February 19, 2016: Friday ONAIRprep

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PRINTER FRIENDLY VERSION: 20160219

 

 

WELCOME TO THE SHOW!

They say that the early bird gets the worm, right? Now, that’s supposed to be a great motivator for us, but if you think about it, it’s a great reason to stay in bed.  I mean, really, who wants to eat worms?

 

I’m used to being the pseudo-celebrity in our home; people recognize me from the radio, TV commercials, my YouTube channel, etc.  But today I was in one of my wife’s favorite restaurants that she visits often with her friends, and everybody began calling me “Mr. Robin”.  It was really cool to NOT be the celebrity in this marriage for a few minutes!

 

 

BIBLE VERSE OF THE DAY

The Lord will keep you from all harm — he will watch over your life; the Lord will watch over your coming and going both now and forevermore.  — Psalm 121:7-8

 

Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or sword? No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. — Romans 8:35-37

 

Give thanks to the LORD, for he is good; his love endures forever. — Psalm 107:1

 

 

HEARTLIGHT DAILY VERSE, PRAYER & THOUGHT

(From VerseOfTheDay.com)

… the LORD God formed the man from the dust of the ground and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life, and the man became a living being. — Genesis 2:7

 

Thought: We are God’s creation. He fashioned and formed our original ancestors out of the dust of the ground. He molded each of us and created each of us in our mother’s womb (Psalm 139:13-16). Like Adam, God fills us with his breath and blesses us with life. We are his workmanship, his artistry, made to experience life in all its fullness (John 10:10) and created to do his work in our world (Ephesians 2:10).

 

Prayer: Thank you for my life, dear God. Please don’t let anyone, or anything, distract my heart from honoring you. Please do not let the evil one distort my sense of being your creation. In Jesus’ name I pray. Amen.

 

The Thoughts and Prayers for Today’s Verse are written by Phil Ware. You can email questions or comments to phil@heartlight.org.

 

 

BIRTHDAY VERSE” OF THE DAY

The chapter and verse corresponds to the month and the day!

Ephesians 2:19 NIV = Consequently, you are no longer foreigners and aliens, but fellow citizens with God’s people and members of God’s household

 

 

TODAY IS FRIDAY – FEBRUARY 19, 2016

(NOTE: Some holidays may be duplicated due to various calendars reporting conflicting dates)
WEIRD, WACKY, STRANGE, ZANY, ODD, BIZARRE, QUIRKY, UNUSUAL HOLIDAYS!
THERE ARE ONLY 309 SHOPPING DAYS UNTIL CHRISTMAS.   

 

Today is STRAW WRAPPER APPRECIATION DAY, a day to remember how much fun it was to blow the wrapper off a straw.  *** What I enjoyed even more is squeezing the wrapper down the length of the straw, making it bunch up like an accordion, and then dropping a few drops of water on it and watching it expand like a snake.  In fact, I still enjoy doing that.  I’ll probably never grow up.

 

Today is NATIONAL NOSE-BLOWING DAY. The idea is for everyone with a stuffy nose to stop everything at nigh-noon, face West, and blow seriously for 10 seconds. *** Now, if we all face the same direction when we do this, the sudden blast of wind might make the Earth spin faster, thus making time go faster, and maybe these colds and flues will go away faster. That’s just a theory though.

 

 

TODAY IS ALSO. . .

Best Friends Day (Spongebob Squarepants)

Chocolate Mint Day

National Lashes Day

Women in Blue Jeans Days

Iwo Jima Day

 

 

COMING UP NEXT

SATURDAY, FEBRUARY 20

Love Your Pet Day

Northern Hemisphere Hoodie Hoo Day

World Day for Social Justice

 

SUNDAY, FEBRUARY 21

International Mother Language Day

World Information Architecture Day

Daytona 500

 

MONDAY, FEBRUARY 22

87th Academy Awards Ceremony

Museum Advocacy Day

National Margarita Day

Woolworth’s Day

World Thinking Day

George Washington’s Birthday

Tex Avery Day

 

TUESDAY, FEBRUARY 23

Curling is Cool Day

Diesel Engine Day

Iwo Jima Day (flags should be raised)

National Dog Biscuit Day

 

WEDNESDAY, FEBRUARY 24

World Bartender Day

Inconvenience Yourself Day

 

THURSDAY, FEBRUARY 25

Introduce a Girl to Engineering Day

National Chili Day

 

FRIDAY, FEBRUARY 26

National Personal Chef Day

For Pete’s Sake Day

Levi Strauss Day

National Bacon Day (***As if you needed an excuse!)

 

SATURDAY, FEBRUARY 27

Anosomia Awareness Day

International Polar Bear Day

International Sword Swallowers Day

Open That Bottle Night

U.S. Snow Shoe Days

 

SUNDAY, FEBRUARY 28

Floral Design Day

National Tooth Fairy Day

Rare Disease Day

 

MONDAY, FEBRUARY 29

Bachelor’s Day

International Underlings Day

Leap Year Day

Rare Disease Day

 

 

ON THIS DAY

1881: Kansas became the first U.S. state to prohibit all alcoholic beverages.

