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PRINTER FRIENDLY VERSION: 20160229
WELCOME TO THE SHOW!
I don’t stalk you! By the way, you’re out of milk.
If you’ve never jumped from one couch to another to avoid the lava, you’ve never had a childhood.
Sometimes the best part of my job is that this chair swivels.
My most terrifying nightmares are those that are job related. I always wake up thinking I just barely escaped being fired.
BIBLE VERSE OF THE DAY
Rend your heart and not your garments. Return to the LORD your God, for he is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and abounding in love, and he relents from sending calamity. — Joel 2:13
I will betroth you to me forever; I will betroth you in righteousness and justice, in love and compassion. I will betroth you in faithfulness, and you will acknowledge the LORD. — Hosea 2:19-20
HEARTLIGHT DAILY VERSE, PRAYER & THOUGHT
Do everything without complaining or arguing, so that you may become blameless and pure, children of God without fault in a crooked and depraved generation, in which you shine like stars in the universe. — Philippians 2:14-15
Thought: We shouldn’t be surprised that unbelievers around us have a different set of values than we do. After all, a star isn’t surprised to find that it shines in the great expanse of darkness surrounding it. You see, a star and a disciple of Jesus share one basic purpose: shining our light in the darkness, no matter how great that darkness!
Prayer: Holy and righteous LORD, I can only anticipate the day I see your glory and stand in your presence. Please give me the courage and integrity to be a light to those around me overwhelmed by the darkness. In Jesus’ name I pray. Amen.
“BIRTHDAY VERSE” OF THE DAY
The chapter and verse corresponds to the month and the day!
1 John 2:29 = If you know that he is righteous, you know that everyone who does what is right has been born of him.
TODAY IS MONDAY – FEBRUARY 29, 2016
(NOTE: Some holidays may be duplicated due to various calendars reporting conflicting dates)
WEIRD, WACKY, STRANGE, ZANY, ODD, BIZARRE, QUIRKY, UNUSUAL HOLIDAYS!
THERE ARE ONLY 299 SHOPPING DAYS UNTIL CHRISTMAS.
Today is LEAP YEAR DAY, coming only once every four years. ***Just like Presidential elections… only less destructive.
Today is BACHELOR’S DAY. ***It’s kind of ironic that it lands on Leap Year Day – when I was single I only got a date about once very four years.
THE LAST DAY OF FEBRUARY. *** I’d like to remind you that February, our shortest month, ends tonight. So before you go to bed tonight, be sure to turn your calendar ahead one month. You’ll thank me the next morning.
TODAY IS ALSO. . .
International Underlings Day
COMING UP NEXT
TUESDAY, MARCH 01
Dadgum That’s Good Day
Endometriosis Day (Wear Yellow Day)
National Horse Protection Day
Plan a Solo Vacation Day
Refired, Not Retired Day
World Compliment Day
WEDNESDAY, MARCH 02
Dr. Seuss Day
NEA’s Read Across America Day
THURSDAY, MARCH 03
I Want To Be Happy Day
International Ear Care Day
World Wildlife Day
National Anthem Day
What if Cats and Dogs Had Opposable Thumbs? Day
FRIDAY, MARCH 04
Benjamin Harrison Day
Courageous Follower Day
Dress in Blue Day
World Day of Prayer
Shabbat Across America/Canada
International Scrapbooking Industry Day
March Forth / Do Something Day
National Grammar Day
Old Inauguration Day
SATURDAY, MARCH 05
National Frozen Food Day
Sock Monkey Day
National Absinthe Day
National Maple Syrup Days
Saint Piran’s Day
Iditarod Begins (5-20)
SUNDAY, MARCH 06
Daughters and Sons Day
MONDAY, MARCH 07
National Be Heard Day
ON THIS DAY
45 BC: The first Leap Day is recognized by proclamation of Julius Caesar. Under the old Roman calendar, the last day of February was the last day of the year.
1692: Sarah Goode and Tituba are accused of witchcraft in Salem, Massachusetts, sparking the hysteria that started the Salem Witch Trials.
1940: Hattie McDaniel is the first African American to win an Academy Award – best supporting actress – for her performance in Gone With The Wind.
1952: The first pedestrian “Walk/Don’t Walk” signs are installed at 44th Street and Broadway at Times Square.
1972: Henry “Hank” Aaron becomes the first baseball player to sign a baseball contract for $200,000 per year.
TODAY IN CHRISTIAN HISTORY
HOLLYWOOD, SPORTS AND CELEBRITY FIGURE BIRTHDAYS
1936: Jack R. Lousma, astronaut
1940: NFL quarterback, Fran Tarkenton
(Music Artist Birthdays From SongFacts.com)
SECRETS OF THE UNIVERSE
How often does a leap year occur? If you say “every four years” you’re wrong!
A leap year is a year containing one additional day added to keep the calendar year synchronized with the astronomical or seasonal year. Adding an extra day to the calendar every four years is necessary because a 365 day year is shorter than a tropical year by almost 6 hours. Leap years almost always occur in years that are divisible by 4 but there is an exception and that’s where things get complicated. Years that are evenly divisible by 100 are not leap years, unless they are also divisible by 400. (This means that the years 1700, 1800, and 1900 were not leap years, but the year 2000 was).
CHRISTIAN ARTIST NEWS
Do you like the Christian Artist News you see below? It’s just a tiny sample of the 5-6 pages of material you could be receive every weekday… and it’s FREE! Become one of their subscribers at ChristianRadioShowPrepServices.com!
