next year. In January you’ll be able to pour Thin Mint and Caramel Crunch flavors into your bowl.  ***Will it also be really expensive just like their cookies?  I really want a breakfast cereal that requires a second mortgage to buy another box.

Not eating a lot of nuts? You should be they’ve been shown to lower cholesterol, boost heart health, and even lengthen life. If you’re still not sold, try this: A new study out of Boston’s Brigham and Women’s Hospital found that people who eat five or more servings of nuts per week have less inflammation, you know, the culprit linked to heart disease and cancer. They suggest walnuts, for the heart healthy omega-3s, but almonds and cashews are also tough nuts to beat.  ***How about peanuts?  Specifically peanut butter.. and jelly.  That’s what I’m going with.


Google’s management claims our children may have to change their names to escape their ‘cyber past’.  He says the private lives of young people are now so well documented on the internet that many will have to change their names on reaching adulthood.  They suggested that young people should be entitled to change their identity to escape their misspent youth, which is now recorded in excruciating detail on social networking sites such as Facebook.   ***THOSE grades?  No, those lousy grades can’t be mine… that was some guy named John Smith.  My name is Shmon Jith!

Attention, men!  Stop thinking she’ll never leave you because you’re so amazing… she will, and she has someone waiting in the wings. 43% of women say they have a Mr. Plan B, according to a new survey, and the most likely candidate is an ‘old friend.’ Yes, the guy she claims is ‘just like a brother to her.’ Other candidates are an ex-boyfriend, ex-husband, colleagues, or someone she met in the gym. To make you feel better, one in 10 have already confessed their undying love for her and say they would ‘drop everything for her.’  ***Now, go out and have a nice day.

According to research (American Time Use Survey and Pew Research Center), parents together now spend 27.6 hours a week on chores, down from 36.3 in 1965. Some of their new free time is being spent on their children. They spend 20.8 hours a week on child care, up from 12.7 in 1965.  ***Most of which is caring for sniffles, colds, and flu, because the house is always dirty now.

Think drivers in your town are bad? Well, they probably are – but they’re not the only ones.  According to a national driver’s test survey, roughly 18 million currently licensed drivers in the United States would flunk a state driver’s test if they took it today. ***Everyone interviewed say they drive perfectly though, it’s everyone else who drives like idiots.

WONDER WOMAN (This feature will be disappearing in 2017)


DAILY COMEDY CLIP (This feature will be disappearing in 2017)




CHRISTMAS 09 of 09

OPEN: And now,, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns! When last we left the jungle island of Razzleflabbin, Marvy Snuffleson was confused about some Christmas gift-giving. Olaf sold his race track to buy Karl some bicycle tires. But Karl sold his bicycle in order to purchase racing cars for Olaf! Yet, they’re both happy…

CLOSE: From all of us at (Station Call Letters), (Show Name), and from everyone at – have a very Merry Christmas!

***You may simulcast “As the Jungle Turns” on the Internet stream of your live broadcast only. Any other Internet use of “As the Jungle Turns” in whole or part including podcasting of your live broadcast is a violation of copyright law. Thank you for your cooperation on this vitally important issue. If you have any questions, please e-mail us and ask about “Jungle Jam & Friends the Radio Show” usage.


If you have something new, where is the last place you want to put it?  How about on the curb… on trash day?

In Charleston, West Virginia, Matthew Harrison’s mother had just purchased him and his wife a new dryer, to match the couple’s new washing machine. The Harrisons called the city and asked for their old washing machine to be hauled away and they put it out on the curb as instructed. They then waited more than three weeks for the city crew to come and take it away. As luck would have it, the crew showed up on the same day the Harrisons brought their new dryer home. They had just unloaded the new dryer from the truck and put it on the curb — right next to the old washer– then went looking for someone to help him carry the machine into the basement. Of course that is the exact moment the city crew finally showed up and hauled both the old washer and the new dryer away! When Matthew came back, the new dryer was nowhere to be found. They city is now considering reimbursing the Harrisons for a new dryer.



