January 14, 2017: Saturday ONAIRprep

PRINT VERSION OF TODAY’S PREP: 20170114

***DAILY DOSE OF WEIRD NEWS! (As an ONAIRprep subscriber, you can gain access to all of the work parts for the Daily Dose of Weird News, allowing you to edit for length and content – and also receive a custom tag specifically for your station or show which you can have updated at any time… ABSOLUTELY FREE! It’s part of your subscription now! Email me to get FTP access and your free customized tag!)

…..

WELCOME TO THE SHOW!

Welcome to (THE JOCK SHOW) – so outrageously weird, it may help you appreciate your brother-in-law.

Just heard on the radio that caffeine is considered a toxin and it could kill you. Think about that, Red Bull users. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I gotta go get a refill on my coffee…

BIBLE VERSE OF THE DAY

God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him. — John 3:17

In my anguish I cried to the Lord, and he answered by setting me free. The Lord is with me; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me? — Psalm 118:5-6

Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves. — Romans 12:10

HEARTLIGHT DAILY VERSE, PRAYER & THOUGHT

(From VerseOfTheDay.com.)

Now he who supplies seed to the sower and bread for food will also supply and increase your store of seed and will enlarge the harvest of your righteousness. — 2 Corinthians 9:10

Thought: God has blessed us so much in Jesus. Yet God longs to bless us even more. Why? God longs to bless us because … he is a generous God … because he is our loving Father … because that is his nature … because he wants us to be like him! God blesses us to be a blessing to others!

Prayer: You have so richly blessed me, LORD, so please help me see the opportunities you build into each day for me to bless others. Make me a conduit of your blessings. I pray this in the name of Jesus Christ my Lord. Amen.

The Thoughts and Prayers for Today’s Verse are written by Phil Ware. You can email questions or comments to phil@heartlight.org.

BIRTHDAY VERSE” OF THE DAY (The chapter and verse corresponds to the mo

Luke 1:14 NIV = He will be a joy and delight to you, and many will rejoice because of his birth,

TODAY IS SUNDAY – JANUARY 15, 2017

(NOTE: Some holidays may be duplicated due to various calendars reporting conflicting dates)
WEIRD, WACKY, STRANGE, ZANY, ODD, BIZARRE, QUIRKY, UNUSUAL HOLIDAYS!
THERE ARE ONLY
344 SHOPPING DAYS UNTIL CHRISTMAS.

Today is NATIONAL CLEAN OFF YOUR DESK DAY. ***Didn’t we already have this twice in the past week? The guy in charge of the calendars must not be able to find last year’s calendar because it’s buried under the papers on his desk.

Today is NATIONAL DRESS UP YOUR PET DAY. ***I can barely get myself dressed in the morning – now I’m supposed to make fashion choices for my cockatoo?

TODAY IS ALSO…

Caesarean Section Day
Eagle Day
International Kite Day
Dress Up Your Pet Day Link
National Vision Board Day (2nd Saturday)
Organize Your Home Day Link
Ratification Day

COMING UP NEXT (Just a list, we are not endorsing the holidays posted below.)

SUNDAY, JANUARY 15

Alpha Kappa Alpha Day

Annoy Squidward Day (aka Your Boss) Link  (SpongeBob Squarepants)
Humanitarian Day
National Sanctity of Human Life Day (or Pro-Life Day): Link
World Religion Day Link

MONDAY, JANUARY 16

Appreciate A Dragon Day
Civil Service Day
Fig Newton Day Link  Link
Martin Luther King Day
National Crowd Feed Day
National Day of Service Link
Nothing Day
Religious Freedom Day Link
Without A Scalpel Day Link  Link

TUESDAY, JANUARY 17

Cable Car Day
Hot Heads Chili Days
International Mentoring Day  Link
Judgment Day
Kid Inventors’ Day
National Bootleggers Day Link
Popeye Day
Rid The World of Fad Diets and Gimmicks Day

WEDNESDAY, JANUARY 18

Pooh (Winnie The) Day
Thesaurus Day Link

THURSDAY, JANUARY 19

Popcorn Day Link  (Alternate date: Super Bowl Sunday)
Robert E. Lee Day   Link
Thank Your Mentor Day  Link
Tin Can Day
World Day of Migrants and Refugees Link

