February 03, 2018: Saturday ONAIRprep

ONAIRprep is a paid subscription service from MarlarHouse.com. Visit ONAIRprep.com for information.

Looking for the customized tag for “Daily Dose of Weird News” for your show or station? Email me directly at darren@marlarhouse.com to get started – it’s free with your ONAIRprep subscription!

**********
PRINT VERSIONS OF TODAY’S PREP:
ODT: 20180203
PDF: 20180203

**********

WELCOME TO THE SHOW!

I was almost late getting to the radio station this morning. I was knocked down in the parking lot and all my cash and credit cards were taken. Boy, when my wife gets it in her head to go shopping…

PRESIDENTIAL WIT & WISDOM (click here to buy the book)

(None on the weekends or holidays.)

BIBLE VERSE OF THE DAY

“For God causes all things to work together for good to those that love Him and are called according to His purpose.” — Romans 8:28

Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. — Ephesians 4:2

Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows. — James 1:17

HEARTLIGHT DAILY VERSE, PRAYER & THOUGHT

(From VerseOfTheDay.com)

Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love. — 1 John 4:8

Thought: An unloving person doesn’t know God. It’s that simple. Enough said.

Prayer: Father, please bless me with a loving heart and a lifestyle that generously shares your love with others. In Jesus’ name I pray. Amen.

The Thoughts and Prayers for Today’s Verse are written by Phil Ware. You can email questions or comments to phil@heartlight.org.

BIRTHDAY VERSE” OF THE DAY (The chapter and verse correspond to the month and day!)

1 John 2:3 NIV = We know that we have come to know him if we keep his commands.

TODAY IS SATURDAY – FEBRUARY 03, 2018

(NOTE: Some holidays may be duplicated due to various calendars reporting conflicting dates)
WEIRD, WACKY, STRANGE, ZANY, ODD, BIZARRE, QUIRKY, UNUSUAL HOLIDAYS!
THERE ARE ONLY
326 SHOPPING DAYS UNTIL NEXT CHRISTMAS.

Today is NATIONAL CARROT CAKE DAY. ***A cake… made with carrots. The absolute worst culinary idea ever conceived, yet somehow it works. How is that possible?

Regardless of what you think about Punxatawney Phil (or Jimmy the Groundhog), today is the HALFWAY POINT OF WINTER.  At 8:41 pm, it will be roughly 44 1/2 days left to go until spring hits on March 20.

Today in Japan is SETSUBUN, when large groups throw beans at temple grounds to drive away imaginary devils. ***I know that devils (demons) are real, and the only defense against them is Jesus Christ… but who on earth ever came up with the idea that powerful beings like demons would be scared senseless at the sight of people throwing beans? (Although the after-affect of eating beans can be terrifying.)

TODAY IS ALSO…

Barber Day (First Saturday)
Four Chaplains Memorial Day
Ice Cream For Breakfast Day (First Saturday)
National Missing Person’s Day
National Women’s Physicians Day
Take Your Child To The Library Day (First Saturday)
The Day The Music Died

COMING UP NEXT (Just a list, we are not endorsing the holidays posted below. Find more holidays and link to their websites at BrownieLocks.com)

SUNDAY, FEBRUARY 04

Facebook’s Birthday
Liberace Day
Medjoola Date Day
Popcorn Day (Super Bowl Sunday is Primary Observance)
Super Bowl 52
Quacker Day
USO Day
World Cancer Day

MONDAY, FEBRUARY 05

Adlai Stevenson Day
Dump Your Significant Jerk Day (First Day of Dump Your Significant Jerk Week)
Move Hollywood & Broadway to Lebanon, PA Day
Shower With A Friend Day
Weatherman’s [Weatherperson’s] Day
Western Monarch Day
World Nutella Day
World Animal Reiki Day

TUESDAY, FEBRUARY 06

Canadian Maple Syrup Day
Lame Duck Day
Safer Internet Day
International Day of Zero Tolerance to Female Genital Mutilation
African American Coaches Day

WEDNESDAY, FEBRUARY 07

Ballet Day
Black HIV/AIDS Awareness Day
“e” Day (math)
Laura Ingalls Wilder Day
National Periodic Table Day
National Signing Day
Wave All Your Fingers At Your Neighbor’s Day

