January 20, 2016: Wednesday ONAIRprep

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PRINTER FRIENDLY VERSION: 20160120

 

 

WELCOME TO THE SHOW!

I’m really glad you tuned in early. After a couple hours, I start eroding.

 

 

BIBLE VERSE OF THE DAY

Christ was sacrificed once to take away the sins of many people; and he will appear a second time, not to bear sin, but to bring salvation to those who are waiting for him.  — Hebrews 9:28

 

Restore us, O LORD God Almighty; make your face shine upon us, that we may be saved. — Psalm 80:19

 

We are not of those who shrink back and are destroyed, but of those who believe and are saved. — Hebrews 10:39

 

 

HEARTLIGHT DAILY VERSE, PRAYER & THOUGHT

(From VerseOfTheDay.com)

He [the Word, Jesus] was with God in the beginning. Through him all things were made; without him nothing was made that has been made. — John 1:2-3

 

Thought: Jesus was there. He was with God in the beginning. But he was more than just a witness of Creation; he created it! Jesus, who allowed himself to be limited to human flesh and to die a cruel and agonizing death on the Cross, was there at the beginning as the Word speaking our world into existence. He made it. It is his. Yet he came and died to redeem it. More specifically, he came to redeem you and me. So when the Word speaks to us telling us how to live to please God, don’t you think we’d better pay attention? Better yet, don’t you think we ought to do it?

 

Prayer: Holy Father, your plan to save me overwhelms and humbles me. That you would send Jesus, the Word who created the world that I know, is more wonderful than I can fully grasp. That he would allow himself to be limited to the world he had made boggles my imagination. That he would die for me so that I can live with you captures my heart! Please help me as I seek to live my life based on his teachings and your will. In the name of Jesus, the Living Word, I pray. Amen.

 

The Thoughts and Prayers for Today’s Verse are written by Phil Ware. You can email questions or comments to phil@heartlight.org.

 

 

BIRTHDAY VERSE” OF THE DAY

The chapter and verse corresponds to the month and the day!

1 Peter 1:20 NIV = He was chosen before the creation of the world, but was revealed in these last times for your sake.

 

 

TODAY IS WEDNESDAY – JANUARY 20, 2016

(NOTE: Some holidays may be duplicated due to various calendars reporting conflicting dates)
WEIRD, WACKY, STRANGE, ZANY, ODD, BIZARRE, QUIRKY, UNUSUAL HOLIDAYS!
THERE ARE ONLY 341 SHOPPING DAYS UNTIL CHRISTMAS.   

 

Today is THE MEN BRING LUNCH TO WORK DAY, a day for the guys to bring in potluck dishes they made themselves. Wives dishes are not acceptable. The men also clean up–and can swap recipes if they wish.

 

Today is STAY YOUNG FOREVER DAY.  *** Does anyone actually WANT to live forever?  Even if you could stay young?

 

Today is CHEESE DAY.  *** To celebrate, be sure to listen to (NEXT JOCK)… his show has been voted by KRAFT as the “cheesiest show in (CITY).”

 

Today is NATIONAL DISC JOCKEY DAY.  *** It’s a day to honor us radio personalities, but do we get the day off?  Noooooo…

 

 

TODAY IS ALSO. . .

Camcorder Day

Penguin Awareness Day

Inauguration Day

National Disc Jockey Day

Rid The World of Fad Diets and Gimmicks Day

 

 

COMING UP NEXT

THURSDAY, JANUARY 21

Get To Know Your Customers Day

National Hugging Day

Squirrel Appreciation Day

Women’s Healthy Weight Day

 

FRIDAY, JANUARY 22

Answer Your Cat’s Questions Day

Celebration of Life Day

Roe vs. Wade Day

 

SATURDAY, JANAURY 23

National Handwriting Day

Snowplow Mailbox Hockey Day

AFRMA Fancy Rat & Mouse Day

 

SUNDAY, JANUARY 24

Belly Laugh Day

Beer Can Day

National Bible Sunday

National Compliment Day

National Peanut Butter Day

Talk Like a Grizzled Prospector Day

Visit Your Local Quilt Shop Day

 

MONDAY, JANUARY 25

A Room of One’s Own Day

Macintosh Computer Day

National Irish Coffee Day

Opposite Day

Robert Burns Day

Bubble Wrap Appreciation Day

 

TUESDAY, JANUARY 26

Lotus 1-2-3 Day

National Peanut Brittle Day

Toad Hollow Day of Encouragement

 

WEDNESDAY, JANUARY 27

Holocaust Memorial Day

International Mobile Phone Recycling Day

National Geographic Day

Thomas Crapper Day

Viet Nam Peace Day

 

 

ON THIS DAY

1885: LaMarcus Thompson patented the first roller coaster at New York’s Coney Island. He called it a “scenic railway.”

