January 11, 2017: Wednesday ONAIRprep

PRINT VERSION OF TODAY’S PREP: 20170111

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WELCOME TO THE SHOW!

Now, stay tuned for The Best of (THE JOCK SHOW)! Well, actually, it’s just plain old regular (JOCK SHOW), but we’ve got to do something around here to boost morale.

BIBLE VERSE OF THE DAY

What good is it for a man to gain the whole world, yet forfeit his very soul? — Mark 8:36

[Jesus said,] “You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be sons of your Father in heaven.” — Matthew 5:43-45

Joshua told the people, “Consecrate yourselves, for tomorrow the LORD will do amazing things among you.” — Joshua 3:5

HEARTLIGHT DAILY VERSE, PRAYER & THOUGHT

(From VerseOfTheDay.com.)

In his heart a man plans his course, but the LORD determines his steps. — Proverbs 16:9

Thought: We’re now a week-and-a-half into a new year. How are you doing with those changes and commitments you made for the new year? Don’t give up or quit on them… even if you’re having trouble staying on track. But, let’s remember that the only real commitment for this year that is absolutely necessary to keep is that we ask the Lord where he wants us to go and what he wants us to do, then we go there and do it.

Prayer: Holy God, Almighty LORD, Abba Father, thank you for being wondrous, holy, and mighty. Thank you for also caring about me, my life, my decisions, and my struggles. Please guide me by your Spirit so that I can understand your Word and discern your will for my life. I want to have you fully direct my steps. In Jesus’ name I pray. Amen.

The Thoughts and Prayers for Today’s Verse are written by Phil Ware. You can email questions or comments to phil@heartlight.org.

BIRTHDAY VERSE” OF THE DAY (The chapter and verse corresponds to the mo

Psalm 2:11 NIV = Serve the LORD with fear and rejoice with trembling.

TODAY IS WEDNESDAY – JANUARY 11, 2017

(NOTE: Some holidays may be duplicated due to various calendars reporting conflicting dates)
WEIRD, WACKY, STRANGE, ZANY, ODD, BIZARRE, QUIRKY, UNUSUAL HOLIDAYS!
THERE ARE ONLY
348 SHOPPING DAYS UNTIL CHRISTMAS.

Today is NATIONAL GRANDMOTHER ACHIEVEMENT DAY.  ***Don’t think Grandma achieved anything?  Think again. After all, you are hearing me right now – which means you exist. So apparently your grandmother achieved something!

Today is WHITE SHIRT DAY, a day blue-collar factory workers wear white shirts to symbolize the dignity of the working class.  ***And if you are a white collar worker wanting to show that you work just as hard as a blue collar worker, today is the day to show up to work with pit stains.

Today is SATISFIED STAYING SINGLE DAY.  ***Paul in the New Testament was – so you’re in good company if you’re single this coming Valentine’s Day!

Today is MAKE A NEW FRIEND DAY and NATIONAL SHUT-IN VISITATION DAY.  ***You don’t necessarily have to do both together, but if you’re looking for a new friend, I can almost guarantee the shut-ins would appreciate making a new friend too! (Related personality test below!)

Today is NATIONAL PEPPERMINT PATTY DAY.  ***Not the Peanuts character, but the candy. Although both are just as fun.

Today is MERINGUE MEMORIAL DAY, a day to make an old-fashioned cream pie and to see if you can remember how to make meringue.  (RECIPE: 2 egg whites, 4 tablespoons sugar, 1/2 teaspoon vanilla. Beat eggs until frothy. Add sugar gradually and continue beating until stiff peaks form. Add vanilla. Pile on pie and bake at 325° for 15 to 18 minutes.)

Today is DON’T CRY OVER SPILLED MILK DAY. ***If you’re lactose intolerant, it’s Don’t Cry Over Spilled Soy Juice Day.

Today is NATIONAL INVENTOR’S DAY. ***I thought I had a great invention the other day, a device that made time stop. Turned out my watch’s battery was dead.

MAKE A FRIEND DAY

The type of friends you prefer reveals a lot about your personality, says psychologist Dr. Elayne Kahn, co-author of “1001 Ways You Reveal Your Personality.”

  • Just one close friend. You need someone to confide in and trust. You don’t trust people very easily, but once you do you’re very loyal. You take friendship very seriously and never take your friends for granted.

  • Friends of your own sex only. You enjoy tradition and believe boys should be boys and girls should be girls. You’re more comfortable when people are in more traditional roles. You enjoy friends who have something in common with you.

  • Friends of the opposite sex only. You enjoy being the center of attention, but don’t like competing for it. Intimate friendships are very important to you, and you’re capable of deep relationships.

  • Friends you just party with. You love to socialize, but don’t like people getting too close. You’re very independent and want to stay that way – and you especially don’t like to become dependent on one person.

  • Friends only from the workplace. You love achieving, working hard, making money and always moving ahead. All things in your life – including friendships – are geared toward making your career as successful as possible.

  • Different friends for different occasions. If, for example, you go dancing with one group of friends and play touch football with another, you’re well-organized, but don’t like to become too involved with people. You’re a busy, active person.

TODAY IS ALSO…
Cigarettes Are Hazardous To Your Health Day
Learn Your Name in Morse Code Day Link
National Human Trafficking Awareness Day Link

COMING UP NEXT (Just a list, we are not endorsing the holidays posted below.)

