February 06, 2018: Tuesday ONAIRprep

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PRINT VERSIONS OF TODAY’S PREP:
ODT: 20180206
PDF: 20180206

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WELCOME TO THE SHOW!

Gee–I’m glad you finally showed up to listen to the show. I was gonna wait another five minutes and then go home.

The wife and I went out for Chinese last night. Answer me this: why is chopsticks one of the easiest songs to play on the piano, but the hardest thing to eat with?

PRESIDENTIAL WIT & WISDOM (click here to buy the book)

(None on the weekends or holidays.)

“If we cannot end now our differences, at least we can help make the world safe for diversity.” – John F. Kennedy

BIBLE VERSE OF THE DAY

“This is why you pay taxes, for the authorities are God’s servants, who give their full time to governing. Give everyone what you owe him. If you owe taxes, pay taxes; if revenue, then revenue; if respect, then respect; if honor, then honor.” –Romans 13:6-7

I love you, O Lord, my strength. The Lord is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer; my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge. He is my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold. — Psalm 18:1-2

HEARTLIGHT DAILY VERSE, PRAYER & THOUGHT

(From VerseOfTheDay.com)

Haughty eyes and a proud heart, the lamp of the wicked, are sin! — Proverbs 21:4

Thought: “We’re number one!” is the cry today. However, the scripture above tells us that it is the wicked who light their own way with their haughty eyes and proud heart. In contrast, God lights the way for his people with his word (Scripture) and with his Word (Jesus), the wicked light their own way with their haughty eyes and proud heart. But arrogance, pride, “uppity-ness” — or whatever name you want to call it — is called sin by God. God is number one and all the other numbers are important only because of him. It’s just that simple.

Prayer: Holy and righteous Father, help me place you and your character in the place of most importance in my heart, my life decisions, and in my influence. In Jesus’ name I pray. Amen.

The Thoughts and Prayers for Today’s Verse are written by Phil Ware. You can email questions or comments to phil@heartlight.org.

BIRTHDAY VERSE” OF THE DAY (The chapter and verse correspond to the month and day!)

Colossians 2:6 NIV = So then, just as you received Christ Jesus as Lord, continue to live your lives in him,

TODAY IS TUESDAY – FEBRUARY 06, 2018

(NOTE: Some holidays may be duplicated due to various calendars reporting conflicting dates)
WEIRD, WACKY, STRANGE, ZANY, ODD, BIZARRE, QUIRKY, UNUSUAL HOLIDAYS!
THERE ARE ONLY
322 SHOPPING DAYS UNTIL NEXT CHRISTMAS.

Today is PAY A COMPLIMENT DAY, a day simply to compliment co-workers, family members, or even strangers.  ***And if you’re short on compliments for me, please feel free to pay me in cash instead.

JUST SAY NO TO POWERPOINT WEEK begins today.  It’s a challenge for speakers to communicate with their audiences instead of simply reading slides. ***And once they say no to PowerPoint, be sure to pay them a compliment.

Today is BE HAPPY TOGETHER DAY, a day for couples to do something fun.  ***One suggestion – go out for frozen yogurt, because. . .

Today is NATIONAL FROZEN YOGURT DAY.  ***Have you tried eating frozen Yoplait? It’s hard as a rock! By the way, how do you know when yogurt has gone bad… does it un-curdle?

Today is NATIONAL GIRLS & WOMEN IN SPORTS DAY. ***Wait a minute… you mean to tell me there are sports for girls?!?!

TODAY IS ALSO…

Canadian Maple Syrup Day
Lame Duck Day
Safer Internet Day
International Day of Zero Tolerance to Female Genital Mutilation
African American Coaches Day

COMING UP NEXT (Just a list, we are not endorsing the holidays posted below. Find more holidays and link to their websites at BrownieLocks.com)

WEDNESDAY, FEBRUARY 07

Ballet Day
Black HIV/AIDS Awareness Day
“e” Day (math)
Laura Ingalls Wilder Day
National Periodic Table Day
National Signing Day
Wave All Your Fingers At Your Neighbor’s Day

THURSDAY, FEBRUARY 08

Boy Scout Anniversary Day
Dry Bean Day
Laugh and Get Rich Day
National Girls & Women in Sports Day
Opera Day

FRIDAY, FEBRUARY 09

National Bagel Day
National Pizza Day
Read in the Bathtub Day
Toothache Day

SATURDAY, FEBRUARY 10

All The News That’s Fit To Print Day
National Home Warranty Day
Plimsoll Day

SUNDAY, FEBRUARY 11

Autism Sunday
Be Electrific Day
Don’t Cry Over Spilled Milk Day
International Day of Women and Girls in Science
Man Day
Get Out Your Guitar Day
Pro Sports Wives Day
National Inventors Day
National Shut-in Visitation Day
Satisfied Staying Single Day
White Shirt Day or White T-shirt Day
World Day of The Sick
World Marriage Day

MONDAY, FEBRUARY 12

Clean Out Your Computer Day
Darwin Day
Extraterrestrial Culture Day
Extraterrestrial Visitor Day
Lincoln’s Birthday
NAACP Day
Oglethorpe Day
Paul Bunyan Day
Safety Pup Day

TUESDAY, FEBRUARY 13

Desperation Day
Employee Legal Awareness Day
Galentine’s Day
Get a Different Name Day
International Condom Day
International Pancake Day
Pancake Day Race
Madly In Love With Me Day
National Wingman’s Day
Mardi Gras
Paczki Day
World Radio Day

ON THIS DAY

1895: George Herman ”Babe” Ruth was born in Baltimore.

