February 04, 2016: Thursday ONAIRprep

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PRINTER FRIENDLY VERSION: 20160204

 

 

WELCOME TO THE SHOW!

Welcome to (THE JOCK SHOW); if we experience a sudden decompression–an oxygen mask will drop down from your radio.

 

 

BIBLE VERSE OF THE DAY

Praise God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. God is so good, and by raising Jesus from death, he has given us new life and a hope that lives on.  –I Peter 1:3

 

As it is written: “No eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind has conceived what God has prepared for those who love him. — 1 Corinthians 2:9

 

God looks down from heaven on the sons of men to see if there are any who understand, any who seek God. — Psalm 53:2

 

 

HEARTLIGHT DAILY VERSE, PRAYER & THOUGHT

(From VerseOfTheDay.com)

Learn to do right! Seek justice, encourage the oppressed. Defend the cause of the fatherless, plead the case of the widow. — Isaiah 1:17

 

Thought: “A man’s got to take care of himself!” Yeah, we do have to be responsible folks. But, part of being responsible, part of being blessed — at least as God sees it — is to care for others, to stick up for the disadvantaged, and to intervene when someone else is being exploited. After all, we are our “brother’s and sister’s keeper!”

 

Prayer: Remove the heart of selfishness, O God, that keeps me from caring for the downtrodden, abused, forgotten, and broken. Give me your eyes of concern and Jesus’ heart of compassion to see them and minister to them. In his name, the Lord Jesus Christ, I pray. Amen.

 

The Thoughts and Prayers for Today’s Verse are written by Phil Ware. You can email questions or comments to phil@heartlight.org.

 

 

BIRTHDAY VERSE” OF THE DAY

The chapter and verse corresponds to the month and the day!

Philippians 2:4 NIV = not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.

 

 

TODAY IS THURSDAY – FEBRUARY 04, 2016

(NOTE: Some holidays may be duplicated due to various calendars reporting conflicting dates)
WEIRD, WACKY, STRANGE, ZANY, ODD, BIZARRE, QUIRKY, UNUSUAL HOLIDAYS!
THERE ARE ONLY 326 SHOPPING DAYS UNTIL CHRISTMAS.   

 

Today is HOMEMADE SOUP DAY.  *** The only thing I can make at home are grilled cheese sandwiches or frozen pizzas, and it’s next to impossible to eat pizza out of a soup bowl.

 

Today is NATIONAL STUFFED MUSHROOM DAY.  *** Get creative – stuff it with homemade soup!

 

Today is NATIONAL THANK A MAILPERSON DAY.  *** Make an offering of mushrooms stuffed with pizza and soup.

 

Today is NO ONE TO BLAME DAY.  In 1789 George Washington was elected the first president of the United States.  *** I think George Washington probably had the toughest presidency of anyone – because when he took office, there was no one before him to blame.

 

 

TODAY IS ALSO. . .

Facebook’s Birthday (give them a poke!)

Liberace day

Quacker Day

USO Day

World Cancer Day

 

 

COMING UP NEXT

FRIDAY, FEBRUARY 05

Adlai Stevenson Day

Move Hollywood and Broadway to Lebanon, PA Day

Shower With a Friend Day (***They’d better be a reeeeeally good friend!)

Weatherperson’s Day

Western Monarch Day

World Nutella Day

National Doodle Day

Bubble Gum Day

Cordova Ice Worm Day

Give Kids a Smile Day

Wear Red Day

Working Naked Day (***I’m on the radio, so you’d never know… and no, I’m not going to tell you.)

 

SATURDAY, FEBRUARY 06

Canadian Maple Syrup Day

Lame Duck Day

Girl Scout Cookie Day

International Day of Zero Tolerance to Female Genital Mutilation

Ice Cream For Breakfast Day

Take Your Child to the Library Day

 

SUNDAY, FEBRUARY 07

Dump Your Significant Jerk Day

“e” Day

Ballet Day

National Periodic Table Day

Popcorn Day

Super Bowl 50

Wave All Your Fingers At Your Neighbors Day

Man Day

 

MONDAY, FEBRUARY 08

Boy Scout Anniversary

Laugh And Get Rich Day

Chinese New Year

Opera Day

 

TUESDAY, FEBRUARY 09

Mardi Gras

National Stop Bullying Day

National Pizza Day

Paczki Day

Read in the Bathtub Day

Safer Internet Day

Toothache Day

Extraterrestrial Culture Day

Extraterrestrial Visitor Day

International Pancake Day

 

WEDNESDAY, FEBRUARY 10

Plimsoll Day

All The News That’s Fit To Print Day

 

THURSDAY, FEBRUARY 11

Be Electrific Day

Don’t Cry Over Spilled Milk Day

Get Out Your Guitar Day

Make a Friend Day

Pro Sports Wives Day

National Shut-In Visitation Day

Satisfied Staying Single Day

White Shirt Day (White T-shirt Day)

World Day of the Sick

 

 

ON THIS DAY

1861: The Apache Wars began at Apache Pass, Arizona, when army lieutenant George Bascom arrested Apache chief Cochise for allegedly raiding a ranch. Cochise escaped and declared war, which lasted 25 years.

