July 01, 2015: Wednesday ONAIRprep

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***DAILY DOSE OF WEIRD NEWS

***CREATION MOMENTS MINUTE

 

PRINTER FRIENDLY VERSION: 20150701

 

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BIBLE VERSE OF THE DAY

“Do not love the world or the things in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him.” –1 John 2:15

 

The Lord will be king over the whole earth. On that day there will be one Lord, and his name the only name. — Zechariah 14:9

 

 

HEARTLIGHT VERSE & THOUGHT

“Woe to the worthless shepherd, who deserts the flock! May the sword strike his arm and his right eye! May his arm be completely withered, his right eye totally blinded!” — Zechariah 11:17

 

Thought: Church leadership is such an awesome and sobering responsibility and should be conducted with reverential humility. Those seeking status or privilege by becoming church leaders need to know that the Chief Shepherd, when he comes in his glory, will deal harshly with anyone who has abused God’s people or misused this incredibly important trust, while generously rewarding those who are faithful.

 

Prayer: Loving Shepherd, please bless your church with qualified shepherds who love you and passionately care for your sheep and please give these faithful leaders a sense of your nearness and your pleasure as they faithfully carry out their responsibilities to you and to your sheep. In the name of Jesus, your Lamb that was slain for our sins, I pray. Amen.

 

The Thoughts and Prayers for Today’s Verse are written by Phil Ware. You can email questions or comments to phil@heartlight.org.

 

 

BIRTH VERSE” OF THE DAY

The chapter and verse corresponds to the month and the day!

2 Corinthians 7:1 NIV = Since we have these promises, dear friends, let us purify ourselves from everything that contaminates body and spirit, perfecting holiness out of reverence for God.

 

 

TODAY IS WEDNESDAY – JULY 01, 2015

(NOTE: Some holidays may be duplicated due to various calendars reporting conflicting dates)
WEIRD, WACKY, STRANGE, ZANY, ODD, BIZARRE, QUIRKY, UNUSUAL HOLIDAYS!
THERE ARE ONLY 178 SHOPPING DAYS UNTIL CHRISTMAS.  

 

NATIONAL NEW YEAR’S RESOLUTION RECOMMITMENT DAY. ***MARLAR: That’s right, you get another chance this year to feel like a complete failure.

 

This is NATIONAL BATHROOM READING WEEK. ***MARLAR: This is mostly for the women listening because for the guys, well, let’s face it… it’s always Bathroom Reading Week.

 

This is NATIONAL DOG HOUSE REPAIRS MONTH.  ***MARLAR: Very popular with the husbands that spend a lot of time there.

 

This is CELL PHONE COURTESY MONTH, a time to remind cell phone users to hush once in a while.  ***MARLAR: That’s assuming you can get them off their cell phone long enough to tell them about it.

 

Today is NATIONAL GINGER SNAP DAY.  ***MARLAR: Isn’t that the reason “Gilligan’s Island” went off the air?

 

Today is WALK LIKE A MAN DAY. On this day in 1979 Sony introduced the Walkman. ***MARLAR: Which, ironically, kept everyone from walking like a man.

 

Today is COURT-TV DAY… it debuted on this day, July 1st, 1991.  ***MARLAR: And now a list of a few other things that have made us generally worse off as a country…

  • The price of gas and movie tickets
  • “No Turn on Red” signs
  • The word “YOLO”
  • Sweater sets for dogs
  • Meatless hot dogs
  • Spam (both kinds)

 

 

TODAY IS ALSO. . .

Canada Day

National GSA Employee Day

Second Half of The Year Day

U.S. Postage Stamp Day

Zip Code Day

 

 

COMING UP NEXT

THURSDAY, JULY 02

I Forgot Day

Made In The USA Day
World UFO Day

 

FRIDAY, JULY 03

Compliment Your Mirror Day

International Chicken Wing Day

International Plastic Bag Free Day

Stay Out Of The Sun Day

Superman Day

 

SATURDAY, JULY 04

Boom Box Parade Day

Independence Day (USA)

Independence From Meat Day

Hop a Park Day

Indivisible Day

International Day of Cooperatives

International Cherry Pit Spitting Day

 

SUNDAY, JULY 05

Bikini Day

 

MONDAY, JULY 06

Earth at Aphelion

International Kissing Day (World Kissing Day)

Take Your Webmaster to Lunch Day

 

TUESDAY, JULY 07

Chocolate Day

Father-Daughter Take a Walk Together Day

Global Forgiveness Day

Tell The Truth Day

 

WEDNESDAY, JULY 08

Math 2.0 Day

SCUD Day (Savor the Comic, Unplug the Drama)

 

 

ON THIS DAY

1890: Billy Sunday stole four bases as Pittsburgh embarrassed New York 16 to 2. Sunday swiped 84 bases that year, then retired from baseball at age 28 to answer the call of evangelism. ***MARLAR: Maybe he felt guilty after doing all of that stealing.

 

1910: Duncan Black and Alonzo Decker opened a machine shop in downtown Baltimore, making milk bottle cap machines. Six years later they hit it big with the first portable electric drill.

 

1916: Coca-Cola adopted its distinctive contoured bottle to set itself apart from competitors.

 

1922: The self-lighting cigarette was patented. The tip had a built-in match which could be struck on any rough surface.

 

1941: NBC broadcast the first FCC-sanctioned TV commercial, an ad for Bulova watches shown during a Dodges-Phillies game. Bulova paid $9.00 for the spot.

 

1942: Andre Crouch was born. His most enduring gospel songs are “Soon and Very Soon,” “My Tribute.” and “Through It All.”

 

1955: Singer Keith Whitley was born in Sandy Hook, Kentucky. His biggest hit was “When You Say Nothing At All” in 1988. He died from alcoholism a year later at age 33.

 

1963: The U.S. Postal Service introduced the 5-digit zip code.

 

1979: Sony introduced the Soundabout, a Walkman that sold for $200.

 

1980: McGruff, the crime-fighting dog, debuted as an advertising symbol to take a bite out of crime.

 

1983: After 120 hours, the Rev. Ronald Gallagher finally stopped preaching at the Baptist Temple in Appomattox, Virginia. It was history’s longest sermon.

