January 03, 2016: Sunday ONAIRprep

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PRINTER FRIENDLY VERSION: 20160103

 

 

WELCOME TO THE SHOW!

My New Year’s Resolution this year is to become a vegan. I’ll still continue to eat whatever the heck I want, including red meat, cheese, etc., but I’ll be calling myself a vegan because I like the idea of feeling I’m superior to everyone else.

 

I’m (JOCK). And any minute now you’re gonna remember who you are.

 

 

BIBLE VERSE OF THE DAY

“But God showed His great love for us by sending Christ to die for us while we were still sinners.” –Romans 5:8

 

Teach us to number our days, that we may gain a heart of wisdom. — Psalms 90:12

 

Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go. — Joshua 1:9

 

 

HEARTLIGHT DAILY VERSE, PRAYER & THOUGHT

(From VerseOfTheDay.com)

For everything that was written in the past was written to teach us, so that through endurance and the encouragement of the Scriptures we might have hope. — Romans 15:4

 

Thought: If the Bible is a love story, then its theme is hope. No matter how dire the circumstances, no matter how big the enemy, no matter how deep the sin, no matter how lost the people, no matter how empty the cupboard, no matter how wide the river, no matter … God repeatedly gives his people reason to hope in a brighter tomorrow. Then God brought the assurance of that tomorrow in Jesus!

 

Prayer: Eternal God, please give me patience and endurance as I search your Scriptures to know and understand your truth. I am amazed at the incredible things you did to redeem and bless your people in the Old Testament. I am absolutely astonished at what you were able to do with Jesus’ rag-tag bunch of disciples. Please, O God, inspire my hope so that I will expect something great from your hand and then live to see you accomplish it in my day. May this, as well as all other things in my life, be to your honor and glory. In Jesus’ mighty name I pray. Amen.

 

The Thoughts and Prayers for Today’s Verse are written by Phil Ware. You can email questions or comments to phil@heartlight.org.

 

 

BIRTHDAY VERSE” OF THE DAY

The chapter and verse corresponds to the month and the day!

Psalm 1:3 NIV = That person is like a tree planted by streams of water, which yields its fruit in season and whose leaf does not wither… whatever they do prospers.”

 

 

TODAY IS SUNDAY – JANUARY 03, 2016

(NOTE: Some holidays may be duplicated due to various calendars reporting conflicting dates)
WEIRD, WACKY, STRANGE, ZANY, ODD, BIZARRE, QUIRKY, UNUSUAL HOLIDAYS!
THERE ARE ONLY 358 SHOPPING DAYS UNTIL CHRISTMAS.  

 

This is NATIONAL THANK YOUR CUSTOMERS WEEK.  ***MARLAR: Which might explain why you get lousy customer service the other 51 weeks of the year.

 

Today is NATIONAL CHOCOLATE COVERED CHERRIES DAY. ***MARLAR: And you thought the holiday sugar intake was over!

 

ALASKA ADMISSION DAY. ***MARLAR: No news yet on what they’ve admitted to doing. (Actually, Alaska became the 49th state of the United States of America on this day in 1959.)

 

Today is FESTIVAL OF SLEEP DAY. ***MARLAR: If I’d known about this yesterday I would’ve worn my footsy pajamas to work.

 

 

TODAY IS ALSO. . .

Drinking Straw Day

J.R.R. Tolkien Day

“Remember You Die” Day

 

 

COMING UP NEXT

MONDAY, JANUARY 04

Blue Monday (the most depression day of the year)

Dimpled Chad Day

Divorce Monday

National Weigh-In Day

Pop Music Chart Day

“Thank God It’s Monday” Day

Tom Thumb Day

Trivia Day

World Braille Day

World Hypnotism Day

 

TUESDAY, JANUARY 05

Bird Day

 

WEDNESDAY, JANUARY 06

Epiphany (Twelvth Night, or Twelfth Day of Christmas)

Three Kings Day

 

THURSDAY, JANUARY 07

Harlem Globetrotters Day

I’m Not Going To Take It Anymore Day

International Programmers’ Day

Orthodox Christmas

National Bobblehead Day

National Tempura Day

 

FRIDAY, JANUARY 08

Argyle Day

Bubble Bath Day

Earth’s Rotation Day

National English Toffee Day

Midwife’s Day

Women’s Day

National Bubble Bath Day

National Joy Germ Day

Show And Tell Day at Work

War on Poverty Day

 

SATURDAY, JANUARY 09

Balloon Ascension Day

National Cassoulet Day

National Static Electricity Day

Panama’s Martyr Day

 

SUNDAY, JANUARY 10

League of Nations Day

National Cut Your Energy Costs Day

No Pants Subway Ride Day

Stephen Foster Day

 

MONDAY, JANUARY 11

Cigarettes Are Hazardous To Your Health Day

Learn Your Name In Morse Code Day

National Clean Off Your Desk Day

National Human Traffic Awareness Day

 

 

ON THIS DAY

1888: Marvin C. Stone of Washington, D.C. patented the straw for drinking. ***MARLAR: Imagine his moral dilemma…actually trying to invent something that sucked!

 

1922: The U.S. issued patent #1,402,263 for “Hippity-Hoppers,” metal grasshoppers with springy legs that you buckled to your shoes. As you hopped, the grasshoppers’ wings flapped up and down.

 

1924: Howard Carter, British egyptologist, found the sarcophagus of Tutankhamun in the Valley of the Kings near Luxor. ***MARLAR: And, contrary to popular belief, he was not found “buried in his jammies”.

 

1938: The “March of Dimes” campaign to fight polio was organized.