 

1873: Methodist evangelist and composer George Bennard was born. Of some 300 gospel songs, his biggest hit was “The Old Rugged Cross.”

 

1938: Walt Disney released the classic children’s movie “Snow White & The Seven Dwarfs.” (audio clip)

 

1969: John Madden was named head coach of the NFL Oakland Raiders.

 

1974: Newspaper heiress Patricia Hearst was kidnapped in Berkeley, California, by the so-called Symbionese Liberation Army.

 

1977: Dick Clark’s “American Bandstand” celebrated its 25th anniversary with a TV special that included “Roll Over Beethoven” played by a jamming Chuck Berry, Gregg Allman, Junior Walker, Johnny Rivers, Seals & Crofts, the Pointer Sisters, Charlie Daniels, Les McCann, Donald Byrd, Chuck Mangione, Doc Severenson, and Booker T and the MGs.

 

1980: The CBS soap opera “The Young & The Restless” expanded from a half-hour to a full hour each weekday.

 

1983: Singer Karen Carpenter died at the age of 32.

 

1990: Seattle police said a 68-year-old woman arrested for shoplifting cigarettes blamed the episode on Judge Wapner. She said she heard the judge tell talk show host Pat Sajak that “everybody steals, at least once in their life.”

 

1997: A civil jury found O.J. Simpson liable for the deaths of his ex-wife, Nicole Brown Simpson, and her friend Ronald Goldman. He had been acquitted in criminal court.

 

1998: The SPCA opened a $7-million state-of-the-art animal shelter in San Francisco with color TV in every room, unlimited tennis balls, and regular peer group sessions “with lots of hugs.” Officials couldn’t decide which was more luxurious, Lassie Lane or the Cat Rotunda.

 

1998: Microsoft Chairman Bill Gates was hit in the face with a pie in Brussels.

 

2002: The Guinness Book of World Records officially recognized B.D. Tyagi of Bhopal, India, for having the world’s longest ear hair. The hair sprouting from the center of Tyagi’s outer ear measured 4.015 inches (10.2cm).

 

2003: Lawmakers dissolved Yugoslavia and replaced it with a loose union of its remaining two republics, Serbia and Montenegro.

 

2006: Nearly 100 people were killed and more than 250 injured in a stampede at a Philippine stadium where thousands were on hand for a popular game show.

 

 

TODAY IN CHRISTIAN HISTORY

856: Rabanus Maurus, a theologian and educator mentored by Alcuin, dies at age 80. His “retirement” from school administration at age 66 was followed by a career as archbishop of Mainz, Germany.

 

1555: John Rogers was bound to a stake at Smithfield, England, and burned to death. Among the onlookers who encouraged him were his own children. What monstrous crime had earned him this cruel death? He had renounced Catholicism and embraced the Protestant faith.  At the stake, Rogers was offered a pardon if only he would recant his beliefs and return to the Catholic church. He refused. The fire was lit and Rogers washed his hands in the flames as though he did not feel them. He was the first of many such martyrs.

 

1787: Bishop White of Pennsylvania is consecrated in the apostolic succession of the Church of England for the United States, allowing the US church to function independently of the parent body. The churches became known as Episcopalian.

 

1874: During a night of praise and prayer, Frances Havergal writes the hymn “Take my life and let it be.”

 

1885: The Cambridge Seven, young men of the upper class, publicly testify to God’s work in their lives, stirring people world wide to follow Christ.

 

1906: Lutheran pastor and theologian Dietrich Bonhoeffer is born in Breslau, Germany. Author of The Cost of Discipleship (1937) and Letters from Prison (1944), he opposed the Nazis as one of Germany’s Confessing Church leaders. Believing that Hitler was like a madman “driving a car into a group of innocent bystanders,” he joined a plot to kill him, but the plot was discovered and Bonhoeffer was arrested and eventually hanged; just days before Allied troops liberated the concentration camp where he was held

 

1968: Thirty-four Christian and Missionary Alliance missionaries are rescued by U.S. forces in Vietnam after their station at Dalat is overrun by the Viet Cong during the Tet offensive.

 

 

HOLLYWOOD, SPORTS AND CELEBRITY FIGURE BIRTHDAYS

  • Actress (several single-episode roles, particularly in the various “Law & Order” shows) Lisa Eichhorn 64
  • actor (“Houston Nights”, The Warriors) Michael Beck 66
  • former Vice-President Dan Quayle is 68

 

 

BEE-BOP BIRTHDAYS

(Music Artist Birthdays From SongFacts.com)

1900 : Jacques Prévert

1941 : John Steel (The Animals)

1944 : Florence LaRue (The 5th Dimension)

1948 : Alice Cooper (born Vincent Furnier)

1951 : Phil Ehart (Kansas)

1952 : Jerry Shirley (Humble Pie)

1962 : Clint Black

1975 : Rick Burch (Jimmy Eat World)

1975 : Natalie Imbruglia

1976 : Cam’ron

 

 

SECRETS OF THE UNIVERSE

Just how poisonous is a poisonous mushroom?