THURSDAY, FEBRUARY 08

Boy Scout Anniversary Day
Dry Bean Day
Laugh and Get Rich Day
National Girls & Women in Sports Day
Opera Day

FRIDAY, FEBRUARY 09

National Bagel Day
National Pizza Day
Read in the Bathtub Day
Toothache Day

SATURDAY, FEBRUARY 10

All The News That’s Fit To Print Day
National Home Warranty Day
Plimsoll Day

SUNDAY, FEBRUARY 11

Autism Sunday
Be Electrific Day
Don’t Cry Over Spilled Milk Day
International Day of Women and Girls in Science
Man Day
Get Out Your Guitar Day
Pro Sports Wives Day
National Inventors Day
National Shut-in Visitation Day
Satisfied Staying Single Day
White Shirt Day or White T-shirt Day
World Day of The Sick
World Marriage Day

MONDAY, FEBRUARY 12

Clean Out Your Computer Day
Darwin Day
Extraterrestrial Culture Day
Extraterrestrial Visitor Day
Lincoln’s Birthday
NAACP Day
Oglethorpe Day
Paul Bunyan Day
Safety Pup Day

ON THIS DAY

1690: The first paper money was printed up in the colony of Massachusetts. ***The pilgrims realized that when they ran out, they could just print up more… and the United States was born!

1881: Belle Starr, a horse thief and friend of Jesse James, was buried in front of her log cabin after being killed by an unknown assailant.

1913: The 16th amendment to our constitution was officially ratified. That allowed the government to collect an income tax. ***This should be a national day of mourning.

1947: The temperature dropped to 83 degrees below zero (Fahrenheit) in Snag in Canada’s Yukon. It’s believed to be the lowest temperature on record in North America.

1950: The Ames Brothers, Ed, Gene, Joe, and Vic, scored their first #1 hit song with “Rag Mop.” Later hits included: “You You You,” “The Man With the Banjo,” “Naughty Lady of Shady Lane,” and “Melody d’Amour.”

1973: The No. 1 Billboard Pop Hit was “Crocodile Rock,” by Elton John. The single was the singer’s first No. 1 song in the United States.

1987: Fearing possible violence, the University of California at San Diego cancelled a planned Beastie Boys concert.

1991: Nick Akers of Edmonton, Alberta, set the world amateur snowshoe racing record by covering one mile in 5 minutes 56.7 seconds.

1991: Actress Nancy Kulp died at age 69. She played Miss Jane Hathaway on “The Beverly Hillbillies.”

1993: Cincinnati Reds’ owner Marge Schott was suspended from participation in major-league baseball for one year for repeated use of racial slurs. She was reinstated after eight months.

1993: Singer Gloria Estefan received the 1,974th star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame.

1995: Air Force Lt. Colonel Eileen Collins became the first woman to pilot the space shuttle Discovery.

1997: Researchers found that bigger babies were less likely to die from heart disease and other illnesses in old age.

1998: Texas executed Karla Faye Tucker, the first woman executed in the U.S. since 1984.

1998: The Rhode Island Ram was ejected after he stopped St. Joseph’s Hawk from flapping by pushing an inner tube over his wings during a basketball game in South Kingston, Rhode Island. The Hawk pushed back. It was the first time the annual shoving match between the two school mascots got a little out of hand.

2002: Six climbers held a dinner party on top of an Argentinean mountain about 21,000 feet above sea level. The climbers wearing evening attire ate smoked mussels, lamb fettuccine and strawberries and ice cream at the summit of Mount Aconcagua. They carried a lightweight table and chairs to the summit before sitting down to dine.

2003: 17-year-old Jamie Wass of Clacton-on-Sea, England, passed his driving test on the second try a week after being carjacked during the first test in the same car. He said he was more nervous the second time.

2006: A 22-year-old from San Jose, California, set a new record at the annual chicken wing-eating contest. Joey Chestnut ate 173 wings to take the title and top prize, a 2006 Suzuki Grand Vitara. The 14th annual Wing Bowl had thousands of beer-drinkers, piles of saucy wings, dozens of scantily clad “Wingettes” – and several sick contestants.

