January 16, 2016: Saturday ONAIRprep

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This just in. The Environmental Protection Agency early today declared (THE JOCK SHOW) to be hazardous waste. Finally, confirmation that someone is listening to the show!




“Greater is he that is within you than he that is in the world.” –1 John 4:4


If anyone says, “I love God,” yet hates his brother, he is a liar. For anyone who does not love his brother, whom he has seen, cannot love God, whom he has not seen. And he has given us this command: Whoever loves God must also love his brother.” — 1 John 4:20-21




(From VerseOfTheDay.com)

Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. — 2 Corinthians 4:16


Thought: While we joke about growing older, the challenges of aging are tough. We realize our mortality. Our bodies can betray us. We can’t do what we once could do. As Christians, we know that our aging actually brings us closer to home and to the time when Jesus gives us immortal bodies not subject to decay. God can help us use these physical realities to be heavenly reminders of what is important. With the help of his Spirit, we can be transformed to be more like our Savior and to be more ready for our heavenly home!


Prayer: Almighty God, I confess that I like getting older less and less, the older I get. I am thankful, however, that each day older I get, the closer I am to coming home to you. Please help me not to become cynical, negative, or bitter as I grow older. Instead, please renew me and use me to bless others who need to find their way home to you. In Jesus’ mighty name I pray. Amen.


The Thoughts and Prayers for Today’s Verse are written by Phil Ware. You can email questions or comments to phil@heartlight.org.




The chapter and verse corresponds to the month and the day!

Romans 1:16 NIV = I am not ashamed of the gospel, because it is the power of God for the salvation of everyone who believes…




(NOTE: Some holidays may be duplicated due to various calendars reporting conflicting dates)


Today is CIVIL SERVICE DAY. On this date in 1883, the Pendleton Act created the federal civil service system and the U.S. Civil Service Commission.  *** I’ve dealt with some of the people working in Civil Service.  They’re not always that civil.


Today is NATIONAL FIG NEWTON DAY(audio clip)


Today is INTERNATIONAL HOT & SPICY FOOD DAY.  *** Sounds like someone has tried my wife’s Jell-O.


Today is NATIONAL NOTHING DAY, a day to not celebrate anything.  *** Meaning everything I just said about Civil Service, Fig Newtons, and Spicy Foods is complete balderdash.




Appreciate a Dragon Day

Civil Service Day

Fig Newton Day

Nothing Day

Religious Freedom Day

Soup Swap Day

Without a Scalpel Day





Cable Car Day

Hot Heads Chili Days

Judgment Day

Kid Inventors’ Day

National Bootleggers Day

Popeye Day

World Religion Day



Hot Heads Chili Days

National Crowd Feed Day

National Day of Service

Pooh (Winnie The) Day

Thesaurus Day

National Sanctity of Human Life Day (Pro-Life Day)

Martin Luther King Day

Robert E. Lee Day



Popcorn Day

Tin Can Day

World Day of Migrants and Refugees



Camcorder Day

Penguin Awareness Day

Inauguration Day

National Disc Jockey Day

Rid The World of Fad Diets and Gimmicks Day



Get To Know Your Customers Day

National Hugging Day

Squirrel Appreciation Day

Women’s Healthy Weight Day



Answer Your Cat’s Questions Day

Celebration of Life Day

Roe vs. Wade Day



National Handwriting Day

Snowplow Mailbox Hockey Day

AFRMA Fancy Rat & Mouse Day



Belly Laugh Day

Beer Can Day

National Bible Sunday

National Compliment Day

National Peanut Butter Day

Talk Like a Grizzled Prospector Day

Visit Your Local Quilt Shop Day



A Room of One’s Own Day

Macintosh Computer Day

National Irish Coffee Day

Opposite Day

Robert Burns Day

Bubble Wrap Appreciation Day





1920: The U.S. outlawed alcohol and went “dry,” a year after states ratified the 18th Amendment. Fourteen years of “prohibition” followed.


1939: The comic strip Superman made its debut.


1957: The Cavern Club opened in Liverpool. Originally a jazz club, it became famous as the first home of the Beatles.


1978: Mrs. Grace Patterson died in Joplin, Missouri, leaving her $250,000 estate, including a 3-bedroom home and a 7-acre pet cemetery, to her cat, Charlie Chan.


1973: History’s fattest lion died at age 14 at the North Yorkshire zoo in England. When he was 11 Simba had weighed 826 pounds.


1973: “Bonanza,” a top western TV show, aired its final episode after 14 seasons on NBC. It starred Lorne Greene, Michael Landon, Dan Blocker, Pernell Roberts, and Victor Sen Yung. (audio clip)


1976: The TV variety series “Donny & Marie” premiered on ABC. (audio clip)


1987: Red M&Ms returned for the first time in 11 years after being banned because the original red dye used in the candy had caused cancer in laboratory rats.


