January 04, 2016: Wednesday ONAIRprep

PRINT VERSION OF TODAY’S PREP: 20170104

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…..

WELCOME TO THE SHOW!

So, how were the holidays for you? Everything was pretty normal around here at the station: nuts, fruitcakes, hot dogs, turkeys – just our regular station personnel.

I won’t be satisfied with technology until I can download food.

In the movies, how does the aerosol can know to explode once the microwave counts down to zero?

BIBLE VERSE OF THE DAY

[Jesus said,] “I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world. — John 16:33

For the grace of God has appeared that offers salvation to all people. It teaches us to say “No” to ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright, and godly lives in this present age… — Titus 2:11-12

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come! — 2 Corinthians 5:17

HEARTLIGHT DAILY VERSE, PRAYER & THOUGHT

(From VerseOfTheDay.com.)

You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires… — Ephesians 4:22

***Thought: That’s a challenging verse, isn’t it?! We each surrendered our heart to God and our old self was crucified with Christ when we became Christians (Romans 6:6). Jesus reminds us that this surrender is something each of us should do daily (Luke 9:23). We need to put the old sinful life aside every day and choose to live for Jesus in response to God’s grace. As we begin this new year, let’s make it our spiritual habit to consciously offer ourselves to the Lord and joyously live under his lordship of Jesus each day.

***Prayer: Holy and Almighty LORD, my Father in heaven, I want to honor you and ignore the temptations of Satan. Please empower me with your Spirit and capture my heart with your grace as I commit to live each day for you. In Jesus’ name I pray. Amen.

***The Thoughts and Prayers for Today’s Verse are written by Phil Ware. You can email questions or comments to phil@heartlight.org.

BIRTHDAY VERSE” OF THE DAY (The chapter and verse corresponds to the mo

James 1:4 NIV = Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.

TODAY IS WEDNESDAY – JANUARY 04, 2017

(NOTE: Some holidays may be duplicated due to various calendars reporting conflicting dates)
WEIRD, WACKY, STRANGE, ZANY, ODD, BIZARRE, QUIRKY, UNUSUAL HOLIDAYS!
THERE ARE ONLY
355 SHOPPING DAYS UNTIL CHRISTMAS.

Today is DIMPLED CHAD DAY, commemorating all the dimpled chads left over from various contested elections.  ***And that’s sad, because up until the 2000 election, dimples were actually cute. As were guys named Chad.

Today is EAT AN OREO COOKIE, LOOK AT YOUR TEETH, AND REMEMBER TO FLOSS DAY.  ***Not much needed regarding an explanation on this one, is there?

From the “Do Not Try This At Home” files… it’s APPENDECTOMY DAY! In 1885, Dr. William Grant of Davenport, Iowa, performed the first appendectomy.

Today is SHORT PEOPLE DAY, marking the birthday of General Tom Thumb on this day in 1838. ***A small celebration is expected. (audio clip)

TODAY IS ALSO…
Earth at Perihelion
Pop Music Chart Day
Tom Thumb Day

Trivia Day
World Braille Day Link
World Hypnotism Day Link

COMING UP NEXT (Just a list, we are not endorsing the holidays posted below.)

THURSDAY, JANUARY 05

Bird Day Link

FRIDAY, JANUARY 06

Epiphany or Twelfth Night
National Technology Day Link
Three Kings Day

SATURDAY, JANUARY 07

Fruitcake Toss Day Link (First Saturday)
Harlem Globetrotter’s Day
I’m Not Going To Take It Anymore Day
International Programmers’ Day Link
Orthodox Christmas
National Bobblehead Day Link
National Tempura Day Link

SUNDAY, JANUARY 08

Argyle Day
Asarah B’Tevet
Bubble Bath Day Link
Earth’s Rotation Day
National English Toffee Day  Link
Midwife’s Day or Women’s Day
National Joy Germ Day
National Sunday Supper Day Link (2nd Sunday)
No Pants Subway Ride Day Link
Show and Tell Day at Work
War on Poverty Day

MONDAY, JANUARY 09

Balloon Ascension Day Link
Law Enforcement Appreciation Day Link  Link
National Cassoulet Day
National Clean Off Your Desk Day (2nd Monday)
National Static Electricity Day Link
Panama’s Martyr Day Link

TUESDAY, JANUARY 10

League of Nations Day
National Cut Your Energy Costs Day
National Poetry at Work Day (2nd Tuesday)
Stephen Foster Day

WEDNESDAY, JANUARY 11

Cigarettes Are Hazardous To Your Health Day
Learn Your Name in Morse Code Day Link
National Human Trafficking Awareness Day Link

ON THIS DAY

1493: Christopher Columbus returned to Europe from what he thought was India with six native Americans that he called “Indians.”

1863: James Plimpton of New York City patented 4-wheeled roller skates with one wheel at each corner of the skate. Previous skates had wheels in a line.

1954: Elvis Presley paid Sun Records $4.00 to record two songs for his mother: “My Happiness” and “That’s When Your Heartaches Begin.” The session took ten minutes. Then, he went back to work at the machine shop.