1898: The Dallas Morning News announced the death of Police Chief J.C. Arnold, accidentally shot on a hunting trip by the young new pastor of Dallas’ First Baptist Church, Dr. George W. Truett. The young preacher left his pulpit briefly and considered leaving the ministry, but returned to pastor First Baptist for 48 years.

1918: Great Britain granted women 30 or older the right to vote.

1935: The board game Monopoly went on sale.

1943: Frank Sinatra debuted as a vocalist on radio’s “Your Hit Parade.”

1952: Britain’s King George the 6th died; he was succeeded by his daughter, Elizabeth the Second.

1971: Alan Shepard hit three golf balls on the moon.

1990: The U.S. issued patented #4,898,345 to Dan Clayton of Rancho Cucamonga, California, for the Skyboard, a combination surfboard and parachute that allows the flyer to surf air currents in the sky for an extended period, then glide to a safe landing.

1990: Steve Briers recited the lyrics of Queen’s record album A Night at the Opera backwards in 9 minutes 58.44 seconds on BBC4 in London, a world record for backwards talking.

1990: Figures showed the Rolling Stones had grossed more than $100 million, a new record for any rock group, during the band’s 1989 U.S. tour.

1993: To save a eucalyptus tree from being destroyed, artist William Leroy moved into the tree and declared it to be his official address: 604½ Eighth Street, Antioch, CA 94509.

1996: A $1.5-million dollar study, funded by the cable television industry, concluded that “psychologically harmful” violence pervaded the majority of U.S. TV programs. The study said that the risks of viewing such programs included: learning to behave violently, becoming insensitive to the harmful consequences of violence, and becoming more fearful of being attacked.

1998: President Clinton signed a bill changing the name of Washington National Airport to Ronald Reagan Washington National Airport.

2000: U.S. First Lady Hillary Rodham Clinton formally announced she was a candidate for the U.S. Senate from New York.

2002: Celine Dion’s “A New Day Has Come,” her first new song in two years, was released for radio play.

2003: ABC’s ”20/20” aired a British documentary on Michael Jackson in which the singer revealed he sometimes let children sleep in his bed.

TODAY IN CHRISTIAN HISTORY

891: Photius, patriarch of Constantinople from 858-867, dies after a series of excommunications and restorations. His 867 encyclical, which denounced the presence of Latin missionaries in Bulgaria as an intrusion and objected to the filioque clause in the creed (“the Holy Ghost . . . who proceeds from the Father and the Son”), was significant in the East-West conflict that eventually led to the “Great Schism”.

1564: Carried to church in a chair, John Calvin preaches his last sermon three months before his death.

1820: Eighty-six free black colonists sail from New York to Sierra Leone, Africa. Though white abolitionists initially supported such emigration efforts, most free blacks (and eventually more radical white abolitionists) denounced the effort as racist and ultimately proslavery.

1974: Revised Roman Catholic liturgy affects the practice of millions world wide.

1977: Black Rhodesian guerillas kill 7 white Catholic missionaries at St. Paul’s Mission in Rhodesia.

1992: Death of dedicated Christian and Missionary Alliance missionary, Robert Revel Hess, who, with his wife, served 28 years in the Philippines.

HOLLYWOOD, SPORTS AND CELEBRITY FIGURE BIRTHDAYS

  • TV host (“Good Morning America”) Amy Robach, 45

  • actress (“Veronica’s Closet”, “King of the Hill”) 61

  • actor (“Ryan’s Hope”, “LA Law”, Radio Days, Tin Men) Michael Tucker 74

  • TV News’ Tom Brokaw 78

BEE-BOP BIRTHDAYS

(Music Artist Birthdays From SongFacts.com)

1941 : Dave Berry

1943 : Fabian

1945 : Bob Marley

1947 : Allen Jones (Amen Corner)

1950 : Mike Batt

1950 : Natalie Cole

1957 : Simon Phillips (Toto)

1962 : Axl Rose (Guns N’ Roses)

1966 : Rick Astley

SECRETS OF THE UNIVERSE (Answering questions that have plagued mankind for minutes!)

Why do we say that something that is just right is “on the nose”?

This is an interesting expression simply because so many people guess wrong about its origins. They’re willing to bet that it was born at the racetrack, where any part of a horse that extends over the finish line first is enough to make it a winner. Given the shape of a horse, that has to be its nose. Well take a deep breath. Would you believe that “on the nose” comes from radio? When broadcasting began, directors had to communicate with people on the air without making noise, so they developed hand signals. Time is always a key element in live broadcasts. The person at the mike needed to know if the program was on schedule. If things were “just right,” the director signaled with a finger to the side of his or her nose.

NEWS KICKERS

(None on weekends. Want a customizable version with your specific station tag, FREE? Email me for more information! )

NEW NEWS KICKERS…

(Not posted on weekends and U.S. holidays.)

Lady Gaga canceled the last of her scheduled European concert dates due to “severe pain.”  ***Wow – she must have really wanted the Patriots to win.

Sometimes life is unfair.  Other times it is downright cruel.  In Sidney, New York, 51-year-old Donald Savastano’s year got off to a bang. He won a million bucks in the New York Lottery’s “Merry Millionaire” game, saying, “This is going change our lives, to tell you the truth,” when he picked up his winnings. The self-employed carpenter planned to fund his retirement, buy a new truck and also go to the doctor – something he had not been able to afford before. He told his doctor he hadn’t been feeling well for a while. The doctor told him he had severe stage four brain and lung cancer. Twenty-three days after he won the lottery, Mr. Savastano was dead.