1994: History’s largest teddy bear picnic drew 16,837 teddy bears and their owners in Christchurch, New Zealand.


1990: Massachusetts farmer Frank Montague reported that a moose had fallen in love with his cows, and that there really wasn’t much anybody could do about it.


1991: Boxer George Foreman’s wife Joan gave birth to yet another George, George the 5th. The couple already had three sons: George the 2nd, George the 3nd, and George the 4th. Dad is George the 1st.


1992: The Rock ‘n’ Roll Hall of Fame inducted Jimi Hendrix, Elmore James, and Johnny Cash.


1994: Rock star Bryan Adams became the first Western entertainer to perform in Vietnam since the end of the war.


1996: Jamaican authorities fired upon on Jimmy Buffett’s seaplane, mistaking it for a drug trafficker’s plane. U2 singer Bono was with Buffett, but neither was hurt.


2000: Disney animator Marc David died at age 86 after suffering a stroke. He created Cinderella, Bambi, Tinkebell, Sleeping Beauty, and Cruella de Ville.


2000: British drug maker Glaxo Wellcome agreed to buy SmithKline Beecham for $76 billion, creating the world’s largest pharmaceutical company.


2000: A Foster, Rhode Island, man was charged with drunken driving after he stopped suddenly and a truck rear-ended his van. Police said he man was taking his daughter to her driver’s education class.


2005: Golden Globes were awarded to “The Aviator” as best drama and “Sideways” as best musical or comedy.


2007: A Vietnamese farmer said his pigs preferred classical music. Nguyen Chi Cong of Ho Chi Minh City said he began playing music four each morning and two hours each afternoon in his barnyard in 2001, that Beethoven, Mozart, and Shubert  had a soothing effect on the pigs, they started eating more and gaining weight faster than usual. He also felt other domestic animal might respond the same way.


2007:  In Tallahassee, Florida, the duck a hunter’s wife said, when she opened her refrigerator, the duck her husband killed two days earlier raised its head and looked at her.  The woman said she freaked out and told her daughter to “get that duck to the hospital right now!” At last report the duck, shot in the wing and leg, was doing well at the Goose Creek Wildlife Sanctuary.




1543: British Parliament prohibits any “women or artificer’s prentices, journeymen, servingmen of the degree of yeoman, or under, husbandmen or labourers to read the New Testament in English.”


1545: George Spalatin, Martin Luther’s close friend and go-between with Frederick The Wise, is born.


1604: Puritan John Rainolds suggests ” . . . that there might be a new translation of the Bible, as consonant as can be to the original Hebrew and Greek.” England’s King James I granted his approval the following day, leading to the 1611 publication of the Authorized (King James) version of the Bible.


1786: The Virginia Legislature adopted the Ordinance of Religious Freedom, which guaranteed that no man would be forced to attend or support any church. This mandate later became the model for the First Amendment to the U.S. Constitution.


1890: Moody Bible Institute in Chicago is dedicated, 17 years after evangelist D.L. Moody and college administrator Emma Dryer first discussed the idea.


1920: Largely the result of Christian activists, the Eighteenth Amendment to the U.S. Constitution goes into effect, prohibiting the sale of alcohol. Thirteen years later, Congress repeals the prohibition.


1982: Great Britain established full diplomatic relations with the Vatican.




  • actress (“ER) Yvonne Zima 27 (audio clip)
  • actor (Dennis Mitchell in the 1993 movie Dennis the Menace) Mason Gamble 30
  • actress (“Charles in Charge”) Josie Davis 43 (audio clip)




(Music Artist Birthdays From SongFacts.com)

1909 : Ethel Merman

1929 : G.T. Hogan

1937 : Bob Bogle (The Ventures)

1939 : Ray Phillips (Nashville Teens)

1942 : Bill Francis (Dr. Hook and the Medicine Show)

1942 : Barbara Lynn

1944 : Ronnie Milsap

1944 : Jim Stafford

1948 : John Carpenter

1950 : Damo Suzuki

1959 : Sade

1962 : Paul Webb (Talk Talk)

1966 : Maxine Jones (En Vogue)




Who was more popular, the Beatles, or Elvis?

Early in their fame, the Beatles’s John Lennon compared their influence and popularity to that of Jesus Christ. That was unwise, overreaching, and inappropriate, to say the least. But if a comparison to the Prince of Peace was off the mark, measuring the Beatles’ success against that of a King among men would be more to the point. So how did the Fab Four stack up against Elvis? Since the decibel meter has probably not yet been built that could tell us which induced a greater level of screaming at their concerts, we will have to rely on the relative popularity of their recordings. Who had the most consecutive top ten hits? There Elvis wins, hips down. He had 29 to the Beatles 22. But the Beatles went out on top, while Elvis was in decline before he popped one pill too many. Perhaps had they stayed together, the Beatles would have won out. Who knows? Maybe we should just let it be.




