January 31, 2017: Tuesday ONAIRprep


***DAILY DOSE OF WEIRD NEWS! (As an ONAIRprep subscriber, you can gain access to all of the work parts for the Daily Dose of Weird News, allowing you to edit for length and content – and also receive a custom tag specifically for your station or show which you can have updated at any time… ABSOLUTELY FREE! It’s part of your subscription now! Email me to get FTP access and your free customized tag!)


Welcome to (THE JOCK SHOW): the show that comes complete with everything you see here. Your parents help you put it together.


Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. — Colossians 3:13

Do everything without complaining or arguing, so that you may become blameless and pure, children of God without fault in a crooked and depraved generation, in which you shine like stars in the universe as you hold out the word of life. — Philippians 2:14-16


(From VerseOfTheDay.com.)

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. — 2 Corinthians 12:9

Thought: When I pray, I often catch myself simply wanting God to do what I want, not necessarily what is best or most expedient for those around me or for the good of the Kingdom. I don’t like to hear that God told Paul that he had asked enough about deliverance from his problem. Instead, Paul needed to learn that God’s gracious strength and mercy were enough to sustain him even in trial. While I know I need to learn this same lesson, it is daunting. I want God to keep things nice and tidy for me. But then I remember I am a follower of Christ. If I am to become like my Savior, then I have to let go of my requirements on God’s answers and open up to God’s work to redeem others through me, no matter the personal cost. Only then can I truly know that his grace is sufficient for me!

Prayer: Patient and loving Shepherd, guard my heart from discouragement in tough times and guard it from arrogance in good times. I know that without you I have nothing that is permanent. Thanks for giving me a permanent, steadfast hope of heaven with you, because of your grace and strength shared with me. In the name of Jesus I pray. Amen.

The Thoughts and Prayers for Today’s Verse are written by Phil Ware. You can email questions or comments to phil@heartlight.org.

BIRTHDAY VERSE” OF THE DAY (The chapter and verse correspond to the month and day!)

1 Corinthians 1:31 NIV Therefore, as it is written: Let him who boasts boast in the Lord.


(NOTE: Some holidays may be duplicated due to various calendars reporting conflicting dates)


Today is SCOTCH TAPE DAY, marking the birth of the sticky stuff to 3M Company’s Richard Drew on this date in 1928.


Tonight is PLAY AN OLD GAME YOU HAVEN’T PLAYED IN YEARS NIGHT.  ***Maybe Yahztee?  Scrabble?  Monopoly, or Canasta?  I’m gearing up for an intense game of Hungry Hungry Hippo, myself.

Appreciate Your Social Security Check Day
Inspire Your Heart with Art Day
Street Children Day Link  Link

COMING UP NEXT (Just a list, we are not endorsing the holidays posted below.)


Candy-Making Day
Car Insurance Day
Change Your Password Day Link
Decorating With Candy Day
G.I. Joe Day
Hula in The Coola Day
International Face & Body Art Day Link
Freedom Day
National Signing Day Link
Robinson Crusoe Day
Serpent Day Link
Spunky Old Broads Day
National Girls & Women in Sports Day


Ayn Rand Day  Link
Crepe Day
Crepe Day or La Chandeleur Link
Groundhog Day
Groundhog Job Shadow Day
Hedgehog Day
Marmot Day Link
Sled Dog Day: 2
World Play Your Ukulele Day Link
World Wetlands Day Link


Bubble Gum Day Link 
Give Kids A Smile Day Link
Four Chaplains Memorial Day
National Women’s Physicians Day Link
The Day The Music Died
Wear Red Day
Working Naked Day Link


Barber Day
Facebook’s Birthday
Ice Cream For Breakfast Day Link
Take Your Child To The Library Day
Liberace Day
Medjoola Date Day
Quacker Day
World Cancer Day Link


Adlai Stevenson Day Link
Dump Your Significant Jerk Day
Move Hollywood & Broadway to Lebanon, PA Day
Popcorn Day Link
Shower With A Friend Day Link
Super Bowl 51
Weatherman’s [Weatherperson’s] Day
Western Monarch DayLink
World Nutella Day Link


Canadian Maple Syrup Day Link
Lame Duck Day
International Day of Zero Tolerance to Female Genital Mutilation Link


1505: King Philip of Austria defeated the Marquis de Dorset in history’s first international tennis match. It wasn’t much of a contest, since the Marquis still played with the palm of his hand and King Philip used a new fangled “battoir.”

1874: Jesse James robbed a train near Gadshill, Missouri, than gave the engineer a press release about the robbery and ordered him to pass it along to the local newspaper.

1947: The coldest official temperature in Canadian history was recorded at Whitehorse, Yukon Territory, when the mercury fell to 62 degrees below zero (F).

1949: The first TV daytime soap opera, “These Are My Children,” was telecast from NBC in Chicago. The show’s creator, Irna Phillips, would later produce “As the World Turns” and “The Guiding Light.”

