February 14, 2017: Tuesday ONAIRprep (VALENTINE’S DAY)

ODT: 20170214
PDF: 20170214

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My wife and I will be going out for a Valentine’s dinner tonight. It always reminds me of the first Valentine’s Day dinner we had together. It was very romantic; it was my very first Whopper by candlelight.

Happy Unimaginative Consumerist-oriented and Entirely Arbitrary and Manipulative and Shallow Interpretation of Romance Day!


“Love does no wrong to a neighbor; therefore love is the fulfillment of the law.” – Romans 13:10

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. — 1 Corinthians 13:4-5


(From VerseOfTheDay.com.)

Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. — Ephesians 4:29

Thought: We can use our words to be cute. We can use our words to appear impressive. We can use our words to win arguments. We can use our words to defend ourselves. We can use our words to lie and distort. We can use our words to do many things, but God wants us to use our words to bless. So when we speak, if our words do not bless and benefit those to whom we direct them, then we are to simply not say anything. Grandma was right. “If you can’t say something nice, then don’t say anything at all.”

Prayer: Give me wisdom today, dear God, to speak words that bless my family, my co-workers, and those I meet. I want to be truthful, loving, kind, and merciful when I open my mouth and speak. May the words of my mouth be used in your service and to your glory today, dear LORD. In Jesus’ name I pray. Amen.

The Thoughts and Prayers for Today’s Verse are written by Phil Ware. You can email questions or comments to phil@heartlight.org.

BIRTHDAY VERSE” OF THE DAY (The chapter and verse correspond to the month and day!)

2 Corinthians 2:14 NIV = But thanks be to God, who always leads us as captives in Christ’s triumphal procession and uses us to spread the aroma of the knowledge of him everywhere good…


(NOTE: Some holidays may be duplicated due to various calendars reporting conflicting dates)

Today is RACE RELATIONS DAY. ***Personally, I’d recommend finding the oldest and slowest relative you can so when you do race you can win easily.

Today was once known as the FEAST DAY OF ST. VALENTINE, the patron saint of lovers. Father Valentine was beheaded in Rome on this date in 269. The church dropped the feast from its liturgical calendar in 1969. ***Why we’d choose to discontinue doing anything with the word “feast” in it, I’ll never know – that sounds like a reason to keep it going if you ask me.

Today is NATIONAL CALL IN SINGLE DAY. ***The only day of the year when it’s perfectly legitimate to call in and say you’re not coming in to work. It’s too much of a burden going to work on Valentine’s Day if you don’t have a valentine. You get tired of answering the same question over and over and over – “So what are you doing for Valentine’s Day?” Well, there is one solution. Create an imaginary valentine. According to research, people will do almost anything to avoid people knowing they’re alone today. In fact, according to Amazon.com, as many as one in nine Valentines being delivered this year are sent by the same person that is receiving them. About that same number of cards are also stolen from someone else just so the person can have a valentine. (Wow… talk about stealing someone’s heart!)

It’s LIBRARY LOVERS DAY. ***People without dates on Valentine’s Day apparently need somewhere to hide so they won’t be seen. What better place than a library?

Today is VALENTINE’S DAY and NATIONAL HAVE A HEART DAY.  ***One promotes romance; the other promotes eating your vegetables.  And if you’re a man who did not know today was Valentine’s Day… well… it was nice knowing you.

Today is INAPPROPRIATE ROMANTIC GIFT DAY. On this day in 1991, for Valentine’s Day, President George H. Bush gave First Lady Barbara a small electronic thesaurus and dictionary. ***I’m guessing he needed government protection on that day more than any other day of his presidency.

Today is HUG DAY.  ***No amount of which will do you any good if you forgot today was Valentine’s Day or if you gave your wife the romantic gift of a small electronic thesaurus.

Today is PET THEFT AWARENESS DAY. ***If it requires a special day set aside to make you aware your pet has been stolen, you don’t deserve to have a pet at all.


Extraterrestrial Culture Day
Extraterrestrial Visitor Day
Ferris Wheel Day
International Book Giving Day Link
Frederick Douglass Day Link
Pet Theft Awareness Day  Link
Library Lovers Day
National Have A Heart Day
National Donor Day
(World) Congenital Heart Defect Awareness Day Link
League of Women Voters Day
National Women’s Heart Day Link
Race Relations Day
Safer Internet Day  Link
Singles Awareness Day or Singles Appreciation Day Link
National Donor Day
Quirky Alone Day Link
Valentines Day

COMING UP NEXT (Just a list, we are not endorsing the holidays posted below.)


Angelman Syndrome Day Link
National Gum Drop Day Link
National Hippo Day Link
Random Acts of Kindness Day Link
Remember The Maine Day
Susan B. Anthony Day
Westminster Dog Show  Link


Kyoto Protocol Day Link
National Almond Day  Link


Champion Crab Races Day Link
My Way Day
National PTA Founders Day Link
World Information Architecture Day Link  Link
World Human Spirit Day


Battery Day (Volta’s birthday)
Cow Milked While Flying In An Airplane Day
Eat Ice Cream for Breakfast Day Link
National Drink Wine Day Link
National Hate Florida Day: 18 Link
Pluto  Day (Discovered by Clyde Tombaugh)
World Whale Day Link


Best Friends Day Link  (SpongeBob Squarepants)
Chocolate Mint Day Link
Introduce A Girl to Engineering Day
National Lashes Day Link
Iwo Jima Day (Landing)


Bean Day  Link
Love Your Pet Day Link Link
Northern Hemisphere Hoodie Hoo Day
Presidents Day
World Day for Social Justice


International Mother Language Day
Travel Africa Day


1920: The League of Women Voters was founded in Chicago, and Maude Wood Park was chosen as its first president.

1929: The “St. Valentine’s Day Massacre” occurred in Chicago garage as seven rivals of Al Capone’s gang were gunned down.

1972: “Grease” opened off-Broadway, where it ran for a decade and 3,388 performances. (audio clip)

1979: History’s oldest caged guinea pig, Snowball, died in Bingham, England, at age 14 years 10½ months.

1980: CBS announced that reporter Dan Rather had been chosen to succeed retiring “CBS Evening News” anchor Walter Cronkite.