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(No news on the weekends.  Audio clips are only valid for a few days before being removed from our servers.)













CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… Kerri Pomarolli, “Christmas Bargains”




OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns!  Last time, after thinking that the giant gorilla might just want to be friends (rather than eat the animals one at a time) they decided to go back to the footprints.  Millard wasn’t too keen on the idea, seeing as he was almost made a meal of the last time, but they went back anyway.  And suddenly…


CLOSE: So making friends with the gorilla didn’t work… will the animals try again to sell all of their possessions and move out of the jungle?  Will they ever stop running and being scared?  Tune in again next time to find out… As the Jungle Turns!






OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns!  When last we left the jungle, little Louis the lion decided he didn’t want to be king any longer.  It was too hard.  The animals kept coming to him for not only the big decisions, but also the little ones.  So he decided not to be king any longer – and is sneaking off to find someone else to be king!


CLOSE: Wow, talk about making a guy feel bad!  Louis is scared on his own, but now he has to be brave for everyone else!  Tune in next time to see how brave he stays, As the Jungle Turns!


***You may simulcast “As the Jungle Turns” on the Internet stream of your live broadcast only. Any other Internet use of As the Jungle Turns in whole or part including podcasting of your live broadcast is a violation of copyright law. Thank you for your cooperation on this vitally important issue. If you have any questions, please e-mail us.




The people in Nice, France must really BE nice – they once allowed people to buy things with Monopoly money!

The people in Nice, France are either really nice, or extremely naive.  In 2002 the Euro entered Europe.  When it first happened some people were a bit confused about it. On the first day the new money was legal tender a man purchased a number of drinks by giving the owner of the establishment what he told him was one of the new Euro bills. The owner accepted the bill and brought the man his drinks. It was only after he had left that someone noticed he had paid not with a new Euro bill but with a bill from the European version of the Monopoly board game.







  1. Oh, what an interesting texture!


  1. I didn’t know there were that many shades of green!


  1. Oh, Fred, don’t get worked up, she told you it was a new Band-Aid! Besides, you love potato salad!


  1. Trudy, your egg salad bust of the preacher is very, um, uh, er…creative!


  1. Jim, saying in the name of the Father, and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, doesn’t excuse your double dipping!


  1. You say missionaries gave you this recipe?!


  1. What do you mean the dog wouldn’t eat it?!


  1. I didn’t think you could deep fry that!


  1. If Jell-O and vegetables were meant to exist together, Bill Cosby would have been a vegetarian!


  1. Was that SUPPOSED to be crunchy?




If you believe that crime pays, it might also be a good idea to pay attention.


FILE #1: After a customer accidentally left behind a credit card, two Cincinnati convenience store clerks decided to treat themselves to a shopping spree. Without ever leaving their own store, Stephanie Moore and Maria Smith rang up some $1,900 on such big ticket items as cartons of cigarettes, motor oil, toilet paper, cases of soda and lottery tickets. Despite the fact that they worked at the store, they somehow failed to realize that store surveillance cameras were watching as they used the card and their friends went in and out of the store carrying bags filled with the stolen goods. All are now facing charges.


FILE #2: What kind of neighbors do you have? Folks in Houston, Texas were so fed up with one of their neighbors that they took action! Fed up with 28 year old Richard Milva’s parties late at night, friends coming and going all hours of the night, and his persistence in being a pain that they bulldozed his house to the ground while he was out of town. Police still have no idea which of the neighbors did the dirty work, and apparently, all of the neighbors seem to be happy that it was done. The investigation continues.


FILE #3: An Irish woman was so fed up with her husband’s snoring that she took extreme action this week and shot him! Sylvia O’Doyle of Belfast, Ireland finally “cracked” after listening to her husband snore for the past 10 years. She says their bed shook, their windows rattled, and “Patrick” sounded like a freight train rumbling through the bedroom every night for 10 years! Everything they tried came up short so she took out her gun one morning around 3am and shot him. Good news – he’s be okay, she’s in jail  Better news – she won’t hear him snoring anymore.


STRANGE LAW: In Oklahoma people who make “ugly faces” at dogs may be fined and/or jailed.




Can you buy a car… with crack?

Authorities arrested a man they said tried to trade his father’s car for $50 worth of crack cocaine. Deputies arrested the 39-year-old man after his 74-year-old father reported that his Lincoln had been stolen. When deputies arrived at the father’s home, they saw the son walking up the street. They determined that the car had been sold for drugs.  Deputies later saw someone else driving the Lincoln, and pulled it over. The driver fled the moving car, which hit two parked cars.  Deputies caught the driver, who was arrested on suspicion of evading an officer and resisting arrest. The son was arrested on suspicion of car theft.