THURSDAY, JANUARY 12

I Am A Mentor Link
Kiss A Ginger Day Link (Red Heads)
National Hot Tea Day

FRIDAY, JANUARY 13

Friday the 13th

Blame Someone Else Day
Make Your Dream Come True Day Link
National Sticker Day Link
Public Radio Broadcasting Day

SATURDAY, JANUARY 14

Caesarean Section Day
Eagle Day
International Kite Day
Dress Up Your Pet Day Link
National Vision Board Day (2nd Saturday)
Organize Your Home Day Link
Ratification Day

SUNDAY, JANUARY 15

Alpha Kappa Alpha Day

Annoy Squidward Day (aka Your Boss) Link  (SpongeBob Squarepants)
Humanitarian Day
National Sanctity of Human Life Day (or Pro-Life Day): Link
World Religion Day Link

MONDAY, JANUARY 16

Appreciate A Dragon Day
Civil Service Day
Fig Newton Day Link  Link
Martin Luther King Day
National Crowd Feed Day
National Day of Service Link
Nothing Day
Religious Freedom Day Link
Without A Scalpel Day Link  Link

TUESDAY, JANUARY 17

Cable Car Day
Hot Heads Chili Days
International Mentoring Day  Link
Judgment Day
Kid Inventors’ Day
National Bootleggers Day Link
Popeye Day
Rid The World of Fad Diets and Gimmicks Day

WEDNESDAY, JANUARY 18

Pooh (Winnie The) Day
Thesaurus Day Link

ON THIS DAY

1905: James Blackstone of Seattle set a world record by bowling 299½. On the last roll, one pin broke in half and half of it remained standing. Honest.

1938: Robert George Pickett was born in Somerville,: Massachusetts. Bobby was known by his nickname “Boris” when he hit it big with the graveyard smash, “Monster Mash,” at Halloween in 1962, 1970 and 1973. Pickett also charted with ” Monsters’ Holiday” in 1962 and “Graduation Day” in 1963. He died of leukemia in 2007 at age 69.

1942: The Archie comic book debuted, featuring Riverdale High’s Archie Andrews, Jughead, Betty, Veronica, and the rich, conniving Reggie. Archie had debuted two months earlier in Pep comics. Spinoffs included a long-time radio show, two TV cartoon series, and a rock group called The Archies.

1966: Willie Mays became the highest-paid baseball player, signing a two-year contract with the San Francisco Giants for about $130,000 a year.

1977: History’s fattest lobster was caught off the Nova Scotia coast. It weighed 44 pounds 6 ounces and measured 3½ feet from claw tip to tail fan.

1989: In a Boston ceremony, the Rev. Barbara C. Harris became the first woman consecrated as a bishop in the Episcopal church.

1990: In a stunning upset, heavyweight champion Mike Tyson was knocked out in the tenth round of his fight with Buster Douglas in Tokyo. Douglas went into the fight a 35-1 underdog.

1990: Georges de Mestral died in Switzerland at age 82. He invented Velcro and the asparagus peeler.

1993: President Bill Clinton announced his choice of Miami prosecutor Janet Reno to be the nation’s first female attorney general.

1994: Former Arkansas state clerical worker Paula Jones accused Bill Clinton of making improper sexual advances three years earlier in a Little Rock hotel room. The President said it never happened.

1998: The Church of England voted temptation out of the Lord’s Prayer. Meeting in London, senior clerics approved a modern version of the prayer, deleting the words “Lead us not into temptation” and substituting “Save us from the time of trial.”

2001: Three Rivers Stadium in Pittsburgh was demolished to make way for new baseball and football stadiums.

2003: A deli worker in New York caught a butcher’s knife after it was thrown at her by a robber. Rosa Dela Cruz managed to grab the knife by its handles, stopping it just inches from her face. Police, who caught the robber outside the store, said it was incredible Cruz wasn’t hurt.

2004: Cable TV giant Comcast Corporation launched a hostile bid to buy The Walt Disney Company for more than $54 billion. Comcast later withdrew the bid.

TODAY IN CHRISTIAN HISTORY

1225: 3rd and final version of the Magna Carta is accepted. The original document was written by the archbishop of Canterbury and had a powerful influence on the subsequent development of English freedoms.

1742: Zinzendorf on a visit to Pennsylvania, ordains two missionaries to American Indian tribes.

1790: The Society of Friends (Quakers) presents a petition to Congress calling for the abolition of slavery.

1858: Marie-Bernarde Soubirous, a fourteen year old peasant girl tells her parents she has seen the apparition of a lovely woman at the grotto of the rocks in Lourdes. Pressed later, she says the woman was the Virgin Mary. A spring mysteriously appears where no water flowed before. When the story gets around, Lourdes becomes a center for healing, with hundreds of thousands of visitors a year.

1888: John Smith Moffat, a missionary and agent of Cecil Rhodes, makes a treaty with the African king Lobengula. By this treaty the Matabele people come under British protection. The willingness of some missionary to act as agents for the government sometimes hurt the cause of the gospel by raising suspicion among the tribes.

1929: The Lateran Treaty is signed by Mussolini and the Holy See, recognizing Vatican City as a sovereign state. At a mere 109 acres, it became the smallest nation in the world.

1989: The Episcopal Church Boston diocese consecrated Barbara Harris as the church’s first woman bishop.

