February 25, 2016: Thursday ONAIRprep

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PRINTER FRIENDLY VERSION: 20160225

 

 

WELCOME TO THE SHOW!

Got a jury summons. I’m gonna get out of it by asking the judge if each of my personalities vote in the deliberation.  (It’s my “Nine Angry Men” strategy.)

 

The following program is NOT pre-recorded because I’m much too smart to leave any incriminating evidence.

 

I’ve debated reading the book of Numbers in the Bible… but I’m afraid to.  I can’t even balance my own checkbook.

 

 

BIBLE VERSE OF THE DAY

Do not seek revenge or bear a grudge against one of your people, but love your neighbor as yourself. I am the Lord.  — Leviticus 19:18

 

Because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in our transgressions – it is by grace you have been saved. — Ephesians 2:4-5

 

Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit of life set me free from the law of sin and death. — Romans 8:1-2

 

 

HEARTLIGHT DAILY VERSE, PRAYER & THOUGHT

(From VerseOfTheDay.com)

For we are God’s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do. — Ephesians 2:10

 

Thought: Did you know that God is an artisan? Even more importantly, did you know that you are one of his masterpieces? God has designed us to be beautifully useful for doing good things! So let’s not let anyone, especially not the evil one, convince us that we are not worth anything to others or to God. His grace has made our lives canvases upon which he will provide the world more masterpiece works of his artistry! Let’s live up to God’s high opinion of us.

 

Prayer: Thank you, dear Father, for knowing me and re-making me by your grace in Jesus. Use me to do your will and lead me to the appropriate people so that I can most effectively minister to them. In Jesus’ grace-filled name I pray. Amen.

 

The Thoughts and Prayers for Today’s Verse are written by Phil Ware. You can email questions or comments to phil@heartlight.org.

 

 

BIRTHDAY VERSE” OF THE DAY

The chapter and verse corresponds to the month and the day!

1 Peter 2:25 NIV = For you were like sheep going astray, but now you have returned to the Shepherd and Overseer of your souls.

 

 

TODAY IS THURSDAY – FEBRUARY 25, 2016

(NOTE: Some holidays may be duplicated due to various calendars reporting conflicting dates)
WEIRD, WACKY, STRANGE, ZANY, ODD, BIZARRE, QUIRKY, UNUSUAL HOLIDAYS!
THERE ARE ONLY 303 SHOPPING DAYS UNTIL CHRISTMAS.   

 

Today is I AM THE GREATEST DAY. *** Now, it’d be incredibly vain to say that this day is for me. And normally, if I’m talking about a “today is” kind of thing, it’s something everyone can relate to and celebrate. But calling yourself “the greatest”, well, we can’t all be the greatest now, can we? So, today it’s my turn to be the greatest… you can have tomorrow.

 

Today is DON’T FENCE ME IN DAY. *** I’m guessing it’s going to be a really long day for the owners and patrons of Karaoke establishments.

 

Today is GO TO THE OPERA DAY. *** Uh… now where are those Karaoke establishments again?

 

Today is MIRACLES ALL AROUND ME DAY, a day to look for miracles you might be missing.

 

Today is GLORY IN SIMPLE ARTISTIC ACHIEVEMENTS DAY.  ***A day to become the first person in your family to hand-paint a Mrs. Butterworth’s syrup bottle.

 

Today is FOR PETE’S SAKE DAY.  ***By the way, who is Pete and why do we do or don’t do things for his sake?

 

Today is NATIONAL CHOCOLATE COVERED PEANUTS DAY.

 

Unfortunately, today is also LET’S ALL EAT RIGHT DAY.  *** Which kind of puts a damper on those chocolate covered peanuts.

 

Today is READ FIVE PAGES IN THE DICTIONARY DAY.

 

According to Jonathan Swift, today is INSIPID DAY.  *** According to one of the five pages of the dictionary, the word “insipid” means: “Lacking flavor or zest; not tasty.  Lacking qualities that excite, stimulate, or interest; dull.”

 

Speaking of dull, today is NATIONAL DON’T UTTER A WORD DAY.  *** Especially if that word is insipid, because we’re bored enough as it is.

 

 

TODAY IS ALSO. . .

Introduce a Girl to Engineering Day

National Chili Day

 

 

COMING UP NEXT

FRIDAY, FEBRUARY 26

National Personal Chef Day

For Pete’s Sake Day

Levi Strauss Day

National Bacon Day (***As if you needed an excuse!)

 

SATURDAY, FEBRUARY 27

Anosomia Awareness Day

International Polar Bear Day

International Sword Swallowers Day

Open That Bottle Night

U.S. Snow Shoe Days

 

SUNDAY, FEBRUARY 28

Floral Design Day

National Tooth Fairy Day

Rare Disease Day

 

MONDAY, FEBRUARY 29

Bachelor’s Day

International Underlings Day

Leap Year Day

Rare Disease Day

 

TUESDAY, MARCH 01

Asiatic Fleet Memorial Day

Dadgum That’s Good Day

Peace Corps Day

Endometriosis Day (Wear Yellow Day)

National Horse Protection Day

National Peanut Lovers Day

Pig Day

Plan a Solo Vacation Day

Refired, Not Retired Day

Saint David’s Day

World Compliment Day

Zero Discrimination Day

 

WEDNESDAY, MARCH 02

Dr. Seuss Day

NEA’s Read Across America Day

 

THURSDAY, MARCH 03

I Want To Be Happy Day

International Ear Care Day

World Book Day

World Wildlife Day

National Anthem Day

Princess Day

What if Cats and Dogs Had Opposable Thumbs? Day

 

 

ON THIS DAY

1793: George Washington convened the first U.S. Cabinet meeting — at his home.

