July 09, 2015: Thursday ONAIRprep

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PRINTER FRIENDLY VERSION: 20150709

 

WELCOME TO THE SHOW!

(THE JOCK SHOW) is not available in fine stores everywhere — or even in neighborhoods with good zoning regulations.

 

 

BIBLE VERSE OF THE DAY

Here is a trustworthy saying: If we died with him, we will also live with him; if we endure, we will also reign with him. If we disown him, he will also disown us; if we are faithless, he will remain faithful, for he cannot disown himself. –2 Timothy 2:11-13

 

As for God, his way is perfect; the word of the Lord is flawless. He is a shield for all who take refuge in him. — Psalm 18:30

 

 

HEARTLIGHT VERSE & THOUGHT

We have sinned, even as our fathers did; we have done wrong and acted wickedly. — Psalm 106:6

 

Thought: Sin is nothing new. The candor of Scripture allows us to see the stupidities and rebelliousness of God’s people in the past. We can be convicted by their lost opportunities and the disasters they brought upon themselves. We can also be reminded how little difference there often is between them and us.

 

Prayer: Father, I know my sin, my rebellion, and my unfaithfulness have hurt you and your cause today every bit as much as the sins of those in the Bible hurt in the past. Please forgive and strengthen me as I seek to live a life holy and pleasing to you and a blessing to those around me. In Jesus’ name I pray. Amen.

 

The Thoughts and Prayers for Today’s Verse are written by Phil Ware. You can email questions or comments to phil@heartlight.org.

 

 

BIRTH VERSE” OF THE DAY

The chapter and verse corresponds to the month and the day!

Deuteronomy 7:9 NIV = Know therefore that the LORD your God is God; he is the faithful God, keeping his covenant of love to a thousand generations of those who love him and keep his commands.

 

 

TODAY IS THURSDAY – JULY 09, 2015

(NOTE: Some holidays may be duplicated due to various calendars reporting conflicting dates)
WEIRD, WACKY, STRANGE, ZANY, ODD, BIZARRE, QUIRKY, UNUSUAL HOLIDAYS!
THERE ARE ONLY 170 SHOPPING DAYS UNTIL CHRISTMAS.  

 

Today is DIET COKE DAY. It was on this day in 1982, that Diet Coke was introduced to the public. ***MARLAR: I love diet sodas, period.  That way I can have a quart of ice cream, a diet Coke, and it’s like I never ate at all.

 

Today is NATIONAL BLONDE DAY.  ***MARLAR: Now we could go around telling blonde jokes today, but I’m thinking that National Blonde Day is likely a day to respect blondes rather than tell jokes about them. Then again, they are blondes and probably wouldn’t understand the jokes anyway, so feel free to do what you want.

 

This is NUDE RECREATION WEEK. ***MARLAR: Um…. No thanks.

 

 

TODAY IS ALSO. . .

Martyrdom of the Bab

 

 

COMING UP NEXT

FRIDAY, JULY 10

Collector Car Appreciation Day

Clerihew Day

Don’t Step On a Bee Day

Pina Colada Day

Taos Pueblo Pow Wow

Teddy Bears’ Picnic Day

Wayne Chicken Day

 

SATURDAY, JULY 11

Bowdler’s Day

Cheer Up The Lonely Day

Day of the Five Billion

National Rainier Cherries Day

Slurpee Day (7-Eleven Day)

World Population Day

Bald Is In Day

Carver Day

Grange Day

 

SUNDAY, JULY 12

Grange Day

Night of Nights

Simplicity Day

 

SUNDAY, JULY 13

Ann Hutchinson Memorial Day

Embrace Your Geekness Day

Gruntled Workers Day

National French Fries Day

 

MONDAY, JULY 14

International Nude Day

International Town Criers Day ***MARLAR: Let’s just hope they are not also celebrating International Nude Day!

Shark Awareness Day

 

TUESDAY, JULY 15

Be a Dork Day (Be a Dork and be proud.  Wear goofy clothing, don’t brush your teeth, eat yucky food, and fall off a swing set.)

Gummi Worm Day

National Pet Fire Safety Day

Saint Swithin’s Day

Take Your Poet To Work Week

 

WEDNESDAY, JULY 16

Get To Know Your Customers Day

Hot Dog Night

World Snake Day

 

THURSDAY, JULY 17

Wrong Way Corrigan Day

Yellow Pig Day

 

 

ON THIS DAY

1872: John Blondel of Thomaston, Maine, patented the Doughnut Cutter.

 

1932: King Gillette died. In 1901 he invented the safety razor and founded the Gillette Company.

 

1955: Bill Haley and His Comets hit #1 with “Rock Around the Clock,” the first #1 rock ‘n’ roll song.

 

1956: Dick Clark debuted on Philadelphia TV with an afternoon show called Bandstand. He was told about the show that same morning. (

)

 

1974: 19-year-old Dimmie Johnson of Houston became the youngest per­son ever elected Grand Dragon of the Ku Klux Klan. He said he owed it all to a Dale Carnegie personality improve­ment course.

 

1985: Runningback Herschel Walker of the New Jersey Generals was named Most Valuable Player in the U.S. Football League.

 

1992: Star #1,959 on the Hollywood Walk of Fame went to actress Kim Basinger.

 

1995: Electrician Terry Benson won $32-million in a British lottery by picking the serial number on a crane where he worked. The 61-year-old London resident said it was only the second time he=d ever played.

