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PRINTER FRIENDLY VERSION: 20160111
WELCOME TO THE SHOW!
Now, stay tuned for The Best of (THE JOCK SHOW)! Well, actually, it’s just plain old regular (JOCK SHOW), but we’ve got to do something around here to boost morale.
BIBLE VERSE OF THE DAY
What good is it for a man to gain the whole world, yet forfeit his very soul? — Mark 8:36
[Jesus said,] “You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be sons of your Father in heaven.” — Matthew 5:43-45
Joshua told the people, “Consecrate yourselves, for tomorrow the LORD will do amazing things among you.” — Joshua 3:5
HEARTLIGHT DAILY VERSE, PRAYER & THOUGHT
Everyone who does evil hates the light, and will not come into the light for fear that his deeds will be exposed. But whoever lives by the truth comes into the light, so that it may be seen plainly that what he has done has been done through God. — John 3:20-21
Thought: What’s the power behind your life? One clear way to find out is to come to Jesus and ask him to search you and reveal anything spiritually unhealthy, anything unholy, in you. Opening ourselves up to the light of his scrutiny, to the truth of his Light, gives us a remarkable sense of freedom. We don’t have anything to hide. Then God can do some truly remarkable things in us and through us because there are no distorted motives.
Prayer: Thank you God, for shining your light into my heart through your Son, the Light of the world. Please gently reveal to me the areas of my weakness, my sinfulness, my duplicity, and my deception. I want to live purely before you and purely for you. I humbly request this in the name of Jesus. Amen.
“BIRTHDAY VERSE” OF THE DAY
The chapter and verse corresponds to the month and the day!
Psalm 2:11 NIV = Serve the LORD with fear and rejoice with trembling.
TODAY IS MONDAY – JANUARY 11, 2016
(NOTE: Some holidays may be duplicated due to various calendars reporting conflicting dates)
WEIRD, WACKY, STRANGE, ZANY, ODD, BIZARRE, QUIRKY, UNUSUAL HOLIDAYS!
THERE ARE ONLY 350 SHOPPING DAYS UNTIL CHRISTMAS.
Today is NATIONAL GRANDMOTHER ACHIEVEMENT DAY. *** Don’t think Grandma achieved anything? Think again. After all, you are hearing me right now – which means you exist. So apparently your grandmother achieved something!
Today is WHITE SHIRT DAY, a day blue-collar factory workers wear white shirts to symbolize the dignity of the working class. *** And if you are a white collar worker wanting to show that you work just as hard as a blue collar worker, today is the day to show up to work with pit stains.
Today is SATISFIED STAYING SINGLE DAY. *** Paul in the New Testament was – so you’re in good company if you’re single this coming Valentine’s Day!
Today is MAKE A NEW FRIEND DAY and NATIONAL SHUT-IN VISITATION DAY. *** You don’t necessarily have to do both together, but if you’re looking for a new friend, I can almost guarantee the shut-ins would appreciate making a new friend too! (Related personality test below!)
Today is NATIONAL PEPPERMINT PATTY DAY. *** Not the Peanuts character, but the candy. Although both are just as fun. (RECIPE: And if you really want something special, try a “Peppermint Patty Coffee.” It’s regular cup of coffee, but you add crushed peppermint candy to the cup and stir it until it dissolves, add some chocolate flavoring, and cream. Sweeeeeeeet. It tastes very Christmassy.)
Today is MERINGUE MEMORIAL DAY, a day to make an old-fashioned cream pie and to see if you can remember how to make meringue. (RECIPE: 2 egg whites, 4 tablespoons sugar, 1/2 teaspoon vanilla. Beat eggs until frothy. Add sugar gradually and continue beating until stiff peaks form. Add vanilla. Pile on pie and bake at 325° for 15 to 18 minutes.)
Today is DON’T CRY OVER SPILLED MILK DAY. *** If you’re lactose intolerant, it’s Don’t Cry Over Spilled Soy Juice Day.
Today is NATIONAL INVENTOR’S DAY. *** I thought I had a great invention the other day, a device that made time stop. Turned out my watch’s battery was dead.
MAKE A FRIEND DAY
The type of friends you prefer reveals a lot about your personality, says psychologist Dr. Elayne Kahn, co-author of “1001 Ways You Reveal Your Personality.”
- Just one close friend. You need someone to confide in and trust. You don’t trust people very easily, but once you do you’re very loyal. You take friendship very seriously and never take your friends for granted.
- Friends of your own sex only. You enjoy tradition and believe boys should be boys and girls should be girls. You’re more comfortable when people are in more traditional roles. You enjoy friends who have something in common with you.
- Friends of the opposite sex only. You enjoy being the center of attention, but don’t like competing for it. Intimate friendships are very important to you, and you’re capable of deep relationships.
- Friends you just party with. You love to socialize, but don’t like people getting too close. You’re very independent and want to stay that way – and you especially don’t like to become dependent on one person.
- Friends only from the workplace. You love achieving, working hard, making money and always moving ahead. All things in your life – including friendships – are geared toward making your career as successful as possible.
- Different friends for different occasions. If, for example, you go dancing with one group of friends and play touch football with another, you’re well-organized, but don’t like to become too involved with people. You’re a busy, active person.
TODAY IS ALSO. . .
