February 28, 2016: Sunday ONAIRprep

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PRINTER FRIENDLY VERSION: 20160228

 

 

WELCOME TO THE SHOW!

Welcome to (THE JOCK SHOW)!  You might enjoy what you are about to hear a lot more if you do so from a safe distance.

 

They should make No-Doze Coffee Creamers.

 

Nothing messes up your Friday more than realizing it’s only Thursday.

 

If it first you don’t succeed, maybe you should do it the way I told you to in the beginning.

 

Dear Facebook: They are not “suggested friends”; they are “people I’m intentionally trying to avoid.”

 

Toilet paper and your smart phone have a lot in common – both are essential when going to the bathroom.

 

 

BIBLE VERSE OF THE DAY

If my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then will I hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and will heal their land.  –2 Chronicles 7:14

 

Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. — 1 Corinthians 13:6-7

 

 

HEARTLIGHT DAILY VERSE, PRAYER & THOUGHT

(From VerseOfTheDay.com)

Stop trusting in man, who has but a breath in his nostrils. Of what account is he? — Isaiah 2:22

 

Thought: How many times have you been disappointed by someone for whom you voted, betrayed by a friend, been abandoned by a loved one, or let down by a church leader? While we love others and care about them, every other person in our world is just like us — a flawed human being who breathes the same air and walks the same ground as we do. Only One is worthy of our ultimate trust. He showed us by sacrificing what was most precious to him so we could know his love. Let’s not put our hope in other mere mortals; only God can safeguard our trust. Let’s put our hope in him!

 

Prayer: Father, you know the broken places in my heart that were caused by the failure of people in my life. I confess that I have sometimes become disillusioned with your way because of the failures and inconsistencies in your people. Deep down I know, dear Father, that their failures do not mean your failure, but it is hard for it not to feel that way. Call me close to you. Give me a more gracious heart toward those who fail me. Establish my faith, strong and firm in you, O LORD. In you I put my trust. In Jesus’ name. Amen.

 

The Thoughts and Prayers for Today’s Verse are written by Phil Ware. You can email questions or comments to phil@heartlight.org.

 

 

 

BIRTHDAY VERSE” OF THE DAY

The chapter and verse corresponds to the month and the day!

Acts 2:28 NIV = You have made known to me the paths of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence.’

 

 

TODAY IS SUNDAY – FEBRUARY 28, 2016

(NOTE: Some holidays may be duplicated due to various calendars reporting conflicting dates)
WEIRD, WACKY, STRANGE, ZANY, ODD, BIZARRE, QUIRKY, UNUSUAL HOLIDAYS!
THERE ARE ONLY 300 SHOPPING DAYS UNTIL CHRISTMAS.   

 

Today is NATIONAL TOOTH FAIRY DAY.

 

Today is GOD, YOU MAY BE A WINNER DAY.  On this date in 1997, God was given a chance to win a sweepstakes. American Family Publishers’ Sweepstakes mailed a letter to the Bushnell Assembly of God in Florida, which read “God, you may already be a sweepstakes winner.”

 

Today is NATIONAL PUBLIC SLEEPING DAY. *** Join the professional sleepers – grab a shovel, find an orange barrel, and lean.

 

 

TODAY IS ALSO. . .

Floral Design Day

 

 

COMING UP NEXT

MONDAY, FEBRUARY 29

Bachelor’s Day

International Underlings Day

Leap Year Day

Rare Disease Day

 

TUESDAY, MARCH 01

Asiatic Fleet Memorial Day

Dadgum That’s Good Day

Peace Corps Day

Endometriosis Day (Wear Yellow Day)

National Horse Protection Day

National Peanut Lovers Day

Pig Day

Plan a Solo Vacation Day

Refired, Not Retired Day

Saint David’s Day

World Compliment Day

Zero Discrimination Day

 

WEDNESDAY, MARCH 02

Dr. Seuss Day

NEA’s Read Across America Day

 

THURSDAY, MARCH 03

I Want To Be Happy Day

International Ear Care Day

World Book Day

World Wildlife Day

National Anthem Day

Princess Day

What if Cats and Dogs Had Opposable Thumbs? Day

 

FRIDAY, MARCH 04

Benjamin Harrison Day

Courageous Follower Day

Dress in Blue Day

Employee Appreciation Day

National Day of Unplugging

World Day of Prayer

Shabbat Across America/Canada

Holy Experiment Day

International Scrapbooking Industry Day

March Forth / Do Something Day

National Grammar Day

Old Inauguration Day

Toy Soldier Day

 

