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PRINTER FRIENDLY VERSION: 20160130
WELCOME TO THE SHOW!
At one time, I could barely stand to drink the coffee around here, but it’s not bad if you add a little ketchup.
Today’s (JOCK SHOW) is brought to you by 8-Up, the exciting new soft drink for discriminating soft drink drinkers who want to be one-up on everybody else.
I just read that getting ten minutes of brisk exercise triggers metabolic changes that last at least an hour. ***MARLAR: So I’ve been wasting my time on the treadmill, 30-minutes at a time?!?!
BIBLE VERSE OF THE DAY
Speak to one another with psalms, hymns and spiritual songs. Sing and make music in your heart to the Lord, always giving thanks to God the Father for everything, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ. –Ephesians 5:19-20
Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable — if anything is excellent or praiseworthy — think about such things. — Philippians 4:8
HEARTLIGHT DAILY VERSE, PRAYER & THOUGHT
Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen. — Ephesians 3:20-21
Thought: Sometimes there is nothing left for us to do except praise God! While we may sometimes dream of doing great things for God and his Kingdom, the dreams aren’t as big as God’s plans. While we may be richly talented, influential, powerful, or rich, these are merely tools in God’s hands, not symbols of our sufficiency. “God is able” has to be one of the best and most accurate phrases in the Bible. But this time, it’s said about his work in you in me. He is able much more than we imagine to work through and in us. What can we say to that? Hallelujah!
Prayer: Loving Father, please help me better know and live your will. I want to be your vessel of ministry, healing, blessing, and hope to those around me at work and play. Please use me to your glory today, and always. In Jesus’ name I pray. Amen.
“BIRTHDAY VERSE” OF THE DAY
The chapter and verse corresponds to the month and the day!
1 Corinthians 1:30 NIV = It is because of him that you are in Christ Jesus, who has become for us wisdom from God—that is, our righteousness, holiness and redemption.
TODAY IS SATURDAY – JANUARY 30, 2016
(NOTE: Some holidays may be duplicated due to various calendars reporting conflicting dates)
WEIRD, WACKY, STRANGE, ZANY, ODD, BIZARRE, QUIRKY, UNUSUAL HOLIDAYS!
THERE ARE ONLY 331 SHOPPING DAYS UNTIL CHRISTMAS.
Today is NATIONAL FLIRT A LITTLE BIT DAY. *** And this goes for the married folks too; flirting with your spouse can be fun!
Today is THERMOS BOTTLE DAY. *** Oddly enough, I’m not running hot OR cold on this one. Kinda lukewarm about it, actually.
Today is NATIONAL YODEL FOR YOUR NEIGHBORS DAY. *** Never could, likely never will, and certainly never want to.
Today is NATIONAL INANE ANSWERING MACHINE MESSAGE DAY. A few examples…
- I’m David’s answering machine. What are you?
- This is not an answering machine — this is a telepathic thought-recording device. After the tone, think about your name, your reason for calling, and a number where I can reach you, and I’ll think about returning your call.
- I’m probably home, I’m just avoiding someone I don’t like. Leave me a message, and if I don’t call back, it’s you.
- We’re sorry. You have reached an imaginary number. Please rotate your phone 90 degrees and try again.
TODAY IS ALSO. . .
National Seed Swap Day
COMING UP NEXT
SUNDAY, JANUARY 31
Appreciate Your Social Security Check Day
Inspire your Heart with Art Day
World Leprosy Day
MONDAY, FEBRUARY 01
Car Insurance Day
Decorating With Candy Day
G.I. Joe Day
Hula in the Coola Day
Robinson Crusoe Day
Spunky Old Broads Day
TUESDAY, FEBRUARY 02
Ayn rand Day
Groundhog Job Shadow Day
Sled Dog Day
WEDNESDAY, FEBRUARY 03
Four Chaplains Memorial Day
The Day The Music Died
National Girls & Women in Sports Day
THURSDAY, FEBRUARY 04
Facebook’s Birthday (give them a poke!)
World Cancer Day
FRIDAY, FEBRUARY 05
Move Hollywood and Broadway to Lebanon, PA Day
Shower With a Friend Day (***They’d better be a reeeeeally good friend!)
