July 08, 2015: Wednesday ONAIRprep

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PRINTER FRIENDLY VERSION: 20150708

 

WELCOME TO THE SHOW!

Tomorrow’s (next week’s) show is going to be so great I may go home and listen to it myself. As for today, well, you’re already listening so you might as well stick around.

 

So many people cook brats during the summer months. How badly do your children have to behave before you consider them brats and throw them on the grill? (When they are at their wurst!)

 

 

BIBLE VERSE OF THE DAY

These things I have spoken to you, that in Me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation; but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world. –John 16:33

 

Heaven and earth will pass away, but my words will never pass away. (Spoken by Jesus.) — Matthew 24:35

 

 

HEARTLIGHT VERSE & THOUGHT

I will show the holiness of my great name, which has been profaned among the nations, the name you have profaned among them. Then the nations will know that I am the LORD, declares the Sovereign LORD, when I show myself holy through you before their eyes. — Ezekiel 36:23

 

Thought: Ever wondered what would happen if all of God’s people from every nation would humble themselves in repentance and ask God to reveal his holiness to the nations?

 

Prayer: Almighty and holy God, I am so sorry for my sins that have tarnished your witness through me to my friends. I am sorry for the sins of my nation and how we have turned from your way. Please forgive us and move in a mighty way to reveal yourself in our day, in all your holiness. In the name of Christ Jesus I pray. Amen.

 

The Thoughts and Prayers for Today’s Verse are written by Phil Ware. You can email questions or comments to phil@heartlight.org.

 

 

BIRTH VERSE” OF THE DAY

The chapter and verse corresponds to the month and the day!

Matthew 7:8 NIV = For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened.

 

 

TODAY IS WEDNESDAY – JULY 08, 2015

(NOTE: Some holidays may be duplicated due to various calendars reporting conflicting dates)
WEIRD, WACKY, STRANGE, ZANY, ODD, BIZARRE, QUIRKY, UNUSUAL HOLIDAYS!
THERE ARE ONLY 171 SHOPPING DAYS UNTIL CHRISTMAS.  

 

Keep your bug spray with you, because this is MOSQUITO WEEK.  ***MARLAR: Like we don’t feed them enough the rest of the summer, eh?

 

Today is DON’T PUT ALL YOUR EGGS IN ONE OMELET DAY.  ***MARLAR: I understood the idea of not placing all of my eggs in one basket – but all of my eggs in one omelet?  Like I’m going to use a dozen eggs for single breakfast item?

 

Today is CRACKS IN THE SIDEWALK DAY, a day not to step on any cracks – not because it’s bad luck, but just to see if you can do it. ***MARLAR: Remember that old saying, “Step on a crack and break your mother’s back?” How is that a deterrent? Every time I was grounded I found myself looking for dilapidated sidewalks.

 

This is NATIONAL AWARENESS WEEK FOR LIFESAVING TECHNIQUES. ***MARLAR: I remember in high school how we had to take a CPR class to be ready to save lives… and they made me give artificial respiration to a mannequin that didn’t have any arms or legs. It wasn’t until the day of my wedding that I even dared kissing a woman after that. And that was only after rubbing her mouth with alcohol.

 

EGGCEPTIONAL PERSONALITY TEST

On average Americans eat 100 eggs per year. Our favorite breakfast: 53 percent say eggs on Sunday morning. According to Dr. Beryl West, how you like your eggs reveals a lot about your personality:

  • Sunny-side up — You are an optimist and easy going.
  • Hard-boiled — You’re a no-nonsense type. You’re quick to form opinions.
  • Soft-boiled — You’re gentle, sensitive, neat – but you’re not always easy to please.
  • Scrambled — You’re agreeable and very steady. You go with the flow.
  • Over easy — You are very precise. You know exactly what you want out of life.
  • Poached — You are very orderly – you don’t like to see anything out of its place
  • Omelets — You enjoy taking risks.

 

 

TODAY IS ALSO. . .

Math 2.0 Day

SCUD Day (Savor the Comic, Unplug the Drama)

 

 

COMING UP NEXT

THURSDAY, JULY 09

Martyrdom of the Bab

 

FRIDAY, JULY 10

Collector Car Appreciation Day

Clerihew Day

Don’t Step On a Bee Day

Pina Colada Day

Taos Pueblo Pow Wow

Teddy Bears’ Picnic Day

Wayne Chicken Day

 

SATURDAY, JULY 11

Bowdler’s Day

Cheer Up The Lonely Day

Day of the Five Billion

National Rainier Cherries Day

Slurpee Day (7-Eleven Day)

World Population Day

Bald Is In Day

Carver Day

Grange Day

 

SUNDAY, JULY 12

Grange Day

Night of Nights

Simplicity Day

 

SUNDAY, JULY 13

Ann Hutchinson Memorial Day

Embrace Your Geekness Day

Gruntled Workers Day

National French Fries Day

 

MONDAY, JULY 14

International Nude Day

International Town Criers Day ***MARLAR: Let’s just hope they are not also celebrating International Nude Day!

Shark Awareness Day

 

TUESDAY, JULY 15

Be a Dork Day (Be a Dork and be proud.  Wear goofy clothing, don’t brush your teeth, eat yucky food, and fall off a swing set.)

Gummi Worm Day

National Pet Fire Safety Day

Saint Swithin’s Day

Take Your Poet To Work Week

 

WEDNESDAY, JULY 16

Get To Know Your Customers Day

Hot Dog Night

World Snake Day

 

 

ON THIS DAY

1792: The Presbyterian pioneer of congressional singing, Lowell Mason, was born. He composed the music for a thousand hymns, including “Nearer My God to Thee,” “Blest Be the Tie That Binds,” and “When I Survey the Wondrous Cross.”

 

1932: The low point in the Great Depression came when the Dow Jones Industrial Average bottomed out at 41.22.

 

1958: The Recording Industry Association of America presented the first gold record album. The soundtrack “Oklahoma” had reached one million dollars in sales. The first gold single had been presented four months earlier for Perry Como’s “Catch a Falling Star,” meaning the single had sold one million copies.