 

1997: Mike Tyson was banned from the boxing ring and fined $3 million for biting the ear of opponent Evander Holyfield.

 

1999: A Los Angeles jury ordered General Motors Corporation to pay $4.9 billion to six people severely burned when their Chevrolet Malibu exploded in a rear-end collision. A judge later reduced the punitive damages to $1.9 billion, while letting stand $107 million in compensatory damages. G.M. settled the lawsuit in 2003 for an undisclosed amount.

 

2002: To the boos of disappointed fans, the All-Star game in Milwaukee finished in a 7-7 tie after 11 innings when both teams ran out of pitchers.

 

2002: President Bush called for doubling prison terms and aggressive policing to combat fraud and corruption in corporate America.

 

2004: A report by the Senate Select Committee on Intelligence accused the CIA and other intelligence agencies of producing false and misleading pre-war information about Iraq`s weapons program.

 

2005: Daredevil skateboarder Danny Way used a large ramp to jump across the Great Wall of China, the first person to clear the wall without motorized aid.

 

 

TODAY IN CHRISTIAN HISTORY

381: Nestorius, the first patriarch of Constantinople, is born in what is now Maras, Turkey. Nestorius attained fame for his teaching that Christ had two natures and two persons (rather than two natures in one person), which the Council of Ephesus in 431 condemned as heresy.

 

1228: Stephen Langton, greatest of the medieval archbishops of Canterbury, dies. He had formulated the original division of the Bible into chapters in the late 1100s, and his name appears on the Magna Carta as counselor to the king.

 

 

HOLLYWOOD, SPORTS AND CELEBRITY FIGURE BIRTHDAYS

  • actress (“Hang Time”) Megan Parlen 35 (
    )
  • actor (“The Wonder Years”, “Working”, “Crumbs”) Fred Savage 39 (
    )
  • actor (“American Dad”, “ER”, “Band of Brothers”) Scott Grimes 44 (
    )
  • actress (Top Gun, The Babe, North) Kelly McGillis 58
  • actor (Big, Castaway, The DaVinci Code, “Bosom Buddies”) Tom Hanks is 59 (
    )
  • actor (“Dexter”, “Cane”, “The West Wing”, “NYPD Blue”) Jimmy Smits 60 (
    )
  • pianist/radio-TV host (“Santa Barbara”, “Entertainment Tonight”) John Tesh 63 (
    )
  • football’s (The Naked Gun) O.J. Simpson 68 (
    )
  • actor (“Shaft”, “The Outlaws”, “Heroes”) Richard Roundtree 73 (
    )
  • actor (Cocoon, FX, Silverado) Brian Dennehy 76

 

 

BEE-BOP BIRTHDAYS

(Music Artist Birthdays From SongFacts.com)

1925 : Alan Dale

1927 : Ed Ames

1927 : Jim McReynolds (Jim & Jesse)

1929 : Lee Hazlewood

1941 : Don McPherson (Main Ingredient)

1946 : Joe Micelli (John Fred and His Playboy Band)

1946 : Bon Scott (AC/DC); born Ronald Belford Scott

1947 : John “Mitch” Mitchell (Jimi Hendrix Experience)

1954 : Debbie Sledge (Sister Sledge)

1959 : Jim Kerr (Simple Minds)

1959 : Marc Almond (Soft Cell)

1964 : Courtney Love (Hole)

1975 : Jack White (The White Stripes)

 

 

SECRETS OF THE UNIVERSE

Does a cat’s purr mean that it’s contented?

Whatever it means, it sure makes the person living with the cat melt when they hear it. They know they’re picking up good vibrations. So what is kitty trying to communicate with this sexy sound? In truth, just about anything. It’s an all-purpose noise, first used by the mother to summon her newborn and still sightless and hearing-impaired kittens. The vibrations lead them to mama. But don’t try to tell that to a cat lover. They know it means that after six years of expensive cat food and unconditional love, Tabby may finally consent to sit on their lap. Pretty please! Purr.

 

 

CHRISTIAN ARTIST NEWS

Do you like the Christian Artist News you see below? It’s just a tiny sample of the 5-6 pages of material you could be receive every weekday… and it’s FREE! Become one of their subscribers at ChristianRadioShowPrepServices.com!

 

Bob Smiley: I’m about to do a show at a Pastor’s conference. I’m going to go 20 minutes over my time just so they’ll see how it feels.

 

Jamie Grace is planning something big. She tweeted this week: three artists… five people… three states… three recording studios…. one song… one mission. Stay tuned. I can’t wait:)

 

Mark Schultz says his three year old son Ryan was at his first swimming lesson this week. But Mark says Ryan wasn’t very excited. Ryan told Mark: “If they put me in the pool I will fight them.”

 

Colton Dixon was living dangerously this week. The Christian artist well known for his big hair style tweeted that he was at the barbers for his summer hair cut. But Colton asked everyone to keep it quite since his record label didn’t know yet. A rep from the label replied: didn’t you read the rules!? If you have a bobble head…you can never change your hair.

 

Citizenways Josh Calhoun has a new addiction. He shared that he starting using Ancestry.com earlier this week and now he says he can’t stop.

 

NeedtoBreathe were part of a new series of concerts this week. They played for Southwest Airlines Live at 35 concert series, performing their song Brother at 35,000 feet during a Southwest Airlines flight. Members of the band say it gives new meaning to in flight entertainment. Southwest airline has already held several other live at 35 events this year, including concerts and even a fashion show.