What’s your nickname – and how did you get it?  Anyone ever get a truly embarrassing name that’s impossible to shake?




QUESTION: Who suggested that it is not wise to spend too much time at your neighbor’s house?

ANSWER: Solomon (Proverbs 25:17 = Withdraw thy foot from thy neighbour’s house; lest he be weary of thee, and so hate thee.)




(This one might work better if you post the question to your website for people to see and ponder over – then at the end of your show give the answer live on the air and post it to your website next to the question – or at the bottom of the webpage.)

QUESTION: A man gave his young son the following challenge. He offered his son $1000 if the son could accomplish the following task. The father gave his son ten envelopes and a thousand dollars, all in one dollar bills. He told his son, “Place the money in the envelopes in such a manner that no matter what number of dollars I ask for, you can give me one or more of the envelopes, containing the exact amount I asked for without having to open any of the envelopes. If you can do this, you will keep the $1000.” When the father asked for a sum of money, the son was able to give him envelopes containing the exact amount of money asked for. How did the son distribute the money among the ten envelopes? It IS possible, and it’s NOT a trick! 

ANSWER: The contents or the ten envelopes (in dollar bills) should be as follows: $1, $2, $4, $8, $16, $32, $64, $128, $256, $489.


QUESTION: In 1979 a Baden, Pennsylvania banker was sentenced to three years in prison for misappropriating bank funds and for doing this to his delinquent customers.  What was he doing to them?

ANSWER: He was spanking delinquent customers.




Pay attention!  If our next player doesn’t answer all ten T/F questions correctly we start all over from question #1!  First person to answer question #10 correctly is our winner!


  1. The waterbed was invented by the ancient Chinese. (False, it was invented in 1832 by Scottish surgeon Neil Arnott as a way of improving patients’ comfort.)


  1. Alexander Graham Bell invented the telephone to help his wife. (True. His wife was deaf, so was his mother. He was originally an instructor for deaf children)


  1. Clara Peller made the catch-phrase “Gag Me With a Spoon” popular in the 1980s. (False, Clara Peller appeared in commercials for Wendy’s and made the phrase “Where’s the beef?” popular.)


  1. The loose skin hanging from the neck of a chicken is known as a “Wattle”. (True. That’s wattle with two “T”s. Waddle with two “D”s is the way a duck walks!)


  1. Over half the cost of every bottle of beer sold in America goes to state and federal taxes. (False. But it’s still high at 43%)


  1. It takes a lobster seven years to grow to be one pound! (True. No wonder they’re so expensive!)


  1. Most people in China don’t eat cheese. (True. It’s just not a big thing over there)


  1. In the classic arcade video game Donkey Kong, logs floating in a river sometimes mysteriously turned into hungry alligators. (False, that’s a description of Frogger)


  1. The English founded Plymouth, Massachusetts first. (False, they first founded Jamestown, Virginia)


  1. Bruce Lee got mad and left Hollywood for Hong Kong after he didn’t get the lead part in the “Kung Fu” TV show. (True)




You have to match the blank in the tabloid headline with the word or phrase that has been removed!


WASHINGTON, DC   —  The Vice President is out $800,000 after he fell for a well-known Internet scam.

Vice President Joe Biden reportedly said that he simply became curious when he received an e-mail promising him $20.5 million if he would only help out a long-lost relative identified as J.B. Biden with a little money up front.

Biden’s intern told WWN about the scammers’ ability to identify his relative by initials and that was what convinced the Vice President it was legitimate.

“That’s what him hooked,” She said.  ”He wanted to help out a relative he  had never met, who wouldn’t do that?”





The Wednesday-night church service coincided with the last day of hunting season.  Our pastor asked who had bagged a deer.  No one raised a hand.  Puzzled, the pastor said, “I don’t get it. Last Sunday many of you said you were missing because of hunting season. I had the whole congregation pray for your deer.”
One hunter groaned, “Well, it worked. They’re all safe.”



This guy loved living in Staten Island, but he wasn’t crazy about the ferry. If you missed a ferry late at night, you had to spend the next hour or so wandering the deserted streets of lower Manhattan.

So, when he spotted a ferry no more than fifteen feet from the dock, he decided he wouldn’t subject himself to an hour’s wait. He made a running leap and landed on his hands and knees, a little bruised maybe, but safe on deck.

He got up, brushed himself off, and announced proudly to a bystander, “Well, I made that one, didn’t I?”

“Sure did,” the bystander said. “But you should have waited a minute or two. The ferry is just about to dock.”



Over the years, Mary and her husband had usually managed to decode the cute but confusing gender signs sometimes put on restaurant restroom doors (Buoys and Gulls, Laddies and Lassies, etc.), but every so often they would get stumped.