 

1984: “Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom” became the first PG-13 rated movie. (

)

 

1990: Singer Hank Williams Jr. married Hawaiian model Mary Jane Thomas. They met in 1984 at a Beach Boys concert in Washington, D.C.

 

1992: “A League of Their Own” starring Geena Davis, Tom Hanks, Lori Petty, and Madonna opened in the U.S. Madonna’s “This Used To Be My Playground” from the soundtrack reached number one.

 

1998: Singer Barbra Streisand married actor James Brolin at Barbra’s home in Malibu, California.

 

2004: Legendary actor Marlon Brando died of lung failure at age 80.

 

2005: Justice Sandra Day O’Connor announced her retirement from the U.S. Supreme Court.

 

 

TODAY IN CHRISTIAN HISTORY

1555: John Bradford is burned to death by Catholics for his Protestant views. In the Tower of London, he ministered to criminals. As he was led to his death, crowds lined the way, weeping and praying for the sweet and gentle man.

 

1626: Chaplains are appointed to all British naval ships.

 

1643: The Westminster Assembly convenes for the first time in the Henry VII Chapel of Westminster Abbey. Five years later it published the Westminster longer and shorter catechisms, which the Anglican Church rejected, but the Presbyterians accepted.

 

1750: Jonathan Edwards preaches his last sermon at Northhampton, where his sermons influenced the Great Awakening. His farewell defends his ministry: he has been sacked.

 

1824: Charles Finney is ordained. He becomes a notable evangelist.

 

1889: The Christian Commercial Men’s Association (Gideons) is founded by Nicholson, Hill and Knight for the purpose of Christian fellowship and evangelistic effort among traveling businessmen.

 

1892: Baptist preacher Charles Haddon Spurgeon dies.

 

1896: Abolitionist writer Harriet Beecher Stowe dies. She averaged nearly a book a year, but Uncle Tom’s Cabin remains her legacy. Even one of her harshest critics acknowledged that it was “perhaps the most influential novel ever published…a verbal earthquake, an ink-and-paper tidal wave.

 

1899: Three traveling businessmen meet in a YMCA building and decide to form an organization to distribute Bibles. The Christian Commercial Men’s Association of America, later renamed the Gideons, placed their first Bibles in a hotel nine years later.

 

1949: East Germany’s Communist government decrees that all church meetings must have government permission, except regularly scheduled church services.

 

 

HOLLYWOOD, SPORTS AND CELEBRITY FIGURE BIRTHDAYS

  • model-actress (“Project Runway,” The Life and Death of Peter Sellers, Ella Enchanted) Heidi Klum 42
  • actress (Ciji Dunne on “Knots Landing,” married to Country singer Clint Black) Lisa Hartman Black 59 (
    )
  • actor (Vice President Noah Daniels on TV’s “24,” Cy Tolliver on HBO’s “Deadwood,” Senator Roark in Sin City) Powers Booth 66 (
    )
  • actor (Governor Weatherby Swann in the Pirates of the Caribbean movies, Haunted Honeymoon, Something Wicked This Way Comes) Jonathan Pryce 68
  • actor (Evan Almighty, Bruce Almighty, Batman Begins, Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves, Kiss The Girls, Wanted, Se7en) Morgan Freeman 78
  • actor (“M*A*S*H”) Jamie Farr 81 (
    )

 

 

BEE-BOP BIRTHDAYS

(Music Artist Birthdays From SongFacts.com)

1930 : Bobby Day

1939 : Delaney Bramlett (Delaney & Bonnie)

1942 : Andrae Crouch

1945 : Deborah Ann Harry (Blondie) in Miami, Florida; raised in Hawthorne, New Jersey; Singer

1948 : John Ford (The Strawbs)

1951 : Fred Schneider (The B-52’s)

1952 : Dan Aykroyd (The Blues Brothers)

1963 : Roddy Bottum (Faith No More)

1971 : Missy Elliott

 

 

SECRETS OF THE UNIVERSE

What are we singing about when we sing “pop goes the weasel?”
How many times do you suppose you sang this when you were a child? Did you ever think about what in the world you might have been referring to? Probably not because like many childhood songs, it has such a nice combination of hypnotic rhythm with pronounced, bouncy accents that the words might as well have been gibberish. Well this is a case of what you see is not what you get. The song lyrics have nothing to do with exploding weasels or some furry animal suddenly emerging–surprise!–from a carbonated beverage bottle. They’re from an old rhyme full of Cockney slang, about a tailor who drinks away his profits and has to pawn (“pop”) his iron (“weasel”). As someone once put it: “Kids say the darndest things.”

 

 

CHRISTIAN ARTIST NEWS

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Nothing says summer like David Crowder riding a mechanical a bull. That was just one of the experiences at the Passion Summer camp last week. Check out photographic evidence here: https://instagram.com/p/4ftLiPwWVE/

 

for King and Country had a unique background choir over the weekend. The band played a concert at the Kings Island amusement park in Ohio. They shared pictures of their show on Instagram as the rides went on in the background. The caption said: grateful for the grace that allowed us all to sing together today….along with the screaming-rollercoaster-choir!

 

Plumb says she and her band were picked up at the airport this past weekend in the most “unique” vehicle….EVER. She says the vehicle was made to pick up vegetables and topsoil, adding: I think there was a slight miscommunication when they were told we needed a 15 passenger van at the airport. I guess we should’ve told him we needed it to include seats.

 

Sara Groves was back on her tour bus over the weekend. She says changing times have reduced their use of the bus but it was good to be back on board for a couple of days. Sara shared on Instagram: We haven’t been using the bus much lately. Troy has a new job, and I am flying more. There was a time when this was more home than my house. I’m so grateful for this big machine that served us so well and carried my family hither and yon!

 

Comedian Bob Smiley is just back from a week long comedy cruise. He tweeted: I apologize but the smell you’re about to experience is me and my boys opening 7 days worth of dirty laundry.

 

Mark Schultz was in Grand Rapids over the weekend and his son was jealous. Ryan misheard and thought his dad was going to be in “Grand Rabbits.”