1961: A chimpanzee named Ham became the first U.S. animal sent into space. Ham traveled 158 miles above the Earth in the Mercury-Redstone-2 space capsule.

1971: Astronauts Alan Shepard Jr., Edgar Mitchell and Stuart Roosa blasted off aboard Apollo 14 on a mission to the moon.

1972: Some 40,000 filed past singer Mahalia Jackson’s open coffin at Great Salem Baptist Church in Chicago. At Mahalia’s funeral the next day, Aretha Franklin sang “Precious Lord, Take My Hand.”

1979: Singer Porter Wagoner went disco, appearing in a sequined leisure suit at Nashville’s Exit/In and performing disco versions of country standards.

1985: The last Jeep, the military workhorse vehicle in World War II, rolled off the assembly line at the American Motors plant in Toledo, Ohio.

1990: McDonald’s opened its first fast-food restaurant in Moscow.

1992: Keith Witt of Amarillo cleaned three standard 42½ by 47-inch office windows with an 11.8-inch squeegee in 10.13 seconds at the International Window Cleaning Association convention in San Antonio. That was a Guinness World Record.

1999: The Denver Broncos repeated as NFL champions, defeating the Atlanta Falcons 34-19 in Super Bowl 33.

2001: An 81-year-old resident of a Byker, England, nursing home and her 71-year-old friend wrestled a burglar into their bathroom and locked the door until police arrived. The 32-year-old heroin addict was charged with two counts of assault, drug possession, and burglary. The ladies were shaken up but not seriously hurt.

2005: Actor Keanu Reeves received a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. (audio clip)

2005: Jury selection began in Santa Maria, California., for Michael Jackson’s child molestation trial. He was acquitted.

2007: Stockholm police investigating reports of an odd smell from an apartment found 11 swans, and, apparently no humans, living there. Police said the birds appeared to be well taken care of but, at last report, had not found the caretaker. ***They also found six geese a laying, four calling birds, three french hens…


1561: Anabaptist leader Menno Simons, for whom Mennonites are named, dies in Wustenfeld, Germany.

1686: King Louis XIV of France, having already revoked the Protestant-tolerating Edict of Nantes, orders all Waldensian churches burned. The Waldensians, members of a pre-Reformation tradition that stressed love of Christ and his word and a life of poverty, were soon devastated: 2,000 killed, 2,000 “converted” to Catholicism, and 8,000 imprisoned.

1737: Jacob Duche, Episcopal clergyman and chaplain to the Continental Congress, is born in Philadelphia. He later had a change of heart about the war and asked George Washington to have Congress recall the Declaration of Independence.

1892: Baptist preacher Charles Haddon Spurgeon, one of the greatest public speakers of his day, dies at Mentone, France.

1955: Death of John Mott. His ministry spanned the globe.

1968: On the Friday of the terrible Tet Offensive, several Christians, including missionaries and many indigenous Vietnamese, are massacred by the Vietcong.


  • Actress (“Arrested Development”) Portia De Rossi, 44 (audio clip)

  • actress (“The Riches”, Phantom of the Opera, Gross Pointe Blank) Minnie Driver 46

  • actress (Road House, Curly Sue, “The L Word”, The Visitation) Kelly Lynch 58

  • actor (“Without A Trace”) Anthony LaPaglia, 58

  • actress (“90210”, “Arrested Development”, Play Misty For Me) Jessica Walter 73 (audio clip)

  • Singer/actress Carol Channing, 96


(Music Artist Birthdays From SongFacts.com)

1797 : Franz Schubert

1892 : Eddie Cantor

1921 : Mario Lanza

1923 : Carol Channing

1928 : Chuck Willis

1944 : Charlie Musselwhite

1946 : Terry Kath (Chicago)

1951 : Harry Wayne Casey (KC and the Sunshine Band)

1951 : Phil Manzanera (Roxy Music)

1951 : Phil Collins

1956 : Johnny Rotten (The Sex Pistols)

1966 : Alan Jaworski (Jesus Jones)

1967 : Jason Cooper (The Cure)

1981 : Justin Timberlake (‘N Sync)


What is the ratio between rain and snow, in terms of how much an inch of rain equates to an inch of snow?

It is popularly believed that a 10-to-1 ratio prevails between snowfall and water content. But the water content of snow is more variable than this, making the 10-to-1 ratio inaccurate, as it depends on temperature and wind speed. One inch of water yields about 10 inches of snow in light winds when temperatures are 28 to 34 degrees. One inch of water yields about 15 inches of snow at 20 to 27 degrees, and when temperatures are in the teens, 20 to 30 inches.


This is just a tiny sample of the 5-6 pages of material you could be receiving three days a week from ChristianRadioShowPrepServices.com!

David Crowder says driving trucks with cats is complicated. Crowder posted a picture of his two cats, named Burt and Sally (I’m guessing he’s a fan of the movie “Smokey and the Bandit”) while he drove over the weekend. One was curled up on his lap. The other was perched under the accelerator. 