Recently Mary’s husband wandered off in search of the men’s room and found himself confronted by two marked doors.  One was labeled “Bronco,” and the other was designated “Cactus.”

Completely baffled, he stopped a restaurant employee passing by. “Excuse me. I need to use the restroom,” he said.  Gesturing toward the doors, he asked, “Which one should I use?”

“Actually, we would prefer you to go there,” the employee said, pointing to a door down the hall marked MEN. “Bronco and Cactus are private dining rooms.”




A Home Depot in California is making over one of its stores in an effort to attract more women customers.  ***MARLAR: And I’m sure all the local carpenters who buy stuff there are going to love the pink hammers.


You know Aquafina for its bottled water.  Now available: Aqaufina skin care products.  ***MARLAR: Which you’ll also pay too much for.





After interviewing a particularly short-spoken job candidate, I described the person to my boss as rather monosyllabic. My boss said, “Really? Where is Monosyllabia?” Thinking that he was just kidding, I played along and said that it was just south of Elbonia. He replied, “Oh, you mean over by Croatia?”




How can a zoo keep a giraffe from having baby giraffes? 

Shavit, the giraffe, is on the pill. Zoo keepers in Jerusalem are putting their frisky female on birth control. Shavit has had two babies in four years. While the little giraffes are cute, officials of the Biblical Zoo say they don’t have room for any more. The vets have a unique way to deliver the birth control hormones. They’re using a dart to inject the drug.  ***MARLAR: Far be it from me to tell the zoo how to take care of its animals, but it seems to me that the whole reason for this – overcrowding in the zoo – could be taken care of in a less violent way.  How about getting rid of the male giraffe?  That way you have one less animal in an already overcrowded zoo, and the female doesn’t have any more baby giraffes!  Wouldn’t that be more pleasant than being shot at with sharp metal objects every month?





An eight-year-old boy approached an old man in front of a wishing well, looked up into his eyes, and asked: “I understand you’re a very wise man. I’d like to know the secret of life.”

The old man looked down at the youngster and replied: “I’ve thought a lot in my lifetime, and the secret can be summed up in four words.

The first is think. Think about the values you wish to live your life by.

The second is believe. Believe in yourself based on the thinking you’ve done about the values you’re going to live your life by.

The third is dream. Dream about the things that can be, based on your belief in yourself and the values you’re going to live by.

The last is dare. Dare to make your dreams become reality, based on your belief in yourself and your values.”

And with that, Walter E. Disney said to the little boy, “Think, Believe, Dream, and Dare.”





Now to Him who is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that works in us.  –Ephesians 3:20

At times we feel as if we could impress God with all we are trying to do for Him and His church. Yet God has yet to be impressed with even the most grandiose human aspirations (Ps. 8:3-4). You will never set a goal so big or attempt a task so significant that God does not have something far greater that He could do in and through your life. Saul of Tarsus worked harder than anyone else to impress God with his efforts, only to discover that his greatest achievements were but rubbish compared to God’s will for his life (Phil. 3:7-8). Our problem is that we become too easily enamored with our own plans. If we are attempting to do noble or difficult things, we assume that we must be experiencing the maximum potential for our lives and that God must, therefore, be pleased with us. Until we have heard from God, we cannot even imagine all that our lives could become or all that God could accomplish through us. We need to remind ourselves that the Father sees the “big picture,” that His power far exceeds our limited imagination. We must set aside our own agenda, however lofty. We must never become satisfied with our own dreams, for they are finite at best. When we follow God’s direction we will witness things happening in our lives that can only be explained by His powerful presence. How could we be satisfied with anything less?





Want to make more money? Eat more green beans! A new study out of Washington shows that people who eat green beans at least three times a week earn more money than people who don’t. Researching can’t explain the connection between green beans and earning power, but they say it definitely exists.





Real men hug each other, and they’re doing it more often than ever, say experts on social customs and good manners. “If you are greeting someone in a casual scenario, I don’t think a hug is out of place,” says Jason Tesauro, the author of “The Modern Gentleman.” “Saying goodbye is always safer because you’ve built up a fellowship.” Men often hug at emotional moments during sports events, weddings and funerals, says professor Mark Mormon of Baylor University in Waco, Texas. “But if you are in the office, hugging generally doesn’t work because there isn’t a lot of emotion there,” says Mormon. And most men aren’t comfortable hugging for more than a second or two. If you’re thinking of joining the group hug, consider these options:

  • The quickie — Two men shake hands and then use the free hand to clasp the other’s shoulder or gently pat near the shoulder blade.
  • The shoulder-pad bump — Two men shake hands, then, without letting go, lean into each other and bump chests while their free hands pound each other heartily on the back.
  • The slip and slide — Two men stand side-by-side and briefly drape closer arms over the other’s shoulder or behind the other’s back while they tap each other’s chests with the farther hands.
  • The rapper hit — Two guys meet with a fancy handshake, then step in to briefly bump their inside shoulders.





