February 08, 2017: Wednesday ONAIRprep

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WELCOME TO THE SHOW! 20170208

So, I have to tell you that my wife and I are so different. Let’s take snow shoveling.  Robin would prefer to go out and shovel every couple of hours.  She would go out and shovel 3, 4 ,5, 6 times a day.  She’s out there every 10 minutes. See, I’m different.  I would prefer to let all the snow fall and shovel just once.  In June.

Super Bowl Sunday is exactly like Thanksgiving Day — you eat too much and then you watch football. The only difference is that on Super Bowl Sunday you’re surrounded by people who you actually like.

BIBLE VERSE OF THE DAY

“If you then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give the Holy Spirit to those who ask for him.” — Luke 11:13

Let those who love the Lord hate evil, for he guards the lives of his faithful ones and delivers them from the hand of the wicked. — Psalm 97:10

O Lord, let your ear be attentive to the prayer of this your servant and to the prayer of your servants who delight in revering your name. Give your servant success today by granting him favor in the presence of this man. — Nehemiah 1:11

HEARTLIGHT DAILY VERSE, PRAYER & THOUGHT

(From VerseOfTheDay.com.)

No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us. — 1 John 4:12

Thought: What an incredible thought! God can be seen in my home. The Father of the universe lives in my church. The Almighty God’s love is recognizable in my life. How so? When I love those around me, when they love me back, when we choose to be loving instead of petty, unforgiving, critical, and harsh, God’s presence, power, and perfection are revealed in us!

Prayer: O Father, please make your presence, power, and perfection known through my love for your children and their love for each other. In Jesus’ name I ask this. Amen.

The Thoughts and Prayers for Today’s Verse are written by Phil Ware. You can email questions or comments to phil@heartlight.org.

BIRTHDAY VERSE” OF THE DAY (The chapter and verse correspond to the month and day!)

Ephesians 2:8 NIV = For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God—

TODAY IS WEDNESDAY – FEBRUARY 08, 2017

(NOTE: Some holidays may be duplicated due to various calendars reporting conflicting dates)
WEIRD, WACKY, STRANGE, ZANY, ODD, BIZARRE, QUIRKY, UNUSUAL HOLIDAYS!
THERE ARE ONLY
319 SHOPPING DAYS UNTIL CHRISTMAS.

Today is SCIENCE FICTION DAY, the birthday of Jules Verne, the father of science fiction, on this date in 1828.

I have to admit that this one does seem pretty cruel – but it makes sense if you think about it.  Today is DUMP YOUR SIGNIFICANT JERK DAY. The thing is, if you KNOW that this person is not for you, and you know you’re not going to marry them, why bother prolonging it – you’re just wasting your time and theirs!  Of course, the secular view of this holiday is that you save money by not buying that person a card, candy, or flowers, but that’s just being a jerk yourself.  Your significant other meant a lot to you for a time, the least you can do is be nice to them.

Today is LAUGH AND GET RICH DAY, a day to recognize laughter’s power to help workers be more effective, remember things better, and not change jobs as often.  ***I laugh a lot as a radio personality – and hopefully I make other people laugh too, but I’ve yet to see any evidence of that “get rich” part. I must be doing something wrong.

TODAY IS ALSO…
Boy Scout Anniversary Day Link
Laugh and Get Rich Day
Opera Day

COMING UP NEXT (Just a list, we are not endorsing the holidays posted below.)

THURSDAY, FEBRUARY 09

National Bagel Day Link
National Pizza Day Link
Read in the Bathtub Day
Toothache Day Link

FRIDAY, FEBRUARY 10

Plimsoll Day
All The News That’s Fit To Print Day

SATURDAY, FEBRUARY 11

Be Electrific Day
Don’t Cry Over Spilled Milk Day Link
Get Out Your Guitar Day
Pro Sports Wives Day
National Shut-in Visitation Day
Satisfied Staying Single Day
Stress Awareness Day Link
White Shirt Day or White T-shirt Day Link
World Day of The Sick Link

SUNDAY, FEBRUARY 12

Autism Sunday Link
Darwin Day
Lincoln’s Birthday
NAACP Day
Oglethorpe Day
Paul Bunyan Day
Safety Pup Day
World Marriage Day Link

MONDAY, FEBRUARY 13

Clean Out Your Computer Day Link
Desperation Day Link
Employee Legal Awareness Day
Galentine’s Day Link
Get a Different Name Day
International Condom Day Link
Madly In Love With Me Day
National Wingman’s Day
World Radio Day Link

TUESDAY, FEBRUARY 14

Extraterrestrial Culture Day
Extraterrestrial Visitor Day
Ferris Wheel Day
International Book Giving Day Link
Frederick Douglass Day Link
Pet Theft Awareness Day  Link
Library Lovers Day
National Have A Heart Day
National Donor Day
(World) Congenital Heart Defect Awareness Day Link
League of Women Voters Day
National Women’s Heart Day Link
Race Relations Day
Safer Internet Day  Link
Singles Awareness Day or Singles Appreciation Day Link
National Donor Day
Quirky Alone Day Link
Valentines Day

WEDNESDAY, FEBRUARY 15

Angelman Syndrome Day Link
Lupercalia
National Gum Drop Day Link
National Hippo Day Link
Random Acts of Kindness Day Link
Remember The Maine Day
Susan B. Anthony Day
Westminster Dog Show  Link

ON THIS DAY

1587: Mary, Queen of Scots, was beheaded at Fotheringhay Castle in England after she was implicated in a plot to murder her cousin, Queen Elizabeth I.