10. The call to worship is, “ya’ll come on in.”

9. The preacher says, “I’d like to ask Bubba to help take up the offering and 5 guys stand up.

8. Church activities are planned not to conflict with a Cowboys game.

7. Opening day of deer season is recognized as an official church holiday.

6. Prayers regarding the weather are standard practice.

5. There is no such thing as a “secret” sin.

4. Baptism is referred to as “branding”.

3. The pastor wears boots.

2. People wonder, when Jesus fed 5000 whether the two fish were bass or catfish.

1. Prayers are said for the well being of the Dallas Cowboys.


A man robs a bank with a rifle… but points it in the wrong direction!

FILE #1: An Evansville, Indiana man tried to rob a bank, but had some difficulties. After putting his SKS assault rifle on the counter of the bank, he picked it back up the wrong way and so had the barrel pointing to himself. Realizing how ridiculous this was, he began turning the gun around and got the barrel caught in his boot, which is when pieces began falling off the rifle. He then commented that he was afraid that he was going to shoot his foot off. After fleeing to his car, about 20 yards down the road, the red dye packs exploded, startling him and causing his car to crash, forcing him to flee on foot… right into the path of a police officer. So he dropped the money and the gun and scampered away. But wait! There’s more! Having screwed it up the first time so badly he decided to try it again, the same day, at another bank. As it turned out, at that very moment, the Evansville Police Department SWAT team was assembled and training nearby and so the entire swat team was able to get down to the bank in just a few minutes.

FILE #2: An Arkansas couple wanted to go to the movies so badly, they were willing to put it all on the line to do so. Having no money, teenage movie lovers Allen and Jessica Powell decided to simply go steal the money so they could go to the show. Allen put on a Scream mask, and Jessica acted as the getaway driver. Allen simply walked in to the store, demanded money, got it, left with it, and drove away. But, the couple was arrested 32 minutes later in Blackwell after authorities identified the getaway car. They were both charged with armed robbery and attempted escape.

FILE #3: A former funeral director in Bar Harbor, Maine was so concerned that his business was going to go bankrupt, that he started stealing from his clients. Paul McFarland was convicted and sentenced to 7 years in prison for stealing $460,000 from trusts set up by some 200 elderly clients for their eventual burial expenses. McFarland apologized to the court for his actions. He said he had taken the money only to keep his business from going under.

STRANGE LAW: In Pueblo, Colorado it is illegal to let a dandelion grow within city limits.


Sometimes the police investigation into a crime is more expensive than the crime itself – even when it comes to drug crimes.

Donald M. Hughes told a Pasco sheriff’s deputy he’d been robbed. He was paying off a $5 debt to a woman when she “jerked” his $20 bill from him and ran away. But the woman, named Tammy Lucas, said Hughes actually wanted to pay the $5, get $5 worth of Xanax pills and $10 in change, according to a Pasco County Sheriff’s Office report. Lucas said after she gave Hughes the pills, she forgot to give him his change. When he returned later for it, Lucas said she woke from a nap to Hughes screaming and demanding his money — or more pills. Hughes was arrested and charged with filing a false report. The cost to investigate the entire incident, according to the Sheriff’s Office: $78. ***I say we make Hughes pay that and call it all good.


Today is TICK TOCK DAY – you only have three days left to accomplish whatever it is that you wanted to accomplish over the past year. What have you not yet accomplished? (Or brag about what you DID accomplish this year!)


QUESTION: What Bible character was mentioned as being the first craftsman with brass and iron?

ANSWER: Tubal-Cain (Genesis 4)


QUESTION: In what city is the world’s only roller skating museum?

ANSWER: Lincoln, Nebraska.


Pay attention! If our next player doesn’t answer all ten T/F questions correctly we start all over from question #1! First person to answer question #10 correctly is our winner!