SATURDAY, MARCH 05

National Day of Unplugging

National Frozen Food Day

Sock Monkey Day

National Absinthe Day

National Maple Syrup Days

Saint Piran’s Day

Iditarod Begins (5-20)

 

SUNDAY, MARCH 06

National Maple Syrup Days

Sofia Kovalevskaya Math Day

Day of the Dude

Daughters and Sons Day

Namesake Day

Oreo Cookie Day

Girl Scout Sunday

Mothering Sunday

 

MONDAY, MARCH 07

Casimir Pulaski Day

Cereal Day

Fun Facts About Names Day

National Be Heard Day

 

 

ON THIS DAY

1836: At the Alamo, Davy Crockett on fiddle and John McGregor on bagpipes tried to drown out the Mexican troops’ song of death.

 

1953: Scientists James Watson and Francis Crick discovered the structure of DNA, the molecule that contains the human genes.

 

1966: Liverpool’s Cavern Club, made famous by The Beatles, closed with debts of $17,000. The stage was sawed into small pieces and sold.

 

1977: Comedian Eddie Anderson died at age 71. He had appeared almost 20 years on radio and 15 years on television as Jack Benny’s personal valet, Rochester.

 

1983: The concluding episode of the long-running television series “M*A*S*H” drew what was then the largest TV audience in U.S. history. (audio clip)

 

1984: Michael Jackson won eight Grammy Awards and his first Pepsi commercial premiered.

 

1989: The world’s largest litter bin was placed in London’s Covent Gardens. The sponsor was Kentucky Fried Chicken.

 

1990: England’s richest man, the Duke of Westminster, pleaded guilty to speeding, was fined $200, and was banned from driving for two weeks.

 

1993: A gun battle erupted at a compound near Waco, Texas, when ATF agents tried to serve warrants on the Branch Davidians. Four federal agents and six Davidians were killed as a 51-day standoff began.

 

1996: Britain’s Princess Diana agreed to a divorce from Prince Charles, ending a marriage that began in 1981. She said it was “the saddest day of her life.”

 

2000: A woman in Mozambique gave birth to a baby girl in a treetop where she had living above raging flood waters for four days. An hour later, Sophia Pedro and her daughter were rescued after a medic swung down from a helicopter to cut the newborn’s umbilical cord. Floods had forced about 1 million people from their homes.

 

2003: The Food and Drug Administration announced the drug ephedra would soon bear warnings the popular herb could cause heart attacks or strokes and death.

 

2005: The animal welfare group Compassion in World Farming released results of a studies showing cows bear grudges, nurture friendships and become excited by intellectual challenges. The research found cows were capable of strong emotions like pain, fear and even anxiety about the future. But if farmers provide the right conditions, cows could also feel great happiness. The studies found similar traits in pigs, goats and chickens.

 

2007: Finally, 15-year-old Jennifer Mee of St. Petersburg, Florida, stopped hiccupping for the first time in more than a month. Jennifer’s hiccups began Jan. 23 during her first period science class, and did not stop until late on Feb 28. No one could explain or cure the problem. At times, she hiccuped as many as 50 times aminute.

 

2007: While washing potatoes from a bag purchased at a market near Naples, Italy, a 74-year-old woman discovered one of the potatoes was a U.S, made, world War II grenade. Police, who detonated the grenade, said it could have exploded if she had dumped it into the pot on the stove. Police said the grenade was covered with so much dirt potato pickers may not have noticed it.

 

 

TODAY IN CHRISTIAN HISTORY

398: John Chrysostom, the greatest preacher of the early church, becomes bishop of Constantinople. So well-regarded was his preaching that he earned the name Chrysostom: “golden-mouth.” He was exiled in 403 for his outspoken criticism of his congregation, including Empress Eudoxia. After the church recalled him, he again offended Eudoxia, who exiled him again. He died three years later.

 

1857: American Congregational clergyman Charles Sheldon, author of more than 50 books and editor of the Christian  Herald, is born in Wellsville, New York. His most famous work, In His Steps (1896), sold more than 23 million copies and spawned the recent “What Would Jesus Do?” phenomenon.

1784: Wesley signs the deed of declarations establishing the Methodist Conference. At first he had tried to work within the Church of England.

 

1877: Decree makes Chinese Christians equal to other citizens.

