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PRINTER FRIENDLY VERSION: 20160123
WELCOME TO THE SHOW!
Welcome to (THE JOCK SHOW), where we put the ‘K’ in ‘illiterate!’
Ask me about my attention deficit disorder or pie or my cat. A dog. I have a bike. Do you like TV? I saw a rock. Hi.
BIBLE VERSE OF THE DAY
Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the Lord; trust in him and he will do this: He will make your righteousness shine like the dawn, the justice of your cause like the noonday sun. –Psalm 37:4-6 NIV
Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows. The one who sows to please his sinful nature, from that nature will reap destruction; the one who sows to please the Spirit will reap eternal life.” — Galatians 6:7-8
HEARTLIGHT DAILY VERSE, PRAYER & THOUGHT
When you are brought before synagogues, rulers and authorities, do not worry about how you will defend yourselves or what you will say, for the Holy Spirit will teach you at that time what you should say. — Luke 12:11-12
Thought: When we need help most, Jesus promises he will be there and will send his Spirit to give us the words we need. Throughout the centuries, this promise has sustained those facing persecution and ridicule. It helped them realize that they were not alone and that they didn’t need to worry about having the perfect answer to everything going in to face a hostile audience. This same promise sustains Christians today whether they are under governmental persecution or facing the hostility of unbelievers in the workplace, at school, or at home. When facing our enemies, we know we are not alone; our Savior goes with us.
Prayer: Loving God, I need your strength and the Holy Spirit’s help as I speak with those who are opposed to your message of salvation. I want your words, not mine, to be what others hear in that crucial moment of confrontation. Please give me wisdom to know when to speak, what to say, and when to remain silent. In Jesus’ name I pray. Amen.
“BIRTHDAY VERSE” OF THE DAY
The chapter and verse corresponds to the month and the day!
1 Peter 1:23 NIV = For you have been born again, not of perishable seed, but of imperishable, through the living and enduring word of God.
TODAY IS SATURDAY – JANUARY 23, 2016
(NOTE: Some holidays may be duplicated due to various calendars reporting conflicting dates)
WEIRD, WACKY, STRANGE, ZANY, ODD, BIZARRE, QUIRKY, UNUSUAL HOLIDAYS!
THERE ARE ONLY 338 SHOPPING DAYS UNTIL CHRISTMAS.
Today is NATIONAL PIE DAY, sponsored by the American Pie Council. *** You know, it has been almost a week since I’ve had pumpkin pie… (And now, for the next 3.14 seconds we will have a brief moment of silence. Okay, now back to the show.)
Today is COLD, COLD, COLD DAY! Think it’s cold now? HA! The coldest temperature ever recorded in the United States was at Prospect Creek Camp, Alaska, in 1971: a record 79.8 degrees below zero Fahrenheit… and that’s not counting the wind-chill. *** Where is global warming when you need it?
Today is NATIONAL SPEAK UP AND SUCCEED DAY. *** Yet, in school I succeeded at speaking up – and it always got me into trouble.
Today is NATIONAL MEASURE YOUR FEET DAY. If you want to know what someone is really like, take a look at their feet, according to Dr. Nancy Sax, the world’s leading personality on feet analysis.
- Second toe larger than the others: You’re the dependable, conservative type who always keeps your emotions in check. These types fare very well in the fields of medicine, banking and science. They’re good providers, but don’t expect any excitement or fireworks.
- Big third toe: Look out! These unpredictable types have hot-and-cold personalities, they’re totally charming one moment then erupt in a volcanic fit of anger the next.
- Big baby toe: These people spread sunshine wherever they go.
- Long toes: The sign of great intellectual capacity – these are the thinkers of the world. Authors, philosophers and great world leaders often have very long toes.
- Little toes: These folks don’t like to make a scene. But their little toes don’t mean you can walk all over them! When backed up against the wall, they’ll stand up and fight.
- Wide feet: These folks are the backbone of society, the hard workers who have strong family values and dedication to their church, family and community.
- Narrow feet: The shy, quiet type who don’t like to draw attention to themselves. Beneath the shy exteriors is a relaxed, well-balanced person.
- Webbed toes: A fun person who won’t duck a good time! These extroverts are the life-of-the party types and make great salesmen and entertainers. (
TODAY IS ALSO. . .
