January 31, 2016: Sunday ONAIRprep

***RADIO ISN’T DEAD – From RadioIsntDead.com

***DAILY DOSE OF WEIRD NEWS – FREE TO AIR! (Contact me to sign up!)

***CREATION MOMENTS MINUTE – FREE TO AIR! (Contact me to sign up!)

PRINTER FRIENDLY VERSION: 20160131

 

 

WELCOME TO THE SHOW!

Welcome to (THE JOCK SHOW): the show that comes complete with everything you see here. Your parents help you put it together.

 

 

BIBLE VERSE OF THE DAY

Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.  — Colossians 3:13

 

Do everything without complaining or arguing, so that you may become blameless and pure, children of God without fault in a crooked and depraved generation, in which you shine like stars in the universe as you hold out the word of life. — Philippians 2:14-16

 

 

HEARTLIGHT DAILY VERSE, PRAYER & THOUGHT

(From VerseOfTheDay.com)

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. — 2 Corinthians 12:9

 

Thought: When I pray, I often catch myself simply wanting God to do what I want, not necessarily what is best or most expedient for those around me or for the good of the Kingdom. I don’t like to hear that God told Paul that he had asked enough about deliverance from his problem. Instead, Paul needed to learn that God’s gracious strength and mercy were enough to sustain him even in trial. While I know I need to learn this same lesson, it is daunting. I want God to keep things nice and tidy for me. But then I remember I am a follower of Christ. If I am to become like my Savior, then I have to let go of my requirements on God’s answers and open up to God’s work to redeem others through me, no matter the personal cost. Only then can I truly know that his grace is sufficient for me!

 

Prayer: Patient and loving Shepherd, guard my heart from discouragement in tough times and guard it from arrogance in good times. I know that without you I have nothing that is permanent. Thanks for giving me a permanent, steadfast hope of heaven with you, because of your grace and strength shared with me. In the name of Jesus I pray. Amen.

 

The Thoughts and Prayers for Today’s Verse are written by Phil Ware. You can email questions or comments to phil@heartlight.org.

 

 

BIRTHDAY VERSE” OF THE DAY

The chapter and verse corresponds to the month and the day!

1 Corinthians 1:31 NIV Therefore, as it is written: Let him who boasts boast in the Lord.

 

 

TODAY IS SUNDAY – JANUARY 31, 2016

(NOTE: Some holidays may be duplicated due to various calendars reporting conflicting dates)
WEIRD, WACKY, STRANGE, ZANY, ODD, BIZARRE, QUIRKY, UNUSUAL HOLIDAYS!
THERE ARE ONLY 330 SHOPPING DAYS UNTIL CHRISTMAS.   

 

Today is HELL IS FREEZING OVER DAY.

 

Today is SCOTCH TAPE DAY, marking the birth of the sticky stuff to 3M Company’s Richard Drew on this date in 1928.

 

Today is INSPIRE YOUR HEART WITH ART DAY.

 

Tonight is PLAY AN OLD GAME YOU HAVEN’T PLAYED IN YEARS NIGHT.  *** Maybe Yahztee?  Scrabble?  Monopoly, or Canasta?  I’m gearing up for an intense game of Hungry Hungry Hippo, myself.

 

 

TODAY IS ALSO. . .

Appreciate Your Social Security Check Day

Inspire your Heart with Art Day

Street Children Day

World Leprosy Day

 

 

COMING UP NEXT

MONDAY, FEBRUARY 01

Car Insurance Day

Change Your Password Day

Decorating With Candy Day

G.I. Joe Day

Hula in the Coola Day

International Face & Body Art Day

Freedom Day

Robinson Crusoe Day

Serpent Day

Spunky Old Broads Day

 

TUESDAY, FEBRUARY 02

Ayn rand Day

Candelmas

Crepe Day

Groundhog Day

Groundhog Job Shadow Day

Hedgehog Day

Marmot Day

Sled Dog Day

World Play Your Ukulele Day

World Wetlands Day

 

WEDNESDAY, FEBRUARY 03

Four Chaplains Memorial Day

The Day The Music Died

National Girls & Women in Sports Day

National Signing Day

 

THURSDAY, FEBRUARY 04

Facebook’s Birthday (give them a poke!)

Liberace day

Quacker Day

USO Day

World Cancer Day

 

FRIDAY, FEBRUARY 05

Adlai Stevenson Day

Move Hollywood and Broadway to Lebanon, PA Day

Shower With a Friend Day (***They’d better be a reeeeeally good friend!)

Weatherperson’s Day

Western Monarch Day

World Nutella Day

National Doodle Day

Bubble Gum Day

Cordova Ice Worm Day

Give Kids a Smile Day

Wear Red Day

Working Naked Day (***I’m on the radio, so you’d never know… and no, I’m not going to tell you.)