It’s amazing that we eat mushrooms all over the world… we eat them stuffed, fried, baked, with steak, on pizza, they’re everywhere… and yet many mushrooms are poisonous! But really, just how poisonous is a poisonous mushroom? Should we even be worried? Well, the fungus fatality rate from those unfortunate enough to eat the Amanita phalloides is about 50 percent. In other words, 2 out of 4 people that eat the deadliest of mushrooms will die. However, that rises to approximately 75 percent if you eat it in spaghetti sauce accompanied by my aunt Fran’s meatballs.  (Source: THE HANDY SCIENCE ANSWER BOOK, by the Carnegie Library of Pittsburgh)

 

 

CHRISTIAN ARTIST NEWS

Do you like the Christian Artist News you see below? It’s just a tiny sample of the 5-6 pages of material you could be receive every weekday… and it’s FREE!  Become one of their subscribers at ChristianRadioShowPrepServices.com!

 

Natalie Grant held a launch party this week but it wasn’t for a new CD. Natalie and her daughters held a book signing and reading in Nashville for Natalie’s new Glimmer Girls book series. The first two books are titled London Art Chase and A Dolphin Wish. They are written for pre-teen girls.

http://www.faithgirlz.com/glimmer-girls-launch-party/

 

Jamie Grace is recovering from the flu this week but it doesn’t seem to have slowed her down. After Anthem Lights broke the news that they were just days away from introducing a new member to the band, Jamie jokingly told her fans on twitter that it was her.

https://twitter.com/sgshemaiah/status/694612862157721600

 

Third Day has two songs featured in an upcoming new movie. Band members announced this week that you can see them perform both “Soul on Fire” and “Your Words” in the movie Miracles from Heaven. The movie is scheduled to be in theaters on March 16. It’s based on the true story and memoir of Christy Beam. Watch the trailer…

http://themoviescreener.com/miracles/watchtrailer

 

NeedtoBreath’s song “Brother” was featured on the show the “Biggest Loser” earlier this week. Twin brothers were sent home for a temptation challenge and the NeedtoBreathe song was played as the brothers traveled home.

 

Paul Baloche says his guitars got extra special treatment this week. The long time worship leader posted: Thank you United Airlines for giving our guitars their own seat, for free. Very kind.

http://twitter.com/paulbaloche/status/694226597176438784/photo/1

 

Hawk Nelson’s Jon Steingard is on the move. Last week he shared a short tour of the house he and his wife had just purchased. Now it’s official. Earlier this week Jon posted: Waking up on our last day as residents of Los Angeles – it’s been amazing but we headed to San Diego!

 

Baby month has arrived. Jodi, from Love and the Outcome, posted this week that the month scheduled for her baby boy’s birth is finally here. Jodi says she also has a new trick. She’s found that her baby bump makes an excellent spot for setting her beverage of choice.

http://twitter.com/loveandoutcome/status/694280062028386309/photo/1

 

Matt Maher is taking some time off for an important event. After a recent concert Matt posted: And that’s a wrap! Off to Nashville – let Baby watch 2016 begin.

 

Third Day’s Mac Powell would appreciate your prayers. He tweeted this week: Feeling a little under the weather and leaving for India and Thailand on Friday. Would appreciate prayers-for the sickness and the trip.

 

A suggestion from Shane and Shane for keeping your dip warm for the big game this Sunday. The Shanes shared a picture of some Tostitos queso warming in the coffee pot of a four cup coffee maker.

http://twitter.com/shaneandshane/status/693956942058786816/photo/1

 

 

NEWS KICKERS

(No news on the weekends.  Audio clips are only valid for a few days before being removed from our servers.)

 

NEW NEWS KICKERS…

Do you wonder what the skies are going to be like once everyone is using drones?  Well, police in the Netherlands are experimenting with an innovative way to deal with rogue drones.  Police say they are “investigating the possibility” of using eagles to “prevent unwanted drone use.” They are training the eagles to grab the drones in mid-flight. They say the main concern at this point is the safety of the eagles talons as they are hit with the props as they grab the drone.  ***Sounds like the next business opportunity is armor for large birds.  http://on.mash.to/1PuvAAz

 

Super Bowl 50 has drawn a new record for ad rates, with each 30-second spot going for $5 million. To put that in perspective, that’s $170,000 per second, a lot of cash just to get your attention during a break in the action. So what is it actually worth? The web site GoCompare.com has broken it down. For the same prices as a 30-second ad during the super bowl you could purchase: 2.5 million Snickers bars, 2 million bags of Skittles, 1 million bags of Doritos, 664-thousand Kindle books, 4 million cans of Coke, or 200 Toyota Prius’.  ***They had me at 2.5 million Snickers bars.

http://on.mash.to/1QVelJH

 

Lady Gaga is set to sing the national anthem before the Super Bowl on Sunday.  ***So where does one go to find a Denver Broncos and Carolina Panthers themed meat dress?