Cigarettes Are Hazardous To Your Health Day
National Clean Off Your Desk Day
National Human Traffic Awareness Day
COMING UP NEXT
TUESDAY, JANUARY 12
National Poetry at Work Day
WEDNESDAY, JANUARY 13
Public Radio Broadcasting Day
Rubber Ducky Day
THURSDAY, JANUARY 14
Caesarean Section Day
International Kite Day
Dress Up Your Pet Day
FRIDAY, JANUARY 15
International Fetish Day
SATURDAY, JANUARY 16
Appreciate a Dragon Day
Civil Service Day
Soup Swap Day
SUNDAY, JANUARY 17
Cable Car Day
Hot Heads Chili Days
Kid Inventors’ Day
World Religion Day
MONDAY, JANUARY 18
Hot Heads Chili Days
National Crowd Feed Day
National Day of Service
Pooh (Winnie The) Day
National Sanctity of Human Life Day (Pro-Life Day)
Martin Luther King Day
Robert E. Lee Day
ON THIS DAY
1905: James Blackstone of Seattle set a world record by bowling 299½. On the last roll, one pin broke in half and half of it remained standing. Honest.
1938: Robert George Pickett was born in Somerville,: Massachusetts. Bobby was known by his nickname “Boris” when he hit it big with the graveyard smash, “Monster Mash,” at Halloween in 1962, 1970 and 1973. Pickett also charted with ” Monsters’ Holiday” in 1962 and “Graduation Day” in 1963. He died of leukemia in 2007 at age 69.
1942: The Archie comic book debuted, featuring Riverdale High’s Archie Andrews, Jughead, Betty, Veronica, and the rich, conniving Reggie. Archie had debuted two months earlier in Pep comics. Spinoffs included a long-time radio show, two TV cartoon series, and a rock group called The Archies.
1966: Willie Mays became the highest-paid baseball player, signing a two-year contract with the San Francisco Giants for about $130,000 a year.
1977: History’s fattest lobster was caught off the Nova Scotia coast. It weighed 44 pounds 6 ounces and measured 3½ feet from claw tip to tail fan.
1989: In a Boston ceremony, the Rev. Barbara C. Harris became the first woman consecrated as a bishop in the Episcopal church.
1990: In a stunning upset, heavyweight champion Mike Tyson was knocked out in the tenth round of his fight with Buster Douglas in Tokyo. Douglas went into the fight a 35-1 underdog.
1990: Georges de Mestral died in Switzerland at age 82. He invented Velcro and the asparagus peeler.
1993: President Bill Clinton announced his choice of Miami prosecutor Janet Reno to be the nation’s first female attorney general.
1994: Former Arkansas state clerical worker Paula Jones accused Bill Clinton of making improper sexual advances three years earlier in a Little Rock hotel room. The President said it never happened.
1998: The Church of England voted temptation out of the Lord’s Prayer. Meeting in London, senior clerics approved a modern version of the prayer, deleting the words “Lead us not into temptation” and substituting “Save us from the time of trial.”
2001: Three Rivers Stadium in Pittsburgh was demolished to make way for new baseball and football stadiums.
2003: A deli worker in New York caught a butcher’s knife after it was thrown at her by a robber. Rosa Dela Cruz managed to grab the knife by its handles, stopping it just inches from her face. Police, who caught the robber outside the store, said it was incredible Cruz wasn’t hurt.
2004: Cable TV giant Comcast Corporation launched a hostile bid to buy The Walt Disney Company for more than $54 billion. Comcast later withdrew the bid.
TODAY IN CHRISTIAN HISTORY
1225: 3rd and final version of the Magna Carta is accepted. The original document was written by the archbishop of Canterbury and had a powerful influence on the subsequent development of English freedoms.
1742: Zinzendorf on a visit to Pennsylvania, ordains two missionaries to American Indian tribes.
1790: The Society of Friends (Quakers) presents a petition to Congress calling for the abolition of slavery.
1858: Marie-Bernarde Soubirous, a fourteen year old peasant girl tells her parents she has seen the apparition of a lovely woman at the grotto of the rocks in Lourdes. Pressed later, she says the woman was the Virgin Mary. A spring mysteriously appears where no water flowed before. When the story gets around, Lourdes becomes a center for healing, with hundreds of thousands of visitors a year.
1888: John Smith Moffat, a missionary and agent of Cecil Rhodes, makes a treaty with the African king Lobengula. By this treaty the Matabele people come under British protection. The willingness of some missionary to act as agents for the government sometimes hurt the cause of the gospel by raising suspicion among the tribes.
1929: The Lateran Treaty is signed by Mussolini and the Holy See, recognizing Vatican City as a sovereign state. At a mere 109 acres, it became the smallest nation in the world.
1989: The Episcopal Church Boston diocese consecrated Barbara Harris as the church’s first woman bishop.
HOLLYWOOD, SPORTS AND CELEBRITY FIGURE BIRTHDAYS
- actor (“Brotherly Love”, “Boy Meets World”) Matthew Lawrence 36
- actress (“Friends”, Office Space, Marley & Me) Jennifer Aniston 47 (audio clip)
- actor (Smokey and the Bandit, The Longest Yard, Deliverance) Burt Reynolds 80
- Actress (Ginger Grant on “Gilligan’s Island”) Tina Louise, 82 (audio clip)
(Music Artist Birthdays From SongFacts.com)
1889 : John Mills (The Mills Brothers)
1914 : Matt Dennis
1914 : Josh White
1935 : Sergio Mendes
1935 : Gene Vincent
1940 : Bobby “Boris” Pickett
1942 : Otis Clay
1942 : Leon Haywood
1947 : Derek Shulman (Gentle Giant)
1962 : Sheryl Crow
1977 : Mike Shinoda (Linkin Park)
1979 : Brandy
1981 : Kelly Rowland (Destiny’s Child)
SECRETS OF THE UNIVERSE
Is there any limit to how high birds can fly?
Well, would you accept, “the sky’s the limit?” I didn’t think so. Well, the oxygen has to be plentiful enough for them to breathe and the air can’t be too thin for them to get a lift under their wings. Having said that, we know from the testimony of airline pilots that some birds really get up there. Swans, for example, have been reported at 27,000 feet. That’s probably about the top. Then there’s the vulture that hit a passenger plane, 37,000 feet above the Ivory Coast. At least we can extrapolate from the mangled feathers that were its remains that it was a vulture. But ornithologists suspect that, rather than actually flying that high, it got caught up in a storm, was frozen solid and delivered to that height by an updraft. Given the shrinking meal service on most planes, we know that vulture couldn’t have been scavenging for leftovers.