Cordova Ice Worm Day
Wear Red Day
Working Naked Day (***I’m on the radio, so you’d never know… and no, I’m not going to tell you.)
SATURDAY, FEBRUARY 06
Canadian Maple Syrup Day
Lame Duck Day
Ice Cream For Breakfast Day
Take Your Child to the Library Day
SUNDAY, FEBRUARY 07
Dump Your Significant Jerk Day
National Periodic Table Day
Super Bowl 50
Wave All Your Fingers At Your Neighbors Day
MONDAY, FEBRUARY 08
Laugh And Get Rich Day
Chinese New Year
ON THIS DAY
1866: Gelett Burgess was born in Boston. He wrote “Goops and How to Be Them” and “Are You A Bromide,” but was best known for his poem “The Purple Cow.”
1917: The Original Dixieland Jazz Band recorded “The Darktown Strutters’ Ball.” Many consider it the first jazz recording.
1933: The first radio broadcast of “The Lone Ranger” originated in Detroit. On that first program Tonto’s horse was named White Feller. The program ran for 2,956 episodes and ended in 1955.
1936: Major-league baseball’s Boston Braves changed their name to the Boston Bees, thinking possibly the team’s name was contributing to its losing record. They did win more games the next two years, but then started losing big again. So in 1940 the Bees became the Braves again.
1956: Some 17,000 fans braved a Denver snowstorm to attend a concert starring Webb Pierce, Red Foley, Ray Price, and Floyd Cramer.
1956: Elvis Presley recorded “Blue Suede Shoes” for RCA. The hit version on Sun would peak at #4 three weeks later by Carl Perkins. Elvis’ version reached #24 on March 28th. Both originally recorded for Sun Records in Memphis.
1958: Designer Yves Saint Laurent held his first major fashion show in Paris. He was 22 years old.
1968: Bobby Goldsboro recorded “Honey.”
1978: The Mutual Broadcasting System began broadcasting “The Larry King Show” on radio.
1982: Sam “Lightnin” Hopkins died in Houston at age 69. With over a hundred albums and probably a thousand singles, Lightnin was king of the low-down misery blues and possibly the cornerstone of rock ‘n roll. No doubt about it, he had his mojo working.
1994: The Dallas Cowboys repeated as NFL champions by defeating the Buffalo Bills, 30-13, in Super Bowl 28. It was the fourth straight Super Bowl loss for the Bills.
1996: Kevin Eubanks became official leader of “The Tonight Show” Band.
1996: Michael Jackson’s unauthorized biographer, Randy Taraborrelli, claimed the pop star paid Lisa Marie Presley $15 million to marry him for a year. Jackson’s attorney said there was no such deal.
2003: President Bush put allies on notice that diplomacy would give way to a decision on war with Iraq in “weeks, not months.” World leaders and congressional critics urged patience and demanded proof of Iraq’s weapons of mass destruction.
2005: Despite widespread violence, about 60 percent of Iraqi voters cast ballots in the country’s first free election in half a century.
2007: Alexa Rodriguez decided she’d had enough of the gridlock and made her appearance in parents Magin Rodriguez and Wendy Neba’s 4Runner. Alexa was the second baby born that week to moms stuck on I-5 near Seattle, and the 4th during January. Three arrived on I-5 and one in a restaurant parking lot. State troopers reported all moms and babies were doing well.
TODAY IN CHRISTIAN HISTORY
1536: Catholic priest Menno Simons leaves the Roman Catholic church over his doubts about transubstantiation and converts to the Anabaptist movement, which he would soon lead.
1877: Responding to Henry Stanley’s plea for “some pious, practical missionary” to follow up David Livingstone’s missionary foray into Uganda, three members of Alexander Mackay’s Church Missionary Society team arrive at King Mutesa’s court. Though missions saw few immediate results, the Ugandan church quickly strengthened and grew after the missionaries’ deaths.
1912: Evangelical missionary, philosopher, author, and lecturer Francis Schaeffer is born in Philadelphia. A leading figure in the resurgence of evangelicalism during the 1960s and 1970s, he blamed the rise of relativism for the decline of Western culture.