 

1929: The first full-length talking movie shot entirely outdoors, “In Old Arizona,” was released. Warner Baxter won an Oscar for his role in the film.

 

1961: Actress Marilyn Monroe and playwright Arthur Miller were divorced. They were married on June 29, 1956.

 

1969: In his first Memphis recording session since 1956, Elvis Presley recorded “In the Ghetto” and “Suspicious Minds.”

 

1971: “The Smith Family” debuted on ABC-TV, starring Henry Fonda, Janet Blair, Darlene Carr, teenager Ronny Howard, and Michael-James Wixted. The family drama lasted one season. The theme song was “Primrose Lane.”

 

1974: Essex Community College in New Jersey beat Englewood Cliffs College in one of history’s worst basketball defeats. Final score: 210-67. Essex shot 97 of 129, plus 16 of 22 free throws, and had 89 rebounds.

 

1981: Within minutes after Ronald Reagan was inaugurated as U.S. president, 52 American hostages in Iran were released after 444 days of captivity.

 

1990: Four days after her divorce from Bill Pentland, comic Roseanne Barr married comedian Tom Arnold. The first marriage lasted 16 years, the second less than five.

 

1993: Dutch-born Oscar-winning actress Audrey Hepburn died of cancer at her home in Switzerland. She was 63. She made 25 films, including “Roman Holiday,” “Funny Face,” “Breakfast at Tiffany’s,” and “My Fair Lady.”

 

1993: Bill Clinton was sworn in as the 42nd president of the United States, and the White House announced that Hillary Clinton would work out of an office near the Oval Office, an unprecedented move in first lady history.

 

1994: Shannon Faulkner became the first woman to attend South Carolina’s all-male military school, The Citadel. She quit six days later during the first day of the school’s so-called “Hell Week.”

 

2001: George W. Bush became the 43rd president of the United States.

 

2002: Sting won his first Golden Globe for his song “Until” from the “Kate & Leopold” soundtrack.

 

2004: A 60-year-old auditor was found dead at his desk in the Finnish tax office in Helsinki. He’d been dead for two days, yet 30 other employees in the tax office and 100 others on the same floor had not noticed. Co-workers said colleagues who might have had lunch with him were busy in meetings.

 

2004: The Salvation Army announced a donation expected to exceed $1.5 billion from the estate of Joan Kroc, the widow of the McDonald’s founder Ray Kroc.

 

 

TODAY IN CHRISTIAN HISTORY

1541: A town meeting in Geneva ratifies John Calvin’s plan to set up a church court that would meet weekly to judge offenders and maintain discipline.

 

1569: Miles Coverdale, publisher of the first printed English Bible and the man who completed William Tyndale’s translation of the Old Testament, dies at 81.

 

1918: Following the Bolshevik Revolution, all church property in Russia is confiscated and all religious instruction in schools abolished .

 

 

HOLLYWOOD, SPORTS AND CELEBRITY FIGURE BIRTHDAYS

  • Actor (As Good As It Gets, “Law & Order: Los Angeles”) Skeet Ulrich, 47
  • TV host Melissa Rivers, 48
  • Actor (Mike Delfino in TV’s “Desperate Housewives”) Jamie Denton, 53 (audio clip)
  • Actor (“Falcon Crest”) Lorenzo Lamas, 58
  • TV host/comedian Bill Maher, 60
  • Astronaut (second man to set foot on the moon) Edwin “Buzz” Aldrin Jr., 86
  • Actor/comedian/game show host (“Rowan & Martin’s Laugh In”, “Gong Show”) Arte Johnson, 87 (audio clip)

 

 

BEE-BOP BIRTHDAYS

(Music Artist Birthdays From SongFacts.com)

1888 : Leadbelly

1922 : Ray Anthony

1924 : Slim Whitman

1926 : David Tudor

1933 : Earl Grant

1935 : Buddy Blake

1941 : Ron Townson (The 5th Dimension)

1944 : Lew Soloff (Blood, Sweat & Tears)

1945 : Eric Stewart (The Mindbenders, 10cc)

1946 : Jerome Geils (The J. Geils Band)

1947 : George Grantham (Poco)

1948 : Melvin Pritchard (Barclay James Harvest)

1950 : Walter Becker (Steely Dan)

1951 : Randy California (Spirit)

1952 : Stanley Harvey Eisen – (Kiss

1952 : Ian Hill (Judas Priest)

1954 : Jon Brant (Cheap Trick)

1955 : Michael Anthony (Van Halen)

1979 : Rob Bourdon (Linkin Park)

 

 

SECRETS OF THE UNIVERSE

How did the custom of kissing start?