HOLLYWOOD, SPORTS AND CELEBRITY FIGURE BIRTHDAYS

  • actor (“Brotherly Love”, “Boy Meets World”) Matthew Lawrence 37

  • actress (“Friends”, Office Space, Marley & Me) Jennifer Aniston 48 (audio clip)

  • actor (Smokey and the Bandit, The Longest Yard, Deliverance) Burt Reynolds 81

  • Actress (Ginger Grant on “Gilligan’s Island”) Tina Louise, 83 (audio clip)

BEE-BOP BIRTHDAYS

(Music Artist Birthdays From SongFacts.com)

1889 : John Mills (The Mills Brothers)

1914 : Matt Dennis

1914 : Josh White

1935 : Sergio Mendes

1935 : Gene Vincent

1940 : Bobby “Boris” Pickett

1942 : Otis Clay

1942 : Leon Haywood

1947 : Derek Shulman (Gentle Giant)

1962 : Sheryl Crow

1977 : Mike Shinoda (Linkin Park)

1979 : Brandy

1981 : Kelly Rowland (Destiny’s Child)

SECRETS OF THE UNIVERSE

Is there any limit to how high birds can fly?

Well, would you accept, “the sky’s the limit?” I didn’t think so. Well, the oxygen has to be plentiful enough for them to breathe and the air can’t be too thin for them to get a lift under their wings. Having said that, we know from the testimony of airline pilots that some birds really get up there. Swans, for example, have been reported at 27,000 feet. That’s probably about the top. Then there’s the vulture that hit a passenger plane, 37,000 feet above the Ivory Coast. At least we can extrapolate from the mangled feathers that were its remains that it was a vulture. But ornithologists suspect that, rather than actually flying that high, it got caught up in a storm, was frozen solid and delivered to that height by an updraft. Given the shrinking meal service on most planes, we know that vulture couldn’t have been scavenging for leftovers.

CHRISTIAN ARTIST NEWS

This is just a tiny sample of the 5-6 pages of material you could be receiving three days a week from ChristianRadioShowPrepServices.com!

Casting Crowns Jaun Devevo: I think I have mind powers. I turned my alarm off in a dream…and it actually happened.

Plumb says a video she posted of her husband on a hoverboard may cost her her life. She said: If I don’t live to see tomorrow then I have been murdered by my husband for posting this (JOKING)… but some people can ride hover-boards… and some…cannot.

https://www.instagram.com/p/BO0-9A9jPdX/

A public service announcement from Casting Crowns Jaun Devevo. He posted a picture of three boxes of unsweetened chocolate and added: Kids, don’t make a grab for this chocolate today, it’s much better after your mom uses it. No word on if Jaun was speaking from experience.

Micah Tyler spent the first few days of the new year with his family in Washington DC on his first real non-work related family vacation in over 7 years. Micah said 2016 was the craziest year of his life and he wouldn’t have survived it without the loving kindness of Jesus and his family. As a reward for being away from his family for over 250 dates in 28 states during 2016, Micah cashed in some Southwest air points and welcomed 2017 with some family time.

Hillary Scott and her husband found a unique way to celebrate 5 years since saying “I do!” The couple wore the same shirts they wore at their reception. And yes, they still fit.

https://www.instagram.com/p/BO3pTZDlSth/?taken-by=hillaryscottla

Natalie Grant recently announced the release of the 4th book in her Glimmer Girls series. Last year Natalie released three books in the series for tween girls ages 8 through 12. Each book follows twins Mia & Maddie, and their little sister Lou Lou on their adventures as they tour with their singing mom, Gloria Glimmer. Natalie says book number 4 will release on the final day of January. It’s titled Light Up New York.

https://www.instagram.com/p/BO3a6kgBMFl/

Jason Gray says he’s a sucker for restoration stories, even if those stories don’t involve humans. He posted: I have a love affair with shoe repair businesses.

https://www.instagram.com/p/BO2_sSsBQ35/

Hawk Nelson frontman Jon Steingard does not trust seagulls. He posted: I got robbed of a hot dog by one of these guys one time. Been suspicious of them ever since!

Jonny Diaz says he has a busy day in store. He posted: I’m going to mouth words to my dog so he thinks he’s gone deaf.

NEWS KICKERS

(No news on the weekends. Want a customized audio version, FREE? Email me for more information! )

NEW NEWS KICKERS…

The late Rock star Prince had 67 10-ounce gold bars in his possession and owned an estimated $25.4 million worth of real estate at the time of his death.  ***So if you’ll excuse me, I need to wrap this up now and go find some connection to prove I’m related to Prince…

Good news – if there ever actually is a zombie apocalypse, a new study says it shouldn’t last long!  Bad news – it’s not going to end the way we’d like it to. It seems predictive models have determined ravenous zombie hordes would reduce Earth’s population to no more than 200 survivors within 100 days. ***Great.  So “The Walking Dead” is now proven to be unrealistic.  You just can’t trust anybody to give us the truth anymore.

Ali Mosslmani, better known as the guy in all those mullet memes, is now the guy suing – over all those mullet memes. The Australian teenager is suing the Daily Mail Australia, Daily Telegraph, and KIIS radio – claiming they defamed him by posting altered versions of a photo of himself with what can only be described as an epic mullet, taken by a professional photographer at a party in Sydney. Ali’s lawyers say by putting their client’s head on Mount Rushmore, a dollar bill, and a horse, the defendants labeled him a “ridiculous person” and “hideously ugly.” ***Well, if the hair fits…

Under Armor has launched a Tom Brady line of pajamas for $80 to $100. ***Actually, the PJs were originally $150, but the price has been deflated.

The Limited has announced they’re closing all 250 of their stores. ***So now they’re reeeeeallly limited.

NEWS KICKER EVERGREENS…

According to a recent study, 77% of workers who have a Facebook account use it during work.  ***The remaining 23% are obviously lying.