 

Jamie Grace was introduced to something new this week. She was at a concert in Trinadad and shared online: Don’t know how I’ve lived 23 years and haven’t ever seen rugby but seriously that was so scary. I mean it’s practically wrestling with the occasional run/catch. Why don’t they have helmets!

 

SanctusReal front man Matt Hammitt recently recorded a podcast on iTunes talking about his decision to leave the group at the end of the year. But Matt says many SanctusReal followers weren’t able to download the podcast on their Windows devices. In response, Matt has re-released the leadme lifecast on soundcloud. You can access the broadcast and find out more about Matt’s decision by clicking on the link: http://ow.ly/Pkn1i

 

Guitarist Anthony Armstrong of the band RED was in local Nashville headlines this week. According to new release Today, Anthony pulled a man from a burning car and saved his life late Sunday night. According to the news story, Anthony and another driver both pulled over at the site of the burning vehicle while on the way back from vacation following the Fourth of July weekend. They found the driver asleep in the front seat with a blanket over his head. After waking him up, the duo had to untangle him from his seatbelt and drag him to safety.

http://nrt.cc/REDCarFire

 

 

WEIRD & WACKY

Woman arrested after calling 911 with Chinese food complaint
ALLIANCE, Ohio (AP) — An Ohio woman has been arrested after calling 911 to complain about an order of Chinese food. Police say the 44-year-old Alliance woman called the emergency number late Monday afternoon to say the Chinese food she’d ordered from a local restaurant was “not up to par for…

 

Authorities discover man living with 2 deer inside home
HUNTINGTON, W.Va. (AP) — Officials say a West Virginia man had been keeping two deer in captivity at his home for at least a year. Multiple media outlets report that Officer Joshua Addesa with the state Division of Natural Resources says authorities discovered the two white-tailed bucks when…
Police: Man breaks into Berlin restaurant, drinks Tabasco
BERLIN (AP) — A man is in hot water after allegedly stealing a bicycle, pitching it through a Berlin restaurant window, then entering and quaffing half a bottle of Tabasco sauce — telling authorities he was thirsty. Police spokesman Jens Berger said Tuesday the 34-year-old was…
Drug bundles block pipe near border, send sewage into home
TUCSON, Ariz. (AP) — Authorities in the border city of Nogales, Arizona, believe smugglers were using an international sewage line to transport drugs into the U.S. from Mexico when the pipe became clogged, sending gallons of waste through an illegal tunnel and into a house and local…
Broadway theatergoer tries to recharge phone in onstage plug    photo
NEW YORK (AP) — There’s loud talking, snoring and, of course, phones ringing. But theater etiquette might have taken a turn for the bizarre on Broadway last week with a dead cellphone. A patron at the Tony Award-nominated play “Hand to God” on July 2 climbed onstage just before the show began…
Split-colored lobster caught off Maine, 1 in 50 million find    photo
SCARBOROUGH, Maine (AP) — A rare orange-brown split-colored lobster has turned up off the coast of Maine. HASH(0x1365280) According to research by the Lobster Institute, the chance of finding a split-colored lobster is one in 50 million. The institute reports that only the albino lobster is…
Police seek help after nut theft, post mug shot of squirrel
SHELBY TOWNSHIP, Mich. (AP) — Police in suburban Detroit are having a little fun while asking for help from the public in figuring out who swiped roughly 28,000 pounds of packaged nuts. The Shelby Township Police Department says a truck and trailer packed with 18 pallets of walnuts and other…
Rain makes annual Detroit-area Mud Day for kids even muddier    photo
WESTLAND, Mich. (AP) — A steady downpour made this one of the muddiest Mud Days yet. Rain before and during the 27th annual event Tuesday in suburban Detroit that is open to kids 12 and younger created conditions that were conducive for maximum filthiness. Aidan Ruggiero, who quickly got…
Teen catches math error in golden ratio at Boston museum    photo
BOSTON (AP) — A 15-year-old high school student visiting Boston’s Museum of Science has uncovered a math error in the golden ratio at a 34-year-old exhibit. Virginia resident Joseph Rosenfeld was visiting the museum on a recent family trip when he saw something that appeared wrong with the…
South Dakota man, 101, competes in National Senior Games    photo
HIGHMORE, S.D. (AP) — A South Dakota centenarian taking part in this year’s National Senior Games is playing to win. HASH(0x1408b50) The retired rancher is competing in discus, shot put, javelin and softball throw events in the 100-plus age group. Zilverberg says he always tries to bring home…
Large wave washes out Jersey shore town’s fireworks display
SEASIDE HEIGHTS, N.J. (AP) — A large wave washed out the Fourth of July fireworks show in a Jersey shore community. Seaside Heights officials say a wave ran so far up the shore on Saturday night that it soaked all the fireworks set up on the beach. Town officials say the fireworks were set up…

 

 

HEALTH & FITNESS

Report: Number of US heroin users rose 300,000 over a decade
NEW YORK (AP) — The number of U.S. heroin users has grown by nearly 300,000 over a decade, with the bulk of the increase among whites, according to a new government report. Experts think the increase was driven by people switching from opioid painkillers to cheaper heroin. The Centers for…

 