 

1836: Inventor Samuel Colt patented the revolver.

 

1919: Oregon became the first U.S. state to tax gasoline.

 

1950: “Your Show of Shows,” starring Sid Caesar and Imogene Coka, debuted on NBC-TV. The shows writers included Carl Reiner, Neil Simon, Woody Allen, and Mel Brooks.

 

1956: Elvis Presley scored his first #1 country song with “I Forgot To Remember To Forget.” Less than a month later “Heartbreak Hotel” would also hit #1.

 

1957: Buddy Holly and the Crickets recorded “That’ll Be the Day” in Clovis, New Mexico.

 

1965: The Beatles began filming their second movie “Eight Arms To Hold You.” The title later was changed to Help!

 

1978: The top three songs on the U.S. charts (“Stayin Alive,” “How Deep Is Your Love,” and “Night Fever”) were all by the Bee Gees. The #4 song, Andy Gibb’s “Love Is Thicker Than Water,” and the #5 song, Samantha Sang’s “Emotion,” were written by the Bee Gees.

 

1984: Luc Labrie finally went indoors after 138 hours of continuous skiing at Daie Comeau, Quebec. That’s 5 days 18 hours and a Guinness world record.

 

1989: With his Fairview High School team trailing Iroquois 50-49 in Erie, Pennsylvania, 17-year-old Chris Eddy launched a desperation shot at the buzzer 90 feet 2 inches from the basket. Fairview won 51-50 with history’s longest basketball goal.

 

1992: Singer Natalie Cole won seven awards at the 34th annual Grammys, including best album for “Unforgettable.”

 

1996: The first Christian Nudist Conference closed at a campground near Longwood, North Carolina. Some 40 “conservative nudists” attended the conference. Retired Penticostal minister David Phipps, who walked the grounds with a pet pig on a leash, said, “God didn’t create us with clothes. There are a lot of people walking around in $400 suits that I wouldn’t trust my pig with.”

 

1998: At its annual insect exhibition, the Johannesburg Zoo in South Africa served up examples of some 5,000 different species. Favorites at the outdoor barbecue included chocolate-covered fried termites and mopani worm hamburgers.

 

2003: Chief U.N. weapons inspector Hans Blix said Iraq was showing new signs of real cooperation, but President Bush dismissed the idea and predicted Saddam Hussein would try to “fool the world one more time.”

 

2004: The Mel Gibson film ”The Passion of the Christ” opened in 3,000 U.S. theaters on Ash Wednesday.

 

2006: Veteran Emmy-winning comic star Don Knotts, best known for his Barney Fife on “The Andy Griffith Show,” died of lung cancer. He was 81. (audio clip)

 

 

TODAY IN CHRISTIAN HISTORY

616 (traditional date): Ethelbert, the first Christian English king and instigator of the first written code of British law, dies.

 

1570: Pope Pius V excommunicates England’s Protestant Queen Elizabeth I, declaring her to be a usurper to the throne. It was the last time a pope “deposed” a reigning monarch.

 

1536: Anabaptist Jakob Hutter is tortured, whipped, and immersed in freezing water (to mock baptismal practices), then doused with brandy and burned. King Ferdinand had ordered the persecution of all Anabaptists because of a few violent, millennialist revolutionaries in Munster, Germany—even though most Anabaptists were pacifists and renounced the Munsterite rebellion.

 

1796: Death of Samuel Seabury, first bishop of the Protestant Episcopal Church in the United States (formerly Anglican). His efforts to rebuild the denomination were hampered by suspicion of his English connections during the American revolutionary war.

 

1945: Sheldon Folk, called to mission work in Kenya, leaves without his wife, whom the doctor says is too sick to go. He serves a full term after which the doctor changes his mind and allows Lois to accompany him.

 

 

HOLLYWOOD, SPORTS AND CELEBRITY FIGURE BIRTHDAYS

  • Actor (Reese on “Malcolm in the Middle”) Justin Berfield 30 (audio clip)
  • twin actors James and Oliver Phelps (Fred and George Weasley from the Harry Potter films) 30
  • “American Idol” contestant Kimberly Caldwell, 34 (audio clip)
  • Actor (50 First Dates, Samwise “Sam” Gamgee in Lord of the Rings trilogy) Sean Astin 45 — In 2001 Sean had his image as Samwise immortalized on a 90 cent New Zealand postage stamp that he shares with Lord of the Rings co-star Elijah Wood (Frodo). However, Sean’s last name is spelled incorrectly on the presentation pack of the stamps — Austin instead of Astin.
  • Actress (Spanglish, Family Man, Jurassic Park 3, Deep Impact, “The Naked Truth”, “Madam Secretary”) Tea Leoni, 50
  • Comedian Carrot Top 51 — His real name is Scott Thompson.
  • Actress (the mom, Caroline Ingalls, on “Little House on the Prairie”) Karen Grassle, 72 (audio clip)
  • Former TV talk show host Sally Jessy Raphael, 73
  • TV journalist (“Face the Nation”) Bob Schieffer, 79 (audio clip)