A gambling organization says that Americans bet $4.76 billion on the Super Bowl this year.  ***I’m thinking I should’ve done that instead of betting on Bitcoin.  That’s not working out nearly as well as I thought it would.

With all the reboots of old shows coming to TV, it’s not surprising that the cast of “Martin” was seen having lunch the other day.  ***I had no idea Martin Landau ever had his own TV show – did you?

A Maryland man was was struck in the head by a dead Canadian goose that plunged from the sky after a fellow hunter fired a shot on a flock overhead. The goose fell about 90 feet, knocking the hunter out instantly and causing head and facial injuries. When the hunter came to, he was coherent but hazy. The dead bird also knocked out two of the hunter’s teeth.  ***It could’ve been avoided if there wasn’t a communication issue.  One of his friends, seeing what was about to happen, yelled “DUCK!”  But the victim replied, “Duck?  Heck now… that’s a goose!”

For the record, President Trump did not send out a single tweet last Wednesday, the day after his State of the Union speech.  ***So we know it’s possible after all.

All the Best Picture nominees for this year’s Oscars combined didn’t gross as much as “Star Wars: The Last Jedi.”  ***Which is totally fine – because after you make a billion dollars with your movie you can just buy an Oscar from a down-and-out celebrity.

An American Airlines passenger ran toward the front of the plane and became violent as the Dallas to Charlotte flight attempted to land. Flight attendants had already taken their seats for landing when 36-year-old Charlene Harriott suddenly got up from her seat near the back of the plane, ran toward the front, and ignored flight attendants’ instructions to sit down. Flight attendants restrained her in the first-class section, but she bit one and kicked another. Crew members on the plane had to use zip-ties and duct tape to keep Charline in her seat.  Harriott now faces a charge of interfering with a flight crew, as well as three charges of assault and battery. The flight attendants, who weren’t seriously wounded, were treated at an airport clinic.  *** So…. let this be a lesson to all of you.  If you decide to get all crazy on a plane, don’t be surprised to find yourself duct-taped and zip-tied.  And also be sure you’re on American Airlines.  If this happened on United they’d probably toss your butt out of the plane at 30,000 feet.

Snow Volleyball will be an exhibition sport at the Pyeongchang Olympics.  ***Wouldn’t that put them at risk of frostbite with those short and t-shirts volleyball players wear?

Kathy Griffin is plotting a Hollywood comeback.  ***If this time she chops off the head of Harvey Weinstein, she might have a chance.

Ryder Haddock recently received a letter from the State of Michigan Unemployment Insurance Agency confirming that he was approved for $360 every week in state unemployment benefits from a restaurant he was supposedly working at. One problem… Ryder Haddock is a German Shepherd.  Michael Haddock, Ryder’s owner, said, “Not sure what he is going to do with the money, but it should be interesting. I knew he was clever, but he surprised me this time.” Unfortunately for Ryder, the chances of collecting are slim. The agency said the claim was flagged as suspicious in the next step of the process. ***Poor Ryder had his unemployment benefits stripped from him – so now he has to go out and find a job working like a dog.

Hostess will give all employees a $1,250 bonus because of the tax break plus a year of free snacks.  ***Next year’s bonuses will be free enrollment in Jenny Craig.

NEWS KICKER EVERGREENS…

(Not posted on weekends and U.S. holidays.)

A group of 60,000 pediatricians said that U.S. tanning salons should close their doors to minors to protect them from skin cancer.  Research shows people who start going to tanning salons before age 35 have a 75 percent increase in their chances of developing melanoma, the deadliest type of skin cancer.  ***Up next, they plan to block out the sun because it’s just too dangerous.

Do you have a hard time keeping plants and flowers alive? Help could be on the way! Researchers at Edinburgh University have pioneered a genetically modified “super potato” that glows when it needs water and the same could be done in your plants a few years down the road. Scientists apparently injected potato plants with a fluorescence gene borrowed from the luminous jellyfish, which causes their leaves to glow green when dehydrated.  ***That’s pretty cool – couch potatoes could become their own night-lights.

According to a report, the obesity rate in the United States could hit 42% by 2030.  ***So nearly half of all fliers will need to buy TWO SEATS on airplanes…one for the left cheek, another for the right…

New research finds that giraffes hum, but only at night.  *** And only if you kiss ’em on their neck.

One person in every five on the planet is convinced aliens disguised as humans live among us and in the U.S., 25% are true believers.  ***Of course we believe in illegal aliens – why do you think we keep talking about building a wall?

AS THE JUNGLE TURNS

(Not updated on weekends and U.S. holidays.)

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TUESDAY’S EPISODE

OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you another inspiringly inspiring inspirational story in the never-ending deep-jungle soap-opera saga that is As the Jungle Turns!

CLOSE: Wow, hard to believe this entire time we’ve never had a lion – the king of the jungle – in As the Jungle Turns! Tune in next time to find out what happens!

***You may simulcast “As the Jungle Turns” on the Internet stream of your live broadcast only. Any other Internet use of “As the Jungle Turns” in whole or part including podcasting of your live broadcast is a violation of copyright law. Thank you for your cooperation on this vitally important issue. If you have any questions, please e-mail us and ask about “Jungle Jam & Friends the Radio Show” usage.

MOMENT OF DUH
Never mess with the radio station DJ!

24-year-old Paul Webster Feinstein was a volunteer DJ at community radio station KOOP-FM in Austin, Texas, and the tunes he played weren’t the only things that were hot. Paul said he was very unhappy that the music he had picked for the overnight Internet program had been changed. In fact, he was so unhappy that he went back and set the radio station on fire. Paul is now facing second-degree felony arson charges and won’t be back to host his show “Mellow Down Easy.”