 

SATURDAY, FEBRUARY 06

Canadian Maple Syrup Day

Lame Duck Day

Girl Scout Cookie Day

International Day of Zero Tolerance to Female Genital Mutilation

Ice Cream For Breakfast Day

Take Your Child to the Library Day

 

SUNDAY, FEBRUARY 07

Dump Your Significant Jerk Day

“e” Day

Ballet Day

National Periodic Table Day

Popcorn Day

Super Bowl 50

Wave All Your Fingers At Your Neighbors Day

Man Day

 

MONDAY, FEBRUARY 08

Boy Scout Anniversary

Laugh And Get Rich Day

Chinese New Year

Opera Day

 

 

ON THIS DAY

1505: King Philip of Austria defeated the Marquis de Dorset in history’s first international tennis match. It wasn’t much of a contest, since the Marquis still played with the palm of his hand and King Philip used a new fangled “battoir.”

 

1874: Jesse James robbed a train near Gadshill, Missouri, than gave the engineer a press release about the robbery and ordered him to pass it along to the local newspaper.

 

1947: The coldest official temperature in Canadian history was recorded at Whitehorse, Yukon Territory, when the mercury fell to 62 degrees below zero (F).

 

1949: The first TV daytime soap opera, “These Are My Children,” was telecast from NBC in Chicago. The show’s creator, Irna Phillips, would later produce “As the World Turns” and “The Guiding Light.”

 

1961: A chimpanzee named Ham became the first U.S. animal sent into space. Ham traveled 158 miles above the Earth in the Mercury-Redstone-2 space capsule.

 

1971: Astronauts Alan Shepard Jr., Edgar Mitchell and Stuart Roosa blasted off aboard Apollo 14 on a mission to the moon.

 

1972: Some 40,000 filed past singer Mahalia Jackson’s open coffin at Great Salem Baptist Church in Chicago. At Mahalia’s funeral the next day, Aretha Franklin sang “Precious Lord, Take My Hand.”

 

1979: Singer Porter Wagoner went disco, appearing in a sequined leisure suit at Nashville’s Exit/In and performing disco versions of country standards.

 

1985: The last Jeep, the military workhorse vehicle in World War II, rolled off the assembly line at the American Motors plant in Toledo, Ohio.

 

1990: McDonald’s opened its first fast-food restaurant in Moscow.

 

1992: Keith Witt of Amarillo cleaned three standard 42½ by 47-inch office windows with an 11.8-inch squeegee in 10.13 seconds at the International Window Cleaning Association convention in San Antonio. That was a Guinness World Record.

 

1999: The Denver Broncos repeated as NFL champions, defeating the Atlanta Falcons 34-19 in Super Bowl 33.

 

2001: An 81-year-old resident of a Byker, England, nursing home and her 71-year-old friend wrestled a burglar into their bathroom and locked the door until police arrived. The 32-year-old heroin addict was charged with two counts of assault, drug possession, and burglary. The ladies were shaken up but not seriously hurt.

 

2005: Actor Keanu Reeves received a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. (audio clip)

 

2005: Jury selection began in Santa Maria, California., for Michael Jackson’s child molestation trial. He was acquitted.

 

2007: Stockholm police investigating reports of an odd smell from an apartment found 11 swans, and, apparently no humans, living there.  Police said the birds appeared to be well taken care of but, at last report, had not found the caretaker.  ***MARLAR: They also found six geese a laying, four calling birds, three french hens…

 

 

TODAY IN CHRISTIAN HISTORY

1561: Anabaptist leader Menno Simons, for whom Mennonites are named, dies in Wustenfeld, Germany.

 

1686: King Louis XIV of France, having already revoked the Protestant-tolerating Edict of Nantes, orders all Waldensian churches burned. The Waldensians, members of a pre-Reformation tradition that stressed love of Christ and his word and a life of poverty, were soon devastated: 2,000 killed, 2,000 “converted” to Catholicism, and 8,000 imprisoned.

 

1737: Jacob Duche, Episcopal clergyman and chaplain to the Continental Congress, is born in Philadelphia. He later had a change of heart about the war and asked George Washington to have Congress recall the Declaration of Independence.

 

1892: Baptist preacher Charles Haddon Spurgeon, one of the greatest public speakers of his day, dies at Mentone, France.

 

1955: Death of John Mott. His ministry spanned the globe.

 

1968: On the Friday of the terrible Tet Offensive, several Christians, including missionaries and many indigenous Vietnamese, are massacred by the Vietcong.