 

1934: Comedian Bob Hope and Delores Reade were married in Erie, Pennsylvania. The marriage lasted 69 years until Hope’s death at age 100 in 2003. Bob and Delores adopted four children, Kelly, Zachary, Linda, and Tony.

 

1964: A thousand pounds of Beatles wigs arrived from England in New York City, where they sold out immediately.

 

1964: Simon & Garfunkel completed the original version of “Sounds of Silence” using only acoustic guitars.

 

1967: In St. Louis Wilt Chamberlain missed all nine of his free throw attempts while hitting 100% of other shots. In fact, when the field goal streak ended nine days later, Wilt had made 35 in a row.

 

1974: Porter Wagoner and Dolly Parton split up their act.

 

1977: Betty Tafat of Cuyahoga, Ohio, completed crocheting a wool chain 11 miles long.

 

1977: President Ford pardoned Iva Toguri D’Aquino, better known by her nickname “Tokyo Rose.”

 

1984: On the final day of the Winter Olympics at Sarajevo, American brothers Phil and Steve Mahre won the gold and silver medals in the men’s slalom.

 

1985: Coca-Cola introduced bottled Cherry Coke. Soda jerks at drug store fountains had been mixing it since the 1930s.

 

1996: Two days before her 121st birthday, Jeanne Clement of France became the world’s oldest pop star by releasing her first CD entitled Mistress of Time, on which she spoke over funk-rap, techno, and dance music. She said she made the recording to earn money for a minibus for the retirement home where she lived.

 

1996: At a motel near Johannesburg, South Africa, 55-year-old Maphupu Molatudi was beaten and robbed of his false teeth. Police arrested a suspect but never recovered the teeth.

 

1998: A piece of the Duke and Duchess of Windsor’s 60-year-old wedding cake sold for $29,900 at an auction in New York City.

 

1999: Actor Dennis Franz received a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame.

 

2002: A burglar left hanging upside down from a window had to call Austrian police for help on his cell phone. The 42-year-old was trying to break into a nursery in Linz when his foot got caught in a crack as he went through a sloping window. Officers had to take out the window frame to free the man.

 

2005: Iran was reported to be preparing for a possible U.S. attack or at least appearing to prepare for war to dissuade Washington from such an attack.

 

 

TODAY IN CHRISTIAN HISTORY

843: Empress Theodora reinstates icons once and for all in the Eastern churches, effectively ending the medieval iconoclastic controversy. A council in 787 had allowed the veneration of icons, but opponents of images still controlled most of the government and much of the church leadership. The controversy continued, however, and was one of the reasons for the Great Schism between Catholics and the Orthodox in 1054.

 

1377: John Wycliffe stands trial in London’s St. Paul’s Cathedral for his criticism of the church. He argued against the sale of indulgences, the worship of saints, the veneration of relics, the “emptiness” of some church traditions, and the indolence of clerics. In spite of five papal bulls ordering his arrest, he was never convicted as a heretic.

 

1401: William Sawtrey, an English priest who followed the teachings of John Wycliffe, is burned for heresy, becoming the first “Lollard” (critic of the church) martyr in England.

 

1473: Astronomer and cleric Nicolaus Copernicus, whose “heliocentric” concept of the solar system became the foundation of modern astronomy, is born in Poland. Both Martin Luther and the Roman Catholic hierarchy condemned the theory (his revolutionary book was banned until 1758), but Copernicus remained a faithful member of the Catholic Church. He was even a member of the clergy at Frauenburg Cathedral, where his uncle was bishop. “[It is our] loving duty to seek the truth in all things, in so far as God has granted that to human reason,” he wrote.

 

1569: Miles Coverdale, translator and publisher of the first complete English Bible, dies. Parts of his Bible were revisions of Tyndale’s, but unlike his predecessor (with whom he once worked), he included no contentious prefaces or notes; instead, he penned an obsequious dedication to the king.

 

1812: Congregational missionaries Adoniram and Ann Judson set sail from Massachusetts for Calcutta, India. From there, they went to Burma and became two of the most famous American missionaries of their day.

 

 

HOLLYWOOD, SPORTS AND CELEBRITY FIGURE BIRTHDAYS

  • singer-actress (“7th Heaven”, Napoleon Dynamite) Haylie Duff 31 (audio clip)
  • actress (“Men in Trees”, “Men Behaving Badly”, “Family Ties”) Justine Bateman 50 (audio clip)
  • actor (Dumb and Dumber, Good Night and Good Luck, Because of Winn-Dixie, Gods and Generals) Jeff Daniels 61

 

 

BEE-BOP BIRTHDAYS

(Music Artist Birthdays From SongFacts.com)

1912 : Stan Kenton

1936 : Bob Engemann (The Lettermen)

1940 : Smokey Robinson

1940 : Bobby Rogers (Smokey Robinson & The Miracles)

1943 : Lou Christie

1948 : Mark Andes (Spirit, Firefall, Canned Heat, Heart)

1948 : Tony Iommi (Black Sabbath)

1949 : Eddie Hardin (The Spencer Davis Group)

1950 : Francis Buchholz (Scorpions)

1950 : Andy Powell (Wishbone Ash)

1955 : Jeff Daniels

1956 : Dave Wakeling (General Public)

1963 : Seal (born Seal Henry Olusegun Olumide Adeola Samuel)

 

 

SECRETS OF THE UNIVERSE

What’s the origin of the jigsaw puzzle?