Snowplow Mailbox Hockey Day
AFRMA Fancy Rat & Mouse Day
COMING UP NEXT
SUNDAY, JANUARY 24
Beer Can Day
National Compliment Day
Visit Your Local Quilt Shop Day
MONDAY, JANUARY 25
A Room of One’s Own Day
Macintosh Computer Day
TUESDAY, JANUARY 26
Lotus 1-2-3 Day
National Peanut Brittle Day
Toad Hollow Day of Encouragement
WEDNESDAY, JANUARY 27
Holocaust Memorial Day
National Geographic Day
Thomas Crapper Day
Viet Nam Peace Day
THURSDAY, JANUARY 28
FRIDAY, JANUARY 29
Fun at Work Day
National Pre-school Fitness Day
Seeing Eye Dog Day
Thomas Paine Day
SATURDAY, JANUARY 30
Inane Answering Machine Message Day
National Seed Swap Day
SUNDAY, JANUARY 31
Appreciate Your Social Security Check Day
Inspire your Heart with Art Day
World Leprosy Day
MONDAY, FEBRUARY 01
Car Insurance Day
Decorating With Candy Day
G.I. Joe Day
Hula in the Coola Day
Robinson Crusoe Day
Spunky Old Broads Day
ON THIS DAY
1933: Actress Arlene Golonka was born in Chicago. She played Millie Swanson for three seasons on CBS’s “Mayberry R.F.D.”
1922: At Toronto General Hospital, 14-year-old Canadian Leonard Thompson became the first person to receive an insulin injection as treatment for diabetes.
1941: Artie Shaw and his orchestra recorded “Moonglow.”
1942: Earl Tupper bought his first manufacturing plant. In no time he was making covered dishes that burped. That’s right… Tupperware! ***MARLAR: Ironic that the dishes made the exact same burping sound that Mrs. Tupper did at the dinner table.
1944: The Detroit Red Wings set a hockey record for consecutive goals scored in one game and walloped the New York Rangers 15-0.
1964: A surgical team at the University of Mississippi Medical Center in Jackson transplanted a chimpanzee’s heart into a 64-year-old human patient. The heart beat for 90 minutes. ***MARLAR: The ribbing from the guy’s friends about his being a monkey’s uncle, however, lasted the rest of his life.
1964: The 24th amendment to the U.S. Constitution, eliminating the poll tax in federal elections, was ratified. (audio clip)
1970: The judge at the infamous trial of the Chicago Seven denied witness Judy Collins permission to “sing” her testimony. ***MARLAR: You see, there is STILL a sense of justice in the world!
1977: The most watched TV program in history began on ABC-TV. It was a mini-series based on the Alex Haley novel “Roots.”
1982: Singing duo Daryl Hall and John Oates were awarded their first platinum album for “Private Eyes.”
1985: O.J. Simpson became the first Heisman Trophy winner to be elected to pro football’s Hall of Fame in Canton, Ohio.
1994: In a Toronto hospital, singer Billy Joel avoided emergency surgery by passing a kidney stone.
1996: Police in Colombo arrested two employees of Sri Lanka’s leading cancer center for using the hospital’s X-ray machine to heat “geuda” stones and turn them into blue sapphires. ***MARLAR: It wasn’t such a big deal until they started experimenting on kidney stones.
1999: The National City Bank in suburban Columbus, Ohio, was robbed by a bandit in a black cap, blue pajamas, and bedroom slippers. He didn’t even wear a mask. No one was hurt.
2001: The skeleton of a would-be burglar was found lodged in the chimney of a Natchez, Mississippi, gift shop. The discovery solved the case of a man who disappeared in 1985. The fully clothed remains of the 27-year-old man, carrying identification, were found by workers renovating the building. Investigators believed he became trapped, possibly injured, while trying to enter the gift shop through the chimney.
2004: The situation comedy “Friends” filmed its final episode in front of an invitation-only audience. (audio clip)
2005: Former ”Tonight Show” host Johnny Carson died at age 79.
TODAY IN CHRISTIAN HISTORY
1786: John Carroll, who would become America’s first Roman Catholic bishop, founds the Catholic academy that is now Georgetown University.
1875: Death of Charles Kingsley, rector of the Church of England and novelist. Among his best known works was Westward Ho. He was heavily engaged in the religious controversies and movements of his day.
1886: George Müller and his wife sail into Port Jackson Harbor, Sydney, Australia for a tour.
1890: Death of Neesima Shimeta, Japanese Evangelist. Ignorant of the gospel, he was so determined to find out more that he contrived to escape from Japan (a capital offense), come to America and receive an education in the gospel. Back in Japan, he founded a Christian school.
1893: Episcopal minister Phillips Brooks, bishop of Massachusetts, staunch abolitionist, substitute evangelist for D.L. Moody, and author of “O Little Town of Bethlehem,” dies. He was considered the most “considerable American preacher of his generation.”
