February 24, 2018: Saturday ONAIRprep

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PRINT VERSIONS OF TODAY’S PREP:
ODT: 20180224
PDF: 20180224

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WELCOME TO THE SHOW!

It’s really exciting to have your own radio show. I can hardly wait to find out what kind of a fool I’m going to make of myself today.

PRESIDENTIAL WIT & WISDOM (click here to buy the book)

(None on the weekends or holidays.)

BIBLE VERSE OF THE DAY

“Can anyone hide in secret places so that I cannot see them?” declares the Lord. “Do not I fill heaven and earth?” declares the Lord. — Jeremiah 23:24

There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love. — 1 John 4:18

Accept him whose faith is weak, without passing judgment on disputable matters. — Romans 14:1

HEARTLIGHT DAILY VERSE, PRAYER & THOUGHT

(From VerseOfTheDay.com)

“Woe to him who builds his realm by unjust gain to set his nest on high, to escape the clutches of ruin!” — Habakkuk 2:9

Thought: In our “dog eat dog” world, in our race to get to the top and leave all our rivals in a heap at the bottom, God tells us both “Whoa!” and “Woe!” He tells us to stop and realize that Kingdom values are different from worldly values — that there is no success without service. He also warns us that he will bring us to ruin if we ignore his values by placing ourselves above the well-being of others or pursuing our own success at the cost of our ethics.

Prayer: Gracious, almighty, and righteous God, please strengthen me so that I can resist the temptation to exploit, cheat, and lie to get ahead. Dear Father, I truly want to be a person of integrity, character, and blessing. Please help me to see any duplicity in my own heart and to treat others graciously, just as you have so graciously treated me. In Jesus’ name I pray. Amen.

The Thoughts and Prayers for Today’s Verse are written by Phil Ware. You can email questions or comments to phil@heartlight.org.

BIRTHDAY VERSE” OF THE DAY (The chapter and verse correspond to the month and day!)

1 Peter 2:24 NIV = He himself bore our sins in his body on the tree, so that we might die to sins and live for righteousness; by his wounds you have been healed.

TODAY IS SATURDAY – FEBRUARY 24, 2018

(NOTE: Some holidays may be duplicated due to various calendars reporting conflicting dates)
WEIRD, WACKY, STRANGE, ZANY, ODD, BIZARRE, QUIRKY, UNUSUAL HOLIDAYS!
THERE ARE ONLY
303 SHOPPING DAYS UNTIL NEXT CHRISTMAS.

Today is NATIONAL SWAMP CABBAGE DAY. ***Well, that sounds disgusting.

TODAY IS ALSO…

Forget Me Not Day
International Sword Swallowers Day

National Dance Day
Open That Bottle Night

World Bartender Day

COMING UP NEXT (Just a list, we are not endorsing the holidays posted below. Find more holidays and link to their websites at BrownieLocks.com)

SUNDAY, FEBRUARY 25

(NONE TODAY)

MONDAY, FEBRUARY 26

National Personal Chef’s Day
For Pete’s Sake Day
Levi Strauss Day
Museum Advocacy Day
National Cupcake Day
World Pistachio Day

TUESDAY, FEBRUARY 27

Anosomia Awareness Day
IHOP International Pancake Day
International Polar Bear Day
Travel Africa Day
Spay Day USA
World NGO Day

WEDNESDAY, FEBRUARY 28

Pink Shirt Day
Floral Design Day
Inconvenience Yourself Day
National Tooth Fairy Day
Rare Disease Day

THURSDAY, MARCH 01

Asiatic Fleet Memorial Day
Baby Sleep Day
Dadgum That’s Good Day
National Black Women in Jazz & The Arts Day
Endometriosis Day or Wear Yellow Day
National Horse Protection Day
National Peanut Lovers Day
Peace Corps Day
Pig Day
Plan a Solo Vacation Day
Purim
Refired, Not Retired Day
Saint David’s Day
Self-injury Awareness Day
World Book Day
World Compliment Day
Zero Discrimination Day

