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PRINTER FRIENDLY VERSION: 20160112
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Hi, I’m (JOCK) – voted Most Likely to Be Voted Off Several Islands!
BIBLE VERSE OF THE DAY
My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry. — James 1:19
And everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved. … With many other words he warned them; and he pleaded with them, “Save yourselves from this corrupt generation.” Those who accepted his message were baptized, and about three thousand were added to their number that day. — Acts 2:21, 40-41
Praise the Lord, O my soul; all my inmost being, praise his holy name. Praise the Lord, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits. — Psalm 103:1-3
HEARTLIGHT DAILY VERSE, PRAYER & THOUGHT
Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness? — 2 Corinthians 6:14
Thought: There is probably no other Scripture that has produced more conflict for ministers than this one. While not applying just to marriage, this verse is a powerful reminder that when we make life-long partnerships with those who do not share our deepest values, we are endangering our spiritual health. Just as God would not allow the Israelites under the Law to yoke a donkey and an ox together because it would ultimately break them both down, Paul reminds Christians that the same is true in their deepest relationships as well.
Prayer: Father God, I know your will is not arbitrary. I know you want what is best for me. So please give me wisdom as I choose my partners and my closest friends. Help us to help each other live for you and share your blessings and grace. Help us to influence others to come to know you, your mercy, and your salvation more completely. In Jesus’ name. Amen.
“BIRTHDAY VERSE” OF THE DAY
The chapter and verse corresponds to the month and the day!
James 1:12 NIV = Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him.
TODAY IS TUESDAY – JANUARY 12, 2016
(NOTE: Some holidays may be duplicated due to various calendars reporting conflicting dates)
WEIRD, WACKY, STRANGE, ZANY, ODD, BIZARRE, QUIRKY, UNUSUAL HOLIDAYS!
THERE ARE ONLY 349 SHOPPING DAYS UNTIL CHRISTMAS.
Today is EAT CRACKERS AND TRY TO WHISTLE DAY, just to see if it’s still as much fun as it was when you were a kid. *** That’s assuming you know how to whistle at all.
Today is MAKE YOUR DREAMS COME TRUE DAY. *** Unless you’re like me where last night I had a disturbing dream of working out with Richard Simmons.
Today is HAL’S BIRTHDAY. According to Arthur C. Clarke’s book and movie, “2001: A Space Odyssey,” the HAL 9000 computer was brought to consciousness on January 12, 1997, in Urbana, Illinois. HAL stands for a heuristically-programmed algorithmic computer. Conspiracy theorists speculate that the name HAL was a way to slam on the computer giant IBM, as the letters H-A-L precede the letters I-B-M in the alphabet. (audio clip)
Today is BATMAN DAY, marking Batman’s TV debut on this date in 1966. The campy series starred Adam West as Bruce Wayne and Batman and Burt Ward is Dick Grayson and Robin. Some 120 episodes are still in syndication. The first episode was “Hi Diddle Riddle,” followed the next day by “Smack In The Middle” and starred Frank Gorshin as The Riddler. The series ran from 1966-1968. (audio clip)
NATIONAL HANDWRITING DAY — a day celebrate the importance of handwriting, in conjunction with John Hancock’s birthday (1-12-1737). Hancock was the first to sign the Declaration of Independence and is famous for his large, bold signature — Here are some clues to people’s character according to their handwriting:
- If your letters slant to the left: Indicates introspection and a lot of emotional control.
- If letters slant to the right: Reveals a person who’s more impulsive, outgoing, friendly, and emotionally open.
- If letters are straight up and down: The sign of someone who’s ruled by the head, not the heart.
- Letters that slant in more than one direction: indicates versatility and adaptability.
- An erratic slant usually means a lack of flexibility.
- Heavy pressure writing (like you can feel the rib made on the back of the paper) means the writer is agitated.
- Moderate pressure (the writing is dark, but you can’t feel the rib on the other side of the paper) shows ability to deal with stress.
- Light pressure indicates someone who seems to take life in stride.
- Tiny Letters: indicate the writer is somewhat low on self esteem but quite high on brain power.
- Small Letters are the hallmark of quiet, introspective types. They’re generally detail-oriented and have good powers of concentration.
- Large Letters: are usually the sign of a confident, easygoing individual.
- Huge Letters: denote someone who’s loud, theatrical and needs to be the center of attention at all times.
- Wide Letters (their width and height are about the same): The mark of someone who’s open and friendly.
- Narrow Letters: Show someone who’s kind of shy and inhibited but also very self-disciplined.
- Letters that don’t touch: are the sign on an impulsive, artistic, sometimes impractical free thinker.
- Some letters connecting: Means the writer’s personality blends logic and intuition.
- All letters making contact: The calling card of someone who’s highly cautious.
- A curved first mark: Shows a person who’s traditional and plays by the rules.
- A straight beginning stroke: Reveals someone who’s rigid and doesn’t like being told what to do.
- A final stroke straight across: is a clue that the writer is cautious.
- An end mark that curves up: shows generosity.
- Perfect penmanship: is the hallmark of a communicative person.
- An indecipherable scrawl: indicates a person who’s secretive, closed-up and likes to keep his thoughts to himself.
TODAY IS ALSO. . .