FRIDAY, JANUARY 20

Camcorder Day
Data Innovation Day Link
International Fetish Day
National Cheese Lovers Day Link  Link
Penguin Awareness Day Link
Inauguration Day
National Disc Jockey Day Link  or (Link – go to 1958)
Women’s Healthy Weight Day Link

SATURDAY, JANUARY 21

National Hugging Day
Squirrel Appreciation Day

SUNDAY, JANUARY 22

Answer Your Cat’s Questions Day
Celebration of Life Day
National Bible Sunday Link  (4th Sunday)
Roe vs. Wade Day

MONDAY, JANUARY 23

National Handwriting Day Link
Snowplow Mailbox Hockey Day

ON THIS DAY

1954: Actress Marilyn Monroe married Mr. Coffee, baseball legend Joe DiMaggio, in San Francisco. The marriage lasted nine months.

1957: Actor Humphrey Bogart died at his Hollywood home. He is best remembered for his roles in the “Maltese Falcon” and “Casablanca.” (audio clip)

1960: The U.S. Army promoted Elvis Presley to sergeant. (audio clip)

1963: The first of 124 different guest hosts filled in for Johnny Carson on The Tonight Show. The first was country singer Jimmy Dean.

1966: British musician David Jones changed his name to David Bowie.

1970: Diana Ross and the Supremes performed their final concert together, at the Frontier Hotel in Las Vegas.

1973: Elvis Presley drew the largest worldwide audience to that time for a televised live concert with “Elvis: Aloha from Hawaii.”

1980: In Nampah, Idaho, Galen Cowper’s nanny goat Julie gave birth to sextuplets, the only known goat sextuplets in history. Unfortunately, neither Julie nor any of her baby goats survived.

1990: The TV cartoon series “The Simpsons” premiered on the Fox Network. (audio clip)

1992: Fashion critic Mr. Blackwell named actress Julia Roberts 1991’s Worst Dressed Woman. He called Julia a “tacky Tinkerbell from fashion Neverland.”

1993: Upset because Jay Leno got “The Tonight Show” job, David Letterman left NBC for a $16-million contract at CBS.

1996: Officials of the Indian state of West Bengal barred stripper-turned-singer Samantha Fox from performing at a charity concert because they said her shows were “undignified.”

1999: A Danish man was fined $312 for taking his dead father on a 3-hour farewell motorcycle tour of Copenhagen. They had even stopped at Dad’s favorite bar and nobody seemed to notice.

1999: Garth Brooks sang “Together We Make Music” on “Sesame Street.”

2004: Researchers at the University of Wisconsin at Madison announced a better way to slice cheese — with a laser. Their first try, using traditional lasers, fried the cheese and it smelled “really bad.” But they adapted the same kind of cold laser used for eye surgery and it worked.

2007: George Hood of Burr Ridge, Illinois, pedaled his way into the Guinness Book of World Records with a bicycle ride of 85 hours, three hours longer than the previous record. Hood pedaled 1,040 miles in place from 4:00 a.m. Wednesday until just before midnight on Saturday. He averaged 12.7 miles an hour for 82 hours, then kicked in gear and hit 13.5 the final three hours. Yep, said he was really tired.

TODAY IN CHRISTIAN HISTORY

1529: Spanish diplomat and writer Juan de Valdes publishes his “Dialogue on Christian Doctrine,” which paved the way for Protestant ideas in Spain.

1604: The Hampton Court Conference began under James I to discuss Puritan demands for doctrinal changes in the Church of England.

1875: Theologian, medical missionary, organist, musical historian, and winner of the 1952 Nobel Peace Prize Albert Schweitzer is born. His Quest of the Historical Jesus (1906) is considered a foundational work on that subject.

1892: Lutheran pastor and political activist Martin Niemoller, who was imprisoned by Hitler for his leadership role in the Confessing Church, is born.