Matt Redman: Along with his involvement in Passion, church planting in the US and UK, and writing songs that have been recorded by pretty much everyone in CCM, Matt has written or edited seven books about Christian life and worship.
Christy Nockels: Christy and her husband Nathan recorded and performed for eight years as the duo Watermark.
Kristian Stanfill: Has been known to chew gum while singing. Last we heard, he was working on kicking that habit.
Josh Wilson is stocking up prior to returning to the road this weekend. No, he’s not exercising more or getting extra sleep. Josh shared a picture of he and his wife’s new baby and posted: Stocking up on this before the run this weekend. Josh is on tour with Jason Gray and JJ Heller in New England for the next several days. https://www.instagram.com/p/BCLXFazBkc4/
Big Daddy Weave may have to change the name of their tour from the Beautiful Offerings Tour to the Beautiful Adjustment Tour. After tweeted a thank you to the chiropractor who showed up at their show in Colorado last weekend the band members this week shared: What’s better than having a chiropractor come to your show? Two chiropractors showing up!
Another cover video is now available from Jamie Grace. This time the focus is Michael W. Smith’s song “Friends”. https://youtu.be/n0NP2aUbBdQ
Kari Jobe is a big fan of motherhood. She tweeted a picture of her one week old baby boy, Canyon Carnes: This is the best gift I’ve ever been given. It’s been the best week of my life. I am so thankful I get to be his mommy. https://www.instagram.com/p/BCOX9xthobV/
One of Kevin Max’s fans recently offered him the chance to come to Houston and hang out with some of the fans astronaut buddies at NASA. In response, Kevin shared a little known dream of his. He said: Yes, I have grand intentions to be the first musician to record an album on the moon. https://twitter.com/mattwalden37/status/702536283646722048
Manny, from Group 1 Crew, this week released an update on his health. He reported: I’ve been able to talk now for the last 2 weeks and I’m allowed to go to vocal therapy in 2 weeks. If all that goes well then I should be able to start singing April 4th just in time for my wife’s tour. We’ll see what the Lord does but as always I’m grateful for your prayers!
Christian artists from across the board are making a stand against slavery this week. The End it movement selected February 25th as their down to raise awareness about human trafficking, encouraging everyone to mark a red x on their hand and then post a picture of it on their social media pages. Artists ranging from members of Passion like Chris Tomlin, Kristian Stanfill and Matt Redman to Tenth Avenue North all participated. Even Payton Manning, the quarterback of the Super Bowl champion Denver Broncos took part. Officials say 27-million people are trapped in slavery around the world. It exists in 85% of the world’s nations. They say Awareness alone won’t end slavery, but without it slavery will never end. Awareness leads to action.
(No news on the weekends.)
NEW NEWS KICKERS…
A woman in the UK who didn’t want to pay for an overcooked steak complained, which led to a conflict that ended with riot police arriving at the restaurant. ***I think the woman had a valid argument though – the steak was so overcooked the fire department showed up too.
The Shelter Buddies Reading Program at the Humane Society of Missouri is doing wonders for everyone involved. The concept is simple: teach kids to read to shelter dogs as a way of preparing them for forever homes, all while also instilling a greater sense of empathy in the youngsters. Kids who sign up for the monthly program are encouraged to sit in front of a shy dog’s kennel with a book and read to them. ***Not surprisingly, the dogs’ favorite books are Vietnamese cookbooks on how to prepare cordon bleu kitty.
Finding comfortable shoes can be a challenge even for those with average-shaped feet. But it’s virtually impossible for the Venezuelan man who holds the record for the world’s largest. Jeison Rodriguez wears size 26 shoes. Last week he received a donation of four pairs of custom made shoes from Georg Wessels — a German shoemaker who specializes in making irregular-sized shoes, boots, sneakers, clogs and sandals. Wessels has been making shoes for the world’s tallest people for almost 40 years — and he does it for free. ***Wessels said he couldn’t do it alone though – and thanked the elves for working all night to get the job done.
Donald Trump’s latest Twitter war is against 2012 Republican nominee Mitt Romney. Trump calls Mitt one of the “dumbest” – and the “worst” – GOP presidential candidate. ***Did anyone think we’d ever get to the point that we’d find someone more arrogant and conceited than Kanye West? Me neither.
NEWS KICKER EVERGREENS…
How many hours a day to work-at-home people truly work? You might be surprised. Almost one in five Americans who work from home only clock in for an hour or less a day, according to a survey, while a third stay in their pajamas. ***MARLAR: So beginning tomorrow, my radio show will come to you live from my house, for only an hour, while I’m wearing my Spider-Man UnderRoos.
A recent study from Louisiana State University in Baton Rouge says you can dig into eggs, yolks and all: They won’t harm your heart, but they can help you trim inches. Women on a low-calorie diet who ate an egg with toast and jelly each morning lost twice as many pounds as those who had a bagel breakfast with the same number of calories but no eggs. ***MARLAR: Eggs help you lose weight – which is why I begin each day by eating six of them.
Scientists have created candy that is actually good for your teeth. A Berlin-based company (Organobalance) has developed a candy that contains a bacteria (Lactobacillus paracasei) which has been found to reduce cavities in lab rats. ***MARLAR: Not so fast though – you don’t eat the candy, you eat the lab rats.
He may have a license to kill, but is he sober enough to shoot? British doctors who carefully read Ian Fleming’s series of James Bond novels say the celebrated spy regularly drank more than four times the recommended limit of alcohol per week. Dr. Patrick Davies and colleagues at Nottingham University Hospital analyzed 14 James Bond books and documented every drink Bond had. They also noted days when he was unable to drink, such as when he was hospitalized, in rehab or imprisoned. The academics found that the spy also known as 007 drank about 92 units of alcohol a week; more than four times the safe amount recommended by the British government. ***MARLAR: No wonder his martinis were shaken, not stirred… he had alcoholic tremors!
CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… “Horizontally Gifted”
DAILY COMEDY CLIP
CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… Mike Williams, “Bumper Sticker”
AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – WEEKDAY VERSION
CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD MONDAY’S EPISODE
OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you another inspiringly inspiring inspirational inspiration in the never-ending deep-jungle soap-opera saga that is As the Jungle Turns!
CLOSE: Wow… that’s strange. What are the odds that someone else would be writing the exact same song that Millard is just now composing? And, is it just me, or does Millard’s new song sound really, uh… familiar? Get more of the story next time, As the Jungle Turns!
AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – SATURDAY/SUNDAY VERSION
CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD THE EPISODE FOR THE WEEKEND OF MARCH 05/06
OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns! When last we left the jungle, all of the jungle animals were looking for a new king – because Louis the lion didn’t want to be king anymore. It was too hard for such a little lion. But in their searching they found another, older and wiser lion. Maybe he’ll be the new king!
CLOSE: Well, it looks like even grown-up kings still have a hard time with those day-to-day decisions. So will Louis step up and take his kingship? We’ll find out next time, As the Jungle Turns!
***You may simulcast “As the Jungle Turns” on the Internet stream of your live broadcast only. Any other Internet use of “As the Jungle Turns” in whole or part including podcasting of your live broadcast is a violation of copyright law. Thank you for your cooperation on this vitally important issue. If you have any questions, please e-mail us and ask about “Jungle Jam & Friends the Radio Show” usage.
MOMENT OF DUH
They say duct tape can fix just about anything. Does that include children?
Parents in Hudson, Massachusetts are suing the “A Place To Grow” daycare for what they call a pattern of abuse put on their children. Three families claim their infants were force-fed, exposed to infectious diseases, spent nap time with blankets over their heads, and were duct taped to the wall! State investigators said the center’s director had been talking about the versatility of duct tape and decided to find out if it really “did work on everything.” One thing duct tape can’t hold will be the loss of profits for Mr. Daycare operator.
TOP TEN SIGNS YOUR ONLINE DATE ISN’T “THE ONE”
- You’re not sure, but over the web-cam his tie seems to be made of human hair.
- The fact that she asks you to type with your toes while singing the score from “The Sound of Music” strikes you as slightly odd!
- He keeps calling you, “My Precious”!
- She asks you: “How many cats are too many cats?”!
- His promise of having his Satan tattoo turned into a Chicago Bull’s logo doesn’t make your feel any more comfortable!
- She is convinced that she is channeling Lassie and her idea of a favorite first date involves a mineshaft!
- In person, that elastic on the side of his head that you thought was holding on that silly mask he refused to take off, is actually a scar!
- After a little investigation your notice that her IP address originates from your basement!
- You were thrilled that he kept talking about how God speaks to him, until you found out that he works for the post office, collects semi-automatic weapons, and is considered, “polite” and “quiet” by his neighbours!
- He is still able to instant message you when your computer is turned off!
THE FILES OF LAW & DISORDER
Two cops go to great lengths to save a baby doll from heat exhaustion. That story and others coming up in the files of Law & Disorder!
FILE #1: Two cops in Florida are taking quite the ribbing from their co-workers after breaking the window of a locked van to save what they thought was a baby. It turned out to be a doll strapped into a car seat. Police have agreed to pay the owner of the van $243 to replace the window. A police spokesman says they’d do it again, too: “It’s worth smashing 1,000 windows to save one baby.”
FILE #2: In Milwaukee, Hank Callahan tried to hold up a clerk at a convenience store. But since the clerk was protected by shatterproof glass, he just laughed at him. Not to be deterred, Mr. Callahan then grabbed the only other customer in the store and threatened to stab her unless the clerk turned over some cash. The clerk then made the crook an offer he couldn’t refuse. He would give him $20 and a sandwich if he let her go. He did and the woman quickly fled the store. The clerk then hit a switch which locked all the doors. Trapped like a rat, Hank was arrested when the police arrived.
FILE #3: A burglary suspect ran into the woods and hid while cops searched for him for an hour — but he forgot to turn off his cell phone. “It just happened to ring at the right time,” said Maj. Randy Cook of the sheriff’s department near Biloxi, MS. Deputies followed the sound and nabbed the bad guy without a fight. ***So, in this case, the suspect received TWO phone calls when arrested.
STRANGE LAW: It is illegal in Kentucky to marry the same man more than 3 times.
THIS IS YOUR BRAIN ON DRUGS
If you’re desperate for a ride, you might consider calling a friend or family member… not the police.
A Florida man who called 911 claiming he’d been beaten and shot at was hoping the tale would get him a ride to a bar. Instead, 37-year-old Gregory J. Oras was charged with misusing the 911 system and battery of a law enforcement officer. Oras called 911 three times before his arrest. He told the dispatcher he had a broken nose and bleeding ears, and claimed people were shooting at him. Authorities say he was actually looking for a ride to another bar. The report also says Oras kicked a Pinellas County sheriff’s deputy in the knees and a Taser was used to subdue him.
Today is “Leap Year Day” – so if you could leap over a day in your life, and skip it entirely, what day would that have been?
What’s your favorite childhood memory?
If you were given $100 bill right now, how would you spend it?
BIBLE BRAIN BUSTER!
QUESTION: Name two men in the Bible who did not die.