 

1969: The U.S. government issued a patent for the game “Twister.”

 

1974: Tracey Ann Sawyers and Lee Williams were married before 250 witnesses at the Sunshine Park Nudist Camp in New Jersey. The Rev. Ulas Mays and a reporter were the only ones wearing clothes.

 

1977: A copy of Marvel Comics #1 sold at a New York City convention of comic book collectors for $7,500. ***MARLAR: Well, Shazam!

 

1980: Jello Biafra filed as a candidate for mayor of San Francisco. Jello, Klaus Flouride, and Ray Valium made up the punk group The Dead Kennedys. Jello was not elected.

 

1992: “Melrose Place” debuted on the Fox Network. At first a “lesson” drama, it evolved into a soap opera. (

)

 

1995: With his own gravelly voice blaring from a boombox, disc jockey Wolfman Jack was buried in Belvidere, North Carolina. The gravestone displayed his real name, Robert Weston Smith, and the words, “One more time!” (

)

 

1995: A Taiwan policeman, in debt from gambling on video games, was arrested after trying to rob a bank with a toy gun. Huang Hsin-min ditched the gun and a coat near the bank. The coat had his name in it.

 

1997: The Mayo Clinic warned that the diet drug “fen-phen” could cause heart and lung damage.

 

1997: County music’s Marty Stuart and Connie Smith were married.

 

1997: Poland, Hungary, and the Czech Republic joined the North Atlantic Treaty Organization.

 

2003: Doctors in Singapore separated two 29-year-old Iranian sisters who had been joined at the head since birth but the women died during the 54-hour operation.

 

2004: Enron founder and former chairman Kenneth Lay pleaded innocent in Houston to charges related to the company’s collapse. He was convicted in 2006. He died of heart disease in July 2006 while his case was on appeal.

 

 

TODAY IN CHRISTIAN HISTORY

1115: French monk Peter the Hermit dies. Several argue that Peter the Hermit launched the crusades. Supposedly, he visited Jerusalem on a pilgrimage in 1093 and returned to Pope Urban II with a plea to do something to stop the Muslims from harassing Christian pilgrims. Two years later Urban II pronounced the First Crusade at the Council of Clermont and Peter the Hermit became one of the crusade’s dominant preachers. After leading a failed “pre-crusade” in which Muslims slaughtered his entire army of 20,000 peasants, Peter joined the main army of the First Crusade.

 

1741: Colonial Congregational minister Jonathan Edwards preaches his classic sermon at Enfield, Connecticut: “You are thus in the hands of an angry God; ’tis nothing but his mere pleasure that keeps you from being this moment swallowed up in everlasting destruction”.

 

1896: At the Democratic National Convention, fundamentalist William Jennings Bryan gives his famous speech supporting “the little man” of American life. “You shall not crucify mankind upon a cross of gold,” he shouted.

 

 

HOLLYWOOD, SPORTS AND CELEBRITY FIGURE BIRTHDAYS

  • Actress (“One Tree Hill”) Sophia Bush, 33 (
    )
  • Actor (Almost Famous, Big Fish) Billy Crudup, 47
  • Actor (A Few Good Men, Apollo 13, Footloose, Hollow Man, X-Men: First Class, Mystic River) Kevin Bacon, 57
  • Comedian/writer (“SNL,” “Daily Show”) A. Whitney Brown, 63
  • Actress (The Royal Tenenbaums, The Life Aquatic, Addams Family) Anjelica Huston, 64
  • Actor (“Larry Sanders,” “Arrested Development”) Jeffrey Tambor, 71 (
    )

 

 

BEE-BOP BIRTHDAYS

(Music Artist Birthdays From SongFacts.com)

1908 : Louis Jordan

1914 : Billy Eckstine

1932 : Jerry Vale

1935 : Steve Lawrence

1944 : Jai Johanny Johanson (The Allman Brothers Band)

1961 : Toby Keith

1961 : Andy Fletcher (Depeche Mode)

1963 : Joan Osborne

1970 : Beck

 

 

SECRETS OF THE UNIVERSE

Why do they turn off the cabin lights on planes before takeoff?

I could understand it if they did that whenever they served food, airline cuisine being what it is. Or if this was just another way they were cutting service, saving a few pennies on electric power. It would even make sense to dim the lights when someone is airsick. Who wants to look at THAT? But for takeoffs? Why? All the better for you to see the sights outside, folks. There’s nothing technical about it, and it’s that simple. At night, especially, the lights are quite pretty, particularly once you’re airborne and you can see them sparkle all over the city. You say you’re sitting in an aisle seat? Crane your neck. So why don’t they do blackouts for landings? Because people then are more concerned with getting their stuff together for departure. And how else would you see the attendants’ insincere smiles when they thank you for flying with them?

 

 

CHRISTIAN ARTIST NEWS

Do you like the Christian Artist News you see below? It’s just a tiny sample of the 5-6 pages of material you could be receive every weekday… and it’s FREE! Become one of their subscribers at ChristianRadioShowPrepServices.com!

 

Love and The Outcome is spending some time at camp. Chris and Jodi recently performed in front of 600 screaming girls at Camp Greystone in North Carolina.

 

Tobymac, The Newsboys, and Third Day will all be joining Luis Palau this week in New York City. The New York City fest will be held at several locations throughout the week. Third Day and the Newsboys will join Luis at Radio City Music Hall on July 7. And Tobymac and Mandisa will take part in events in Times Square on July 10 on Central Park on July 11. The New York City fest will also be broadcast online for those who can’t attend in person. The free broadcasts will be available at NYcityfest.org.

http://t.co/EpLPj7a9Gc

 

Mercyme’s Bart Millard was celebrating Christmas in July this week. Bart was braving the heat of summer in the studio while recording vocals for the bands upcoming Christmas CD.

 

Audio Adrenaline’s Brandon Bagby and Casting Crown’s Jaun Devevo were on stage together but it wasn’t for a special performance. Instead, they were training the next generation of guitarists. The two are both teaching acoustic guitar at camp electric this week.