Plumb posted over the weekend: So my husband is an importer who does a lot of business with China and today it was Chinese new year so we had a Chinese new year party. In honor of that we ate all kinds of homemade Asian food by him and a few of our closest friends. It was delicious! One delicacy he encouraged everyone to try was a fried chickens foot…Nope
. https://www.instagram.com/p/BPyvU4fhri9/

Switchfoot is cheering on their local baseball team for a positive response after hearing that the San Diego Chargers are moving out of the community. Members of the band based in San Diego passed on an announcement from the San Diego Padres over the weekend. It says: not sure what to do with your old Chargers gear? The Padres will give you $25 credit and donate to the homeless.

Joel and Luke say they are unlikely Grammy nominies. The members of for King and Country were part of a grammie nomination celebration over the weekend. In response the posted: Well here we are, 2 of 7 children, homeschooled, Aussie/Americans, mildly nerdy, who love music! Quite honored by the GRAMMY nomination.

What did you do in your spare time over the weekend? Plumb: In my spare time this evening I was able to also accomplish completely destroying someone’s mailbox. She posted a picture of the accident zone, complete with skid marks and the completely demolished mail box.

Natalie Grant was celebrating over the weekend. She posted: I don’t know how your day is going, but this should be a bright spot for all of us – 3 girls between the ages of 10 to 13 have just been rescued and are now at our Hope for Justice International care facility in Cambodia! And there’s more! 3 other girls were rescued from trafficking along the Thai border, and are also now safe in our facility in Cambodia. 

Meredith Andrews says her husband used a tire iron to save a life over the weekend. She says they were on their way to the airport when they came up on a car stopped at an intersection. Meredith says: Jacob jumped out, saw that the driver of the car was passed out from a drug overdose, needle still in hand. He came back to his truck, found his tire iron and busted out the back window of the locked car. Jacob ran to the driver, opened his door, checked his pulse and wrapped him in his coat while he talked to the paramedic on the phone.  https://www.instagram.com/p/BPyeUjcAf_z/


(No news on the weekends. Want a customized audio version, FREE? Email me for more information! )


A study says that chubby, older fathers are more attractive to women and live longer. ***Sorry ladies, but all of this is taken!

A new study claims that eating an egg a day will cut your chance of having a stroke by 12%. ***So I guess I don’t have to feel guilty anymore about my daily McGriddle sandwich.

Protests against President Trump’s immigration plan took place in more than 30 cities over the weekend.  ***He hasn’t even been in office for two weeks and already our new President is getting people OUTDOORS AND WALKING!

In Bridgeport, Connecticut, 33-year-old police Sgt. Stacey Lyons was being filmed for a new A & E reality series called Live PD in which she is seen arresting a man accused of choking his girlfriend. She tells the camera, “Domestics are the most dangerous calls a police officer can go on.” As the man proclaimed his innocence, she told him, “This is a domestic situation and I don’t have a choice.” Fast forward a few hours and Lyons found herself riding in the back of a police car having just been arrested for – you guessed it – domestic violence. She allegedly had entered an ex-boyfriend’s house by punching in his security code and then confronted him about another woman. The ex-boyfriend said the pair got into a shoving match, and he called police. ***Thanks for being a role model, Officer Ironic!

According to a new survey, 50% of Americans say they can’t find anything good to watch on TV.  ***The other 50% have discovered YouTube.

A Mississippi attorney is suing Popeyes after he says he choked when he had to eat a piece of fried chicken with his hands because a knife wasn’t included in his drive-thru order. ***If you can only eat fried chicken with a knife and fork, you have no business living in America.  That’s like mayonnaise on a hot dog.

Ten percent of us say traffic has made us cry in the last year. ***Actually, it’s not the traffic itself that causes us to break down emotionally – it’s being stuck listening to radio in the 21st century that has as much originality as Shia Labeouf’s Twitter feed.

Mississippi lawmaker Tom Weathersby really doesn’t want to see your underwear. The Republican serving in the state’s House of Representatives, has proposed a law that could lead to fines and even counseling for people who wear “sagging” pants. Weathersby’s bill, introduced last week, would make it “unlawful for any person to wear pants, shorts or clothing bottoms that exposes underwear or body parts in an indecent or vulgar manner.”  ***Well, now you have to have a definition of “indecent” or “vulgar”.  Are men walking down the street with their pants low indecent and vulgar?  If so, what do you say about the Victoria’s Secret billboard – that shows a heckuva lot more underwear than the saggy pants gang.  I agree, saggy pants are stupid and they make the wearers look like complete morons, but if you’re going to have a law like this you have to make it a bit more clear – or just concede the fact that not everyone is going to dress the way you feel is appropriate, and that’s part of how America works.