 

 

HOLLYWOOD, SPORTS AND CELEBRITY FIGURE BIRTHDAYS

  • Actress (“Arrested Development”) Portia De Rossi, 43 (audio clip)
  • actress (“The Riches”, Phantom of the Opera, Gross Pointe Blank) Minnie Driver 45
  • actress (Road House, Curly Sue, “The L Word”, The Visitation) Kelly Lynch 57
  • actor (“Without A Trace”) Anthony LaPaglia, 57
  • actress (“90210”, “Arrested Development”, Play Misty For Me) Jessica Walter 72 (audio clip)
  • Singer/actress Carol Channing, 95

 

 

BEE-BOP BIRTHDAYS

(Music Artist Birthdays From SongFacts.com)

1797 : Franz Schubert

1892 : Eddie Cantor

1921 : Mario Lanza

1923 : Carol Channing

1928 : Chuck Willis

1944 : Charlie Musselwhite

1946 : Terry Kath (Chicago)

1951 : Harry Wayne Casey (KC and the Sunshine Band)

1951 : Phil Manzanera (Roxy Music)

1951 : Phil Collins

1956 : Johnny Rotten (The Sex Pistols)

1966 : Alan Jaworski (Jesus Jones)

1967 : Jason Cooper (The Cure)

1981 : Justin Timberlake (‘N Sync)

 

 

SECRETS OF THE UNIVERSE

What is the ratio between rain and snow, in terms of how much an inch of rain equates to an inch of snow?

It is popularly believed that a 10-to-1 ratio prevails between snowfall and water content.  But the water content of snow is more variable than this, making the 10-to-1 ratio inaccurate, as it depends on temperature and wind speed. One inch of water yields about 10 inches of snow in light winds when temperatures are 28 to 34 degrees. One inch of water yields about 15 inches of snow at 20 to 27 degrees, and when temperatures are in the teens, 20 to 30 inches.

 

 

CHRISTIAN ARTIST NEWS

Do you like the Christian Artist News you see below? It’s just a tiny sample of the 5-6 pages of material you could be receive every weekday… and it’s FREE!  Become one of their subscribers at ChristianRadioShowPrepServices.com!

 

Hawk Nelson’s Jon Steingard is not just a singer; he is also an expert on opening bananas without bruising them. He is out with a new video teaching you how to open a banana like a pro. In fact, Jon says this is how gorillas do it. Watch the 15 second video…

http://twitter.com/jonsteingard/status/691825025708605440/video/1

 

Michael W Smith is back in the studio. The long time Christian artist tweeted this week that he was working on what he called “a very special project”. He says the project has him back in the studio sooner then he thought he would but he isn’t giving much additional information. Michael simply promised that details will be coming soon.

https://www.instagram.com/p/BA-5VC8Ou__/

 

You may be able to relate to the dilemma Jamie Grace had this week. She was trying to organize her closet but tweeted: important things keep coming up an distracting me. She clarified: important things like pizza.

 

The question of the hour; has Citizenway added a fifth member? Ben Blascoe may have let the cat out of the bag. He has been sharing picture of his new mustache in 2016 and recently posted as the band headed out on a music cruise: In my cabin that I am sharing with our new 5th player, Daniel.

 

 

NEWS KICKERS

(No news on the weekends.  Audio clips are only valid for a few days before being removed from our servers.)

 

NEW NEWS KICKERS…

 

 

NEWS KICKER EVERGREENS…

 

 

WONDER WOMAN

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… “Chili”

 

 

DAILY COMEDY CLIP

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… Jeff Allen, “Dry Heat”

 

 

AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – WEEKDAY VERSION

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD SATURDAY’S EPISODE  
OPEN: When last we left the jungle, Gruffy Bear was helping out a friend’s bowling team by filling in for an absent player.  He was bowling well… so well in fact that he threw three strikes in a row to win the game and move on to the next round!  Unfortunately, that would mean he’d have to cancel his checkers game with Sully… for the third time!
CLOSE: Boy, Sully sure is being understanding about all of this.  This is the third time that Gruffy has postponed their checkers game!  But it’s great to hear Gruffy is doing so well at the bowling alley!  Tune in again next time, as FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns!

 

 

AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – SATURDAY/SUNDAY VERSION

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD THE EPISODE FOR THE WEEKEND OF JANUARY 30/31

 

OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns!  When last we left the jungle, all of the animals followed Louis the lion into the jungle to look for a new king.  A king who would be wise, and noble, and brave!  But right now, Louis and all of the other jungle animals are in a deep, dark, and scary part of the jungle… and Louis is afraid of the dark!

 

CLOSE: Not only is real life decisions scary for Louis, but now even his dreams are making him nervous!  Will the animals ever find the right person to be king of the jungle?  Tune in again next time to find out, As the Jungle Turns!

 

***You may simulcast “As the Jungle Turns” on the Internet stream of your live broadcast only. Any other Internet use of “As the Jungle Turns” in whole or part including podcasting of your live broadcast is a violation of copyright law. Thank you for your cooperation on this vitally important issue. If you have any questions, please e-mail us and ask about “Jungle Jam & Friends the Radio Show” usage.

 

 

MOMENT OF DUH

It takes a true genius to commit a Moment of Duh while trying to become a cop!