HOLLYWOOD, SPORTS AND CELEBRITY FIGURE BIRTHDAYS

  • actress Jordan Ladd 42
  • Actor (“Arrested Development”) Jason Bateman, 48 (audio clip)
  • Singer/actor (Any Given Sunday, S.W.A.T., “NCIS: LA”) L.L. Cool J., 49 — L.L.’s real name is James Todd Smith.
  • Actress (Red Dragon) Emily Watson, 50
  • Writer/director (Ocean’s Eleven/Twelve, Traffic) Steven Soderbergh, 54
  • NFL player-turned-actor (Rocky’s Apollo Creed) Carl Weathers, 69
  • Actress (Bonnie & Clyde, Chinatown) Faye Dunaway, 76
  • Singer (“Love Boat” theme) Jack Jones, 79 (audio clip)

BEE-BOP BIRTHDAYS

(Music Artist Birthdays From SongFacts.com)

1908 : Russ Columbo

1917 : Billy Butterfield

1929 : Billy Walker

1931 : Caterina Valente

1936 : Clarence Carter

1937 : Billie Jo Spears

1938 : Allen Toussaint

1938 : Jack Jones

1948 : T-Bone Burnett

1948 : Tim Harris (The Foundations)

1959 : Geoff Tate (Queensryche)

1959 : Chas Smith (Madness)

1968 : LL Cool J

1969 : Dave Grohl (Nirvana, Foo Fighters)

SECRETS OF THE UNIVERSE

How did the custom of kissing start?

Over time, the custom of kissing developed as a way for adults to express their love and affection for one another. The roots of this form of affection can be traced back to primitive times, when mothers cuddled their children, much as mothers do today. Much later, in the sixth century, society apparently accepted the custom of kissing between adults as an expression of their affection. Not surprisingly, France first accepted kissing in courtship, and in amore. There, figure dancing was the rage, and each dance was sealed with a kiss. The custom of kissing swept from France through Europe to Russia, where Russian nobility loved to ape the French. Eventually, the kiss was incorporated into marriage ceremonies, and today lip-locks couples into sweet matrimony. The custom of kissing today, as well as in ancient times, serves to show respect, and to pay homage to another. For example, early Romans kissed each other on the mouth or on the eyes to greet one another in a manner they deemed to be a dignified. One Roman emperor even ranked a person’s importance by the body part he was allowed to kiss. He allowed important nobles to kiss his lips, less important ones to kiss his hands, and the least important ones to kiss his feet. In Russia, the highest sign of recognition from the Crown meant a kiss from the Tsar himself. Today, natives of many African tribes pay homage to their Chief by kissing the ground over which he has walked.

CHRISTIAN ARTIST NEWS

This is just a tiny sample of the 5-6 pages of material you could be receiving three days a week from ChristianRadioShowPrepServices.com!

Third Day guitarist Mark Lee tweeted this week: What are a redneck’s last 2 words? Then he proceeded to do a front flip into a bean bag before sharing the two words; “That Hurts!”

https://www.instagram.com/p/BPGkHzTAf2h/

Crowder says: The sky’s the limit for your very own spinach party! That’s right, thanks to the deal of the day, you can now have a spinach party. Crowder posted a picture of a sign at his local grocery store that advertised: Spinach for $1. Buy 10 and have a spinach party. No limit.

https://www.instagram.com/p/BPDTUIzjJDe/

Danny Gokey this week shared a picture summing up his goal for 2017. It said: My goal for 2017 is to accomplish the goals of 2016 which I should have done in 2015 because I promised them in 2014 and planned in 2013.

Former Sanctus Real front man Matt Hammitt says the recent snow in Nashville created an interesting viewpoint. He posted: Watching the slow paced frenzy of Nashville traffic in the snow is kind of like watching a toddler on ice skates.

A suggestion from Casting Crowns Megan Garrett: I’d like to nominate the guy who invented the heated steering wheel for the nobel peace prize or something.

NEWS KICKERS

(No news on the weekends. Want a customized audio version, FREE? Email me for more information! )

NEW NEWS KICKERS…

NEWS KICKER EVERGREENS…

AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – WEEKDAY VERSION

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD MONDAY’S EPISODE

OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns! When last we left the jungle, Nozzles the Elephant had a journal and was writing down everything bad anyone had ever done to him. Then Sully the Aardvark came over and began doing the same thing, and then came Racquet the Skunk and Gruffy Bear! Now everyone is writing down bad things about everyone else!