The Bible has been crowned the book “most valuable to humanity,” beating out Charles Darwin’s The Origin of Species and George Orwell’s 1984. According to ta survey of just over 2,000 British adults found that 37 percent of respondents named the Bible most valuable while 35 percent name The Origin of Species. The study was conducted by YouGov on behalf of the Folio Society. Survey respondents were given the names of 30 books, both fiction and nonfiction, and then asked to choose three books as being “most valuable.”  ***Personally, I doubt the accuracy of this survey at all, as not one single person mentioned Dr. Seuss.

When you know your favorite donut has 400-plus calories, do you still order it? Yes. Research (via Carnegie Mellon) shows no matter how much calorie information is on the menu list, people still choose the food they like, not what’s supposed to be healthier.  ***In fact, I DO use that calorie info on the menu… the more calories something has, the better I know it’s going to taste when I order it.

A new study finds that Americans may have to double – or even quadruple – their current exercise amount in order to keep a healthy heart.  ***Well, let’s see… I currently do zero exercise, so if you double that… it comes to… zero exercise!  Consider it done!

Very obese older men hoping to live longer may be let down by a long-term study that found weight-loss surgery didn’t increase survival for people like them – at least during the first seven years.  ***In other words, the older you get, the more it makes sense to just stay fat and happy.  I’m good to go.

While your social media profile can be a great asset in your job search, a CareerBuilder study shows it can also end up costing you the job. More than two in five (43%) hiring managers who currently research candidates using social media said they have found information that has caused them not to hire a candidate. ***I guess that means I should delete that Facebook photo from last year’s company Christmas party that caught me watching “It’s A Wonderful Life” on company time while sitting de-pantsed on the copy machine.  That might affect my future employment.



OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns! Last time, Nozzles the Elephant and Gruffy Bear went to the library, and Gruffy ran across a map of the jungle and discovered that his property line was larger than he though – and his property actually crossed over the main path through the jungle. Nozzles sarcastically suggested that he build a toll booth…

CLOSE: Wow, sounds like this toll booth idea is working out pretty well – for Gruffy, at least. But how long will it be before the rest of the jungle animals find a different route – or run out of money? More of the story next time, As the Jungle Turns!

***You may simulcast “As the Jungle Turns” on the Internet stream of your live broadcast only. Any other Internet use of “As the Jungle Turns” in whole or part including podcasting of your live broadcast is a violation of copyright law. Thank you for your cooperation on this vitally important issue. If you have any questions, please e-mail us and ask about “Jungle Jam & Friends the Radio Show” usage.


It takes a true genius to commit a Moment of Duh while trying to become a cop!

21-year-old Paul Joseph Golding is employed by Shield Security as a security guard.  Now if you want to be a real cop someday, there are basically two ways to go about it: Number one is apply for and go through the rigors of a police academy, taking written tests, going through simulated situations and watching videos.  Number two is live the life of a cop in the exciting position of a mall guard, which is what our Paulie chose to do.  A Mall Guard, chasing skateboarding kids off the parking lot, standing in front of kiosks for hours talking to high school and college students, wearing a uniform that fits you like Hulk Hogan’s dress shirt fits Steve Urkel!  And sometimes, the Mall can be like the mean streets of the hood.  Paulie was patrolling Lakewood Ranch’s Main Street just before noon, when emergency officials received a call from a restaurant employee that Paulie had been shot.  Police began combing the area for a white male in his 40s driving a silver Nissan Frontier.  One bullet from a black, semi-automatic gun was located on the brick sidewalk about 25 feet from Golding’s silver Nissan pickup truck.  And to the sharp eyes of the cops, it looks like the shooting came from the inside of the vehicle.  Stuff was really not adding up.  It seems that Paulie was the white male in the silver Nissan and that he had shot himself.  It turns out that he was moving his firearm from one side of his body to the other when it discharged, a weapon that Paulie is not licensed to carry.  Paulie may be charged with giving false information.  And another potentially good cop goes bad.



1. Anger is a condition in which the tongue, works faster than the mind.

2. You can’t change the past, but you can ruin the present by worrying over the future.

3. Love… and you shall be loved.

4. God always gives His best to those who leave the choice with Him.

5. All people smile in the same language.

6. A hug is a great gift, one size fits all. It can be given for any occasion and it’s easy to exchange.

7. Everyone needs to be loved, especially when they do not deserve it.

8. The real measure of a man’s wealth is what he has invested in eternity.

9. Laughter is God’s sunshine.

10. Everything has beauty but not everyone sees it.


The files of Law & Disorder tell the story of a robber who’s defense doesn’t have a leg to stand on!

FILE #1: A Kansas City, Missouri man walked into an auto parts store and snatched $50 from an employee. As he tried to make his getaway a mechanic grabbed him by the left leg, which, much to his surprise, came off. Along with his pants. Our one legged robber, wearing only his boxer shorts, hopped out of the store and through the snow to a waiting getaway car. Everyone in the store was laughing too hard to even try to catch him. Police expect to have no trouble finding our genius since they have his pants, his artificial leg and a good video of the whole thing.