1. A Scott Paper Company survey concluded that more than two-thirds of people with master’s degrees and doctorates read in the bathroom. (True)

2. In the 1850s, a gentleman named Elisha Otis showcased a new invention at the World’s Fair called the dishwasher. (False, it was the elevator)

3. The water moccasin, the most poisonous snake in North America, is also called the “Poisonmouth”. (False… it’s the “Cottonmouth”)

4. Lake Huron is the only one of the Great Lakes that is entirely in the U.S. (False, Lake Michigan is the only one.)

5. The largest state, in square footage, east of the Mississippi River is Georgia. (True)

6. The cucumber has the fewest calories of all raw vegetables. (True)

7. Pepsi owns the Minute Maid brand name. (False, it’s Coca-Cola)

8. Former U.S. President Grover Cleveland, when he was a sheriff, twice served as a hangman. (True)

9. Mr. Squeezie was the pesky supermarket manager who kept asking customers not to “squeeze the Charmin.” (False, it was Mr. Whipple)

10. Marconi was 16 when he invented the radio. (False, he was 21.)


You have to match the blank in the tabloid headline with the word or phrase that has been removed!


LOS ANGELES – There are rumors out of China that companies hired to produce Kardashian products – use slave labor!

The Kardashians — who make millions of bucks off of their fashion lines — use “slave labor” and turn a blind eye to shocking working conditions … this according to news reports out of Los Angeles, China and a small island near Fiji.

They also reportedly make their workers wear “Kardashian” clothes to work and during their breaks they have to watch Kardashian reality shows.  Sources at the factories told WWN that watching the Kardashians is the real torture.  They feel that Americans are the ones that are the real “Kardashian slaves.”



A man was sitting relaxing in an airplane when another guy dropped into the seat beside him. This new guy was a pale wreck. His hands were shaking; he was biting his nails; he was moaning in low tones. “Hey, pal, what’s the matter?” said the first man.

“Oh my, I’ve been transferred to Los Angeles, California,” the second answered. “Los Angeles has race riots, rampant street drugs, and the highest crime rate in America.”

“Hold on,” said the first man. “I’ve lived in Los Angeles all my life, and it’s not as bad as the media portrays. Find a nice home, go to work, mind your own business, enroll your kids in a good school, and it’s as safe as anywhere in the world.”

The second guy stopped shaking for a moment and said, “Oh, thank goodness. I was worried to death, but if you live there and say it’s OK, I’ll take your word for it. What do you do for a living?”

“What do I do?” replied the first, “I’m a tail gunner on a bread truck.”


Showing his friend around his home, Fred started to point out all of the collectibles he and his wife had acquired over their long years of marriage.

“The day before I die, I’d like to sell every piece we’ve got just to see how much it’s all worth.”

“But you couldn’t possibly know the day before you were going to die, so how could you sell it.”

“Simple: If I sell it, my wife would kill me!”


A police officer sees a man driving around with a pickup truck full of penguins. He pulls the guy over and says: “You can’t drive around with penguins in this town! Take them to the zoo immediately.”

The guy says OK, and drives away. The next day, the officer sees the guy still driving around with the truck full of penguins – and they’re all wearing sunglasses.

He pulls the guy over and demands: “I thought I told you to take these penguins to the zoo yesterday?” The guy replies: “I did, today I’m taking them to the beach.”


Doctors are saying a child’s immunity system can actually be strengthened by exposing them to a little dirt.  ***That’s why my parents gave me a subscription to People Magazine.

A recent study shows that around 9% of the U.S. population — 28 million people — don’t have bank accounts.  ***And most of us work in radio.



Little Johnny opened the big and old family Bible with fascination, and looked at the old pages as he turned them. Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible, and he picked it up and looked at it closely. It was an old leaf from a tree that had been pressed in between the pages. “Mom, look what I found,” Johnny called out. “What have you got there, ear?” his mom asked. With astonishment in the young boy’s voice, he answered: “Gee, I think it’s Adam’s suit!”



A new year means a new calendar, but if Scott Flansburg had his way, we would throw out the whole concept behind today’s calendar.