1965: CBS bought the Fender Guitar Company from Leo Fender for $13 million.

1974: President Nixon refused to release any more documents subpoenaed by the Senate Watergate Committee.

1976: By attaching electrodes to a glass bowl, Ontario neurologist Dr. Adrian Upton discovered that wave activity created by vibrating lime Jell-O is identical to that of the human brain.

1977: Leroy beat Quenemo 83 to 1 in a girls’ high school basketball game in Kansas. Dee Dee Neil was high scorer for Quenemo with one.

1981: The Broadway show “Frankenstein” opened and closed on the same night at a reported loss of $2 million.

1987: TV evangelist Oral Roberts said God would strike him down unless donations improved. The money poured in at first, then dropped off, and within two years Roberts had to sell much of his property in Tulsa.

1994: The 104th Congress convened, the first Republican Congress since the Eisenhower era. Newt Gingrich was elected speaker of the House.

1999: Actress Jennifer Love Hewitt bought dinner for 140 members of Ohio’s Defiance High School band, who were trapped in California following the Rose Bowl Parade because bad weather shut down airports back home. Others provided free meals, amusement park tickets, and tour buses to help the band endure its 4-day entrapment.

1999: Former professional wrestler Jesse Ventura took the oath of office as Minnesota’s 37th governor.

2002: A passer-by told police that two men, wearing ski masks and carrying rifles, were loitering outside a Bank One branch in Elkhart, Indiana. But the men finally figured out the branch only offered drive-through service and the doors were locked. Before police arrived, the would-be bandits gave up and left. Police found their stolen getaway car abandoned a few blocks away.

TODAY IN CHRISTIAN HISTORY

(None today)

HOLLYWOOD, SPORTS AND CELEBRITY FIGURE BIRTHDAYS

  • actor (Mark Hogan on “The Hogan Family”, played the little boy, Anthony, in the Twilight Zone movie) Jeremy Licht is 46 (

    )

  • Actress (Legends of the Fall, First Knight) Julia Ormond, 52

  • Actor (“NewsRadio”, “Kids In The Hall”) Dave Foley, 54 (

    )

  • Actress (“Ally McBeal”, ex-wife of Cary Grant, and now an evangelist in Hollywood) Dyan Cannon, 80 (

    )

BEE-BOP BIRTHDAYS

(Music Artist Birthdays From SongFacts.com)

1933 : Ray Starling

1943 : John McLaughlin

1944 : Volker Hemback (Tangerine Dream)

1946 : Arthur Conley

1956 : Bernard Sumner (New Order)

1957 : Patty Loveless

1960 : Michael Stipe (R.E.M.)

1962 : Robin Guthrie (Cocteau Twins)

1965 : David Glasper (Breathe)

1965 : Beth Gibbons (Portishead)

1966 : Deana Carter

SECRETS OF THE UNIVERSE

Why do we use “in the long run” to mean the final outcome?

The reference is to a race, best illustrated in the story of the hare that was ahead for a while but lost out to the tortoise “in the long run.”

CHRISTIAN ARTIST NEWS

This is just a tiny sample of the 5-6 pages of material you could be receiving three days a week from ChristianRadioShowPrepServices.com!

A reminder from Danny Gokey: January 1 was the first blank page in a 365 page book. Make it a best seller. Danny added: God gave YOU the power to choose the direction and plan for your life. When I was younger I realized that not only does God have a plan and will for my life but so does Satan. The point I’m trying to make is that you are the one that ultimately chooses the path. I encourage you to go with Gods plan.

https://www.instagram.com/p/BOsvBZ_hbIE/

Mandisa is inviting you to join her in memorizing and studying God’s word in 2017. She posted: Because I’m coming out of a really dark season, I know I need to put some of these types of spiritual practices back into my life in 2017. I would love for you to join me with the Living Proof Siestas Scripture Memory Team next year! You can find details at blog.lproof.org in the December 8 blog titled, “2017 SSMT Instructions! https://www.instagram.com/p/BOppQRkj8lY/, https://blog.lproof.org/2016/12/2017-ssmt-instructions.html

Ryan Stevenson wrapped up 2016 in the wilds of Idaho… on his annual wolf hunt.

https://www.instagram.com/p/BOsR4u1jp0G/

Hawk Nelson front man Jon Steingard was focusing on the new year over the weekend. He posted: Every year Jess and I sit down and write goals for the next year. There is something powerful about writing them down. We’ve been doing it for 6-7 years now and we are learning to be bold with our goals. It’s amazing to look back and see how many come to be. Even the crazy ones. Jon says some of his goals for 2017 include releasing a new Hawk Nelson album, directing a short film, and improving his editing skills. Jon says they usually write down 6-8 goals for each of us individually and then about that many more as a couple.

Plumb is starting another chapter…literally. She posted last week: for those that do not know, I am starting my next book. It is one I have dreamed of writing and God has opened the door for me to do so this upcoming year. It is for mothers and daughters and is dedicated to my precious mother and my sweet daughter Clementine.

