July 07, 2015: Tuesday ONAIRprep

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Great holiday weekend! I got to shake the first can of Desenex at the annual (LOCAL SMALL TOWN) Foot Fungus Festival.




“We should set our eyes not on what we see, but on what we cannot see. What we see will last only a short time, but what we cannot see will last forever.” –2 Corinthians 4:18


Righteousness exalts a nation, but sin is a disgrace to any people. — Proverbs 14:34




O land, land, land, hear the word of the LORD. — Jeremiah 22:29


Thought: What is absolutely essential for your country and your people to experience revival? First, the Spirit or God must move in a mighty way. Second, the people must open their hearts to hear and respond to the Word of the Lord. So let’s commit to pray together, all over the world, that our people will open their hearts to the Spirit and the Word of God!


Prayer: Holy and Almighty God, please move powerfully in our day to bring revival. Open the hearts of the peoples to your truth and enable those who proclaim your Word to speak your truth with power. Please use me to help make a difference in the lives of those around me. In Jesus’ name I pray. Amen.


The Thoughts and Prayers for Today’s Verse are written by Phil Ware. You can email questions or comments to phil@heartlight.org.




The chapter and verse corresponds to the month and the day!

Matthew 7:7 NIV
“Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.




(NOTE: Some holidays may be duplicated due to various calendars reporting conflicting dates)


This is CURIOUS COMPLIMENTS WEEK. ***MARLAR: I’m not sure what is meant by “curious compliment”. Is that when you look at your wife and say, “You know, Dear, that dress doesn’t make you look near as fat as I thought it would”?


Today is TELL THE TRUTH DAY. ***MARLAR: Feel free to be a big fat filthy liar the other 364 days of the year!




Chocolate Day

Father-Daughter Take a Walk Together Day

Global Forgiveness Day

Tell The Truth Day





Math 2.0 Day

SCUD Day (Savor the Comic, Unplug the Drama)



Martyrdom of the Bab



Collector Car Appreciation Day

Clerihew Day

Don’t Step On a Bee Day

Pina Colada Day

Taos Pueblo Pow Wow

Teddy Bears’ Picnic Day

Wayne Chicken Day



Bowdler’s Day

Cheer Up The Lonely Day

Day of the Five Billion

National Rainier Cherries Day

Slurpee Day (7-Eleven Day)

World Population Day

Bald Is In Day

Carver Day

Grange Day



Grange Day

Night of Nights

Simplicity Day



Ann Hutchinson Memorial Day

Embrace Your Geekness Day

Gruntled Workers Day

National French Fries Day



International Nude Day

International Town Criers Day ***MARLAR: Let’s just hope they are not also celebrating International Nude Day!

Shark Awareness Day



Be a Dork Day (Be a Dork and be proud.  Wear goofy clothing, don’t brush your teeth, eat yucky food, and fall off a swing set.)

Gummi Worm Day

National Pet Fire Safety Day

Saint Swithin’s Day

Take Your Poet To Work Week




1754: Kings College opened in New York City with eight students and one faculty member, Dr. Samuel Johnson, who also served as college president. The school later became Columbia University.


1873: After waiting 15 years for her church to agree that women could be missionaries, Lottie Moon of Virginia was appointed as a Baptist missionary to China. For 39 years “the cookie lady” taught and ministered to children in China. Today Southern Baptist foreign missions are supported through the Lottie Moon Christmas Offering.


1949: A new type radio show premiered on NBC dramatizing cases from actual police files. Each show began “The story you are about to hear is true. Only the names have been changed to protect the innocent.” Dum-de-dum-dum! Dragnet, starring Jack Webb, was born. The show’s first sponsor was Fatima cigarettes. (



1956: Johnny Cash made his first appearance on the “Grand Ole Opry.”


1972: The FBI swore-in its first-ever female agents: former marine Susan Lynn Roley and former nun Joanne Pierce. ***MARLAR: A former nun as an FBI agent? That could be a TV show – “Undercover Sister.”


1978: The original Morris the Cat, finicky star of 9-Lives Cat Food commercials, died in Chicago at age 17.


1981: President Reagan announced he was nominating Arizona Judge Sandra Day O’Connor to become the first female justice on the U.S. Supreme Court.


1982: Michael Fagin broke into Buckingham Palace and had a drunken conversation with Queen Elizabeth while sitting on the end of her bed.


1985: At age 17, Boris Becker became the youngest tennis player to win the men’s singles title at Wimbledon.


1990: Three singers considered by many to be the world’s greatest tenors performed together for the first time in Rome: Carreras, Domingo, and Pavarotti.


1990: At a Las Vegas auction, Leo Dutran of Boston paid $90-thousand for the car Zsa Zsa Gabor was driving when she slapped a Beverly Hills police officer.


1990: Martina Navratilova won a record ninth women’s singles title at Wimbledon, defeating Zina Garrison 6-4, 6-1.


1995: Fletcher and Holly got married on General Hospital.


1996: Synbiotics Corporation of Rancho Bernardo, California, became the first U.S. company to extend group health-care coverage to its 60 employees’ family pets, including dogs, cats, and horses.