FILE #2: A teller at Bank One in Akron, Ohio, was able to scare away a bashful bank robber, but it didn’t win her any points with the bosses. The “shy” robber meekly approached the teller with a hold-up note demanding cash. The teller read the note, gave the robber the once-over and then said, “Get outta here!” The man fled without any cash. Bank supervisors were unhappy with the teller’s reaction and say that she’ll be retrained in the proper way of dealing with a robber. No one was hurt and police are still looking for the culprit.

FILE #3: A pair of crooks in Aurora, Illinois, became frustrated when a worker at fast food restaurant wouldn’t cooperate with their robbery. The drive-through window clerk at Burger King said the driver pointed a gun at him and said, “Give me a Whopper or I’ll shoot you.” The attendant said he refused to give the assailant the hamburger, and insisted the would-be robber pay for it. The armed man kept pointing the gun, asking again whether the clerk was going to give him the Whopper, and again was told no. A passenger in the van finally gave the driver money to pay for the sandwich. The two men, both wearing full ski masks and hooded sweat shirts, then drove away with the Whopper they purchased.

STRANGE LAW: In Virginia, a dog can be put to death for criminal barking.


A really bad disguise actually gives a criminal away rather than hiding him!

Today’s “Brain on Drugs” story highlights an incredibly stupid criminal disguise. In fact, the disguise was so bad that it not only didn’t work, but it actually helped authorities spot our criminal mastermind. A Canadian drug smuggler was caught at the Brisbane airport. Officials couldn’t help but notice him as he walked about dressed in SKI CLOTHING in 83 F (28 C) temperature. He was found to be carrying six blocks of heroin hidden inside his ski clothes.


The hottest new trend in blue jeans is “raw jeans.” Sold in boutiques for prices starting at $150, these jeans are made with raw denim, and the maintenance instructions are very specific: Do not wash them for six months. I’ve been accused of wearing my jeans too long – but six months? Would you be willing to wear a pair of pants for six months without washing them? Would you wear them in public? What’s the longest you’ve gone without washing an article of clothing?

What was your favorite board game growing up? Battleship? Yahztee?  Scrabble?  Monopoly, Chutes and Ladders or Candy Land?  Hungry Hungry Hippo?


QUESTION: Who met Moses in the wilderness and kissed him?

ANSWER: Jethro, his father-in-law. (Exodus 18:5,7)

QUESTION: “Ariel” is a name found in Isaiah 29. To whom or what does it refer?
ANSWER: Jerusalem


QUESTION: Whats the average number of people who’ve touched a towel before its bought?

ANSWER: 6.6 (six or seven)


Pay attention! If our next player doesn’t answer all ten T/F questions correctly we start all over from question #1! First person to answer question #10 correctly is our winner!

1. G.I. Joe first appeared in a TV show. (False, a comic strip)

2. Stirlings, halifaxes and lancasters were all names of WWII bombers. (True)

3. The King of England wore motley on his body and a coxcomb on his head. (False, The Court Jester)

4. When the comic strip Peanuts first debuted in 1958, Snoopy stood on two legs. (True)

5. Camp Kommandant Col. Wilhelm Klink played the trumpet on TV’s “Hogan’s heroes.” (False, Violin)

6. Kojak’s first name was Rick. (False, Theo)

7. The short lived series, “The Watcher,” starred Ice Cube. (True)

8. When he was only 10 years old, Jim Carey sent his resume to Carol Burnett! (True)

9. The Egyptian pyramids were originally covered with beautiful paintings and drawings which have weathered away over the years. (False, but they were originally covered in marble which has weathered away)

10. In India, McDonald’s restaurants don’t serve hamburger meat. Instead the Big Mac comes with 2 all lamb patties. (True)


You have to match the blank in the tabloid headline with the word or phrase that has been removed!


A human zoo, which features women from a protected tribe dancing for tourists in exchange for food, opened on India’s Andaman Islands.

Jarawa tribal women are being lured to dance and sing for tourists and to live in a “Jarawa Habitat”.

Under Indian laws designed to protect ancient tribal groups susceptible to outside influence and disease, photographing or coming into contact with the Jarawa and some of the Andaman aborigines had been banned, but the Indian government seems to be looking the other way on the Human Zoo.

The tribe, thought to have been among the first people to migrate successfully from Africa to Asia, lives a nomadic existence in the lush, tropical forests of the Andamans in the Indian Ocean.

India’s Tribal Affairs Minister Sanjay Krishnabba Chandra said that they are looking into the situation to make sure that all the women in the zoo are treated properly – feed, bathed and cared for on a daily basis.

Many Indian citizens are outraged about the Human Zoo.

“It’s deplorable. You cannot treat human beings like beasts for the sake of money. Whatever kind of tourism is that, I totally disapprove of that and it is being banned also,”  an Indian MP added.



Driving to a new restaurant, Jill took several wrong turns. When she finally found the right road, she asked her husband, “Why didn’t you tell me I was lost?”