Over time, the custom of kissing developed as a way for adults to express their love and affection for one another. The roots of this form of affection can be traced back to primitive times, when mothers cuddled their children, much as mothers do today.  Much later, in the sixth century, society apparently accepted the custom of kissing between adults as an expression of their affection. Not surprisingly, France first accepted kissing in courtship, and in amore. There, figure dancing was the rage, and each dance was sealed with a kiss.  The custom of kissing swept from France through Europe to Russia, where Russian nobility loved to ape the French. Eventually, the kiss was incorporated into marriage ceremonies, and today lip-locks couples into sweet matrimony.  The custom of kissing today, as well as in ancient times, serves to show respect, and to pay homage to another. For example, early Romans kissed each other on the mouth or on the eyes to greet one another in a manner they deemed to be a dignified. One Roman emperor even ranked a person’s importance by the body part he was allowed to kiss. He allowed important nobles to kiss his lips, less important ones to kiss his hands, and the least important ones to kiss his feet.  In Russia, the highest sign of recognition from the Crown meant a kiss from the Tsar himself. Today, natives of many African tribes pay homage to their Chief by kissing the ground over which he has walked.

 

 

CHRISTIAN ARTIST NEWS

Do you like the Christian Artist News you see below? It’s just a tiny sample of the 5-6 pages of material you could be receive every weekday… and it’s FREE!  Become one of their subscribers at ChristianRadioShowPrepServices.com!

 

Comedian Bob Smiley tweeted recently: The flight attendant keeps announcing to turn off all cell phones but the guy in front of me is totally ignoring her.

 

Kutless member James Mead posted over the weekend: Fun fact: I mutter to myself a lot and laugh at my own jokes.

 

For King and Country was the latest band to be featured on a Southwest Airlines flight. Late last week the band performed two songs live while traveling 500mph at 35,000 feet. The concert was part of Southwest’s Live at 35 concert series.

http://twitter.com/4kingandcountry/status/688054029390352385/photo/1

 

Paul Baloche recently wrote a note to the members of Al-Qaida. He posted: “May the fleas of a thousand camels visit your tents tonight”. Added to Paul’s post was the hash tag: cowards

 

An announcement from Jamie Grace while catching up on American Idol: I just decided I’m quitting music and going to auction school and I think it’s gonna be great.

 

 

NEWS KICKERS

(No news on the weekends.  Audio clips are only valid for a few days before being removed from our servers.)

 

NEW NEWS KICKERS…

Living in a historic neighborhood of Boston requires some deep pockets, and if you also want to park your car there, you’ll have to shell out some serious change. According to ABC News, A parking spot in the Brimmer Street Garage, located in the city’s historic Beacon Hill neighborhood, was listed for $650,000. Parking is so scarce in this area that last year two homes, with a listing price of more than 5 million each, did not include any parking space.   *** How about you buy the parking space and just build a tiny house on it?  Sounds like the cheapest way to live in Boston.

 

A Texas man has stabbed his roommate to death for eating the last piece of fried chicken.  ***Not included in the story – where do you get such amazingly tasty fried chicken that you’d kill for it?  I gotta get me some of that!

 

A New York man is building his own sovereign nation called “Zaqistan” on a remote piece of land in Utah.  *** Ladies – this is what happens to men when you continually shove us into the “friend zone.”

 

A longtime Alabama educator who won Teacher of the Year honors resigned when her “frustration boiled over” after being informed that she lacked the state qualifications to teach 5th grade, Ann Marie Corgill resigned from Birmingham City Schools after 21 years of teaching in grades 1-6. She says: “I have no answers as to why this is a problem now, so instead of paying more fees, taking more tests, and proving once again that I am qualified to teach, I am resigning.”  ***What kind of America do we live in where not even a 5th grade teacher is smarter than a 5th grader?

 

 

NEWS KICKER EVERGREENS…

A survey of drivers has revealed the best foods to eat while driving. Insure.com said its online survey of drivers found the motorists’ most preferred foods while behind the wheel were candy bars, French fries, potato chips and chicken nuggets.  ***MARLAR: And in my case, preferably all at once.

 

New Mexico has ordered 500 talking urinal cakes to help fight drunk driving.  Guys making a pit stop will hear a female voice saying: “Hey there, big guy. Having a few drinks?”  The talking urinal then says, “It’s time to call a cab or ask a sober friend for a ride home.” So, why just the men’s room?  Officials note men are about three times more likely to be busted for drunken-driving than women. The talking urinal cakes cost 21 bucks each and will last for about three months.  ***MARLAR: Actually, a urinal cake talking to you… wasn’t that already a sign that you were drinking too much?

 

Here’s a simple way to have a happier marriage: touch while sleeping. In a study (University of Herfordshire), 94% of couples who touched while sleeping said they were happier. For couples who are hands-off (and arms and legs and toes), only 68% are happy.  ***MARLAR: Obviously these researches never tried to get to sleep with my wife’s 2-degrees-below-zero feet in the arch of their backs.