Natalie Grant passed on a family tradition over the holidays. She posted: My parents took me to see the Nutcracker in downtown Seattle for the first time on my 10th birthday. So it’s extra special for me to get to take my twins to their first Nutcracker in the same city.

Matthew West announced plans for a new book over the holidays. He posted: so excited to announce that my new book will be titled Hello My Name Is. Can’t wait to share the words God laid on my heart! Coming April 2017.

A video journal from Tenth Avenue North’s Mike Donehey. The band’s front man recently dove in to the meaning of NO ONE CAN STEAL OUR JOY. It’s a great message to hear heading into the new year. https://youtu.be/jPRNIHay7yU

The Holidays were not fun for Danny Gokey. He posted a picture from a dark room and shared: Unfortunately, this is how I’m spending Christmas. Sick and laying in bed, Here’s to hoping that this will go away soon. Everything aches and I barely have the strength to do anything.

https://www.instagram.com/p/BOdDPunhApX/

Luke Smallbone found a unique way to announce a new baby during the holidays. The member of for King and Country posted a family picture with his wife and two sons. His wife was wearing a t-shirt that said “Growing My Tribe” with an arrow pointing to her stomach.

https://www.instagram.com/p/BOfqsyVjb58/

NEWS KICKERS

(No news on the weekends. Want a customized audio version, FREE? Email me for more information! )

NEW NEWS KICKERS…

A new study found that taking a hot bath for half an hour burns as many calories as a half hour walk. ***Guess who’s jumping back onto the weight-loss bandwagon!

Don’t be surprised if you can’t find any guacamole. There’s a shortage of avocados, and as a result supply is low and prices have doubled — and in some cases tripled — from a year ago. ***You know things are bad when you have to check your bank account before you order that side of guacamole at Chipotle.

A strange new millipede has been found with 414 legs and 200 poison glands (and 4 penises). The bizarre, threadlike creature has been found lurking in dark, underground caves in California’s famous Sequoia National Park. The creature’s 200 glands squirt a defensive poisonous chemical at predators.  ***Which seems completely unnecessary, because what’s going to be interested in getting close to something this terrifying?

Mariah Carey and Dick Clark Productions are taking shots at one another over who’s to blame for Carey’s botched performance on “New Year’s Rockin’ Eve.”  ***Their biggest mistake is believing anybody was watching.  Seriously, who watches that anymore now that Dick is gone?

NEWS KICKER EVERGREENS…

According to a survey, one in four Europeans has fallen asleep in the workplace.  ***Hey, at least they’re well-rested and alert for the drive home.

It’s computer dating — for real animals.  Now, zoo keepers can go online to find a mate for their beasts. The database is called ZIMS, for Zoological Information Management Systems. The zoo in Columbia, South Carolina, is one of those testing the software. And like match-making sites for humans, ZIMS has information on personality traits of their suitors. ***“Hi, I’m Trixie – and I’m a total fox.  I live in the Brookfield Zoo and I am SO tired of dating wolves who want to put their paws all over me…”

Scientists from Australia and the Netherlands claim they’ve invented a diet that cuts heart disease by 78 percent and adds 4.8 years to a woman’s life and 6 years to a man’s. You have to eat four servings of fish a week, plus daily servings of 400 grams of fruit and vegetables, 68 grams of almonds, 2.7 grams of garlic, 150 milliliters of red wine and 100 grams (3.5 ounces) of dark chocolate.  ***I took a look at this earlier, and I think I’ve figured out how to make it work.  With MY version of the same plan, you have four Fillet-O-Fish sandwiches a week, a large order of fries and two Orange Julius’ each day, along with an order of garlic bread and chocolate covered almonds for desert – and you wash it all down with a glass of grapefruit juice.

Trust your doctor? A survey finds that some doctors aren’t always completely honest with their patients.   More than half admitted describing someone’s prognosis in a way they knew was too rosy. Nearly 20 percent said they hadn’t fully disclosed a medical mistake for fear of being sued. And 1 in 10 of those surveyed said they’d told a patient something that wasn’t true in the past year.  ***One of their biggest lies to patients… aspirin really costs $5 per pill.

AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – WEEKDAY VERSION

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD WEDNESDAY’S EPISODE

OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns! When last we left the jungle, Racquet the Skunk was generously helping his niece, Rita with her math homework. Well, “helping” isn’t the right word, because the truth of the matter is that Rita wasn’t doing any of the work herself – she was letting her uncle answer all of the questions for her.

CLOSE: Unbelievable! Even though Racquet knows he shouldn’t do the work for Rita, he ends up doing it anyway – because she’s learned how to manipulate him. She’s pretty smart… but what happens when they finally DO get to long division? Find out, As the Jungle Turns!