 

1967: Jack Ruby, the man who shot accused presidential assassin Lee Harvey Oswald, died of cancer in a Dallas hospital.

 

1970: The Beatles recorded their last song together, “I Me Mine.” Ten years later it was the title of George Harrison’s autobiography.

 

1973: CBS sold the New York Yankees to a syndicate headed by George Steinbrenner for $10 million.

 

1983: Michael Jackson’s Thriller album was released. It would top the LP chart for 37 weeks and become the best selling album of all time.

 

1987: Aretha Franklin became the first woman to be inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame.

 

1992: Bernard Moeller of Pennsylvania got his 14-thousandth tattoo. Nobody else has more [Guinness].

 

1992: The Miss Canada Pageant was scrapped, apparently due to lack of interest and politics. The last Miss Canada, crowned in October 1991, was Nicole Dunsdon.

 

1996: The South African edition of Cosmopolitan magazine chose 77-year-old President Nelson Mandela as the nation’s sexiest and most eligible bachelor because of his power, kindness, modesty, dimples, and funky dress sense.

 

1997: Bryant Gumbel signed off for the last time as host of NBC’s Today show.

 

2000: The final new daily “Peanuts” comic strip by Charles Schulz ran in 2,600 newspapers.

 

2001: Oklahoma whipped Florida State, 13-2, to win the Orange Bowl and win college football’s Bowl Championship Series title game.

 

2003: A Bolivian man who was shot 11 times made such a remarkable recovery doctors decided to leave the bullets inside him. Jose Luis Cespedes, a sports commentator from Santa Cruz, was shot by a gang who tried to steal his car. Doctors released him from hospital and said they have no intention of removing the 11 bullets from his body.

 

2003: NASA’s rover, Spirit, touched down on Mars.

 

2006: A stolen car suspect made things easy for sheriff’s deputies as they followed him along Interstate 75 into Sarasota County and then back into Hillsborough county, Florida. The slow-speed pursuit ended when the 41-year-old man pulled his minivan into a Hillsborough jail parking lot, got out and surrendered. He was charged with grand theft auto and fleeing and eluding.

 

 

TODAY IN CHRISTIAN HISTORY

1521: German reformer Martin Luther is excommunicated by Pope Leo X.

 

1687: The Duke of Savoy gives the Waldensians a choice: cross the alps or work his malarial rice fields. 400 perish crossing the alps.

 

1918: Death of Annie Sherwood Hawks, Baptist hymn writer who wrote “I need thee every hour.”

 

1984: Death of Jacob Gartenhouse, founder of International Jewish Missions.

 

 

HOLLYWOOD, SPORTS AND CELEBRITY FIGURE BIRTHDAYS

  • actress (Winnie on “The Wonder Years”) Danica McKellar 41 (
    )
  • Actor/director (Signs, Lethal Weapon, What Women Want, Mad Max) Mel Gibson, 58
  • Actress (“Dallas”) Victoria Principal, 66 (
    )
  • Actor (Tootsie, 9 to 5, You’ve Got Mail) Dabney Coleman, 84

 

 

BEE-BOP BIRTHDAYS

(Music Artist Birthdays From SongFacts.com)

1909 : Victor Borge

1915 : Maxene Andrews (The Andrew Sisters)

1926 : Sir George Martin (Beatles producer)

1941 : Van Dyke Parks

1945 : Stephen Stills (Crosby Stills Nash & Young)

1946 : John Paul Jones (Led Zeppelin)

 

 

SECRETS OF THE UNIVERSE

How was cotton candy invented?

In 1897, William Morrison and John C. Wharton, Tennessee candy makers from Nashville, invented the world’s first electric machine that allowed crystallized sugar to be poured onto a heated spinning plate, and then pushed by centrifugal force through a series of tiny holes. They proudly took their “Fairy Floss” to the 1904 Louisiana Purchase Exposition (otherwise known as the St. Louis World’s Fair) and sold the product in chipped-wood boxes. Though they sold each box for a whopping 25 cents (half of the fair admission price), they sold 68,655 boxes. (That same fair also introduced the world’s first ice-cream cone.)

 

 

CHRISTIAN ARTIST NEWS

Do you like the Christian Artist News you see below? It’s just a tiny sample of the 5-6 pages of material you could be receive every weekday… and it’s FREE! Become one of their subscribers at ChristianRadioShowPrepServices.com!

 

Newsboys drummer Duncan Phillips posted: There are certain things in life that will always be free and greatly appreciated. It costs $0 to be a decent person.

 

Can you relate to Ben McDonald’s thoughts on cats? The Sidewalk Prophets guitarist tweeted: I have mixed feelings about cats… they are fluffy, and cuddly, and also dumb.

 

A bit of insight into the mind of Kutless member James Mead: I often think about things literally, and just chuckled to myself. Milkshake for instance.

 

A Random fact from Jamie Grace; she shared this week: I do not like sugar. I think it tastes like robitussin. So I went to a candy shop and I got a bottle of water.

 

Jordan Feliz may be a new name on the Christian music scene but music has been a part of his life for a long time. Jordan launched his career as a hard-touring heavy metal singer, then switched gears to become a church worship leader, before finally signing a Nashville record deal. Jordan Feliz’s debut project is titled Beloved.

 

A bit of trivia about the band Third Day; Did you know the bus album was released twice? The first time was in 1995 on an independent label. They then re-released it after signing with their first label.

 

An endorsement from Blanca. She tweeted: If you’ve never gone to Wendy’s and dipped your french fries into your frosty, then you are missing out on life!

 

What do you do when you need a break. According to Audio Adrenaline front man Adam Agee, writing songs is his therapy.