1865: American YMCA director Lewis E. Jones was born . He wrote the enduring hymn, “Power in the Blood.”

1922: President Warren Harding had the first radio installed in the White House.

1960: Congress opened an investigation into widespread charges of “payola” that disc jockeys were being paid to play certain records. The accused included deejays Alan Freed and Dick Clark. Clark came through the scandal unscathed, but Freed never worked in radio again.

1968: The film “Planet of the Apes,” starring Charleton Heston, Roddy McDowell, and Kim Hunter, opened through the U.S. (audio clip)

1986: Hosting “Saturday Night Live,” Ron Reagan sang “Old Time Rock & Roll” in his shorts.

1989: A reedited version of the movie “Lawrence of Arabia” opened in New York City. Director David Lean revealed that due to an earlier editing mistake, for 20 years the camels had been moving in the wrong direction and nobody noticed.

1990: Singer Del Shannon shot himself in the head with a .22 caliber rifle at his home in Santa Clarita, California. He was 50 years old. Shannon’s first and biggest hit was “Runaway,” number one in the U.S. for four weeks beginning April 24, 1961

1994: Actor Jack Nicholson attacked a car with a golf club.

1998: A rat grounded a 60-ton Swissair jetliner for two days until airline workers finally trapped it using cured ham as bait. Officials refused to say if the rat was traveling first class or coach.

2000: A man allegedly tricked Little Rock police into immediately searching for his stolen car by telling them that his daughter was asleep in the back seat. Police found the car in less than two hours. But the 30-year-old man was charged with a felony for filing a false police report. Police said he had no daughter.

2003: A romeo was stuck on the frozen roof for two hours after his romantic encounter was interrupted by his lover’s husband. The naked man climbed through the bedroom window when the husband arrived unexpectedly. The window lead on to the roof and the man was too scared to jump down so he was stuck for two hours in the middle of the night until a neighbor spotted him and called police.

2004: At the Grammy Awards, OutKast won album of the year for “Speakerboxxx-The Love Below” and Beyonce took home five Grammies, tying the record for female performers held by Lauryn Hill, Alicia Keyes and Norah Jones.

TODAY IN CHRISTIAN HISTORY

356: For the third time since the Council of Nicea in 325, Athanasius goes into exile. The defender of orthodoxy was out of favor as Arianism, a heresy condemned at the council, ran rampant throughout the Empire. He would be exiled twice more before he died.

1555: Rev. Laurence Saunders, minister of the Gospel of Jesus Christ, was burned at the stake in Coventry, England. On Sunday, October 15th of the previous year, Mr. Saunders had preached a sermon in his parish which caused such a commotion that the Bishop of London sent an officer to arrest him summarily in the afternoon of the same day. He continued in prison one year and three months. The time was spent writing letters to others of the faithful, and in witnessing to the guards and fellow prisoners. On this date, dressed only in an old gown and shirt, barefooted, he was marched to the place of execution, embraced the stake, kissed it, and said, “Welcome cross of Christ, welcome everlasting life.” Then fastened to the stake, after the application of the torch, he soon fell asleep in Jesus!

1587: Mary, Queen of Scots, is beheaded. Attempting to restore Catholicism to England, she began persecuting Protestants. But, largely thanks to the work of John Knox, her attempts failed.

1693: The College of William and Mary is founded in Williamsburg, Virginia. Originally intended to educate Anglican clergymen, it is America’s second-oldest higher education institution (Harvard is the oldest).

HOLLYWOOD, SPORTS AND CELEBRITY FIGURE BIRTHDAYS

  • actor Seth Green (“Greg the Bunny,” The Italian Job, Dr. Evil’s son in the Austin Powers movies) 43

  • actress (Mrs. Ted Danson, Parenthood, Back to the Future III) Mary Steenburgen 64

  • comedian/actor Robert Klein (How To Lose a Guy In 10 Days, Two Weeks Notice) 75

  • actor (Hulk, 48 Hours, Cape Fear) Nick Nolte 76

  • Newsman Ted Koppel, 77

BEE-BOP BIRTHDAYS

(Music Artist Birthdays From SongFacts.com)

1919 : Buddy Morrow

1932 : John Williams

1936 : Larry Verne

1938 : Ray Sharpe

1940 : Brian Bennett (The Shadows)

1941 : Tom Rush

1943 : Creed Bratton (The Grass Roots)

1944 : Jim Capaldi (Traffic)

1946 : Adolpho ‘Fito’ de la Para (Canned Heat)

1946 : Paul Wheatbread (Gary Puckett and the Union Gap)

1948 : Dan Seals (England Dan & John Ford Coley)

1948 : Ron Tyson (The Temptations)

1950 : Ted Turner (Wishbone Ash)

1961 : Sam Llanas (The BoDeans)

1961 : Vince Neil (Motley Crue)

1971 : Will Turpin (Collective Soul)

1977 : Dave “Phoenix” Ferrel (Linkin Park)

SECRETS OF THE UNIVERSE

Why are auctioneers so hard to understand? Wouldn’t it make more sense to be very understandable?