National Poetry at Work Day
COMING UP NEXT
WEDNESDAY, JANUARY 13
Public Radio Broadcasting Day
Rubber Ducky Day
THURSDAY, JANUARY 14
Caesarean Section Day
International Kite Day
Dress Up Your Pet Day
FRIDAY, JANUARY 15
International Fetish Day
SATURDAY, JANUARY 16
Appreciate a Dragon Day
Civil Service Day
Soup Swap Day
SUNDAY, JANUARY 17
Cable Car Day
Hot Heads Chili Days
Kid Inventors’ Day
World Religion Day
MONDAY, JANUARY 18
Hot Heads Chili Days
National Crowd Feed Day
National Day of Service
Pooh (Winnie The) Day
National Sanctity of Human Life Day (Pro-Life Day)
Martin Luther King Day
Robert E. Lee Day
TUESDAY, JANUARY 19
Tin Can Day
World Day of Migrants and Refugees
ON THIS DAY
1915: The U.S. House of Representatives rejected a proposal to give women the right to vote.
1932: Hattie Caraway, a Democrat from Arkansas, became the first woman elected to the U.S. Senate.
1957: Elvis Presley recorded “All Shook Up.”
1965: History’s oldest porcupine died at the National Zoo in Washington. The Sumatran crested porcupine was 27 years 3 months old.
1967: “Dragnet” returned to NBC-TV after an eight-year vacation. In the new series, Harry Morgan, as officer Bill Gannon, was Jack Webb’s sidekick. In the original “Dragnet,” from 1952-59, Ben Alexander had played officer Frank Smith. Webb was always Sgt. Joe Friday. The second “Dragnet” lasted four seasons. (audio clip)
1970: The Boeing 747 jetliner made its maiden voyage.
1971: The first episode of “All In The Family” aired on CBS-TV, featuring the first toilet flush on network television. The series starred Carroll O’Connor, Jean Stapleton, Sally Struthers, Rob Reiner, Mike Evans, Isabel Sanford, Sherman Hemsley, and Danielle Brisebois. (audio clip)
1985: After a record 24 weeks as the #1 album in the nation, Prince’s “Purple Rain” was knocked off by Bruce Springsteen’s “Born In the USA.”
1992: A third child, Georgia May Ayeesha, was born to model Jerry Hall and Rolling Stone Mick Jagger.
1994: Burglars tore through a wall at Anducci’s Pasta Bar in Vancouver and made off with 500 servings of lasagna and cannelloni. No cash was missing.
1995: The televised murder trial of football superstar O.J. Simpson began in Los Angeles. He was acquitted of murdering his ex-wife Nicol Brown and her friend Ronald Goldman.
1997: Reuters news service reported that since Siberians had no cash to spare, theaters had begun accepting empty bottles as payment for movie tickets. They had been accepting eggs as payment, but during winter months, chickens were becoming less productive.
1999: Mark McGwire’s 70th home run ball was sold at auction in New York for $3 million to an anonymous bidder.
2001: A Missouri man was arrested for dropping his pants and taking a picture of his buttocks on a photocopier — in the crowded lobby of a St. Louis courthouse. The man told police he wanted the copies of his backside as a practical joke for his girlfriend. He was still making copies when police arrived.
2005: Britain’s Prince Harry apologized after a newspaper published a photograph of him wearing a Nazi uniform to a costume party.
2006: Mehmet Ali Agca was released from an Istanbul prison after serving more than 25 years in Italy and Turkey for shooting Pope John Paul II in 1981 and killing a Turkish journalist.
TODAY IN CHRISTIAN HISTORY
1167: Aelred, the Anglo-Saxon abbot who became one of the Middle Ages’ best-known devotional writers, dies.
1588: John Winthrop, a lawyer who became the first governor of the Puritans in Massachusetts, is born in Suffolk, England.
HOLLYWOOD, SPORTS AND CELEBRITY FIGURE BIRTHDAYS
- Musician (The band Jars of Clay) Dan Haseltine, 43
- Actor (Diggstown, Porthos in The Three Muskateers, Don’t Say a Word, Casanova) Oliver Platt 56
- Radio talk show host Rush Limbaugh, 65
- Actress (“Cheers”, “Veronica’s Closet”, “Fat Actress”, Look Who’s Talking movies) Kirstie Alley 65
(Music Artist Birthdays From SongFacts.com)
1904 : Mississippi Fred McDowell
1905 : Tex Ritter
1926 : Ray Price
1928 : Ruth Brown
1930 : Glenn Yarbrough (The Limeliters)
1939 : William Lee Golden (The Oak Ridge Boys)
1941 : Long John Baldry
1945 : Maggie Bell (Stone the Crows)
1946 : Cynthia Robinson (Sly and the Family Stone)
1951 : Chris Bell (Big Star)
1954 : Felipe Rose (Village People)
1956 : George Duke
1957 : Tommy Ardolino (NRBQ)
1959 : Per Gessle (Roxette)
1960 : Charlie Gillingham (Counting Crows)
1966 : Rob Zombie (White Zombie)
1968 : Raekwon (Wu-Tang Clan)
1974 : Melanie Chisholm (The Spice Girls)
SECRETS OF THE UNIVERSE
How do they get buildings to be perfectly vertical?