21-year-old Paul Joseph Golding is employed by Shield Security as a security guard.  Now if you want to be a real cop someday, there are basically two ways to go about it: Number one is apply for and go through the rigors of a police academy, taking written tests, going through simulated situations and watching videos.  Number two is live the life of a cop in the exciting position of a mall guard, which is what our Paulie chose to do.  A Mall Guard, chasing skateboarding kids off the parking lot, standing in front of kiosks for hours talking to high school and college students, wearing a uniform that fits you like Hulk Hogan’s dress shirt fits Steve Urkel!  And sometimes, the Mall can be like the mean streets of the hood.  Paulie was patrolling Lakewood Ranch’s Main Street just before noon, when emergency officials received a call from a restaurant employee that Paulie had been shot.  Police began combing the area for a white male in his 40s driving a silver Nissan Frontier.  One bullet from a black, semi-automatic gun was located on the brick sidewalk about 25 feet from Golding’s silver Nissan pickup truck.  And to the sharp eyes of the cops, it looks like the shooting came from the inside of the vehicle.  Stuff was really not adding up.  It seems that Paulie was the white male in the silver Nissan and that he had shot himself.  It turns out that he was moving his firearm from one side of his body to the other when it discharged, a weapon that Paulie is not licensed to carry.  Paulie may be charged with giving false information.  And another potentially good cop goes bad.

 

 

TOP TEN

TOP TEN GOOD THOUGHTS

  1. Anger is a condition in which the tongue, works faster than the mind.
  2. You can’t change the past, but you can ruin the present by worrying over the future.
  3. Love… and you shall be loved.
  4. God always gives His best to those who leave the choice with Him.
  5. All people smile in the same language.
  6. A hug is a great gift, one size fits all. It can be given for any occasion and it’s easy to exchange.
  7. Everyone needs to be loved, especially when they do not deserve it.
  8. The real measure of a man’s wealth is what he has invested in eternity.
  9. Laughter is God’s sunshine.
  10. Everything has beauty but not everyone sees it.

 

THE FILES OF LAW & DISORDER

The files of Law & Disorder tell the story of a robber who’s defense doesn’t have a leg to stand on!

 

FILE #1: A Kansas City, Missouri man walked into an auto parts store and snatched $50 from an employee. As he tried to make his getaway a mechanic grabbed him by the left leg, which, much to his surprise, came off. Along with his pants. Our one legged robber, wearing only his boxer shorts, hopped out of the store and through the snow to a waiting getaway car. Everyone in the store was laughing too hard to even try to catch him. Police expect to have no trouble finding our genius since they have his pants, his artificial leg and a good video of the whole thing.

 

FILE #2: A teller at Bank One in Akron, Ohio, was able to scare away a bashful bank robber, but it didn’t win her any points with the bosses. The “shy” robber meekly approached the teller with a hold-up note demanding cash. The teller read the note, gave the robber the once-over and then said, “Get outta here!” The man fled without any cash. Bank supervisors were unhappy with the teller’s reaction and say that she’ll be retrained in the proper way of dealing with a robber. No one was hurt and police are still looking for the culprit.

 

FILE #3: A pair of crooks in Aurora, Illinois, became frustrated when a worker at fast food restaurant wouldn’t cooperate with their robbery. The drive-through window clerk at Burger King said the driver pointed a gun at him and said, “Give me a Whopper or I’ll shoot you.” The attendant said he refused to give the assailant the hamburger, and insisted the would-be robber pay for it.  The armed man kept pointing the gun, asking again whether the clerk was going to give him the Whopper, and again was told no. A passenger in the van finally gave the driver money to pay for the sandwich. The two men, both wearing full ski masks and hooded sweat shirts, then drove away with the Whopper they purchased.

 

STRANGE LAW: In Virginia, a dog can be put to death for criminal barking.

 

 

THIS IS YOUR BRAIN ON DRUGS

A really bad disguise actually gives a criminal away rather than hiding him!

Today’s “Brain on Drugs” story highlights an incredibly stupid criminal disguise. In fact, the disguise was so bad that it not only didn’t work, but it actually helped authorities spot our criminal mastermind. A Canadian drug smuggler was caught at the Brisbane airport. Officials couldn’t help but notice him as he walked about dressed in SKI CLOTHING in 83 F (28 C) temperature. He was found to be carrying six blocks of heroin hidden inside his ski clothes.

 

 

PHONER PHUN

The hottest new trend in blue jeans is “raw jeans.” Sold in boutiques for prices starting at $150, these jeans are made with raw denim, and the maintenance instructions are very specific: Do not wash them for six months.  I’ve been accused of wearing my jeans too long – but six months?  Would you be willing to wear a pair of pants for six months without washing them?  Would you wear them in public?  What’s the longest you’ve gone without washing an article of clothing?