 

1909: Pastor Zamora announces the formation of La Iglesia Evangelica Metodista las Islas Filipinas, an independent national Filipino church which becomes very successful.

 

1958: Dave Wilkerson tries to speak to a judge in behalf of gang members and gets ridiculed. He went on to begin a work with New York gangs.

 

 

HOLLYWOOD, SPORTS AND CELEBRITY FIGURE BIRTHDAYS

  • actress (“Saturday Night Live,” Pennies from Heaven, The Jerk) Bernadette Peters 68 (audio clip)

 

 

BEE-BOP BIRTHDAYS

(Music Artist Birthdays From SongFacts.com)

1904 : Jimmy Dorsey

1916 : Dinah Shore

1940 : Joe South

1940 : Gretchen Christopher (The Fleetwoods)

1942 : Brian Jones (Rolling Stones founding member)

1944 : Barbara Acklin

1957 : Cindy Wilson (The B-52’s)

1957 : Phillip Gould (Level 42)

1957 : Ian Stanley (Tears For Fears)

1969 : Pat Monahan (Train)

1976 : Ja Rule

 

 

SECRETS OF THE UNIVERSE

Is there really such a thing as being tone deaf?

It’s real. The aural equivalent of being color blind, tone deafness means that everything sounds as if it’s in a monotone. You can’t tell one note from another. You can’t appreciate your spouse singing in the shower, listen to the latest Christian CD, or tell the difference between TV commercial jingles. Hmmm… I guess it has at least ONE redeeming side-effect!

 

 

CHRISTIAN ARTIST NEWS

Do you like the Christian Artist News you see below? It’s just a tiny sample of the 5-6 pages of material you could be receive every weekday… and it’s FREE!  Become one of their subscribers at ChristianRadioShowPrepServices.com!

 

Jamie Grace is calling out public schoolers. The home school grad tweeted: I’m with some public schoolers who say y’all never learn about Fahrenheit or Celsius. For real?! This former homeschooler is blown away.

 

How far would you travel to attend a free concert with Chris Tomlin, Lecrae, Mercyme, and Switchfoot. All four will be joining Greg Laurie on March 6 for the Harvest America simulcast at AT&T Stadium, the home of the Dallas Cowboys. Can’t make the trip? The free event will be simulcast across the nation as well.  https://cards.twitter.com/cards/8tksnj/1giho

 

Chris Tomlin: Like a true Texan, he learned how to play guitar by listening and playing along with Willie Nelson and Merle Haggard records. He has yet to record a country or bluegrass album, but maybe if he hangs out with Crowder long enough…

 

Dan Bremnes has had quite an experience in Colombia this week. Dan is in Bogota for several events, including playing for over 18,000 people at a G12 event in that country.   http://twitter.com/danbremnes/status/701831019306098688/photo/1

 

Casting Crowns want to hear from you. They want you to tell your story of how God held you. And they even have an example to share. Check out the story of their good friends Jay and Abby and then record a video telling your own story. Check out the video then post your own video using the hash tag #JustBeHeld.  https://www.instagram.com/p/BCIOtc4nvbz/

 

A suggestion from Jamie Grace: I still think there needs to be American Idol: All-Stars. Bring back Top 24 contestants who aren’t in music to compete for one last season.

 

How would you choose to spend your album release weekend? Meredith Andrews recently released a new project called Deeper and her release weekend took place in Hickory, NC. She attended the event with all of her children and also her parents in tow so, of course, she had to bring them all on stage! Meredith posted: This was the sweetest moment…singing Lord I Need You with my boys, Jacob playing keys, my mom holding Frankie, and my precious dad praying over us. Meredith added: In the fullness and craziness of this weekend, this is what I will remember and hold onto forever.   https://www.instagram.com/p/BCEhhEeJuoF/

 

Jason Gray says a sign posted at the entrance to one of this weeks venues was a humbling reminder. The sign said: It is a privilege to be on this platform. Thank you God for choosing me.   https://www.instagram.com/p/BCG1HJ5k-bC/

 

An interesting insight from Kutless guitarist James Mead: My dog’s favorite commercials are those new Subaru commercials that have the dogs driving the cars. Gets her attention every time.

 

Jamie Grace needs to make a life change. She tweeted: I have to stop waiting for my phone to get to 1% to realize it needs to be charged…

 

 

NEWS KICKERS

(No news on the weekends.)