1918: The Soviets separate church and state. The Russian Orthodox Church had played an important role in government for centuries.
1945: Helmuth James von Moltke is executed by the Nazis. He is told that “the only trouble with you is you are a Christian.”
HOLLYWOOD, SPORTS AND CELEBRITY FIGURE BIRTHDAYS
- actress (“Saved By The Bell,” “Beverly Hills 90210”) Tiffini-Amber Thiessen 41 (audio clip)
- actress (daughter of Jane Mansfield, and plays Olivia Benson on “Law & Order: SVU”) Mariska Hargitay 51
- actor (“MacGyver,” “Stargate SG-1”) Richard Dean Anderson 65 (audio clip)
- actress (“One Life to Live,” Chicago) Chita Rivera 82
(Music Artist Birthdays From SongFacts.com)
1910 : Jean “Django” Reinhardt
1938 : Eugene Church
1943 : Millie Jackson
1948 : Anita Pointer (The Pointer Sisters)
1948 : Joe Dowell
1948 : Pat Simmons (The Doobie Brothers)
1950 : Bill Cunningham (The Box Tops)
1950 : Danny Federici (E Street Band)
1953 : Robin Wayne Zander (Cheap Trick)
1955 : Reggie Calloway (Calloway)
1959 : Earl Falconer (UB40)
SECRETS OF THE UNIVERSE
When things go awry, why will there “be the devil to pay?”
I always thought this was a rip off. Here you are having a hard time to begin with, and then old horny-head butts in demanding some kind of compensation. What’s his fee? They never tell you. Is it tax deductible? I asked my accountant and even he didn’t know. Now here’s a surprise. The expression has nothing to do with Lucifer! Let us return to the days of sailing ships. The seams on these old wooden vessels were called devils. Caulking or sealing the seams was known as “paying” them. The only way you could get at the devil to pay it was to bring the ship in at high tide so that the bottom rested on the sand. But if you didn’t work fast enough and the tide went out, you still had the devil to pay but no way of doing it. Truly, a devil of a spot!
CHRISTIAN ARTIST NEWS
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The members of Audio Adrenaline were looking for the best Chicago pizza during a day off in the windy city this week. One company went above and beyond the call of duty to get the band in their restaurant. Lou Malnati’s Pizzeria saw their twitter post and invited the band to join them for dinner. They said: We promise you won’t be disappointed! ***MARLAR: I’m in the Chicagoland area – and I have to agree they would not be disappointed!
Newsboys drummer Duncan Phillips is gearing up for the band’s tour with the Rock and Worship Roadshow. For Duncan that means getting his spinning drum platform in top shape. This week members of his team were replacing the stands for his spinning drums.
Another groaner from Citizenway. They tweeted a picture of a Koala with with text: What do you mean I’m not a bear. I have all the Koalifications.
Ken is a driver for the rental car company Enterprise. Recently he had the chance to pick up one of his favorite bands, for King and Country, and a simple drive turned into his own personal concert. When the members of the band found that Ken was a big fan and also an aspiring artist they invited him to join them for a rendition of their song fix my eyes, even giving him his own solo part. Check out the impromptu song…
Jamie Grace loves food. That’s why she made food the topic of her latest Jamie Grace show video. However, the topic isn’t the food she likes, it’s the food she doesn’t eat. Jamie says that, even though she’s a total foodie, I’m a SUPER picky eater. Watch her humorous look at those foods.
Chris and Jodi, from Love and the Outcome, recently were part of a late night song writing session with Lincoln Brewster. The three were still up at 2am working on the new music but Jodi said she was able to go so late thanks to one important thing. She shared a picture of a table full of food and said food is everything, at least when you’re pregnant.
(No news on the weekends. Audio clips are only valid for a few days before being removed from our servers.)
NEW NEWS KICKERS…
NEWS KICKER EVERGREENS…
CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… “Weeks in a Light Year”
DAILY COMEDY CLIP
CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… Michelle Krajecki, “Unmedicated Silent Birth”
AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – WEEKDAY VERSION
CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD MONDAY’S EPISODE
OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns!
Last time, Gruffy Bear and Sully the Aardvark were just sitting down to play checkers… something they both looked forward to very much every week. As Sully was getting the lemonade ready, there was a knock at the door from a lost grizzly bear, and Gruffy was trying to give him directions…
CLOSE: Oh boy… not only has Gruffy left Sully without playing checkers, but now Gruffy’s new friend the grizzly bear – I can’t seem to remember his name right now – is sinking in quick sand! Will Gruffy be able to save him? Tune in next time to find out – As the Jungle Turns!
AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – SATURDAY/SUNDAY VERSION
CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD THE EPISODE FOR THE WEEKEND OF JANUARY 23/24
OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns! Last time, the new king of the jungle, Louis the lion, decided he didn’t want to be king anymore because he was too little and didn’t know what to do. So he (and the rest of the animals) went out to find someone new to be king… but now they’re in a really dark and scary part of the jungle…
CLOSE: Maybe Louis has a point, maybe the animals DO need someone else to be king of the jungle! Someone big, strong, and more importantly – brave! What will Louis do? Find out next time, As the Jungle Turns!
***You may simulcast “As the Jungle Turns” on the Internet stream of your live broadcast only. Any other Internet use of “As the Jungle Turns” in whole or part including podcasting of your live broadcast is a violation of copyright law. Thank you for your cooperation on this vitally important issue. If you have any questions, please e-mail us and ask about “Jungle Jam & Friends the Radio Show” usage.
MOMENT OF DUH
Saving money by dropping security isn’t really a good thing… as one business owner found out!
The owner of a Los Angeles check-cashing business and an employee decided to forego the armored car routine and simply carry $345,000 to work themselves. They threw the money into the back seats of their cars, and set off, only stopping for lunch. They found after leaving the restaurant a half hour later that someone smashed the car windows and took the money. Duh! Now they are offering a $10,000 reward and 10% of any returned money for information leading to the arrest of the thieves.
THE TEN COMMANDMENTS… OF EMAIL
- Thou shalt include a clear and specific subject line.
- Thou shalt edit any quoted text down to the minimum thou needest.
III. Thou shalt read thine own message thrice before thou sendest it.
- Thou shalt ponder how thy recipient might react to thy message.
- Thou shalt check thy spelling and thy grammar.
- Thou shalt not curse, flame, spam or USE ALL CAPS.
VII. Thou shalt not forward any chain letter.
VIII. Thou shalt not use e-mail for any illegal or unethical purpose.
- Thou shalt not rely on the privacy of e-mail, especially from work. When in doubt, save thy message overnight and reread it in the light of the dawn.
- That which thou findest hateful to receive, sendest thou not unto others.
THE FILES OF LAW & DISORDER
How can a television remote control cause a robbery to fail?
FILE #1: Two burglary suspects in Florida were nabbed by police when they returned to a house minutes after allegedly stealing two televisions. A resident alerted police she’d spotted two men outside her neighbor’s house loading a television into a sport utility vehicle. When questioned, one of the crooks confessed to the officers that they stole the televisions after breaking a window to get into the house. The two would have gotten away with it, but as they were about to speed off, they realized they had forgotten the remote controls and ran back inside to get them. When they came back outside the police were there to arrest them.
FILE #2: The mayor of Bogota, Columbia has come up with a brilliant idea (or so he thinks) on how to fight crime in how town – get the men off the street! The women can stay out, but the men have to go home! The mayor wants to conduct an experimental one-night curfew under which all men in his city of 7 million would be ordered off of the street at night. His thinking is that if Bogota’s dangerous streets are populated exclusively by women crime would naturally plummet. ***MARLAR: And shopping would naturally up!
FILE #3: High Point, North Carolina residents were concerned when a female police officer wouldn’t wave back to them from her parked cruiser as they drove by. So concerned, residents made calls to the police station with reports of a sleeping, or even dead, officer. It was then that they were informed that the officer was a mannequin dressed in uniform used to slow down traffic at a busy intersection.
STRANGE LAW: In Colorado Springs, Colorado, it’s permissible to wear a holstered six-gun within city limits, except on Sunday, Election Day, or holidays.
THIS IS YOUR BRAIN ON DRUGS
Helping one of your teachers with personal stuff is fine – just make sure she doesn’t pay you in illegal substances.
A northern Illinois teacher faces felony charges after allegedly giving two teenage girls marijuana, alcohol and prescription drugs in exchange for work around her home. Kym Krocza was arrested on charges of contributing to the delinquency of a minor. Lake County authorities said the girls attend Grant High School in Fox Lake, where the 41-year-old Krocza teaches algebra and calculus. She’s been suspended from the school. Police said Krocza met the girls in her neighborhood before they started attending Grant High and approached them about helping her with laundry and cleaning. In exchange, she allegedly gave them pot, alcohol and Zoloft, an antidepressant.
What treasures have you found in your attic or crawl space?
BIBLE BRAIN BUSTER!
QUESTION: This king was eaten by worms and died because he did not give God the glory.
