July 10, 2015: Friday ONAIRprep

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PRINTER FRIENDLY VERSION: 20150710

 

WELCOME TO THE SHOW!

Be prepared for some real spontaneity on today’s show.  For those who may not know, “spontaneity” is an esoteric disc jockey term meaning, “Hey! I forgot to prepare anything for today’s show!”

 

 

BIBLE VERSE OF THE DAY

He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all–how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things? –Romans 8:32

 

I will bow down toward your holy temple and will praise your name for your love and your faithfulness, for you have exalted above all things your name and your word. — Psalm 138:2

 

 

HEARTLIGHT VERSE & THOUGHT

It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery. — Galatians 5:1

 

Thought: We have been set free! We are delivered from law, sin, and death. We have been set free to serve God and share in his grace eternally. So how will we use that freedom?

 

Prayer: God of freedom and grace, please give me your Spirit of wisdom to understand more fully all the ways that you have blessed me. Please help me use those blessings to share your grace with my family and friends. May I never take for granted your gifts or abuse my freedoms won at such great cost. In Jesus’ name I pray. Amen.

 

The Thoughts and Prayers for Today’s Verse are written by Phil Ware. You can email questions or comments to phil@heartlight.org.

 

 

BIRTH VERSE” OF THE DAY

The chapter and verse corresponds to the month and the day!

Psalm 7:10 NIV
My shield is God Most High, who saves the upright in heart.

 

 

TODAY IS FRIDAY – JULY 10, 2015

(NOTE: Some holidays may be duplicated due to various calendars reporting conflicting dates)
WEIRD, WACKY, STRANGE, ZANY, ODD, BIZARRE, QUIRKY, UNUSUAL HOLIDAYS!
THERE ARE ONLY 169 SHOPPING DAYS UNTIL CHRISTMAS.  

 

Today is PAVEMENT DAY, marking completion of the first concrete-paved street on this date in 1892.  ***MARLAR: Two weeks later the very first orange barrels appeared.

 

Today is INTERNATIONAL TOWN CRIERS DAY.  ***MARLAR: There’s not a big need for criers anymore.  These were the guys who, in the middle of the night, would cry out “Two o’clock and all’s well… three o’clock and all’s well…”  That would never fly today; if you wake people up every hour in the middle of the night to yell that all is well… you won’t be all that well for all that long.

 

Today is DON’T STEP ON A BEE DAY.  ***MARLAR: Maybe I’m just a wimp, but shouldn’t that be an everyday thing?  Do you know anyone who nonchalantly goes around stepping on bees thinking it’s a good idea?  Me neither.

 

This is LET’S PLAY TENNIS WEEK.  ***MARLAR: Personally, I’d rather step on a bee.

 

 

TODAY IS ALSO. . .

Collector Car Appreciation Day

Clerihew Day

Don’t Step On a Bee Day

Pina Colada Day

Taos Pueblo Pow Wow

Teddy Bears’ Picnic Day

Wayne Chicken Day

 

 

COMING UP NEXT

SATURDAY, JULY 11

Bowdler’s Day

Cheer Up The Lonely Day

Day of the Five Billion

National Rainier Cherries Day

Slurpee Day (7-Eleven Day)

World Population Day

Bald Is In Day

Carver Day

Grange Day

 

SUNDAY, JULY 12

Grange Day

Night of Nights

Simplicity Day

 

SUNDAY, JULY 13

Ann Hutchinson Memorial Day

Embrace Your Geekness Day

Gruntled Workers Day

National French Fries Day

 

MONDAY, JULY 14

International Nude Day

International Town Criers Day ***MARLAR: Let’s just hope they are not also celebrating International Nude Day!

Shark Awareness Day

 

TUESDAY, JULY 15

Be a Dork Day (Be a Dork and be proud.  Wear goofy clothing, don’t brush your teeth, eat yucky food, and fall off a swing set.)

Gummi Worm Day

National Pet Fire Safety Day

Saint Swithin’s Day

Take Your Poet To Work Week

 

WEDNESDAY, JULY 16

Get To Know Your Customers Day

Hot Dog Night

World Snake Day

 

THURSDAY, JULY 17

Wrong Way Corrigan Day

Yellow Pig Day

 

FRIDAY, JULY 18

Celebration of The Horse Day

National Hot Dog Day

Nelson Mandela International Day

National Caviar Day

Toss Away the “Could Haves” and “Should Haves” Day

Woodie Wagon Day

 

 

ON THIS DAY

1880: U.S. patent #254,828 was issued for the tuxedo life jacket, an inflatable formal jacket for dining out at sea.

 

1960: 16-year-old Brian Hyland’s “Itsy Bitsy Teenie Weenie Yellow Polkadot Bikini” entered the Billboard Hot 100 music chart. Composer Paul Vance wrote the song after watching his 2-year-old daughter Paula at the beach in her new bikini. (

)

 

1964: The Beatles released the single “A Hard Day’s Night” in England. Flipside: “Things We Said Today.”

 

1967: Bobbie Gentry recorded “Ode to Billie Joe” (Capitol #5950). It was #1 for four weeks in August and September.

 

1989: The British pop group The Monkees received a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. (

)

 

1991: Millie Bush, America’s First Dog, became a millionaire as royalties from her book about a dog’s life in the White House reached $1.1-million. Millie gave the money to First Lady Barbara Bush’s family literacy foundation. Millie died in May, 1997.