 

NEW NEWS KICKERS…

 

 

NEWS KICKER EVERGREENS…

 

 

WONDER WOMAN

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… “Horizontally Gifted”

 

 

DAILY COMEDY CLIP

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… Mike Williams, “Bumper Sticker”

 

 

AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – WEEKDAY VERSION

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD MONDAY’S EPISODE  
OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you another inspiringly inspiring inspirational inspiration in the never-ending deep-jungle soap-opera saga that is As the Jungle Turns!

 

CLOSE: Wow… that’s strange.  What are the odds that someone else would be writing the exact same song that Millard is just now composing?  And, is it just me, or does Millard’s new song sound really, uh… familiar?  Get more of the story next time, As the Jungle Turns!

 

 

AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – SATURDAY/SUNDAY VERSION

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD THE EPISODE FOR THE WEEKEND OF FEBRUARY 27/28

 

OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns!  Last time, Louis the lion and all of the jungle animals went out looking for a new king, because Louis didn’t want to be king anymore.  After searching long and hard, they finally came across a big throne… and a big crown… and a big lion too!  Could he be the new king they’re looking for?

 

CLOSE: So now, after all of this time looking for a new king, do we have to start all over again?  We’ll find out next time, As the Jungle Turns!

 

***You may simulcast “As the Jungle Turns” on the Internet stream of your live broadcast only. Any other Internet use of “As the Jungle Turns” in whole or part including podcasting of your live broadcast is a violation of copyright law. Thank you for your cooperation on this vitally important issue. If you have any questions, please e-mail us and ask about “Jungle Jam & Friends the Radio Show” usage.

 

 

MOMENT OF DUH

A Valentine’s Day disappointment is today’s Moment of Duh!

An Oklahoma City woman was disappointed when, on Valentine’s Day, she did not receive a marriage proposal from her boyfriend. How disappointed was she? She stabbed her boyfriend below the ear; he was treated for a minor wound and released. ***MARLAR: I’m guessing she won’t be seeing a marriage proposal for Easter either.

 

 

TOP TEN

TOP TEN LEAST-AMAZING INVENTIONS

  1. “High-Definition Pants”
  2. “The Surface-to-Air Banjo”
  3. “Tivo for Kitties”
  4. “Exxon Mobil Low-Carb gasoline”
  5. “Nose muffs”
  6. “Shower head with built-in GPS”
  7. “The Rusty Schick Quattro”
  8. “Windex Glass Cleaner/Mouthwash”
  9. “Walk-in iPod”
  10. “Baby’s First Tanning Booth”

 

 

THE FILES OF LAW & DISORDER

Two teenagers are caught with their pants down at a bank robbery!

 

FILE #1: A couple of young bank robbers were done in by, of all things, their pants! The two teenagers who robbed a bank in Bloomington, Illinois were unable to get away because they wore their pants too low and loose. Apparently, they had to keep stopping to pull up their pants and police ended up catching up with them.

 

FILE #2: A Dallas police officer got himself in trouble for eating on the job. Raymond Dethloff Jr. was suspended for eating a McDonald’s chicken sandwich he took from a crashed car at an accident scene. The 16-year-old girl to whom the sandwich belonged had been taken away in an ambulance with minor injuries.

 

FILE #3: Thieves broke into the home of Ivan and Oscar Lim and made off with a DVD player, video camera, movies and cash but they didn’t know that they were being watched by a webcam! The two Australian brothers set up a “wanted” Web site to display the photos in the hopes of catching the thieves. The brothers’ site contains information about the case, several photos of the alleged burglars and information on how to set up a webcam.

 

STRANGE LAW: In Maryland it is illegal to flip a coin to determine who buys coffee and who buys ice cream on Sunday.
THIS IS YOUR BRAIN ON DRUGS

Sadly, an Inverness, Florida, man didn’t operate his brain as fast as he did his car.

…23-year-old Jerry McKay was spotted zooming down a street at 71 mph. Needless to say driving like this tends to attract the attention of police. This is especially bad if you happen to be cooking meth in your car, which Jerry was doing at the time. In addition to drug charges, Jerry was also charged with driving with a suspended license and speeding.

 

 

PHONER PHUN

The other day my wife was going through the fridge and found a bottle of salad dressing that expired four years ago!  What’s the oldest thing in your fridge or pantry?

 

 

BIBLE BRAIN BUSTER!

QUESTION: Who slept at David’s door while he was home on furlough?

ANSWER: Uriah (2 Samuel 11:9)

 

 

QUESTION IMPOSSIBLE

QUESTION: What percentage of Americans admit to “re-gifting”? 

