February 13, 2016: Saturday ONAIRprep

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PRINTER FRIENDLY VERSION: 20160213

 

 

WELCOME TO THE SHOW!

Welcome to (THE JOCK SHOW) – some assimilation required. Resistance is futile.

 

I hate when I’m singing along to a song and someone corrects me.  I’m like, “Dude – I was free styling!”

 

I’ve been thinking on the biblical truth that when I get to Heaven I will have work to do. Honestly, I’m kinda glad for that. Sitting around watching Netflix while eating Cheetos would get really boring after a century or two.

 

Does Nair work on cats?

 

 

BIBLE VERSE OF THE DAY

“Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant.” –1 Corinthians 13:4

 

We ought always to thank God for you, brothers, and rightly so, because your faith is growing more and more, and the love every one of you has for each other is increasing. — 2 Thessalonians 1:3

 

 

HEARTLIGHT DAILY VERSE, PRAYER & THOUGHT

(From VerseOfTheDay.com)

I urge you, brothers, by our Lord Jesus Christ and by the love of the Spirit, to join me in my struggle by praying to God for me. — Romans 15:30

 

Thought: God’s people and God’s ministries are constantly under attack. Satan does not sit idly by while his kingdom is plundered. But those on the front lines of ministry do not need to fight alone. You can help them. You can “join the struggle” by praying to God for them. I know at HEARTLIGHT we truly need your prayers for protection, for power, and for wisdom. Others you know need similar prayers. More than money, more than pats on the back, more than notoriety or success, God’s servants and God’s work need your prayerful support.

 

Prayer: Almighty and Sovereign God, please bless and protect and empower these servants who are on my heart today… LORD, please bless the ministries, ministers, and missionaries of your Church and please dear God, deliver your children who are under oppression and persecution for the name of Jesus. To you, O God, belongs all power and honor and glory. In the name of my conquering King, your Lamb who was slain, I pray. Amen.

 

The Thoughts and Prayers for Today’s Verse are written by Phil Ware. You can email questions or comments to phil@heartlight.org.

 

 

BIRTHDAY VERSE” OF THE DAY

The chapter and verse corresponds to the month and the day!

Philippians 2:13 NIV = for it is God who works in you to will and to act according to his good purpose.

 

 

TODAY IS SATURDAY – FEBRUARY 12, 2016

(NOTE: Some holidays may be duplicated due to various calendars reporting conflicting dates)
WEIRD, WACKY, STRANGE, ZANY, ODD, BIZARRE, QUIRKY, UNUSUAL HOLIDAYS!
THERE ARE ONLY 315 SHOPPING DAYS UNTIL CHRISTMAS.   

 

This is INTERNATIONAL FLIRTING WEEK.  *** I’d think they’d have placed this on the agenda LAST week, allowing you to have an entire week of flirting in order to help you find a Valentine.

 

Today is NATIONAL SUCK IN YOUR GUT DAY.  *** I gave that up the instant I said, “I do.”

 

Today is GET A DIFFERENT NAME DAY.  *** Just for today though – we don’t want you out there living life as “Apple”, “Scout” or “Moon Unit.”

 

Today is GUYS, DON’T FORGET TOMORROW IS VALENTINE’S DAY DAY.  *** Actually it’s called Dream of Your Sweetheart Day – but I thought reminding guys about tomorrow being Valentine’s Day would be a better public service.

 

 

TODAY IS ALSO. . .

Desperation Day

Employee Legal Awareness Day

Galentine’s Day

Get a Different Name Day

Madly In Love With me Day

World Radio Day

World Whale Day

 

 

COMING UP NEXT

SUNDAY, FEBRUARY 14

Autism Day

Batman Sticker Day

Ferris Wheel Day

International Book Giving Day

Frederick Douglass Day

Pet Theft Awareness Day (***If it requires a special day set aside to make you aware your pet has been stolen, you don’t deserve to have a pet at all.)

Library Lovers Day (***People without dates on Valentine’s Day apparently need somewhere to hide so they won’t be seen.  What better place than a library?)

National Have a heart Day

Congenital Heart Defect Awareness Day

League of Women Voters Day

National Women’s Heart Day

Race Relations Day

Singles Awareness Day (Singles Appreciation Day)

National Donor Day

Quirky Alone Day

Valentine’s Day

World Marriage Day

 

MONDAY, FEBRUARY 15

Clean Out Your Computer Day

Angelman Syndrome Day

Grammy Awards

Lupercalia

National Gum Drop Day

National Hippo Day

Presidents Day

Remember the Maine Day

Susan B. Anthony Day

 

TUESDAY, FEBRUARY 16

Kyoto Protocol Day

National Almond Day

 

WEDNESDAY, FEBRUARY 17

Champion Crab Races Day

My Way Day

National PTA Founders Day

World Human Spirit Day

 

THURSDAY, FEBRUARY 18

Battery Day

Cow Milked While Flying In An Airplane Day

Eat Ice Cream For Breakfast Day

The Great American Spit Out

National Drink Wine Day

National Hate Florida Day

Pluto Day

 

FRIDAY, FEBRUARY 19

Best Friends Day (Spongebob Squarepants)

Chocolate Mint Day

National Lashes Day

Women in Blue Jeans Days

Iwo Jima Day

 

SATURDAY, FEBRUARY 20

Love Your Pet Day

Northern Hemisphere Hoodie Hoo Day

World Day for Social Justice

 

SUNDAY, FEBRUARY 21

International Mother Language Day

World Information Architecture Day

Daytona 500

 

MONDAY, FEBRUARY 22

87th Academy Awards Ceremony

Museum Advocacy Day

National Margarita Day

Woolworth’s Day

World Thinking Day

George Washington’s Birthday

Tex Avery Day

 

 

ON THIS DAY

1795: The University of North Carolina became the first U.S. state university to admit students. Hinton James was the only student on campus the first two weeks.