“I thought you knew where you were going,” he replied. “You always know where you’re going when I’m driving.”


The General Services Administration has experts who actually visit different agencies and suggest ways to streamline their day-to-day routines.

One such expert visited the Federal Communications Commission and suggested that they get rid of the clutter. He suggested as a start, that they throw out all correspondence over ten years old.

The FCC Director loved the idea, and replied, “Good thought. but first, we’ll have to make three copies of everything.”


A fellow comes home after his regular Saturday golf game and his wife asks why he doesn’t include Tom O’Brien in the games anymore.

The husband asks, “Would you want to play with a guy who regularly cheats, swears up a storm over everything, lies about his score, and has nothing good to say about anyone else on the course?”

“Of course I wouldn’t,” replies the wife.

“Well,” says the husband, “neither would Tom O’Brien.”


According to the Associated Press, more than three quarters of obese Americans say they have healthy eating habits – with 40% of obese people saying they do “vigorous” exercise regularly.  ***If, by “vigorous” they mean jumping off the couch once an hour to visit the kitchen and the bathroom, then yes, I exercise daily.

The golf term “fore” was shortened from the old military term, “ware before.” This command was shouted to the front line to kneel so the second line could fire. ***It caught on after one poor soldier didn’t heed the warning and spent the rest of his military career with the nickname, “Earless Jackson.”



A man had a problem sleeping at night, and thought it may be his conscience troubling him. He knew that he had been less than honest when filling in his tax return, and maybe that was the trouble. So he sent a check to the Taxation Department with a note that said:
“Dear Sir, I have not filled in all my income for which I should have paid tax. Therefore, here is my check for $100. AND IF MY CONSCIENCE STILL TROUBLES ME, I WILL SEND YOU THE REST.”



In a terrible mix-up, a hospital in Rhode Island operated on the wrong child.

…Officials at Hasbro Children’s Hospital said the girl was scheduled for reconstructive eye surgery, but in a case of mistaken identity, she had her tonsils and adenoids removed, and tubes were placed in her ears. Two girls of similar age and with similar first names were scheduled for outpatient surgery around the same time, and both were among a group of children and their parents in the waiting room. When the operating room was ready, a hospital worker called out for the girl who was supposed to have her tonsils out, using her first name only. The girl who needed eye surgery, thinking she had heard her own name, stood up. The person checking the girl’s identifying wristband did not notice that her name was slightly different than that of the correct patient. Later, when the eye surgery was about to take place, hospital workers could not find the patient in the waiting room, and the error was discovered just as the ear-and-throat procedure was finishing. Two people have been disciplined. The patient who underwent the wrong surgery is in good condition recovering at home. The family has retained a lawyer. ***MARLAR: Maybe the hospital staff needs eye surgery too.



When people facing difficult life challenges ask me for advice; I have two simple words for them.
By Bob Perks

To begin again means that you won’t give up.
To begin again means you’re trying.
You can either start over and live your life
Or spend the rest of your life slowly dying.

It is never the falling that makes us fail.
It is never the pain or the crying.
You can never fail in life, my friend,
Unless you give up trying.
–Bob Perks

It seems lately that more and more of my friends are facing some seemingly insurmountable challenges in their lives. A few have lost their jobs and some have failed marriages. All too many have health issues or are battling cancer.

I don’t know if it is desperation that causes them to turn to me for advice or whether they have come to value our friendship. But it is difficult, to say the least, to offer words of hope when all they feel is hopeless. They expect answers, some magic waving of a wand, or a roadmap to get them back on their feet again.
I have often struggled with what to say. Mostly because I have faced many of the same challenges in my own life, I remember how empty I felt after someone cheerfully offered words like, “Keep your chin up!” “Things will get better!” “Hang in there!” “It’s always darkest…,” etc.
Yes, even those who were quick to quote the Bible to me found me quite unreceptive at the time.
Now, as an inspiration writer, being thought of as a resource of hope or a good (or bad) example of what to do in life, I have even more people contacting me.
So, what do I say?
“What can I do, Bob? I’ve lost my job. What do you suggest?”
“Begin again.”
“He walked out on me. My whole world just ended. What should I do?”
“Begin again.”
“Bob, I know both your son and your wife had cancer. I found out my wife does, too. What did you tell them?”
“Begin again.”
It almost sounds too simple. I imagine in the darkest hours of one’s life, those words would seem useless or uncaring. But it is indeed the answer.
All life challenges bring about an ending–and the chance for a beginning. A job loss presents an opportunity to start over somewhere else and maybe even in another career.
A failed marriage does not mean you are through loving or being loved. It means there are others just like you needing to be loved. Find them.

A life-threatening disease does not mean giving up. It means starting a new path to recovery and discovering within yourself the ability to fight back and win.
And if you are a person of faith, even death does not mean it’s over. It means “to begin again.”