2003: A federal judge approved a settlement in which WorldCom would pay a $750 million fine for its $11-billion accounting scandal.


2004: Former Enron chairman Kenneth Lay was indicted on criminal charges related to the energy company’s collapse.




1647: Thomas Hooker, Puritan pastor, political theorist, and founder of Connecticut dies on his sixty-first birthday.


1874: Popular New England preacher Henry Ward Beecher demands an investigation by his church into the charges of adultery brought by Theodore Tilton, who later sued Beecher for “alienating his wife’s affections.” The jury could not decide whether a sexual affair had really taken place.


1946: Mother Frances Xavier Cabrini (1850-1917), founder of the Missionary Sisters of the Sacred Heart, becomes the first American to be canonized by the Roman Catholic Church.




  • skater Michelle Kwan 35
  • actress (“A Different World”) Cree Summer 44 (
  • actress (“The Marvelous Misadventures of Flapjack”, “Amen”) Roz Ryan 64 (
  • actress (The Shining, Popeye) Shelley Duvall 66
  • actor (“NCIS”, “NYPD Blue”, “Murder One”) Joe Spano 69 (




(Music Artist Birthdays From SongFacts.com)

1911 : Gian Carlo Menotti

1924 : Mary Ford

1937 : Tommy Dee

1940 : Ringo Starr, born Richard Starkey (The Beatles)

1944 : Warren Entner (The Grass Roots)

1945 : Jim Rodford (Argent, The Kinks)

1949 : Rhino Rheinhardt (Iron Butterfly)

1950 : David Hodo (Village People)

1962 : Mark White (Spin Doctors)

1963 : Vonda Shepard




Do identical twins have identical fingerprints?

Identical twins must be sick of questions and jokes about their resemblance. After a while it just isn’t cute to be referred to as “your doubleship,” or to be asked if you and your sibling still play with “two-two-twains.” But at the risk of a four-fisted knuckle sandwich from some angry pair, I’ll take this one on. Identical twins are born virtually indistinguishable, mirror images from the same egg. But that’s only the half of it. As they age, life leaves separate tracks on each in the forms of scars and more subtle markings. It’s the same with their fingerprints, which are very similar but also different on close examination. In addition to the influence of their environment after birth, they are even born with very slightly different prints due to chance occurrences in the womb, such as position, etc. – what scientists cryptically call “random events.”




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A word of advice from Mat Kearney. He tweeted: don’t accidentally use your wife’s glycolic acid face wash and then sit on the beach all day. Mat added: can’t feel my ear lobes.


Phil Wickham says he might have just found the new big thing. Phil shared on Instagram: Vanilla Oreos and chocolate ice cream! How is this not already a flavor?


Jamie Grace was in Trinidad over the weekend but she may need to tone back her excitement just a little bit. She shared a picture as she iced her leg prior to going on stage and said it’s what happens when you turn up the energy level a little to much during the other artists sets. However, Jamie didn’t let the injury show her down. She says the show went on as scheduled.


Blanca is struggling to deal with her son growing up. She tweeted: I registered London for preschool and I’m freaking out about it. I’m not ready! His 1st day is in August so I have a month to mentally prepare.


Danny Gokey’s morning was off to a rough start. He tweeted a picture of nine coffee dispensers all in a row along with the caption: Not sure how this is possible, but all these coffee dispensers are empty.


It was an especially special independence day for Newsboys drummer Duncan Phillips. He shared a picture of an American flag on the beach with the caption: This is my first Independence day since becoming a U.S. citizen! The native of Australia added: These are two of my favorite things…what this flag stands for and the beach!


Ellie Holcomb says they recently reaped the first fruits of their gardening efforts. She tweeted: Today we harvested our first two strawberries. Humble beginnings as gardeners, but thankful all the same!!


Kutless member James Mead was celebrating Christmas in July over the weekend. He tweeted: Christmas movie time….cuz it’s July.


Casting Crowns Mark Hall says he and his son learned the dangers of fireworks over the weekend. Mark was setting off fireworks with his family and shared a video as one misfired, exploding at ground level and showering sparks all around him.



Point of Grace member Denise Jones is oh and two. The member of the well known trio says she and her family just returned from their second deep sea fishing trip. But Denise says that, for a second time, they returned without catching a single fish. Denise says they still had a great time.




Large wave washes out Jersey shore town’s fireworks display
SEASIDE HEIGHTS, N.J. (AP) — A large wave washed out the Fourth of July fireworks show in a Jersey shore community. Seaside Heights officials say a wave ran so far up the shore on Saturday night that it soaked all the fireworks set up on the beach. Town officials say the fireworks were set up…