TOP TEN

TOP TEN THINGS A DAD WILL NEVER SAY

10. Well, how ’bout that? I’m lost! Looks like we’ll have to stop and ask for directions.

9. You know Pumpkin, now that you’re thirteen, you’ll be ready for unchaperoned car dates. Won’t that be fun?

8. I noticed that all your friends have a certain hostile attitude. I like that.

7. Here’s a credit card and the keys to my new car. GO CRAZY!!

6. What do you mean you wanna play football? Figure skating’s not good enough for you, son?

5. Your Mother and I are going away for the weekend. You might want to consider throwing a party.

4. Well, I don’t know what’s wrong with your car. Probably one of those doo-hickey thingies–ya know–that makes it run or something. Just have it towed to a mechanic and pay whatever he asks.

3. No son of mine is going to live under this roof without an earring. Now quit your belly-aching, and let’s go to the mall.

2. Whaddya wanna go and get a job for? I make plenty of money for you to spend. Here’s $100.

1. What do I want for Father’s day? Aahh — don’t worry about that. It’s no big deal. (Okay, he might say it, but he doesn’t mean it!)

THE FILES OF LAW & DISORDER

If you’re going to shoplift, it’s best not to let anyone see you wearing the stolen merchandise.  Especially if you’re still inside the store!

FILE #1: A 24-year-old female shoplifter in the Belgian city of Antwerp stole over 10 items of clothing, then put the items on and tried to walk out of the store into the searing heat.  Security guards noticed her and she was detained.  She had on a jogging suit, a sweater, 4 polo shirts, 3 T-shirts, 4 sleeveless tops, and shorts.  ***MARLAR: Yeah, I can see that looking a tad suspicious.

FILE #2: 72-year-old Joann R. Olivio was found behind the counter at Studio 3 Hair Salon at 3:20a.m. The glass in the front door had been broken, Olivio was wearing a housecoat, pajamas, slippers, and yellow dishwashing gloves. And the jacket she wore over her housecoat had shards of glass on it. She was holding a hammer, squeegee and small flashlight. Joann broke into the salon because they ruined her hair and she wanted the money to get it fixed. But there was one problem: her husband says it was the wrong hair salon.

FILE #3: Two teenagers in Boulder, Colorado, were arrested on a variety of charges after they allegedly tried to charge people $1 to cross a bridge. When an off-duty cop refused to pay, they allegedly threatened to stab him with a broken golf club while shouting lines from “Monty Python & the Holy Grail.” He called for backup.

STRANGE LAW: A Pocatello, ID law forbids a person to be seen in public without a smile on their face.

THIS IS YOUR BRAIN ON DRUGS

This Is Your Brain On Drugs” is about people doing dumb things under the influence, but addiction is no laughing matter. If you or someone you know needs help, there’s a toll free number you can call 1-800-438-0380. That’s the Addiction Hope and Help Line at 1-800-438-0380.

Tailgating is always a bad idea. Tailgating a police car is a really bad idea. Tailgating a police car while high on marijuana makes you a moron.

In Indiana, Tyrone Gales and Andrew Ashley were tailgating a car while driving along Interstate 65. The car they were tailgating belonged to Bartholomew County Sheriff’s Deputy Kris Weisner and, yes, it was his marked patrol car. The deputy was nice enough to slow down and change lanes to let Tyrone and Andrew pass him. Instead, the boys pulled over and stopped. When Deputy Weisner approached the car to assist them, he noticed they had switched drivers. Upon further notice, he smelled the odor of burnt marijuana. A search of the car turned up a duffle bag containing over $13,000 in cash and 5 grams of marijuana and resulted in a ride to jail.

PHONER PHUN

Valentine’s Day is just a few days away – so now is the time to plan the perfect date. We already have a pretty good idea what the ladies would like – but what about the men? If things were reversed and it was the ladies planning the perfect Valentine’s Date for the men, what would that perfect date be, guys?

BIBLE BRAIN BUSTER!

QUESTION: How many times does the word Levite occur in the Book of Leviticus?
ANSWER: Only 4 – Even though Leviticus is a book that describes in detail the law of the priests, the word levite occurs only 4 times in the book. (Leviticus 25:32-33)

QUESTION IMPOSSIBLE

QUESTION: If you were to visit the average household you’d find five of these inside. What are they?

ANSWER: Calendars

TRUE OR FALSE

Pay attention! If our next player doesn’t answer all ten T/F questions correctly we start all over from question #1! First person to answer question #10 correctly is our winner!

1. In Czechoslovakia, there is a restaurant that has a chandelier made out of human bones. (False, it’s a church that has it.)

2. Colleen Kay Hutchins was the heaviest Miss America in 1952. She weighed 173 pounds. (False, 143 pounds)

3. There are mirrors on the moon. (True… they were left by astronauts so that laser beams could be bounced of them from Earth. These beams help give us the distance to the moon give or take a few meters.)

4. When the volcano Krakatoa, near Java, exploded in 1883, it was so loud that people in North America heard it. (True)

5. The first host of the TV game show “Jeopardy” was Art Fleming way back in 1964 when the show first debuted. (True)

6. The Partridge Family house was located at 4222 Clinton Way. (False, it was the Brady Bunch house.)

7. The gestation period of a hippo is usually 8 to 8 1/2 months. (True)

8. Australia’s national anthem is called “Advance Australia Fair.” (True)

9. Sanskrit is considered as the mother of all higher languages. (True – this is because it is the most precise and therefore suitable language for computer software.)