1956: 2,500 members of the Little Flock in China are forced to attend a mass denunciation because of their faith.
HOLLYWOOD, SPORTS AND CELEBRITY FIGURE BIRTHDAYS
- actor (The Machinist, Batman Begins, The Dark Knight, The Prestige) Christian Bale 42
- comedienne (“Grace Under Fire”) Brett Butler 58 (
- Former Vice-President Dick Cheney 75
- actress (“Nip-Tuck”, Crime and Punishment, Deep Impact, Murder on the Orient Express) Vanessa Redgrave 79
- actor (Enemy of the State, The Poseidon Adventure) Gene Hackman is 86
(Music Artist Birthdays From SongFacts.com)
1566 : Alessandro Piccinini
1911 : Roy Eldridge
1921 : Bernie Leighton
1928 : Ruth Brown
1936 : Horst Jankowski
1938 : Norma Jean
1941 : Joe Terranova (Danny and the Juniors)
1942 : Marty Balin (Jefferson Airplane/Starship)
1949 : William King (The Commodores)
1951 : Phil Collins
1951 : Mary Ross (Quaterflash)
1952 : Steve Bartek (Oingo Boingo)
1959 : Jody Watley
SECRETS OF THE UNIVERSE
If yellow is the easiest color to see, why are stop signs red?
Well there’s a possible psychological explanation. Car-bound cowboys might see a yellow stop sign as a challenge to their manhood. If you give in to the traffic rules you don’t have the guts to risk instant death. Stop and you’re as yellow as the sign. Actually that’s not too far off. Psychology is what the color of the sign is all about. Red causes excitement and heightened awareness to most people. In other words, drivers are likely to notice it and pay attention. Then there’s the aversion factor: red also conjures up blood. Do you really want your face and body rearranged to resemble an abstract expressionist painting? You can apply the brakes, or suffer the breaks.
CHRISTIAN ARTIST NEWS
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Hawk Nelson’s Jon Steingard is not just a singer; he is also an expert on opening bananas without bruising them. He is out with a new video teaching you how to open a banana like a pro. In fact, Jon says this is how gorillas do it. Watch the 15 second video…
Michael W Smith is back in the studio. The long time Christian artist tweeted this week that he was working on what he called “a very special project”. He says the project has him back in the studio sooner then he thought he would but he isn’t giving much additional information. Michael simply promised that details will be coming soon.
You may be able to relate to the dilemma Jamie Grace had this week. She was trying to organize her closet but tweeted: important things keep coming up an distracting me. She clarified: important things like pizza.
The question of the hour; has Citizenway added a fifth member? Ben Blascoe may have let the cat out of the bag. He has been sharing picture of his new mustache in 2016 and recently posted as the band headed out on a music cruise: In my cabin that I am sharing with our new 5th player, Daniel.
(No news on the weekends. Audio clips are only valid for a few days before being removed from our servers.)
NEW NEWS KICKERS…
NEWS KICKER EVERGREENS…
CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… “Chili”
DAILY COMEDY CLIP
CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… Jeff Allen, “Dry Heat”
AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – WEEKDAY VERSION
CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD SATURDAY’S EPISODE
OPEN: When last we left the jungle, Gruffy Bear was helping out a friend’s bowling team by filling in for an absent player. He was bowling well… so well in fact that he threw three strikes in a row to win the game and move on to the next round! Unfortunately, that would mean he’d have to cancel his checkers game with Sully… for the third time!
CLOSE: Boy, Sully sure is being understanding about all of this. This is the third time that Gruffy has postponed their checkers game! But it’s great to hear Gruffy is doing so well at the bowling alley! Tune in again next time, as FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns!
AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – SATURDAY/SUNDAY VERSION
CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD THE EPISODE FOR THE WEEKEND OF JANUARY 30/31
OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns! When last we left the jungle, all of the animals followed Louis the lion into the jungle to look for a new king. A king who would be wise, and noble, and brave! But right now, Louis and all of the other jungle animals are in a deep, dark, and scary part of the jungle… and Louis is afraid of the dark!