CLOSE: For a second there I thought someone finally made the right decision by throwing that book out the window! How can all these friends say such nasty things about each other… all because of this dumb little blank book! Of course, now they’ll probably write something in it about me saying they’re all dumb – and that it’s a dumb little blank book. Boy, I hope that pizza arrives soon – maybe that’ll take all of our minds off of this! We’ll find out next time, As the Jungle Turns!

***You may simulcast “As the Jungle Turns” on the Internet stream of your live broadcast only. Any other Internet use of “As the Jungle Turns” in whole or part including podcasting of your live broadcast is a violation of copyright law. Thank you for your cooperation on this vitally important issue. If you have any questions, please e-mail us and ask about “Jungle Jam & Friends the Radio Show” usage.

MOMENT OF DUH

Returning items to a store ends up as a Moment of Duh for one man!

In Long Island, New York, Vincent Ferry selected several items from the local Radio Shack, including a TV, MP3 player, desktop computer, phone and even a home theater system. After bringing his items to the register, he asked the clerk if he could load his car while the final receipt was being written up. The clerk, for some reason, agreed. Vincent threw the loot into his car and drove away without paying. So how’d he get caught? Well, he returned to the same store a couple of days later, trying to exchange the stolen goods for cash.

TOP TEN

TOP TEN SECRETARY’S RULES FOR THEIR BOSS

1. Never give me work in the morning. Always wait until 4:00 and then bring it to me. The challenge of a deadline is refreshing.

2. If it is really a rush job, run in and interrupt me every 10 minutes to inquire how it is going. That helps. Even better, hover behind me, and advise me at every keystroke.

3. Always leave without telling anyone where you are going. It gives me a chance to be creative when someone asks where you are.

4. If my arms are full of papers, boxes, books or supplies, do not open the door for me. I need to learn how to function as a paraplegic and opening doors with no arms is good training in case I should ever be injured and lose all use of my limbs.

5. If you give me more than one job to do, do not tell me which is priority.  I am psychic.

6. Do your best to keep me late. I adore this office and really have nowhere to go or anything to do. I have no life beyond work.

7. If a job I do pleases you, keep it a secret. If that gets out, it could mean a promotion.

8. If you do not like my work, tell everyone. I like my name to be popular in conversations. I was born to be whipped.

9. If you have special instructions for a job, do not write them down. In fact, save them until the job is almost done. No use confusing me with useful information.

10. Never introduce me to the people you are with. I have no right to know anything. In the corporate food chain, I am plankton. When you refer to them later, my shrewd deductions will identify them.

THE FILES OF LAW & DISORDER

A man trying to call Triple-A, needing to be in AA, ends up in T.F.O.L.A.D. – The Files Of Law And Disorder!

FILE #1: A bank robber fled empty-handed in Austria after being referred to a different counter.  The clerk he approached told him she did not “deal with those types of queries”.  But there was a big queue for the next cashier.  So the man, who was holding a silver box that he claimed was a bomb, fled before repeating his request.  Clerk Maria Bertel said: “He came up to me wearing his scarf wrapped high around his face and said he wanted money. I said I didn’t deal with money here and told him to go to the next counter.  “It was only afterwards I realized he was trying to rob the bank. We called the police, but by the time they came he had already run off.”

FILE #2: In Medford, Oregon, a store clerk saw a shoplifter put a bottle of Calvin Klein perfume down his pants. To evade security, the unlucky thief jumped into the freezing waters of Bear Creek, then clambered out into a field where the Medford police happened to be training their K-9 units. He was immediately surrounded by police dogs.

FILE #3: Paul Baldwin should have his Miranda rights memorized by now. He’s been arrested for the 154th time, this time for stealing beverages from a convenience store.  Baldwin’s criminal record includes eight trespass notices, 75 citations, four Social Security aliases and convictions for thefts, receiving stolen property, arson and criminal mischief.

STRANGE LAW: Kansas prohibits shooting rabbits from a motorboat.

THIS IS YOUR BRAIN ON DRUGS

The sumo wrestling world discovers some brains on drugs!

