February 11, 2016: Thursday ONAIRprep

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PRINTER FRIENDLY VERSION: 20160211

 

 

WELCOME TO THE SHOW!

Now, stay tuned for The Best of (THE JOCK SHOW)!  Well, actually, it’s just plain old regular (JOCK SHOW), but we’ve got to do something around here to boost morale.

 

 

BIBLE VERSE OF THE DAY

What good is it for a man to gain the whole world, yet forfeit his very soul?  — Mark 8:36

 

[Jesus said,] “You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be sons of your Father in heaven.” — Matthew 5:43-45

 

What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death? Thanks be to God-through Jesus Christ our Lord! — Romans 7:24-25

 

 

HEARTLIGHT DAILY VERSE, PRAYER & THOUGHT

(From VerseOfTheDay.com)

Then God said, “Let us make man in our image, in our likeness, and let them rule over the fish of the sea and the birds of the air, over the livestock, over all the earth, and over all the creatures that move along the ground.” — Genesis 1:26

 

Thought: While we are creatures made by a loving Creator, we are so much more than animals. There is something distinctive and special about a human being compared with the rest of creation. God made us to rule over the animal world. But rule does not mean ruin! Since creation is part of God’s testimony to himself (Psalm 19 & Romans 1:20), then we certainly don’t want to ruin that testimony. In fact, being made in God’s likeness, we want to rule with the grace, benevolence, and care that God himself uses.

 

Prayer: Father, help me see all the beauty of your creation. Guard me from wastefulness. Guide me into the proper use of the natural resources with which you have so generously blessed me. Most of all, direct my decisions in the way I impact your creation. May my lifestyle and my personal life never damage the beauty of your voice in my world. In Jesus’ name I pray. Amen.

 

The Thoughts and Prayers for Today’s Verse are written by Phil Ware. You can email questions or comments to phil@heartlight.org.

 

 

BIRTHDAY VERSE” OF THE DAY

The chapter and verse corresponds to the month and the day!

Psalm 2:11 NIV = Serve the LORD with fear and rejoice with trembling.

 

 

TODAY IS THURSDAY – FEBRUARY 11, 2016

(NOTE: Some holidays may be duplicated due to various calendars reporting conflicting dates)
WEIRD, WACKY, STRANGE, ZANY, ODD, BIZARRE, QUIRKY, UNUSUAL HOLIDAYS!
THERE ARE ONLY 318 SHOPPING DAYS UNTIL CHRISTMAS.   

 

Today is NATIONAL GRANDMOTHER ACHIEVEMENT DAY.  *** Don’t think Grandma achieved anything?  Think again.  After all, you are hearing me right now – which means you exist.  So apparently your grandmother achieved something!

 

Today is WHITE SHIRT DAY, a day blue-collar factory workers wear white shirts to symbolize the dignity of the working class.  *** And if you are a white collar worker wanting to show that you work just as hard as a blue collar worker, today is the day to show up to work with pit stains.

 

Today is SATISFIED STAYING SINGLE DAY.  *** Paul in the New Testament was – so you’re in good company if you’re single this Valentine’s Day!

 

Today is MAKE A NEW FRIEND DAY and NATIONAL SHUT-IN VISITATION DAY.  *** You don’t necessarily have to do both together, but if you’re looking for a new friend, I can almost guarantee the shut-ins would appreciate making a new friend too!  (Related personality test below!)

 

Today is NATIONAL PEPPERMINT PATTY DAY.  *** Not the Peanuts character, but the candy.  Although both are just as fun.  (RECIPE: And if you really want something special, try a “Peppermint Patty Coffee.”  It’s regular cup of coffee, but you add crushed peppermint candy to the cup and stir it until it dissolves, add some chocolate flavoring, and cream.  Sweeeeeeeet.  It tastes very Christmassy.)   

 

Today is MERINGUE MEMORIAL DAY, a day to make an old-fashioned cream pie and to see if you can remember how to make meringue.  (RECIPE: 2 egg whites, 4 tablespoons sugar, 1/2 teaspoon vanilla.  Beat eggs until frothy. Add sugar gradually and continue beating until stiff peaks form. Add vanilla. Pile on pie and bake at 325° for 15 to 18 minutes.)

 

Today is DON’T CRY OVER SPILLED MILK DAY. *** If you’re lactose intolerant, it’s Don’t Cry Over Spilled Soy Juice Day.

 

Today is NATIONAL INVENTOR’S DAY. *** I thought I had a great invention the other day, a device that made time stop. Turned out my watch’s battery was dead.

 

 

MAKE A FRIEND DAY

The type of friends you prefer reveals a lot about your personality, says psychologist Dr. Elayne Kahn, co-author of “1001 Ways You Reveal Your Personality.”

  • Just one close friend. You need someone to confide in and trust. You don’t trust people very easily, but once you do you’re very loyal. You take friendship very seriously and never take your friends for granted.
  • Friends of your own sex only. You enjoy tradition and believe boys should be boys and girls should be girls. You’re more comfortable when people are in more traditional roles. You enjoy friends who have something in common with you.
  • Friends of the opposite sex only. You enjoy being the center of attention, but don’t like competing for it. Intimate friendships are very important to you, and you’re capable of deep relationships.
  • Friends you just party with. You love to socialize, but don’t like people getting too close. You’re very independent and want to stay that way – and you especially don’t like to become dependent on one person.
  • Friends only from the workplace. You love achieving, working hard, making money and always moving ahead. All things in your life – including friendships – are geared toward making your career as successful as possible.
  • Different friends for different occasions. If, for example, you go dancing with one group of friends and play touch football with another, you’re well-organized, but don’t like to become too involved with people. You’re a busy, active person.