 

Do you “Google” your dates? Lots of people do. Katie Laird, a Web marketing professional from Houston, advises her friends to use the power of the Internet search giant. Laird adds that “googling” your dates will help you learn things about them that you likely won’t learn during the actual date… both bad and good.  She says there’s an upside to cyberspace dating. She says she met her future husband online.  ***MARLAR: Times sure have changed, haven’t they?  Before Google existed, if you googled your date you’d get a slap in the face.

 

 

WONDER WOMAN

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… “Self-Help Groups”

 

 

DAILY COMEDY CLIP

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… Scott Gregory, “British Baseball”

 

 

AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – WEEKDAY VERSION

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD WEDNESDAY’S EPISODE  
OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns!  Last time, all of the jungle animals tried to make friends with a giant gorilla who’d been leaving footprints around the jungle – but that didn’t work.  And they were so scared they didn’t know what to do… until finally, they stopped and prayed and asked God for help.  Suddenly they heard… music!

 

CLOSE: And all the animals foxtrotted happily ever after.  Well, at least until sundown.  Tune in next time as FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you another inspiringly inspiring inspirational story in the never-ending deep-jungle soap-opera saga that is As the Jungle Turns!

 

 

AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – SATURDAY/SUNDAY VERSION

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD THE EPISODE FOR THE WEEKEND OF JANUARY 23/24

 

OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns!  Last time, the new king of the jungle, Louis the lion, decided he didn’t want to be king anymore because he was too little and didn’t know what to do.  So he (and the rest of the animals) went out to find someone new to be king… but now they’re in a really dark and scary part of the jungle…

 

CLOSE: Maybe Louis has a point, maybe the animals DO need someone else to be king of the jungle!  Someone big, strong, and more importantly – brave!  What will Louis do?  Find out next time, As the Jungle Turns!

 

***You may simulcast “As the Jungle Turns” on the Internet stream of your live broadcast only. Any other Internet use of “As the Jungle Turns” in whole or part including podcasting of your live broadcast is a violation of copyright law. Thank you for your cooperation on this vitally important issue. If you have any questions, please e-mail us and ask about “Jungle Jam & Friends the Radio Show” usage.

 

 

MOMENT OF DUH

We’ve found the Mom of the Year – for a Moment of Duh, at least.

According to police in Jersey City, New Jersey, 36-year-old Roselean Walker sat at one screen in a movie cineplex with her boyfriend, while her 11-year-old son watched the longer Harry Potter film at another screen. However, after her movie ended, she got tired of waiting for her son – so she went home with the boyfriend to New York City.  When police called her the next morning to come pick up her son, she demanded that they drive him home. After officers ordered her immediately to the station, she showed up in a bad mood, threatening a lawsuit for the inconvenience, and wound up being charged with assaulting an officer in addition to endangering a child’s welfare.

 

 

TOP TEN

TOP TEN SIGNS YOU ARE CHEAP

 

  1. You attend a weekly coupon club.

 

  1. You’ve been driving on the spare tire for over three months.

 

  1. Fast food is your idea of fine dining.

 

  1. You spend more time counting change during a single week than you spend at church.

 

  1. You’re outraged when the price of a can of soda goes up a nickel.

 

  1. You haven’t purchased a name brand product in the past ten years.

 

  1. You take the pennies from the container next to the cash register.

 

  1. Your family gets presents a week after Christmas because you love that fifty-percent discount.

 

  1. Matinee. Every time.

 

  1. You code all your own software rather than buy it.

 

 

THE FILES OF LAW & DISORDER

When you shoplift from a grocery store, where exactly do you hide the refrigerated items under your clothes?

 

FILE #1: Aspiring shoplifters would do well to learn a lesson from Spring Hill, Florida’s Rodney A. Covington. Apparently not grasping the concept of the ‘Kash’ part of the Kash and Karry grocery store chain, Rodney walked out of the store with some items he neglected to pay for. However, Rodney found out the hard way that when shoplifting a one-pound block of cheese and a 12-inch pepperoni stick, it’s best to wear something besides shorts. Rodney was confronted by the store’s manager and according to the police report, Covington lifted his shirt, “exposing the pepperoni stick.” Covington told the cops he was carrying the meat and cheese in his pants because he had hurt his hand and couldn’t carry a shopping basket. He also said he intended to pay for the items but couldn’t explain why he hadn’t.

 

FILE #2: A pair of Michigan robbers entered a record shop nervously waving revolvers. The first one shouted, “Nobody move!” When his partner moved, the startled first bandit shot him.

 

FILE #3: A Houston bandit pointed two pistols at store clerk Wazir Jrwi.  Rather than panic, faint, or run away, Wazir offered to pay $200 each for the guns. The robber agreed, handed over the pistols, and then tried to leave with the store’s cash.  Wazir, who had electronically locked the doors, agreed to let the bandit leave without the money.