 

 

BEE-BOP BIRTHDAYS

(Music Artist Birthdays From SongFacts.com)

1942 : Roy Michaels (Cat Mother & the All Night Newsboys)

1943 : George Harrison (The Beatles, The Traveling Wilburys)

1947 : David Stensen (The Grass Roots)

1957 : Dennis Diken (The Smithereens)

1959 : Mike Peters (The Alarm)

1973 : Justin Jeffre (98 Degrees)

1976 : Daniel Powter

 

 

SECRETS OF THE UNIVERSE

Why is there more static electricity in winter than in summer?

To get static electricity, you need two objects with a substantial difference in electrical charge between them. That difference in charge occurs when it’s difficult for the charge from one to be conducted to the other. That happens when the air between them is characterized by low conductivity. Dry air, found in a heated room on a cold day, has that low conductivity. Until the difference in charge builds up enough, the two objects might as well be, shall we say, poles apart. But when the difference is sufficiently large to overcome the low conductivity, the result can make your hair stand on end.

 

 

CHRISTIAN ARTIST NEWS

Do you like the Christian Artist News you see below? It’s just a tiny sample of the 5-6 pages of material you could be receive every weekday… and it’s FREE!  Become one of their subscribers at ChristianRadioShowPrepServices.com!

 

In northern Iraq, radical Muslims are painting the Arabic letter “N” on homes to identify Christians. Now Voice of the Martyers has taken up the call with a new compilation album called I Am N. One of the songs on the project is titled We Stand As One. A lyric video for the song by Greg Sykes is available on youtube. You can also download a free mp3 of the song and access the chord chart and lyrics. Download all of the free material and check out the song…

http://youtu.be/MsS3puSS3O0

 

Newsboys Keyboard player Jeff Frankenstein posted on twitter this week: Testing a new speaker in my studio with Michael Jackson’s “Billie Jean” to which my 6 year-old says, “Hey, It’s Jeremy Camp!” Jeremy Camp’s response: Ummmmm…that’s a first!

 

Britt Nicole asked this week: Best travel snack? Help! Third Day’s Mark Lee responded: dried wasabi peas, beef jerky, and Triscuits

 

Some clarification from Third Day’s David Carr; he posted this week: Attention: I’m David Carr, Third Day’s drummer, NOT David Carr the football player! Amazing how much my Twitter handle gets mistaken!

 

The remaining members of hard rock group We As Human have shared their plans for future music following the departure of founder and lead singer Justin Cordle. Cordle posted an open letter to his personal blog in January sharing his current life position as a way to offer an explanation to fans for his decision to leave We As Human. According to New Release Today, band member Jake Jones shared: “I could definitely go on the record and say that yes, We As Human is over– the name is gone,” Jake Jones shared. “We As Human is owned by Justin Cordle. And he has chosen specifically not to pursue music any longer and to pursue his own thing. And so even if we wanted to, we couldn’t hire a new lead singer and continue. That’s not even an option. But essentially our goal is to be more awesome, to have better music and go bigger, harder.

http://nrt.cc/WAHFuture

 

Colton Dixon is helping you make your own Limitless image. To celebrate the release on the song Limitless, he is giving you the chance to upload your own images and merge it with the Limitless logo before sharing it on your social media site.

http://colton.cta.gs/059

 

Citizenway recently took part in a photo shoot for their new album 2.0. Now Ben Calhoun is sharing a few of the pictures that didn’t make the cut for the new album but that he says were just two good for the world to miss. Check out the photo shoot rejects…

https://www.instagram.com/p/BCGAJaWluqt/

 

High Praise from Kutless member James Mead; he recently posted: Jeremy Camp is one of my favorite people of all time ever.

 

A request from Matt Redman: I hope you’ll stand with us on 25th Feb. for Shine A Light On Slavery Day. Our voices are louder when raised together.

http://enditmovement.com

 

Third Day’s Mark Lee has a deadline. He is writing and posted this week: Furiously working today, hoping against all hope that I finish latest draft by the start of the tour Thursday.

 

 

 

NEWS KICKERS

(No news on the weekends.)

 

NEW NEWS KICKERS…

Morgan Freeman is now a GPS navigation voice. According to Time, Freeman is the latest celebrity voice to be added to Google’s free navigation app, Waze. The voice feature is a marketing tie-in for Freeman’s upcoming film, London Has Fallen. Freeman plays the vice president in that movie, and, when using your GPS, he addresses you, the driver, as if you’re the president.  ***The other option was for him to call you Miss Daisy, but some people thought that was racist.  http://ti.me/1XINmSI

 

An Australian woman was experiencing chest pains, so her daughter called for an ambulance. Twenty minutes after the woman was taken the hospital a guy in a truck went off the road and hit the woman’s house — slamming into the room she’d been sitting in all day. The chest pains saved her life — and doctors say they were likely caused by indigestion.  ***That’s right, unhealthy eating saved this woman’s life – so stop getting on my case about my love for McDonald’s!