 

Kutless member James Mead is an East Coaster who has now moved to the west coast. And James has some advice for those who are are still on the Atlantic side of the country. He tweeted: I’ve got to say… East Coasters are suuuper impatient. Chill.

 

Michael W. Smith is encouraging blood donation. He shared a picture of a two year old girl named Emily who needs a blood transfusion every 6 to 8 weeks. Michael described her grin as a smile that could light up the night sky. He added: Choose Your Day to donate blood for patients in need, like Emily.  Some of you might remember Michael’s song “Emily” from many years ago: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GXzOvELAiQQ

 

The members of NeedToBreathe were recently featured on the golf Channel. As the band geared up for their latest tour, they talked with golf channel about their love for golf. Front man Bear said he started playing because he needed some competition in his life. But they say it’s also a connection to the community. NeedtoBreathe say their clubs are always with them.

http://t.co/KvpAcHmyts

 

Seven years ago Matthew West underwent surgery that could have cost him his voice. Instead, that surgery put him on the path he is on today, and ultimately allowed him to tell the stories of countless others. In an article on The Blaze web site, West says the vocal cord surgery seven years ago meant that he couldn’t sing or speak for two months. He says that was a time of pretty intense soul-searching. In response, West says: I feel like that’s become my mission in life, using my voice as a singer and songwriter to tell the stories of other people’s lives and in doing so, hopefully empower people to realize that their life is a one in a million, unique story that can go out and change the world.

http://t.co/mUwn2rSIbE

 

Switchfoot has announced plans to open a non-profit music school in their hometown of Encinitas, California. Members of the band say the goal of the new school is to continue their passion of giving back to San Diego through music, surfing, and youth development programs. They say music lessons and much more will be coming soon for all kids in a pay as you can format. More information and a sneak preview of the studio will be coming throughout the week.

http://www.sandiegouniontribune.com/news/2015/jul/04/switchfoot-opening-pay-as-you-can-music-school

 

Jenny Simmons was celebrating the 5th of July. Jenny said their communities fireworks had to be re-scheduled so she and her daughter Annie had a girls night out. She says they oohd and ahhhed the whole way through like giddy girls do.

 

 

WEIRD & WACKY

Police: Man breaks into Berlin restaurant, drinks Tabasco
BERLIN (AP) — A man is in hot water after allegedly stealing a bicycle, pitching it through a Berlin restaurant window, then entering and quaffing half a bottle of Tabasco sauce — telling authorities he was thirsty. Police spokesman Jens Berger said Tuesday the 34-year-old was…

 

South Dakota man, 101, competes in National Senior Games    photo
HIGHMORE, S.D. (AP) — A South Dakota centenarian taking part in this year’s National Senior Games is playing to win. HASH(0x140a940) The retired rancher is competing in discus, shot put, javelin and softball throw events in the 100-plus age group. Zilverberg says he always tries to bring home…
Large wave washes out Jersey shore town’s fireworks display
SEASIDE HEIGHTS, N.J. (AP) — A large wave washed out the Fourth of July fireworks show in a Jersey shore community. Seaside Heights officials say a wave ran so far up the shore on Saturday night that it soaked all the fireworks set up on the beach. Town officials say the fireworks were set up…
Phoenix firefighters pull man out of chimney
PHOENIX (AP) — Phoenix firefighters have rescued a man who became stuck after trying to re-enter a house through the chimney. Fire Capt. Aaron Ernsberger says it took 30 minutes Sunday morning for firefighters to free the 23-year-old man. He was taken to a hospital in stable condition….
Matt Stonie tops Joey Chestnut in hot dog eating contest    photo
NEW YORK (AP) — Matt Stonie shocked the competitive eating world Saturday by upsetting Joey “Jaws” Chestnut at the Fourth of July hot dog eating contest at Nathan’s Famous in Coney Island, thwarting Chestnut’s bid for a ninth straight victory. Stonie, 23, who finished second last year, downed…
Friends trying to hand off rice cooker cause scare at casino
LINCOLN, R.I. (AP) — Police say two friends trying to hand off a rice cooker at a Rhode Island casino caused a brief security scare. The Twin River Casino in Lincoln wasn’t evacuated but the parking lot was temporarily closed Saturday morning until police determined there was no threat….
California couple married 75 years dies in each other’s arms
SAN DIEGO (AP) — Jeanette and Alexander Toczko were each 8 years old when they became smitten with one another. They married in 1940 and were rarely apart in the decades since. They told their children they wished to die in each other’s arms. And last month at their home in San Diego, just…
140 pairs of underwear stolen from store hit by 4 bra heists
WILKES-BARRE, Pa. (AP) — First they took the bras. Now they’ve come back for the panties. Police say 140 pairs of underwear have been stolen from a northeast Pennsylvania store that’s been struck by four bra heists since February. Police say the manager of the Victoria’s Secret store reported…
Denver campaign would allow marijuana use in bars    photo
DENVER (AP) — Beer? Wine? Or weed? A campaign is underway to ask Denver voters about allowing marijuana consumption in bars and other places that only allow people over 21. Activists who campaigned for recreational pot legalization in Colorado have launched a petition drive to allow what they…
German authorities seize tank, other WWII weapons in raid    photo
BERLIN (AP) — Authorities seized a 45-ton Panther tank, a flak cannon and multiple other World War II-era military weapons in a raid on a 78-year-old collector’s home in northern Germany, prosecutors said Friday. Kiel prosecutor Birgit Hess said the collector, whose name she would not release…
1 person gored in 1st bull-run of Pamplona festival    photo
PAMPLONA, Spain (AP) — Spain’s Red Cross says one person was gored and six others injured as thousands of daredevils tested their bravery and speed by dashing alongside fighting bulls through the streets of this northern Spanish city on the first bull-run of Pamplona’s San Fermin festival….