 

Mat Kearney overheard an interesting conversation at a coffee shop over the weekend. He shared on twitter: Guy at coffee shop: “is that mat kearney?” Friend says, “NO!” Guy says, “are you sure?” Friend says “im sure he gets that all the time.”

 

Casting Crowns’ Jaun Devevo says he was acting like some sort of caveman heathen over the weekend. He tweeted that he was actually having to take pictures with the front facing camera on his phone.

 

Mercyme’s Mike Scheuchzer is a new, unofficial spokesman for Gabby Burgers. Mike tweeted over the weekend: May have just had the best burger in my life… Ever…Thanks Gabbys burgers! It was incredible!

 

Those attending the Big Ticket Festival over the weekend were treated to a surprise performance. Atendies of the Festival in Michigan were cheering over the weekend after Switchfoot showed up to play a surprise show at the event.

 

 

WEIRD & WACKY

Maine woman pleads guilty to stealing wreaths from cemetery
ALFRED, Maine (AP) — A Maine woman has pleaded guilty to stealing Christmas wreaths and arrangements from grave sites in a Saco cemetery to decorate her own properties during the holidays. Saco police announced that 56-year-old Pamela Golarz, of Old Orchard Beach, was fined $950 after…

 

Man forgets glasses, mistakenly buys winning lottery ticket
FAIRFIELD, Conn. (AP) — A man in southwestern Connecticut who mistakenly bought the wrong lottery ticket is $30,000 wealthier. Bob Sabo, of Easton, says he didn’t want to wait in line to buy a lottery ticket at the Super Stop & Shop in Fairfield, so he decided to buy a ticket from a lottery…
Police: Man in stolen car gets lost, runs out of gas
PLAINFIELD, Pa. (AP) — Police say a New York City man driving a stolen car took the wrong road and ended up lost and without gas in Pennsylvania. State police say 26-year-old Cristian Osorio left Queens early Friday and was headed to Syracuse, New York. State police tell The Morning Call…
Bees swarm from truck crash near Washington-Idaho border
COEUR D’ALENE, Idaho (AP) — Authorities say bees are swarming near the Washington-Idaho border after a tractor-trailer full of the buzzing insects tipped over, spilling its load on Sunday. One eastbound lane of Interstate 90 was closed by the accident near Coeur d’Alene HASH(0x140fa20) A…
Black bear crashes college party, gets collared
BETHLEHEM, Pa. (AP) — A college party got a little wild when a black bear showed up. The black bear, weighing between 300 and 400 pounds, crashed the party early Saturday near the campus of Lehigh University. Emergency officials received a flood of 911 calls after the bear was spotted around…
Man, 73, rides Ohio roller coaster for 12,000th time
MASON, Ohio (AP) — A 73-year-old man has taken his 12,000th ride on his favorite roller coaster at King’s Island amusement park in Ohio. The park says Gary Coleman of Monfort Heights took the milestone ride in the front row of the Diamondback roller coaster on Monday. The retired minister has…
Court rails against judge who didn’t show for jury duty
WICHITA, Kan. (AP) — A federal judge won’t punish a Kansas judge who didn’t show up for jury duty in federal court. Sedgwick County District Judge Michael Hoelscher failed to appear for jury duty June 15. U.S. District Judge Eric Melgren wrote in an order Friday that he believes judges and…
Beekeepers set out to remove a million bees from NY home
WALLKILL, N.Y. (AP) — Beekeepers have quite the task ahead of them as they remove an estimated 1 million honey bees that have taken up residence at a New York home. HASH(0x140e7f0) The Orange County family living there discovered the bees while they were clearing trees. They were preparing to…
Beaver attacks 2 Oregon men who climbed on top of dam
BEND, Ore. (AP) — A beaver protecting its dam attacked two central Oregon men, who fell into a river and got taken to the hospital. Sgt. William Bailey of the Deschutes County Sheriff’s Office says the men were exploring Thursday night when they climbed onto a beaver dam and got attacked by…
Woman, 88, charged with assaulting officer at wrong address
PITTSFIELD, Mass. (AP) — An 88-year-old woman has been charged with assaulting police who responded to her western Massachusetts home, which turned out to be the wrong address. HASH(0x13d2b50) Police say Stankiewicz opened her front door while wielding a knife and slapped an officer, after…
Ex-homeless man with golden voice: I’m running for president    photo
COLUMBUS, Ohio (AP) — A once-homeless Ohio man whose smooth radio voice made him an Internet sensation says he’s running for president as an independent. Ted Williams was propelled into the spotlight in 2011 after he appeared in a video by The Columbus Dispatch panhandling on a highway ramp…

 

 

HEALTH & FITNESS

Chobani selected as Greek yogurt provider for school lunches    photo
BOISE, Idaho (AP) — Public schools across America will soon offer Greek yogurt as a meat substitute in school lunches beginning this fall. Chobani, a manufacturer of Greek yogurt, officials announced Monday it had been selected by the U.S. Department of Agriculture to supply the yogurt as…

 