ANSWER: Herod (Acts 12:23)
QUESTION: According to Prevention magazine, you can save 8 gallons of water every day just by doing this. What?
ANSWER: Turning off the faucet while washing your face.
TRUE OR FALSE
Pay attention! If our next player doesn’t answer all ten T/F questions correctly we start all over from question #1! First person to answer question #10 correctly is our winner!
- Mae West was the star of the movie called “The Perils of Pauline.” (False, it was Pearl Fay White)
- Mickey Rooney provided the voice for the animated cartoon, “Oswald the Rabbit”. (True)
- On the show “Star Trek: The Next Generation”, Riker’s full name is James T. Riker. (False, William T. Riker)
- “Outwit” is not part of the tagline for “Survivor”. (True) (audio clip)
- Falling out a window is the second most frequent cause of accidents in the home. (False, running into glass)
- Among all canned fruits and vegetables, pumpkin is considered the best source of Vitamin A. (True)
- “The Jetsons” TV family moved “on up to a deluxe apartment in the sky”. (False, The Jeffersons) (audio clip)
- Omaha is the capitol of Nebraska. (False, Lincoln)
- The longest river in the world is the Amazon. (False, The Nile)
- On the TV show “The Simpsons,” Dr. Hibbert can’t stop laughing. (True) (audio clip)
TABLOID MATCH GAME
You have to match the blank in the tabloid headline with the word or phrase that has been removed!
OBAMA ADDS ________ TO MOUNT RUSHMORE (HIMSELF)
At a press conference today, President Obama announced that he is ordering his face be placed on Mount Rushmore.
President Obama said that he has issued an Executive Order to immediately begin carving his face on Mount Rushmore. The President feels that this will create at least one thousand jobs and increase tourism in South Dakota.
The White House Press Corps erupted in applause when the President made his announcement. Representatives from MSNBC, CBS, ABC, NBC, and NPR all wept openly. ”He should be the ONLY one on Rushmore,” gushed MSNBC host Andrea Mitchell.
The last President under consideration to be carved into the mountains of South Dakota was Ronald Reagan. Reagan, considering the overwhelming support and acclaim he received from the American people, seemed a natural choice. The Congress approved of Reagan on Rushmore, but President Bill Clinton overruled the order.
President Obama has bypassed Congress and has ordered the carving to begin. ”I am the first black President. And I think history will show that I am one of the greatest Presidents to ever live. I deserve to be put on the Mount Rushmore,” the President reportedly told the White House Press Corps.
THE WAY TOO EARLY IN THE MORNING TO UNDERSTAND THE PUNCHLINE EVEN AFTER TWO CUPS OF COFFEE JOKE OF THE DAY
When my bride and I first got married, I was working at the radio station all day long, and she was working as a waitress. When she got home after that first day we went back to work after the honeymoon, I gave her a huge hug and refused to let go.
“Did you really miss me that much?” she asked.
“No,” I said. “But you smell so much like french fries that I hate to let you go.”
A crusty old man went into the bank and asked for $250.00 in ones and fives. As the line behind him grew, the teller laboriously counted out the money and passed it over.
The old man said, “I believe I’ll count that myself.”
As the line stretched out the door, he slowly counted the money a second time. ”Well,” said the teller when he finished, “it’s all there, isn’t it?”
“Yes,” answered the old man, “but just barely.”
A tough Army sergeant, trying to discover how much a new group of trainees had learned, demanded of one young recruit, “Soldier, tell me the first thing you do when you clean your rifle.”
“I check the serial number stamped on it,” responded the soldier.
“The serial number?!” snapped the NCO. “Why in the name of General Powell do you check the serial number?”
“Because,” the recruit replied, “I don’t ever want to catch myself cleaning someone else’s rifle.”
A recent study suggests that kids are getting fatter because lack of sleep is changing their metabolism… another study found that children who watch violent, R-rated horror movies make lower grades in school. ***MARLAR: They’re getting low grades because they’re so scared they can’t sleep; lack of sleep is making kids fat. Hence, horror movies make kids fat!
The Center for Science in the Public Interest is warning people not to drink sodas. ***MARLAR: And why shouldn’t they warn us? They’ve already warned us not to eat any food on Earth, so it’s not like we need to wash anything down.
First Man: Have you ever seen one of those machines that can tell when a person is telling a lie?
Second Man: Seen one? I married one!
IT MUST BE TRUE BECAUSE I HEARD IT ON THE RADIO!
Do tattoos hinder your ability to find a job? They do in New Zealand.