He’s probably the worst carjacker ever born!

David Thompson may stand 6-feet and weigh over 200 pounds but nevertheless he wins the award of worst (and wimpiest) carjacker of all time! First he went after 65-year-old Richard Gambardella’s 1996 Chrysler in a parking lot but the old man successfully fought him off and drove away. So next David went after a hatchback with 7-year-old Peter McKasty and his 9-year-old sister sitting inside but Peter grabbed David’s long mane of hair, yanking it and screaming in his ear until he let the kids go. Police are calling it the case of the persistent carjacker and old Dave’s been charged with a string of felonies and misdemeanors. While Mr. Gambardella could not be reached for comment, little Peter had some choice words for his attacker and said, “I was thinking he was an idiot.” ***MARLAR: Question… sure, we got the highjacker – but where’s the adult that left a 7-year-old and a 9-year-old in the car by themselves?!?!





In the world of romance, one single rule applies: Make the woman happy. Believe it or not, women keep scores of how their men are treating them. Do something she likes, and you get points. Do something she dislikes and points are subtracted. You don’t get any points for doing something she expects. Sorry, that’s the way the game is played. Here’s a guide to the point system:

Simple Duties:

  • You make the bed. (+1)
  • You make the bed, but forget to add the decorative pillows. (0)
  • You throw the bedspread over the rumpled sheets. (-1)


  • You leave the toilet seat up. (-5)
  • You replace the toilet paper roll when it’s empty. (0)
  • When the toilet paper roll is barren, you resort to Kleenex. (-1)
  • When the Kleenex runs out, you use the next bathroom. (-2)


  • You go out to buy her extra-light panty liners with wings. (+5)
  • In the snow. (+8)
  • But return with beer. (-5)


  • You check out a suspicious noise at night. (0)
  • You check out a suspicious noise and it’s nothing. (0)
  • You check out a suspicious noise and it’s something. (+5)
  • You pummel it with a six iron. (+10)
  • It’s the cat. (-10)



  • You stay by her side the entire party. (0)
  • You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a college drinking buddy. (-2)
  • Named Tiffany. (-4)


Her Birthday:

  • You take her out to dinner. (0)
  • You take her out to dinner and it’s not a sports bar. (+1)
  • Okay, it is a sports bar. (-2)
  • And it’s all-you-can-eat night. (-3)
  • It’s a sports bar, it’s all-you-can-eat night, and your face is painted the colors of your favorite team. (-10)


A Night Out:

  • You take her to a movie. (+2)
  • You take her to a movie she likes. (+4)
  • You take her to a movie you hate. (+6)
  • You take her to a movie you like. (-2)
  • If it contains the word “Death” or “Blood” in the title. (-3)
  • Which features cyborgs that eat humans. (-9)
  • You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans to get her to agree to go with you. (-15)


Your Physique:

  • You develop a noticeable potbelly. (-15)
  • You develop a noticeable potbelly and exercise to get rid of it. (+10)
  • You develop a noticeable potbelly and resort to loose jeans and a baggy Hawaiian shirt. (-30)
  • You say, it doesn’t matter, because she has one too. (-800)


The Big Question: She asks, do I look fat?

  • You hesitate in responding. (-10)
  • You reply, “Where?” (-35)
  • Any other response. (-20)


Communication: When she wants to talk about a problem:

  • You listen, displaying what looks like a concerned expression. (0)
  • You listen, for over 30 minutes. (+5)
  • You listen for more than 30 minutes without looking at the TV. (+100)
  • She realizes this is because you have fallen asleep. (-20)






Your kid’s watching TV might not be such a bad thing after all.

New research suggests that watching TV before taking a test could actually help improve your grades. Research at Reading University in the UK showed that watching some TV shows before taking a test actually helped improve test scores as opposed to last minute studying. Students who watched a talk show before a test improved their score by six points compared to those who continued to study. A documentary brought an increase of four points, and the TV show “Friends” brought an increase of 1 point. Professor Keith Warwick said that watching television just before an exam warms up the brain without stretching it too much and said that it could mean the difference between passing and failing or an A grade or B grade. ***MARLAR: So forget about those educational instruction tapes and spending a fortune on a nice desk and computer for your kid – just stick them in front of SpongeBob!




Where’s the heart of U.S. well-being? If you guessed Hawaii for its sandy serenity, or Colorado for its Rocky Mountain highs, you’re close.  Both consistently hit the annual top 10. But the state where residents feel most content: Alaska. According to the Gallup index of for American stations, Locals in “the last frontier” share the strongest sense of purpose in the nation, and they rank among the top three states for their collective feelings of financial security, community pride and good health, landing Alaska at No. 1.