 

 

HEALTH & FITNESS

California right-to-die bill struggling amid religious fight    photo
SACRAMENTO, Calif. (AP) — A bill that would allow California physicians to help terminally ill patients end their lives is struggling to muster enough support ahead of a legislative vote Tuesday. Aid-in-dying advocates had hoped the nationally publicized case of Brittany Maynard, the…

 

The battle for control of the human breast milk industry    photo
TRENTON, N.J. (AP) — It could trade for 400 times more than the price of crude oil and 2,000 times more than iron ore. If sold off the shelf, it could cost more than 150 times the price of a gallon of cow’s milk and 15 times more than coffee. Going for as much as $4 per ounce, human breast…
Q&A: As Obama health law survives, GOP split over next move    photo
WASHINGTON (AP) — Having lost their latest war against President Barack Obama’s health care overhaul, Republicans must decide how to wage battles that could fan the issue for the 2016 elections. Last month’s Supreme Court decision upholding the statute’s federal subsidies, which help millions…
Foreigner in Philippines tests positive for MERS virus
MANILA, Philippines (AP) — A 36-year-old foreigner who arrived in the Philippines from the Middle East is under quarantine after testing positive for the MERS virus, health officials said Monday. Philippine Health Secretary Janette Garin said several people the foreigner had come in close…
Lush conditions fuel Colorado increase in rabbit fever    photo
DENVER (AP) — Fed by unusually lush vegetation, rabbits have been breeding like rabbits around Colorado, increasing the risk for what normally is a relatively rare bacterial disease in the state. Fifteen people have contracted tularemia, or rabbit fever, so far this year — just five…
‘Stunning’ number of large drug doses by doctor, expert says    photo
DETROIT (AP) — Patients of a Detroit-area doctor received “stunning” doses of a powerful, expensive drug that exposed them to life-threatening infections, an expert testified Monday as a judge heard details about a cancer specialist who fleeced insurance companies and harmed hundreds of…
WHO says too few countries taxing tobacco products enough
MANILA, Philippines (AP) — Taxing cigarettes up to 75 percent of their retail price is among the most effective ways to reduce tobacco use, but too few governments levy high enough taxes, according to a World Health Organization global report released Tuesday. The WHO’s 2015 report on the…
Right to die: Colombian man ends life with government backup
BOGOTA, Colombia (AP) — Dr. Gustavo Quintana walks out of a modest, two-floor apartment building in southern Bogota. Inside his black doctor’s bag are vials containing anesthesia and muscle relaxants, a syringe and a rubber tourniquet. The man known in Colombia as Dr. Death has just ended the…
Aetna to buy Humana as health insurer landscape shifts    photo
Aetna aims to spend about $35 billion to buy rival Humana and become the latest health insurer bulking up on government business as the industry adjusts to the federal health care overhaul. The proposed cash-and-stock deal, announced early Friday, would make Aetna a sizeable player in the rapidly…
Thailand’s only known MERS patient is virus-free
BANGKOK (AP) — A 75-year-old Omani man who became Thailand’s only known case of the often-deadly MERS virus was declared free of the illness by the Health Ministry on Friday. The ministry said that five laboratory tests showed negative results for the disease, including most recently on…
Could insulin pills prevent diabetes? Big study seeks answer    photo
CHICAGO (AP) — For nearly a century, insulin has been a life-saving diabetes treatment. Now scientists are testing a tantalizing question: What if pills containing the same medicine patients inject every day could also prevent the disease? Thirteen-year-old Hayden Murphy of Plainfield,…

 

 

NEWS KICKERS

(None on the weekends)

 

NEW NEWS KICKERS…

Police say a Colorado man was curious to see what being shot felt like. They say 30-year-old Adam Hirtle shot himself in the foot while inside his garage using a .22 handgun.  ***No, no, no, Adam… it’s a handgun – you’re supposed to shoot yourself in the hand.  So you still don’t know what it feels like, you’d better do it again.

 

A 15-year-old who was interning at Keele University in England made a pretty big space discovery. Tom Wagg noticed a tiny dip in the light of a star as a planet passed in front of it. That planet had not been on anyone’s radar until Tom saw it. Tom spotted the new planet two years ago, but the university just recently verified his findings.  *** And if you discover a planet, you get to name it – so ladies and gentlemen, please welcome to the universe, the planet now named “Superman And Batman Suck And Iron Man Rocks Better Than Any Of The Avengers But Wolverine Is Still The Best And Tom Wagg Is Super Sexy”.

 

Chris Hemsworth has joined the cast of the female-led Ghostbusters.  *** I hear his character name is Caitlyn.

 

Oreo is getting a skinnier look. On Monday, July 13, Oreo Thins will hit the market. Oreo Thins has 140 calories, compared with 160 calories for three regular Oreos.  ***So it’s only a difference of twenty calories between three cookies.  The only way you’ll see a true difference is if you eat your Oreos by the sleeve.  But then, this is America – so I guess that’s the norm.

 

 

NEWS KICKER EVERGREENS…

A recent study from the U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics has found that the average American spends only 19 minutes a day reading. Those 34 and under are reading less than ten minutes a day.  ***MARLAR: Which is hard to believe with as many texts as they are sending.

 

A MOHR Access poll of mall shoppers nationwide listed the Most Annoying Words from Salespersons’ Mouths. They include “The computer is down,” “You’ll have to wait your turn,” “I’m new here,” “Ask the person over there,” “I’m on a break,” and “That’s the policy.” At #2 was “If it’s not on the rack, we don’t have it.” And the #1 most annoying phrase, with 29 percent of the vote, was the classic “That’s not my department.”  ***MARLAR: Which is doubly annoying if you hear it from someone working at the Sunglasses Hut kiosk.

 

According to a new study, loneliness is bad for your health. ***So back off, all you haters. Taylor Swift has a doctor’s prescription for serial dating.

 

For centuries, art historians have been troubled by Mona Lisa’s enigmatic smile – but, according to one doctor, her cholesterol levels were more worrying.  For Dr Vito Franco, from Palermo University, she shows clear signs of a build-up of fatty acids under the skin, caused by too much cholesterol. ***MARLAR: So she was smiling because she just ate pork rinds?