Jigsaw puzzles were first made to teach geography in England in the late 18th century.  They were called “dissected maps,” and were made by drawing a map on a sheet of wood and sawing it into irregular pieces with a saw.  Later, different kinds of pictures were made into puzzles, with topics like history, alphabets, botany, and zoology. Jigsaw puzzles reached a peak of popularity in the 1860’s in Great Britain and the USA. During the Great Depression, their relative cheapness made them popular again as gifts.

 

 

CHRISTIAN ARTIST NEWS

Do you like the Christian Artist News you see below? It’s just a tiny sample of the 5-6 pages of material you could be receive every weekday… and it’s FREE!  Become one of their subscribers at ChristianRadioShowPrepServices.com!

 

A thought from David Crowder: When you put ‘THE’ and ‘IRS’ together, it forms ‘THEIRS’. Coincidence? I think not.

 

Sidewalk Prophets Ben McDonald was trying to work from home recently but says it was a struggle. He posted: Getting work done with a cat in the room does not work for me. My cat is a spazz!

 

Mercyme’s Bart Millard posted recently: Someone asked why I don’t tweet as much as I used to. Pulled a thumb muscle.

 

Advice from the We Are Worship website: Rehearsals go better when someone brings cake. Or is it that fellowship deepens friendship? Whatever. Bring cake.

 

Colton Dixon is known for his hair but it wasn’t always a popular hair style. He shared recently on twitter: I once got detention for my hair being too tall.  http://colton.cta.gs/057

 

A little background about the band We Are Messengers, one of the newest bands on this years Winterjam tour. Front man Darren Mulligan originally left his native Ireland to play in secular rock band in America, chasing money and fame. It wasn’t until he returned to Ireland that Darren was introduced to Christ by his newly saved girlfriend. After stepping away from music for several years, Darren began playing again in his local church. That developed into a band called Remission Flow and eventually became We Are Messengers.

 

Jeremy Camp was back home this week in his native Indiana and took the opportunity to invite his father on stage. Jeremy posted: Jamming with my Pops in Indy! Man, can he play harmonica! I love my Dad so much! Always good to be home.

http://twitter.com/jeremycamp/status/699097635605581824/photo/1

 

Chris Tomlin is asking for your help in the fight against human trafficking. He posted this week: February 25 is Shine A Light On Slavery Day. Draw an x on your hand and post it using the hash tag #enditmovement.

http://twitter.com/christomlin/status/699662034917404674/photo/1

 

Jodi and Chris, from Love and the Outcome, celebrated their new son’s due date with a baby photo shoot. Milo Wolf was actually born on Valentines day, a couple of days before his official due date. His parents posted before the photo shoot: so glad the 3rd member of our power trio came early! http://twitter.com/loveandoutcome/status/699653984492113920/photo/1

 

After watching the new music video for Jeremy Camp’s song Same Power, one fan posted I think Jeremy Camp is creating a new genre with this “Music Videvotional” And the new title might just catch on. Jeremy replied: Thanks. I like that!

 

 

NEWS KICKERS

(No news on the weekends.)

 

NEW NEWS KICKERS…

The Fairfax, Virginia, Police Department says that 32-year-old Jonathan M. Magnes of New Jersey was drunk when he threw a sandwich at a 50-year-old man at a Fairfax pizzeria and then drove away. Authorities say the victim, who was not injured, tailed Magnes before officers arrived and pulled over the suspect.  *** I’m curious – what exactly is the sentence for a drive-by sandwiching?

 

A truck  carrying dough bound for Domino’s restaurants struck an overpass in Indianapolis. The collision sheared the top off the truck and trailer, spilling lumps of dough on the road.  *** This explains that unique taste in the Dominos Pizza crust – it’s carbon emissions from highway vehicles.

 

A self-driving Google car was pulled over in the San Francisco Bay Area recently after an officer “noticed traffic backing up behind a slow moving car.”  ***Question – how  do you ticket a car with no driver?  Bigger question – how does a car with no driver know it’s being pulled over by a cop?

 

A 40-year-old New Jersey woman has pleaded guilty to stealing from comedian Joe Piscopo and agreed to pay restitution of over $170-thousand.  ***Restitution would’ve been more, but the judge couldn’t stop laughing when he heard someone thought it was worth robbing Joe Piscopo.

 

 

NEWS KICKER EVERGREENS…

The British accent is the most attractive in the world, according to an international survey. Britain came out ahead of American, Irish and Australian accents by a generous margin. The French accent came in fifth. ***MARLAR: But they came in last in the category of “courteous waiters”.