 

1993: A 37-year-old San Antonio man ran over himself when he tried to jump from his moving car while fleeing from police. The suspect survived to face charges of stealing 13 bags of potting soil from a builder’s supply store.

 

1996: A former employee of Orlando’s Gatorland theme park was sentenced to six months in jail for selling two of the park’s 2,400 alligators to an Indiana tourist for $75.00 each. The 3-foot gators were discovered in the tourist’s motel room after he called the state game commission for suggestions on how to transport them to Indiana.

 

1996: Tipper the cat, choking on his flea collar in Tampa, was rescued after he called 9-1-1. Fortunately, Tipper’s owner had programmed the speed-dial button on the phone to dial 9-1-1, so the cat only had to push one button.

 

1998: The Diocese of Dallas agreed to pay $23.4 million to nine former altar boys who said they had been molested by a priest.

 

2002: Peter Paul Rubens’ painting “The Massacre of the Innocents” sold at auction for $76.2 million.

 

2003: A 32-year-old Israeli woman was recovering well from surgery after she tried to retrieve a cockroach that had jumped into her mouth with a fork. She swallowed the fork.

 

2004: In his weekly radio address, President Bush said legalizing gay marriage would redefine the most fundamental institution of civilization, and that a constitutional amendment was needed to protect traditional marriage.

 

 

TODAY IN CHRISTIAN HISTORY

1509: French Protestant reformer John Calvin is born in Nyon, France.

 

1863: Clement C. Moore dies. In 1819 he established the General Theological Seminary, where he taught Greek and Hebrew Literature for 28 years. He also authored “A Visit from St. Nicholas” (‘Twas the Night Before Christmas…) in 1823.

 

1925: The Scopes Monkey Trial begins. Tennessee had forbidden the teaching of evolution. William Jennings Bryan, a fundamentalist, argued the prosecution and won, but popular culture has given the victory to Clarence Darrow. Bryan College now overlooks Dayton, Tennessee, the site of the battle.

 

 

HOLLYWOOD, SPORTS AND CELEBRITY FIGURE BIRTHDAYS

  • Singer/actress (Daisy Duke in the Dukes of Hazzard movie, MTV’s “Newlyweds”) Jessica Simpson 34
  • actor Thomas Ian Nicholas (American Pie) is 34
  • Actor (Vincent Chase on HBO’s “Entourage”, The Devil Wears Prada, Hart’s War) Adrian Grenier is 37
  • Actor (Willie on “Little House on the Prairie”) Jonathan Gilbert 46 (
    )
  • Actor (Shepherd Book on “Firefly” and the movie Serenity, Russell on “Friends”, Det. Ron Harris on “Barney Miller”) Ron Glass 69 (
    )
  • Actor (Governor Robert Ritchie on “The West Wing”, 1979’s The Amityville Horror, Westworld, Dr. Steven Kiley on “Marcus Welby, M.D.”, Colonel William Keating in Rambo IV) James Brolin 74 (
    )

 

 

BEE-BOP BIRTHDAYS

(Music Artist Birthdays From SongFacts.com)

1895 : Carl Orff

1937 : Jumpin’ Gene Simmons

1937 : Sandy Stewart

1941 : Ian Whitcomb

1942 : Ronnie James Dio (Black Sabbath, Rainbow)

1943 : Jerry Miller (Moby Grape)

1944 : John Dymond (Dave Dee, Dozy, Beaky, Mick and Tich)

1947 : Arlo Davy Guthrie

1949 : Dave Smalley (The Young Rascals, The Raspberries)

1950 : Greg Kihn

1954 : Neil Tennant (Pet Shop Boys)

1965 : Peter DiStefano (Porno For Pyros)

1980 : Jessica Simpson

 

 

SECRETS OF THE UNIVERSE

What exactly is the Continental Shelf?

The continental shelf, as large as it sounds, might make the perfect closet organizer for my wife and her hundreds of outfits! Unfortunately, that’s not really a convenient idea though, considering the continental shelf is under water. DRAT! The continental shelf is the underwater ledge that juts out from land at the ocean’s edge. Don’t confuse this ledge with the shallow end of a swimming pool though, because it still goes down as much as 600 feet. But it goes no deeper than that for quite a distance out from shore, where the real slope starts and the bottom quickly drops to a depth of several miles. So I wouldn’t wade out too far.

 

 

CHRISTIAN ARTIST NEWS

Do you like the Christian Artist News you see below? It’s just a tiny sample of the 5-6 pages of material you could be receive every weekday… and it’s FREE! Become one of their subscribers at ChristianRadioShowPrepServices.com!

 

Another groaner from Citizen Way: Why did the yogurt go to the art exhibit? Because it was cultured.

 

Jonny Diaz says his daughter is a tough crowd. He tweeted: Just played Charlie Grace a song that I wrote for her. She listened and then spit up everywhere. Not sure how to take that.

 

Switchfoot’s Jon Foreman says his song Your Love Is Enough is a song that talks my lifelong struggles with doubt, fear, loneliness, and the contradictions within me. But Jon says the chorus is reminds him of the hope that he has. It says: “Your love is enough. You’re my harbor in this lonely storm. Your love is enough.”

 

TobyMac says he and his crew always have five food items on the tour bus. They are: Coffee, cereal, water, chips, and salsa.

 

Fans are inspired by more than just Newsboys drummer Duncan Phillips on stage performance. One fan named Meagan tweeted: your inspiring quotes and healthy living quotes have helped me. I am now 80 lbs lighter. Thank you!