 

 

WONDER WOMAN

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… “Petting Pets”

 

 

DAILY COMEDY CLIP

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… Robert G. Lee, “Secret Language”

 

 

AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – WEEKDAY VERSION

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD WEDNESDAY’S EPISODE
OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns! When last we left the jungle, Gruffy was thinking about how great it was that his cave was situated right in front of the main path everyone used to get wherever they were going. That meant he could see all of his friends everyday! And this morning, Nozzles the Elephant passed by on the way to the library…

 

CLOSE: Being an entrepreneur is a good thing… right? Besides, Nozzles did tell Gruffy to build the toll booth, right? He was just being sarcastic, but still… it was a very interesting business idea! We’ll find out next time how Gruffy’s friends like the new toll booth, As the Jungle Turns!

 

 

AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – SATURDAY/SUNDAY VERSION

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD THE EPISODE FOR THE WEEKEND OF JULY 11/12, 2015
OPEN: Last time on As the Jungle Turns, Marvy Snuffleson was tired of work. School, homework, chores, cleaning his room… but now he’s on Razzleflabbin Island, where the weekly calendar clock tells them Sunday is for attending church, weekdays are for work, and Saturday is for rest and relaxation. And on Razzleflabbin Island – it’s now Saturday… and Marvy Snuffleson is loving it!

 

CLOSE: Bread and water to eat – but also no work! What will Marvy decide to do? Tune in again next time to find out, As the Jungle Turns!

 

***You may simulcast “As the Jungle Turns” on the Internet stream of your live broadcast only. Any other Internet use of As the Jungle Turns in whole or part including podcasting of your live broadcast is a violation of copyright law. Thank you for your cooperation on this vitally important issue. If you have any questions, please e-mail us.

 

 

MOMENT OF DUH

Christopher Leach Conner was upset that the “open box” monitor he purchased from a Maryland Best Buy was incomplete.  Rather than be responsible and courteous about it, he committed a Moment of Duh.

“Open box” items are electronics goods that have either been previously returned or used as floor-display models.  In Conner’s case, the monitor came without a power cord, software, manual or warranty.  So he tossed a ream of copier paper into the box the monitor came in, then threw some other papers in for good measure.  He then went back to Best Buy saying there was no monitor in the box.  He threw such a fit; they gave him a new monitor for free.  But the store’s manager spotted something among the papers in the returned box: Conner’s resume.  Police went to his home, got back the new monitor and charged Conner with misdemeanor theft.

 

 

TOP TEN

THE TEN MOST POPULAR TYPES OF SUMMER RECREATION IN THE U.S.

 

  1. visiting zoos, aquariums, fairs, and carnivals

 

  1. picnicking

 

  1. automobile driving for pleasure

 

  1. walking or jogging

 

  1. swimming

 

  1. travel

 

  1. watching sports events

 

  1. participating in sports and games

 

  1. fishing

 

  1. taking nature walks

 

 

THE FILES OF LAW & DISORDER

The files of Law & Disorder take us to Duesseldorf, Germany today… and to the home of someone doing his best to stay on a diet.

 

FILE #1: In Duesseldorf, Germany a criminal mastermind had the misfortune to break into the house of a dieter late one evening recently. As the burglar was going through the house he worked up a hunger and opened the refrigerator door. That’s when his troubles really began. To discourage snacking the homeowner had equipped the refrigerator door with an alarm that went off whenever the door was opened. That alarm also seems to discourage criminal geniuses as well, because by the time the homeowner made it from the bedroom to the kitchen to investigate, the burglar was long gone.

 

FILE #2: A bandit tried to hold up a Jacksonville, Florida, supermarket wearing a paper bag over his head with eyeholes cut so he could see. But when he moved, the bag shifted and he couldn’t see. While he adjusted the bag it tore, exposing his face. Which a checker recognized as one of the store’s regular customers.

 

FILE #3: From Buffalo, New York comes the story of a man who didn’t let the city’s recent seven foot snowfall keep him from his appointed rounds. Larry Carl figured this might be just the time to steal something nice for the home. Don’t know where he found it but he was seen walking down one of the snowy streets dragging a grandfather clock. Not surprisingly, this raised the suspicion of neighbors who called the cops. By the time the cops caught up to him, he had stolen something else to make his job easier. He had placed the clock in a large city garbage can with wheels and was rolling his prize down the street. Shouldn’t have done that. He’s been charged with theft of city property in addition to the theft of the clock.

 

STRANGE LAW: In Iowa, kisses may last for as much as, but no more than, five minutes.

 

 

THIS IS YOUR BRAIN ON DRUGS

Stealing right in front of the police is either a really gutsy move, or your brain is on drugs.

Authorities said a man walking through a security checkpoint at a Pinellas courthouse tried to steal an expensive watch, just feet from deputies. The sheriff’s office reported that a man who had emptied his pockets to walk through a metal detector Monday complained that his $1,000 Wittnauer watch was gone. Deputies played back a surveillance video and identified a 53-year-old man as the person who took the watch. He was located in a courtroom, attending a pretrial hearing for a charge of selling cocaine. Deputies searched him and reported finding the watch. The suspect was arrested and charged with grand theft. He was later released on $5,000 bail.

 

 

PHONER PHUN

(See today’s “Inspirational Inspiration” below.) What mid-year resolutions do you think you should make for your life?

 

If you were given one entire day all to yourself to do whatever you wanted….what would you spend your day doing?

 

 

BIBLE BRAIN BUSTER!

QUESTION: Who lived to be 969 old?

ANSWER: Methuselah (Genesis 5:27)

 

 

QUESTION IMPOSSIBLE

QUESTION: How many lines does the Japanese national anthem have?

ANSWER: Only four lines. Conversely, the Greek anthem runs 158 verses.

 

 

TRUE OR FALSE

Pay attention! If our next player doesn’t answer all ten T/F questions correctly we start all over from question #1! First person to answer question #10 correctly is our winner!