 

Amazon is working on plans to open hundreds of brick-and-mortar bookstores. Amazon already has one physical store that opened back in November. According to CNBC, Amazon will attempt to sell books at the same price that they offer online.  ***Doesn’t this feel like a step backwards?  The reason other bookstores like Barnes & Noble closed is because of online bookstores like Amazon – and now Amazon wants to open bookstores that have already been shown to be in decline because of Amazon?  What’s next – will Uber start booking horses and buggies?  (Oh wait… they ARE doing that?  What year is this?)

 

NASA is giving you the chance to explore Mars through a 360 degree interactive photograph. Viewers can maneuver the image, taken on the planet’s Namib Dune, to take a closer look at sand grains, Martian rocks and NASA’s probe itself. The probe first landed on Mars on Aug. 6, 2012. For the last two months, it’s been scooping and sieving sand to investigate active dunes and how the wind moves on the Bagnold Dune Field lining the northwestern flank of the planet’s Mount Sharp.  ***I wouldn’t bother with it though – I spent four hours last night on the site and there was no evidence whatsoever of Matt Damon ever being there.

 

 

NEWS KICKER EVERGREENS…

Swiss scientists have demonstrated how a partially paralyzed person can control a robot by thought alone, a step they hope will one day allow immobile people to interact with their surroundings through so-called avatars.  ***MARLAR: Great, that’s all we need… really tall, blue people walking around.

 

If you think it costs too much to eat your fruits and vegetables, think again. According to a study by the Department of Agriculture, consumers can get their recommended three servings of fruits and four servings of vegetables daily for less than a dollar. ***MARLAR: That assumes you buy them raw at the grocery store. If you’re like most Americans, it’ll cost you at least ten bucks a day to get the same amounts by eating fruit parfaits, Popsicles and pizza.

 

Using data from the Centers From Disease Control, Fargo has been named America’s drunkest city (by Bustle.com).  ***MARLAR: Well – it’s Fargo.  What else is there to do there?

 

More American adults have taken to texting in the past year, but teens still take the crown when it comes to using their phones for text-messaging, with 87 percent of them doing so, according to a new study.  Among adult cell phone users, 72 percent of them now send and receive text messages, up from 65 percent from last year.  Teens also are more voracious texters — 50 messages a day “on average,” in contrast to the “typical 10 text messages sent and received by adults” every day.  ***MARLAR: Texting has also been found to bring families closer together – like at dinnertime.  “OMG thz gbeens r dbomb, tx mom.”

 

 

WONDER WOMAN

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… “Looking For Address”

 

 

DAILY COMEDY CLIP

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… Charles Marshall, “Altoids”

 

 

AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – WEEKDAY VERSION

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD THURSDAY’S EPISODE  
OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns!

Last time, Gruffy Bear was so caught up with his bowling skills during a tournament that he kept canceling his checkers game with Sully.  In fact, he’s even waved it off as unimportant and told Sully to play with Nozzles the Elephant instead… Nozzles the elephant?

 

CLOSE: So Gruffy isn’t on the bowling team anymore… but he told Sully to play checkers with Nozzles the Elephant.  Looks like breaking promises is catching up to Gruffy.  Can he mend his friendship with Sully?  We’ll find out next time, As the Jungle Turns!

 

 

AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – SATURDAY/SUNDAY VERSION

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD THE EPISODE FOR THE WEEKEND OF FEBRUARY 06/07

 

OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns!  Last time, Louis the lion – made king of the jungle by all the rest of the animals – found out that being king is a really big responsibility, and decided he didn’t want to be king any longer.  So now all of the animals are out looking for a new animal to take over the throne – and it’s not going well!

 

CLOSE: Sounds like they’re getting closer to finding a king… at least they’ve found some kingly, uh… stuff.  Tune in again next time for another episode of As the Jungle Turns!

 

***You may simulcast “As the Jungle Turns” on the Internet stream of your live broadcast only. Any other Internet use of “As the Jungle Turns” in whole or part including podcasting of your live broadcast is a violation of copyright law. Thank you for your cooperation on this vitally important issue. If you have any questions, please e-mail us and ask about “Jungle Jam & Friends the Radio Show” usage.

 

 

MOMENT OF DUH

Getting tattoos can be dumb… and sometimes, so are the people that give them!

While we all know the dangers of having the name of a significant other tattooed on your person, another good rule of thumb when opting for body art is finding a tattoo artist who knows how to spell. Sadly, this was a lesson learned the hard way for Britain’s Mallory Draycott. The 18-year-old decided to have the word ‘Addictive’ tattooed on her tummy. However, what Mallory got was the word ‘Additive.’ The tattoo parlor refused to give her a refund so now Mallory plans to have the tattoo altered to read ‘Additive free.’