1984: At Children’s Hospital in Pittsburgh, 6-year-old Stormie Jones of White Settlement, Texas, received the world’s first combination heart-liver transplant as her only hope of overcoming a genetic disorder. Stormie died November 11, 1990, at age 13. Students at her school renamed the gymnasium in her honor, and Texas named a newly discovered wildflower “Stormie Jones” because it was “small, beautiful, and tough.”

1988: Connecticut teacher Catherine Pollard received official permission from the all-male Boy Scouts to become a troop scoutmaster. She had unofficially led her son’s Boy Scout troop from 1970-74.

1990: Friends of Beer was founded in Czechoslovakia as a political party with a platform of improving the quality of Czech beer while forcing down the price. (audio clip)

1991: For Valentine’s Day, President George Bush gave First Lady Barbara a small electronic thesaurus and dictionary.

1998: Singer T.G. Sheppard was best man for 35 different grooms at a Las Vegas hotel. The event was held for the winners of a national radio promotion for Sheppard’s song “She’s Gettin’ the Rock.”

1999: Theresa Mueller of Philadelphia announced that her $8.95 chocolate heart, life-size and shaped like a human heart, was her chocolate shop’s best-selling Valentine novelty ever. It even beat out the top-selling body-part novelty from 1998, a dozen chocolate noses.

1999: Singer Elton John guest-starred as his-animated-self on the Valentine’s Day episode of The Simpsons.

2001: Four rustlers removed the back seat from a 4-door Russian sedan and carried a dairy cow named Mashka 40 miles with her head sticking out the window to a village east of Moscow. Police arrested the four shortly after they sold the hot cow. Mashka survived.

2003: Dolly the cloned sheep was euthanized after premature aging and disease marred her short life and raised questions about the practicality of copying life. (audio clip)


270: According to tradition, Valentine, a priest in Rome during the reign of Claudius II, is beheaded along the Flaminian Way. One explanation for Valentine’s subsequent relationship to the romantic holiday is this: Claudius, seeking to more easily recruit soldiers, removed family ties by forbidding marriage. Valentine ignored the order and performed secret marriages—an act that led to his arrest and execution.

869: Cyril, “apostle to the Slavs,” dies. Creator of the Cyrillic alphabet (still used in Russia, Ukraine, Belarus, and elsewhere), translator of the Scriptures into Slavonic, and bishop, he worked with his brother, Methodius, who carried on the missionary work for another 15 years.

1014: Pope Benedict VIII crowns Henry II emperor. This layman pope, forced on the church by the powerful house of Tusculum that controlled Rome, defeated the Saracens.

1543: The Parliament of Paris orders Calvin’s Institutes publicly burnt, offended by Calvin’s Protestant views.

1760: Richard Allen, founder of the African Methodist Episcopal Church, is born. The first African-American ordained by the Methodist church, Allen also a co-founded the Free African Society, America’s first organization founded by blacks for blacks.

1892: Charles Henry Parkhurst preaches a sermon against Tammany Hall that stirs a flap and forces a clean up of corruption.


  • Actor (Gremlins) Zach Galligan, 53

  • Actress (Agnes of God, The Big Chill) Meg Tilly, 57


(Music Artist Birthdays From SongFacts.com)

1931 : Phyllis McGuire (The McGuire Sisters)

1934 : Merl Saunders

1937 : Magic Sam

1939 : Razzy Bailey

1940 : Lillie Bryant (Billy and Lillie)

1943 : Eric Andersen

1943 : Maceo Parker

1945 : Vic Briggs (The Animals)

1946 : Doug Simril (The Steve Miller Band)

1947 : Tim Buckley

1950 : Roger Fisher (Heart)

1951 : Kenny Hyslop (Simple Minds)

1972 : Rob Thomas (Matchbox Twenty)


VALENTINE VERSION! Why do we wear our hearts on our sleeves?

In the Middle Ages, young men and women drew names from a bowl to see who their valentines would be. They would wear these names on their sleeves for one week. To wear your heart on your sleeve now means that it is easy for other people to know how you are feeling.


This is just a tiny sample of the 5-6 pages of material you could be receiving three days a week from ChristianRadioShowPrepServices.com!

Even If” is the first release from Mercyme’s new album Lifer. The project will come out in March but right now you can hear the story behind the first song available. Hear the story behind “Even If” at  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YR8zYeY25HY

Up next for Third Day, the Kentucky Derby. No, not that Third Day. Mac Powell shared a tweet he received this week about the racing horse also named Third Day. The horse is already 2 for 2 and is now prepping for the derby. 

Mercyme guitarist Mike Scheuchzer is ready for baseball. He posted: Hey Rangers,
Hurry up already. Attached was a countdown to the beginning of this years regular season, scheduled for April 3.

Another update on Big Daddy Weave bass player Jay Weaver and his recovering from having both feet amputated last summer. This week his family posted: getting ready to have molds made of his legs. Today the doctor took measurements again of Jason’s legs. He will make a plastic molding for Jay to try on. Next Monday Jay will stand in the plastic molding and dr will make needed changes to legs. He will then make Jason’s prosthetics. We are praying for a smooth process. 

Moriah Peters was at the Grammys this weekend with her husband, Joel, from the group for King and Country. On her way to the big event Moriah posted: Grammy Awards feel like prom, except my date hasn’t ditched me

Hillary Scott and the Scott family were the big winners in the Christian segment of the Grammy’s Sunday night. They came away with two Grammy’s, winning with their song Thy Will in the Best Contemporary Christian Music Performance/Song category and with their album Love Remains in the Best Contemporary Christian Music Album category.

One of the true feel-good moments of the 2017 Grammy Awards came before the TV broadcast even began. According to Today.com, The duo Joey + Rory won the Grammy for best roots gospel album, for “Hymns that Are Important to Us,” less than a year after Joey Feek passed away from cervical cancer at the age of 40. Rory Feek commented ‘This is to my wife’ as he accepted the award on stage dressed in his customary overhauls

Matthew West received a special phone call over the weekend. He posted: had the honor of receiving a phone call from Astronaut Shane Kimbrough from space! You may have seen him during the Super Bowl. Wishing him a safe journey…so incredibly honored to hear that my tunes made it to space! 

