Some people think that money determines how well a marriage will work. Others think it’s the number of kids you have. Still others believe that your love life reveals the soundness of a marriage. However, some experts say it’s how you fight that determines whether your marriage will succeed or fail. For each other following questions, give yourself 1 point if you and your partner almost never experience the situation, 2 points if you sometimes experience the situation, 3 points if you experience the situation frequently.

  1. Little arguments escalate into ugly fights with accusations, criticism, name-calling or bringing up past hurts. 1 never, 2 sometimes, 3 frequently.
  2. My partner criticizes or belittles my opinions, feelings or desires. 1 never, 2 sometimes, 3 frequently.
  3. My partner seems to view my words or actions more negatively than I mean them to be. 1 never, 2 sometimes, 3 frequently.
  4. When we have a problem to solve, it is like we are on opposite teams. 1 never, 2 sometimes, 3 frequently.
  5. I hold back from telling my partner what I really think or feel. 1 never, 2 sometimes, 3 frequently.
  6. I think seriously about what it would be like to date or marry someone else. 1 never, 2 sometimes, 3 frequently.
  7. I feel lonely in this relationship. 1 never, 2 sometimes, 3 frequently.
  8. When we argue, one of us withdraws. 1 never, 2 sometimes, 3 frequently.



  • 8 to 12 points: Your relationship is probably in great shape. However, always work to keep it that way.
  • 13 to 17 points: Consider this a yellow light. You need to be cautious. While you may be happy now, there are some warning signs… patterns that you don’t want to worsen. Take action to improve and protect what you have.
  • 18 to 24 points: This is a red light. Stop and think about where the two of you are headed. Your score indicates the existence of patterns that could put your relationship at serious risk. You may be headed for trouble, or may already be there. But there is some good news. You can stop and learn ways to improve your relationship now.

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