South Dakota man, 101, competes in National Senior Games
HIGHMORE, S.D. (AP) — A South Dakota centenarian taking part in this year’s National Senior Games is playing to win. HASH(0xd2efe0) The retired rancher is competing in discus, shot put, javelin and softball throw events in the 100-plus age group. Zilverberg says he always tries to bring home…
Phoenix firefighters pull man out of chimney
PHOENIX (AP) — Phoenix firefighters have rescued a man who became stuck after trying to re-enter a house through the chimney. Fire Capt. Aaron Ernsberger says it took 30 minutes Sunday morning for firefighters to free the 23-year-old man. He was taken to a hospital in stable condition….
Matt Stonie tops Joey Chestnut in hot dog eating contest    photo
NEW YORK (AP) — Matt Stonie shocked the competitive eating world Saturday by upsetting Joey “Jaws” Chestnut at the Fourth of July hot dog eating contest at Nathan’s Famous in Coney Island, thwarting Chestnut’s bid for a ninth straight victory. Stonie, 23, who finished second last year, downed…
Friends trying to hand off rice cooker cause scare at casino
LINCOLN, R.I. (AP) — Police say two friends trying to hand off a rice cooker at a Rhode Island casino caused a brief security scare. The Twin River Casino in Lincoln wasn’t evacuated but the parking lot was temporarily closed Saturday morning until police determined there was no threat….
California couple married 75 years dies in each other’s arms
SAN DIEGO (AP) — Jeanette and Alexander Toczko were each 8 years old when they became smitten with one another. They married in 1940 and were rarely apart in the decades since. They told their children they wished to die in each other’s arms. And last month at their home in San Diego, just…
140 pairs of underwear stolen from store hit by 4 bra heists
WILKES-BARRE, Pa. (AP) — First they took the bras. Now they’ve come back for the panties. Police say 140 pairs of underwear have been stolen from a northeast Pennsylvania store that’s been struck by four bra heists since February. Police say the manager of the Victoria’s Secret store reported…
Denver campaign would allow marijuana use in bars    photo
DENVER (AP) — Beer? Wine? Or weed? A campaign is underway to ask Denver voters about allowing marijuana consumption in bars and other places that only allow people over 21. Activists who campaigned for recreational pot legalization in Colorado have launched a petition drive to allow what they…
German authorities seize tank, other WWII weapons in raid    photo
BERLIN (AP) — Authorities seized a 45-ton Panther tank, a flak cannon and multiple other World War II-era military weapons in a raid on a 78-year-old collector’s home in northern Germany, prosecutors said Friday. Kiel prosecutor Birgit Hess said the collector, whose name she would not release…
New law takes the lie out of Ohio’s fireworks ‘Liar’s Law’
DAYTON, Ohio (AP) — Ohio eliminated part of its “Liar’s Law” that for years has required residents to make empty promises to take fireworks they bought out of state within 48 hours. Gov. John Kasich signed a provision eliminating a requirement that consumers sign a form promising to take them…
Connecticut town’s Boom Box Parade celebrates its 30th year    photo
WILLIMANTIC, Conn. (AP) — The town’s annual Independence Day parade once again will include the traditional Little League teams, floats sponsored by local businesses, fire trucks and politicians. But, for the 30th consecutive year, there will be no marching bands. In what has become an…




Foreigner in Philippines tests positive for MERS virus
MANILA, Philippines (AP) — A 36-year-old foreigner who arrived in the Philippines from the Middle East is under quarantine after testing positive for the MERS virus, health officials said Monday. Philippine Health Secretary Janette Garin said several people the foreigner had come in close…


Could insulin pills prevent diabetes? Big study seeks answer    photo
CHICAGO (AP) — For nearly a century, insulin has been a life-saving diabetes treatment. Now scientists are testing a tantalizing question: What if pills containing the same medicine patients inject every day could also prevent the disease? Thirteen-year-old Hayden Murphy of Plainfield,…
Right to die: Colombian man ends life with government backup    photo
BOGOTA, Colombia (AP) — Dr. Gustavo Quintana walks out of a modest, two-floor apartment building in southern Bogota. Inside his black doctor’s bag are vials containing anesthesia and muscle relaxants, a syringe and a rubber tourniquet. The man known in Colombia as Dr. Death has just ended the…
Thailand’s only known MERS patient is virus-free
BANGKOK (AP) — A 75-year-old Omani man who became Thailand’s only known case of the often-deadly MERS virus was declared free of the illness by the Health Ministry on Friday. The ministry said that five laboratory tests showed negative results for the disease, including most recently on…
Aetna to buy Humana as health insurer landscape shifts    photo
Aetna aims to spend about $35 billion to buy rival Humana and become the latest health insurer bulking up on government business as the industry adjusts to the federal health care overhaul. The proposed cash-and-stock deal, announced early Friday, would make Aetna a sizeable player in the rapidly…
VA hospital that once treated Civil War veterans could close    photo
HOT SPRINGS, S.D. (AP) — Perched atop a bluff in the remote Black Hills, a veterans hospital built of thick blocks of pink sandstone and topped with red-tiled roofs in a Spanish mission style overlooks the tiny town of Hot Springs, South Dakota, and has provided recovering soldiers a bucolic…
Minnesota burn survivor leaves hospital after 264 days    photo
ST. PAUL, Minn. (AP) — A Minnesota man who survived being badly burned in a lawnmower explosion was discharged Friday after 264 days in the hospital, but not before his caregivers gathered to say farewell to one of their favorite patients. She Yan Chen, 61, of Oak Park Heights, was burned…
Washington woman’s measles death is first in US since 2003
SEATTLE (AP) — A woman killed by measles in Washington state had been vaccinated against the disease as a child but succumbed because she had a compromised immune system, a local health official told a TV station. The woman’s death was the first from measles in the U.S. in 12 years and the…
Liberia works to contain Ebola, find source of new cases    photo
MONROVIA, Liberia (AP) — Liberia is working hard to contain Ebola and find the source of the latest infections of the deadly virus recorded this week. The West African country previously succeeded in containing the outbreak, despite being initially the hardest hit with more than 4,800 deaths….
FDA clears drug for leading form of cystic fibrosis
WASHINGTON (AP) — Federal health officials have approved a new combination drug for the most common form of cystic fibrosis, the debilitating inherited disease that causes internal mucus buildup, lung infections and early death. But it will come at a steep price — more than $250,000 for…
Ex-Iowa State scientist gets prison for faking HIV research    photo
DES MOINES, Iowa (AP) — A former Iowa State University scientist who altered blood samples to make it appear he had achieved a breakthrough toward a potential vaccine against HIV was sentenced Wednesday to more than 4 ½ years in prison for making false statements in research reports….