Shhh. Can you keep a secret? Tall buildings aren’t perfectly vertical! They don’t have to be. Flexibility is built into their construction — valuable in itself on a windy day or in an earthquake zone. Remember, it’s a secret… so don’t tell anyone. You got that straight?
CHRISTIAN ARTIST NEWS
Do you like the Christian Artist News you see below? It’s just a tiny sample of the 5-6 pages of material you could be receive every weekday… and it’s FREE! Become one of their subscribers at ChristianRadioShowPrepServices.com!
The Gospel Music web site is out with their list of the top 6 Mercyme collaborations from over the years. Ranging from from duets with Amy Grant and Crowder to a photo shoot with a cat, the article brings out some interesting memories.
Third Day’s Mac Powell is making plans for another country tour. He announced last week that it’s in the works for the fall of 2016.
The members of Finding Favour had a stowaway this week. Front man Blake NeeSmith posted a picture of his daughter trying to climb in his suitcase as he prepared to head back out on the road.
How do you gauge if your music is good? How about when even the ceiling tiles join in. Passion members shared a video of just that happening when Rend Collectivetook the stage at the recent Passion conference. Someone posted: music so good, the ceiling tiles join the Rend collective party. Attached was a video of the ceiling tiles in a room under the stage vibrating along with the music.
Josh Wilson will be joined by Jason Gray and JJ Heller on tour this spring and they have written a special song to introduce the tour. Check the video of their special tour announcement, combining some of their best known songs with some new lyrics.
Newboys drummer Duncan Phillips had some excitement on his way to a flight recently. Duncan posted: recently I dropped by Michael’s house to pick him up to catch a flight! Just as he was closing the front door, a bird flew in the house! Duncan says it took a frantic few moments but they managed to get this stunned wren back outside so he could fly away.
Have you ever dreamed of working on the road on tour? There is now an academy designed to help you learn how to do just that. Francesca Battistelli recently gave her endorsement. She says: It’s run by our current Lighting Director, and he is one of the best. If you want to learn how to tour with excellence in production, this is the place to be. Francesca says to check out the brand new Touring Academy at their web site: thetouringacademy.com
Just how dry is it in Los Angeles? Hawk Nelson front man Jon Steingard posted last week: Raining in LA today – also known to locals as “Guys! Free water! From the SKY!!!”
Packing was a struggle this weekend for Audio Adrenaline frontman Adam Agee. He tweeted: How do you pack for south Florida and north Wisconsin in the same trip?
Colton Dixon tied the knot with fiancée Annie Coggeshall in Nashville Friday evening. In a People magazine article following the wedding, Colton posted “I’m overwhelmed,” “There’s so much joy!” The ceremony was a family affair for Dixon. His uncle played piano and his sister, Schyler, sang “How Great Thou Art” as the couple lit a unity candle and took communion. Steven Curtis Chapman made a special appearance at the reception to perform his song “Cinderella” for the father-daughter dance. Colton also serenaded his new bride with a rendition of Elvis’ “Can’t Help Falling in Love.” http://bit.ly/1Rf6l77
(No news on the weekends. Audio clips are only valid for a few days before being removed from our servers.)
NEW NEWS KICKERS…
A man in Germany is missing a toe after he dropped a large kitchen knife onto his bare foot, chopping off his second toe, and his cat ran off with it. *** It took a while for the man to report his story to authorities, because the cat already had his tongue.
A wanted suspect — apparently embarrassed by the mugshot being circulated by Ohio police — sent them a selfie to replace it. Donald Pugh texted the new pic to police along with the message: “Here is a better photo that one is terrible.” ***Because the only thing worse than being a man on the run from the cops, is people thinking you don’t look your absolute best while doing it.
The “New York Post” reports that Lindsay Lohan got tossed from a Manhattan bar over the weekend after making racists comments to a bartender and then spitting on a customer. ***Just imagine how bad this would’ve been had she not already been to rehab!
The latest way to wake up in the morning; caffeinated toothpaste. Power Energy Toothpaste is out with a new kind of toothpaste with the motto, “Get a rush while you brush.” And they are even giving away free samples online at http://www.powertoothpaste.com?kid=857KC. ***Although, if you don’t have time for coffee and need to get your morning caffeine while brushing your teeth… you might need to loosen up your schedule.
NEWS KICKER EVERGREENS…
Four common bad habits combined – smoking, drinking too much, inactivity and poor diet – can age you by 12 years. ***MARLAR: According to the “Research Labs Of DUH”.
The hottest new wedding activity is to trash the wedding dress after the ceremony. Yes, that dress that likely cost several hundred dollars. The most popular way so far to “trash the dress” is for the groom to use it as a paintball target with the bride still in it. ***MARLAR: That’s good, let’s just kick off the marriage with a good ole round of domestic violence.
Can singing take away your pain? Doctors in Australia hope so. As part of a new pain-management program, doctors at Royal North Shore Hospital in Sydney have been prescribing three half-hour singing sessions a week for three weeks. The program involves patients suffering from long-term and incurable pain such as back injuries and arthritis. So far, doctors claim that singing made people fell less tense, less tired and more vigorous for a week after one half-hour session. ***MARLAR: And if after that time it still doesn’t work, the doctors stop singing and ask you to do so instead. (Soon you’ll be hearing your doctor, “Sing four show tunes and call me in the morning”.)