 

Lauren Daigle this week shared her thoughts on rest. Lauren said: A lot of times we have to fight for rest. In today’s society, rest is frowned upon. However, Lauren says that’s a convoluted view. Instead, she says just the opposite is true. With rest comes rejuvenation. With rest comes clarity. With rest comes insight. With rest comes refreshment. With rest comes replenishing. With rest comes joy. With rest comes contentment. Rest doesn’t always mean we are physically still, but it does mean we position our hearts to be still before the Father.

 

Casting Crowns Mark Hall has a new rap name. His self proclaimed name is Papa Crown. When fellow Crown member Melodee Devevo started to give him a hard time via twitter Mark replied: haters are my motivators. Swerve!

 

 

NEWS KICKERS

(No news on the weekends. Audio clips are only valid for a few days before being removed from our servers.)

 

NEW NEWS KICKERS…

(RETURNS JANUARY 04)

 

 

NEWS KICKER EVERGREENS…

(RETURNS JANUARY 04)

 

 

WONDER WOMAN

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… “911 Emergency”

 

 

DAILY COMEDY CLIP

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… Ken Davis, “Telemarketers”

 

 

AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – WEEKDAY VERSION

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD MONDAY’S EPISODE
OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns!   When last we left the jungle, all of the animals were scared after finding what appeared to be five giant footprints from an unknown creature! They all began thinking it was a terrible, nasty, filthy, dangerous creature – maybe even a creature who’s favorite food is MONKEYS!

 

CLOSE: Wow… an “everything must go” sale! Brilliant! It’s going to be a lot easier to run away from a terrifying giant-footed monster if you don’t have to carry all your belongings with you while you’re running! Come to think of it… you can advertise here on the radio station. Just call 555/555-1212… ask for (local Sales Manager)… and we’ll get you started! Oh yeah… and tune in next time, for As the Jungle Turns!

 

 

AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – SATURDAY/SUNDAY VERSION

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD THE EPISODE FOR THE WEEKEND OF JANUARY 02/03

 

OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns!

When last we left the jungle, Louis the lion, a very young lion, was thrust into the position of royalty. And now that the animals have Louis as king of the jungle, they’ve stopped making decisions for themselves about what to do. Even normal day-to-day activities like fort building, swimming, playing badminton…

 

CLOSE: Will the little lion king ever learn to make decisions? Tune in again next to, for As the Jungle Turns!

 

***You may simulcast “As the Jungle Turns” on the Internet stream of your live broadcast only. Any other Internet use of As the Jungle Turns in whole or part including podcasting of your live broadcast is a violation of copyright law. Thank you for your cooperation on this vitally important issue. If you have any questions, please e-mail us.

 

 

MOMENT OF DUH

Today’s Moment of Duh comes from my own family’s observations on the job!

My aunt works in the library of a school and sometimes has to oversee the computers that students use. One afternoon she noticed a young man sitting in front of one of the workstations with his arms crossed across his chest, staring at the screen. After about 15 minutes she noticed that he was still in the same position, only now he was impatiently tapping his foot. Finally, my aunt approached him and asked if he needed help. He replied, “It’s about time! I pressed the F1 button for help over twenty minutes ago!”

 

 

TOP TEN

TOP TEN RESOLUTIONS YOU DIDN’T WANT TO HEAR

 

  1. FROM YOUR PREACHER–“This year I resolve to preach verse by verse through Leviticus!”

 

  1. FROM YOUR DENTIST–“This year I resolve to finally overcome my aversion to washing my hands!”

 

  1. FROM YOUR MAILMAN–“This year I resolve to stop collecting restricted weapons!”

 

  1. FROM YOUR DOCTOR–“This year I resolve to remove the video camera from my examination room.”

 

  1. FROM YOUR MECHANIC–“This year I resolve to stop installing defective parts just to make a buck!”

 

  1. FROM YOUR FOUR-YEAR OLD–“This year I resolve to memorize every Barney episode so I can tell you about them over and over and over again!”

 

  1. FROM YOUR TEEN–“This year I resolve to push the envelope on the often misunderstood art of body piercing!”

 

  1. FROM THE CHURCH TREASURER–“This year I resolve to finally finish paying for that condo on the French Riviera no matter what it takes!”

 

  1. FROM YOUR NEXT-DOOR NEIGHBOR–“This year I resolve to pursue my life long dream of beekeeping!”

 

  1. FROM JESUS–‘This year I resolve, like all the years before, to patiently wait for you to place me first in your life!”

 

 

THE FILES OF LAW & DISORDER

If you are a police officer, you should obey the law… even if you’re off duty.

 

FILE #1: In San Antonio, Texas, police chief William McManus announced that he was upgrading the department training program to teach his officers how to obey the law while they are off-duty! It seems he’s had to fire no less than 10 officers so far this year for law-breaking! Included in the new program is a personal talk from McManus to each incoming cadet to stress that police officers must not commit crimes anytime, anywhere!

 

FILE #2: A robber who broke into a Pensacola Florida home taking small valuables, came back hours later to finish what he’d started; this time taking the plasma-screen television. The police were investigating the break-in when the robber returned. The robber attempted to take the television, but left it in the backyard and fled with the owner’s wallet, watch and video game system. The police left the television in the backyard to dust for fingerprints, when the robber returned and took it without being caught.  Police have offered to pay for the television as it was partially their fault it is now missing.

 

FILE #3: Police in Little Rock, Arkansas have arrested a 23-year-old man after he dropped his own wallet while trying to rob a man at gunpoint at the victim’s home. The would-be robber apparently got nervous and fled before taking anything, but then later phoned the victim and told him to return the lost wallet to a nearby service station. Of course the victim called police who found the suspect at the service station and arrested him after a brief foot chase.