A drug scandal is rocking the world of sumo wrestling.  Two popular sumo wrestlers from Russia have been slapped with lifetime bans from Japan’s ancient national sport for allegedly using marijuana. And the head of the Japan Sumo Association has resigned.  The wrestlers, who are brothers, tested positive for the drug when the sport conducted its first drug tests following the arrest last month of another Russian wrestler for marijuana possession.   The two who were kicked out insist they’re clean.  Sumo has its roots in religious ritual and tends to hold its athletes and officials to high moral standards. Marijuana possession is considered a serious offense in Japan, and the scandal has been front-page news.

PHONER PHUN

Do you dress up your pet? If so, what do you make it wear? How else do you treat your pet like a human? (Have listeners send in photos of their pets wearing clothes to post on your station website.)

BIBLE BRAIN BUSTER!

QUESTION: Who was the wife of Moses?

ANSWER: Zipporah (Exodus 2:21)

QUESTION IMPOSSIBLE

QUESTION: According to the New York Times, if the two billion of these that are sold every year were laid end to end at the Equator, they would circle the earth four-and-a-half times. What?

ANSWER: Crayola crayons!

TRUE OR FALSE

Pay attention! If our next player doesn’t answer all ten T/F questions correctly we start all over from question #1! First person to answer question #10 correctly is our winner!

1. A shark is the only fish that can blink with both eyes. (True)

2. In Autumn, plants produce less Chlorophyll, which is why leaves turn color. (True)

3. In Latin, cornucopia means, “lots of corn”. (False, it means “horn of plenty”)

4. Spotty is the name of President George W. Bush’s Springer Spaniel. (True)

5. The first president of the United States, George Washington, wore dentures. (True)

6. Long hair grows faster than short hair. (False, short hair grows faster)

7. Adult humans have 206 bones in their body. (True)

8. You should feed a cold and starve a fever. (False, you should always have good nutrition)

9. A man named Thomas Crapper invented the toilet. (False, it was Sir John Harington)

10. After fainting on “Dancing With the Stars,” Marie Osmond said “Oh crap” as she regained consciousness. (True)

TABLOID MATCH GAME

You have to match the blank in the tabloid headline with the word or phrase that has been removed!

SIBERIA TO BECOME PART OF ______ (U.S.)

Siberian separatists have agreed to allow the United States to annex their region of Russia.

Many, if not all Siberians, may think at times that the Siberian regions with their natural riches live poorly just because they have to give away a big part of their incomes to other territories of the Russian Federation.

Siberians have tried to put that idea into action for decades and established a political movement. The vain attempts did not lead to anything for years, but now the movement has reached critical mass and and, if all goes according to plan, Siberia will become an American territory (much like Puerto Rico), within six months.

It’s a win-win situation for Siberians.

THE WAY TOO EARLY IN THE MORNING TO UNDERSTAND THE PUNCHLINE EVEN AFTER TWO CUPS OF COFFEE JOKE OF THE DAY 

JOKE #1

After the death of a never-married 94-year-old spinster, the pastor was given a note from her personal belongings. In the woman’s handwriting were specific instructions for her funeral service. Along with the suggestions for Scripture readings and music were the following orders: “There will be no male pallbearers. Since they wouldn’t take me out when I was alive, I don’t want them to take me out when I’m dead.”

JOKE #2

A man, out of breath, calls 911.

Caller: Yeah, I’m having trouble breathing. I’m all out of breath. Dang…I think I’m going to pass out.

Dispatcher: Sir, where are you calling from?

Caller: I’m at a pay phone. North and Foster. Dang……

Dispatcher: Sir, an ambulance is on the way. Are you an asthmatic?

Caller: No

Dispatcher: What were you doing before you started having trouble breathing?

Caller: Running from the police. So don’t send them.

JOKE #3

A minister in a little church had been having trouble with the collections.

One Sunday he announced, “Now, before we pass the collection plate, I would like to request that the person who stole the chickens from Farmer Condill’s henhouse please refrain from giving any money to the Lord.  The Lord doesn’t want money from a thief!”

The collection plate was passed around, and for the first time in months everybody gave.