FRIDAY, MARCH 02

Dress in Blue Day
Dr. Seuss Day
Employee Appreciation Day
National Salesperson Day
National Speech and Debate Education Day
NEA’s Read Across America Day
World Day of Prayer

National Day of Action

SATURDAY, MARCH 03

I Want You To Be Happy Day
International Ear Care Day
Iditarod

National Frozen Food Day
National Mulled Wine Day
National Anthem Day
Pasty Day
Princess Day
Simplify Your Life Day
Sock Monkey Day
Soup It Forward Day
What If Cats and Dogs Had Opposable Thumbs? Day
World Birth Defects Day
World Wildlife Day

SUNDAY, MARCH 04

Academy Awards (Oscars)
*Benjamin Harrison Day
Courageous Follower Day
Daughters’ and Sons’ Day
Finisher’s Medal Day
Holy Experiment Day
Hug A G.I. Day
International Scrapbooking Industry Day
March Forth-Do Something Day
Marching Music Day
Namesake Day
National Grammar Day
Old Inauguration Day
Toy Soldier Day

MONDAY, MARCH 05

Casimir Pulaski Day
Fun Facts About Names Day
National Absinthe Day
National Poutine Day
Saint Piran’s Day
World Tennis Day

ON THIS DAY

1835: “Siwinowe Kesibwi” (The Shawnee Sun) was the first Indian language monthly publication issued in the United States.

1839: Mr. William S. Otis, of Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, patented the steam shovel.

1857: The United States Government received the first shipment of perforated postage stamps. Until then, only non-perforated ones were used.

1866: For the first time, the Capitol in Washington, DC, displayed an American flag made entirely of American bunting.

1868: Andrew Johnson, 17th president of the United States, became the first president to have impeachment proceedings brought against him by the House of Representatives.

1868: The first parade to have floats celebrated Mardi Gras in Mobile, Alabama.

1887: Paris and Brussels became the first two capital cities to be linked by telephone.

1912: The National organization, Hadassah, was formed to foster Jewish education in America and to create public health nursing and nurses training in Palestine.

1920: Lady Astor, first woman member of the British Parliament, made her maiden speech.

1920: An extremist political group in Germany outlined its program to create a Third German Reich. Its spokesman, Adolf Hitler, said it would change its name to the National Socialist German Workers’ Party.

1924: Swimmer, Johnny Weissmuller, who went on to play “Tarzan,” broke the world’s record for the 100-meter event at Miami Beach, Florida, with a time of 57 2/5 seconds.

1925: For the first time a thermit was used, to break a 250,000-ton ice jam clogging the St. Lawrence River near Waddington, New York.

1938: In Arlington, New Jersey, the first nylon bristle toothbrush was made, marking the first time nylon yarn was used commercially. Two years later, nylon hosiery would be introduced.

1942: The United States Government stopped deliveries of all 12-gauge shotguns for sporting use, to make more weapons available for war production.

1942: Voice of America aired for the first time. The worldwide, shortwave radio service, continues to send out a variety of programs around the world under the auspices of the United States Information Agency (USIA).

1973: Roberta Flack’s Killing Me Softly With His Song jumped to Number 1 on Billboard’s hit record charts, and remained there for 5 weeks. It was rumored that the subject of her song was folk singer Don McLean

1983: For the first time, the Dow Jones industrial average closed above the 1100 mark, after the stock market moved 24.87 points to close at 1121.81. In 1972, the 1100 plateau had been reached, but a rally could not keep the benchmark high at that point until the end of the trading day.

1985: Quarterback Doug Flutie played his first professional game, leading the New Jersey Generals against Birmingham, to a 38-28 loss. The former Boston College star had a rough start in his USFL debut, but completed 12 of 18 passes in the game’s fourth quarter.

1985: Yul Brynner reprised his “The King and I” role, setting an all-time box office weekly receipt record when the show took in $520,920.

1987: The Los Angeles Lakers’ Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, got his first three-point shot. At this date, the leading scorer in NBA history had reached 36,000 points, but until now, Kareem never scored over two at a time.