At least 5 kids got wrong immunizations at New Jersey clinic
SALEM, N.J. (AP) — At least five children were given the wrong immunizations at a health clinic for the uninsured, including a 2-year-old boy who got an “excessive dose” of a cervical cancer prevention vaccine, authorities said. The Salem County-run “Shots for Tots” program has been shuttered…
Right-to-die advocates call California loss a brief setback    photo
SACRAMENTO, Calif. (AP) — California dealt the national right-to-die movement a huge blow when legislation allowing doctors to prescribe life-ending drugs stalled, but advocates aren’t conceding defeat. The movement was reinvigorated by the nationally publicized story of Brittany Maynard, a…
The battle for control of the growing breast milk industry    photo
TRENTON, N.J. (AP) — It could trade for 400 times more than the price of crude oil and 2,000 times more than iron ore. If sold off the shelf, it could cost more than 150 times the price of a gallon of cow’s milk and 15 times more than coffee. Going for as much as $4 per ounce, breast milk is…
Panel: Politics among reasons for botched UN Ebola response    photo
LONDON (AP) — The Ebola outbreak exposed the U.N. health agency’s organizational failings, a panel reported Tuesday — but it didn’t blame any individuals at the World Health Organization for its bungled response last year to the deadly crisis. The report instead criticized WHO’s…
Missouri law allows tax exemption for stillbirths
JEFFERSON CITY, Mo. (AP) — Missouri is joining at least one other state in offering a tax exemption for stillbirths, after Democratic Gov. Jay Nixon signed a law allowing it starting this year. The measure will allow a one-time exemption of $1,200 from a parent’s income — the same…
Patients lash out at ‘monster’ cancer doctor in fraud case    photo
DETROIT (AP) — Telling stories of deep anguish, patients and their relatives described Tuesday how a Detroit-area cancer doctor wrecked their lives through excessive treatments and intentional misdiagnoses while he collected millions of dollars from insurers. A judge set aside nearly four…
WHO says too few countries taxing tobacco products enough
MANILA, Philippines (AP) — Taxing cigarettes up to 75 percent of their retail price is among the most effective ways to reduce tobacco use, but too few governments levy high enough taxes, according to a World Health Organization global report released Tuesday. The WHO’s 2015 report on the…
Q&A: As Obama health law survives, GOP split over next move    photo
WASHINGTON (AP) — Having lost their latest war against President Barack Obama’s health care overhaul, Republicans must decide how to wage battles that could fan the issue for the 2016 elections. Last month’s Supreme Court decision upholding the statute’s federal subsidies, which help millions…
Foreigner in Philippines tests positive for MERS virus
MANILA, Philippines (AP) — A 36-year-old foreigner who arrived in the Philippines from the Middle East is under quarantine after testing positive for the MERS virus, health officials said Monday. Philippine Health Secretary Janette Garin said several people the foreigner had come in close…
California right-to-die bill stalls in blow to movement    photo
SACRAMENTO, Calif. (AP) — In a blow to the right-to-die movement, California lawmakers on Tuesday dropped one of the strongest legislative efforts in the U.S. to allow terminally ill patients to legally end their lives. The move came despite pleas involving the case of Brittany Maynard, who…

 

 

NEWS KICKERS

(None on the weekends)

 

NEW NEWS KICKERS…

A suburban Philadelphia county (Montgomery) has an embarrassing misspelling on signage posted around the local community: the word “commissioners” with only one “m”. And the mistake appeared on 26 signs. Officials say it will take about 10 days and $4,000 to correct the error with adhesive labels.  ***Even worse, nobody noticed for a month and a half.  Way to go, Pennsylvania schools!

 

A new study finds that women tend to let handsome men off the hook for things more easily than their plainer counterparts.  *** ”Well, he DID drink all my beer, steal my rent money and run up my credit cards, but he’s just SOOOO GOOD LOOKING!

 

It’s going to cost more to get your cup of Starbucks coffee. According to an ABC News report, The price increase is 5 to 20 cents for most beverages. Starbucks’ “tall” and “venti” sizes of brewed coffee are increasing by 10 cents in “most markets”. For Starbucks lovers who buy a tall brewed coffee every day of the week, a 10-cent increase will add up to an extra $36.50 a year.  *** Do you even have a reasonable excuse to complain about your coffee prices rising by ten cents when you’re already willing to pay four bucks for a cup of coffee?  I don’t think you do.  I will never understand Starbucks people.  http://abcn.ws/1HbkVlM

 

How bad did Boston get it this past winter? According to the New York Times there’s still a 12-foot-high pile of ice and debris left over from the city’s record snowfall, the remnants of a 75-foot-high pile.  *** In fact, that section of parking lot is still so icy that the hill of snow has been named “Hillary”.

 

 

NEWS KICKER EVERGREENS…

The machines many people use to experience their favorite programs are greedy energy-guzzlers. There are approximately 224 million of them in the United States and, combined, they consume approximately the same amount of electricity as would be produced by four nuclear reactors — enormous ones, running around the clock. According the L.A. Times the boxes have become “the biggest single energy user in many homes, apart from air conditioning.”  ***MARLAR: No wonder I feel like my energy is zapped every time I television-gorge… it’s because my energy is being zapped!

 

Recent research has found that sitting for long periods of time may be bad for your health — even if you regularly exercise. Scientists are discovering that sitting for extended times may put us at risk for diabetes, heart disease, cancer, obesity, even early death. This has some medical experts calling for intermittent daily activities, like stair climbing, to be prescribed along with the traditional call for regular physical exercise. ***MARLAR: I regularly get up from my chair to hit the fridge – so I’m already good.