 

STRANGE LAW: In Hereford, England you may not shoot a Welsh person on Sunday with a longbow in the Cathedral Close.

 

 

THIS IS YOUR BRAIN ON DRUGS

Can a bank robber use his gun as a tax deduction for his business?  Yep.

A bank robber who was jailed in Chaam, Holland, had his fine reduced by $2600 (US) after a judge agreed to deduct the cost of his expensive pistol as a business expense. A prosecutors service spokesman backed the judge, saying that if you compare crime to normal business activities so the government can seize the profits, then investment costs must be deducted to tally the profits. He did scoff when asked if a drug dealer could deduct the cost of his Ferrari, saying he hardly thinks the dealer could prove he needed a Ferrari to transport the drugs.

 

 

PHONER PHUN

Tis the season for re-gifting, fa la la la la, la la la la! What gift did you receive this year that you plan to re-gift?

 

 

BIBLE BRAIN BUSTER!

QUESTION: Who was sleeping between two soldiers when an angel came to release him?

ANSWER: Peter (Acts 12:6-7)

 

 

QUESTION IMPOSSIBLE

QUESTION: In the “Peanuts” cartoon strip, what occupation does Charlie Brown’s father hold?

ANSWER: He is a barber (ironic, seeing as his son has no hair!)

 

 

TRUE OR FALSE

Pay attention! If our next player doesn’t answer all ten T/F questions correctly we start all over from question #1! First person to answer question #10 correctly is our winner!

 

  1. Until the age of 20, author John Grisham had hoped to make a living playing baseball. (True)

 

  1. As referenced in the Gettysburg Address, “four score and seven” means 100 years. (False, it means 87 years)

 

  1. A letter addressed using the two-letter abbreviation “MS” would arrive from Minnesota. (False, it would arrive from Mississippi)

 

  1. Tom Hamilton, Joe Perry, and Brad Whitford are all members of Def Leppard. (False, they’re in Aerosmith)

 

  1. Comedian Bill Cosby hosted a segment known as “Picture Pages” on the kids TV show Mr. Rogers Neighborhood. (False, it was Captain Kangaroo)

 

  1. The line that is repeated fourteen times in the movie “Jerry Maguire” is “You Complete Me.” (False, it’s “Show me the money!”)

 

  1. England’s King George I was actually a German prince.   (True… he ascended to the English throne in 1714 and he could neither write nor speak his subjects’ language since he only spoke German.)

 

  1. The Miss Canada pageant no longer takes place due to women’s groups complaining about it. (True… the last Miss Canada was Nicole Dunsdon, who completed her reign in October 1992. Since then, there has been no Miss Canada competition. Women’s groups called it degrading and got it banned.)

 

  1. Your armpits contain more sweat glands than any other part of your body. (False… the palms of you hands and soles of your feet have more sweat glands. Why do you think your feet stink so much?)

 

  1. The banana is actually a vegetable, not a fruit. (False… it’s neither! It’s actually a herb. In fact it’s the world’s largest herb!)

 

 

 

TABLOID MATCH GAME

You have to match the blank in the tabloid headline with the word or phrase that has been removed!

BIDEN PUTS WHITE HOUSE ON LOCKDOWN TO FIND __________ (CAR KEYS)

WASHINGTON — Emergency doors locked and sirens wailing, the White

House was put on lockdown today as Vice President Joe Biden said he must find his missing car keys. At first, Biden laughed and said he knew “exactly” where he had put them, but a quick trip into a restroom stall was fruitless, according to accounts.

“They were, like, just in my hand,” Biden said, motioning a team toward another wing of the building. “No one can leave this place until I find them. And someone turn that siren off; I can’t hear myself think. “

White House communications official Britt Hammond was quick to dispel any rumors that this was a life-threatening situation. Hammond has maintained constant media contact since first discovering the motives behind the alert.

“Despite the vice president’s enthusiasm for finding the keys,” Hammond said, “I want to remind everyone that this not an emergency for anyone but Mr. Biden and his motorcade. However, the vice president has every right to put federal buildings on lockdown, so we are at his mercy until further notice.”

Around 9 a.m. this morning, Biden was sure he was close to victory as he reached down into a couch, but only found a few golden dollars left behind by tour groups that had taken the Metro.

“Waste not, want not,” Biden said, pocketing the coins. “Alright, gentlemen, lets roll up our sleeves and get back to it.”

Officials said they were hopeful to have the White House fully operational by late afternoon. One Secret Service member reportedly said that “last time this happened, it was on a Monday and no one got out until Tuesday evening.” Another was quick to add, “The vice president ordered pizza, though.”

 

 

THE WAY TOO EARLY IN THE MORNING TO UNDERSTAND THE PUNCHLINE EVEN AFTER TWO CUPS OF COFFEE JOKE OF THE DAY

JOKE #1

A Kansas cyclone hit a farmhouse just before dawn one morning. It lifted the roof off, picked up the beds, on which the farmer and his wife slept, and set them down gently in the next county. The wife began to cry.

“Don’t be scared, Mary,” her husband said. “We’re not hurt.”

Mary continued to cry. “I’m not scared,” she responded between sobs. “I’m happy ’cause this is the first time in 14 years we’ve been out together.”

 

JOKE #2

One morning, Rhonda was called to pick up her son at the school nurse’s office. When she walked through the main entrance, Rhonda noticed a woman, curlers in her hair, wearing pajamas.