ANSWER: Approximately 50%. 

 

 

TRUE OR FALSE

Pay attention!  If our next player doesn’t answer all ten T/F questions correctly we start all over from question #1!  First person to answer question #10 correctly is our winner!

 

  1. Due to precipitation, for a few weeks, K2 is taller than Mt. Everest. (True)

 

  1. A galactic year is 250 thousand Earth-years. (False – it’s 250 MILLION Earth-years. This is the time it takes for our solar system to make one revolution around the Milky Way Galaxy.)

 

  1. Ferdinand Porsche, who later went on to build sports cars bearing his own name, also designed the original Volkswagen. (True – in 1936)

 

  1. Amish people do not believe in the use of aerosal air fresheners. (True)

 

  1. Water is American’s favorite beverage. (False – water ranks #2, and milk is #3. Soda is #1. The average American drinks about 52 gallons of soft drinks per year.)

 

  1. Being unmarried can shorten a man’s life by ten years. (True)

 

  1. DC-10, the name of an airplane stands for “Douglas Commercial.” (True)

 

  1. Every U.S. bill regardless of denomination costs just 4 cents to make. (True)

 

  1. Fires onland generally move faster downhill than uphill. (False)

 

  1. If someone was to fly once around the surface of the moon, it would be equal to a round trip from New York to London. (True)

 

 

TABLOID MATCH GAME

You have to match the blank in the tabloid headline with the word or phrase that has been removed!

TITANIC _______ FOUND (VIOLIN)

The violin played by Wallace Hartley when his band defiantly played as the doomed Titanic sank – was recently found.

Tests have proven that the instrument band leader Wallace used when he and his seven fellow musicians drowned in the disaster over 100 years ago is authentic.

Author Steve Turner, who wrote a book about the Titanic band, said: “I was suspicious at first but when I looked closely I could only conclude that this was the real thing or the result of an extremely elaborate, and well informed, hoax. I am convinced it is genuine.

When Wallace’s body was found in the Atlantic, his violin was reportedly strapped to his chest. But its whereabouts have been a mystery ever since.

 

 

THE WAY TOO EARLY IN THE MORNING TO UNDERSTAND THE PUNCHLINE EVEN AFTER TWO CUPS OF COFFEE JOKE OF THE DAY

JOKE #1

A burglar broke into a radio personality’s house and told the DJ, “One move and you’re dead. I’m looking for money.”

The DJ replied, “Hang on – I’ll get a light and help you look.”

 

JOKE #2

One night, Tim was walking home when, all of a sudden, a thief jumped on
him. Tim and the thief were began to wrestle. They rolled about on the
ground and Tim put up a tremendous fight. However, the thief managed to
get the better of him and pinned him to the ground. The thief then went through Tim’s pockets and searched him. All the thief could find on Tim was 25 cents. The thief was so surprised at this that he asked Tim why he had bothered to fight so hard for 25 cents.
”Was that all you wanted?” Tim replied, “I thought you were after the five hundred dollars I’ve got in my shoe!”

 

JOKE #3

A math teacher was carrying a compass, protractor and calculator as he tried to board an airplane and set off the metal detector. He was immediately taken into custody. The guards explained, “We suspect he belongs to the Al-gebra group and he was carrying tools of math instruction.”

 

 

USELESS FACTS

Scientists in the Netherlands have found a way of training wasps to detect drugs and bombs. ***MARLAR: How’s that for giving new meaning to “sting operation”?

 

A Florida couple is in the news for getting married in a Wal-Mart where they met. ***MARLAR: When you get such a great markdown on spouses, you gotta jump on it!

 

 

FEATURED FUNNIES

SINGING LESSONS

Jimmy: ‘Hey, Mike! How’s your new pet fish doing? You told me he was really something special.

Mike: ‘To tell the truth, I’m really disappointed in him. The guy who sold him to me said I could teach him to sing like a bird.
Jimmy: ‘What? Let me get this straight… You bought a fish because you thought you could teach him to sing like a bird?’
Mike: ‘Well, yeah. After all, you know, he’s a parrot fish.’
Jimmy: ‘Now listen, Mike, while you might be able to teach a parrot to sing, you’re never going to get anywhere with a parrot fish.
Mike: ‘That’s what you think! It just so happens this fish CAN sing. The thing is, he’s terribly off-key and it’s driving me crazy. Do you know how hard it is to tuna fish?’