 

Newsboys member Duncan Phillips is an American transplant but that doesn’t diminish his pride in the American flag. The native Australian shared a picture of the flag this week along with the tweet: Love walking into a truck stop and seeing this proudly displayed on the dining room wall!

 

Tenth Avenue North’s Ruben Juarez: I enjoy long romantic walks to the fridge

 

Sidewalk Prophets member Ben McDonald says his new cat is having an identity crises. The guitarist for the band tweeted a picture of their new kitten fast asleep on his shoulder with the caption: I thought we were getting a kitten not a parrot.

 

Advice from Britt Nicole: Healthy is the new skinny! Be the best you, not who magazines say you should be.

 

A confession from Kutless member James Mead: I literally suck at taking selfies.

 

 

WEIRD & WACKY

Error in golden ratio at exhibit? Museum now says it’s right    photo
BOSTON (AP) — A Boston science museum that praised a teenager for catching a mistake in the golden ratio at a decades-old exhibit now says it wasn’t an error after all. The Museum of Science released a statement Tuesday afternoon saying the equation in the 34-year-old “Mathematica exhibit”…

 

Drunken man seeking ride home calls 911 to report fake crash
HACKETTSTOWN, N.J. (AP) — Police in New Jersey say a drunken man twice called 911 to report a fake accident because he wanted officers to give him a ride home. Hackettstown police say the initial call from the 38-year-old man came in Tuesday night around the same time the department received…
Double deer: Officials say man kept 2 in captivity at home
HUNTINGTON, W.Va. (AP) — Officials say a West Virginia man had been keeping two deer in captivity at his home for at least a year. State Division of Natural Resources officer Joshua Addesa says authorities discovered the two white-tailed bucks when they visited the Cabell County man’s home…
Police: Man breaks into Berlin restaurant, drinks Tabasco
BERLIN (AP) — A man is in hot water after allegedly stealing a bicycle, pitching it through a Berlin restaurant window, then entering and quaffing half a bottle of Tabasco sauce — telling authorities he was thirsty. Police spokesman Jens Berger said Tuesday the 34-year-old was…
About 60 pounds of pot found in sewer line near border
TUCSON, Ariz. (AP) — Authorities have found about 50 to 60 pounds of marijuana they believe smugglers tried to get into Arizona via a sewer pipe that runs through the U.S. and Mexico. The four bundles caused the sewer line to back up and spill into a Nogales, Arizona, home. They believe…
Broadway theatergoer tries to recharge phone in onstage plug    photo
NEW YORK (AP) — There’s loud talking, snoring and, of course, phones ringing. But theater etiquette might have taken a turn for the bizarre on Broadway last week with a dead cellphone. A patron at the Tony Award-nominated play “Hand to God” on July 2 climbed onstage just before the show began…
Split-colored lobster caught off Maine, 1 in 50 million find    photo
SCARBOROUGH, Maine (AP) — A rare orange-brown split-colored lobster has turned up off the coast of Maine. HASH(0x13dcd00) According to research by the Lobster Institute, the chance of finding a split-colored lobster is one in 50 million. The institute reports that only the albino lobster is…
Police seek help after nut theft, post mug shot of squirrel
SHELBY TOWNSHIP, Mich. (AP) — Police in suburban Detroit are having a little fun while asking for help from the public in figuring out who swiped roughly 28,000 pounds of packaged nuts. The Shelby Township Police Department says a truck and trailer packed with 18 pallets of walnuts and other…
Rain makes annual Detroit-area Mud Day for kids even muddier    photo
WESTLAND, Mich. (AP) — A steady downpour made this one of the muddiest Mud Days yet. Rain before and during the 27th annual event Tuesday in suburban Detroit that is open to kids 12 and younger created conditions that were conducive for maximum filthiness. Aidan Ruggiero, who quickly got…
Drug bundles block pipe near border, send sewage into home
TUCSON, Ariz. (AP) — Authorities in the border city of Nogales, Arizona, believe smugglers were using an international sewage line to transport drugs into the U.S. from Mexico when the pipe became clogged, sending gallons of waste through an illegal tunnel and into a house and local…
Woman arrested after calling 911 with Chinese food complaint
ALLIANCE, Ohio (AP) — An Ohio woman has been arrested after calling 911 to complain about an order of Chinese food. Police say the 44-year-old Alliance woman called the emergency number late Monday afternoon to say the Chinese food she’d ordered from a local restaurant was “not up to par for…

 

 

HEALTH & FITNESS

Medicare to cover end-of-life counseling
WASHINGTON (AP) — Medicare said Wednesday it plans to pay doctors to counsel patients about end-of-life care, the same idea that sparked accusations of “death panels” and fanned a political furor around President Barack Obama’s health care law six years ago. The policy change, to take effect…

 