1989: Iran’s Ayatollah Ruhollah Khomeini so disliked Salman Rushdie’s novel, “The Satanic Verses”, he sentenced the author to death. To aid in the hunt for Rushdie, Ayatollah also put a one to three million dollar bounty, depending who caught him, on the author’s head.

1990: Multimillionaire Malcolm Forbes, chairman and editor-in-chief of Forbes magazine, died at age 70.

1991: In the Gulf War, the ground campaign began with an allied night attack. More than 14,000 Iraqis were captured in the first 24 hours of fighting.

1992: The greatest loss ($4.45 billion for 1991) by a U.S. company was announced by the world’s largest industrial company, General Motors.

1996: Cuban fighters shot down two private planes belonging to a Cuban exile group.

1998: At age 91, legendary comedian Henny Youngman died in Manhattan following a debilitating bout of flu. Youngman, often called “King of the One-Liners” was best known for his trademark “Take my wife, please!” Using that line since the 1930’s, he continued after his beloved wife Sadie died in 1987.

TODAY IN CHRISTIAN HISTORY

1208: Francis of Assisi experiences a vision in the church of Portunicula, Italy. Though not his first vision, it convinced him to begin a mission of preaching repentance, singing, caring for lepers, and aiding the peasants. Most notably, he and his followers renounced wealth and followed absolute poverty.

1582: Gregory XIII issues a bull requiring all Catholic countries to follow October 4 with October 15 and replace the Julian calendar with the Gregorian (which we still use today). By 1582, the Julian calendar had drifted from the equinoxes by a full ten days.

1633: English poet and cleric George Herbert dies. His devotional poems, most of which are collected in The Temple, exemplify the metaphysical tradition (as do the poems of his contemporary John Donne).

HOLLYWOOD, SPORTS AND CELEBRITY FIGURE BIRTHDAYS

  • Actor (Titanic, The Phantom) Billy Zane, 52
  • TV journalist Paula Zahn, 62
  • Actress (the mom, Kity Foreman on “That ’70s Show”) Debra Jo Rupp, 67 (audio clip)
  • Actor (Stand & Deliver, “Miami Vice”, Sci-Fi Channel’s “Battlestar Galactica”) Edward James Olmos, 71 (audio clip)
  • Actor (“Spin City”) Barry Bostwick, 73 (audio clip)

BEE-BOP BIRTHDAYS

(Music Artist Birthdays From SongFacts.com)

1932 : Michel LeGrand

1941 : Joanie Sommers

1942 : Paul Jones (Manfred Mann)

1944 : Nicky Hopkins

1945 : Bob “Bear” Hite (Canned Heat)

1947 : Rupert Holmes (The Street People)

1947 : Lonnie Turner (The Steve Miller Band)

1962 : Michelle Shocked

SECRETS OF THE UNIVERSE (Answering questions that have plagued mankind for minutes!)

Why is gold stored in the form of bricks?

No matter what you’re doing–playing tennis, shopping, or just sitting around drinking latte–you would always want to wear the right thing. Would you wear a tuxedo to a picnic? Of course not. Nor would you wear Bermuda shorts to a wedding. So why does gold, the epitome of glamour and glitter, show up in a brick? UGLY! BORING! And very inappropriate for its role as the metal of our dreams. Ah, but not inappropriate for its role as the world’s most prominent embodiment of wealth and value. In that role we need to get as much of it as possible into small, absolutely secure spaces, such as vaults. It’s a matter of geometry: bricks are the most efficient way to do this. You can bank on it.

NEWS KICKERS

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NEW NEWS KICKERS…

(Not posted on weekends and U.S. holidays.)

NEWS KICKER EVERGREENS…

(Not posted on weekends and U.S. holidays.)

AS THE JUNGLE TURNS

(Not updated on weekends and U.S. holidays.)

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD MONDAY’S EPISODE

OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns! When last we left the jungle, all of the jungle animals were looking for a new king – because Louis the lion didn’t want to be king anymore. It was too hard for such a little lion. But in their searching they found another, older and wiser lion. Maybe he’ll be the new king!