ANSWER: Enoch (Genesis 5:24) and Elijah (II Kings 2:11)
QUESTION: Arnaud and Maria Stehle had a terrible honeymoon – they got lost in the wilderness of the Santa Cruz Mountains on what was intended to be a one-hour hike. How long were they lost before they were rescued?
ANSWER: Five days. (FULL STORY: San Jose newlyweds Arnaud and Maria Stehle thought they were just taking a scenic one-hour hike to look at a waterfall in Castle Rock State Park. Instead they got lost and spent five grueling days in the wilderness of the Santa Cruz Mountains until finally being rescued. The couple spent the night in a cave for two nights and spent another two nights in a hollowed-out tree. And they weren’t exactly prepared for the occasion. Both had left their coats in the car and, had no food, and Arnaud, a 29-year-old Silicon Valley engineer, was wearing shorts. They finally emerged from the back country relatively unscathed after a massive search. Santa Clara County sheriff’s Lt. Mark Eastus said, “They were cold, tired and hungry, but in pretty good spirits.” Both were able to walk at least partway out with the rescue team, but Maria was carried the last leg on a stretcher. On the bright side, to have this be your honeymoon, you know there’s nowhere to go but up.)
TRUE OR FALSE
Pay attention! If our next player doesn’t answer all ten T/F questions correctly we start all over from question #1! First person to answer question #10 correctly is our winner!
- Canada is an Indian word meaning ‘Small Village.’ (False – it means ‘Big Village’.)
- Damascus, Syria, is the oldest continually inhabited city in the world. (True – it was flourishing a couple of thousand years before Rome was founded in 753 BC!)
- Except for Devon, every country in Great Britain has at least two coasts. (False – quite the contrary. Devon is the only Great Britain country with two coasts.)
- Universal Studios in Florida covers 46 square miles. (False – but Disney World does! That makes it twice the size of the island of Manhattan, New York.)
- Dueling is still legal in Paraguay. (True – but only if both parties are registered blood donors.)
- German used to be the official language of Engand. (False – but French was the official language of England for over 600 years.)
- Grand Rapids, Michigan was the first city in the US to put fluoride in their water. (True)
- Florida is the only U.S. state that grows coffee. (False – Hawaii is the only U.S. state that grows it.)
- In the Great Seal of the United States, the eagle grasps 13 arrows and an olive branch. (True – hope you’re not superstitious!)
- Winston Churchill predicted the day of his death. (True – the prime minister of England during World War II, superstitiously feared January 24 because he was certain it was destined to be the day of his death. Churchill’s father had died on that date. Churchill did indeed die on January 24, 1965.)
TABLOID MATCH GAME
You have to match the blank in the tabloid headline with the word or phrase that has been removed!
THE WAY TOO EARLY IN THE MORNING TO UNDERSTAND THE PUNCHLINE EVEN AFTER TWO CUPS OF COFFEE JOKE OF THE DAY
A little child in church for the first time watched as the ushers passed the offering plates. When they neared the pew where he sat, the youngster piped up so that everyone could hear: “Don’t pay for me Daddy, I’m under five.”
A big, burly man visited his pastor’s home and asked to see the minister’s wife, a woman well known for her charitable impulses. “Madam,” he said in a broken voice, “I wish to draw your attention to the terrible plight of a poor family in this district. The father of the family is dead, the mother is too ill to work, and the nine children are starving. They are about to be turned into the cold, empty streets unless someone pays their rent, which amounts to $400.”
“How terrible!” exclaimed the preacher’s wife. “May I ask who you are?”
They sympathetic visitor applied his handkerchief to his eyes and sobbed, “I’m the landlord.”
A young boy, about eight years old, was at the corner “Mom and Pop” grocery picking out a pretty good size box of laundry detergent. The grocer walked over, and, trying to be friendly, asked the boy if he had a lot of laundry to do.
“Oh, no laundry,” the boy said, “I’m going to wash my dog.”
“But you shouldn’t use this to wash your dog. It’s very powerful and if you wash your dog in this, he’ll get sick. In fact, it might even kill him.”
But the boy was not to be stopped and carried the detergent to the counter and paid for it, even as the grocer still tried to talk him out of washing his dog.
About a week later the boy was back in the store to buy some candy. The grocer asked the boy how his dog was doing. “Oh, he died,” the boy said.
The grocer, trying not to be an “I-told-you-so”, said he was sorry the dog died but added, “I tried to tell you not to use that detergent on your dog.”
“Well, the boy replied, “I don’t think it was the detergent that killed him.”
“Oh? What was it then?”
“I think it was the spin cycle!”
In the spring of 1975, a baby in Detroit fell 14 stories and landed on Joseph Figlock, who was walking below. A few years later it happened again. Figlock and both babies survived. ***MARLAR: Sounds like someone needs to buy this guy a catcher’s mitt… and break it in with some baby oil.
Thomas Jefferson anonymously submitted design plans for the White House. They were rejected. ***MARLAR: He may have been the architect of our country, but he’s not the architect of architecture.
Farmer Jones’s cows had recently stopped giving good milk. So, he went around asking for advice, and someone told him that happy cows give good milk. Every morning he would go out and tell some jokes to his cows, and they would all laugh. But the rest of the cows in that community thought that the jokes were pretty stupid.
Because of this, his cows became the laughing stock of the town.
IT MUST BE TRUE BECAUSE I HEARD IT ON THE RADIO!
So imagine you’re in a car crash and become completely paralyzed. Now imagine that, even though you’re completely conscious, your doctors decide you’re in a coma and leave you lying in your hospital bed. Now imagine you lay there for the next 23 years!