“Why are you dressed like that?” Rhonda asked her.

“I told my son,” she explained, “that if he ever did anything to embarrass me, I would embarrass him back. He was caught cutting school. So now I’ve come to spend the day with him!”

 

JOKE #3

Because their former small-town parish was not a wealthy one, the pastor

was dependent on parishioners for upkeep and maintenance of the church.

Once he asked Christine’s husband, Sam, to rewire the confessionals. The only way to reach the wiring was to enter the attic above the altar and crawl over the ceiling by balancing on the rafters.

Concerned for her husband’s safety, Christine waited in a pew. Unbeknownst to her, some parishioners were congregating in the vestibule. They paid little attention to Christine, probably assuming she was praying.

Worried about her husband, she looked up toward the ceiling and yelled, “Sam, Sam — are you up there? Did you make it okay?”

There was quite an outburst from the vestibule when Sam’s hearty voice echoed down, “Yes, I made it up here just fine!”

 

 

USELESS FACTS

The Bureau of Engraving and Printing is offering free low-quality images of U.S. currency bills over the Internet. This is for artists, students and others who find out their computers won’t allow them to copy the bills because of hidden counterfeiting protections. ***MARLAR: Anyone wishing to download a fifty should log on to The-FBI-Knows-Where-You-Live.com.

 

Angelia Clark made front-page headlines: “Rich Barker will you marry me?”  Clark’s proposal was published in the newspaper in Coshocton, Ohio.  Barker’s answer, delivered to Tribune readers the next day: “Yes.”  The proposal accompanied a photograph of Clark holding a box with a wedding band.  ***MARLAR: What better way to find out if the man you want to marry knows how to read?

 

 

FEATURED FUNNIES

SPECIAL THOUGHTS

After Christmas vacation, a teacher asked her small pupils to write an account of how they spent their holidays. One youngster wrote about a visit to his grandparents in a life-care community for retired folks: “We always spend Christmas with Grandma and Grandpa,” he said. “They used to live here in a big red house, but Grandpa got retarded and they moved to Florida. They live in a place with a lot of retarded people. They live in tin huts. They ride big three wheel tricycles. They go to a big building they call a wrecked hall but it is fixed now. They play games there and do exercises, but they don’t do them very good. There is a swimming pool and they go to it and just stand there in the water with their hats on. I guess they don’t know how to swim.

“My grandma used to bake cookies and stuff. But I guess she forgot how. Nobody cooks – they all go out to fast food restaurants. As you come into the park, there is a doll house with a man sitting in it. He watches all day, so they can’t get out without him seeing them. They wear badges with their names on them. I guess they don’t know who they are.

“My Grandpa and Grandma worked hard all their lives and earned their retardment. I wish they would move back home but I guess the man in the doll house won’t let them out.”

 

 

IT MUST BE TRUE BECAUSE I HEARD IT ON THE RADIO!

CLEAN CASH

What do you do when your car catches fire, and your money gets burned up and soggy from the fire extinguishers?

An armored car company had a pretty big problem when one of its cars went up in flames in San Francisco. Armed Courier Services was left with thousands of dollars worth of burned and soggy bills after the armored vehicle hit an abandoned car and caught fire. When paper towels and propane heaters couldn’t dry out the cash, they turned to an industrial-sized dryer at a local coin-operated laundry. Santa Clara Police stood guard as workers piled the bills into the dryers. Company president Dan Connolly says it would have taken too long to get the bills dry any other way. ***MARLAR: The armored car drivers were immediately arrested for money-laundering.

 

 

INSPIRATIONAL INSPIRATION

THE NIGHT NIAGARA FALLS STOPPED

On the night of March 29, 1848, Niagara Falls stopped completely— unheralded, unassisted and unbelievably. As the rapids dwindled and the falls disappeared, silence flooded the surrounding countryside so overwhelmingly that it wakened sleeping people and brought them to their doors, frightened by a phenomenon they couldn’t identify. As the realization came that the falls had stopped, they snatched up clothing and ran to the river. There, the flare of torches showed stretches of mud and boulders gleaming nakedly between scattered pools of black water. By the next afternoon spectators lined the river- banks, exploring the exposed riverbed and turning up ancient tomahawks and other implements of Indian warfare. For the first time in history, a detachment cavalry rode the riverbed, and people walked dry-shod from shore to shore.

While the matter-of-fact looked for a scientific explanation for the phenomenon, the superstitious regarded it as an ominous portent. Nightfall found most of the churches jammed with people praying or talking in frightened voices about the end of the world. Fear began to assume the proportions of panic. And then, from up the riverbed came a low growling, spreading out and reaching forward until the earth and air seemed to tremble and vibrate. In an unbroken wall of water, the torrent of Niagara surged forward to crash over the brink of the falls. Again the familiar roar filled the air, and faces that had been white and strained softened, and fingers clenched in fear relaxed.

The explanation for the awful silence came later. During the day of March 29 a heavy wind had started the Lake Erie ice field in motion and tons of ice jammed at the river’s entrance near Buffalo, damming up the river for almost 30 hours till the ice shifted and the dam broke up. —Edgar D. Smith

How much greater shall be the fear of those who are unprepared to meet the Lord when the portents really do point to His return and the end of this world.

—Duane V. Maxey 

 

 

DRIVE TIME DEVOTIONAL

WHO GETS THE LOVE?

Read: Luke 15:11-32

Son, you are always with me, and all that I have is yours. —Luke 15:31

A sociologist was writing a book about the difficulties of growing up in a large family, so he interviewed the mother of 13 children. After several questions, he asked, “Do you think all children deserve the full, impartial love and attention of a mother?”