CHRISTIAN ARTIST NEWS
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Blanca is out with a new video telling the full story behind her song ‘Greater Is He’.
THIS IS NOT A TEST from Tobymac has been named CCM Magazine’s Number 1 album of 2015! In making the designation, magazine writers said: the album repeatedly illustrates that [Toby] McKeehan continues to be a trendsetter while injecting meaningful messages. They added: even though he’s moved over 11 million albums, topped the entire Billboard album charts, swooped up six GRAMMY Awards and even more Doves, TobyMac sounds just as hungry as his DC Talk days on This Is Not A Test. That’s astoundingly impressive for a guy in his fifties.
A thought on New Years resolutions from Shane and Shane: We’re a week into 2016, which means 25 percent of us have already tanked our New Year’s resolutions. You know who you are.
Stars Go Dim drummer Josh Roach welcomed a son to his family last week. According to The Media Collective, Zedekiah Aric James Roach was born to Josh and Audrey Roach on Monday. However, Josh almost missed the birth. Stars Go Dim is currently out on the Winter Jam tour, and Josh’s red eye flight home the night before his son’s birth was cancelled at the last minute. That’s when his fellow band members can through. The members of Stars Go Dim immediately left the Winter Jam venue, rented a car, and drove him the 850 miles home, arriving at the hospital with one hour to spare.
As American Idol comes to an end, Billboard magazine is out with their favorite audition videos from over the years. Among their top choices are the audition video from Danny Gokey. Billboard writers shared: Season 8 competitor Danny Gokey had the most emotional audition of all time, going in front of the judges just four weeks after his beloved wife passed away. Danny replied: honored to be included in the list. http://ow.ly/WNplL
A tip from Mat Kearney. He tweeted last week: It’s official: The 7th day of skiing in a row is the one that will kill you.
From Britt Nicole: One of my prayers this year is to overcome fear! Fear is a lie, it’s not real. Rest today and be free!
Brandon Heath has been doing some major cleaning and organizing as he enters 2016, but it wasn’t by choice. He and his wife have been working on renovating a 1950’s ranch style home in South Nashville since July of 2014. Brandon says they were giving the keys to the newly renovated house on Christmas Eve. However, when they went to move their things from a portable storage unit after the eight months of construction, they found that most of their stuff has been consumed by a major mold outbreak. Brandon says: It was like a creature had come alive in that storage unit and consumed our furniture, our family heirlooms, and yes even our excess junk. The good news is Brandon says God protected a lot of things that they cared a lot about, like their wedding pictures and most of his wife’s baby photos. He adds that, the more we’ve thrown away, the looser our grip has been on our earthly possessions and that has actually been medicine for our souls.
Lauren Daigle’s album How Can It Be has been named the Top Worship Album of 2015 by the Christian music web site New Release Today. Members of the web site team say they worshiped along with more than 50 new worship albums this year, and they add that this, in their opinion, has been one of the best years in recent memory to “sing to the Lord a new song”. The article lists their top 20 worship albums of 2015. The author says these albums all led him into the Throne Room of God but Lauren Daigle’s project came in at the top of the list.
Colton Dixon got married over the weekend. He tweeted on the eve of his special day: What a journey life is. So excited for this new chapter for Annie and I. The wedding was featured in People magazine. Colton told the magazine “There will be tears on the groom’s side, probably as soon as she walks in the door. Maybe even before.” “I can’t imagine how much of a mess I’m going to be!”
(No news on the weekends. Audio clips are only valid for a few days before being removed from our servers.)
NEW NEWS KICKERS…
Character actor Pat Harrington has died. Harrington, who was best-known for his role as Scheider on the ’70s / ’80s sitcom “One Day at a Time,” was 86. *** Although I’m sure we all thought Mackenzie Phillips would go first. Am I right? (AUDIO: Theme to “One Day at a Time”)
The FDA is planning to prohibit anyone under 18 from using e-cigarettes. ***Which means immediately teens will now want to begin smoking e-cigarettes.
The Obama administration’s new dietary guidelines, released Thursday, urge Americans to cut back on sugar consumption. *** Dear Mr. Obama… pppfffftttt!!!!!!!
Bolivia’s health ministry announced a novel idea to cheer up carnivores worried by the World Health Organization’s warning that red meat “probably” causes cancer: switch to llamas. The health ministry’s head of food and nutrition said, “We have very good meats like llama, with a low percentage of fat that are beneficial if consumed in moderation.” *** So… leg of llama?
NEWS KICKER EVERGREENS…
A new study discovered that a few glasses of wine a week could ward off depression. Two to seven glasses a week cuts your risk by 32%. ***MARLAR: Two to seven glasses of wine an hour also does the trick – but you can’t remember the next morning.
A study from Miami University in Oxford, Ohio, finds a brisk walk can nix brain drain. People completed mental tasks more efficiently after a 20-minute stint on the treadmill than after resting. Exercise may expand the brain’s processing ability, says lead researcher Benjamin Sibley, Ph. D. Try a lunchtime walk so you can stay sharp in the afternoon. ***MARLAR: Looking back on the lame delivery of my jokes so far this morning, I think I’m going to go take a brisk walk around the radio tower now.
1 in 10 high school seniors have engaged in binge drinking. ***Well, it’s about time American students beat China at something!