 

 

TODAY IS ALSO. . .

Be Electrific Day

Don’t Cry Over Spilled Milk Day

Get Out Your Guitar Day

Make a Friend Day

Pro Sports Wives Day

National Shut-In Visitation Day

Satisfied Staying Single Day

White Shirt Day (White T-shirt Day)

World Day of the Sick

 

 

COMING UP NEXT

FRIDAY, FEBRUARY 12

Lincoln’s Birthday

Oglethorpe Day

Paul Bunyan Day (Born Feb 12, 1834 in Bangor, ME)

Safety Pup Day

 

SATURDAY, FEBRUARY 13

Desperation Day

Employee Legal Awareness Day

Galentine’s Day

Get a Different Name Day

Madly In Love With me Day

World Radio Day

World Whale Day

 

SUNDAY, FEBRUARY 14

Autism Day

Batman Sticker Day

Ferris Wheel Day

International Book Giving Day

Frederick Douglass Day

Pet Theft Awareness Day (***If it requires a special day set aside to make you aware your pet has been stolen, you don’t deserve to have a pet at all.)

Library Lovers Day (***People without dates on Valentine’s Day apparently need somewhere to hide so they won’t be seen.  What better place than a library?)

National Have a heart Day

Congenital Heart Defect Awareness Day

League of Women Voters Day

National Women’s Heart Day

Race Relations Day

Singles Awareness Day (Singles Appreciation Day)

National Donor Day

Quirky Alone Day

Valentine’s Day

World Marriage Day

 

MONDAY, FEBRUARY 15

Clean Out Your Computer Day

Angelman Syndrome Day

Grammy Awards

Lupercalia

National Gum Drop Day

National Hippo Day

Presidents Day

Remember the Maine Day

Susan B. Anthony Day

 

TUESDAY, FEBRUARY 16

Kyoto Protocol Day

National Almond Day

 

WEDNESDAY, FEBRUARY 17

Champion Crab Races Day

My Way Day

National PTA Founders Day

World Human Spirit Day

 

THURSDAY, FEBRUARY 18

Battery Day

Cow Milked While Flying In An Airplane Day

Eat Ice Cream For Breakfast Day

The Great American Spit Out

National Drink Wine Day

National Hate Florida Day

Pluto Day

 

 

ON THIS DAY

1905: James Blackstone of Seattle set a world record by bowling 299½. On the last roll, one pin broke in half and half of it remained standing. Honest.

 

1938: Robert George Pickett was born in Somerville,: Massachusetts. Bobby was known by his nickname “Boris” when he hit it big with the graveyard smash, “Monster Mash,” at Halloween in 1962, 1970 and 1973. Pickett also charted with ” Monsters’ Holiday” in 1962 and “Graduation Day” in 1963. He died of leukemia in 2007 at age 69.

 

1942: The Archie comic book debuted, featuring Riverdale High’s Archie Andrews, Jughead, Betty, Veronica, and the rich, conniving Reggie. Archie had debuted two months earlier in Pep comics. Spinoffs included a long-time radio show, two TV cartoon series, and a rock group called The Archies.

 

1966: Willie Mays became the highest-paid baseball player, signing a two-year contract with the San Francisco Giants for about $130,000 a year.

 

1977: History’s fattest lobster was caught off the Nova Scotia coast. It weighed 44 pounds 6 ounces and measured 3½ feet from claw tip to tail fan.

 

1989: In a Boston ceremony, the Rev. Barbara C. Harris became the first woman consecrated as a bishop in the Episcopal church.

 

1990: In a stunning upset, heavyweight champion Mike Tyson was knocked out in the tenth round of his fight with Buster Douglas in Tokyo. Douglas went into the fight a 35-1 underdog.

 

1990: Georges de Mestral died in Switzerland at age 82. He invented Velcro and the asparagus peeler.

 

1993: President Bill Clinton announced his choice of Miami prosecutor Janet Reno to be the nation’s first female attorney general.

 

1994: Former Arkansas state clerical worker Paula Jones accused Bill Clinton of making improper sexual advances three years earlier in a Little Rock hotel room. The President said it never happened.

 

1998: The Church of England voted temptation out of the Lord’s Prayer. Meeting in London, senior clerics approved a modern version of the prayer, deleting the words “Lead us not into temptation” and substituting “Save us from the time of trial.”

 

2001: Three Rivers Stadium in Pittsburgh was demolished to make way for new baseball and football stadiums.

 

2003: A deli worker in New York caught a butcher’s knife after it was thrown at her by a robber. Rosa Dela Cruz managed to grab the knife by its handles, stopping it just inches from her face. Police, who caught the robber outside the store, said it was incredible Cruz wasn’t hurt.

 

2004: Cable TV giant Comcast Corporation launched a hostile bid to buy The Walt Disney Company for more than $54 billion. Comcast later withdrew the bid.

 

 

TODAY IN CHRISTIAN HISTORY

1225: 3rd and final version of the Magna Carta is accepted. The original document was written by the archbishop of Canterbury and had a powerful influence on the subsequent development of English freedoms.

 

1742: Zinzendorf on a visit to Pennsylvania, ordains two missionaries to American Indian tribes.

 

1790: The Society of Friends (Quakers) presents a petition to Congress calling for the abolition of slavery.

 

1858: Marie-Bernarde Soubirous, a fourteen year old peasant girl tells her parents she has seen the apparition of a lovely woman at the grotto of the rocks in Lourdes. Pressed later, she says the woman was the Virgin Mary. A spring mysteriously appears where no water flowed before. When the story gets around, Lourdes becomes a center for healing, with hundreds of thousands of visitors a year.