Stanford University reports that child-like reasoning is how fish determine their social pecking order. ***MARLAR: They reached this conclusion after observing which fish sat at the “cool table” in the cafeteria.
CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… “Killing Time Damages Eternity”
DAILY COMEDY CLIP
CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… Bob Smiley, “Run Forest Run”
AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – WEEKDAY VERSION
CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TUESDAY’S EPISODE
OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns! When last we left the jungle, all of the animals were determined to find out what kind of creature was making giant footprints in the jungle… but then they decided not to because they were scared. But then they got brave and moved forward… and then they got scared again. And now…
CLOSE: Finally… now we’re making some progress! What will the jungle animals find when they get back to the giant footprints? Will Millard become monster food, or will this all turn out to be a giant joke? Find out next time… As the Jungle Turns!
AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – SATURDAY/SUNDAY VERSION
CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD THE EPISODE FOR THE WEEKEND OF JANUARY 16/17
OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns! When last we left the jungle, little Louis the lion decided he didn’t want to be king any longer. It was too hard. The animals kept coming to him for not only the big decisions, but also the little ones. So he decided not to be king any longer – and is sneaking off to find someone else to be king!
CLOSE: Wow, talk about making a guy feel bad! Louis is scared on his own, but now he has to be brave for everyone else! Tune in next time to see how brave he stays, As the Jungle Turns!
***You may simulcast “As the Jungle Turns” on the Internet stream of your live broadcast only. Any other Internet use of As the Jungle Turns in whole or part including podcasting of your live broadcast is a violation of copyright law. Thank you for your cooperation on this vitally important issue. If you have any questions, please e-mail us.
MOMENT OF DUH
Raising money to help a friend is usually a good thing – just be sure you’re not committing a Moment of Duh while doing it!
A group of teenagers in Pelham, New Hampshire, wanted to raise money to bail a friend out of jail. They decided to raise money by throwing a party and charging admission. Many area teenagers were willing to pay to get into the party since booze was being served. Now it looks like they’re going to have to come up with a plan to raise more bail money. Police stumbled onto their little fundraiser and 76 minors were taken into protective custody and six of them were arrested on a variety of charges, including unlawful possession of alcohol and resisting arrest.
TOP TEN BEST TRUE-LIFE NEWSPAPER HEADLINES
- Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says
9. British Left Waffles on Falkland Islands
8. Eye Drops Off Shelf
7. Enraged Cow Injures Farmer With Ax
6. Stolen Painting Found by Tree
5. Two Sisters Reunited After 18 Years in Checkout Counter
4. Deer Kill 17,000
3. Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges
2. Man Struck By Lightning Faces Battery Charge
1. Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
THE FILES OF LAW & DISORDER
What do you do to eliminate the competition for the job YOU’RE seeking?
FILE #1: 20-year-old Texan Simon Garay stabbed a man who was applying for the same job as him at Kent Moore Cabinets. Now, instead of a getting a job, he’ll probably spend the next 20 years in prison.
FILE #2: 44-year-old Ana Rivera, of Rhode Island, drove her suspended 13-year-old daughter to school so that she could fight another 13-year-old girl. Both were arrested.
FILE #3: 26-year-old Canadian Paul Edward Dach was discovered after a routine traffic stop with three bags of marijuana in his glove box, next to his registration and insurance card. When police checked the rest of his car, they found 85 pills of ecstasy. ***MARLAR: Maybe it’s time to clean out your car, Paul.
STRANGE LAW: Liquor stores may not sell milk in the state of Indiana.
THIS IS YOUR BRAIN ON DRUGS
A Chemistry teacher decides to supplement his income in a very unique way – by manufacturing meth.
In Bakersfield, California, it seems high school chemistry teacher Jeff Scheidemantel made chemistry class a little too fun! He was arrested and charged with turning his chemistry lab at Shafter High School into a meth lab! He came under suspicion when he went online to buy red phosphorus, an important ingredient for making the drug, from a supplier outside the U.S. After a month long investigation, police moved in and searched Jeff’s home and the school’s chemistry lab, where they confiscated several weapons and meth recipes. However, they never found any actual meth! Jeff has been put on paid administrative leave while school officials investigate.
Today is CLEAN OFF YOUR DESK DAY. What’s the weirdest thing you ever found while going through someone’s desk?
BIBLE BRAIN BUSTER!
QUESTION: Jesus stayed at the home of what leper in Bethany? It was at this man’s home that the woman anointed the head of Jesus with a costly perfume.
ANSWER: Simon (Matthew 26:6-13)
QUESTION: What feast was to be a reminder of the simple homes the Israelites had in Egypt?
ANSWER: The Feast of the Tabernacles (Leviticus 23:39-43)
QUESTION: Americans consume 42 tons of this every day, what is it?
TRUE OR FALSE
Pay attention! If our next player doesn’t answer all ten T/F questions correctly we start all over from question #1! First person to answer question #10 correctly is our winner!
- Key West is only ninety miles from Havana, Cuba. (True)
- In Britain, instead of keeping your car jack in the trunk, you keep it in your boot. (True… what we call a car’s “trunk”, they call a “boot”. Same part of the car though.)