CLOSE: Well, it looks like even grown-up kings still have a hard time with those day-to-day decisions. So will Louis step up and take his kingship? We’ll find out next time, As the Jungle Turns!

***You may simulcast “As the Jungle Turns” on the Internet stream of your live broadcast only. Any other Internet use of “As the Jungle Turns” in whole or part including podcasting of your live broadcast is a violation of copyright law. Thank you for your cooperation on this vitally important issue. If you have any questions, please e-mail us and ask about “Jungle Jam & Friends the Radio Show” usage.

MOMENT OF DUH
What’s in a name?  Jail time.

Cecil S. Carmer of Indianapolis, Indiana, gave the police a fake name – Robert – after being busted for possession of drug paraphernalia when cops found a virtual meth lab in his car.  But Cecil’s name wasn’t Robert.  It said so right on that tattoo on his neck.  The tattoo said Cecil.  The police were suspicious, so they checked it out.  Low and behold, his name IS Cecil.

TOP TEN

TOP TEN WAYS TO KNOW YOU ARE FROM KANSAS

10. The terms Sooners and Huskers cause hair’s on the back of your neck to stand up straight and your blood pressure to rise.

9. You have owned at least one belt buckle bigger than your fist.

8. You think people who complain about the wind in their states are SISSIES!

7. You know the 4 seasons as: summer, road construction, still summer, winter.

6. You have been asked, “Where is Toto” more than once.

5. You had at least one summer job that was bucking bales or custom cutting.

4. Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow.

3. You know in your heart that K-State can beat Oklahoma in football.

2. Traffic congestion is ten cars waiting to pass a combine on the highway.

1. You know everything goes better with Ranch.

THE FILES OF LAW & DISORDER

Egging cars is a really stupid thing to do… especially if you don’t check which cars you’re throwing at first!

FILE #1: Two teenagers from West Haven Connecticut made three mistakes. Mistake one was stealing 30 dozen eggs from a diner. Mistake two was throwing those eggs at passing cars. Mistake three was not taking note of which cars they were hurling the eggs at. When one of the eggs hit a police car, the boys were arrested and charged not only with criminal mischief but also with larceny for stealing the eggs.

FILE #2: A Boston man had been looking for the perfect opportunity to rob a bank. He waited several days waiting for just the right moment to commit robbery. One day, he went through the customer line, and approached the teller’s window, showed a handgun and announced in a very loudly “THIS IS A HOLDUP, NOBODY MOVE!” Much to his dismay, the next five customers were armed FBI agents on their lunch breaks, attempting to cash their checks. The man quickly surrendered and then realized that in his casing job, he had failed to notice the FBI Field Office 2 doors down.

FILE #3: A Scotsman has been fined about $150 for abusing police officers who called his kilt a skirt. Geoffrey Farquharson pleaded guilty to using threatening words against the officers, but said the police should have had more respect for his traditional Scottish garb. The 22-year-old arrived at his hearing dressed from head-to-toe in his Highland regalia and told the judge it was only fair that if he had to respect the police, they should have to respect him. He was fined anyway.

STRANGE LAW: In Denver, Colorado, it is illegal to drive a pink car on Sundays.

THIS IS YOUR BRAIN ON DRUGS

This Is Your Brain On Drugs” is about people doing dumb things under the influence, but addiction is no laughing matter. If you or someone you know needs help, there’s a toll free number you can call 1-800-438-0380. That’s the Addiction Hope and Help Line at 1-800-438-0380.

How big of a drug problem do you have if you’re busted for pot use twice in the same day?

A public employee in the Cleveland suburb of Highland Hills was arrested on a marijuana possession charge and, just a few hours later, on charges of smoking pot while driving a village truck. Donald Brown was charged with driving under the influence when he was arrested the second time in the same day. Earlier, he was held on a possession charge when officers smelled marijuana outside his apartment.  According to the police report, Brown told officers he was fine to drive because he had only smoked a little pot.  But officers said Brown failed a field sobriety test. Brown’s attorney, Beverly Briggs, said she had just gotten the case and couldn’t comment.