 

What was your favorite board game growing up?  Battleship?  Yahztee?  Scrabble?  Monopoly, Chutes and Ladders or Candy Land?  Hungry Hungry Hippo?

 

 

BIBLE BRAIN BUSTER!

QUESTION: Who met Moses in the wilderness and kissed him?



ANSWER: Jethro, his father-in-law. (Exodus 18:5,7)

 

QUESTION: “Ariel” is a name found in Isaiah 29. To whom or what does it refer?
ANSWER: Jerusalem

 

 

QUESTION IMPOSSIBLE

QUESTION: What’s the average number of people who’ve touched a towel before it’s bought?

ANSWER: 6.6 (six or seven)

 

 

TRUE OR FALSE

Pay attention!  If our next player doesn’t answer all ten T/F questions correctly we start all over from question #1!  First person to answer question #10 correctly is our winner!

 

  1. G.I. Joe first appeared in a TV show. (False, a comic strip)

 

  1. Stirlings, halifaxes and lancasters were all names of WWII bombers. (True)

 

  1. The King of England wore motley on his body and a coxcomb on his head. (False, The Court Jester)

 

  1. When the comic strip Peanuts first debuted in 1958, Snoopy stood on two legs. (True)

 

  1. Camp Kommandant Col. Wilhelm Klink played the trumpet on TV’s “Hogan’s heroes.” (False, Violin)

 

  1. Kojak’s first name was Rick. (False, Theo)

 

  1. The short lived series, “The Watcher,” starred Ice Cube. (True)

 

  1. When he was only 10 years old, Jim Carey sent his resume to Carol Burnett! (True)

 

  1. The Egyptian pyramids were originally covered with beautiful paintings and drawings which have weathered away over the years. (False, but they were originally covered in marble which has weathered away)

 

  1. In India, McDonald’s restaurants don’t serve hamburger meat. Instead the Big Mac comes with 2 all lamb patties. (True)

 

 

TABLOID MATCH GAME

You have to match the blank in the tabloid headline with the word or phrase that has been removed!

_____ ZOO OPENS IN INDIA (HUMAN)

A human zoo, which features women from a protected tribe dancing for tourists in exchange for food, opened on India’s Andaman Islands.

Jarawa tribal women are being lured to dance and sing for tourists and to live in a “Jarawa Habitat”.

Under Indian laws designed to protect ancient tribal groups susceptible to outside influence and disease, photographing or coming into contact with the Jarawa and some of the Andaman aborigines had been banned, but the Indian government seems to be looking the other way on the Human Zoo.

The tribe, thought to have been among the first people to migrate successfully from Africa to Asia, lives a nomadic existence in the lush, tropical forests of the Andamans in the Indian Ocean.

India’s Tribal Affairs Minister Sanjay Krishnabba Chandra said that they are looking into the situation to make sure that all the women in the zoo are treated properly – feed, bathed and cared for on a daily basis.

Many Indian citizens are outraged about the Human Zoo.

“It’s deplorable. You cannot treat human beings like beasts for the sake of money. Whatever kind of tourism is that, I totally disapprove of that and it is being banned also,”  an Indian MP added.

 

 

THE WAY TOO EARLY IN THE MORNING TO UNDERSTAND THE PUNCHLINE EVEN AFTER TWO CUPS OF COFFEE JOKE OF THE DAY

JOKE #1

Driving to a new restaurant, Jill took several wrong turns. When she finally found the right road, she asked her husband, “Why didn’t you tell me I was lost?”

“I thought you knew where you were going,” he replied. “You always know where you’re going when I’m driving.”

 

JOKE #2

The General Services Administration has experts who actually visit different agencies and suggest ways to streamline their day-to-day routines.

One such expert visited the Federal Communications Commission and suggested that they get rid of the clutter. He suggested as a start, that they throw out all correspondence over ten years old.

The FCC Director loved the idea, and replied, “Good thought. but first, we’ll have to make three copies of everything.”

 

JOKE #3

A fellow comes home after his regular Saturday golf game and his wife asks why he doesn’t include Tom O’Brien in the games anymore.

The husband asks, “Would you want to play with a guy who regularly cheats, swears up a storm over everything, lies about his score, and has nothing good to say about anyone else on the course?”

“Of course I wouldn’t,” replies the wife.

“Well,” says the husband, “neither would Tom O’Brien.”

 

 

USELESS FACTS

According to the Associated Press, more than three quarters of obese Americans say they have healthy eating habits – with 40% of obese people saying they do “vigorous” exercise regularly.  ***MARLAR: If, by “vigorous” they mean jumping off the couch once an hour to visit the kitchen and the bathroom, then I exercise daily.

 

The golf term “fore” was shortened from the old military term, “ware before.” This command was shouted to the front line to kneel so the second line could fire. ***MARLAR: It caught on after one poor soldier didn’t heed the warning and spent the rest of his military career with the nickname, “Earless Jackson.”