Researchers at Northwestern University in Chicago discovered that the human nose can sniff out danger. Volunteers smelled two very similar grassy scents and couldn’t tell them apart. They were then given an electric shock when they were exposed to one of the scents. Afterward, they were able to tell them apart. Scientists said it shows that sense of smell has a survival mechanism.  ***The test subjects now have a better sense of smell, but have developed an irrational fear of grass.

What do YOU do first thing in the morning?  Turns out, a good portion of young women check Facebook before you even make it to the bathroom! One-third of young American women check Facebook before brushing their teeth or going to the bathroom in the mornings, according to a survey done by Oxygen Media.  Research reveals women aged 18 to 34 are becoming increasingly addicted and dependent upon technology and social networking sites.  One in five even said they woke up in the middle of the night to respond to wall postings, tweets and texts, while 37 percent have fallen asleep with their phones in their hands.  ***This study proves one thing… I am a young American woman.

Researchers have discovered that monkeys who experience increased hormonal reactions to stress while infants are more likely to consume large amounts of alcohol as they reach adulthood. They also found that male monkeys drank more than females, and those raised without adult contact drank more than those raised with their mothers. ***Wait a minute… since when are monkeys EVER prone to become alcoholics? Shouldn’t they also say in this study that monkeys are more prone to drink WHEN SCIENTISTS FORCE THEM TO DRINK ALCOHOL?!?!? Helloooo! Don’t you dare try to associate this study with what happens to humans – we don’t have men in white lab coats coming up to us and forcing tequila down our gullets! And what has this study got to do with ANYTHING relevant to the human existence?!?! Getting monkeys plastered – your tax dollars at work…

AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – WEEKDAY VERSION

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD WEDNESDAY’S EPISODE

OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns! Last time, all of the jungle animals were planning a big day of playing in the wind, going to the beach, and sailing on Nozzles the Elephant’s sailboat while making paper airplanes. The whole day was planned to take advantage of the unusually windy day. But after Nozzles went to the bookstore, he stepped outside, and suddenly…

CLOSE: Well, it looks like Nozzles and Gruffy have found something to do with the day… accuse each other of stealing and not sharing. But the good news is that Nozzles found something to write in his new book of blank pages. This could get reeeeeally ugly. We’ll find out how ugly next time, As the Jungle Turns!

***You may simulcast “As the Jungle Turns” on the Internet stream of your live broadcast only. Any other Internet use of “As the Jungle Turns” in whole or part including podcasting of your live broadcast is a violation of copyright law. Thank you for your cooperation on this vitally important issue. If you have any questions, please e-mail us and ask about “Jungle Jam & Friends the Radio Show” usage.

MOMENT OF DUH

Soccer fans trying to keep the amount of violence down at the games end up creating their own Moment of Duh!

Today’s Moment of Duh is dedicated to the fans of Macedonian football, also known to us North American’s as SOCCER! These soccer fans did something that probably should’ve been done a long time ago – they spent three days at a “stop violence” government sponsored event. They attended workshops, lectures and discussions, meant to teach fans of rival soccer teams to get along and not fight. It was a pretty good idea – well, it would’ve been a great idea if it weren’t for the last day of the “stop violence” event. On the very last day, at the farewell dinner, just as the organizers were about to declare the program a “total success,” the attendees began fighting with each other over which team had the best players. A gun was even fired and thirty people were arrested. Fortunately there were no serious injuries. By the way, the government refuses to say whether they will do the program again.

TOP TEN

TOP TEN THOUGHTS FOR THOSE WHO TAKE LIFE TOO SERIOUSLY

10. Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

9. I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.

8. I intend to live forever – so far so good.

7. Borrow money from a pessimist – they don’t expect it back.

6. My mind is like a steel trap – rusty and illegal in 37 states.

5. The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes.

4. When everything’s coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane and going the wrong way.

3. If at first you don’t succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

2. For every action there is an equal and opposite criticism.

1. The colder the x-ray table the more of your body is required on it.

THE FILES OF LAW & DISORDER

The files of Law and Disorder today teach us that the perfect crime is not perfect unless you have the perfect getaway vehicle.

FILE #1: From Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania comes the story of Robert Nolan who held up two convenience stores in one night. Robert was probably feeling pretty good about himself when he stepped out of his van at his house. His mood immediately changed when he was confronted and arrested by the cops. How could the police possibly have known he was the crook? And how could they have found him so quickly? After all, he thought he had made a clean getaway. It was his van. The company van he drove when making his getaway. The one that said “Nolan Plumbing and Heating” in big bold letters on the side. After getting the description of the vehicle from the victims, one of the cops remembered where he had often seen the van parked and was waiting for Robert when he arrived home.

FILE #2: The U.S. Constitution guarantees that a federal prisoner will not be subjected to “cruel and unusual punishment.”  But that all depends on your definition of “cruel and unusual.” In Albany, New York, a federal judge has dismissed a state prisoner’s lawsuit claiming that housing two inmates in a cell designed for one was cruel and unusual punishment. The center of the inmate’s case was his complaint that his fellow inmate’s “toilet smells” were too much to bear. The judge, clearly a math whiz, rejected the toilet-smell argument by using the Pythagorean Theorem to prove that the odor-wafting-distance difference was actually minimal.