There are several reasons for the strange patter. If the auction is confined to a single type of merchandise, such as tobacco, there may be references that only people in the business would understand. In general, auctioneers also speak quickly because often there’s lots of stuff to sell in a limited amount of time – it’s not a store where people shop at leisure over an extended period. But how about what sounds like gibberish? Those are the “filler” words, just a little excess verbiage to give people time to decide if they want to raise their bid, while the rhythm of the chant is psychologically designed to encourage them to do just that.

CHRISTIAN ARTIST NEWS

This is just a tiny sample of the 5-6 pages of material you could be receiving three days a week from ChristianRadioShowPrepServices.com!

A milestone for Aaron Shust. He posted a picture of a chess board over the weekend and added: I was soundly beaten by my ten year old tonight. Fairly and squarely. #humblebrag 
https://www.instagram.com/p/BQCEgTxhHXk/

Zach Williams is on tour right now with Big Daddy Weave and We Are Messengers and his fellow artists are finding that he’s a pretty nice guy. We are Messengers posted after their first week of shows describing Zach as one of the most tender humans on the tour. Attached was a picture of Zach proving just how sweet he is. In the picture he was holding a white, stuffed kitten with a pretty pink bow.
 https://www.instagram.com/p/BP-jVNrhKeo/?taken-by=wearemessengersmusic

Switchfoot continues to prepare for their trip to Canada later this month with some winter weather training. The band posted: We heard it might get cold while Looking For America and Canada… so we decided to prepare ourselves. In January Switchfoot recorded a video documenting their rigorous training schedule featuring everything from hockey to snow angels. This week they announced that they are adding cryotherapy to the schedule. They hope that the super cold temperatures of the nitrogen will help prepare them for the frigid temperatures they will face up north during their winter tour. 
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PNPZXXuqR1k

Danny Gokey has some singing competition in his own home. Danny posted an adorable picture of his young daughter Victoria singing the ABC song. He added: training my girl to be the next power house vocalist.
 https://twitter.com/dannygokey/status/827216142905257984/video/1

 

Natalie Grant was putting Faith over Fear. She posted: Tiny planes make me scared. Time to practice what I preach.

Citizenway’s Ben Calhoun is joining with his family to encourage everyone to: count your blessings. Ben posted a short video this week saying that it’s a good antidote for “the Funk”. Ben added: We did and it totally worked!  https://www.instagram.com/p/BP_wjYPjdiL/

Building 429’s Jesse Garcia has been with the band for quite awhile. This week he posted: You know you’ve been at this long when a tsa agent, whom I don’t know, says..”good to see you guys again”.

Want to know what makes Moriah Peters smile? She posted: For me, people do…my friends making me dance awkwardly, strangers doing kind things, kids staring until you smile back.  
https://twitter.com/MoriahPeters/status/826911015056969729/photo/1

Hillsong Worship is launching something new in 2017. The band recently posted on facebook: in November 2017 we are launching our BRAND NEW Hillsong Worship & Creative Conference. The say the goal of the conference is simple…to glorify God in all we do and to empower you to creatively fulfil His call in this generation.
 http://hillsong.com/wcc

Question for the day from Revive Our Hearts: Whether you serve in a leadership role or not, we all need to ask this question: What’s my motivation for ministry?

NEWS KICKERS

(No news on the weekends. Want a customized audio version, FREE? Email me for more information! )

NEW NEWS KICKERS…

According to a study published in the “New York Post,” people are no longer dieting as much as they had been in previous years.  ***Hey, if having a butt as big as Kim Kardashian’s is considered attractive, why bother?

Many who own Google Home were surprised when their box responded to “Hello Google” during the company’s Super Bowl commercials. ***Well that seems secure.  Just stand in front of many houses as you can and yell “hello Google, unlock the door” until one of them hears you.

A new book has been released with the title, “Why Trump Deserves Trust, Respect & Admiration.”  It features 206 blank pages.

Last week, it was revealed in documents filed by Johnny Depp’s business managers that he spends an astonishing $2 million a month. Among the examples of his excess were $75 million spent on 14 homes, $18 million on a luxury yacht, and $30,000 per month on wine. Plus, he blew $3 million on shooting the ashes of his hero, author Hunter S. Thompson, out of a cannon over Aspen, CO. ***Now you know why we keep being tortured by unwanted sequels to Pirates of the Caribbean – he needs the money for shopping!

There’s a new dating app helps people find love based on what they hate. ***Because that’s a healthy thing to base a relationship on.  Wait… what if what you hate, is haters?

45% of U.S. broadband households are very concerned about unauthorized access regarding smart home devices.  ***After many who own Google Home were surprised when their box responded to “Hello Google” during the company’s Super Bowl commercials, I can understand the concern!

 The hunt for Tom Brady’s missing number 12 Super Bowl jersey officially became a law enforcement matter on Monday. Houston police say their major offender division is working with NFL Security along with other state and local agencies “to investigate theft” of the jersey, which hasn’t been seen since Brady removed it minutes after he led the Patriots to Sunday’s overtime victory over the Atlanta Falcons.  ***While Brady wasn’t inconsolable about it, he is described as being deflated.