Jeremy Camp needs your prayers. His manager posted late this week: Matt here; Would love for everyone to pray for Jeremy. He is sick and needs healing to do these shows! 

The big date is getting near. Phil Wickham posted a picture of his two daughters this week and added: These big girls can’t wait for their first baby brother. Less than 10 days till the due date!


(No news on the weekends. Want a customized audio version, FREE? Email me for more information! )


On Sunday the Department of Education tweeted a quote about the importance of education from W.E.B. Du Bois, the historian and civil rights activist who helped found the NAACP. But the effort to highlight Du Bois’ words backfired as whoever sent the Tweet misspelled Du Bois’ name.  ***A great start for Secretary of Education, Betsy DeVos!  Keep up the good work!

Talk about tattoo regret. Steven Laverty was in Spain with 15 of his buddies having a bachelor’s party weekend celebrating his cousin James’s upcoming marriage. There was drinking and Steven got really drunk. Drunk enough to decide to get his eyelids tattooed! Across both eyelids are now the words “What about ye?” Steve’s now worried what potential love interests might think and fears his one-year-old child Tommy will grow up to think his dad is an idiot. ***Well, that’d put your son in the majority!

Some call the obituary harsh, but others say it’s just brutally honest. Leslie Ray Charping, known as “Popeye,” died in January. The Texas man was battling cancer but according to his recent obit, he died of being a “horse’s (blank).” His obituary also states he lived “29 years longer than expected” but “much longer than he deserved.” The wrath continues, stating that Charping’s “life served no obvious purpose,” and he “possessed no redeeming qualities.” His problems stemmed from mental illness and “drinking, drugs, and womanizing.”  The obit states Charping leaves behind “two relieved children … and countless other victims.” Charping’s daughter told reporters she wanted to be honest in his obituary to “bring closure.” She says some people won’t get why she wrote such an apparently mean obituary but that just means they had better parents than she did. ***Daaaaaang.  I’m also guessing other people’s parents had better kids than your dad did.

Khloe Kardashian has now officially dropped Odom from her name.  ***You didn’t know or care that Odom was part of her name?  No?  Neither did the rest of the world.

A report says that President Trump’s wall along the Mexican border would cost $21.6 billion and would take three and a half years to build.  ***So can’t he just write a check?

The FTC says the jellyfish memory supplement Prevagen is a hoax. ***That’s odd – I use Pravagen all the time and I’ve got a great memory.  In other news, the FTC says the jellyfish memory supplement Prevagen is a hoax.  That’s odd – I use Pravagen all the time and I’ve got a great memory.

Sears and K-Mart have now dumped Trump Home Products from their websites. ***Wow.  When it comes to Trump, even dying businesses like Sears and K-Mart are saying, “nope – we’re out!”

Joe Biden’s new job: Vice-President at the University of Pennsylvania.  ***So he’s still a VP.  Ah… always the bridesmaid, and never the bride.

Lawmakers in Oregon are talking about a coffee tax!  ***Get ready, Idaho – you’re about to get a huge influx of Oregonian immigrants!


According to the British Heart Foundation, 90% of women want a simple hug for Valentines Day instead of a costly present. ***Um… no offense to the British Heart Foundation, but if I were you, guys, I’d also have a gift — just in case.

Forget the candy or the roses. In China, the hot Valentine’s Day gift is matching nose jobs. The official newspaper China Daily reports couples are going under the knife together to get their noses and even their eyes done.  One young woman said her boyfriend loved the idea of matching noses and readily paid the 12-hundred dollars for the surgery.  Business at Shanghai’s plastic surgery clinics is up about 30 percent since the beginning of the month. ***Nothing says, “I love you” like a double dose of rhinoplasty.

A new study claims one in four dogs is clinically depressed and show signs such as pacing, chasing their tail, howling and pooping. A group called Home Alone Dogs says the reason for all the downer dogs is that so many pooches are left at home during the day and miss their masters.  ***What?  So if dogs are NOT depressed that means they won’t poop?  Well there’s a reason right there to keep your dog entertained.

Could a blind person drive a car? Researchers are trying to make that far-fetched notion a reality.   The National Federation of the Blind and Virginia Tech plan to demonstrate a prototype vehicle next year equipped with technology that helps a blind person drive a car independently.  ***In the meantime, the only driving allowed by the blind is in Chicago as cab drivers.

Health experts are giving America’s senior citizens something serious to chew on — new numbers showing they need to eat better and exercise more. A report from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention shows that one-third of Americans over 65 don’t take part in any physical activities in their free time.  And researchers say that twice as many — two thirds of all seniors — don’t get enough fruits and vegetables each day. ***Heck, according to them, I’m a senior citizen!



OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns! Last time, all of the jungle animals seemed so wrapped up in what they wanted to do, like fort building, swimming, and story time, that they completely ignored their friend Racquet the skunk, who was out in the dark jungle all alone looking for his crayons. Fortunately, Gruffy Bear finally came to his senses… sort of.

CLOSE: Good question, Gruffy! Not only is Racquet lost in the jungle, but now so are the rest of the animals – and it’s getting really scary, really fast! Will they find the Racquet? Will they find the lost crayons? Or will they find… danger? Find out next time, as FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you another exciting episode of As the Jungle Turns!

***You may simulcast “As the Jungle Turns” on the Internet stream of your live broadcast only. Any other Internet use of “As the Jungle Turns” in whole or part including podcasting of your live broadcast is a violation of copyright law. Thank you for your cooperation on this vitally important issue. If you have any questions, please e-mail us and ask about “Jungle Jam & Friends the Radio Show” usage.


A car maker tells its customers not to drive cars!

Kia, the Korean carmaker, is telling customers in the UK to not use the car they’ve just bought, but to travel by bicycle instead. The company has signed up to the British Government’s campaign to cut car traffic by including a 21-speed bicycle as a standard accessory on its latest car. Buyers are advised not to use their new car unless necessary, and to use the bike instead. ***MARLAR: So years from now when someone asks you “why did that Kia car company go out of business?” you’ll know! By the way, keep listening for (THE JOCK SHOW’S) next big promotion – we’ll be encouraging you to turn off your radio and watch TV instead!