Flansburg, who is known as the “human calculator” is proposing a new calendar that would do away with the Gregorian calendar we have been using for centuries. Flansburg’s calendar has 13 months of 28 days each, adding up to 364 days. Making New Year’s Day a monthless day, designated “00” brings the tally to the regular 365. Under his system, every New Year’s would be a Sunday. Christmas, always on a Monday, would always lend itself to a three-day weekend. Your birthday would always be on the same day of the week each year, as well. Flansburg also notes that the system would make things like paychecks, budgets and even paying your bills (spread our payments over 13 months instead of 12) easier. He still hasn’t figured out how to handle leap years yet. ***How about we just make that day a monthless holiday too? After all, who wouldn’t agree to another national holiday?


Hezekiah proved the awesome power of prayer through two incidents in his life. First, he faced the terrible army of Sennacherib, who threatened to totally annihilate Jerusalem. In such a desperate moment, Hezekiah merely brought Sennacherib’s threat and “spread it out before the Lord” (Isaiah 37:14). God heard Hezekiah’s intercession and sent the death angel to destroy 185,000 men in one night!
Second, Hezekiah faced impending death because of sickness. Again his response was to pray: “When Hezekiah heard this, he turned his face to the wall and prayed to the Lord” (Isaiah 38:2). God was so moved by his prayer that He told Hezekiah He would extend his life by fifteen years (v. 5), and to prove His promise would come true, He caused the sun’s shadow to move backward (v. 8).
Oh, how God yearns to answer your prayers, and how able He is to do it! His Word promises, “You faithfully answer our prayers with awesome deeds, O God our savior. You are the hope of everyone on earth, even those who sail on distant seas” (Psalm 65:5).
Be bold enough to ask Him for what you need, even when it looks hopeless. He will literally move heaven and earth to answer your prayer!

–By Larry Stockstill


It’s really weird to be called by the wrong name. For instance, my brother goes by the name Alan (his middle name) instead of by Scott (his first name). When people call out to him using his first name, it sometimes trips him up. We DJs often use fake names on the air instead of our real names, just because it’s fun. But after a while, we get so accustomed to our on-air personas that it’s weird to hear our own names when someone is talking to us. One guy I know of has all but given up his real name for the on-air name of “Charlie Tuna”. There’s also a DJ that goes by the name of (and I’m not kidding about this), “Ben Dover”.

Some Bible characters ended up with different names than the ones their moms gave them. But it wasn’t because of their personal preference. They were following God’s directions. Abraham, Sarah, and Jacob are three whose names were changed because God had radically changed their lives. He wanted them to carry a label that reminded them and others of what He had done.

Names are important to God. Look at how important God’s name is to Him. He doesn’t allow us to misuse it in any way. He wants us to use His names, God and Jesus Christ, in reverence and honor.

That’s why all the deity name-calling that goes on in our society is such a problem. If we use God’s name (in any form) in an inappropriate way, you just know it hurts Him.

When it comes to the names of God, we need to be careful. The names of God and Jesus should never be changed, altered, or used in any way other than out of absolute respect.

If you think your name is important to you, think about how important God’s name is to Him.



A man has been living with over a ton of garbage in his home – on purpose – for the last five years!

A Bucharest man had one ton of garbage in his apartment – literally! It has finally been removed by authorities. After the removal of the rubbish, the building had to be evacuated and disinfected. Says one neighbor, “We just couldn’t bear the smell. I think he’s kept rubbish in there for five years now. Nobody knows why he is collecting that junk. He doesn’t speak to any of us. We had to ask the authorities to intervene.” ***MARLAR: One man’s trash is another man’s… trash.



The most popular resolution for the New Year is to lose weight, according to If you really want to lose weight, don’t diet.

…Diets can make you feel deprived, and that makes you more prone to binge eating — not exactly a good way to shed pounds. Instead of dieting, make small changes in your eating habits. According to NYP Holdings, here are 10 ways to lose 10 pounds:

  • Take three bites less of everything. This will typically shave off 100 calories.

  • Go ahead and order the pizza, but cut out the cheese and meat toppings and choose extra sauce and veggies instead.

  • Watch less television. Previous research has shown that people who watch more than two hours of TV a day tend to be overweight.