***You may simulcast “As the Jungle Turns” on the Internet stream of your live broadcast only. Any other Internet use of “As the Jungle Turns” in whole or part including podcasting of your live broadcast is a violation of copyright law. Thank you for your cooperation on this vitally important issue. If you have any questions, please e-mail us and ask about “Jungle Jam & Friends the Radio Show” usage.

MOMENT OF DUH

Going to the wrong address can be disastrous for your career.

In March of 2006, a wrecking crew in New York City began demolishing a three-story building in Queens. With one swing of the wrecking ball, they punched a 10-foot hole in the building. It would have been a good start had workers not started demolishing the wrong building. Startled tenants were forced to evacuate and the foundation had to be repaired before the tenants could return.

TOP TEN

TOP TEN DAFFYNITIONS

10. Arbitrator \ar’-bi-tray-ter\: A cook that leaves Arby’s to work at McDonald’s.

9. Eyedropper \i’-drop-ur\: a clumsy ophthalmologist.

8. Paradox \par’-u-doks\: two physicians

7. Primate \pri’-mat\: removing your spouse from in front of the TV.

6. Sudafed \sood’-a-fed\: bringing litigation against a government official.

5. Avoidable \uh-voy’-duh-buhl\: What a bullfighter tries to do.

4. Control \kon-trol’\: A short, ugly inmate.

3. Parasites \par’-uh-sites\: what you see from the top of the Eiffel Tower.

2. Polarize \po’-lur-ize\: what penguins see with.

1. Counterfeiters \kown-ter-fit-ers \: Workers who put together kitchen cabinets

THE FILES OF LAW & DISORDER

We have a new rage just in time for post-Christmas shopping… SHOPPING CART RAGE!

FILE #1: Twenty-one year old Gregory M. Croteau of Eliot, Maine, is the first person to experience “shopping cart rage.”  Who needs a car when you can ram a shopping cart into parked cars and toss one onto the roof of a parked car?  That’s what Gregory did.  Apparently he was mad about something.  Police arrested him and hauled him away before they found out who owned the parked cars.  They expect to hear from a few angry drivers in the next few days.

FILE #2: In Dedham, Massachusetts, 38-year-old burglary suspect James Miller had allegedly planned a great escape with his girlfriend. The idea was to free himself using a handcuff key the girlfriend would pass to him during either a hug or a kiss while in court. Unfortunately James made one crucial mistake. It seems he allegedly discussed the plot with girlfriend Theresa Fougere during phone calls from jail. Those, of course, are monitored by the Norfolk County sheriff’s department and inmates are warned that their phone conversations are not private. James was already facing charges of heroin possession and was a suspect in several store burglaries. He now has been charged with attempted escape and conspiracy. His girlfriend, Theresa was also arrested and charged with attempting to aid a felon to escape.

FILE #3: What’s the world’s record for the fastest arrest of a bank robber?  This has got to be the winner.  Adam Grennan passed a note to a Boston bank teller, demanding money – meanwhile, directly behind him a uniformed police officer was watching and pulled his weapon to arrest him.  Now that’s fast.

STRANGE LAW: In Idaho it is prohibited for pedestrians and motorists to display frowns, grimaces, scowls, threatening and glowing looks that reflect unfavorably upon the state’s reputation.

THIS IS YOUR BRAIN ON DRUGS

If you’re going to traffic drugs, it’s best to remain inconspicuous. One man apparently didn’t understand that concept.

Here’s a bit of advice for aspiring drug traffickers.  When carrying illegal narcotics, it’s never a good idea to draw attention to yourself by getting into a fight with another person over money and getting yourself arrested.  That was a lesson learned the hard way by Portland, Maine’s Nicholas Foley.  Foley might have gotten away with this little faux pas, but just as police were preparing to release him, he became sick and puked up 31 bags of heroin.  Upon further investigation, police found another nine bags of heroin hidden in a pack of cigarettes in the possession of the now re-incarcerated Foley.

PHONER PHUN

Gee it’s only been about two weeks, but it’s about this time when those cute toys from Christmas become extremely irritating. What toy is it at YOUR house that makes an irritating annoying noise? Call in and play your “Toys That Annoy!”

BIBLE BRAIN BUSTER!

QUESTION: To whom did the Lord say, “No man will be able to stand before you all the days of your life. As I have been with Moses, I will also be with you”? 
ANSWER: Joshua, just after the death of Moses (Joshua 1:5)

QUESTION IMPOSSIBLE

QUESTION: What is the difference between an American 7-Eleven Slurpee and a Canadian 7-Eleven Slurpee?

ANSWER: The American Slurpee is injected with air. Canadian Slurpee is not. (Source: Slurpee.com)

TRUE OR FALSE

Pay attention! If our next player doesn’t answer all ten T/F questions correctly we start all over from question #1! First person to answer question #10 correctly is our winner!