We are not children of the bondwoman but of the free. —Galatians 4:31

Kizzy Kinte didn’t have a chance. The daughter of Kunta Kinte in Alex Haley’s epic book Roots wanted to slip the bonds of slavery and live free, as her ancestors had done in Africa. But she couldn’t. She was born of a slavewoman, Bell Kinte, and in those terrible days of bondage, she was destined to live as a slave.

Kizzy’s parentage—over which she had no control—dictated her destiny.

That sounds a little like Galatians 4:31, where Paul used an analogy of an Old Testament story to help us understand bondage and freedom. Alluding to the story of Abraham, Sarah, and Hagar, Paul explained the difference between the child of a bondwoman (Hagar) and the child of a freewoman (Sarah). Only the child of the freewoman could enjoy an inheritance; the other was destined to bondage.

Here’s the point: each of us—male or female, Jew or Gentile, black or white, rich or poor—can share in God’s inheritance. All who trust in Jesus as Savior become “not children of the bondwoman but of the free” (v.31). We are released from the bondage of the law of God and offered God’s grace instead. And our inheritance is freedom—absolute freedom in Christ.

Has God’s grace made you free? —Dave Branon

Out of my bondage, sorrow, and night,
Jesus, I come, Jesus, I come;
Into Thy freedom, gladness, and light,
Jesus, I come to Thee. —Sleeper

True freedom is found in bondage to Christ.



A New York man went to the doctor for a CAT scan – and found he’d had a bullet lodged in his skull for a quarter-century and never knew it.

…William Milton went in for the CAT scan on last week because he bumped his head in his apartment and his doctor was concerned he might have a blood clot – a possibility because Milton has a heart condition and is on medication. But instead of a blood clot, they found a bullet. Milton figures the bullet date backs 25 years to an incident that happened while he was taking some pictures. While witnessing an argument between two men, he suddenly fell to the ground bleeding. He originally thought he was hit in the head with a brick by one of the men. Despite the pain and blood he went home and slept. When he awoke the bleeding had stopped so he never had a doctor check out the bump on his head. ***MARLAR: He was quoted as saying, “I need to go to the doctor, like I need another hole in the head”!



  • Management demands that one person do the jobs of two or more people, resulting in longer days and weekend work.
  • Management cuts back on administrative help, forcing professional workers to use their time copying, stapling, collating, filing and other clerical duties.
  • Management puts a freeze on raises and promotions, when an employee can easily find a job earning 20-30 percent more somewhere else.
  • Management doesn’t allow the rank and file to make decisions or allow them pride of ownership.
  • Management constantly reorganizes, shuffles people around, and changes direction constantly.
  • Management doesn’t have or take the time to clarify goals and decisions. Therefore, it rejects work after it was completed, damaging the morale and esteem of those who prepared it.
  • Management shows favoritism and gives some workers better offices, trips to conferences, etc.
  • Management relocates the offices to another location, forcing employees to quit or double their commute.
  • Management promotes someone who lacks training and/or necessary experience to supervisor, alienating staff and driving away good employees.
  • Management creates a rigid structure and then allows departments to compete against each other while at the same time preaching teamwork and cooperation.



We’ve heard stories of couples getting married in grocery stores and Wal-Marts, now comes the story of a couple that married at toy store.

…Lee and Melissa Andron of Raleigh, North Carolina said their wedding vows at Toys ‘R’ Us! The two noted how much money wedding’s cost and decided to do something a little different and something good at the same time. Each wedding guest got 15 dollars and were told to go buy some toys that would all be given to the “Toys for Tots” charity. Many of the guests got into the spirit of giving by spending more than the allotted amount.  ***MARLAR: The couple then rode off with cans tied onto the back of matching Big Wheels.



Getting tired of the same old Super Bowl year after year?  I am.  So here are a few ideas to liven it up a bit.

  • Halftime entertainment… the televised invasion of Canada.

  • Replace the football with a monkey.

  • When refs blow a call, they get a pie in the face.

  • End-zone/touchdown dances must be accompanied by praise music.

  • Two words: Land mines!

  • New penalty for delay of game includes the team coach getting a noogie.

  • At halftime, one lucky fan will be chosen to be the new (Governor of Illinois).


If you’re trying to get in shape – make sure you’re hungry for it!  A new study says morning cardio is most effective when done while really hungry. Researchers (University of Northumbria) studied the effects of an empty stomach on exercise, and found that people who exercise on an empty stomach can burn 20 percent more body fat than those exercising after breakfast.


Have you ever had a dream to do something, great… but then that dream was somehow crushed? There are 3 things to do when a dream dies so you can move on to the next one – and Mark Merrill gives them in detail.