A Baltimore coffee shop that has recently been robbed several times now no longer takes cash.  ***Stop drinking coffee people – it’s just brought us one step closer to the Mark of the Beast!

A Swiss town has denied the citizenship application and passport request of a woman they find “annoying.” Nancy Holten, a Netherlands native who moved to Switzerland when she was eight years old, has twice been denied a Swiss passport because locals don’t appreciate her animal rights campaigns. The 42-year-old vegan has objected a local tradition of hanging giant bells around cows’ necks. Her objection irritated residents in her village.  ***Christopher Walken was unavailable for comment.

NEWS KICKER EVERGREENS…

Blame the potato chip. It’s the biggest demon behind that pound-a-year weight creep that plagues many of us, a major diet study found. Bigger than soda, candy and ice cream.  And the reason is partly that old advertising cliche: No one can eat just one.  “They’re very tasty and they have a very good texture. People generally don’t take one or two chips. They have a whole bag,” said obesity expert Dr. F. Xavier Pi-Sunyer of the St. Luke’s-Roosevelt Hospital Center in New York.  Even more evil than potato chips?  French fries.  What we eat and how much of it we consume has far more impact than exercise and most other habits do on long-term weight gain, according to the study by Harvard University scientists.  ***So when eating your triple cheeseburger and chocolate shake, just give up the fries and it’s like being on Jenny Craig!

People unwilling to quit smoking to improve their own health may consider giving up cigarettes to spare their pets the harmful effects of second-hand smoke. A new survey says Twenty-eight percent of pet owners who smoke say they would try to quit based on knowledge that second-hand smoke could harm their dogs, cats and other pets. Another 11 percent said they would think about quitting.  ***“I don’t really care if my smoke kills me or my family, but if little Fifi might get sickie-poo…”

One out of every 10 people in the entire planet is now on Facebook. If that doesn’t sound like a lot, keep in mind that that there are currently more than 7 billion people in the world.  ***No wonder there is constant war – the entire planet is on Facebook poking each other.

Research published in the journal Sleep reveals that tweens and teens are doing a lot more texting and talking than their parents might realize. In fact, 62% of the kids surveyed admitted to using cell phones even after they’ve gone to bed for the night.  ***So text them a bedtime story!

The day of the week with the most workplace murders is Monday.  ***Which came as a surprise to absolutely no one.

AS THE JUNGLE TURNS

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD WEDNESDAY’S EPISODE

OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns! Last time, Racquet the Skunk had been commissioned by the Rabbit family to create a portrait for them. It took him a while to find the right shade of white, but once he did he was ready to get started… except that he noticed that the sun was already beginning to go down.

CLOSE: What will Racquet the Skunk do now that all of his crayons have been lost? Will the Rabbit family portrait be put on indefinite hold? Will the crayons be found? Will the jungle population of rabbits explode to a point that no amount of crayons could ever be enough to draw the family? Tune in next time to see what happens, as FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you another exciting episode of As the Jungle Turns!

***You may simulcast “As the Jungle Turns” on the Internet stream of your live broadcast only. Any other Internet use of “As the Jungle Turns” in whole or part including podcasting of your live broadcast is a violation of copyright law. Thank you for your cooperation on this vitally important issue. If you have any questions, please e-mail us and ask about “Jungle Jam & Friends the Radio Show” usage.

MOMENT OF DUH

It’s best not to rob the same place at which you’re applying for a job.

Las Vegas police have accused Alejandro Martinez of robbing a pizza parlor. And what led them to suspect Martinez? Before pulling off the heist, Martinez asked for a job application. When he felt the moment was right, he put down the pen, produced a gun and took off with cash. What he didn’t take off with was the job application with his name and address on it.  ***MARLAR: This pizza place is lucky – if he hadn’t pulled a gun to rob them, they might’ve hired him and ended up with someone this stupid actually on staff!

TOP TEN

TOP TEN THINGS FLIGHT ATTENDANTS DON’T WANT TO HEAR

1. I PROBABLY FLY MORE THAN YOU DO.

2. SO DOES THAT MEAN THE ALCOHOL IS FREE?

3. YOU’RE HOLDING US HOSTAGE!

4. ARE THERE ANY FIRST CLASS SEATS AVAILABLE?

5. CAN YOU HELP ME GET MY BAG IN THE OVERHEAD BIN?

6. WHAT DO YOU MEAN THERE’S NO FOOD?

7. ON MY LAST FLIGHT…

8. HERE, TAKE THIS DIAPER.

9. WHEN DO WE GET THERE? (During boarding)

10. WHERE ARE WE?

THE FILES OF LAW & DISORDER

Elvis has left the driveway.

FILE #1: Minneapolis-area resident Jon Kittelsen thought it would be a good idea to mount a painting of Elvis Presley on a saw horse at the end of his driveway to welcome guests to a fundraiser at his home. However, this was no ordinary Elvis painting, but a $15,000 portrait. No word on if guests found the place because thieves apparently said, ‘thank you very much’ and helped themselves to the painting and drove away with Elvis.