 

A new study says being popular in high school isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. In fact, the report in Relevant Magazine finds that being popular in high school may actually make life more difficult down the road. According to the University of Virginia Study, the so-called cool kids often have more problems making friends and staying out of legal trouble after graduation.  ***MARLAR: Well… I guess I’m good then.

 

No need to be hungry – the United Nations has the solution, disgusting as it may be.

The U.N. is trying to promote the idea of combating world hunger by eating insects. Three dozen scientists from 15 nations suggested that the U.N. help promote small-scale insect ranches, distribute recipes, encourage the harvesting of locusts and other insects to grind into a paste to add to food, and even encourage astronauts to raise bugs in space to eat rather than try to carry meat. A Dutch entomologist known as “Mr. Edible Insect” blames Western disgust at eating bugs for the failure of aid agencies to incorporate insects into their mix, saying, “They are completely biased.”  ***MARLAR: He’s just not trying hard enough.  This guy needs to go to the (LOCAL COUNTY FAIR) – he’ll see that we’ll eat anything if it’s dipped in batter and deep-fried.

 

 

WONDER WOMAN

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… “Girl Scout Cookies”

 

 

DAILY COMEDY CLIP

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… Brad Stine, “Look Out For Deer”

 

 

AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – WEEKDAY VERSION

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD THURSDAY’S EPISODE
OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns! Last time, Nozzles the Elephant and Gruffy Bear went to the library, and Gruffy ran across a map of the jungle and discovered that his property line was larger than he though – and his property actually crossed over the main path through the jungle. Nozzles sarcastically suggested that he build a toll booth…

 

CLOSE: Wow, sounds like this toll booth idea is working out pretty well – for Gruffy, at least. But how long will it be before the rest of the jungle animals find a different route – or run out of money? More of the story next time, As the Jungle Turns!

 

 

AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – SATURDAY/SUNDAY VERSION

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD THE EPISODE FOR THE WEEKEND OF JULY 11/12, 2015
OPEN: Last time on As the Jungle Turns, Marvy Snuffleson was tired of work. School, homework, chores, cleaning his room… but now he’s on Razzleflabbin Island, where the weekly calendar clock tells them Sunday is for attending church, weekdays are for work, and Saturday is for rest and relaxation. And on Razzleflabbin Island – it’s now Saturday… and Marvy Snuffleson is loving it!

 

CLOSE: Bread and water to eat – but also no work! What will Marvy decide to do? Tune in again next time to find out, As the Jungle Turns!

 

***You may simulcast “As the Jungle Turns” on the Internet stream of your live broadcast only. Any other Internet use of As the Jungle Turns in whole or part including podcasting of your live broadcast is a violation of copyright law. Thank you for your cooperation on this vitally important issue. If you have any questions, please e-mail us.

 

 

MOMENT OF DUH

Two men are arrested in today’s Moment of Duh – one who committed a crime, and another who decided to dress like the criminal just to see what would happen!

In Redding, California, two men were arrested — one accused of trying to break into Northern California Recycling — and another who simply tried to look like the guy who did! 23-year-old Matthew Padel led police on an hour-long chase which ended with his capture in a residential neighborhood. But while this was going on, 41-year-old Russell Spade was listening in on his police scanner and heard that officers were looking for a man wearing khaki pants and a San Francisco 49ers sweatshirt. So Mr. Spade wondered if the police would notice him if he went outside wearing the same outfit as the suspect. Well guess what — they did! And they arrested him. They later realized Spade did not fit the description of suspect except for the clothes he was wearing but charged him anyway with suspicion of obstructing and delaying a police officer.

 

 

TOP TEN

TOP TEN FUN THINGS TO DO IN A DRIVE-THRU

 

  1. Honk your horn the whole way through the line.

 

  1. Drive through the drive thru in reverse and let your passenger order.

 

  1. Ask prices of everything on the menu then order something that you did not ask the price for.

 

  1. Pretend like your window is broken. Tell the employee this. Order with your door open, pay with your door open. Then roll down window and take food through the window.

 

  1. Go to McDonalds and demand a big breakfast at 11:30 at night.

 

  1. Pay for a large order in unwrapped pennies and nickels.

 

  1. When they hand you your food, hand them a bag back with all the trash from your car.

 

  1. If they ask you to wait, order anyway and keep doing it till they yell at you.

 

  1. Order a cup of water and two napkins. That’s it.

 

  1. Don’t order when they come on. Just sit there. If a line forms behind you, get out of the car and cause a scene.

 

 

THE FILES OF LAW & DISORDER

A man turns himself in to the police – accidentally!

 

FILE #1: According to a delighted police force in Pennsylvania, a wanted man by the name of Norman Clarence Kenney was caught when he accidentally got into a police cruiser thinking it was a taxi. Oh, if only they were all that easy.

 

FILE #2: An armed robber in the United Kingdom burst into a liquor store with the intent to rob it but shot himself in the leg when he tripped over the doormat trying to pull a sawed off shotgun from his pants.

 

FILE #3: A 77-year-old Chicago man admitted to holding up three banks to pay for dates with his 76-year-old girlfriend. “I didn’t have the money and I didn’t know what to do,” he said.