 

Chemicals used to make non-stick coatings on cookware and to waterproof fabrics may raise levels of cholesterol in children, according to U.S. researchers.  Children in a study with the highest levels of these compounds in their blood had measurably higher levels of total cholesterol and LDL — the so-called “bad” cholesterol — compared with children with lower readings.  ***MARLAR: Here’s an idea… how about we teach kids not to eat clothes and frying pans?

 

Facebook admitted recently what many teens already know: it’s not as cool to be on Facebook anymore. But while some stories would have you believe teens are dumping Facebook in droves, it’s not true. The company says while there is a decrease in “daily users among younger teens,” just about every teen in the U.S. is still using the social media service.  ***MARLAR: Wait a minute… you mean, teens get bored with stuff easily?  Really?  Who’d a thunk it?

 

According to a recent Rasmussen poll, 37% of Americans believe that zombies would do a better job than Congress.  ***MARLAR: Have you seen who we have in Congress?  I’m not sure there’s much of a difference.

 

 

WONDER WOMAN

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… “Fog Horns”

 

 

DAILY COMEDY CLIP

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… Scott Wood, “Bad Breath”

 

 

AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – WEEKDAY VERSION

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD FRIDAY’S EPISODE  
OPEN: Last time, Racquet the Skunk had been making defective badminton racquets for his friends so they’d have to keep buying new ones, but now he’s learned that Gruffy is planning on giving Racquet’s niece a present… a new badminton racquet, made by Racquet!  So now he’s working feverishly to make a new badminton racquet that is NOT defective so his niece can play in the badminton tournament…

 

CLOSE: Oh boy – looks like Racquet’s underhandedness is now going to affect not only Sully, Nozzles and Gruffy, but now it will also affect his niece, Rita – and the cute boy skunk, Stinky!  And that stinks.  None of this would’ve been a problem if he’d just treated his friends right to begin with!  Find out what happens next time, as FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns!

 

 

AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – SATURDAY/SUNDAY VERSION

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD THE EPISODE FOR THE WEEKEND OF FEBRUARY 20/21

 

OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns!  When last we left the jungle, Louis the lion – currently the king of the jungle – decided he didn’t want to be king.  So all of the animals went out to find a new king… and they’ve found a really big throne – and a really big crown!  Then the animals asked Louis to try the crown on…

 

CLOSE: The searching has finally paid off!  The animals have finally found a new king!  Or have they?  This older lion seems to like to nap a lot.  What kind of king would he be?  Tune in again next time, for As the Jungle Turns!

 

***You may simulcast “As the Jungle Turns” on the Internet stream of your live broadcast only. Any other Internet use of “As the Jungle Turns” in whole or part including podcasting of your live broadcast is a violation of copyright law. Thank you for your cooperation on this vitally important issue. If you have any questions, please e-mail us and ask about “Jungle Jam & Friends the Radio Show” usage.

 

 

MOMENT OF DUH

Can you just walk off the job once your day is through?  One bus driver did exactly that!

In Corsicana, Texas, a greyhound bus driver apparently took her work hours very seriously. She was driving a chartered greyhound bus that was taking 40 paroled former prisoners from the state prison in Huntsville to Dallas. However, about 60 miles short of Dallas she pulled into a convenience store and told her passengers her hours were up for the day and she was done. A clerk in the store called police. Officers arrived to find the former prisoners milling around the bus and Officer Travis Wallace said, “Their behavior was exemplary.” They finally got another driver and got on their way. Greyhound spokesman Dustin Clark said company officials were investigating the incident and called it “a very serious matter.”  ***MARLAR: “I’m done for the day, y’all can get out and walk now!”

 

 

TOP TEN

TOP TEN SIGNS YOUR COW HAS MAD COW DISEASE

 

  1. Your cow insists on wearing a little A-1 sauce behind each ear as cologne.

 

  1. Your cow takes up painting and wants to wear an earring.

 

  1. Your cow appears on Oprah, claiming to be a horse trapped in a cow’s body.

 

  1. Your cow demands to be branded with the ‘Golden Archs Logo’.

 

  1. Your cow insists evaporated milk comes from thirsty cows.

 

  1. She starts giving you Milk of Amnesia.

 

  1. Your cow insists that it can give you chocolate milk if you started feeding it Hershey bars.

 

  1. Your cow becomes a Muslim and asks to be called “LaCream Abdul Milkbar”.

 

  1. Your cow insists Milk Duds are the result of stupid cows.

 

  1. Your cow starts laughing hysterically until milk spurts out its nose.

 

 

THE FILES OF LAW & DISORDER

Police finally track down a prank caller – who made 27,000 calls to 9-1-1!

 

FILE #1: Police in Hayward, California have arrested a prolific 911 caller who they say made more than 27,000 emergency calls, overwhelming the California Highway Patrol and Hayward 911 systems. The calls started flooding in last May and usually operators heard either bodily noises, muttering or beeping tones. Because the calls were made from untraceable cell phones, the culprit was hard to catch. But they finally arrested 45-year-old John Triplette. Ironically, as bizarre and intense as his crime is, it’s only a misdemeanor.