A Kentucky Baptist church got involved in an unusual fundraiser just before its pastor Daniel Lowry married his wife. Lowry’s wife — the former Kristen Sayres — had served overseas as co-director for the Naivasha Children’s Shelter in Kenya. In that country grooms normally give large sums of money to their brides’ families before marriage. So after he proposed, Lowry discovered Sayres’ friends in Kenya thought he and his church, First Baptist Church of New Castle, should honor the tradition and donate to the shelter. Lowry’s congregation jumped on the idea. In fact, they ended up paying more than $1,500 for him to be able to say “I do” in October. The couple will get to see the results of their bride price fundraiser when they visit the shelter this month for a Kenyan wedding reception.




7 Crazy Jobs You Never Knew Existed (Money Magazine)

  1. Worm Picker: They dig up night crawlers for fishing bait primarily located in Toronto, Canada
  2. Professional Mourner: someone to wail like the Dickens over your Uncle Archibald if nobody else will.
  3. Vomit Collector: at Thorpe Park, an amusement park in England.
  4. Passenger Arrangement Staff: to deal with overcrowding on public transportation in Tokyo, Japan
  5. Dog Food Tester: quality-control specialists ensuring that fresh batches of dog food meet brand standards.
  6. Olive Stuffer: Olives are washed, pickled, and pitted by a mechanical process, but they’re still stuffed individually by hand
  7. Odor Testers: hired by a variety of companies to sniff out the effectiveness of a product.




A new method of evangelism and church planting is one that is actually an evangelism technique used successfully by Jesus Christ. It’s called, storytelling. And according to a report from Mission Network News, the organization Scriptures In Use has just launched a new Web site to help you understand the technique a little better. At Tell-The-Story.org you can discover how this ministry is using storytelling to share the Gospel with those who won’t and don’t read and write. Find out more at http://ow.ly/ASgqo



Breakpoint speaker Eric Metaxas says science is increasingly making a case for the existence of God. In a Christian Post article he pointed out that there are more than 200 known parameters necessary for a planet to support life and every single one of which must be perfectly met or our existence would be utterly impossible. Metaxas says that truth alone prompted him to ask, “Doesn’t assuming that an intelligence created these perfect conditions actually require far less faith than believing that a life-sustaining Earth just happened to beat the inconceivable odds to come into being?”  http://ow.ly/Hn1rp




Would someone please explain the concept of housecleaning to me?  Robin wants me to help her clean the house this weekend, but what’s the point? We have to do it again six months later!




(Updated as it comes available.  The Way WE Work is written by Mark Elfstrand from 1160Hope.com in Chicago.)


Flexing Your Talents


Over the weekend I read a rather eye opening perspective on new hiring practices in today’s marketplace. It alerts us to a significant difference in what a number of employers now value in their personnel. And the advice is particularly directed at the Generation X crowd preparing to send their own kids off to college.

The article comes from Dr. Jim Thrasher, director of Grove City College’s career services office at their Center for Vision & Values. If you’re not familiar with this group, the Center is “a leading forum for the study and application of freedom to economic, political, social, religious, and scientific issues.” Good thinkers, all of them.

This piece is titled, “Calling All Generation Xers…The Job Search: It’s Not What You’ve Done, But Who You Are.” (link below) Dr. Thrasher is convinced that Gen X parents need to understand the paradigm shift in job placement. It’s different from their day when the degree earned dictated the career path.

Previously, as one corporate recruiter explained, the college educated candidate showed up with the right degree and, if the company liked the person, the job was theirs. Today, companies are looking at a candidate’s design. It’s called “behavioral interviewing.”

In this new world of evaluating talent, aptitude and transferable skills are most prized. According to Dr. Thrasher, “The behavioral approach was developed by Development Dimensions International (DDI) and is being widely used by HR departments.” I’m already a believer in what is being preached on this.

To quote how this analysis is applied, “As the aptitude of the candidate is assessed, the company must confirm that the applicant has the ability to be trained (many times in a whole new field or career) to fulfill the job requirements.” The company also searches for people with specific transferable skills needed to excel. These transferable skills include characteristics and attributes applied in daily living, including modes of operation and design. And as Dr. Thrasher claims, “Transferable skills rule the day in today’s job market.”

This behavioral approach puts high emphasis on the “uniqueness” of the individual. Applicants have to present a certain “fit” to score the job. Once a company finds the desired design in a candidate, they can train them for specific roles.

This new model brought two things to my mind. First, when my son sent his resume off to a very large high tech firm, it went to several departments for jobs in which he took interest. But when the company called to offer him employment, they explained he didn’t quite fit any of those jobs. They did, however, suggest one that would fit. And like the behavioral approach indicates, my son has changed jobs within that corporation several times in a few years—each time being trained with his adaptable personality style.