  1. No matter where you stand in Michigan, you are never more than 85 miles from a Great Lake. (True)

 

  1. The first license plate on a car in the United States was issued in Joliet, Illinois. (False – Denver, Colorado in 1908)

 

  1. The “Dull Men’s Hall of Fame” is located in Carroll, Wisconsin. (True)

 

  1. Washington D.C. is the murder capital of the U.S. (False, it’s Gary, Indiana – and it’s probably the murder capital of the world)

 

  1. Alabama was the first state to recognize Christmas as an official holiday. (True)

 

  1. Michigan was the first state to have roadside picnic tables. (True)

 

  1. In 1997, Arkansas became the 16th state to allow the blind to hunt. (False, Michigan)

 

  1. The official beverage of Ohio is tomato juice. (True)

 

  1. 84% of a raw apple is water. (True)

 

  1. A pineapple is a fruit. (False – it’s a berry)

 

 

TABLOID MATCH GAME

You have to match the blank in the tabloid headline with the word or phrase that has been removed!

“Smudge of _____ Sells For Over $1500!”  (CHRIST)


In Forest, Virginia, Deb Serio found an oil stain on her garage floor that she decided looked pretty much like the face of Jesus. So she sold it on eBay — for $1,525.69! She received hundreds of messages from around the world from people interested in the “smudge of Christ”. A contractor will remove the section of concrete and the slab will then be delivered to the winner of the online auction.

 

 

THE WAY TOO EARLY IN THE MORNING TO UNDERSTAND THE PUNCHLINE EVEN AFTER TWO CUPS OF COFFEE JOKE OF THE DAY

JOKE #1

For thirty years, Johnson had arrived at work at 9A.M. on the dot. He had never missed a day and was never late.

Consequently, when on one particular day 9 A.M. passed without Johnson’s arrival, it caused a sensation.  All work ceased, and the boss himself, looking at his watch and muttering, came out into the corridor.

Finally, precisely at ten, Johnson showed up, clothes dusty and torn, his face scratched and bruised, his glasses bent. He limped painfully to the time clock, punched in, and said, aware that all eyes were upon him, “I tripped and rolled down two flights of stairs in the subway. Nearly killed myself.”

And the boss said, “And to roll down two flights of stairs took you a whole hour?”

 

JOKE #2

A woman enters a store that sells curtains. She tells the salesman, “I would like to buy a pair of pink curtains.”

The salesman assures her that they have a large selection of pink curtains. He shows her several patterns, but the woman seems to have a hard time choosing.

Finally she selects a lovely pink floral print. The salesman then asks what size curtains she needs.

The woman promptly replies, “Fifteen inches.”

“Fifteen inches?” asked the salesman. “That sounds very small – what room are they for?”

The woman tells him that they aren’t for a room, but they are for her computer monitor.

The surprised salesman replies, “But miss, computers do not need curtains!”

The woman says, “Hellllooooooooo! I’ve got Windoooooows!”

 

JOKE #3

A minister in a little church was having trouble with the collections. One Sunday he announced, “Now, before we pass the collection plate, I would like to request that the person who stole the chickens from Brother Martin’s hen house please refrain from giving any money to the Lord. The Lord doesn’t want money from a thief!”

The collection plate was passed around and, for the first time in months, everybody gave.

 

 

USELESS FACTS

A driving test center in Britain has closed because candidates are spending their exams stuck in traffic jams and examiners are frustrated at not being able to test candidates properly spending up to 30 minutes stuck in traffic of the 40 minute test. ***MARLAR: Are they kidding? If the driver can keep their patience that long without taking a hammer to somebody’s windshield they should be given their license immediately!

 

A Georgia couple win BIG. Chuck Hill won $5,000 in the state lottery, only to be outdone by his wife a week later. Karen Hill’s scratch-off ticket was worth a whopping $1 million. ***MARLAR: Local casinos have preemptively banned the Hill family for life.

 

 

FEATURED FUNNIES

FINALLY

A man was sleeping when his wife shook him and said, “Wake up, someone is breaking in!”
The man had gone through this almost every night for 20 years, and he knew that the only way he would get any rest was to go and check it out.
This time, however, there was a man with a gun who entered to rob the house.
As the thief was about to flee the man said, “You have to come with me and meet my wife.”
The thief said, “Why would you want me to meet your wife?”
The man replied, “Well, she’s been expecting you for 20 years.”

 

 

IT MUST BE TRUE BECAUSE I HEARD IT ON THE RADIO!

Next time you’re in Columbia, take it easy on the gossiping.

The town of Icononzo has made it illegal to gossip! No kidding! Under the law, malicious gossiping can now be punished with up to a $75,000 fine or four years in prison. A city spokesman said, “People should be aware that using their tongues to speak evil is the same as having dynamite in your mouth.” The town’s mayor, Jesus Ignacio Jimenez defended the new law saying, “What worries me is the amount of people going to prison or being killed because of gossip.”

 

 

INSPIRATIONAL INSPIRATION

HOW ABOUT SUMMER RESOLUTIONS?

(After 6 months of not keeping the new year’s ones)
Give up complaining . . . focus on gratitude.
Give up pessimism . . . become an optimist.
Give up harsh judgments . . . think kind thoughts.
Give up worry . . . trust divine providence.
Give up discouragement . . . be full of hope.
Give up bitterness . . . turn to forgiveness.
Give up hatred . . . return good for evil.
Give up negativism . . . be positive.
Give up anger . . . practice patience.
Give up pettiness . . . put on maturity.
Give up jealousy . . . pray for trust.
Give up gossiping . . . control your tongue.
Give up sin. . . . turn to virtue.

Give up gloom. . . enjoy the beauty that is all around you.
DRIVE TIME DEVOTIONAL

GOD IS LISTENING

Read: Psalm 139

There is not a word on my tongue, but behold, O Lord, You know it altogether. —Psalm 139:4

When Scottish theologian John Baillie taught at Edinburgh University, he made it a practice to open his course on the doctrine of God with these words: “We must remember, in discussing God, that we cannot talk about Him without His hearing every word we say. We may be able to talk about others behind their backs, but God is everywhere, yes, even in this classroom. Therefore, in all our discussions we must be aware of His infinite presence, and talk about Him, as it were, before His face.”