- In the 1982 film classic “E.T.: The Extra-Terrestrial,” the lovable alien got drunk on Diet Coke. (False, it was a six-pack of Coors beer)
- The American ruby and the Cape ruby are not really rubies. (True… they’re actually red varieties of Garnet.)
- In stamp collecting, “Cinderellas” are stamps with ridges. (False… they are stamp-like seals or stickers that have no postal validity whatsoever. They include seals issued by charities and revenue stamps issued by governments.)
- Your body creates and kills 17 million red blood cells per minute. (False, it’s actually 17 million per second!)
- President Abraham Lincoln’s shoe size was 14. (True)
- Austin, Texas was originally named Waterloo. (True… the site settled in the 1830s, was picked as the capital of the Republic of Texas in 1839 and renamed in honor of Stephen Austin.)
- As a group, spiders have seven different types of glands to produce a web-making fiber called “Cotton.” (False… it’s called “silk”)
- The Mississippi River actually flowed backwards once. (True… on December 16, 1811. An earthquake caused it the temporary reverse-flow.)
TABLOID MATCH GAME
You have to match the blank in the tabloid headline with the word or phrase that has been removed!
______ LOSING HIS HEARING (OBAMA)
WASHINGTON – There are Beltway rumors that President Obama is losing his hearing from a rare auditory disease.
Sources close to interns at the White House say that President Obama is virtually deaf but is taking action to correct his hearing loss.
The President said he noticed the hearing problem during the debt ceiling debate. “People were talking to the President, but he couldn’t understand a word they were saying,” said a source close to the White House.
It is President Obama’s right ear that is the problem, though the higher frequencies in his left ear are not as clear either. There are some reports that say he may go totally deaf in his right ear, and may have only partial hearing in his left ear.
While the President was in Hawaii on his vacation, a top otolaryngologist from Los Angeles flew to Oahu to examine the President.
“I can occasionally talk to people in person one on one if their voice frequency happens to fit the range that I can still hear, but I cannot hear exactly what they are saying, especially if they are Republicans, who rarely make sense anyway,” Obama reportedly told his old high school basketball coach. “I cannot hear cable television. I cannot hear protests. I am, for all practical purposes, deaf – and it’s happened in six months.”
WWN spoke to the otolaryngologist and he feels strongly that Obama’s hearing loss can be corrected. “We see this sometimes. People temporarily go deaf. We think that in about nine or ten months, his hearing will fully return to normal.”
Insiders say the President will go about his normal duties. “I bet it won’t affect his golf game at all,” said a Republican congressman.
THE WAY TOO EARLY IN THE MORNING TO UNDERSTAND THE PUNCHLINE EVEN AFTER TWO CUPS OF COFFEE JOKE OF THE DAY
Recently the Pope decided that he could save some expenses at the Vatican by learning how to drive himself. That way they would not need to pay for a driver everywhere he went.
The following month, there were two motorcycle police in Washington D.C. who were on traffic patrol when they saw a white limousine blasting down the expressway.
The younger wanted to catch the speeder, but the older one said, “Forget it. It’s probably some big shot politician who will just get the ticket fixed.”
Not to be discouraged, the younger gave chase. He returned a short time later, rather more quiet then when he had left.
“Well, did you write the citation?” asked the other officer.
Was he some big shot, like I told you?”
“Yeah. I think he was.”
“I’ll bet he was some Senator or something. Right?”
“I, uh, don’t think so. I think he was bigger than that.”
“You telling me that was the Vice President?”
“No, I, uh, he was bigger than that.”
“Don’t tell me you stopped the President!”
“No. I think he was a lot bigger than that!”
“Just who do you think is bigger than the President?”
“Well,” replied the younger, “I couldn’t see who was in the back seat, but he had the Pope driving for him!”
At the airport check-in counter, a woman asked for window seats for her and her husband. The clerk pointed out that this would prevent them from sitting together.
“Sweetie,” the woman replied, “I just spent ten days of quality time in a compact rental car with this man. I know what I’m requesting.”
“Dad,” said Little Johnny, “I’m late for football practice. Would you please do my homework for me?”
The father said irately, “Son, it just wouldn’t be right.”
“That’s okay,” replied Little Johnny, “but you could at least give it a try, couldn’t you?”
A Chicago man is charged with armed robbery of a gas station, where he told the clerk he was “sick of being poor” and people not giving him a job. ***MARLAR: Well, this should look great on his resume.
Kuwait is getting ready to launch an inquiry into how its Defense Ministry managed to pay $290 for a single pastry knife and $4,000 for a meat tenderizer. ***MARLAR: My guess is that they’ve bee shopping at the same place as NASA.
THE SECRET FOR A LONG LIFE
A tough old cowboy once counseled his grandson that if he wanted to live a long life, the secret was to sprinkle a little gunpowder on his oatmeal every morning. The grandson did this religiously and he lived to the age of 93. When he died, he left 14 children, 28 grandchildren, 35 great grandchildren and a fifteen foot hole in the wall of the crematorium. (audio clip)
IT MUST BE TRUE BECAUSE I HEARD IT ON THE RADIO!
WHEN YOU CARE ENOUGH…
Have you ever presented your wife a bouquet of flowers and heard in return, “Honey, you shouldn’t have!” A California man heard that recently – along with a little more!