  • Instead of oil or butter, use nonstick sprays and pans.

  • When you go to parties, do this simple trick: Don’t look at the buffet table. What you don’t see won’t tempt you.

  • When you’re making homemade goodies, cut the sugar in the recipe by one-third. You’ll never even notice the difference.

  • Hungry? Eat fruit instead of candy. Do this once a day and you’ll save a whopping 100 calories.

  • Thirsty? Drink from a tall, thin glass instead of a short, squat one. It will seem like you’re drinking more.

  • When possible, stand instead of sitting. Fifty minutes of standing actually burns up 100 calories!

  • Cut your portion size the easy way: Use smaller plates and bowls.



  • Gas prices will go up, politicians will call for an investigation into price gouging, and those same politicians will forget about the situation until election time rolls around again.

  • Donald Trump will fire someone.

  • Nothing real will be seen on reality TV.

  • A rap song will come out that sounds just like a lot of other rap songs, and it will be a big hit.

  • A celebrity with an upcoming CD/movie/television project will “accidentally” say something offensive and get a lot of attention.



  • Throw out non-essential numbers; this includes age, weight, height. Let the doctor worry about these – that’s why you pay them.

  • Keep only cheerful friends – grouches pull you down.

  • Keep learning – learn more about computers, crafts, gardening, whatever; never let the brain idle. “An idle mind is the devil’s workshop.” The devil’s name is Alzheimer’s.

  • Enjoy the simple things. Laugh often, long and loud. Laugh until you gasp for breath.

  • Tears happen. Endure, grieve, and move on. The only person who is with us our entire life is ourselves. Be alive while you are alive.

  • Surround yourself with what you love – family, pets, keepsakes, music, plants, hobbies, whatever; your home is your refuge.

  • Cherish your health – if it is good, preserve it. If it is unstable, improve it. If it is beyond what you can improve, get help.

  • Don’t take guilt trips – go to the mall, the next county, a foreign country, but not to guilty country.

  • Tell the people you love, that you love them, at every opportunity.

  • Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.



A New York man proposed to his girlfriend on Christmas Eve in a truly enlightened way.

On Christmas Eve, David Planavsky drove his girlfriend of almost five years, Janice Hopkins, past a storage building he owns. There, on an 800-square-foot frame, 6,300 blinking lights powered by a 5,000-watt generator and linked by 26 extension cords spelled out his message of hope: “Janice will you marry me?” The entire effort cost Planavsky around $350 and took him about 20 hours to hang. “The woman thought I was nuts when I was buying them,” Planavsky said. “I had to think of something big.” She said “yes”, by the way. ***MARLAR: It’s believed to be the first time in history where that many Christmas lights were being used without any of them not working.


All the years of your parents saying “NO” to ice cream for breakfast may have actually stunted your brilliance. A new study by a professor at Kyorin University in Tokyo reveals that eating a certain amount of ice cream immediately after waking up in the morning can actually make you smarter. According to the study, test subjects who indulged in ice cream immediately upon waking up and right before participating in a series of computer exercises had an increased reaction rate and were better able to process information.

If you’ve gained a few pounds lately and can’t figure out why, it’s possible your smartphone is to blame. Smartphone users are the new couch potatoes. Using a smartphone is a lot like watching television in that it can significantly decrease your levels of physical activity and fitness, according to researchers from Kent State University in Kent, Ohio. “Using a cell phone doesn’t have the same kind of negative stigma that sitting on the couch and watching TV has, but it can be just as bad for you,” study co-author Jacob Barkley told HealthDay News. On average, the students participating in the study spent almost five hours a day on their smartphones, including sending hundreds of text messages. Those who spent the most time on their phones — up to 14 hours a day — were less fit than those who averaged about 1.5 hours of use daily. Heavy smartphone users also reported engaging in more sedentary activities, such as watching TV and movies, using a computer and playing video games, than those who used their phones less.  ***If only they made a phone app to fix this problem…

A little disappointed in this years Christmas gifts? It could be worse. Relevant magazine polled their readers for their most disappointing Christmas gifts and the results included expired coupons for a restaurant a thousand miles away, used tooth brushes, out dated condiment packages and burial plots.