…That is the story of England’s Rom Houben. For 23 years Ron could not let doctors know that he could hear every word they were saying. Over two decades afterward, at the age of 46, Ron said, “I dreamed myself away. All that time I just literally dreamed of a better life. Frustration is too small a word to describe what I felt.” Back in 1983, Doctors conducted a series of coma tests before concluding that his consciousness was “extinct”. But then, new hi-tech scans showed his brain was still functioning almost completely normally. Ron’s amazing case was revealed in a scientific paper released by the man who “saved” him, top neurological expert Dr. Steven Laureys. Dr. Laureys believes there may be many similar cases of false comas around the world. Ron is still completely paralyzed so is likely to never leave the hospital, but now has a special computer above his bed which lets him read books while lying down. Ron said, “I shall never forget the day when they discovered what was truly wrong with me. It was my second birth. I want to read, talk with my friends via the computer and enjoy my life now that people know I am not dead.” (Ananova)
The atheist professor of philosophy pauses before his class and then asks one of his new students to stand.
‘You’re a Christian, aren’t you, son?’
‘Yes sir,’ the student says.
‘So you believe in God?’
‘Is God good?’
‘Sure! God’s good.’
‘Is God all-powerful? Can God do anything?’
‘Are you good or evil?’
‘The Bible says I’m evil.’
The professor grins knowingly.
‘Aha! The Bible!’ He considers for a moment. ‘Here’s one for you. Let’s say there’s a sick person over here and you can cure him. You can do it. Would you help him? Would you try?’
‘Yes sir, I would.’
‘So you’re good….!’
‘I wouldn’t say that.’
‘But why not say that? You’d help a sick and maimed person if you could. Most of us would if we could. But God doesn’t.’
The student does not answer, so the professor continues. ‘He doesn’t, does he? My brother was a Christian who died of cancer, even though he prayed to Jesus to heal him. How is this Jesus good? Can you answer that one?’
The student remains silent.
‘No, you can’t, can you?’ the professor says. He takes a sip of water from a glass on his desk to give the student time to relax. ‘Let’s start again, young fella. Is God good?’
‘Er… yes,’ the student says.
‘Is Satan good?’
The student doesn’t hesitate on this one. ‘No.’
‘Then where does Satan come from?’
The student falters. ‘From God’
‘That’s right. God made Satan, didn’t he? Tell me, son. Is there evil in this world?’
‘Evil’s everywhere, isn’t it? And God did make everything, correct?’
‘So who created evil?’ The professor continued, ‘If God created everything, then God created evil, since evil exists, and according to the principle that our works define who we are, then God is evil.’
Again, the student has no answer.
‘Is there sickness? Immorality? Hatred? Ugliness? All these terrible things, do they exist in this world?’
The student squirms on his feet. ‘Yes.’
‘So who created them ?’
The student does not answer again, so the professor repeats his question.
‘Who created them?’
There is still no answer.
Suddenly the lecturer breaks away to pace in front of the classroom. The class is mesmerized. ‘Tell me,’ he continues onto another student. ‘Do you believe in Jesus Christ, son?’
The student’s voice betrays him and cracks. ‘Yes, professor, I do.’
The old man stops pacing. ‘Science says you have five senses you use to identify and observe the world around you. Have you ever seen Jesus?’
‘No sir. I’ve never seen Him.’
‘Then tell us if you’ve ever heard your Jesus?’
‘No, sir, I have not.’
‘Have you ever felt your Jesus, tasted your Jesus or smelt your Jesus? Have you ever had any sensory perception of Jesus Christ, or God for that matter?’
‘No, sir, I’m afraid I haven’t.’
‘Yet you still believe in him?’
‘According to the rules of empirical, testable, demonstrable protocol, science says your God doesn’t exist… What do you say to that, son?’
‘Nothing,’ the student replies.. ‘I only have my faith.’
‘Yes, faith,’ the professor repeats. ‘And that is the problem science has with God. There is no evidence, only faith.’
The student stands quietly for a moment, before asking a question of His own. ‘Professor, is there such thing as heat? ‘
‘And is there such a thing as cold?’
‘Yes, son, there’s cold too.’
‘No sir, there isn’t.’
The professor turns to face the student, obviously interested. The room suddenly becomes very quiet. The student begins to explain.
‘You can have lots of heat, even more heat, super-heat, mega-heat, unlimited heat, white heat, a little heat or no heat, but we don’t have anything called ‘cold’. We can hit down to 458 degrees below zero, which is no heat, but we can’t go any further after that. There is no such thing as cold; otherwise we would be able to go colder than the lowest -458 degrees. Every body or object is susceptible to study when it has or transmits energy, and heat is what makes a body or matter have or transmit energy. Absolute zero (-458 F) is the total absence of heat. You see, sir, cold is only a word we use to describe the absence of heat. We cannot measure cold. Heat we can measure in thermal units because heat is energy. Cold is not the opposite of heat, sir, just the absence of it.’
Silence across the room. A pen drops somewhere in the classroom, sounding like a hammer.
‘What about darkness, professor. Is there such a thing as darkness?’
‘Yes,’ the professor replies without hesitation. ‘What is night if it isn’t darkness?’
‘You’re wrong again, sir. Darkness is not something; it is the absence of something. You can have low light, normal light, bright light, flashing light, but if you have no light constantly you have nothing and it’s called darkness, isn’t it? That’s the meaning we use to define the word. In reality, darkness isn’t. If it were, you would be able to make darkness darker, wouldn’t you?’