 

1888: John Smith Moffat, a missionary and agent of Cecil Rhodes, makes a treaty with the African king Lobengula. By this treaty the Matabele people come under British protection. The willingness of some missionary to act as agents for the government sometimes hurt the cause of the gospel by raising suspicion among the tribes.

 

1929: The Lateran Treaty is signed by Mussolini and the Holy See, recognizing Vatican City as a sovereign state. At a mere 109 acres, it became the smallest nation in the world.

 

1989: The Episcopal Church Boston diocese consecrated Barbara Harris as the church’s first woman bishop.

 

 

HOLLYWOOD, SPORTS AND CELEBRITY FIGURE BIRTHDAYS

  • actor (“Brotherly Love”, “Boy Meets World”) Matthew Lawrence 36
  • actress (“Friends”, Office Space, Marley & Me) Jennifer Aniston 47 (audio clip)
  • actor (Smokey and the Bandit, The Longest Yard, Deliverance) Burt Reynolds 80
  • Actress (Ginger Grant on “Gilligan’s Island”) Tina Louise, 82 (audio clip)

 

 

BEE-BOP BIRTHDAYS

(Music Artist Birthdays From SongFacts.com)

1889 : John Mills (The Mills Brothers)

1914 : Matt Dennis

1914 : Josh White

1935 : Sergio Mendes

1935 : Gene Vincent

1940 : Bobby “Boris” Pickett

1942 : Otis Clay

1942 : Leon Haywood

1947 : Derek Shulman (Gentle Giant)

1962 : Sheryl Crow

1977 : Mike Shinoda (Linkin Park)

1979 : Brandy

1981 : Kelly Rowland (Destiny’s Child)

 

 

SECRETS OF THE UNIVERSE

Is there any limit to how high birds can fly?

Well, would you accept, “the sky’s the limit?” I didn’t think so. Well, the oxygen has to be plentiful enough for them to breathe and the air can’t be too thin for them to get a lift under their wings. Having said that, we know from the testimony of airline pilots that some birds really get up there. Swans, for example, have been reported at 27,000 feet. That’s probably about the top. Then there’s the vulture that hit a passenger plane, 37,000 feet above the Ivory Coast. At least we can extrapolate from the mangled feathers that were its remains that it was a vulture. But ornithologists suspect that, rather than actually flying that high, it got caught up in a storm, was frozen solid and delivered to that height by an updraft. Given the shrinking meal service on most planes, we know that vulture couldn’t have been scavenging for leftovers.

 

 

CHRISTIAN ARTIST NEWS

Do you like the Christian Artist News you see below? It’s just a tiny sample of the 5-6 pages of material you could be receive every weekday… and it’s FREE!  Become one of their subscribers at ChristianRadioShowPrepServices.com!

 

Don’t mess with Casting Crowns Mark Hall. He was at the gun range this week and shared a picture of his human shaped target. It included five out of seven shots to the head and four out of five shots in the nine or ten rings on the torso.

https://www.instagram.com/p/BBkUVI9jkZ_/

 

Hawk Nelson’s Jon Steingard says the pool at their new home in California is going to be a very nice addition this summer. He tweeted: This pool is gonna come in real handy this summer cuz we ain’t got AC!

http://twitter.com/jonsteingard/status/696824491930849280/video/1

 

Kutless member James Mead shared this week: I literally can’t wait for football season to start.

 

Sara Groves wants to get a chair just like her dad’s. He has just come through back surgery and Sara says his chair sternly tells him to SIT DOWN whenever he tries to get up. She said his bed yells at him too. Sara added: Wondering if these are available for kids?

 

Mandisa watched the Super Bowl for only the second time in her life this past Sunday and she had a special reason for viewing them game. Mandisa pointed out that the Broncos were the 1st pro team she ever sang the Anthem for. You can check out her performance from back in 2008 on YouTube…

https://youtu.be/V4M2FR52OIU

 

Christian artists are becoming involved in the political process. Several artists have shared their thoughts online as they attended political rallys. And now a reports publicized in The Blaze says the frontman of the Newsboys, Michael Tait, has announced his endorsement Texas Sen. Ted Cruz for president. According to ChristianHeadlines.com, Tait is an alumnus of Liberty University which is where Cruz announced his candidacy back in March. Tait said that he had been following Cruz “for a while” and that Cruz’s principles and policies are ones Tait himself “believes in.”

http://www.christianheadlines.com/blog/newsboys-frontman-endorses-ted-cruz-for-president.html

 

A question from Kutless member James Mead: Which one are you? I’m a Feb-ROO-ary, and it has always bothered me that this month is commonly “mispronounced.”

 

Switchfoot front man Jon Foreman presented a TED talk at the University of Nevada this week. As part of his presentation, Jon sang “Only Hope,” “Terminal,” and “Dare You To Move.” Between songs he delivers an encouraging message that dares us all to live out the purpose for which we were born. Check out Jon’s TED talk…

http://youtu.be/1w5Q4pDSwUE

 

Chris August got married this past weekend and his first wedding picture is now available. Along with the picture Chris posted: I would say yesterday was amazing, but that would be an understatement. I would say it was life changing, but that’s a given. Other than giving my life to Christ, it was the best day and the most awesome decision I’ve ever made. Chris added: thank you to everyone who has been praying for us leading up to this day, and for the prayers you continue to bring to the Lord. We are striving to be more like Him every day. Loving the way He loves.

https://www.instagram.com/p/BBgay68rasT/

 

Still no new baby in the Maher household. On January 31 Matt Maher tweeted: Off to Nashville – let baby watch 2016 begin. However, no word since on the status of the latest member of the Matt Maher family.