 

1937: The NFL Boston Redskins moved to Washington, D.C.

 

1959: Mattel toy partner Ruth Handler gave birth to an 11-inch teenager named Barbie, the first doll with developed breasts. Mattel sells over 20-million Barbies a year.

 

1965: 16-year-old Peggy Fleming won the U.S. Ladies Senior Figure Skating Title at Lake Placid, New York.

 

1967: The Beatles released “Penny Lane” and “Strawberry Fields Forever” in the U.S.

 

1972: The musical Grease, starring Barry Boswick and Adrienne Barbeau opened on Broadway. It became one of Broadway’s longest-running shows. (audio clip)

 

1983: Singer Karen Carpenter died at 32 of anorexia.

 

1988: Singer Michael Jackson bought a ranch in Santa Ynez, California. He named it “Neverland.”

 

1990: TV talk show host Geraldo Rivera said he would become more socially relevant and investigative, that “the nuts and sluts” would be on other people’s programs.

 

2000:  The last original Sunday “Peanuts” comic strip appeared in newspapers. Peanuts creator, artist Charles M. Schulz, had died the day before.

 

2002: A man in New Jersey who allegedly stole dozens of lottery tickets was arrested trying to cash a winning $12.50 ticket. Stolen ticket serial numbers had been circulated, and a store’s alert cashier had the suspect fill out a claim form with his name and address. Police arrested the 39-year-old suspect at his home.

 

2003: Dan Price completed a 4,000-mile cross-country tricycle ride from his home in Joseph, Oregon, to Key West, Florida, to make people aware of the benefits of environmentally-friendly travel. He averaged 50 to 60 miles a day, carried a compact tent, and camped out at night.

 

2003: Clara Harris, who’d run down her husband with her Mercedes after catching him with his mistress, was convicted by a Houston jury of murder despite her claim that she’d hit him accidentally while in a daze. She was sentenced to 20 years in prison.

 

2005: Ray Charles’ final album, “Genius Loves Company,” won eight Grammy awards.

 

 

TODAY IN CHRISTIAN HISTORY

1633: Called to trial by the Inquisition, Italian astronomer Galileo Galilei arrives in Rome ready to explain his belief that the earth revolves around the sun. He was compelled to recant the view, and was placed under house arrest until his death in.

 

1826: The American Temperance Society (later renamed the American Temperance Union) is founded in Boston to promote total (but voluntary) abstinence from distilled liquor. Among the 16 founders were Protestant clergymen.

 

1728: Death of Cotton Mather, influential New England divine.

 

1793: Death of Christian F. Schwartz, “Apostle of India” in India.

 

1926: Mexico deports foreign monks and nuns in its ongoing efforts to weaken the church.

 

1974: Solzhenitsyn is expelled from the Soviet Union. His novels attempt to depict Soviet conditions realistically and his non-fiction work Gulag Archipelago exposes the horrors of the Soviet prison system.

 

 

HOLLYWOOD, SPORTS AND CELEBRITY FIGURE BIRTHDAYS

  • actress (“CSI:NY,” X-Men 2) Kelly Hu 48
  • talker (“The Jerry Springer Show”) Jerry Springer 72
  • actress (Grease, “The West Wing”) Stockard Channing is 72 (audio clip)
  • Musical Monkee Peter Tork 74 (audio clip)
  • actor (The Naked Truth, “Just Shoot Me,” Who’s Afraid of Virginia Wolf, Carbon Copy) George Segal 82
  • actress (Vertigo, “Falcon Crest”) Kim Novak 83

 

 

BEE-BOP BIRTHDAYS

(Music Artist Birthdays From SongFacts.com)

1900 : Wingy Manone

1919 : Tennessee Ernie Ford

1920 : Boudleaux Bryant

1920 : Eileen Farrell

1925 : Gene Ames (The Ames Brothers)

1927 : Jim McReynolds (Jim and Jesse)

1930 : Dorothy McGuire (The McGuire Sisters)

1942 : Peter Tork (The Monkees)

1944 : Rebop Kwaku Baah (Traffic, Wings)

1944 : Stockard Channing

1945 : King Floyd

1945 : Roy Dyke (Ashton, Gardner & Dyke)

1950 : Peter Gabriel

1951 : David Naughton

1952 : Ed Gagliardi (Foreigner)

1956 : Peter Hook (New Order)

1961 : Henry Rollins (Black Flag)

1961 : Les Warner (The Cult)

1966 : Freedom Williams (C and C Music Factory)

1974 : Robbie Williams

 

 

SECRETS OF THE UNIVERSE

WHAT WAS THE INSPIRATION FOR PAC-MAN?

The hero for the game of Pac-Man was “born” from gazing at a pizza with one slice missing, as Toru Iwatani, Namco in Japan, tried to think of a character for his new game. He looked down at the pizza, then it dawned on him–a circle with a wedge missing for a mouth–and so, Pac-Man was born. The Japanese have a slang word–paku paku–they use to describe the motion of the mouth opening and closing while one eats. The name “Pac-Man” came from that word. The American rights were to go to Atari originally, but they turned them down, saying the game was too easy.