  • Surprise your Valentine by waking her up with a kiss from her favorite reptile
  • Those little cinnamon hearts are great for de-icing a slippery sidewalk
  • If you receive a card from “Guess Who” you had better guess right.
  • You might want to cancel that week-long bass fishing trip with your buddies
  • Reject that invitation to the Jerry Springer Show.
  • A pizza and pay per view wrestling by candle light does not constitute a romantic date.
  • When buying chocolates, avoid anything called a “blue fuzz special”
  • Remember to take the Wal-mart price tag off of the flowers.
  • If you’re trying to pass off that dried-up fire hazard in your living room as a “Valentine’s Tree”, it’s probably about time you finish taking down your Christmas decorations.
  • Buy her a treadmill for Valentine’s Day, because she’s been asking for one. (audio clip)


10. Let’s get to the heart of the problem

9. YOU! Here’s a heart for you! — Everyone should have at least one!

8. When I think of you, I think of Saint Valentine ’cause just like him, you’re such a martyr!

7. I look’d around for hours just to find the perfect card. You know what? They don’t sell “I’m leaving you” Valentines!

6. Without a heart our bodies would suffocate. Our relationship helps me appreciate that fact!

5. In honor of the St. Valentine’s Day Massacre, may I remind you of our first date?

4. Roses are red Violets are blue. I just embezzled the company’s funds, look me up in Peru!

3. I’m hopelessly romantic — By that I mean it’s hopeless to think I will ever be romantic!

2. In the currency of love, you’re a Mexican Peso!

1. I may not love you enough, but Jesus loves you more!


Visiting a friend in jail isn’t always the smartest thing to do.

FILE #1: Donnie Harvey stopped by to visit a friend in the York County Jail. His friend was in for armed robbery and unfortunately, Donnie was also wanted in the same case. Cops think he had stopped by to make sure his friend wasn’t going to “rat on him.” He won’t need to now. The cops arrested Donnie on his way out.

FILE #2: Ronald Cherry wanted to rob the Treasure Bay Casino in Biloxi, Mississippi, but was hoping they would deliver him the cash instead of going there himself! He called the casino and demanded they deliver $100,000 to his home within two hours otherwise he’d come down there with a gun! Like with any expected delivery, Ronald of course gave them his address. But unlike pizza places, casinos don’t deliver. The address he gave them, however, made it really easy for the police to arrest him.

FILE #3: A South Carolina man accused of stealing from a convenience store was caught pretty easily just as he started his getaway. Tom Bennett allegedly entered the store, grabbed two cases of drinks, and headed out the door. As Bennett jumped in his truck and drove off, he looked in his rear view mirror and noticed a store employee chasing him on foot – and catching up to him! Unfortunately for Bennett, he had run out of gas. A police officer arrived at the same time and took Bennett into custody.

STRANGE LAW: In Omaha, Nebraska in is illegal to burp in church.


It’s a special Valentine’s Day edition of “This Is Your Brain On Drugs!”

Near Amarillo, Texas state troopers stopped a driver from San Francisco and found a plastic bag in his car that contained nine pounds of heart-shaped Valentine’s chocolates. The cops tested the candy and found that it was filled with psilocybin, a psychedelic drug taken from mushrooms. The Valentine chocolate had a street value of over $408,000. ***MARLAR: And even worse – seven billion calories.


Ask listener what they gave their significant other for Valentine’s. Sort who the “significant other” is by category – spouse, boy/girlfriend, etc.

Ask listener to share what they “really” wanted for Valentine’s and then what they actually got.

Ask listener to share if they could give the world a valentine, what it would be.

Have listener share favorite verse on the topic of love in the Bible.

Ask listener to share good Valentine ideas for those who may be “romantically challenged.”


QUESTION: What two books of the Old Testament do not mention the name of God?
ANSWER: Esther and the Song of Solomon (Although a word for the name of God is not mentioned in these books, His power is seen and His presence is definitely felt!)


QUESTION: If you were to spell out numbers, how far would you have to count until you found the letter “A”?
ANSWER: One thousand


Pay attention! If our next player doesn’t answer all ten T/F questions correctly we start all over from question #1! First person to answer question #10 correctly is our winner!

1. In English, “four” is the only digit that has the same number of letters as its value. (True)

2. Great Britain was the first county to issue postage stamps. (True – hence, the postage stamps of Britain are the only stamps in the world not to bear the name of the country of origin. However, every stamp carries a relief image or a silhouette of the monarch’s head instead.)

3. A Chinese checkerboard has 111 holes. (False – 121)

4. Mice, whales, elephants, and man all have seven neck vertebra. (True)

5. Since 1896, the beginning of the modern Olympics, only The United States and Greece have participated in every Games. (False – Greece and Australia)

6. There were no squirrels on Nantucket until 1989. (True)

7. The last NASCAR driver to serve jail time for running moonshine was Jeff Gordon. (False – Buddy Arrington)

8. It takes a lobster approximately seven years to grow to be one pound. (True)

9. The ridges on the sides of coins are called reeding. (True)

10. Giraffes have no vocal cords. (True)


You have to match the blank in the tabloid headline with the word or phrase that has been removed!


The Los Angeles Police Department is taking action to stop local real estate agents from using predator drones against each other.

Real estate has always been a competitive business, but in Los Angeles… it’s war.

Many L.A. real estate agents had been using drones to simply take pictures of properties.   Large drones were often seen flying above Westside residences.

But the drones from competing real estate agencies were flying into each other and causing major disturbances for local citizens.  SO real estate agents began using armed predator drones to knock the competition’s drones out of the sky.  Then THAT escalated and now the real estate drones have been attacking the buildings of competitors over the last weeks.



After she woke up, a woman told her husband, “I just dreamed that you gave me a gold necklace and diamond earrings for Valentine’s day. What do you think it means?”

“You’ll know tonight.” he said.

That evening, the man came home with a small package and gave it to his wife.  Delighted, she opened it to find a book entitled “The Meaning of Dreams.”


A dinner speaker was in such a hurry to get to his engagement that when he arrived and sat down at the head table, he suddenly realized that he had forgotten his false teeth. Turning to the man next to him, he said, “I forgot my teeth.”

The man said, “No problem.”

With that, he reached into his pocket and pulled out a pair of false teeth. “Try these,” he said.