The professor begins to smile at the student in front of him. This will be a good semester. ‘So what point are you making, young man?’
‘Yes, professor. My point is, your philosophical premise is flawed to start with, and so your conclusion must also be flawed.’
The professor’s face cannot hide his surprise this time. ‘Flawed? Can you explain how?’
‘You are working on the premise of duality,’ the student explains. ‘You argue that there is life and then there’s death; a good God and a bad God. You are viewing the concept of God as something finite, something we can measure. Sir, science can’t even explain a thought. It uses electricity and magnetism, but has never seen, much less fully understood either one. To view death as the opposite of life is to be ignorant of the fact that death cannot exist as a substantive thing. Death is not the opposite of life, just the absence of it. Now tell me, professor. Do you teach your students that they evolved from a monkey?’
‘If you are referring to the natural evolutionary process, young man, yes, of course I do.’
‘Have you ever observed evolution with your own eyes, sir?’
The professor begins to shake his head, still smiling, as he realizes where the argument is going. A very good semester, indeed.
‘Since no one has ever observed the process of evolution at work and cannot even prove that this process is an on-going endeavor, are you not teaching your opinion, sir? Are you now not a scientist, but a preacher?’
The class is in uproar. The student remains silent until the commotion has subsided. ‘To continue the point you were making earlier to the other student, let me give you an example of what I mean.’
The student looks around the room. ‘Is there anyone in the class who has ever seen the professor’s brain?’
The class breaks out into laughter.
‘Is there anyone here who has ever heard the professor’s brain, felt the professor’s brain, touched or smelt the professor’s brain? No one appears to have done so. So, according to the established rules of empirical, stable, demonstrable protocol, science says that you have no brain, with all due respect, sir. So if science says you have no brain, how can we trust your lectures, sir?’
Now the room is silent. The professor just stares at the student, his face unreadable. Finally, after what seems an eternity, the old man answers.
‘I Guess you’ll have to take them on faith.’
‘Now, you accept that there is faith, and, in fact, faith exists with life,’ the student continues. ‘Now, sir, is there such a thing as evil?’
Now uncertain, the professor responds, ‘Of course, there is. We see it Everyday. It is in the daily example of man’s inhumanity to man. It is in The multitude of crime and violence everywhere in the world. These manifestations are nothing else but evil.’
To this the student replied, ‘Evil does not exist sir, or at least it does not exist unto itself. Evil is simply the absence of God. It is just like darkness and cold, a word that man has created to describe the absence of God. God did not create evil. Evil is the result of what happens when man does not have God’s love present in his heart. It’s like the cold that comes when there is no heat or the darkness that comes when there is no light.’
The professor sat down.
DRIVE TIME DEVOTIONAL
Read: 2 Samuel 12:1-14
Purge me with hyssop, and I shall be clean; wash me, and I shall be whiter than snow. —Psalm 51:7
You may already know the story. King David, Israel’s most illustrious ruler, the man after God’s own heart, became the seducer, the adulterer, the liar, the murderer—utterly pitiless and unmoved by his monstrous misdeeds. Israel’s ruler was now ruled by sin.
A year had passed since David committed adultery with Bathsheba and orchestrated the murder of her husband. David deteriorated physically and emotionally. His gnawing conscience kept him restless and melancholy. At night he tossed and turned.
When David was brought face to face with his corruption, his defenses crumbled. He cried, “I have sinned against the Lord” (2 Samuel 12:13). And Nathan the prophet replied, “The Lord also has put away your sin.” Despite the devastating consequences of David’s sin, he was assured of God’s forgiveness.
After realizing the extent of his sin and its consequences, David penned Psalm 51, a song of repentance and pleading for God’s forgiveness. “I acknowledge my transgressions . . . . Wash me, and I shall be whiter than snow” (vv.3,7).
Are you suffering the consequences of sin? Admit your wrongs and ask God to cleanse your heart. He will show mercy and restore your joy if you turn to Him. —David Roper
Our sinfulness can sap our joy
And make us feel far from the Lord;
Confession and repentance, though,
Provide the way to be restored. —Sper
Repentance means hating sin enough to turn from it.
ARE YOU A WALKER?
If you’re not walking regularly, maybe you should – and we have six reasons why.
As anyone who makes a habit of regularly walking knows, it makes you feel good. Swinging your arms and stepping briskly makes you feelenergized and works the body. What’s more, recent medical research gives you lots of reasons to step out. Here’s the latest on why a regular brisk walk should be part of your day.
Live longer. The faster you walk, the longer you likely will live. That’s the conclusion of a report revealing a strong correlation between walking pace and expected survival rates for people older than 65.
Fight dementia. Walk six miles a day and prevent brain shrinkage and dementia. A study of nearly 300 people in Pittsburgh who kept track of how much they walked each week showed that those who walked at least six miles had less age-related brain shrinkage than people who walked less.
Battle breast cancer. Women who regularly take brisk walks have a lower breast cancer risk after menopause, a recent study published in the Archives of Internal Medicine suggests.
Soothe your tummy. Move regularly and calm an irritated bowel. In a study of adults with irritable bowel syndrome, 43 percent of those who got 20 to 60 minutes of moderate-to-vigorous exercise — like brisk walking or biking — three to five days a week showed significant improvement in their symptoms of cramps, diarrhea, bloating, and constipation.
Slash your risk of stroke. Reduce your stroke risk — one step at a time. A study of 39,000 healthy women 45 and older found that those who walked two or more hours a week had a lower risk of stroke than those who walked less than two hours a week.
Protect your prostate. Even moderate exercise — like walking — may lower your risk for prostate cancer.