 

 

CHRISTIAN ARTIST NEWS

Do you like the Christian Artist News you see below? It’s just a tiny sample of the 5-6 pages of material you could be receive every weekday… and it’s FREE!  Become one of their subscribers at ChristianRadioShowPrepServices.com!

 

Casting Crowns Jaun Devevo says his iPhone might be controlling his life. He posted: Day 3,145 with an iPhone. Autocorrect has now completely taken over my mind. I just type random letters and it tells me what I want to say.

 

Kutless member James Mead is branching out. He announced recently: I’ve been practicing making balloon animals lately. I can make two animals so far: a snake, and a worm.

 

Advice from Britt Nicole: Create, every single day.

 

Casting Crowns Mark Hall was wearing his youth pastor hat over the weekend. He posted: Middle school boys cabin at camp. It smells like corn chips and feet in here. And we all know there’s a fine line between the two.

 

Kutless member James Mead on his time off from touring: When I’m home I basically have the same schedule as a retired grandma…many of whom I’m currently shopping with at the grocery store.

 

Jamie Grace really likes chili. She posted on twitter: I just need the inventor of chili to know they’re a genius.

 

Dan Bremnes was part of a question and answer time on twitter this week. Here are some of his responses:

Q: what inspired you to pursue music?

A: inspired by bands like jars of clay and Delirious as well my youth pastor who taught guitar

Q: If you could choose anyone to record or tour with who would it be?

A: Got to tour with Tenth Avenue North and Crowder which were dreams come true. Switchfoot has always been a favorite too

Q: How do you suggest worship teams develop their own sounds.

A: Start by writing your own tunes. Even if they sound like others at first you’ll find your own sound as you experiment

Q: How did you and Britt meet?

A: We met in Youth Group

Q: What’s your favorite thing about being a music artist?

A: favorite thing is traveling. Seeing new places meeting new people

Q: What’s the best and worst part about touring?

A: I love everything about touring and in so blessed to do it. The only tough part is being away from my family.

Q: What was it like for you and your family to move from Canada to Nashville?

A: It was a big step of faith! Our son was only 2 months old and we started from scratch…. But… No regrets!

Q: Why drives you musically

A: I love sharing a message, and to worship.

 

Natalie Grant was asking for help this week. She tweeted: I know nothing about video games and my twins want one for their birthday. They’re turning 9. Which one? HELP!

 

Tobymac is out with a new interview as he heads out on the next let of his tour. He talks about everything from his team on stage to the fans to dealing with the fame that comes from being a well known artist on stage in front of thousands every night. Find out how Tobymac stays grounded in his life and in his spiritual walk. Watch the interview…

https://youtu.be/by3O9rV56bY

 

Citizenway’s Ben Calhoun taught Daniel Olsson to play guitar when he was 12 years old. This week he came full circle. Ben posted: Now he’s 19 and playing with Citizenway on the The Roadshow tour for his Judson University junior year internship.

https://www.instagram.com/p/BBlMT3zFutv/

 

 

NEWS KICKERS

(No news on the weekends.)

 

NEW NEWS KICKERS…

 

 

NEWS KICKER EVERGREENS…

 

 

WONDER WOMAN

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… “Deaf People Earmuffs”

 

 

DAILY COMEDY CLIP

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… Sally Boeke, “Kindergarten”

 

 

AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – WEEKDAY VERSION

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD MONDAY’S EPISODE  
OPEN: Last time, Racquet the Skunk was commissioned to make new badminton racquets for Gruffy, Sully, and Nozzles.  But when he realized that they’d never have to buy more racquets after that, he designed them with a flaw so they break easily – meaning they’d have to buy new racquets, keeping Racquet in business.  Will his dishonesty pay off?  We’re about to find out…

 

CLOSE: Ah ha… looks like Racquet’s scheme is about to backfire on him.  I’m sure he didn’t mean for all of the racquets to break so soon.  Will he apologize to his friends and make it right, or will he try to get out of trouble by being dishonest again?  We’ll find out next time, as FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns!

 

 

AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – SATURDAY/SUNDAY VERSION

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD THE EPISODE FOR THE WEEKEND OF FEBRUARY 13/14

 

OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns!  When last we left the jungle, Louis the lion – currently the king of the jungle – decided he didn’t want to be king.  So all of the animals went out searching all throughout the jungle to find a replacement king… someone to be king so Louis wouldn’t have to.  And it looks like they’re getting pretty close!
CLOSE: Being king of the jungle is an awful big responsibility… and it looks like it requires an awful big crown too!  But the crown doesn’t fit Louis, so there must be someone else around that can be king!  We’ll find out who next time, As the Jungle Turns!
***You may simulcast “As the Jungle Turns” on the Internet stream of your live broadcast only. Any other Internet use of “As the Jungle Turns” in whole or part including podcasting of your live broadcast is a violation of copyright law. Thank you for your cooperation on this vitally important issue. If you have any questions, please e-mail us and ask about “Jungle Jam & Friends the Radio Show” usage.

 

 

MOMENT OF DUH

When coffee and doughnuts aren’t enough, even cops can commit a Moment of Duh!

Ronald Dupuis, a police officer in Michigan, used a Taser stun gun to stop an argument over a soft drink.  The two suspects struggled over the steering wheel, and Officer Dupuis hit Prema Graham’s leg with his department-issued Taser gun. She wasn’t seriously hurt.  Sounds like a good collar, eh?  Well the problem (or the award-winning fact as the case is here) is that Prema Graham is also a police officer.  In fact, she is Officer Dupuis’ partner.  In fact, it was the two of them who were arguing about whether to stop and get a soft drink.   He wanted one, she didn’t, she was driving, he tried to taser her into a stop.  Dupuis was fired and could get up to 93 days in jail.