CLOSE: Not only is real life decisions scary for Louis, but now even his dreams are making him nervous! Will the animals ever find the right person to be king of the jungle? Tune in again next time to find out, As the Jungle Turns!
***You may simulcast “As the Jungle Turns” on the Internet stream of your live broadcast only. Any other Internet use of “As the Jungle Turns” in whole or part including podcasting of your live broadcast is a violation of copyright law. Thank you for your cooperation on this vitally important issue. If you have any questions, please e-mail us and ask about “Jungle Jam & Friends the Radio Show” usage.
MOMENT OF DUH
Gun control advocates have a new poster boy.
A 16-year-old Port Wentworth, Georgia boy was mowing his lawn when he saw a snake slithering toward his dogs, which were chained in the front yard. Worried about the pups, he ran inside and grabbed a .22-caliber pistol. While a teenager being able to run into his house and grab a pistol might send up a red flag for some parents, the kid’s troubles were only beginning. When he came back outside, he found the snake at his feet and hastily aimed and fired. Snake lovers need not worry as the reptile slithered away. Also wiggling on the ground was the kid, who shot himself in the leg.
TOP TEN WAYS LIFE WOULD BE GREAT IF IT WERE LIKE A COMPUTER…
- If you messed up your life, you could press “Alt, Ctrl, Delete” and start all over!
9. To get your daily exercise, just click on “run”!
8. If you needed a break from life, click on “suspend”. Hit “any key” to continue life when ready.
7. To “add/remove” someone in your life, click settings and control panel.
6. To improve your appearance, just adjust the display settings.
5. If life gets too noisy, turn off the speakers.
4. When you lose your car keys, click on “find”.
3. “Help” with the chores is just a click away.
2. You wouldn’t need auto insurance. You’d use your diskette to recover from a crash.
1. We could click on “send” and the kids would go to bed immediately.
THE FILES OF LAW & DISORDER
The desire for fame is not conducive to being a successful fugitive.
FILE #1: Here’s an ego for you. Warren Lee Back was a suspect in a dozen bank robberies when he actually called a northern Kentucky police detective to make sure he watched the episode of “America’s Most Wanted” that was featuring a profile of him! Detective Mike McGuffey said, “It was kind of an odd thing. I’ve never had a fugitive call me before.” But it certainly helped. Back was caught by FBI agents in Indianapolis, less than two weeks after the call to McGuffey. It seems he was working as an off-duty security guard at a bingo parlor where ironically, he had been accused of stealing pull-tab bingo cards.
FILE #2: Police in Aloha, Oregon, found an accused mail thief in an unusual hiding spot. Washington County deputies allege that when they approached Mathew Keuscher as he sat in his car, he ran off after they noticed other people’s mail inside the vehicle. He first managed to elude the officers by hiding around various houses in a residential neighborhood until resident Jeff Elliot heard someone closing the lid on his outdoor hot tub. Police then found Mathew hiding inside and arrested him on charges ranging from mail theft to criminal trespassing.
FILE #3: According to authorities, they’re armed, dangerous and stupid. That’s also according to Australian state police investigator Jamie Williams. He says some bungling bandits couldn’t negotiate the door at a seafood restaurant in a town south of Sydney. Williams says the sliding glass door was clearly marked “slide” but the masked robbers repeatedly kicked it. Williams feels they’re probably more dangerous than the average crook because they’re dumb. He adds the diners were enjoying their wine and desert while they watched the three stooges fumble with the door. The frustrated would-be bandits never did get in.
STRANGE LAW: In Quitman, GA, it is illegal for a chicken to cross the road, regardless of why.
THIS IS YOUR BRAIN ON DRUGS
When calling someone to bail you out of jail for being arrested for DUI, be sure they aren’t also DUI themselves.
In Shoreham, Vermont, 33-year-old Tanya Laporte got into an accident with another car. When police arrived they discovered that she had drugs and they arrested her for DUI. Tanya later called her ex-husband, Michael, to bail her out. Unfortunately, on his way to the police station, he rolled his dump truck. It’s not known who bailed him out after he was also arrested for DUI.
Christina Ricci says she suffers from a number of phobias, including an irrational fear of house plants. Weird. Do you know someone with a fear just as silly or strange?