FILE #3: Imagine that your car gets stolen and gets smashed up by the guy who stole it. Now imagine your insurance covering his medical expenses! Sounds ludicrous doesn’t it? But a Danish court ruled that a young car thief was entitled to full compensation from the car owner’s third-party insurance. The case dates back to 1992 when a 15-year-old kid stole a car and proceeded to take it on a 105-mph joy ride before crashing it. He was only fined for the crime, but couldn’t be held criminally responsible under Danish law. Now several years later, he was awarded over $100,000 from the car owner’s insurance company for injuries he suffered while driving the stolen car! Boy, that will teach him not to steal anymore, won’t it?!

STRANGE LAW: In Muncie, IL, it is illegal to carry a tackle box into a cemetery.

THIS IS YOUR BRAIN ON DRUGS

Just because a river is frozen in Iowa, doesn’t mean it’s frozen everywhere.

John Russell Lindley, 19, of Iowa City, and Daniel Thomas Rathjen, 19, of Marengo, IA, were smuggling over a pound of marijuana that they had stuffed into a duffel bag, and hid under a private covered dock along the St. Mary’s River in Canada. After stashing the pot, they drove more than 500 miles back to Iowa, and then after a week noticed the Iowa River had started to freeze. They assumed that if the Iowa River was frozen, then the St. Mary’s River in Canada also would be frozen. They were wrong, and fell through the ice. Just because a river is frozen in Iowa, doesn’t mean it’s frozen everywhere.

PHONER PHUN

Valentine’s Day is right around the corner, and that means the chick flicks are coming out of the video cabinets for a nice romantic evening. In your opinion, what is THE most romantic movie of all time?

So you’re snowed in. School is cancelled; the roads are too bad to go to work; so how do you keep yourself entertained at home on a snow day?

BIBLE BRAIN BUSTER!

QUESTION: What lying woman was a widow for only about three hours?
ANSWER: Sapphira. She conspired with her husband Ananias to lie to Peter about the sale of their property. For three hours she was a widow, and then she died too! (Acts 5:5-10)

QUESTION IMPOSSIBLE

QUESTION: Which planet in our solar system has the longest day?

ANSWER: Venus. One of its days is 244 earth days long

TRUE OR FALSE

Pay attention! If our next player doesn’t answer all ten T/F questions correctly we start all over from question #1! First person to answer question #10 correctly is our winner!

1. Henry Ford never had a driver’s license. (True)

2. The typical American is exposed to 1,600 and commercials and advertisements every month. (False… every DAY!)

3. The average driver will be locked out of their car nine times during their lifetime. (True)

4. The first episode of Sesame Street was sponsored by the letters W, S and E. (True)

5. The only popcorn museum in the world is located in Marion, Ohio, USA. (True)

6. The average office document gets copied 9 times. (False… 19 times)

7. A town is not a city until it has a church. (False… it must have a cathedral in order to be properly called a city.)

8. About one-tenth of the earth’s surface is permanently covered with ice. (True)

9. Contrary to popular belief, no alligators have ever been found in the New York City sewer system. (False – one alligator has been found. The 125 pound (57 kilogram) alligator was pulled out by four boys, in 1935.)

10. In Texas, it’s against the law for anyone to have a pair of pliers in his or her possession. (True)

TABLOID MATCH GAME

You have to match the blank in the tabloid headline with the word or phrase that has been removed!

SECOND ________ FOUND (EARTH)

Astronomers have discovered a planetary system orbiting the Sun-like star HD 10180.  One planet, Zamina, is identical to earth.

The team of astronomers also found evidence that the distances of the planets from their star follow a regular pattern, as also seen in our Solar System.

“We have found what is the system with the most planets yet discovered,” says Christophe Lovis, lead author of the paper reporting the result.

“Studies of planetary motions in the new system reveal complex gravitational interactions between the planets and give us insights into the long-term evolution of the system.”

The team used the HARPS spectrograph, attached to ESO’s telescope at La Silla, Chile, for a six-year-long study of HD 10180, located 127 light-years away in the southern constellation of Hydrus.

THE WAY TOO EARLY IN THE MORNING TO UNDERSTAND THE PUNCHLINE EVEN AFTER TWO CUPS OF COFFEE JOKE OF THE DAY 

JOKE #1

Because of a shortage of maids, the minister’s wife advertised for a manservant. The next morning a nicely dressed young man came to the front door. “Can you start the breakfast by seven o’clock?” asked the minister.

“I guess so,” answered the man.

“Can you polish all the silver, wash all the dishes, do the laundry, take care of the lawn, wash windows, iron clothes and keep the house neat and tidy?”

“Say, preacher,” said the young fellow rather meekly, “I came here to see about getting married but if it’s going to be as much work as all that, you can count me out right now.”

JOKE #2

A couple was celebrating their 25th wedding anniversary when someone asked the fellow what was he giving his wife for the occasion.

Well, I’m taking her to Hawaii, says he.

REALLY ? That’s great. What will you do for your 50th?

Guess I’ll go back and get her…

JOKE #3

A motorcycle patrolman was rushed to the hospital with an inflamed appendix. The doctors operated and advised him that all was well. However, the patrolman kept feeling something pulling at the hairs on his chest. Worried that it might be a second surgery the doctors hadn’t told him about, he finally got enough energy to pull his hospital gown down enough so he could look at what was making him so uncomfortable.

Taped firmly across his hairy chest were three wide strips of adhesive tape, the kind that doesn’t come off easily. Written in large black letters was the sentence.

“Get well quick ….. from the nurse you gave a ticket to last week.”

USELESS FACTS

The worst time to wake up is before 5am. And it’s best for your heart health to sleep in until 7am or 8am — every day. Researchers from several universities and hospitals in the Japanese city of Kyoto, have concluded that early-risers have a higher risk of developing heart problems than their friends who sleep in later. The team found that people who habitually rise before 5am have a 1.7 times greater risk of high blood pressure and are twice as likely to develop hardening of the arteries as those who get up at 7am or 8am.  ***I should be dead now.