10. An artist from Chicago named Dwight Kalb once created a statue of Madonna made out of 180 pounds of ham. (True)

TABLOID MATCH GAME

You have to match the blank in the tabloid headline with the word or phrase that has been removed!

ALASKA BURIED IN ______ (SNOW)

ANCHORAGE – Alaska is being buried in snow.   They’ve already crushed all records – 160 inches

The worst winter anyone can remember in Alaska (or anywhere on earth) has piled snow so high people can’t see out the windows – of the top floors of their houses!  It’s also kept a tankers in ice-choked waters from delivering fuel on time and turned snow-packed roofs into sled runs.

While most of the nation has gone without much seasonal snow, the state already known for winter is buried in weather that has dumped more than twice as much snow as usual on its largest city, brought out the National Guard and put a run on snow shovels.

THE WAY TOO EARLY IN THE MORNING TO UNDERSTAND THE PUNCHLINE EVEN AFTER TWO CUPS OF COFFEE JOKE OF THE DAY 

JOKE #1

Before going to Europe on business, a man drove his Rolls-Royce to a downtown Chicago bank and went in to ask for an immediate loan of $5,000.

The loan officer, taken aback, requested collateral and so the man said, “Well then, here are the keys to my Rolls-Royce.”

The loan officer promptly had the car driven into the bank’s underground parking for safe keeping, and gave him $5,000.

Two weeks later, the man walked through the bank’s doors, and asked to settle up his loan and get his car back. “That will be $5,000 in principal, and $15.40 in interest”, the loan officer said. The man wrote out a check and started to walk away.

“Wait sir”, the loan officer said, “while you were gone, I found out you are a millionaire. Why in the world would you need to borrow $5,000?”

The man smiled. “Where else could I park my Rolls-Royce in Chicago for two weeks and pay only $15.40?”

JOKE #2

At my grandparent’s 50th wedding anniversary, I was looking through a photo album of their marriage ceremony. “Grandma, so many of these styles have come back over the years,” I commented. 



Grandma never hesitated. “That’s why I’ve kept Grandpa all this time,” she said. “I know he’ll be back in style again one of these days.”

JOKE #3

Jack has died. His lawyer is standing before the family and reads Jack’s last will and testament: 



“To my dear wife Esther, I leave the house, 50 acres of land, and one million dollars. To my son Barry, I leave my big Lexus and the Jaguar. To my daughter Suzy, I leave my yacht and $250,000. And to my brother-in-law Jeff, who always insisted that health is better than wealth, I leave my sun lamp.”

USELESS FACTS

35% of SELF readers admitted they dislike having house guests.  ***Go figure people reading a magazine named SELF wouldn’t want to share. (audio clip)

Benjamin Franklin invented swim fins.  ***But then he screwed it up and also invented Speedos.

FEATURED FUNNIES

SWINE FLU ALERT!

Everyone should be aware that there is a possibility of another outbreak of swine flu during the next few months. Please be conscious of the indications that you or members of your family may have contracted the Swine Flu Virus. The symptoms associated with this disease are:

1.) Sore throat.

2.) Slight headache.

3.) Moderate to high temperature.

4.) Nausea or upset stomach.

5.) Uncontrollable urge to roll around in the mud.

IT MUST BE TRUE BECAUSE I HEARD IT ON THE RADIO!

HERE WE GO LOO-B-LOO

Decorative toilets? At home maybe… but how about million-dollar restrooms at school?

Usually, all of us spend as little time in the restroom as possible, right? And if we’re talking about a school, then you don’t want anyone spending more time in there than is absolutely necessary – after all, hall passes weren’t made to create free time. So why would a school decorate its bathrooms with gold mirrors, green foliage, and decorative plasterwork? Nobody knows – but Whalley Range High School for Girls in Manchester is doing just that. Turns out the school’s principal thinks that restrooms say a lot about an organization, so she wants them to look good. She says, “The kids love it. They look after them and respect them.” The art design will now be moving on to the rest of the school and purple and gold paint effects have already been added to the entrance hall, along with roman columns and decorative plasterwork on the walls. ***MARLAR: So they may be flushing the educational tax dollars down the toilet, but at least the school looks good while doing it.

INSPIRATIONAL INSPIRATION

AMERICA’S CHRISTIAN ROOTS

Author Unknown

52 of the 55 signers of America’s Declaration of Independence were orthodox, deeply committed Christians. The other three all believed in the Bible as the divine truth, the God of Scripture, and His personal intervention