USELESS FACTS

According to a recent study, approximately sixty circus performers have been shot from cannons, and at last report, thirty-one have been killed on the job. ***That’s a greater than 50% chance of being killed!  They’d be safer working for a bomb squad in Afghanistan.

First class meals on the Titanic consisted of up to 13 courses – Each being accompanied with a different wine, and could last for 5 hours. ***Are we sure the boat sank from striking an iceberg and not just because the passengers were too heavy after dinner?

FEATURED FUNNIES

ANSWERING MACHINE MESSAGES

  • Hi! John’s answering machine is broken. This is his refrigerator. Please speak very slowly, and I’ll stick your message to myself with one of these magnets.
  • Hello, this is KVKE, you’re on the air.
  • This is the Literacy Self Test Hotline. After the tone, leave your name and number, and recite a sentence using today’s vocabulary word. Today’s word is “supercilious.”
  • I can’t come to the phone now because I have amnesia and I feel dumb talking to people I don’t remember. I’d appreciate it if you could help me out by leaving my name and telling me something about myself. Thanks.

IT MUST BE TRUE BECAUSE I HEARD IT ON THE RADIO!

THE SPIRIT OF THE SEASON

What would you do if you came into work one day and found you were out of a job?  For the workers at the Hometowne Inn & Suites in Oshkosh, Wisconsin, they went to work!

Employees showed up at the hotel to pick up their paychecks and were shocked to find out that the place went bankrupt and that the managers had cleaned out their offices without telling a single worker. Instead of going home, the remaining 33 workers decided to band together and continue working without pay to make sure a wedding couple could celebrate their nuptials and a cancer benefit could go on as planned that weekend. Fortunately for the wedding couple, the food for the banquet had been delivered earlier in the week. Once wedding guests learned what happened, they collected $150 to give to the employees.  ***MARLAR: The employees are also stocking up on towels, mini-shampoos and bars of soap.

INSPIRATIONAL INSPIRATION

Even though they needed everything from toasters to teapots, the only thing a Norwegian couple asked for as a wedding gift was a church. They got their wish, and so did a poor congregation in the town of Berezino in Belarus. David Holme and Ingunn Lyngset learned of the small congregation’s dream during a visit to the former Soviet republic, when they met the impoverished parishioners, the Norwegian news agency NTB reported. “You can never be the same after meeting people who have so little, yet so much,” Lyngset told NTB. So invitations to their church wedding in the western Norwegian town of Bergen during the summer included an appeal for cash for the Belarus church instead of gifts. All 85 came through with $155 each for the church.

Then others joined in, pushing the total so far to $17,200, enough to buy a building and remodel it. The couple is headed to Belarus with more gifts, a load of building materials this month donated to help finish the job. “Reactions among our family and friends in Norway to such a crazy idea were mixed,” Holme said. “Some couldn’t understand that we, who were setting up a home and needed so many things, could give away our wedding presents.” But his bride said they had no choice. “We had to follow our hearts,” Lyngset said.

DRIVE TIME DEVOTIONAL

IN THE MORNING

Read: Mark 1:23-39

In the morning . . . He went out and departed to a solitary place; and there He prayed. —Mark 1:35

Are you so rushed during the day that you find it hard to take even a few minutes to spend with God? Many people set aside time in the early morning before they get caught up in the hectic pace of the day.

I read about a very busy man who somehow manages to find time for giving the day a spiritual jump-start. He’s Dr. Ben Carson, chief of pediatric neurosurgery at Johns Hopkins Children’s Center, a position he assumed in 1984 when he was only 33 years old.

Here’s Carson’s testimony about the value of putting spiritual things first: “I’ve found that having a morning ritual—meditation or some quiet reading time—can set the tone for the whole day. Every morning, I spend a half-hour reading the Bible, especially the book of Proverbs. There’s so much wisdom there. During the day, if I encounter a frustrating situation, I think back to one of the verses that I read that morning.”

Jesus faced busy days filled with demanding crowds of people. In Mark’s gospel we read, “In the morning, having risen a long while before daylight, He went out and departed to a solitary place; and there He prayed” (1:35).