(None on the weekends)



Police in Florida say an argument over pizza ended with a man throwing a hot slice at his female roommate. The man denied throwing the pizza, telling officers it was actually his roommate who was throwing pizza. Officers did note that the man was shirtless and had sauce on his chest.  *** Why am I never fortunate enough to be invited to these kinds of get-togethers?  People throwing pizza at you?  I dream of that kind of thing.


For many moms, social media is both a blessing and a curse. In a survey of 7,000 U.S. mothers, 42% said that they sometimes suffer from Pinterest stress — the worry that they’re not crafty or creative enough. ***Have you thought about maybe uninstalling Pinterest from your phone?  Just a thought.


New research suggests Americans waste more food than they realize — more than $161 billion each year.  *** So beginning immediately, on trash day we’ll have a regular bin, a recycle bin, and a Mystery-Meat Leftovers Bin.


In Thailand, a woman gave birth in the passenger seat of a Mercedes Benz which was doing 85 miles per hour to try to get her to hospital in time. Her husband was driving and her mother-in-law helped deliver the baby about 12 miles from the hospital.  *** They still don’t know what time of birth to write onto the birth certificate, as they passed through three time zones while the kid was being born.




Great news for kids: Doctors are taking a stand on the benefits of recess, and not just for the exercise. It’s just as important to children’s development as class time is. The American Academy of Pediatrics is officially advocating a scheduled break during the school day. A pediatrician with the AAP says, “Children need to have downtime between complex cognitive challenges. They tend to be less able to process information the longer they are held to a task.”  ***MARLAR: I wish this had been in effect when I was in school.  Recess as an actual class – it would’ve been the one class that I didn’t have to go back to Summer School for!


If you miss a deadline and you need a really good excuse, the experts say there’s nothing more reliable than that old standby: “My grandmother died.” A survey of 175 undergrads and 106 instructors at Southern Illinois University shows that the grandma routine was the excuse most often used by students for late papers and missed exams. More importantly, perhaps, it was also the excuse most often accepted by professors. One of the instructors responding to the survey said, “In my 27 years, I have never had a dead grandfather – only grandmothers.” ***MARLAR: Sounds to me like homework is placing grandmothers in mortal danger.


Scientists are trying to determine whether a group of dwarfs in Ecuador — all of them living in a remote village on the slopes of the Andes Mountains — could hold the clues to cure cancer.  The members of the group, about 100 of them closely studied by researchers from the University of Southern California, almost never get cancer or diabetes. And they all suffer from mutated genes that lower their growth hormone activity, stunting their growth.  In an article published in the journal Science Translational Medicine, researchers suggest that blocking growth hormone in full-grown adults, through prescription drugs or a special diet, could unlock the mysteries of cancer. ***MARLAR: In honor of the village, Randy Newman has rewritten his controversial tune, “Short People” to say “short people got no reason to be biopsied.”


Feeling lonely? New research suggests you might want to reach out. Not only is loneliness an unpleasant condition, it can harm the body’s immune system.  The new study, presented at the annual meeting of the Society for Personality and Social Psychology, reveals that people who are lonely experience more reactivation of latent viruses in their systems than the well-connected. Lonely people also are more likely than others to produce inflammatory compounds in response to stress, a factor implicated in heart disease and other chronic disorders. ***MARLAR: Inflammatory compounds?  Who knew the movie “Carrie” was a documentary?












OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you another inspiringly inspiring inspirational inspiration in the never-ending deep-jungle soap-opera saga that is As the Jungle Turns!


CLOSE: So what’s so exciting about walking to the library? We’ll find out next time, As the Jungle Turns!




OPEN: Last time on As the Jungle Turns, Marvy Snuffleson was tired of work. School, homework, chores, cleaning his room… but now he’s on Razzleflabbin Island, where the weekly calendar clock tells them Sunday is for attending church, weekdays are for work, and Saturday is for rest and relaxation. And on Razzleflabbin Island – it’s now Saturday… and Marvy Snuffleson is loving it!


CLOSE: Bread and water to eat – but also no work! What will Marvy decide to do? Tune in again next time to find out, As the Jungle Turns!