A first: New guidelines back device for treating strokes    photo
Many stroke patients have a new treatment option — if they seek help fast enough to get it. New guidelines endorse using a removable stent to open clogged arteries causing a stroke. The guidelines, issued Monday by the American Heart Association, are the first time the group has recommended a…
Experts: California vaccine bill would prevent new outbreaks    photo
SACRAMENTO, Calif. (AP) — If California’s strict school vaccine bill becomes law, experts believe it could help prevent another outbreak like the one that occurred at Disneyland. The bill was introduced after a measles outbreak traced to the theme park in December infected over 100 people in…
Supreme Court rules Texas abortion clinics can remain open    photo
WASHINGTON (AP) — The Supreme Court acted Monday to keep Texas’ 19 abortion clinics open, amid a legal fight that threatens to close more than half of them. The justices voted 5-4 to grant an emergency appeal from the clinics after a federal appeals court upheld new clinic regulations and…
Coal industry scores a win but fate of plants still in air    photo
BILLINGS, Mont. (AP) — Coal companies and their supporters scored a courtroom victory with a U.S. Supreme Court decision that said the Obama administration failed to take potential costs into account when it decided to regulate toxic emissions from many power plants. But officials from New…
A world apart: 2 women with birthdates in 1800s still alive    photo
When Susannah Mushatt Jones and Emma Morano were born in 1899, there was not yet world war or penicillin, and electricity was still considered a marvel. The women are believed to be the last two in the world with birthdates in the 1800s. The world has multiplied and changed drastically in their…
Scientists look into why most Alzheimer’s patients are women    photo
WASHINGTON (AP) — Nearly two-thirds of Americans with Alzheimer’s disease are women, and now some scientists are questioning the long-held assumption that it’s just because they tend to live longer than men. What else may put woman at extra risk? Could it be genetics? Biological differences…
Survey: Sibling punches aren’t only assaults US kids face
CHICAGO (AP) — Getting punched by your brother or sister is sometimes a painful rite of passage, but many U.S. kids also experience other types of assaults, mistreatment and abuse, a big government-funded survey found. The consequences can include social and emotional troubles, even when the…
High court ruling offers chance to alter health law debate    photo
WASHINGTON (AP) — The country finally has an opportunity to change the subject on health care, after the Supreme Court again upheld President Barack Obama’s law. There’s no shortage of pressing issues, including prescription drug prices, high insurance deductibles and long-term care. But…
With court defeat, GOP health law effort now aimed at ’16    photo
WASHINGTON (AP) — The Supreme Court’s resounding rejection of a conservative attempt to gut President Barack Obama’s health care overhaul won’t stop Republicans from attacking the law they detest. But now, their efforts will be chiefly about teeing up the issue for the 2016 presidential and…
California Legislature passes strict school vaccine bill    photo
SACRAMENTO, Calif. (AP) — California lawmakers on Monday sent the governor a contentious bill that would impose one of the strictest school vaccination laws in the country in reaction to a recent measles outbreak at Disneyland. The Senate reaffirmed the bill striking California’s personal…

 

 

NEWS KICKERS

(None on the weekends)

 

NEW NEWS KICKERS…

Dunkin’ Donuts is testing home delivery. The trial run comes not long after similar plans were announced by Starbucks, McDonald’s, and Chipotle. Dunkin’s CEO says the company is developing mobile ordering and is doing a private test.  *** Home delivery of Dunkin’ Donuts?  Could this be any more dangerous?  If they’re doing this, they’d better also find a way to widen the doors of American homes.

 

Millions of cicadas have emerged from the ground in central Kansas, capping off a 17-year lifespan spent, in large part, burrowed in the dirt. According to ABC News, The tiny, red-eyed insects spend the better part of two decades below ground – feeding on tree roots for nutrition and undergoing five phases of development – before returning to the surface, where they make their presence known, loudly, much to the chagrin of nearby humans. As the cicadas emerge, the male population sings a loud, high-pitched song to attract female mates.   *** It’s kinda like listening to a non-stop loop of Justin Bieber singing “Baby Baby Baby Oh” with the volume cranked all the way up.

 

Police say a man who set up a drunken-driving checkpoint complete with road flares while pretending to be a Pennsylvania state trooper… was drunk.  ***Well, of course!  You want someone doing that who has lots of experience with it!

 

The Pentagon is working to set up an elaborate network of defenses to protect American cities from a barrage of Russian cruise missiles. *** Meanwhile, we’re still negotiating with Iran to allow them nuclear capabilities while they change “Death to America.”

 

 

NEWS KICKER EVERGREENS…

Research of newly married couples at the University of Tennessee, hypothesizes that couples in which the man is more attractive than the woman are generally less happy than pairs where the wife is better looking.  ***MARLAR: Which totally explains why I have such a happy marriage.

 

Effective treatments for Alzheimer’s by 2025? That’s the target the government is eyeing as it develops a national strategy to tackle what could become the defining disease of a rapidly aging population. It’s an ambitious goal – and advisers to the government stressed that millions of families need better help now to care for their loved ones.  According to Harry Johns, one of the advisors, “What’s really important here is a comprehensive plan that deals with the needs of people who already have the disease.”  The Obama administration is developing the first National Alzheimer’s Plan to address the medical and social problems of dementia – and a draft of the plan’s overall goals sets 2025 as a target date to have effective treatments and ways to delay if not completely prevent the illness.  ***MARLAR: We can do that?  We can just set a date to have a cure for a disease?  Really?  I didn’t realize that was possible.  Any particular reason we haven’t set “cure dates” for other stuff like AIDS or cancer?  I’m sorry – I want to see a cure for Alzheimer’s as well – that disease scares the tar out of me, but if it was as simple as just saying “we’re going to have a cure by such-n–such date” don’t you think we would’ve done that a long time ago?

 

Eat more fiber and you just may live longer. That’s the message from the largest study of its kind to find a link between high-fiber diets and lower risks of death not only from heart disease, but from infectious and respiratory illnesses as well.   The government study also ties fiber with a lower risk of cancer deaths in men, but not women, possibly because men are more likely to die from cancers related to diet, like cancers of the esophagus. And it finds the overall benefit to be strongest for diets high in fiber from grains.   Most Americans aren’t getting enough roughage in their diets. The average American eats only about 15 grams of fiber each day, much less than the current daily recommendation of 25 grams for women and 38 grams for men, or 14 grams per 1,000 calories. For example, a slice of whole wheat bread contains 2 to 4 grams of fiber.  ***MARLAR: So yes, eating fiber may help you live longer – but those extra years will likely be spent sitting in the bathroom.

 

According to a study, 32-percent of people in the United States aged 18 to 24 say they use social networking in the bathroom.  The same report found that 51-percent of US adults between 25 and 34 use social networking in the office — more than any other age group.  ***MARLAR: So the next time you’re about to soil yourself waiting for an open toilet stall, you can blame Facebook.