Do you take time to read God’s Word and pray? Try it in the morning. It can transform your day. —Vernon Grounds

In the stillness of the morning,
Before a busy day of care,
How sweet to be alone with God
Through His holy Word and prayer. —Anderson

Let Christ be first in your thoughts in the morning, and last in your thoughts at night.

LEFTOVERS

DESK JOB

How messy is the messiest desk in the country?

An 85-year-old Philadelphia timber yard owner says he hasn’t seen the surface of his desks for 43 years. The two desks at Ray Kostin’s company, Rittenhouse Lumber, have 80 cubic feet of paper on them. Mr Kostin says men bring their wives into his shop not to buy anything, but to show he’s messier than the husbands. Several years ago the local paper said the desks were the messiest desks in the county – and they’ve become messier since. Ray Kostin says he would like to clean up “but the customers keep interfering.”

LIFE… LIVE IT

DON’T LOSE ANY SLEEP

Here are some tips from Glamour to help you sleep:

What keeps you up…

  • Eating a large dinner before bed. It diverts blood flow from your brain to your stomach, making sleep less restorative.
  • Drifting off with the TV on.
  • Alcohol. Yes, even one drink.
  • Sharing a bed with a snorer. Get that man to a doctor.  Research shows you stand to sleep 62 minutes more a night.
  • Letting your pet snooze with you.

What helps you sleep…

  • Going to bed and getting up at the same time every day.
  • Sleeping in a cool, dark room.
  • Taking time to relax before bed.
  • Using earplugs or a white-noise machine to drown out background sounds.
  • Exercise; regular, brisk walks help people sleep 70% better.

JUST FOR FUN

GODZILLA MEAT?

What would Godzilla taste like? People in Japan will soon be able to find out!

Japan’s best-known monster, Godzilla, is coming to stores soon — in a can. It’s called “Godzilla Meat”… but it’s actually corned beef from Tokyo toy maker Takara Co. That hasn’t stopped the company from packaging it with pictures of the stomping, fire-breathing, irradiated dinosaur we all know as Godzilla. According to one of the inventors, “People can eat Godzilla and become energetic and powerful. It’s like Popeye and his can of spinach.” Also planned for sale in Japan this fall are Godzilla Eggs, a can of about 15 quail eggs, and Rodan Meat, canned barbecued chicken named after the winged monster. Takara also plans to sell King Ghidora Meat, but buyers will find the taste of the three-headed dragonlike creature suspiciously like Godzilla Meat — it’s the same corned beef inside. ***MARLAR: Eating a giant radio-active dinosaur… you’d end up becoming your own night light! Hey, there you go! Our energy problem SOLVED!

FUN LIST

THEY STARTED WITH ALMOST NOTHING IN THEIR POCKETS

How much money does it take to become successful? It depends on who you ask.

What famous people had in their pockets when they left home to try and become famous…

  • Lucille Ball left Jamestown, New York, for New York City with 5 cents. At one point she stole waiter’s tip to buy coffee.

  • Richard Pryor left Peoria, Illinois, for New York with about $2. After buying a bus ticket and a smoke, he had about 33 cents left.

  • Henry Fonda left Omaha, Nebraska, with $100, the last of his earning from a vaudeville gig.

  • Roseanne Barr, at age 19, left Salt Lake City, Utah, for Colorado, with $400.

  • Ronald Reagan was 17 when he left Dixon, Illinois, with $400 in his pocket to go to college in Eureka, Illinois.

  • Carol Burnett left Los Angeles for New York with $528 in her pocket.

  • Jimmy Carter left his Navy stint in New York for a job selling fertilizer. He had a few grand in his pocket and sold 2,000 tons of fertilizer in the first year of the new business.

