Do We Really Need To Go To Mars?

The astronauts who first landed on the moon aren’t dwelling on their small lunar steps. Instead, two of them are urging mankind to take a giant leap to Mars.  In one of their few joint public appearances, the crew of Apollo 11 spoke on the eve of the 40th anniversary of man’s first landing on the moon, but didn’t get soggy with nostalgia. They instead spoke about the future and the more distant past.  First man on the moon Neil Armstrong only discussed Apollo 11 for about 11 seconds.  Second man on the moon Buzz Aldrin said the best way to honor the Apollo 11 crew would be to follow in their footsteps and aim for Mars. Apollo 11 command module pilot Michael Collins said the moon was not interesting, but Mars is.  ***MARLAR: Why are we talking about Mars when we can’t even keep the toilet on the International Space Station from backing up?

 

Scientists at the University of Saskatchewan, Canada, claim they have found that women sometimes ovulate several times in a single month, which may require the rewriting of medical textbooks and explain why the rhythm method of birth control doesn’t work. ***MARLAR: This should be fun… educating married couples on the importance of abstinence.

 

The head teacher at a school in West Yorkshire, England, has asked parents not to give their children packed lunches because the lunch boxes are a danger to staff. Jean Binns of the Church School says teachers could trip over the lunch boxes because they’re so big, they have to be stored in the hallways. ***MARLAR: You know, if your child eats so much that they have a lunchbox large enough for teachers to trip over, perhaps it’s time to send your kid to school with a can of SlimFast.

 

A runway at New York City’s Kennedy Airport was shut down Wednesday morning after 78 turtles emerged from a nearby bay and crawled onto the tarmac.  The Port Authority of New York and New Jersey says grounds crews rounded up the wayward reptiles in about 35 minutes and deposited them back in the water, farther from airport property.  The shutdown disrupted flight schedules, though, with delays climbing to nearly 1 1/2 hours.  Pilots reported the first turtle sightings at around 8:30 a.m.  The Port Authority identified the turtles as Diamondback terrapins. They appeared to be about 8 inches long and weigh 2 to 3 pounds each.  ***MARLAR: The hard part is getting through airport security with your luggage permanently attached to your back.  (The turtles were at the airport to learn how to travel even more slowly.)

 

A local zoning dispute in Naugatuck (NAW’-gah-tuck), Connecticut, has become, for some, a battle of good versus evil. The owner of a photo store put signs outside her store urging passing motorists to “Beep for Christ.” But then the owner of a neighboring tattoo store put out a sign urging motorists to honk twice for Satan.  Town officials responded by ordering the signs removed.  ***MARLAR: And put up their own signs saying, “Honk if you hate being told to honk.”

 

There are more than 1,000 chemicals in a cup of coffee. Of these, less than 100 have been tested, and approximately 14 chemicals so far have caused cancer in rats.  ***MARLAR: I should be dead by now.

 

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