…It seems that John Yoell came home and gave his wife a nice bouquet of fresh flowers when she insisted that he shouldn’t have spent “that kind of money on flowers”. In fact, she thought they were so expensive that she flipped out and assaulted him with a knife. John drove himself to a nearby hospital where he received 4 stitches. His wife later plead “no contest” to felony battery with serious bodily injury and was sentenced to 6 months in jail. ***MARLAR: This could’ve been worse – the flowers could’ve been delivered and it’d be the FTD guy in the hospital.
THE PRAYER CHAIR
A man’s daughter had asked the local minister to come and pray with her father. When the minister arrived, he found the man lying in bed with his head propped up on two pillows. An empty chair sat beside his bed. The minister assumed that the old fellow had been informed of his visit.
“I guess you were expecting me,” he said.
“No, who are you?” said the father.
“I’m the new minister at your church,” he replied. “When I saw the empty chair, I figured you knew I was going to show up.”
“Oh yeah, the chair,” said the bedridden man. “Would you mind closing the door?” Puzzled, the minister shut the door. “I have
never told anyone this, not even my daughter,” said the man. “But all of my life I have never known how to pray. At church I used to hear the pastor talk about prayer, but it went right over my head.”
“I abandoned any attempt at prayer,” the old man continued, “until one day about four years ago my best friend said to me, ‘Joe, prayer is just a simple matter of having a conversation with Jesus. Here is what I suggest. Sit down in a chair; place an empty chair in front of you, and in faith see Jesus on the chair. It’s not spooky because he promised, “I’ll be with you always.” Then just speak to him in the same way you’re doing with me right now.”
So, I tried it and I’ve liked it so much that I do it a couple of hours every day. I’m careful though. If my daughter saw me talking to an empty chair, she’d either have a nervous breakdown or send me off to the funny farm.”
The minister was deeply moved by the story and encouraged the old man to continue on the journey. Then he prayed with him, anointed him with oil, and returned to the church. Two nights later the daughter called to tell the minister that Her daddy had died that afternoon. “Did he die in peace?” he asked.
“Yes, when I left the house about two o’ clock, he called me over to his bedside, told me he loved me and kissed me on the cheek. When I got back from the store an hour later, I found him dead. But there was something strange about his death. Apparently, just before Daddy died, he leaned over and rested his head on the chair beside the bed. What do you make of that?”
The minister wiped a tear from his eye and said, “I wish we could all go like that.”
We live by faith, not by sight. 2 Corinthians 5:7
DRIVE TIME DEVOTIONAL
WHO’S “ALL THAT?”
Read: Philippians 2:1-8
Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought. –Romans 12:3
Cruising through town the other day, a friend and I spotted a car owned by somebody who thought he or she was “all that.” We didn’t have to meet the owner of this particular vehicle to come to that conclusion. First, we spotted the car quite easily because it was a bright “hey-look-at-me” yellow. But the second dead giveaway that this person had a hankering for attention was the license plate. It read: “I’m Cool.”
My friend and I both came to the conclusion that if you have to tell people you’re cool, you’re not. A couple of days later, my wife and I were leafing through her high school yearbook as she showed me pictures of her friends. Occasionally, she’d point out the photo of others and say, “He’s so arrogant.” Or “She thinks she’s ‘all that.'” Then she’d reiterate how that irritates her.
I say this to point out an important Scripture verse which says, “Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought” (Romans 12:3). Or, loosely translated: “Don’t walk around like you’re ‘all that.'”
It’s okay to have confidence. It’s good to make sure we present a positive image. And it’s not any big feather in our cap to act as if we’re the lowest worm on earth. But there is only one Person who ever had it all together. That would be our role model and our Savior, Jesus Christ.
He was perfect. He was flawless. He was sinless. He was a miracle-worker. He was God in the flesh. He was definitely “all that.” Yet He was humble. And He gave up everything–including His life–to save us.
No matter what we’ve done, how good we look, how great our clothes are, or how cool our car is, we’re not “all that.” Our job is to reflect God’s glory, not shine the light on ourselves.
Pointing to Jesus is cool, and we won’t even have to let on that it is. –DB
THE BRIGHT SIDE
So how many electricians does it take to change a light bulb?
…Perhaps now we can finally answer that question! The light in a men’s rest room in a British shop has finally gone out — after several decades of use. Staff at the Martin and Newby electrical shop in the eastern English town of Ipswich were now wondering whether the unmarked 25-watt bulb has set a world record. Apparently, the shape of the bulb indicates that it was made back in the 1930’s. ***MARLAR: Which, coincidentally, is the last time they decided to clean that restroom!
LIFE… LIVE IT
If you’ve been wanting a raise, but were just waiting for the right day, wait until Monday.
…According to personnel consultant John Challenger, Mondays are typically reserved by executives to take care of negative duties, like making out pink slips. “Black Tuesday” got its name as the day for mass layoffs — after Monday’s preparations. But Challenger says Wednesdays are a thoughtful day, often used for company and departmental meetings. So, he reasons that on Mondays you would have a better chance of getting that raise because it’ll give the executive something positive to do. (audio clip)
JUST FOR FUN
By most doctor’s accounts, being overweight is not a good thing for your health, but for a New York trucker a big gut ended up saving his life.