The word “laser” stands for “Light Amplification by Stimulated Emission by Radiation.”  ***Boy, I’m glad they came up with an abbreviation!  Can you imagine going in to get your eyes fixed?  “I’m going in for Light Amplification by Stimulated Emission by Radiation eye surgery!”

FEATURED FUNNIES

FIELD GOAL

One time when Michigan State was playing UCLA in football, the score was tied at 14 with only seconds to play. Duffy Daugherty, Michigan State’s coach, sent in place-kicker Dave kaiser who booted a field goal that won the game. When the kicker returned to the bench,

Daugherty said, “Nice going, but you didn’t watch the ball after you kicked it.”

“That’s right, Coach,” Kaiser replied, “I was watching the referee instead to see how he’d signal it. I forgot my contact lenses, and I couldn’t see the goal posts.”

IT MUST BE TRUE BECAUSE I HEARD IT ON THE RADIO!

Gee, your rat smells nice. 

Grooming isn’t just for dogs anymore, and many pet owners are bringing in their pet rats to groomers like Karri Garrison, who uses waterless shampoo to make their coats shine and smell sweet. That’s right, I said pet rats. Customers at Katie’s Pet Depot in La Verne, California, began requesting rat grooming soon after the store opened nearly two years ago. Employees began researching rats and even adopted some. One of the clients was named Jewel, a half-pound, white-and-yellow hooded rat owned by a local high school student. The $10 treatment included clipping her claws, spraying her with the waterless shampoo, and using a product that kills fleas and mites.

INSPIRATIONAL INSPIRATION

HAVE YOU SEEN THE RABBIT?

One day, a young disciple of Christ desirous of wanting to become all that God had for him visited the home of an elderly Christian. He had heard that this old man had never lost his first love for Christ in all the years he had known Him.

The old Christian was sitting on the porch with his dog stretched out before him taking in a beautiful sunset. The young man posed this question:

“Why is it, brother, that most Christians zealously chase after God during the first year or two after their conversion, but then fall into a complacent ritual of church twice a week and end up not looking any different than their neighbors who aren’t even Christians? I have heard you are not like that. I have been told that you have fervently sought after God throughout your years as a Christian. People see something in you that they don’t see in most people who became Christians. What makes you different?

The old man smiled and replied, “Let me tell you a story:

“One day I was sitting here quietly in the sun with my dog. Suddenly a large white rabbit ran across in front of us. Well, my dog jumped up, and took off after that big rabbit. He chased the rabbit over the hills with a passion.

Soon, other dogs joined him, attracted by his barking. What a sight it was, as the pack of dogs ran barking across the creeks, up stony embankments and through thickets and thorns!

Gradually, however, one by one, the other dogs dropped out of the pursuit, discouraged by the course and frustrated by the chase. Only my dog continued to hotly pursue the white rabbit.”

“In that story, young man, is the answer to your question.”

The young man sat in confused silence. Finally, he said, “Brother, I don’t understand. What is the connection between the rabbit chase and the quest for God?”

“You fail to understand,” answered the well-seasoned old man, “because you failed to ask the obvious question. Why didn’t the other dogs continue on the chase? And the answer to that question is that they had not SEEN the rabbit.

Unless you see the prey, the chase is just too difficult. You will lack the passion and determination necessary to keep up the chase.”

–Gary Amiraulthe

DRIVE TIME DEVOTIONAL

A SIGNIFICANT IMPACT

Read: Daniel 10

We do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against . . . the rulers of the darkness of this age. –Ephesians 6:12

John Wesley was convinced that the prayers of God’s people rather than his preaching accounted for the thousands who came to Christ through his ministry. That’s why he said, “God will do nothing except in answer to prayer.” An overstatement? Yes. But the fact is that our praying is a powerful weapon in the war between God and Satan.

In today’s Scripture reading, Daniel was so disturbed by a revelation about Israel’s future that he could do nothing except fast and pray. Three weeks later a heavenly messenger appeared, saying that God had sent him when Daniel prayed, but that the prince of Persia had detained him (10:13). This “prince” was an evil spirit who sought to influence the rulers of Persia to oppose God’s plan. He had detained God’s messenger, until the archangel Michael came to his aid. A cosmic conflict between good and evil is continually being fought in the invisible spirit world. Paul reminded us that it involves Christians. He listed the spiritual armor and weaponry we need for these battles (Ephesians 6:13-17), and then he added “praying always” (v.18). Our prayers can have a significant impact on the outcome of those spiritual battles. May we, therefore, faithfully pray as we fight the good fight (1 Timothy 1:18). —Herb Vander Lugt

Something happens when we pray,
Powers of evil lose their sway,
We gain strength and fear gives way,
Therefore, let us pray. –Anon.

Satan trembles when he sees the weakest saint upon his knees.

LEFTOVERS

BREAD IS DANGEROUS

I’ve done some research and some hard-nosed investigation, and I’ve come up with some very disturbing facts about bread. Now I hope you’re sitting down, because you’re going to be shocked at what I’m about to share with you.

  • More than 98 percent of convicted felons are bread users.

  • Fully HALF of all children who grow up in bread-consuming households score below average on standardized tests.

  • In the 18th century, when virtually all bread was baked in the home, the average life expectancy was less than 50 years; infant mortality rates were unacceptably high; many women died in childbirth; and diseases such as typhoid, yellow fever, and influenza ravaged whole nations.