1. Katherine Hepburn is the only actor to have starred in two of the top ten films in the American Film Institute’s Top 100 Movies of all time list. (False… only Marlon Brando can make that claim for “The Godfather” and “On The Waterfront”)

2. More people live in the state of New York than in all of Afghanistan. (False… but it’s close. Afghanistan has about 20 million people, New York state just over 18 million)

3. Pittsburgh is the only city in America where all the professional sports teams wear the same colors. (True… black & gold)

4. Sears and Roebuck was the first store in America to ever advertise the slogan, “Satisfaction guaranteed or your money back.” (False… actually it was Mongtomery Ward in 1874)

5. Model T Fords came in only two colors, either black or brown. (False… there were almost 16 million made and sold, every single one of them black)

6. If you added up the distance of all 70 of Mark McGuire’s season record homeruns, it’s the same as if he hit one ball over Mount Everest. (True)

7. In addition to its five sides, the Pentagon building also has 5 stories. (True)

8. Relative to its size, the strongest muscle in the human body is the nostril. (False, it’s the tongue)

9. Double Dutch, Hot Pepper and High Water, Low Water are variations of the game Hopscotch. (False, Jump Rope)

10. Robert Redford played baseball for the New York Knights in the movie, “The Rookie.” (False, it was “The Natural”)

TABLOID MATCH GAME

You have to match the blank in the tabloid headline with the word or phrase that has been removed!

______ TO SAIL AGAIN (TITANIC)

The Titanic sunk on April 15, 1912.  On the one hundred year anniversary… the fateful voyage will  be repeated.

2,000 Titanic enthusiasts will mark the centenary of the maritime disaster by sailing on a large cruise ship to commemorate the sinking on the very spot of the tragedy in 1912.

Descendants of some of the survivors will be on board.   Leonardo DiCaprio and Kate Winslet are considering taking the trip as well.

A British company has almost sold out two cruises for people to mark the anniversary on 15 April by following the route of the Titanic to where it struck an iceberg. The booming demand for Titanic-related travel has led to another travel company offering the chance to explore the wreckage of the ill-fated vessel in a Russian-built submarine next summer at a cost of $59,000 per person.

THE WAY TOO EARLY IN THE MORNING TO UNDERSTAND THE PUNCHLINE EVEN AFTER TWO CUPS OF COFFEE JOKE OF THE DAY 

JOKE #1

A first-time father was taking a turn at feeding the baby some strained peas. Naturally, there were traces of the food everywhere, especially on the infant.  His wife comes in, looks at the infant, then at her husband staring into space, then says, “What in the world are you doing?”
He replied, “I’m waiting for the first coat to dry, so I can put on another.”

JOKE #2

The garbage man came early. Karen heard his truck from inside the house so she threw on her robe and ran outside to catch him.

He was pulling away from the neighbors curb when he saw her running waiving her arms.

“Hey! Wait!” Karen said catching up to him. “Am I too late for the garbage?”

He looked her up and down and said, “No, jump in.”

JOKE #3

An elderly couple are both lying in bed one morning, having just awaken from a good nights sleep. He takes her hand and she responds, “Don’t touch me”.

“Why not,” he asks.

She answers back, “Because I’m dead.”

The husband says to her, “What are you talking about? We’re both lying here in bed together and talking to one another.”

The wife says, “No, I’m definitely dead.”

Her husband insists, “You’re not dead. What in the world makes you think you’re dead?”

His wife answers, “I know I’m dead, because I woke up this morning and nothing hurts.”

USELESS FACTS

Scientists are now hoping to create a source of stem cells by fusing human cells with rabbit eggs to create embryos that are mostly human but part rabbit.  ***Oh yeah, that’ll solve the problem of stem cells being controversial.  After all, nobody could possibly have moral objections to them creating a Frankenbunny.

Dolphins can kills sharks by ramming them with their snout.  ***Hey – it’s almost like sea creatures drive trucks!  Dolphins kill sharks with a RAM, sharks avoid death, with a DODGE.

FEATURED FUNNIES

SAME SUIT

Fred and his wife were at his high school reunion.  As he looked around, Fred noticed the other men in their expensive suits…and their bulging  stomachs.  Proud of the fact that he weighed just five pounds more than he did when he was in high school, the result of trying to beat a living out of a rocky hillside farm, Fred said to his wife, “I’m the only guy here who can still wear the suit he wore when he graduated.”

She glanced at the prosperous crowd, then back at him, and said, “You’re the only one who has to.”

IT MUST BE TRUE BECAUSE I HEARD IT ON THE RADIO!

BEEP BEEP

A police speed trap catches… a road running llama!

A circus llama in Hamburg escaped from its owner – but it ran straight into the police. In fact, in ran into a police speed trap. The animal was with its owner in a local marketplace when it escaped and ran down a nearby road. Police say the animal overtook several cars as officers clocked it running at over 10mph. They caught the animal and gave it back to its owner.