 

 

TOP TEN

TOP TEN REASONS FOR CELEBRATING VALENTINE’S DAY

 

  1. Your wife no longer buys the excuse that Valentine’s Day is of Satan!

 

  1. You forgot you wife’s birthday last month and things have been as cold inside the house as they are outside!

 

  1. You’ve been waiting to use those X-men valentines you bought on sale last year!

 

  1. You’ve been told that you should get “in touch” with your feelings.

 

  1. Some people collect stamps, coins, Royal Doulton, but you–you collect cupids!

 

  1. You’re looking at buying a new truck and you think a nice card and some flowers might “grease the wheels” with your wife.

 

  1. It adds credibility to your heart-shaped tattoo that you got on that “unforgettable night of madness” some twenty years ago!

 

  1. When your secretary comes in to give you the morning mail, she says, “Good Morning, Mr. Hallmark”!

 

  1. Chocolates, chocolates, and more chocolates!

 

  1. The Lord loves it when we love, romance, appreciate, and communicate without spouses in tangible ways. So Valentine’s Day should be just one of many ways we express our love throughout the year!

 

 

THE FILES OF LAW & DISORDER

While some people use t-shirts as a form of expression, one criminal decided to use a t-shirt for a disguise!

 

FILE #1: A clever idea is to wear a T-shirt that says Fort Worth Police so people won’t think you’re shoplifting. A stupid idea is to not make sure before you shoplift that the real Fort Worth Police Chief isn’t shopping at the store. Chief Ralph Mendoza knows his men, but didn’t recognize the guy in the T-shirt. Store employees notified the chief that he may be shoplifting and, sure enough, the suspect is now accused of shoplifting and falsely identifying himself as a police officer.

 

FILE #2: In Pompano Beach, Florida, Steve Cipriano was doing what he’d been doing for the last 15 years — driving a bus. And in 15 years he’s had to deal with a lot of sleepy, angry, drunk, drugged out people, but nothing like what happened to him Tuesday. An unidentified, irate passenger complained to Steve that he wasn’t going fast enough and would make him late for work. When the guy finally got off at his stop, he turned and gave Steve a burst of pepper spray in the face! Steve says, “I couldn’t breathe. I started coughing and went outside to get some air. Everyone else on the bus was coughing, too. The guy was walking away nonchalantly, then turned around and said something like ‘He’d get me next time.'” Fortunately the jerk was filmed on the bus security camera and police are on the lookout for him.

 

FILE #3: In Moline, Iowa, 17-year-old David Leib made a monumentally stupid move. David had outfitted his car with strobe lights and the red and blue lights which are used on emergency vehicles. And he decided to flash them in an attempt to pull over a couple on the Milan Beltway. Unfortunately, the people he tried to pull over were an off-duty Mercer County Sheriff’s deputy and his wife. Realizing something wasn’t quite right they called 911. A female officer from the Milan Police Department happened to be nearby and responded. She pulled over the car with the flashing lights and found young Dave behind the wheel. So what did David have to say when he was arrested? He just made the comment that it was a stupid idea. No argument here.

 

STRANGE LAW: It is illegal to kiss on a train in the state of Wisconsin. ***MARLAR: However, kissing the train itself is perfectly legal.

 

 

THIS IS YOUR BRAIN ON DRUGS

Today it’s not YOUR brain on drugs… it’s the cricket’s brain!

China has had a long standing fascination with crickets which has recently been exhibited in cricket beauty contests, cricket singing competitions and even cricket prize fighting. However, according to the Los Angeles Times the obsession has led to increasing vigilance about crickets cheating with performance-enhancing drugs. The doping allegations come from the singing cricket competitors as the drugs slow down the vibration of the cricket’s wings thus producing an attractively lower pitch.  Oh… and prize crickets can go for as high as $10,000 a piece!

 

 

PHONER PHUN

According to the findings of a recently published study, a calculus equation can tell with 94% accuracy if you’ll be able to last in a marriage or not.  That’s the word from professor Dr. John Gottman who claims he can tell if a relationship will last.  He developed the formula after observing 700 couples over a period of 14 years, and claims he can apply the formula to any couple after just a 15-minute videotaped interview.  So, if you could. . . would you take a test to determine whether or not you should marry someone?  What if the test said you were not compatible?  Would you get married to the person anyway?

 

 

BIBLE BRAIN BUSTER!

QUESTION: What were the names of the two bodies of water that the children of Israel crossed on dry ground?
ANSWER: The Red Sea and the Jordan River. Exodus 13:18

 

 

QUESTION IMPOSSIBLE

QUESTION: 4000 people live here in the summer only a thousand in the winter. Where is it?

ANSWER: Antarctica

 

 

TRUE OR FALSE

Pay attention!  If our next player doesn’t answer all ten T/F questions correctly we start all over from question #1!  First person to answer question #10 correctly is our winner!

 

VALENTINE’S TRUE OR FALSE

 

  1. Commercial Valentine cards were first made in the early 1600’s. (False – the early 1800’s. Many of them were blank inside, with space for the sender to write a message.)

 

  1. In 2004, Americans spent more than $3.6 billion on Valentine’s Day. (True)

 

  1. The Hallmark Company produced its first Valentine in 1931. (False, 1913. Today, Hallmark offers over 1,330 different Valentine’s Day greeting cards.)