 

STRANGE LAW: In Jonesboro, Georgia, it’s illegal to say “Oh, Boy!”

 

 

THIS IS YOUR BRAIN ON DRUGS

If telling them to “just say no” to drugs doesn’t work (which it doesn’t seem to be), try a little Beethoven!

Railway officials in a Dutch town plan to play classical music by the likes of Bach and Beethoven in the station’s pedestrian tunnel, in the hope that it will keep the drug users away. Officials in the town of Heerlen will first carry out tests on music by various composers to discover which one irritates junkies the most. ***MARLAR: You know, if Bach or Beethoven doesn’t work, they might try playing NPR – even non-drug users sometimes have difficulty listening to that for extended periods of time.

 

 

PHONER PHUN

If you could only have 3 TV/cable channels for life what would they be?

 

You’re not really from (CITY/TOWN) until you’ve done… what?

 

 

BIBLE BRAIN BUSTER!

QUESTION: What boy had a coat made for him each year by his mother?

ANSWER: Samuel (I Samuel 2:18,19)

 

 

QUESTION IMPOSSIBLE

QUESTION: Who was the first U.S. president inaugurated in American-made clothes?
ANSWER: James Madison

 

 

TRUE OR FALSE

Pay attention!  If our next player doesn’t answer all ten T/F questions correctly we start all over from question #1!  First person to answer question #10 correctly is our winner!

  1. Marie Osmond lost 51 pounds while she appeared on “Dancing With The Stars”. (False – she lost 31 lbs)

 

  1. V-neck sweaters were once considered immoral and unhealthy. (True, in 1920)

 

  1. There are twice as many fatal heart attacks in the summer than in the winter. (False… it’s the other way around)

 

  1. 50 percent of your body heat loss is through your head. (True! Hands and feet are second and third.)

 

  1. Air traffic controllers in China speak English over the airwaves. (True… English is the language used by air traffic controllers all over the world.)

 

  1. The longer a finger, the faster the nail grows. (True)

 

  1. Whipped cream can be used as deodorant. (False… it works well as hair conditioner though. Just be sure to rinse it out though… otherwise you smell like spoiled milk!)

 

  1. It’s illegal to send a child through the mail. (True… thank goodness! In 1920, the United States Post Office ruled that children could not be sent by parcel post.)

 

  1. The average shoelace can be tied 846 times before it breaks. (True.)

 

  1. Waiters and waitresses get bigger tips when it’s raining. (False… when the sun is shining they do though)

 

 

TABLOID MATCH GAME

You have to match the blank in the tabloid headline with the word or phrase that has been removed!

AFGHAN HOUND _______ (TALKS)

Excited dental hygienist Annette Tolore’s Afghan hound is house-trained and smart – and he talks  a mile a minute.

Unfortunately, the language Sparkles uses is an obscure Uzbeki dialect that only a handful of university scholars and people living in the hills of Afghanistand can make heads or talis of.

“My dog  yaks like a mynah bird but I don’t understand a word h e’s saying,” declared Tolore, 38, of Baltimore. “And what really gets under my skins it that ignorant people like my neighbors and friends dont’ think he’s talking at all.

“They say the noises he makes aren’t words.  But Iv’e talked to an expert who told me Sparky’s speaking in a weird dialect used only by a few hils tribes in Afghantistna, which makes sense because Sparkles ia an Afghan hound.

 

 

THE WAY TOO EARLY IN THE MORNING TO UNDERSTAND THE PUNCHLINE EVEN AFTER TWO CUPS OF COFFEE JOKE OF THE DAY

JOKE #1

Negotiations between union members and their employer were at an impasse.  The union denied that their workers were flagrantly abusing their contract’s sick-leave provisions.  One morning at the bargaining table, the company’s chief negotiator held aloft the morning edition of the newspaper, “This man,” he announced, “Called in Sick yesterday!”

There on the sports page, was a photo of the supposedly ill employee, who had just won a local golf tournament with an excellent score.

The silence in the room was broken by a union negotiator.

“Wow,” he said.  “Think of what kind of score he could have had if he hadn’t been sick!”

 

JOKE #2

The Lone Ranger and his faithful Indian companion Tonto, found themselves surrounded by hostile Apache braves on the warpath.

”I don’t see any way out, Tonto,” said The Lone Ranger. “It looks like we’re going to be killed by those Indians.”

Tonto turned to his friend. “What you mean WE, kemo sabe?”

 

JOKE #3

A man is walking his dog, and passes a little restaurant; the cooking smells are so tempting, he decides he would like to stop for lunch, but the sign says no animals are permitted.

After a couple of moment’s thought, he decided to brazen it out: he puts on a pair of sunglasses, walks into the restaurant, with his dog on a leash and asks to be seated. The waiter says “I am sorry sir, but we do not permit animals in the restaurant.”

The man says, “But I’m blind, and this is my seeing eye dog.”