It is the same Congress that formed the American Bible Society. Immediately after creating the Declaration of Independence, the Continental Congress voted to purchase and import 20,000 copies of Scripture for the people of this nation.
Patrick Henry, who is called the firebrand of the American Revolution, is still remembered for his words, “Give me liberty or give me death.” But in current textbooks the context of these words is deleted. Here is what he actually said: “An appeal to arms and the God of hosts is all that is left us. But we shall not fight our battle alone. There is a just God that presides over the destinies of nations. The battle sir, is not to the strong alone. Is life so dear or peace so sweet as to be purchased at the price of chains and slavery? Forbid it almighty God. I know not what course others may take, but as for me, give me liberty, or give me death.”
These sentences have been erased from our textbooks. Was Patrick Henry a Christian? The following year, 1776, he wrote this “It cannot be emphasized too strongly or too often that this great Nation was founded not by religionists, but by Christians; not on religions, but on the Gospel of Jesus Christ. For that reason alone, people of other faiths have been afforded freedom of worship here.”
Consider these words that Thomas Jefferson wrote on the front of his well-worn Bible: “I am a real Christian, that is to say, a disciple of the doctrines of Jesus. I have little doubt that our whole country will soon be rallied to the unity of our Creator.” He was also the chairman of the American Bible Society, which he considered his highest and most important role.
On July 4, 1821, President Adams said, “The highest glory of the American Revolution was this: it connected in one indissoluble bond the principles of civil government with the principles of Christianity.”
Calvin Coolidge, our 30th President of the United States reaffirmed this truth when he wrote, “The foundations of our society and our government rest so much on the teachings of the Bible that it would be difficult to support them if faith in these teachings would cease to be practically universal in our country.”
In 1782, the United States Congress voted this resolution: “The Congress of the United States recommends and approves the Holy Bible for use in all schools.”
William Holmes McGuffey is the author of the McGuffey Reader, which was used for over 100 years in our public schools with over 125 million copies sold until it was stopped in 1963. President Lincoln called him the “Schoolmaster of the Nation.”
Listen to these words of Mr. McGuffey: “The Christian religion is the religion of our country. From it are derived our notions on the character of God, on the great moral Governor of the universe. On its doctrines are founded the peculiarities of our free institutions. From no source has the author drawn more conspicuously than from the sacred Scriptures. From all these extracts from the Bible I make no apology.”
Of the first 108 universities founded in America, 106 were distinctly Christian, including the first, Harvard University, chartered in 1636. In the original Harvard Student Handbook, rule number 1 was that students seeking entrance must know Latin and Greek so that they could study the Scriptures: “Let every student be plainly instructed and earnestly pressed to consider well, the main end of his life and studies is, to know God and Jesus Christ, which is eternal life, John 17:3; and therefore to lay Jesus Christ as the only foundation for our children to follow the moral principles of the Ten Commandments. James Madison, the primary author of the Constitution of the United States, said this: ‘”We have staked the whole future of our new nation not upon the power of government; far from it. We have staked the future of all our political constitutions upon the capacity of each of ourselves to govern ourselves according to the moral principles of the Ten Commandments.”
Today, we are asking God to bless America. But, how can He bless a Nation that has departed so far from Him? Prior to September 11, 2001, He was not welcome in America. Most of what you read in this article has been erased from our textbooks. Revisionists have rewritten history to remove the truth about our country’s Christian roots.

DRIVE TIME DEVOTIONAL

JORDAN’S IDEA

By Anne Cetas

All Scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, …for instruction in righteousness. – 2 Timothy 3:16

One spring day, Jordan began asking questions about Jesus’ resurrection as his mom was taking him to preschool. Realizing he thought Jesus was rising from the dead for the first time this Easter, she tried to correct him. She pulled the car over and told him all about Jesus’ death and resurrection. She concluded, “Jesus rose from the dead a long time ago, and now He wants to live in our hearts.” But Jordan still didn’t understand.

Unsure how she could make it any clearer, she said, “How about if we stop by the bookstore? I saw some books about Easter when I was there last week. We’ll get one and read through it together.” With a wisdom beyond his years, Jordan responded, “Can’t we just read the Bible?”

Jordan’s idea was right. Commentaries and books about the Bible are helpful tools. But they should never be used as a substitute for God’s revelation of Himself—His Word. No other book has been given to us “by inspiration of God” (2 Timothy 3:16). As author Eugene Peterson says, “God’s voice [is] speaking to us, inviting, promising, blessing, confronting, commanding, healing.”

Let’s follow Jordan’s idea and go first to the ultimate source of truth—the Bible.

Exhaustless store of treasured gems
Within this Book I hold;
And as I read, it comes alive,
New treasures to unfold. —Mortenson

Go to the Bible for your protection, correction, and direction.

LEFTOVERS

IT’S A GAS

A German man attempting to cook himself some sausages ended up blowing up his house.

…The man, only identified by his first name, “Klaus”, came home to find his gas in his home shut off. So in order to get his gas stove to work to make the sausages, he tapped directly into the gas line. All was well, until he lit up the cigarette his girlfriend offered him. The cigarette triggered an explosion that blew the roof off his house and injured seven people, including Klaus and his girlfriend. Although the explosion did an estimated $1.5 million in damages to his home and surrounding area, no one was seriously hurt.

LIFE… LIVE IT

WHAT DOES SHE WANT FOR VALENTINE’S DAY?

Don’t know what to get your lady for Valentine’s Day? Discover Card did the hard work for you and figured out what she really wants…

…Their annual survey says the way to her heart is through her stomach. The gifts women most want to receive:

A special dinner (57%)

Flowers (48%)

Candy or chocolates (33%)

Travel or a weekend getaway (32%)

Jewelry (30%)

A night out on the town (27%)

Music/books/DVDs or games (26%)

Clothing or lingerie (16%)

*** So the top of the list at 57% is a special dinner. So for goodness sake, offer to super-size that Valentine’s dinner for your sweetie!

JUST FOR FUN

10 conversation starters you can use on your winter dates and throughout the year (All Pro Dad): 

  • Outdoors vs. Indoors. Which outdoor activities do you enjoy most? Which indoor activities do you enjoy most?

  • Major events. What major event, anywhere in the world involving a holiday, would you most like to attend?

  • Creativity. What have you created that you are most proud of?

  • Real representation. What item or gift represents who you are as a person?

  • Favorites. What is your favorite restaurant, food, dessert, drink, etc.?

  • First times. What was the first meal you cooked on your own, the first time you drove a car alone, and the first time you thought we’d be together forever?