 

 

TOP TEN

TOP TEN WAYS YOU KNOW SOMETHING IS WRONG

  1. There are so many signs of trouble… How does one keep track of them all?
  2. Your accountant’s letter of resignation is postmarked Panama.
  3. You have to hitchhike to the bank to make your car payment.
  4. Your suggestion box starts ticking.
  5. The simple instructions enclosed aren’t.
  6. You take an assertiveness training course and you’re afraid to tell your wife.
  7. The pest exterminator crawls under your house and never comes out.
  8. Your pacemaker has only a thirty-day guarantee.
  9. You see the cruise captain running toward the railing wearing a life jacket.
  10. They pay your wages out of petty cash.

 

 

THE FILES OF LAW & DISORDER

A used car dealer in California doesn’t need other dealers to give him a bad name – he’s up to the task all on his own.

 

FILE #1: 42-year-old former car salesman Andrew Bamberg decided to fight a $215 ticket for failing to stop at a stop sign in Redwood City, California. Not that anyone would doubt a car salesman’s honesty, but Bramberg submitted photographic evidence to the court that there were no stop signs at the intersection where the alleged infraction took place. But, it turned out that Bramberg presented photos of another intersection and lied about it in court. When the traffic commissioner said she would go to the scene herself to investigate, prosecutors say Bamberg switched the street signs. He now faces up to a year behind bars for perjury.

 

FILE #2: Jennifer Hunt of Sweetwater, Tennessee, was arrested on burglary-related charges after a policeman noticed her lurking around a church parking lot. She claimed she’d just stopped to use the bathroom, but as she started to walk back to her car to get her ID, a crowbar dropped out of her pants and clattered to the pavement.

 

FILE #3: A Newaygo, MI, man was captured and arrested BEFORE he was able to rob a West Michigan Credit Union.  That’s because he had just robbed it a few days earlier and everyone at the credit union recognized him.  So, as he began to enter the building to rob it a second time, employees called the police, who arrested him before he could drive away.

 

STRANGE LAW: The fine for publicly waving a gun in Columbus, MS, is higher than actually shooting said gun.

 

 

THIS IS YOUR BRAIN ON DRUGS

If ever you had a reason to give up alcohol for good, this would seem to be a good reason.

…Apparently, this guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that he’d just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the window. The cinder block bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. Seems the liquor store window was made of Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on videotape.

 

 

PHONER PHUN

Valentine’s Day is right around the corner, and that means the chick flicks are coming out of the video cabinets for a nice romantic evening.  In your opinion, what is THE most romantic movie of all time?

 

 

BIBLE BRAIN BUSTER!

QUESTION: The first judge of Israel was Othniel. Who was the second?

ANSWER: Ehud (Judges 3:15)

 

 

QUESTION IMPOSSIBLE

QUESTION: The average baby will spend 2.2 hours a day doing what?

ANSWER: Crying

 

 

TRUE OR FALSE

Pay attention!  If our next player doesn’t answer all ten T/F questions correctly we start all over from question #1!  First person to answer question #10 correctly is our winner!

 

  1. The human heart weighs less than a pound. (True)

 

  1. There are approximately 25 species of scorpion. (False, there are close to 500 – but only 25 of them are deadly.)

 

  1. The most disliked vegetable by Americans is Brussels sprouts. (True)

 

  1. In Greece, the climate is so warm that many of the cinemas do not even have roofs. (True)

 

  1. In the first century, people used to drink cat milk to sweeten their breath. (False, but they did used to drink goats milk for that purpose.)

 

  1. The Snickers chocolate bar was invented in 1930. (True)

 

  1. The stapler was invented in Spring Valley, Minnesota. (True)

 

  1. Lighthouse keepers were nicknamed “wickies” because they tended the lamps wick. (True)

 

  1. The sea is foggiest on the Grand Banks of Newfoundland where on average, 120 days of the year are foggy. (True)

 

  1. The sport with the most number of officials with relation to players is tennis. (True – there are 13 officials for two players.)

 

 

TABLOID MATCH GAME

You have to match the blank in the tabloid headline with the word or phrase that has been removed!

LIAM NEESON CONVERTS TO _______ ? (ISLAM)

Irish actor, Liam Neeson  has reportedly given up on his Catholic faith and is converting to Islam.

The Hollywood star was recently filming in Turkish city Istanbul and became fascinated with the Muslim faith during his stay.

Speaking to The Sun, he said: “The Call to Prayer happens five times a day and for the first week it drives you crazy, and then it just gets into your spirit and it’s the most beautiful, beautiful thing.

“There are 4,000 mosques in the city. Some are just stunning and it really makes me think about becoming a Muslim.”

Soon after speaking with The Sun,  Liam met with prominent Muslim clerics and mullahs from Turkey and reportedly has begun the conversion.

 

 

THE WAY TOO EARLY IN THE MORNING TO UNDERSTAND THE PUNCHLINE EVEN AFTER TWO CUPS OF COFFEE JOKE OF THE DAY

JOKE #1

An old farmer went to the city one weekend and attended the big city church. He came home and his wife asked him how it was.

“Well,” said the farmer, “It was good. They did something different, however. They sang praise choruses instead of hymns.”

“Praise choruses,” said his wife, “What are those?”

“Oh, they’re okay. They’re sort of like hymns, only different,” said the farmer.

“Well, what’s the difference?” asked the wife.