2007: in London, 19-year-old Hayley Davison turned orange after eating nothing but carrots for an entire month. On a bet with fellow students, she ate carrot soup, casseroles, and carrot spread sandwiches. Doctors said turning orange was a harmless condition called carotenemia. (audio clip)

TODAY IN CHRISTIAN HISTORY

865: Anskar, the first archbishop of Hamburg and called the “Apostle of the North,” dies. Missionary to Denmark and Sweden, he converted many, including the King of Jutland.

1468: Johann Gutenberg, who developed a printing press with movable type that helped the Protestant Reformation (by allowing the easy dissemination of reformers’ writings), dies at age 67.

1809: German composer Felix Mendelssohn, a very devout Lutheran, is born in Hamburg. His “Elijah” oratorio is considered second only to Handel’s “Messiah,” and he is responsible for rediscovering Bach, whose music had been forgotten for 80 years.

1864: The Christian Union, composed of Protestant congregations opposed to “political preaching” during the Civil War, is formed in Columbus, Ohio.

HOLLYWOOD, SPORTS AND CELEBRITY FIGURE BIRTHDAYS

  • actress (“NewsRadio”, “ER”, Liar Liar) Maura Tierney 53 (audio clip)
  • actor (“Saturday Night Live”, The Producers, voice of Timba in The Lion King) Nathan Lane 62 (audio clip)
  • actress (“General Hospital”) Morgan Fairchild is 68 (audio clip)

BEE-BOP BIRTHDAYS

(Music Artist Birthdays From SongFacts.com)

1809 : Felix Mendelssohn

1922 : Russell Arms

1928 : Frankie Vaughan

1935 : Johnny “Guitar” Watson

1940 : Angelo D’Aleo (Dion & The Belmonts)

1943 : Dennis Edwards (The Temptations)

1943 : Eric Haydock (The Hollies)

1943 : Shawn Phillips

1945 : Johnny Cymbal

1945 : Derek

1947 : Dave Davies (The Kinks)

1947 : Melanie

1949 : Arthur Kane (New York Dolls)

1956 : Lee Renaldo (Sonic Youth)

1959 : Laurence Tolhurst (The Cure)

1990 : Sean Kingston

SECRETS OF THE UNIVERSE (Answering questions that have plagued mankind for minutes!)

Where did the word “toady” come from?
The word “toady” originally referred to a magician’s assistant who literally ate toads a part of the show. Toads were once thought to be poisonous; when the “toady” recovered from eating one of them it was considered an indication of the magician’s power.

NEWS KICKERS

(None on weekends. Want a customizable version with your specific station tag, FREE? Email me for more information! )

NEW NEWS KICKERS…

(Not posted on weekends and U.S. holidays.)

NEWS KICKER EVERGREENS…

(Not posted on weekends and U.S. holidays.)

(PERENNIAL) With the Super Bowl coming up this weekend, a study by a consulting firm finds that America loses productivity in the days leading up to Super Sunday. Lost wages work out to about $16 million a minute due to activities such as workers chatting about the game, engaging in party planning, organizing betting pools and doing research on big-screen TVs.  ***I’m going to take a wild guess and say Super Bowl Monday is also the #1 day of the year people call in sick with the flu.

AS THE JUNGLE TURNS

(Not updated on weekends and U.S. holidays.)

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD MONDAY’S EPISODE

OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns! Last time, Katie Snuffleson was eating all the candy she wanted in the cloud city of Candyland over Razzleflabbin Island. Unfortunately, she’s eaten a bit too much candy – and now the clouds are slowly losing their grip on her, she’s too heavy, and is beginning to fall from the sky to the ocean below!

CLOSE: Tune in again next time, as FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you another inspiringly inspiring inspirational story in the never-ending deep-jungle soap-opera saga that is As the Jungle Turns!

***You may simulcast “As the Jungle Turns” on the Internet stream of your live broadcast only. Any other Internet use of “As the Jungle Turns” in whole or part including podcasting of your live broadcast is a violation of copyright law. Thank you for your cooperation on this vitally important issue. If you have any questions, please e-mail us and ask about “Jungle Jam & Friends the Radio Show” usage.

MOMENT OF DUH
If you’re going to steal a car, it’s best if you first know how to drive.