  • More than 90 percent of violent crimes are committed within 24 hours of eating bread.

  • Bread has been proven to be addictive. Subjects deprived of bread and given only water to eat, begged for bread after as little as two days.

  • Bread is often a “gateway” food item, leading the user to “harder” items such as butter, jelly, peanut butter, and even cream cheese.

  • Bread has been proven to absorb water. Since the human body is more than 90 percent water, it follows that eating bread could lead to your body being taken over by this absorptive food product, turning you into a soggy, gooey, bread-pudding person.

  • Bread is baked at temperatures as high as 450 degrees Fahrenheit! That kind of heat can kill an adult in less than two minutes.

  • Most American bread eaters are utterly unable to distinguish between significant scientific fact and meaningless statistical babbling.

We must protect our children! Beginning immediately we should make selling bread to those under 18-years-old illegal. We should also create bread-free zones around schools, and then have the Federal Government come out with a campaign to “Just Say No 2 Toast!”

LIFE… LIVE IT

MAKE IT PERSONAL

Some easy Valentine’s ideas for Men to impress their lovely ladies.

(Men’s Health) A better Valentine: Dinner and roses? Uninspired. “There’s nothing very special about being just like every other woman on February 14,” says Michael Webb, author of “The RoMANtic’s Guide.” Show that you put some thought into the day. With these:

  • Her favorite take-out food dinner. You care enough to have remembered. Use good plates.

  • Romantic DVDs bundled into a personal boxed set. Movies you’ve seen together, or classics; it’s creative and thoughtful.

  • A fun, decadent dessert, like this fondue from Colin Cowie, author of “Dinner after Dark”: Melt any chocolate (even Hershey bars) in a saucepan, mix in heavy cream, and dip strawberries, biscotti, or her favorite cookies.

  • A foot massage using a fragrant oil.

JUST FOR FUN

LOOKIN’ FOR LOVE IN ALL THE WRONG PLACES

One man is so desperate for love he’s actually paying for people to help him find it!
A 34 year old Media, Pennsylvania man is hoping that Cupid shoots an arrow his direction real soon, and he’s willing to pay – if you can help him. Ed Ryder is looking for a woman who enjoys go-cart racing, learning about Russian culture and protecting animals, and if you point that girl his direction it could mean $25,000 for you. Ed says, “‘I’m not at all lonely. I am not at all unhappy. I am not at all desperate. I am merely unfulfilled”. ***MARLAR: And he’s willing to pay $25K to prove that to us? Sounds desperate to me.

FUN LIST

REDNECK VALENTINES (Click here for a ZIP file containing fully-produced and ready-to-air bits based on this list, specifically for ONAIRprep subscribers!)

  • My trucks are all green, my dog’s name is blue, and I’m so lucky to have a sweet thang like you.

  • Yore hair is like cornsilk, a flappin’ in the breeze, softer than Blue’s, and without all them fleas.

  • You’re as graceful as okry, jist a-dancin ‘ in the pan, yore as fragrant as Bud Light, right out of the can.

  • You have all yore teeth, of which I am proud, I hold my head high when we’re ina crowd.

  • On special occasions, when you shave yore pits, well, I’m in hawg heaven! Plumb outta my wits!

  • And speakin’ of wits, you got plenty for sure, ‘cuz you married me back in ’74.

  • Still them fellers in the north 40, they all want me to tell, what I did to deserve such a pretty young belle.

  • Like a good roll of duct tape, yore there for yore man, to patch up life’s troubles, and stick ’em in the can.

  • Yore as strong as a four wheeler, racin’ through the mud, yet fragile as that singer Naomi Judd.

  • Yore as cute as a junebug, a-buzzin’ overhead, you ain’t like no far ant, upon which I oft’ tread.

  • Cut from the best pattern, like a flannel shirt of plaid, you spark up my life. like that old linear I had.

  • Yore complexion, it’s perfection, like the best vinyl sidin’, despite all the years, yore age it keeps hidin’.

  • Some men, they buy chocolate, for Valentine’s Day, they git it at Wal-Mart; it’s romantic that way.

  • Some men get roses on that special day, from the cooler at Kroger, “That’s impressive,” I say.

  • Some men buy fine diamonds from a flea market booth, “Diamonds are forever,” they explain, suave and couth.

  • But for this man honey, this will not do, for you are too special, you sweet thang you.

  • I got you a gift, without taste or odor, better than diamonds, it’s a new 350 Chevy motor!

MORE SHOW PREP STUFF…

Could a little homework help save your marriage?

Researchers in Chicago think so. They found that couples who spent just seven minutes every few months writing short essays about their recent fights reported being less unhappy a year later than similar couples that didn’t do the assignments. The approach was simple – each couple was asked to reconsider a recent argument from the perspective of a neutral well-wisher.  “Spending 21 minutes a year reappraising conflict appears to yield a spectacular return on investment,” the team at Northwestern University concluded in their report, to be published in the journal Psychological Science.  The researchers point out that the writing assignment didn’t improve anyone’s marriage – but it helped slow the general decline in happiness that marks many, if not most, marriages over time. ***MARLAR: Who knew homework could be BENEFICIAL? Certainly not me.

OTHER STUFF I WANT TO CRAM INTO TODAY’S PREP

Next time you’ve got a cough, skip the honey and lemon – and grab some chocolate. A leading cough and respiratory medicine expert claims that new research proves it’s a more effective method of treatment.  Get the full story at http://ow.ly/2tzv307PvCZ

One small trick can help make your fitness goals come true in 2017. According to Today.com, the best time to exercise is in the morning, when you are full of energy and in time to beat the crowds. They say it’s just one small thing but it might make all the difference.