 

 

NEWS KICKERS

(No news on the weekends.)

 

NEW NEWS KICKERS…

Valentine’s Day is just around the corner and America’s sweethearts plan to spend an average of $146.84.  ***Really?  People are spending a hundred and fifty bucks on their partners?  Sure, I may not spend that much – but now I realize that my wife has been ripping me off for years!!

 

Two men with mirrors and a wooden cross interrupted a campaign event in New Hampshire this week to perform an exorcism on Ted Cruz. They claimed that the Republican presidential candidate was “possessed by a demon.”  ***Cruz?  Have these people not hear Hillary Clinton laugh?  Tell me that’s not demonic!  (Video proof.)

 

In an interview with NBC News anchor Lester Holt, Donald Trump says he’d behave differently if elected president.  ***How is this newsworthy?  It’s Trump – he already behaves differently.  Just not in a good way.

 

A Florida man was arrested and charged this week with assault after Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation officials say he threw a 3½-foot alligator through a Wendy’s drive-thru window in October.  ***Sure, maybe the fries were cold – but there has to be better ways of showing your disappointment.

 

 

NEWS KICKER EVERGREENS…

A recent study by cyber-security researchers has found that 24 percent of Facebook ads selling luxury goods, like Ray-Ban sunglasses or Louis Vuitton handbags, are hocking counterfeit products.  ***MARLAR: Wait, what?  You mean to tell me that there are untruths on the internet?!?!

 

Another stereotype has been shattered as we learn that men LOVE to shop… as long as it’s from their Lay-z-Boy. According to a survey (by iProspect), men are spending more money shopping online than women. Guys are spending 20% to 30% more per transaction, and 84% of the purchases are for themselves. The No. 1 website for dudes is Amazon.com.  ***MARLAR: Mostly looking for Amazon women.

 

Scientists predict that 42 percent of Americans will be obese by 2030.  ***MARLAR: For once in my life I’m AHEAD of the curve!

 

Want another reason not to drive while tired?  According to a survey by AAA in Washington D.C., nine out of 10 police officers have thought a driver was drunk when really the motorist was overtired.  ***MARLAR: Officers will now ask if you’ve been drinking or if you need a nappy-poo.

 

 

WONDER WOMAN

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… “Jogger at Speed of Sound”

 

 

DAILY COMEDY CLIP

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… Mark Lowry, “Love”

 

 

AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – WEEKDAY VERSION

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD THURDAY’S EPISODE  
OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns!

Last time, Racquet the Skunk agreed to make a brand new badminton racquet for Gruffy Bear – who then bragged about it to Nozzles the Elephant and Sully the Aardvark.  Gruffy also mentioned that he was getting it on trade for a hammer… and that gave Nozzles and Sully the same idea…

 

CLOSE:  Sounds like Racquet’s “new and improved” racquet isn’t “improved” at all!  And it’s just so he can get rich off his friends!  Will the other animals find out about his scheme?  Find out next time, As the Jungle Turns!

 

 

AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – SATURDAY/SUNDAY VERSION

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD THE EPISODE FOR THE WEEKEND OF FEBRUARY 13/14

 

OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns!  When last we left the jungle, Louis the lion – currently the king of the jungle – decided he didn’t want to be king.  So all of the animals went out searching all throughout the jungle to find a replacement king… someone to be king so Louis wouldn’t have to.  And it looks like they’re getting pretty close!
CLOSE: Being king of the jungle is an awful big responsibility… and it looks like it requires an awful big crown too!  But the crown doesn’t fit Louis, so there must be someone else around that can be king!  We’ll find out who next time, As the Jungle Turns!
***You may simulcast “As the Jungle Turns” on the Internet stream of your live broadcast only. Any other Internet use of “As the Jungle Turns” in whole or part including podcasting of your live broadcast is a violation of copyright law. Thank you for your cooperation on this vitally important issue. If you have any questions, please e-mail us and ask about “Jungle Jam & Friends the Radio Show” usage.

 

 

MOMENT OF DUH

Soccer fans trying to keep the amount of violence down at the games end up creating their own Moment of Duh!

Today’s Moment of Duh is dedicated to the fans of Macedonian football, also known to us North American’s as SOCCER! These soccer fans did something that probably should’ve been done a long time ago – they spent three days at a “stop violence” government sponsored event. They attended workshops, lectures and discussions, meant to teach fans of rival soccer teams to get along and not fight. It was a pretty good idea – well, it would’ve been a great idea if it weren’t for the last day of the “stop violence” event. On the very last day, at the farewell dinner, just as the organizers were about to declare the program a “total success,” the attendees began fighting with each other over which team had the best players. A gun was even fired and thirty people were arrested. Fortunately there were no serious injuries. By the way, the government refuses to say whether they will do the program again.

 

 

TOP TEN

TOP TEN THOUGHTS FOR THOSE WHO TAKE LIFE TOO SERIOUSLY

  1. Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
  2. I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.
  3. I intend to live forever – so far so good.
  4. Borrow money from a pessimist – they don’t expect it back.
  5. My mind is like a steel trap – rusty and illegal in 37 states.
  6. The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes.
  7. When everything’s coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane and going the wrong way.
  8. If at first you don’t succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
  9. For every action there is an equal and opposite criticism.
  10. The colder the x-ray table the more of your body is required on it.