BIBLE BRAIN BUSTER!
QUESTION: Who said, “Choose ye this day whom ye will serve … but as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.”
ANSWER: Joshua, in his farewell address to his people. Joshua 24:15
QUESTION: What’s the number of times the average lipstick has been touched before it is bought?
TRUE OR FALSE
Pay attention! If our next player doesn’t answer all ten T/F questions correctly we start all over from question #1! First person to answer question #10 correctly is our winner!
- Even though red roses looks the same, there are over 900 different types of red roses. (True)
- Every hour there are 8,000 Coca-Cola Company products are consumed in the world. (False – every second)
- To make one pound of whole milk cheese, 10 pounds of whole milk is needed. (True)
- A one ounce milk chocolate bar has 8mg of caffeine. (False – 6mg)
- The average life span of a peasant during the medieval ages was 35 years. (False – 25 years)
- Great White sharks have about 3,000 teeth. (True)
- Water expands 9% when it is frozen. (True)
- Males account for 60% of toy injuries that occur in the U.S. (True)
- The game MONOPOLY is available in 6 languages. (False – 26 languages)
- Leaving the water running while brushing your teeth can waste four gallons of water in a minute. (True)
TABLOID MATCH GAME
You have to match the blank in the tabloid headline with the word or phrase that has been removed!
______-EATING BATH SALTS (FLESH)
The use of street drugs known as “bath salts” are the source of an outbreak of a rare flesh-eating disease.
Numerous cases of necrotizing fasciitis caused by an intramuscular injection of bath salts are being reported across the United States.
So-called “bath salts” are sold as synthetic powders that “often contain various amphetamine-like chemicals,” according to the U.S. National Institute on Drug Abuse, which warned that injections can cause the ravaging skin condition.
THE WAY TOO EARLY IN THE MORNING TO UNDERSTAND THE PUNCHLINE EVEN AFTER TWO CUPS OF COFFEE JOKE OF THE DAY
Judi tried to sell her old car. She was having a lot of problems selling it, because the car had 250,000 miles. One day, she told her problem to a friend she worked with at a salon. Her friend told her, “There is a possibility to make the car easier to sell, but it’s not legal.”
“That doesn’t matter,” replied Judi, “if only I can sell the car.”
“Okay,” said Judi’s friend. “Here is the address of a friend of mine. He owns a car repair shop. Tell him I sent you and he will turn the counter in your car back to 50,000 miles. Then it should not be a problem to sell your car anymore.”
The following weekend, Judi made the trip to the mechanic. Two weeks later the friend asked Judi, “Did you sell your car?”
“No,” replied Judi, “why should I? It only has 50,000 miles on it!”
Upon entering the little country store, the stranger noticed a sign saying, “Danger! Beware of Dog!” posted on the glass door.
Inside, he noticed a harmless old hound dog asleep on the floor besides the cash register. He asked the store manager, “Is that the dog folks are supposed to beware of?”
“Yep, that’s him,” he replied.
The stranger couldn’t help but be amused. “That certainly doesn’t look like a dangerous dog to me. Why in the world would you post that sign?”
“Because,” the owner replied, “before I posted that sign, people kept tripping over him.”
A father is asked by his friend, “Has your son decided what he wants to be when he grows up?”
“Yes, he wants to be a garbage collector,” replied the boy’s father.
His friend thought for a moment and responded, “That’s a rather strange ambition to have for a career.”
“Well,” said the boy’s father, “he thinks that garbage collectors only work on Tuesdays!”
Researchers have discovered that monkeys who experience increased hormonal reactions to stress while infants are more likely to consume large amounts of alcohol as they reach adulthood. They also found that male monkeys drank more than females, and those raised without adult contact drank more than those raised with their mothers. ***MARLAR: They’re now doing a follow-up study to determine where the monkeys are buying the booze.
There’s such a worldwide shortage of trained butlers that a good one can now command up to $500,000 a year. ***MARLAR: I wanted to find out how to become a butler, so I went to “AskJeeves.com,” but Jeeves apparently has gone out of business. I’m guessing he wasn’t managing his money correctly.