Is Your Babysitter a Good Fit? Here are Interview Questions for Hiring a Babysitter from iMom

Tell me about your previous childcare experience. What did you love most about it?

Why do you want to work with children?

What kinds of activities do you enjoy doing with children?

Do you smoke or have pet allergies?

Are you certified in first aid, CPR or lifesaving?

What kind of reliable transportation do you have?

On a scale of 1-10, how structured do you consider yourself when it comes to adhering to meal or nap schedules?

What kind of discipline techniques have you been asked to use and how well did they work?

Tell me about a time you were criticized and how you dealt with it.

Tell me about a time when you had to prioritize several tasks and manage your time efficiently. How did you decide what was most important? http://bit.ly/2hwn3AO

Remember when mom told you to stand up straight, comb your hair and quit running around? She may have been right. As it turns out, simply standing up straight can make all the difference in the way people perceive you. Actions don’t just speak louder than words — they can completely drown them out. And slouching or moving too fast through the office can make you look like an underling, according to body language experts. In fact, 55% of what you communicate is said through your body language and facial expression, according to one study.  Want to be seen as powerful and confident on the job?  Stand up straight and offer a solid handshake.

AND I LEAVE YOU WITH THIS THOUGHT

I’m beginning to think every time I learn something new it pushes some old stuff out of my brain. Last night I was trying to figure out what to get my bride for Valentine’s Day, and this morning I found out that I’ve forgotten how to tie my shoes.

THE TICKET Movie Reviews with MARIE ASNER

Marie Asner has been reviewing films for over 35 years. Her outlets include radio, print and Internet. For more in-depth movie reviews of the following films, visit www.Tollbooth.org. Ratings from 1 (Low) to 5 (High).

JANUARY 06, 2017…

TEN BEST & WORST FILMS OF 2016 (Compiled by Marie Asner, celebrating 35 Years As Am Entertainment Reviewer)

BEST FILMS, LISTED IN ALPHABETICAL ORDER…

  • A Monster Calls—Child dealing with grief. (PG 13)

  • Arrival— Science fiction with a heart. (PG 13)

  • Captain America: Civil War—The cost of friendship.(PG 13)

  • Certain Women—Life in Montana (rated R)

  • Eagle Huntress (documentary)—Great camera work. (PG)

  • Fences—Life in the 1950’s. (rated  R)

  • Jackie—Where were you on that day? (rated R)

  • La La Land—Dancing feet. (Rated PG 13).

  • Lion—Finding birth mother. Bring hanky.(rated R)

  • Manchester By The Sea—Dealing with old family wounds. (rated R)

BEST FILMS, RUNNERS UP…

  • Dark Horse (documentary)—A winning horse. (Rated PG).

  • Dough—Working at a bakery with humor. (PG 13)

  • Hidden Figures—New faces in the early space program. (PG 13)

  • Midnight Special—Humanity meets the unusual. (PG 13)

  • Rogue One: A Star Wars Story—Star Wars with a heart. Rated (PG 13).

  • Star Trek Beyond—Film three and we haven‘t gotten enough of James T. Kirk, yet. (PG 13)

  • Sully—Survival is possible with the right pilot.(PG 13)

  • 20th Century Women—Three generations of women try to cope with life.(Rated R)

***************************************************

WORST FILMS, LISTED IN ALPHABETICAL ORDER…

  • Basic Plot Horror Films— Lights Out: don’t turn out the lights (no kidding and all rated R.) Before I Wake: don’t fall asleep (no kidding). Blair Witch—still in the woods (no kidding). Shut In—where is the sun when you need it?

  • Bridget Jones’s Baby— What’s next for Bridget, Middle School Parenting? (Rated R)

  • Ghostbusters— A sequel that should not have been made. (Rated PG 13)

  • Gross-Out Comedy Films Including the following, and all rated R.

  • Sausage Party (animated)—Just when you thought you have seen everything.

  • Mike & Dave Need Wedding Dates—no kidding? Who would have thought…..

  • Bad Moms—would you want your kids to see this one?

  • Masterminds—Mindless comedy. (Rated PG 13).

  • Mechanic Resurrection—Going in the wrong direction. Straight down. (Rated R).

  • Neon Demon (rated R)–This one was gone in a flash. (Rated R).

  • Mr. Church—Eddie Murphy in a film that moves at a snail’s pace. (Rated PG 13).

  • Swiss Army Man—let the dead R.I.P. (Rated R).

  • Through The Looking Glass—Again? Johnny Depp as the Mad Hatter? (Rated PG 13).

WORST FILMS, RUNNERS UP…

  • The Handmaiden (foreign film, subtitles)—Sexual content. (Rated a strong R).

  • The Hollars—Dysfunctional family by John Krasinski. (Rated R).

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WARNING: Don’t believe anything you read on the Internet or email (including stuff you read here) unless you can confirm it with another source, and/or it is consistent with what you already know to be true. The opinions in this publication are not necessarily those of Darren Marlar, Marlar House Entertainment, OnAirPrep.com, or any company or organization affiliated with aforementioned. (Regardless of how stupid you may think those opinions are. So there – nyah!)

Darren Marlar credits all non-original material to the author whenever possible. All other material is original, used with permission, or author unknown. We welcome all comments, questions, and suggestions. Darren can be reached via his website at www.DarrenMarlar.com.