The key to longevity isn’t in food, drink or exercise. Happiness is the key to a longer life. That’s the word from researchers at Erasmus University in Rotterdam, the Netherlands, who have concluded that people who are happier live longer — by as much as a decade. “Happiness does not heal, but happiness protects against falling ill,” lead study author Ruut Veenhoven wrote in the Journal of Happiness Studies. It is because of this protective effect that Veenhoven concluded that happiness prolongs life among healthy people. Veenhoven said the effects of happiness on longevity were “comparable to that of smoking or not.”


Are you a thermometer or a thermostat? One reacts to what is around it, the other controls what is around it. Which are you?

A New Year begins THIS SATURDAY NIGHT. At midnight the first baby born and the mother are showered with gifts. ***At 12:01AM the hospital discharges them after their insurance runs out.


Marie Asner has been reviewing films for over 30 years. Her outlets include radio, print and Internet. For more in-depth movie reviews of the following films, visit Ratings from 1 (Low) to 5 (High).

DECEMBER 16, 2016 thru JANUARY 01, 2017…

 Why Him?—James Franco takes on the role of the son-in-law from Hades. Who would want him?  The daughter of Bryan Cranston, that’s who. The daughter is played by Zoey Deutch. Franco has lots of money, but acts and dresses like a scarecrow. “Why Him?” is rated R. No rating.

A Monster Calls—(now opening from an earlier date) A young boy (Lewis MacDougall) finds that his mother is quite ill.  He doesn’t know how to cope and it doesn’t help that his grandmother (Sigourney Weaver) is not a sympathetic person. What to do? Here comes a “monster” in the shape of a large tree (voice of Liam Neeson) to help the boy. “A Monster Calls” is rated PG. Rating of 3 and bring hanky. 

Manchester By The Sea—A story of grief, several times over, loss and trying to cope are all in this film that suits actor Casey Affleck fine. He plays Lee, who suddenly finds himself guardian to a teenage nephew when Lee’s brother (Kyle Chandler) and the boy’s father dies. What to do? Face up to life or keep trudging along. “Manchester By The Sea” is rated R. Rating of 3. Bring hanky.

Neruda—Luis Gnecco stars as the famed Spanish poet who finds his past membership in the early Communist party comes back to haunt him.  Also in the cast are Gael Garcia Bernal, Alfredo Castro and Mercedes Morau. “Neruda” is rated R. Subtitles. No rating.

Passengers—A science fiction film of trying to help humanity…in a big way. Jennifer Lawrence and Chris Pratt star as two people, among many, who are traveling in deep sleep to another planet.  When something awakens the two, they realize something is very wrong and they have to help…and fight. “Passengers” is rated R. Rating of 2 for fans.

Sing—This animated film concerns a singing contest…with animals.  Yes, there is a mother pig (voice of Reese Witherspoon), the theater owner, a koala bear (voice of Matthew McConaughey) and a rockin’ porcupine (Scarlett Johansson). You can imagine what happens during the contest. Also lending their voices are Seth MacFarlane, Tori Kelly, Taron Egerton and Nick Kroll.  “Sing” is rated PG. Rating of 3 for fans.

(Opening moved ahead from an earlier date) The Space Between Us—On a colonization voyage to Mars, it is discovered that one of the female astronauts is pregnant.  This results in the first child, a boy, being born on Mars, but in that atmosphere, gravity, etc. Fast forward to teen years, and the kid (Asa Butterfield) knows about Earth and even has a girl friend, Britt Robertson (Skype) he communes with.  However, something happens and Asa ends up on Earth. “The Space Between Us” is rated PG 13. Rating of 2 for fans.

Gold—Try, just try to recognize Matthew McConaughey in the role of Kenny Wells who goes to Borneo to find gold. You read that right.  His girlfriend, Bryce Dallas Howard, faithfully follows him.  People will do just about anything to get rich in a hurry.  Also in the cast are Edgar Ramirez and Corey Stoll. “Gold” is rated R. Rating of 2 for fans.