Suicide attempts most common in newer soldiers, study found    photo
CHICAGO (AP) — War-time suicide attempts in the Army are most common in newer enlisted soldiers who have not been deployed, while officers are less likely to try to end their lives. At both levels, attempts are more common among women and those without a high school diploma, according to a…
Right-to-die advocates call California loss a brief setback    photo
SACRAMENTO, Calif. (AP) — California dealt the national right-to-die movement a huge blow when legislation allowing doctors to prescribe life-ending drugs stalled, but advocates aren’t conceding defeat. The movement was reinvigorated by the nationally publicized story of Brittany Maynard, a…
Expert testifies against cancer doctor at sentencing hearing    photo
DETROIT (AP) — An expert who looked at the files of 100 patients of a Detroit-area cancer doctor facing prison for unnecessary treatments testified Wednesday that the records were disturbing. Dr. David Steensma of Harvard Medical School said some patients received hundreds of unnecessary…
Report: Number of US heroin users rose 300,000 over a decade
NEW YORK (AP) — The number of U.S. heroin users has grown by nearly 300,000 over a decade, with the bulk of the increase among whites, according to a new government report. Experts think the increase was driven by people switching from opioid painkillers to cheaper heroin. The Centers for…
At least 5 kids got wrong immunizations at New Jersey clinic
SALEM, N.J. (AP) — At least five children were given the wrong immunizations at a health clinic for the uninsured, including a 2-year-old boy who got an “excessive dose” of a cervical cancer prevention vaccine, authorities said. The Salem County-run “Shots for Tots” program has been shuttered…
The battle for control of the growing breast milk industry    photo
TRENTON, N.J. (AP) — It could trade for 400 times more than the price of crude oil and 2,000 times more than iron ore. If sold off the shelf, it could cost more than 150 times the price of a gallon of cow’s milk and 15 times more than coffee. Going for as much as $4 per ounce, breast milk is…
Panel: Politics among reasons for botched UN Ebola response    photo
LONDON (AP) — The Ebola outbreak exposed the U.N. health agency’s organizational failings, a panel reported Tuesday — but it didn’t blame any individuals at the World Health Organization for its bungled response last year to the deadly crisis. The report instead criticized WHO’s…
Missouri law allows tax exemption for stillbirths
JEFFERSON CITY, Mo. (AP) — Missouri is joining at least one other state in offering a tax exemption for stillbirths, after Democratic Gov. Jay Nixon signed a law allowing it starting this year. The measure will allow a one-time exemption of $1,200 from a parent’s income — the same…
WHO says too few countries taxing tobacco products enough
MANILA, Philippines (AP) — Taxing cigarettes up to 75 percent of their retail price is among the most effective ways to reduce tobacco use, but too few governments levy high enough taxes, according to a World Health Organization global report released Tuesday. The WHO’s 2015 report on the…
Q&A: As Obama health law survives, GOP split over next move    photo
WASHINGTON (AP) — Having lost their latest war against President Barack Obama’s health care overhaul, Republicans must decide how to wage battles that could fan the issue for the 2016 elections. Last month’s Supreme Court decision upholding the statute’s federal subsidies, which help millions…

 

 

NEWS KICKERS

(None on the weekends)

 

NEW NEWS KICKERS…

When a man in Santa Fe, New Mexico was pulled over for a DWI, his wife drove to the scene to try to smooth things over. Unfortunately, she was also hammered. She was then taken to jail along with her husband.  *** Families that drink together, go to the clink together!

 

Workplace deaths in the US have dropped by nearly half over the past two decades.  *** Probably because workplace employment has dropped by nearly half over the past two decades.

 

Seven percent of all potatoes grown in the US are turned into McDonald’s French fries.  *** And I’m thinking they’re not necessarily the TOP seven percent.

 

Lester Holt – who has been filling in for the suspended Brian Williams on “NBC Nightly News” – reportedly wants the same $10 million-per-year salary Williams was getting now that Williams is not returning to the anchor chair.  *** Ten million bucks a year for just reading off a teleprompter?  I know a guy retiring from the White House in a couple of years that would rock at that job!

 

 

NEWS KICKER EVERGREENS…

One of the most powerful images in history is that of Martin Luther nailing his criticisms of the medieval Church (his “95 Thesis”) to a church door, thus beginning the Protestant Reformation. But there is considerable doubt as to whether he actually published his critique so dramatically. Many scholars believe now that he simply circulated it. ***MARLAR: Today he would probably send it out simultaneously to millions via Facebook, it would be identified as spam, and he’d be banned from Facebook entirely – altering the course of history.

 

A recent study shows yawning boosts brain power. ***Meaning you get smarter every time you hear my show!

 

Are you happy in your job? No? Well then… you might consider attending church. A recent study finds that Christians who frequently attend church are happier in their jobs. Researchers conducted a web-based survey of 1,022 full time workers. They found that those who regularly attend church have a higher job satisfaction and also a higher commitment to their place of employment. ***MARLAR: Although, I’d guess this is for everyone expect for the people actually working AT the church.  I mean, can you imagine having to work all week with THOSE freaks?!?!  (I apologize if my pastor is listening… it’s just a joke.  See you on Sunday, pastor!)

 

A study in Britain found that the average teenage boy is paranoid about his looks and spends 65 minutes getting ready to go out.  ***MARLAR: Because, let’s face it, it’s not easy getting your hair to look exactly like you just rolled out of bed.

 

 

WONDER WOMAN

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… “Swimming is Good For Your Shape”

 

 

DAILY COMEDY CLIP

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… Johnny Roberts, “Mind Your Own Business”

 

 

AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – WEEKDAY VERSION

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD FRIDAY’S EPISODE
OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns! When last we left the jungle, Gruffy Bear decided to take advantage of the fact that the main path through the jungle happens to pass through his property. He built a toll booth, and now every time one of the jungle animals wants to pass by using the main jungle path, they have to come up with 35-cents!

 

CLOSE: What a nice guy! Sure, he put up a toll booth on his property, but Gruffy is letting his friend Hermie the bug pass through at no charge… and he let Nozzles owe 5-cents instead of being hard-nosed about it. I guess he is a very understanding bear! Maybe this won’t be all that bad. We’ll find out next time, As the Jungle Turns!

