French Fries In a Metal Tube

Why is it that when you’re trying to watch what you eat, everywhere around you there is food?  In most cases I’d say it was a mental thing, but that’s not true in this case.

I’ve taken dozens of flights around the country in my career as a stand-up comedian, and it wasn’t until today that a guy walked on-board my plane with a McDonald’s sack.  This guy had a BigMac, a six-piece McNuggets, a large fry, and giant Dr. Pepper.  Where on the plane do you think he sat?  Yep… right next to me with my plastic baggie of carrot sticks and a Vitamin Water.   I had no idea you could bring McDonald’s on the plane!  I’ve been dealing with little bags of nuts that barely fit into the palm of my hand when I could’ve had a Super-Sized Extra Value Meal?  I thought about complaining to this guy about how rude it was for him to not bring enough to share with the rest of us, but then I realized this guy’s total genius.

Everyone was looking at this guy.  Everyone wanted to know what was in the bag because it smelled so wonderful.  This guy managed to buy temporary celebrity-status for three dollars and 58 cents!  I don’t care if I’m on a diet… I don’t care if I’m even hungry at the time, the next time I’m on a plane I’m bringing a bag of cheeseburgers so people will envy me.  I may not even eat it – I might just let the smell waft through the cabin and the personal air-nozzles for maximum saturation.

I am Burger Master – fly with me!

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