The knowledge that the Lord is everywhere should have an impact on what we say. David, thinking of the everywhere-present God, declared, “There is not a word on my tongue, but behold, O Lord, You know it altogether” (Psalm 139:4).

Lies, gossip, unkind remarks, off-color jokes, angry words, vulgar comments, and disrespectful use of the Lord’s name should never come from our lips. Rather, we should speak only those things that God approves of. Our desire should be the same as David’s passionate prayer in Psalm 19, “Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in Your sight, O Lord, my strength and my Redeemer” (v.14).

Remember, God is listening. —Richard De Haan

 

From others we can hide some things
We’ve thought and said and done;
We cannot hide them from the Lord,
He knows them, every one. —Cooper

 

Every word we say on earth is heard in heaven.

 

 

LEFTOVERS

MOW DOWN THOSE POUNDS!

A man decides to lose weight… by mowing people’s lawns!

A Minnesota man who started cutting grass to lose weight has had so many offers for work that another man decided to help out. 44-year-old Darrell Nelson placed an ad online saying he would mow lawns for free in his quest to lose 50 pounds. He had hoped to mow five lawns a week — four others plus his own. But his ad got quite a response –including offers for dates from three women. He soon bumped his lawn-mowing up to six yards and started a backup list. Now he’s mowing eight lawns, seven days a week. Terry Betthauser, Nelson’s Friday customer, decided that since he didn’t really need his own lawn mowed, he would help two people that Nelson couldn’t fit into his schedule. By the end of the mowing season, Nelson hopes to be at 208 pounds, from a high of 258. He’s already lost 23.

 

 

LIFE… LIVE IT

RUNNING FROM CANCER

Not only does exercise help you to lose weight and increase your heart health, but according to some experts it can also help you cut the risk of cancer!
A new study suggests adults who are regularly active, whether through exercise or work, are less likely to develop a range of cancers. The study followed 80,000 Japanese adults for up to 10 years. Researchers discovered that regularly active men and women had lower risks of developing any type of cancer. When they looked at specific types of cancer, they found that exercise was linked to lower risks of colon, liver, pancreatic and stomach cancers. They also found the protective effect was strongest among normal-weight men and women. Yep. Another excuse to get your butt out of that office chair and get some blood flowing.

 

 

JUST FOR FUN

THE PORK RIND DIET

Want to try out a new diet?  How about pork rinds?

There’s a whole new way to diet without having to eat rice cakes or drink SlimFast.  Just grab yourself a bag of pork rinds and watch the pounds melt away! The idea behind the pork rind diet is that cutting out carbohydrates lowers blood sugar levels, thus triggering insulin production which burns fat for fuel. One lady says that by eating 2 bags of pork rinds a week for two months helped her shed 17 pounds. Nutritionists are warning, however, that an all-fat diet can lead to heart and kidney disease, but it isn’t stopping the US sales of pork rinds. The fad has helped the snack become the country’s fastest growing snack.

 

 

FUN LIST

TOP FIVE SIGNS THAT SUMMER IS ALMOST OVER

  • Your lawnmower quit working (okay, it’s just out of gas but why bother filling it up?).
  • You’ve now seen that one rerun of “2-1/2 Men” four times.
  • The sandal tan lines on your feet are starting to fade.
  • Every day on the Dr. Phil show, he spends the entire hour trying to cheer up teachers.
  • Wal-Mart has the Christmas stuff out.

 

 

MORE SHOW PREP STUFF…

If being in love has ever made you do something silly or stupid, there could be scientific reasoning behind that…

…A study at the University of London shows love often makes people forget facts and lose their concentration. Brain scans on volunteers showed the areas responsible for memory and concentration became less active when they were shown pictures of their loved ones. ***MARLAR: How do I love thee? Let me count the ways… 1… 2… 3…, uh, 3… uh… I’m sorry, what was your name again?

 

 

TOTALLY OUTRAGEOUS!

(Mondays Only)

 

 

THE WAY WE WORK

(Wednesdays only; The Way WE Work is written by Mark Elfstrand from 1160Hope.com in Chicago.)

Redux: Of Cursing and Vile Speech

(Note: This is an update of an earlier blog. I am on vacation this week.)

Over a year ago, I wrote my blog on seeing The Monuments Men.  The film was based on a true story in book form by American author Robert Edsel. What great irony to have a film purporting to honor men who cared passionately about preserving great works of art, while often blaspheming the name of the Creator and using vile speech. A truly classic moment of the most vile of ironies came near the end of the film.

If you haven’t seen it, this should be noted as a spoiler alert: a precious art treasure had been located in a German mine: The Madonna of Bruges sculpture. It was an art piece that had been most sought-after by the lead, played by George Clooney. In discovering its location, The Monuments Men had to scramble to get the sculpture out of the mine before the Russians could arrive to claim the grounds. As the men were taking this beautiful piece from the mine—this Madonna figure of Mary holding the Christ child—several men repeated over and over, “Holy Sh—-!!” Let the reader interpret.

You’ve got to be kidding me!!??  Did NO ONE catch the absolutely totally inappropriate use of that phrase at that moment? Rather than stand in awe and respect of both the art and its meaning, the film despicably cheapens the moment with vile sacrilege. Abominable.

Okay. So I should know better about this next one. Several friends recommended the movie Spy to my wife and I recently. It stars Melissa McCarthy, Jude Law, and Jason Statham.

We often check Rotten Tomatoes for critics’ reviews and that of filmgoers. But neither would tell us the kind of information we could have learned from the excellent resource for families known as Movieguide. My friend Ted Baehr has been putting this out for years.