 

  1. Yearly, close to 90 million Valentine’s cards are exchanged. (False – it’s ten times that amount! More than 900 million cards!)

 

  1. Valentine’s Day is the biggest U.S. holiday for sending cards. (False, it is second only to Christmas for the number of cards sent.)

 

  1. The Valentine’s Day massacre happened in Detroit in 1929. (False, it was in Chicago. Al Capone and his henchmen murdered seven members of the George “Bugs” Moran North Siders gang in a garage on North Clark Street. The incident forced police authorities to double their efforts in finding enough evidence to arrest the famous “godfather.”)

 

  1. Red roses are the most popular flower to give on Valentine’s Day. (True. Although they may all look the same to the untrained eye, there are actually more than 900 varieties of dark-red and medium-red roses.)

 

  1. The vast number of red roses sold on Valentine’s Day in the United States are imported from South America. (True – despite the fact that California produces 60 percent of American roses!)

 

  1. The first photograph of a U.S. President was taken on February 14. (True – on February 14, 1849 by Matthew Brady in New York City. President James Polk was the subject of the famous picture.)

 

  1. The first televised tour of the White House was aired on February 14. (True, in 1962. First Lady Jackie Kennedy hosted the tour.)

 

 

TABLOID MATCH GAME

You have to match the blank in the tabloid headline with the word or phrase that has been removed!

CLEVELAND ________ ERUPTS (VOLCANO)

CLEVELAND, OH –  The 5,676-foot-peak, located 40 miles outside Cleveland erupted this morning.

Satellite imagery of the 5,676-foot peak, located just south of Downtown, showed a bulging lava dome forming in the volcano’s summit crater, suggesting a buildup of gas pressure.

And this morning, it blew.

Even though the volcano is in a relatively uninhabited area (due to foreclosure, the eruption still has cause a big mess and inconvenienced a number of Cleveland natives.

Some 90 percent of commercial flights in and out of Cleveland were canceled today.

 

 

THE WAY TOO EARLY IN THE MORNING TO UNDERSTAND THE PUNCHLINE EVEN AFTER TWO CUPS OF COFFEE JOKE OF THE DAY

 

JOKE #1

A young pupil asked, “Master, what is fate.”

“Ah, my son, it is what has brought great nations together. It has made the world a smaller place in which to live. It has inspired men of worth to work endless hours. It will someday enable men to span the universe and light years of travel will soon become mere seconds in time.”

“And that, my master, is fate?”

“Oh, fate! I thought you said freight.”

 

JOKE #2

A recruit in Navy boot camp at Great Lakes got on the wrong side of his Company Commander and was ordered to do push-ups.

As the recruit neared triple digits, an airliner flew overhead. “I bet you wish you were on that plane, don’tcha?” sneered the Company Commander.

“No, sir,” said the unlucky recruit. “Why wouldn’t you want to be on that plane?”

“Because,” the recruit grunted between grueling push-ups, “that plane’s landing. I want to be on one that’s leaving.”

 

JOKE #3

A salesman, tired of his job, gave it up to become a policeman.

Several months later, a friend asked him how he liked his new role.

“Well,” he replied, “the pay is good and the hours aren’t bad, but what I like best is that the customer is always wrong.”

 

 

USELESS FACTS

A Tempe, Arizona, Krispy Kreme that went bankrupt is auctioning off its equipment, including a machine that makes 600 dozen donuts an hour.  ***MARLAR: How rotten of a businessman do you have to be to not be able to make a profit with Krispy Kreme doughnuts?  Law enforcement by itself should keep you in the black.

 

Men who eat a moderate amount of vegetables, especially green leafy vegetables such as broccoli and spinach, have a far lower risk of developing colon cancer, according to a new study from the National Cancer Institute in Bethesda, MD. ***MARLAR: Proving that marriage is saving my life.  Before getting married the closest thing to vegetables I’d eat was green Jell-O.

 

 

FEATURED FUNNIES

I DO OR I WILL

A man is sitting on his front stoop staring at the ground when his neighbor strolls over.

The neighbor tries to start a conversation several times, but the older man barely responds. Finally, the neighbor asks what the problem is.

“Well,” the man says, “I ran afoul of one of those questions women ask. Now I’m in the doghouse.”

“What kind of question?” the neighbor asks.

“My wife asked me if I would still love her when she was old, fat and ugly.”

“That’s easy,” says the neighbor. “You just say, ‘Of course I will.'”

“Yeah,” says the other man, “that’s what I meant to say. But what came out was, ‘Of course I do.'”

 

 

IT MUST BE TRUE BECAUSE I HEARD IT ON THE RADIO!

VALENTINES HEADACHE

Guys, if you are looking for an excuse not to buy your wife certain things for Valentine’s Day, this will help a little!

A Migraine headache expert from New Jersey claims that Valentine’s Day staples, like dark chocolate and candles can actually trigger migraine headaches! Dr. Donnica Moore suggests that you might want make some substitutions in your plans, like white chocolate and light bulbs.

 

 

INSPIRATIONAL INSPIRATION

THE LIFE RAFT WE CANNOT SEE

David Pippenger

An injured man stranded in the wilderness finds help where he least expected it.

This is a true story…
Albeit, the short version.
A man found himself floating down the rapids in a river at the bottom of a canyon, miles from anywhere, in the middle of a wilderness area with his ankle broken in half.