 

 

WONDER WOMAN

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… “Meteor Showers”

 

 

DAILY COMEDY CLIP

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… David Dean, “Church Growth”

 

 

AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – WEEKDAY VERSION

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD WEDNESDAY’S EPISODE
OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns! When last we left the jungle, a small badger had managed to convince all of the jungle animals that if they bought fancy shoes from him, they’d all be the envy of their friends. Unfortunately, it’s kind of impossible for everyone to be the envy of everyone, so Millard decided to get even fancier shoes…

 

CLOSE: Doggone it… and I just bought these shoes too. I can’t afford to keep doing this on my salary. And how can Millard afford to buy an even fancier pair than the fancier pair he bought after buying the original fancy pair of shoes? He doesn’t even have a job! How much longer are we all going to keep doing this? Find out next time, As the Jungle Turns!

 

 

AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – SATURDAY/SUNDAY VERSION

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD THE EPISODE FOR THE WEEKEND OF JULY 4/5, 2015
OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns! When last we left the jungle island of Razzleflabbin, Marvy Snuffleson had voiced his disgust over having to work so much – he was tired of it and didn’t want to work anymore. Now he’s on Razzleflabbin Island, and his friends Karl and Olaf are showing him their new weekly calendar clock-tower…

 

CLOSE: Every day could be Saturday… we all wish that from time to time, don’t we? But would it really be a good thing? Tune in next time to find out – As the Jungle Turns!

 

***You may simulcast “As the Jungle Turns” on the Internet stream of your live broadcast only. Any other Internet use of As the Jungle Turns in whole or part including podcasting of your live broadcast is a violation of copyright law. Thank you for your cooperation on this vitally important issue. If you have any questions, please e-mail us.

 

 

MOMENT OF DUH

A father gives his son money to start a new life… and the son immediately commits a very expensive Moment of Duh!

In Littleton, Colorado, a 19-year-old man was given $50,000 in cash by his father to help him start a new life. Dad could’ve likely chosen a wiser investment. Sonny boy told police he mistakenly put the money on the roof of his car and drove off. The cash quickly dropped off the roof and $100 bills scattered along the street to the delight of passersby who eagerly scooped it up. Of all the people who benefited from the windfall of cash, only one couple turned out to be Good Samaritans. They turned $31,000 of the money in to police.

 

 

TOP TEN

TOP TEN SIGNS YOU HIRED THE WRONG KID TO MOW YOUR LAWN

 

  1. He shows up with a pair of nail clippers and a Ziploc bag.

 

  1. On the side of his mower you notice the stenciled silhouettes of thirteen cats.

 

  1. Stops frequently to nap inside the grass-catcher.

 

  1. Always trying to impress you by stopping the mower blades with his tongue.

 

  1. You notice him shoving the last of his clothes into the mulcher.

 

  1. He’s fascinated by the details of your home security system.

 

  1. Can’t say Weed Wacker without laughing.

 

  1. Somehow manages to mow the hood ornament off your car.

 

  1. Turns a goat loose and says he’ll be back in three weeks.

 

  1. No toes.

 

 

THE FILES OF LAW & DISORDER

The perfect crime is thwarted because of the imperfect criminal mind!

 

FILE #1: Travis Snider had what he thought was a foolproof plan for robbing a house. Boy was he wrong. He rang the doorbell and asked the owner if he could come in and use the phone. Which he did. He then told the homeowner to turn over anything of value. What he didn’t expect was for the owner to pull a gun on him and tell him to get out of his house. So Travis made a quick exit. Case closed, right? Not quite. He had called his own home number and hung up. When his girlfriend returned home, she saw the number on the caller ID and called back. The police were able to use the homeowner’s own caller ID to trace down and arrest Mr. Travis Snider.

 

FILE #2: A man in Germany was cleaning his gun when it accidentally discharged and sent a bullet through his ceiling, into the apartment above. The good news is that the slug hit a burglar who was looting the upstairs apartment, striking the thug in the groin. Police say it was a million to one shot.

 

FILE #3: A Daytona Beach, Florida man was arrested after trying to scale a prison wall –from the outside. That’s right, he was trying to sneak IN to prison! Wayne Starkey was charged with burglary after trying to climb the west guard tower of the Volusia County Correctional Facility last week, saying that he climbed the tower in search of mail from his girlfriend, who is detained in the prison. ***MARLAR: But the good news is now he doesn’t have to write her anymore, he gets to see her at lunch every day at the prison.

 

STRANGE LAW: In Connecticut, children once faced the death penalty for disobeying their parents.

 

 

THIS IS YOUR BRAIN ON DRUGS

Ever heard of a surfboard ingesting a foreign substance?

The Border Patrol said a man has been arrested for allegedly trying to smuggle 24 pounds of marijuana ashore on his surfboard off the San Diego County coast. The man was spotted Sunday morning about 200 yards off Imperial Beach, near the Mexican border.  The Border Patrol said the man threw a blue duffel bag into the water when agents ordered him to come ashore. The man was arrested in the water. Agents said the duffel bag later washed ashore, with five packages of marijuana worth about $74,400.  The man’s name was not released.  ***MARLAR: And he claims his arrest is, “totally bogus, Dude.”

 

 

PHONER PHUN

It’s Cell Phone Courtesy Month… how do people around you act discourteous when it comes to their cell phones? What’s your biggest cell phone pet peeves?

 

 

BIBLE BRAIN BUSTER!

QUESTION: Who bored a hole in the lid of a chest and used it to hold money contributions?
ANSWER: Jehoiada (2 Kings 12:9)

 

 

QUESTION IMPOSSIBLE

QUESTION: What are you doing if you are suffering from sternutation?

ANSWER: Sternutation is the act of sneezing.

 

 

TRUE OR FALSE

Pay attention! If our next player doesn’t answer all ten T/F questions correctly we start all over from question #1! First person to answer question #10 correctly is our winner!

  1. Half of all Americans live within ten miles of their birthplace. (False – within 50 miles.)

 

  1. Bulletproof vests, fire escapes, windshield wipers and laser printers were all invented by African Americans. (False – they were all invented by women.)

 

  1. The world’s termites outweigh the world’s humans 10 to 1. (True)

 

  1. Butterflies taste with their feet. (True)

 

  1. On average people fear spiders more than they do death. (True)

 

  1. Fifteen percent of the people who use personal ads for dating are already married. (False – thirty-five percent.)

 

  1. Women blink nearly twice as much as men. (True)

 

  1. Our eyes are always the same size from birth. (True – but our nose and ears never stop growing.)

 

  1. In ancient Egypt, priests plucked EVERY hair from their bodies, including their eyebrows and eyelashes. (True)

 

  1. A snail can sleep for three years. (True. ***MARLAR: No wonder they act so sluggish.)

 

 

TABLOID MATCH GAME

You have to match the blank in the tabloid headline with the word or phrase that has been removed!