“Of course,” said the mother.

“Well, which of your children do you love the most?” he asked, hoping to catch her in a contradiction.

She answered, “The one who is sick until he gets well, and the one who is away until he gets home.”

That mother’s response reminds me of the shepherd who left 99 sheep to seek the one that was lost (Luke 15:4), the woman who searched for the one coin (v.8), and the father who threw a party when his wayward son returned (vv.22-24).

The religious leaders of Jesus’ day resented the way He gave so much attention to sinners (vv.1-2). So He told those stories to emphasize God’s love for people who are lost in sin. God has more than enough love to go around. Besides, those who are “well” and are not “lost” experience the Father’s love as fully as those to whom He gives special attention (v.31).

Father, forgive us for feeling slighted when You shower Your love on needy sinners. Help us to see how needy we are and to abide in Your boundless love. —Mart De Haan

 

The One who made the heavens,
Who died on Calvary,
Rejoices with His angels
When sinners are set free. —Fasick

 

God loves every one of us as if there were but one of us to love. —Augustine

 

 

LEFTOVERS

DIVERSITY DIFFICULTIES

After hearing for years that diversity is a strength, Harvard researcher Robert Putnam decided to test it and was so stunned by his findings, he was afraid to release them.

…He found that the more diverse a community, the less likely anyone was to trust anyone else. He said in the most diverse communities, such as Los Angeles, people “hunker down” and “act like turtles.” They not only don’t trust people who don’t look like them, “they don’t trust people who do look like them.” They don’t trust their mayor, neighbors, or the local paper or institutions. He said, “The only thing there’s more of is protest marches and TV watching.”

 

 

LIFE… LIVE IT

DO IT YOURSELF WAYS TO GET EXERCISE AT HOME

Is your New Year’s resolution to lose weight this year? Can’t afford to go to the gym? Don’t have any workout equipment? I have a few ideas for you…

  • Weighty decisions: pumping iron or adding resistance with a homemade weight is a surefire way of alleviating stress and burning a few calories.  Fill an old plastic milk jug or laundry detergent bottle with sand or water is one popular way to go about making your own weights, penny-filled tennis balls, tube socks stuffed with dry beans, and basketballs filled with rice are other possibilities that involve creative reuse.
  • Gimme 20: There are numerous equipment-free repetitive exercise activities like jumping jacks, running in place, squats, planks and push-ups often performed in a gym that can just as easily be done at home. Some tasks can be performed in the kitchen as you wait for the roast to finish. Just make sure you have adequate space and some decent upbeat music to keep you moving.
  • Got stairs? Use ‘em: Here’s an idea – every morning that you go downstairs to fix yourself breakfast before work, walk back up those stairs. And down again. Repeat if necessary. Bonus points for carrying something heavy (i.e. a load of laundry) while doing so.
  • Walk around the block: Although the weather may be frightful, a 20-minute breather that consists of a couple laps around the neighborhood will help keep you in shape!

 

 

JUST FOR FUN

SERVES HIM RIGHT

A law professor specializing in personal injury cases, is now being sued for personal injuries that he gave a student!

A law professor who elected to demonstrate his lecture on personal injury by pulling a chair out from under a student as she sat down is being sued by the woman to the tune of $5 million. Denise DiFede accused the Prof. Gary Munneke of Pace University and the Pace University School of Law of ”battery” and “negligence,” claiming the fall caused her “to suffer severe pain and mental anguish and severe emotional distress.” The unusual class illustration allegedly took place while Munneke and his students were discussing a tort case. A tort is a civil wrong in which one party seeks damages from another for injuries sustained at that party’s hands. DiFede claimed her professor’s conduct was “outrageous, shocking and intolerable, exceeding all reasonable bounds of decency,” according to the suit. ***MARLAR: He’s a very good teacher though – the student immediately saw it as a tort case right off.

 

 

FUN LIST

SIGNS 2016 MAY NOT BE SUCH A GOOD YEAR FOR YOU

  • Your boss has scheduled a “going away” party for you on January 4th – and you weren’t aware you were going anywhere.
  • You get a letter in the mail from Publisher’s Clearinghouse informing you that you definitely have not won the $1 million prize.
  • Your new year’s resolution is to lose half your body weight so you’ll be down to a slim 300 lbs.
  • Your goal is to not miss a single episode of “The View.”

 

 

MORE SHOW PREP STUFF…

New research says people who are tone-deaf — that is can’t sing a note in tune — suffer from a disconnect in the brain. (***MARLAR: Which might explain why so many people like THE VOICE…)

…Researchers found that tone-deaf people have fewer connections between two areas of the brain that perceive and produce sounds. Tone-deafness also appears to be largely hereditary and is present in an estimated 4 to 17 percent of the population. The study’s lead author, Psyche Loui (SY’-kee LOO’-ee) of Harvard University, likened the connection to a highway between two islands in the brain and said, “In tone-deaf people, there’s less traffic on the highway.”  ***MARLAR: And if you’re really bad, your singing sounds like road rage.