***You may simulcast “As the Jungle Turns” on the Internet stream of your live broadcast only. Any other Internet use of As the Jungle Turns in whole or part including podcasting of your live broadcast is a violation of copyright law. Thank you for your cooperation on this vitally important issue. If you have any questions, please e-mail us.




Today’s Moment of Duh is a DUHmb lawsuit…

Kathleen Robertson of Austin, Texas was awarded $80,000 by a jury of her peers after breaking her ankle tripping over a toddler who was running inside a furniture store. The store owners were understandably surprised by the verdict, considering the running toddler was her own son.






  1. Old world charm (Room and a bath)


  1. Tropical (Rainy)


  1. Majestic setting (A long way from town, at end of dirt road)


  1. Options galore (Nothing is included in the itinerary)


  1. Secluded hideaway (Directions to the location are unclear)


  1. Some budget rooms (Sorry, already occupied)


  1. Explore on your own (At your own expense)


  1. Knowledgeable trip hosts (They’ve flown in an airplane before)


  1. No extra fees (No extras)


  1. Nominal fee (Outrageous charge)




If you’re forging a check, make sure you’re not presenting it to the bank cashier you stole it from!


FILE #1: Edward Mayes pulled up to the drive in window at the bank and presented a stolen check to the teller. And that’s when his downfall began. The bank teller happened to be the very person from whom the check had been stolen. So while Edward waited for his money, bank employees called the cops who were waiting for him in the bank parking lot. But Eddy never quite made it to where they were waiting. As soon as he got his money, he pulled into the nearest parking place and rushed into the bank to use the bathroom. And that’s where the cops arrested him, in the bank restroom. ***MARLAR: Get used to those small confined spaces, Eddy! You’ll be in a cell of approximately the same size, very soon!


FILE #2: Ari Rayvon Stanberry ran into a Winn-Dixie and hid from a police officer who was at the store investigating a shoplifting report.  The officer recognized Stanberry, a fugitive wanted on a lewd and lascivious battery charge; and the officer recognized him through the glass door of a sub-zero freezer where Stanberry had locked himself in.  Stanberry had been in there long enough that even his dreadlocks had frozen.  “They looked like little popsicles,” a police spokesman said.


FILE #3: In Indianapolis, 19-year-old Jessica Vasquez was arrested for a road-rage assault. Still she swore it was not her fault and that she was only exercising self-defense. That might have been a little easier to believe if her victim had not been an 81-year-old woman whom Jessica said was driving too slow. The poor woman had been punched in the face, yanked from her car and thrown to the ground, suffering leg fractures in 14 places. And somehow that was all self-defense.


STRANGE LAW: In Waterloo, Nebraska barbers are forbidden from eating onions between 7am and 7pm.




New research suggests that smoking marijuana literally shrinks your brain!

Australia’s University of Melbourne found that heavy marijuana use may shrink two important parts of the brain. Men who had smoked at least five joints a day on average for 20 years had a smaller hippocampus, which regulates memory and emotion, and a shrunken amygdala, which is involved in fear and aggression. A spokesman for a U.S. group that promotes legalizing pot complained that the study concentrated on guys who were stoned all day long, not just casual users. He said the damage caused by comparably heavy use of booze or tobacco “is just off-the-charts more serious, and you don’t need high-tech scans to find it.”  ***MARLAR: Wow…sounds like he can’t control his emotions, fears and aggression.




We’re letting you give your “Curious Compliment” on the air! Would you like to compliment someone? Your spouse? Your kid? That guy who bagged the groceries so nicely for you at the food mart? Would you like to compliment that lady who let you have that parking space when she could’ve taken it before you? Call in and compliment that person!




QUESTION: What animal represented the king of Greece?

ANSWER: A Goat (Daniel 8:21)




QUESTION: Two mothers and two daughters go to a pet store and buy three cats. Each female gets her own cat. How is this possible?

ANSWER: There is a grandmother, a mother, and a daughter.




Pay attention! If our next player doesn’t answer all ten T/F questions correctly we start all over from question #1! First person to answer question #10 correctly is our winner!


  1. There is a town in Texas called “Ding Dong.” (True)


  1. Rugby, North Dakota is the geographical center of North America. (True)


  1. Olathe, Kansas is the geographical center of the U.S. (False – it’s Butte County, South Dakota)


  1. “Home on the Range” is the state song for Missouri. (False – Kansas)


  1. It is illegal to get fish drunk in Michigan. (False – Oklahoma)


  1. The world’s largest McDonalds is in Vinita, Oklahoma. (True – located on I-44 at Vinita, Oklahoma. It goes from one side of the interstate to the other, passing over the interstate.)


  1. Louisiana has no counties. (True, it’s the only state not to have counties. They are called Parishes.)


  1. Hawaii is the only coffee producing state. (True)


  1. New Jersey has a spoon museum. (True)


  1. One in seven workers in Boston, Massachusetts walks to work. (True)




You have to match the blank in the tabloid headline with the word or phrase that has been removed!

“Man Returns From __________!”  (the Dead)

After a horrible all-terrain vehicle accident, 21-year-old Zach Dunlap was declared brain dead and doctors were about to remove his organs for transplant, as sanctioned by his family. However, as those same family members were paying their last respects, Zach moved his foot and hand. In fact he was very muchalive and 48 days later he went home from the hospital saying, “I feel pretty good.”