A poll by Harris Online found that Americans have a wide range of religious beliefs. Not surprisingly, 90 percent believe in God, while 84 percent believe in miracles. Over 70 percent believe in angels, 69 percent believe in Hell and 68 percent believe in the devil. 51 percent believe in ghosts, about 33 percent believe in UFOs and witches, 31 percent believe in astrology, 27 percent believe in reincarnation, and somehow, despite 90 percent believing in God, 42 percent also believe in Darwin’s theory of evolution. ***MARLAR: What I think is strange is that 90 percent believe in God, but only 84 percent believe in miracles. So does that mean six percent believe God is a slacker?
CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… “Australia Up-n-Over”
DAILY COMEDY CLIP
CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… Joey I.L.O., “Dad Compliments”
AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – WEEKDAY VERSION
CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD MONDAY’S EPISODE
OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns! Last time, all of the animals were scared senseless – to the point of selling all of their possessions and wanting to move – all because of a mysterious giant-footed monster that’s been leaving footprints in the jungle! But Sully had an idea… maybe it’s all a big joke!
CLOSE: If this keeps up, we’re never going to find out where those giant footprints came from! I can’t believe all of the jungle animals are such cowards! But then, I don’t have to deal with mysterious, giant footprints suddenly appearing in my yard! Tune in for more of our story next time… As the Jungle Turns!
AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – SATURDAY/SUNDAY VERSION
CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD THE EPISODE FOR THE WEEKEND OF JANUARY 16/17
OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns! When last we left the jungle, little Louis the lion decided he didn’t want to be king any longer. It was too hard. The animals kept coming to him for not only the big decisions, but also the little ones. So he decided not to be king any longer – and is sneaking off to find someone else to be king!
CLOSE: Wow, talk about making a guy feel bad! Louis is scared on his own, but now he has to be brave for everyone else! Tune in next time to see how brave he stays, As the Jungle Turns!
***You may simulcast “As the Jungle Turns” on the Internet stream of your live broadcast only. Any other Internet use of As the Jungle Turns in whole or part including podcasting of your live broadcast is a violation of copyright law. Thank you for your cooperation on this vitally important issue. If you have any questions, please e-mail us.
MOMENT OF DUH
Soccer fans trying to keep the amount of violence down at the games end up creating their own Moment of Duh!
Today’s Moment of Duh is dedicated to the fans of Macedonian football, also known to us North American’s as SOCCER! These soccer fans did something that probably should’ve been done a long time ago – they spent three days at a “stop violence” government sponsored event. They attended workshops, lectures and discussions, meant to teach fans of rival soccer teams to get along and not fight. It was a pretty good idea – well, it would’ve been a great idea if it weren’t for the last day of the “stop violence” event. On the very last day, at the farewell dinner, just as the organizers were about to declare the program a “total success,” the attendees began fighting with each other over which team had the best players. A gun was even fired and thirty people were arrested. Fortunately there were no serious injuries. By the way, the government refuses to say whether they will do the program again.
TOP TEN THOUGHTS FOR THOSE WHO TAKE LIFE TOO SERIOUSLY
- Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
- I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.
- I intend to live forever – so far so good.
- Borrow money from a pessimist – they don’t expect it back.
- My mind is like a steel trap – rusty and illegal in 37 states.
- The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes.
- When everything’s coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane and going the wrong way.
- If at first you don’t succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
- For every action there is an equal and opposite criticism.
- The colder the x-ray table the more of your body is required on it.
THE FILES OF LAW & DISORDER
The files of Law and Disorder today teach us that the perfect crime is not perfect unless you have the perfect getaway vehicle.
FILE #1: From Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania comes the story of Robert Nolan who held up two convenience stores in one night. Robert was probably feeling pretty good about himself when he stepped out of his van at his house. His mood immediately changed when he was confronted and arrested by the cops. How could the police possibly have known he was the crook? And how could they have found him so quickly? After all, he thought he had made a clean getaway. It was his van. The company van he drove when making his getaway. The one that said “Nolan Plumbing and Heating” in big bold letters on the side. After getting the description of the vehicle from the victims, one of the cops remembered where he had often seen the van parked and was waiting for Robert when he arrived home.
FILE #2: The U.S. Constitution guarantees that a federal prisoner will not be subjected to “cruel and unusual punishment.” But that all depends on your definition of “cruel and unusual.” In Albany, New York, a federal judge has dismissed a state prisoner’s lawsuit claiming that housing two inmates in a cell designed for one was cruel and unusual punishment. The center of the inmate’s case was his complaint that his fellow inmate’s “toilet smells” were too much to bear. The judge, clearly a math whiz, rejected the toilet-smell argument by using the Pythagorean Theorem to prove that the odor-wafting-distance difference was actually minimal.
FILE #3: Imagine that your car gets stolen and gets smashed up by the guy who stole it. Now imagine your insurance covering his medical expenses! Sounds ludicrous doesn’t it? But a Danish court ruled that a young car thief was entitled to full compensation from the car owner’s third-party insurance. The case dates back to 1992 when a 15-year-old kid stole a car and proceeded to take it on a 105-mph joy ride before crashing it. He was only fined for the crime, but couldn’t be held criminally responsible under Danish law. Now several years later, he was awarded over $100,000 from the car owner’s insurance company for injuries he suffered while driving the stolen car! Boy, that will teach him not to steal anymore, won’t it?!
STRANGE LAW: In Muncie, IL, it is illegal to carry a tackle box into a cemetery.
THIS IS YOUR BRAIN ON DRUGS
Just because a river is frozen in Iowa, doesn’t mean it’s frozen everywhere.
John Russell Lindley, 19, of Iowa City, and Daniel Thomas Rathjen, 19, of Marengo, IA, were smuggling over a pound of marijuana that they had stuffed into a duffel bag, and hid under a private covered dock along the St. Mary’s River in Canada. After stashing the pot, they drove more than 500 miles back to Iowa, and then after a week noticed the Iowa River had started to freeze. They assumed that if the Iowa River was frozen, then the St. Mary’s River in Canada also would be frozen. They were wrong, and fell through the ice. Just because a river is frozen in Iowa, doesn’t mean it’s frozen everywhere.