The speaker tried them. “Too loose,” he said.

The man then said, “I have another pair… try these.”

The speaker tried them and responded, “Too tight.”

The man was not taken back at all. He then said, “I have one more pair of false teeth… try them.”

The speaker said, “They fit perfectly.”

With that he ate his meal and gave his address. After the dinner meeting was over, the speaker went over to thank the man who had helped him.

“I want to thank you for coming to my aid. Where is your office? I’ve been looking for a good dentist.”

The man replied, “I’m not a dentist. I’m the local undertaker.”


A Redneck buys a ticket and wins the lottery. He goes to Austin to claim it and the man verifies his ticket number. The Redneck says, “I want my $20 million.”

The man replied, “No, sir. It doesn’t work that way. We give you a million today and then you’ll get the rest spread out for the next 19 years.”

The Redneck said, “Oh, no. I want all my money right now! I won it and I want it.”

Again, the man explain that he would only get a million that day and the rest during the next 19 years.  The Redneck, furious with the man, screams out, “Look, I want my money! If you’re not going to give me my $20 million right now, then I want my dollar back!”


So who would you rather spend Valentine’s Day with? Your partner or your pet?  A joint global poll by Reuters/Ipsos reported that one in five adults say they’d opt for the company of a furry friend on February 14.  ***I don’t know if I’d go quite that far, but I do have to say that I truly do have feelings for my Sea Monkeys.

Forget flowers and chocolates on this Valentine’s Day and give your sweetheart a plate of potatoes! A farmer in England is hoping his heart-shaped Valentine’s Day spuds will be a huge hit. Andy Jeffrey is selling his heart-shaped potatoes for about a dollar and thinks they could catch on during Valentine’s Day. “I think they are ideal for couples who have been saying it with flowers for years – get the food on the plate to say it for you.” ***Just tell your sweetheart, “This spud’s for you”.




You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming. –Alan, age 10

No person really decides before they grow up who they’re going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you’re stuck with. –Kirsten, age 10


Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by then. –Camille, age 10

No age is good to get married at. You got to be a fool to get married. –Freddie, age 6 (very wise for his age)


You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids. –Derrick, age 8


Both don’t want any more kids. –Lori, age 8


Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough. –Lynnette, age 8 (isn’t she a treasure)

On the first date, they just tell each other lies and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date. –Martin, age 10


I’d run home and play dead. The next day I would call all the newspapers and make sure they wrote about me in all the dead columns. –Craig, age 9


When they’re rich. –Pam, age 7

The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn’t want to mess with that. –Curt, age 7

The rule goes like this: If you kiss someone, then you should marry them and have kids with them. It’s the right thing to do. –Howard, age 8


It’s better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need someone to clean up after them. –Anita, age 9 (bless you child)


There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn’t there? –Kelvin, age 8


Tell your wife that she looks pretty, even if she looks like a truck. –Ricky, age 10



Gordon Sieferman has found an interesting new way to earn six figures a year: he sells cardboard boxes to homeless people.

…Sieferman spends about eight hours a day collecting large cardboard boxes from appliance stores and construction sites. He then sells the boxes to destitute people. He says he tries to match the box with the person’s needs. A single guy can usually get away with a TV box, while a couple or family usually require a refrigerator box.  ***MARLAR: So, is this guy the homeless man’s best friend, or is he just a “jerk in the box?”


On a cold day in 1942, inside a Nazi concentration camp, a lone, young boy looks beyond the barbed wire and sees a young girl pass by. She too, is moved by his presence. In an effort to give expression to her feelings, she throws a red apple over the fence — a sign of life, hope, and love. The young boy bends over, picks up the apple. A ray of light has pierced his darkness.
The following day, thinking he is crazy for even entertaining the notion of seeing this young girl again, he looks out beyond the fence, hoping. On the other side of the barbed wire, the young girl yearns to see again this tragic figure who moved her so. She comes prepared with apple in hand.
Despite another day of wintry blizzards and chilling air, two hearts are warmed once again as the apple passes over the barbed wire. The scene is repeated for several days. The two young spirits on opposite sides of the fence look forward to seeing each other, if only for a moment and if only to exchange a few words. The interaction is always accompanied by an exchange of inexplicably heartening feelings.
At the last of these momentary meetings, the young boy greets his sweet friend with a frown and says, “Tomorrow, don’t bring me an apple, I will not be here. They are sending me to another camp.” The young boy walks away, too heartbroken to look back.
From that day forward, the calming image of the sweet girl would appear to him in moments of anguish. Her eyes, her words, her thoughtfulness, her red apple, all were a recurring vision that would break his night time sweats. His family died in the war. The life he had known had all but vanished, but this one memory remained alive and gave him hope.
In 1957 in the United States, two adults, both immigrants, are set up on a blind date. “And where were you during the war?” inquires the woman. ” I was in a concentration camp in Germany,” the man replies. “I remember I used to throw apples over the fence to a boy who was in a concentration camp,” she recalls.
With a feeling of shock, the man speaks. “And did that boy say to you one day, “Don’t bring an apple anymore because I am being sent to another camp?'”
“Why, yes,” she responds, “but how could you possibly know that?”
“He looks into her eyes and says, ” I was that young boy.”
There is a brief silence, and then he continues, “I was separated from you then, and I don’t ever want to be without you again. Will you marry me?”
They embrace one another as she says, “Yes.”
On Valentine’s Day 1996, on national telecast of the Oprah Winfrey show, this same man affirmed his enduring love to his wife of forty years. “You fed me in the concentration camp,” he said, “you fed me throughout all these years; now, I remain hungry if only for your love.”
The darkest moments of one’s life may carry the seeds of the brightest tomorrow.



Now abide faith, hope, love, these three; but the greatest of these is love. —1 Corinthians 13:13

Well-known scientist and writer Henry Drummond (1857-1897) conducted a geological survey of South Africa and wrote what was then the definitive work on tropical Africa. But he is best remembered for his book about love, The Greatest Thing In The World.

Drummond wrote, “As memory scans the past, above and beyond all the transitory pleasures of life, there leap forward those supreme hours when you have been enabled to do unnoticed kindnesses to those round about you, things too trifling to speak about . . . . And these seem to be the things which alone of all one’s life abide.”