An unlicensed 16-year-old from Boston allegedly stole a 2005 Honda Civic and tried to escape from the cops.  Daring and resourceful, to be sure, because it takes a lot of guts, a little skill and practically no brains to steal a car. But our unnamed thief was game.  Officers began searching for the teenager after a man called 911 saying the youth had stolen his car. Actually, the man should get an honorable mention in today’s award because, when our teenager and another young man began heckling him and asking, ”What are you looking at?”, the man got out of his car to confront the youths.  That’s when our teenager entered the vehicle and drove away.  A relatively low speed chase ensued during which our boy brilliantly pulled into a city-owned parking lot full of marked police cars, where he crashed into a marked police tow truck, sending the car spinning and the back bumper flying onto the pavement.  He’s being arraigned on charges of assault and battery, larceny of a motor vehicle, resisting arrest, driving without a license, speeding, failing to stop for a police officer, and driving to endanger.  ***MARLAR: So remember, boys and girls: before you Jack your first car, make sure you get a learner’s permit and valid driver’s license first!

TOP TEN

TOP 10 WAYS YOU KNOW YOUR A MOM (audio clip)

10. You automatically double-knot everything you tie.

9. You find yourself humming the Barney song as you do the dishes.

8. You hear a baby cry in the grocery store, and you start to gently sway back and forth, back and forth. However, your children are at school!

7. You can never go to the bathroom alone without someone screaming outside the door.

6. You actually start to like the smell of strained carrots mixed with applesauce.

5. You weep through the scene in Dumbo when his mom is taken away, not to mention what Bambi does to you.

4. You actually start understanding the Klingon language.

3. You get so into crafts you contemplate writing a book called 101 Fun Crafts to do with Dryer Lint and Eggshells.

2. You spend a half hour searching for your sunglasses only to have your teenager say, “Mom, why don’t you wear the ones you pushed up on your head?”

1. You are out for a nice romantic meal with your husband, enjoying some real adult conversation, when suddenly you realize that you’ve reached over and started to cut up his steak!

THE FILES OF LAW & DISORDER

Everyone wants to make a buck off the Super Bowl…

FILE #1: …That includes a Detroit man who planned to make a killing by selling counterfeit T-shirts. The man went to New York and paid $1,200 for the fake merchandise. He then decided it would be quicker to return to Detroit via Canada. However, a couple of things the man didn’t factor in were the extra time spent waiting while border guards searched his vehicle and the extra time spent in jail for having counterfeit merchandise.

FILE #2: It’s a getaway that didn’t go as planned. Police in Cape Coral, Florida, are looking for a shoplifter who was run over by her getaway car — twice. Authorities say a T.J. Maxx security guard saw a woman stuff six designer purses in her pants and walk out of the store. The guard tells police she was confronting the suspect when a car pulled up. The suspect tried to get into the car, but was run over. The guard tells police the woman was run over again when she tried to jump on the hood. She finally made it into the getaway car. Police tell the The News-Press they have the car’s license plate number and a check dropped by the shoplifting suspect.

FILE #3: If you’re going to rob a bank, make sure you’re actually in a bank. Police in Nicholasville, Kentucky, report a man with a gun tried to stick-up what he thought was a bank. The building once was a bank but is now the office of the local water utility. City police spokesman Scott Harvey tells the Lexington Herald-Leader the office doesn’t have anything worth stealing. When an employee told the gunman there wasn’t any money, he replied, “I know you have money. It’s a bank.” When told it’s no longer a bank, the confused crook left with nothing.

STRANGE LAW: In New Hampshire, it is illegal to check into a hotel under an assumed name.

THIS IS YOUR BRAIN ON DRUGS

This Is Your Brain On Drugs” is about people doing dumb things under the influence, but addiction is no laughing matter. If you or someone you know needs help, there’s a toll free number you can call 1-800-438-0380. That’s the Addiction Hope and Help Line at 1-800-438-0380.

Three Colorado men who thought they were doing a good deed almost landed themselves in jail…

…The trio was driving along a highway on the evening of January 26, when they spotted an injured animal in the middle of the road. The three men decided to rescue the animal so that it wouldn’t be hit by another car, and take it to a 24-hour veterinary clinic. They then stopped in the next town and flagged down a Boulder County sheriff’s deputy who took one look at the animal and told them they had picked up an injured mountain lion. The deputy then told the men that he smelled marijuana in their Jeep and one of the men suggested it was because the cat had relieved herself in the back of the vehicle. The deputy didn’t buy it, telling the men “mountain lions don’t smoke.”