New Zealand residents, who sport tattoos, are claiming discrimination in the job market! It’s a claim that wannabe workers with tattoos believe so strongly that they are being discriminated against because of their body art that they took their case to the “Work and Income Agency” in Rotorua. Now, a government grant will actually pay $250,000 for the unemployed to have their tattoos removed by laser technology. A spokesperson for the agency claims that if people remove their tattoo, their chances of finding a job will increase. ***MARLAR: But why get a job when you can make $250,000 just by getting a tattoo and then having it removed?
ANGELS AMONG US
I was walking home from school on a cold winter day. Took a shortcut through the woods and lost my way. It was getting late and I was scared and alone, but then a kind old man took my hand and led me home. Now, Momma could not see him, oh but he was standing there and I knew in my heart he was the answer to my prayers. Oh, I believe there are angels among us sent down to us from somewhere up above. They come to you and me in our darkest hours to show us how to live, to teach us how to give, to guide us with the light of love. When life held trouble times and had me down on my knees, there’s always been someone come along and comfort me, a kind word from a stranger to lend a helping hand, a phone call from a friend just to say I understand. Ain’t it kind of funny at the dark end of the road that someone lights the way with just a single ray of Hope. Oh, I believe there are angels among us sent down to us from somewhere up above. They come to you and to me in our darkest hours to show us how to live, to teach us how to give, to guide us with the light of love. They where so many faces, show up in the strangest places, to grace us with their mercy in our time of need. Oh, I believe there are angels among us sent down to us from somewhere up above. They come to you and me in our darkest hours, to show us how to live, to teach us to give, to guide us with the light of love. To guide us with the light of love! –Author Unknown
DRIVE TIME DEVOTIONAL
WORRIED ABOUT SOMETHING?
Didn’t Moses have it easy! There he is, walking along one day, when he sees a burning bush. This wasn’t just any burning bush. “Moses saw that though the bush was on fire it did not burn up” (Exodus 3:2). And to top that off, he hears a voice from the bush, calling him by name! Hidden microphones and surround-sound speakers hadn’t been invented yet. There was little doubt that it was God. It doesn’t seem fair, does it? Moses practically got a step-by-step guide from God, and what do we get?
Okay, we do have the Bible, but if you’ve read it through, you know it doesn’t say anything like, “Sally Johnson, go to Harvard and become a cheese farmer.” The Bible doesn’t tell us where to go to college, what to do in our careers , it doesn’t tell us whom we should marry, and what we should do with difficult family, friends, or dating problems. It doesn’t tell us what to name our dog.
So with all the big decisions in our life, not to mention the hordes of little ones every day, how in the world are we supposed to know what to do? That’s not an easy question, but here are a couple of suggestions:
First of all, read the Bible. I know. I know. Yawn and snore. But hang on. It doesn’t have to be that way. Believe it or not, if you actually get into the Bible it can be a lot more interesting than a Grisham novel. And if you memorize its basic truths, it will help immensely in everyday decisions.
Second, pray. Would you want someone to stop talking to you just because you knew what he or she was thinking? Tell God what’s going on. He wants to hear it straight from the horse’s mouth. He won’t answer audibly as a human would, but look at it this way: Do you think it’s any harder for God to get you through your problems than it is for Him to keep the stars in place? Somehow, I doubt it.
So, really, what are you worried about?
GO GREEN AND GO GREASY!
A Las Vegas tour company is using leftover oil from restaurants to fuel a fleet of vans, showing that recycling can work even in a city known for excess. Escape Adventures has been around for 18 years and offers bicycle trips into Red Rock Canyon and the North Rim of the Grand Canyon. What really sets them apart is that owner Jared Fisher spends about four to six hours a week driving to restaurants to siphon used oil from containers near the trash bins. He says, “It is kind of nice to escape the office. I can read a book while I’m pumping grease.” So far this year he has collected about 3,000 gallons. That amounts to more than $9,000 in savings — about enough to pay for the cost of modifying his six diesel vans to run on vegetable oil.
LIFE… LIVE IT
TOP TEN TIPS FOR DATING IN THE SOCIAL MEDIA AGE
- Chill With the Commenting/Liking:Generally speaking, when you have mutual interests and like similar things, you’d hit it off. There’s no need to “like” every single status update your significant other posts, nor comment on it. Tell them in real life how you feel. If it’s not significant enough that you would call them and acknowledge it over the phone, it’s probably not necessary for you to bombard their wall.
- Timeline:Contrary to what many movies made you think, your life is not a rom com — so don’t dramatize it. Beginning a relationship with someone is great, so simply enjoy it for what it is, and don’t worry about adding a lifetime event to your Timeline. With all the new Facebook features, it’s important to pay attention to what you’re making public on your profile, so that it doesn’t come back to haunt you later.