 

Dr. Ben Carson feels that President Obama was “raised white” and therefore doesn’t understand the black experience.  ***Thank you, Dr. Ben Carson for continuing the spread of racism.  We appreciate it.

 

Donald Trump’s latest attacks on Ted Cruz include calling him the “single biggest liar” he’s ever met.  ***Well, you know… except for the Pope.

 

 

NEWS KICKER EVERGREENS…

It’s long been known than a smelly pair of feet bears more than a slight resemblance to a block of ripe cheese, but scientists have taken this link to the next level by making cheese from a foot.  Experts have made the stomach-churning creations using bacteria from the human foot as well as a belly button and even an armpit.  ***MARLAR: That’s right – our economy is in the toilet, but we just spent taxpayer dollars to create foot cheese.  Who’s bucket list was that on?

 

About one out of every four Facebook users lies on their profile, and not just to impress that guy or gal who wouldn’t date them in high school.  Sometimes, it’s about privacy.   25% of users said they falsified information in their profiles to protect their identity, up from 10% in a similar survey two years ago.  ***MARLAR: Boy can I relate!  I go by the name (JOCK NAME) on Facebook only because I don’t want people to know that I’m actually George Clooney.

 

Tiny is in — during these tough times. A New York hotel is offering a touch of luxury on a small scale. The Jane Hotel in Manhattan has rooms that are just 7 feet wide by 8feet long. That’s just a little bigger than the bed. But the rooms go for less than $100 a night. That’s a micro-price in the Big Apple.  The Jane’s roomettes have luxury amenities such as 350-thread count sheets, a flat-screen TV and free wireless Internet. Co-developer Sean MacPherson says they want to make the Jane feel “charming and special” rather than just cramped. But guests will have to give up a bit of privacy. The rooms are too small to have private baths, so the bathrooms are shared.  ***MARLAR: And your complimentary shampoo and soap has to sit in your lap.

 

Doctors and nutritionists are warning against what may be a new weight loss fad…the “cotton-ball diet.”  Several YouTubers indicate it’s a safe way to lose weight, as the young girls soak cotton balls into orange juice or lemonade in order to add taste.  The idea is to eat the cotton balls to limit the amount of food a person eats during the day. Extreme dieters say the cotton expands in the stomach and tricks the body into thinking its full.  But health care professionals fear the diet craze could be dangerous.  ***MARLAR: And cause cottonmouth.

 

 

WONDER WOMAN

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… “Expired Sour Cream”

 

 

DAILY COMEDY CLIP

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… Scott Gregory, “Camping”

 

 

AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – WEEKDAY VERSION

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD THURSDAY’S EPISODE  
OPEN: Last time, Racquet the Skunk’s niece, Rita, was tossed into jail for sabotaging a badminton racquet.  Then Gruffy was jailed for giving her that racquet.  Then Racquet the Skunk was arrested for making the defective racquet, and Sully and Nozzles were arrested just for knowing the jailbirds.  Everyone is in jail because of Racquet the Skunk’s greed… and now they’re planning a prison break!

 

CLOSE: It’s about time Racquet finally admitted his faults and apologized, but all the animals are still in jail… and they’re planning a prison break!  Will it work?  Find out next time, as FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns!

 

 

AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – SATURDAY/SUNDAY VERSION

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD THE EPISODE FOR THE WEEKEND OF FEBRUARY 27/28

 

OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns!  Last time, Louis the lion and all of the jungle animals went out looking for a new king, because Louis didn’t want to be king anymore.  After searching long and hard, they finally came across a big throne… and a big crown… and a big lion too!  Could he be the new king they’re looking for?

 

CLOSE: So now, after all of this time looking for a new king, do we have to start all over again?  We’ll find out next time, As the Jungle Turns!

 

***You may simulcast “As the Jungle Turns” on the Internet stream of your live broadcast only. Any other Internet use of “As the Jungle Turns” in whole or part including podcasting of your live broadcast is a violation of copyright law. Thank you for your cooperation on this vitally important issue. If you have any questions, please e-mail us and ask about “Jungle Jam & Friends the Radio Show” usage.

 

 

MOMENT OF DUH

Today’s Moment of Duh has a quick lesson on buying real estate.

Today’s Moment of Duh goes to a Kansas City couple who, knowing a YEAR before they made “extensive renovations” to a house and a YEAR before they moved into the house, that a brutal murder took place in the house, are now suing the realtor for $5.7 million for the pain and suffering they claim they experienced for their having lived in a house where a brutal murder took place.

 

 

TOP TEN

TOP TEN NEWSPAPER ERRORS

A newspaper is a daily marvel, even a miracle. There are 1,730 of them published daily in the United States with a combined circulation of nearly 62 million. Limitless possibilities exist for error, human and mechanical.  Add the crushing pressure of deadlines, and it’s surprising there aren’t more mistakes.  When goofs do occur, editors scurry to print corrections, even though we often prefer the misprint to the corrected version. Here just a few samples:

 

  1. IMPORTANT NOTICE: If you are one of hundreds of parachuting enthusiasts who bought our Easy Sky Diving book, please make the following correction: on page 8, line 7, the words “state zip code” should have read “pull rip cord.”