PHONER PHUN

What TV shows did you grow up with that you think would make a great movie?

If you were a superhero, what would your magical/super power be? And what would your superhero name be?

BIBLE BRAIN BUSTER!

QUESTION: Jacob fathered many children, the eldest being Rueben. Who was his second son?

ANSWER: Simeon (Genesis 29:33)

QUESTION IMPOSSIBLE

QUESTION: The average person does this 1,811 times during their lifetime.

ANSWER: Goes to McDonald’s

TRUE OR FALSE

Pay attention! If our next player doesn’t answer all ten T/F questions correctly we start all over from question #1! First person to answer question #10 correctly is our winner!

1. The Angel Falls in Venezuela are larger than Niagara Falls. (True… 20 times larger!)

2. The hardest thing in the human body is muscle tendons. (False… it’s tooth enamel)

3. In Hanford, California, it’s ILLEAGAL to keep a kid from jumping into mud puddles. (True! Illegal? It’s impossible!!)

4. There is one credit cards for every person in the United States. (False… there is at least TWO for each person)

5. A ‘jiffy’ is an actual unit of time. (True…it’s 1/100th of a second)

6. Peanut butter was originally invented to hold dentures in place. (False)

7. When Jesus said it is better to give than receive, it can be found in three of the four gospels. (False… actually, Paul said that Jesus said it in one of his letters)

8. If you mix mayonaise with motor oil it will catch on fire. (False)

9. In every episode of Seinfeld there is a Superman somewhere. (True)

10. The Average life span of a major league baseball is just 7 pitches. (True)

TABLOID MATCH GAME

You have to match the blank in the tabloid headline with the word or phrase that has been removed!

VLADIMIR PUTIN WORSHIPPED AS ________ (SAINT)

BOLSHAYA YELNIA  – An  all-female religious sect believe that Vladimir Putin is the reincarnation of St. Paul the Apostle.

The religious sect of the Russian Orthodox church  consists entirely of women, who meet in a small three story brick building in Bolshaya Yelnia, a small town near the Volga River.

Vladimir Putin has become the ultimate object of veneration for the sect whose members believe the premier is the reincarnation of St. Paul the Apostle.

THE WAY TOO EARLY IN THE MORNING TO UNDERSTAND THE PUNCHLINE EVEN AFTER TWO CUPS OF COFFEE JOKE OF THE DAY 

JOKE #1

A concrete-truck driver moved to Texas and bought a donkey from an old farmer for $100.

The farmer agreed to deliver the donkey the next day.

The next day, the farmer drove up and said, “Sorry, but I have some bad news. The donkey died.”

“Well, then, just give me my money back.”

“Can’t do that. I went and spent it already.”

“OK, then. Just unload the donkey.”

“What ya gonna do with him?”

“I’m going to raffle him off.”

“You can’t raffle off a dead donkey!”

“Sure I can. Watch me. I just won’t tell anybody he’s dead.”

A month later the farmer met up with the driver and asked, “What happened with that dead donkey?”

“I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at two dollars apiece and made a profit of $898.”

“Didn’t anyone complain?”

“Just the guy who won … So I gave him his two dollars back.”

JOKE #2

Noah opens up the ark and lets all the animals out, telling them to “Go forth and multiply.”

He’s closing the great doors of the ark when he notices that there are two snakes sitting in a dark corner.

So he says to them, “Didn’t you hear me? You can go now. Go forth and multiply.”

“We can’t,” said the snakes, “We’re adders.”

JOKE #3

A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, he said, “Now, students, if I stood on my head, the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red in the face.”

“Yes, sir,” the class said.

“Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position, the blood doesn’t run into my feet?”

A little fellow in the back shouted, “‘Cause yer feet ain’t empty.”

USELESS FACTS

Most Americans misquote Lincoln’s Gettysburg Address, believing for some reason that he said “Fourscore and seven years ago our forefathers brought forth…” He actually said “fathers,” not “forefathers.”  ***What a relief! Through all my childhood years it had me so confused. Who the heck has four fathers?

A researcher in Norway is feeding prisoners a diet heavy on fish to see if it reduces crime.  ***He may be on to something.  Commit another crime and you will be sent back to the place where you get nothing to eat but fish.