 

 

AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – SATURDAY/SUNDAY VERSION

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD THE EPISODE FOR THE WEEKEND OF JULY 11/12, 2015
OPEN: Last time on As the Jungle Turns, Marvy Snuffleson was tired of work. School, homework, chores, cleaning his room… but now he’s on Razzleflabbin Island, where the weekly calendar clock tells them Sunday is for attending church, weekdays are for work, and Saturday is for rest and relaxation. And on Razzleflabbin Island – it’s now Saturday… and Marvy Snuffleson is loving it!

 

CLOSE: Bread and water to eat – but also no work! What will Marvy decide to do? Tune in again next time to find out, As the Jungle Turns!

 

***You may simulcast “As the Jungle Turns” on the Internet stream of your live broadcast only. Any other Internet use of As the Jungle Turns in whole or part including podcasting of your live broadcast is a violation of copyright law. Thank you for your cooperation on this vitally important issue. If you have any questions, please e-mail us.

 

 

MOMENT OF DUH

Even criminals sometimes get their day in court… and win.

Carl Truman, 19, of Los Angeles, California won $74,000 plus medical expenses when his neighbor ran over his hand with a Honda Accord. Truman apparently didn’t notice there was someone at the wheel of the car when he was trying to steal his neighbor’s hubcaps.

 

 

TOP TEN

TOP TEN SIGNS YOU NEED A HAIRCUT

 

  1. While waiting in the checkout line the lady behind you ran over your hair and tangled it in her buggy wheel.

 

  1. The amount of money you spend on and shampoo and gas are the same.

 

  1. You walked in the front door and all the drains in your building clogged instantly.

 

  1. The “little polo man” on your “brown shirt” is really just an intricate knot.

 

  1. You cannot afford the person carrying it behind you anymore.

 

  1. You get a seeing eye dog because your hair is in your eyes.

 

  1. Your most recent trip to the zoo was plagued by frequent tranquilizer darts and apologies.

 

  1. Ow! Uh, could somebody help me? I… ow… I was tying my shoes and I… ow… I kind of accidentally tied my head to my feet… Anybody? Please?”

 

  1. Your barber says he thinks he can cut it but will have to use a weed-whacker to thin it out a little first.

 

  1. You don’t wash your hair anymore because the last time you did you got so tangled up it took 3 firemen and the jaws of life to free you.

 

 

THE FILES OF LAW & DISORDER

If robbing a store in order to get  grocery money is a bad idea, robbing a store NEXT to the grocery store you’re planning on shopping at may not be the brightest idea either!

 

FILE #1: A woman from Indiana found herself in need of a medical prescription, but no money to buy it. So she and her boyfriend decided to rob the grocery store right next door to the pharmacy. The two then proceeded to go straight from robbing the grocery store to the pharmacy. There she gave her real name, address and telephone number to purchase her prescription. With this information the police were able to meet the bungling robbers just as they got home from the pharmacy.

 

FILE #2: With police in hot pursuit, armed Scottish robber Derek McFadden raced away from a bank near Glasgow with $4,000. Then, he made a law-abiding mistake—he stopped for a red light and was arrested immediately.

 

FILE #3: In Amarillo, Texas, police say Joshua Glenn Smith stole the pickup from an alley and collided with a car after driving away. After a blowout and a near crash, the truck smashed into a light pole and crashed into a bridge pillar. The truck then collided with a vehicle on the frontage road. Smith tried to keep going, but lost control of the truck and veered into the parking lot of a new Wendy’s restaurant, smashing into another vehicle. A crowd of about 20 people chased Smith around the restaurant. They tied his feet with a garden hose and handcuffed him.

 

STRANGE LAW: A Texas law requires that a criminal give the expected victim a 24 hour notice stating the crime to be committed. This can be orally or in writing.

 

 

THIS IS YOUR BRAIN ON DRUGS

When someone robs you it’s best to call the police… unless you were robbed making an illegal drug transaction.

An East Hartford, Connecticut man called police to report he had been robbed while trying to buy crack cocaine.  Max Minnefield called police to tell them he had paid a man and a woman $8 for drugs he never received.  Police charged him with criminal attempt to commit possession of narcotics.  During his arraignment Judge Bradford Ward asked Minnefield, “Did you really think the police were going to go after the people?” He added that his question was rhetorical.

 

 

PHONER PHUN

Check out today’s “LEFTOVERS” below. Do your listeners have any ideas about what would be the easiest/coolest jobs to have?

 

 

BIBLE BRAIN BUSTER!

QUESTION: What was the name of the first judge of Israel?
ANSWER: Othniel (Judges 1:13; 3:9)

 

 

QUESTION IMPOSSIBLE

QUESTION: How much of the average person’s lifetime is spent waiting for traffic lights to change?

ANSWER: Two weeks.

 

 

TRUE OR FALSE

Pay attention! If our next player doesn’t answer all ten T/F questions correctly we start all over from question #1! First person to answer question #10 correctly is our winner!