 

  1. It was incorrectly reported last Friday that today is T-shirt Appreciation Day. In fact, it is actually Teacher Appreciation Day.

 

  1. There was a mistake in an item sent in two weeks ago which stated that Ed Burnham entertained a party at crap shooting.  It should have been trap shooting.

 

  1. From a California bar association’s newsletter: Correction — the following typo appeared in our last bulletin: “Lunch will be gin at 12:15 p.m.” Please correct to read “12 noon.”

 

  1. We apologize to our readers who received, through an unfortunate computer error, the chest measurements of members of the Female Wrestlers Association instead of the figures on the sales of soybeans to foreign countries.

 

  1. In Frank Washburn’s March column, Rebecca Varney was erroneously identified as a bookmaker. She is a typesetter.

 

  1. Our article about Jewish burial customs contained an error: Mourners’ clothing is rent — that is, torn — not rented.

 

  1. In the City Beat section of Friday’s paper, firefighter Dwight Brady was misidentified. His nickname in the department is “Dewey.” Another firefighter is nicknamed “Weirdo.”
    We apologize for our mistake.

 

  1. Just to keep the record straight, it was the famous Whistler’s Mother, not Hitler’s, that
    was exhibited. There is nothing to be gained in trying to explain how this error occurred.

 

  1. Our newspaper carried the notice last week that Mr. Oscar Hoffnagle is a defective on the police force. This was a typographical error. Mr. Hoffnagle is, of course, a detective on the police farce.

 

 

THE FILES OF LAW & DISORDER

The files of Law and Disorder today tell us that it’s always right to get to court on time… but how you get there does make a difference!

 

FILE #1: A New Zealand man was trying to do the right thing by getting to his court date on time. But he did a bad thing by trying to steal a van in order to get there. Houlyo Steven Regan was due to appear in court in Rangiora when he made the criminally stupid decision. Police spotted him trying to start the vehicle after he’d pushed it out of a motel parking lot. He told police he was trying to get to court when they stopped him. Judge Stephen Erber at Christchurch District Court sentenced him to five months in prison.

 

FILE #2: Authorities in Montana say a man who had three outstanding warrants for his arrest gave officers a false name during a traffic stop – but ended up in custody anyway because that man was also wanted.  During a traffic stop in Great Falls, Jonothan Ray Gonsalez, of Box Elder, told police that his name was Timothy Michael Koop Jr.  The officer learned a man by that name was wanted in Hill County and arrested him.  Gonsalez finally gave authorities his real name 24 hours later, so a charge of issuing a false report to law enforcement was added.

 

FILE #3: A thief in Michigan once again proved that the people most responsible for catching criminals are the criminals themselves. A man, who robbed a Saginaw, Michigan restaurant, failed to escape after he pushed with all his might on a door that was clearly marked “pull”. According to the police the man eventually realized his mistake but it was too late.

 

STRANGE LAW: I know some people think there should be a law against wearing clothes that don’t match. Well, if you live in Carmel, New York, you can actually break the law if you wear a jacket and pants that don’t match. However, the law only applies to men who go mismatched in public.

 

 

THIS IS YOUR BRAIN ON DRUGS

Police knew something wasn’t quite right after they spotted a man driving a piece of construction lift equipment down a street at 3 a.m.

… The man, who apparently had been drinking, was in the lift bucket of the Genie Boom with an unopened six-pack of beer and a bag of beef jerky when police pulled the vehicle over. He was clocked at 2 mph.  At first the 29-year old man told police he was just going to the store. But when they asked him why he was in the bucket on the lift, he said he was delivering the $20,000 piece of construction equipment on a dare from a stranger he met on Craigslist, according to a police report. The Everett Herald reported the lift apparently had been taken from a construction site.  The man was jailed for investigation of theft.

 

 

PHONER PHUN

Today is Miracles All Around Me Day, a day to look for miracles you might be missing.  Have you ever witnessed a true miracle, something no one else has experienced or seen?  Something that can only be explained by God?  What miracle did you experience?

 

 

BIBLE BRAIN BUSTER!

QUESTION: Where were the first disciples called Christians?
ANSWER: At Antioch. (Acts 11:26)

 

 

QUESTION IMPOSSIBLE

QUESTION: According to dog training experts, what are the five most popular dog tricks?

ANSWER: Sit, Shake (paw), Roll Over, Speak, and Lie Down

 

 

TRUE OR FALSE

Pay attention!  If our next player doesn’t answer all ten T/F questions correctly we start all over from question #1!  First person to answer question #10 correctly is our winner!

 

  1. Orcas (killer whales), when travelling in groups, breathe in unison. (True)

 

  1. Sally Ride was the first woman to enter space. (False. Valentina Tereshkova was the first woman to enter space. She spent three days in space and completed fourty-eight orbits of Earth.)

 

  1. The largest apple pie ever baked was four feet in diameter. (False… try FORTY feet in diameter.  The pie was three feet thick.)