The second item I recalled was taking a personality assessment a few years ago as part of a course offered with a men’s ministry. The evaluation tool, “Your Unique Design,” costs $35 to complete. The benefit of knowing your assessment results is to help you “discover and leverage your best gifts and talents that are part of your God-given personality.”

Once you complete the questions, you receive a 10-page Personal Profile Report. It explains your core strengths, talents, and abilities in detail. Developers believe you are “wired by God” and once you understand that wiring, you’ll see why you do what you do and─what makes you come alive! (Find out more at www.youruniquedesign.com.)

All my work life I’ve tried to make work fun. Only after reading my assessment from “Your Unique Design” did I see that my personality thrives on this. If a place ceases to be fun (or a job), I’m an unhappy camper! The payoff for others I’m around is that I try to make work fun for them as well—assuming we’re on task.

This blog message today is really meant to serve as a very practical reminder that God has created us in such a way that our uniqueness has purpose—especially in our work. I found it encouraging to learn that employers are now finding value in this uniqueness. Stronger, more effective workplaces will likely result!

In the Psalms, we are reminded of this uniqueness. King David wrote in Psalm 139, “Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex! Your workmanship is marvelous—how well I know it. You watched me as I was being formed in utter seclusion, as I was woven together in the dark of the womb.You saw me before I was born. Every day of my life was recorded in your book. Every moment was laid out before a single day had passed.” (Psalm 139:13-16, NLT)

Reality in the workplace today finds that graduates may wind up in a number of different jobs. In other words, you must be flexible. Important not only for your career, but for life as well.

You don’t have to explain that to Gumby!

That’s The Way WE Work. Click on the link to the right to connect via Facebook.

Catch “Let’s Talk with Mark Elfstrand” weekday afternoons from 4-6pm on AM 1160 Hope for Your Life. To listen to the live broadcast or a podcast of previous shows click here.




Marie Asner has been reviewing films for over 30 years. Her outlets include radio, print and Internet.  For more in-depth movie reviews of the following films, visit www.Tollbooth.org.  Ratings from 1 (Low) to 5 (High).


JANUARY 15, 2016…


The Forest—This film is set in a Aokigahara Forest region of Japan where people go to commit suicide.  Natalie Dorman is looking for her twin sister and hopes she is not found in this forest.  Also in the cast is Taylor Kinney (Lady Gaga’s boyfriend). “The Forest”  is rated R. No rating.


13 Hours: Secret Soldiers of Benghazi—Director Michael Bay does a film with the theme of a group of Special Forces soldiers who decide, against odds, to protect the civilians in the Benghazi compound. The cast includes James Badge Dale, John Krasinski, Max Martini and Toby Stephens. “13 Hours: Secret Soldiers of Benghazi” is rated R. Rating of 2.


Ride Along 2—A continuation of the “friendship” between Kevin Hart, a new police officer, and his fiancee’s father, Ice Cube, who is also a policeman. In this sequel, Kevin goes to Miami in pursuit of a criminal (Benjamin Bratt) and guess who goes along, that’s right, Ice Cube. Also in the cast is Tika Sumpter. “Ride Along 2” is rated R. No rating.


Norm Of The North—An animated film about a polar bear (voice of Rob Schreider) who, with his three Lemming friends, goes to New York City to be a mascot. Well, stranger things have happened. You may recognize the voices of Heather Graham, Ken Jeong, Colm Meany and Loretta Devine. “Norm Of The North” is rated PG. Rating of 2.


JANUARY 22, 2016…


The 5th Wave is a science fiction movie about an alien attack on Earth. Stars Chloe Grace Moretz.


The Boy (formerly titled “The Inhabitant”) is a supernatural thriller about a possessed doll. Stars Lauren Cohen.


Dirty Grandpa has Robert De Niro hassling his grandson, Zac Efron, just before Zac’s wedding.


Mojave (opening in select cities) has Garrett Hedlund lost in the desert with a stranger.


Synchronicity (opening in select cities) is a film about time travel starring Michael Ironside and Brianne Davis.


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WARNING:    Don’t believe anything you read on the Internet or email (including stuff you read here) unless you can confirm it with another source, and/or it is consistent with what you already know to be true. The opinions in this publication are not necessarily those of Darren Marlar, Marlar House Entertainment, OnAirPrep.com, or any company or organization affiliated with aforementioned.  (Regardless of how stupid you may think those opinions are.  So there – nyah!)

Darren Marlar credits all non-original material to the author whenever possible. All other material is original, used with permission, or author unknown. We welcome all comments, questions, and suggestions.  Darren can be reached via his website at www.DarrenMarlar.com.