 

FILE #2: There wasn’t much joy in the little joyride that Florida’s Abel de la Pena and Jorge L. Valdes recently took. They were cruising in their Crown Victoria police interceptor, tricked out with a spotlight, a blue-and-red light bar and a prisoner cage to make it look like the real deal. Abel and Jorge approached a woman at a gas station, pointed a gun at her and stole her purse. They then made their escape via a local highway, grabbing the cash and tossing the purse out the window. Unfortunately, they did so while driving by a real cop. After a brief chase, Abel and Jorge had guns pointed at them as they were taken off to jail.

 

FILE #3: A 23-year-old Seattle man was enjoying his Sunday afternoon nap when he woke up and started playing with his 9mm handgun – and in his tired state, it went off! That’s right – he shot his left hand. He quickly was transported to the hospital, where he filled out an injury report. Not aware that the police always follow up on gun wounds, they went to his house and found him growing illegal drugs. Seattle police are now hoping other criminals help them out by shooting themselves in the hand too!

 

STRANGE LAW: Wearing ties is illegal on South Padre Island. According to a proclamation adopted by the Texas Gulf Coast resort town, police will give first time offenders a written warning.  If you get caught a second time, you’ll be fined “the amount of a fine silk tie,” and the offending neckwear will be confiscated and destroyed.

 

 

THIS IS YOUR BRAIN ON DRUGS

It’s not always a great idea to advertise your product on the internet – particularly if your product is illegal!

Steven Zahorsky, 24, of Bridgeport, CT, posted an ad on Craigslist that said, “Mary Jane in Fairfield County.” The ad offered a half-ounce of “A plus” marijuana for $220 and the same amount of “B plus” marijuana for $160.  His first customer was an undercover police officer.   It was also his last customer.

 

 

PHONER PHUN

Magic Marker, Ben Gay?  Potpourri?  Preparation H?  What’s the strangest thing you have ever accidentally tasted?

 

 

BIBLE BRAIN BUSTER!

QUESTION: What king had a bevy of magicians and psychics who could not interpret his strange dreams?



ANSWER: Nebuchadnezzar

See Daniel 2:9-12

 

QUESTION: Name two men who walked with God.

ANSWER: Enoch (Genesis 5:22) and Noah (Genesis 6:9)

 

 

QUESTION IMPOSSIBLE

QUESTION: What is “Catch 18?”

ANSWER: “Catch-18” is the original title of the Joseph Heller novel “Catch-22”. The title was changed to avoid confusion with the Leon Uris novel, “Mila 18”, which had recently been published.

 

 

TRUE OR FALSE

Pay attention!  If our next player doesn’t answer all ten T/F questions correctly we start all over from question #1!  First person to answer question #10 correctly is our winner!

 

  1. 95% of the entire lemon crop produced in the U.S. is from California and Arizona. (True)

 

  1. Blood accounts for about 25% of a human’s body weight. (False, it’s only about 8%)

 

  1. Dolphins hear by having sound waves transmit through their skull to their inner ear region. (True)

 

  1. All true spiders have organs for spinning silk known as spinnerets. (True. While some spiders do not have these, all true spiders do.)

 

  1. In the dry valleys region of Antarctica, it has not rained in 2 million years according to scientists. (True)

 

  1. In Johannesburg, the average car will be involved in an accident once every two years. (False, every four years)

 

  1. Eight men have landed on and explored the moon. (False, twelve.)

 

  1. The strongest gust of wind ever recorded was over 300 miles per hour. (False – it was recorded at the Mount Washington Observatory on April 12th, 1934, and measured 231 miles per hour.)

 

  1. Elvis was an avid gun collector. (True – his collection of 40 weapons included M-16s and a Thompson submachine gun.)

 

  1. The largest stamp ever issued was from Britain. (False – it was by China and measured 8.2in. x 2.5in)

 

 

TABLOID MATCH GAME

You have to match the blank in the tabloid headline with the word or phrase that has been removed!

KIM JONG IL IS __________ (ALIVE)

ATHENS, GA – Kim Jong Il has been sighted at a record store in Athens, Georgia.

North Korea’s formerly deceased communist dictator was seen perusing used records at Wuxtry, the same store where the band R.E.M. was formed

Notably absent from the public eye for months, Kim Jong Il has been recently been spotted in small towns throughout the American heartland. North Korean officials deny these claims, sating “Preposterous! Our Glorious Leader is dead, working tirelessly for the people from the afterlife.”

 

 

THE WAY TOO EARLY IN THE MORNING TO UNDERSTAND THE PUNCHLINE EVEN AFTER TWO CUPS OF COFFEE JOKE OF THE DAY

JOKE #1

A father was scolding his son for being unruly. Disliking this treatment, the child decided to rebel. Gathering some clothes, his teddy bear, and his piggy bank, he proudly announced, “I’m running away from home!”

“What if you get hungry?” his father asked.

“Then I’ll come home and eat,” the child declared.

“And what if you run out of money?”

“I will come home and get some!” came the ready reply.