 

 

THE FILES OF LAW & DISORDER

The files of Law and Disorder today teach us that the perfect crime is not perfect unless you have the perfect getaway vehicle.

 

FILE #1: From Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania comes the story of Robert Nolan who held up two convenience stores in one night. Robert was probably feeling pretty good about himself when he stepped out of his van at his house. His mood immediately changed when he was confronted and arrested by the cops. How could the police possibly have known he was the crook? And how could they have found him so quickly? After all, he thought he had made a clean getaway. It was his van. The company van he drove when making his getaway. The one that said “Nolan Plumbing and Heating” in big bold letters on the side. After getting the description of the vehicle from the victims, one of the cops remembered where he had often seen the van parked and was waiting for Robert when he arrived home.

 

FILE #2: The U.S. Constitution guarantees that a federal prisoner will not be subjected to “cruel and unusual punishment.”  But that all depends on your definition of “cruel and unusual.”  In Albany, New York, a federal judge has dismissed a state prisoner’s lawsuit claiming that housing two inmates in a cell designed for one was cruel and unusual punishment. The center of the inmate’s case was his complaint that his fellow inmate’s “toilet smells” were too much to bear. The judge, clearly a math whiz, rejected the toilet-smell argument by using the Pythagorean Theorem to prove that the odor-wafting-distance difference was actually minimal.

 

FILE #3: Imagine that your car gets stolen and gets smashed up by the guy who stole it. Now imagine your insurance covering his medical expenses! Sounds ludicrous doesn’t it? But a Danish court ruled that a young car thief was entitled to full compensation from the car owner’s third-party insurance. The case dates back to 1992 when a 15-year-old kid stole a car and proceeded to take it on a 105-mph joy ride before crashing it. He was only fined for the crime, but couldn’t be held criminally responsible under Danish law. Now several years later, he was awarded over $100,000 from the car owner’s insurance company for injuries he suffered while driving the stolen car! Boy, that will teach him not to steal anymore, won’t it?!

 

STRANGE LAW: In Muncie, IL, it is illegal to carry a tackle box into a cemetery.

 

 

THIS IS YOUR BRAIN ON DRUGS

Just because a river is frozen in Iowa, doesn’t mean it’s frozen everywhere. 

John Russell Lindley, 19, of Iowa City, and Daniel Thomas Rathjen, 19, of Marengo, IA, were smuggling over a pound of marijuana that they had stuffed into a duffel bag, and hid under a private covered dock along the St. Mary’s River in Canada.  After stashing the pot, they drove more than 500 miles back to Iowa, and then after a week noticed the Iowa River had started to freeze. They assumed that if the Iowa River was frozen, then the St. Mary’s River in Canada also would be frozen. They were wrong, and fell through the ice. Just because a river is frozen in Iowa, doesn’t mean it’s frozen everywhere.

 

 

PHONER PHUN

Valentine’s Day is right around the corner, and that means the chick flicks are coming out of the video cabinets for a nice romantic evening.  In your opinion, what is THE most romantic movie of all time?

 

So you’re snowed in.  School is cancelled; the roads are too bad to go to work; so how do you keep yourself entertained at home on a snow day?

 

 

BIBLE BRAIN BUSTER!

QUESTION: What lying woman was a widow for only about three hours?
ANSWER: Sapphira. She conspired with her husband Ananias to lie to Peter about the sale of their property. For three hours she was a widow, and then she died too! (Acts 5:5-10)

 

 

QUESTION IMPOSSIBLE

QUESTION: Which planet in our solar system has the longest day?

ANSWER: Venus. One of its days is 244 earth days long

 

 

TRUE OR FALSE

Pay attention!  If our next player doesn’t answer all ten T/F questions correctly we start all over from question #1!  First person to answer question #10 correctly is our winner!

 

  1. Henry Ford never had a driver’s license. (True)

 

  1. The typical American is exposed to 1,600 and commercials and advertisements every month. (False… every DAY!)

 

  1. The average driver will be locked out of their car nine times during their lifetime. (True)

 

  1. The first episode of Sesame Street was sponsored by the letters W, S and E. (True)

 

  1. The only popcorn museum in the world is located in Marion, Ohio, USA. (True)

 

  1. The average office document gets copied 9 times. (False… 19 times)

 

  1. A town is not a city until it has a church. (False… it must have a cathedral in order to be properly called a city.)

 

  1. About one-tenth of the earth’s surface is permanently covered with ice. (True)

 

  1. Contrary to popular belief, no alligators have ever been found in the New York City sewer system. (False – one alligator has been found. The 125 pound (57 kilogram) alligator was pulled out by four boys, in 1935.)

 

  1. In Texas, it’s against the law for anyone to have a pair of pliers in his or her possession. (True)

 

 

TABLOID MATCH GAME

You have to match the blank in the tabloid headline with the word or phrase that has been removed!

SECOND ________ FOUND (EARTH)

Astronomers have discovered a planetary system orbiting the Sun-like star HD 10180.  One planet, Zamina, is identical to earth.

The team of astronomers also found evidence that the distances of the planets from their star follow a regular pattern, as also seen in our Solar System.

“We have found what is the system with the most planets yet discovered,” says Christophe Lovis, lead author of the paper reporting the result.

“Studies of planetary motions in the new system reveal complex gravitational interactions between the planets and give us insights into the long-term evolution of the system.”

The team used the HARPS spectrograph, attached to ESO’s telescope at La Silla, Chile, for a six-year-long study of HD 10180, located 127 light-years away in the southern constellation of Hydrus.