FILE #2: Brian Waltermyer walked into the Integrity Bank in York County, PA, wearing a hood. As he approached the teller, carrying a note demanding money, the teller asked him to remove the hood – bank policy.  So he did, giving the bank surveillance cameras a crystal clear view of his face.  Waltermyer was arrested on Monday.  Maybe he’ll get points for adhering to bank policy.

FILE #3: Sometimes God even works in the lives of criminals… to bring them to justice! Jada Coover of Sioux City Iowa was scheduled to appear in court on charges of attempting to tamper with anhydrous ammonia, which is used to make methamphetamine. He was tooling around town on the day of his court appearance, apparently not intending to show up for court, in a truck suspected of being in a hit and run.  Police spotted the truck and started to pursue him. So the brilliant mind of Jada thought, “I’ll run from police and then hide in a court house,” which he did.  Coover hastily parked the truck and ran into the courthouse and tried to barricade himself in a courtroom. The exact same courtroom he was scheduled to appear in that day!

STRANGE LAW: In California it is illegal to set a mouse trap without a hunting license.

THIS IS YOUR BRAIN ON DRUGS

Seatbelts are for beer – not for kids!

In St. Augustine, Florida, police have arrested 46-year-old Tina Williams for apparently caring more about the safety of her beer than the safety of kids! Tina was initially stopped for running a red light but when officers came up to her car they found a 24-pack of Busch beer strapped in passenger seat with a seat belt but a 16-month-old girl unrestrained in the back seat! Also in the backseat was 20-year-old Amber Tedrick, the toddler’s mother. Tina said she didn’t know why the child wasn’t restrained. She also refused to take a breath test and a deputy found two metal pipes commonly used to smoke drugs in her purse. She was charged with DUI, child abuse, possession of drug paraphernalia and driving without a license. The beer was unharmed.

PHONER PHUN

Valentine’s Day is right around the corner, and that means the chick flicks are coming out of the video cabinets for a nice romantic evening. In your opinion, what is THE most romantic movie of all time?

BIBLE BRAIN BUSTER!

QUESTION: What was the name of Timothy’s mother?
ANSWER: Eunice (2 Timothy 1:5)

QUESTION IMPOSSIBLE

QUESTION: Thirty-five percent of people placing personal ads have this in common.

ANSWER: They’re already married

TRUE OR FALSE

Pay attention! If our next player doesn’t answer all ten T/F questions correctly we start all over from question #1! First person to answer question #10 correctly is our winner!

1. The Jordanian city Amman was once called Philadelphia. (True)

2. The largest body of fresh water in the world is Lake Michigan. (False – Lake Superior)

3. The largest desert in the world, the Sahara, is 3,500 square miles. (False – it’s 3,500,000 square miles!)

4. Close to 250,000 people in the U.S. are expected to be 100 years old in the year 2030. (False – it’s closer to 324,000)

5. The average adult in one day speaks 48,000 words. (True. He also exercises seven million brain cells, takes 23,000 breaths, laughs 15 times, and his/her heart beats 104,000 times.)

6. The Nile catfish swims upside down. (True)

7. From the 1850s to the 1880s, the most common cause of death among cowboys in the American West was alcohol poisoning… drinking themselves to death. (False – believe it or not, it was being dragged by a horse while caught in the stirrups.)

8. Table salt is made by driving water into a salt mine. (True – they then evaporate the brine that is formed, leaving dried crystals that look like granulated sugar.)

9. The second is defined as being 9,192,631,770 times the time it takes for a cesium-133 atom to swap hyperfine levels in its ground state. (True… is your head about to explode from trying to make any sense out of that question?)

10. The Greek national anthem has 158 verses. (True)

TABLOID MATCH GAME

You have to match the blank in the tabloid headline with the word or phrase that has been removed!

WOMAN MARRIES ______ (BUILDING)

SEATTLE –  A woman has decided to marry a 107-year-old building.  She already has a “civil union” with the building.

Babylonia Aivaz’s has been in love with the 107-year-old building, for years but she has to have a “quickie” wedding because demolition of the warehouse has already begun.

–Babylonia says she hopes to save the abandoned building for a community center. The Occupy activist has to stand up to developer Seawest, which would rather use the space for a luxury apartment complex. Aivaz firmly opposes this act of gentrification, which she says would hit the poorer members of the neighborhood with increased rent.

If corporations can have rights as people, so can buildings,” the “bride” told American Komonews, referencing a Supreme Court decision on political advertising. “I’m doing this to show the building how much I love it, how much I love community space and how much I love this neighborhood. And I want to stop it from gentrification.”

Aivaz says she fell head over heals with the building after joining a protest inside the building last month.

THE WAY TOO EARLY IN THE MORNING TO UNDERSTAND THE PUNCHLINE EVEN AFTER TWO CUPS OF COFFEE JOKE OF THE DAY 

JOKE #1

A police officer sees a man driving around with a pickup truck full of penguins.  He pulls the guy over and says, “You can’t drive around with penguins in this town! Take them to the zoo immediately.”

The guy says okay, and drives away.

The next day, the officer sees the guy still driving around with the truck full of penguins — and they’re all wearing sunglasses.  He pulls the guy over and demands, “I thought I told you to take these penguins to the zoo yesterday?”