JERSEY ______ SPOTTED IN OKLAHOMA (DEVIL)

The monster-like creature, the Jersey Devil, was spotted in Oklahoma and has been terrorizing local residents.

Some have suggested that the creature could be a gargoyle, an El Chupacabra, or a relative of the Montauk Monster.

“Years ago we didn’t see much wildlife with this genetic deficiency for no hair but it is more common now.  And this is the most dangerous hairless beast on the planet,” said John Todd of the Oklahoma Department of Wildlife.

Oklahomans were told to be “on the look out” for the Jersey Devil.

 

 

THE WAY TOO EARLY IN THE MORNING TO UNDERSTAND THE PUNCHLINE EVEN AFTER TWO CUPS OF COFFEE JOKE OF THE DAY

JOKE #1

Todd likes to read his own two young sons fairy tales at night. Having a deep-rooted sense of humor, he often ad-libs parts of the stories for fun. One day his youngest son was sitting in his first grade class as the teacher was reading the story of the “Three Little Pigs.” She came to the part of the story where the first pig was trying to acquire building materials for his home. She said, “And so the pig went up to the man with a wheel barrow full of straw and said ‘Pardon me sir, but might I have some of that straw to build my house with?'”

The teacher then asks the class, “And what do you think that man said?”

My friend’s son raised his hand and exclaimed, “I know! I know! – ‘Holy smokes! A talking pig!’”

 

JOKE #2

After the student delivered the pizza to old Ken’s house, Ken asked, “What is the usual tip?”

“Well,” replied the kid, “this is my first trip here, but the other guys say if I get five cents out of you, I’ll be doing great.”

“Is that so?” snorted Ken. “Well, just to show them how wrong they are, here’s five bucks.”

“Thanks,” replied the student, “I’ll put this towards my studies.”

“What are you studying?” asked Ken.

The kid smiled and said, “Applied Psychology.”

 

JOKE #3
A Rabbi, a Priest and a Salvation Army pastor walk into a bar. The bartender says to them, “What is this – a joke?”

 

 

USELESS FACTS

Scientists in Japan have developed an umbrella that has Internet access and lets you go on line while you walk.  ***MARLAR: That way while it’s raining you can check online to see if it’s raining.

 

While you are baking in the sun this weekend you can cool off by thinking about the cold place in the world. In 1960, Russian scientists working at an Antarctic base called Vostok, more than 750 miles from the South Pole, recorded a temperature of almost 127 degrees below zero! This is the coldest temperature ever recorded anywhere on the face of this planet.  ***MARLAR: But Russians say it’s no big deal, because it’s a DRY cold.

 

 

FEATURED FUNNIES

BABYSITTING
A young man volunteered to babysit one night so his mom could have an evening out. At bedtime he sent the youngsters upstairs to bed and settled down to watch football. One child kept creeping down the stairs but the young man kept sending him back. At 9pm, the doorbell rang, it was the next-door neighbor Mrs. Brown, asking whether her son was there. The young man brusquely replied, “No”. Just then a little head appeared over the banister and a voice shouted, “I’m here Mom but he won’t let me go home.”

 

 

IT MUST BE TRUE BECAUSE I HEARD IT ON THE RADIO!

What’s worse than being hit by a bus? Being charged for the damage to the bus!

A British man who was run over by a bus faced a second shock when he got a bill for repairing the damaged vehicle. Norman Green suffered four broken ribs in the accident in Leicester and was unable to work for 14 weeks. The 51-year-old pub landlord wrote to the bus company, First Leicester, outlining his claim for damages. But then he received a bill for $845 for a broken light and windshield on the vehicle. Insurance manager Tony Lambell said: “This accident happened because Mr. Green was not looking where he was going.”

 

 

INSPIRATIONAL INSPIRATION

WHAT IS IT?

It costs noting but creates much.

It enriches those who receive, without impoverishing those who give.

It happens in a flash and the memory of it lasts forever.

None are so rich that they can get along without it, and none are so poor but are richer for its benefits.

It creates happiness in the home, fosters goodwill in a business, and is the countersign of friends.

It is rest to the weary, daylight to the discouraged, sunshine to the sad, and Nature’s best antidote for trouble.

Yet it cannot be bought, begged, borrowed, nor stolen, for it is something that is no earthly good to somebody until it is given away.

If someone is too weary to give you one of theirs, then, you can give them one of yours.

What is it? It’s a smile!

 

 

DRIVE TIME DEVOTIONAL

GENTLY LEADING
So let my lord go on ahead of his servant, while I move along slowly at the pace of the droves before me and that of the children, until I come to my lord in Seir. – Genesis 33:14
Jacob was a man who learned to manipulate and control outcomes. He even stole the birthright of his brother, Esau, through trickery. The Bible speaks of Jacob as a man who strived with God. He knew how to force situations to his advantage. It took years for God to break down all the rough edges of Jacob so that he could be worthy of becoming the patriarch of the 12 tribes of Israel. God saw something in Jacob that He could use.
Robert Hicks, in his book Masculine Journey, describes five biblical stages of manhood that must be passed through before a man becomes a mature man of God. One of those early stages is known as the “warrior stage.” In this stage of manhood, the man is known by what he does, what he accomplishes, and he is totally defined by his performance.
Jacob had successfully passed through these five stages based on the verse above. It takes someone mature to be able to “move along slowly at the pace of the droves before me and that of the children.” Leaders who never come to understand this may be successful materially but fail at the most important aspect of leadership-leading at a pace that his followers can maintain.
Are you a person who is more concerned with outcome than how you achieve the outcome? Can the people around you describe you as someone who leads at a pace that ensures respect and admiration? Ask the Lord for the ability to be a godly leader who understands the condition of his flock and the pace in which you can lead without alienating.