Having been trained on how to get out of the rapids, he determined that he would get to the shore, and he did.
Not having been trained in what to do with a broken ankle in the bottom of a canyon…he determined that he would walk out of the canyon and up the steep, rocky path just as he had come down.
He did not.
You see, his ankle had the deciding vote, and it had decided that walking up a rocky slope was not in its best interest.
So, in an effort to appease the broken ankle, the man tried to walk using a crutch made from a tree.
Which was a brilliant idea…
If he had been walking on a smooth sidewalk going downhill for a short distance.
But he wasn’t.
He was next to a river at the bottom of a canyon, miles from anywhere, in the middle of a wilderness area with his ankle broken in half.
So he decided to think of every possible solution and to choose the best one.
From helicopters to climbing teams, he imagined every possible means to get out of the canyon that was miles from anywhere, in the middle of a wilderness area—with his ankle broken in half.
But while he was thinking, a raft came around the corner.
Which was interesting, because even though he had tried to think of every possible solution he had never thought of a raft.
But that wasn’t all.
Because in the raft was a Wilderness Emergency Medical Technician.
Which was particularly interesting, because the man with the broken ankle didn’t know there was such a thing as a Wilderness Emergency Medical Technician and he certainly didn’t expect one to be on a raft that he hadn’t even thought of.

Well, the Wilderness EMT made a splint with duct tape and branches from a tree and put the man in his raft, and later that night they camped at a beautiful spot on the river and ate chicken fajitas and strawberry shortcake.
Which was interesting, because the man with the broken ankle thought that he would be eating the dehydrated eggs that he had in his backpack.

Then he realized that a lot of things he hadn’t thought of and a lot of things that he had thought of had turned out in ways that he never thought out.
Which is why I am telling you this story.
I was the man with the broken ankle.
And that day next to the river at the bottom of a canyon, miles from anywhere in the middle of a wilderness area with my ankle broken in half…
I learned that I could not possible imagine all of the amazing things that were in store for me in my life.
Proust says that we shouldn’t look for new vistas, but instead look with fresh eyes.
He’s right.
No matter what life is throwing at us, there us a raft around the corner that we cannot see.
Don’t look for it; it cannot be seen.
Don’t predict when it will appear; it’s not on your timetable.
Don’t doubt that it exists, for doubts will cloud your eyes and cause you to give up before it arrives.
Don’t give up; give in.
Give in to the idea that positive events are in your future, even if you can’t see them.
Give in to the idea that positive events are in your future, even if you can’t imagine what they could possibly be.
There’s a raft around the corner.

 

 

DRIVE TIME DEVOTIONAL

Tomorrow is Valentine’s Day, but do you know the story behind the day?

Long before he became a saint, the guy whose name is attached to Valentine’s Day was a true friend of couples in love. His concern for getting men and women together cost him his life. Talk about dying for love!

Back in the third century, the Roman emperor Claudius issued one of his most bizarre edicts. He outlawed marriage for his army, saying that it destroyed the morale of his soldiers. He thought married men didn’t make good fighting men. Valentine, who was a bishop, decided to ignore the emperor’s rule and marry couples in secret anyway.

When Claudius found out about this, he called Valentine in for a chat. The ruler told the bishop that he would spare his life if he would stop marrying people, denounce his Christianity, and worship the Roman gods. Valentine refused, and Claudius had him killed.

Valentine’s story lived on. In 496, when the Pope needed to replace a pagan Roman festival, he pulled the Valentine tale out of history. He made Valentine the patron saint of a day that had been dominated by the Roman god Lupercus. Thus, Valentine’s Day was born.

Marriage hasn’t been outlawed in our day, but there are forces that are seeking to destroy its significance. That’s why we as Christians need to review the importance of marriage which God Himself ordained in Genesis 2.

As a young person who is living in a society that is debunking marriage by making it seem old-fashioned or too narrow or not important, you need to remind yourself that marriage is God’s planned place for sexual intimacy and for raising children.

How do you view marriage? Are you like Valentine, who gave his life to protect it? Or are you like Claudius, who thought it obsolete? Which view is closer to the way God would like you to view marriage?

 

 

LEFTOVERS

VALENTINES WORTH SENDING
by Michael Webb
If you are going to celebrate Valentine’s Day, I suggest you do it with a little forethought. I cringe every time I go to the grocery on February 13 or 14 and see dozens of men crowding around the greeting cards to buy one at the last possible moment. Buy your card now and mail it out to Loveland, Colorado for extra special treatment. Your card will be postmarked LOVEland, Colorado and it will also be hand-stamped with a unique four line poem. The Loveland Chamber of Commerce organizes this yearly romance project with cards going to all 50 states and over 100 foreign countries annually. It’s simple. Just enclose your pre-addressed, pre-stamped Valentine’s card in
a larger envelope and mail to:

Postmaster, Attn: Valentines, Loveland CO 80537.
Go ahead. Do it now.
Here are some more “romantic” cities.
# Kissimmee, Florida 32741
# Valentine, Texas 79854
# Valentine, Nebraska 69201
# Loving, New Mexico 88256
# Bridal Veil, Oregon 97010
# Romance, Arkansas 72136

 

 

LIFE… LIVE IT

PLANNING ON SENDING FLOWERS FOR VALENTINE’S DAY?