The guy replies, “I did – and they loved it. Today I’m taking them to the beach!”

JOKE #2

There was once an aspiring veterinarian who put himself through veterinary school working nights as a taxidermist. Upon graduation, he decided he could combine his two vocations to better serve the needs of his patients and their owners, while doubling his practice and, therefore, his income. He opened his own offices with a shingle on the door saying, “Dr. Jones, Veterinary Medicine and Taxidermy — Either way, you get your dog back!”

JOKE #3

Just after the maid had been fired, she took five bucks from her purse and threw it to Fido, the family dog. When asked why by her former employer, she answered:

“I never forget a friend. This was for helping me clean the dishes all the time!”

USELESS FACTS

Researchers have found that human sweat contains potent agents that fight off germs and infections. ***So the question is would you rather be disease free, or odor free. (audio clip)

This week in history, back in 1985, the French mineral water company, Perrier, debuted its first new product in 123 years: sparkling water with a twist of lemon, lime or orange. ***If you didn’t know it already, “Perrier” is the French word for “Let’s see how much we can get those idiot Americans to pay for water.”

FEATURED FUNNIES

SECRET FORMULA

The police recently arrested a man selling “secret formula” tablets he claimed gave eternal youth. When going through their files they noticed it was the fifth time he was caught for committing this same criminal medical fraud. He had earlier been arrested in 1794, 1856, 1928 and 1983….

IT MUST BE TRUE BECAUSE I HEARD IT ON THE RADIO!

MONEY TROUBLES

Think you got money troubles? Whatever it is, it ain’t nothing compared to the troubles one Frenchman has!

A car salesman in Nantes, France, has sued the government because he’s allergic to money. Serge Bouzy claims in his lawsuit that the ink that the French government uses for printing its currency makes him sick. He seeks damages for past illnesses and wants the government to change the ink. ***MARLAR: I think he’s just sick of not having the money.

INSPIRATIONAL INSPIRATION

HONESTY, THE BEST POLICY

A man entered a diesel-repair shop, said he was a driver from a trucking fleet and suggested, “How about adding a few extra parts to the bill? We’ll let the company pay for it, and you and I can split the difference?”

The shop owner refused, but the customer was insistent. “I come through here a lot,” the man continued. “We could make quite a bit of money.” But the shop owner said that wasn’t how he operated.

“Everyone does it!” the man yelled. “Are you some kind of fool?”

Burning mad, the owner of the shop asked the truck driver to leave and take his business elsewhere.

Suddenly the trucker smiled and extended his hand for a handshake. “I own a trucking company,” he said. “I’ve been looking for a mechanic I can trust, and I’m not taking my business anywhere else but here!”

Honestly is the best policy.

DRIVE TIME DEVOTIONAL

DIRTY DISHES

Richard De Haan

Abide in Him, that when He appears, we may have confidence and not be ashamed before Him at His coming. – 1 John 2:28

When I was a boy, my father often traveled to other cities to speak at churches and Bible conferences. Sometimes my mother would accompany him, leaving my brother and me alone for a few days. We enjoyed being independent, but we detested doing the dishes.

I remember the time we tried to put off that dreaded chore as long as possible by stacking all the dirty plates, glasses, and silverware in the oven after each meal. At the end of the week, there was hardly any room left. Then, on the evening before Mom and Dad were to return, we rolled up our sleeves and cleaned up the whole mess. It took hours! How ashamed we would have been if our parents had come back earlier than we expected.

Because we don’t know exactly when Christ will return (Matthew 24:36,42,44), we must not get lazy in our Christian walk. The expectancy of His any-moment appearance should help us to be “faithful and wise” servants (v.45) and to live in a way that “we may have confidence and not be ashamed” when He comes (1 John 2:28).

Yes, Christ will come again, just as He promised. Perhaps today! Do you have any “dirty dishes”? Now is the time to get ready.

Faithful and true would He find us here
If He should come today?
Watching in gladness and not in fear,
If He should come today. —Morris

Live as if Christ is coming back today.

LEFTOVERS

HERE’S HOPING YOU DON’T GET THIS JUDGE!

A New York judge tossed out a $50 million lawsuit by a Goldman Sachs bond trader who contended the company fired him illegally for dating a co-worker. State Supreme Court Justice Beatrice Shainswit ruled that Thomas R. Hudson was not fired for the girlfriend, but said he was probably fired to keep him from getting a $5 million bonus he would have received a few weeks after his termination date.  ***MARLAR: Well, in that case it’s okay.

LIFE… LIVE IT

BREAKING YOUR HEART A FEW DAYS EARLY

Be extra careful this coming Sunday before Valentine’s Day, you don’t want an unfortunate accident to ruin this year’s celebration…

…Sunday is the big day for accidents. According to a new survey, you are ten percent more likely to hurt yourself and end up in the hospital on a Sunday than on any other day. Household accidents cause a million injuries and 5000 deaths per year, with more of them happening on a Sunday night.