INSPIRATIONAL INSPIRATION

FEAR MAKES YOU FUMBLE

Fear makes you fumble. When you are afraid, you have a tendency to not do well. The pressure is so great that it causes you to mess up. It’s like the guy who was out of money. He decided to rob the bank because he couldn’t think of any other way to get the money. He didn’t know anything about robbing banks so he practiced what he would say over and over. He got a revolver and a sack for the money. Then he practiced sticking the sack over the counter and pointing the gun in someone’s face saying, “Don’t mess with me, this is a stick up.” When it came time for the real thing, he was really nervous but he was confident he had it down pat. However, when he got in the bank, fear took over and he handed the lady the revolver, pointed the sack at her, and said, “Don’t stick with me, this is a mess up.” Fear makes you fumble.

DRIVE TIME DEVOTIONAL

A HEAVENLY STRATEGIC PLANNING SESSION
And the Lord said, “Who will entice Ahab into attacking Ramoth Gilead and going to his death there?” One suggested this, and another that.  – (1 Kings 22:20)

There are few times we get a glimpse of what goes on in Heaven.  Here is one instance when the angels were conferring with the Lord about the judgment of King Ahab for his sin and who was going to set up Ahab for this judgment.

If God wanted to use you to impact your world for Jesus Christ, what circumstances would have to be created in order for you to respond to His call? Would prospering you materially encourage you to this end? Would a major change in what you are presently doing be necessary? What would your response be should God and the angels conclude that the only way to move you into a position of fulfilling God’s purposes was to remove some things that might be very dear to you? Would you agree with their plan if you knew this would be the only way you would achieve the purposes for which God made you? Hard questions, aren’t they?
This is the very thing God does in many who have been called for a special mission. Moses had to be stripped of his royal position in the family of Egypt and sit in the desert for 40 years. The apostle Paul had to be knocked off his horse, blinded, and receive a personal visitation from Jesus. The 12 disciples had to leave their jobs for three years to follow Christ. Imagine what kind of disruption this had on their lives. There are many examples of God bringing major upheaval in the lives of those He called for His purposes. Why?
The reason is that we do not seek God with a whole heart in times of prosperity and comfort. Prosperity and comfort tend to breed complacency and satisfaction. It is rare to find the man or woman who seeks God with a whole heart who does so simply from a grateful heart. We often must have pain or crisis to motivate us.

Eventually, that crisis bridges us to a new calling, and we embrace that calling if we are open to the Holy Spirit’s work in us. We can actually thank God for the change that was required to get us to this place, but it is not without anguish of heart.

LEFTOVERS

Ever heard of “maggot medicine?”

Doctors have long known that maggots can help with healing wounds by eating dead tissue. But doctors at England’s University of Bradford discovered that their secretions also contain an enzyme that speeds healing. They said it might be possible to heal a person’s wounds just by applying bandages soaked in fluids secreted by maggots.

LIFE… LIVE IT

Apparently, cleanliness is NOT next to godliness!

Some experts say Americans are obsessively clean with our use of anti-bacterial’s. So clean, that it might be counterproductive. The problem is that all that scrubbing and sponging may be weakening our immune systems, killing helpful germs and spurring the growth of mutant strains of super bacteria. Stuart Levy, a Tufts University geneticist, says Americans are being swayed by advertising campaigns to be so clean and use so much anti-bacterial products. Levy says, “Sometimes, bacteria are the good guys, strengthening our bodies’ defenses and warding off germs”. Levy said research has proved that overuse of anti-bacterial’s, like antibiotics, will create stronger, more dangerous strains of bacteria.  ***MARLAR: So, parents… give the kid a break.  If he doesn’t want to take a bath for two weeks, just consider it an alternate health plan.

JUST FOR FUN

LITTERBUG

A woman is fined $35 for throwing an envelope in the trash!

East London’s government has threatened a woman with a fine of about $35 for putting two old envelopes from her handbag into … the rubbish bin, of all places. Apparently, it’s against the law to take your own personal trash from home and dump it into a public waste container… but we’re talking about two old envelopes here. No matter, the government hired people to sort through the trash looking for a clue as to who this notorious criminal may be. They discovered that it was Lisa, of Hackney, East London. And, after spending several man hours trying to discover who she was, they’ve now hit her with a fine of a whopping $35. ***MARLAR: Heck, I’d pay $70 instead – just to watch them go through this all over again.

FUN LIST

SIGNS YOU SPENT TOO MUCH ON CHRISTMAS GIFTS

  • The stockings you hung were bought at Big and Tall.

  • The CEO of American Express has added you to his AOL buddy list.

  • The massage cushion you purchased came with a live massage therapist.

  • Fed Ex built a landing strip for their planes in your driveway.

  • Your credit card statement weights twelve pounds.

  • The mall reserved a parking spot in front with your name on it.

  • In addition to getting your friends Christmas presents, you also got them something for Hanukah, Kwanzaa, and the Chinese New Year.

MORE SHOW PREP STUFF…

FIVE WAYS TO REDUCE STRESS FOR WOMEN

Whatever your profession, ladies, there will be times when you feel like pulling your hair out or shouting at the top of your voice.  Here are five suggestions that will help you to reduce stress. From shopping and facials to diet tips and a healthier lifestyle.

  • Join a gym: Exercise is a proven stress buster. It can improve your mind – body relationship and reduce physiological factors such as high blood pressure (a sign of stress) and body weight, as well as increasing alertness and self-esteem.