A study in the New England Journal of Medicine found that having overweight friends and relatives increases your risk of obesity.  Having an overweight friend, sibling or spouse may make you feel less heavy in comparison, so you aren’t as conscious about eating more or exercising less.  ***The moral of the story?  Don’t consider me your friend.

FEATURED FUNNIES

WHAT DON’T YOU HAVE

An elderly man went to the doctor for a visit. “Doc,” he says,” I am so stricken. I have chest pains, headaches, back pains, nausea, arthritis, constipation, stomach cramps, earaches, burning in the eyes, congested lungs…..”
“Sir,” says the doctor,” you complain you have so many things…what DON’T you have?”
The man answers, “Teeth.”

IT MUST BE TRUE BECAUSE I HEARD IT ON THE RADIO!

THAT LITTLE “A” WITH A CIRCLE CURLING AROUND IT (Source: Wikipedia.com)

What do you call the @ (at) symbol used in e-mail addresses?  Surprisingly, there is no official, universal name for this sign. There are dozens of strange terms to describe the symbol, though.  Several languages use words that associate the shape of the symbol with some type of animal. For instance, some names for the @ symbol include:

PAPAKI ….. Greek for “little duck”

KUKAC ….. Hungarian for “worm”

SNABEL ….. Danish for “elephant’s trunk”

SOBACHKA ….. Russian for “little dog”

GRISEHALE ….. Norwegian for “pig’s tail”

APENSTAARTJE ….. Dutch for “monkey’s tail”

KISSANHNTA ….. Finnish for “cat’s tail”

DALPHAENGI ….. Korean for “snail”

KLAMMERAFFE ….. German for “hanging monkey”

INSPIRATIONAL INSPIRATION

GRACE

The boy stood with back arched, head cocked back and hands clenched defiantly. “Go ahead, give it to me.”

The principal looked down at the young rebel. “How many times have you been here?”

The child sneered rebelliously, “Apparently not enough.”

The principal gave the boy a strange look. “And you have been punished each time have you not?”

“Yeah, I been punished, if that’s what you want to call it.” He threw out his small chest,

“Go ahead I can take whatever you dish out. I always have.”

“And no thought of your punishment enters your head the next time you decide to break the rules does it?”

“Nope, I do whatever I want to do. Ain’t nothin’ you people gonna do to stop me either.”

The principal looked over at the teacher who stood nearby. “What did he do this time?”

“Fighting. He took little Tommy and shoved his face into the sandbox.”

The principal turned to look at the boy, “Why? What did little Tommy do to you?”

“Nothin, I didn’t like the way he was lookin’ at me, just like I don’t like the way your lookin’ at me! And if I thought I could do it, I’d shove your face into something.”

The teacher stiffened and started to rise but a quick look from the principal stopped him. He contemplated the child for a moment and then quietly said, “Today my young student, is the day you learn about grace.”

“Grace? Isn’t that what you old people do before you sit down to eat? I don’t need none of your stinkin’ grace.”

“Oh but you do.” The principal studied the young mans face and whispered. “Oh yes, you truly do…” The boy continued to glare as the principal continued, “Grace, in its short definition is unmerited favor. You can not earn it, it is a gift and is always freely given. It means that you will not be getting what you so richly deserve.”

The boy looked puzzled. “Your not gonna whup me? You just gonna let me walk?”

The principal looked down at the unyielding child. “Yes, I am going to let you walk.”

The boy studied the face of the principal, “No punishment at all? Even though I socked Tommy and shoved his face into the sandbox?”

“Oh, there has to be punishment. What you did was wrong and there are always consequences to our actions. There will be punishment. Grace is not an excuse for doing wrong.”

“I knew it,” Sneered the boy as he held out his hands. “Lets get on with it.”

The principal nodded toward the teacher. “Bring me the belt.” The teacher presented the belt to the principal. He carefully folded it in two and then handed it back to the teacher. He looked at the child and said. “I want you to count the blows.”

He slid out from behind his desk and walked over to stand directly in front of the young man. He gently reached out and folded the child’s outstretched, expectant hands together and then turned to face the teacher with his own hands outstretched.

One quiet word came forth from his mouth. “Begin.” The belt whipped down on the outstretched hands of the principal.