Here is the Movieguide concerns over Spy: “Strong pagan worldview with elements of revenge and a funeral where they mention the universe’s “plane,”…about 77 “f” words, 29 light obscenities, 26 light profanities, 12 strong profanities, lots of crude commentary about women’s private parts and man’s private parts…”

Did you get that??  The film has about 77 “f” words! And 67 additional words your children do not need to hear. Were there children in the theatre? Of course!

Now some would tell us this kind of language only mirrors “real life.” Maybe in rare places. For example, I have read that Navy Seals use the “F-word” so commonly that it is seemingly an essential part of their work jargon!

However, when we are creating entertainment, must we so offend the sensibilities of many moviegoers? No. This is a choice. It was a bad decision on my part to endure this assault. My wife and I felt we needed to get disinfected when we left!

Last fall, we were in Myrtle Beach, South Carolina, and saw a very family friendly entertainment show. And this past Saturday, Rhonda and I enjoyed a production that has been running for 56 years in Branson, Missouri. It’s called Shepherd of the Hills. Good, clean, family entertainment. We will also see a production called Jonah, which has only the best reviews.  Both of these shows have faith angles.

This blog is geared toward a message for the workplace. So let me summarize by saying that vile talk and cursing has become much more common everywhere. While we cannot mandate people change speech behavior in their private worlds, people of faith can and should become more vocal about its offensiveness. In a culture saturated by “political correctness,” this demand for correctness may be our fortress of opportunity.

The Bible tells us in Ephesians 5: “Let there be no filthiness nor foolish talk nor crude joking, which are out of place, but instead let there be thanksgiving.” The chapter has more to say on our moral conditioning and is worth a read. Christ followers may need a refresher course on these matters.

If you are in a position of leadership, then set some standards for appropriate speech in the workplace. And if you are offended by the increasing use of foul language, speak up. If you dare.

Getting this message across to an increasingly vile world, is a true work of art.

 

 

OTHER STUFF I WANT TO CRAM INTO TODAY’S PREP

(None On The Weekends)

A Pizza Restaurant in Florida is encouraging patrons to “Pie it Forward”. The owner says the idea came when a customer didn’t want the drink that was included with his meal at Solorzano’s Late Night Pizzeria. Instead, the pizzeria agreed to simply give it to the next guy. It expanded to a Pie it Forward Wall, allowing people to pay for food and then post the offer on a wall in the restaurant. The owner estimates that donations have totaled thousands of dollars in the two months since that first drink was paid forward.

http://www.goodnewsnetwork.org/pizza-parlor-pies-forward/

 

Remember the movie “Chariots of Fire”?  Well… film star Joseph Fiennes is to play the devoutly Christian Scottish runner Eric Liddell in a sequel to the classic film!  “The Last Race” follows the life of Liddell after the 1924 Paris Olympics. The sequel will include a central story line about Liddell’s work as a missionary in China. The script is by a Chinese writer and will be distributed by a group based in Hong Kong. Officials say many in China, both religious and non-religious, regard Liddell as a hero.

http://bit.ly/1IjeAKf

 

Scott Kelly’s year in space has passed the 100 day mark. Scott began his historic year in space on March 27th. The mission’s goal is to test the boundaries of long-term space travel. While Scott spends the year in space his twin brother Kelly, also an astronaut, is back here on earth so scientists can gauge the differences in their bodies throughout the one year period. You can check out a series of pictures taken by Scott and read more about his journey here:

http://time.com/3941425/astronaut-scott-kelly-space-station-photos/

 

 

AND I LEAVE YOU WITH THIS THOUGHT

And now, fair maids and maidens, tis the boding moment of farewelling. Pray thee push thou my tune-in button on the morrow, or a crone with a wart on her nose will cast a spell on your Ultra Slim Fast.

 

 

THE TICKET Movie Reviews with MARIE ASNER

Marie Asner has been reviewing films for over 30 years. Her outlets include radio, print and Internet. For more in-depth movie reviews of the following films, visit www.Tollbooth.org. Ratings from 1 (Low) to 5 (High).

 

JULY 01, 2015…

 

Terminator Genisys—This update to the “Terminator” film series goes between three time periods and has Emilia Clarke (“Game of Thrones”) as Sarah Connor with Jai Courtney (“Child 44”) as Kyle Reese. Yes, and Arnold Schwarzenegger is also in the film along with Jason Clarke. The human race still needs saving and robots are still there. “Terminator Genisys” is rated PG 13. Rating of 3 for fans. He’s back.

 

Magic Mike XXL—This July 4th weekend has something for everyone. Science fiction fans and fans of guys who dance in bars. Here comes a sequel to Channing Tatum’s “Magic Mike”  Time has passed and the guys are headed to a strip convention in South Carolina. Jada Pinkett Smith (“Gotham”) owns a strip club  and Michael Strahan works for her. The cast includes Matt Bormer and Joe Manganiello. “Magic Mike XXL” is rated a definite R. Rating of 3 for fans and you know who are.

 

JULY 10, 2015…

 

Self/Less is a science fiction thriller starring Ryan Reynolds and Ben Kingsley about mind transplant..

 

The Bronze (opening in select cities) is a comedy with Melissa Rauch (“Big Bang Theory”) and Gary Cole.

 

Minions (at last!) is an animated film about the little characters from the “Despicable Me” films. Much cuteness.One of the voices is Sandra Bullock.

 

Jimmy’s Hall (opening in select cities) is an Irish drama about a verdict without a trial.

 

The Gallows is a story about a haunting in a school. It’s horror film time again.

 

# # # # #

 

 

WARNING:  Don’t believe anything you read on the Internet or email (including stuff you read here) unless you can confirm it with another source, and/or it is consistent with what you already know to be true. The opinions in this publication are not necessarily those of Darren Marlar, Marlar House Entertainment, OnAirPrep.com, or any company or organization affiliated with aforementioned. (Regardless of how stupid you may think those opinions are. So there – nyah!)

Darren Marlar credits all non-original material to the author whenever possible. All other material is original, used with permission, or author unknown. We welcome all comments, questions, and suggestions. Darren can be reached via his website at www.DarrenMarlar.com.