ON THE POSITIVE SIDE
- Living on Earth is expensive, but it does include a free trip around the sun every year.
- How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you’re on.
- Birthdays are good for you; the more you have, the longer you live.
- Ever notice that the people who are late are often much jollier than the people who have to wait for them?
- Some mistakes are too much fun to only make once.
- A truly happy person is one who can enjoy the scenery on a detour.
IT MUST BE TRUE BECAUSE I HEARD IT ON THE RADIO!
THE WRITE STUFF?
How bad is your doctor’s handwriting?
Doctors having poor handwriting apparently is not just a stereotype. According to a survey by the Pilot Pen Company, 88 percent of Americans describe their doctor’s handwriting as “fair to poor.” The survey also shows that professional athletes have hard to read autographs — 46 percent of Americans can’t read their handwriting either. On the other hand, 62 percent say teachers have excellent handwriting and 18 percent say their clergy has nice penmanship too. ***MARLAR: So if you become sick from taking the wrong medication because your pharmacist couldn’t read your doctor’s handwriting, at least you’ll be able to read the “get well” card your pastor sends.
HOW DO YOU COMMUNICATE LOVE?
There are times when we are timid and shy about expressing the love we feel. For fear of embarrassing the other person, or ourselves, we hesitate to say the actual words “I love you.” So we try to communicate the idea in other words. We say ‘take care’ or ‘don’t drive too fast’ or ‘be good.’ But really, these are just other ways of saying ‘I love you,’ ‘you are important to me,’ ‘I care what happens to you,’ ‘I don’t want you to get hurt.’
We are sometimes very strange people. The only thing we want to say, and the one thing that we should say, is the one thing we don’t say. And yet, because the feeling is so real, and the need to say it is so strong, we are driven to use other words and signs to say what we really mean. And many times the meaning never gets communicated at all and the other person is left feeling unloved and unwanted.
Therefore, we have to LISTEN FOR LOVE in the words that people are saying to us. Sometimes the explicit words are necessary, but more often, the manner of saying things is even more important. A joyous insult carries more affection and love within the sentiments which are expressed insincerely. An impulsive hug says I LOVE YOU even though the words might be saying very different. Any expression of a person’s concern for another says I love you. Sometimes the expression is clumsy, sometimes even cruel. Sometimes we must look and listen very intently for the love that it contains. But it is often there, beneath the surface.
A mother may nag her son constantly about his grades or cleaning his room. The son may hear only the nagging, but if he listens carefully, he will hear the love underneath the nagging. His mother wants him to do well, to be successful. Her concern and love for her son unfortunately emerge in her nagging. But it is love all the same.
A daughter comes home late, way past her curfew, and her father confronts her with angry words. The daughter may hear only the anger, but if she listens carefully, she will hear the love under the anger. “I was worried about you,” the father is saying. ‘Because I care about you and I love you. You are important to me.
We say I love you in many ways-with birthday gifts, and little notes, with smiles and sometimes with tears. Sometimes we show our love by just keeping quiet and not saying a word, at other times by speaking out, even brusquely. We show our love sometimes by impulsiveness.
Many times we have to show our love by forgiving someone who has not listened to the love we have tried to express. The problem is listening for love is that we don’t always understand the language of love which the other person is using. A girl may use tears or emotions to say what she wants to say, and her boyfriend may not understand her because he expects her to be talking his language. Thus, we have to force ourselves to really listen for love.
The problem with our world is that people rarely listen to each other. They hear the words, but they don’t listen to the actions that accompany the words or the expression on the face. Or people listen only for rejection or misunderstanding. They do not see the love that is there just beneath the surface, even if the words are angry.
We have to listen for love in those around us. If we listen intently we will discover that we are a lot more loved than we realize. Listen for love and we will find that the world is a very loving place after all.
DRIVE TIME DEVOTIONAL
Read: Galatians 3:22-4:7
When the fullness of the time had come, God sent forth His Son, born of a woman, born under the law. —Galatians 4:4
Members of The Turnaround Management Association are rarely asked to join successful companies. Instead, these skilled professionals are called into ailing businesses to help get them back on their feet.