 

  1. The largest gold nugget ever found weighed 172 lbs., 13 oz. (True)

 

  1. The youngest person to have a chart-topping solo single is Michael Jackson. (True – in 1970)

 

  1. James Earl Jones did the voice of Darth Vader. (True)

 

  1. Darth Vader was played by 2 people. (False, 4. One guy for his body and the other for his face, one person for the voice, and the other for the breathing)

 

  1. Melanie Griffith’s mother is Susan Sarandon. (False, it’s actress Tippi Hendren, best known for her lead role in Alfred Hitchcock’s, “The Birds”)

 

  1. According to the Guinness Book of World Records, the TV show “Cheers” had the most spin-off production. (False, Star Trek)

 

  1. In 1973, General Motors introduced the airbag as a $225 option on cars. (True)

 

  1. Lake Michigan is located entirely within the United States. (True)

 

  1. Pork is the main ingredient in the Austrian dish known as wiener schnitzel. (False, Veal)

 

  1. Marty McFly went back 30 years in the 1985 film “Back to the Future.” (True)

 

 

TABLOID MATCH GAME

You have to match the blank in the tabloid headline with the word or phrase that has been removed!

“STUDENT FORCED TO _______ IN LUNCHBOX!”  (PEE – but we’ll accept “urinate,” “relieve himself,” or any other similar term to describe the same action)


In Orlando, Florida, Meadowbrook Middle School teacher Jameeka Chambers has been put on paid leave while officials investigate a most bizarre incident that went down in her classroom. It seems a boy in her class went behind the classroom bookcase and urinated in his lunchbox. According to statements by other students, the boy asked to go the restroom and Ms. Chambers told him to hold it or use her lunch box. So the boy took the teacher’s lunch box, hid behind a bookcase, urinated in it and returned it to her. The next morning the boy’s mother complained to the principal and told a local TV station about the incident. This is a first-year teaching job for Chambers, who teaches sixth-grade language arts. ***MARLAR: And probably her last year.

 

 

THE WAY TOO EARLY IN THE MORNING TO UNDERSTAND THE PUNCHLINE EVEN AFTER TWO CUPS OF COFFEE JOKE OF THE DAY

JOKE #1

A miserable-looking man was sitting with some friends one night.

“Why are you looking so sad?” asked one friend.

“My wife’s made me a millionaire.” said the man.

“If my wife made me a millionaire, I’d be the happiest man on earth”, said the friend.

“Yes, but before I met her I was a billionaire.”

 

JOKE #2

A guy did system support in a law firm. One day, he had to log a user off and then back on. He entered her initials and then she gave me him her password to log back on.  She said her password was “genius”. After three tries and the system telling him “access denied,” he asked her how to spell it.
She said, “G – E – N – I – O – U – S.”

 

JOKE #3

Did you ever wonder why there are no dead penguins on the ice in Antarctica – where do they go? Wonder no more!!!

It is a known fact that the penguin is a very ritualistic bird which lives an extremely ordered and complex life.

The penguin is very committed to its family and will mate for life, as well as maintaining a form of compassionate contact with its offspring throughout its life.

If a penguin is found dead on the ice surface, other members of the family and social circle have been known to dig holes in the ice, using their vestigial wings and beaks, until the hole is deep enough for the dead bird to be rolled into and buried.

The male penguins then gather in a circle around the fresh grave and sing:

“Freeze a jolly good fellow.”

 

 

USELESS FACTS

An Australian man, who was on trial on suspicion of bank robbery, has been given a retrial because of his name! Believe it or not, the suspect’s name is Rob Banks. The judge made the decision to try the man under an alias because he said the jury might have been swayed by his real name.  ***MARLAR: He’s now trying to get his name changed to Ima Innocent.

 

Fathers spend more time with their children who resemble them? At least that was the result of a brand new study. The Senegalese study suggests that fathers invest more time and energy in their children who look and smell like them, primal indicators that they are biologically connected.  ***MARLAR: If my choices are to either be estranged from my father, or smell like him… well, I’ll miss him.

 

 

FEATURED FUNNIES

KEEP SMILING

Look at the world around you, and you’ll see God’s creativity;

Look at the dinner table, and you’ll see God’s provision;

Look at the mirror, and you’ll see God’s sense of humor.

 

 

IT MUST BE TRUE BECAUSE I HEARD IT ON THE RADIO!

INEDIBLE PRANK
A Wisconsin high school student has been sentenced to probation for baking hair in a cake and serving it to teachers…

…John Smith (yes, his REAL NAME) shaved his body hair, baked it in the cake and brought it to school for his class. But, when he couldn’t serve it in class, he brought it to the teacher’s lounge. After it was half eaten, school officials discovered hair throughout the cake. ***MARLAR: He only received probation though, because it took so long to tell the difference between the cake and the deserts normally served in the school cafeteria.

 

 

INSPIRATIONAL INSPIRATION

JUST BY BEING IN IT

By: Joseph J. Mazzella

My old friends have returned for another summer of fun in my backyard. There must be hundreds of them out there every night. I can’t stay up with them anymore, but I sure do love watching them dance in the darkness for the first few hours after the sun goes down. They don’t even need any music and I never have to worry about them bumping into each other either, because each one of them carries their own light.

Watching my friends, the fireflies, light up my backyard every night brings me nothing but joy. I feel my own light shining a little brighter when I see them and I feel a little closer to God’s love as I look at them. What a wonderful love God must have for us all to give us such a beautiful world full of amazing creatures like these. They make the whole world a better place just by being in it.

Just think of what a paradise Earth would become if everyone of us also did our best to live a life so beautiful that we made the world a better place just by being in it. Just think what it would be like if all of us started each day by remembering how much God loves us and by thanking Him for our lives. Just think what it would be like if we all took the time needed to fully love God, ourselves, and others. Just think what it would be like if each of us spent each and everyday sharing love, joy, goodness, laughter, and smiles with everyone we met. Like my firefly friends we all would be carrying our own light, and our souls would be shining bright enough to light up the whole world.