PHONER PHUN

Are you remarried to the same person a second or third time? Tell us your story!

BIBLE BRAIN BUSTER!

QUESTION: What does the name Benjamin mean? What was his name before his father named him Benjamin?
ANSWER: Benjamin means “son of my right hand.” (or favorite son) As she lay dying after giving birth to him, his mother Rachel gave him the name Ben Oni, which means “son of my trouble.” (or son of my suffering) His father Jacob named him Benjamin.

QUESTION IMPOSSIBLE

QUESTION: A woman had two sons who were born on the same hour of the same day of the same year. But they were not twins. How could this be so?

ANSWER: They were two of a set of triplets (or quadruplets etc.) This simple little puzzle stumps many people. They try outlandish solutions involving test-tube babies or surrogate mothers. Why does the brain search for complex solutions when there is a much simpler one available?

TRUE OR FALSE

Pay attention! If our next player doesn’t answer all ten T/F questions correctly we start all over from question #1! First person to answer question #10 correctly is our winner!

1. Berkshire Christian College once had a dean named David Dean… that is, Dean Dean. (True)

2. In South Africa there is an undertaker’s service by the name of Human & Pitt. (True)

3. Only priests were allowed to eat mushrooms in ancient Egypt. (False, only Pharaohs.)

4. Trivial Pursuit was invented by two Canadians who were too cheap to by a Scrabble board. (True. Scott Abbott and Chris Haney didn’t want to pay the $16 price for Scrabble, so they made up their own game.)

5. The wheel on the game show “Wheel of Fortune” is 12 feet across. (False, it’s 8ft, 5in across)

6. A person afflicted with hexadectylism has six fingers or six toes on one or both hands and feet. (True)

7. A poll of 3,000 Americans found that for 41 percent, the thing they’re most afraid of most is death. (False, the top fear is speaking before a group of people. 32 percent stated they were afraid of heights.)

8. A Saudi Arabian woman can get a divorce if her husband doesn’t give her coffee. (True)

9. About 10% of the world’s population is left-handed. (True)

10. Air pollution may contribute to two percent of all deaths in the United States. (True – some 50,000 cases per year. A nine-year study of U.S. cities showed a strong correlation between death rates and periods of significant pollution.)

TABLOID MATCH GAME

You have to match the blank in the tabloid headline with the word or phrase that has been removed!

MCDONALD’S TO DISCONTINUE ____________ (HAPPY MEALS)

Popular fast food franchise McDonald’s will no longer offer Happy Meals for child customers, according to reports.

The move is met with much controversy, as the company has offered the kids-oriented meal — with its signature bonus toy or activity – since the late 1970s. Reports project that the company could lose nearly $360 million a year by taking the Happy Meal off of its menu.

The reason for the decision has been debated by business publications and online rumor mills alike, with the most popular idea being that the growing appetite of the country’s children no longer find the Happy Meal sufficient. Some believe the company wants children to want and purchase more. Regardless — and expectedly — there has been an outcry from parents across the U.S.

”I just don’t understand,” said Mary Allen Witherspoon, a 41-year-old mother from Washington, Pa. “Are they trying to encourage kids to eat more? Do they want my boys to order Big Macs and large f than a normal portion? I won’t be taking my kids there any time soon.”

On the contrary, McDonald’s has been showing more of an interest in instilling better eating habits for children. Just last year, the addition of the apple slices to the Happy Meal was announced, along with a lesser portion of French fries.

”I think the message is clear,” said marketing analyst Robby Dawson. “McDonald’s simply wants to become a more adult brand. I bet by 2015, you’ll see a lot of missing ball pits and kid-centric imagery in the restaurant. Everything will begin to look a little classier — a little more for Mom and Dad. They’ll probably start to roll out even more elderly-friendly products. When you think about it, it’s a pretty bold move.”