Valentine’s Day is right around the corner, and that means the chick flicks are coming out of the video cabinets for a nice romantic evening. In your opinion, what is THE most romantic movie of all time?
So you’re snowed in. School is cancelled; the roads are too bad to go to work; so how do you keep yourself entertained at home on a snow day?
BIBLE BRAIN BUSTER!
QUESTION: What lying woman was a widow for only about three hours?
ANSWER: Sapphira. She conspired with her husband Ananias to lie to Peter about the sale of their property. For three hours she was a widow, and then she died too! (Acts 5:5-10)
QUESTION: Which planet in our solar system has the longest day?
ANSWER: Venus. One of its days is 244 earth days long
TRUE OR FALSE
Pay attention! If our next player doesn’t answer all ten T/F questions correctly we start all over from question #1! First person to answer question #10 correctly is our winner!
- Henry Ford never had a driver’s license. (True)
- The typical American is exposed to 1,600 and commercials and advertisements every month. (False… every DAY!)
- The average driver will be locked out of their car nine times during their lifetime. (True)
- The first episode of Sesame Street was sponsored by the letters W, S and E. (True)
- The only popcorn museum in the world is located in Marion, Ohio, USA. (True)
- The average office document gets copied 9 times. (False… 19 times)
- A town is not a city until it has a church. (False… it must have a cathedral in order to be properly called a city.)
- About one-tenth of the earth’s surface is permanently covered with ice. (True)
- Contrary to popular belief, no alligators have ever been found in the New York City sewer system. (False – one alligator has been found. The 125 pound (57 kilogram) alligator was pulled out by four boys, in 1935.)
- In Texas, it’s against the law for anyone to have a pair of pliers in his or her possession. (True)
TABLOID MATCH GAME
You have to match the blank in the tabloid headline with the word or phrase that has been removed!
SECOND ________ FOUND (EARTH)
Astronomers have discovered a planetary system orbiting the Sun-like star HD 10180. One planet, Zamina, is identical to earth.
The team of astronomers also found evidence that the distances of the planets from their star follow a regular pattern, as also seen in our Solar System.
“We have found what is the system with the most planets yet discovered,” says Christophe Lovis, lead author of the paper reporting the result.
“Studies of planetary motions in the new system reveal complex gravitational interactions between the planets and give us insights into the long-term evolution of the system.”
The team used the HARPS spectrograph, attached to ESO’s telescope at La Silla, Chile, for a six-year-long study of HD 10180, located 127 light-years away in the southern constellation of Hydrus.
THE WAY TOO EARLY IN THE MORNING TO UNDERSTAND THE PUNCHLINE EVEN AFTER TWO CUPS OF COFFEE JOKE OF THE DAY
Because of a shortage of maids, the minister’s wife advertised for a manservant. The next morning a nicely dressed young man came to the front door. “Can you start the breakfast by seven o’clock?” asked the minister.
“I guess so,” answered the man.
“Can you polish all the silver, wash all the dishes, do the laundry, take care of the lawn, wash windows, iron clothes and keep the house neat and tidy?”
“Say, preacher,” said the young fellow rather meekly, “I came here to see about getting married but if it’s going to be as much work as all that, you can count me out right now.”
A couple was celebrating their 25th wedding anniversary when someone asked the fellow what was he giving his wife for the occasion.
Well, I’m taking her to Hawaii, says he.
REALLY ? That’s great. What will you do for your 50th?
Guess I’ll go back and get her…
A motorcycle patrolman was rushed to the hospital with an inflamed appendix. The doctors operated and advised him that all was well. However, the patrolman kept feeling something pulling at the hairs on his chest. Worried that it might be a second surgery the doctors hadn’t told him about, he finally got enough energy to pull his hospital gown down enough so he could look at what was making him so uncomfortable.
Taped firmly across his hairy chest were three wide strips of adhesive tape, the kind that doesn’t come off easily. Written in large black letters was the sentence.
“Get well quick ….. from the nurse you gave a ticket to last week.”
The worst time to wake up is before 5am. And it’s best for your heart health to sleep in until 7am or 8am — every day. Researchers from several universities and hospitals in the Japanese city of Kyoto, have concluded that early-risers have a higher risk of developing heart problems than their friends who sleep in later. The team found that people who habitually rise before 5am have a 1.7 times greater risk of high blood pressure and are twice as likely to develop hardening of the arteries as those who get up at 7am or 8am. ***MARLAR: I should be dead now.
The word “laser” stands for “Light Amplification by Stimulated Emission by Radiation.” ***MARLAR: Boy, I’m glad they came up with an abbreviation! Can you imagine going in to get your eyes fixed? “I’m going in for Light Amplification by Stimulated Emission by Radiation eye surgery!”
One time when Michigan State was playing UCLA in football, the score was tied at 14 with only seconds to play. Duffy Daugherty, Michigan State’s coach, sent in place-kicker Dave kaiser who booted a field goal that won the game. When the kicker returned to the bench,
Daugherty said, “Nice going, but you didn’t watch the ball after you kicked it.”
“That’s right, Coach,” Kaiser replied, “I was watching the referee instead to see how he’d signal it. I forgot my contact lenses, and I couldn’t see the goal posts.”
IT MUST BE TRUE BECAUSE I HEARD IT ON THE RADIO!
Gee, your rat smells nice.