The farmer replied, “Well it’s like this. If I were to say to you, ‘Martha, the cows are in the corn,’ well, that would be a hymn. If, on the other hand, I was to say to you, ‘Martha, Martha, Martha, Oh Martha, MARTHA, MARTHA, the cows, the big cows, the brown cows, the black cows, the white cows, the black and white cows, the COWS, COWS, COWS, are in the corn, are in the corn, are in the corn, are in the corn,’ well, that would be a praise chorus.”

 

JOKE #2

An honest 7-year-old admitted calmly to her parents that Billy Brown had kissed her after class. “How did that happen?,” gasped her mother. “It wasn’t easy,” admitted the young lady, “but three girls helped me chase him down and catch him.”

 

JOKE #3

The math teacher saw that little Johnny wasn’t paying attention in class.

She called on him and said, “Johnny! what are 4, 2, 28 and 44?”

Little Johnny quickly replied, “NBC, CBS, HBO and the Cartoon Network!”

 

 

USELESS FACTS

Prof. Timothy Holy of Washington University discovered that male mice sing to attract female mice. Using ultrasound technology, he recorded the mice singing in high-pitched chirps similar to birdsongs. He said it’s not clear whether singing helps the male mouse attract females. ***MARLAR: Singing like mice worked for the Bee Gees!

 

In Davenport, Iowa, a suspected bomb found in a house turned out to belong to an ex-tenant who said it was just a device made by an astrologer friend that emits vibrations to scare away underground space aliens.  ***MARLAR: See, there’s a simple explanation for everything!

 

 

FEATURED FUNNIES

WHAT AM I?

A blind rabbit and a blind snake meet each other. Neither one remembers what kind of animal they are, so they decide to feel each other.

The rabbit says, “You feel me first.”

The snake says okay, and he starts feeling the rabbit. He says, “Well, you have fur all over, and a little cotton tail, and two long ears, and big back feet…” The rabbit says, “I know! I’m a rabbit! Yippee!”

Then the rabbit feels the snake. He says, “Okay, you’re long and thin, and slimy all over, and there’s a little forked tongue…” The snake says, “Oh no, I’m a lawyer.”

 

 

IT MUST BE TRUE BECAUSE I HEARD IT ON THE RADIO!

MIRACULOUS WINDFALL

A woman returns a found money clip, and receives a $10,000 reward – but not in the way you might expect!

We’ve all heard that God works in mysterious way, but how often do you have a great example of that? Well, now you do! Doing the honest thing really paid off for Kathleen Healy. Kathy found a large amount of money at a department store and instead of keeping it for herself she decided to do the right thing and turn it in to the store. Turns out the store had been searching for that money clip all day after a customer reported it missing. Kathy decided she did not need any reimbursement for doing the right thing and refused a cash reward from the store and the owner of the lost money. But the store insisted that Kathy at least take a free box of Frango mints -Marshall Field’s signature candy. So she reluctantly took the box of mints. When she opened the mints, she found a ticket saying she’d won $10,000 in a Frango Mints contest.  Kathy said she plans to use some of the money for her daughter’s college tuition and religious missionary work. Like I said, God works in mysterious ways.

 

 

INSPIRATIONAL INSPIRATION

THE WAY WE AFFECT OTHERS

We may not always realize that everything we do,
Affects not only our lives, but touches others too.

A single happy smile can always brighten up the day,
For anyone who happens to be passing by your way.

And a little bit of thoughtfulness that shows someone you care,
Creates a ray of sunshine for both of you to share.

Yes, every time you offer someone a helping hand,
Every time you show a friend that you understand,

Every time you have a kind and gentle word to give,
You help someone to find beauty in this precious life we live.

For happiness brings happiness and loving ways bring love,
And giving is the treasure, that contentment is made of.

–Author Unknown

 

 

DRIVE TIME DEVOTIONAL

THE WORLD IS WATCHING

Read: 1 John 2:1-11

He who says he abides in [Jesus] ought himself also to walk just as He walked.  –1 John 2:6

If the people in your community were asked about the Christians who live there, what do you think they would say? Would they say they recognize Christians by their love, or because of something else?

Consider these two true situations: In one small town a restaurant decided to close on Sunday nights because the staff refused to work for the after-evening-church crowd. The people who came from church were rude, messy, and left small tips.

In another town, the manager of a store that sold concert tickets reported that some of the rudest people she had ever met were several who had bought tickets to hear a well-known Christian singing group.

Sometimes we don’t realize it, but the non-Christian world is watching us. Our neighbors and acquaintances and others we encounter notice our behavior. They know that if we claim to be followers of Christ we are supposed to be kind and compassionate. They know that our lives should reflect love and Christlikeness (John 13:35; 1 John 2:6). They know that we shouldn’t be so busy with our own interests that we don’t love other people.

Let’s make sure the people who are watching our lives will want to get to know our Savior. —Dave Branon

 

I want my life to shine for Jesus
So that everywhere I go
The watching world will see He loves them
And His saving grace will know. —Hess

 

Nothing is so attractive as being like Christ.

