Excited to make it to Lafayette, Louisiana – but kind of nervous as well.
When I heard I would be flying to Louisiana I immediately heard Elvis in my head, “Down in Louisiana where the alligators grow so mean, there lives a little girl that I swear to the world makes the alligators look tame. Polk Salad Annie…”
Obviously not written by the Louisiana Tourism Board. The last thing you want vacationers to think of are mean alligators… and even meaner women being eaten by alligators.
And I don’t know what polk salad is, but I can guarantee you I don’t like it. Because it’s called salad – and I didn’t get into a 4X shirt eating lettuce and cucumbers.
It wasn’t that fun flying here to Louisiana either. I flew Continental Airlines.
Continental told us they’d be doing a “beverage service”. But Continental didn’t ask if I wanted “coffee, tea, or milk, Sir?” They didn’t even ask if I wanted a Coke. Continental’s idea of a “beverage service” was giving me my choice of either ice water or water with no ice. That was the totality of my selections. I’m guessing Continental’s “meal selections” resemble a continental breakfast. Maybe that’s where we got the name.
Later in the flight, the guy right behind me went into a seizure. Absolutely true. Thank the Lord he’s okay, but they dragged him out of his chair and laid him on the floor of the plane – right in front of me. They’re scrambling trying to find a doctor on the plane – just like you see on TV. Except there wasn’t a doctor – fortunately there was a med-student onboard. I guess that’s why they call it a medical practice.
Anyway, this guy is laid out right in front of me, and being the born-again Christian that I am, I believe in the power of prayer, so I immediately began praying for this guy. I didn’t even have to lay hands on this guy, because his face was on my shoe. I was thanking God there was a med-student on board. I was praying that she knew what she was doing. I was praying for God to lay His healing hands on this young man who was ill. I was praying, “Dear Jesus, please don’t let this guy… puke on my shoes. They are the only ones I brought with me.” (Don’t judge me – I covered the big prayers first! You have not because you ask not…)
Here’s something miraculous: our flight left ten minutes late – yet we landed fifteen minutes early. So apparently, Continental airplanes CAN travel through time – but someone has to pass out first.
And there was another miracle: when you pass out on Continental airlines – somehow, the Continental flight attendant is able to offer you cookies and a Dr. Pepper.
So from now on, every flight I take I’m going to fake a dizzy spell.