Want to know what different colored roses mean? Here’s an idea:

  • Red: Courage & Respect. The ultimate romantic way to say ‘I love you,’ also stands for courage & respect. A great color to send a military mom.
  • White: The color of innocence it also conveys the message, ‘You’re heavenly.’ It’s a great gift for a new love.
  • Red & White: Signifies unity; what a terrific surprise for a newlywed couple or your first Valentine’s together!
  • Pink: Grace & Sophistication Deep pink means gratefulness. Light pink conveys admiration. Make a statement to the one you’ve been eyeing!
  • Coral or Orange: Symbolizes enthusiasm and desire. It’s time to get off the fence and declare your love to your secret crush!
  • Pale Colors: Warmth & Friendship Send these to your gal pals or sisters who have been there through thick and thin.

 

And how many should you send?

  • A Dozen Roses: Stands for “there are dozens of ways I care about you.”
  • Two Dozen Roses: Stands for the 24 hours in a day, and tell your loved one you think about them every hour!
  • Three Dozen: Romantic attachment unlike any other. A truly exceptional surprise they’ll remember long after the flowers are gone!
  • Four Dozen Roses: Means unchanging and unconditional love. Sent to that one- and-only Valentine.

 

 

JUST FOR FUN

HERE WE GO AGAIN!
It appears Therese O’Dell just wasn’t meant to have a washing machine — a working one, anyway.

…The woman took a repair man hostage because her washing machine repeatedly kept breaking down, with little help from the store she bought it from. She held the repair man hostage for three hours until the store agreed to bring her a new one. They did. No charges were pressed. However, no sooner had the delivery man left, when the new replacement also went on the blink. Therese O’Dell is now on her third washing machine in the space of a week – after the store replaced her original machine, and then replaced the replacement!  ***MARLAR: I say we rename the washing machine store, “Suds and Duds!”

 

 

FUN LIST

THE LEAST ROMANTIC PLACES TO DINE FOR VALENTINES DAY

  • The “Corndog on a Stick” place in the mall
  • Bubba’s BBQ, Tire, and Lube
  • T.G.I. Monday’s
  • The Discount Dysentery Buffet
  • International House of Scabs
  • Slightly-Green Lobster
  • Chuck E. Toecheese

 

 

MORE SHOW PREP STUFF…

Do you multitask behind the wheel, such as reading and sending text messages, making phone calls or even eating a meal? We all know it’s dangerous to do those things – but HOW dangerous?

80% of all car crashes and 65% of near-crashes involve some form of driver inattention during the three seconds before the event, according to a study by the Virginia Tech Transportation Institute (VTTI) in Blacksburg, Virginia. U.S. News & World Report has identified the top five riskiest driving distractions:

  • Texting — Of all the distractions occupying a driver’s attention, this is the most dangerous. When you read or type a text message, you are 23.2 times more likely to crash than a non-distracted driver, according to the VTTI study. If you can’t stop yourself, the government will try. Eighteen states and the District of Columbia have already banned text messaging while driving, and a bill pending in Congress would make it illegal nationwide.
  • Dialing a Cell Phone — Taking your eyes off the road for just those few seconds it takes to dial your cell phone is enough to up your risk of a crash by 2.8 times. And if you dial a phone while driving a heavy vehicle or truck, that risk increases to 5.9 times. The VTTI study concludes, “These results show conclusively that a real key to significantly improving safety is keeping your eyes on the road.”
  • Dealing With Your Kids — Passengers of any age are always a distraction, but the risk increases when those passengers are rowdy or rambunctious children, who don’t understand how their behavior–from loud talking to arguing–can affect a driver. When kids misbehave in the car, parents naturally take their eyes off the road, and the result could be tragic.
  • Playing With the Controls — If you want to play that new CD or turn on the navigation system, set the controls before you pull out of your parking space, especially if you have a touchscreen that can only be operated if you look at it.
  • Eating — You wouldn’t think munching a burger or sipping a soft drink would be deadly distractions, but they are. Dashboard dining doubles your risk of a crash. Some foods are more dangerous than others, especially hot liquids and greasy or gooey foods since they are more likely to spill.

 

 

OTHER STUFF I WANT TO CRAM INTO TODAY’S PREP

Need ideas for Valentine’s Day? Family life Today has Customizable coupon book to give your spouse. Create your personal book!

http://bit.ly/1V1sHYn

 

This Valentine’s Day, why not take the 30-Day Husband Encouragement Challenge from Revive Our Hearts? If you’re up for the challenge of speaking positively to and about your husband each day, get ready for God to work deeply in your marriage—but even more so in your own heart. Access the free pdf download…

http://buff.ly/1PFfAIy

 

Running out of Valentine’s Day ideas to show your love to your husband and kids? iMom is here to help. The web site is out with some fun, creative and dare we say unique Valentine’s Day ideas to show love to your husband and your kids. Included are:

5 Cute Ways to Say “I Love You” to Your Husband

The Real Story Behind Valentine’s Day

Valentine Family Game Show

Our Favorite Valentine’s Ideas for Kids Plus One for Your Man!

14 Day Kiss Your Husband Challenge

20 Fun Questions to Get to Know Him Better

19 Valentine’s Date Night Ideas

http://bit.ly/1PZ5ub6

 

Here are 4 ways you can make Valentine’s Day and your marriage not about you but about your wife from All Pro Dad.

  1. Set her apart.
  2. Take on the hard stuff on her behalf.
  3. Love her like you’d want to be loved.
  4. Get close and intimate with her. Share your deepest feelings, concerns, fears, dreams

http://bit.ly/1S523Qg

 

10 Creative and Simple Valentine’s Day Ideas for Spouses from Mark Merrill.

  1. Take a canoe out on a lake.
  2. Create a scavenger hunt around town or around the house.
  3. Recreate your first date.
  4. Cook a gourmet meal together.
  5. Go ice skating.
  6. Have a picnic and watch the sunset.
  7. Rent a limo.
  8. Take a road trip.
  9. Stargaze.
  10. Hike.

http://bit.ly/1XdIKDQ

 

Valentine’s Day Ideas for Couples from Family Life Today

Make a book about why you love your spouse and why you are thankful for him/her.