Paul warned that impressive gifts and spectacular deeds may be little more than empty noise (1 Corinthians 13:1). Our best efforts—if bereft of love—ring hollow. “Though I bestow all my goods to feed the poor, . . . but have not love, it profits me nothing” (v.3). The smallest loving act can hold eternal significance.

No matter our age or status in life, we all can strive to love others as God loves them. We may accomplish great things in our life—gain fame and fortune—but the greatest thing is to love. For of all that we have done, or ever will do, only love endures. We depart, but love abides. —David Roper

We love because He first loved us,
He gave so we can give;
We love because He first touched us,
He died so we can live. —Sper

Now abide faith, hope, love, these three; but the greatest of these is love. —1 Corinthians 13:13



  • You’re a real-live nephew of your Uncle Sam and he’s in the hospital

  • “If I leave now, there still might be time to save the planet!”

  • These one-day work weeks are killers

  • Let’s be honest: I screwed up and didn’t even mean to come in today

  • You still have to go out and buy your “Valentine’s Day” tree



A Social psychologist out of York College In Pennsylvania studied people’s romantic histories and came up with this:

  • People whose romances were short were more likely to believe that love conquers all and that loving each other is enough to ensure a strong relationship.
  • People whose romances were long were more likely to believe that one’s choice of a partner is less important than a couple’s willingness to work at the relationship.
  • People who spent long periods uncoupled were more likely to focus on a search for the ideal partner, believing that the key to a lasting relationship lies in the qualities possessed by one’s lover rather than oneself.
  • People who believed in self-reliance and working on a relationship were most likely to be satisfied with their current relationship.



  • The local Health Clinic for some “routine tests”

  • That Denny’s just off the interstate

  • Your Weight Watchers meeting

  • To check out the cool office you work in down at the morgue

  • The ball-pit on the playground at McDonalds

  • The “Bugs of the World” exhibit at your local museum

  • Wal-Mart

  • Your mom’s basement



  • One rose traditionally means “I love you.” A dozen roses made entirely out of duct tape means “I’ll love you forever!”

  • Wrap that heart-shaped box of chocolates in five layers of duct tape so your honey burns calories when she/he opens it.

  • Or, forget the box of chocolates; just give your sweetheart a roll of duct tape. Duct tape is 100% fat free.

  • Valentine’s Day dinner apparel is spill-proof when you make it out of duct tape.

  • Make a giant Valentine’s Day greeting card: Write “I LOVE YOU…” on your garage door with duct tape.

  • Popping the question? Duct tape yourself to her leg until she accepts your proposal of marriage.



Saint Valentine is said to have lived in Rome during the third century. During this time Rome was ruled by an emperor named Claudius, who was having trouble getting men to serve in his army. He felt many men would not volunteer to join because they did not want to leave their wives and families. He thought that if men were not married, they would join the army. So Claudius passed a new law which did not allow any more marriages. Valentine, who was a minister, did not support the new law and kept performing marriage ceremonies secretly. One night he was caught and thrown in jail and told he would be put to death. Many young people came to visit Valentine, including the daughter of one of the prison guard’s. On the day of his death Valentine wrote a note to the daughter signed “Love from your Valentine”. This was on February 14, 269 A. D. Some say this started the custom of exchanging love messages on Valentine’s Day.


  • I’m so emotionally spent after the Super Bowl.

  • Old Country Buffet wouldn’t take reservations.

  • The neighbors’ flowers won’t bloom til’ Spring.

  • Flowers will just die anyway.

  • Isn’t my love enough?

  • I thought we were trying to save money.

  • The gas station was out of champagne.

  • I didn’t get you anything because 7-11 was out of Valentine stuff.  They should plan better.


  • I really don’t like this restaurant that much, but I wanted to use this 2-for-1 coupon before it expired.

  • I used to come here all the time with my mom.

  • I never said you NEED a nose job. I just said it wouldn’t hurt to consider it.

  • Could you excuse me? My cat gets lonely if he doesn’t hear my voice on the answering machine every hour.

  • I really feel that I’ve grown in the past few years. Used to be I wouldn’t have given someone like you a second look.

  • It’s been tough, but I’ve come to accept that most people I date just won’t be as smart as I am.

  • I learned my dating etiquette from listening to (THE JOCK SHOW).






  • 1000x NO



  • You don’t find out your Denny’s coupons have expired until after you’ve eaten.

  • She is wearing the alluring scent of Old Spice.

  • Her mother keeps asking you to pass the ketchup.

  • Those long, awkward silences during dinner, interrupted only by the occasional snipping of her toenail clippers.


  • Take her out to eat and ask for separate checks.

  • Have him go with you to visit your mom for a week or two.

  • Talk to your dog more than you talk to her.

  • Buy her power tools for Valentine’s Day.

  • Ask if there is any history of male pattern baldness in his family.

  • Leave the newspaper open to the singles dating page.

  • Answer every question with “Yes, dear.”

The candy industry predicts Americans will spend close to a billion dollars on chocolate this Valentine’s Day alone. That’s 36 million boxes! Americans however have less of a sweet tooth compared to our European counterparts. Americans eat about 12 pounds of chocolate a year, about half what Europeans gulp down. 36 million boxes of candy not only helps fatten the bottom line of the candy makers, but the “bottom lines” of chocolate consumers as well!


A survey from a greeting card company finds that while many women enjoy shopping for the romantic cards, men like it about as much as heartburn. Some 900 million cards are purchased annually on Valentine’s Day, 85 percent of them by women. The survey from card-maker American Greetings Corp. of Cleveland found that men and women buy very different kinds of cards and for different reasons. Men often saw card-shopping as an “ordeal” which they do mostly because their wives or girlfriends expect to receive the cards, the survey found. The company also found women seem to enjoy sending and receiving the more romantic, traditional cards with hearts, flowers and rhymed verses. Men prefer cards that are short and to the point. Men and women were able to agree on one thing, though — they both liked cards that were funny.


Window dressing: Fold several pieces of paper in half and cut out heart shapes in varying sizes. Use the pieces of paper that the hearts have been cut out of as stencils. Tape them to a window in an interesting arrangement and spray with artificial snow. Remove stencils to see the heart shapes on the windows.