 

 

OTHER STUFF I WANT TO CRAM INTO TODAY’S PREP

The members of a hockey team with disabilities got the surprise of a lifetime recently while practicing. Sledge hockey team members play on seats on runners due to their disabilities rather than playing on skates. As they practiced recently Gatorade, which is known for sponsoring many famous players and athletes, brought in several members of the NHL’s Pittsburgh Penguins and Philadelphia Flyers. The members of the sledge team, known as The Cruisers, then got a chance to face off with their favorite NHL players with home-ice advantage.

http://bit.ly/1IbIIZa

 

God is using an atheist to spread his word to Spanish readers. Trevor McKendrick did a little research and realize that, in all of the iTunes store’s vast app selection, one thing it lacked was a Spanish translation of the Bible. For only $500, he put one together. The one catch, Trevor McKendrick is an atheist. But as the report pointed out, regardless of whether or not McKendrick believes in it, his app is doing a lot of people a lot of good.

http://relm.ag/16pkhX5

 

Have a shelf full of books but want to read them on your electronic device?  A new app called Shelfie is presenting readers with the option of getting electronic equivalents of the books on their shelves. Here’s how the app works: Readers take a picture of their bookshelves, and Shelfie scans the titles for eligible eBook downloads. Free or discounted eBooks are then sent to the reader via email.

http://huff.to/1MAeBXp

 

 

AND I LEAVE YOU WITH THIS THOUGHT

Thank goodness for all the after-Christmas sales. It’s hard to stop shopping cold turkey.

 

 

THE WAY WE WORK

(Updated as it comes available. The Way WE Work is written by Mark Elfstrand from 1160Hope.com in Chicago.)

 

The Moskovitz Method

 

Dustin Moskovitz is listed as one of “America’s Richest Entrepreneurs under 40” by Forbes. In fact, he’s number 2 at $9.4 billion as of 12/26/15. He’s 31 years old.

Like Mark Zuckerberg, he dropped out of Harvard after two years. Then he joined Zuckerberg in Palo Alto to develop Facebook. In 2008, Moskovitz left Facebook to start Asana, a software firm where he now serves as co-founder and CEO. A wise young man, he held on to most of his Facebook stock.

Dustin and wife Cari have created a philanthropic foundation called Good Ventures, which has given away millions. Dustin is also a member of Bill Gates’s and Warren Buffett’s Giving Pledge. Sharing and caring are apparently two of his core values.

As for personal notes, Moskovitz bikes to work. He flies commercial. You’ll find him regularly attending the rewnowned Burning Man desert festival events.

He also blogs. One blog posted in 2015 should be required reading for any serious employer or captain of industry. It’s titled, “Work Hard, Live Well.” I’m including a good portion of his comments below. https://medium.com/building-asana/work-hard-live-well-ead679cb506d#.7ycv3adci

Those who follow business stories know that in the last twelve months, several stories surfaced about the work culture at Amazon. At fortune.com, the headline back in August read, “Dear Amazon: Your work culture really is terrible.” http://fortune.com/2015/08/19/amazon-work-culture/

That article followed the New York Times piece “Inside Amazon: Wrestling Big Ideas in a Bruising Workplace.” From that we learned, “At Amazon, workers are encouraged to tear apart one another’s ideas in meetings, toil long and late (emails arrive past midnight, followed by text messages asking why they were not answered), and held to standards that the company boasts are ‘unreasonably high.’ The internal phone directory instructs colleagues on how to send secret feedback to one another’s bosses. Employees say it is frequently used to sabotage others.” Lovely. http://www.nytimes.com/2015/08/16/technology/inside-amazon-wrestling-big-ideas-in-a-bruising-workplace.html?_r=2

Dustin Moskovitz offers a refreshingly different perspective. It begins with a startling admission of his early missteps. Dustin writes…

“Last week, I spoke to an ambitious group of high school students…Several of them asked me about things I wish I had done or learned earlier in life, or regrets I had from earlier in my career. Again and again, I came back to the idea that I wish I had lived my life differently.

2006 was one of the best years for Facebook, and one of the worst years for me as a human.

I wish I had slept more hours, and exercised regularly. I wish I had made better decisions about what to eat or drink — at times I consumed more soda and energy drinks than water. I wish I had made more time for other experiences that helped me grow incredibly quickly once I gave them a chance.”

Early regrets. Hmmm. And he’s 31! After a few students questioned whether those changes would have reduced his success, he added…

“Actually, I believe I would have been more effective: a better leader and a more focused employee. I would have had fewer panic attacks, and acute health problems — like throwing out my back regularly in my early 20s. I would have picked fewer petty fights with my peers in the organization, because I would have been generally more centered and self-reflective. I would have been less frustrated and resentful when things went wrong, and required me to put in even more hours to deal with a local crisis. In short, I would have had more energy and spent it in smarter ways… AND I would have been happier. That’s why this is a true regret for me: I don’t feel like I chose between two worthy outcomes. No, I made a foolish sacrifice on both sides.” Wow.

It is then that Moskovitz addresses the concerns that are raised by the Amazon working conditions — freely noting that the tech industry has plenty of like minded drivers. He was told by one job candidate that the team at the other company started their dinners at 8:30 p.m. to encourage people to stay late!

Dustin also briefly outlines the proven productivity that comes with fewer hours and less demanding lifestyles. And then he asks…
“Why are companies doing this? It must be some combination of 1) not knowing the research 2) believing the research is somehow flawed or doesn’t apply to them (they’re wrong) or 3) understanding that many people see these cultural artifacts as a signal about the intensity and passion of the team.”

Part of his solution is based on simply two words: rest matters. We should all be so wisely reminded. Rest…matters. (Read Psalm 127:2)

Of course, this is not new. In His earliest commands, God instructed His people to work six days. Then…rest. He offered up several other instructions for rest periods as well. Obviously, our Creator knows our limitations.

While the world goes full bore into 2016 with new resolutions on how to strive for new accomplishments, tell a few friends you’re committed to the Moskovitz Model: rest more! Stress less.

And for more work success tips, try reading the Bible in 2016. It will make for a happier New Year.

That’s The Way WE Work. Click on the link to the right to connect via Facebook.