 

STRANGE LAW: The city of San Francisco holds a copyright on the name San Francisco. It is illegal to manufacture any item with the name without first getting permission from the city. Since the Supreme Court upheld the copyright, San Francisco has had an annual $300 million surplus every year.

 

 

THIS IS YOUR BRAIN ON DRUGS

The federal courthouse in Sioux Falls, Iowa had a bit of an embarrassing episode.

Turns out they had marijuana growing on their lawn. City officials and a developer said seeds in dirt brought in for construction must have sprouted. The plants were removed and no federal officials were willing to comment.  ***MARLAR: Isn’t an incident like this one of the worst times to say “no comment”?  That in itself makes it look like they found your stash.

 

 

PHONER PHUN

Does your pet do weird or unusual things? Like what?

 

 

BIBLE BRAIN BUSTER!

QUESTION: From what city was Abraham?

ANSWER: Ur (Genesis 11:27-28)

 

 

QUESTION IMPOSSIBLE

QUESTION: What does the “7” stand for in ‘7-Up?”

ANSWER: The citrus soda 7-UP was created in 1929; the ‘7’ was selected because the original containers were 7 ounces.
TRUE OR FALSE

Pay attention! If our next player doesn’t answer all ten T/F questions correctly we start all over from question #1! First person to answer question #10 correctly is our winner!

  1. Avocados have the highest calories of any fruit. (True – 167 calories per hundred grams.)

 

  1. Apples are the world’s most widely cultivated plant. (False – wheat; grown on every continent except Antarctica.)

 

  1. A diamond will not dissolve in acid. (True – the only thing that can destroy it is intense heat.)

 

  1. Those mineral deposits in caves that grow upward are stalagmites. (True. The ones growing downward are stalactites.)

 

  1. The Chinese were using aluminum to make things as early as 300 AD. (True. Western civilization didn’t rediscover aluminum until 1827.)

 

  1. A pelican consumes about 50 percent of its body weight in a single meal. (False – 33 percent.)

 

  1. Of the million-plus species of insects on earth, 3,000 of them are mosquitoes. (True, and more than 165 of those live in the United States.)

 

  1. Huckleberry Finn’s remedy for a sore throat was swinging a dead cat in a graveyard at night. (False – that was for warts.)

 

  1. Caves can breathe in and out. (True. Large caves inhale and exhale great quantities of air when the barometric pressure on the surface changes, and air rushes in or out seeking equilibrium.)

 

  1. An adult walrus typically eats about 3,000 clams per day. (True)

 

 

TABLOID MATCH GAME

You have to match the blank in the tabloid headline with the word or phrase that has been removed!

Woman Teaches Two-Year-Old To ________!  (SMOKE)

In Virginia Beach, Virginia, 33-year-old Sandra Venery was arrested and charged with contributing to the delinquency of a minor after being found responsible for posting a video of a two-year-old child smoking cigarettes on her MySpace page. Sandra allegedly also prompts the toddler to say dirty words during the video.

 

 

THE WAY TOO EARLY IN THE MORNING TO UNDERSTAND THE PUNCHLINE EVEN AFTER TWO CUPS OF COFFEE JOKE OF THE DAY

JOKE #1

Father Murphy walked into Fitzgerald’s Pub and said to the first man he met, “Do you want to go to heaven?”
The man said, “I do, Father.”
The priest said, “Leave this pub right now!”  He then approached a second man. “Do you want to go to heaven?”
“Certainly, Father,” was the man’s reply.
“Then leave this den of Satan!” said the priest.  Father Murphy then walked up to O’Toole and asked, “Do you want to go to heaven?”
O’Toole replied: “No, I don’t Father.”
The priest looked him right in the eye and said, “You mean to tell me that when you die you don’t want to go to heaven?”
O’Toole smiled, “Oh, when I die. Yes, Father. I thought you were getting a group together to go right now.”

 

JOKE #2

For many years I worked as a receptionist and switchboard operator at a busy company. After a good annual review, my supervisor told me I was up for a raise, pending approval of the vice president.  A month later, my supervisor called me into his office and told me the VP had refused to approve the raise. His reason? I clearly wasn’t doing my job.  Every time he saw me, I was either chatting with someone in the lobby or talking on the phone.

 

JOKE #3

A married couple were browsing in a crafts store when the husband noticed a display of country-style musical instruments.  After looking over the flutes, dulcimers and recorders, he picked up a shiny, one-stringed instrument he thought to be a mouth harp.  The husband put it to his lips and, much to the amusement of other shoppers, twanged a few notes on it.

After watching from a distance, the man’s wife came up and whispered in his ear, “I hate to tell you this, honey, but you’re trying to play a cheese slicer.”

 

 

USELESS FACTS

A Calvert, Maryland, woman began choking, and her golden retriever Toby jumped up and down on her chest, performing the Heimlich Maneuver and saving her life.  ***MARLAR: As a reward, the dog will be allowed to beg and be fed under the table for the rest of its life.

 

Christy Walton, the widow of Wal-Mart founder John Walton, is now the world’s richest woman. She also owns a stake in solar power outfit First Solar; late husband John was an early investor in the alternative energy company. Her net worth is now $20 billion.  ***MARLAR: Ironically, she’s one of the few people in American that can afford not to shop at Wal-Mart.