 

  1. Gerald Ford, George Bush, Tommy Lasorda, Ted Koppel, John F. Kennedy Jr. and Bill Clinton are all left handed. (True)

 

  1. Fidel Castro was once a star baseball player for the Univeristy of Havana. (True, in the 1940’s)

 

  1. Harrison Ford’s scar on his face was caused by a bullwhip accident in the first Indiana Jones movie. (False, he received it in a car accident)

 

  1. At one time, Thomas Edison obtained an average of one patent every five days for his new inventions. (True – for a period of about four years)

 

  1. More water flows over Niagara Falls every year than over any other falls on earth. (True)

 

  1. A rhubarb is actually a vegetable, not a fruit. (True – it was changed to a fruit in 1947 by a U.S. Custom Court, who has no control over whether something is botanically a vegetable or a fruit.)

 

  1. The name of the first menthol cigarette in the United States was “Spud.” (True)

 

 

TABLOID MATCH GAME

You have to match the blank in the tabloid headline with the word or phrase that has been removed!

FETUS ________ (GALAXY)

Astronomers discovered a new galaxy and the cluster of stars, dust and gas is shaped like a human fetus. And it may be alive!

Dr. Jacob Yablonski says the galaxy is located 40 thousand light years from Earth and measures millions of miles across.

He could not explain why scientists haven’t spotted the galaxy before.  He did say that the star system appears to be growing and emits radio waves in short busts that amazingly sound like a human heartbeat.

 

 

THE WAY TOO EARLY IN THE MORNING TO UNDERSTAND THE PUNCHLINE EVEN AFTER TWO CUPS OF COFFEE JOKE OF THE DAY

JOKE #1

A lady came to the hospital to visit a friend. She had not been in a hospital for several years and felt very ignorant about all the new technology. A technician followed her onto the elevator, wheeling a large, intimidating looking machine with tubes and wires and dials.

“Boy, would I hate to be hooked up to that thing,” she said.

“So would I,” replied the technician. “It’s a floor-cleaning machine.”

 

JOKE #2

The seven-year old girl told her mom, “A boy in my class asked me to play doctor.”

“Oh, dear,” the mother nervously sighed. “What happened, honey?”

“Nothing, he made me wait 45 minutes and then double-billed the insurance company.”

 

JOKE #3

When his auto mechanic came in for an operation, Dr. Grimley couldn’t help but take the opportunity to turn the tables on him.

“Well Frank,” said the doctor, “It’s going to take at least five days for the parts to get in. As for the cost, there’s no way to tell until we get in there and see exactly what the problem is.”

 

 

USELESS FACTS

A student nurse in a Colombian nursing school was kicked out because the teachers said her fingers are too thick and she can’t stitch up a cut properly. ***MARLAR: In an effort to prove them wrong, she’s making a hand-made quilt using nothing but rope and a railroad spike.

 

Visitors to a Japanese zoo are seeing green bears.  The bears turned green after swimming in a pond with an overgrowth of algae. Fortunately no harm will come to the bears from the algae, and they are expected to return to their natural color in November.  ***MARLAR: Or possibly go with the GOTH look.

 

 

FEATURED FUNNIES

NEW BANK

My brother called me yesterday to tell me the cutest thing his daughter did. His daughter’s 10th birthday was yesterday (yes, I sent a card) and he thought that maybe Cathy should get something ‘practical’ for her birthday. He wanted to treat her a bit more grown up. You know, now that she’s in the “double digits”. So he suggested that Cathy get a savings account at her parents’ bank. Of course, Cathy was thrilled about it. “It’s your account,” my brother said, “so you fill out the application.”

Cathy was doing fine until she came to the space for ‘Name of your former bank.’ After thinking about she finally wrote something down. “Piggy.”

 

 

IT MUST BE TRUE BECAUSE I HEARD IT ON THE RADIO!

SING, SING A SONG…

In Cambodia it’s against the law to sing “MacArthur Park” or any other song with a karaoke machine. Isn’t that wonderful?

Prime Minister Hun Sen of Cambodia has brought tanks to the war that he is fighting. Who is he at war against? No… not some foreign country, and not any domestic coo either. No… Prime Minister Hun Sen is at war against… karaoke! In fact, he has launched a stern crackdown on the practice, and unveiled a new punishment last week for those participating in karaoke… destruction by tanks. During a radio speech last week, Hun Sen told his military commanders, “If we know of any karaoke parlor still open, go to close it immediately and take tanks to knock it down.” The move has sparked protests from thousands of people who said their livelihoods have been destroyed. ***MARLAR: Let’s be honest… if your livelihood is participating in karaoke, you should thank this man for forcing you to look at other options for a career!

 

 

INSPIRATIONAL INSPIRATION

STRENGTH IN THE FAMILY

I once heard a story about a startling exhibit in Del Mar, California.  A man took a glass beaker which had a small neck, but was enlarged to about seven inches in diameter below the neck.  The beaker would hold about a quart.

The demonstrator used the glass beaker as a hammer to drive a spike into a wooden plank.  The glass was so well tempered that the beaker did not break.  The man then took a small steel marble or bearing the size of a pea, and holding it at the neck of the beaker, dropped it inside.  When it struck the bottom the glass was shattered and the

beaker was broken from within.