  • Eat less fat: If you’re overweight this small change can help you reduce your body fat to a more desirable level. Weight loss will not only reduce the stress placed upon your heart (so tasks feel easier), it will also reduce your blood pressure – so your less likely to feel uptight.

  • Have a massage: A skilled masseur will literally push out any negative vibes and allow you half an hour of complete abandonment.

  • Get a facial: A great way to wake up your pours and your face! There are two main ways to experience a facial.  You can experience one at the hands of a professional, or you can buy yourself a facial kit and apply it at home.  Whichever method you experience, allowing some time for self-pampering is a positive experience and a great way to de-stress at the end of a busy day.

  • Go shopping: Never underestimate the relaxing properties of retail therapy. We all know that spending a little of our hard earned cash on No.1 once in a while will cheer us up. Without fail. Once we are happy we are more likely to feel relaxed.

OTHER STUFF I WANT TO CRAM INTO TODAY’S PREP

What if 2017 were your last year on earth? In his latest blog, Bible teacher Greg Laurie points out that, for many celebrities, 2016 was. The list includes David Bowie, Mohammaed Ali, Prince, Alan Thicke, Arnold Palmer, Nancy Reagan, Carrie Fisher, and Debbie Reynolds. So what if this were your last year on earth? The fact is that it could be. So we want to prepare.  http://Blog.greglaurie.com

Now you can watch live as a pair of Florida Bald Eagles wait for their two eggs to hatch. A live camera is poised over the Fort Myers area nest of American Bald Eagle Harriet and her mate M15.  http://nbcnews.to/2icsWpj

Did you end up with a bunch of empty cardboard boxes after all of the Christmas-morning dust settled? If so, don’t throw them away just yet. According to Relevant Magazine, Amazon has created the GiveBackBox campaign, which is really simple. Just take an old cardboard box, fill it with stuff you want to donate to be sold at Goodwill thrift stores and print a label at GiveBackBox.com. UPS or the postal service will then take it to the nearest Goodwill store and Amazon will pick up the shipping bill. http://relm.ag/uZG1cac

Have you heard about the real-life furniture farm? According to Relevant Magazine, farmer and artist Gavin Munro is actually growing fully formed furniture. Munro grafts parts of the trees together while they are still growing, creating functional tables and chairs. The process can take up to 10 years. Munro is currently raising funds on Kickstarter for a new annual harvest. http://relm.ag/wYhWVPQ

AND I LEAVE YOU WITH THIS THOUGHT

There are two types of people in this world. One is people who never finish their thoughts.

THE TICKET Movie Reviews with MARIE ASNER

Marie Asner has been reviewing films for over 30 years. Her outlets include radio, print and Internet. For more in-depth movie reviews of the following films, visit www.Tollbooth.org. Ratings from 1 (Low) to 5 (High).

DECEMBER 16, 2016 thru JANUARY 01, 2017…

 Why Him?—James Franco takes on the role of the son-in-law from Hades. Who would want him?  The daughter of Bryan Cranston, that’s who. The daughter is played by Zoey Deutch. Franco has lots of money, but acts and dresses like a scarecrow. “Why Him?” is rated R. No rating.

A Monster Calls—(now opening from an earlier date) A young boy (Lewis MacDougall) finds that his mother is quite ill.  He doesn’t know how to cope and it doesn’t help that his grandmother (Sigourney Weaver) is not a sympathetic person. What to do? Here comes a “monster” in the shape of a large tree (voice of Liam Neeson) to help the boy. “A Monster Calls” is rated PG. Rating of 3 and bring hanky. 

Manchester By The Sea—A story of grief, several times over, loss and trying to cope are all in this film that suits actor Casey Affleck fine. He plays Lee, who suddenly finds himself guardian to a teenage nephew when Lee’s brother (Kyle Chandler) and the boy’s father dies. What to do? Face up to life or keep trudging along. “Manchester By The Sea” is rated R. Rating of 3. Bring hanky.

Neruda—Luis Gnecco stars as the famed Spanish poet who finds his past membership in the early Communist party comes back to haunt him.  Also in the cast are Gael Garcia Bernal, Alfredo Castro and Mercedes Morau. “Neruda” is rated R. Subtitles. No rating.

Passengers—A science fiction film of trying to help humanity…in a big way. Jennifer Lawrence and Chris Pratt star as two people, among many, who are traveling in deep sleep to another planet.  When something awakens the two, they realize something is very wrong and they have to help…and fight. “Passengers” is rated R. Rating of 2 for fans.

Sing—This animated film concerns a singing contest…with animals.  Yes, there is a mother pig (voice of Reese Witherspoon), the theater owner, a koala bear (voice of Matthew McConaughey) and a rockin’ porcupine (Scarlett Johansson). You can imagine what happens during the contest. Also lending their voices are Seth MacFarlane, Tori Kelly, Taron Egerton and Nick Kroll.  “Sing” is rated PG. Rating of 3 for fans.