 

 

LEFTOVERS

POTENTIAL CAT-ASTROPHE?

What do you do if a bobcat comes up to your picnic table and wants your food? Well, you give it to him! But do you pet the bobcat?

A bobcat which has been “cozying up” to campers at a site in Nebraska, has been captured. The bobcat is believed to be about a year old, and recently joined a family for breakfast, and even let children pet it and feed it. Of course, you can’t have a bobcat going around mooching meals off of people, so it was captured by a Game and Parks officer who put it in his truck and took it to his office where he put it in a pet carrier. The officer, Dwight Allbery, said the bobcat must have been someone’s pet because it was so calm around people. ***MARLAR: This isn’t really surprising.  I act that way when people feed me too.

 

 

LIFE… LIVE IT

HOT DOG ETIQUETTE

Everyday guidance for eating America’s sacred food

  • Don’t… put hot dog toppings between the hot dog and the bun. Always “dress the dog,” not the bun.
  • Condiments should be applied in the following order: wet condiments like mustard and chili are applied first, followed by chunky condiments like relish, onions and sauerkraut, followed by shredded cheese, followed by spices, like celery salt or pepper.
  • Do… serve sesame seed, poppy seed and plain buns with hot dogs. Sun-dried tomato buns or basil buns are considered gauche with franks.
  • Don’t… use a cloth napkin to wipe your mouth when eating a hot dog. Paper is always preferable.
  • Do… eat hot dogs on buns with your hands. Utensils should not touch hot dogs on buns.
  • Do… use paper plates to serve hot dogs. Every day dishes are acceptable; china is a no-no.
  • Don’t… take more than five bites to finish a hot dog. For foot-long wiener, seven bites are acceptable.
  • Don’t… leave bits of bun on your plate. Eat it all.
  • Fresh herbs on the same plate with hot dogs are a major “Don’t…” Mustard, relish, onions, cheese and chili are acceptable.
  • Don’t… use ketchup on your hot dog after the age of 18.
  • Do… Condiments remaining on the fingers after eating a hot dog should be licked away, not washed.
  • Do… use multi-colored toothpicks to serve cocktail wieners. Cocktail forks are in poor taste.
  • Don’t… send a thank you note following a hot dog barbecue. It would not be in keeping with the unpretentious nature of hot dogs.
  • Do… Bring soda, lemonade and iced tea to a hot dog barbeque.
  • Don’t… ever think there is a wrong time to serve hot dogs.

 

 

JUST FOR FUN

GIVE ME THAT WINK

If people wink at you in Britain, don’t take offense – they’re being encouraged to do so!
People walking along the streets in Britain are being encouraged to wink at each other! It’s supposed to put smiles on people’s faces. Organizers of the Bring Back Winking campaign say Britons are now too miserable to indulge in a friendly wink. Psychologist Jill Collett said, “Winking is guaranteed to put smiles on faces. You can do it whether you are a grandma or businessman.”  ***MARLAR: Here in the U.S. it’s called “sexual harassment.”

 

 

FUN LIST

REMEMBER WHEN…

  • Decisions were made by going “eeny-meeny-miney-mo.”
  • Mistakes were corrected by simply exclaiming, “do over!”
  • “Race issue” meant arguing about who ran the fastest.
  • Money issues were handled by whoever was the banker in “Monopoly.”
  • Catching the fireflies could happily occupy an entire evening.
  • It wasn’t odd to have two or three “best” friends.
  • Being old, referred to anyone over 20.
  • The net on a tennis court was the perfect height to play volleyball and rules didn’t matter.
  • It was unbelievable that dodgeball wasn’t an Olympic event.
  • Having a weapon in school, meant being caught with a slingshot.
  • Nobody was prettier than Mom.
  • Scrapes and bruises were kissed and made better.
  • It was a big deal to finally be tall enough to ride the “big people” rides at the park.
  • Getting a foot of snow was a dream come true.
  • Abilities were discovered because of a “double-dog-dare.”
  • Saturday morning cartoons weren’t 30-minute ads for action figures.
  • No shopping trip was complete, unless a new toy was brought home.
  • “Oly-oly-oxen-free” made perfect sense.
  • Spinning around, getting dizzy and falling down was cause for giggles.
  • The worst embarrassment was being picked last for a team.
  • War was a card game.
  • Water balloons were the ultimate weapons.
  • Baseball cards in the spokes transformed any bike into a motorcycle.
  • Taking drugs meant orange-flavored chewable aspirin.
  • Ice cream was considered a basic food group.
  • Older siblings were the worst tormentors, but also the fiercest protectors.

 

 

MORE SHOW PREP STUFF…

SERVICE WITHOUT A SMILE


If the mall worker or waiter fails to smile at you, don’t take it personally. They could just be concerned about their health.

Alicia Grandey, assistant professor of industrial and organizational psychology at Penn State University, reported in the Journal of Occupational Health and Psychology that retail and service industry workers who smile at customers when they don’t really mean it might be gathering too much stress as a result.  And if stress builds up over time it could lead to negative physical consequences, such as overworked cardiovascular and nervous systems and a weakened immune system.  ***MARLAR: Hey, buddy – would it kill you to smile?  “Why yes, it might!”

 

 

TOTALLY OUTRAGEOUS!

(Mondays Only)

 

 

THE WAY WE WORK

(Wednesdays only; The Way WE Work is written by Mark Elfstrand from 1160Hope.com in Chicago.)