MORE SHOW PREP STUFF…

MELODIC CRANIAL IMPACTATION

Although it seems maddeningly impossible, new research suggests we really can get rid of that nagging tune that endlessly plays over and over again in our head.  Which one is it for you?   The trick is this: We can banish earworms from our brains by engaging in an absorbing task – something that is not too easy, but not too difficult, either.  Known as earworms, those songs that just won’t go away are a common type of intrusive thought, according to Ira Hyman, professor of psychology at Western Washington University in Bellingham, Wash. Hyman isn’t sure yet exactly what cognitive mechanism causes certain songs to stick, but he also found that once an earworm finds a home in the brain, it just seems to stay there.   “After a while, it feels like it’s gone from conscious awareness, but suddenly, it’s back in there again.  It’s almost waiting in the wings of consciousness for the stage in your mind to empty,” Hyman explained.   Earworms are more likely to wriggle in when people are bored or engaged in activities that are either somewhat mindless or very complicated. “If you’re doing something that’s really automatic, such as walking or riding a bike, and there’s a lot of room for a song to play in your head, it will probably come back,” he said.

OTHER STUFF I WANT TO CRAM INTO TODAY’S PREP

Bob Rutherford may not be a knitting machine – but he did build one!  Since doing so he has made more than 10,000 socks for shelters across Canada using his homemade knitting machine.  Read his story at http://fb.me/7tcIWKVX8

Single dad Phil Morgese has started a very interesting workshop for single dads.  He’s teaching other fathers how to braid their daughters hair!  You can watch the heartwarming video about Phil and what he’s doing at http://fb.me/8jOCswXhZ

Mark Merrill from “Family Minute” came up with 5 secrets you should know about your life – and you can find the list at http://bit.ly/2hVTADW

AND I LEAVE YOU WITH THIS THOUGHT

You know me, I’ll do anything to pep up my show… which is why I’m going home now.

THE TICKET Movie Reviews with MARIE ASNER

Marie Asner has been reviewing films for over 35 years. Her outlets include radio, print and Internet. For more in-depth movie reviews of the following films, visit www.Tollbooth.org. Ratings from 1 (Low) to 5 (High).

JANUARY 13, 2017…

Live By Night—Opening from a previous date. Ben Affleck stars and directs this movie about gangsters and their rise to the top in Boston.  Based on a Dennis Lehane novel and set in the 1920’s. There is back-stabbing, love and the rest of crimes included. Also starring in the film are Sienna Miller, Elle Fanning and Zoe Saldana. “Live By Night” is rated R. Rating of 2 for fans.

Patriot’s Day—Based on the book “Boston Strong” by Casey Sherman and Dave Wedge, it tells a story of one man (Mark Wahlberg) who is on duty when the Boston Marathon bombings took place.  Heroes comes in all shapes and sizes and gender. Also in the cast are Kevin Bacon, John Goodman, J. K. Simmons and Michelle Monaghan. “Patriot’s Day” is rated R. Rating of 3 for fans.

The Bye Bye Man—This is a supernatural thriller about something from the beyond that tries to possess people when they say its name, “Bye Bye Man.” The film stars Douglas Smith, Doug Jones, Carrie-Anne Moss and Faye Dunaway. “The Bye Bye Man” is rated R. No rating.

Monster Trucks—A 3-D stop-action film, it concerns a young man who wants some action in his life, so he builds a giant truck from spare parts. However, when a contaminated oil spill hits the truck, it develops a life of its own and calls itself “Creech.” Oh, yeah? Voices of Jane Levy, Rob Lowe and Danny Glover.” “Monster Trucks” is rated PG. No rating.

Elle—A French film and subtitled. Isabelle Huppert really takes on this role, which is a strong R rating  about a woman dealing with the aftermath of a rape.  She has her own way of doing things, and devious they are. As an occupation, she designs video games. Also in the cast are Charles Berling and Laurent Lafitte.“Elle” is rated R (could have been NC-17). No rating.

Sleepless—This is an action film starring Jamie Foxx and has him as a police officer who ends up unwittingly putting his son’s life in danger. Also in the cast are T. I., Michelle Monaghan and Dermot Mulroney. Adapted from the book “Sleepless Night” by F. Jardin, N. Saada and O. Douyere. “Sleepless” is rated R. No rating.

JANUARY 20, 2017…

Split is from M. Night Shyamalan, who hasn’t had much luck with films lately. This premise concerns kidnappings and a man with a split personality. Stars James McAvory.

XXX: Return of Xander Cage stars Vin Diesel (missed him??) in an action film

The Founder has Michael Keaton as the builder of McDonald’s. Opening from a previous date.

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