Allow Yourself to Grieve

Allow Yourself to Grow

Allow Yourself to Grab Hold of the Next Dream

Reach each one in-depth at http://bit.ly/1e1BDNE

This is scary. The Better Business Bureau is warning people about a new “Can You Hear Me?” scam. Basically you get a phone call from an unfamiliar number. The person on the other end asks if you can hear them. You say, “yes” and they’ve got you. In the scam, they’re recording you and that “yes” you just said can be used to sign you up for products or services you never wanted. They then demand to be paid, using the recorded “yes” as supposed confirmation of an agreement. If you think you’ve been targeted, write down the phone number and file a scam report with the BBB’s Scam Tracker and the FTC’s Do Not Call list — and check your credit card and other accounts for unwanted charges.  I checked Snopes.com and they claim this is unproven, but CBS News obviously thinks it is legitimate enough of a threat to report it.  You can read the CBS News article at: http://www.cbsnews.com/news/beware-new-can-you-hear-me-scam/

Researcher now say you can beat your cravings with these two words. According to Time Magazine, when deciding whether to eat something that isn’t necessarily nutritious, researcher say you should use the words “I don’t” instead of “I can’t.” What’s the difference? Researchers say that, “With ‘I don’t’ you are choosing words that signal empowerment and determination rather than ones that signal deprivation.” In four studies researchers found that when it came to deciding whether to eat certain foods, saying “I don’t” was nearly three times as effective as saying “no” and about eight times more effective than saying “I can’t.”  http://ti.me/1dT8fJn

Samaritans still exist in the modern day middle east. According to the Huffington post, the people group numbers just 700 to 800 people now. While Samaritans and Jews are similar in some ways, Samaritans have their own Torah in ancient Hebrew, a separate religious calendar and some key differing beliefs. Mount Gerizim, not Jerusalem, is still their sacred place, just as it was when Christ met the woman at the well. The community says it has the oldest Torah in the world, closely guarded in a safe place due to fear of robbers who have stolen other Samaritan religious texts. http://huff.to/1JJZ6A3

An interesting story is developing in Russia, where an American Missionary is challenging a widely criticized law that makes certain “religious activities” like distributing Bibles, evangelizing and holding house churches, potentially illegal. 

If you have ever planned a Super Bowl party and searched for “chicken wings” or “bean dip” recipes in Google, you are not alone. On Monday, Google released their list of top-searched Super Bowl recipes by state (and Washington, D.C.)—and the results were a mixed bag of game-day classics and, well, some oddball dishes.  http://peoplem.ag/nxT1Bqw

New technology may give those unable to speak a voice more like their own. Researchers are developing a first-of-its-kind voice technology that captures the spirit of an individual’s personality.  

Alex really wants to help his mom, Eva, find love. So he spent a year secretly filming her and then sent it out via the internet. Did it work? Only time will tell. The video ends with the words…to be continued.



“When the guy who made the first drawing board got it wrong, what did he go back to?” — Steven Wright


Marie Asner has been reviewing films for over 35 years. Her outlets include radio, print and Internet. For more in-depth movie reviews of the following films, visit www.Tollbooth.org. Ratings from 1 (Low) to 5 (High).

JANUARY 27, 2017…

Academy Award Nominations are announced this week.

Resident Evil: The Final Chapter—Mila Jovovich comes back as Alice to go against that evil Umbrella Corporation in Raccoon City. Also in the cast are Li Bingbing, Glen Iain and Ever Gabe Anderson. “Resident Evil: The Final Chapter” is rated R. Rating of 2 for fans and you know who you are.

(opening from an earlier date) Julieta—This is a Spanish language film (subtitled) directed by Pedro Almodovar. It concerns a mother’s (Emma Svarez)  search for a missing daughter. Also in the cast are Daniel Grao and Adriana Ugarte. “Julieta” is rated R. No rating.

(opening from an earlier date) Gold—Try, just try to recognize Matthew McConaughey in the role of Kenny Wells who goes to Borneo to find gold. You read that right.  His girlfriend, Bryce Dallas Howard, faithfully follows him.  People will do just about anything to get rich in a hurry.  Also in the cast are Edgar Ramirez and Corey Stoll. “Gold” is rated R. Rating of 2 for fans.

A Dog’s Purpose—Bring hanky.  The film is adapted from the book by W. Bruce Cameron about a dog named Toby, who is reincarnated time after time into certain situations where you can help people. The human cast includes Britt Robertson, Josh Gad and Dennis Quaid. “A Dog’s Purpose” is rated PG 13. Rating of 2.

Bastards—Owen Wilson is searching for his supposedly dead father, who supposedly died a long time ago. What next? Also in the cast are Ed Helms, Glenn Close and J. K. Simmons. “Bastard” is rated R. No rating.

FEBRUARY 3, 2017…

The Space Between Us (opening from an earlier date) concerns the first child born on Mars.

Rings is a sequel to the supernatural film of several years ago and stars Johnny Galecki.

The Comedian has Robert DeNiro on a comeback road but doing community service because of an outburst. This is a comedy/drama. Also stars Leslie Mann.

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Darren Marlar credits all non-original material to the author whenever possible. All other material is original, used with permission, or author unknown. We welcome all comments, questions, and suggestions. Darren can be reached via his website at www.DarrenMarlar.com.