 

 

IT MUST BE TRUE BECAUSE I HEARD IT ON THE RADIO!

SON’S REWARD

If you are a parent and are looking for a unique way to reward your son or daughter for being good – let me tell you what one father did that got him into a whole mess of trouble!

Barry Colvert really loves his son. In fact, he loves his son so much that he looks for ways to reward him. Not long ago, Barry noticed that his son ate everything on his plate, did all of his homework, and even cleaned his room without asking! So, as a reward, Barry let his son drive the car for a while with dad in the passenger seat. That’s a great father-son picture, isn’t it? Oh yeah, I forgot to tell you – it was at night. The headlights were still off. They ran a stop sign. They smashed into another car. And, oh yeah – Barry’s son is only seven years old. Police couldn’t believe what had happened, and when they questioned Barry, he insisted that it was that other car’s fault, not his. “I’m certainly not responsible,” he said. “I just had a few beers.” ***MARLAR: I have to agree with him on that. A story like this sure doesn’t happen with a responsible adult in charge.

 

 

INSPIRATIONAL INSPIRATION

I AM THANKFUL FOR…

….the mess to clean after a party because it means I have been surrounded by friends.
….the taxes I pay because it means I am employed.
….the clothes that fit a little too snug because it means I have enough to eat.
….a lawn that needs mowing, windows that need cleaning and gutters that need fixing because it means I have a home.
….my shadow who watches me work because it means I am out in the sunshine.

….the spot I find at the far end of the parking lot because it means I am capable of walking.
….all the complaining about our government because it means we have freedom of speech.
….my large heating bill because it means I am warm.
….the lady behind me in church who sings off key because it means that I can hear.
….the alarm that goes off in the early morning hours because it means  I am alive.
….the piles of laundry and ironing because it means my loved ones are nearby.
….weariness and aching muscles at the end of the day because it means I have been productive.
….and your friendship.

 

 

DRIVE TIME DEVOTIONAL

(audio clip) Shows like, “American Idol”, “America’s Got Talent” and “The Voice” draw millions to watch people trying to make it to the top.  Every week, it seems, a new entertainment awards show appears (albeit with the same old list of guests performing at each). Every sports season seems to have two parts: getting ready for the playoffs, then the race to the championship. Even political coverage always seems to center on who is winning, rather than more complex issues of government and policy.

Everybody loves a winner; we don’t even bother considering losers enough to hate them. The pressure to win pervades every aspect of our lives. So at this juncture, it might be wise to remember the ultimate champion, the one who exceeds even Don King-zone hype: Jesus Christ.

The church in Colosse needed a reminder. Its members faced false teaching about what was necessary for salvation. For some first-century losers, Christ alone did not seem enough. So before Paul began teaching the Colossians, he did a quick review session on the One whose name we carry as believers. Colossians 1:9-14 sets it up; the next 6 verses deliver the knockout punch.

The passage answers the question “Who’s No. 1?” with an undeniable choice: Christ Himself. Run down the list: He created all things, is before all things, holds all things together. . . . By the time you reach the end, Jesus has taken an insurmountable lead.

Our society will always worship its “winners,” and we can appreciate their accomplishments. But we should never lose sight of the ultimate champion: our Savior, Jesus Christ. When you’re obsessed with who’s winning and losing, reflect on the One who has won. Trust in Him.

One day every knee will bow, and everyone will agree that Christ is the undisputed winner. Why wait until then? Once we answer the “Who’s No. 1?” question, we have a good start at settling other issues.

 

 

LEFTOVERS

EYEBROW SOCKS

When do you wear socks on your head?  When you need… eyebrows…?

Down in Sheffield, Louisiana, 27-year-old Steve Simpson either has the funniest or cruelest friends of all time — we’re not sure which. Steve was about to be married when his buddies shaved off his eyebrows during his bachelor party the night before. But clever Steve got downright creative and picked off threads from his black socks and then glued them to his face. His bride Alison Ward had no idea what happened until she saw him at the church and noticed his eyebrows moved when he spoke. Allison said, “I could have killed him! He looked like Groucho Marx. But I see the funny side now.” You’ll be happy to know Steve’s eyebrows did grow back during the honeymoon.

 

 

LIFE… LIVE IT

WATER

Are you drinking enough water each day?  You might be surprised what it could do for you.