JUST FOR FUN

SUPER BOWL MONDAY…

As you probably heard, HEINZ gave all of their employees the day off on Monday after the Super Bowl – and they plan on continuing to do it every year. They’re also hoping it will become a trend so the rest of the nation will follow suit and make Super Bowl Monday a national holiday. While it’s not a totally bad idea, it is a bit ridiculous to give everyone a day off just because of a sporting event the day before.  If it’s that easy to get a holiday, here are a few more suggestions…

  • Annual “Week after Thanksgiving When I’m Bloated And Wish I Hadn’t Eaten So Much” Week.  ***If I have to feel like that, I at least want to feel like that on my couch!

  • Annual “Day After Groundhog’s Day” Day.  ***If I wake up and see my shadow, I shouldn’t have to go in to work.

  • December 26th.  ***When else are we going to return all of the crud we received for Christmas that we don’t want to keep?

  • Easter Monday.  ***It’s not fair to anyone that a national holiday always falls on a Sunday.  We need to get at least ONE day off for it.

  • Veterans Day.  ***All veterans get the day off with pay… period.  If you have veterans in your family, that counts too.  And so does ever watching a war movie.  Or even thinking about watching one. Or owning a G.I. Joe action figure.

FUN LIST

13 THINGS YOUR FLORIST WON’T TELL YOU

(From Readers Digest)

  • Sure, you can order flowers at 3 a.m. from 1-800-Flowers, FTD, or Teleflora. But they’ll charge you $15 and then just call us.

  • Most flower shops restock on Monday mornings, so that’s the time to place an order. Fridays and Saturdays are good days to ask what’s on special.

  • Out of preservative? Try this: one fourth 7Up, three fourths water, and two or three drops of bleach.

  • Ask for a discount. We give one to senior citizens, professional groups, and customers we like.

  • The trick to making flowers last: Cut the stems at an angle and change the water at least every other day. And use the floral preservative we give you, not copper pennies.

  • Don’t forget to wash the vase with soap when you change the water. Otherwise, the bacteria clinging to the sides will contaminate your new water.

  • How fresh is your rose? Look closely at the bottom of the blossom and see how many outside petals have been removed. The more ripped petals you see, the older it is.

  • That cheap glass vase that came with your bouquet? Most of us will gladly recycle it if you return it.

  • Fruit is the enemy. It emits ethylene gas, so even in a separate bowl a few inches away, it’s a surefire flower killer.

  • Yes, your flowers look beautiful in the window, but the heat from direct sunlight will kill them in a day or two.

  • You can buy the cheaper Valentine’s Day roses at the gas station. But they may droop or lose petals the next day. They were probably cut weeks ago and put in cold storage.

  • It’s not your nose. Many flowers today don’t have much scent, because growers are breeding for long stems and a lengthy vase life instead.

  • We didn’t choose February. If it were up to us, Valentine’s Day would be in the summer, when roses are actually in season.

MORE SHOW PREP STUFF…

Hate having allergies?  Most people do – but it appears having allergies might also be beneficial for your brain!

New research shows people who have allergies are less likely to develop brain cancer. The study published in the journal Cancer Epidemiology, Biomarkers & Prevention found the more allergies a person had, the less likely they were to develop gliomas, the most common type of brain tumor. Experts aren’t sure exactly why there’s a link. Researchers say it didn’t matter what type of allergies people had — seasonal, pet, or food — they all seemed to have a protective effect against brain cancer.

OTHER STUFF I WANT TO CRAM INTO TODAY’S PREP

Have you ever been the target of rude behavior at work? Beware! When a co-worker is rude to you, you are far more likely to lose your self-control and be rude to others in return, according to researchers from the University of Arkansas. Put more simply: Incivility begets incivility. Rude behavior in the office is different from bullying. While bullying is openly hostile behavior that can include harassment and threats, rude or uncivil behavior includes put-downs, sarcasm and condescension. This is less serious but can have a profound psychological effect on employees. Companies need to pay attention to this, if for no other reason than it can cost them a lot of money. “Estimates are that workplace incivility has doubled over the past two decades and on average costs companies about $14,000 per employee annually because of loss of production and work time,” explains lead study author Chris Rosen, a professor of management at the Sam M. Walton College of Business. The study found that experiencing rude behavior increased mental fatigue, which reduced employees’ self-control and led them to act in a similar rude manner later in the day.

New research from the University of Florida Health Department has some interesting new data to file away for next year’s Super Bowl. Apparently your chance of choking is ten times greater during the big game – especially if you’re the Atlanta Falcons! (Sorry – couldn’t resist). Seriously, Dr. Asim Shuja and his team found people are up to ten times more likely to choke on their food during holidays and major sporting events like the Super Bowl. It’s mainly because that’s when people tend to mindlessly consume massive quantities of food – also often at a high speed. It’s a lesson learned the hard way by former President George W. Bush, who briefly fainted and bruised his face in 2001 after he choked on a pretzel while watching a football game. Men in the study were more likely to choke, usually on meats like turkey and chicken. Experts advise slowing down, take smaller bites and enjoying your meal, along with the big game. (KWQC)

Spending time developing a backup plan may prevent you from achieving your goals. In a new study reported in Organizational Behavior and Human Decision Processes, subjects were asked to complete tasks with or without an alternative plan. Those given extra options had a lower level of success than those with fewer options, and showed less desire to succeed. Bottom line: It’s OK to have a Plan B, but A is for attention. (Men’s Fitness)