Take your sweetie on a scavenger hunt.

After enjoying a candlelight dinner for two at home, give your spouse a massage and watch a romantic movie.

Surprise your spouse with a special getaway together.

Give your wife a dozen roses. On each stem attach a note for a future date—to do something that she would enjoy.

If possible, go on a date with your spouse to a restaurant that you enjoyed when you first met.

Have 11 roses delivered to your wife, and then give her a 12th yourself while reading her a love poem.

If you are separated across the miles, send a care package filled with things that are red.

Hide little heart candies in your spouse’s shoes, coat, car, etc.

Fill a jar with Valentine candy and notes for your spouse.

Write a poem for your spouse and frame it.

If possible, send a card postmarked in a town that has a romantic name such as Loveland, Colorado; Valentine, Texas; or Romance, Arkansas.

http://ow.ly/YfukA

 

This Valentine’s Day you will probably either send or receive a Valentine from someone. More than a billion are expected to be given away in the United States alone. But just like many of our holidays, there’s a lot more behind it than just cards and gifts. There’s a true life story. It’s a story that teaches us a lot about the true meaning of love, sacrifice and commitment. Read the entire story of Valentines Day, as told on the Family First web site. http://bit.ly/1Ky2aeJ

 

The web site Family Minute is out with a list of Creative and Unique Types of Valentine’s Day Gifts. As a way to spur creative gift giving, the web site suggests things like the gift of memories, the gift of experience, the gift of time, and the gift of service. Ideas include everything from washing your spouses car to turning your home into a restaurant. Check out the entire list at http://bit.ly/1vw2j0S

 

With everyone focusing on couples now as we close in on Valentine’s Day, we haven’t forgotten about those of you who are single!  Don’t despair – you’re not alone!  If you’re waiting on that special someone in your life, here are SIX “P”s to waiting well…

  1. Priorities. What or whom are you putting first in your life?
  2. Prayer.
  3. Passion. Live your dreams now.
  4. Perseverance. trust in the One who loves you most to bring what is best!
  5. Praise. Thank God for all he has done and is doing in your life.
  6. Peace. God is sovereign. He is in control and He knows what He’s doing.

See each of these points in-depth at http://bit.ly/1FLkQLy

 

 

AND I LEAVE YOU WITH THIS THOUGHT

Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.

 

 

THE TICKET Movie Reviews with MARIE ASNER

Marie Asner has been reviewing films for over 30 years. Her outlets include radio, print and Internet.  For more in-depth movie reviews of the following films, visit www.Tollbooth.org.  Ratings from 1 (Low) to 5 (High).

 

FEBRUARY 12, 2016…

 

Where To Invade—Michael Moore (and I bet he’s working on a documentary now on the water situation in Flint, Michigan) travels the world in his documentary “Where To Invade” trying to find information (tongue-in-cheek) to help the U.S. He goes to Finland and other countries looking for answers to prison crowding (in one country, the prisoners have free roaming of the prison and it is better inside than outside.) “Where To Invade” is rated PG 13. Rating of 3.

 

Deadpool—Comic book fans, here comes “Deadpool,” the former special forces/mercenary guy who underwent an experiment (again?) and comes out fighting crime with language to boot. Ryan Reynolds plays the hero, and others in the cast include Morena Baccarin (“Gotham”), Ed Skrein (“Transporter”) and Stan Lee (you read that right.) “Deadpool” is rated R. Rating of 3 for fans.

 

How To Be Single—The gals gather: Dakota Johnson, Alison Bree, Rebel Wilson and Leslie Mann—to learn how to live without men. Look out guys, here they come. “How To Be Single” is rated R. No rating.

 

Zoolander 2-–The first film was a fan favorite and now Ben Stiller and Owen Wilson reprise their roles as models Derek and Hansel. Guess who else is in the cast? Benedict Cumberbatch (“Sherlock Holmes”), Kristen Wiig and Will Ferrell. This story has devious people trying to get Derek and Hansel out of the business. “Zoolander 2” is rated R. Rating of 2 for fans.

 

The Bad Hurt—All families have problems, hurts and secrets and in this particular one, they try to work through everything. The cast includes Ashley Williams, Karen Allen and Johnny Whitworth. “The Bad Hurt” is rated PG 13. No rating.

 

FEBRUARY 19, 2016…

 

Race is the story of Jesse Owens, the African-American athlete who was in the 1936 Olympics against all odds. Stars Stephan James.

 

Viral has a virus running amok around the country and one family trying to avoid getting it. Stars Analeigh Tipton and Michael Kelly.

 

# # # # #

 

 

WARNING:    Don’t believe anything you read on the Internet or email (including stuff you read here) unless you can confirm it with another source, and/or it is consistent with what you already know to be true. The opinions in this publication are not necessarily those of Darren Marlar, Marlar House Entertainment, OnAirPrep.com, or any company or organization affiliated with aforementioned.  (Regardless of how stupid you may think those opinions are.  So there – nyah!)

Darren Marlar credits all non-original material to the author whenever possible. All other material is original, used with permission, or author unknown. We welcome all comments, questions, and suggestions.  Darren can be reached via his website at www.DarrenMarlar.com.