Fancy mobile: Have your child punch holes in his/her valentines, thread and hang them from a hanger to create a mobile. Or take two hangers and cross them together then hang valentines from them. Hang finished mobile from a curtain rod or picture hook.

Holiday hairpiece: Using play dough make several small heart shapes. Let dry. When dry paint with red, pink or white tempra paint. Hot glue the small hearts to old hair barettes, add some ribbon and you have some festive holiday hair clips.

Heart Lunch Bags: Decorate your children’s brown paper lunch bags for the occasion. Use potatoes cut in half and carved into the shape of hearts. Dip in paint and press onto paper bags. Use red, white and pink paints for that festive touch.


by Michael Webb

Men love gigantic things.  It begins at an early age as evidenced by their fascination with monster trucks and jumbo jets.  If you ever get in a bind for a fun gift for the man in your life, just make it massive and he’s bound to like it.  If you were thinking about making your guy a dozen of his favorite cookies, why not make him one HUGE cookie.  Instead of making him a personalized card from a piece of construction paper, buy a piece of poster board to create an oversized card to express how crazy you are for him.  Most men are naturally competitive and size is one way in which they compete with their male counterparts.  If funds aren’t an issue, help him to get the biggest television, stereo or grill in town.  If you can’t bear to waste the money on such material things then buy him the biggest remote or grilling utensil you can find.  You can make a quick stop at a convenient store and get a jumbo drink and an extra large candy bar for the guy with a sweet tooth.  The possibilities are endless. Just go large.


  • Take the one you love back to the place where you proposed marriage or the spot of your first date. If you can, bring something significant along with you from that time. Reminisce!

  • Women love a gentleman. Guys, hold her chair for her when she’s seated for dinner, and be sure to open her door at the car.

  • Unplug the television set. Put a note or a card on the set inviting them to, “Turn me on instead.”

  • Place a flower on your lover’s pillow just because. Or better yet, make it a “Frisky Coupon” good for “one ear-nibbling session.”

  • Send a taxi or limo to pick your sweetheart up after work. Be sure to prepay the fare, including the tip. Instruct the driver to take him or her to your favorite restaurant where you’ll be waiting.

  • Write a love note and put it in a book your lover is reading.

  • Attach a valentine to the steering wheel of your lover’s car, or hide one under the sun visor.

  • Place a photo of yourself or your child in a heart-shaped frame and place it, along with a valentine, in your loved one’s briefcase.

  • Create a jar filled with “Love Coupons.” Make the coupons redeemable for hugs, kisses, back rubs or any number of special favors. Give the jar to your lover and let them redeem the coupons at their will.

  • Go shopping together for lingerie or boxers.

  • Buy a week’s worth of valentines and send one a day to your lover in the week leading up to Valentine’s Day. Include a special gift or surprise with the last card.

  • Call a radio station and request a special song for your sweetheart. Be sure the two of you are together when the song plays.

  • While your lover is out of the house, prepare a special gourmet dinner. Use your best china, candles and soft music. Or while you’re both out of the house, have a friend deliver and set up the dinner for you.

  • Contact the International Star Registry at 1-800-282-3333 or the Ministry of Federal Star Registration at 1-800-544-8814 and have a star named for the one you love.

  • Take a quiet walk together holding hands.

  • Surprise your lover at work or school by dropping in and dropping off a special gift or surprise.

  • Make time for a pillow fight.

  • Write a special “I love you” message on the mirror in the bathroom using lipstick, soap or shaving cream.

  • Prepare a breakfast in bed.

  • Make your lover work for a gift. Leave written clues that lead him or her on a wild goose chase around the house, through the yard, to the neighbors or across town.

  • Send your lover a card on the day after Valentine’s Day. Explain in the card that “24 hours is too long a period to go without saying, “I love you.”

  • Surprise your lover with a favorite hardcover book.

  • Give your lover a four-leaf clover for luck.

  • Call three times in a row to say “I love you” or “I miss you.”

  • Go on a hay ride.


And who wouldn’t be interested in knowing about the coolest Valentine gift ever? How about a romance novel in which you and your loved one are the hero and heroine of the novel?  Yournovel.com, in Raleigh, NC will produce the ultimate vanity romance novel customized with your name and your loved one’s name.  There are 21 different stories available in exotic settings like the Caribbean, Tahiti, Mardi Gras, and Rome.  These novels can even include a customized cover with your photo either in hard cover or paperback.  And they come in “wild” or “mild” versions.


  • Send your special one a card on the day after Valentine’s Day. Explain in the card that 24 hours is too long a period to go without saying, “I love you.”
  • Surprise your special one with a favorite hardcover book.
  • Give your special one a four-leaf clover.
  • Call three times in a row to say “I love you” or “I miss you.”
  • Go on a hay ride.
  • Hide special love notes in your lover’s sock or underwear drawer.
  • Write your special one’s name in the snow.
  • Have a rainy-day-afternoon picnic in front of the fireplace.
  • Seal a card or letter with a kiss – use lots of lipstick.
  • Create a special video-taped confession telling your valentine all the things you love about him or her.
  • Blindfold your lover and have him or her sit next to the refrigerator. Then feed them delicious foods like strawberries, chocolate, whipped cream, etc.
  • Go to the ice cream store and share a banana split with one spoon. Or, order an ice cream soda with two straws.
  • Buy an antique key. Then give it to your special one inside a valentine. Explain that it’s the key to your heart.
  • Send your valentine a heart-shaped candle, and offer to light it with them at your favorite restaurant.
  • For newlyweds, create a “time capsule” recording. On the tape, reminisce about your first year together. Record a popular song and read the day’s front-page headlines. Keep the recording for playing back on a Valentine’s Day in the future.
  • Send a special “I love you” message by hiring an airplane banner service.
  • Kiss and make up.
  • Take a hot-air balloon ride together.
  • If your special one is away on a business trip, send a different card each day to his or her hotel. Be sure to emphasize how much you miss them and what special plans you’ve made for their return.
  • Surprise your special one by completing a long-neglected task. Fix that screen door that’s always sticking, wallpaper a bedroom. Then put a big bow on the project.
  • Leave a series of “I love you” messages on your lover’s answering machine or office voice mail.
  • Go to a drive-in movie or park on a secluded country road.
  • Go to a Karaoke bar and record yourself singing a special love song for your valentine.
  • If you’re near a beach, build a sandcastle together.
  • Meet at a bar together and pretend you’re meeting for the very first time.
  • Surprise your valentine with a head-to-toe massage.
  • Pick up your loved one from work on Friday night. Have the kids taken care of and a whole secluded weekend away planned. Make it a surprise.
  • Snuggle up and take turns reading a book out loud together.