  • 75% of Americans are chronically dehydrated (this likely applies to half the world’s population).
  • In 37% of Americans, the thirst mechanism is so weak that it is often mistaken for hunger.
  • Even MILD dehydration will slow down one’s metabolism by as much as 3%.
  • One glass of water shut down midnight hunger pangs for almost 100% of the dieters studied in a U-Washington study.
  • Lack of water is the #1 trigger of daytime fatigue.
  • Preliminary research indicates that 8-10 glasses of water a day could significantly ease back and joint pain for up to 80% of sufferers.
  • A mere 2% drop in body water can trigger fuzzy short-term memory, trouble with basic math, and difficulty focusing on the computer screen or on a printed page.
  • Drinking 5 glasses of water daily decreases the risk of colon cancer by 45%, plus it can slash the risk of breast cancer by 79%, and one is 50% less likely to develop bladder cancer.

***MARLAR: Are you drinking the amount of water you should every day?  I’m not.  And none of this is probably going to change that.

 

 

JUST FOR FUN

BEARY STRANGE

Zoos in Japan really take things seriously… like training their staff in the unlikely event that a polar bear escapes – but how they train for this is a real bear in itself!

Want to go to one of the safest zoos in the world? Then you’ll likely have to travel to Japan. They are so safety-conscious at Tokyo’s Ueno Zoo that they actually hold drills to practice catching a polar bear on the off-chance that one escaped. The concern is that, if an earthquake were to happen, the walls of the polar bear pit would fall and the bears would escape. But how do you train for something like this? Easy; you get some guy to wear a bear suit, run around the zoo, and then chase him down. Oh yeah – and not only did they net the guy in the bear suit, but they tranquilized him too! ***MARLAR: How’s that for a career decision! “I’ve got 12 years of public school behind me, I’ve graduated with a bachelor’s degree in business, and now it’s time to go get a job where I can get shot at while wearing a bear suit!”

 

 

FUN LIST

NEED A CHEAP SECURITY SYSTEM?  POST A NOTE!

Can’t afford a full-blown security system for your home? Then just stick a note on the door! If you don’t think that will work, well, it really depends on what you write on the note!

  • Dear Mr. Butcher, starting tomorrow, please leave eight pounds of meat for Brutus. Six pounds only makes him angry and vicious!
  • Dear Mr. Mailman, we found bloodstains all over our mail. They must be yours. The next time you put mail into our slot, please be sure to keep all parts of your body well clear of all openings. P.S. – Any sign of that book we sent for, “The Care and Feeding of Wild Jungle Cats”?
  • Dear Mr. Exterminator, be very careful when you go inside! The termites have eaten through most of the floorboards and you will fall into the basement where all of the rats are!
  • To whom it may concern: Some of the items in this house have been engraved with Federal Identification Numbers. Others have merely been wired to explode when touched. Good luck…
  • Selma, don’t come in! The boa constrictor got loose again…

 

 

MORE SHOW PREP STUFF…

GAS PROBLEMS?

With gas prices to continue going up, it’s a good time for a few tips on how to get more miles per tank:

  • Use cruise control. This feature will boost gas mileage by about 15%.
  • Idle as little as possible. If you’re going to be stuck in one place for more than a couple of minutes, like a long drive through line, turn off your engine, it’ll save about 20% in fuel costs.
  • Don’t buy high-test. The notion that premium fuel improves mileage is a myth.
  • Chill first, drive second. Driving aggressively, with jack rabbit starts and slamming your foot on the brake to stop, wastes more gasoline than any other motoring flaw more than 30%, in fact.
  • Don’t sweat the AC. Word is that turning on the air conditioner is more fuel efficient than rolling down the windows. Truth is, it makes very little difference, so do what makes you comfy.

 

 

OTHER STUFF I WANT TO CRAM INTO TODAY’S PREP

Different uses for common household products. Hairspray for ink stains, Coke for cleaning toilets, etc.

 

If we were still living under Old Testament law, how many animal sacrifices would’ve had to have been made in your name up to this point in your life? The Bulls & Goats Calculator can let you know.  (Thanks be to GOD we are under a new covenant, covered by GRACE!) http://crossward.org/bullsandgoats

 

So are you up for a No Complaining Challenge? The web site iMom is challenging readers to not complain for seven full days. They say to think about who you complain about most and then see if you can you go 7 days without complaining? Give it a try and let us know how it goes.  http://ow.ly/JzJmk

 