Grooming isn’t just for dogs anymore, and many pet owners are bringing in their pet rats to groomers like Karri Garrison, who uses waterless shampoo to make their coats shine and smell sweet. That’s right, I said pet rats. Customers at Katie’s Pet Depot in La Verne, California, began requesting rat grooming soon after the store opened nearly two years ago. Employees began researching rats and even adopted some. One of the clients was named Jewel, a half-pound, white-and-yellow hooded rat owned by a local high school student. The $10 treatment included clipping her claws, spraying her with the waterless shampoo, and using a product that kills fleas and mites.
HAVE YOU SEEN THE RABBIT?
One day, a young disciple of Christ desirous of wanting to become all that God had for him visited the home of an elderly Christian. He had heard that this old man had never lost his first love for Christ in all the years he had known Him.
The old Christian was sitting on the porch with his dog stretched out before him taking in a beautiful sunset. The young man posed this question:
“Why is it, brother, that most Christians zealously chase after God during the first year or two after their conversion, but then fall into a complacent ritual of church twice a week and end up not looking any different than their neighbors who aren’t even Christians? I have heard you are not like that. I have been told that you have fervently sought after God throughout your years as a Christian. People see something in you that they don’t see in most people who became Christians. What makes you different?
The old man smiled and replied, “Let me tell you a story:
“One day I was sitting here quietly in the sun with my dog. Suddenly a large white rabbit ran across in front of us. Well, my dog jumped up, and took off after that big rabbit. He chased the rabbit over the hills with a passion.
Soon, other dogs joined him, attracted by his barking. What a sight it was, as the pack of dogs ran barking across the creeks, up stony embankments and through thickets and thorns!
Gradually, however, one by one, the other dogs dropped out of the pursuit, discouraged by the course and frustrated by the chase. Only my dog continued to hotly pursue the white rabbit.”
“In that story, young man, is the answer to your question.”
The young man sat in confused silence. Finally, he said, “Brother, I don’t understand. What is the connection between the rabbit chase and the quest for God?”
“You fail to understand,” answered the well-seasoned old man, “because you failed to ask the obvious question. Why didn’t the other dogs continue on the chase? And the answer to that question is that they had not SEEN the rabbit.
Unless you see the prey, the chase is just too difficult. You will lack the passion and determination necessary to keep up the chase.”
DRIVE TIME DEVOTIONAL
A SIGNIFICANT IMPACT
Read: Daniel 10
We do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against . . . the rulers of the darkness of this age. –Ephesians 6:12
John Wesley was convinced that the prayers of God’s people rather than his preaching accounted for the thousands who came to Christ through his ministry. That’s why he said, “God will do nothing except in answer to prayer.” An overstatement? Yes. But the fact is that our praying is a powerful weapon in the war between God and Satan.
In today’s Scripture reading, Daniel was so disturbed by a revelation about Israel’s future that he could do nothing except fast and pray. Three weeks later a heavenly messenger appeared, saying that God had sent him when Daniel prayed, but that the prince of Persia had detained him (10:13). This “prince” was an evil spirit who sought to influence the rulers of Persia to oppose God’s plan. He had detained God’s messenger, until the archangel Michael came to his aid. A cosmic conflict between good and evil is continually being fought in the invisible spirit world. Paul reminded us that it involves Christians. He listed the spiritual armor and weaponry we need for these battles (Ephesians 6:13-17), and then he added “praying always” (v.18). Our prayers can have a significant impact on the outcome of those spiritual battles. May we, therefore, faithfully pray as we fight the good fight (1 Timothy 1:18). —Herb Vander Lugt
Something happens when we pray,
Powers of evil lose their sway,
We gain strength and fear gives way,
Therefore, let us pray. –Anon.
Satan trembles when he sees the weakest saint upon his knees.
BREAD IS DANGEROUS
I’ve done some research and some hard-nosed investigation, and I’ve come up with some very disturbing facts about bread. Now I hope you’re sitting down, because you’re going to be shocked at what I’m about to share with you.
- More than 98 percent of convicted felons are bread users.
- Fully HALF of all children who grow up in bread-consuming households score below average on standardized tests.
- In the 18th century, when virtually all bread was baked in the home, the average life expectancy was less than 50 years; infant mortality rates were unacceptably high; many women died in childbirth; and diseases such as typhoid, yellow fever, and influenza ravaged whole nations.
- More than 90 percent of violent crimes are committed within 24 hours of eating bread.
- Bread has been proven to be addictive. Subjects deprived of bread and given only water to eat, begged for bread after as little as two days.
- Bread is often a “gateway” food item, leading the user to “harder” items such as butter, jelly, peanut butter, and even cream cheese.
- Bread has been proven to absorb water. Since the human body is more than 90 percent water, it follows that eating bread could lead to your body being taken over by this absorptive food product, turning you into a soggy, gooey, bread-pudding person.
- Bread is baked at temperatures as high as 450 degrees Fahrenheit! That kind of heat can kill an adult in less than two minutes.
- Most American bread eaters are utterly unable to distinguish between significant scientific fact and meaningless statistical babbling.
We must protect our children! Beginning immediately we should make selling bread to those under 18-years-old illegal. We should also create bread-free zones around schools, and then have the Federal Government come out with a campaign to “Just Say No 2 Toast!”
LIFE… LIVE IT
MAKE IT PERSONAL
Some easy Valentine’s ideas for Men to impress their lovely ladies.
(Men’s Health) A better Valentine: Dinner and roses? Uninspired. “There’s nothing very special about being just like every other woman on February 14,” says Michael Webb, author of “The RoMANtic’s Guide.” Show that you put some thought into the day. With these:
- Her favorite take-out food dinner. You care enough to have remembered. Use good plates.
- Romantic DVDs bundled into a personal boxed set. Movies you’ve seen together, or classics; it’s creative and thoughtful.
- A fun, decadent dessert, like this fondue from Colin Cowie, author of “Dinner after Dark”: Melt any chocolate (even Hershey bars) in a saucepan, mix in heavy cream, and dip strawberries, biscotti, or her favorite cookies.