A young man called his mother and announced excitedly that he had just met the woman of his dreams. Now what should he do?

His mother had an idea: “Why don’t you send her flowers, and on the card invite her to your apartment for a home-cooked meal?”

He thought this was a great strategy, and a week later, the woman came to dinner. His mother called the next day to see how things had gone.

“I was totally humiliated,” he moaned. “She insisted on washing the dishes.”

“What’s wrong with that?” asked his mother.

“We hadn’t started eating yet.”



Baby Bear goes downstairs and sits in his small chair at the table, he looks into his small bowl. It is empty. “Who’s been eating my porridge?!!,” he squeaks.

Papa Bear arrives at the big table and sits in his big chair. He looks into his big bowl, and it is also empty.

“Who’s been eating my Porridge?!!,” he roars.

Momma Bear puts her head through the serving hatch from the kitchen and yells, “For Pete’s sake, how many times do we have to go through this?

“It was Momma Bear who got up first, it was Momma Bear who woke everyone in the house, it was Momma Bear who made the coffee, it was Momma Bear who unloaded the dishwasher from last night, and put everything away, it was Momma Bear who went out in the cold early morning air to fetch the newspaper, it was Momma Bear who set the table, it was Momma Bear who put the cat out, cleaned the litter box, and filled the cat’s water and food dish, and, now that you’ve decided to drag your sorry bear-butts downstairs, and grace Momma Bear’s kitchen with your grumpy presence, listen good, cause I’m only going to say this one more time… “I HAVEN’T MADE THE PORRIDGE YET!!”



Two football players were taking an important final exam. If they failed, they would be on academic probation and not allowed to play in the Sugar Bowl the following week. The exam was fill-in-the-blank. The last question read, “Old MacDonald had a _________.”

Bubba was stumped. He had no idea of the answer. He knew he needed to get this one right to be sure he passed. Making sure the professor wasn’t watching, he tapped Tiny on the shoulder.

“Pssst. Tiny. What’s the answer to the last question?” Tiny laughed. He looked around to make sure the professor hadn’t noticed then he turned to Bubba. “Bubba, you’re so stupid. Everyone knows Old MacDonald had a farm.”

“Oh yeah,” said Bubba. “I remember now.” He picked up his No. 2 pencil and started to write the answer in the blank. He stopped. Reaching to tap Tiny’s shoulder again, he whispered, “Tiny, how do you spell farm?”

“You are really dumb, Bubba. That’s so easy. Farm is spelled E-I-E-I-O.”




A $20-million German lottery winner says he plans to build the world’s largest pigeon coop. The unidentified man lives in a modest apartment with his family so he said the first thing he will do is buy a house in the country far enough from neighbors so he can build his giant pigeon hotel without disturbing anyone.  ***MARLAR: A giant pigeon hotel IS disturbing!


Officials at a Stockholm hospital have asked a male nurse to change his name.  It seems his name is Jesus and he’s not being asked to change because of religious concerns.  ***MARLAR: I’m guessing his superiors were worried that when patients were told “Jesus will be coming soon,” they might get the wrong idea.





One day at the veterinarian’s office where I take my cat, a man and the receptionist were verbally sparring. After a few moments a technician came to her co-worker’s defense. “Sir,” she interjected, “do you know what happens to aggressive males in this office?”





An 8-year-old Iowa boy might have a better credit line than you do.

…Joe McInnes of Waukee is too young to drive a car and a long way from voting, but he does have a new Visa with a $5,000 credit limit. The third grader received his credit card from First USA Bank Visa last week. His parents aren’t confiscating the card either — they say Joe is responsible enough to handle it. ***MARLAR: Excuse me?!?! The question isn’t whether he’s responsible enough (although that’s doubtful at eight years old), but whether he can pay for it. What’s he going to do, make payments with his 25-cents per week allowance?




The story of the lost ax head is so descriptive of the human condition. First, the ax head was not with its rightful master. In the same way, we once belonged to God, but Satan stole us in the Garden of Eden and made us his slaves.
Second, the ax head was in the wrong place. It should have been out doing its work, but instead it was on the bottom of the Jordan in an alien environment. When we were in sin, we were completely submerged in the wrong environment—dead to God and alienated from His life.
Finally, the ax head could not save itself. The ax head had no power to change its situation; thus, it was destined to remain stuck in the mud. Only when “Elisha cut a stick and threw it into the water” (2 Kings 6:6) did the ax head supernaturally begin to rise from the bottom in a physical “resurrection.” What a picture of Jesus’ death and resurrection!
No amount of personal desire or willpower can lift us from the muddy quagmire of sin if we are stuck fast in it. Only Jesus can deliver us. We then belong to God, never to return to the bottom again!

–By Larry Stockstill





Read: 1 Corinthians 4:1-5

Having then gifts differing according to the grace that is given to us, let us use them. —Romans 12:6

When Leonardo da Vinci was still a pupil, his elderly, well-known teacher asked him to finish a painting he had begun. Young da Vinci stood in such awe of his master’s skill that at first he respectfully declined. But his teacher would accept no excuse. He simply said, “Do your best.”