 

 

FEATURED FUNNIES

TAXING SITUATION

A man had a problem sleeping at night, and thought it may be his conscience troubling him. He knew that he had been less than honest when filling in his tax return, and maybe that was the trouble. So he sent a check to the Taxation Department with a note that said:
“Dear Sir, I have not filled in all my income for which I should have paid tax. Therefore, here is my check for $100. AND IF MY CONSCIENCE STILL TROUBLES ME, I WILL SEND YOU THE REST.”

 

 

IT MUST BE TRUE BECAUSE I HEARD IT ON THE RADIO!

TO HER PARENTS’ HORROR

In a terrible mix-up, a hospital in Rhode Island operated on the wrong child.

…Officials at Hasbro Children’s Hospital said the girl was scheduled for reconstructive eye surgery, but in a case of mistaken identity, she had her tonsils and adenoids removed, and tubes were placed in her ears. Two girls of similar age and with similar first names were scheduled for outpatient surgery around the same time, and both were among a group of children and their parents in the waiting room. When the operating room was ready, a hospital worker called out for the girl who was supposed to have her tonsils out, using her first name only. The girl who needed eye surgery, thinking she had heard her own name, stood up. The person checking the girl’s identifying wristband did not notice that her name was slightly different than that of the correct patient. Later, when the eye surgery was about to take place, hospital workers could not find the patient in the waiting room, and the error was discovered just as the ear-and-throat procedure was finishing. Two people have been disciplined. The patient who underwent the wrong surgery is in good condition recovering at home. The family has retained a lawyer. ***MARLAR: Maybe the hospital staff needs eye surgery too.

 

 

INSPIRATIONAL INSPIRATION

BEGIN AGAIN

When people facing difficult life challenges ask me for advice; I have two simple words for them.
By Bob Perks

 

To begin again means that you won’t give up.
To begin again means you’re trying.
You can either start over and live your life
Or spend the rest of your life slowly dying.

It is never the falling that makes us fail.
It is never the pain or the crying.
You can never fail in life, my friend,
Unless you give up trying.
–Bob Perks

It seems lately that more and more of my friends are facing some seemingly insurmountable challenges in their lives. A few have lost their jobs and some have failed marriages. All too many have health issues or are battling cancer.

I don’t know if it is desperation that causes them to turn to me for advice or whether they have come to value our friendship. But it is difficult, to say the least, to offer words of hope when all they feel is hopeless. They expect answers, some magic waving of a wand, or a roadmap to get them back on their feet again.
I have often struggled with what to say. Mostly because I have faced many of the same challenges in my own life, I remember how empty I felt after someone cheerfully offered words like, “Keep your chin up!” “Things will get better!” “Hang in there!” “It’s always darkest…,” etc.
Yes, even those who were quick to quote the Bible to me found me quite unreceptive at the time.
Now, as an inspiration writer, being thought of as a resource of hope or a good (or bad) example of what to do in life, I have even more people contacting me.
So, what do I say?
“What can I do, Bob? I’ve lost my job. What do you suggest?”
“Begin again.”
“He walked out on me. My whole world just ended. What should I do?”
“Begin again.”
“Bob, I know both your son and your wife had cancer. I found out my wife does, too. What did you tell them?”
“Begin again.”
It almost sounds too simple. I imagine in the darkest hours of one’s life, those words would seem useless or uncaring. But it is indeed the answer.
All life challenges bring about an ending–and the chance for a beginning. A job loss presents an opportunity to start over somewhere else and maybe even in another career.
A failed marriage does not mean you are through loving or being loved. It means there are others just like you needing to be loved. Find them.

A life-threatening disease does not mean giving up. It means starting a new path to recovery and discovering within yourself the ability to fight back and win.
And if you are a person of faith, even death does not mean it’s over. It means “to begin again.”

 

 

DRIVE TIME DEVOTIONAL

ARE YOU FREE?

We are not children of the bondwoman but of the free. —Galatians 4:31

Kizzy Kinte didn’t have a chance. The daughter of Kunta Kinte in Alex Haley’s epic book Roots wanted to slip the bonds of slavery and live free, as her ancestors had done in Africa. But she couldn’t. She was born of a slavewoman, Bell Kinte, and in those terrible days of bondage, she was destined to live as a slave.

Kizzy’s parentage—over which she had no control—dictated her destiny.

That sounds a little like Galatians 4:31, where Paul used an analogy of an Old Testament story to help us understand bondage and freedom. Alluding to the story of Abraham, Sarah, and Hagar, Paul explained the difference between the child of a bondwoman (Hagar) and the child of a freewoman (Sarah). Only the child of the freewoman could enjoy an inheritance; the other was destined to bondage.