- Go Do Something: Stop stalking your significant other’s every move/comment/post and carry on as you did before you became an item — it’s what he/she was interested in in the first place, so why would you want to change that?
- “Facebook Official”: This is our generation’s contribution to milestones like first date, first kiss, etc. Once you have the conversation to become an item (and please, talk about it in person beforehand — a request to change your status is not an acceptable form of telling someone you want to be with them), then you have every reason to make it public. But respect your partner’s decision to keep relationship statuses private if he/she chooses to do so.
- Friending: Want to know more about your romantic interest’s friends? Wait until an introduction. Don’t friend his pals just to see more photos. Instead, ask him what he and his friends like to do for fun. It’s more organic, and if he’s really into you, he’s probably already told them about you. The same applies for family members. In case it wasn’t obvious, don’t friend his mother. Don’t do it.
- Foursquare: Unless you’re both admittedly devout, badge-hungry Foursquare users, don’t tag your significant other when you check in, especially if you’re not already friends on the service. Enjoy yourself! The world doesn’t need to know you’re on a date. There’s nothing wrong with finding a good deal or trying a hot place through location-based services, but try to remember you didn’t go on a date just to level up on the “Bender Badge.”
- Twitter:Don’t use Twitter to talk about the date to your friends, or to the person you’re going on the date with. And PDA is sexier when it’s a little more discrete, so send a message via text or DM. Also, easy on following everyone your significant other follows — it’s kind of like spying. You have your interests, he has his. There will be an opportunity to overlap.
- Blogging:If you want to blog about your date, take full advantage of the privacy settings. Even if you are reminiscing about how great it was, it might be taken the wrong way. If it wasn’t such a good date, be a bigger person and don’t make it public.
- Google Plus: As cute as Google+’s commercial, no one wants to be included in the “Creepers” or “Maybes” circles, so either don’t do it, or keep it private.
- Quit While You’re Ahead: Breaking up in a world where things are more publicized than ever is hard. Be the first person to change the relationship status on social networks — don’t wait for your ex to do it. If a friend is the one ending a relationship, don’t comment on the activity. Send a text or an email, or give them space to deal if they need it. If you choose to stay friends with them on social media, take advantage of customization settings so you don’t know what they’re up to all of the time. Remove them altogether from location-based services, at least for a little while. You don’t need to know what they are up to 24/7.
JUST FOR FUN
Can you try to kill yourself on the job, yet convincingly tell your employer you still want to work there?
Richard Young has got some problems. The poor man is unemployed right now, seeing as he was fired from Ohio Casualty Insurance. Why did they fire him? Well, it seems that sheriff’s deputies had to keep Richard at bay for six hours because he was wielding a gun and threatening to shoot himself. But now he’s suing to get his job back, and says that just because he wanted to kill himself doesn’t mean that he doesn’t want to continue working for Ohio Casualty. ***MARLAR: Someone needs to sit down and explain to Mr. Young that, if he succeeds in killing himself, he doesn’t have the option of coming back into the office the next morning!
HOW TO HANDLE STRESS
- Jam tiny marshmallows up your nose and try and sneeze them out.
- Use your Master Card to pay your Visa Bill.
- Pop some popcorn without putting the lid on.
- When someone says “Have a nice day”, tell them you have other plans.
- Go shopping. Buy everything. Sweat in them. Return them the next day.
- Drive to work in reverse.
- Read the dictionary backwards and look for subliminal messages.
- Bill your doctor for the time you spent in his waiting room.
MORE SHOW PREP STUFF…
SIMPLE TRUTHS SMART PEOPLE FORGET
- Education and intelligence accomplish nothing without action: It doesn’t matter if you have a genius IQ and a PhD in Quantum Physics… there’s a huge difference between knowing how to do something and actually doing it.
- Happiness and success are two different things.
- Everyone runs their own business: No matter how you make a living or whom you think you work for, you only work for one person-yourself.
- All people possess dimensions of success and dimensions of failure: Trying to be perfect is a waste of time and energy. Perfection is an illusion.
- Every mistake you make is progress: Mistakes teach you important lessons. Every time you make one, you’re one step closer to your goal. The only mistake that can truly hurt you is choosing to do nothing simply because you’re too scared to make a mistake.
- People can be great at doing things they don’t like to do: I’ve heard way too many smart people say something like, “In order to be great at what you do, you have to like what you do.” This just isn’t true.
- The problems we have with others are typically more about us: Quite often, the problems we have with others—our spouse, parents, siblings, etc.—don’t really have much to do with them at all. Because many of the problems we think we have with them we subconsciously created in our own mind.