 

 

THE WAY TOO EARLY IN THE MORNING TO UNDERSTAND THE PUNCHLINE EVEN AFTER TWO CUPS OF COFFEE JOKE OF THE DAY

JOKE #1

Because of a shortage of maids, the minister’s wife advertised for a manservant. The next morning a nicely dressed young man came to the front door. “Can you start the breakfast by seven o’clock?” asked the minister.

“I guess so,” answered the man.

“Can you polish all the silver, wash all the dishes, do the laundry, take care of the lawn, wash windows, iron clothes and keep the house neat and tidy?”

“Say, preacher,” said the young fellow rather meekly, “I came here to see about getting married but if it’s going to be as much work as all that, you can count me out right now.”

 

JOKE #2

A couple was celebrating their 25th wedding anniversary when someone asked the fellow what was he giving his wife for the occasion.

Well, I’m taking her to Hawaii, says he.

REALLY ? That’s great. What will you do for your 50th?

Guess I’ll go back and get her…

 

JOKE #3

A motorcycle patrolman was rushed to the hospital with an inflamed appendix. The doctors operated and advised him that all was well. However, the patrolman kept feeling something pulling at the hairs on his chest. Worried that it might be a second surgery the doctors hadn’t told him about, he finally got enough energy to pull his hospital gown down enough so he could look at what was making him so uncomfortable.

Taped firmly across his hairy chest were three wide strips of adhesive tape, the kind that doesn’t come off easily. Written in large black letters was the sentence.

“Get well quick ….. from the nurse you gave a ticket to last week.”

 

 

USELESS FACTS

The worst time to wake up is before 5am. And it’s best for your heart health to sleep in until 7am or 8am — every day. Researchers from several universities and hospitals in the Japanese city of Kyoto, have concluded that early-risers have a higher risk of developing heart problems than their friends who sleep in later. The team found that people who habitually rise before 5am have a 1.7 times greater risk of high blood pressure and are twice as likely to develop hardening of the arteries as those who get up at 7am or 8am.  ***MARLAR: I should be dead now.

 

The word “laser” stands for “Light Amplification by Stimulated Emission by Radiation.”  ***MARLAR: Boy, I’m glad they came up with an abbreviation!  Can you imagine going in to get your eyes fixed?  “I’m going in for Light Amplification by Stimulated Emission by Radiation eye surgery!”

 

 

FEATURED FUNNIES

FIELD GOAL

One time when Michigan State was playing UCLA in football, the score was tied at 14 with only seconds to play. Duffy Daugherty, Michigan State’s coach, sent in place-kicker Dave kaiser who booted a field goal that won the game. When the kicker returned to the bench,

Daugherty said, “Nice going, but you didn’t watch the ball after you kicked it.”

“That’s right, Coach,” Kaiser replied, “I was watching the referee instead to see how he’d signal it. I forgot my contact lenses, and I couldn’t see the goal posts.”

 

 

IT MUST BE TRUE BECAUSE I HEARD IT ON THE RADIO!

Gee, your rat smells nice. 

Grooming isn’t just for dogs anymore, and many pet owners are bringing in their pet rats to groomers like Karri Garrison, who uses waterless shampoo to make their coats shine and smell sweet. That’s right, I said pet rats. Customers at Katie’s Pet Depot in La Verne, California, began requesting rat grooming soon after the store opened nearly two years ago. Employees began researching rats and even adopted some. One of the clients was named Jewel, a half-pound, white-and-yellow hooded rat owned by a local high school student. The $10 treatment included clipping her claws, spraying her with the waterless shampoo, and using a product that kills fleas and mites.

 

 

INSPIRATIONAL INSPIRATION

HAVE YOU SEEN THE RABBIT?

One day, a young disciple of Christ desirous of wanting to become all that God had for him visited the home of an elderly Christian. He had heard that this old man had never lost his first love for Christ in all the years he had known Him.

The old Christian was sitting on the porch with his dog stretched out before him taking in a beautiful sunset. The young man posed this question:

“Why is it, brother, that most Christians zealously chase after God during the first year or two after their conversion, but then fall into a complacent ritual of church twice a week and end up not looking any different than their neighbors who aren’t even Christians? I have heard you are not like that. I have been told that you have fervently sought after God throughout your years as a Christian. People see something in you that they don’t see in most people who became Christians. What makes you different?

The old man smiled and replied, “Let me tell you a story:

“One day I was sitting here quietly in the sun with my dog. Suddenly a large white rabbit ran across in front of us. Well, my dog jumped up, and took off after that big rabbit. He chased the rabbit over the hills with a passion.

Soon, other dogs joined him, attracted by his barking. What a sight it was, as the pack of dogs ran barking across the creeks, up stony embankments and through thickets and thorns!

Gradually, however, one by one, the other dogs dropped out of the pursuit, discouraged by the course and frustrated by the chase. Only my dog continued to hotly pursue the white rabbit.”

“In that story, young man, is the answer to your question.”

The young man sat in confused silence. Finally, he said, “Brother, I don’t understand. What is the connection between the rabbit chase and the quest for God?”

“You fail to understand,” answered the well-seasoned old man, “because you failed to ask the obvious question. Why didn’t the other dogs continue on the chase? And the answer to that question is that they had not SEEN the rabbit.

Unless you see the prey, the chase is just too difficult. You will lack the passion and determination necessary to keep up the chase.”

–Gary Amiraulthe

 

 

DRIVE TIME DEVOTIONAL

A SIGNIFICANT IMPACT

Read: Daniel 10

We do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against . . . the rulers of the darkness of this age. –Ephesians 6:12

John Wesley was convinced that the prayers of God’s people rather than his preaching accounted for the thousands who came to Christ through his ministry. That’s why he said, “God will do nothing except in answer to prayer.” An overstatement? Yes. But the fact is that our praying is a powerful weapon in the war between God and Satan.