The waiter responds skeptically: “Your seeing eye dog? Sir, that dog is a Chihuahua.”

The man responds: “A Chihuahua! They gave me a Chihuahua?”

 

 

USELESS FACTS

Rocco, a beagle who strayed from a New York City yard five years ago, has been found 850 miles away in Georgia and has been reunited with his owners.  ***MARLAR: If that’s not bad enough, think about it… 850 miles is more like 5,950 in dog miles.

 

Patrick Henry had a total of 17 children. He had the distinction of being elected of the first governor of Virginia. ***MARLAR: Of course, he was, he was responsible for populating most of the state.

 

 

FEATURED FUNNIES

HE WAS JUST LION THERE IN THE CORNER

A Sunday school teacher was telling her youngsters about Daniel and the Lion’s Den. To illustrate the lesson she had a picture of Daniel standing, brave and confident, with a group of lions around him. Suddenly, one little girl started to cry.

The teacher said, “Don’t cry. The lions are not going to eat Daniel.”

Snubbing back sobs and tears the girl said, “That’s not what I’m crying about. That little lion, over in the corner, isn’t going to get anything to eat.”

 

 

IT MUST BE TRUE BECAUSE I HEARD IT ON THE RADIO!

Imagine winning a contest, and then suddenly having the rules changed on you DURING THE GAME in order to specifically keep you from winning!

The Muscular Dystrophy Association, a Tempe, Arizona, real estate firm and two charity promoters are being sued by Keith Schott. While we’re not big on suing charities, kind of looks like Keith may be in the right on this one. Keith’s a golfer who had apparently, legitimately made a fully witnessed hole-in-one during a charity golf tournament. However, he was allegedly turned down for the widely advertised $1 million prize when the sponsors suddenly imposed a rule that the money shots had to be videotaped. Keith’s lawyer said, “Remarkably, the defendants changed the rules on the spot.”

 

 

INSPIRATIONAL INSPIRATION

DAYS OF THE WEEK

  • Monday – Wash Day: Lord, help me wash away all my selfishness and vanity, so I may serve you with perfect humility through the week ahead.
  • Tuesday – Ironing Day: Dear Lord, help me iron out all the wrinkles of prejudice I have collected though the years so that I may see the beauty in others.
  • Wednesday – Mending Day: O God, help me mend my ways so I will not set a bad example for others.
  • Thursday – Cleaning Day: Jesus, help me to dust out all the many faults I have been hiding in the secret corners of my heart.
  • Friday – Shopping Day: O God, give me the grace to shop wisely so I may purchase eternal happiness for myself and all others in need of love
  • Saturday – Cooking Day: Help me, my Savior, to brew a big kettle of brotherly love and serve it with clean, sweet bread of human kindness.
  • Sunday – The Lord’s Day: O God, I have prepared my house for you. Please come into my heart as my honored guest so I may spend the day and the rest of my life in your presence.

 

 

DRIVE TIME DEVOTIONAL

LIMITATION OR ADVANTAGE?

Read: 2 Corinthians 12:1-10

He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.” —2 Corinthians 12:9

We’ve been taught that when we ask God for something through prayer, His answer may be yes, no, or wait. We’re told that even no is an answer, though obviously not the one we may want. It certainly wasn’t the answer Paul wanted when he begged God three times to remove his “thorn in the flesh” (2 Corinthians 12:7-8).

Whatever Paul’s thorn was, it weakened him. Because he wanted to be strong in his ministry, Paul asked God for deliverance. Although God didn’t grant his request, He answered his prayer! He said to Paul, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness” (v.9). The all-sufficient strength of Christ became Paul’s new boast.

Author J. Oswald Sanders summarized Paul’s attitude about his thorn like this: “At first he viewed it as a limiting handicap, but later he came to regard it as a heavenly advantage.” Paul could therefore testify, “I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in needs, in persecutions, in distresses . . . . For when I am weak, then I am strong” (v.10).

Have you prayed for deliverance from something that weakens you, but deliverance hasn’t come? Remember, God’s grace is sufficient for you. He can transform your limitation into your “heavenly advantage.” —Joanie Yoder

 

There’s advantage in our weakness,
There is blessing in our pain;
It is when we’re feeling helpless
That God’s grace and strength sustain. —Fitzhugh

 

Our weakness is a blessing when we lean on God’s strength.

 

 

LEFTOVERS

WASH & WEIGH

Coming soon – a machine that will not only wash your clothes, but trim your figure as well.

Need to get in shape but can’t afford one of those expensive memberships to a gym? Need to wash your clothes but can’t afford one of those expensive washing machines? Then a university in Australia has just the product for you! Two RMIT University students have unveiled a pedal-powered washing machine which could be used by women in developing countries (and those of us that really need to lose weight). The washing machine does not require electricity or a water supply. The simple design also means it can be built extremely cheap.