Distractions to the Soul

Deepak Chopra and I come from different parts of the world. His upbringing and mine both included spiritual teaching. We are not on the same “path,” although some might believe we are.
Chopra seems to have inspired many to consider spiritual things, including meditation and prayer. In a world filled with distractions, it is wise counsel to learn the beauty of keeping focused on the right things. And a recent article by Deepak Chopra centers the discussion properly.
It’s titled, “Holding Focus – Why You Need This Awareness Skill.” Anyone holding a job that moves at a fast pace, has many potential interruptions and includes a higher degree of pressure, would benefit by reading this. That is, if you can focus long enough to read it. https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/holding-focuswhy-you-need-awareness-skill-deepak-chopra-md-official-
Chopra argues that most often it is not IQ or brilliant creativity that leads a person to success. He advocates awareness skills. Specifically, focus and clear intention.
Focus enables us to have steady attention. One-pointed intention. Goal achievement is rewarded in our culture, and people who zero in on their best goals with focus are more likely to succeed.
His second point is clear intention. This, too, made sense to me. Multitasking is so common today. Chopra says, “Knowing what you want, uncomplicated by confusion, is clear intention. Your brain obeys clear intentions more easily than confused intentions.”
I’ve seen the effects of focused attention in helping deal with panic. Getting the mind redirected on something specific and holding that in place helped me in earlier years get though panic attacks. It works.
But I’ve determined to apply focus in another direction. My previous job ended in an unanticipated way. I was given walking papers as a “retiree”—even though I didn’t want to retire. Obviously, in a situation like that, it can be tempting to allow resentment to take hold in the soul. I determined not to do that—in prayer and by conscious thought.
Then, when I received my call to a new job, I set another objective. I asked for spiritual help to “keep me focused on my assignment.” It is something for which I still pray on a recurring basis. Why? Because there are a plethora (I love that word) of opportunities to look back, or make judgments, or find any number of other distractions that keep me from achieving what I’m now assigned to do. Staying focused on my new role is a much more peaceful and enjoyable way to live.
Chopra goes on to mention both prayer and meditation in his piece. Both are highly valuable for the practice of focus and clear intention. The dividing point for Deepak and myself would be how we center our meditation, and our understanding of the God of the universe. I’m not sharing this to be critical. But we are different.
The Bible is a good guide book on this subject as well. Proverbs 4:25-27 reads, “Keep your eyes straight ahead; ignore all sideshow distractions. Watch your step, and the road will stretch out smooth before you. Look neither right nor left; leave evil in the dust.” (The Message)
As for the distraction of resentment, here’s another piece of advice. It’s found in Hebrews 12:15. “Watch out that no bitterness takes root among you, for as it springs up it causes deep trouble, hurting many in their spiritual lives.” (NLT) Bottom line on resentment and bitterness…don’t go there.
So if you want to increase productivity, achieve success in the things that matter most to you, and find healing for your soul, learn and practice those two awareness skills: focus and clear intention.

Oooh. I have to go. Squirrel!!!

 

 

OTHER STUFF I WANT TO CRAM INTO TODAY’S PREP

(None On The Weekends)

One organization is using crayons bring healing to traumatized kids in Nepal. According to Mission Network News, EFCA Reach Global is reaching out to children impacted by the earthquakes in that country. They say many of the kids look normal. But when given crayons and paper the themes of sheer fear and confusion begin to come out. They are working through the local church to give the children some structure and helping to reduce the impact of the earthquake.

https://t.co/8nT3EDOewE

 

Bob Lepine from “Truth For Life with Allistair Begg” isn’t afraid to break into song when recording programs for Family Life Today. But he was joking recently that he might have to take his singing to the next level. Both Bob and the Newsboys were on the set of God’s Not Dead 2 as it was filmed in Arkansas over the weekend. Bob took a picture with the Newsboys and jokingly quipped: Just auditioned for the open slot with the Newsboys. We’ll see…

http://t.co/1eT7onwBme

 

Do couples getting married really understand those marriage vows?  Well… these high school sweethearts Lucas D’Onofrio and his girlfriend Tamara aren’t even married yet, and they already know the meaning of “in sickness and in health.” According to the Huffington Post, Tamara was diagnosed with Non-Hodgkin’s lymphoma in February. She recently finished her last of six chemotherapy sessions. Lucas chose that day to proposal to Tamera when she returned to her room following her final treatment. Lucas said “I wanted it to be a symbol or closing the chapter of cancer in her life and opening a new chapter with our lives together”

http://huff.to/1QqbiKu

 

 

AND I LEAVE YOU WITH THIS THOUGHT

It’s a small world. So you have to use your elbows a lot.

 

 

THE TICKET Movie Reviews with MARIE ASNER

Marie Asner has been reviewing films for over 30 years. Her outlets include radio, print and Internet. For more in-depth movie reviews of the following films, visit www.Tollbooth.org. Ratings from 1 (Low) to 5 (High).

 

JUNE 26, 2015…

 

Max—Bring handkerchief to theater.  This is the true story of Max, a military dog whose army handler was killed in action.  Can Max adjust to civilian life?  Do dogs in service also suffer from Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome?  The cast includes Thomas Haden Church and Lauren Graham. “Max” is rated PG 13. Rating of 3 for military theme and animal fans.

 

Ted 2—Most teddy bears are soft and cuddly, but this “Ted” is cuddly and foul-mouthed and made quite an impression on audiences. Hence, a sequel.  Ted is still with his buddy, Mark Wahlberg, but Ted wants to have a baby with his wife (Amanda Seyfreid) and in order to do this must be declared a real person.  Hmm.  This is a Seth MacFarlane film. Morgan Freeman is also in the cast. I think people looked strangely at their teddy bears for months after seeing the first “Ted.” This film, “Ted 2” is rated R, so be aware of that. No rating.

 

What Happened Miss Simone? (documentary)—Nina Simone was a class act singer and this documentary shows her career in music and in civil rights  The film is directed by Liz Garbus. “What Happened Miss Simons?” is rated PG 13. Rating of 3 for fans.

 

Big Game—Samuel L. Jackson is the president of the United States and when his plane is shot down in the northern wilderness, what can he do to survive?  No drones available? He is helped by a boy (Onni Tommila) out hunting. What an idea for a plot. “Big Game” is rated PG 13. No rating.

 

JULY 01, 2016…

 

Terminator Genisys is a continuation of the “Terminator” films and also starring Arnold Schwarzenegger. What else is new? Oh, yes, and this film runs against Channing Tatum in the second “Magic Mike” movie.

 

Magic Mike XXL is a sequel to the first “Magic Mike” and will run against Schwarzenegger’s robot. “Mike” stars Channing Tatum.

 

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Darren Marlar credits all non-original material to the author whenever possible. All other material is original, used with permission, or author unknown. We welcome all comments, questions, and suggestions. Darren can be reached via his website at www.DarrenMarlar.com.