“What if your clothes get dirty?”

“Then I’ll come home and let mommy wash them.”

The father shook his head and exclaimed, “You’re not running away from home; you’re going off to college.”

 

JOKE #2

After spending 3-1/2 hours enduring the long lines , surly clerks and insane regulations at the Department of Motor Vehicles, I stopped at a toy store to pick up a gift for my son. I brought my selection – a baseball bat – to the cash register.

“Cash or charge?” the clerk asked.

“Cash,” I snapped. Then apologizing for my rudeness , I explained , “I’ve spent the afternoon at the motor-vehicle bureau.”

“Shall I giftwrap the bat?” the clerk asked sweetly. “Or are you going back there?”

 

JOKE #3

A golfer who was well into his golden years had a lifelong ambition to play one hole at Pebble Beach, California, the way the pros do it. The pros drive the ball out over the water onto the green that is on a spit of land that just out off the coast.

It was something he had tried hundreds of times without success. His ball always fell short, into the water. Because of this he never used a new ball on this particular hole. He always picked out one that had a cut or a nick.

One year he went out to Pebble Beach to try again. When he came to the fateful hole, he teed up an old cut ball and said a silent prayer. Before he hit it, however, a powerful voice from above said, “WAIT. REPLACE THAT OLD BALL WITH A BRAND NEW BALL.”

He complied, with some slight misgiving, despite the fact that the Lord seemed to be implying that He was going to let him finally achieve his lifelong ambition.

As he stepped up to the tee once more, the voice came down again, “WAIT.  STEP BACK. TAKE A PRACTICE SWING.”

So he stepped back and took a practice swing. The voice boomed out again: “TAKE ANOTHER PRACTICE SWING.”

He did. Silence followed. Then the voice spoke out again, “PUT THE OLD BALL BACK.”

 

 

USELESS FACTS

An ostrich’s eye is larger than its brain.  ***MARLAR: So is mine… especially if I’m staring at the buffet table.

 

According to a study published in the medical journal, “Pediatrics,” the more television that pre-school children watch, the more likely they are to be overweight. ***MARLAR: Well duh – have you seen the stomachs on those Tele-tubbies?!?

 

 

FEATURED FUNNIES

THOSE AMAZING ANIMALS AND KIDS!

While waiting in the car for her husband to come out of the post office, a mom was playing the game “What does this animal say?” with her three year old daughter.

“What does the birdie say?” the mom asked. “Tweet, tweet,” said the girl.

“What does the lion say?” “Roaarrr!”

“And what does the snake say?”

She replied in a sinister voice, “Go ahead, you can eat the apple!”

 

 

IT MUST BE TRUE BECAUSE I HEARD IT ON THE RADIO!

HELP IS ON THE WAY

Women, are you wishing your men would help you out more around the house? Are you afraid that even if he offered to help he wouldn’t know how to do anything right, anyway? Send him to school!

A school in Vienna is offering classes for men who lack basic domestic skills like ironing, doing laundry and cooking. For just 200 schillings (about sixteen dollars), the Hietzing Volkshochschule in Austria will introduce novices to the delights of housework in classes that vary from 90 minutes to two-hours and conclude with a diploma. For 1,700 schillings, women can buy vouchers entitling their men to a complete package that includes ironing, sorting washing, basic cooking and dress sense.  ***MARLAR: So if the guys pass the class their reward is doing housework?  Gee, sign me up.

  • PHONER: Ladies – what household chores does your husband need to be schooled in? 

 

 

INSPIRATIONAL INSPIRATION

THE LIST (Everyone needs this list.)
The most destructive habit ~ Worry
The greatest Joy ~ Giving
The greatest loss ~ Loss of self-respect
The most satisfying work ~ Helping others
The ugliest personality trait ~ Selfishness
The most endangered species ~ Dedicated leaders
Our greatest natural resource ~ Our youth
The greatest “shot in the arm” ~ Encouragement
The greatest problem to overcome ~ Fear
The most effective sleeping pill ~ Peace of mind
The most crippling failure disease ~ Excuses
The most powerful force in life ~ Love
The most dangerous pariah ~ A gossiper
The world’s most incredible computer ~ The brain
The worst thing to be without ~ Hope
The deadliest weapon ~ The tongue
The two most power-filled words ~ “I Can”
The greatest asset ~ Faith
The most worthless emotion ~ Self-pity
The most beautiful attire ~ SMILE!
The most prized possession ~ Integrity
The most powerful channel of communication ~ Prayer
The most contagious spirit ~ Enthusiasm
The most important thing in life ~ GOD

 

 

DRIVE TIME DEVOTIONAL

An item in the National Geographic magazine carried this caption: “New Spin on Fast Food.” The article was about the phalarope, “a wading shorebird that has a unique way of dining on creatures too deep for it to reach.” Spinning in the water at breakneck speed–a full spin per second–it creates a vortex that “pumps up” shrimp from a depth of 3 feet.

According to UCLA biologist William M. Hamner, the bird is also a speedy eater. His research team has learned that “phalaropes detect prey, thrust, seize, transport, and swallow in less than half a second, at a rate of 180 pecks per minute.”