 

 

LIFE… LIVE IT

MAKING A GREAT FIRST IMPRESSION AT THAT NEW JOB

You’ve just accepted a new job. The position is likely to be more challenging than your last one, and the people, policies and procedures will be unfamiliar to you. Because first impressions are lasting ones, here are tips to help you make the most of your first month on the job (from CareerBuilder.com):

  • Start fresh – When preparing to leave your old position, you’ll probably be busy tying up loose ends right up until you walk out the door on your last day. That’s why it’s important to unwind and clear your head before you begin a new job. Try to take at least a few days off between leaving your old position and starting your next one.
  • Assess the corporate culture – After starting your new job, spend some time studying the culture at the firm. Consider arriving 30 minutes early and leave half an hour late on your first day or two to get a sense of how many others in your group do the same.
  • Clarify expectations – It’s important to be on the same page as your manager from the start, so within the first couple of days, meet with him or her to discuss your responsibilities and how your position fits into the grand scheme of things.
  • Get to know the team – While your boss will likely take you through the office to meet everyone on your first day, your introduction should go beyond, “Hi, I’m Rachel.” Take the initiative to speak to colleagues for a longer period of time, whether it’s over a coffee break, lunch or more formal one-on-one meeting.
  • Have a game plan – Think like an executive by developing a strategy to guide your first 30 days on the job. Not only will you remain on the right path, but your plan also will serve as a useful tool for your first review. Include goals you hope to accomplish and steps you must take to reach them.

 

 

JUST FOR FUN

I CAN’T UNDERSTAND WHAT STALONE IS SAYING!

Good hearing is something we have all taken for granted.  Anytime we’d like, we can go out for dinner and then head to the movies to see the latest features.  But if you are hearing impaired, you don’t have that luxury.

…Most TV shows offer “closed captioning for the hearing impaired” but movie theaters haven’t gone that route for one reason or another.  But why not?  That’s the question eight deaf people in Portland Oregon are asking, and they are now suing to force movie theaters to install devices that would allow deaf people to see “close captioned” films.  Theatre owners and operators say it’s too cost-prohibitive, as it would cost about $15,000 a screen to install the new technology.  ***MARLAR: Big deal.  What is that – one day of popcorn sales?

 

 

FUN LIST

HYMNS FOR ALL PEOPLE

The Dentist’s Hymn: Crown Him With Many Crowns
The Weatherman’s Hymn: There Shall Be Showers of Blessing
The Contractor’s Hymn: The Church’s One Foundation
The Tailor’s Hymn: Holy,Holy, Holy
The Golfer’s Hymn: There is A Green Hill Far Away
The Politician’s Hymn: Standing on the Promises
The Optometrist’s Hymn: Open My Eyes That I Might See
The IRS Agent’s Hymn: I Surrender All
The Gossip’s Hymn: Pass It On
The Electrician’s Hymn: Send the Light
The Shopper’s Hymn: Sweet By and By
The Realtor’s Hymn: I’ve Got A Mansion Just Over the Hilltop
The Pilot’s Hymn: I’ll Fly Away
The Paramedic’s Hymn: Revive Us Again
The Judge’s Hymn: Almost Persuaded
The Psychiatrist’s Hymn: Just A Little Talk With Jesus
The Architect’s Hymn: How Firm A Foundation
The Credit Card Telemarketer’s Hymn: A Charge To Keep I Have
The Zookeeper’s Hymn: All Creatures of Our God & King
The Postal Worker’s Hymn: So Send I You
The Waiter’s Hymn: Fill My Cup, Lord
The Gardener’s Hymn: Lo, How A Rose E’er Blooming
The Lifeguard’s Hymn: Rescue the Perishing
The Criminal’s Hymn: Search Me, O God
The Baker’s Hymn: When the Roll Is Called Up Yonder
The Shoe Repairer’s Hymn: It Is Well With My Soul
The Travel Agent’s Hymn: Anywhere With Jesus
The Geologist’s Hymn: Rock of Ages
The Hematologist’s Hymn: Are You Washed in the Blood?
The Menswear Clerk’s Hymn: Blest Be the Tie
The Umpire’s Hymn: I Need No Other Argument
The Librarian’s Hymn: Whispering Hope

 

 

MORE SHOW PREP STUFF…

STEALTH BOMBER PILOTS SAVED BY WALMART!


The B-2 Stealth Bombers cost $1 BILLION each and are among the most expensive bombers in the world.  But our pilots wouldn’t be able to fly long missions in them if the jets weren’t equipped with chairs from WAL-MART! According to reports from London, our pilots had to fly 30-hour missions during the Kosovo bombings – and that wouldn’t have been possible without an $8.88 lawn chair equipped in the planes that allowed the pilots and co-pilots to take turns napping!!! The chairs fit right behind the seats, and kept the pilots from feeling the massive vibrations from the floor. Yes, Wal-Mart: a real American hero!