THE WAY TOO EARLY IN THE MORNING TO UNDERSTAND THE PUNCHLINE EVEN AFTER TWO CUPS OF COFFEE JOKE OF THE DAY 

JOKE #1

Working as a computer instructor for an adult-education program at a community college, Eric was keenly aware of the gap in computer knowledge between his younger and older students.  His observations were confirmed the day a new student walked into the library area and glanced at the encyclopedia volumes stacked on a bookshelf.

“What are all these books?” he asked.

Somewhat surprised, Eric replied that they were encyclopedias.

“Really?” he said. “Someone printed out the whole thing?”

JOKE #2

An elderly woman decided to prepare her will and told her preacher she had two final requests. First, she wanted to be cremated, and second, she wanted her ashes scattered over Wal-Mart .

“Wal-Mart?” the preacher exclaimed. “Why Wal-Mart?”

“Then I’ll be sure my daughters visit me twice a week.”

JOKE #3

“The doctor said he would have me on my feet in two weeks.”

“And did he?”

“Yes, I had to sell the car to pay the bill.”

USELESS FACTS

So do you wanna live longer? Raise worms! A new study out of Mobile, Alabama reveals that people who raise and sell earthworms live 9.2 years longer than the average person. ***Sure, but that’s nine more years of raising worms.

Six people were arrested in New York for importing nearly $20 million worth of counterfeit hip-hop style clothing.  ***You could tell the clothes were fake because the pants fit.

FEATURED FUNNIES

JOHNNY GETS LOST

In the crowded Wal-Mart, little Johnny got separated from his mother. As we went up and down the aisles, he saw many ladies pushing buggies, but none of them were his Mom. Finally he came to the greeter by the entrance and asked the man as he pointed to the crowd of people, “Hey Mister, did you see a lady going by without me?”

IT MUST BE TRUE BECAUSE I HEARD IT ON THE RADIO!

A woman drives and talks on the cell phone at the same time… and it costs her an arm and a leg!  Well, actually just an arm.

A Kentucky woman and her six-year-old daughter are recovering after they had to be cut out of the wreckage of their SUV. Jacqueline Dotson veered into the median and over-corrected, rolling her truck over the guardrail and landing upside down after flipping several times. Unfortunately, Jacqueline is recovering without one of her arms, which was found near the accident still clutching a cell phone.  ***MARLAR: This is why they have the bumper sticker that says ‘Hang up and drive.’

INSPIRATIONAL INSPIRATION

THE CHOSEN VESSEL
The Master was searching for a vessel to use; On the shelf there were many – which one would He choose? Take me, cried the gold one, I’m shiny and bright, I’m of great value and I do things just right. My beauty and luster will outshine the rest And for someone like You, Master, gold would be the best!
The Master passed on with no word at all; He looked at a silver urn, narrow and tall; I’ll serve You, dear Master, I’ll pour out Your wine And I’ll be at Your table whenever You dine, My lines are so graceful, my carvings so true, And my silver will always compliment You.
Unheeding the Master passed on to the brass, It was wide mouthed and shallow, and polished like glass. Here! Here! cried the vessel, I know I will do, Place me on Your table for all men to view.
Look at me, called the goblet of crystal so clear, My transparency shows my contents so dear, Though fragile am I, I will serve You with pride, And I’m sure I’ll be happy in Your house to abide.
The Master came next to a vessel of wood, Polished and carved, it solidly stood. You may use me, dear Master, the wooden bowl said, But I’d rather You used me for fruit, not for bread!
Then the Master looked down and saw a vessel of clay. Empty and broken it helplessly lay. No hope had the vessel that the Master might choose, To cleanse and make whole, to fill and to use.
Ah! This is the vessel I’ve been hoping to find, I will mend and use it and make it all Mine. I need not the vessel with pride of its self; Nor the one who is narrow to sit on the shelf; Nor the one who is bigmouthed and shallow and loud; Nor one who displays his contents so proud; Not the one who thinks he can do all things just right; But this plain earthy vessel filled with My power and might.
Then gently He lifted the vessel of clay. Mended and cleansed it and filled it that day. Spoke to it kindly. There’s work you must do, Just pour out to others as I pour into you. –Author Unknown