The family, when perfectly united and tempered together with love, can resist the heaviest of blows from the outside.  But just a small force on the inside can destroy this unity and harmony.

 

 

DRIVE TIME DEVOTIONAL

(Modified from Campus Journal and used with permission)

Read: Ephesians 5:8-20

The fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. –Galatians 5:22-23

Talk about a bad temper! A 21-year-old woman crawled through a drive-up window at a McDonald’s restaurant and went on a rampage. Why? Somebody put hamburgers instead of chicken in her not-so-happy-meal bag. So she naturally went berserk, throwing food and destroying a cash drawer before she left.

By the way, police arrested Miss Congeniality at the drive-in window of the taco place next door. Apparently she was drunk. That would explain a lot, wouldn’t it?

It’s amazing what a little alcohol can do to a person’s behavior. It seems to lower inhibitions and IQs at the same time. A guy will have some drinks and then think he can drive around a tight curve at 85 mph. Or have sex without consequences. Or lash out in anger without concern for the damage being done. It happens all the time.

Quite the opposite happens when men and women drink of the Spirit of God. The apostle Paul pointed out the difference in his letter to the Ephesians. He said we shouldn’t be getting drunk, letting alcohol control us. We need to allow God’s Spirit to fill us and influence our words and our actions (5:18).

In another letter, Paul said that putting ourselves under the influence of the Spirit produces “love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control” (Galatians 5:22-23). And then Paul said, “Against such things there is no law.”

There are plenty of laws penalizing people for what they do while under the influence of alcohol. But you won’t find any laws anywhere against the kinds of character qualities that the Holy Spirit produces in us.

So let’s drive, study, take notes, eat, date, work, or whatever, under the influence of the Spirit of God. –KD

 

 

LEFTOVERS

SPIDER WOMAN

Do all animals deserve veterinary care?  What about ugly spiders?
Felicia Daniels from Springfield, Missouri wants to be a veterinarian when she grows up. She’s off to a good start. Felicia accidentally dropped her eighth-grade classroom’s pet tarantula, cracking the spider’s abdomen. When the tarantula’s innards began to ooze out, it looked like it was all she wrote for the spider named Sir Isaac Newton. Never fear, however, Felicia and her classmates decided to perform surgery on Newton. Wearing plastic gloves and using a Popsicle stick, Felicia pushed back in the spider’s internal organs. They then put him back together by super-gluing his abdomen shut! At last check Sir Isaac Newton was eating and doing well.  ***MARLAR: How appropriate is it that a spider named Sir Isaac Newton was almost done in by gravity?

 

 

LIFE… LIVE IT

I’M FATMAN

It’s a disease that causes you to have a large stomach!

According to the Center For Disease Control, “big bellies” are a disease. At least 47 million Americans suffer from “metabolic syndrome,” the CDC says in the Journal of the American Medical Association. The syndrome includes a big belly, high blood pressure, hazardous cholesterol levels and high blood sugar. ***MARLAR: Did you hear that? It’s a DISEASE! So get off my back about how much I eat and how I need to exercise, okay? It’s not my fault!

 

 

JUST FOR FUN

SLACKING OFF

I owe all of you a huge apology, February 22nd was a very, very special day of celebration, and yet I ignored it completely and didn’t tell you about it. I’m really sorry about that. I’ll tell you what the day was all about in just a few minutes.

I can’t believe what I did the other day. I am so sorry about this, but apparently February 22nd was a huge day of celebration and it got right past me. You could’ve celebrated if I’d told you about it, but, doggone it, I slacked off and I’m sorry. You see, February 22nd was National Slacker Day (in Britain). The idea was to stay at home in bed and relax for no apparent reason… just to slack off. I guess I really shouldn’t be all that upset though, because recent studies show that we slack of on a regular basis anyway. National Slacker Day is actually a British custom, but I’m sure it could fit us perfectly well too. Listen to this. According to a recent survey, two thirds of people say they could get just as much done working four days a week rather than five. Almost one third of the workers said they surfed the net for an hour or more every day for non-work related reasons. 75% said they used office time to send out emails to friends and acquaintances… again, non-work related. 59% used work time to call family and friends. So why are we like this? Well, easy… we’re slackers. I tried to get hold of the guy who is in charge of National Slacker Day festivities, but I couldn’t reach him… he must’ve been sleeping in.

 

 

FUN LIST

SIGNS YOU’VE BOUGHT A LEMON OF A CAR…

  • Your tinted windows are made of 100% Hefty Garbage Bags.
  • The car reaches its optimum speed when going downhill.
  • The hi-tech stereo system often requires a new needle.
  • The rear-view mirror says, “Objects in Mirror Are Better Than This Piece of Junk.”
  • Traffic Watch warns other drivers what highway you’re taking.
  • The sticker on the windshield says, “Batteries Not Included.”
  • You can only go to restaurants that offer Valet Pushing.
  • When you approach hitchhikers, they put their thumbs down.
  • Your hillbilly neighbors keep sizing it up to use as a new planter for their front yard
  • Bumper Sticker: Steal Me – Split the Insurance
  • Kids on razor scooters ask if you have ever thought of moving up in the world.