Trembling, da Vinci took his brush and began. With each stroke, his hand grew more steady as the genius within him awoke. Soon he was so caught up in his work that he forgot his timidity. When the painting was finished, the frail and weak master was carried into the studio to see it. Embracing his student, he exclaimed, “My son, I paint no more!”

Every Christian has unique God-given abilities. Some believers, however, feel inferior because they don’t have as much talent as others. But we mustn’t think that way. God doesn’t hold us accountable for what we don’t have. He wants us to discover and develop the skills we do have.

Of course, we can’t all be a Leonardo da Vinci. But we don’t have to be. The apostle Paul said, “It is required in stewards that one be found faithful” (1 Corinthians 4:2). That means doing our best and leaving the results with God. Who knows, we may just surprise ourselves! —RWD


Give of your best to the Master,
Give Him first place in your heart;
Give Him first place in your service,
Consecrate every part. —Grose


The greatest ability is dependability.




If somehow you weren’t aware, America isn’t the only country with high gas prices. In Berlin, a 30-year-old man doused his BMW with gasoline and torched it in protest at skyrocketing fuel costs. It was a black 1995 BMW 3-series sedan that he drove onto the lawn outside Frankfurt’s convention center, doused with a can of gasoline, and set fire to. He told police that gas prices were so high he could no longer afford to drive the vehicle. In Germany, a gallon of regular runs about $9.40. He may be charged with violating German environmental laws where penalties range from fines to five years in prison.

(GAS PRICES IN OTHER LANDS: Just to give you an idea what other countries pay for a gallon of regular gasoline — In Bosnia: $10.86, Norway $9.73, United Kingdom, $9.45, France: $9.43. And the countries with the cheapest gas: In Venezuela — 12 cents a gallon, Iran — 40 cents and Saudi Arabia — 45 cents.)





Okay, so I’m not a girl – but that song came to my head once I came across this very helpful list on how to politely say “no” to someone asking for your time. Thanks to REDBOOK for these tips…

  1. The Stalling No — Try this technique if you’re the type who tends to get carried away by the enthusiasm of the person making the request. You say yes only to realize when you walk away that you really wish you hadn’t agreed. Instead, play for time by saying, “Wow, that sounds fun or interesting. But I need to check my calendar or with my husband who may have made plans for us/think about that because I’m not sure I can manage it. Let me get back to you,” advises communication expert Judith Selle McClure, Ph.D. Then, when you’ve had a day or so to think it over, get back in touch with the persona and use one of the methods listed below to say no.
  2. The Partial No — This method is a good compromise if you don’t feel right delivering a blanket “no” to someone. It allows you to help someone out, but on your own terms, says stress expert David Posen, M.D. Example: “Gee, I sure can’t lick envelopes all day, but I can from 9 to 10.”
  3. The Pronto No — A short explanation for your refusal as in, “… because I have to help my sister out that day” – makes your busyness sound more genuine, says McClure. But cut yourself off quickly; a long-winded explanation will only annoy the other person. Besides, she might suspect that your over explaining is a cover-up and that you’re not really tied up at all.
  4. The Wistful No — You’ll like this tactic if you’re naturally effusive and eager to show people how helpful you wish you could be if there were 10 of you. It’s also perfect if you want to leave the door open for the person to ask you for some help in the future, says Posen. Example; “Oh, I wish that I could watch your kids today. They’re so cute and I always have a great time with them. But I’m sorry – I just can’t.”
  5. The Empathetic No — If you pride yourself on maintaining a strong emotional connection with people, says McClure, this strategy allows you to have your cake and eat it too. You show the asker how I-feel-your-pain in sync you are with her even as you’re turning her down, okay, yes, this strategy is a little manipulative. Example; “I can see that you really need someone to water your potted plants while you’re away in the month of August. I know that these plants mean a lot to you. Unfortunately, I’m just too busy at that time to take care of them properly.”
  6. The Stealth No — If you get really nervous at the thought of turning someone down face-to-face, use this technique. Simply call at time when you’re pretty sure she won’t be home, and leave a polite message expressing your regrets on her answering machine. You might want to write out your “script” ahead of time, so you don’t trip over your words. This prep work will be even more crucial if she happens to pick up the phone.
  7. The Sympathy-Card No — If you’ve overwhelmed with obligations, exhaustion, you name it, and you’re comfortable letting everyone know that, go for this tactic. They may walk away feeling sorry for you after you’ve said something like, “I’d help you, but I’m just swamped these days. I can barely keep milk in the fridge.” And they’ll think twice before bugging you again.

***MARLAR: And #8 is from my own bride who uses the “Religious Guilt No” method. Whenever she’s not sure she’s able to do something, for whatever reason, she will tell the person, “Let me pray about it first.” If they immediately ask for an answer anyway Robin then tells them, “Well then, I guess I’ll have to say no if you can’t allow me time to pray about it first.” Shuts the person up instantly!





Do you have a book report to do over the summer? Then I have the book for you!