Crack! The young man jumped ten feet in the air. Shock registered across his face, “One” he whispered. Crack! “Two.” His voice raised an octave. Crack! “Three…” He couldn’t believe this. Crack! “Four.” Big tears welled up in the eyes of the rebel. “OK stop! That’s enough. Stop!” Crack! Came the belt down on the callused hands of the principal.

Crack! The child flinched with each blow, tears beginning to stream down his face. Crack! Crack! “No please”, the former rebel begged, “Stop, I did it, I’m the one who deserves it. Stop! Please. Stop…” Still the blows came, Crack! Crack! One after another.

Finally it was over.

The principal stood with sweat glistening across his forehead and beads trickling down his face. Slowly he knelt down. He studied the young man for a second and then his swollen hands reached out to cradle the face of the weeping child.

“Grace…”

DRIVE TIME DEVOTIONAL

STEADFAST SERVICE

Read: Acts 20:23-24

Be steadfast, immovable… knowing that your labor is not in vain in the Lord. –1 Corinthians 15:58

How do we react to tragic events? When upsetting experiences come into our personal lives and create an atmosphere of darkness and gloom, how do we respond? We may tend to panic or lose heart. A man named Abraham Davenport can teach us a lesson in steadfastness.

On May 19, 1780, a mysterious phenomenon took place. Thick darkness (perhaps caused by smoke from forest fires combined with dense fog) covered areas of New England. Filled with fear, many people thought the world was coming to an end.

The Connecticut legislature was meeting that day, and many members were urging adjournment. Abraham Davenport, however, proclaimed to his colleagues, “I am against adjournment. The day of judgment is either approaching or it is not. If it is not, there is no cause for an adjournment; if it is, I choose to be found doing my duty. I wish therefore that candles may be brought.”

The apostle Paul had a similar determination. Even though he had faced severe hardship and opposition, and he was hearing gloomy news about his future, he was determined to “finish [his] race with joy” (Acts 20:24).

Let us, then, with soul-quieting confidence in our Lord, remain steadfast in serving Him all our days. —Vernon Grounds

We have an anchor that keeps the soul
Steadfast and sure while the billows roll,
Fastened to the Rock which cannot move,
Grounded firm and deep in the Savior’s love. —Owens

To survive the storms of life, be anchored to the Rock of Ages.

LEFTOVERS

PLEASE FORGIVE (from CNN.com)

When five dozen roses didn’t work, a Jacksonville, Florida man took out a full-page newspaper ad to ask his wife for forgiveness.

The ad in the Florida Times-Union said, “Please believe the words in my letter, they are true and from my heart.  I can only hope you will give me the chance to prove my unending love for you. Life without you is empty and meaningless.”  Two weeks ago, Marianne left her husband, Larry (the writer of the ad).  Larry, after failing in other attempts to get his wife to forgive him, decided to buy ad space in the newspaper – $17,000 worth of ad space.  “It was a culmination of things,” says Larry.  “But I am desperately trying to save our marriage.”  Despite his previous attempts, Larry’s wife and family blocked him from entering her parents’ gated community (where she’s currently staying) and she changed her cell phone number so he can’t contact her.  A relative told him that Marianne saw the advertisement, and it did have an impact.  “She said my wife read the ad and started crying. But so far I’ve had no response from her,” Larry said.  Other people (the readers of the newspaper) were also affected… and they’re wanting to know now from the newspaper how things are working out between the couple.  All the Florida Times-Union can answer is, “We are pulling for him.”

LIFE… LIVE IT

Can’t sleep at night?  You might be able to blame it on your annoying co-workers!

Don’t blame the long hours at work, the night shift or the bad pay for keeping you up at night, according to a recent study. If you’re one of the nearly 70 million Americans losing sleep each night, the real culprit is probably that weird guy in the next cubicle who won’t stop whistling the theme from Bonanza. Researchers at the University of Michigan discovered that stressful interactions with co-workers or bosses are more likely to cause insomnia than other work issues. Subjects in the study who frequently felt upset or hassled or had ongoing conflicts with other employees or supervisors were nearly twice as likely to have trouble sleeping. “For many workers, psychological stress has replaced physical hazards,” explains university of Michigan sociologist Sara Burgard. “Physical strain at work tends to create physical fatigue and leads to restorative sleep, but psychological strain has the opposite effect, making it more difficult for people to sleep.” (National Examiner)

JUST FOR FUN

DOG DAYS OF SUMMER

Are your electric bills a little higher than what you think they should be? It could be because of your dog!