DRIVE TIME DEVOTIONAL

“But You, O GOD the Lord, Deal with me for Your name sake; Because Your mercy is good, deliver me.” –Psalms 109:21
There are two ways for the Lord to deal with His children. They can ask. Or He can move with sovereignty. If God has to move on His own to correct His children, it means that we are blatantly rebellious. We fail to see that we have done anything that needs correction. Or we know we have done wrong but choose not to do anything about it.
Saul was that type of person. He was bull headed. He was determined to go his own way. He knew what God wanted of him. He understood the instructions the prophet gave him. Still, he disobeyed — and he did it consistently. God attempted to correct Saul many times, usually by sending Samuel. Every time, Saul would refuse the Word of the Lord and continue in his own paths. In the end, God had no choice but to remove Saul.
On the other hand, when we freely say to the Father, “I have sinned. Please help me.” Something totally different happens. David was that type of man. No, he wasn’t perfect. He sinned a lot. He sinned big time. But when God called him to account for his actions, David responded with a soft heart. “I was wrong,” was a frequent theme of David’s life. But it went a little further. Not only did he say the words, but he followed up with “Lord help me.” When he did that, God could apply a more gentle method of discipline. Why? Because David was prepared to change.
This is a much easier form of discipline to handle. And the key is our attitude. It is much easier to throw ourselves upon God’s mercy than to insist that God inflict us with His judgment.

LEFTOVERS

SWEET MARRIAGE VOWS

A couple, with no plans to do so, ends up getting married in a doughnut shop! 

In Waterloo, Canada, the parents of Nick and Sarah Skalkos are still in shock. The young couple just got married in what Reverend Frank Quinto called, “the weirdest wedding I’ve ever done.” The couple had no real thought of tying the knot when they and about 20 friends — one of whom happens to be a minister — arrived at Ethel’s Bar in Waterloo to celebrate Nick’s 25th birthday. Coincidentally, it was also the first anniversary of Nick and Sarah’s meeting. At some point in the evening a friend asked, “When are you two going to get married?” After that, things began to snowball and long story short — they all ran across the street to Tim Horton’s Doughnut shop and had Frank — the minister — do the job. And for wedding rings they used honey crullers — which they promptly woofed down after the 5-minute ceremony. They then returned to Ethel’s where the party continued until closing. Despite their parent’s bewilderment, Nick and Sarah say they’re ecstatic! ***MARLAR: But that may very well be the rush from the sugar in the doughnuts.

LIFE… LIVE IT

GREAT WAYS TO DEVELOP RELATIONSHIPS

  • Be direct and honest. Never fake an interest. Fake people are instantly recognized by others. On the other hand, if you ARE interested, let them know. Otherwise you’re just wasting time and emotion on something that will never happen. If you’re rejected, fine… at least you can get on with life rather than wondering if he/she is interested in you.

  • Never have a superior attitude when approaching a person. If you communicate that you think you’re better, you’ll be rejected. Besides, having a superior attitude doesn’t make you better anyway… it makes you a smaller human being. On the flip side, don’t feel that you are worthless compared to anyone else. First, that’s not true (and if you don’t believe me, you can ask God), and second, that attitude is incredibly unattractive.

  • Give sincere compliments. If you like the way a person looks, dresses or talks, say so. DO NOT compliment unless you are sincere. Insincere compliments are only cheap flattery, and no one benefits from that.

  • Learn to listen and respond to the person you want to attract. Some people ask a question, then jump in with another question or remark without waiting for the response. A true conversation is a two way street… ask a question, LISTEN to the answer, and then respond in kind. Remember, God gave us two ears and only one mouth… obviously we should be listening twice as often as we should be talking. Also, listening intently to another person shows them that you are interested… and it also makes you interesting. People love talking about themselves, and if someone enjoys listening to them talk about themselves, all the better!

  • Above all else… be honest, always. Lying to impress someone will certainly come back to haunt you later.

JUST FOR FUN

WAKE UP SLEEPY HEAD

Ever accidentally fall asleep at the wheel? Boy can THAT be a real downer! But there’s a new invention coming out to keep that from happening!