Some might view paying kids for good grades as an incentive. Others might see it as a bribe. But the reality is that paying for good grades may not be the most effective way to motivate your children to do well in school, according to Jared Durtschi, a Kansas State University family studies and human services professor. while monetary compensation for grades may be effective in some cases, parents should know the practice could actually backfire and decrease their child’s motivation to perform well in school. How? Cash for grades can cause students’ motivation to work hard in school to shift from an internal motivation — that is, being motivated by how it will make them feel — to an external one that is driven by the reward they will receive. But sometimes it works. In some cases, paying for good grades can be an effective method to motivate students who don’t feel driven to succeed on their own, Durtschi said. Above all, it’s important to let your child know you believe he or she is capable of achieving highly. But when you know your child is trying as hard as he or she can, it’s also important for a parent to accept the child’s best effort.

No tablets at the table. It is not just rude, research from Northwestern University suggest that before mealtime, exposure to blue light, like the type emitted by a laptop, tablet, or smartphone, may make you eat more. Fifteen minutes after being exposed to blue light, people felt an increase in hunger that lasted for two hours. Certain kinds of light can activate brain regions that regulate appetite and metabolism, says study author Phillis Zee, Ph.D. M.D. This can alter the natural rhythms of insulin and glucose production, affecting hunger as a result, she says. So switch off and eat mindfully slowing down and focusing on taste other research shows, can help your body register fullness earlier.

There’s new convincing reason to opt for whole grains: Recent research published in the journal BMJ found that eating 90 grams of whole grains per day was linked to a lower risk of early death from cancer, coronary heart disease, diabetes and other illnesses. Not sure how to reach this number? Easy: Two slices of whole-grain bread plus a bowl of whole-grain cereal is equal to 90 grams. (Woman’s Day)

Tired of energy boosting drinks to get you going and lift you up? According to a few health experts, here are some natural foods to increase energy and elevate mood. It doesn’t take much, and you’ll be feeling better and have more energy to take on your next project. Kick-start your day with these 10 mood-lifting foods: Milk, Chocolate, Whole grain rice or pasta, Mackerel, Coffee, Turkey, Liver, Blueberries, and Brazil nuts.

The amount of time you spend praying to God depends on where you live. Yes, researchers discovered a marked difference between East and West during a global survey to determine religious fervor. Sixty percent of people in the Philippines, Malaysia and India say they pray daily, while 65% of respondents in the Czech Republic, France, Spain and England say they never pray at all. However, the numbers climbed dramatically upward once more when Americans were polled 55% of us pray every day.

AND I LEAVE YOU WITH THIS THOUGHT

Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred dollars and a substantial tax cut save you thirty cents?

“When more and more people are thrown out of work, unemployment results” – Calvin Coolidge, Former U.S. President

“A converted cannibal is one who, on Friday, eats only fishermen.” – Emily Lotney

“The old believe everything, the middle-aged suspect everything, the young know everything.”– Oscar Wilde

THE TICKET Movie Reviews with MARIE ASNER

Marie Asner has been reviewing films for over 35 years. Her outlets include radio, print and Internet. For more in-depth movie reviews of the following films, visit www.Tollbooth.org. Ratings from 1 (Low) to 5 (High).

FEBRUARY 03, 2017…

Opening moved ahead from an earlier date) The Space Between Us—On a colonization voyage to Mars, it is discovered that one of the female astronauts is pregnant.  This results in the first child, a boy, being born on Mars, but in that atmosphere, gravity, etc. Fast forward to teen years, and the kid (Asa Butterfield) knows about Earth and even has a girl friend, Britt Robertson (Skype) he writes to.  However, something happens and Asa ends up on Earth. “The Space Between Us” is rated PG 13. Rating of 2 for fans.

Rings—Johnny Galecki is one of the stars in a remake/new episode of the Japanese supernatural film about a haunting that occurs seven days after you have viewed a video tape. “Something” comes out of a dark hole and comes after you. This film is set thirteen years after the original. Can’t keep a good DVD down. The original was popular and here we go again.  Also in the cast are Vincent Onofrio, Alex Rae, and Matilda Lutz. “Rings” is rated R. Rating of 2 for fans.

The Comedian—Comics sometimes have a dark streak in them and such is the theme in the film starring Robert De Niro. He is a comedian who tries a comeback but gets into trouble. This film is directed by Taylor Hackford who is also Helen Mirren’s husband.  No, she is not in this film, but Leslie Mann, Danny De Vito and Edie Jolie are. “The Comedian” is rated R. No rating.

FEBRUARY 10, 2017…

Fifty Shades Darker continues the romance between Dakota Johnson and Jamie Dorman. Adult film.

John Wick: Chapter 2 with Keanu Reeves as the action guy with an attitude. The first film was surprisingly successful.

The Lego Batman Movie and with the popularity of “The Lego Movie,” this one is sure to have appeal.

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Darren Marlar credits all non-original material to the author whenever possible. All other material is original, used with permission, or author unknown. We welcome all comments, questions, and suggestions. Darren can be reached via his website at www.DarrenMarlar.com.