Ugh. It’s 2am, I’m wide awake, and my alarm is set to go off in just under three hours to tell me it’s time to get up, be bright and cheery, alert, and entertain the city of Rockford, IL on my morning radio show.

Yeah, right.

How come I never get insomnia on a Friday or Saturday night when I don’t have to get up the next morning? I could handle that. I could stay up all night watching all three Lord of the Rings movies back-to-back-to-back, or get some work done that’s been piling up on my desktop. Maybe watch all the clips of “WKRP in Cincinnati” on while my wife sleeps in the other room. I could pack up my laptop and head to the International House of Pancakes and play Solitaire while eating sausage links dipped in maple syrup.

No, insomnia always happens to me when I have to get up the next morning. Do you know how hard it is to drag 300 pounds out of bed at 5:00am and be friendly? I’m awake, but it’s not really the kind of awake that is pleasant to look at. It’s more like undead awake – zombie awake.

Perhaps that’s what those zombie movies are all about, they are truly just people with insomnia who’ve found that eating brains is the chemical equivalent of No-Doze and 5-Hour Energy Drinks and they have to be at the office in two hours to give a proposal.

I’d better stop writing now. I’m tired, I’m getting hungry, and my wife’s brain is less than twenty feet away.

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