Ever get really sleepy in the car and… then… start… to… drop… off… (BUZZ!!) There are some new glasses coming to the rescue! Drivers in Romania will soon have glasses that switch off the engine if you begin to fall asleep. The inventor, Akos Penzes, say they have built-in sensors which measure how long drivers close their eyes when they blink. If the eyelid remains closed for more that 1.2 seconds a warning alarm sounds and the car ignition is turned off. ***MARLAR: So you might look into buying a pair if you work weird hours, drive at night for your job, or listen to (LOCAL COMPETING LIGHT ROCK STATION).

FUN LIST

LINES TO GET OUT OF JURY DUTY

  • I can tell if people are guilty just by looking at them.

  • If a police officer told me I was a bug, I’d believe him

  • I think laws are for sissies.

  • Would I have to bathe?

  • I get dizzy if I try to weigh evidence.

  • My religion specifically prohibits me from sitting near other people.

MORE SHOW PREP STUFF…

SAY THAT AGAIN?

A magazine recently ran a “Dilbert Quotes” contest. They were looking for people to submit quotes from their real-life Dilbert-type managers.  These were voted the top ten quotes.

  • “What I need is an exact list of specific unknown problems we might encounter.”  (Lykes Lines Shipping)

  • “E-mail is not to be used to pass on information or data. It should be used only for company business.”  (Accounting manager, Electric Boat Company)

  • “This project is so important we can’t let things that are more important interfere with it.” (Advertising/Marketing manager, United Parcel Service)

  • “Doing it right is no excuse for not meeting the schedule.”  (Plant Manager, Delco Corporation)

  • “No one will believe you solved this problem in one day! We’ve been working on it for months.  Now go act busy for a few weeks and I’ll let you know when it’s time to tell them.”  (R&D supervisor, Minnesota Mining and Manufacturing/3M Corp.)

  • Quote from the Boss: “Teamwork is a lot of people doing what I say.” (Marketing executive, Citrix Corporation)

  • My sister passed away and her funeral was scheduled for Monday. When I told my Boss, he said she died on purpose so that I would have to miss work on the busiest day of the year. He then asked if we could change her burial to Friday. He said, “That would be better for me.”  (Shipping executive, FTD Florists)

  • “We know that communication is a problem, but the company is not going to discuss it with the employees.”   (Switching supervisor, AT&T Long Lines Division)

  • “As of tomorrow, employees will only be able to access the building using individual security cards. Pictures will be taken next Wednesday, and employees will receive their cards in two weeks.”  (This was the winning quote from Fred Dales, Microsoft Corp. in  Redmond WA)

OTHER STUFF I WANT TO CRAM INTO TODAY’S PREP

(Not posted on weekends and U.S. holidays.)

SOUL-GLO

(Feel-good stories! Only posted as new stories come available. Not posted on weekends and U.S. holidays.)

TOTALLY OUTRAGEOUS!

(Only posted as stories come available. Not posted on weekends and U.S. holidays.)

AND I LEAVE YOU WITH THIS THOUGHT

Believe you can and you’re halfway there. — Theodore Roosevelt

THE TICKET Movie Reviews with MARIE ASNER

Marie Asner has been reviewing films for over 35 years. Her outlets include radio, print and Internet. For more in-depth movie reviews of the following films, visit www.Tollbooth.org. Ratings from 1 (Low) to 5 (High).


FEBRUARY 23, 2018…

Annihilation has Natalie Portman in a science fiction film about discovering new life forms.

Every Day is a drama/romance about falling in love with someone who changes bodies every day. Stars Maria Bello.

Game Night with Jason Bateman and a group who meet weekly for games.

War With Grandpa is now opening with Robert De Niro trying to live peacefully with his grandson. It is a comedy.

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Darren Marlar credits all non-original material to the author whenever possible. All other material is original, used with permission, or author unknown. We welcome all comments, questions, and suggestions. Darren can be reached via his website at www.DarrenMarlar.com.