Here’s the point: each of us—male or female, Jew or Gentile, black or white, rich or poor—can share in God’s inheritance. All who trust in Jesus as Savior become “not children of the bondwoman but of the free” (v.31). We are released from the bondage of the law of God and offered God’s grace instead. And our inheritance is freedom—absolute freedom in Christ.

Has God’s grace made you free? —Dave Branon

 

Out of my bondage, sorrow, and night,
Jesus, I come, Jesus, I come;
Into Thy freedom, gladness, and light,
Jesus, I come to Thee. —Sleeper

 

True freedom is found in bondage to Christ.

 

 

LEFTOVERS

WITH A BULLET

A New York man went to the doctor for a CAT scan – and found he’d had a bullet lodged in his skull for a quarter-century and never knew it.

…William Milton went in for the CAT scan on last week because he bumped his head in his apartment and his doctor was concerned he might have a blood clot – a possibility because Milton has a heart condition and is on medication. But instead of a blood clot, they found a bullet. Milton figures the bullet date backs 25 years to an incident that happened while he was taking some pictures. While witnessing an argument between two men, he suddenly fell to the ground bleeding. He originally thought he was hit in the head with a brick by one of the men. Despite the pain and blood he went home and slept. When he awoke the bleeding had stopped so he never had a doctor check out the bump on his head. ***MARLAR: He was quoted as saying, “I need to go to the doctor, like I need another hole in the head”!

 

 

LIFE… LIVE IT

TOP TEN REASONS PEOPLE QUIT THEIR JOBS

  1. Management demands that one person do the jobs of two or more people, resulting in longer days and weekend work.
  2. Management cuts back on administrative help, forcing professional workers to use their time copying, stapling, collating, filing and other clerical duties.
  3. Management puts a freeze on raises and promotions, when an employee can easily find a job earning 20-30 percent more somewhere else.
  4. Management doesn’t allow the rank and file to make decisions or allow them pride of ownership.
  5. Management constantly reorganizes, shuffles people around, and changes direction constantly.
  6. Management doesn’t have or take the time to clarify goals and decisions. Therefore, it rejects work after it was completed, damaging the morale and esteem of those who prepared it.
  7. Management shows favoritism and gives some workers better offices, trips to conferences, etc.
  8. Management relocates the offices to another location, forcing employees to quit or double their commute.
  9. Management promotes someone who lacks training and/or necessary experience to supervisor, alienating staff and driving away good employees.
  10. Management creates a rigid structure and then allows departments to compete against each other while at the same time preaching teamwork and cooperation.

 

 

JUST FOR FUN

TOY STORY

We’ve heard stories of couples getting married in grocery stores and Wal-Marts, now comes the story of a couple that married at toy store.

…Lee and Melissa Andron of Raleigh, North Carolina said their wedding vows at Toys ‘R’ Us! The two noted how much money wedding’s cost and decided to do something a little different and something good at the same time. Each wedding guest got 15 dollars and were told to go buy some toys that would all be given to the “Toys for Tots” charity. Many of the guests got into the spirit of giving by spending more than the allotted amount.  ***MARLAR: The couple then rode off with cans tied onto the back of matching Big Wheels.

 

 

FUN LIST

SUPER BOREDOM

Getting tired of the same old Super Bowl year after year?  I am.  So here are a few ideas to liven it up a bit.

  • Halftime entertainment… the televised invasion of Canada.
  • Replace the football with a monkey.
  • When refs blow a call, they get a pie in the face.
  • End-zone/touchdown dances must be accompanied by praise music.
  • Two words: Land mines!
  • New penalty for delay of game includes the team coach getting a noogie.
  • At halftime, one lucky fan will be chosen to be the new (Governor of Illinois).

 

 

MORE SHOW PREP STUFF…

If you’re trying to get in shape – make sure you’re hungry for it!  A new study says morning cardio is most effective when done while really hungry. Researchers (University of Northumbria) studied the effects of an empty stomach on exercise, and found that people who exercise on an empty stomach can burn 20 percent more body fat than those exercising after breakfast.

 

 

OTHER STUFF I WANT TO CRAM INTO TODAY’S PREP

Doritos is giving $1 million to the person who comes up with the best Super Bowl ad. According to the web site Mashable.com, Doritos’ campaign lets fans submit their own home-made commercials in hopes of prestige and $1 million in prize money. This year, three humorous finalists were culled from a pool of 4,500 submissions drawn from 28 countries. You can see the three finalist commercials here:

http://on.mash.to/1lLocEO

 

Answers in Genesis opened an online ticketing system earlier this month to help manage the millions of requests they have been receiving to tour the life-size re-creation of Noah’s Ark known as Ark Encounter.  With more than 1.4 million visitors expected, tickets will be sold for separate daytime or evening visits during the first 40 days of opening, starting July 7. The 40 days and 40 nights theme reflects the number of days and nights it rained while Noah and his family were on the Ark, as documented in Genesis 7. The Ark Encounter will be located in northern Kentucky (south of Cincinnati). Workers at the Williamstown site are busy constructing the internal exhibit areas of the Ark now that the external shell is largely complete. The main attraction is the largest timber frame structure in the world, standing at 510 feet long in accordance with the dimensions specified in the Bible.