 

 

LEFTOVERS

WHY CAN’T THIS HAPPEN TO ME?

Imagine your back account growing and growing – and you don’t know why!  This happened to one New York woman!
Susan Madakor of Brooklyn, New York started noticing that her bank account was growing by leaps and bounds. In fact money was pouring in from other countries, like Italy, France, Belgium, Finland and Turkey. The only problem was that the money wasn’t supposed to be going to her — the money was supposed to go to the United Nations environment fund, but someone messed up the account number. In all, $700,000 was deposited into her account. Chase Manhattan bank recently noticed the error and are now trying to get the money back. However, Madakor, who has already spent almost all of it, may get to keep it because, according to her attorney, such errors must be corrected within 90 days of the transfer. As for why Mrs. Madakor didn’t say anything about the mysterious money showing up in her bank account? She says she thought the money was coming in from a lottery she had entered.  ***MARLAR: Yeah… the lottery that never formally informs you that you won, the one that never has you fill out tax papers and it just surprises you by finding out your bank account number on its own and depositing the cash for you — yeah, that lottery!

 

 

LIFE… LIVE IT

DEPRESSING SOAP OPERAS

Not only are the people in soap operas often depressed – they might be making YOU depressed too!

TV Soap operas may not be good for one’s mental health. The more times a young woman or teenage girl spends watching a TV soap opera, the more likely she is to suffer from depression. A new study suggests the shows create unrealistic expectations in some watchers, who lapse into depression when those expectations aren’t fulfilled.  ***MARLAR: It’s true – our lives don’t always have dramatic cliff hangers that end with an extreme close up for an uncomfortably long time, and then fade to black.

 

 

JUST FOR FUN

A quick tip on snacking just in time for this weekend.

If you feel sick after the Super Bowl, it could be because, as a Clemson University study found, double-dipping chips just a few times can transfer 10,000 mouth bacteria to a dip bowl.  Just thought you’d want to know.

 

 

FUN LIST

REJECTED COMMERCIALS FOR SUNDAY NIGHT’S SUPER BOWL

Every year there are a list of commercials that are banned from airing during the Super Bowl.  Here are a few that were banned for this year’s big game…

  • The Pepsi Can-grenade
  • The Geico Gecko Roadkill Spot
  • Mismatch.com
  • The Apple Guy Finally Beats The Tar out of the PC Guy
  • The new “UPS Trucks Double Park Because They Can” Campaign
  • The Geico Cavemen get shaved

 

 

MORE SHOW PREP STUFF…

HOW TO SURVIVE BEING LOST

Now is the time to plan your spring or summer vacation – one thing to plan is what to do if you get lost in the wilderness!

Should you end up being lost in the wilderness this spring or summer, here are a few pieces of advice on how to survive.

  • Stay put as soon as you realize you’re lost. Rescue crews will find you faster if you stay in one spot. If you have no idea where you are or how to get back to where you started, further movement is just wasted energy.
  • Make yourself visible. Move to a clear area and do whatever you can to make a signal. Flags or markers can be made from food wrappers, clothing or anything that is colorful. If you’re in the snow, stomp out a large X. In the desert, form an X with rocks.
  • Stay dry. Avoid crossing streams unless absolutely necessary. If you get warm, take off excess clothing before you become sweaty. Build a fire and dry wet clothes if possible. Getting wet can quickly lead to hypothermia, the inability of your body to warm itself. Don’t wear cotton clothes in cold weather. Cotton retains water, providing little or no insulation when wet.
  • Stay hydrated. It’s harder for your body to maintain the proper temperature if you’re low on fluids. This is also very important if you’re injured and have lost some blood: You need liquids in order to maintain normal blood pressure.
  • Make a shelter. Where it’s hot, find shade. Where it’s cold, create warmth. Tree branches, snow, sheets of plastic or cloth — almost anything can be fashioned into a basic shelter.
  • Treat any injuries. Dislocations, such as to a shoulder, should be replaced at the earliest opportunity. This will be extremely painful but will reduce overall trauma. Severe bleeding to an arm or a leg can be reduced with a tourniquet, a tight wrap of cloth around the limb above the wound. Study basic first aid before embarking on any potentially hazardous adventures.
  • Carry extra food. Energy bars and candy bars are easy to stash in pockets and provide many needed calories.
  • Avoid the most common cause of delayed rescue: forgetting to tell anyone where you’re going. Always leave a detailed description of your trip route and schedule with a responsible person. Direct that person to call the authorities if you don’t return by a specific time or date.
  • Carry fire-starting equipment such as a cigarette lighter and toilet paper. In wet weather, your best bet for finding dry wood is to look for small dead branches at the base of evergreen trees.
  • You need to consume more calories in a cold climate than you do in a warm one.