In today’s Scripture reading, Daniel was so disturbed by a revelation about Israel’s future that he could do nothing except fast and pray. Three weeks later a heavenly messenger appeared, saying that God had sent him when Daniel prayed, but that the prince of Persia had detained him (10:13). This “prince” was an evil spirit who sought to influence the rulers of Persia to oppose God’s plan. He had detained God’s messenger, until the archangel Michael came to his aid. A cosmic conflict between good and evil is continually being fought in the invisible spirit world. Paul reminded us that it involves Christians. He listed the spiritual armor and weaponry we need for these battles (Ephesians 6:13-17), and then he added “praying always” (v.18). Our prayers can have a significant impact on the outcome of those spiritual battles. May we, therefore, faithfully pray as we fight the good fight (1 Timothy 1:18).  —Herb Vander Lugt

 

Something happens when we pray,
Powers of evil lose their sway,
We gain strength and fear gives way,
Therefore, let us pray. –Anon.

 

Satan trembles when he sees the weakest saint upon his knees.

 

 

LEFTOVERS

BREAD IS DANGEROUS

I’ve done some research and some hard-nosed investigation, and I’ve come up with some very disturbing facts about bread. Now I hope you’re sitting down, because you’re going to be shocked at what I’m about to share with you.

  • More than 98 percent of convicted felons are bread users.
  • Fully HALF of all children who grow up in bread-consuming households score below average on standardized tests.
  • In the 18th century, when virtually all bread was baked in the home, the average life expectancy was less than 50 years; infant mortality rates were unacceptably high; many women died in childbirth; and diseases such as typhoid, yellow fever, and influenza ravaged whole nations.
  • More than 90 percent of violent crimes are committed within 24 hours of eating bread.
  • Bread has been proven to be addictive. Subjects deprived of bread and given only water to eat, begged for bread after as little as two days.
  • Bread is often a “gateway” food item, leading the user to “harder” items such as butter, jelly, peanut butter, and even cream cheese.
  • Bread has been proven to absorb water. Since the human body is more than 90 percent water, it follows that eating bread could lead to your body being taken over by this absorptive food product, turning you into a soggy, gooey, bread-pudding person.
  • Bread is baked at temperatures as high as 450 degrees Fahrenheit! That kind of heat can kill an adult in less than two minutes.
  • Most American bread eaters are utterly unable to distinguish between significant scientific fact and meaningless statistical babbling.

We must protect our children!  Beginning immediately we should make selling bread to those under 18-years-old illegal. We should also create bread-free zones around schools, and then have the Federal Government come out with a campaign to “Just Say No 2 Toast!”

 

 

LIFE… LIVE IT

MAKE IT PERSONAL

Some easy Valentine’s ideas for Men to impress their lovely ladies.

(Men’s Health) A better Valentine: Dinner and roses? Uninspired. “There’s nothing very special about being just like every other woman on February 14,” says Michael Webb, author of “The RoMANtic’s Guide.” Show that you put some thought into the day. With these:

  • Her favorite take-out food dinner. You care enough to have remembered. Use good plates.
  • Romantic DVDs bundled into a personal boxed set. Movies you’ve seen together, or classics; it’s creative and thoughtful.
  • A fun, decadent dessert, like this fondue from Colin Cowie, author of “Dinner after Dark”: Melt any chocolate (even Hershey bars) in a saucepan, mix in heavy cream, and dip strawberries, biscotti, or her favorite cookies.
  • A foot massage using a fragrant oil.

 

 

JUST FOR FUN

LOOKIN’ FOR LOVE IN ALL THE WRONG PLACES

One man is so desperate for love he’s actually paying for people to help him find it!
A 34 year old Media, Pennsylvania man is hoping that Cupid shoots an arrow his direction real soon, and he’s willing to pay – if you can help him. Ed Ryder is looking for a woman who enjoys go-cart racing, learning about Russian culture and protecting animals, and if you point that girl his direction it could mean $25,000 for you. Ed says, “‘I’m not at all lonely. I am not at all unhappy. I am not at all desperate. I am merely unfulfilled”.   ***MARLAR: And he’s willing to pay $25K to prove that to us?  Sounds desperate to me.

 

 

FUN LIST

REDNECK VALENTINES (Click here for a ZIP file containing fully-produced and ready-to-air bits based on this list, specifically for ONAIRprep subscribers!)

  • My trucks are all green, my dog’s name is blue, and I’m so lucky to have a sweet thang like you.
  • Yore hair is like cornsilk, a flappin’ in the breeze, softer than Blue’s, and without all them fleas.
  • You’re as graceful as okry, jist a-dancin ‘ in the pan, yore as fragrant as Bud Light, right out of the can.
  • You have all yore teeth, of which I am proud, I hold my head high when we’re ina crowd.
  • On special occasions, when you shave yore pits, well, I’m in hawg heaven! Plumb outta my wits!
  • And speakin’ of wits, you got plenty for sure, ‘cuz you married me back in ’74.
  • Still them fellers in the north 40, they all want me to tell, what I did to deserve such a pretty young belle.
  • Like a good roll of duct tape, yore there for yore man, to patch up life’s troubles, and stick ’em in the can.
  • Yore as strong as a four wheeler, racin’ through the mud, yet fragile as that singer Naomi Judd.
  • Yore as cute as a junebug, a-buzzin’ overhead, you ain’t like no far ant, upon which I oft’ tread.
  • Cut from the best pattern, like a flannel shirt of plaid, you spark up my life. like that old linear I had.
  • Yore complexion, it’s perfection, like the best vinyl sidin’, despite all the years, yore age it keeps hidin’.
  • Some men, they buy chocolate, for Valentine’s Day, they git it at Wal-Mart; it’s romantic that way.
  • Some men get roses on that special day, from the cooler at Kroger, “That’s impressive,” I say.
  • Some men buy fine diamonds from a flea market booth, “Diamonds are forever,” they explain, suave and couth.
  • But for this man honey, this will not do, for you are too special, you sweet thang you.
  • I got you a gift, without taste or odor, better than diamonds, it’s a new 350 Chevy motor!