  • You’re a superstar. If you were to become famous for something, what would it be?

  • Difficult vs. Easy. What is the most difficult thing for you to do? What is the easiest thing for you to do?

  • This or that. Would you rather host a party or attend a party?

  • Fears and scary things. What are you biggest fears? What animal scares you the most?

FUN LIST

HE SAID/HE MEANS

My wife and I had a fairly heated discussion last night regarding “communication”.  It’s interesting that I am a professional broadcaster – a communicator – and yet my wife still doesn’t understand me.  So, to help her out – and to help all others in the male species – I’ve come up with a quick guide on how to understand your man!

  • “I’m going fishing.” — Translated: I’m going to sit in a boat all day with a stick in my hand, while the fish swim by in complete safety.”

  • “It’s a guy thing.” – Translated: “There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical.”

  • “Can I help with Dinner?” – Translated: “Why isn’t it already on the table?”

  • “Uh huh, sure, hone.” or alternately “Yes, dear.” – Translated: Absolutely nothing. It’s a conditioned response.

  • “It would take too long to explain.” – Translated: “I have no idea how it works.”

  • “Take a break honey, you’re working too hard.” – Translated: “I can’t hear television over the vacuum cleaner.”

  • “That’s interesting, dear.” – Translated: “Are you still talking?”

  • “You know how bad my memory is.” – Translated: “I remember the theme song to ‘F Troop,’ the phone number of my first girlfriend, and the vehicle identification numbers of every car I’ve ever owned, but I forgot your birthday.”

  • “Oh, don’t fuss. I just cut myself, it’s no big deal.” – Translated: “I have actually severed a limb, but will bleed to death before I admit that I’m hurt.”

  • “Hey, I’ve got my reasons for what I’m doing.” – Translated: “And I sure hope I think of some reasons pretty soon.”

  • “I can’t find it.” – Translated: “It didn’t fall into my out stretched hands, so I’m completely clueless.”

  • “I heard you.” – Translated: “I haven’t the foggiest clue what you just said, and am hoping desperately that I can fake it well enough so that you don’t spend the next 3 days yelling at me.”

  • “You look terrific.” – Translated: “Please don’t try on one more outfit, I’m starving, let’s go to dinner already.”

  • “I’m not lost. I know exactly where we are.” – Translated: “No one will ever see us alive again.

MORE SHOW PREP STUFF…

A FEW TIPS ON HOW TO “TAKE THIS JOB AND LOVE IT”

Wish you could tell your boss to shut up and then just walk out of your job?  Welcome to the club. Studies show that upwards of 56% of Americans would like to. “It’s not always possible or practical for workers to just quit their job,” says Miriam Biddelman, a psychotherapist in New York. “But there is much they can do to make themselves happier at work.” Here are seven of her top ways to take this job and love it:

  • Buddy up — When workers bond and socialize, they create a sense of community, or even a second family to help you endure hard times.

  • Try to do more – not less — Not only will digging in at work produce more satisfaction than holding back, it can get you a promotion or a better job.

  • Snag more responsibility — Even if your title and your pay remain the same, being “in charge” of any detail of work leads to higher self-esteem.

  • Keep photos — Pics of your spouse, kids or pet, or a favorite coffee mug are reminders of what’s really important in your life.

  • Head for the hills — Get away from your desk or station during lunch and coffee breaks. Just getting outdoors is mentally rewarding.

  • Phone it in — Could any part of your work be done at home via phone, computer or fax? Lots of work performed at an office can be.

  • Let perks perk you up — Maybe a raise is out of the question, no matter how much you deserve one. Perhaps the boss would be willing to give you a little flextime or some other much needed perk. Ask and ye may receive.

OTHER STUFF I WANT TO CRAM INTO TODAY’S PREP

(Not posted on weekends and U.S. holidays.)

(PERENNIAL) If you are looking to lose weight, these frigid temperatures might be the answer. A study finds spending time in colder temperatures could help shrink your waistline. Researchers found people who spent two hours a day at 62.6 degrees for six weeks had a decrease in body fat. They say the exposure to lower temperatures simulates exercise, because the body expends more energy to stay warm. The study also shows people get used to cold over a period of time and temperatures as low as 59 degrees feels “comfortable.”

She says, “Which shade of blue do you prefer? Aqua, cobalt or navy?” He says, “Huh? They all look the same to me.” It’s now a scientific fact! Men and women do not see colors the same way because the male and female brains process information about color differently. While men are more attuned to seeing fine detail and objects that move rapidly, women are better at differentiating between colors, reports HealthDay News of a study conducted by researchers at Brooklyn College and Hunter College of the City University of New York. The study found that men had more trouble than women discerning specific colors in the center of the spectrum. Men were better able than women to see images that changed rapidly. Study leader Israel Abramov commented, “As with other senses, such as hearing and the olfactory system, there are marked sex differences in vision between men and women.”

A happy birthday wish may be more vital than you ever thought. Research has shown that you are more likely to die on your birthday than any other day of the year. No kidding. Two million people were studied over 40 years and it was found that there was a significant rise in deaths from strokes, falls, suicides and heart attacks on the subjects’ birthdays — more than 18 percent in all cases, and an astonishing 44 per cent rise in deaths from falls. Your birthday is also more lethal as you get older as on average, people over the age of 60 were 14 per cent more likely to meet their maker on the same day that their maker put them on this earth. Leading theories for the phenomenon are that birthdays lead people to over-indulge, leading to strain on the heart, or perhaps that terminally-ill people may keep themselves going for their big day, then decide they’ve had enough.