Tom Murray was driving his tractor-trailer on Route 17 when it crashed along a half-mile stretch of the highway that dips below the New York line into Pennsylvania. Murray’s truck hit another truck, went off a bridge and careered down a 300-foot embankment, police said. And while it took rescue crews three hours to remove him from the cab of his truck, emergency personnel said the 31-year-old Murray’s 450-pound weight helped his body absorb the impact and possibly saved his life. ***MARLAR: Yet one more really good excuse to skip going to the gym tomorrow!
WAYS TO BE ANNOYING IN THE COMPUTER LAB (audio clip)
- Log on to your computer, wait a sec, then get a frightened look on your face and scream “Oh No, they’ve found me!” and run out.
- Pull out a pencil. Start writing on the screen. Complain that the lead doesn’t work.
- When your computer is turned off, complain to the person on duty that you can’t get it to work.
- Mentally assign a musical note to every key. Whenever you hit a key, hum its note loudly.
- Work normally for a while. Suddenly look amazingly startled by something on the screen and crawl underneath the desk.
- Ask a supervisor who “General Failure” is and why is he causing you so many problems?
- Bring a chainsaw, but don’t use it.
- Take the keyboard and sit under the computer.
MORE SHOW PREP STUFF…
Attention soon-to-be-mothers… stock up on the chocolate!
Eating chocolate at least three times a week could cut the risk of pregnant women developing a condition that can threaten the lives of both mothers and babies, The London Daily Telegraph reports. Research has found that women who regularly eat chocolate are less likely to suffer from preeclampsia — one of the most common causes of complications during pregnancy. The research is due to be published in the Annals of Epidemiology.
OTHER STUFF I WANT TO CRAM INTO TODAY’S PREP
If you needed a reason to establish a regimen of chores for your kids, science has your back. Research shows that cleaning the house, taking out trash, washing windows or other jobs instills a sense of mastery, self reliance, responsibility, empathy and respect for others — and the sooner you start, the better. The study, which checked in with 84 kids during preschool and then at ages 10, 15 and in their mid-20s, found that the ones who began chores at ages 3 and 4 were more likely to have good relationships, achieve academic success and be self-sufficient than those who started as teens or had none at all.
People spent an insane amount of money on apps in 2015. According to a Time report, Apple device owners spent more than $20 billion in the App Store in 2015. Apple users also broke App Store records by spending more than $1.1 billion on apps and in-app purchases this holiday season. That figure includes money spent during the two week period ending on Jan. 3. New Year’s Day was the biggest day in App Store history, with more than $144 million spent in the 24-hour period. (But my app is FREE!)
After centuries of observing behavioral changes in new mothers, scientists are only recently beginning to definitively link the way a woman acts with what’s happening in her prefrontal cortex, midbrain, parietal lobes, and elsewhere. According to a report in The Atlantic, Gray matter becomes more concentrated. Activity increases in regions that control empathy, anxiety, and social interaction. Now many scientists believe that mapping the maternal brain is the key to understanding why so many new mothers experience serious anxiety and depression.
Move from a season of difficulty to a season of joy with these 5 game-changers to having a great marriage from iMom:
- Don’t compare your marriage to an unrealistic standard.
- Don’t mistake temporary challenges for deal-breakers.
- Strive to find personal balance.
- Forget the 50-50 rule. Truly great marriages tend to be made up of two people striving to do more than their share for the good of the marriage
- Celebrate the wins.
Stressed out moms can survive the ups & downs of parenting by choosing to laugh instead of cry. Here are five suggestions from iMom
- Remember—it’s just stuff.
- Reject your perfectionist tendencies and enjoy your imperfect life.
- Allow yourself a few mistakes.
- Teach your kids to find the funny side of their mistakes.
- Even the stuff you don’t feel like laughing about now will be funny…one day.
AND I LEAVE YOU WITH THIS THOUGHT
My wife just called and said my show was so good today that she’s going to try to go to the supermarket without the bag over her head.
THE WAY WE WORK
(Updated as it comes available. The Way WE Work is written by Mark Elfstrand from 1160Hope.com in Chicago.)
Over the weekend I read a rather eye opening perspective on new hiring practices in today’s marketplace. It alerts us to a significant difference in what a number of employers now value in their personnel. And the advice is particularly directed at the Generation X crowd preparing to send their own kids off to college.
The article comes from Dr. Jim Thrasher, director of Grove City College’s career services office at their Center for Vision & Values. If you’re not familiar with this group, the Center is “a leading forum for the study and application of freedom to economic, political, social, religious, and scientific issues.” Good thinkers, all of them.
This piece is titled, “Calling All Generation Xers…The Job Search: It’s Not What You’ve Done, But Who You Are.” (link below) Dr. Thrasher is convinced that Gen X parents need to understand the paradigm shift in job placement. It’s different from their day when the degree earned dictated the career path.
Previously, as one corporate recruiter explained, the college educated candidate showed up with the right degree and, if the company liked the person, the job was theirs. Today, companies are looking at a candidate’s design. It’s called “behavioral interviewing.”