Is it global warming that’s causing those increased energy bills?  Maybe, maybe not.  But if you have a dog, that could be a contributing factor! Thousands of customers in Detroit have been sent the wrong electricity bills because the meter reader is scared of dogs. Instead of going to the back yard and reading the meter, if he saw any sign that you might have a dog, the power company employee ‘guesstimated’ the power usage of the home. He thought he was safe by averaging previous bills from those houses, but his plan failed miserably, and he’s been fired. One man got a $608 bill for one month alone, when normally he paid $40. His apartment had a ‘Beware of the dog’ sign.

FUN LIST

SIGNS YOU’RE IN A BAD HOTEL

  • Their slogan is “If we had lights, we’d leave them on for ya.”
  • Sign in lobby… Feeding of roaches is strictly forbidden.
  • Checkout time.. 3AM
  • That’s not a skylight, it’s just a hole in the roof.
  • It’s Salmonella Saturday in the restaurant.
  • If you call the front desk and ask for a wakeup call, they send up a rooster.
  • The lifeguard can’t swim.
  • AAA gives it minus three stars.

MORE SHOW PREP STUFF…

DON’T BE TOO SURE HE WON’T DO IT AGAIN!

Convicted bank robber James Franklin Johnson was left paralyzed from the waist down after a police chase. In court, he received only a year of jail time because the judge considered it unlikely that he could ever commit another crime in his paralyzed condition. ***MARLAR: Why wouldn’t he?  Imagine the great parking spots he could get for his getaway vehicle!

OTHER STUFF I WANT TO CRAM INTO TODAY’S PREP

(Not posted on weekends and U.S. holidays.)

SOUL-GLO

(Feel-good stories! Only posted as new stories come available. Not posted on weekends and U.S. holidays.)

TOTALLY OUTRAGEOUS!

(Only posted as stories come available. Not posted on weekends and U.S. holidays.)

AND I LEAVE YOU WITH THIS THOUGHT

I’ve been in radio a very long time. Maybe too long. I was remembering my wedding day recently. When the preacher said, “You may kiss the bride,” I tried to go to a commercial.

THE TICKET Movie Reviews with MARIE ASNER

Marie Asner has been reviewing films for over 35 years. Her outlets include radio, print and Internet. For more in-depth movie reviews of the following films, visit www.Tollbooth.org. Ratings from 1 (Low) to 5 (High).

FEBRUARY 02, 2018…

Winchester—This western stars Helen Mirren in an unusual role as the heir to the Winchester rifle fortune. This money doesn’t rest easy on her and she starts to believe she is being haunted by the people who were killed by these rifles. Hmm. Also in the cast is Jason Clarke. “Winchester” is rated R. No rating.

Scorched Earth—Sean Bean was originally set to star in this film, but then it was re-written to have a woman in the lead, Gina Carena, known here as Atticus Page.. It is science fiction set in a world after a great war and there are bounty hunters. Also in the cast are John Hannah, Stephanie Bennett and Patrick Gilmore. “Scorched Earth” is rated R. No rating.

FEBRUARY 09, 2018…

50 Shades Freed has Jamie Doman and Dakota Johnson back reprising their roles in this Adult Film.  Rated R.

Peter Rabbit is an animated film about a favorite bunny with voices of Daisy Ridley and Margot Robbie.

Monster Family is another  animated film for this week about a mother and daughter who run into problems. Voice of Emily Watson.

*Check the website of Phantom Tollbooth at www.tollbooth.org for Oscar Picks. Academy Awards are the evening of Sunday, March 4, 2018.

# # # # #

WARNING: Don’t believe anything you read on the Internet or email (including stuff you read here) unless you can confirm it with another source, and/or it is consistent with what you already know to be true. The opinions in this publication are not necessarily those of Darren Marlar, Marlar House Productions, or any company or organization affiliated with aforementioned. (Regardless of how stupid you may think those opinions are. So there – nyah!)

Darren Marlar credits all non-original material to the author whenever possible. All other material is original, used with permission, or author unknown. We welcome all comments, questions, and suggestions. Darren can be reached via his website at www.DarrenMarlar.com.