Those people who can muster up cheerful smiles almost as soon as they leap out of bed in the mornings aren’t faking it. The results of a recent study suggest morning people really are happier. The research, conducted by University of Toronto graduate student Renee Biss, also found old people are much more likely to be morning people than younger people: Only 7 percent of people aged 17 to 38 are morning people, but just 7 percent of those aged 59 to 79 are night owls. Biss theorizes old folks feel more content because society forces us to get up for activities like work and school — which conflicts with younger people’s desires to go out in the evenings.

Patriots backup wide receiver Bernard Reedy said before this season that he’ll never quit his $11 an hour job driving a van for people with disabilities, and he’s standing by that. Reedy confirmed to ESPN last week that after the Super Bowl, he’ll be back in Florida working for Care Ride, the company that pays him $11 an hour to help people with disabilities get around. “As soon as our off season officially starts,” Reedy said, “I’ll be back at Care Ride when I’m able to. The work don’t stop. Everybody still needs help.” http://ow.ly/TcCA30iaQLa

SOUL-GLO

(Feel-good stories! Only posted as new stories come available. Not posted on weekends and U.S. holidays.)

One New York woman was taken through a whirlwind of life-changing events in just under two hours when her boyfriend-turned-fiancé proposed and married her on the same night. When Nicole Carfagna and Danny Rios returned home, Danny took her just outside of a huge tent where her family and friends had gathered. Danny then led her inside the tent, where he got down on one knee and asked Nicole to marry him in front of their friends and family. Danny then dropped one more surprise on his beloved: he told Nicole that instead of waiting for the ceremony, they could get married that night. For six years, Nicole has had lupus, an incurable inflammatory disease that causes the immune stem to attack its own tissues. Danny knew Nicole would have had a difficult time under the pressure of planning a wedding, so he gathered all of the ingredients for a spur-of-the-moment ceremony. All Nicole had to do, for a second time that night, was say “yes.” And she did. http://peoplem.ag/zSkl6A6

TOTALLY OUTRAGEOUS!

(Only posted as stories come available. Not posted on weekends and U.S. holidays.)

For nearly three hours, New York emergency room doctor Gregory Perry ignored requests to re-check a heart attack victim, according to a malpractice lawsuit filed by Tammy Cleveland, the victim’s wife. Tammy Cleveland is suing Perry and Kaleida Health for malpractice over the 2014 incident. Her attorney says, “Michael Cleveland was a living, abandoned patient for two hours and 40 minutes.” In fact, Niagara County coroner Joseph Mantione had been called to pronounce 46-year-old Michael Cleveland dead and was one of those trying to get Perry to reassess the situation after he found Cleveland with his eyes open and breathing. Mantione said, “Dead people don’t move. He needs to go in there and check his pulse.” In addition to breathing, Mantione says Cleveland was also moving his arm. Mantione says he confronted ER staff about what was happening and refused to pronounce Cleveland dead despite Perry’s assertion that “eventually the drugs will wear off and then he would stop.” Mantione says Cleveland progressed to “thrashing,” “screaming,” and “trying to get up” while being held down on a gurney. At that point he was transferred to Buffalo General Medical Center, where he died. The case is scheduled to go to trial in April. (Buffalo News)

AND I LEAVE YOU WITH THIS THOUGHT

Somebody wrote in and asked if they got this show in (LOCAL SMALL TOWN). They hear this show in (LOCAL SMALL TOWN), but they don’t get it.

Whenever I find myself in a really dangerous moment, I stop and ask myself, “What would Steven Segal do in a situation like this?” Then I go out and make a really stupid movie. –Tom Sims

THE TICKET Movie Reviews with MARIE ASNER

Marie Asner has been reviewing films for over 35 years. Her outlets include radio, print and Internet. For more in-depth movie reviews of the following films, visit www.Tollbooth.org. Ratings from 1 (Low) to 5 (High).

FEBRUARY 02, 2018…

Winchester—This western stars Helen Mirren in an unusual role as the heir to the Winchester rifle fortune. This money doesn’t rest easy on her and she starts to believe she is being haunted by the people who were killed by these rifles. Hmm. Also in the cast is Jason Clarke. “Winchester” is rated R. No rating.

Scorched Earth—Sean Bean was originally set to star in this film, but then it was re-written to have a woman in the lead, Gina Carena, known here as Atticus Page.. It is science fiction set in a world after a great war and there are bounty hunters. Also in the cast are John Hannah, Stephanie Bennett and Patrick Gilmore. “Scorched Earth” is rated R. No rating.

FEBRUARY 09, 2018…

50 Shades Freed has Jamie Doman and Dakota Johnson back reprising their roles in this Adult Film.  Rated R.

Peter Rabbit is an animated film about a favorite bunny with voices of Daisy Ridley and Margot Robbie.

Monster Family is another  animated film for this week about a mother and daughter who run into problems. Voice of Emily Watson.

*Check the website of Phantom Tollbooth at www.tollbooth.org for Oscar Picks. Academy Awards are the evening of Sunday, March 4, 2018.

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WARNING: Don’t believe anything you read on the Internet or email (including stuff you read here) unless you can confirm it with another source, and/or it is consistent with what you already know to be true. The opinions in this publication are not necessarily those of Darren Marlar, Marlar House Productions, or any company or organization affiliated with aforementioned. (Regardless of how stupid you may think those opinions are. So there – nyah!)

Darren Marlar credits all non-original material to the author whenever possible. All other material is original, used with permission, or author unknown. We welcome all comments, questions, and suggestions. Darren can be reached via his website at www.DarrenMarlar.com.