 

 

FEATURED FUNNIES

FISHY DINNER
A friend hosted a dinner party for people from work and everyone was encouraged to bring their children.
All during the sit-down dinner one co-worker’s three-year-old girl stared at the man sitting across from her.
The girl could hardly eat her food from staring.
The man checked his tie, felt his face for food, patted his hair in place, but nothing stopped her from staring at him.  He tried his best to just ignore her but finally it was too much for him.  He asked her, “Why are you staring at me?”
Everyone at the table had noticed her behavior, and the table went quiet for her response.
The little girl said, “I just want to see how you drink like a fish!”

 

 

IT MUST BE TRUE BECAUSE I HEARD IT ON THE RADIO!

Jesus appears in the strangest places – this time it’s in a bag of chips!

Devout Catholic Rosalie Lawson of St. Petersburg, Florida, was watching TV and eating sour cream-and-onion potato chips when she looked down at the one in her hand and exclaimed, “Oh my goodness!” She says the chip has an image of Jesus on it. She and her husband put it in a jar in their kitchen for safekeeping and are pondering whether to sell it or what else to do with it.  ***MARLAR: The big question is “What Would Jesus Do?”  I think he’d go out and buy some dip.  (Do these people really think God is trying to speak to them through a bag of chips?)

 

 

INSPIRATIONAL INSPIRATION

GOD’S WAYS

I asked for Strength… God gave me Difficulties to make me strong.
I asked for Wisdom… God gave me Problems to solve.
I asked for Prosperity… God gave me Brain and Brawn to work.
I asked for Courage… God gave me Danger to overcome.
I asked for Love… God gave me Troubled people to help.
I asked for Favors… God gave me Opportunities.
I got nothing I wanted… but I received everything I needed!

 

 

DRIVE TIME DEVOTIONAL

SOME TALK ABOUT TALK

Read: Psalm 141

Set a guard, O Lord, over my mouth; keep watch over the door of my lips. —Psalm 141:3

A man attended a meeting where the guest lecturer was extremely long-winded. When the listener could stand it no longer, he got up and slipped out a side door. In the corridor he met a friend who asked, “Has he finished yet?”

“Yes,” the man replied, “he’s been through for a long time, but he’s not aware of it! He simply won’t stop!”

The idea of coming to the point and saying something worthwhile is also good counsel for us as we talk with others each day. If we are honest with ourselves, we must admit that some of our conversation is nothing more than careless talk. The Lord Jesus warned, “For every idle word men may speak, they will give account of it in the day of judgment” (Matthew 12:36).

Pause a minute and think about what your usual conversation is like. What is the subject of most of your discussions? Do you talk too much and not give opportunity for others to speak? Is your speech profitable to others? And above all, do your words glorify the Lord?

God can enable you to speak words that build up others and don’t just fill the air. Today, make the words of David your prayer: “Set a guard, O Lord, over my mouth; keep watch over the door of my lips” (Psalm 141:3). —Richard De Haan

 

How easy to use many words
When really we’ve nothing to say!
But when we are yielded to God,
Our words will bless hearts every day. —D. De Haan

 

If your mind goes blank, don’t forget to turn off the sound.

 

 

LEFTOVERS

If you’ve ever wondered if bears like Big Macs, the answer may lie in South Brunswick, New Jersey.

Police phones exploded after a small bear was spotted standing in the drive through line at the McDonald’s on busy Route 1 during morning rush hour. Eventually the bear made his way off into the woods and nobody was hurt. Police say bears are unusual but nor rare in the central New Jersey township. ***MARLAR: The sign “billions and billions served” doesn’t apply to you, Boo Boo!

 

 

LIFE… LIVE IT

MEN’S FASHION MISTAKES

It doesn’t cost much to correct most common fashion mistakes says Lloyd Boston, author of “Make Over Your Man: The Woman’s Guide to Dressing Any Man in Her Life.” They’re usually small things that, once corrected, make a well-dressed man out of a man who simply gets dressed. Here are some examples:

  • Overstuffed wallet — “This is the biggest mistake most men make. Often men store items they don’t really need to carry around every day. Less is more.”
  • Overdressing — “Many men clutter up their appearance with a fancy suit, a flashy belt and snappy shoes, but it’s often the clean, simple guy in the room — with crisp white shirt and a basic solid tie — who gets all the attention.”
  • Wearing unkempt shoes — “Shoes can make or break an outfit, but often they’re the last thing men think of. Men should choose the best shoe they can afford and take care of them by shining them regularly and storing them on shoe trees.”
  • Wearing items attached to clothing — “Cell phones and other accessories detract from a great outfit. Beepers, knives, pens in our shirt pockets and key chains tend to give men lumps and bumps all over. Remember, less is more.
  • Wearing everything tucked and belted — “Notice that stylish men who appear on the red carpet often wear their clothes more loosely. It doesn’t look sloppy; it has a quiet elegance. It’s a sort of James Bond meets Denzel Washington look.”

 

 

 

JUST FOR FUN

Police in Lincoln, Nebraska have a very clear message for local joggers — “The Thong is Wrong!”

A 26-year-old man was arrested for running on a Lincoln bike trail in his thong underwear — and nothing else — save his shoes and socks. In Lincoln that constitutes indecent exposure.  ***MARLAR: Actually, that’s indecent wherever you are.