 

 

OTHER STUFF I WANT TO CRAM INTO TODAY’S PREP

Christmas decorations still lingering around? You might want to consider keeping some of them out a little longer. In a Christianity Today post Elizabeth Drury says they keep their manger scene out all year long as a continuing reminder of Jesus becoming flesh and making his dwelling among us. She says it is also an excellent witnessing tool as people come to their home and ask why the Christmas decorations are still out in the middle of June.

http://bit.ly/1CbsEQ0

 

According to a radio report, a middle school in Oregon faced a unique problem. A number of girls began to use lipstick and put it on in the bathroom. After they put on their lipstick, they pressed their lips to the mirrors leaving dozens of little lip prints. Finally the principal decided something had to be done. She called the girls to the bathroom and met them there with the custodian. She explained lip prints caused a major problem for the custodian, who had to clean the mirrors every day. To demonstrate how difficult it was, she asked the custodian to clean one of the mirrors. He took out a long-handled brush, dipped it into the toilet, and scrubbed the mirror. Since then there have been no lip prints on the mirrors. When tempted to sin, if we could only see the real filth we’d be kissing, we wouldn’t be attracted to it.

 

A new study suggests that people should get married between the ages of 28 and 32 if they don’t want to get divorced, at least in the first five years. According to Time, the study was published by the generally pro-marriage Institute of Family Studies. It suggests that people who get married between 28 and 32 split up least in the ensuing years. Researchers found a sort of upside down bell curve. They said “The odds of divorce decline as you age from your teenage years through your late twenties and early thirties.” “Thereafter, the chances of divorce go up again as you move into your late thirties and early forties.”

http://ti.me/1n6i8bo

 

 

AND I LEAVE YOU WITH THIS THOUGHT

I was almost late again this morning. I have gotta come up with a better way of finding the radio station than just turning on my radio and driving towards the music.

 

 

THE TICKET Movie Reviews with MARIE ASNER

Marie Asner has been reviewing films for over 30 years. Her outlets include radio, print and Internet.  For more in-depth movie reviews of the following films, visit www.Tollbooth.org.  Ratings from 1 (Low) to 5 (High).

 

JANUARY 15, 2016…

 

The Forest—This film is set in a Aokigahara Forest region of Japan where people go to commit suicide.  Natalie Dorman is looking for her twin sister and hopes she is not found in this forest.  Also in the cast is Taylor Kinney (Lady Gaga’s boyfriend). “The Forest”  is rated R. No rating.

 

13 Hours: Secret Soldiers of Benghazi—Director Michael Bay does a film with the theme of a group of Special Forces soldiers who decide, against odds, to protect the civilians in the Benghazi compound. The cast includes James Badge Dale, John Krasinski, Max Martini and Toby Stephens. “13 Hours: Secret Soldiers of Benghazi” is rated R. Rating of 2.

 

Ride Along 2—A continuation of the “friendship” between Kevin Hart, a new police officer, and his fiancee’s father, Ice Cube, who is also a policeman. In this sequel, Kevin goes to Miami in pursuit of a criminal (Benjamin Bratt) and guess who goes along, that’s right, Ice Cube. Also in the cast is Tika Sumpter. “Ride Along 2” is rated R. No rating.

 

Norm Of The North—An animated film about a polar bear (voice of Rob Schreider) who, with his three Lemming friends, goes to New York City to be a mascot. Well, stranger things have happened. You may recognize the voices of Heather Graham, Ken Jeong, Colm Meany and Loretta Devine. “Norm Of The North” is rated PG. Rating of 2.

 

JANUARY 22, 2016…

 

The 5th Wave is a science fiction movie about an alien attack on Earth. Stars Chloe Grace Moretz.

 

The Boy (formerly titled “The Inhabitant”) is a supernatural thriller about a possessed doll. Stars Lauren Cohen.

 

Dirty Grandpa has Robert De Niro hassling his grandson, Zac Efron, just before Zac’s wedding.

 

Mojave (opening in select cities) has Garrett Hedlund lost in the desert with a stranger.

 

Synchronicity (opening in select cities) is a film about time travel starring Michael Ironside and Brianne Davis.

 

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WARNING:    Don’t believe anything you read on the Internet or email (including stuff you read here) unless you can confirm it with another source, and/or it is consistent with what you already know to be true. The opinions in this publication are not necessarily those of Darren Marlar, Marlar House Entertainment, OnAirPrep.com, or any company or organization affiliated with aforementioned.  (Regardless of how stupid you may think those opinions are.  So there – nyah!)

Darren Marlar credits all non-original material to the author whenever possible. All other material is original, used with permission, or author unknown. We welcome all comments, questions, and suggestions.  Darren can be reached via his website at www.DarrenMarlar.com.