Looking for a book to curl up with this summer that’s easy to read? Check out “Lost for Words”. The book by author Anne Lydiat is comprised of 52 blank pages! It’s currently out in bookshops and is selling for $15. Lydiat, a University lecturer, is already planning a sequel.






The following statements about the Bible were written by children. They have not been retouched or corrected (i.e., incorrect spelling has been left in).


  1. Moses died before he ever reached Canada. Then Joshua led the hebrews in the battle of Geritol.


  1. David was a hebrew king skilled at playing the liar. he fought with the Finklesteins, a race of people who lived in Biblical times.


  1. Solomon, one of David’s sons, had 300 wives and 700 porcupines.


  1. When Mary heard that she was the mother of Jesus, she sang the Magna Carta.


  1. When the three wise guys from the east side arrived, they found Jesus in the manager.


  1. Jesus was born because Mary had an immaculate contraption.


  1. St. John the blacksmith dumped water on his head.


  1. Jesus enunciated the Golden Rule, which says to do one to others before they do one to you. He also explained, “a man doth not live by sweat alone.”


  1. One of the oppossums was St. Matthew who was also a taximan.


  1. St. Paul cavorted to Christianity. He preached holy acrimony, which is another name for marriage.




The car-shopping site Edmunds.com offered some myth-busting tips to help drivers save gas. They say cars are now so aerodynamic and air conditioners so efficient, it makes no difference whether you run the A/C or roll down the windows. Today’s cars use far more gas if you let them idle for a few minutes while stopped than if you kill the engine and re-start them. The #1 waste of gas is frequent braking and acceleration, so use the cruise control. And carrying a little junk in the trunk doesn’t add enough weight to affect mileage.   ***MARLAR: Is that referring to my trunk – or the trunk of the car?




(Mondays Only)




(Wednesdays only; The Way WE Work is written by Mark Elfstrand from 1160Hope.com in Chicago.)




(None On The Weekends)

A band of Asian missionaries are working around the clock to re-Christianize America. According to Christianity Today, University Bible Fellowship is Korea’s second largest missionary sending agency. They say thousands of missionaries gave up careers in Korea to become janitors in America, all in the hopes of finding converts who could lead America back to Jesus. The missionaries hold full-time jobs rather than receive support, and use their off hours, holidays, and vacations to evangelize on college campuses around the USA.  ***While this is an inspirational story, it’s also kind of sad that people from other countries feel they need to come here to tell us about Jesus.



Four Things the “Same-Sex Marriage” Ruling Isn’t from Revive Our Hearts:

  1. It isn’t proof that same-sex marriage is God’s best.
  2. It isn’t the most important thing we can talk about.
  3. It Isn’t Persecution
  4. It Isn’t the Final Word



A question from Charisma News: Are Christians confusing God’s Mercy with his Approval? In a fourth of July article, the magazine points out that, over the last few decades, Americans have seen the destruction of the institution of marriage between a man and a woman, the removal of God’s Word in several areas, and the aborting of millions of babies. The author says One of my great concerns is for the pulpits of America. Many are exchanging truth for tolerance, boldness for balance, and conviction for cowardliness. He adds: Without question, repentance, prayer, and humility before God is our only hope.





I think a really cool game would be one where everyone has to give me as much money as possible. It wouldn’t be all that much fun for everyone else, but for me — oh boy! –Hamilton Falk




Marie Asner has been reviewing films for over 30 years. Her outlets include radio, print and Internet. For more in-depth movie reviews of the following films, visit www.Tollbooth.org. Ratings from 1 (Low) to 5 (High).


JULY 01, 2015…


Terminator Genisys—This update to the “Terminator” film series goes between three time periods and has Emilia Clarke (“Game of Thrones”) as Sarah Connor with Jai Courtney (“Child 44”) as Kyle Reese. Yes, and Arnold Schwarzenegger is also in the film along with Jason Clarke. The human race still needs saving and robots are still there. “Terminator Genisys” is rated PG 13. Rating of 3 for fans. He’s back.


Magic Mike XXL—This July 4th weekend has something for everyone. Science fiction fans and fans of guys who dance in bars. Here comes a sequel to Channing Tatum’s “Magic Mike”  Time has passed and the guys are headed to a strip convention in South Carolina. Jada Pinkett Smith (“Gotham”) owns a strip club  and Michael Strahan works for her. The cast includes Matt Bormer and Joe Manganiello. “Magic Mike XXL” is rated a definite R. Rating of 3 for fans and you know who are.


JULY 10, 2015…


Self/Less is a science fiction thriller starring Ryan Reynolds and Ben Kingsley about mind transplant..


The Bronze (opening in select cities) is a comedy with Melissa Rauch (“Big Bang Theory”) and Gary Cole.


Minions (at last!) is an animated film about the little characters from the “Despicable Me” films. Much cuteness.One of the voices is Sandra Bullock.


Jimmy’s Hall (opening in select cities) is an Irish drama about a verdict without a trial.


The Gallows is a story about a haunting in a school. It’s horror film time again.


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Darren Marlar credits all non-original material to the author whenever possible. All other material is original, used with permission, or author unknown. We welcome all comments, questions, and suggestions. Darren can be reached via his website at www.DarrenMarlar.com.