The author of Psalm 104 probably never saw a phalarope, but he was still impressed with the creative genius of God he saw in the world of nature.  He wrote, “The earth is full of Your possessions, living things both small and great.  These all wait for You, that You may give them their food in due season. What You give them they gather in.” (vv.24-28)

Do we think of our life-support systems–the food we eat, the air we breathe, the strength we receive–as coming from the hand of God? Most of us take these provisions for granted.

 

 

LEFTOVERS

GLAD TO MEAT YOU

The breeze Billy Stamm felt coming through his butcher shop wasn’t from an open door. It was from the car that crashed into the store’s front window.

66-year-old Mary Moffitt of Erlanger, Ohio, literally drove her car through the front window of Stamm’s Choice Meats. Mary says her gas pedal stuck. She wasn’t hurt, but the crash sent Billy Stamm’s father – the owner of the butcher shop – to the hospital. What’s more odd, is that after the crash, Mary picked up her order — salami and other deli meats — and drove home. It was the second time in 3 years that someone crashed through the window.  ***MARLAR: Maybe they should just put in a drive-thru lane.

 

 

LIFE… LIVE IT

OWNER OF A LONELY HEART

If you were alone on Valentine’s Day, don’t feel so alone. According to a new survey, most young singles in America said they weren’t with a Valentine either – nor were they looking for one.  About half of singles surveyed said they had been on no more than one date in the last three months.  Most of those seeking romance said it was difficult to meet people in their towns. And where are the good places to meet people? Work or school came in first, followed closely by being set up by family or friends. Other popular meeting spots were nightclubs, bars, cafes, the internet and church.

 

 

JUST FOR FUN

JOB PERK – FREE MILK

Maine farmers are desperately seeking qualified applicants to be “cow sitters”. You may not have ever heard of such a thing but the owners of some 450 family-run dairies in Maine are looking for help so they can take an occasional day off. They say that farmers are the hardest workers in the world and some farmers say they have not taken off a day in 20 years. To help, the University of Maine has set up a special program to train prospective cow sitters. To quality for the program, an applicant must be at least 16 years old, and be able to work early-morning hours.  ***MARLAR: And be willing to get their own milk every morning for their breakfast cereal.

 

 

FUN LIST

TOP 20 GEEKIEST MOVIES OF ALL TIME (according to List Universe)

In no particular order – and I’ve commented on each one if I’ve seen it.  So, how geeky are YOU? (Includes my comments.)

  1. 2001 A Space Odyssey,1968  (Seen it.)
  2. Bladerunner, 1982  (Seen it.  Two for two so far.)
  3. Spaceballs, 1987 (Seen it… that’s 3 out of 3 calling me a geek now.)
  4. Lord of the Rings, 2001 (4 out of 4.  Yikes.)
  5. Serenity, 2005  (5 out of 5 that I’ve seen – and I like this movie too.  Drat.)
  6. Brazil, 1985 (WHEW – I’ve NOT seen this one!  5 out of 6.  That’s still not good.)
  7. Metropolis, 1927  (Ah, another I’ve not seen!  5 out of 7 – maybe there’s hope for me after all!)
  8. The Matrix, 1999  (Sigh… 6 out of 8.)
  9. Star Wars, 1977 (Oh, come on – you’re a geek if you’ve seen Star Wars?  That’d be EVERYBODY!  7 out of 9.)
  10. Office Space, 1999 (8 out of 10 now.  I’m starting to feel very geekish.)
  11. Pi, 1998 (Never seen it – whoo hoo!  8 out of 11.)
  12. Akira, 1988  (Nope – that brings it to 8 out of 12.  Still not good, but I’m feeling better.)
  13. Alien, 1979  (Grrr… 9 out of 13.)
  14. Planet of the Apes, 1968  (Dang.  One of my favorites of all time too.  10 out of 14.)
  15. Repo Man, 1984 (Never seen it, don’t care to.  10 out of 15.)
  16. War Games, 1983 (Drat.  I even owned the video game for a while.  Anybody remember ColecoVision?  Anyway, that bring me to 11 out of 16.)
  17. Star Trek: The Wrath of Khan, 1982 (Dagnabbit.,   12 out of 17.)
  18. Hackers, 1995 (Saw it, hated it… but I still saw it so it counts.  13 out of 18 for me now.)
  19. Short Circuit, 1986 (Saw it, it too was terrible.  14 out of 19.)
  20. Pirates of Silicon Valley, 1999 (Nope.  Never even heard of this one – maybe there’s hope for me?  That’s 15 out of 20.)

***MARLAR: Yikes.  Fifteen out of twenty comes to 75% – that means I’m only 25% NOT GEEK.  I might as well finish the job… I’m going to go home and drown my sorrows in a can of Red Bull while watching the Lord of the Rings trilogy. While wearing a pocket protector.

 

 

MORE SHOW PREP STUFF…

Blueberries… not only do they turn your tongue blue, but they might protect you from Parkinson’s disease!