LIFE… LIVE IT
FIVE KEYS TO HAPPINESS
Happiness can be fleeting, says New York psychiatrist Carrie Bonder, but not if you follow these tips they’re guaranteed to keep the sunshine in your smile:
Purge clutter — “It’s amazing how much happier you feel once you’ve gotten rid of extra stuff,” explains New York psychiatrist Carrie Bonder. “If you haven’t used something in six months, get rid of it.”
Dependable friends — Your happiness is directly related to your ability to share life’s ups and downs. “Share your private thoughts with your friends and fight the blues as a team,” Bonder says.
Give in to little temptations — You want to be perfect stick to a diet, keep a clean home, get to work on time and remember everyone’s birthdays, but no one can do it all. Give yourself permission to splurge just a little like a slice of fudge after Sunday dinner and you’ll be happier than ever.
Don’t give in to regret — Stop second guessing your decisions. “Whenever you face an important decision, pick two and only two requirements your choice needs to fill,” recommends Bonder. “For example, if you’re buying a car and you pick good mileage and a big backseat as your requirements, then your choice becomes clear. You won’t waste time later worrying about the tiny sports car that got away.”
Balance hard work and relaxation — Lazing around on the couch all day makes you just as miserable as keeping your nose to the grindstone. “The secret is to alternate between things you need to get done like balancing your checkbook and things you just like doing like watching TV,” explains Bonder.
JUST FOR FUN
MEN’S HEALTH’S – THINGS A MAN SHOULDN’T FEAR
Having her drive — It establishes your commitment to a relationship based on gender equality. Plus, you pick the music.
Black and white movies — Dropping an “All About Eve” reference may elicit blank stares, but knowledge of this genre makes you a person of intrigue. Besides, you’ll learn a lot more about moving through the world from Cary Grant than from Spike TV.
Superhero cartoons — A solid relationship with nerd culture enables you to connect with nephews and sons. The sad truth is Pokemon isn’t going away.
Small dogs — Okay, they’re neurotic face lickers with breathing problems. They’re also the next cutest thing to human babies, and merely having one in your proximity makes you look like a caring person. If you can take care of a pug, you can take care of anything.
French cheese — Through most of the good stuff smells like Nicholas Sarkozy’s private apartment, cheese really is the most incredible food in the world. Start with a ripe Epoisses, and then let your cheese monger take you deep.
Make over shows — There’s nothing like watching perky strangers barge into someone’s life, only to find it empty. The shows are formulaic and fake, yes, but you’re getting free tips from professionals who would otherwise charge thousands.
Tea — We’re not talking crappy dorm room stashes of “Lemon Lift” and “Constant Comment,” but the real stuff: first flush Darjeeling and South African rooibos. Men have been drinking it for thousands of years, it tastes great, and it doesn’t crack you out like coffee.
Video games — “I play a butt load of Grand Theft Auto” isn’t exactly a calling card, but there’s something to be said about keeping certain childhood enthusiasm alive. It’s still socially acceptable to play Monopoly or Scrabble, so why not Centipede or Mario Kart? Stay in touch with your younger self without the trauma of having to go through puberty again.
Country music — Your snobbery betrays ignorance. Some of the greatest songs in the North American canon have come out of this genre. Also, if you think you have problems, just listen to some Merle Haggard. You’ll feel a lot better.
Street cart food — Your odds of a little gastrointestinal distress may increase slightly, but it’s immensely satisfying to eat out at a most basic level. You could discover a brand new taste that will change the way you think about, say, Sri Lanka. At the very least, you’ll have a cheap lunch.
Staying home alone on a Saturday night — This could mean a drink at the kitchen table, a long mopey bath, and an early bedtime. Or you could revel in the solitude and freedom. On weekends, everything is more crowded and expensive. Go out on a Tuesday, when the crowds are scarce and the entertainment (beer) is heavily discounted.
I CHOOSE NOT TO BE POLITICALLY CORRECT
** I choose to call my race American.
** I choose to treat all other people as equals.
** I choose to take responsibility for my actions.
** I choose to take the consequences and/or rewards for my efforts.
** I choose to take advantage of nutrition in whatever form it is provided, plant or animal.
** I choose to be patriotic and pay homage to the symbols and heroes of my country.
** I choose to live the laws of the land and expect others to do the same.
** I choose to support my government and expect to get my money’s worth.
** I choose to take advantage of the privilege to vote and support those who protect my freedoms.
** I choose to honor American holidays and traditions that uplift the celebrants.
** I choose to stay educated and informed and expect the media and history writers to report with integrity.
** I choose to take any means to protect myself and family from unwanted intrusion in any form.
** I choose to express my opinion in word, image, or print, without regard to offense or of others feelings.
** I choose to not be offended.
** I choose to honor my spouse and children and support them through my labor and love.
** I choose to treat others with integrity and respect and expect as much from them.
** I choose to appreciate uplifting art, books, and music.
** I choose to keep my mind and actions free of violence and immorality.
** I choose to pursue righteous endeavors.
** I choose my occupation and salary. I know I change these if I am willing to make the effort and sacrifice.
** I choose to settle differences privately, rather than enrich the lawyers.
** I choose to support the two-parent-of-opposite-gender family structure.
** I choose to honor the sanctity of life from conception to death, and the legacy thereafter.
** These are my choices and I intend to stand by them.
MORE SHOW PREP STUFF…
LEAP YEAR TRADITIONS
-In Ireland and Britain, it is a tradition that women may propose marriage only in leap years. At one point fines were levied if a marriage proposal was refused by the man; compensation was deemed to be a pair of leather gloves, a single rose, money or a kiss.