http://www.christianpost.com/news/ken-ham-ark-encounter-host-millions-40-days-40-nights-opening-155856/

 

When a military wife’s furnace broke down, a Pennsylvania repairman stepped in and fixed the malfunctioning unit at a huge discount. He charged her $1. Paul Betlyn of Betlyn Heating and Cooling said the job normally would have cost about $150, but he gave Stevens, a mother of two, a “deployment discount.” He told a local TV station: “I’m not the hero here. The deployed, they’re the heroes.”

 

 

AND I LEAVE YOU WITH THIS THOUGHT

“When the guy who made the first drawing board got it wrong, what did he go back to?”         — Steven Wright

 

 

THE TICKET Movie Reviews with MARIE ASNER

Marie Asner has been reviewing films for over 30 years. Her outlets include radio, print and Internet.  For more in-depth movie reviews of the following films, visit www.Tollbooth.org.  Ratings from 1 (Low) to 5 (High).

 

JANUARY 29, 2016…

 

*Note: Yet again, moved from an earlier date: Jane Got A Gun—This western is set back in pioneer days and tells the story of Jane (Natalie Portman and she fought bad guys in “Star Wars“), who is married and lives on a nice, little ranch.  She catches the eye of the bad guy (Ewan McGregor) and he ends up wounding her husband. Jane needs help, so goes to an old boyfriend, Joel Edgerton, and then the battle begins. “Jane Got A Gun” is rated PG 13. Rating of 2 for fans of the stars.

 

The Finest Hours—Based on a real disaster in the seas around 1952, the Coast Guard finished a climactic rescue against all odds. The 2009 book by M. J. Tougias tells the story, also. If you want to know what terrible storms on the seas are like, also see “The Perfect Storm” film starring George Clooney. No picnic. This film stars Chris Pine, Casey Affleck, Eric Bana and Ben Foster. “The Finest Hours” is rated R. Rating of 3.

 

Kung Fu Panda 3—Yes, even the sequel has a sequel. Can’t keep a good Panda down.  In this movie Poo has to travel to meet his biological father because there has been an arranged marriage between Poo and another Panda. In the meantime, there is a villain lurking about, as always. Jack Black is the voice of Poo, and other actors voices include Angelina Jolie, Dustin Hoffman, Jackie Chan and Seth Rogen.  “Kung Fu Panda 3” is rated PG. Rating of 3.

 

50 Shades Of Black—It had to happen. Marlon Wayans both stars and puts together this parody of “50 Shades of Gray,” only this time the cast is African-American. A rough edge on the comedy. Stars include Kali Hawk, Marlon Wayans, Jane Seymour and Mike Epps. “50 Shades Of Black” is rated R. No rating.

 

Lazer Team—A science fiction comedy, this plot has a group of average citizens finding a space ship with space suits inside.  Of course, they don’t know how to operate anything, but try to help people anyway. This cast has Alan Ritchson, Irina Voronina and Colton Dunn. “Lazer Team” is rated PG 13. No rating.

 

The Pastor—No rating on this yet, but could be PG 13. “The Pastor” is a story of a former gang member, released from prison, who begins a church in a Hispanic gang neighborhood. Problems happen that are difficult to deal with and test his faith. The cast has Franky G, Victoria Cartagena and Angelic Zambiana. No rating.

 

FEBRUARY 05, 2016…

 

The Choice is a drama with romance about two people and love at first sight. Stars Benjamin Walker and Teresa Palmer.

 

Hail! Caesar is a comedy by the Coen Brothers concerning the kidnapping of a Hollywood star. The cast includes George Clooney and Josh Brolin.

 

Pride and Prejudice and Zombies and you read that right. Loosely—quite loosely—adapted from the Jane Austen book, Lily James (“Downton Abbey”) and her sisters wear corsets and battle evil.

 

Regression is a thriller about a man who doesn’t remember abusing his daughter. Stars include Ethan Hawke, David Dencik and Emma Watson.

 

# # # # #

 

 

 

WARNING:    Don’t believe anything you read on the Internet or email (including stuff you read here) unless you can confirm it with another source, and/or it is consistent with what you already know to be true. The opinions in this publication are not necessarily those of Darren Marlar, Marlar House Entertainment, OnAirPrep.com, or any company or organization affiliated with aforementioned.  (Regardless of how stupid you may think those opinions are.  So there – nyah!)

Darren Marlar credits all non-original material to the author whenever possible. All other material is original, used with permission, or author unknown. We welcome all comments, questions, and suggestions.  Darren can be reached via his website at www.DarrenMarlar.com.