 

 

MORE SHOW PREP STUFF…

Could a little homework help save your marriage? Researchers in Chicago think so. They found that couples who spent just seven minutes every few months writing short essays about their recent fights reported being less unhappy a year later than similar couples that didn’t do the assignments. The approach was simple – each couple was asked to reconsider a recent argument from the perspective of a neutral well-wisher.  “Spending 21 minutes a year reappraising conflict appears to yield a spectacular return on investment,” the team at Northwestern University concluded in their report, to be published in the journal Psychological Science.  The researchers point out that the writing assignment didn’t improve anyone’s marriage – but it helped slow the general decline in happiness that marks many, if not most, marriages over time.  ***MARLAR: Who knew homework could be BENEFICIAL?  Certainly not me.

 

 

OTHER STUFF I WANT TO CRAM INTO TODAY’S PREP

Christians around the world mark the beginning of Lent with this week’s celebration of Ash Wednesday.  Perhaps the most notable custom related to the season of Lent is the act of fasting. But Pope Francis has a different idea for fasting this year. He recently told followers that Lent is a good time for penance and self-denial but he reminded those listening that these activities must truly enrich others. Francis suggests that even more than candy or alcohol, we fast from indifference towards others.

http://ti.me/20lZUPD

 

Adventures is Odyssey is helping kids to show God’s love to their friends on Valentines day. The children’s program is out with a series of free, downloadable Valentine’s Day cards that also include a link to download a free program. Access the free cards… http://ow.ly/Ya6n6

 

Do your political values affect your parenting values? A Pew Research Center’s study seems to indicate that they do. Respondents were given a list of 12 traits important to teach children and were asked to pick the three most important. The study found that those consistently conservative listed traits like being responsible, hard work and religious faith as most important while those consistently liberal listed empathy for others and helping others in their top three. Check the entire chart at http://ow.ly/Irp0y

 

Name a star after him or her on Valentine’s Day (yes, they still do this).

 

Or make him or her a Scottish Lord or Lady!

 

 

AND I LEAVE YOU WITH THIS THOUGHT

I’m convinced that every time I learn something new it pushes some old stuff out of my brain. Last night I was trying to figure out what to get my wife for Valentine’s Day, and this morning I found out that I’ve forgotten how to make coffee.

 

 

THE TICKET Movie Reviews with MARIE ASNER

Marie Asner has been reviewing films for over 30 years. Her outlets include radio, print and Internet.  For more in-depth movie reviews of the following films, visit www.Tollbooth.org.  Ratings from 1 (Low) to 5 (High).

 

FEBRUARY 05, 2016…

 

The Choice—This is a romance/drama about the choices one makes in life. Especially love at first sight. The cast includes Tom Welling (“Superman” TV series), Benjamin Walker (“In The Heart Of The Sea”), Teresa Palmer and Maggie Grace. “The Choice” is rated PG 13. No rating.

 

Hail! Caesar—A comedy with a back of the hand to Hollywood.  A superstar is kidnapped and the production can’t go on without him, but, then, who might care?? The stars in this film play their roles broadly and they include George Clooney, Josh Brolin, Jonah Hill and Scarlett Johannson. Directed by none other than the Coen Brothers. “Hail! Caesar” is rated PG 13. Rating of 3 for fans.

 

Pride and Prejudice and Zombies—Author Jane Austen’s books are in the public domain, who would have thought? Anyway, we now get “Pride and Prejudice and Zombies” starring Lily James from “Downton Abbey” playing Elizabeth. Corsets and martial arts are the theme here, as Lily and her sisters Bella Heathcote and Suki Waterhouse (Kitty) go after the bad guys. Also in the cast is Sam Riley (Mr. Darcy) and Charles Dance. “Pride and Prejudice and Zombies” is rated R. No rating.

 

Regression—This is a psychological study as a father is accused of abusing his daughter and can’t remember doing anything. The cast includes Ethan Hawke, David Dencik, Emma Watson and David Thewlis. “Regression” is rated R. No rating.

 

FEBRUARY 12, 2016…

 

Where To Invade is a documentary, rather tongue in cheek, by Michael Moore about traveling the world for information to help America.

 

Deadpool comes from the comics and has Ryan Reynolds in the title role.

 

How To Be Single is about women trying to get along without men in their lives. A comedy to be sure and starring Rebel Wilson and Dakota Johnson.

 

Zoolander 2 with Ben Stiller and Owen Wilson from the cult-classic comedy and reprising their roles as Derek and Hansel.

 

The Bad Hurt concerns a family trying to stay together through hurts and secrets. Stars Ashley Williams and Karen Allen.

 

 

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Darren Marlar credits all non-original material to the author whenever possible. All other material is original, used with permission, or author unknown. We welcome all comments, questions, and suggestions.  Darren can be reached via his website at www.DarrenMarlar.com.