- Emotional decisions are rarely good decisions.
- You will never feel 100 percent ready when an opportunity arises.
OTHER STUFF I WANT TO CRAM INTO TODAY’S PREP
BLESS YOU BOX
This cold and flu season, your kids can bless someone in a simple way. According to Focus on the Family’s Club House Jr., they can created a bless you box. The box is simply a tissue box decorated by the child by magazine officials say it can help encourage your kids to share and to reach out to others.
GIVING TO THOSE WHO GIVE
YouTube prankster Dawson of Big Daws TV recently tried something different. He conducted a social experiment by dressing up as a homeless person to see whether people would be willing to help him out or not. But those who gave to him received a surprise. Their gift was returned along with an extra twenty dollars. Watch the video to see the response from those he met, including several people who were homeless themselves.
A new study shows people’s bodies react to the same foods in very different ways. The study adds to a growing body of research that suggests people may be better able to achieve weight loss if their diet was tailored to them, rather than following general advice about foods to eat and avoid. According to Time, In the new study a team of Israeli researchers found that blood sugar levels varied widely among people after they ate, and these levels were highly variable even when the researchers had the people eat the exact same meal.
A southeastern Japan town of 1,700 people is on target to produce zero waste. According to a documentary produced by the Seeker Network, the town adopted a mandatory sanitation program in 2003. As part of the program, all residents now wash, clean and sort their trash into 34 categories. The intensive process has ensured that 80 percent of all waste gets recycled, reused or composted, and 20 percent is sent to landfills. But by 2020, Kamikatsu plans on having no use for landfills.
Love is blind, but not for much longer. According to yahoo news, a Minnesota man who lost his eyesight to a degenerative retinal disease got to see his wife of nearly 50 years for the first time in a decade — thanks to a bionic eye. Allen Zderad is not able to see the details and facial features and so on. But upon getting the new technology, Allen said: just being able to acknowledge [my family’s] presence, not only by sound but also the image I get, is pretty exciting,”
Brek Nebel lives in Marysville, Washington. He’s a field service technician who works on aircraft and has a preschool-aged son. But according to the Huffington Post, he also happens to be a frying pan genius whose pancake art will amaze you. His pancake creations range from sharks to dinosaurs and Brek says he makes different designs for his son each week. Check out some of his pancake creations at http://darrenmarlar.com/2015/01/22/pancake-art/.
AND I LEAVE YOU WITH THIS THOUGHT
Today’s (JOCK SHOW) was not tested on animals. But they don’t seem to have much of sense of humor anyway.
THE TICKET Movie Reviews with MARIE ASNER
Marie Asner has been reviewing films for over 30 years. Her outlets include radio, print and Internet. For more in-depth movie reviews of the following films, visit www.Tollbooth.org. Ratings from 1 (Low) to 5 (High).
JANUARY 22, 2016…
The 5th Wave—Aliens have attacked many times and Earth is about to give up. Chloe Grace Moretz is one of the fighters who thinks there is still a chance with a secret weapon. Also in the cast are Nick Robinson, Ron Livingston, Maria Bello and Live Schreiber. “The 5th Wave” is rated R. Rating of 2.
Ride Along 2—It had to happen, a sequel. In this story, Kevin Hart has gone through the police academy and has a job following a crook (Benjamin Bratt) to Miama. Of course, his future father-in-law, Ice Cube, comes along. Tika Sumpter plays Kevin’s girlfriend. ”Ride Along 2 is rated PG 13. Rating of 2 for fans.
Mojave (opening in select cities)—In this drama, Garrett Hedlund is lost in the desert and meets Oscar Isaac. The men end up chasing each other and all against this desert climate. “Mojave” is rated R. No rating.
Synchronicity (opening in select cities)—This is a time travel film about a man who has art work stolen from him and has to go into time to find the thief. Stars Michael Ironside and Brianne Davis. “Synchronicity” is rated PG 13. No rating.
JANUARY 29, 2016…
The Finest Hours is about a real life drama on the sea in 1950 with a dramatic rescue by the Coast Guard. Stars Chris Pine and Casey Affleck.
Here we go again and a new opening date—Jane Got Her Gun is set in the Old West about a woman defending her property against outlaws.
Kung Fu Panda 3 and this time he is being maneuvered into an arranged marriage. Voice of Jack Black.
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Darren Marlar credits all non-original material to the author whenever possible. All other material is original, used with permission, or author unknown. We welcome all comments, questions, and suggestions. Darren can be reached via his website at www.DarrenMarlar.com.