Can those blueberries in your breakfast cereal help stave off Parkinson’s disease? New research says yes.  A study funded by the National Institutes of Health found that men and women who regularly eat berries may have a reduced risk of developing Parkinson’s disease, according to a statement from the American Academy of Neurology.   What’s more, men may further lower their risk by regularly eating oranges, apples, and other foods rich in flavonoids, dietary components found in citrus fruits, berries, and chocolate.  ***MARLAR: That’s right, men.  You can lower your risk of getting Parkinson’s by eating chocolate.  Get to work.

 

 

OTHER STUFF I WANT TO CRAM INTO TODAY’S PREP

Looking to navigate life’s twists and turns to find God’s best for your marriage? Focus on the Family’s marriage experts, Dr. Greg and Erin Smalley, are out with a FREE list of Date Night Ideas.  http://ow.ly/YtkL1

 

Chinese students aren’t only coming to the U.S. in record numbers to study in America’s top universities and graduate schools. They’re coming in waves to study in Christian high schools. According to the Christian Examiner, a successful high school experience helps students find enrollment in and transition to a U.S. university that much easier. Officials say “Just under 28 percent of Chinese high school students obtained visas to attend Catholic schools, while 30 percent were at schools with nondenominational or Protestant Christian affiliations.  http://ow.ly/Ya7zW

 

Last year was a pretty good one in India for Audio Scripture Ministries. According to Mission Network News, the organization distributed 4,000 audio Bibles throughout the country. However, ASM is setting the bar even higher in 2016. Their goal to distribute another 25,000 audio Bibles this year. While 25,000 may seem like a large number, it’s only a fraction of the number of people who are illiterate in India. Of the world’s total number of illiterate adults, 37% of them live in India. That’s 287 million illiterate adults in the one country alone.  https://goo.gl/rgKEoc

 

 

MOTIVATION

Believe that you can and you’re halfway there. – Theodore Roosevelt

 

 

AND I LEAVE YOU WITH THIS THOUGHT

This is one of those stressful days when I can hardly wait to get home and relax by watching grapes explode in the microwave.

 

Revenge is drinking poison hoping the other rat dies; Forgiveness is releasing a prisoner and then realizing that prisoner was you.

 

God had a purpose for your life even before you were born. Don’t let your current circumstances distract you from what you are called to do!

 

 

THE TICKET Movie Reviews with MARIE ASNER

Marie Asner has been reviewing films for over 30 years. Her outlets include radio, print and Internet.  For more in-depth movie reviews of the following films, visit www.Tollbooth.org.  Ratings from 1 (Low) to 5 (High).

 

FEBRUARY 19, 2016…

 

Race—It is the 1936 Olympics and Hitler and his Aryan Race think these Olympics are theirs, however, here comes African-American Jesse Owens who proceeds to race like the wind. The title word “race,” has a double meaning here. Stephan James stars as Jesse Owens and the rest of the cast are Jason Sudeikis, Carice van Houten and Jeremy Irons. “Race” is rated PG 13. Rating of 3.

 

Viral—Here it comes again, another epidemic of a killer virus gone astray and amok and a family has to protect themselves. Cast has Analeigh Tipton, Michael Kelley and Paul Lacovora. “Viral” is rated R. No rating.

 

Risen—An investigation into the supposed rising of Christ from the grave.  An this detective work is done at the time of Christ by Clavius, a roman officer (Joseph Fiennes). What does he find?  Also in the cast are Tom Felton, Cliff Curtis and Maria Botto. “Risen” is rated PG 13. Rating of 2.

 

Touched With Fire—Katie Holmes and Luke Kirby both are manic depressive and end up in the same hospital.  They fall in love, but can they handle this?  Also in the cast is Christine Lahti.  “Touched With Fire” is rated R. No rating.

 

FEBRUARY 26, 2016…

 

Eddie The Eagle is the true story of England’s first ski jumper. Eddie Edwards. Stars Taron Egerton and Hugh Jackman.

 

God’s Of Egypt concerns the gods fighting amongst each other. Sound familiar, as in Greek or Roman mythology? Stars Gerard Butler.

 

Triple 9 is the code for “Officer Down” and is an action thriller starring Casey Affleck and Kate Winslet.

 

The Witch is set in Old Salem about unsettling things happening in the woods. Stars Anya Taylor-Jay.

 

Crouching Tiger: Sword of Destiny (at last) and after changing the opening date time and time again, the film starring Michelle Yeoh will open next week.

 

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WARNING:    Don’t believe anything you read on the Internet or email (including stuff you read here) unless you can confirm it with another source, and/or it is consistent with what you already know to be true. The opinions in this publication are not necessarily those of Darren Marlar, Marlar House Entertainment, OnAirPrep.com, or any company or organization affiliated with aforementioned.  (Regardless of how stupid you may think those opinions are.  So there – nyah!)

Darren Marlar credits all non-original material to the author whenever possible. All other material is original, used with permission, or author unknown. We welcome all comments, questions, and suggestions.  Darren can be reached via his website at www.DarrenMarlar.com.