(Opening moved ahead from an earlier date) The Space Between Us—On a colonization voyage to Mars, it is discovered that one of the female astronauts is pregnant.  This results in the first child, a boy, being born on Mars, but in that atmosphere, gravity, etc. Fast forward to teen years, and the kid (Asa Butterfield) knows about Earth and even has a girl friend, Britt Robertson (Skype) he communes with.  However, something happens and Asa ends up on Earth. “The Space Between Us” is rated PG 13. Rating of 2 for fans.

Gold—Try, just try to recognize Matthew McConaughey in the role of Kenny Wells who goes to Borneo to find gold. You read that right.  His girlfriend, Bryce Dallas Howard, faithfully follows him.  People will do just about anything to get rich in a hurry.  Also in the cast are Edgar Ramirez and Corey Stoll. “Gold” is rated R. Rating of 2 for fans.

Hidden Figures—This is an unusual title for a film and another might have better explained the film’s content.  It is about three black women who are top mathematicians and work to put the first space flights and astronauts into earth orbit and beyond. Prejudice is prevalent here. Stars include Taraji P. Henson, Octavia Spencer and Janelle Monae. “Hidden Figures” is rated PG 13. Rating of 3.

Paterson—Adam Driver (“Star Wars”) is a bus driver whose name is Paterson and he lives in Paterson, N. J. The film concerns a week in his life and how he and his wife (Golshiften Farahani) handle problems. “Paterson” is rated R. No rating.

Jackie—Now opening from an earlier date, Natalie Portman stars as Jackie Kennedy in the few days before the funeral of President Kennedy. Portman takes the role and goes with it to bring you into that era of assassination of a  president and the aftermath in the country and his family. Also in the cast are Peter Sarsgaard and Billy Crudup. “Jackie” is rated R. Rating of 3 for fans. Bring hanky.

Live By Night—Ben Affleck stars and directs this movie about gangsters and their rise to the top in Boston.  Based on a Dennis Lehane novel and set in the 1920’s. There is back-stabbing, love and the rest of crimes included. Also starring in the film are Sienna Miller, Elle Fanning and Zoe Saldana. “Live By Night” is rated R. Rating of 2 for fans.

20th Century Women—Annette Bening shines in this film of three generations of women in the mid-1970’s and how they cope with changing times. The cast includes Elle Fanning (great work), and Greta Gerwig. Wonderful soundtrack, too.  “20th Century Women” is rated R for sexual content. Rating of 2.

A Kind Of Murder—Here is another adaptation of a Patricia Highsmith novel. The film stars Patrick Wilson and Jessica Biel who are not happy in their marriage. Along comes Eddie Marsan, whose wife has passed away and they become friends.  However, suspicion lurks here.  “A Kind Of Murder” is rated R. No rating.

Julieta—This is a Spanish language film directed by Pedro Almodovar. It concerns a mother’s (Emma Svarez)  search for a missing daughter. Also in the cast are Daniel Grao and Adriana Ugarte. “Julieta” is rated R. No rating.

Collateral Beauty—Will Smith plays a man who has suffered a tragedy in his life. His friends worry about him and decide to help, though in unconventional ways. Also in the cast are Helen Mirren and Edward Norton. “Collateral Beauty” is rated PG 13. Rating of 2 for fans.

Fences—The stars of this film, Denzel Washington and Viola Davis, already have Tony’s for their roles in the Broadway version.  Now, Washington stars and directs this film that is set in the middle 1960’s and tells how working class African-Americans cope with problems. August Wilson wrote the play. “Fences” is rated R. Rating of 3 for fans.

The Founder—Ray Kroc made McDonalds a global name with unique marketing. However, the real founders were the McDonald brothers (played by Nick Offerman and John Carroll).  Kroc is played by Michael Keaton. This is a study in how to build a business, ruthless though it may be. “The Founder” is rated R. Rating of 2 for fans.

Rogue One: A Star Wars Story—Felicity Jones is the female lead in this “stand alone” story in the “Star Wars” saga. The story is about when the Death Star was being built and the Rebels were trying to get the plans. Also in the cast are Ben Mendelssohn and Riz Ahmed. Get your light sabers ready. “Rogue One: A Star Wars Story” is rated PG 13. Rating of 3 for fans.

Assassins Creed—This film is yet another adaptation of a game board.  Here, Michael Fassbinder takes on the role of a man in the 15th century Aguilar) and at the same time, in this century (Callum). Those fighting outfits are reminiscent of “The Arrow.” Also in the cast are Marion Cotilliard and Jeremy Irons. “Assassins Creed” is rated R. Rating of 2 for fans.

Note: ”Patriots’s Day” and “Silence” are now set to open the middle of January, 2017.

Happy New Year 2017. – Marie Asner

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Darren Marlar credits all non-original material to the author whenever possible. All other material is original, used with permission, or author unknown. We welcome all comments, questions, and suggestions. Darren can be reached via his website at www.DarrenMarlar.com.