Hidden Figures—This is an unusual title for a film and another might have better explained the film’s content.  It is about three black women who are top mathematicians and work to put the first space flights and astronauts into earth orbit and beyond. Prejudice is prevalent here. Stars include Taraji P. Henson, Octavia Spencer and Janelle Monae. “Hidden Figures” is rated PG 13. Rating of 3.

Paterson—Adam Driver (“Star Wars”) is a bus driver whose name is Paterson and he lives in Paterson, N. J. The film concerns a week in his life and how he and his wife (Golshiften Farahani) handle problems. “Paterson” is rated R. No rating.

Jackie—Now opening from an earlier date, Natalie Portman stars as Jackie Kennedy in the few days before the funeral of President Kennedy. Portman takes the role and goes with it to bring you into that era of assassination of a  president and the aftermath in the country and his family. Also in the cast are Peter Sarsgaard and Billy Crudup. “Jackie” is rated R. Rating of 3 for fans. Bring hanky.

Live By Night—Ben Affleck stars and directs this movie about gangsters and their rise to the top in Boston.  Based on a Dennis Lehane novel and set in the 1920’s. There is back-stabbing, love and the rest of crimes included. Also starring in the film are Sienna Miller, Elle Fanning and Zoe Saldana. “Live By Night” is rated R. Rating of 2 for fans.

20th Century Women—Annette Bening shines in this film of three generations of women in the mid-1970’s and how they cope with changing times. The cast includes Elle Fanning (great work), and Greta Gerwig. Wonderful soundtrack, too.  “20th Century Women” is rated R for sexual content. Rating of 2.

A Kind Of Murder—Here is another adaptation of a Patricia Highsmith novel. The film stars Patrick Wilson and Jessica Biel who are not happy in their marriage. Along comes Eddie Marsan, whose wife has passed away and they become friends.  However, suspicion lurks here.  “A Kind Of Murder” is rated R. No rating.

Julieta—This is a Spanish language film directed by Pedro Almodovar. It concerns a mother’s (Emma Svarez)  search for a missing daughter. Also in the cast are Daniel Grao and Adriana Ugarte. “Julieta” is rated R. No rating.

Collateral Beauty—Will Smith plays a man who has suffered a tragedy in his life. His friends worry about him and decide to help, though in unconventional ways. Also in the cast are Helen Mirren and Edward Norton. “Collateral Beauty” is rated PG 13. Rating of 2 for fans.

Fences—The stars of this film, Denzel Washington and Viola Davis, already have Tony’s for their roles in the Broadway version.  Now, Washington stars and directs this film that is set in the middle 1960’s and tells how working class African-Americans cope with problems. August Wilson wrote the play. “Fences” is rated R. Rating of 3 for fans.

The Founder—Ray Kroc made McDonalds a global name with unique marketing. However, the real founders were the McDonald brothers (played by Nick Offerman and John Carroll).  Kroc is played by Michael Keaton. This is a study in how to build a business, ruthless though it may be. “The Founder” is rated R. Rating of 2 for fans.

Rogue One: A Star Wars Story—Felicity Jones is the female lead in this “stand alone” story in the “Star Wars” saga. The story is about when the Death Star was being built and the Rebels were trying to get the plans. Also in the cast are Ben Mendelssohn and Riz Ahmed. Get your light sabers ready. “Rogue One: A Star Wars Story” is rated PG 13. Rating of 3 for fans.

Assassins Creed—This film is yet another adaptation of a game board.  Here, Michael Fassbinder takes on the role of a man in the 15th century Aguilar) and at the same time, in this century (Callum). Those fighting outfits are reminiscent of “The Arrow.” Also in the cast are Marion Cotilliard and Jeremy Irons. “Assassins Creed” is rated R. Rating of 2 for fans.

Note: ”Patriots’s Day” and “Silence” are now set to open the middle of January, 2017.

Happy New Year 2017. – Marie Asner

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