This Valentine’s Day you will probably either send or receive a Valentine from someone. More than a billion are expected to be given away in the United States alone. But just like many of our holidays, there’s a lot more behind it than just cards and gifts. There’s a true life story. It’s a story that teaches us a lot about the true meaning of love, sacrifice and commitment. Read the entire story of Valentines Day, as told on the Family First web site. http://bit.ly/1Ky2aeJ

You’re not getting older, you’re getting happier. That’s the result of a recent study that shows life is rosier after age 50. Researchers say those in their mid-to-late 50s experience fewer worries and less stress than those whippersnappers in their 20s. During their survey, scientists headed by Arthur Stone, a psychologist at New York’s Stony Brook University, learned that stress and anger slowly decreased from young adulthood through old age. But worry remained at a constant level until it briefly increased in the 40s, then declined at age 50.

We all fidget, but some do it more than others. It can be as simple as gently drumming your fingers on the table or rapidly shaking your leg. Keep doing it! Fidgeting may help you to live longer. The reality is that many of us spend most of our days sitting — from the car to the office and back to the car and then on the couch. That can add up to as much as 15 hours a day. And being that sedentary is not healthy. But researchers from the University of Leeds and University College London wondered if the body movements we often make while sitting are in any way beneficial. The study found that women who frequently sat and were only “slightly” fidgety had a higher risk of dying prematurely than women who were both physically active and didn’t sit as much. The women who sat a lot but were either “moderately” or “very” fidgety had the same risk of a premature death as did the physically active women.

If you want the best buzz from your morning cup of java, wait until you have been awake at least one hour to drink it. Why the delay? By doing so, you’re consuming caffeine at just the right time for it to work best with your body’s hormones, giving you an optimal level of alertness. It’s all about working with our Circadian rhythms — instead of fighting them. The Circadian rhythms are also known as your biological clock, that internal mechanism that wakes you up and makes you sleepy, among other things. To wake you up in the morning, your biological clock governs the release of cortisol, which is also called the stress hormone and is linked to our level of alertness. AsapScience reports that you are most likely to produce cortisol the first hour you are awake. If you drink coffee while your cortisol is naturally ramping up, it diminishes the natural effect of the caffeine and actually causes you to build up a greater tolerance to it — so much so that you will need ever greater amounts of caffeine for the same impact. But when you wait to drink coffee until you have been awake and out of bed for at least one hour and your body’s cortisol surge has ended, you’ll get the maximum bang from the caffeine. Other times to drink coffee to be in sync with your biological clock are between noon and 1pm and 5:30pm to 6:30pm.

Eating burnt toast, over-roasted potatoes and other starchy foods that are cooked at high temperatures can increase your risk of developing cancer, according to the Food Standards Agency in the United Kingdom. The culprit is “acrylamide,” which is what causes bread and potatoes to turn a golden brown when they are fried, baked, toasted or roasted. And that golden brown color is fine. The problem occurs when they are overcooked so the toast is burnt and the potatoes are a dark brown or even black and crunchy. Many animal studies have proven the link between acrylamide with cancer, although it has never been proven in humans. But do note that doesn’t mean there is no risk. Experts are convinced that if acrylamide is carcinogenic in animals it is also carcinogenic in humans. It’s important to understand that toast and baked potatoes will not give you cancer as long as they are properly prepared. Follow the “golden rule” in this case. Gold, not brown or black should be your cooking guide.

If you want to be a good employee, don’t be a hero – stay home if you’re sick. A study of more than 6,000 workers found that employees who repeatedly went to work despite feeling sick risk poor health in the long run. Those who continued to work when sick more than five days a year were at a 40% to 50% higher risk of missing at least 30 days the following year due to illness. Researchers believe staying home when sick promotes long term health.

A McDonalds cashier’s act of kindness toward a boy with autism is is being hailed as an inspiration 

Two unlikely groups are joining forces to challenge former President Barack Obama’s transgender bathroom mandate. The Family Policy Alliance, a public policy partner with Focus on the Family, has teamed up with radical feminist group, the Women’s Liberation Front (WoLF) to protect women and girls from sexual predators.


The tradition of giving candy on Valentine’s Day started hundreds of years ago. And some of it tastes that old.


Marie Asner has been reviewing films for over 35 years. Her outlets include radio, print and Internet. For more in-depth movie reviews of the following films, visit www.Tollbooth.org. Ratings from 1 (Low) to 5 (High).

FEBRUARY 10, 2017…

The Lego Batman Movie—It had to happen. Legos are so popular that now “Batman” has gotten into the craze and done a Lego movie.  What next? “Gone With The Wind” with Lego’s? Not out of the realm of possibility.  In this “Batman” film, he has to learn to work together with others (no longer the lone Caped Crusader”). Voices of Will Arnett, Michael Cera and Rosario Dawson. “The Lego Batman Movie” is rated PG. Rating of 2 for fans.

John Wick: Chapter Two—Who would have thought the character of John Wick would become popular, too.  Such is the case of this Keanu Reeves film in which he comes out of retirement to foil a secret plot. Aren’t they all. “John Wick: Chapter Two” is rated R. Rating of 2 for fans.

Fifty Shades Darker—The books were best sellers, but are the films continuing so? At least, another one has been made with the same characters starring Dakota Johnson and Jamie Dorman. In this episode, they have a new “arrangement?” Read between the lines. “Fifty Shades Darker” is rated R and is an adult movie. No rating.

FEBRUARY 17, 2017…

Fist Fight stars Ice Cube and Charlie Day as two teachers with a grudge.

Toni Erdmann is a foreign film in which the father disguises himself as a woman to spy on his teenage daughter

The Great Wall is an action film about China’s Great Wall and stars Matt Damon.

A Cure For Wellness is a thriller about a mysterious spa. Stars Dane DeHaan.

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