Start today then. Start shining your light now. Live from your soul. Brighten the lives of all those around you. Be a beacon to others. Live a life of such joy, love, and oneness with God that you make the world a better place just by being in it. This world needs your light.

 

 

DRIVE TIME DEVOTIONAL

BRAINS ARE NOT ENOUGH

READ: 1 Kings 11:1-13

Solomon did evil in the sight of the Lord, and did not fully follow the Lord. —1 Kings 11:6

Why do smart people do not-so-smart things? Time after time I hear sad stories about people with high IQs who fall short in the area of moral discernment, leading to tragic results. Obviously, a good brain isn’t enough to keep a person from making bad choices.

This contradicts the belief of some that better education can solve society’s ills. The reasoning goes like this: “If we educate people about the dangers of _________, they won’t do ‘it’ and thus will be spared from unpleasant, unintended consequences.”

But experience and the Bible tell us something different. In fact, the smartest man who ever lived could serve as a poster boy for bad choices.

Ancient Israel’s King Solomon, author of much of the book of Proverbs, wrote, “Keep your heart with all diligence” (4:23) and “Wisdom rests in the heart of him who has understanding” (14:33). Despite knowing the connection between the heart and wisdom, the king disobeyed God by marrying foreign women who “turned his heart after other gods” (1 Kings 11:4). As a result, the Lord said, “I will surely tear the kingdom away from you” (v.11).

The ability to make good decisions demands a heart devoted to God. —Julie Ackerman Link

 

What will it profit when life here is o’er,
Though great worldly wisdom I gain,
If seeking knowledge I utterly fail
The wisdom of God to obtain?  —Nelson

 

The smartest people know that God knows best.

 

 

LEFTOVERS

THE BEST JOBS EVER

These are real jobs! Obviously, I’m just in the wrong career! Do any of these sound appealing to you? I’ll bet they do!  What other jobs would be great to have?

  • Lotion Tester — You get paid to lie on a beach and test suntan lotions.  (A great job – if the lotions work… a lousy job if they don’t work!)
  • Ice cream Taster — The only requirements are discriminating taste buds and a willingness to sample hundreds of gallons of ice cream a year.  (As long as you can deal with the brain-freeze headaches every once in a while!  But then, we all must make sacrifices!)
  • Toy-Enjoyment Controller — You spend your entire working day playing with toys to determine which ones will be a hit with kids.  (If someone ever tells you to grow up, so you can’t afford to!)
  • Video Game Expert — You play the latest computer games, then share your knowledge with people who call for help. (You can be the 12-year-old expert that has to help the 42-year-old father figure out how to win the battle against Doctor Doom!)
  • World Travel Writer — You explore the world’s most exotic locales, then write about your adventures. All expenses are covered.
  • Ferrari Test Driver — A typical day involves cruising the scenic Italian countryside at top speeds in the world’s most exotic sports car.
  • Yachting Partners — You go on all-expense paid cruises aboard five-star ocean liners. Your only responsibility; you must socialize with people who are single.  (And if you happen to be single – you may not stay single for long!  You get too good at this job of talking to single people and you may put yourself out of work!)
  • TV Sports Viewers — You watch hours of taped sporting events to select the plays that will be included in news and blooper programs.

 

 

LIFE… LIVE IT

UNUSUAL YET USABLE HOUSEHOLD TIPS WITH ALKA-SELTZER

 

Clean a toilet. Drop in two Alka-Seltzer tablets, wait twenty minutes, brush, and flush. The citric acid and effervescent action clean vitreous china.

 

To remove a stain from the bottom of a glass vase or cruet, fill with water and drop in two Alka-Seltzer tablets.

 

Polish jewelry. Drop two Alka-Seltzer tablets into a glass of water and immerse the jewelry for two minutes.

 

Clean a thermos bottle. Fill the bottle with water, drop in four Alka-Seltzer tablets, and let soak for an hour (or longer, if necessary).

 

Unclog a drain. Clear the sink drain by dropping three Alka-Seltzer tablets down the drain followed by a cup of Heinz White Vinegar wait a few minutes, then run the hot water.

 

 

JUST FOR FUN

A man finds thousands of dollars worth of silver and gold coins… but almost throws them away because he thinks they’re worthless!

A builder who unearthed a tankard stuffed with gold and silver coins thought they were old washers. Trevor Fishleigh came across the 17th-century treasure worth about £30,000 while working at a house in Abbotsham, Devon. The 64-year-old handed them over to customers Teresa and Bob Prouse, who will share their reward with him. ***MARLAR: To be honest, if you start thinking that gold and silver coins are washers, maybe you shouldn’t be in charge of installing the plumbing.

 

 

FUN LIST

VACATIONER COMMENTS

It’s summer! That means vacations! And that means ROAD TRIP! But if you plan to visit one of our nation’s beautiful national parks, please don’t be like these people. The following are actual comments left on Forest Service registration sheets and comment cards by backpackers completing wilderness camping trips:

  • “A small deer came into my camp and stole my bag of pickles. Is there a way I can get reimbursed? Please call.”
  • “Trails need to be reconstructed. Please avoid building trails that go uphill.”
  • “Too many bugs, leeches, spiders and spider webs. Please spray the wilderness to rid the area of these pests.”
  • “Please pave the trails so they can be plowed of snow in the winter.”
  • “Chair-lifts need to be in some places so that we can get to wonderful views without having to hike to them.”
  • “The coyotes made too much noise last night and kept me awake. Please eradicate these annoying animals.”
  • “A McDonald’s would be nice at the trailhead.”
  • “The places where trails do not exist are not well marked.”
  • “Too many rocks in the mountains.”
  • And finally, my favorite from the Grand Canyon, “We were shocked to find out there was no elevator going to the bottom of the canyon. This would sure make things easier.”