The same need for dramatic change exists throughout society. People who can reverse the downward spiral in an individual’s life, a relationship, or a team are constantly in demand.
But what about changing the world? Many people would say that only God can do that. And that’s exactly what He sent His Son to do. The Bible describes humanity’s downward spiral by saying that the entire world was imprisoned by sin and “in bondage” (Galatians 3:22; 4:3).
Into that hopeless situation Jesus came “to redeem those who were under the law, that we might receive the adoption as sons” (4:5). The personal turnaround for us begins when we accept God’s offer of eternal life in Christ and receive His Spirit into our hearts (v.6). Rather than simply being given a new set of rules and sent off on our own, we are adopted into God’s family.
Jesus Christ is the ultimate turnaround expert. He specializes in impossible cases. Will you invite Him into your life today? —David McCasland
The Lord will turn your life around
If you’ll invite Him in;
Then you’ll at once be heaven-bound,
No longer chained by sin. —Hess
When we choose to follow Jesus, our whole life changes direction.
We’ve all taken sick days at work, but how about a lovesick day?
A Japanese marketing company is letting employees take time off if they get dumped by a significant other. The six woman staff of Tokyo’s Hime & Company are allowed a number of lovesick days per year depending on their age. Women under 24-years-old can take one day off per year, while those between 25 and 29 can take two days off and the 30 and older crowd can take three days off. The company CEO says that’s because women in their 20’s can find their next love quickly, but it’s tougher for women in their 30’s, and their break-ups tend to be more serious. The company also gives the ladies two mornings off twice a year for shopping so they can race to stores to hunt for bargains.
LIFE… LIVE IT
Woman’s Day asked: “What do you want most this Valentine’s Day?”
- 56% said a love letter
- 20% said diamond earrings
- 13% said red roses
- 11% said a box of chocolates
JUST FOR FUN
E=MC3 JUST SOUNDS BETTER
How reliable are your kids’ school textbooks?
A new study of the dozen most-used science textbooks in use at U.S. middle schools finds they are so riddled with errors that none of them are acceptable. The books are used by about 85 percent of the U.S. school population and include so many errors, that it took 500 pages to list them all in the study. Obvious errors in these science textbooks include a map showing the equator passing though the U.S., impossible diagrams of what prisms do to light, and a photo of singer Linda Ronstadt labeled as a silicon crystal. According to the president of the American Association of Physics Teachers, “These are basic errors. It’s stuff that anyone who had taken a science class would be able to catch.” ***MARLAR: Unless they used one of these books in science class.
TOP FIVE SIGNS A CO-WORKER IS ONE OF YOUR CLONES
- Always brings an identical lunch.
- People keep punching you for telling them off, and you didn’t do it.
- Boss hopes you enjoy your raise, and you didn’t get one.
- The other day you were late and early to the same meeting.
- I mean really, that is one attractive co-worker!
MORE SHOW PREP STUFF…
Here’s something that’s sure to make optimists feel even rosier, happy people live longer.
…That’s the conclusion of a review encompassing more than 30 studies about how attitude can affect health. In general, says study author Ruut Veenhoven, a professor at Holland’s Erasmus University, happiness affects longevity to the same degree not smoking might, adding 7 and a half to 10 years to a person’s lifespan. “Happiness does not heal, but it protect against falling ill,” concludes Veenhoven. Happy people defined as those who appreciate their life as a whole were more likely to watch their weight, smoke and drink less and be more active, self confident and social than their unhappy counterparts.
OTHER STUFF I WANT TO CRAM INTO TODAY’S PREP
Doritos is giving $1 million to the person who comes up with the best Super Bowl ad. According to the web site Mashable.com, Doritos’ campaign lets fans submit their own home-made commercials in hopes of prestige and $1 million in prize money. This year, three humorous finalists were culled from a pool of 4,500 submissions drawn from 28 countries. You can see the three finalist commercials here:
Answers in Genesis opened an online ticketing system earlier this month to help manage the millions of requests they have been receiving to tour the life-size re-creation of Noah’s Ark known as Ark Encounter. With more than 1.4 million visitors expected, tickets will be sold for separate daytime or evening visits during the first 40 days of opening, starting July 7. The 40 days and 40 nights theme reflects the number of days and nights it rained while Noah and his family were on the Ark, as documented in Genesis 7. The Ark Encounter will be located in northern Kentucky (south of Cincinnati). Workers at the Williamstown site are busy constructing the internal exhibit areas of the Ark now that the external shell is largely complete. The main attraction is the largest timber frame structure in the world, standing at 510 feet long in accordance with the dimensions specified in the Bible.