 

 

MORE SHOW PREP STUFF…

 Men are unhappiest between the ages of 35 and 44…

… a time when they are most likely to have a mid-life crisis, reports London’s Evening Standard of a study conducted by the British government. It’s not until men reach age 65 that they start enjoying life like they did in their late teens and early 20s. Women say their unhappiest years were between the ages of 25 and 34 when they were coping with young children. But their happiness rose steadily as they got older, peaking when they passed their 65th birthday. The happiest time of life? Both men and women said their college years, followed by their retirement years. Men may be unhappy, but it’s the women who worry. Almost half of all women said they worry, compared with less than a third of men.  ***MARLAR: So, I’m not going to be happy again until I’m 65?

 

 

OTHER STUFF I WANT TO CRAM INTO TODAY’S PREP

Scientists at Southampton University have recorded a Bible on a revolutionary new storage device capable of surviving for billions of years. According to ChristianToday.com, researchers have created a five-dimensional data storage process which combines a 360TB data capacity and thermal stability up to 1,000 degrees. The discs are the size of a coin. The Bible and several other documents were recorded on the disc using ultrafast laser, producing extremely short and intense pulses of light. The file is written in three layers of nanostructured dots separated by five millionth of a meter. http://bit.ly/20GQJcE

 

We’ve all been told not to put water on an oil fire in the kitchen. Now we know why. The Slow Mo Guys have released a slow motion video showing what happens when the water hits the burning pan, exploding hot burning oil across the room almost instantly.   http://ow.ly/YqvhE

 

Hundreds of rescued sex slaves have banded together to battle ISIS. According to Charisma News, the Yazidi women, ranging in age from 17 to 40 escaped their capturers. Now they are banding together under the name “Force of the Sun Ladies” and have joined hands with Kurdish forces to fight terrorism. A representative of the group says they refuse to be victims any longer. She added “Now we are defending ourselves from the evil; we are defending all the minorities in the region.”   http://goo.gl/oTo1tX

 

 

MOTIVATION

You can hold on to 1st place in a race for a while, but if, at the end, you don’t cross the finish line, it doesn’t count. Finish well. — Greg Laurie

 

 

AND I LEAVE YOU WITH THIS THOUGHT

Give me the strength to change the things I can, the grace to accept the things I cannot, and a huge friggin’ bag of money. –David Levine

 

 

THE TICKET Movie Reviews with MARIE ASNER

Marie Asner has been reviewing films for over 30 years. Her outlets include radio, print and Internet.  For more in-depth movie reviews of the following films, visit www.Tollbooth.org.  Ratings from 1 (Low) to 5 (High).

 

FEBRUARY 19, 2016…

 

Race—It is the 1936 Olympics and Hitler and his Aryan Race think these Olympics are theirs, however, here comes African-American Jesse Owens who proceeds to race like the wind. The title word “race,” has a double meaning here. Stephan James stars as Jesse Owens and the rest of the cast are Jason Sudeikis, Carice van Houten and Jeremy Irons. “Race” is rated PG 13. Rating of 3.

 

Viral—Here it comes again, another epidemic of a killer virus gone astray and amok and a family has to protect themselves. Cast has Analeigh Tipton, Michael Kelley and Paul Lacovora. “Viral” is rated R. No rating.

 

Risen—An investigation into the supposed rising of Christ from the grave.  An this detective work is done at the time of Christ by Clavius, a roman officer (Joseph Fiennes). What does he find?  Also in the cast are Tom Felton, Cliff Curtis and Maria Botto. “Risen” is rated PG 13. Rating of 2.

 

Touched With Fire—Katie Holmes and Luke Kirby both are manic depressive and end up in the same hospital.  They fall in love, but can they handle this?  Also in the cast is Christine Lahti.  “Touched With Fire” is rated R. No rating.

 

FEBRUARY 26, 2016…

 

Eddie The Eagle is the true story of England’s first ski jumper. Eddie Edwards. Stars Taron Egerton and Hugh Jackman.

 

God’s Of Egypt concerns the gods fighting amongst each other. Sound familiar, as in Greek or Roman mythology? Stars Gerard Butler.

 

Triple 9 is the code for “Officer Down” and is an action thriller starring Casey Affleck and Kate Winslet.

 

The Witch is set in Old Salem about unsettling things happening in the woods. Stars Anya Taylor-Jay.

 

Crouching Tiger: Sword of Destiny (at last) and after changing the opening date time and time again, the film starring Michelle Yeoh will open next week.

 

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WARNING:    Don’t believe anything you read on the Internet or email (including stuff you read here) unless you can confirm it with another source, and/or it is consistent with what you already know to be true. The opinions in this publication are not necessarily those of Darren Marlar, Marlar House Entertainment, OnAirPrep.com, or any company or organization affiliated with aforementioned.  (Regardless of how stupid you may think those opinions are.  So there – nyah!)

Darren Marlar credits all non-original material to the author whenever possible. All other material is original, used with permission, or author unknown. We welcome all comments, questions, and suggestions.  Darren can be reached via his website at www.DarrenMarlar.com.