 

Catch “Let’s Talk with Mark Elfstrand” weekday afternoons from 4-6pm on AM 1160 Hope for Your Life. To listen to the live broadcast or a podcast of previous shows click here.

 

 

THE TICKET Movie Reviews with MARIE ASNER

Marie Asner has been reviewing films for over 30 years. Her outlets include radio, print and Internet. For more in-depth movie reviews of the following films, visit www.Tollbooth.org. Ratings from 1 (Low) to 5 (High).

 

DECEMBER 23-31, 2015…

 

Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Road Chip—Here come the singing animated Chipmunks and their fan club awaits (you know who you are).  This story concerns their manager (Jason Lee) and the guy wants to get married…but will he leave the group? Hmm. “Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Road Chip” is rated PG. No rating.

 

Concussion—Will Smith stars as Dr. Bennet Omalu, who was one of the first medical people to study the effects of concussions on football players.  He is a pathologist. David Morse steals the film as a football player whose mind is going and he doesn’t know why. The NFL tries to suppress the doctor’s findings. “Concussion” is rated R. Rating of 3.

 

Daddy’s House—Will Ferrell has married and now has step-children he is quite fond of. However, here comes their vagrant father, Mark Wahlberg, and the contest between the men begins with the kids in the middle. “Daddy’s House” is rated PG 13. Rating of 2.

 

Joy—Jennifer Lawrence leaves “The Hunger Games” behind to take on the role of the woman, Joy Mancuso, who invited the Miracle Mop. This is done here as a comedy in which on one believes in her. Robert DeNiro as her father, steals his scenes. “Joy” is rated PG 13. Rating of 3 for fans of the stars.

 

Point Break—The first film of this title starred Patrick Swayze as the villain who leads a group of thieves in a daring robbery.  Now, in this remake Luke Bracey is the hero and Edgar Ramirez, the villain, with plenty of airborne stunts as the team plans the big heist. “Point Break” is rated R. Rating of 2.

 

Snowden (opening in select cities)—Based on the life of Edward Snowden who leaked U.S. government secrets to “The Guardian” newspaper, it is directed by Oliver Stone. Joseph Gordon-Levitt stars as Snowden.  Others in the cast include Zachary Quinto and Shailene Woodley. “Snowden” is rated PG 13. No rating.

 

Macbeth (opening in select cities)—Michael Fassbinder takes on the role of this king, who, with his wife Lady Macbeth (Marion Cottaild) uses murder to gain the throne of Scotland. This Shakespeare play is always a popular one and it uses the theme, of  “is it worth it?” Well photographed. “Macbeth” is rated R. Rating of 2.

 

The Big Short—A look at the banking situation in 2008 with a humorous take on greed. Brad Pitt, Steve Carell (steals the film) and Ryan Gosling are part of a group that decides to go with the man who figured out how to bet on failing mortgages. Christian Bale plays Dr. Michael Burry, the Pied Piper who leads everyone down the path. “The Big Short” is rated R. Rating of 3 for fans.

 

Youth—A beautifully photographed film with quite a catch at the end.  Michael Caine and Harvey Kietel are in their 80’s in this film, and looking back at their lives with it’s good things and bad things. Rachel Weicz is Caine’s daughter. Lovely soundtrack. “Youth” is rated R. Rating of 3 for fans.

 

Legend—Supposedly this film is finally being released and stars Tom Hardy as twin brothers, Ron and Reggie Kray, who ruled London gangland in the 1980’s. Quite a performance for Hardy who also shines in “The Revenant” as the villain there. In “Legend,” the East Side of London stays with its own. “Legend” is rated R. Rating of 3 for fans.

 

Revenant—A brutally photographed film of one man’s survival in winter, in the northland about 1830. Leonardo DiCaprio is this man, who was mauled by a bear and left for dead by his traveling companions. One of which, knew he was still alive. A study in the brutality of man. “Revenant” means someone who comes back.  The film “Revenant” is rated a strong R. Rating of 3 for fans.

 

The Hateful Eight—Quentin Tarentino’s film of eight people, in the 19th century, who wait out a blizzard.  One is a sheriff, another the prisoner, and so on. The eight personalities begin to get on each others nerves.  Stars include Jennifer Jason Leigh, Kurt Russell, Samuel L. Jackson and Tom Roth. “The Hateful Eight” is rated R. No rating.

 

Where To Invade Next (opening in select cities)—This is a tongue-in-cheek documentary by Michael Moore in which he visits countries around the world and tries to learn something that he could bring back to America.  These include a different view of the prison system and free college education, also more paid vacation time. “Where To Invade Next” is rated PG 13. Rating of 2.

 

DECMEBER 30, 2015…

 

Anomalisa (opening in select cities)—From the director who did “Being John Malkovich” (Charlie Kaufman) is a new film starring Jennifer Jason Leigh and David Thewlis.  The premise is about a guy who is somewhat sad and meets the girl of his dreams. Story told with animation, also. “Anomalisa” is rated R. No rating. And this ends the year.

 

# # # # #

 

 

 

WARNING:  Don’t believe anything you read on the Internet or email (including stuff you read here) unless you can confirm it with another source, and/or it is consistent with what you already know to be true. The opinions in this publication are not necessarily those of Darren Marlar, Marlar House Entertainment, OnAirPrep.com, or any company or organization affiliated with aforementioned. (Regardless of how stupid you may think those opinions are. So there – nyah!)

Darren Marlar credits all non-original material to the author whenever possible. All other material is original, used with permission, or author unknown. We welcome all comments, questions, and suggestions. Darren can be reached via his website at www.DarrenMarlar.com.