When a military wife’s furnace broke down, a Pennsylvania repairman stepped in and fixed the malfunctioning unit at a huge discount. He charged her $1. Paul Betlyn of Betlyn Heating and Cooling said the job normally would have cost about $150, but he gave Stevens, a mother of two, a “deployment discount.” He told a local TV station: “I’m not the hero here. The deployed, they’re the heroes.”
AND I LEAVE YOU WITH THIS THOUGHT
“I got an ‘A’ in philosophy because I proved my professor didn’t exist.” – Judy Tenuta
THE TICKET Movie Reviews with MARIE ASNER
Marie Asner has been reviewing films for over 30 years. Her outlets include radio, print and Internet. For more in-depth movie reviews of the following films, visit www.Tollbooth.org. Ratings from 1 (Low) to 5 (High).
JANUARY 29, 2016…
*Note: Yet again, moved from an earlier date: Jane Got A Gun—This western is set back in pioneer days and tells the story of Jane (Natalie Portman and she fought bad guys in “Star Wars“), who is married and lives on a nice, little ranch. She catches the eye of the bad guy (Ewan McGregor) and he ends up wounding her husband. Jane needs help, so goes to an old boyfriend, Joel Edgerton, and then the battle begins. “Jane Got A Gun” is rated PG 13. Rating of 2 for fans of the stars.
The Finest Hours—Based on a real disaster in the seas around 1952, the Coast Guard finished a climactic rescue against all odds. The 2009 book by M. J. Tougias tells the story, also. If you want to know what terrible storms on the seas are like, also see “The Perfect Storm” film starring George Clooney. No picnic. This film stars Chris Pine, Casey Affleck, Eric Bana and Ben Foster. “The Finest Hours” is rated R. Rating of 3.
Kung Fu Panda 3—Yes, even the sequel has a sequel. Can’t keep a good Panda down. In this movie Poo has to travel to meet his biological father because there has been an arranged marriage between Poo and another Panda. In the meantime, there is a villain lurking about, as always. Jack Black is the voice of Poo, and other actors voices include Angelina Jolie, Dustin Hoffman, Jackie Chan and Seth Rogen. “Kung Fu Panda 3” is rated PG. Rating of 3.
50 Shades Of Black—It had to happen. Marlon Wayans both stars and puts together this parody of “50 Shades of Gray,” only this time the cast is African-American. A rough edge on the comedy. Stars include Kali Hawk, Marlon Wayans, Jane Seymour and Mike Epps. “50 Shades Of Black” is rated R. No rating.
Lazer Team—A science fiction comedy, this plot has a group of average citizens finding a space ship with space suits inside. Of course, they don’t know how to operate anything, but try to help people anyway. This cast has Alan Ritchson, Irina Voronina and Colton Dunn. “Lazer Team” is rated PG 13. No rating.
The Pastor—No rating on this yet, but could be PG 13. “The Pastor” is a story of a former gang member, released from prison, who begins a church in a Hispanic gang neighborhood. Problems happen that are difficult to deal with and test his faith. The cast has Franky G, Victoria Cartagena and Angelic Zambiana. No rating.
FEBRUARY 05, 2016…
The Choice is a drama with romance about two people and love at first sight. Stars Benjamin Walker and Teresa Palmer.
Hail! Caesar is a comedy by the Coen Brothers concerning the kidnapping of a Hollywood star. The cast includes George Clooney and Josh Brolin.
Pride and Prejudice and Zombies and you read that right. Loosely—quite loosely—adapted from the Jane Austen book, Lily James (“Downton Abbey”) and her sisters wear corsets and battle evil.
Regression is a thriller about a man who doesn’t remember abusing his daughter. Stars include Ethan Hawke, David Dencik and Emma Watson.
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