 

 

FUN LIST

SIGNS YOU’RE FROM THE MIDWEST

  • A tornado warning siren is your signal to go out in the yard and look for a funnel.
  • You have used the phrase “fixin’ to” during the last 12 months.
  • Someone you know has used a football schedule to plan their wedding date.
  • You can recall hot summers or terrible winters by the year they happened easier than you can remember your mother’s birthday.
  • You think that people who complain about the wind in other states are sissies.
  • A bad traffic jam involves two cars staring each other down at a four-way stop, each determined to be the most polite and let the other go first.
  • You’ve ever been excused from school because “the cows got out.”

 

 

MORE SHOW PREP STUFF…

The internet is good for your brain!

Are you worried the internet might be causing your brain to slow down and atrophy? Don’t worry about it! A new study suggests that Internet training can stimulate neural activation patterns and could potentially enhance brain function and cognition in older adults. As the brain ages, a number of structural and functional changes occur, including reductions in cell activity. Research has shown that mental stimulation similar to the stimulation that occurs in individuals who frequently use the Internet may affect the efficiency of cognitive processing and alter the way the brain encodes new information. Take it a step further… try doing your Bible study online – that way you’re working out your brain and your spirit at the same time!

 

 

TOTALLY OUTRAGEOUS!

(Mondays Only)

 

 

THE WAY WE WORK

(Wednesdays only; The Way WE Work is written by Mark Elfstrand from 1160Hope.com in Chicago.)

 

 

OTHER STUFF I WANT TO CRAM INTO TODAY’S PREP

(None On The Weekends)

An Iraq war veteran is on a different type of tour these days – traveling the country to find healing…through hugs. Ian Cooke suffers from Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder since returning from his deployment in Iraq, and says he’s discovered a unique method of recovery. Four months ago he left his Portland, Oregon home to start the Human Hug Project – a mission to spread love to others through a simple embrace. So far, Cooke and his friends have traveled more than 25,000 miles across the country, visiting different Veterans Affairs Medical Centers, and hugging whoever is willing to hold onto a stranger.

http://www.goodnewsnetwork.org/veteran-makes-it-his-new-mission-to-hand-out-hugs/

 

Faith Comes By Hearing is using a special audio player to reach people in rural areas. According to Mission Network News, the devise is called The Proclaimer. It is a nearly indestructible digital audio player that can be powered by solar energy, electricity, or a hand crank. One full charge will last about 15 hours, and it can be recharged enough to play the entire New Testament over 1,000 times. Its powerful speaker allows up to 300 people to listen at once. The player is preloaded with the message of the Bible and then distributed to each group in their language, in order to maximize the Gospel’s impact.  ***I kinda want one of these now.  Why couldn’t they have made boom boxes back in the 1980’s like these?

https://t.co/anbT3XmXG5

 

Justice and Jeremy Stamper are planning their second wedding, since Justice can’t remember their first. According to Time Magazine, in August 2014, just weeks after the duo were married, Justice was in a severe car accident that resulted in the loss of some of her memory. The couple, who live in Bristol, Tenn., are now planning the celebration.

http://ti.me/1JdBOAe

 

 

AND I LEAVE YOU WITH THIS THOUGHT

Do you realize millions of people in India, Tibet, and Indonesia will go to bed tonight without hearing this show? Think about that.

 

 

THE TICKET Movie Reviews with MARIE ASNER

Marie Asner has been reviewing films for over 30 years. Her outlets include radio, print and Internet. For more in-depth movie reviews of the following films, visit www.Tollbooth.org. Ratings from 1 (Low) to 5 (High).

 

JULY 01, 2015…

 

Terminator Genisys—This update to the “Terminator” film series goes between three time periods and has Emilia Clarke (“Game of Thrones”) as Sarah Connor with Jai Courtney (“Child 44”) as Kyle Reese. Yes, and Arnold Schwarzenegger is also in the film along with Jason Clarke. The human race still needs saving and robots are still there. “Terminator Genisys” is rated PG 13. Rating of 3 for fans. He’s back.

 

Magic Mike XXL—This July 4th weekend has something for everyone. Science fiction fans and fans of guys who dance in bars. Here comes a sequel to Channing Tatum’s “Magic Mike”  Time has passed and the guys are headed to a strip convention in South Carolina. Jada Pinkett Smith (“Gotham”) owns a strip club  and Michael Strahan works for her. The cast includes Matt Bormer and Joe Manganiello. “Magic Mike XXL” is rated a definite R. Rating of 3 for fans and you know who are.

 

JULY 10, 2015…

 

Self/Less is a science fiction thriller starring Ryan Reynolds and Ben Kingsley about mind transplant..

 

The Bronze (opening in select cities) is a comedy with Melissa Rauch (“Big Bang Theory”) and Gary Cole.

 

Minions (at last!) is an animated film about the little characters from the “Despicable Me” films. Much cuteness.One of the voices is Sandra Bullock.

 

Jimmy’s Hall (opening in select cities) is an Irish drama about a verdict without a trial.

 

The Gallows is a story about a haunting in a school. It’s horror film time again.

 

# # # # #

 

 

WARNING:  Don’t believe anything you read on the Internet or email (including stuff you read here) unless you can confirm it with another source, and/or it is consistent with what you already know to be true. The opinions in this publication are not necessarily those of Darren Marlar, Marlar House Entertainment, OnAirPrep.com, or any company or organization affiliated with aforementioned. (Regardless of how stupid you may think those opinions are. So there – nyah!)

Darren Marlar credits all non-original material to the author whenever possible. All other material is original, used with permission, or author unknown. We welcome all comments, questions, and suggestions. Darren can be reached via his website at www.DarrenMarlar.com.