In this new world of evaluating talent, aptitude and transferable skills are most prized. According to Dr. Thrasher, “The behavioral approach was developed by Development Dimensions International (DDI) and is being widely used by HR departments.” I’m already a believer in what is being preached on this.
To quote how this analysis is applied, “As the aptitude of the candidate is assessed, the company must confirm that the applicant has the ability to be trained (many times in a whole new field or career) to fulfill the job requirements.” The company also searches for people with specific transferable skills needed to excel. These transferable skills include characteristics and attributes applied in daily living, including modes of operation and design. And as Dr. Thrasher claims, “Transferable skills rule the day in today’s job market.”
This behavioral approach puts high emphasis on the “uniqueness” of the individual. Applicants have to present a certain “fit” to score the job. Once a company finds the desired design in a candidate, they can train them for specific roles.
This new model brought two things to my mind. First, when my son sent his resume off to a very large high tech firm, it went to several departments for jobs in which he took interest. But when the company called to offer him employment, they explained he didn’t quite fit any of those jobs. They did, however, suggest one that would fit. And like the behavioral approach indicates, my son has changed jobs within that corporation several times in a few years—each time being trained with his adaptable personality style.
The second item I recalled was taking a personality assessment a few years ago as part of a course offered with a men’s ministry. The evaluation tool, “Your Unique Design,” costs $35 to complete. The benefit of knowing your assessment results is to help you “discover and leverage your best gifts and talents that are part of your God-given personality.”
Once you complete the questions, you receive a 10-page Personal Profile Report. It explains your core strengths, talents, and abilities in detail. Developers believe you are “wired by God” and once you understand that wiring, you’ll see why you do what you do and─what makes you come alive! (Find out more at www.youruniquedesign.com.)
All my work life I’ve tried to make work fun. Only after reading my assessment from “Your Unique Design” did I see that my personality thrives on this. If a place ceases to be fun (or a job), I’m an unhappy camper! The payoff for others I’m around is that I try to make work fun for them as well—assuming we’re on task.
This blog message today is really meant to serve as a very practical reminder that God has created us in such a way that our uniqueness has purpose—especially in our work. I found it encouraging to learn that employers are now finding value in this uniqueness. Stronger, more effective workplaces will likely result!
In the Psalms, we are reminded of this uniqueness. King David wrote in Psalm 139, “Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex! Your workmanship is marvelous—how well I know it. You watched me as I was being formed in utter seclusion, as I was woven together in the dark of the womb.You saw me before I was born. Every day of my life was recorded in your book. Every moment was laid out before a single day had passed.” (Psalm 139:13-16, NLT)
Reality in the workplace today finds that graduates may wind up in a number of different jobs. In other words, you must be flexible. Important not only for your career, but for life as well.
You don’t have to explain that to Gumby!
That’s The Way WE Work. Click on the link to the right to connect via Facebook.
Catch “Let’s Talk with Mark Elfstrand” weekday afternoons from 4-6pm on AM 1160 Hope for Your Life. To listen to the live broadcast or a podcast of previous shows click here.
THE TICKET Movie Reviews with MARIE ASNER
Marie Asner has been reviewing films for over 30 years. Her outlets include radio, print and Internet. For more in-depth movie reviews of the following films, visit www.Tollbooth.org. Ratings from 1 (Low) to 5 (High).
Marie Asner’s Ten Best and Worst Films of 2015 In Alphabetical Order (Get the full list on Phantom Toolbooth here!)
Beasts Of No Nation (rated R)
How not to start a war.
99 Homes (rated R)
No second mortgages
Sicario (rated R) and “sicario” means “hitman
Revenge takes a lifetime
Spotlight (rated R)
How to write a news story
Suffragette (rated R)
It took this long for women to get the right to vote?
The Danish Girl (rated R)
A life of sadness
The Revenant (rated R)
Beware of your friends.
Trumbo (rated R)
Revisiting the Cold War
Truth (rated R)
Always check your facts
Youth (rated R)
The past is sometimes not pleasant.
Black Mass (rated R)
Murders in Boston
Brooklyn (PG 13)
Concussion (rated R)
The hard facts of sports
Jurassic World (PG 13)
Star Wars: The Force Awakens (PG-13)
Sunshine Superman (no rating)
Don’t try this at home
Legend (rated R)
Crime in London
Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Road Chip (rated PG)
Horns (rated R)
Don’t look in your mirror
Whatever is a horror sequel
Pan (PG 13)
Read the book
Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2 (rated PG 13)
Ideas needed in a hurry
Rock The Kasbah (rated R)
Film in need of a story
San Andreas (rated PG-13)
Too many endings
The Big Short (rated R)
How not to invest
Vacation (rated PG 13)
How not to travel
Victor Frankenstein (rated R)
Not again? again? again?
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WARNING: Don’t believe anything you read on the Internet or email (including stuff you read here) unless you can confirm it with another source, and/or it is consistent with what you already know to be true. The opinions in this publication are not necessarily those of Darren Marlar, Marlar House Entertainment, OnAirPrep.com, or any company or organization affiliated with aforementioned. (Regardless of how stupid you may think those opinions are. So there – nyah!)
Darren Marlar credits all non-original material to the author whenever possible. All other material is original, used with permission, or author unknown. We welcome all comments, questions, and suggestions. Darren can be reached via his website at www.DarrenMarlar.com.