-In Finland, the tradition is that if a man refuses a woman’s proposal on leap day, he should buy her the fabrics for a skirt.
-In France, since 1980, a satirical newspaper is published only on leap day, February 29.
-In Greece, marriage in a leap year is considered unlucky and many will avoid getting married in a leap year.
-In the United States, February 29 is often referred to as “Sadie Hawkins Day” signifying a gender role reversal.
-In Russia it is believed a leap year is likely to bring more freak weather patterns and a greater risk of death all round.
-Farming folklore says beans and peas planted in a leap year “grow the wrong way”.
-Scottish farmers believe leap years are not good for crops or livestock.
You’ve got a 1-in-1461 chance of being born on a leap day. A person born on a leap day is called a Leapling or Leaper.
OTHER STUFF I WANT TO CRAM INTO TODAY’S PREP
Different uses for common household products. Hairspray for ink stains, Coke for cleaning toilets, etc.
If we were still living under Old Testament law, how many animal sacrifices would’ve had to have been made in your name up to this point in your life? The Bulls & Goats Calculator can let you know. (Thanks be to GOD we are under a new covenant, covered by GRACE!) http://crossward.org/bullsandgoats
Your nephews are about to have nicer rides than you. According to Relevant Magazine, Radio Flyer, the company that makes the classic red wagons, is stepping its game way up. Their new battery powered kid-car is modeled after the luxury Tesla Model S. It comes with working headlights, a sound system, a spacious interior and hits a whopping six miles-per-hour. The luxury vehicle retails for $499
Want to escape the cold weather and head someplace warm this winter? Or perhaps you’re already planning your summer vacation. Money Magazine it out with their month-by-month guide to the best places to travel in 2016. The goal is to not only help you find the perfect adventure but also pinpoint the sweet spots for when to book the best deals. Suggestions ranch from a Namibia safari in March to Idaho in August.
As voters in 12 states prepare to cast ballots or caucus on March 1, Super Tuesday, Pew Research is out with a survey on who might vote and their potential motivations. The study found that Two-thirds of Republicans in those states say religion is very important to them, compared with 53% of Democrats. Nearly half of all people in the 12 Super Tuesday states who identify as or lean toward the Republican Party are evangelical Protestants. Among Democrats, people with no religious affiliation are the largest group in three of the 11 states that will vote Tuesday. Overall, religious “nones” make up a quarter of Democrats in the 11 Super Tuesday states.
AND I LEAVE YOU WITH THIS THOUGHT
Your beliefs don’t make you a better person… your behavior does.
THE TICKET Movie Reviews with MARIE ASNER
Marie Asner has been reviewing films for over 30 years. Her outlets include radio, print and Internet. For more in-depth movie reviews of the following films, visit www.Tollbooth.org. Ratings from 1 (Low) to 5 (High).
FEBRUARY 26, 2016…
Eddie The Eagle—This is a true story about a ski jumper named Eddie Edwards, who worked his way to the top (couldn’t resist that) to become a ski jumper for Great Britain in the 1988 Calgary Winter Olympics. Taron Egerton plays Edwards while Hugh Jackman is his coach, and Christopher Walken is there, too. “Eddie The Eagle” is rated PG 13. Rating of 3 for sports fans.
Gods of Egypt—Yes, they do fight and don’t get along, especially Set and Hours and doesn’t that sound like Greek or Roman mythology? Anyway, Set wants to turn the world into darkness while Horis doesn’t like that. A girl is taken captive and a young man wants to rescue her. The cast includes Gerard Butler, Abbey Lee, Nikolaj Coster-Waldau, Rufus Sewell and Geoffrey Rush.
Triple 9—This is the code for “Officer Down.” In this action thriller, a police officer is shot as a distraction for a huge robbery. Police are blackmailed (by a Russian woman) into helping with the robbery and then things go wrong. The cast includes Casey Affleck, Chiwetel Ejiofor, Anthony Mackie, Kate Winslet and Teresa Palmer.
The Witch—Back in Old Salem, there was always trouble in the woods and here it is again, when a family moves into the wilderness to live. The cast includes Anya Taylor-Jay, Ralph Ineson and Kate Dickie. “The Witch” is rated R. No rating.
Crouching Tiger: Sword of Destiny (opening in select cities)—Finally, here comes the sequel for this film that was a visual feast of color and activity. It’s opening date has been changed and changed again. The plot is a carefully kept secret, but concerns lost love, special sword and redemption. The cast includes Michelle Yeoh, Donny Wen, and Jason Scott Lee. “Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon: Sword of Destiny” is rated R. Rating of PG 13 for fans.
MARCH 04, 2016…
Desierto stars Gael Garcia Bernal and Jeffrey Dean Morgan in a thriller about people trying to cross the Mexican border.
London Has Fallen with Gerard Butler discovering an assassination plot.
Whiskey Tango Foxtrot has Margot Robbie and Tina Fey as past journalists in Afghanistan. It’s a comedy.
Zootopia is an animated film about different animal species living together in a sophisticated society. Voices of Idris Elba and Jason Bateman.
Knight of Cups is a fantasy romance starring Christian Bale.
The Wave (subtitled) is a Norwegian thriller about what would happen if a tsunami hit that country. Seriously, if one of the fjord walls collapsed.
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Darren Marlar credits all non-original material to the author whenever possible. All other material is original, used with permission, or author unknown. We welcome all comments, questions, and suggestions. Darren can be reached via his website at www.DarrenMarlar.com.