Ever heard of Nagaland?? It’s so dangerous that Myanmar’s government doesn’t allow anybody to visit the area. Yet, there are many Christians in Nagaland. Hundreds of hungry pastors and church planters braved epic floods just to get there, coming from Tibet, Bhutan, Burma, and Bangladesh. Global Advance recently hosted a Frontline Shepherd’s Conference in Nagaland. They were told by one pastor: “We have the opportunity to plant 500 new churches among unreached villages!” “We just need the training and support.”  http://ift.tt/1Tvr3At

 

Last spring, Joni and Friends launched a ground-breaking new Wheels for the World initiative called Hope Overflowing 100,000 by 2020. The initiative goal is to send 100,000 wheelchairs by the year 2020 through Wheels for the World. Now the ministry is a year into the initiative and they are asking for continued support. According to Joni and Friends, with every wheelchair, a Bible is given and the Gospel message is shared.  http://ow.ly/YuB1L

 

 

AND I LEAVE YOU WITH THIS THOUGHT

“The people who oppose your ideas the most are those who represent the establishment that your ideas will upset.” –Anthony J. D’Angelo, The College Blue Book

 

 

THE TICKET Movie Reviews with MARIE ASNER

Marie Asner has been reviewing films for over 30 years. Her outlets include radio, print and Internet.  For more in-depth movie reviews of the following films, visit www.Tollbooth.org.  Ratings from 1 (Low) to 5 (High).

 

FEBRUARY 26, 2016…

 

Eddie The Eagle—This is a true story about a ski jumper named Eddie Edwards, who worked his way to the top (couldn’t resist that) to become a ski jumper for Great Britain in the 1988 Calgary Winter Olympics. Taron Egerton plays Edwards while Hugh Jackman is his coach, and Christopher Walken is there, too.  “Eddie The Eagle” is rated PG 13. Rating of 3 for sports fans.

 

Gods of Egypt—Yes, they do fight and don’t get along, especially Set and Hours and doesn’t that sound like Greek or Roman mythology?  Anyway,  Set wants to turn the world into darkness while Horis doesn’t like that.  A girl is taken captive and a young man wants to rescue her. The cast includes Gerard Butler, Abbey Lee, Nikolaj Coster-Waldau, Rufus Sewell and Geoffrey Rush.

 

Triple 9—This is the code for “Officer Down.” In this action thriller, a police officer is shot as a distraction for a huge robbery.  Police are blackmailed (by a Russian woman) into helping with the robbery and then things go wrong.  The cast includes Casey Affleck, Chiwetel Ejiofor, Anthony Mackie, Kate Winslet and Teresa Palmer.

 

The Witch—Back in Old Salem, there was always trouble in the woods and here it is again, when a family moves into the wilderness to live. The cast includes Anya Taylor-Jay, Ralph Ineson and Kate Dickie. “The Witch” is rated R. No rating.

 

Crouching Tiger: Sword of Destiny (opening in select cities)—Finally, here comes the sequel for this film that was a visual feast of color and activity.  It’s opening date has been changed and changed again. The plot is a carefully kept secret, but concerns lost love, special sword and redemption. The cast includes Michelle Yeoh, Donny Wen,  and Jason Scott Lee. “Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon: Sword of Destiny” is rated R. Rating of PG 13 for fans.

 

MARCH 04, 2016…

 

Desierto stars Gael Garcia Bernal and Jeffrey Dean Morgan in a thriller about people trying to cross the Mexican border.

 

London Has Fallen with Gerard Butler discovering an assassination plot.

 

Whiskey Tango Foxtrot has Margot Robbie and Tina Fey as past journalists in Afghanistan. It’s a comedy.

 

Zootopia is an animated film about different animal species living together in a sophisticated society.  Voices of Idris Elba and Jason Bateman.

 

Knight of Cups is a fantasy romance starring Christian Bale.

 

The Wave (subtitled) is a Norwegian thriller about what would happen if a tsunami hit that country. Seriously, if one of the fjord walls collapsed.

 

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WARNING:    Don’t believe anything you read on the Internet or email (including stuff you read here) unless you can confirm it with another source, and/or it is consistent with what you already know to be true. The opinions in this publication are not necessarily those of Darren Marlar, Marlar House Entertainment, OnAirPrep.com, or any company or organization affiliated with aforementioned.  (Regardless of how stupid you may think those opinions are.  So there – nyah!)

Darren Marlar credits all non-original material to the author whenever possible. All other material is original, used with permission, or author unknown. We welcome all comments, questions, and suggestions.  Darren can be reached via his website at www.DarrenMarlar.com.