 

 

MORE SHOW PREP STUFF…

YOU ARE WHAT YOUR MOM EATS

According to a new study, a woman may be able to influence the sex of the child she conceives by what she eats. The study found that women who ate big breakfasts, particularly cereals, were more likely to have a son, while a diet low in calories, minerals and nutrients is more likely to produce a daughter. The percentage of babies that are girls has risen over the last four decades and this study would seem to explain it since the number of working moms has also risen as have the number of moms too busy for breakfast. They say this could offer a natural way for couples to select the gender of their children.

 

 

TOTALLY OUTRAGEOUS!

(Mondays Only)

 

 

THE WAY WE WORK

(Wednesdays only; The Way WE Work is written by Mark Elfstrand from 1160Hope.com in Chicago.)

 

 

OTHER STUFF I WANT TO CRAM INTO TODAY’S PREP

(None On The Weekends)

A pulpit in the Sudan stands as a monument that, although the building may be bombed, the church will never be destroyed. According to the Voice of the Martyrs web site, a pastor in Sudan kept a pulpit shredded with shrapnel after their church building was bombed. The pastor said the church was destroyed and their people fled to the mountains and now live in caves. But the pastor said they took the pulpit with them as a reminder that we may have scars but “the gates of hell will not prevail” against Christ’s Church!

http://t.co/i1iYgFZkMx

 

2015 is only half-over but it’s already shaping up to be the year of unisex baby names. According to Time, BabyCenter.com noticed this emerging trend in its midyear report. Though gendered names like Noah and Emma remain super common, gender-neutral names like Amari, Karter, Phoenix, Quinn and Reese are rising in popularity too. Celebrities are contributing to the gender-neutral trend by giving girls traditionally male monikers like Lincoln, James and Mason.

http://ti.me/1fYFbS0

 

A Barna poll soon after the U.S. Supreme Court ruling legalizing same-sex marriages in all 50 states finds that Americans remain deeply divided on the issue. 49 percent said they agreed with the decision, 43 percent disagreed and 7 percent said they didn’t know. The study also found that 94 percent of evangelicals were not in favor of the court’s decision and 81 percent of Americans believe religious institutions and clergy should not be forced to perform same-sex marriages against their beliefs.  *** But keep in mind something that gives me comfort… this may all come as a shock and surprise to us… but it is not a surprise to God.  He knew all along this would happen – and His kingdom is still coming.

https://www.barna.org/barna-update/culture/723-christians-react-to-the-legalization-of-same-sex-marriage-9-key-findings

 

 

AND I LEAVE YOU WITH THIS THOUGHT

“Do not take life too seriously; you will never get out of it alive.” — Elbert Hubbard

 

 

THE TICKET Movie Reviews with MARIE ASNER

Marie Asner has been reviewing films for over 30 years. Her outlets include radio, print and Internet. For more in-depth movie reviews of the following films, visit www.Tollbooth.org. Ratings from 1 (Low) to 5 (High).

 

JULY 10, 2015…

 

Self/Less—Here is a science fiction film about taking someone’s consciousness and putting into another’s person’s brain. As if we hadn’t seen this before, but this movie stars Sir Ben Kingsley and Ryan Reynolds. Does all go as it should?  What do you think? “Self/Less” is rated R. No rating.

 

*The Bronze is now due to open in October 2015.

 

Minions—At last, the animated story comes to the screen and the Minions (“Despicable Me”) are here. This film shows the beginning of the group through three of the guys, Kevin, Stuart and Bob, and a search for someone evil  to serve. Their first boss is Overkill (voice of Sandra Bullock). Voices of Jon Harrim and Michael Keaton. “Minions” is rated PG and a rating of 3 for fans.

 

Jimmy’s Hall (opening in select cities) —This is based on a true story in Europe and set in the mid 1930’s about a deportation without a trial. Directed by Ken Leech and stars Barry Ward. “Jimmy’s Hall” is rated PG 13. No rating.

 

The Gallows—Horror film time and this one is about a person who dies in a school play and then strange things begin to happen. Again? The movie also had the previous titles of “Stage Fright” and “Superstition.” Stars Cassidy Gifford (daughter of Kathie Lee Gifford), Ryan Skoos and Reese Mishler. “The Gallows” is rated R. No rating.

 

JULY 17, 2015…

 

Mr. Holmes is a take on Sherlock Holmes in which he is an old man with failing memory who takes on a case. Stars Ian McKellen.

 

TrainWreck is a comedy with Amy Schumer as a writer and Bill Hader as a doctor.

 

Ant Man is the action film with Paul Rudd as the miniaturized man. Watch where you walk. Also in the cast is Michael Douglas.

 

Irrational Man stars Joaquin Phoenix as a man in a mid-life crisis. A Woody Allen film.

 

 

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Darren Marlar credits all non-original material to the author whenever possible. All other material is original, used with permission, or author unknown. We welcome all comments, questions, and suggestions. Darren can be reached via his website at www.DarrenMarlar.com.