- A foot massage using a fragrant oil.
JUST FOR FUN
LOOKIN’ FOR LOVE IN ALL THE WRONG PLACES
One man is so desperate for love he’s actually paying for people to help him find it!
A 34 year old Media, Pennsylvania man is hoping that Cupid shoots an arrow his direction real soon, and he’s willing to pay – if you can help him. Ed Ryder is looking for a woman who enjoys go-cart racing, learning about Russian culture and protecting animals, and if you point that girl his direction it could mean $25,000 for you. Ed says, “‘I’m not at all lonely. I am not at all unhappy. I am not at all desperate. I am merely unfulfilled”. ***MARLAR: And he’s willing to pay $25K to prove that to us? Sounds desperate to me.
- My trucks are all green, my dog’s name is blue, and I’m so lucky to have a sweet thang like you.
- Yore hair is like cornsilk, a flappin’ in the breeze, softer than Blue’s, and without all them fleas.
- You’re as graceful as okry, jist a-dancin ‘ in the pan, yore as fragrant as Bud Light, right out of the can.
- You have all yore teeth, of which I am proud, I hold my head high when we’re ina crowd.
- On special occasions, when you shave yore pits, well, I’m in hawg heaven! Plumb outta my wits!
- And speakin’ of wits, you got plenty for sure, ‘cuz you married me back in ’74.
- Still them fellers in the north 40, they all want me to tell, what I did to deserve such a pretty young belle.
- Like a good roll of duct tape, yore there for yore man, to patch up life’s troubles, and stick ’em in the can.
- Yore as strong as a four wheeler, racin’ through the mud, yet fragile as that singer Naomi Judd.
- Yore as cute as a junebug, a-buzzin’ overhead, you ain’t like no far ant, upon which I oft’ tread.
- Cut from the best pattern, like a flannel shirt of plaid, you spark up my life. like that old linear I had.
- Yore complexion, it’s perfection, like the best vinyl sidin’, despite all the years, yore age it keeps hidin’.
- Some men, they buy chocolate, for Valentine’s Day, they git it at Wal-Mart; it’s romantic that way.
- Some men get roses on that special day, from the cooler at Kroger, “That’s impressive,” I say.
- Some men buy fine diamonds from a flea market booth, “Diamonds are forever,” they explain, suave and couth.
- But for this man honey, this will not do, for you are too special, you sweet thang you.
- I got you a gift, without taste or odor, better than diamonds, it’s a new 350 Chevy motor!
MORE SHOW PREP STUFF…
Could a little homework help save your marriage?
Researchers in Chicago think so. They found that couples who spent just seven minutes every few months writing short essays about their recent fights reported being less unhappy a year later than similar couples that didn’t do the assignments. The approach was simple – each couple was asked to reconsider a recent argument from the perspective of a neutral well-wisher. “Spending 21 minutes a year reappraising conflict appears to yield a spectacular return on investment,” the team at Northwestern University concluded in their report, to be published in the journal Psychological Science. The researchers point out that the writing assignment didn’t improve anyone’s marriage – but it helped slow the general decline in happiness that marks many, if not most, marriages over time. ***MARLAR: Who knew homework could be BENEFICIAL? Certainly not me.
OTHER STUFF I WANT TO CRAM INTO TODAY’S PREP
The city council in Lake Charles, Louisiana, has made the unanimous decision to have “In God We Trust” decals placed on 200 vehicles, including police patrol cars, fire trucks, and public works vehicles. City Councilman Rodney Geye, who sponsored the measure to have the decals placed on city vehicles, believes the stickers will help civilians have trust in local law enforcement. Several other cities in Louisiana, including the cities of Sulphur and Vinton, have already implemented the campaign to put the stickers on city-owned vehicles.
The Colson Center is giving away free copies of their booklet 21 Days of Prayer for Life, a guide to praying for the victims of abortion. The organization named after Breakpoint founder Chuck Colson suggests that, rather than picking a fight or avoiding the issue, you pray and engage. That is the goal of the booklet. Download your free copy at http://www.colsoncenter.org/21days.
It’s the time of year when you get into your car and the windows are all fogged up. The simple way is to hit the defog button and just wait it out. Unfortunately, that can take a little too long. Thankfully, Mark Rober decided to figure out what is the fastest and most efficient way to get the windows cleared up. He says to just do these four steps:
- Turn the heater on at full power
- Turn on the AC
- Turn off the inside air circulation.
- Crack the windows open slightly
Watch the entire video here… http://ow.ly/WNuVM
AND I LEAVE YOU WITH THIS THOUGHT
I’m convinced that every time I learn something new it pushes some old stuff out of my brain. Last night I was trying to figure out what to get my wife for Valentine’s Day, and this morning I found out that I’ve forgotten how to tie my shoes.
THE WAY WE WORK
(Updated as it comes available. The Way WE Work is written by Mark Elfstrand from 1160Hope.com in Chicago.)
STAR WARS OVER LOOKS
My wife and I watched the Star Wars movie over the holidays. Along with a gazillion other people. Movie prices can kill you. We survived by doing the later afternoon show for roughly $6 each, getting a free popcorn (buttered, of course), and sharing a large drink. A mere $5.75 at the concession stand.
As shocking as some food item prices can be, we had a somewhat similar wake up call in seeing the original Star Wars heroes Mark Hamill, Harrison Ford, and Carrie Fisher in the film. Imagine this…they’ve all AGED!!! How can it be?
The bigger surprises were Hamill and Fisher, or Luke and Leia if you prefer. That stands to reason since we’ve seen Harrison Ford in a number of films since his hang-around-with-Wookie days. Actually, Chewbacca looked pretty good after 38 years. Must be his stylist.