 

 

OTHER STUFF I WANT TO CRAM INTO TODAY’S PREP

This Valentine’s Day you will probably either send or receive a valentine from someone. More than a billion are expected to be given away in the United States alone. But just like many of our holidays, there’s a lot more behind it than just cards and gifts. According to Mark Merrill, there is a true-life story and it’s a story that teaches us a lot about love, sacrifice, and commitment—the true meaning of Valentine’s Day. Read the story with your family!

http://bit.ly/20vmN5b

 

Did you participate in Operation Christmas Child last fall?  If so, listen up!  Samaritan’s Purse this week released the final numbers for the Operation Christmas Child Show Box collection of 2015. Officials say that, in the USA, 8.7 million boxes were collected, up 10%. Internationally 11.2 million boxes came in, up by 7%. Representatives encourage continued prayer as the boxes are delivered to children around the world.

 

A recent study finds that more Americans want more religion in politics. The Pew Research report explored the growing appetite for churches endorsing political candidates and other intersections of church and state. It found out that, while three of four Americans believe religion is losing it’s influence on American life, under half believe churches should stay out of politics and about half also believe that churches should express views on social and political questions.  http://bit.ly/1rieJov

 

 

AND I LEAVE YOU WITH THIS THOUGHT

In a survey on the Worksafe internet site: 78 per cent of employees have a good relationship with their boss. I get along great with the boss. As a matter of fact, he told me if I do a good show today — I can use his parking space all weekend.

 

 

THE TICKET Movie Reviews with MARIE ASNER

Marie Asner has been reviewing films for over 30 years. Her outlets include radio, print and Internet.  For more in-depth movie reviews of the following films, visit www.Tollbooth.org.  Ratings from 1 (Low) to 5 (High).

 

JANUARY 29, 2016…

 

*Note: Yet again, moved from an earlier date: Jane Got A Gun—This western is set back in pioneer days and tells the story of Jane (Natalie Portman and she fought bad guys in “Star Wars“), who is married and lives on a nice, little ranch.  She catches the eye of the bad guy (Ewan McGregor) and he ends up wounding her husband. Jane needs help, so goes to an old boyfriend, Joel Edgerton, and then the battle begins. “Jane Got A Gun” is rated PG 13. Rating of 2 for fans of the stars.

 

The Finest Hours—Based on a real disaster in the seas around 1952, the Coast Guard finished a climactic rescue against all odds. The 2009 book by M. J. Tougias tells the story, also. If you want to know what terrible storms on the seas are like, also see “The Perfect Storm” film starring George Clooney. No picnic. This film stars Chris Pine, Casey Affleck, Eric Bana and Ben Foster. “The Finest Hours” is rated R. Rating of 3.

 

Kung Fu Panda 3—Yes, even the sequel has a sequel. Can’t keep a good Panda down.  In this movie Poo has to travel to meet his biological father because there has been an arranged marriage between Poo and another Panda. In the meantime, there is a villain lurking about, as always. Jack Black is the voice of Poo, and other actors voices include Angelina Jolie, Dustin Hoffman, Jackie Chan and Seth Rogen.  “Kung Fu Panda 3” is rated PG. Rating of 3.

 

50 Shades Of Black—It had to happen. Marlon Wayans both stars and puts together this parody of “50 Shades of Gray,” only this time the cast is African-American. A rough edge on the comedy. Stars include Kali Hawk, Marlon Wayans, Jane Seymour and Mike Epps. “50 Shades Of Black” is rated R. No rating.

 

Lazer Team—A science fiction comedy, this plot has a group of average citizens finding a space ship with space suits inside.  Of course, they don’t know how to operate anything, but try to help people anyway. This cast has Alan Ritchson, Irina Voronina and Colton Dunn. “Lazer Team” is rated PG 13. No rating.

 

The Pastor—No rating on this yet, but could be PG 13. “The Pastor” is a story of a former gang member, released from prison, who begins a church in a Hispanic gang neighborhood. Problems happen that are difficult to deal with and test his faith. The cast has Franky G, Victoria Cartagena and Angelic Zambiana. No rating.

 

FEBRUARY 05, 2016…

 

The Choice is a drama with romance about two people and love at first sight. Stars Benjamin Walker and Teresa Palmer.

 

Hail! Caesar is a comedy by the Coen Brothers concerning the kidnapping of a Hollywood star. The cast includes George Clooney and Josh Brolin.

 

Pride and Prejudice and Zombies and you read that right. Loosely—quite loosely—adapted from the Jane Austen book, Lily James (“Downton Abbey”) and her sisters wear corsets and battle evil.

 

Regression is a thriller about a man who doesn’t remember abusing his daughter. Stars include Ethan Hawke, David Dencik and Emma Watson.

 

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WARNING:    Don’t believe anything you read on the Internet or email (including stuff you read here) unless you can confirm it with another source, and/or it is consistent with what you already know to be true. The opinions in this publication are not necessarily those of Darren Marlar, Marlar House Entertainment, OnAirPrep.com, or any company or organization affiliated with aforementioned.  (Regardless of how stupid you may think those opinions are.  So there – nyah!)

Darren Marlar credits all non-original material to the author whenever possible. All other material is original, used with permission, or author unknown. We welcome all comments, questions, and suggestions.  Darren can be reached via his website at www.DarrenMarlar.com.