For those who weren’t around to see the original three Star Wars productions, no need to dwell on this age thing. Except to say…spoiler alert…you too will get wrinkled and gray! And probably wider.
Of course, I’m not the only one who noticed these physical changes. Apparently, LOTS of moviegoers have commented, and some quite rudely. You see, unlike life for most of us, Hollywood stars are not allowed to show this aging process. And if they have the audacity to show up on film in a way that makeup cannot overcome, well….OOFTA, as the Scandinavians would say.
Princess Leia has taken the brunt of fans’ criticism. Here’s the way it showed up in the Washington Post recently: “…Yet some longtime fans were stuck on a detail that shouldn’t have come as a surprise to anyone: The actors have aged. Or, to zone in on the preoccupation, Fisher has aged — and allegedly “not well.” Ouch. https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/morning-mix/wp/2015/12/30/carrie-fisher-strikes-back-at-haters-youthbeautyrnot-accomplishments/
Her original role as a princess had her on screen in a gold bikini. Producers decided not to do that outfit again. Since she is now a General, she must dress more appropriately. And she does.
But it’s her weight that drew criticism, even though she lost 35 pounds for her film role. Responding to some critics, Carrie tweeted, “My body is my brain bag, it hauls me around to those places and in front of faces where there’s something to say or see.” She’s made mention of weight in other tweets as well.
But the larger issue to Carrie Fisher (if you’ll excuse the pun) is that Hollywood isn’t made for the unattractive woman. In early December, she complained that an actress over 40 finds it difficult to get work. According to the Post, Fisher told Good Housekeeping magazine, “They don’t want to hire all of me – only about three-quarters…Nothing changes, it’s an appearance-driven thing. I’m in a business where the only thing that matters is weight and appearance. That is so messed up. They might as well say ‘get younger,’ because that’s how easy it is.”
Female actresses are not alone. Quite coincidentally, as I was preparing this blog, a New York Times piece appeared this week on females over 50 and jobless. As it’s stated, “… many of these older women now earn far less and use many fewer skills than they did before. Others have been left stranded without any job for months or even years. Some have given up the search altogether.” http://www.nytimes.com/2016/01/02/business/economy/over-50-female-and-jobless-even-as-others-return-to-work.html?emc=edit_th_20160102&nl=todaysheadlines&nlid=68618012
If the statistics are correct, here’s how it looks. A Federal Reserve Bank of St. Louis study found job prospects shifted significantly for women after the so-called Great Recession, which began in 2007. Up to that point, women over 50 comprised about one quarter of the unemployed. Just seven years later, that same category has grown to around half the unemployed.
If our culture has become insensitive to the experience, wisdom, and insight of women in the workplace, value is lost. My heart especially goes out to women who are compelled to work outside the home due to life’s circumstances. My own mother was in that situation. Fortunately, employers considered her valuable even into her later years.
The Bible speaks about the value of the hard working woman in Proverbs 31, albeit a married one. It says, “When she speaks, her words are wise, and she gives instructions with kindness. She carefully watches everything in her household and suffers nothing from laziness. Her children stand and bless her. Her husband praises her: ‘There are many virtuous and capable women in the world, but you surpass them all!’ Charm is deceptive, and beauty does not last; but a woman who fears the Lord will be greatly praised. Reward her for all she has done. Let her deeds publicly declare her praise.” (Proverbs 31:26-31, NLT)
That one line is worth its weight in gold: Charm is deceptive, and beauty does not last; but a woman who fears the Lord will be greatly praised.
Yes, that woman is to be celebrated. Even to a galaxy far, far away.
That’s The Way WE Work. Click on the link to the right to connect via Facebook.
Catch “Let’s Talk with Mark Elfstrand” weekday afternoons from 4-6pm on AM 1160 Hope for Your Life. To listen to the live broadcast or a podcast of previous shows click here.
THE TICKET Movie Reviews with MARIE ASNER
Marie Asner has been reviewing films for over 30 years. Her outlets include radio, print and Internet. For more in-depth movie reviews of the following films, visit www.Tollbooth.org. Ratings from 1 (Low) to 5 (High).
Marie Asner’s Ten Best and Worst Films of 2015 In Alphabetical Order (Get the full list on Phantom Toolbooth here!)
Beasts Of No Nation (rated R)
How not to start a war.
99 Homes (rated R)
No second mortgages
Sicario (rated R) and “sicario” means “hitman
Revenge takes a lifetime
Spotlight (rated R)
How to write a news story
Suffragette (rated R)
It took this long for women to get the right to vote?
The Danish Girl (rated R)
A life of sadness
The Revenant (rated R)
Beware of your friends.
Trumbo (rated R)
Revisiting the Cold War
Truth (rated R)
Always check your facts
Youth (rated R)
The past is sometimes not pleasant.
Black Mass (rated R)
Murders in Boston
Brooklyn (PG 13)
Concussion (rated R)
The hard facts of sports
Jurassic World (PG 13)
Star Wars: The Force Awakens (PG-13)
Sunshine Superman (no rating)
Don’t try this at home
Legend (rated R)
Crime in London
Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Road Chip (rated PG)
Horns (rated R)
Don’t look in your mirror
Whatever is a horror sequel
Pan (PG 13)
Read the book
Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2 (rated PG 13)
Ideas needed in a hurry
Rock The Kasbah (rated R)
Film in need of a story
San Andreas (rated PG-13)
Too many endings
The Big Short (rated R)
How not to invest
Vacation (rated PG 13)
How not to travel
Victor Frankenstein (rated R)
Not again? again? again?
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Darren Marlar credits all non-original material to the author whenever possible. All other material is original, used with permission, or author unknown. We welcome all comments, questions, and suggestions. Darren can be reached via his website at www.DarrenMarlar.com.